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♪ ♪
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00:00:04,295 --> 00:00:06,257
[Wendy] Previously on The Middleman:
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00:00:07,968 --> 00:00:10,260
Oh, this weird temp agency called.
4
00:00:10,261 --> 00:00:13,093
The Jolly Fats Wehawkin Temp Agency?
5
00:00:13,094 --> 00:00:15,265
Don't you want to fight evil?
6
00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:19,599
- Monsters? Robots? Aliens?
- Yeah, why not?
7
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,142
I heard when comic book evil
strikes you cover it up.
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00:00:22,143 --> 00:00:23,064
I'm just the middleman.
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00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:27,317
You and I should, you
know, be just friends.
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00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:30,360
You're breaking up with
me for a class project?
11
00:00:30,361 --> 00:00:32,572
How does that make you feel?
12
00:00:32,573 --> 00:00:34,205
- Ow!
- [crashing]
13
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,331
Wow, Dub-Dub, that's...
14
00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:43,373
A painting of a gun-toting,
15
00:00:43,374 --> 00:00:46,166
genetically enhanced
super-genius gangster guerilla.
16
00:00:46,167 --> 00:00:48,168
And tomorrow I'm
starting on a new one.
17
00:00:48,169 --> 00:00:50,721
I already have a sketch and
a layout and everything.
18
00:00:52,173 --> 00:00:55,225
It's a Succubus fashion model.
19
00:00:55,226 --> 00:00:59,179
Which is just like a regular fashion
model except with pointy teeth
20
00:00:59,180 --> 00:01:02,852
and red eyes and a thirst
for innocent young men.
21
00:01:02,853 --> 00:01:05,064
Well, you're in
such a good mood.
22
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,606
And you're being so productive.
23
00:01:06,607 --> 00:01:09,569
Yeah, well, my days of painter's
block are way behind me.
24
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,282
I actually have a job
I'm excited about.
25
00:01:12,283 --> 00:01:14,574
You're excited about
working for a temp agency?
26
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,406
Well, it's a special
temp agency.
27
00:01:16,407 --> 00:01:18,408
And I'm painting like a fiend.
28
00:01:18,409 --> 00:01:20,200
Maybe I should just
come back later.
29
00:01:20,201 --> 00:01:22,162
- Why?
- It's about Ben.
30
00:01:22,163 --> 00:01:24,204
Ah, my poser ex-boyfriend?
31
00:01:24,205 --> 00:01:26,416
- Did he call to apologize again?
- No.
32
00:01:26,417 --> 00:01:28,128
- Sent more flowers?
- No.
33
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:31,010
Another giant teddy bear
with a note of apology?
34
00:01:31,011 --> 00:01:35,014
It doesn't matter, 'cause I'm keeping him
on a leash till I give him the brush off.
35
00:01:35,015 --> 00:01:36,216
It's gonna be epic.
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00:01:36,217 --> 00:01:38,139
Ben put your break-up
on the Internet.
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00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,811
You know, I could have
just sworn you just said,
38
00:01:41,812 --> 00:01:44,103
"Ben put your break-up
on the Internet."
39
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,936
That's 'cause Ben put your
break-up on the Internet.
40
00:01:46,937 --> 00:01:50,109
Maybe that's why he videotaped
it in the first place.
41
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,652
No, he said it was
for a class project.
42
00:01:52,653 --> 00:01:54,904
Is that why you're
holding the computer?
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00:01:54,905 --> 00:01:59,369
No, no, no, this
was just, uh, a...
44
00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:04,375
[Ben] I just think that you and I
should, you know, be just friends.
45
00:02:06,046 --> 00:02:08,127
You're breaking up with
me for a class project?
46
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:11,130
[Ben] How does that
make you feel?
47
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:15,175
Wait, we were dating for a year. You
said the "L" word that one time.
48
00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:16,886
[Ben] I was drunk.
49
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:19,098
It hurts? Tell the camera.
50
00:02:19,099 --> 00:02:21,060
- [Ben] I am the victim here.
- How could he?
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00:02:21,061 --> 00:02:22,722
[Ben] My dad is a lawyer.
52
00:02:22,723 --> 00:02:25,855
Look, I'm sure
that it's nothing.
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00:02:25,856 --> 00:02:29,229
I'm sure that the bulk email he
sent out to promote his website...
54
00:02:29,230 --> 00:02:32,442
Bulk email? How many hits
does this thing have already?
55
00:02:32,443 --> 00:02:34,404
OK, it just went live yesterday.
56
00:02:34,405 --> 00:02:37,657
- So...
- 750,000 hits?
57
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,279
Since yesterday?
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00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,201
I'm sure that's just, um...
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00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:44,494
...from linking it to a couple
of social networking sites
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00:02:44,495 --> 00:02:47,377
and a few of the better-known
video sharing web pages
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00:02:47,378 --> 00:02:50,420
and some of the more popular
ex-girlfriend revenge video sites.
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00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:52,293
Ex-girlfriend revenge
video sites?
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00:02:54,465 --> 00:02:55,966
[groaning]
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00:02:56,757 --> 00:02:58,968
You OK, Dub-Dub?
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00:02:58,969 --> 00:03:00,760
Yeah, great.
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00:03:00,761 --> 00:03:03,433
[alarm sounding]
67
00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:04,805
[Middleman] Wake up, Dubbie.
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00:03:05,606 --> 00:03:07,438
[alarm continues]
69
00:03:09,019 --> 00:03:11,981
[Middleman] Wake up, Dubbie.
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00:03:11,982 --> 00:03:16,075
Dubbie, this is a priority
message please acknowledge.
71
00:03:16,076 --> 00:03:18,238
[alarm sounding]
72
00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:19,530
Dubbie?
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00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:26,536
- Yeah.
- Time to meet me at the rendezvous point. ASAP.
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00:03:26,537 --> 00:03:28,788
- Double ASAP.
- What time is it?
75
00:03:28,789 --> 00:03:31,381
Time to meet at the rendezvous point.
Now get out of bed.
76
00:03:31,382 --> 00:03:32,882
What rendezvous point?
77
00:03:32,883 --> 00:03:35,134
That's it, one foot
in front of another.
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00:03:35,135 --> 00:03:37,797
Run. Your future as a Middleman
hangs in the balance.
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00:03:37,798 --> 00:03:40,179
It might help my future if you
told me where I was going.
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00:03:40,180 --> 00:03:43,053
The Rendezvous Point, Dubbie.
Counting on you.
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00:03:44,805 --> 00:03:46,516
What rendezvous point?
82
00:03:46,517 --> 00:03:50,189
Now, people undergoing emotional
crises are prone to denial.
83
00:03:50,190 --> 00:03:54,314
We all do it, but it
doesn't make it right.
84
00:03:54,315 --> 00:03:55,945
Hey now! I was watching that.
85
00:03:55,946 --> 00:03:57,947
A: What did you put my laptop?
86
00:03:57,948 --> 00:04:00,199
B: Why are you watching
that self-help blowhard,
87
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,121
and C: What are you
doing up at 6:00 AM?
88
00:04:02,122 --> 00:04:03,703
Your laptop is
where you left it.
89
00:04:03,704 --> 00:04:05,244
That pompous self-help blowhard
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00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,037
is a totally perspicacious
observer of the human condition,
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00:04:08,038 --> 00:04:10,460
and C: I'm having a
de-Benefication.
92
00:04:10,461 --> 00:04:14,924
Ben stomped all over your heart with cleats and
you still have all his stuff laying around.
93
00:04:14,925 --> 00:04:17,877
Dr. Gil says that when someone
goes through a breakup,
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00:04:17,878 --> 00:04:20,340
to cleanse the space of all
the other person's things
95
00:04:20,341 --> 00:04:23,222
so you can experience all
your grief in a single burst.
96
00:04:23,223 --> 00:04:26,055
I have way too much self-respect
to worship daytime TV gods.
97
00:04:26,056 --> 00:04:28,688
Besides, I have to find
the rendezvous point.
98
00:04:28,689 --> 00:04:32,562
I've been through four messy breakups with
you since freshman year of art school,
99
00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:34,654
and this isn't the Wendy
Watson I know and love.
100
00:04:34,655 --> 00:04:36,896
Well-adjusted and
focused on work?
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00:04:36,897 --> 00:04:38,569
Wallowing in denial.
102
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:42,031
I know you, Dub-Dub.
103
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:46,826
If you don't shout-shout-let-it-all-out,
this thing with Ben's gonna eat you up alive.
104
00:04:46,827 --> 00:04:50,910
Maybe if I assign numerical values to each of
the letters in the words "Rendezvous Point"
105
00:04:50,911 --> 00:04:53,002
and run them through
Google maps...
106
00:04:53,003 --> 00:04:55,004
You stayed in bed after
Tommy dumped you
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00:04:55,005 --> 00:04:59,379
then spent the entire next week watching Italian
zombie movies until all hours of the night.
108
00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:01,300
You dated Tommy half
as long as Ben.
109
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,593
Tommy Tam did not dump me.
I dumped Tommy Tam.
110
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:08,097
Cervelli! Cervelli!
Devono mangiare cervelli!
111
00:05:08,098 --> 00:05:10,640
"Brains, brains,
must eat brains?"
112
00:05:10,641 --> 00:05:13,433
You know where I picked up that
handy Italian zombie phrase?
113
00:05:13,434 --> 00:05:15,525
I have to focus and find
the Rendezvous Point.
114
00:05:15,526 --> 00:05:19,108
What Rendezvous Point?
115
00:05:19,109 --> 00:05:21,441
Where in Carmen
Sandiego is Kamchatka?
116
00:05:21,442 --> 00:05:25,575
In Russia between the Pacific
Ocean and the Sea of Okhotsk.
117
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:26,906
You're being evasive.
118
00:05:26,907 --> 00:05:28,749
And you're being a
total drama vampire.
119
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,081
Forget about Ben, OK? He's gone.
120
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:35,084
Forgotten. Relegated to the
corner of my brain near oblivion,
121
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:39,008
which is exactly where my job is going to end
up if I don't find this Rendezvous Point.
122
00:05:39,009 --> 00:05:42,261
You know, there's a Rendezvous
Point diner out by Lyon Estates.
123
00:05:42,262 --> 00:05:46,056
- No way it's that easy.
- Their tofu scramble is a poem.
124
00:05:53,894 --> 00:05:56,567
Don't wear that.
It's Ben's sweater!
125
00:06:06,447 --> 00:06:08,327
"Meet me at the
Rendezvous Point?"
126
00:06:08,328 --> 00:06:11,751
It's a valuable exercise
in mental flexibility.
127
00:06:11,752 --> 00:06:14,253
I guess it took you five
minutes to be waylaid by Lacey
128
00:06:14,254 --> 00:06:16,836
before you figured
out the location.
129
00:06:16,837 --> 00:06:19,549
Then 15 minutes to get
here from your loft.
130
00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:21,961
You timed me? What for?
131
00:06:21,962 --> 00:06:25,054
For today. Consider
it a pop quiz day.
132
00:06:25,055 --> 00:06:29,429
You will be tested on logic, deduction,
interpretation, general field knowledge,
133
00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:31,931
- and most importantly...
- Hygiene?
134
00:06:31,932 --> 00:06:34,224
- Teamwork.
- Pop quiz day?
135
00:06:35,566 --> 00:06:36,937
Darn tootin'.
136
00:06:38,018 --> 00:06:39,980
So how'd I do?
137
00:06:41,522 --> 00:06:43,323
Nice jammies.
138
00:07:04,755 --> 00:07:06,136
♪ Middleman ♪
139
00:07:41,421 --> 00:07:44,383
Oh, my God, it's you!
140
00:07:44,384 --> 00:07:46,927
- [screaming]
- [gun fires]
141
00:07:54,434 --> 00:07:56,936
Yeah, work is going
fine, Mother.
142
00:07:56,937 --> 00:07:58,938
And life...
143
00:07:58,939 --> 00:08:02,402
Well, that's something we're just
gonna have to talk about another day.
144
00:08:03,564 --> 00:08:05,104
Yes, it has to do with Ben.
145
00:08:05,105 --> 00:08:07,487
No, we're still broken up.
146
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:10,449
It's just because...
147
00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:12,872
You didn't see that video
on the Internet, did you?
148
00:08:12,873 --> 00:08:14,994
No, no, no, there's no video.
149
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,746
Ben and I are over.
150
00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:20,119
I'm well-adjusted and
focused on work.
151
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:21,460
That's who I am.
152
00:08:21,461 --> 00:08:24,123
I'm a motivated worker
with a smile on my face.
153
00:08:24,124 --> 00:08:27,927
Hey, it's my boss. I've got to go.
Please do not go on YouTube today, OK?
154
00:08:27,928 --> 00:08:29,840
Or ever. Please.
155
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:34,684
Trouble at home?
156
00:08:34,685 --> 00:08:36,806
Nope. Everything's A-OK.
157
00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:40,349
Trouble with your coffeehouse
poser of an ex-boyfriend?
158
00:08:40,350 --> 00:08:42,602
So, today is pop quiz day, huh?
159
00:08:42,603 --> 00:08:45,274
It's a grand tradition for
Middlemen in training.
160
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:47,987
I know you and I have been
through Hell and back together.
161
00:08:47,988 --> 00:08:49,949
I thought Hell and the
Underworld were different.
162
00:08:49,950 --> 00:08:53,032
It is specifically for that reason
pop quiz day is such a necessity.
163
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,954
- It's a training day.
- Training?
164
00:08:54,955 --> 00:08:56,996
I flew to the Yucatan
in the Middle Jet.
165
00:08:56,997 --> 00:08:59,869
And at the time you didn't even know we
had a Middle Jet. That's the problem.
166
00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:02,211
As a new recruit you
were thrust into action
167
00:09:02,212 --> 00:09:05,334
without a chance to learn the
infrastructure of the organization.
168
00:09:05,335 --> 00:09:08,878
Our recent adventures have driven it home
that you could be the next Middleman.
169
00:09:08,879 --> 00:09:11,881
Shouldn't it be "Middleperson,"
or "Middlewoman?"
170
00:09:11,882 --> 00:09:13,803
We did have a Middleboy once.
171
00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:15,975
What does that make
me, "The Middlegirl?"
172
00:09:15,976 --> 00:09:18,808
You could be the next
me at any given time.
173
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:21,771
That means you better know who we are
and what we do from the inside out.
174
00:09:21,772 --> 00:09:24,103
Really? I think I have
it pretty much down.
175
00:09:24,104 --> 00:09:26,565
Then, uh, pop quiz: What
is that door right there?
176
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:31,450
Uh, that is the wooden
sword armory thing.
177
00:09:31,451 --> 00:09:35,404
That is the Middleman dojo, where Sensei
Ping, of the Clan of the Pointed Stick,
178
00:09:35,405 --> 00:09:37,827
the only man alive who knows
the Wu-Han Thumb of Death,
179
00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:40,199
will be training you to
become a lethal man-killer.
180
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:41,911
Lethal man-killer?
181
00:09:41,912 --> 00:09:43,793
I like the sound of that.
182
00:09:43,794 --> 00:09:46,375
This building has over ten
levels with hundreds of rooms,
183
00:09:46,376 --> 00:09:50,049
each dedicated to the different aspects
of the fight against evil and injustice.
184
00:09:50,050 --> 00:09:52,551
And pop quiz!
185
00:09:52,552 --> 00:09:53,552
Yeah, OK.
186
00:09:53,553 --> 00:09:55,054
What is this device?
187
00:09:55,055 --> 00:09:59,679
Uh... it's the thingy you
point at things with.
188
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,811
This is the BTRS Scanner.
189
00:10:01,812 --> 00:10:04,894
- And BTRS stands for...?
- Beyond the Realm of Science.
190
00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:09,148
- As in, this machine scans for things that are...
- Beyond the realm of science?
191
00:10:09,149 --> 00:10:11,530
Wow. Handy.
192
00:10:11,531 --> 00:10:15,614
See? Pop quiz day has already
yielded some rewards.
193
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,998
And over here we have...
194
00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:23,542
Ah, yes, the changing room. The
first room Middlemen see every day.
195
00:10:23,543 --> 00:10:26,876
This is where we keep our Middleclothes
and other assorted Middlegear.
196
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:30,589
OK. I have a pop quiz. Does everything
around here have a middle name?
197
00:10:30,590 --> 00:10:34,383
Like my Middlewatch? My Middlekeys?
My Middleboots?
198
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,635
Your Middlebelt, too.
199
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,597
So who pays for all this stuff?
200
00:10:38,598 --> 00:10:42,722
Good question. I don't know. I
never see any bills. I'm just...
201
00:10:42,723 --> 00:10:46,645
- The Middleman.
- ...The Middleman.
202
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:50,940
You'd think whoever springs for this
stuff could have varied it a little...
203
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:53,612
I mean, even GI Joe
had a spacesuit.
204
00:10:53,613 --> 00:10:57,036
It's not all about the wardrobe, Dubbie.
Take a moment.
205
00:10:57,037 --> 00:10:59,488
[inhales deeply] Breathe it in.
206
00:10:59,489 --> 00:11:01,991
- You know what that smell is?
- Dust?
207
00:11:01,992 --> 00:11:05,454
History. This is the place where
Middlemen and their Middle...
208
00:11:05,455 --> 00:11:09,668
...associates through the ages
have relaxed, let their guard down
209
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,921
and built esprit de corps
by sharing amusing stories
210
00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:13,923
and discussing
death-defying events.
211
00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:18,467
Are you kidding? You really expect that
to happen here? While we're dressing?
212
00:11:18,468 --> 00:11:21,510
It's not just training for your
physical abilities and your mind.
213
00:11:21,511 --> 00:11:24,805
It's training for our
partnership, team building.
214
00:11:30,901 --> 00:11:32,942
Here we have The
Interrogation Room.
215
00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:35,775
I like it. It's got
that CSI vibe.
216
00:11:35,776 --> 00:11:38,868
This is where you're going
to take your next test.
217
00:11:38,869 --> 00:11:40,820
This is the Interrodroid 3000,
218
00:11:40,821 --> 00:11:44,453
a training android designed to
simulate interrogation situations.
219
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:47,246
This 3K has been programmed
to behave like a mad bomber
220
00:11:47,247 --> 00:11:48,878
who has placed a
device in the city.
221
00:11:48,879 --> 00:11:51,831
Your assignment is to get him
to confess the location.
222
00:11:51,832 --> 00:11:54,423
Aww, he's a cute little guy.
223
00:11:54,424 --> 00:11:56,595
He is the most dangerous
thing imaginable.
224
00:11:56,596 --> 00:11:59,678
Yeah, Yeah, yeah. Fate of the world.
I get it.
225
00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:02,721
I will be monitoring your
test using a live video feed.
226
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,724
Good luck.
227
00:12:18,698 --> 00:12:21,660
She plant weed on
the suspect yet?
228
00:12:21,661 --> 00:12:24,493
Shh. Test in progress.
229
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,495
We have a red ball.
230
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,748
A rich lady disappeared into thin
air at a posh shopping district.
231
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:34,503
If you ask me, one less rich wench
in the world might not be so tragic.
232
00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:37,586
That rich wench, as you call her,
probably has a family who loves her.
233
00:12:37,587 --> 00:12:39,969
So did Charlie Manson.
234
00:12:39,970 --> 00:12:42,761
Anyway, they want you
investigating this yesterday.
235
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,934
You gotta send the trainee
home and get to work.
236
00:12:44,935 --> 00:12:46,685
I don't need to send her home.
237
00:12:46,686 --> 00:12:48,477
Even in the face of
an emotional breakup
238
00:12:48,478 --> 00:12:50,599
with a sexually
ambiguous boyfriend,
239
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:53,062
Wendy Watson found the Rendezvous Point.
She's ready.
240
00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:57,446
That zoot-sucking degenerate you hired
for a sidekick is an emotional landmine.
241
00:12:57,447 --> 00:13:00,399
You don't watch your step, you're
gonna wind up covered in gore.
242
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:04,163
Wendy Watson has already shown
calm in the face of adversity.
243
00:13:04,164 --> 00:13:05,905
She's gonna do great things.
244
00:13:05,906 --> 00:13:07,577
[clanking]
245
00:13:11,872 --> 00:13:13,874
Bomb's at the Twin Pines Mall.
246
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,298
Were you saying something?
247
00:13:23,763 --> 00:13:26,015
So did I ace it,
or did I ace it?
248
00:13:26,016 --> 00:13:29,979
There's acing it, and there's what you did.
Kind of like shooting a cow with a Howitzer.
249
00:13:29,980 --> 00:13:31,981
I would never shoot a cow.
250
00:13:31,982 --> 00:13:33,983
Have you considered
that maybe you took out
251
00:13:33,984 --> 00:13:36,735
some of your personal emotions
on that poor little guy?
252
00:13:36,736 --> 00:13:38,487
That "little guy" put
a bomb in my city.
253
00:13:38,488 --> 00:13:40,739
don't get on my case for
Jack Bauering the thing.
254
00:13:40,740 --> 00:13:44,323
You gave in to blind rage and destroyed
a valuable piece of training equipment.
255
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:47,157
Violence is always the
Middleman's last resort.
256
00:13:50,710 --> 00:13:53,662
What did you want, for me
to wine him and dine him?
257
00:13:53,663 --> 00:13:55,544
You gave me an objective
and I handled it.
258
00:13:55,545 --> 00:13:58,217
A certain amount of empathy
is part of being a Middleman.
259
00:13:58,218 --> 00:14:00,759
If you have something you
need to get off your chest...
260
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:02,841
I got a pop quiz for you.
261
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,764
Don't you think the Middlemobile
is a total gas guzzler?
262
00:14:05,765 --> 00:14:08,847
The Middlemobile has its own
onboard biodiesel refinery.
263
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,730
I feed it organic garbage,
it runs clean for days.
264
00:14:11,731 --> 00:14:15,065
That may be the most interesting
thing you've said all day.
265
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,693
Doctor Emmett Brown of the
Hill Valley Institute.
266
00:14:24,694 --> 00:14:28,327
My associate and I are here to examine
the strange phenomena reported here.
267
00:14:28,328 --> 00:14:32,121
Really? So what do you think
made the lady disappear?
268
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:35,955
Either spontaneous human combustion
or a pocket nuclear bomb.
269
00:14:35,956 --> 00:14:39,758
Either way, I suggest you step
back by approximately 659 meters
270
00:14:39,759 --> 00:14:41,340
in order to avoid
lethal exposure.
271
00:14:41,341 --> 00:14:43,423
Let's go.
272
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:51,180
So, what do you think
it was really?
273
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:54,393
Either spontaneous human combustion
or a pocket nuclear weapon.
274
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:58,397
So running 659 meters from
here isn't such a bad idea.
275
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,780
Or maybe it was
none of the above.
276
00:15:01,781 --> 00:15:05,154
There's a preponderance of hypermobility
particles around the site
277
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,825
and that can only
mean one thing.
278
00:15:06,826 --> 00:15:07,988
What?
279
00:15:12,032 --> 00:15:13,994
Teleportation.
280
00:15:19,379 --> 00:15:22,171
Her name was Isabel Schon. Lived
with her brother and sister
281
00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:24,753
in a swanky house over on
Eastwood Ravine Drive.
282
00:15:24,754 --> 00:15:27,756
It's going to take the cops at
least two days to i.d. the body.
283
00:15:27,757 --> 00:15:30,599
That puts us on the cutting
edge of this investigation.
284
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,011
I did all the work, credit hog.
285
00:15:32,012 --> 00:15:36,685
Why do people feel the need
to do this to themselves?
286
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,897
She was a total plastic
surgery victim.
287
00:15:38,898 --> 00:15:42,191
Just you wait, peach fuzz, until
gravity gets the best of you.
288
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:46,155
Isabel's headless body was teleported
back to the exact same spot it was found.
289
00:15:46,156 --> 00:15:47,407
Why?
290
00:15:49,279 --> 00:15:52,281
- Ida, run a search on the HEYDAR.
- What is the HEYDAR?
291
00:15:52,282 --> 00:15:54,833
The High Energy Yield Data
Accumulation Resource.
292
00:15:54,834 --> 00:15:58,667
In technical terms, it's a global
analysis and information-gathering device
293
00:15:58,668 --> 00:16:00,919
capable of performing
on-board evidence analysis
294
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,883
as well as intelligence searches
across all data platforms.
295
00:16:05,345 --> 00:16:07,966
And in non-technical terms?
296
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:11,720
It's a big silver ball that
gives us answers to things.
297
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:12,931
I'm on it.
298
00:16:12,932 --> 00:16:16,145
So if Ida's searching on the
HEYDAR, what are we gonna do?
299
00:16:16,146 --> 00:16:18,687
We talk to the victim's family.
300
00:16:18,688 --> 00:16:20,979
Us? Isn't that a priest's job?
301
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:23,483
You just have to hang back
and trust me on this one..
302
00:16:25,565 --> 00:16:27,316
[Wendy] Wow. Look at this place.
303
00:16:27,317 --> 00:16:30,070
I can see how she could afford
all that plastic surgery.
304
00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:37,826
Definitely a relation.
305
00:16:37,827 --> 00:16:42,171
I'm Chaplain Buford Tannen. This is
my novice, Sister Clara Clayton.
306
00:16:42,172 --> 00:16:45,544
We're from Metro. May we have a word?
Inside?
307
00:16:45,545 --> 00:16:47,506
The house is a mess.
308
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,178
Understood.
309
00:16:49,179 --> 00:16:52,931
We're sorry to have to tell you this,
but your sister, Isabel has passed on.
310
00:16:52,932 --> 00:16:57,266
What? She's dead?
311
00:16:57,267 --> 00:17:00,229
Yes. She was the victim of a
terrible attack this morning.
312
00:17:00,230 --> 00:17:04,193
She's dead? Our Isabel?
313
00:17:04,194 --> 00:17:07,696
Oh God, no. No!
314
00:17:07,697 --> 00:17:12,701
I'm sorry to break down like this in front of
you, but this is the most horrible thing ever.
315
00:17:12,702 --> 00:17:14,703
[sobbing] No!
316
00:17:14,704 --> 00:17:19,288
Dean, what's going on? I heard you
crying from inside the house and...
317
00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:22,871
Our Isabel has been
taken from us, Doris.
318
00:17:22,872 --> 00:17:26,626
Oh God, why?
319
00:17:28,168 --> 00:17:31,550
[Doris sobbing] No! Why?
320
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,672
She was the victim of
an unfortunate attack.
321
00:17:33,673 --> 00:17:36,596
No. Not another one!
322
00:17:38,978 --> 00:17:42,681
Excuse me, ma'am, I have to ask, what did
you mean by that, "Not another one?"
323
00:17:42,682 --> 00:17:46,105
She didn't mean anything.
Please, leave us right now.
324
00:17:46,106 --> 00:17:48,568
We need some time alone.
325
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:53,653
As I say, leave us. Thank you.
326
00:18:12,922 --> 00:18:14,924
[electronic beeping]
327
00:18:24,484 --> 00:18:27,526
- I did that search on the HEYDAR.
- The silver answer ball?
328
00:18:27,527 --> 00:18:30,859
The one hard-wired straight into
my mechanical brain, peanut.
329
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:33,362
There's been similar crimes
n the last six months.
330
00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:35,574
Several mysterious
disappearances,
331
00:18:35,575 --> 00:18:38,697
and in more than one case, the
reappearance of the victim minus a head.
332
00:18:38,698 --> 00:18:43,202
Wait a minute. So you're telling me there's been
some teleporting decapitator at work out there
333
00:18:43,203 --> 00:18:45,164
for a while and it
hasn't made the news?
334
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:46,625
That's Middleman 101, Dubbie.
335
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:49,338
Most of what's really going
on seldom makes the news.
336
00:18:49,339 --> 00:18:52,130
But I think that Isabel Schon's
family knows more about it.
337
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,343
That's why they gave
us the bum's rush.
338
00:18:54,344 --> 00:18:59,598
And look at this. All the victims
share the same plastic surgeon.
339
00:18:59,599 --> 00:19:00,969
Is his name Dr. Frankenstein?
340
00:19:00,970 --> 00:19:02,521
Dr. Roland Newleaf.
341
00:19:02,522 --> 00:19:04,643
Oh, this is totally
open and shut.
342
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:08,687
You think he's behind this? Kind of a
rash judgment on your training day?
343
00:19:08,688 --> 00:19:12,191
Are you being objective or letting
negative feelings about well-coiffed men
344
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:13,732
cloud your deductive reasoning?
345
00:19:13,733 --> 00:19:15,614
I think I'm stating
the mega-obvious.
346
00:19:15,615 --> 00:19:19,118
Hey. There's a couple of
hippies in the reception area.
347
00:19:20,830 --> 00:19:22,702
Those are just my friends.
348
00:19:29,589 --> 00:19:31,550
[Noser] Yo, Wendy Watson.
349
00:19:31,551 --> 00:19:32,591
What are you doing here?
350
00:19:32,592 --> 00:19:34,923
We're just innocently
stopping by.
351
00:19:34,924 --> 00:19:36,635
- Really?
- No.
352
00:19:36,636 --> 00:19:38,597
I'd rather be home working
on my concept album.
353
00:19:38,598 --> 00:19:43,852
Noser can't express it, but he's as worried about
you and your inevitable breakdown as I am.
354
00:19:43,853 --> 00:19:45,354
I am?
355
00:19:45,355 --> 00:19:46,765
We both think you
are on the verge
356
00:19:46,766 --> 00:19:48,607
of a cathartic
release of emotion.
357
00:19:48,608 --> 00:19:51,690
Me, because I know you
better than anyone,
358
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:55,574
and Noser 'cause he saw the
video on the Internet.
359
00:19:55,575 --> 00:19:59,738
Guys. I work here.
This is my workplace.
360
00:19:59,739 --> 00:20:03,081
Could you please
act appropriately?
361
00:20:03,082 --> 00:20:07,085
- When did I ever do that?
- I'm trying to work here!
362
00:20:07,086 --> 00:20:11,039
I don't know how you could do that.
This is one depressing place.
363
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:16,426
Perfect for a collapse. Yup, it'll
happen right here. I can feel it.
364
00:20:18,888 --> 00:20:22,301
We brought you Dr. Gil's
DVD to get you through.
365
00:20:22,302 --> 00:20:26,475
And Ben's PSP, which I
wouldn't mind having if you...
366
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:29,478
Noser's trying to express in his
emotionally stunted masculine way,
367
00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:33,272
you could play it if it would help.
You could put it under water.
368
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:35,484
I don't wanna drown Ben's PSP.
369
00:20:35,485 --> 00:20:38,617
- It would be a way for you to drown Ben.
- Metaphorically speaking.
370
00:20:38,618 --> 00:20:41,069
- If he did drown...
- Metaphorically speaking.
371
00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:44,453
...you'd be sad, and
it's OK to cry.
372
00:20:44,454 --> 00:20:48,577
Guys. I'm glad he's gone.
Not dead. Gone.
373
00:20:48,578 --> 00:20:50,999
Why can't anyone believe that?
374
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,462
We're here for you
when the dam bursts.
375
00:20:53,463 --> 00:20:55,253
They're nudists, I tell you.
376
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,795
Just by looking at them.
377
00:20:56,796 --> 00:20:58,587
[Lacey] Look, I got
these flowers.
378
00:20:58,588 --> 00:21:01,049
Let's go to your cubicle or
office and put them in water.
379
00:21:01,050 --> 00:21:04,553
where they'll probably die rapidly
in this depressing environment.
380
00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:06,885
- Cubicle?
- Yeah, don't you have a desk somewhere?
381
00:21:06,886 --> 00:21:09,979
Yeah, sure. It's upstairs.
382
00:21:11,851 --> 00:21:16,234
- But it's being cleaned.
- Your desk? All day?
383
00:21:16,235 --> 00:21:18,448
Yep, and all night, too.
384
00:21:23,453 --> 00:21:25,365
- Hi.
- Hello, Lacey.
385
00:21:28,368 --> 00:21:30,960
- Hello, Mr. Noser.
- Yo, Wendy's Boss.
386
00:21:33,373 --> 00:21:35,043
These are beautiful flowers.
387
00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:37,716
I will personally
place them in a vase
388
00:21:37,717 --> 00:21:40,298
with a nutrient solution
that will keep them alive,
389
00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:44,423
but there is a temp-employment related
emergency that requires Wendy's attention.
390
00:21:44,424 --> 00:21:46,686
Yeah. Exactly.
391
00:21:51,561 --> 00:21:54,563
Good lord, I don't
know what's worse,
392
00:21:54,564 --> 00:21:56,314
getting dumped on
videotape by Ben
393
00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:59,778
or having everyone in my life remind
me about it every second of the day.
394
00:21:59,779 --> 00:22:01,820
You have good friends.
They care.
395
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,702
OK. Are we gonna arrest Dr.
Newleaf
396
00:22:03,703 --> 00:22:06,995
or is pop quiz day gonna be all
about shrinking Wendy's head?
397
00:22:06,996 --> 00:22:09,498
We're not going to arrest him,
we're going to talk to him.
398
00:22:09,499 --> 00:22:12,711
Talk? He kills his patients.
399
00:22:12,712 --> 00:22:15,083
Rash conclusions
are for amateurs.
400
00:22:15,084 --> 00:22:16,876
Or people under
emotional distress.
401
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:22,170
Holy crap on a stick.
Is that thing real?
402
00:22:22,171 --> 00:22:25,514
Yes. It's a gift Carl Fabergé was
about to present to Tsar Nicholas,
403
00:22:25,515 --> 00:22:27,726
before a Middleman
spirited him out of Russia
404
00:22:27,727 --> 00:22:30,469
to work on the lens system for
the great steam laser of 1917.
405
00:22:30,470 --> 00:22:33,101
- What are you gonna do with it?
- It's training day.
406
00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:35,394
Why don't you tell me what
I'm going to do with it?
407
00:22:35,395 --> 00:22:37,185
I'll tell you what you
could do with it.
408
00:22:37,186 --> 00:22:39,398
- Will it be rated G?
- Doubt it.
409
00:22:39,399 --> 00:22:40,940
Let's skip it then.
410
00:22:46,946 --> 00:22:48,447
Eyes open, Dubbie.
411
00:22:48,448 --> 00:22:51,490
I'm gonna have to do some fancy
lying to get in to see Dr. Newleaf.
412
00:22:51,491 --> 00:22:53,542
Why don't we just ask
for an appointment?
413
00:22:53,543 --> 00:22:56,084
He's booked up through
the rest of the year.
414
00:22:56,085 --> 00:22:57,546
Pop quiz, Dubbie.
415
00:22:57,547 --> 00:22:59,337
[bell dings]
416
00:22:59,338 --> 00:23:01,129
Wow.
417
00:23:01,130 --> 00:23:03,462
So this is where all our
fake i.d.'s come from.
418
00:23:03,463 --> 00:23:04,713
Is my name on all of them?
419
00:23:04,714 --> 00:23:07,426
Wendy Watson, FBI!
420
00:23:07,427 --> 00:23:08,967
Not today.
421
00:23:08,968 --> 00:23:11,770
Improvisation is the
key to the job.
422
00:23:11,771 --> 00:23:14,143
I pick the identity,
you run with it.
423
00:23:15,815 --> 00:23:17,777
It's training day.
424
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:23,442
We don't get many visitors from
the Fish and Wildlife Commission.
425
00:23:23,443 --> 00:23:28,697
Yeah, me and Agent Strickland here are
looking into off-label use of Botox on fish.
426
00:23:28,698 --> 00:23:31,369
Botox on fish? What are
you talking about?
427
00:23:31,370 --> 00:23:35,083
Yeah, it's a real problem because the
fish are getting all strange and weird.
428
00:23:35,084 --> 00:23:37,746
But that's secondary
to why we're here.
429
00:23:37,747 --> 00:23:39,958
- May we have a word in private?
- Sure.
430
00:23:39,959 --> 00:23:43,302
- Do I need a lawyer?
- I assure you, this is just a preliminary visit.
431
00:23:45,344 --> 00:23:46,806
Maybe.
432
00:23:49,469 --> 00:23:53,512
We believe Isabel Schon was murdered.
433
00:23:53,513 --> 00:23:55,514
What's that got to do
with fish and wildlife?
434
00:23:55,515 --> 00:23:58,687
She disappeared and was found in
the middle of a shopping district.
435
00:23:58,688 --> 00:24:01,109
Our jurisdiction is broad
on certain matters.
436
00:24:01,110 --> 00:24:02,481
I want my lawyer.
437
00:24:02,482 --> 00:24:05,064
Maybe you should have a
look at this instead.
438
00:24:07,617 --> 00:24:11,490
- It's so beautiful.
- It's more than that, isn't it?
439
00:24:11,491 --> 00:24:15,373
Yes, it's more than just
beautiful, it's glorious.
440
00:24:15,374 --> 00:24:20,168
You can't resist it, can you?
You want it? Take it.
441
00:24:20,169 --> 00:24:23,503
Go on, no use
pretending anymore.
442
00:24:31,050 --> 00:24:33,853
Carl Fabergé's gonna be pissed.
443
00:24:35,434 --> 00:24:39,358
All right, Dr. Newleaf, if that is
your name, we want some answers.
444
00:24:41,811 --> 00:24:45,064
- [alarm sounding]
- We've been revealed! Intruder alert!
445
00:24:48,197 --> 00:24:50,198
Dak mok! Pik tok!
446
00:24:50,199 --> 00:24:52,450
- Dak mok pik tok!
- Dak mok pik tok!
447
00:24:52,451 --> 00:24:55,575
- Dak mok pik tok!
- Dak mok pik tok!
448
00:24:57,376 --> 00:24:59,749
- Dak mok pik tok!
- Dak mok pik tok!
449
00:25:01,581 --> 00:25:03,381
[clicks]
450
00:25:03,382 --> 00:25:05,463
- Let me handle this.
- My gun's not working!
451
00:25:05,464 --> 00:25:08,587
I turned it off with this. You can't
be trusted with live ordinance.
452
00:25:08,588 --> 00:25:10,178
What?
453
00:25:10,179 --> 00:25:13,262
What part of "let me handle
this" didn't you get?
454
00:25:14,684 --> 00:25:18,396
Dek pak, tik tok, nik wok.
455
00:25:18,397 --> 00:25:20,809
- Gok mak?
- Nik nok.
456
00:25:20,810 --> 00:25:24,022
Oh! Well, why didn't you
say so in the first place?
457
00:25:24,023 --> 00:25:25,944
- I just want to talk.
- We will talk with you.
458
00:25:25,945 --> 00:25:28,947
But she has offended my
people by drawing a gun.
459
00:25:28,948 --> 00:25:31,449
- You heard the man.
- And miss this?
460
00:25:31,450 --> 00:25:34,112
- You've offended them.
- I'll apologize.
461
00:25:34,113 --> 00:25:37,245
- In time. Maybe.
- Who are these people?
462
00:25:37,246 --> 00:25:39,457
Manicoids, alien
exiles on our planet.
463
00:25:39,458 --> 00:25:42,460
Wealthy neighborhoods on Earth are
the only places in the galaxy
464
00:25:42,461 --> 00:25:44,542
where their looks allow
them to move freely.
465
00:25:44,543 --> 00:25:47,295
Masquerading as rich humans
who've had plastic surgery
466
00:25:47,296 --> 00:25:50,799
also lets them indulge their fetish
for dining on precious stones.
467
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,340
[slurping]
468
00:25:52,341 --> 00:25:54,934
Now, you need to go outside.
469
00:26:03,733 --> 00:26:05,353
Again, my apologies.
470
00:26:05,354 --> 00:26:08,737
Ah, you know how rash and
impetuous women can be.
471
00:26:08,738 --> 00:26:10,398
Hey, Lacey.
472
00:26:10,399 --> 00:26:12,190
Right now's not a
really good time.
473
00:26:12,191 --> 00:26:15,363
I'm trying really hard. I'm just
not having a great day, you know?
474
00:26:15,364 --> 00:26:17,245
- But I'm trying...
- Oh, no.
475
00:26:17,246 --> 00:26:19,407
You went back on the
Web, didn't you?
476
00:26:19,408 --> 00:26:20,329
Back on the Web?
477
00:26:20,330 --> 00:26:22,580
Oh, hey, you know, I gotta go.
478
00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:24,833
Lacey, what could
possibly be on the Web?
479
00:26:24,834 --> 00:26:27,545
The break-up was the only thing
Ben ever filmed between us.
480
00:26:27,546 --> 00:26:30,258
I mean, as far as I know, right?
481
00:26:30,259 --> 00:26:34,382
Yeah, it's just I know you've
been working for this temp agency
482
00:26:34,383 --> 00:26:37,215
and spending a lot of time
at your desk and on the Web.
483
00:26:37,216 --> 00:26:39,978
I know you read that
movie gossip site a lot,
484
00:26:39,979 --> 00:26:43,101
so I thought you'd need me 'cause
you've heard about Ben's new deal.
485
00:26:43,102 --> 00:26:45,143
- Ben's new deal?
- Yeah.
486
00:26:45,144 --> 00:26:47,856
But it's nothing. It's a blip.
487
00:26:47,857 --> 00:26:50,649
- If you need to cry...
- Do you have the webpage in front of you?
488
00:26:50,650 --> 00:26:51,860
Yeah.
489
00:26:51,861 --> 00:26:53,031
Then just read it to me.
490
00:26:53,032 --> 00:26:55,283
"The Weinstock Company
announced today
491
00:26:55,284 --> 00:26:57,365
that they have paid a
record sum to Ben Stanley
492
00:26:57,366 --> 00:27:00,869
to write and direct a feature length
version of his viral break-up film,
493
00:27:00,870 --> 00:27:04,082
which has become an overnight
sensation on the Internet."
494
00:27:04,083 --> 00:27:07,836
I've come to warn you. Somebody is using
dangerous teleportation technology
495
00:27:07,837 --> 00:27:09,507
to kidnap and kill your people.
496
00:27:09,508 --> 00:27:12,961
We are aware of the attacks and are doing
our best to contain the situation.
497
00:27:12,962 --> 00:27:18,016
You may be next. The killer is targeting the
brightest and the best of the Manicoid community.
498
00:27:18,017 --> 00:27:19,637
I'm here to offer my help.
499
00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:21,971
We can take care of ourselves.
500
00:27:24,353 --> 00:27:28,436
We are survivors. We
don't need any help.
501
00:27:28,437 --> 00:27:32,320
Then there's just a few quotes from the
Weinstock brothers about how talented Ben is,
502
00:27:32,321 --> 00:27:34,232
how confident they
feel in his abilities.
503
00:27:34,233 --> 00:27:36,234
And "inspired by
real-life events
504
00:27:36,235 --> 00:27:39,277
the film will be a delightfully
awkward and realistic comedy,
505
00:27:39,278 --> 00:27:41,279
a cross between Super
Bad and Woody Allen,
506
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:45,243
detailing in gruesome detail the break-up
of a sensitive and likable film student
507
00:27:45,244 --> 00:27:47,996
from his cold and emotionally
distant artist girlfriend."
508
00:27:47,997 --> 00:27:50,378
It's just more things about
how much they're paying.
509
00:27:50,379 --> 00:27:52,090
I'm not cold and distant.
510
00:27:52,091 --> 00:27:54,552
That's right, Dubbie.
Let it all out.
511
00:27:54,553 --> 00:27:57,345
Dr. Gil says when you're in
the middle of an emotional...
512
00:27:57,346 --> 00:27:59,177
I'm not gonna do that!
513
00:27:59,178 --> 00:28:00,889
I'm not gonna let
him do that to me.
514
00:28:00,890 --> 00:28:04,262
Ben doesn't deserve my tears
and he's not gonna get them!
515
00:28:04,263 --> 00:28:06,184
You know, I'm
stronger than that.
516
00:28:06,185 --> 00:28:08,226
I'm not gonna let anyone
walk all over me.
517
00:28:08,227 --> 00:28:10,648
Oh, my boss is here, I gotta go.
518
00:28:10,649 --> 00:28:13,361
Please take this. It's
a very valuable piece.
519
00:28:13,362 --> 00:28:17,405
Call it a token of peace and
trans-species understanding.
520
00:28:17,406 --> 00:28:20,820
Just don't eat it.
521
00:28:22,451 --> 00:28:24,373
Rash and impetuous.
522
00:28:36,926 --> 00:28:40,548
I can't believe you put
training wheels on my gun!
523
00:28:40,549 --> 00:28:44,052
What happened to team building
and establishing trust?
524
00:28:44,053 --> 00:28:46,604
Lord love a duck, Dubbie,
what would you have done?
525
00:28:46,605 --> 00:28:48,897
First you maim a 'droid,
then you try to OK Corral
526
00:28:48,898 --> 00:28:51,609
a bunch of friendly extraterrestrials
who need our help.
527
00:28:51,610 --> 00:28:55,403
Your profile says after a break-up you're
prone to excessive fetishistic mourning
528
00:28:55,404 --> 00:28:58,236
followed by further serial
monogamy, not abject denial
529
00:28:58,237 --> 00:28:59,988
punctuated by
bursts of violence.
530
00:28:59,989 --> 00:29:03,071
Your response to this break-up is
becoming a liability for both of us.
531
00:29:03,072 --> 00:29:06,704
We're a team. If one part of the team
breaks down, the other needs to know.
532
00:29:06,705 --> 00:29:10,078
If there's a reason for this behavioral
anomaly, you need to tell me.
533
00:29:10,079 --> 00:29:11,670
I have a psych profile?
534
00:29:21,931 --> 00:29:24,302
How did you get this?
535
00:29:24,303 --> 00:29:27,345
That was a good one. You peaked there
with crayons and had a learning curve
536
00:29:27,346 --> 00:29:30,228
- when you went to watercolors.
- I was eight.
537
00:29:30,229 --> 00:29:33,481
Where do you get off invading
my privacy like this?
538
00:29:33,482 --> 00:29:36,064
It's part of the job.
Of being a team.
539
00:29:36,065 --> 00:29:39,487
It's not my fault the world hit the
pipe before punching in this morning.
540
00:29:39,488 --> 00:29:41,449
I may seem like an
old-fashioned man.
541
00:29:41,450 --> 00:29:45,613
But I assure you, I would not judge you harshly
if you had a moment of emotional catharsis.
542
00:29:45,614 --> 00:29:49,407
I'll show you a moment
of emotional catharsis.
543
00:29:49,408 --> 00:29:52,711
- Your psych profile is wrong!
- [tires squealing]
544
00:30:01,630 --> 00:30:06,925
♪ Oh, you put a
strain on my heart ♪
545
00:30:06,926 --> 00:30:10,309
♪ Ohh ♪
546
00:30:14,103 --> 00:30:17,066
♪ Ohh ♪
547
00:30:18,697 --> 00:30:20,198
Yo, Wendy Watson.
548
00:30:20,199 --> 00:30:22,240
- Hey Noser.
- What was today?
549
00:30:22,241 --> 00:30:23,862
Today was gonna be the day.
550
00:30:23,863 --> 00:30:25,203
What kind of day?
551
00:30:25,204 --> 00:30:27,405
I think they were going
to throw it back to me.
552
00:30:27,406 --> 00:30:31,039
- And did they?
- Boy, did they ever.
553
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:34,622
Anita, the way you spend money may be an
issue in the break-up of your relationship,
554
00:30:34,623 --> 00:30:38,546
but it's not the issue, and if your
boyfriend chooses to use that against you,
555
00:30:38,547 --> 00:30:42,170
then he's being
emotionally dishonest.
556
00:30:42,171 --> 00:30:45,723
[crying]
557
00:30:45,724 --> 00:30:48,516
You know I can't turn someone
away in emotional pain.
558
00:30:48,517 --> 00:30:50,678
See, 'cause crying
is a natural thing.
559
00:30:50,679 --> 00:30:53,271
Crying is what people
do under strain.
560
00:30:53,272 --> 00:30:55,894
There's nothing
to be ashamed of.
561
00:30:55,895 --> 00:30:58,236
Sorry Lacey.
562
00:30:58,237 --> 00:31:02,150
[Dr. Gil] That's right. Look at
her, people. Crying is good.
563
00:31:02,151 --> 00:31:04,823
Get it out, people.
It's good to cry.
564
00:31:24,173 --> 00:31:27,095
[Middleman] Dubbie! Dubbie!
565
00:31:27,096 --> 00:31:29,097
Please acknowledge.
566
00:31:29,098 --> 00:31:31,509
This is a priority message.
Please acknowledge.
567
00:31:31,510 --> 00:31:35,313
Dr. Newleaf has been abducted.
568
00:31:35,314 --> 00:31:38,106
Get dressed and be downstairs in five.
This is not a test.
569
00:31:38,107 --> 00:31:41,109
- You sure you want me on this?
- I'd be a cruddy teacher if I didn't.
570
00:31:41,110 --> 00:31:44,402
- Hey Dub-Dub, I heard a ruckus.
- It's something important. I gotta go.
571
00:31:44,403 --> 00:31:47,195
It's like o-dark
thirty in the morning.
572
00:31:47,196 --> 00:31:49,407
Look, I just... I got a call.
OK? I gotta go.
573
00:31:49,408 --> 00:31:52,241
Wendy, no! Revenge sex
is not the answer.
574
00:32:01,460 --> 00:32:03,541
Dr. Newleaf vanished
about an hour ago.
575
00:32:03,542 --> 00:32:06,384
I'm tracking him by the
Middlewatch I gave him as a gift.
576
00:32:06,385 --> 00:32:09,138
The Middlewatch? Like
the one you gave me?
577
00:32:11,260 --> 00:32:14,722
You mean as long as he's wearing that
watch you can track his movements?
578
00:32:14,723 --> 00:32:18,766
That means you've been tracking
everything I do, day and night?
579
00:32:18,767 --> 00:32:21,439
Whoa there, Cochise. Understand this.
Being a Middleman
580
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:23,691
means doing the impossible
on a regular basis,
581
00:32:23,692 --> 00:32:26,864
and you can't do the impossible
if you're working without a net.
582
00:32:26,865 --> 00:32:29,567
That watch is the most important
tool in The Middleman arsenal
583
00:32:29,568 --> 00:32:31,909
because as long as you
have the watch, you know
584
00:32:31,910 --> 00:32:33,951
that no matter how
bad the situation,
585
00:32:33,952 --> 00:32:36,745
I will always have your back.
Always.
586
00:32:38,457 --> 00:32:40,128
[electronic beeping]
587
00:32:40,129 --> 00:32:42,130
We've reached Dr.
Newleaf's signal.
588
00:32:42,131 --> 00:32:45,004
No more pop quizzes, Dubbie.
You ready for active duty?
589
00:32:51,550 --> 00:32:55,053
A broadcast studio. Makes
all the sense in the world.
590
00:32:55,054 --> 00:32:58,686
Whoever is abducting the Manicoids is
using the station's high-powered dishes
591
00:32:58,687 --> 00:33:00,398
to beam his
teleportation signal.
592
00:33:00,399 --> 00:33:03,442
With this gear, he can beam people from
anywhere and to anywhere in the world.
593
00:33:23,832 --> 00:33:26,464
- Great.
- Got your dad's lucky lighter?
594
00:33:26,465 --> 00:33:28,257
Unless you stole it again.
595
00:33:30,089 --> 00:33:32,050
There must be a secret door.
596
00:33:32,051 --> 00:33:35,343
There's always air flow no matter
how tightly the door is fitted.
597
00:33:35,344 --> 00:33:37,725
The things I learn on this job.
598
00:33:37,726 --> 00:33:39,728
Glad you're learning.
599
00:33:56,075 --> 00:34:00,329
Wow. Lacey would have a vegan
stroke if she saw this.
600
00:34:02,251 --> 00:34:07,426
They may call themselves hunters, but to me,
they're just serial killers of animals.
601
00:34:10,429 --> 00:34:11,880
Oh!
602
00:34:13,512 --> 00:34:16,974
Great hearts of palm!
That is grotesque!
603
00:34:16,975 --> 00:34:20,598
What kind of a man hunts down
defenseless aliens like this?
604
00:34:20,599 --> 00:34:23,601
- A vengeful man.
- Doctor Gil?
605
00:34:23,602 --> 00:34:26,564
- The noted TV personality?
- What a revelation!
606
00:34:26,565 --> 00:34:28,986
No autographs today.
My hands are full.
607
00:34:28,987 --> 00:34:31,319
I play down my hunting nowadays.
608
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:34,742
My audience don't like to think of Dr.
Gil killing Bambi.
609
00:34:34,743 --> 00:34:38,746
Diseased maniac. The Manicoids will not be
merciful when they discover what you have done.
610
00:34:38,747 --> 00:34:41,369
Who's gonna tell them? You?
I don't see that.
611
00:34:41,370 --> 00:34:44,542
- What have you done with Dr. Newleaf?
- Don't worry about Dr. Newleaf.
612
00:34:44,543 --> 00:34:47,585
I've already teleported him away
to my private hunting preserve,
613
00:34:47,586 --> 00:34:50,548
but I saw a little dangle on
his arm and took it away.
614
00:34:50,549 --> 00:34:52,970
Figured it to be a
tracking device.
615
00:34:52,971 --> 00:34:58,176
Now, I'm gonna just assume
y'all ain't from the FCC.
616
00:34:58,177 --> 00:35:01,220
I don't understand. Why would
anyone hunt Manicoids?
617
00:35:04,273 --> 00:35:08,776
When I was a boy, my daddy and me were driving
when the first Manicoid ship came to Earth.
618
00:35:08,777 --> 00:35:12,690
Being a Southern gentleman, my daddy
broke out his trusty 12-gauge
619
00:35:12,691 --> 00:35:15,993
and he fired upon that sucker.
620
00:35:15,994 --> 00:35:19,697
But the flaming debris from that crashing
vessel crushed my daddy to death.
621
00:35:19,698 --> 00:35:20,908
[screaming]
622
00:35:20,909 --> 00:35:23,202
I was able to salvage
part of the ship.
623
00:35:24,623 --> 00:35:28,377
Just so happened to contain
the teleportation device.
624
00:35:30,549 --> 00:35:33,551
So you spent the rest of
your life plotting revenge?
625
00:35:33,552 --> 00:35:37,805
Yup, accruing wealth and power through
my work as a television psychotherapist
626
00:35:37,806 --> 00:35:42,019
was merely a means to the end of
hunting down Manicoids for sport.
627
00:35:42,020 --> 00:35:47,605
So that's all this is? The Most
Dangerous Game with aliens?
628
00:35:47,606 --> 00:35:50,228
- Really?
- Yep. That's the long and short of it.
629
00:35:50,229 --> 00:35:55,234
All of which leads me to the part of the
story where I say goodbye and you die.
630
00:36:02,281 --> 00:36:03,832
Wendy! No!
631
00:36:11,210 --> 00:36:13,791
[computer voice] Teleportation
system offline.
632
00:36:13,792 --> 00:36:16,965
- Teleportation system offline.
- Oh, phooey.
633
00:36:18,507 --> 00:36:21,099
[gunshots]
634
00:36:50,959 --> 00:36:53,040
- Dr. Newleaf?
- Don't shoot! Please!
635
00:36:53,041 --> 00:36:55,753
For God's sake I'm
not gonna shoot you.
636
00:36:55,754 --> 00:36:58,005
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm still in one piece.
637
00:36:58,006 --> 00:37:02,139
I might've twisted my ankle. But we can't
stay here long. We must keep going.
638
00:37:02,140 --> 00:37:04,181
You know what? No.
639
00:37:04,182 --> 00:37:07,104
I'm not getting whacked in
the back by some TV shrink.
640
00:37:07,105 --> 00:37:11,018
That's just not right. I've got my gun,
it's as good as his, if not better.
641
00:37:11,019 --> 00:37:13,981
Are you crazy? He killed
six of my people!
642
00:37:13,982 --> 00:37:19,066
Maybe I am crazy, but I'm going to confront
that bloated ego-driven psychopath
643
00:37:19,067 --> 00:37:21,028
and take him out for good.
644
00:37:21,029 --> 00:37:23,861
I hate him so much
I might mount him.
645
00:37:23,862 --> 00:37:25,823
You'll what?
646
00:37:25,824 --> 00:37:27,366
Never mind.
647
00:37:31,079 --> 00:37:32,581
- Yippee-kay-yay!
- [bleep]
648
00:37:35,794 --> 00:37:39,007
No way! No way!
649
00:37:40,879 --> 00:37:43,342
You and your [bleep]
training wheels!
650
00:37:45,934 --> 00:37:50,147
Oh, screw it. Just shoot me. Put my head
up on the wall if that's what you want.
651
00:37:50,148 --> 00:37:52,891
At this point, anything's
better than the day I'm having!
652
00:37:54,393 --> 00:37:57,395
This is the worst
week of my life.
653
00:37:57,396 --> 00:38:01,899
Do you have any idea what it's like, when you
just want to do well, get along in the world,
654
00:38:01,900 --> 00:38:04,902
and everyone just thinks they
know exactly what's best for you?
655
00:38:04,903 --> 00:38:09,497
- I might have an idea about that.
- No, you don't.
656
00:38:09,498 --> 00:38:14,332
Ben was a tool, a total
rich, entitled mondo-dismo
657
00:38:14,333 --> 00:38:17,084
and everyone thinks I
should be crying over him.
658
00:38:17,085 --> 00:38:18,966
[sniffing]
659
00:38:18,967 --> 00:38:22,880
Honey, it's good to cry.
Cry to Doctor Gil.
660
00:38:22,881 --> 00:38:24,972
I can't turn away someone
in emotional pain.
661
00:38:24,973 --> 00:38:30,017
I loved Ben. That was...
That was my ex's name, Ben.
662
00:38:30,018 --> 00:38:32,770
- Yeah, I got that.
- He was so sweet when we met.
663
00:38:32,771 --> 00:38:36,934
He used to take me to see all these
Eastern European art films from the 60's.
664
00:38:36,935 --> 00:38:42,400
You know, the kind where all the men
had gnarly facial hair and bad teeth.
665
00:38:42,401 --> 00:38:46,494
So I asked, "Ben why do you keep taking
me to these movies full of ugly people?"
666
00:38:46,495 --> 00:38:50,948
He said he lost his last
girlfriend to a Serbian actor
667
00:38:50,949 --> 00:38:53,451
and he didn't want that
to ever happen again.
668
00:38:53,452 --> 00:38:57,004
I mean, yeah he was
insecure, but he was mine,
669
00:38:57,005 --> 00:38:58,666
you know,
670
00:38:58,667 --> 00:39:02,010
and I loved him for loving me.
671
00:39:03,672 --> 00:39:07,806
And I thought everything was
going fine until he left.
672
00:39:09,137 --> 00:39:11,679
Just like Tommy Tam.
673
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:14,932
And Steve, and Rodney.
674
00:39:14,933 --> 00:39:16,974
And...
675
00:39:16,975 --> 00:39:18,936
And who else? Come
on, let it all out.
676
00:39:18,937 --> 00:39:20,438
My dad.
677
00:39:20,439 --> 00:39:22,900
[sighing]
678
00:39:22,901 --> 00:39:24,943
I reckoned.
679
00:39:26,324 --> 00:39:28,746
He disappeared when I was 14.
680
00:39:28,747 --> 00:39:32,450
Just poof, like every other
man I've ever cared about.
681
00:39:32,451 --> 00:39:35,042
All they ever do is leave.
682
00:39:35,043 --> 00:39:40,088
Well, I can guarantee you that for the rest
of your short life I will not go away.
683
00:39:45,844 --> 00:39:48,215
[whirring]
684
00:39:48,216 --> 00:39:52,721
♪ Clean livin' was his credo
and justice was his bride ♪
685
00:39:57,516 --> 00:40:00,689
♪ Palomino ♪
686
00:40:02,070 --> 00:40:04,613
♪ Ooh ♪
687
00:40:07,696 --> 00:40:11,789
♪ Clean livin' was his credo
and justice was his bride ♪
688
00:40:11,790 --> 00:40:13,492
Sorry I'm late.
689
00:40:16,625 --> 00:40:20,208
- You weren't late.
- Gok dok! Gok dok!
690
00:40:25,844 --> 00:40:29,927
I knew that as long as I had
this watch, you'd have my back.
691
00:40:29,928 --> 00:40:32,891
All I had to do was stall.
692
00:40:34,853 --> 00:40:36,685
[chattering]
693
00:40:38,186 --> 00:40:40,057
Teamwork, right?
694
00:40:40,058 --> 00:40:42,820
You're a pistol, Dubbie.
695
00:40:42,821 --> 00:40:45,232
You're gonna do great things.
696
00:40:45,233 --> 00:40:48,155
Let's move with purpose. We
have a spaceship to catch.
697
00:40:48,156 --> 00:40:52,991
Hey, by the way, any chance you
could turn my gun back on?
698
00:40:57,996 --> 00:41:00,878
- Yo, Wendy Watson.
- Hey, Noser.
699
00:41:00,879 --> 00:41:03,460
- I'm thinking of a place.
- What kind of place?
700
00:41:03,461 --> 00:41:05,212
A place where no one
would dare to go.
701
00:41:05,213 --> 00:41:07,585
Is that place Xanadu, Noser?
702
00:41:07,586 --> 00:41:10,888
Yeah and it's like a dream.
703
00:41:10,889 --> 00:41:13,641
Oh. You're home.
704
00:41:13,642 --> 00:41:15,683
Yup.
705
00:41:15,684 --> 00:41:18,646
I hope you don't expect me to break
out the ice cream or the candy bars
706
00:41:18,647 --> 00:41:21,859
and spend quality time talking over
your dearly departed boyfriend
707
00:41:21,860 --> 00:41:25,863
while listening to female rock, because I'm
out of the break-up counseling racket.
708
00:41:25,864 --> 00:41:27,194
- Thank God.
- Yep.
709
00:41:27,195 --> 00:41:31,068
It's just business as usual here
in Casa De Lacey and Wendy...
710
00:41:31,069 --> 00:41:33,911
and we're just two well-adjusted
people focusing on our work.
711
00:41:33,912 --> 00:41:35,913
- Outstanding.
- Good.
712
00:41:35,914 --> 00:41:39,456
Wouldn't want you thinking I'm
some kind of drama vampire.
713
00:41:39,457 --> 00:41:44,501
Never. Although, I
have a strange craving
714
00:41:44,502 --> 00:41:46,834
to watch Island of
the Flesh-Eaters.
715
00:41:46,835 --> 00:41:50,719
Lucio Fulci's 1979 masterpiece
of undead horror?
716
00:41:53,471 --> 00:41:55,633
OK, so we can watch it,
717
00:41:55,634 --> 00:41:59,897
as long as you promise not talk
about Ben 'cause I need my space.
718
00:41:59,898 --> 00:42:00,978
Deal.
719
00:42:00,979 --> 00:42:03,771
I don't think Dr. Gil would
approve of this therapy.
720
00:42:03,772 --> 00:42:06,904
Oh, I don't think we'll be hearing
much from Dr. Gil anymore.
721
00:42:06,905 --> 00:42:11,649
America is in shock today with the news that
Doctor Gil, the noted television personality,
722
00:42:11,650 --> 00:42:15,953
has been trampled and subsequently,
eaten by rhino during a hunting trip.
723
00:42:15,954 --> 00:42:19,867
the news has sent shockwaves through
Doctor Gil's fan community,
724
00:42:19,868 --> 00:42:24,962
many of whom are reeling that the sensitive
psychologist they had come to know and love
725
00:42:24,963 --> 00:42:28,005
is, in fact, a ruthless
hunter of animals.
726
00:42:28,006 --> 00:42:29,667
[♪ The Russian Futurists:
Precious Metals ]
727
00:42:29,668 --> 00:42:31,338
♪ Said your life's
a house of cards ♪
728
00:42:31,339 --> 00:42:33,761
♪ And it teeters on the brink ♪
729
00:42:33,762 --> 00:42:36,223
♪ On the edges of window ledges ♪
730
00:42:36,224 --> 00:42:38,727
♪ Like a great ship down it sinks ♪
731
00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:44,271
♪ Back when you used to think ♪
732
00:42:44,272 --> 00:42:47,895
♪ That your life was precious
metals and rose petals ♪
733
00:42:47,896 --> 00:42:50,648
♪ But now as you're growing
up you're finding ♪
734
00:42:50,649 --> 00:42:53,030
♪ It's nail-biting and teeth-grinding ♪
735
00:42:53,031 --> 00:42:55,903
♪ Time's sinister
sundials make your days ♪
736
00:42:55,904 --> 00:42:57,695
♪ Hard as city streets ♪
737
00:42:57,696 --> 00:42:59,657
♪ You fall in traps ♪
738
00:42:59,658 --> 00:43:02,910
♪ Jet black in the hole
that your self-pity eats ♪
739
00:43:02,911 --> 00:43:06,043
♪ I'm playing cards real
close to my chest ♪
740
00:43:06,044 --> 00:43:07,875
♪ Can't see what I've got ♪
741
00:43:07,876 --> 00:43:10,087
♪ One minute we're sub-zero ♪
742
00:43:10,088 --> 00:43:12,841
♪ And in the same
breath piping hot ♪ ♪
62258
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