All language subtitles for The Middleman S01E12 The Palindrome Reversal Palindrome 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-NTb_track4_[eng]

♪ ♪

OK. Let's clear the
boards and start again.

Three days ago an unknown
criminal stole a beryllium sphere

from a maximum security
medical facility.

Two days later, the same man
nabbed an oscillation overthruster

from DARPA's Midwestern Autolab.

And he left these.

[Dubbie] An etched-mirror pictogram
at each of the crime scenes.

If we don't crack this, we're gonna
wind up manacled to a doomsday device

while a friendly female voice counts
down the seconds to detonation.

Does this scenario involve
me wearing a bikini again?

Not necessarily, but it will involve
a carefully worded monologue

which will be the last thing we hear.
Which is why the situation requires...

That I watch you meat clowns beat
your brains for 11 hours straight?

That you complete your search

across the Obscure
Crimes Database.

Oh, button your onesie. OCD
says 1,012 possible scenarios.

One thousand twelve's just too big a
number. Our criminal's leaving us clues

because he needs someone to
understand his masterwork.

He wants us to figure out
his dastardly scheme.

All we need to do is
turn up the gray matter.

Remember, there are
no stupid ideas.

A man with a light
bulb on mirrors.

Which can't help but reflect
your true self. I've got it.

Our mastermind is none other than the
great-great grandson of Nikola Tesla.

Driven mad by accounts that Edison
robbed Tesla of his greatest inventions,

he intends to resurrect Edison, so as
to force the confession that Tesla,

rather than Edison, truly
invented the light bulb.

Wow. Imagine the pearls we'll be
dropping in another 11 hours.

All right. Point taken.
I'm calling it.

- You are?
- Dubbie, your instincts are on point.

Sometimes putting your nose to the
grindstone just gives you a bloody nose.

Go enjoy the soothing balm
of your date with Tyler.

- Well, what about you?
- Ida, why don't we run one more theory up the flagpole?

Ida?

Uh...

[electronic beeping]

[Tyler] Vintage Game Boy.
Impressive.

And what tiny cartridge beasties are
we slaying on this twinkly-lit eve?

Those would be the beasties
of Castlevania Legends.

I'm not gonna lie to you, some of
them are subbing for boyfriends

who stand up their
dates for three hours.

Grayscale dot matrix
relationship voodoo... nice.

- So, you want a cold pocket?
- Oh, for the love of... You cooked, too?

Hot Pockets are the
American empanada.

So, can we start the groveling
apology part of the evening now?

Tyler, you told me that you loved
that I had a job I was good at.

And I'd be a pretty awful girlfriend if I
didn't feel the same way about you, right?

I brought a bribe.

Fork it over.

Wow. It's a tennis bracelet.

A diamond tennis bracelet.

You can stay your inner Lacey.
The diamonds are lab grown.

Completely conflict-free.

Thank you, Tyler. I guess I'll
go take a tennis lesson or two.

Look, I know, it's not you.

Maybe I wasted too much
of my childhood in Panama

watching badly-dubbed
reruns of Dallas.

Well, who didn't want to know
¿quién le disparó a J.R.?

But seriously, I have always fantasized
about being able to buy my lady diamonds.

I hope you like it.

Seeing as how it's completely
your fault I got it for you.

Because I kinda love
you, Wendy Watson.

Really? You kinda love me?

That was an unfortunate turn of phrase.
I meant to say I love you.

Well, in that case, I kinda
love you too, Tyler Ford.

- [Middlewatch beeps]
- [cell phone rings]

- Just this one call, then the watch and the Bluetooth...
- Taking a nap in the freezer.

Dubbie, it is I, the Middleman.

Really? Calling me on the
Middlewatch that only we have?

I was thinking, mirrors.

What if he's creating some sort
of massive infinity mirror

to reflect, and in doing so, trap
all light and mankind inside?

Uh, boss, can you hang on a sec?

Gotta go clean my nose off
this bloody grindstone.

Oh, poop. Enjoy
your date, Dubbie.

- Wendy...
- Oh, no.

I know that look. I'm usually
the one giving that look.

I'm so sorry. That was
Manservant Neville.

Apparently there's a crisis with our
One uMaster Per Child Initiative.

It involves train routes and an
angry Malaysian regional governor.

My boss is sending
someone to pick me up.

This is sucktacular.
They're downtown, right?

At least we have a few
minutes to do this.

And this.

I don't know about that.

But we may have some
time to do this.

[helicopter approaching]

What the hell is that?

Oh, man. Oh, it's
Manservant Neville.

Your boss? You've got to
be [beep] kidding me.

[man on speaker] Tyler, hurry!

We're landing on the roof.

I'll call you tomorrow.

♪ Middleman ♪

[Dubbie] Oh, my God.
Are you crying?

No... just a little.

And what did you say?

I said, "I kinda love you, too."

At least I think I did.

Pretty hard to hear over the
thunderous din of rotating airfoils.

Come on, Dub-Dub.

I know last night may have been

a different kind of
whirlwind of excitement,

- but these things happen.
- Really?

How many dates have you had unfold
like the second act of Miss Saigon?

You're in love! You should
be dancing and singing,

with little animated mice
running up your hand.

Well, what if
Fatboy changes him?

He used to be a musician. What if he turns
into Tennis Bracelet Guy full time?

What if he starts
calling people "Bubby"

and has some assistant named Ingrid
call and cancel our anniversary plans

because he's detained in Papua, New
Guinea with Manservant Neville

because he's been rolling out the uMaster
to a forward-thinking cannibal tribe.

- Not seeing it.
- It could happen.

I went through the same thing
when you started your job.

Ask Noser. And look, you're
still the same old Dub-Dub.

I just had to be flexible
and manage my expectations.

Ew! What's that
supposed to mean?

It means I've taken a few
eggs out of my Wendy basket.

I make back-up plans.

Yet, our Wonder Twin
powers are still intact.

I don't know.

I can't shake the feeling that I'm gonna kiss
Matt Damon in The Bourne Identity good night

and wake up to Matt Damon
in The Good Shepherd.

Didn't his girlfriend die
in The Bourne Supremacy?

Yeah, but he really loved her.

And Tyler really loves you.

It's his circumstances that
have changed, not who he is.

[Middlewatch beeping]

Shoot.

- I gotta...
- Go to work.

- I get it.
- Just circumstances, right?

Our near maniac's managed
to strike again,

this time at a
manufacturer of merriment.

Who steals a beryllium sphere and an oscillation
overthruster then hits a toy factory?

Today we're grief counselors with
the United States Police Force.

- You're Officer Russell, I'm officer Van Cleef.
- [phone ringing]

Oh. I gotta grab this.

- Hey.
- Look, about last night,

I... I'm just sorry, that's all.

- I called to say I'm sorry.
- Tyler, I get it.

You can't exactly control all
the circumstances of your job.

Yeah, I know, but I don't want you to think
I'm turning into Tennis Bracelet Guy.

- Tennis Bracelet Guy?
- You know, the guy who throws fancy baubles at his girl

to make up for the fact that he's
not even in the relationship.

Keep going like we are, pretty soon you'd run
through all the racquet sport-based jewelry.

I meant the things I
said last night, Wendy.

So did I.

And, hey, it's not like I have the
world's least demanding job, either.

So, what do you say that you and I set
aside a block of Wendy and Tyler time

that cannot be
touched, like tonight?

And if Manservant Neville calls, I will tell
him that he can find himself a new assistant.

And what do you say you and I pick up
right before I Airwolf'ed off the roof?

I'd say tonight sounds... great.

Um... it's gonna have
to be tomorrow night.

- I love you, Wendy Watson.
- And I'm sitting next to my boss.

[computer voice] Mama. Mama.

That's not gonna give me J-Horror
nightmares for the rest of my life.

Who steals baby eyes?
She was so sweet.

Now she's blind.
They're all blind.

- Mama, Mama.
- [man] I don't get it.

I work hard. I support
a wife, an ex-wife.

I have two ingrate kids. I went green
before Ed Begley, Jr. made it cool.

Why can't I cut a break?

[sobbing] What about me?

- [sobbing continues]
- [inaudible]

Sir, I realize you're in a
precarious emotional state,

Sometimes it helps with grief

to talk through the trauma.

Now, I understand
you found a mirror?

Looks like a river.

So, he steals 100,000 toy
eyeballs and leaves this.

[Dubbie] A man, a light
bulb and a river.

Maybe his plan is to confuse
the hell out of us.

A plan? Dubbie, a man, a plan!

Not a river, but a canal.

A man, a plan, a canal...
Panama.

The perfect palindrome. Same phrase
forward, same phrase backwards.

- Who leaves a palindrome?
- Typical super-villain horse feathers.

Can't wait to hear
this guy's monologue.

"I'm The Palindrome.
Feel my power.

Power my feel.
Palindrome the am I."

Peter Piping weirdoes.

But why the eyes this time?

They don't seem all that
nefarious on their own.

Wait a minute.

Hey, Sob Story.

These eyes, you wouldn't happen to know if they're
made out of something special, would you?

Like I said, I'm green. The eyes
are polydichloric euthimal.

Non-toxic,
biodegradable, safe...

Eyes Without a Face! Polydichloric
euthimal? You fool!

Do you have any idea
what you've done?

What kind of grief
counselors are you?

Ida, run the following
through OCD.

Our villain, shall we
call him The Palindrome,

has a beryllium sphere, an
oscillation overthruster

and now a near limitless supply
of polydichloric euthimal.

Got it. Uh-oh.

OCD's talking and
it's talking crazy.

Then it's as I feared.

Throw in a sufficient
power source

and The Palindrome will have
everything to activate...

A Quantum Singularity Machine.

Sorry I popped my
cork back there,

but this is a sack full
of eels and coat hangers.

The Palindrome has the power
to open a mini black hole.

Like the kind that eats
socks in the dryer?

The kind connecting
different worlds

and parallel dimensions.

My little pony.

The Palindrome lifts up the
space-time continuum's petticoats

we'll all be trussed
up but good.

Ida, jump on the HEYDAR

and search for power spikes
exceeding 1.012 gigawatts.

What is this, my
first school play?

I already got an address.

Dubbie, it's the fourth mirror.

That's not even Panama.
that's just a hat.

I swear, even if he's not
opening a Quantum Singularity,

I'm still smoking this
guy on principle.

There he is.

House of Pancakes.

The Quantum Singularity
Machine's powering up.

Can't we just shoot him?

You smell that?

Ionized polydichloric
euthimal gas.

We discharge our weapons, the
entire place goes Vesuvius.

- Right.
- All right.

I confront him, get him off on
the monologue, you go around...

Switch off the machine
while he's distracted?

Dang skippy. Break.

- [electronic beeping]
- So, you thought you'd get away with it.

I get it. You shoot, I die.

I shoot, you die.

I'm willing to die, are you?

So, uh, Mr. Palindrome,

maybe you'd like to tell
me why you're doing this?

- No.
- Really?

No twisted evil plan you'd
like to get off your chest?

No tale of childhood
humiliation you need to share

in order to elucidate the
path of pure darkness

that brought us to this
inevitable Manichaean showdown?

- Shut up!
- It doesn't make sense.

Why set an elaborate clue trail if you
have nothing to say when you're found?

[whirring]

[maniacal laughter]

Dubbie, look out!

[screaming]

Boss? Boss!

It's me. I don't know
if you can hear me,

but I got sucked in and I'm in hot
pursuit of Johnny Won't Monologue.

So, if you're here, now would be
a good time to say something.

[man on speaker] The
world is one family.

We are all sons and daughters,
brothers and sisters.

The people united,

obedient and loyal to the
aims of society that works.

I believe in you, my children, and all I
ask in return is that you believe in me.

As your father, your architect,

your first among equals.

Remember, Manservant
Neville serves you.

The world is one family.

We are all sons and daughters,
brothers and sisters, united.

- Sorry.
- Hey.

No cutting. End of the line.

Line? Line for what?

For your daily spray
of soup, maggot.

I don't want a spray of soup.

Can I have her soup?

Shut up, worm.

Got a fighter, huh?

Where's your i.d.? You
know the penalty.

Your Fatboy i.d. Where is it?

Sound the alarm. We've
got an unidentified!

- Shoot to kill!
- [alarm blaring]

[Neville] I believe in you, my children.
All I ask in return...

[man] Second level clear.

[man on radio] Two-ten
status update.

- [clattering]
- I think I heard something.

[man on radio] Bravo Team, any
visual confirmation on unidentified?

[Neville] Assemble
for the Pledge!

Assemble for the Pledge!

Hey, boss? I don't know
if you're getting this,

but remember when you said the Singularity
might lead to a parallel universe?

Well, it did.

I'm pretty much trapped...

...in Alan Parker's 1982 theatrical
film version of The Wall.

One corporation above all men...

Finding a place to hide from the roaming
death squads is a top priority.

Oh, and also,

I want a raise.

- Who's the man?
- Noser. Thank god.

- I said, "Who's the man!"
- [cocks gun]

Um... that would be Shaft?

What kind of man?

Uh... complicated man?

- Who understands him?
- Noser, please.

- Answer me now!
- No one but his woman.

Right on.

You can go in.

[dance music playing]

Of course. Why wouldn't my living
room be an exotic dancer lounge?

- Hasenpfeffer?
- Excuse me?

Rabbit stew. Lacey's
secret recipe.

- Best lunch buffet in town.
- Joe.

Joe 90, Esquire.
Attorney to Fatboy.

Yeah, Bubby, I've got a
high security clearance.

You don't know me, do you?

Ugh.

- Feisty.
- Let's go up to the champagne room,

- see if we can change that.
- [Lacey] Wendy Watson!

I always knew someday you'd come
walking back through my door.

Lacey! Ow!

That's for my first year
in Fatboy darning camp!

- Darning camp?
- Yeah.

Storm trooper socks
and underwear?

And this is for my second year!

- God, stop, wait.
- Cat fight!

- You abandoned me.
- No, I would never.

Then what do you call it?

Freshman year of art
school, Fatboy takes over

and turns it into
management training school.

- That's horrible.
- Back-stabbing [beep]

Look, just calm down.

You were supposed to meet me at the protest
rally, but you sold me out, Dub-Dub.

Took that job over at
Fatboy and got me arrested.

Now look at me.
Noser, throw her out!

Lacey, I swear, that wasn't me.

I haven't seen your face in
five years, Wendy Watson.

And I never need
to see it again!

Let me go, Noser. I
know the way out.

- [men shouting]
- Fatboy!

Man, I hate these guys.

- Shoot to kill.
- Die, pigs!

Fatboy can't know I was here.
They'll pull my clearance.

- Then help me.
- An unidentified?

You kidding? Sayonara, Bubby.

There she is. Get her!

[tires squealing]

- Come with me if you want to live.
- Medic! Get a medic!

Weapon fire.

Thanks, man. I flashed all the way to
my quinceañera before you swooped in.

I heard an unidentified was in
danger in Theta Sector and...

Pip!

You know me? Forgive me.

I take great care to know
all my parishioners.

Wait. You're...

You're telling me that
you're Father Pip?

A man of the cloth?

- Celibate?
- I can get you out of the city, my child.

Safe from Fatboy. Of
course, there are risks.

We both might not make it.

You're telling me that you, Pip,

a priest, are willing to
risk your life for me?

- We're all children of the Lord.
- I'm in the mirror universe.

I'm sorry? The mirror universe?

The parallel universe, where everyone
who's good is evil and evil is good.

It's like that
episode of Star Trek

where Spock had a goatee
and Chekhov tried to...

Star Trek?

You mean the sci-fi
series from the '60s

starring the great George Takei?

It is an evil universe.

Look, I need you to
take me to see someone.

There's a man in my
world, someone so good,

someone so "aw shucks" wholesome that I just
gotta believe he's still the same man here.

'Cause if he's not I might as well just
take the fetal position and pop in a thumb.

Where can I find
this balm in Gilead?

How many times are you gonna watch that
real-time situation recording archive?

As many as it takes to understand
what happened while I was knocked out

and where Wendy went.

Where are you? What's
with your suit?

Where's your beard?

The Palindrome goes into the Singularity
wearing a black suit and a goatee.

And he exits the Singularity in a
light colored suit, sans facial hair.

[Ida] Well, either he
shaved and changed,

of that's The Palindrome
from a parallel universe.

Wherever that man is, he has a
Quantum Singularity Machine.

If anyone knows where
Wendy is, it's he.

Come puppet blood, monkey fudge or
terracotta, I'm getting her back.

Hey, state your business.

And make it snappy. I'm
working on my tan lines.

Ida? You're Ida.

Congratulations. That's officially the least
intelligent thing I've heard all day.

Oh, yeah. You're her, all right.

OK, well, this is not gonna
make a lot of sense,

but I went through this
Quantum Singularity...

You know, something
just occurred to me.

- What's that?
- I don't give a baboon's butt

about your complicated
back story.

Here's how it works. If you got
the cash, we've got the action.

Save the rest of it
for your shrink.

What? Did your brain separate from
your body in the Singularity?

Get a move on!

Hey. I found this one
crying in the lobby.

I'll be over here exalting in
the fact I can't get cancer.

Shut it before I
throw a hook in it.

They're real and
they're spectacular.

[Dubbie clearing throat]

Nice bike. Hello?

Earth to man in chaps.

It's not a bike.

It's the Middlehog.

- Oh.
- Let me guess.

You're a Middleman-in-training
from a parallel universe.

You were chasing an
A-number one nut job

when he opened up a Quantum
Singularity to this world,

inadvertently pulling
you through with him.

Now little Dorothy just
wants to get back home.

- How'd you guess?
- Classic gun strapped to that pretty leg of yours.

Gives you away immediately
as a Middle-trainee.

I meant the Quantum
Singularity part.

The HEYDAR chimed that there was a rip
in space time near the soup lines.

And you didn't investigate?

It's none of my [beep] business.

- It is now.
- Sorry.

Mirror sidekick or not,
I'm just The Middleman.

- I don't lift a finger till you give me my chubbies.
- Excuse me?

Chubbies. Oinkers.

Piggies.

- Cash, money.
- Oh. Money, I have.

[scoffs] Yeah, right!

Guess your world's ain't
down with the sickness.

Meet Mr. Chubby.

Ever since Fatboy won
the Battle of D.C.,

these little pink freaks have
served as official currency.

So, unless you got
something else to sell,

- Ida shows you the door.
- How can you call yourself The Middleman?

Charging people who need help?

- You make me want to puke.
- Puke all you want, sidecar.

This is the United [beep]
States of Fatboy, baby.

Love it or hate it, everyone
sings for their supper.

You can't pay, you're
[beep] out of luck.

Wow. Vanity really does cheapen
the soul and weaken the mind.

Does this feed the greed?

Nicely.

Ida, fire up the HEYDAR.

Middlechick just bought
herself a [beep] partner.

I have an idea on the man in the
real-time situation recording archive.

His name is Ivan Avi.

His home address:
1997 Plissken Circle.

I hacked Fatboy Surveillance and found an
ID of the man who left that power plant

with the Quantum
Singularity Machine.

His name is Ivan Avi.

His home address is
1997 Plissken Circle.

Let's get [beep] to it.

Sir, you may want to freeze.

Grab ankle, [beep].

You'll never make me go back
to that horrible place!

- Put down the machine.
- Please, I just want my partner back.

- Ah, [beep]
- Oh, phooey.

I'm never going back again, never.
Not on my life!

All I'm interested in is your
Quantum Singularity Machine.

If I wanted to build
another, could it be done?

I just want your Quantum
Singularity Machine.

Can I build one, or what?

Sure, if you could get your hands on
a medical-grade sphere of beryllium

and a one-of-a-kind
oscillation overthruster.

[maniacal laughter]

Maniacal laughter. Didn't
see that one coming.

I'm a patient man, Mr.
Avi, if that's your name.

But this old fishing line's
reached its breaking strain.

My partner's trapped on the other
side of that Quantum Singularity

and you're going to
tell me how to get her.

Hold on. Did you say someone's trapped
in my world? But that's horrible.

I mean it. It was supposed to
be a one-for-one Ivan exchange.

Exchange. Jimmy crack corn.

See, our plan was sheer
elegance in its simplicity.

Save it. Just help
me understand.

I was born an orphan in
a world much like this,

only as if reflected
through a dark mirror.

That's why The Palindrome
left those mirrors.

Oh no, that was my idea. I
always wanted to be an artist.

But I was born into
an evil world,

skies choked with ammonia,
seas full of benzene,

baby farms, random
suffocations, bears.

- Oh.
- All of it run by Fatboy Industries.

Even as a boy, I knew I didn't belong.
And then I turned 13.

During a freak limbo accident at my Bar
Mitzvah party, I severed my pineal gland.

That's when I began having psychic
visions of a parallel world,

with antitrust laws, lead-free
toys, non-aerosolized soup.

I soon realized I was seeing through
the eyes of my mirror-self,

a wicked boy equally
trapped in your world

who also lost his pineal
gland in a freak accident.

And I can see which one of
you got the monologue gene.

Over time we learned to communicate.
Pooling our talents,

we each built a Quantum Singularity
Machine so we might switch places.

That's all. I never meant
to involve your friend.

Your Quantum
Singularity Machine.

If it can't be rebuilt, can its
effects at least be replicated?

Well, my mirror-universe self and I
designed it to simulate the effect

of firing a phased polaron cannon
at a black hole in outer space

from both universes
simultaneously.

Theoretically, if you and your partner were
to stand in the same place, at the same time,

and fire a phased polaron cannon at
the exact same point in the sky...

Sounds like we have a plan.

But no, no, it won't work.

Nobody, and I mean nobody,
has a phased polaron cannon.

I do. In my weapons archive.

- But that's impossible. Niels Bohr died while building it...
- [both] In 1962.

Ah, Bohr, he's anything but.

You should see the Christmas card
he sent me last year. What a gas.

Ida, I need coordinates for the nearest
black hole in our corner of the night sky.

If your universe
truly mirrors mine,

my counterpart should also
have a phased polaron cannon.

Is there any way to get a message to
my partner, Wendy, through your twin?

Of course, we're
psychically linked.

Good.

Ahhh.

He's in this room. He's in this
room right now with your partner.

Ohhhh!

He's in pain.

[laughing]

- That was me asking nicely.
- OK. That's enough. Stop it.

Last time I tried that move on
Sensei Ping he plucked out my eye.

Holy Kill Bill: Volume 2.

Sensei Ping put out your eye?
Why?

Maybe because he's a
psychotic [beep].

- 'Course he got his at the dread pyramid of...
- Itzilichlitlichlitzl?

- You didn't save him?
- Save him?

I'm the one who dropped the
dime with the Luchadores.

- You're sick.
- [gasping]

I have a message for Dubbie.

- That's what my boss calls me. What is it?
- He says, "Dubbie,

fire the phase polaron cannon

at coordinates ascension 16
hours, 3 minutes, 32 seconds,

declination 9.483 degrees

from the geographical
center of the city

- at precisely 9:29pm tonight.
- Can you tell my boss I'm OK?

Oh, wait. There's more.
Come closer.

OK. Now you're gonna let
me go or the girl dies.

Ivan, Ivan, did Wendy
get the message?

I don't know.

But my brother, he... He's dead.

Did you lose a chunk of
brain with that eye?

It had to be done, sweetheart.

You straight up
murdered the one guy

who could communicate
with my world.

Same guy who had a
gun to your throat.

I could have handled it. I was
trained by Sensei Ping, same as you!

Look, if I have cause to squeeze a
trigger, I'm not gonna pull my punch.

This isn't your world, Bubbles.

I don't step out my door each morning
into a field of lilacs and candy canes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.

This is New Jack City. Might makes right.
Blah, blah, blah.

Well, look what it's gotten you.
Leather pants and a fake-bake robot.

Hey, I'd use the sun
if I could see it.

Just get me the phased
polaron cannon and I'm gone.

Trust me, I would, just
to be rid of your yap.

But I sold it to Fatboy Industries three years
ago to pay the rent on this grease pit.

Well, if you didn't have a
problem selling it to the enemy,

you're not gonna have a problem
helping me steal it back.

Why don't I save us the trouble
and just pull this pin, huh?

Whoa, cowboy. Her
idea, not mine.

My advice? Fatboy bombed out
Delta Sector last week.

- Real estate should be mighty cheap.
- You think I'm gonna stay here?

- Over suicide?
- I have people counting on me.

How can you hope your
gambit's gonna work?

I get to hope because
I fight for it.

Bet that sounded real
pretty in your head.

How can a man like you live in the same
skin and have the same brain as my boss?

He wasn't always like this.

He used to be a real Middleman.

But then he died.

Who?

- Chief. I'm surrounded by Fatboy agents.
- Tyler was the Middleboy?

Why'd you leave?

Chief?

Please. No!

Never found the trigger man. The only
clue was that red anodized ray gun.

But if that phased polaron
cannon's anywhere,

it's in Manservant Neville's private
control room at Fatboy Command,

leaving one question: how
are you gonna get it?

[dance music playing]

I need your help.

So, let me get this straight.

After five years, two of which I spent
learning more about jockey shorts

than any woman has ever
wanted or intended,

you've come back wanting me to help
you break into Fatboy Command?

I know how much you hate them. This
could be your chance for revenge.

You've exactly ten seconds to
throw your [beep] into the street

before Noser does it for you!

Well, don't you want
to hear my offer?

- What could you possibly offer?
- Something I know I couldn't give you before.

An apology.

I need you to listen.

Because every time you look at me
I can see how much I hurt you.

And I'm sure I had my reasons.

Everyone does.

But I can't think of a
single one that justifies

you being in that darning camp.

And I wish I could take back all
the pain that I caused you.

All I can do is say I'm sorry.

I wish I'd been stronger.

But I'm a different person now,

and I can't imagine a universe

where I don't need
your friendship.

There's no way we're
breaking in, you know.

Fatboy Command's locked up tighter
than a public drinking fountain.

Then it's a good thing you've
got a man on the inside.

[dance music playing]

- Not enough Bunny for one day?
- What's with the thunderclouds, ladies?

There's plenty of
Joe to go around.

And you have
photographic evidence.

Oh, God.

They're gonna put
me in the beard.

Beard?

Standard Fatboy employee
torture protocol.

It always starts with
the beard of bees.

Just keep it together and you'll
have nothing to worry about.

- There any cameras in this place?
- No.

Corporate policy. No cameras
allowed on Fatboy premises.

[Ida] That girl's out there
without a Fatboy card.

She won't get far if they
haven't got her already.

- I don't care.
- You know, she reminds me of someone.

- Someone else you didn't help.
- I don't care.

She's going to storm
that fortress alone.

This is your chance. You
can make good again.

- Hey, Ida, news flash coming up on the wire.
- Oh, no. What is it?

I don't care.

Then I quit.

Even this obstructed
bowel of a planet

doesn't deserve a
Middleman like you.

This is it. Manservant Neville's
private control room.

Sorry. I don't have a
card for this door.

Oh. There's just something
hinky about that combination.

Assault rifle, assault rifle,
futuristic metal thing.

That must be the
phased polaron cannon.

OK, good. Let's split. This place
is giving me the Willy Wonkas.

Uh, Lace?

Oh, God.

- What's behind me?
- Just stay calm.

And don't turn around.

[screaming] Man in a bag!

- Man in a bag!
- No, no, no. It's Manservant Neville.

Maybe I didn't read my
Fatbible close enough,

but isn't he supposed to be
in charge of this place?

- Well, nobody ever sees him because he's so...
- Cryogenically frozen?

Wendy, stay away
from that thing.

Come on, Lace, you really
think Mansicle Neville...

It's you?

I don't understand.

Please, haven't you
done enough to me?

All I want is out
of this misery.

I tried to return
control to the people.

But you betrayed me.

- I did?
- [mirror Dubbie] No.

I did.

Dub-Dub, why is there
another Dub-Dub?

Put down my cannon.

- [clattering]
- You don't seem surprised to see me.

Our HEYDAR picked up
the rip in space.

- You have a HEYDAR?
- There's little in this world I don't have.

I know that red ray gun.

You killed Tyler?

Oh, right.

The hottie.

Hm, let me guess.

You're a "good guy" in your
world, just like Tyler?

Really scraping the bottom of
that sidekick barrel, aren't you?

What is going on?

Lacey, so typically
behind the curve.

Allow me to explain.
When I was 14,

my father disappeared,

- under mysterious...
- And as of yet unexplained circumstances.

Control room combination.

- It's the day Dad disappeared.
- So I never forget.

Never let go of the feeling of
things happening beyond my control.

When I saw the tide
turn to Fatboy,

saw them taking over, I figured, why not
be on the side of control for once?

After a year of assisting the
great Manservant Neville,

I saw what he really wanted.

To loosen Fatboy's grip, give
the power back to the people

and go green, whatever
the hell that means.

And so, we went our
separate ways.

- His was into this cryo-bed.
- You secretly rule Fatboy.

That explains the
no-camera policy.

Uh, guys, when I asked what was going
on, I meant about you two being twins.

She's me from a parallel
universe, you imbecile.

And yes, Joe-90, there
are no cameras here.

I can't have anyone
seeing me now, can I?

- No, ma'am.
- Thanks for sounding the silent alarm.

You killed Joe-90!

As I was saying, only my private
guards know the truth about me.

Gentlemen, would you please
come up to my control room?

Wait. There's just one thing
you haven't counted on.

I was trained by Sensei Ping.

The guards will be here any second.
We're fish in a barrel.

Get the phase polaron cannon.

But please, let me go!

- Help! I'm sorry!
- Miss Watson?

Settle down, gentlemen, I've
got everything under control.

Hey, Dub-Dub, there's just one
thing you haven't counted on.

I can prove my identity.

I suppose it's fitting that
it should end like this

after all our history together.

How can you do this?

Kill your best friend and someone
who shares your body and mind?

- Is this who you are?
- You're right. What am I doing? I can't do this.

- Really?
- Psych.

- Guards, ready.
- Well, it was worth a shot.

I'm sorry, Lace.

- Aim.
- At least I got my Dub-Dub back.

- Sorta.
- Fire.

Eat hot death, [beep].

Cover your eyes!

- Who is this guy?
- He's just The Middleman.

He's kinda hot.

- [Dubbie] Sorry about the Middlehog.
- It's just a bike.

Guess you're gonna have to storm
the gates and take it back?

I'm not about to make fighting
Fatboy my daily bread.

First order of business
after I send you back

is turning this city into
a dot in my rear view.

I'm gonna hotwire a car.

Well, you gotta do
what you gotta do.

But, uh, thank you.

Don't do that.

- Do what?
- Make me your hero.

Good grief, is he
always like this?

With the perma-frown?

- Lace...
- I'm just glad that the Wendy Watson that I used to know

is still alive somewhere.
Man, Dub-Dub,

you show up, you make them love you, then
you're off into a Quantum Singularity.

- What a tease.
- It's time.

[electronic beeping]

Stay. Fight.

You're The Middleman.

If you don't, who will?

So, I guess you'll be going?

You know, I like the way you handled
yourself back there at Fatboy Command.

Have you ever considered the exciting
field of temporary employment?

I hate to leave you at your doorstep
after your harrowing ordeal.

At times like these I wish O2STK had
some kind of counseling service.

Well, you showed up to get me,
that's all the reassurance I need.

You know, Dubbie, when I saw my
mirror self through that gateway,

a single question ran
through my mind.

No, you would not look
cooler with an eye patch.

A man's got to wonder.
But the question was:

how far from that other
Middleman am I, really?

I have to say, I find
it a mite unsettling.

Maybe, but it works both ways.

And, I know if you, all the yous out
there, weren't you to the core,

I would have never made it out alive.
So, thanks.

- No. Thank you, Dubbie.
- I just hope he steps up.

That world really
needs its Middleman.

That choice is in his hands now.

Yeah. We're talking about a guy who
chooses to wear leather chaps.

Hello, Lacey.

Hi.

Don't you two get any ideas.

This here's no pleasure craft.

[powers down]

[sighs]

Fits just like a glove.

All right, kiddies, let's
kick some coil-tailed bacon.

Yes, Mother, me and Tyler
are doing just fine.

I promise.

The job is going great.

My boss?

Well, he's still into
guns, just like Dad.

Yeah, I can't wait to go in
tomorrow and see what comes up.

Really? I don't think I've
heard you say that before.

You think I sound happy?

Well, Mother, that might be because
all is right with the world.