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1
00:00:00,421 --> 00:00:03,624
♪ ♪
2
00:00:08,629 --> 00:00:11,841
Geez, Mom, what do you mean what
am I doing in a science lab?
3
00:00:11,842 --> 00:00:16,136
I happen to be working with the top
scientific minds in the country, Mom. Hold on.
4
00:00:16,137 --> 00:00:20,561
Thank you for calling A.N.D. Laboratories,
rescrambling your DNA. How may I direct your call?
5
00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:27,147
This is a really important job, Mom.
6
00:00:27,148 --> 00:00:30,490
As a matter of fact, yes, lots of art
school graduates get science jobs.
7
00:00:30,491 --> 00:00:33,703
- [phone ringing]
- Oh, hold on.
8
00:00:33,704 --> 00:00:38,419
Thank you for calling A.N.D. Laboratories,
rescrambling your DNA. How may I direct your call?
9
00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:41,291
[phone beeps]
10
00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:43,663
Yes, Mother, I'm still
dating that guy,
11
00:00:43,664 --> 00:00:45,085
and his name's Ben.
12
00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:47,377
No, he's not a homosexual.
13
00:00:47,378 --> 00:00:50,720
- [phone rings]
- He's in film school. Hang on.
14
00:00:50,721 --> 00:00:54,054
Thank you for calling A.N.D.
Laboratories, I'm connecting your call.
15
00:00:56,887 --> 00:00:59,309
[alarm blaring]
16
00:00:59,310 --> 00:01:01,351
[woman's voice over PA]
Contamination alert.
17
00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:03,313
[monster growls]
18
00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:05,146
Please hold.
19
00:01:06,237 --> 00:01:08,028
Contamination alert.
20
00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:17,248
- [blast]
- [monster squealing]
21
00:01:22,913 --> 00:01:25,706
Alarm systems disengaged.
22
00:01:28,169 --> 00:01:31,262
Excuse me, ma'am, but I am going
to have to ask you to step aside.
23
00:01:32,213 --> 00:01:33,803
[monster groans quietly]
24
00:01:33,804 --> 00:01:34,805
The human.
25
00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:39,390
The one on my left.
26
00:01:41,522 --> 00:01:43,353
[monster shrieks]
27
00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:44,854
[zapping]
28
00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:49,360
[monster howling]
29
00:01:53,073 --> 00:01:55,155
- Heck of a mess, huh?
- Excuse me?
30
00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:57,407
[explosion]
31
00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:58,908
I said, "Heck of a mess, huh?"
32
00:01:58,909 --> 00:02:01,701
- Whatever. I'm a temp.
- [sirens wailing]
33
00:02:01,702 --> 00:02:03,373
Hey, now. The heat's on its way.
34
00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,545
OK, cowgirl, here's
your marching orders.
35
00:02:05,546 --> 00:02:08,248
Anyone asks, this was a gas main explosion.
I was never here.
36
00:02:08,249 --> 00:02:10,300
This conversation
never took place.
37
00:02:10,301 --> 00:02:14,093
Marching orders? What about
the hentai tentacle monster?
38
00:02:14,094 --> 00:02:18,057
Tell the truth if you want. If you do, I'll
have to root you like a hog and kill you.
39
00:02:18,058 --> 00:02:21,851
Sorry. So, what's it going to be?
Keep the secret or death?
40
00:02:21,852 --> 00:02:23,523
What do you think?
41
00:02:23,524 --> 00:02:28,359
Ma'am, specificity is the soul
of all good communication.
42
00:02:29,730 --> 00:02:31,151
Yes. Duh.
43
00:02:31,942 --> 00:02:35,575
[bleeping]
44
00:02:35,576 --> 00:02:38,488
Outstanding. You're
good under pressure.
45
00:02:38,489 --> 00:02:41,581
- Are you hitting on me?
- I'm making an observation.
46
00:02:41,582 --> 00:02:44,454
- [banging]
- Hello! Nutjob, party of one.
47
00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:46,286
- [firemen chattering]
- No, ma'am.
48
00:02:46,287 --> 00:02:48,048
I'm just The Middleman.
49
00:02:50,631 --> 00:02:52,672
- Are you all right?
- Yeah.
50
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,676
[firemen talking]
51
00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:13,814
[traditional Italian
music playing]
52
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,368
[man] What you're saying
53
00:03:18,369 --> 00:03:22,282
is somebody whacked the
entire Spaldoni Organization?
54
00:03:22,283 --> 00:03:26,456
Just like I said an hour ago.
Huge bloodbath.
55
00:03:26,457 --> 00:03:29,038
Gonna be front page
tomorrow morning.
56
00:03:29,039 --> 00:03:32,332
But I did not give the order to
wipeout the Spaldoni family.
57
00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:35,335
That is an order
that I did not give.
58
00:03:35,336 --> 00:03:39,299
OK, Don Colfari, if you
didn't give the order,
59
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:41,761
then what does that mean?
60
00:03:41,762 --> 00:03:46,105
That would mean someone
had to give the order.
61
00:03:46,106 --> 00:03:49,350
- Someone that was not me.
- So maybe we oughta find who it was.
62
00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:54,233
- So they don't come and whack us.
- Exactly.
63
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,987
It's like playing
Mad Libs with guns.
64
00:03:58,319 --> 00:03:59,990
[shouting]
65
00:04:06,957 --> 00:04:09,790
[bullet shells clinking]
66
00:04:20,681 --> 00:04:23,723
The police said the explosion
was caused by a lighter,
67
00:04:23,724 --> 00:04:26,846
a polished silver Zippo lighter
with a DC-3 airplane engraving.
68
00:04:26,847 --> 00:04:29,479
- My dad's lucky lighter?
- So you know something about it.
69
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,101
Oh, you don't think that...
70
00:04:32,102 --> 00:04:35,355
Oh, come on. I was just
fidgeting with that lighter.
71
00:04:35,356 --> 00:04:38,989
It's like an OCD thing...
only different.
72
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,702
OK, look.
73
00:04:42,703 --> 00:04:45,244
I have three credit cards
about to pop at the seams
74
00:04:45,245 --> 00:04:48,328
and my mother's on me 24-7 to quit
painting, move back to Orlando,
75
00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:50,289
meet a good man, eat fried
food, swell up like a tick
76
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:55,004
and start squeezing out calves like Elsie
mainlining fertility drugs. We understand each other?
77
00:04:55,005 --> 00:04:58,918
Until we can be certain that one of our temps
didn't burn down her last place of employment
78
00:04:58,919 --> 00:05:01,381
while playing with fire,
there's nothing I can do.
79
00:05:01,382 --> 00:05:03,973
A: when my father's DC-3
tragically crashed under
80
00:05:03,974 --> 00:05:06,886
as of yet unexplained and
mysterious circumstances,
81
00:05:06,887 --> 00:05:09,929
I swore that I would never lose
the only memento he left behind,
82
00:05:09,930 --> 00:05:13,313
which brings me straight to B: I
did not cause that explosion.
83
00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:18,237
- Can't find your lighter?
- Want the truth?
84
00:05:18,238 --> 00:05:20,860
Those idiots were working on some
whacked-out genetic experiment
85
00:05:20,861 --> 00:05:23,943
that went bonkers, and this monster
made out of body parts attacked me.
86
00:05:23,944 --> 00:05:26,245
This Middleman guy showed up
and told me he'd kill me.
87
00:05:26,246 --> 00:05:27,497
[loud noise]
88
00:05:27,498 --> 00:05:30,370
Sorry, ma'am, I warned you.
89
00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:32,042
[blast]
90
00:05:34,124 --> 00:05:36,216
I get it. Thank you.
91
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,320
- Yo, Wendy Watson.
- Hey, Noser.
92
00:06:01,321 --> 00:06:04,404
- Who's the man?
- That would be Shaft, Noser.
93
00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:06,325
- What kinda man?
- A complicated man.
94
00:06:06,326 --> 00:06:09,328
- And who understands him?
- No one but his woman.
95
00:06:09,329 --> 00:06:10,751
Right on.
96
00:06:20,210 --> 00:06:21,672
[exhales]
97
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:30,810
Hey, Lacey, what's
this crud on my Xbox?
98
00:06:30,811 --> 00:06:32,773
Can you describe the crud?
99
00:06:35,976 --> 00:06:38,067
Oh, that's just fake blood.
100
00:06:38,068 --> 00:06:40,980
My animal liberation group is demonstrating
in front of the Lapin Grillé tomorrow.
101
00:06:40,981 --> 00:06:43,823
I'll be throwing buckets
of that on the restaurant.
102
00:06:43,824 --> 00:06:45,194
Just wait till it dries off.
103
00:06:45,195 --> 00:06:47,487
OK, well, if you break
this, you bought it.
104
00:06:47,488 --> 00:06:51,581
I was just about to crack the Slovakian
torture dungeon level on Gut Wrencher 3.
105
00:06:51,582 --> 00:06:53,993
How can you play those games?
They're so testosterone-y.
106
00:06:53,994 --> 00:06:56,375
Why would you throw blood
at a French bistro?
107
00:06:56,376 --> 00:06:58,588
Do you know what
Lapin Grillé means?
108
00:06:58,589 --> 00:07:01,251
Uh, the Broiled Rabbit?
109
00:07:05,305 --> 00:07:07,717
Wow. Glad I can tick
that cause off my list.
110
00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:11,180
I'm a confrontational spoken
word performance artist.
111
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,473
I confront. I speak.
112
00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:14,765
Art.
113
00:07:16,226 --> 00:07:18,437
What do you do, Dub-Dub?
114
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,439
Well, I save the
world in my own way.
115
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,111
Did I get any calls?
116
00:07:22,112 --> 00:07:25,364
Your mom called to ask
if you're a lesbian.
117
00:07:25,365 --> 00:07:28,367
And Ben called. He wants to come later.
Has a surprise for you.
118
00:07:28,368 --> 00:07:31,450
Did he say anything about world
travel, champagne or diamonds?
119
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,834
[laughs] What's it like
being somebody's beard?
120
00:07:35,335 --> 00:07:36,746
He's in film school.
121
00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:38,578
Oh, this weird temp
agency called.
122
00:07:38,579 --> 00:07:41,460
"The Jolly Fats Wehawkin Temp Agency?"
123
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,843
- Never heard of them.
- Wanna see you immediately.
124
00:07:43,844 --> 00:07:46,295
- Like right now immediately?
- Yup.
125
00:07:46,296 --> 00:07:49,259
Well, then wish me luck.
126
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:51,470
You're going like that?
127
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,053
I'm way over my daily
recommended allowance
128
00:07:54,054 --> 00:07:55,264
for corporate booty kissing.
129
00:07:55,265 --> 00:07:56,395
If they want me now,
130
00:07:56,396 --> 00:07:58,268
they're shopping at
the As Is department.
131
00:08:04,404 --> 00:08:06,275
- Wendy Watson?
- Who wants to know?
132
00:08:06,276 --> 00:08:09,699
Don't get fresh with me,
missy, I'll split your lip.
133
00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:11,701
What kind of temp agency is this?
134
00:08:11,702 --> 00:08:15,785
Kind that wants to put you in the satisfying
and high-paying world of temporary employment.
135
00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:18,878
- You wouldn't mind taking some tests first?
- Tests?
136
00:08:18,879 --> 00:08:22,422
What are you, paralyzed
from the neck up? Move it.
137
00:08:25,045 --> 00:08:26,426
[bleeping]
138
00:08:50,410 --> 00:08:52,452
[muted audio]
139
00:09:04,164 --> 00:09:07,376
So, what's next,
target practice?
140
00:09:07,377 --> 00:09:09,378
Obstacle course? Cavity search?
141
00:09:09,379 --> 00:09:12,471
Don't let your pie-hole talk
you out of a job, young lady.
142
00:09:12,472 --> 00:09:14,383
Wendy Watson...
143
00:09:14,384 --> 00:09:16,266
...meet your new boss.
144
00:09:21,351 --> 00:09:22,442
Evening, ma'am.
145
00:09:30,691 --> 00:09:33,823
Is this the part where I ask who the
hell you are and what the hell you do?
146
00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:37,537
My, we've got our skivvies in a bunch.
Lights.
147
00:09:38,118 --> 00:09:39,830
[loud thud]
148
00:09:47,377 --> 00:09:50,339
I'm The Middleman.
You've met Ida.
149
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:53,382
This temp agency is a recruitment
front for our organization.
150
00:09:53,383 --> 00:09:55,805
Didn't your tests tell you I
have issues with authority?
151
00:09:55,806 --> 00:09:57,556
I told you she'd be no good.
152
00:09:57,557 --> 00:09:59,388
Can it, Yoda. We're talking.
153
00:09:59,389 --> 00:10:02,601
I wouldn't go so far as to refer
to myself as an authority figure.
154
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:05,484
I'm more like an
independent contractor.
155
00:10:05,485 --> 00:10:08,858
What's that mean? You build strip malls?
Kill people? What?
156
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:12,321
I'd never build strip malls.
I solve exotic problems.
157
00:10:12,322 --> 00:10:13,653
Define exotic.
158
00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:16,946
Well, you ever read comic books?
159
00:10:16,947 --> 00:10:19,409
Yeah, I think Jughead's
a real hoot.
160
00:10:24,204 --> 00:10:27,206
Powers, Fell, Astro City,
The Spirit, X-Men,
161
00:10:27,207 --> 00:10:29,960
old school, not Ultimate.
Mouse Guard and The Flash.
162
00:10:31,712 --> 00:10:32,962
Barry Allen or Wally West?
163
00:10:32,963 --> 00:10:35,675
Do you want me to leave?
164
00:10:35,676 --> 00:10:38,387
You know how in comic books there's
all kinds of mad scientists
165
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,179
and aliens and
androids and monsters,
166
00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:42,892
and all of them want to either
destroy or take over the world?
167
00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:44,473
In comic books? Sure.
168
00:10:44,474 --> 00:10:46,686
- Well, it really does work like that.
- Get out.
169
00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,107
You already forgot what you saw?
170
00:10:48,108 --> 00:10:49,859
And you're the superhero?
171
00:10:49,860 --> 00:10:51,821
- I never wear tights.
- I'm crushed.
172
00:10:51,822 --> 00:10:56,235
Can I ask you a question? Was it you or me
who took the stupid pills this morning?
173
00:10:56,236 --> 00:10:58,237
Now that's just rude.
174
00:10:58,238 --> 00:11:00,870
Dragging me here to answer the
brown courtesy phone isn't?
175
00:11:00,871 --> 00:11:02,992
This is a waste.
She's a slacker.
176
00:11:02,993 --> 00:11:06,585
- Have you been helped?
- Don't mind her, she's had the crankies
177
00:11:06,586 --> 00:11:10,419
ever since her appearance processor got
stuck on Domineering Schoolmarm 2.0.
178
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:13,793
- English?
- Ida.
179
00:11:13,794 --> 00:11:16,846
- [electrical whirring]
- Trippy.
180
00:11:16,847 --> 00:11:18,798
Dagnabit, that's
why you're here!
181
00:11:18,799 --> 00:11:21,931
You witnessed something out of the
parameters of reality and didn't flinch.
182
00:11:21,932 --> 00:11:23,894
Observe.
183
00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:27,977
How'd you film that?
184
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:29,688
Real time situation
recording archive.
185
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:32,691
- Why, of course.
- Look right there.
186
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,944
That slimy tendril grabs
you, and what do you do?
187
00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:36,866
- Grab a letter opener and stab it.
- Exactly.
188
00:11:36,867 --> 00:11:39,118
90 percent of the population
would have dumped their cargo
189
00:11:39,119 --> 00:11:40,910
and screamed before
becoming lunch.
190
00:11:40,911 --> 00:11:42,822
9.5 percent would have keeled
dead of a heart attack.
191
00:11:42,823 --> 00:11:45,124
But not you. You accepted
the reality of the monster,
192
00:11:45,125 --> 00:11:48,627
took the necessary steps to survive, and
your stress levels remained normal.
193
00:11:48,628 --> 00:11:50,209
Ten bucks says she's
smoking reefer.
194
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,670
Does Rosie have an off switch?
195
00:11:51,671 --> 00:11:53,542
A high threshold for
the unexplainable
196
00:11:53,543 --> 00:11:55,504
and reflex to fight off
extra-normal danger
197
00:11:55,505 --> 00:11:57,887
makes you a perfect candidate
for our organization.
198
00:11:57,888 --> 00:12:00,549
- Can you handle a firearm?
- I happen to be a pacifist.
199
00:12:00,550 --> 00:12:02,932
I'm telling you,
she's a hophead.
200
00:12:02,933 --> 00:12:05,724
Calluses on the thumb
and index finger. Xbox.
201
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,437
Judging by the distribution,
I'm guessing Raging Carnage,
202
00:12:08,438 --> 00:12:10,980
Primal Combat and Gut Wrencher
3 are your favorites.
203
00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:13,482
You probably have better
hand-eye than a bush sniper.
204
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,905
- How are your martial arts skills?
- Nonexistent.
205
00:12:15,906 --> 00:12:19,528
Ida, schedule her a three-month
intensive with Sensei Ping.
206
00:12:19,529 --> 00:12:23,412
Buy him first class airfare this time. The
flight from Wuhan makes him real surly.
207
00:12:23,413 --> 00:12:26,866
I don't want a three-month
intensive with Sensei Ping.
208
00:12:26,867 --> 00:12:30,870
I'm an artist. I only want
to temp so I can paint.
209
00:12:30,871 --> 00:12:35,084
- [Ida speaks foreign language]
- Well, gosh. Don't you want to fight evil?
210
00:12:35,085 --> 00:12:38,007
Monsters, robots, aliens?
211
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:40,549
Not if I have to join the
paramilitary version of Amway.
212
00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:43,012
This is a tremendous opportunity
for someone of your skills.
213
00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:47,887
Skills? I avoided a giant rectum and got
rejected by every temp agency in town
214
00:12:47,888 --> 00:12:51,310
'cause the cops think my dad's
lucky Zippo caused an explosion.
215
00:12:51,311 --> 00:12:54,024
Sorry about the Zippo. That was
just a recruitment tactic.
216
00:12:55,896 --> 00:12:57,736
You gave the cops the Zippo?
217
00:12:57,737 --> 00:13:00,569
Sensei Ping's on his
way, first class.
218
00:13:00,570 --> 00:13:01,991
You framed me.
219
00:13:01,992 --> 00:13:03,742
I needed to make sure
you'd come here.
220
00:13:03,743 --> 00:13:06,826
The money cleared for the Italian
restaurant job on Arthur Avenue.
221
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:09,248
They want you there
on the double.
222
00:13:09,249 --> 00:13:10,870
I loved that lighter.
223
00:13:10,871 --> 00:13:14,173
If you join up, I won't frame
you for anything else again.
224
00:13:14,174 --> 00:13:16,466
- Scout's honor.
- Go to hell.
225
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:19,719
You owe me a dollar.
226
00:13:41,902 --> 00:13:44,203
- Yo, Wendy Watson.
- Hey, Noser.
227
00:13:44,204 --> 00:13:45,444
Feeling kinda hungry.
228
00:13:45,445 --> 00:13:47,826
- Hungry like the wolf?
- Nope.
229
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,659
- Hungry heart?
- Nope.
230
00:13:50,660 --> 00:13:53,213
- Hungry eyes.
- Nope.
231
00:13:54,544 --> 00:13:55,835
Hungry hippos.
232
00:13:57,377 --> 00:13:59,549
You're the only one who gets me.
233
00:14:02,172 --> 00:14:03,883
Yo, Dub-Dub.
234
00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:07,306
Gotta hit the joystick, Lacey, I got
some serious aggression to work out.
235
00:14:07,307 --> 00:14:09,018
Speaking of joysticks,
Ben's here.
236
00:14:09,019 --> 00:14:10,640
Ben! Cool!
237
00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:20,819
God, am I happy to see you.
238
00:14:20,820 --> 00:14:22,862
If my day sucked any
harder, I'd be inside out.
239
00:14:25,785 --> 00:14:27,577
Hey, buddy.
240
00:14:34,955 --> 00:14:35,996
Buddy?
241
00:14:37,837 --> 00:14:39,589
Buddy.
242
00:14:43,003 --> 00:14:47,057
OK, this is usually the part
where you kiss me back.
243
00:14:48,808 --> 00:14:51,100
What's with the camera?
Are we making a movie?
244
00:14:51,101 --> 00:14:53,933
Uh... I guess you
could say that.
245
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:56,815
Kinky. Should I bust out the
feather boa and the accordion?
246
00:14:56,816 --> 00:14:58,068
It's not it's not like that.
247
00:14:59,359 --> 00:15:01,110
See, my friend Eddie came along.
248
00:15:01,111 --> 00:15:03,652
Whoa. Hideous kinky. Hi, Eddie.
249
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:06,825
Eddie's taking Professor Howard's
cinéma vérité class with me.
250
00:15:06,826 --> 00:15:09,288
- The class you're flunking?
- Yeah.
251
00:15:09,289 --> 00:15:12,241
Professor says it's 'cause I
don't have pain in my life.
252
00:15:12,242 --> 00:15:15,834
- I could punch you.
- No, it's not that kinky.
253
00:15:15,835 --> 00:15:17,917
Fire it up, Eddie.
254
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,092
I just think that you
and I should, you know,
255
00:15:23,093 --> 00:15:25,675
be... just friends.
256
00:15:27,807 --> 00:15:30,809
You're breaking up with
me for a class project?
257
00:15:30,810 --> 00:15:33,642
How does that make you feel?
258
00:15:33,643 --> 00:15:36,015
We've been dating for a year.
259
00:15:36,016 --> 00:15:37,896
You said the "L"
word that one time!
260
00:15:37,897 --> 00:15:39,649
[Ben] I was drunk.
261
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,023
Does that hurt? Tell the camera.
262
00:15:44,985 --> 00:15:48,827
This is painful for me, too, you know.
I'm the victim here.
263
00:15:48,828 --> 00:15:50,909
My dad's a lawyer,
we have money.
264
00:15:50,910 --> 00:15:53,452
I've never worked for
anything, no pain in my life.
265
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,575
The professor stood me in front
of the class and said that.
266
00:15:56,576 --> 00:15:58,167
You have any idea
how that stings?
267
00:15:58,168 --> 00:16:02,341
To know that you have
no hurt on the inside.
268
00:16:02,342 --> 00:16:05,925
So you want to know what it's
like to have pain in your life?
269
00:16:07,297 --> 00:16:08,758
Fair enough.
270
00:16:09,889 --> 00:16:11,640
- Ow!
- How's that, huh?
271
00:16:11,641 --> 00:16:13,472
Showing you a bit about
the meaning of pain
272
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:16,056
- or do you need more?
- That's a digital camera!
273
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,478
You... You are psychotic!
274
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,100
You still don't get it, do you?
275
00:16:21,101 --> 00:16:22,231
[screaming]
276
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:24,314
[Wendy] Get out!
277
00:16:25,945 --> 00:16:27,907
[screaming]
278
00:16:31,821 --> 00:16:33,993
[door shuts]
279
00:16:41,621 --> 00:16:43,001
[stereo clicks on]
280
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,964
[hard rock music plays]
281
00:16:45,965 --> 00:16:49,888
♪ There's the sun in your eyes
when you went walking away ♪
282
00:16:49,889 --> 00:16:53,132
♪ You make me go blind You
knew you'd have to pay ♪
283
00:16:53,133 --> 00:16:57,636
♪ Don't apologize for
what you didn't say ♪
284
00:16:57,637 --> 00:17:01,441
♪ You don't know me
I don't know you ♪
285
00:17:04,984 --> 00:17:09,199
♪ You don't know me
I'll bury you ♪
286
00:17:12,952 --> 00:17:15,955
[traditional Italian music plays]
287
00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:25,754
FBI. Nightshift.
288
00:17:25,755 --> 00:17:27,086
Want a donut?
289
00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:29,799
That would ruin my
appetite, officer.
290
00:17:36,596 --> 00:17:38,016
[bleeping]
291
00:17:38,017 --> 00:17:39,978
[cop] Excuse me.
292
00:17:39,979 --> 00:17:41,981
This kid says she's with you.
293
00:17:43,773 --> 00:17:46,945
Special Agent Watson. Slacking
off the dress code, I see.
294
00:17:46,946 --> 00:17:49,398
Oh, I don't do dress
code after sundown.
295
00:17:49,399 --> 00:17:52,991
It's bad apples like you that put Mr.
Hoover in a dress.
296
00:17:52,992 --> 00:17:55,034
Yeah, she's on the job.
297
00:17:57,957 --> 00:18:00,539
Ida had this address on her desk.
Photographic memory?
298
00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:04,002
- Abstract expressionist.
- Swell.
299
00:18:04,003 --> 00:18:07,085
Last time we talked you
weren't exactly... nice.
300
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,707
Why the attitude adjustment?
301
00:18:08,708 --> 00:18:10,970
I heard you take care
of exotic problems.
302
00:18:11,881 --> 00:18:13,173
Define exotic.
303
00:18:14,674 --> 00:18:16,305
No job. No money.
304
00:18:16,306 --> 00:18:19,308
No sense of reality, now that I know
comic book evil roams the world.
305
00:18:19,309 --> 00:18:21,600
Shoot. That is an
exotic problem.
306
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:25,814
- I heard when evil strikes, you're there to cover it up.
- Nice one.
307
00:18:25,815 --> 00:18:28,647
You said you'd shoot me if I told
anybody about that monster I saw.
308
00:18:28,648 --> 00:18:30,149
- Test of honesty.
- How?
309
00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:32,781
What makes more sense? That a
monster trashed a science lab
310
00:18:32,782 --> 00:18:34,993
or that a gas main exploded?
311
00:18:34,994 --> 00:18:38,697
If I hadn't planted your Zippo, some normal
would have come up with a rational explanation.
312
00:18:38,698 --> 00:18:41,790
People want to believe reality's normal.
Ones who don't are freaks.
313
00:18:41,791 --> 00:18:43,412
No one believes them anyway.
314
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,454
Who do you work for?
315
00:18:45,455 --> 00:18:47,456
I got recruited the
exact same way you did.
316
00:18:47,457 --> 00:18:50,209
When the last Middleman hired me,
he never said and I never asked.
317
00:18:50,210 --> 00:18:53,011
Ida was already there, so were
all the weapons and gadgets.
318
00:18:53,012 --> 00:18:55,554
Sometimes a box comes in with
more weapons and gadgets.
319
00:18:55,555 --> 00:18:57,886
I don't know where they
come from, they just do.
320
00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:01,521
Maybe Ida runs the show, maybe it's
"the conspiracy", maybe it's God.
321
00:19:03,393 --> 00:19:05,934
I'm just The Middleman.
322
00:19:05,935 --> 00:19:08,107
[bleeping]
323
00:19:10,730 --> 00:19:13,362
Doggone cops. Always
miss the big clues.
324
00:19:13,363 --> 00:19:14,903
A banana peel?
325
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:17,696
Someone's eliminating mobsters
in an algorithmic way.
326
00:19:17,697 --> 00:19:21,280
The pattern suggests an advanced intelligence.
Far more sinister than wiseguys.
327
00:19:21,281 --> 00:19:22,371
Define sinister.
328
00:19:22,372 --> 00:19:23,833
You want to know,
you gotta sign up.
329
00:19:27,287 --> 00:19:31,251
[1960s secret agent music]
330
00:19:55,655 --> 00:19:56,696
Yeah, why not?
331
00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:11,039
Get over here.
You've got a piece?
332
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,883
Nah, he looks clean, boss.
333
00:20:18,047 --> 00:20:19,888
I heard you saw the killer.
334
00:20:19,889 --> 00:20:22,681
- You'll never believe what I saw.
- You wanna tell?
335
00:20:22,682 --> 00:20:24,304
It was...
336
00:20:25,345 --> 00:20:26,476
It was...
337
00:20:32,151 --> 00:20:34,063
- No!
- [all gasp]
338
00:20:55,134 --> 00:20:58,337
- Whoa, freaky.
- That Ida doubles as a scanning electron microscope?
339
00:20:58,338 --> 00:21:01,009
That you hired me to be a superhero
and I'm staring at a computer.
340
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:04,764
That's how most crimes get solved.
Don't you watch TV?
341
00:21:05,595 --> 00:21:07,386
Heads up, we got a live one.
342
00:21:07,387 --> 00:21:08,807
- Jiminy!
- Jiminy what?
343
00:21:08,808 --> 00:21:11,560
DNA match for genetically
engineered ape spit.
344
00:21:11,561 --> 00:21:14,192
Don't point that at me. I don't
want to have a flipper baby.
345
00:21:14,193 --> 00:21:16,274
Only one place in town
that could have come from.
346
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,738
Let's kick the tires
and light the fires.
347
00:21:22,241 --> 00:21:24,324
Hey! Anybody want to unplug me?
348
00:21:26,956 --> 00:21:29,118
[sighs] Morons.
349
00:21:34,914 --> 00:21:37,547
[men talking indistinctly]
350
00:21:48,928 --> 00:21:52,561
We don't get many visitors from
the Department of Sanitation.
351
00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:55,604
That's why they call them
surprise inspections, Dr. Gibbs.
352
00:21:55,605 --> 00:21:57,987
My associate and I are going
to have a look around.
353
00:22:00,780 --> 00:22:03,652
[man's voice on speaker] Man
has climbed Mount Everest,
354
00:22:03,653 --> 00:22:05,654
gone to the bottom of the ocean.
355
00:22:05,655 --> 00:22:08,326
He's fired rockets to the
moon, split the atom,
356
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:12,411
achieved miracles in every
field of human endeavor.
357
00:22:12,412 --> 00:22:15,454
Oh, no. It's Gorilla Grodd.
Run for your life.
358
00:22:15,455 --> 00:22:18,957
Hardly. These western lowland
gorillas are genetically engineered.
359
00:22:18,958 --> 00:22:23,512
Their higher brain functions are controlled by
one of the most complex computers in the world.
360
00:22:23,513 --> 00:22:25,594
Next to them, most people
have the IQ of an oyster.
361
00:22:25,595 --> 00:22:28,967
Genius primates. Because that's
A problem that needed solving.
362
00:22:28,968 --> 00:22:31,391
And what do we have over here?
363
00:22:33,733 --> 00:22:35,434
This is Zippy.
364
00:22:35,435 --> 00:22:36,685
We had to boost his
IQ three times
365
00:22:36,686 --> 00:22:39,738
to get him to stop painting
those damn soup cans.
366
00:22:39,739 --> 00:22:42,651
Not bad for a classical realist.
367
00:22:42,652 --> 00:22:46,576
- Art snob.
- Uh, what about this one?
368
00:22:49,248 --> 00:22:52,250
Spanky was one of our failures.
We don't like to talk about him.
369
00:22:52,251 --> 00:22:54,453
You wanna take a look?
370
00:22:54,454 --> 00:22:58,086
You can't go in there. Stop.
You can't go in.
371
00:22:58,087 --> 00:23:00,589
- See anything hinky?
- Define hinky.
372
00:23:00,590 --> 00:23:01,961
You define hinky.
373
00:23:03,002 --> 00:23:04,674
OK.
374
00:23:06,636 --> 00:23:07,846
You see that spot over there,
375
00:23:07,847 --> 00:23:10,770
where the paint
doesn't quite match?
376
00:23:20,940 --> 00:23:23,733
[traditional Italian music plays]
377
00:23:29,238 --> 00:23:32,532
- Are you coming or not?
- Well, dag diggety.
378
00:23:36,586 --> 00:23:39,377
- I had no idea!
- What the heck were you teaching Spanky?
379
00:23:39,378 --> 00:23:40,709
How to pilot space shuttles.
380
00:23:40,710 --> 00:23:44,302
Because again, that's a
problem that needed solving.
381
00:23:44,303 --> 00:23:46,254
I've never even seen this place.
382
00:23:46,255 --> 00:23:50,258
How does an experimental primate get
Scarface, Goodfellas and The Sopranos?
383
00:23:50,259 --> 00:23:53,101
All of our apes have mail order
and Internet privileges.
384
00:23:53,102 --> 00:23:54,763
But we should have seen this.
385
00:23:54,764 --> 00:23:57,686
Spanky's mind is controlled by the
mainframe, like all subjects.
386
00:23:57,687 --> 00:24:00,859
Swell. Where's Spanky now?
387
00:24:00,860 --> 00:24:05,233
Spanky never did learn how to
control the re-entry simulator.
388
00:24:05,234 --> 00:24:09,407
His pod tore through the laboratory
ceiling and crash-landed miles away.
389
00:24:09,408 --> 00:24:11,570
It was a tragic loss.
390
00:24:11,571 --> 00:24:13,703
He sleeps with the fishes.
391
00:24:16,576 --> 00:24:20,418
Spanky must have found a way to break free
from that computer and escape from Simionics.
392
00:24:20,419 --> 00:24:22,250
But Gibbs said he
died in re-entry.
393
00:24:22,251 --> 00:24:26,004
Maybe Spanky crashed that pod to cover his
escape. We have to find him lickedy-split.
394
00:24:26,005 --> 00:24:28,637
How about we let Spanky
keep killing wiseguys?
395
00:24:28,638 --> 00:24:30,549
Isn't he doing the
world a solid?
396
00:24:30,550 --> 00:24:34,222
Who would you rather have earning millions
of dollars from the rackets in this city?
397
00:24:34,223 --> 00:24:36,224
A lunkhead goombah who'll
blow it on showgirls,
398
00:24:36,225 --> 00:24:38,016
shiny suits and Greek
marble nudie statues,
399
00:24:38,017 --> 00:24:42,230
or a supergenius primate with knowledge
of computer systems and astroscience?
400
00:24:42,231 --> 00:24:44,232
- Put it that way.
- Listen up.
401
00:24:44,233 --> 00:24:47,105
Been fun and games up till now. There's
something about you I must know.
402
00:24:47,106 --> 00:24:50,739
- Yeah?
- You like country?
403
00:24:50,740 --> 00:24:54,322
- [clicks radio on]
- ♪ Clean livin' was his credo ♪
404
00:24:54,323 --> 00:24:57,416
♪ And justice was his bride ♪
405
00:25:00,750 --> 00:25:03,211
♪ Don't make me do it ♪
406
00:25:03,212 --> 00:25:06,795
♪ I've got a long
long way to ride ♪
407
00:25:06,796 --> 00:25:10,218
♪ Don't make me rain down
the fury and the fire... ♪
408
00:25:10,219 --> 00:25:13,431
- What is this place?
- Andolini Social Club.
409
00:25:13,432 --> 00:25:16,054
The City's most notorious
den of wiseguys.
410
00:25:16,055 --> 00:25:17,636
Do you have a death wish?
411
00:25:17,637 --> 00:25:19,307
Cut out the twang, Gomer.
412
00:25:19,308 --> 00:25:21,100
[music continues]
413
00:25:24,063 --> 00:25:25,814
- [turns music off]
- Time to mount up.
414
00:25:25,815 --> 00:25:29,107
You're not just gonna waltz in and
ask them to rat out the big boss?
415
00:25:29,108 --> 00:25:30,740
Yes, ma'am.
416
00:25:33,703 --> 00:25:37,415
Right after I slide up to the bar
and order me a tall glass of milk.
417
00:25:37,416 --> 00:25:41,159
Did you skinny dip in
the stupidity pond?
418
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:42,831
I... I'm not going in there.
419
00:25:42,832 --> 00:25:46,084
I didn't ask you to. The
path I walk, I walk alone.
420
00:25:46,085 --> 00:25:47,796
- Keep it warm, Dubbie.
- Dubbie?
421
00:25:47,797 --> 00:25:50,800
Oh, I almost forgot. There's some
things I need you to hold onto.
422
00:25:52,802 --> 00:25:55,675
[beeping]
423
00:25:56,555 --> 00:25:59,347
[electrical noises]
424
00:25:59,348 --> 00:26:01,520
[electrical whirring]
425
00:26:06,736 --> 00:26:08,187
[bleeps]
426
00:26:15,324 --> 00:26:17,616
You're going unarmed?
427
00:26:17,617 --> 00:26:19,658
Didn't I tell you
how I got this job?
428
00:26:19,659 --> 00:26:23,663
Oh, well, just be
careful with that.
429
00:26:37,096 --> 00:26:38,767
[loud humming]
430
00:26:38,768 --> 00:26:40,558
[man] Come over here!
431
00:26:40,559 --> 00:26:42,600
- [men shouting]
- [gunfire]
432
00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:45,815
- [shouting]
- [punching]
433
00:26:52,992 --> 00:26:55,614
[shouting, punching continues]
434
00:26:57,997 --> 00:27:00,619
- [men gasping, shouting]
- Hurry up, Charlie!
435
00:27:05,204 --> 00:27:06,544
Hi, there.
436
00:27:06,545 --> 00:27:08,456
- Milk?
- Uh, no.
437
00:27:08,457 --> 00:27:09,708
- [thud]
- [man groans]
438
00:27:09,709 --> 00:27:11,710
Too bad. Good for the bones.
439
00:27:11,711 --> 00:27:13,712
This is our new friend, Tino.
440
00:27:13,713 --> 00:27:15,964
- Say hello, Tino.
- How you doin'?
441
00:27:15,965 --> 00:27:20,598
Tino runs all the rackets. Only way he's still
alive is if he's in good with the new boss.
442
00:27:20,599 --> 00:27:22,430
- Right?
- I'm not opening my mouth!
443
00:27:22,431 --> 00:27:24,022
I think I'll have
myself some milk.
444
00:27:24,023 --> 00:27:27,766
- [thud]
- [groans]
445
00:27:27,767 --> 00:27:30,228
You want to put that back for me?
Thanks.
446
00:27:30,229 --> 00:27:32,150
What were we talking
about when I left?
447
00:27:32,151 --> 00:27:34,402
You were going to tell
me why you got this job.
448
00:27:34,403 --> 00:27:38,326
Right. See, I was a Navy SEAL.
449
00:27:38,327 --> 00:27:42,991
You know, they teach us over
456 ways of causing pain.
450
00:27:42,992 --> 00:27:44,662
I want a lawyer! I got rights!
451
00:27:44,663 --> 00:27:46,875
Know what? That was some
darn fine cow squirt.
452
00:27:46,876 --> 00:27:48,837
- [thud]
- Son of a bitch!
453
00:27:48,838 --> 00:27:51,629
[man whimpers]
454
00:27:51,630 --> 00:27:52,961
[exhales] Anyway,
455
00:27:52,962 --> 00:27:56,554
my team got stuck in a colossal
hairy furball back in the Gulf.
456
00:27:56,555 --> 00:27:59,467
This jerk C.O. radios for me to
bug out and leave my men behind.
457
00:27:59,468 --> 00:28:01,890
So I did what any
self-respecting squid would do.
458
00:28:01,891 --> 00:28:06,144
I saved my men, got back to base and
kicked the crud out of that little weasel.
459
00:28:06,145 --> 00:28:07,856
Pardon my French.
460
00:28:07,857 --> 00:28:10,608
- Wanna talk?
- Go to hell!
461
00:28:10,609 --> 00:28:13,902
I am parched. I could use another
cool, refreshing drink of milk.
462
00:28:13,903 --> 00:28:16,574
- [thud]
- [groans]
463
00:28:16,575 --> 00:28:18,526
All right! All right!
464
00:28:18,527 --> 00:28:22,160
I'll talk! The big boss set up shop
at a strip joint over the bridge.
465
00:28:22,161 --> 00:28:25,914
But no one's ever laid eyes on him.
That's all I'm saying!
466
00:28:25,915 --> 00:28:27,876
- I got rights!
- Oh, you got rights.
467
00:28:27,877 --> 00:28:30,378
After we're finished, I'm
driving you to the FBI
468
00:28:30,379 --> 00:28:33,792
and you're gonna rat out every wiseguy
and scam you're aware of, capisce?
469
00:28:33,793 --> 00:28:35,755
And get myself plugged? No way!
470
00:28:37,006 --> 00:28:39,597
Why don't you keep Tino company
while I get myself a refill?
471
00:28:39,598 --> 00:28:42,841
Wait! I'll talk. I'll do it.
I'll do it.
472
00:28:42,842 --> 00:28:45,844
So you hit your
commanding officer?
473
00:28:45,845 --> 00:28:47,606
I have issues with authority.
474
00:28:53,112 --> 00:28:56,485
[funky rock music]
475
00:29:00,910 --> 00:29:04,622
♪ You make me wanna rub my body... ♪
476
00:29:04,623 --> 00:29:08,126
[over speaker] Tell the senator
that he can have my answer now.
477
00:29:08,127 --> 00:29:11,129
My offer is this: nothing.
478
00:29:11,130 --> 00:29:13,872
Not even the fee for
the gaming license,
479
00:29:13,873 --> 00:29:17,005
which I would appreciate
if he put up personally.
480
00:29:17,006 --> 00:29:18,376
Hey. [sighs]
481
00:29:18,377 --> 00:29:20,879
Hey, boss, someone's
messing with our security.
482
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:24,884
You, check it out!
You, get me a banana.
483
00:29:31,100 --> 00:29:33,061
- [thud]
- The jig is up, Spanky.
484
00:29:33,062 --> 00:29:35,444
[Cuban accent] Say hello
to my little friend!
485
00:29:38,988 --> 00:29:40,568
Tino's turned state's evidence.
486
00:29:40,569 --> 00:29:43,741
Right now he's with the Federales
and warblin' like Patsy Cline.
487
00:29:43,742 --> 00:29:46,784
Time to stop acting like a mobster
and start acting like an ape.
488
00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:51,079
Just when I thought I was
out, they pull me back in.
489
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,501
- Nothing personal, monkey boy.
- Just business.
490
00:29:53,502 --> 00:29:55,793
I'm never going back to prison!
491
00:29:55,794 --> 00:29:59,177
[growling]
492
00:29:59,178 --> 00:30:01,680
- [loud clattering]
- Jeepers!
493
00:30:13,732 --> 00:30:15,234
[gasping]
494
00:30:18,988 --> 00:30:21,200
[grunts]
495
00:30:23,442 --> 00:30:25,573
- I gotta ask something.
- Yeah.
496
00:30:25,574 --> 00:30:28,156
[growling]
497
00:30:28,157 --> 00:30:32,750
How can a Navy SEAL not cuss? You're all
"darn" and "jeepers" and "criminy."
498
00:30:32,751 --> 00:30:34,082
What's up with that?
499
00:30:34,083 --> 00:30:36,414
Profanity cheapens the
soul and weakens the mind.
500
00:30:36,415 --> 00:30:40,088
Maybe, but every once in a while
you could let out a... [bleep]
501
00:30:40,089 --> 00:30:42,091
or a... [bleep]
502
00:30:43,883 --> 00:30:47,765
You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Huh, garbage mouth?
503
00:30:47,766 --> 00:30:49,728
Yes, you.
504
00:30:50,559 --> 00:30:52,141
Uh-huh.
505
00:31:01,070 --> 00:31:04,153
[monkeys howling]
506
00:31:06,655 --> 00:31:08,747
- Oh... [bleep]
- What?
507
00:31:21,961 --> 00:31:24,462
OK, this isn't a problem. We
can still find the big boss
508
00:31:24,463 --> 00:31:26,714
'cause he's wearing
one of those, uh...
509
00:31:26,715 --> 00:31:29,178
Strap-on electronic voice boxes?
510
00:31:35,144 --> 00:31:38,606
[Middleman] Sleep with one eye open.
That gun totin' ape's still at large.
511
00:31:38,607 --> 00:31:40,358
[Wendy] I'm still
not talking to you.
512
00:31:40,359 --> 00:31:44,402
Apes throw feces, Dubbie.
It's a fact of life.
513
00:31:44,403 --> 00:31:47,286
Quit calling me
[bleeping] Dubbie.
514
00:31:55,794 --> 00:31:59,087
Yo, Wendy Watson. What is
that mighty mighty girl?
515
00:31:59,088 --> 00:32:01,169
- A brick house.
- What is she doing?
516
00:32:01,170 --> 00:32:02,461
Letting it all...
517
00:32:03,752 --> 00:32:04,843
Uh-oh.
518
00:32:07,216 --> 00:32:09,677
- Alert.
- You have a gun on you, Noser?
519
00:32:09,678 --> 00:32:13,102
War is not the answer, Wendy.
Only love can conquer hate.
520
00:32:14,103 --> 00:32:16,315
What is going on?
521
00:32:18,897 --> 00:32:22,611
- Yeee-ahh!
- [smashing wood]
522
00:32:24,153 --> 00:32:28,826
- Ow! You hit me on the head!
- Are you bat guano insane?
523
00:32:28,827 --> 00:32:31,240
- Man, my axe!
- Sorry.
524
00:32:32,071 --> 00:32:34,332
[sniffing]
525
00:32:34,333 --> 00:32:37,125
- Why does it smell like monkey poop in here?
- What do you want?
526
00:32:37,126 --> 00:32:40,878
I just... you know,
527
00:32:40,879 --> 00:32:45,753
wanted to say that I'm sorry
about that whole movie thing.
528
00:32:45,754 --> 00:32:47,675
I'm such a dolt.
529
00:32:47,676 --> 00:32:50,508
I thought that it would be art.
530
00:32:50,509 --> 00:32:52,260
Seemed like a good
idea at the time.
531
00:32:52,261 --> 00:32:54,142
So did the Carter
administration.
532
00:32:54,143 --> 00:32:57,975
I looked at the tape, and
watching you throw things
533
00:32:57,976 --> 00:33:01,519
reminded me of that time we accidentally
overturned that chestnut roaster
534
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:05,603
on Madison Avenue and the vendor
started screaming in Spanish...
535
00:33:05,604 --> 00:33:08,567
And he started throwing stuff
and we had a chestnut war.
536
00:33:12,321 --> 00:33:14,322
It made me miss you.
537
00:33:14,323 --> 00:33:16,784
So I wanted to say I'm sorry
538
00:33:16,785 --> 00:33:20,829
and to ask what it would take
for you to take me back.
539
00:33:29,388 --> 00:33:30,628
Incoming!
540
00:33:30,629 --> 00:33:34,302
[groans] Ow! You're
breaking my arm!
541
00:33:34,303 --> 00:33:35,433
Hey, now! Violence!
542
00:33:35,434 --> 00:33:38,226
- Let him go, he's OK.
- You sounded the alarm.
543
00:33:38,227 --> 00:33:40,268
Not 'cause of him.
Ben, are you OK?
544
00:33:40,269 --> 00:33:43,191
Ben? The video camera guy?
545
00:33:43,192 --> 00:33:46,404
I oughta crack your skull for
that, you coffee-house beatnik.
546
00:33:46,405 --> 00:33:47,985
Where'd you dig up this jarhead?
547
00:33:47,986 --> 00:33:50,198
Dub-Dub, who's your boyfriend?
548
00:33:50,199 --> 00:33:52,070
He's not my boyfriend.
He's my boss.
549
00:33:52,071 --> 00:33:54,362
Really? Lacey Thornfield.
Charmed.
550
00:33:54,363 --> 00:33:56,074
Delighted, ma'am.
551
00:33:56,075 --> 00:33:58,156
You know, I'm a
conceptual artist.
552
00:33:58,157 --> 00:34:00,498
Some have said that
about me, too.
553
00:34:00,499 --> 00:34:02,370
Do I have to hose you down?
554
00:34:02,371 --> 00:34:05,124
And you two hormone
jockeys, outside.
555
00:34:08,837 --> 00:34:09,877
[door shuts]
556
00:34:09,878 --> 00:34:13,841
[machine gun fire]
557
00:34:13,842 --> 00:34:16,554
Holy... [bleep] A gorilla!
558
00:34:16,555 --> 00:34:18,976
I... I swear I saw a
gorilla holding a gun!
559
00:34:18,977 --> 00:34:21,269
Get a hold of yourself!
What's easier to believe?
560
00:34:21,270 --> 00:34:25,564
A gorilla with a gun, or a big
hairy guy doing a drive by?
561
00:34:27,986 --> 00:34:29,148
The big hairy guy.
562
00:34:32,281 --> 00:34:35,403
B... Big hairy guy.
563
00:34:35,404 --> 00:34:37,575
- Yeah.
- You could have mentioned the hostile.
564
00:34:37,576 --> 00:34:40,958
I would have, had you not barged in
and started hitting on my roommate
565
00:34:40,959 --> 00:34:43,201
and beating up my boyfriend.
566
00:34:43,202 --> 00:34:45,963
- I'm still your boyfriend?
- What do you think?
567
00:34:45,964 --> 00:34:48,507
I'll take care of
the big hairy guy.
568
00:34:51,670 --> 00:34:55,013
You're getting paid more than
nine an hour for this job, right?
569
00:35:03,772 --> 00:35:05,853
- Where's the big boss?
- Pondering his evil ways.
570
00:35:05,854 --> 00:35:08,936
- Look what I found.
- You smashed his voice box.
571
00:35:08,937 --> 00:35:11,189
Where'd he get a new one
with the lab's trademark?
572
00:35:11,190 --> 00:35:14,282
Either he snuck back into the lab
and stole a new voice box...
573
00:35:14,283 --> 00:35:16,194
Or he never escaped and Dr.
Gibbs lied to us.
574
00:35:16,195 --> 00:35:17,735
I bet all the secrets
are locked up
575
00:35:17,736 --> 00:35:19,737
in that mind control
computer of hers.
576
00:35:19,738 --> 00:35:22,450
- I better mosey on down there.
- What about me?
577
00:35:22,451 --> 00:35:25,623
You've seen more harm's way than an
untrained operative should have to.
578
00:35:25,624 --> 00:35:27,625
Hold it right there, Tex.
I've been shot at,
579
00:35:27,626 --> 00:35:31,589
I've been pelted with ape dung, you
practically killed my boyfriend.
580
00:35:31,590 --> 00:35:33,801
- He's a doorknob.
- Now you're leaving me behind?
581
00:35:33,802 --> 00:35:35,593
This is re-gosh-darn-diculous.
582
00:35:35,594 --> 00:35:37,755
You weren't dying to go
into that mob hangout.
583
00:35:37,756 --> 00:35:40,718
Yeah, but I had a choice in that.
So rule number one:
584
00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:43,971
Never, ever give the "A man's gotta
do what a man's gotta do" speech
585
00:35:43,972 --> 00:35:46,644
before you strap on your six-guns
and leave me at the ranch
586
00:35:46,645 --> 00:35:48,476
making tea with Ida the
pruneface android.
587
00:35:48,477 --> 00:35:50,398
Two: you don't crack
my boyfriend's skull.
588
00:35:50,399 --> 00:35:52,730
And three: You don't date my roommate.
Got it?
589
00:35:52,731 --> 00:35:55,903
Now, that's just mean.
I'm single.
590
00:35:55,904 --> 00:35:59,738
- I'm eligible.
- Just drive.
591
00:36:01,039 --> 00:36:02,451
Are you ashamed of me?
592
00:36:08,627 --> 00:36:11,419
[Wendy] Is there a reason we're
rappelling to the computer?
593
00:36:11,420 --> 00:36:13,881
Should be able to access the
mainframe through this IO port.
594
00:36:13,882 --> 00:36:15,384
[ape snickering]
595
00:36:16,465 --> 00:36:17,506
Feel that?
596
00:36:19,558 --> 00:36:22,720
Kind of a strange, tugging feeling.
597
00:36:22,721 --> 00:36:24,563
Whoa! Ow!
598
00:36:29,768 --> 00:36:32,610
Get your filthy paws off
of me, you damn dirty ape!
599
00:36:32,611 --> 00:36:34,772
[cocks gun]
600
00:36:34,773 --> 00:36:37,865
I knew you weren't from the
Department of Sanitation.
601
00:36:37,866 --> 00:36:41,699
[Wendy] Gibbs, you were the one who sent Spanky
to kill us, the one who let him out of the car.
602
00:36:41,700 --> 00:36:43,200
It was you.
603
00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:45,453
Drop the gun or her turns
her into scrapple.
604
00:36:45,454 --> 00:36:47,325
You've been controlling
the big boss.
605
00:36:47,326 --> 00:36:49,327
Of course I have.
606
00:36:49,328 --> 00:36:53,040
These apes don't have a single thought that
I don't control through this computer.
607
00:36:53,041 --> 00:36:56,545
Drop it, before your associate knows
what it feels like to be a banana.
608
00:36:58,337 --> 00:36:59,387
[gun clatters]
609
00:36:59,388 --> 00:37:01,549
I don't get it. Why the Mob?
610
00:37:01,550 --> 00:37:03,971
Money. Fast,
tax-free cash money.
611
00:37:03,972 --> 00:37:06,223
This is a federally funded lab.
612
00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:09,807
Every year the government is less and
less interested in making smarter apes,
613
00:37:09,808 --> 00:37:11,849
and every year they
slash my budget.
614
00:37:11,850 --> 00:37:14,902
- Without money, I will never fulfill my dream.
- What dream?
615
00:37:14,903 --> 00:37:16,944
Build an army of genetically
engineered apes...
616
00:37:16,945 --> 00:37:19,357
[both] ...and take
over the world.
617
00:37:19,358 --> 00:37:23,070
Let her go, Blofeld, or your
secret lair's a grease stain.
618
00:37:23,071 --> 00:37:25,162
Don't be stupid. You're
low hanging fruit.
619
00:37:25,163 --> 00:37:27,745
- Spanky's a surgeon with that gun.
- He might as well shoot.
620
00:37:27,746 --> 00:37:31,419
If there's one thing I hate more than
scientists trying to take over the world,
621
00:37:31,420 --> 00:37:35,002
it's scientists who twist innocent primates
with computer-enhanced mind control
622
00:37:35,003 --> 00:37:38,045
to live out their sick and perverted
fantasies of criminal power.
623
00:37:38,046 --> 00:37:39,087
Ventilate him.
624
00:37:48,016 --> 00:37:50,017
[male voice] Computer shutdown.
625
00:37:50,018 --> 00:37:55,353
- [screaming] No!
- Computer shutdown.
626
00:37:55,354 --> 00:37:57,154
- [cocks gun]
- Put 'em up, Gibbs.
627
00:37:57,155 --> 00:38:00,988
And no more monologue-ing or I
Swiss-cheese you on principle.
628
00:38:00,989 --> 00:38:05,993
I tell you. Some chucklehead's always
trying to take over the world.
629
00:38:05,994 --> 00:38:07,955
Is it true, what you said?
630
00:38:07,956 --> 00:38:11,619
If there's one thing you hate more than
scientists trying to take over the world,
631
00:38:11,620 --> 00:38:15,252
it's scientists who twist innocent primates
with computer-enhanced mind control
632
00:38:15,253 --> 00:38:18,876
to live out sick and perverted
fantasies of criminal power?
633
00:38:18,877 --> 00:38:20,127
Why would I lie about that?
634
00:38:20,128 --> 00:38:22,009
That is a very specific
thing to hate.
635
00:38:22,010 --> 00:38:24,261
Self-knowledge is the
gateway to freedom.
636
00:38:24,262 --> 00:38:25,923
[Wendy] What happens now?
637
00:38:25,924 --> 00:38:28,135
[Middleman] Stick Dr. Evil
with a tranquilizer dart,
638
00:38:28,136 --> 00:38:30,428
put the gun that killed
those mobsters in her hand
639
00:38:30,429 --> 00:38:32,099
and let Johnny Law
to do the algebra.
640
00:38:32,100 --> 00:38:33,891
But what about
Spanky and his gang?
641
00:38:33,892 --> 00:38:36,934
I mean, they're just innocent apes
who got kidnapped, experimented on,
642
00:38:36,935 --> 00:38:39,897
mindfrakked by a supercomputer
and forced to do evil.
643
00:38:39,898 --> 00:38:43,611
They didn't know what they were doing.
They don't deserve to live in a lab.
644
00:38:43,612 --> 00:38:47,706
Our work on this planet is done.
We're just The Middleman.
645
00:38:49,578 --> 00:38:52,831
- Can I make a call?
- It's a free country.
646
00:38:55,754 --> 00:38:57,715
Hey, Lacey, it's me.
647
00:38:57,716 --> 00:39:00,669
About those animal liberation
dudes you've been hanging with.
648
00:39:04,092 --> 00:39:06,133
A federally funded
lab was disgraced
649
00:39:06,134 --> 00:39:08,305
and a leading
researcher arrested
650
00:39:08,306 --> 00:39:12,390
when animal rights activists exposed
illegal mind control experiments.
651
00:39:12,391 --> 00:39:14,522
The apes in this lab are
being returned to the wild
652
00:39:14,523 --> 00:39:18,896
by an animal rescue organization, and
it's all because of this young activist.
653
00:39:18,897 --> 00:39:22,820
The moment we heard about the egregious
abuses of these so-called scientists,
654
00:39:22,821 --> 00:39:24,782
we alerted the authorities.
655
00:39:24,783 --> 00:39:26,744
These defenseless apes will
go to a safe sanctuary
656
00:39:26,745 --> 00:39:29,366
back in the wilderness
where they belong.
657
00:39:29,367 --> 00:39:32,830
Right. Now, can you tell us why
you're carrying that sign?
658
00:39:32,831 --> 00:39:37,125
Uh, French cuisine kills bunnies.
French cuisine kills...
659
00:39:38,046 --> 00:39:40,878
I gotta hand it to you.
660
00:39:40,879 --> 00:39:44,842
I had no idea your roommate was so well
connected in the primate liberation community.
661
00:39:44,843 --> 00:39:47,344
You did outstanding
work tonight.
662
00:39:47,345 --> 00:39:48,637
Yeah, sure I did.
663
00:39:50,218 --> 00:39:52,349
- You disagree?
- Ever read comics?
664
00:39:52,350 --> 00:39:55,393
As a matter of fact, I think
Jughead is a real hoot.
665
00:39:57,275 --> 00:39:58,316
Ever read Batman?
666
00:40:00,479 --> 00:40:04,943
Well, the Joker had a nickname for Batman's
sidekick. "Robin, the boy hostage."
667
00:40:06,615 --> 00:40:07,826
That's very clever.
668
00:40:09,528 --> 00:40:13,160
I was held at gunpoint by a gorilla while
you did your Dudley Do-Right thing.
669
00:40:13,161 --> 00:40:16,794
Maybe the next time I want to handle
something by myself you'll listen.
670
00:40:16,795 --> 00:40:17,995
I wouldn't count on it.
671
00:40:17,996 --> 00:40:20,248
Then I'll just tie
you to the car.
672
00:40:22,711 --> 00:40:24,132
Oh, yes, I would.
673
00:40:28,887 --> 00:40:32,180
Oh, and, uh, one
more thing, Dubbie.
674
00:40:52,911 --> 00:40:55,332
You're not gonna stop
calling me Dubbie, are you?
675
00:40:55,333 --> 00:40:57,576
Not a gosh-darn chance in heck.
676
00:40:58,787 --> 00:41:01,540
[tires screech]
677
00:41:15,764 --> 00:41:19,227
Yeah, as a matter of fact, Mom,
I do have a brand new job.
678
00:41:20,859 --> 00:41:23,522
Yeah, it's... it's more
of a freelance thing.
679
00:41:25,734 --> 00:41:30,318
Yeah, I get plenty of time to
paint and a great workout.
680
00:41:31,820 --> 00:41:34,111
My boss?
681
00:41:34,112 --> 00:41:36,113
You'd really like him.
682
00:41:36,114 --> 00:41:39,708
He's into guns, just like dad.
55118
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