All language subtitles for The Nanny S06E12 The Fran in the Mirror 1080p WEB-DL DD2 0 H 264-squalor_track3_[eng]

Oh, this is so exciting.

Grace is applying to the
Eastside School for the Gifted?

You know, you won't be
the first member of
the Fine family to attend.

Your Aunt Celia
spent three years there.

Ma, she worked in the lunchroom.

And she got fired
for giving free lunches

to a lady who tried
to pass herself off
as an eighth-grader.

Meanwhile,
with my little pigtails
and my little plaid skirt,

I was adorable.

You know, Sylvia, tomorrow
we're having the headmistress
of the school over

for a fancy-schmancy
Music Appreciation Day.

Fran's trying to schmooze her
because she's a big macher.

[Fran laughs]

And now that she's bilingual,
we'll slide right in.

Oh, what time
are you gonna start?

Because I could stop by
on my way to the beauty parlor.

No, Ma, I don't think
that's such a good idea.

Why?

Well, because A,
they would meet you,

and B, they would meet you
before you went
to the beauty parlor.

Meanwhile, if you wanna get
Grace in,

you should give
a big, generous donation.

Your Uncle Louie has a garage
full of illegal cable boxes.

Oh, well, I can always
join a gang.

Darling, you'll never guess
who I just bumped into.

Remember my friend
Rodney Pembrook?

All those zany stories
I used to recount?

Oh, the recounting we did.

You have no idea
who I'm talking about, do you?

Not a clue.

I'm sorry, honey. I only really
started paying attention
after you proposed.

-Come on, we went to Oxford
together. We were like brothers.
-Oh.

He comes from one
of wealthiest families
in London.

Is he single? Because your
sister's not that happy
with her husband lately.

Oy, we're both married
and she's still
trying to trade up.

Oh, Niles, guess what.
We're gonna have company.

Heh. Thirty years
and he still thinks
company excites me.

Yes, Rodney Pembrook
from Oxford. Oh, my God.

Do you remember New Year's Eve,
freshman year

we were sick all over the room,

and then some idiot forgot
to turn the bathtub off
and flooded the place?

I think that was you, wasn't it?

No, but you remember
the next morning
when you woke up

-and it was all spotless again?
-Uh.

That was me.

♪ She was working
in a bridal shop ♪

♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪

♪ Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪

♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪

♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪

♪ She was out on her fanny ♪

♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing ♪

♪ To the Sheffield's door ♪

♪ She was there to sell makeup
but the father saw more ♪

♪ She had style, she had flair
she was there ♪

♪ That's how she became ♪

♪ The Nanny ♪

♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl we described ♪

♪ Was just exactly
what the doctor prescribed? ♪

♪ Now, the father
finds her beguiling ♪

♪ Watch out C.C. ♪

♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪

♪ Such joie de vivre ♪

♪ She's the lady in red ♪

♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪

♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪

♪ The Nanny named Fran ♪

[playing piano]

I think we're really making
a good impression
on the headmistress.

Wait till she hears me sing
"Don't Rain On My Parade."

-[people exclaiming]
-[applause]

Mrs. Sheffield, where I have
seen this pianist before?

Do I know him from
the recital hall at Juilliard?

Oh, no.

The atrium at Macy's.

You know, Mrs. Sheffield,
I'm... I'm very curious

about your background
and education.
We haven't discussed it.

You know, I... I had wonderful
experiences at private school

and, uh, some
of my fondest memories
were with my classmates.

Who?

Tootie, Blair and Natalie.

You know, uh, Grace's father
is from England

and he went to private school
as well.

Yes, I'm looking forward
to meeting your husband.

Where's my little coochy coo?

Hey, sexy, come on.

Move those beautiful legs
over here
and come say hello to Rodney.

Pardon, doll.

Honey, honey.

You're interrupting my

"mother-daughter we got culture
in this house" day.

What's that? Oh, Rodney,
come on in here, you ugly bum.

Come on in, you madman.

Maxwell, she's breathtaking.

[Maxwell] Mm.

How the devil could you have
waited five years
to propose to her?

-You perfect fool.
-[chuckles]

Oh, thank you, Rodney.

[laughs]
And she does funny voices.

[shushing]

[clears throat]
Darling, darling.

You'll never guess
what this crazy lunatic
did at the club.

He ordered us a bottle
of white wine,

-then switched to red wine...
-Right.

...and ordered fish. [laughs]

Oh, you outlaws, you.

Butch, why don't you
take Sundance and get
some coffee in the kitchen?

Oh, uh... No, uh... Have Niles
bring it to the office. Uh...

Rodney's gonna let me
into a very hush-hush deal
he's got going.

-You know, everything this chap
touches turns to gold.
-[Fran] Mm-hmm. Oh.

-How do you do?
-Ow! Ow!

Excuse me. It's okay.

You know the British.
They're so warm and cuddly.
[laughs]

I know, why don't I just ring
for the butler to replenish us?

Yahoo!

Sweet lordy Lord,
my ship has come in.

Uh, Niles, would you mind
getting us some tea?

It turns out,
I had an uncle who died.

But wait, it gets better.

I've inherited a royal title.
I'm rich.

Oh, that's so exciting.
Did you get the check yet?

-No.
-Then get the tea.

You know, Sylvia, why don't you
just take the magazine home?

That's not courteous.

Ma, what are you doing here?

You know, just once
I'd like you to say, "Hello.
How are you? What's new?"

What's gonna be new
since this morning

when you were sitting here
eating breakfast?

I since had a nectarine.

So did she get into the school?

Well, it was only
our second interview,

and the teacher dropped a word
that I didn't understand.
Which one was that?

-Curriculum.
-Oh.

She said it was broad-based,
and you said,
"What do the boys study?"

Yeah, right.

But, you know, I really think
I impressed her

when I told her that
we were related to Larry Fine.

Larry Fine of the Three Stooges?

Now, you see,
and you thought no one knew.

Is he the funny-looking one
with the kinky hair

-who always acts like a moron?
-Yeah.

We're not related to him.

Yeah, but Ma,
we so easily could be.

You know, Grace,
I didn't get into that school.

What makes you think you will?

Because I study, I write well,
I've maintained a 4.0-grade
average.

Okay, but If I have the choice
between being smart
and being good-looking...

You'd pick either?

Niles.

The minute you arrive,
you tell that theater owner

he better not jack up the rent
or next time he'll have
to deal with me.

Oh, C.C., there's no need
to frighten the man.

-Where are you going?
-Darling, I have to go to London

-for an emergency meeting.
-What?

I'm sorry, but I'm going
on the Concorde,
so I'll be back tomorrow night.

Niles!

No, no, I'm not sending you
any more money,
so stop calling me.

If Mommy calls again,
I'm not here.

Well, if it isn't
Jane Austen Powers.

Why can't you
just be happy for me?

Being called "sir" is new to me.

You're used to it.

Well, Niles, I'm very happy
about your newfound title.

It must be quite a check.
Come on, let's see it.

Well, it hasn't come yet.

Oh, in that case, go upstairs
and pack my bags, would you?

Okay. But you'd better watch

because after my check arrives,
I'll be loaded.

Again, just like you.

[humming]

Uh, Niles,
I had to let Rodney in.

Oh, good, because that will
probably be your job now.

-Niles.
-Sir.

Good Lord, the last time
I saw you,

we were all pheasant hunting.

Somebody bagged a bird
with the very first shot.

That was you.

No, no, no. But remember
the next night

when it was
so delicious under glass

with the little red potatoes?
That was me.

-Anyway, if you want some food,
the kitchen's that way.
-[scoffs]

You want a drink, follow him.

Hello. C.C. Babcock,
Maxwell's business partner.

Ah, it's a pleasure.

Whatever happened
to that plump brunette
he partnered with after college?

I have no idea.

-Oh, hi, Rodney.
-Oh, Fran, hello.

Max left for London
without giving me
his investments...

-Oh! Oh.
-...and I've got
a 5:00 deadline.

-Can you write me a check?
-No. No.

-She cannot.
-Why not?

-You're his wife, aren't you?
-Yes, Rodney.

Yes, I am.

Yes, but I am his
business partner,
and I am in charge of the money.

Yes, but this is
a private investment
made by Max and myself.

Well, I am in charge of that too
because you're stupid.

Now, Miss Babcock,
my husband wants in on this deal

and I'm just doing
what he would want.
How much do you need?

An even million
was the figure we discussed.

A million?
Give me that checkbook!

Over my dead body. Oh, look,
Rodney's checking out your tush.

Oh, really?

-How many zeroes in a mil?
-Six.

Oh, wow!

Look at that. When you put
the smiley faces in,

it looks like the Osmond family.

-Mrs. Fran Sheffield. [guffaws]
-Well, sign away.

Because it's the last time
you'll use that name.

Thank you, Fran. You've just
made the deal of a lifetime.

Well, you are welcome, sir.

[scoffs]

Fran, uh, Jocelyn's here.
And do you have any idea

why Niles would want me
to make him a sandwich?

Oh, they made him a lord
or something.

Just humor him, humor him.

-[Fran] Hi.
-Oh, ta-ta.

So good to see you.
Let's have lunch.

God, I could really go
for that Rodney.

[chuckles] Well, why don't you?
He's handsome, he's single.

-He's broke.
-What?

Darling, everyone in England
knows he's penniless.

He's gone through his own money
and everyone else's.

He must be over here
looking for new victims.

[gasps]

Oh, Maxwell's gonna fire you
when he hears you let me
write that check.

Nanny Fine,
maybe you misunderstood
the bank.

How? They said Rodney already
wired the money to Switzerland

and it was too late
to stop the check.

I know. I just wanted
to hear it again.

Oh, cheer up, Nanny Fine.

Whenever I'm depressed,

I think about people
who are worse off than myself

and then I visit them. [laughs]

Hey, Val. How you enjoying
your first day of work?

Oh, I can't talk.

I'm not supposed to have
non-doughnut-related
conversations.

What's with the hair?

Oh, it's my marketing strategy.

See, I wear it
like cinnamon buns,
and hence, I sell more.

Can I have another cinnamon bun?

Ka-ching! Ka-ching!

Here's to you, Nanny Fine.

It was just a matter of time
before you screwed up
with Maxwell.

I know.

Well, look on the bright side.

Maybe you can live
with one of the kids.

Because when I move in,
they're out of there.

Oh! Why am I such a loser?

You got cocky.

That'll bring you down
every time.

Fran, there has got to be a way
to get that money back.

How, Val? He already converted
the million bucks into Francs.

Oh, well, once you convert it
into hot dogs,

well, it's very hard to trace.

Loosen your cinnamon buns,
would you?

Fran, this isn't like you.
I've never seen you defeated.

Why don't you just go
to that Rodney guy
and demand your money back?

Yeah, you go do that.

Take your financial advice
from E. F. Muffin.

Val, you are right.

This isn't me. Accepting doom.
Drowning my sorrows in jelly?

No. I push this doughnut away.

I am going to go to Rodney

and demand that he give us
our money back.

And if all else fails,
see if you can get me a job here

because I could do
a gorgeous French cruller.

Good luck, Nanny Fine.

You'll get that check.

Excuse me.

NYPD.

Why so blue?

-Fran. Come in.
-Hi.

What a surprise.

Can I get you anything?

Oh, I don't know.
Maybe a cracker, some Gouda,

a million bucks?

What are you saying?
You want your money back?

Yes.

And the cracker and the Gouda.

Well, what happened? I mean,

a few hours ago, you thought you
were making a good investment.

Well, that was before I knew
you were broke,
and then I started to think

maybe it's not
such a good investment.

Look, Fran, if you're
uncomfortable investing with me,

I'll write you a check,
right now.

-[clears throat]
-I'm uncomfortable.

Fran, you've gotta believe me.

This was a good investment.

I'd never steer Maxwell wrong.
He's like a brother to me.

Well, then why did you lie
to him?

And why did you pretend
to still be rich?

Because I made
one bad investment
and everyone lost faith.

I mean, why are you here?

Because you found out
I was broke

and thought
I was a bad risk, right?

Yeah, well, maybe.

See, you have money.
You don't know what it's like
to be an underdog.

Oh, please, are you kidding me?

I was an underdog before
Underdog got his own series.

You know
what it boils down to, Fran?

I needed a break.

And I knew if Max
invested with me,

everyone else would follow.

But I swear to you,

I would never do anything
to hurt him.

I just needed a second chance.

Oh... Well... Oh.

So is there anything else
I can get you?

Well...

That Gouda's probably
softening up by now.

Would you settle
for a cinnamon bun?

I don't even care for them.

But I bought a dozen.

[sighs] Oh, what to do?

I wanna give the guy a break
but he lied to me.

Oh, and you have never lied,

Miss I-Went-to-a-Private-School-
and-I'm-Related-to-the-Stooges?

Well, that was different.

I was just trying to get Gracie
into a good school.

And maybe he just wanted
to get his life back on track.

You know, you both pretended
to be something that you're not.

By the way, that lipstick
is way too blue for us.

Oh, maybe you've got a point.

Maybe I should just give
the guy a break.

I mean, everyone deserves
a second chance.

If you do this,
I'll give you a present.

Really? What?

How would you like to see
what you're going to look like
in 30 years?

You can do that?

Watch me.

Oh, my God.

-Hi.
-Nanny Fine, how did it go?

Wait, wait, wait, let me guess.

Rodney said, "I'll give you
the money back, but you'll miss
great investment."

And you said,
"Oh, keep the million bucks.
I believe in you."

Yes.

-Oh, hello, sweetheart.
-Hi, hi.

-Hi. [chuckles]
-Oh, it's good to be home.

Oh, Maxwell, Nanny Fine has
a million things to tell you.

Well, I've got something
to tell you, sweetheart.

Rodney is flat broke.

Really?

I heard all about him in London.

Appears he's up to his neck
in hock. Heh.

Thank goodness I left before
I invested any money with him.

So, what do you wanna tell me,
sweetheart?

Well, uh...

Rodney came over to the house

and I wrote him out a check
for the million dollars

that you just said you were glad
you never gave him.

-And?
-And the worst part of it is

he offered to give it
back to me,
and I still didn't take it.

Uh, no, sweetheart,
uh, actually,
the worst part of it is

that that door doesn't lock
from your side.

Oh!

Okay. Bye.

Well, I decided to go
with my instincts.

You know, follow my heart.

I mean, what could possibly
go wrong when you...

[gasps] Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, boy.

I don't know how you could have
trusted that thief.

It's a good thing the money
doesn't mean that much to you.

Let me... [clears thorat]
...try to put this to you

-in a language you
could understand.
-Okay.

Uh... [clears throat]
...do you have any idea

-how much
one million dollars is, hmm?
-Uh... Unh.

Oh, about 400,000 cartons
of Haagen-Dazs.

Ah!

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

Max, Fran.

Where the hell is everything?

Back where it belongs.
It's amazing what you can rent.

Oh, listen to me, Rodney.
You owe my wife and me
an explanation.

-Yeah.
-Actually, Maxwell,

I owe your wife a big thanks.

-Hmm?
-Oh.

Once everybody heard
you'd invested,

the money poured in

and the deal went down
without a hitch.

You, my old school friend,
have just made yourself 500,000.

-Oh, I did?
-Yes. Come on.

-We'll call your broker.
-[Maxwell chuckles]

From the kitchen, before they
switch the phone off.

[whisteling]

Oh! You're pretty happy
with yourself, aren't you?

Oh, you know,
all's well that ends well.

Just goes to show,
you gotta be yourself
in this world.

Meanwhile, when are you
gonna start being yourself

with that private school lady,
huh?

Would you stop already
with that?

God, has anyone ever told you
you're annoying?

Just my voice.

You know,
if you're so concerned,

why don't you set
things straight
with the private school lady?

Well, I can't, but if you don't,

I can show your husband
what you're gonna look
like in 30 years.

And I'm not related to a Stooge.

And I don't personally
know Tootie,

and the crab I served
at the party was crab with a K.

But that pianist
really was from Macy's.

Well, I appreciate your candor,

-but unfortunately the committee
has decided not to accept Grace.
-Huh.

We're giving her spot
to an underprivileged
child from Queens.

But I'm from Queens.
I'm a total schlub.

I have no class.

Oh, please take my kid.

Oh, I know
you're classless, dear,

but Grace is still
Maxwell Sheffield's daughter

and the school has
too many children
from privileged backgrounds.

So are you saying
that it's Maxwell's fault

that our daughter isn't getting
into the school of her dreams?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, I feel so much better.

-Chocolates?
-Oh!

Worthless.

How could I inherit
an estate that's worthless?

I can't even claim the title,

there's so many damn lawsuits
against it.

Yeah, well, what about me?
I already hired six bridesmaids.

And the worst part,

I maxed out all my credit cards
on a new wardrobe.

It'll take years
to pay them off.

Niles, I'm sorry to interrupt,
but your break's over.

[theme music playing]

[theme music ends]