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1
00:00:00,792 --> 00:00:02,293
[RAILWAY CROSSING BELL RINGING]
2
00:00:02,377 --> 00:00:03,420
Loretta Lynn?
3
00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:07,882
Loretta Lynn, 15 seconds to curtain,
Miss Lynn.
4
00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:11,261
Scooter. Kermit said you'd meet me here.
5
00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:13,722
-Here I am.
-Terrific. Where's the theater?
6
00:00:13,805 --> 00:00:16,349
-Oh, uh, bad news, Loretta.
-What?
7
00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:18,393
We can't use the Muppet Theater tonight.
8
00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:20,770
Well, what are we going to use then?
9
00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:25,525
Platform two.
10
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,530
It's The Muppet Show,
with our very special guest star,
11
00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:32,615
Miss Loretta Lynn. Music.
12
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:35,827
Okay, let's go this way,
put this over here. This way.
13
00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:38,455
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC OUT OF KEY]
14
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,206
-Can I see your ticket?
-Huh?
15
00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:46,046
Hey, you know who's conducting?
The conductor.
16
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:48,381
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
17
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,842
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
18
00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:54,763
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
At the railroad track tonight ♪
19
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,724
♪ It's time to make up scenery ♪
20
00:00:57,807 --> 00:00:59,976
♪ Let's hope we do it right ♪
21
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:04,731
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
22
00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:07,150
♪ This week's sort of railroad-stational ♪
23
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,903
♪ This is what we call ♪
24
00:01:09,986 --> 00:01:12,447
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
25
00:01:12,530 --> 00:01:15,325
This is gonna be terrific, Kermit.
26
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:17,702
[TRAIN WHISTLE WAILS]
27
00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:26,294
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
and welcome again to The Muppet Show.
28
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:30,757
Our very special guest star tonight
is the most awarded lady in country music,
29
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,300
Miss Loretta Lynn.
30
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:36,054
But first, I think, I owe you
an explanation about tonight's show.
31
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You see, the regular Muppet Theater
is being fumigated,
32
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:43,478
and, uh, we had to find another place
to do the show.
33
00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:47,065
-The only place we could find was...
-Psst. Psst. Kermit. Kermit.
34
00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:51,111
-What is it, Gonzo?
-Better hurry. There's one coming now.
35
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:54,864
The only other place we could find
was this deserted, uh...
36
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,991
[TRAIN PASSING]
37
00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:02,831
...or nearly deserted train station.
38
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,626
Oh, it's Loretta Lynn.
39
00:02:10,422 --> 00:02:13,091
Is it really true we're doing the show
from the station here?
40
00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:16,469
Well, Loretta,
that is a very difficult question.
41
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:19,556
And, uh, the, uh-- The, uh...
42
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:22,225
Well, the answer is, uh, yes.
43
00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:26,062
Well, don't worry about it, because us
country singers can sing anywhere.
44
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:29,482
Oh. Wonderful.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, here she is.
45
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:34,654
The most talented and cooperative
of guest stars, Miss Loretta Lynn!
46
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,991
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]
47
00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:45,123
♪ Well, I like my lovin' done
Country style ♪
48
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:48,293
♪ And this little girl
Would walk a country mile ♪
49
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:51,796
♪ To find her a good old
Slow-talking country boy ♪
50
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,341
♪ I said a country boy ♪
51
00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:57,510
♪ I'm about as old-fashioned as I can be ♪
52
00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:01,097
♪ So, I hope you're liking what you see ♪
53
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:04,309
♪ 'Cause if you're lookin' at me ♪
54
00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:08,313
♪ You're looking at country ♪
55
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:11,649
♪ You don't see no city
When you look at me ♪
56
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:14,778
♪ 'Cause country's all I am ♪
57
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:18,156
♪ I love running barefooted
Through the old corn fields ♪
58
00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:22,744
♪ And I love that country ham ♪
59
00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:25,955
♪ Well, you say I'm a maid
Just to fit your plans ♪
60
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:29,918
♪ But there's a barnyard shovel
Fit your hands ♪
61
00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:32,796
♪ If your eyes are on me ♪
62
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:36,716
♪ You're looking at country ♪
63
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,219
Oh, let's hear it now, boys.
64
00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:46,601
♪ Well, this here country
Is a little green ♪
65
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:49,854
♪ But there's a whole lot of country
That you ain't seen ♪
66
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:53,775
♪ I'll show you around
If you show me a wedding band ♪
67
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:56,236
♪ I said a wedding band ♪
68
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:59,406
♪ When it comes to love
Well, I know about that ♪
69
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:02,992
♪ Country folks all know where it's at ♪
70
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,454
♪ If you're looking at me
Yeah, tell 'em ♪
71
00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:10,250
♪ You're looking at country ♪
72
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,934
♪ Well, you say I'm a maid
Just to fit your plans ♪
73
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:31,771
♪ But there's a barnyard shovel
Fit your hands ♪
74
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:34,858
♪ If your eyes are on me ♪
75
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:38,361
♪ You're looking at country ♪
76
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,489
♪ If your eyes are on me ♪
77
00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:45,493
♪ You're looking at country ♪
78
00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:00,342
-I bought a round trip ticket.
-To where?
79
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,844
To here, stupid.
80
00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:08,391
Okay, all right. Nice number, you guys.
81
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:11,561
Let's see. What's next?
Tap dancers on-stage, please.
82
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:14,230
Abe, Bernie, get out there, you guys.
83
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,523
[CHICKENS CLUCKING]
84
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:18,276
Will you guys be quiet, please?
85
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,863
Uh, where are you going?
You got my coffee cup there.
86
00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:24,783
[CUP BREAKS, THEN CHICKENS CLUCKING]
87
00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:26,910
This is never going to work.
88
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,120
-Gonzo!
-Yes, Kermit?
89
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:33,500
I should never have let you talk me into
doing this show from a railroad depot.
90
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,585
But it was the only place available.
91
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,963
They were having a tournament
at the bowling alley.
92
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:41,883
Anyway, the show's going great.
93
00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:44,511
It's not just the show.
It's backstage here.
94
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:47,597
I can't use this place here as an office.
95
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,015
It's not so bad.
96
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:53,853
I mean, so a train goes by
once in a while. Who notices?
97
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,855
[TRAIN PASSING]
98
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:04,531
-Gonzo.
-Thank you.
99
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:07,701
I'll find you a quieter place.
100
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,706
[SIGHS]
101
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,797
♪ All alone ♪
102
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:24,175
♪ I'm so all alone ♪
103
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:26,720
-Oh, train on track one!
-Track one!
104
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:30,306
-I heard him.
-Come on, Mommy. We'll miss the train.
105
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,892
I'm performing. Do you mind?
106
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:36,187
♪ All alone ♪
107
00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:39,691
♪ By the telephone ♪
108
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:41,776
Track two. Track two, everybody.
109
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,279
-Tracking two.
-It's on the other platform.
110
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:47,407
-We're gonna miss it.
-Track two, track two.
111
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:48,950
Will you get...?
112
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:53,079
Hold it! Thank you.
113
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:55,790
Hii-yah!
114
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,584
[CRASHING]
115
00:06:58,209 --> 00:06:59,586
[PHONE RINGS]
116
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:02,797
Forget it. It's too late now.
117
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,092
Here is a Muppet news flash.
118
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:09,637
Excuse me. How much is a Pig News?
119
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:13,224
-Will you get out of here?
-Hmm? Oh, oh.
120
00:07:14,559 --> 00:07:17,312
Deliveries of letters and parcels
may be delayed
121
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:20,565
as a result of a strike
by mailbag handlers,
122
00:07:20,648 --> 00:07:23,610
due to take effect immediately.
123
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:30,075
However, delivery of air mail
will continue as normal.
124
00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:35,330
This is a terrific place for you, Kermit.
125
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:37,999
You can keep an eye on the whole show
from up here.
126
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,752
At least it's a lot quieter
than the baggage room.
127
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:44,297
Nobody will bother you here.
This car is out of service.
128
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,508
-You're sure about that?
-Trust me.
129
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:49,427
All aboard!
130
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,554
-Gonzo.
-I better check the timetable.
131
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,890
It's too late for that.
132
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:57,519
-Scooter? Scooter?
-Boss! Where you going?
133
00:07:57,602 --> 00:08:00,271
-I don't know.
-Pittsburgh.
134
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:02,148
Scooter, take over for me.
135
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:04,693
I'll be back as soon as I can.
This is terrible.
136
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:07,821
I'll say. We have to change trains
in Altoona.
137
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:08,947
Gonzo!
138
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:11,991
Okay, boss, you can trust me.
139
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:16,871
Uh, ladies and gentlemen, here he is,
our own favorite funny furry man...
140
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,707
FOZZIE:
Scooter! Scooter!
141
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:21,793
Please don't introduce me.
I don't have an act ready.
142
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:24,337
It's all right.
Tell them the joke you told me.
143
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,881
The one about the electricians
and the polar bear.
144
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:29,551
You liked the one about the electricians
and the polar bear?
145
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:32,512
It's a masterpiece. I laughed for days.
146
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,264
Introduce me.
147
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:37,017
Ladies and gentlemen, Fozzie Bear!
148
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,436
Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey-ya, hey-ya.
149
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:44,149
Did you hear about the electricians
and the polar bear? First of all...
150
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:47,402
[HORN BLARING]
151
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:53,033
"No, but the wallpaper tasted terrific,"
he said.
152
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:59,164
The polar bear said that. He didn't--
The electrician-- Oh, I'm so lonely.
153
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:03,668
Well, here's the train depot, Fred.
154
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:07,547
Well, let's find the cattle car
and get some sleep.
155
00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,800
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
156
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:19,017
You know, for a teenager,
you're very mature.
157
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:22,020
Well, I've been shaving
for over a year now.
158
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:23,772
Oh, really?
159
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:27,817
Mm-hm. I cut myself both times.
160
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:33,615
You ever seen people dancing
in a train station?
161
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:36,951
People, yes. Pigs, never.
162
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:42,624
Uh, who's the most humorless man
in the whole world?
163
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:44,834
Oh, let's see. Humorless man...
164
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:50,256
-Uh, I give up. Who?
-You are, fathead.
165
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,677
I don't get it.
166
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:58,014
These folks are dancing and telling jokes.
167
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:01,351
Well, they're dancing.
168
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,978
Ow! Ow!
169
00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:07,649
-What is it?
-Ow! My feet are killing me.
170
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:10,235
Oh! Ow! Ow!
171
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:16,032
Gee, I wonder where Kermit and Gonzo are.
172
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,367
[CHICKEN CLUCKING]
173
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,787
I hope they're all right. Yeah.
174
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:23,623
Uh, this is ridiculous, Gonzo.
175
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:26,334
But at least we found a stupid handcar.
176
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:28,169
Kermit, relax with it.
177
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:32,173
I mean, it's fun. Doesn't this take you
back to the age of railroading?
178
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,968
I just want it to take me
back to the station.
179
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:38,138
Ah, the romance of it all.
180
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:42,976
♪ Gonna take a sentimental journey ♪
181
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,812
I don't believe this. He's gonna sing?
182
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:53,278
♪ Gonna make a sentimental journey ♪
183
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:56,906
♪ To renew old memories ♪
184
00:10:56,990 --> 00:11:01,536
Forget about renewing your memories.
Worry about renewing your contract.
185
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:06,750
♪ I've got my bag
I've got my reservation ♪
186
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:10,795
We're gonna have sprained backs
by the time this is over.
187
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:16,760
♪ Like a child in wild anticipation ♪
188
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:21,014
♪ Long to hear that "all aboard" ♪
189
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,516
-♪ Seven ♪
-♪ Seven ♪
190
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,853
♪ That's the time we leave, at seven ♪
191
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,313
♪ At seven ♪
192
00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:31,691
♪ I'll be waiting up for heaven ♪
193
00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:32,901
Take it.
194
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:37,864
♪ Counting every mile of railroad track ♪
195
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:40,700
Ooh, I'm sorry. Big finish.
196
00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:45,372
♪ Never thought my heart
Could be so yearning ♪
197
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:50,168
♪ Why did I decide to roam? ♪
198
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:54,923
♪ Gonna take a sentimental journey ♪
199
00:11:55,006 --> 00:12:00,679
♪ Sentimental journey home ♪
200
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:03,807
-Come on, Gonzo, move this thing.
-All right. Okay.
201
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,141
Here we go.
202
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,228
Faster.
203
00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:12,774
-Well, Kermit, did you like the song?
-We gotta get there.
204
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:15,235
-Go, go, Gonzo.
-Hurry!
205
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:18,405
-We're almost there.
-Faster!
206
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,158
Say, how's the show going?
207
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,911
Oh, pretty good,
but I wish Kermit was here.
208
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:26,705
What's the next act?
209
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:29,207
Winky Pinkerton. He does bird impressions.
210
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:33,211
Cluck. Tweet tweet. Cock-a-doodle-do.
211
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:36,423
-Good luck.
-Break a beak.
212
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,967
Say, I'm just thrilled to pieces
213
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:42,512
you're doing this big TV show here
in our train depot.
214
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,305
Yeah, well, we like it too.
215
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:47,434
Say, tell me something, though.
Where's Loretta Lynn?
216
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:50,520
Oh, she's here in her dressing room.
217
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:54,190
-Oh, hi, guys.
-Hi.
218
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:58,361
Say, how come you put a big star
like Loretta Lynn in a broom closet?
219
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,864
Because the boiler room was full of pigs.
220
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,532
Oh, I don't mind.
221
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,869
I'm just relaxing and singing
some old songs.
222
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:08,038
Remember this one?
223
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,457
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]
224
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:16,838
♪ Everybody's going out and having fun ♪
225
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:21,843
♪ I'm just a fool for staying home
And having none ♪
226
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:26,264
♪ I can't get over
The way he set me free ♪
227
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:30,685
♪ Oh, lonesome me ♪
228
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:36,816
♪ A bad mistake I'm making
By just hanging around ♪
229
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:41,738
♪ I know that I should have some fun
And paint the town ♪
230
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:46,242
♪ A lovesick fool that's blind
And just can't see ♪
231
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:50,955
♪ Oh, lonesome me ♪
232
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,376
♪ I'll bet she's not like me ♪
233
00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:57,337
♪ She's out and fancy free ♪
234
00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:02,008
♪ Flirting with the boys
With all her charm ♪
235
00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:04,552
♪ But I still love her so ♪
236
00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:07,097
♪ And brother, don't you know ♪
237
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:12,268
♪ I'd welcome her
Right back here in my arms ♪
238
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:16,272
♪ There must be some way
I can lose these lonesome blues ♪
239
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,399
♪ Lonesome blues ♪
240
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:21,111
♪ Forget about the past
And find somebody new ♪
241
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,445
♪ Somebody new ♪
242
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:27,617
♪ I've thought of everything from A to Z ♪
243
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:32,038
♪ Oh, lonesome me ♪
244
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:37,252
♪ Oh, lonesome me ♪
245
00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:45,301
♪ Oh, lonesome me ♪
246
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,012
[HOWLING AND BARKING]
247
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:59,024
NARRATOR: Arriving now on track two,
Veterinarian's Hospital.
248
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:05,363
The continuing story of a quack
that's gone to the dogs
249
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:07,657
Here's your next patient, Dr. Bob.
250
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,159
He's a conductor.
251
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:12,328
Well, he's not getting any symphony
from me.
252
00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:16,708
-You mean sympathy.
-He's not getting any of that either.
253
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:20,420
Dr. Bob, he's a train conductor.
254
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:24,549
Well, I will not operate on anyone
who works for the railroad.
255
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:28,011
-Why not?
-I've got a very poor track record.
256
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:31,473
-Hey, what's the matter with him?
-I don't know.
257
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:34,434
He keeps saying the same thing
over and over.
258
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:36,603
All aboard!
259
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:40,148
See what I mean?
260
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:42,859
Dr. Bob, that's all he ever says.
261
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:46,279
Well, he must have a one track mind.
262
00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:49,491
That's your second track joke, Dr. Bob.
263
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,701
So what? Who keeps track?
264
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:55,288
-That's three.
-It's too late to change.
265
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:58,249
You can't teach an old dog new tracks.
266
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:01,169
Well, three and a half.
267
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:03,463
All aboard!
268
00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:08,468
Dr. Bob, he's worked too long
on the railroad.
269
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,220
It's affected his mind.
270
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:14,808
Yes. The strain on his brain
stays mainly on the train.
271
00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:19,062
Oh, Dr. Bob, I think you've got it.
272
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,563
All aboard!
273
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:24,317
NARRATOR: And so we come to the end
of another Veterinarian's Hospital.
274
00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:27,654
Tune in next week
when you'll hear Dr. Bob say,
275
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:30,323
I think he's got railroad sneeze.
276
00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:34,035
-What's railroad sneeze?
-Ah-choo-choo!
277
00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:41,334
You know, this place is cleaner
than the theater.
278
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:44,087
True. Seats are more comfortable too.
279
00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:49,926
If only the entertainment lives down
to my expectations.
280
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:55,890
-Hey, Kermit?
-What?
281
00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:58,560
I don't want to talk about it, Gonzo.
282
00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:00,228
But-- But-- But, Kermit...
283
00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:03,148
Just keep pumping.
We gotta get up to the train station.
284
00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:06,484
-But, Kermit, it's important.
-Okay, Gonzo. What is it?
285
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,361
Well, there's a light up ahead.
286
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,613
Good. Maybe that's the train station.
287
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:13,533
-No. That's a train.
-What? Train?
288
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:14,701
[TRAIN WHISTLE WAILING]
289
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:16,453
Back the other way, Gonzo.
290
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,288
Quick! Back! Pump!
291
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,457
-Pump! Pump!
-I'm trying.
292
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:23,752
-He's gaining on us. Hurry up.
-Faster! Faster!
293
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:27,172
He's gaining on us. Faster!
294
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:29,174
Here is a Muppet news flash.
295
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:32,177
Excuse me. Do you sell any chocolate bars?
296
00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:33,887
No.
297
00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:36,181
How about jelly piglets?
298
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:38,475
Will you get out of here?
299
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:44,397
Three escaped chickens broke
into the railroad telegraph office today
300
00:17:44,481 --> 00:17:48,276
and the chickens began pecking away
at the Morse key.
301
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:49,861
They were later recaptured,
302
00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:54,324
but not before they had declared war
on Abyssinia.
303
00:17:57,035 --> 00:18:00,246
-Have you heard anything from Kermit?
-No, not yet.
304
00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:01,414
Oh, no.
305
00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:04,292
The next thing on the show
is the rhyming song.
306
00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:06,711
-The rhyming song?
-Yeah.
307
00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:08,797
But we're not ready for the rhyming song.
308
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,632
I know we're not ready.
309
00:18:10,715 --> 00:18:13,593
-What's on now?
-Nothing.
310
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:16,763
Okay, everybody. The rhyming song.
311
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:18,348
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
312
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,141
But I can't remember it.
313
00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:23,436
-Oh, yeah, sure.
-Do you know it?
314
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,356
Stand by for the rhyming song.
315
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,359
No, Scooter, it's me first. Me, me.
316
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,069
Coming through.
317
00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:35,740
♪ Let's all sing the rhyming song ♪
318
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:38,368
♪ The rhyming song, the rhyming song ♪
319
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:41,246
♪ Let's take turns and rhyme together ♪
320
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:43,498
♪ The rhyming song ♪
321
00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:46,793
♪ I was hungry, now I'm not ♪
322
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:49,504
♪ The rhyming song, the rhyming song ♪
323
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:52,507
♪ 'Cause I ate some beans and grapes ♪
324
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:54,342
♪ The rhyming song ♪
325
00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:56,845
♪ Let's all sing the rhyming song ♪
326
00:18:56,928 --> 00:18:59,305
♪ The rhyming song, the rhyming song ♪
327
00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:02,225
♪ Let's take turns and rhyme together ♪
328
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:04,561
♪ The rhyming song ♪
329
00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:07,814
♪ I left my knees in your car ♪
330
00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:10,275
♪ The rhyming song, the rhyming song ♪
331
00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:13,278
♪ My laundry's ready at half past nine ♪
332
00:19:13,361 --> 00:19:15,196
♪ The rhyming song ♪
333
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,574
♪ Let's all sing the rhyming song ♪
334
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:20,118
♪ The rhyming song, the rhyming song ♪
335
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:22,912
♪ Let's take turns and rhyme together ♪
336
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:24,789
♪ The rhyming song ♪
337
00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:26,249
Sing.
338
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:28,585
♪ Stars are twinkling in the sky ♪
339
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:31,046
♪ The rhyming song, the rhyming song ♪
340
00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:33,923
♪ There's no hot water in my hotel ♪
341
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:36,092
♪ The rhyming song ♪
342
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:38,345
♪ This is not the rhyming song ♪
343
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:40,555
♪ The rhyming song, the rhyming song ♪
344
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:43,808
♪ I know it's not the rhyming song ♪
345
00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:45,643
♪ The rhyming song ♪
346
00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:46,936
Oh, brother.
347
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,439
-♪ What do we do now? ♪
-♪ I don't know ♪
348
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:52,067
♪ The rhyming song, the rhyming song ♪
349
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:54,861
♪ Let's all jump up and down
And wave our arms ♪
350
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,905
♪ And get off the stage ♪
351
00:19:56,988 --> 00:20:00,325
♪ The rhyming song, the rhyming song
The rhyming song, the rhyming song ♪
352
00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:02,243
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
353
00:20:04,079 --> 00:20:05,288
[PHONE RINGING]
354
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:07,707
FOZZIE:
Get the phone, Scooter.
355
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,877
The rhyming song, huh?
356
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,712
They're really getting desperate.
357
00:20:12,796 --> 00:20:15,382
Hmm. Desperation's a good sign.
358
00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:18,426
Soon they may panic and run away.
359
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,805
Yeah. Yeah, Kermit.
360
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:24,349
What? Hit by a train?
361
00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:28,478
Well, at least it's a different way
to spend the day.
362
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,647
I'm glad you're okay, at least.
363
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,608
-Excuse me, Scooter.
-Hold on, Kermit. Yeah, Loretta?
364
00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:36,361
I don't see how we're gonna be able
to do this last number.
365
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,905
-Why?
-It needs a lot of scenery.
366
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:42,325
We got the scenery.
It's just a little different.
367
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:45,078
-How's that?
-Fozzie painted it.
368
00:20:45,161 --> 00:20:47,122
Okay, come on, move it in. That's it.
369
00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:50,083
And bring down the clothesline, guys, too.
370
00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:51,960
That's it. All the way down.
371
00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:53,712
No. Hold it. No, up, up.
372
00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:56,172
But not too far. That's it. Perfect.
373
00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:59,509
Okay, Loretta, good luck.
Watch out, the paint's still wet.
374
00:21:00,802 --> 00:21:02,971
Okay, then, I'm ready for my next number.
375
00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:04,472
Great.
376
00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:07,517
Okay, chief,
I'm ready to introduce Loretta.
377
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,228
Well, of course I'll do a good job.
378
00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:14,607
Don't worry. You tell me what to say
and I'll say it, all right?
379
00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:17,986
Ladies and gentlemen,
380
00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:20,238
Miss Loretta Lynn.
381
00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:23,116
Boy, chief, you got a way with words.
382
00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:26,036
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]
383
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:27,871
[BABIES BABBLING]
384
00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:41,968
♪ They say to have her hair done ♪
385
00:21:42,052 --> 00:21:46,056
♪ Liz flies all the way to France ♪
386
00:21:46,139 --> 00:21:49,768
♪ And Jackie's seen in a discotheque ♪
387
00:21:49,851 --> 00:21:52,729
♪ Doing a brand new dance ♪
388
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:55,815
♪ And the White House social season ♪
389
00:21:55,899 --> 00:21:59,861
♪ Should be glittering and gay ♪
390
00:21:59,944 --> 00:22:03,573
♪ But here in Topeka
The rain is a-fallin' ♪
391
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:07,035
♪ The faucet is a-drippin'
And the kids are a-bawling ♪
392
00:22:07,118 --> 00:22:10,955
♪ One of them is talkin'
And one is crawlin' ♪
393
00:22:11,039 --> 00:22:14,292
♪ One's on the way ♪
394
00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:16,044
[CRYING]
395
00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:20,799
Oh, baby. Oh, baby.
396
00:22:25,512 --> 00:22:27,931
♪ I'm glad that Raquel Welch ♪
397
00:22:28,014 --> 00:22:32,519
♪ Just signed a million dollar pact ♪
398
00:22:32,602 --> 00:22:35,397
♪ And Debbie's out in Vegas ♪
399
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:39,150
♪ Working up a brand new act ♪
400
00:22:39,234 --> 00:22:43,029
♪ And the TV's showing newlyweds ♪
401
00:22:43,113 --> 00:22:46,366
♪ A real fine game to play ♪
402
00:22:46,449 --> 00:22:49,869
♪ But here in Topeka
The screen door's a-banging ♪
403
00:22:49,953 --> 00:22:53,373
♪ Coffee's boiling over
And the wash needs a-hangin' ♪
404
00:22:53,456 --> 00:22:57,210
♪ One wants a cookie
And one wants a-changing ♪
405
00:22:57,293 --> 00:23:00,213
♪ One's on the way ♪
406
00:23:00,839 --> 00:23:01,881
[PHONE RINGING]
407
00:23:01,965 --> 00:23:05,260
♪ What was I doing?
Jimmy, get away from that ♪
408
00:23:05,343 --> 00:23:08,555
♪ Darn, there goes the phone ♪
409
00:23:09,723 --> 00:23:13,893
What's that you say? You're bringing
a few Army buddies home?
410
00:23:13,977 --> 00:23:17,397
You're coming from the bar?
Get away from that.
411
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:18,940
[DOORBELL RINGS]
412
00:23:19,024 --> 00:23:20,984
One minute. I gotta get the doorbell.
413
00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:23,820
Honey, could you stop at the market?
414
00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:31,703
♪ The girls in New York City ♪
415
00:23:31,786 --> 00:23:35,749
♪ They all march for women's lib ♪
416
00:23:35,832 --> 00:23:39,002
♪ Better Homes and Gardens shows ♪
417
00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:42,005
♪ The modern way to live ♪
418
00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:45,425
♪ You may change your world tomorrow ♪
419
00:23:45,508 --> 00:23:49,054
♪ But meanwhile today ♪
420
00:23:49,137 --> 00:23:52,265
♪ Here in Topeka the flies are a-buzzin' ♪
421
00:23:52,349 --> 00:23:55,852
♪ The dog is a-barkin'
And the floor needs a-scrubbin' ♪
422
00:23:55,935 --> 00:23:59,773
♪ One needs a-spanking
And one needs a-hugging ♪
423
00:23:59,856 --> 00:24:03,068
♪ One's on the way ♪
424
00:24:03,151 --> 00:24:06,488
♪ One's on the way ♪
425
00:24:06,571 --> 00:24:09,657
♪ One's on the way ♪
426
00:24:10,700 --> 00:24:14,037
Oh, gee, I hope it ain't twins again.
427
00:24:22,128 --> 00:24:23,296
Well, folks...
428
00:24:24,339 --> 00:24:27,592
-I'm sorry Kermit's not here now.
-Okay, okay, okay, I'm here, I'm here.
429
00:24:27,676 --> 00:24:29,469
Kermit. Are you all right?
430
00:24:29,552 --> 00:24:32,347
I'm as right as I can be
after being nearly hit by a train
431
00:24:32,430 --> 00:24:36,601
and falling into a ditch and slogged
through a swamp and run for two miles.
432
00:24:36,685 --> 00:24:38,520
You forgot about the dogs.
433
00:24:38,603 --> 00:24:42,023
Yes, yes, we were also chased
by angry dogs.
434
00:24:42,107 --> 00:24:45,318
You always leave out the best parts.
435
00:24:46,611 --> 00:24:49,447
Anyhow, Scooter, where are we?
What happens next?
436
00:24:49,531 --> 00:24:53,368
Oh, nothing. You got here just in time
for the end, boss.
437
00:24:54,411 --> 00:24:57,580
Well, so much for
the railroad station show.
438
00:24:57,664 --> 00:25:00,417
It's been weird, but tonight
did have one big advantage,
439
00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:04,754
and here she is, ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Loretta Lynn. Yeah!
440
00:25:07,549 --> 00:25:09,342
Thank you, Kermit. Are you all right?
441
00:25:09,426 --> 00:25:10,552
Yeah, thank you.
442
00:25:10,635 --> 00:25:13,888
I want you to know I really had
a great time on your show.
443
00:25:13,972 --> 00:25:17,600
Oh, that's good, but we better
get out of here before a train comes.
444
00:25:17,684 --> 00:25:19,436
-Take your time, Kermit.
-Why?
445
00:25:19,519 --> 00:25:23,523
No more trains tonight. I put up a sign
that will keep them away.
446
00:25:23,606 --> 00:25:26,609
-Well, what does the sign say?
-Airport.
447
00:25:27,652 --> 00:25:28,862
Gonzo!
448
00:25:28,945 --> 00:25:32,449
-Oh, trains don't go to airports.
-I know, but, uh...
449
00:25:32,532 --> 00:25:34,576
[SUPERSONIC BOOM ABOVE]
450
00:25:35,952 --> 00:25:39,289
We'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show.
451
00:25:40,665 --> 00:25:43,001
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC OFF-KEY]
452
00:25:49,591 --> 00:25:53,678
No wonder this sounds bad.
We're playing a timetable.
453
00:26:19,329 --> 00:26:21,414
Well, what did you think?
454
00:26:21,498 --> 00:26:23,833
[TRAIN PASSING]
455
00:26:25,418 --> 00:26:27,087
Well, a bit shaky.
35215
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