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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:05,005 It's The Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Connie Stevens. 2 00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:07,966 And from Sesame Street, Ernie and Bert. 3 00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:11,094 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 4 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,728 ♪ It's time to play the music ♪ 5 00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:21,855 ♪ It's time to light the lights ♪ 6 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:25,358 ♪ It's time to meet the Muppets On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 7 00:00:26,317 --> 00:00:28,278 ♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪ 8 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,530 ♪ It's time to dress up right ♪ 9 00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:33,867 ♪ It's time to raise the curtain On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 10 00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:41,374 Hey! That Gonzo is so dumb, he just heard that we're running short of water, 11 00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:44,461 so he wants us to dilute it. Ah... 12 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,755 ♪ To introduce our guest star ♪ 13 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,631 ♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪ 14 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,176 ♪ So it really makes me happy ♪ 15 00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:52,886 ♪ To introduce to you ♪ 16 00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,138 Miss Connie Stevens! 17 00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:06,441 ♪ But now let's get things started On the most sensational, inspirational ♪ 18 00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:08,651 ♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪ 19 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:15,408 ♪ This is what we call The Muppet Show ♪ 20 00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:20,330 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 21 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:23,667 Thank you, thank you, thank you, and welcome to The Muppet Show. 22 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:28,088 Our special guest star is the beautiful and vivacious Miss Connie Stevens. 23 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:30,215 We're gonna have a great show for you tonight. 24 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:33,301 Right now I'd like you to meet another friend of mine. 25 00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:35,929 Her name is Lydia. Hit it! 26 00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:38,431 [PLAYING JAUNTY MUSIC] 27 00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:43,103 ♪ Lydia, oh, Lydia, Say, have you met Lydia? ♪ 28 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,814 ♪ Lydia the tattooed lady ♪ 29 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:50,568 ♪ She has eyes that folks adore so ♪ 30 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:54,114 ♪ And a torso even more so ♪ 31 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:57,450 ♪ Lydia, oh, Lydia, that encyclopedia ♪ 32 00:01:57,575 --> 00:02:00,453 ♪ Oh, Lydia the queen of tattoo ♪ 33 00:02:01,037 --> 00:02:04,708 ♪ On her back is the Battle of Waterloo ♪ 34 00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:08,336 ♪ Beside it the wreck Of the Hesperus too ♪ 35 00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:12,716 ♪ And proudly above waves The red, white and blue ♪ 36 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,469 ♪ You can learn a lot from Lydia ♪ 37 00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,346 ♪ La da daa ♪ 38 00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,098 ♪ Da da dum ♪ 39 00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:22,100 ♪ La da daa ♪ 40 00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:23,768 ♪ Da da dum ♪ 41 00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:27,480 ♪ She can give you a view Of the world in tattoo ♪ 42 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:30,984 ♪ If you step up and tell her where ♪ 43 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:34,904 ♪ For a dime you can see Kankakee or Paree ♪ 44 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:38,116 ♪ Or Washington crossing the Delaware ♪ 45 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,993 ♪ La da daa ♪ 46 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,786 ♪ Da da dum ♪ 47 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,621 ♪ Loo doo doo ♪ 48 00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:44,748 ♪ Doo doo ♪ 49 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:46,332 [BASS DRUM BEATING] 50 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:51,254 ♪ Lydia, oh, Lydia, Say, have you met Lydia? ♪ 51 00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:54,257 ♪ Oh, Lydia the tattooed lady ♪ 52 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:58,887 ♪ When her muscles start relaxing ♪ 53 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:02,390 ♪ Up the hill comes Andrew Jackson ♪ 54 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:05,643 ♪ Lydia, oh, Lydia, Oh, have you met Lydia? ♪ 55 00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:08,772 ♪ Oh, Lydia the champ of them all ♪ 56 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:12,817 ♪ She once swept an admiral Clear off his feet ♪ 57 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:16,404 ♪ The ships on her hips Made his heart skip a beat ♪ 58 00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:20,367 ♪ And now the old boy's In command of the fleet ♪ 59 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:24,662 ♪ For he went and married Lydia ♪ 60 00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:36,549 Oh, uh, Piggy, Have you met Lydia? 61 00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:40,428 -No. Have you met my left fist? -Hmm? 62 00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:46,309 I love it, I love it. 63 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:51,523 Of course he loves it, he's the kind of guy who plants poison ivy. Heh, heh. 64 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:57,112 Hilda, Hilda. Could I ask a great big favor? 65 00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:59,698 Oh, Gonzo, I'm very busy right now. 66 00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:03,576 Oh, but I brought my teddy bear in just especially for you to repair. 67 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:08,623 Gonzo, aren't you a little old to carry around a teddy bear? 68 00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:13,420 Really? You think I'm emotionally mature enough to move up to a Raggedy Ann? 69 00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:18,967 Gonzo, I categorically, absolutely refuse 70 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,594 to repair that teddy bear. 71 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,471 -Can I take that to mean "maybe"? -Oh! 72 00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:25,724 Oh, come on, Hilda. What do you say? Huh? 73 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:31,229 I say that bear is the worst thing I have ever seen in this theater. 74 00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:33,732 Why not get rid of him? 75 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,942 But-- But, Hilda... 76 00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:40,864 The bear is the worst thing she's ever seen in this theater? 77 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:45,201 My whole life is flashing before my eyes. 78 00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,749 [SINGING NONSENSICAL LYRICS] 79 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:04,137 English word der Swedish meatballs. 80 00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:07,891 Here is der sauce der meatballs. 81 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:10,018 [HUMMING] 82 00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:14,230 Das good. Oop! 83 00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:17,525 [SPEAKING GIBBERISH] 84 00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:21,529 Oh. 85 00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:24,074 Is a beencey bouncy burger, eh? 86 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,909 I serve de burger... 87 00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:28,661 [SPEAKING GIBBERISH] 88 00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:35,710 15-love. 89 00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,420 [LAUGHING] 90 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:43,176 Kermit, this is an ultimatum, We sing tonight or else. 91 00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:47,055 -Kermit's not here, Wayne. -Hmm. Hiding from my wrath, no doubt. 92 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,557 That's funny. He's not on-stage, either. 93 00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:52,977 -Wanda, no one is on-stage. -You mean...? 94 00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:56,481 Yes! This is our chance. We must grasp it. 95 00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:59,859 But this is supposed to be the place for the Connie Stevens spot. 96 00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:03,071 Oh, we'll cut the Connie Stevens spot. 97 00:06:07,283 --> 00:06:10,328 Who needs the Connie Stevens spot? 98 00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:13,456 Who cares about the Connie Stevens spot? 99 00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:17,961 I can't wait for the Connie Stevens spot! 100 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:32,225 Well, I thought Kermit was gonna introduce me. 101 00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:34,769 -And indeed he shall. -Hi, Kermit. 102 00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:37,856 Hi, Connie. Wow! Hey, listen, gang, 103 00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:40,900 I'd like to introduce that indefatigable blond bundle 104 00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:43,236 of beauty and talent, Miss Connie Stevens. 105 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:44,404 Wow! 106 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,531 And that was only your backstage introduction. 107 00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:49,284 When you sing your song, I'm gonna pull out all the stops. 108 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:53,663 -Aw, thanks, Kermit. You're so kind. -Aw, it was my pleasure. 109 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,291 I've been looking at this number you're gonna do, 110 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,501 and I don't remember ever hearing it before. 111 00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:02,172 Yeah, well, when I get done with it, you may never hear it again. 112 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,632 -It was a big hit back in the '50s. -Oh, yeah? 113 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:08,636 And I would like to dedicate this to my old boyfriend, Jimmy McAfee. 114 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:13,767 He used to sing this to me in his hot rod back in 1956, in the front seat. 115 00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:16,936 -Oh, yeah? Your first love, huh? -Yeah. 116 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,898 Sure was a beautiful car. 117 00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,025 I-- I meant Jimmy McAfee. 118 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,527 Oh, yeah, Jimmy McAfee. Whoo! 119 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,654 Kermit, boy, did I love him. 120 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:30,158 He had this long, thick, greasy hair, you know, 121 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,952 and he used to wear this big leather jacket. 122 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:35,830 And you know something? If we had saved Jimmy's hair, 123 00:07:35,914 --> 00:07:38,416 we wouldn't have any oil shortage today. 124 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:41,169 I can't wait to hear the song. 125 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:44,547 And like I told you earlier, we got a group to back you up. 126 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:45,924 Fantastic! 127 00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:48,301 [GRUNTING] 128 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:57,268 -Is that the group? -Yep, you called it. 129 00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,188 Well, they aren't The Temptations. 130 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,565 No, those are The Mutations. 131 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,569 -Delightful, -Yeah. Well, I tell you what. 132 00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:10,865 I'm gonna go out there and give you a big 1950's disc-jockey style introduction. 133 00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:13,076 -Okay. -Whoo! 134 00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:16,705 This is Kermit the Frog, your favorite jock, 135 00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:19,457 with all the top tunes of today spinning merrily out your way. 136 00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:23,586 Stacks and stacks of wax and wax, and this is a golden oldie, a blast from the past. 137 00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,839 The fabulous Connie Stevens and The Mutations 138 00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,591 with a platter that mattered way back in 1956. 139 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:32,137 Let's look on "Teenager In Love." Connie, you're on! 140 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:38,184 ♪ Ooh, ooh, wha-oo, ooh ♪ 141 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:44,733 ♪ Ooh, ooh, wha-oo, ooh ♪ 142 00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:48,361 ♪ Each time we have a quarrel ♪ 143 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,989 ♪ It almost breaks my heart ♪ 144 00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:54,534 ♪ 'Cause I am so afraid ♪ 145 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:57,245 ♪ That we will have to part ♪ 146 00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:03,335 ♪ Each night I ask the stars up above ♪ 147 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:10,008 ♪ Why must I be a teenager in love? ♪ 148 00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:12,969 ♪ I cried a tear ♪ 149 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:15,889 ♪ For nobody but you ♪ 150 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:19,434 ♪ I'd be the lonely one ♪ 151 00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:22,437 ♪ If you should say we're through ♪ 152 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,899 ♪ Well, if you want to make me cry ♪ 153 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:29,027 ♪ That won't be so hard to do ♪ 154 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:32,447 ♪ And if you should say goodbye ♪ 155 00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:35,533 ♪ I'll still go on loving you ♪ 156 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:41,873 ♪ 'Cause each night I ask The stars up above ♪ 157 00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:48,380 ♪ Why must I be a teenager in love? ♪ 158 00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:53,927 ♪ Why must I be a teenager ♪ 159 00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:59,933 ♪ In love? ♪ 160 00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:15,198 Ah, how poignant. I remember being a teenager in love. 161 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:18,326 Yeah, but Queen Victoria wouldn't have you! 162 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:19,828 [LAUGHS] 163 00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:24,249 Kermit, don't tell me you don't like him either. 164 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:27,085 Well, what's to like, Gonzo? That bear is the worst. 165 00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:28,878 I say let's get rid of him, okay? 166 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,380 But he's a nice bear. 167 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,925 Come on, I don't care if he is moldy-looking. I like him, 168 00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:39,597 Did you hear? Only Gonzo likes me. 169 00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:41,725 And he thinks I'm moldy. 170 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,356 [BAND PLAYING BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC] 171 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:55,822 I see they've finally started to class this place up. 172 00:10:56,364 --> 00:11:00,326 -How do you mean? -They're making the rats wear neckties. 173 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:04,247 ...two, three, dip. One, two, three, dip. 174 00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,291 One, two, three, dip! 175 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:07,542 [SCREAMS] 176 00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:09,419 One, two, three, dip. 177 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,087 [SCREAMS] 178 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:15,008 Bruce, this is not a fox trot. 179 00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:17,969 It is to me. 180 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:26,394 ♪ No one to talk with, all by myself ♪ 181 00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:31,566 ♪ No one to walk with But I'm happy on the shelf ♪ 182 00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:36,654 ♪ Ain't misbehavin' Savin' my love for you ♪ 183 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:41,034 ♪ Sca-da-ba-da-doo ♪ 184 00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:45,622 ♪ I know for certain the one I love ♪ 185 00:11:45,997 --> 00:11:50,251 ♪ I'm through with flirting It's just you I'm dreaming of ♪ 186 00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:56,049 ♪ Ain't misbehavin' Savin' my love for you ♪ 187 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:04,307 ♪ Like Jack Horner in the corner ♪ 188 00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:08,937 ♪ Don't go nowhere, what do I care? ♪ 189 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:15,193 ♪ Your kisses are worth waiting for ♪ 190 00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:18,154 ♪ Believe me ♪ 191 00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:23,076 ♪ I don't stay out late Don't care to go ♪ 192 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:27,956 ♪ I'm home about 8, just me and my radio ♪ 193 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:33,712 ♪ Ain't misbehavin' Savin' my love for you ♪ 194 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,483 ♪ Believe me ♪ 195 00:12:55,859 --> 00:13:00,739 ♪I don't stay out late, Don't care to go ♪ 196 00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:05,201 ♪ I'm home about 8, just me and my radio ♪ 197 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:11,207 ♪ Ain't misbehavin' Saving my love for you ♪ 198 00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:13,960 ♪ Be-ba-da-bom ♪ 199 00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:16,129 Ahh! 200 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:26,348 Uh, Connie, at last... 201 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:31,102 -We're alone, -You know something? 202 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,022 I think it's terrific being with you. 203 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,524 Mmm. Oh, yeah? 204 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:45,283 ♪ Why do stars fall down from the skies ♪ 205 00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:51,623 ♪ Every time you walk by? ♪ 206 00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:54,668 ♪ Just like me ♪ 207 00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,671 ♪ They long to be ♪ 208 00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:01,132 ♪ Close to you ♪ 209 00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:08,682 ♪ Aaa-aaa-aahh ♪ 210 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:13,645 ♪ Close to you ♪ 211 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:18,692 ♪ Aaa-aaa-aahh ♪ 212 00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:22,320 ♪ Close to you ♪ 213 00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:28,576 ♪ On the day that you were born The angels got together ♪ 214 00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:33,123 ♪ And decided to create a dream Come true ♪ 215 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,751 ♪ So they sprinkled moon dust In your hair of green ♪ 216 00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:42,549 ♪ And starlight in your eyes of blue ♪ 217 00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:48,471 ♪ That is why all the girls in town ♪ 218 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:54,102 ♪ Follow you around ♪ 219 00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,396 ♪ Ooh, just like me ♪ 220 00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,773 ♪ They long to be ♪ 221 00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:01,484 ♪ Close to you ♪ 222 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:02,986 Are you ready, fellas? 223 00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:06,281 ♪ Just like me ♪ 224 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:08,742 ♪ They long to be ♪ 225 00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:11,244 ♪ Close ♪ 226 00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:13,747 ♪ To ♪ 227 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:19,753 ♪ You ♪ 228 00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:30,013 I'd like to get close to Connie Stevens, but I'm too close to something else. 229 00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:32,140 -Well, what's that? -Ninety. 230 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,017 [BOTH LAUGHING] 231 00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:40,565 I've had it. Now that I know what people think of me here, 232 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,650 I'm leaving the show. 233 00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:47,572 GONZO: Oh, hi, guys. Say, I'm curious. What do you think of him? 234 00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:51,785 Listen, they're talking about me. Well, I will not listen. 235 00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:54,996 What do I think of the bear? Why, he's funny. 236 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:59,417 No, no, really. Every time I look at him, he makes me want to laugh and laugh. 237 00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:03,922 -Oh, I think he's just great, GONZO: Oh, I'm glad you like him too. 238 00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:06,216 Kermit thinks it's a disgrace to have him around 239 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,176 and says we ought to get a new one. 240 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,303 Well, that'd be nice too. 241 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:15,892 The bear can barely bear it, folks. 242 00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:24,359 Okay, Zoot, it's time for your solo. Have you looked over the music? 243 00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:29,364 -Yeah. You expect me to play this, man? -What else would you do with it? 244 00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:32,826 If I had a match, I could put it out of its misery. 245 00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:35,453 Trust me, Zoot. This is a great little number. 246 00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:38,707 Yeah, what if I refuse to play it? 247 00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,084 What if I get a new sax player? 248 00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:48,091 What if you and I just get right down to it and do this little beauty, huh? 249 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,427 -Good thought. -Yeah. 250 00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:55,473 Forgive me, Charlie Parker, wherever you are. 251 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,477 [PIANO AND BASS PLAYING A MELODY] 252 00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:03,231 [PLAYS ONE NOTE] 253 00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:07,318 [PIANO AND BASS PLAYING A MELODY] 254 00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:09,237 [PLAYS ONE NOTE] 255 00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:11,740 [PIANO AND BASS PLAYING A MELODY] 256 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,499 [PLAYS ONE NOTE] 257 00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:24,502 [PIANO AND BASS PLAYING A MELODY] 258 00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,887 [PLAYS ONE NOTE AND BELL RINGS] 259 00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:36,348 [PIANO AND BASS PLAYING A MELODY] 260 00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:39,642 [PLAYS ONE NOTE AND BELL RINGS] 261 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:42,520 [PIANO AND BASS PLAYING A MELODY] 262 00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:52,155 [PLAYS ONE NOTE AND BELL RINGING] 263 00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:55,617 [PIANO AND BASS PLAYING A MELODY] 264 00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:04,042 [PLAYS ONE NOTE AND BELL RINGING] 265 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,544 [PIANO AND BASS PLAYING A MELODY] 266 00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:32,570 Okay. And now, for your amazement and confusion, 267 00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:36,449 The Muppet Show's resident weird person, Gonzo the Great, 268 00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:38,618 will grow a tomato plant 269 00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:43,331 whilst playing the "1812 Overture" on the violin. 270 00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:45,333 [FANFARE] 271 00:18:45,417 --> 00:18:47,210 Thank you, thank you. 272 00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:52,215 This is the tomato plant, and I am the Gonzo. 273 00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:55,218 This act may not last long. 274 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,387 GONZO: Whoo! Whee-aaa-hahah! 275 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,472 In fact, it's over. 276 00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:01,933 Help! Get off me! 277 00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:04,310 [GONZO SCREAMING] 278 00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:08,106 Well, they're gonna be tied up for a while. 279 00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:11,609 -Goodbye, Mr. Frog. -Uh, Fozzie? Where are you going? 280 00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:15,113 Oh, I've been hearing what they've been saying about the old bear here, 281 00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:19,534 so I'm going home, I'm leaving the show business. 282 00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:20,744 -But... -Kermit. 283 00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:24,039 -Bye. -If the bear goes, I go. 284 00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:29,169 What--? Gonzo, I never realized! Oh, boy, oh, boy, okay. 285 00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:32,797 Okay, the ball is in your court, frog. 286 00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:35,884 Uh, wait a minute, Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold it, hold it. 287 00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:37,927 Listen, Fozzie, when you heard people saying 288 00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:41,765 they didn't want the bear around here, they were referring to Gonzo's teddy bear. 289 00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:43,266 Not to you. 290 00:19:44,768 --> 00:19:46,353 Teddy bear? 291 00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:50,065 Oh, you mean--? Then you really want me to stay on the show? 292 00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:52,817 Of course I want you to stay on the show, you're a star. 293 00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:56,029 -You're a legend in your own time. -Oh! 294 00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:59,657 -Am I laying it on a little too thick? -Oh, I don't know what to say, 295 00:19:59,783 --> 00:20:05,288 except that if you, the frog, want me, the bear, to stay, then... 296 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:07,916 -I just have to have a raise. -What? 297 00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:11,336 Oh, yeah, Yeah, I want an even bigger dressing room, and a limousine... 298 00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:15,090 -Will you get out of here, Fozzie? -Thank you, sir, thank you, thank you. 299 00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:19,803 Yeah. Well, like I was saying, Kermit, if the bear goes, the Gonzo goes. 300 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:20,929 Okay, okay. 301 00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:25,475 You can stay, the teddy bear can stay. Both bears can stay, the Gonzo can stay. 302 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:26,685 Phew! 303 00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:31,690 Sometimes the crown weighs rather heavy on this little froggy head. 304 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,569 NEWSCASTER: Here's a Muppet news flash. 305 00:20:36,653 --> 00:20:41,324 And now, to Washington D.C. for a direct call on our hot line. 306 00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:42,909 Ooh! Oh! Oh! 307 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,955 And now it's time to present two old friends of ours. 308 00:20:47,038 --> 00:20:50,375 All the way from Sesame Street, here they are now, the two and only, 309 00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,585 Ernie and Bert! 310 00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:56,756 Thank you, thank you, thank you. 311 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,968 Gee, it's really great to be here. Right, Bert? 312 00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:02,095 Uh... Guess so. 313 00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:04,973 -Well, what's wrong, Bert? -Well, I mean, uh... 314 00:21:05,056 --> 00:21:09,853 I feel funny being here. This is a big TV variety show, you know. 315 00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:12,981 -Well, so? -Well, I... I'm no performer. 316 00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:16,276 Oh, Bert. A suave, sophisticated showman like you, Bert? 317 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,111 Oh, sure, sure. You see, I know you. 318 00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:21,114 You're gonna keep on saying I'm suave and sophisticated, 319 00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:25,618 and then when I start to believe it, then you're gonna say how pointy head I have, 320 00:21:25,744 --> 00:21:29,372 and how floppy arms I have, and how dull I am. 321 00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:30,874 -I know you, -Oh, Bert, Bert. 322 00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:32,792 -What? -Now, you must admit, though, Bert, 323 00:21:32,876 --> 00:21:35,628 that the head up there is a little bit pointy, Bert. 324 00:21:35,712 --> 00:21:38,882 And you must admit that the arms are a little bit floppy and soggy, Bert. 325 00:21:39,007 --> 00:21:40,508 -See that? -Mm-hm, mm-hm. 326 00:21:40,592 --> 00:21:42,886 -And, Bert? Bert? -What? 327 00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:45,430 The nose is still loose, Bert. 328 00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:47,223 [GIGGLES] 329 00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:52,103 -Now, cut that out! -Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, Bert. Here. 330 00:21:53,396 --> 00:21:55,315 -There we go, Bert, -Yeah. See what I mean? 331 00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:59,069 I mean, that old loose nose joke is funny on Sesame Street, 332 00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:01,529 but, uh, this is big time, Ernie. 333 00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,615 I mean, they're expecting an act or something. 334 00:22:03,698 --> 00:22:05,075 -Hey, Bert, wait a minute. -What? 335 00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:06,201 You can do an act. 336 00:22:06,284 --> 00:22:09,287 -All you need are the clothes, Bert. -Ah, no... Clothes? 337 00:22:09,412 --> 00:22:11,664 -Come here. Right over here. - No, I-- Stop it-- 338 00:22:11,748 --> 00:22:15,669 -No, no, right over here, Bert, -I know what you have in mind. Stop it! 339 00:22:17,128 --> 00:22:20,423 And here he is now, that suave, sophisticated showman, 340 00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:22,050 my old buddy, Bert. 341 00:22:25,303 --> 00:22:27,514 Well, Bert? What do you say? 342 00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:32,602 ♪ Some enchanted evening ♪ 343 00:22:32,686 --> 00:22:33,728 Beg pardon, Bert? 344 00:22:33,812 --> 00:22:37,482 ♪ You may see a stranger ♪ 345 00:22:37,565 --> 00:22:39,067 [ORCHESTRA STRIKES NOTES] 346 00:22:39,192 --> 00:22:40,568 What's going on here? 347 00:22:41,403 --> 00:22:44,072 ♪ You may see a stranger ♪ 348 00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:48,201 ♪ Across a crowded room ♪ 349 00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:52,455 ♪ And somehow you know ♪ 350 00:22:52,539 --> 00:22:56,418 ♪ You know even then ♪ 351 00:22:56,835 --> 00:22:59,838 ♪ That somewhere you'll see her ♪ 352 00:22:59,963 --> 00:23:04,718 ♪ Again and again ♪ 353 00:23:06,845 --> 00:23:09,597 ♪ Who can explain it? ♪ 354 00:23:09,681 --> 00:23:12,225 ♪ Who can tell you why? ♪ 355 00:23:12,350 --> 00:23:15,770 ♪ Fools give you reasons ♪ 356 00:23:15,854 --> 00:23:19,357 ♪ Wise men never ♪ 357 00:23:19,441 --> 00:23:22,777 ♪ Try ♪ 358 00:23:22,861 --> 00:23:24,988 [INSTRUMENTAL] 359 00:23:49,262 --> 00:23:51,348 Oh, Connie. 360 00:24:00,273 --> 00:24:03,401 ♪ Once you have found her ♪ 361 00:24:03,485 --> 00:24:06,029 ♪ Never let her go ♪ 362 00:24:07,030 --> 00:24:10,784 ♪ Once you have found her ♪ 363 00:24:10,867 --> 00:24:13,912 ♪ Never ♪ 364 00:24:13,995 --> 00:24:16,831 ♪ Let her ♪ 365 00:24:16,915 --> 00:24:23,004 ♪ Go ♪ 366 00:24:32,806 --> 00:24:35,058 -Ernie? -Hmm? 367 00:24:35,433 --> 00:24:37,102 -Ernie, come here, -What, Bert? 368 00:24:37,185 --> 00:24:40,563 Did I just make a complete fool of myself? 369 00:24:41,690 --> 00:24:43,274 Absolutely, Bert. 370 00:24:43,942 --> 00:24:47,529 -Take me home, I feel terrible. -Okay. Come on, Bert. 371 00:24:47,779 --> 00:24:49,072 [GIGGLES] 372 00:24:49,906 --> 00:24:53,118 Connie, we sure want to thank you for being with us on the show tonight. 373 00:24:53,201 --> 00:24:55,453 Well, thank you, Kermit, I had a ball. 374 00:24:55,537 --> 00:24:57,956 Listen, we'd also like to present you with a little gift 375 00:24:58,081 --> 00:25:00,250 that we give to all our guest stars on the show: 376 00:25:00,333 --> 00:25:02,711 a Muppet likeness of yourself. 377 00:25:02,836 --> 00:25:07,007 Uh, hiya, Connie. Do you think there's room for two of us in this business? 378 00:25:07,090 --> 00:25:09,843 -Well, can you sing and dance? -Uh, no. 379 00:25:09,968 --> 00:25:11,720 Well, then, there's plenty of room. 380 00:25:11,803 --> 00:25:15,849 Thanks a lot, Kermit, This is a lovely surprise, I would like to thank-- 381 00:25:15,974 --> 00:25:17,726 Oh, no. 382 00:25:17,851 --> 00:25:19,144 It's a... 383 00:25:19,227 --> 00:25:22,897 It's a crazy Great Gonzo tomato plant! Hey, make sure Connie's okay, 384 00:25:22,981 --> 00:25:26,359 and tell Gonzo that either the plant goes or he goes. 385 00:25:26,484 --> 00:25:28,403 We lose more guests that way. 386 00:25:28,486 --> 00:25:32,490 Anyhow, take care of yourselves, and we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show. 387 00:25:32,574 --> 00:25:34,826 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 388 00:26:15,033 --> 00:26:17,786 Well, do you think this show is educational? 389 00:26:17,869 --> 00:26:20,789 Yes, it'll drive people to read books. 30400

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