All language subtitles for The Nanny S03E02 Franny and the Professor 1080p WEB-DL DD2 0 H 264-squalor_track3_[eng]

MAXWELL: So did you
have a nice evening?

Oh, I'll tell you, it was
a beautiful wedding.

Val and I cried our eyes out.

She made some gorgeous bride,
that Dr. Quinn.

-Fran, where's ourTV Guide?
-Right here.

-Give me your best shot.
-All righty.

Channel 29, what follows
The Ghost and Mrs. Muir?

That would beFamily Affair,
the episode where Mr. French

accidentally drops Mrs.
Beasley
off the terrace,

followed byThe Munsters
with Marilyn Number Two

followed byBewitched
with Darrin Number One

but Mrs. Kravitz Number Two.

Bravo, Miss Fine.

You seem to know more
about '60s television

than most people at your
age
have forgotten.

Well, are you calling me old
or just stupid?

Well, you have a childlike
quality

that I find absolutely charming.

-Childlike?
-Just stupid.

Well, what does he expect?
All I do is talk to kids
all day.

If someone would keep their head
out of the paper in the morning,

maybe I can have
an adult conversation.

Look,Dumb & Dumber
at the dollar theatres.

All right, Miss Fine. You
want
an adult conversation?

-Yes, I do.
-Let's talk.

Um, affirmative action,
for or against?

Against. Get rid of
affirmative action.

Those creams don't work.

My mother has been smearing
them
on her thighs for years,

and she still looks
like she fell asleep
in a wicker chair.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

SINGER: ♪♪ She was working in a
bridal shop in Flushing, Queens
♪♪

♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪

♪♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪

♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪

♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪

♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing
to the Sheffields'
door ♪♪

♪♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more
♪♪

♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪

♪♪ That's how
She became the nanny! ♪♪

♪♪ Who would have guessed that
the girl we've described ♪♪

♪♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪♪

♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪

♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪

♪♪ And the kids
are actually
smiling ♪♪

♪♪ Such♪♪

♪♪ She's the lady in red
when everybody else is
wearing
tan ♪♪

♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪

♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪

Ooh, now they're unloading
a couch.

Nope. It's a sectional.

Nope. It's a love seat
and a chaise.

-Nope, nope...
-Oh, would you stop it?
You're driving me crazy.

[SHUSHING]

What if the person moving
in
is a single guy?

If he hears you
yelling at me,

he's gonna
think
we're married.

I'm sorry, Miss Fine.

I'm just obsessing over
something in the newspaper.

Oh, you want to
talk about it?

No, I don't think it's
anything
you'll be interested in.

Well, I could fake it.

It wouldn't be
the first time.

All right. It's President
Clinton's Renaissance Weekend,

and I was hoping
I'd be invited.

Oh, a Renaissance Weekend.

Boy, Clinton goes
to those things?

'Cause I'm thinking
tights and a pointy hat
is not his best look.

No, Miss Fine. Not the
Renaissance Faire,

the Renaissance Weekend.

It's a yearly gathering

of the best minds from
every walk of life,

and they only invite one member
of the Broadway community,

and you know the one name
that's ahead of mine.

Right. Who comes before
Sheffield?

A, B, C, D, E, F, G... R!

Phylicia Rashad is before
Mr. Sheffield.

No, Miss Fine.
Not Phylicia
Rashad.

Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Webber? W is before S?

Boy, and they call me stupid.

Well, it's 12:30. Where's
this
brother of yours, C.C.?

Brother? There's
a brother coming?

Is he short,
ugly, and married?

No. Why?

Well, then I gotta change.

Nanny Fine, please,

he is a full-time professor
at Northwestern University.

Well, I don't mind
moving down south.

Oh, it will be so
wonderful
to see Noel again.

We used to have so much fun.

Every summer he'd take me
to the horse show.

Did you ever win?

Maxwell,
will you put that out?
It's stinking up the
house.

Oh, C.C., I thought you liked
cigars.

I meant him.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, he's here.

Oh, we were just
like best friends.

C.C.

Noel.

-Yes!
-Well, you've been working
out.

[SNIFFING]

I smell Lady Stetson.
Mummy gave you this.

She gave you the Beamer.

She gave you the Benz.

C.C., Mummy died yesterday.

-[GASPS] What'd you get?
-Got you.

I walked right into that.

He used to keep me
in stitches

with all that
"Mummy died" stuff.

Oh, yes. Charming.

Oh, I didn't know
we had company.

Isn't anyone going to
introduce us?

All right. This is
my
charming,

wealthy, educated brother,
Noel.

Noel, this is the help.

I'm Dr. Noel Babcock.

Oh, a teacher and a doctor.

Your mother must be kvelling.

Miss Fine, don't you
have something to do?

Oh, he thinks

that I can't handle
an adult
conversation.

Want a Juicy Juice?

Maybe I'd learn something
if I hung out
with the professor.

Worked for Mary Ann
and Ginger.

Is something going on
with Max and the nanny?

-No.
-Huh?

I mean, Maxwell
is an educated man.

-She went to
Nick at Nite
-[CHUCKLES]

C.C., would you like
to have some fun?

Noel, I thought that
was against the law.

No.

No, no, no. No, I
meant
a little wager.

I say the nanny
can be taught.

Oh, please, don't make me
take your money.

This is a woman who thought
Clarence Thomas

was onThe Mod Squad.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Stop it. You're gonna
make me go right here.

(BOTH SIGHING)

My Lamborghini against
your prize
thoroughbred.

You choose the test.

Well, the only thing
she knows is television.

I'll make it easy for you.

Get her onJeopardy.

All right. You're on.

Oh, I can't wait to get
behind
the wheel of that car.

And I can't wait to get
behind
that racehorse.

You know what I mean.

[BOTH SIGHING]

No, Ma, Noel is not
that kind of doctor.

'Cause he's a p...
You can't write
prescriptions, can you?

No.

That's what your
insurance is for.

Would you just call your
H-O-M-O. Oy.

Fran, you are enchanting.

I don't know why you're
insecure
about your intelligence.

-Oh, well.
-I mean, if you're smart
enough to get on
Jeopardy.

Who got onJeopardy?

Well, C.C. told me
you'd been on a game show.

-I naturally assumed...
-Oh, please.Studs.

-That's not really a mind
game.
-Hm.

No. You gotta be a genius
to be onJeopardy.

I mean, my own cousin
can't get on,

and she finds Waldo
every week.

-I'll bet you could do it.
-No.

I couldn't possibly
find Waldo every week,

especially in
those beach scenes

when he's not
wearing his shirt.

No, no. I meant
getting on
Jeopardy.

Would you like to
try a few
questions?

Okay.

Alex, I love your tie.

-What?
-Alex Trebek, dumb-dumb.

I heard that if you flirt
with him,

he locks out the other guys'
buzzers.

Oh, I'm gonna be good
at this.

All right.

Famous monarchs.

Oh, that's easy.

The most famous Monarch
was the '72 Mercury.

More specifically,

the one my ex-boyfriend,
Danny, drove.

And I'm the one that
made it famous.

Moving on. Astronomy.

This is the oldest
body
orbiting the sun.

What is William Shatner?

Oh, my head.

Oh, you know, the same thing
happens to Mr. Sheffield.

Gee, it must be something
in this room.

-Fran.
-Yes?

Would you mind if we picked
this up tomorrow?

Oh, sure, sure. No problem.

There's a set
of steel-belted radials
I've gotta stop payment
on.

Oh, boy.

Bye, Noel. Thank you.

Did Noel leave? Oh, I'm sorry
I missed him.

Well, I miss him too.

It's nice to
have
a man around

who notices my inane
intelligence.

Miss Fine, I noticed that
the first time

you threw a penny in the bidet
and made a wish.

Oh, don't try and get
on
my good side, mister.

For your information,
Noel finds me
stimulating.

Believe me, it's not your mind

that's aroused
his interest.

You know, there is
only one
explanation

for your negativity.

Oh, please, you think
I'm jealous of Noel?

That makes two.

You just don't want me
to reach my full
potential.

You want to keep me
in that kitchen,
barefoot and
pregnant.

You're the one who
wanted to have children.

You wanted to make it
your full-time job.

Oh, God, what am I saying?

Meanwhile, Professor
Noel Babcock, PhD,

thinks that I'm smart
enough
to get onJeopardy.

How do you like that?

-Jeopardy?
- Uh-huh!

Remind me, what night does that
tape? I should leave it open.

As a matter of fact, I should
block out the entire week.

They ask the champion back,
you know.

That's right.

And let's hope that
it's not on the same
night

as Clinton's
Renaissance Weekend.

Oh, look, it doesn't matter
because you're not invited.

-Let me see that.
-No.

It could be a
category
onJeopardy.

"Member of the Broadway
community

who is invited
to the Renaissance Weekend."

Andrew Lloyd Webber.

[IMITATING BUZZER BUZZING]
Sorry. That is incorrect.

-Really?
-The correct response would be

"Who is Andrew Lloyd Webber?"

Oh, it's no good, Niles.
I can't concentrate.

It's too bloody quiet.

What on earth's missing?

Well, perhaps this will
help,
sir.

[MIMICKING FRAN]
"Oh, Mr. Sheffield!"

That's it, Niles.
Miss Fine's not here.

Oh, just trying to fill
your void, sir.

It's obvious you miss her.

I most certainly do not.

I'm just wondering where
she is, what she's doing,

which is entirely different
from missing her.

-What?
-Oh, nothing, sir.

I was just wondering
how you ended up there

and I ended up here.

Seems wrong somehow.

She's probably with Noel.

You know, that relationship
doesn't make any sense.

I mean, what on earth
does he want with her?

Sir, is it beyond
your comprehension

that an intelligent man
of the world

could find Miss Fine
intellectually stimulating?

No, really, Niles.

Oh, all right. It's a bet.

Miss Babcock's brother
bet her

that he could get Miss Fine
onJeopardy.

A bet. I knew he had
an ulterior motive.

Now, sir, you're not going to
rub Miss Fine's nose
in this, are you?

-No, of course not.
-[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

Is that her? Ho, ho, ho!

Oh, now, sir.

Oh, hello. Didn't hear you
come in.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
guess what?

I passed the test.
I'm gonna be on
Jeopardy.

[SOBBING]

Would you look at her?
She's so happy for me.

[SOBBING] I paid $200,000
for that stallion.

I hope he paid
for the room.

Fran, I am so proud of you.

Your thirsty mind soaked
up
all that knowledge like
a little sponge.

Now, if you'll excuse
me,
I have to see a man
about a horse.

[LAUGHING]

[SIGHING]

You passed the test?

Yes.

You see, that is the
difference
between you and Noel.

He thinks I'm a sponge.

-Are you through,
Miss Fine, because...
-No.

You know, you're so smart
and powerful,

everybody always listens
to everything you have to say.

-Well, Miss Fine...
-Wait. I'm talking.

We both know

that I'm not as smart
or cultured as you are.

I mean, remember when I first
moved here

and you asked me
where was the cabernet,
and what did I say?

Next to Cabin B.

Although I never
did take Spanish.

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
you have no idea

what gaining the respect
from a man like Noel

means to a girl like me.

Now, what was it
you wanted to say?

Good luck on
Jeopardy,
Miss Fine.

Oh, thank you,
Mr. Sheffield.

Now I gotta
go call my mother

'cause nobody in my family's
been on a game show

since my cousin, Ira,
wasQueen for a Day.

[♪♪♪]

Okay. Questions, kids.
Drill me.

Okay, Fran.
The category is Potpourri.

Things that smell good.
Things you put in a dish.
Things that...

-No, Fran, Fran,
that's the pyramid.
-What is Egypt?

Fran, you're
running
out of time.

I'll solve the puzzle!

Miss Fine...

What is a nanny?
Things that are
single.

Calm down. Calm down.

There are plenty
of other contestants.

They're all backups,
and you don't have to go on.

Are you kidding me?

I already cut the
tags
out of this dress.

I'm definitely going on.

-Five minutes.
-Oh, oh, oh.

-Break a leg, Miss Fine.
-Fran, you'll do great.

Fran, you look so beautiful.

Oh, thanks, sweetie.

But, you know, beauty is not
what's important here.

It's brains that count.

Oh, hey, you. I want that
same filter

that they used on Liz
for the White Diamonds
commercial.

Before we continue,
let's recap the scores.

We have Henrietta at $4,600.

Stewart next at $4,700,

and Fran close behind
at minus $1,300.

But, Fran, please,
don't get discouraged.

Oh, I'm fine, Alex.

I'm just getting
my taste buds ready

for my year's supply
of Chico-San Rice Cakes.

Good for you.
Stewart, you gave me
the last correct response,

so you have control
of the board.

Thank you, Alex. By the way,
nice tie.

Oh, please. (KISSING)

I'll take Inventors
for $400, please.

ALEX: Answer: "The name Thomas
was made famous in 1880

for this
household invention."

Stewart.

What is the light bulb?

No, I'm sorry,
that's incorrect.

Henrietta.

What is the phonograph?

No. That too, is incorrect.

Fran, would you like to try?

Huh?

"The name Thomas
was made famous

in 1880 for this
household invention."

What is the fork-split
English muffin?

That's absolutely right.

Come on, people.

In 1875,
Mr. Thomas left England

and closed his shop up for
good
to come to our country.

Believe it or not,
you're now in control
of the board.

[EXCLAIMING]

I'll pick food facts
for $200, Alex.

The answer is
a Daily Double.

[BEEPING]

I'll bet $1,000, Alex.

Answer:

this East European soup..."

-Fran.
-What is borscht?

You're absolutely right.
Congratulations.

[BEEPING]

ALEX: And that sound
means time now
for our Final Jeopardy.

Here is the Final
Jeopardy answer.

"This city was incorporated
into the Roman Empire

in 30 B.C. after the suicide

of Cleopatra."

Good luck.

Dropped my earring. Dropped my
earring. Whoa, Nelly.

Oh, found it. Found it.

-Found the earring.
-What's going on?

I found the earring.
I found the earring.

All right, contestants,
time's up.

Henrietta, what did you
write down as your question?

"What is Macedonia?"

I'm sorry. That's wrong.

What was your wager?
$4,200.

You risked it all,
and that takes you
all the way down to zero.

Enjoy the home game, honey.

Well, now let's go to
Stewart.
His response was...

"What is Cairo?"

And, unfortunately,
he too is wrong.

[RAZZING]

Your wager, please,
Stewart, was $4,199.

That takes you down to $101.

Still like his
tie,
Stewie?

Fran?

Well, my mother and I
were on our way to Israel
on El Al

and who was sitting
next to us but Diana Kind,

a.k.a. Barbra Streisand's
mother, in coach -

they got a lot of unresolved
issues, those two -

on her way to see
the pyramids in Giza.

So your response is Giza.

No, Mr. In-a-Hurry.

But talking about
Streisand and Egypt

reminded me of Omar Sharif,

who according to my
Funny Girl

was not the first actor
cast in the role
of Nicky Arnstein, but...

ALEX: Miss Fine!

"What is Alexandria?"

That's right.

You've doubled
your score to $200.

Fran Fine is the new
Jeopardy

[EXCLAIMING]

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

Hello,Jeopardy.

Yeah. I want to talk to
you
about my Rice-A-Ronis.

Well, according to my
calculations,

I got six Herb & Butter,

six Broccoli Au Gratin,

but only five
White Cheddar & Herb.

Now someone over there
ain't so smart.

Isn't that ironic?

-Cheer up, Miss Fine.
You won one game.
-Yeah.

And you don't have to be
the returning champion.

I like you
just the way you
are.

Oh, thanks, Mr. Sheffield.

But if you ever
saw me just the way I am,
you wouldn't recognize me.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Oh.

Oh, look who's here.

-Hi, Roger. Hi.
-Hi.

Mr. Sheffield,

you remember Roger Clinton,
the President's brother.

-Of course. Nice to see you.
-Hi. Good to see you again.

Well, it's amazing you
found
the time to drop by,

what with your
brother's job and
all.

Roger is the guy that's
renting
the townhouse next door.

Just till November '96.

Then I'm buying it.

Whoo!
[CHUCKLES]

Listen, I just stopped by
'cause my brother

wanted me to give
this to you in person.

[GASPS]

It's an invitation
to the Renaissance Weekend.

Oh, now you see,
you did get invited.

It must have just been
a big oversight.

Oh, thanks so much,
Roger.
You are a doll.

Gee, I saw that
gorgeous canopy bed

that they were
delivering
to your townhouse.

It looks just like the
one
in the Lincoln
Bedroom.

Not after I paint it white.

[EXCLAIMS]

-He's a riot.
-[CHUCKLES]

Miss Fine, did, uh, did you
have
something to do with this?

Oh, please,
Mr. Sheffield,

I can't even get Brighton
to put his dirty underwear
in the hamper,

you think I can influence
the President of
the United States of America?

Meanwhile, I think you should
pick up a corsage.

You're taking out
Janet Reno
tonight.

[♪♪♪]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]