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00:00:05,466 --> 00:00:08,416
MAXWELL: Good afternoon.
- Hi, Mr. Sheffield.
2
00:00:08,450 --> 00:00:10,233
Maxwell, if you don't jump
on this, someone else will.
3
00:00:10,266 --> 00:00:11,250
She's bluffing, sir.
4
00:00:14,830 --> 00:00:16,330
I am talking...
5
00:00:16,660 --> 00:00:18,383
about using our
company profits
6
00:00:18,416 --> 00:00:20,150
to buy a dreamy
little
vacation house
7
00:00:20,183 --> 00:00:22,183
on Martha's Vineyard.
8
00:00:22,216 --> 00:00:25,500
I can just see myself
lying on the beach for
days.
9
00:00:25,830 --> 00:00:26,383
Oh, I'm sure someone
would tow you out to
sea
10
00:00:26,416 --> 00:00:28,330
if your
blowhole
got clogged.
11
00:00:30,433 --> 00:00:33,250
C.C., I am not about to make
such a large investment
12
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:35,250
without exploring
all the options first.
13
00:00:35,283 --> 00:00:37,000
Oh, I'm with you.
14
00:00:37,330 --> 00:00:38,250
My father once invested
15
00:00:38,283 --> 00:00:41,150
in one of those
big, tall men
shops.
16
00:00:41,183 --> 00:00:42,450
Oh, well, now those
are very successful.
17
00:00:42,483 --> 00:00:44,216
Not the one in Tokyo.
18
00:00:46,466 --> 00:00:48,416
Fran, I'm ready
to pick up guys.
19
00:00:48,450 --> 00:00:52,660
Groceries, honey,
groceries.
20
00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:55,330
Kids, I don't know where
they pick these things up
from.
21
00:00:55,660 --> 00:00:56,283
Miss Fine, you wouldn't
seriously consider
22
00:00:56,316 --> 00:00:58,350
dating some total stranger
23
00:00:58,383 --> 00:01:00,300
you picked up in
a grocery store, would you?
24
00:01:00,333 --> 00:01:03,150
Well, it's a fancy
Park Avenue market.
25
00:01:03,183 --> 00:01:06,433
I mean, it's not as if I'm going
to a Mini Mart at a gas station.
26
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:09,283
Although Val did meet
a guy there once,
27
00:01:09,316 --> 00:01:11,160
but he only used her
as a human shield.
28
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,450
Okay, anybody
need anything?
29
00:01:17,483 --> 00:01:19,333
No, thanks, I do my shopping
late at night.
30
00:01:19,366 --> 00:01:21,116
Makes sense.
If a man's hungry
enough,
31
00:01:21,150 --> 00:01:22,160
any old thing looks good.
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00:01:24,266 --> 00:01:27,300
[THEME TUNE PLAYS]
33
00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:28,383
♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪
34
00:01:28,416 --> 00:01:30,133
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
35
00:01:30,166 --> 00:01:31,216
♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪
36
00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:33,166
♪ In one
Of those crushing scenes ♪
37
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:34,483
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪
38
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,116
♪ She was out
on her fanny ♪
39
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:39,333
♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪
40
00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:41,216
♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪
41
00:01:41,250 --> 00:01:43,400
♪ She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more ♪
42
00:01:43,433 --> 00:01:45,366
♪ She had style, she had flair,
she was there ♪
43
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,183
♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪
44
00:01:49,466 --> 00:01:52,383
♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪
45
00:01:52,416 --> 00:01:54,450
♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪
46
00:01:54,483 --> 00:01:55,433
♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪
47
00:01:55,466 --> 00:01:57,200
♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪
48
00:01:57,233 --> 00:01:58,266
♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪
49
00:01:58,300 --> 00:01:59,483
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
50
00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:01,216
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
51
00:02:01,250 --> 00:02:03,333
♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪
52
00:02:05,450 --> 00:02:06,266
♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪
53
00:02:07,333 --> 00:02:08,100
♪ The nanny named Fran ♪
54
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:16,250
Oh, honey, honey, honey,
go easy on the candy.
55
00:02:16,283 --> 00:02:18,200
Your teeth are gonna fall out.
56
00:02:18,233 --> 00:02:20,300
Fran, baby teeth
are supposed to fall out.
57
00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:22,133
God made 'em that way
so that kids could eat
58
00:02:22,166 --> 00:02:22,366
all the sugar they want
and be happy.
59
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,483
Nice try.
60
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,160
Meanwhile, if God
was so benevolent,
61
00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:29,660
when you turned 30,
your hips would fall off.
62
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,266
Everything you need to know
about a man,
63
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:36,500
you can find
right in his cart.
64
00:02:36,830 --> 00:02:37,116
If there's a box of Midol,
keep moving.
65
00:02:39,283 --> 00:02:41,366
Corn pads means
he lives with his mother.
66
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:42,466
Learned that the hard way.
67
00:02:44,433 --> 00:02:47,216
And if you see two guys
68
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,466
with sweaters tied around
their necks buying pesto,
69
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,300
save yourself the pain.
70
00:02:53,166 --> 00:02:53,466
What about him?
71
00:02:55,330 --> 00:02:56,450
Mm, let's see.
72
00:02:56,483 --> 00:03:00,160
Cabbage, chili,
refried beans...
73
00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:01,400
Ooh, one dinner with him,
74
00:03:01,433 --> 00:03:02,283
and you'd spend
the rest of the night
75
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:03,200
blaming the dog.
76
00:03:09,300 --> 00:03:10,400
[METALLIC CRASH]
77
00:03:10,433 --> 00:03:12,133
Oh, excuse me.
78
00:03:16,483 --> 00:03:19,483
This is-- This is probably
a stupid question because
79
00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:22,233
obviously you've never
been
on a diet in your life.
80
00:03:22,266 --> 00:03:25,160
Oh, me? Hardly.
81
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:31,400
Get rid of the Dexatrim.
82
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,183
Are these fat-free
cakes
any good?
83
00:03:33,216 --> 00:03:35,250
Oh, they're delish.
84
00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:37,166
You know, you schmear 'em
with some butter,
85
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,400
and then you fry 'em
lightly on both sides,
86
00:03:39,433 --> 00:03:41,400
and then a squirt
of whipped cream
87
00:03:41,433 --> 00:03:43,383
puts it right over the top.
88
00:03:43,416 --> 00:03:46,500
Personally, I
like
whipped
cream...
89
00:03:46,830 --> 00:03:49,250
[WHISPERS]
on everything.
90
00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:50,133
Hoo-ha!
91
00:03:52,416 --> 00:03:54,300
Well, I'd be happy
to give you a recipe...
92
00:03:54,333 --> 00:03:56,183
for your wife.
93
00:03:56,216 --> 00:03:57,116
I'm not... married.
94
00:03:58,233 --> 00:03:59,416
[GIGGLES]
95
00:03:59,450 --> 00:04:01,660
Fran, can we get these Sugar--
96
00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:01,416
Knock yourself out,
honey.
97
00:04:06,366 --> 00:04:08,830
That's a cute daughter
you have there.
98
00:04:08,116 --> 00:04:10,166
Oh, I'm not her mother.
99
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,216
I'm Fran,
her single nanny.
100
00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:14,183
Hi.
Hi.
101
00:04:14,216 --> 00:04:15,500
Glen.
Hi, Glen.
102
00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:16,216
Hi.
103
00:04:16,250 --> 00:04:18,116
Well, let's see...
104
00:04:18,150 --> 00:04:21,316
I see bacon, pork rinds,
Virginia ham.
105
00:04:21,350 --> 00:04:23,300
Well, I know one thing.
You're not a rabbi.
106
00:04:23,333 --> 00:04:25,830
[LAUGHS]
107
00:04:25,116 --> 00:04:26,300
My cover is blown.
108
00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:28,316
[BOTH LAUGH]
109
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:30,160
You've got a great smile.
110
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:31,183
Fran, what about these?
111
00:04:31,216 --> 00:04:31,466
Yeah, go for it, babe.
112
00:04:35,116 --> 00:04:37,400
So we've ruled out rabbi,
113
00:04:37,433 --> 00:04:40,160
and I can tell
you're not a lawyer.
114
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:41,416
Why can't I pass as a lawyer?
115
00:04:41,450 --> 00:04:44,830
Well, not in New York.
I mean, maybe L.A.
116
00:04:48,150 --> 00:04:49,200
I work on Wall Street.
117
00:04:49,233 --> 00:04:52,000
Oh, a stockbroker.
118
00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:54,830
So, what's the matter?
Can't stay away from the
market?
119
00:04:54,116 --> 00:04:58,216
[BOTH LAUGH]
120
00:04:58,250 --> 00:04:59,400
Fran, this one comes
with a prize.
121
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:00,466
I got lucky.
122
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:01,433
You and me both.
123
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:12,266
Mm, Niles, you have really
outdone yourself this time.
124
00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:13,416
Thank you, sir.
125
00:05:13,450 --> 00:05:14,366
Another Pop-Tart?
126
00:05:17,316 --> 00:05:19,316
Uh...no,
but I could go
for
127
00:05:19,350 --> 00:05:20,116
some more of those
leprechaun things.
128
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,316
They are magically delicious.
129
00:05:27,183 --> 00:05:30,160
Mm, look at this great
picture
of Mary Lou Retton.
130
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:31,500
I think it's actual size.
131
00:05:34,216 --> 00:05:35,383
So, Miss Fine,
132
00:05:35,416 --> 00:05:37,450
where are you off
to
on your day off?
133
00:05:37,483 --> 00:05:41,250
I'm going to the Hamptons
for a lobster lunch with
134
00:05:41,283 --> 00:05:43,166
the man that I met
135
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,250
at the grocery
"told you so" store.
136
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,450
And how exactly
did he win your heart,
hmm?
137
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,333
With that immortal
line,
"Paper or plastic?"
138
00:05:52,366 --> 00:05:55,830
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, no, he's no box boy.
139
00:05:55,116 --> 00:05:56,183
Much higher.
140
00:05:56,216 --> 00:05:57,316
Does he use a hose?
141
00:06:03,416 --> 00:06:05,330
That depends on
how hot we get.
142
00:06:08,166 --> 00:06:09,000
Hi, Daddy, bye, Daddy.
143
00:06:11,283 --> 00:06:12,660
Well, I guess the breakfast
just kicked in.
144
00:06:15,150 --> 00:06:17,416
Oh, man, this is really scary.
145
00:06:17,450 --> 00:06:18,333
I'm dressed just like Snap!
146
00:06:21,316 --> 00:06:24,216
Val once dated a guy
that looked like Crackle!
147
00:06:24,250 --> 00:06:26,450
Unfortunately,
he popped too quick.
148
00:06:30,450 --> 00:06:32,216
[DOORBELL RINGS]
149
00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:34,350
Oh, that must be Glen,
150
00:06:34,383 --> 00:06:37,466
my stockbroker...
from the grocery store.
151
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,433
Niles, my butler from England,
will answer it.
152
00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:44,150
How do you like this outfit?
153
00:06:44,183 --> 00:06:45,216
It's nice.
You look very
festive.
154
00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:47,250
Festive?
155
00:06:47,283 --> 00:06:48,350
Carmen Miranda is festive.
156
00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:51,433
Miss Fine...
157
00:06:51,466 --> 00:06:52,266
you forgot your hat.
158
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:57,483
I'd like you to meet
Glen Mitchell.
159
00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,183
BOTH:
The stockbroker.
160
00:06:59,216 --> 00:07:00,266
This is my boss,
Maxwell Sheffield.
161
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:01,366
How do you do?
162
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:02,300
The Broadway producer?
163
00:07:04,830 --> 00:07:05,216
This is an honor.
164
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:07,250
I-I-I saw your last
play
six times.
165
00:07:07,283 --> 00:07:09,366
Really?
166
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,350
Even the family only had
to sit through it twice.
167
00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:15,150
And the second time
was even better.
168
00:07:17,483 --> 00:07:19,133
I think you had to
see it
more than once
169
00:07:19,166 --> 00:07:20,450
to fully
comprehend
the metaphor.
170
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:22,383
Uh, what metaphor?
171
00:07:22,416 --> 00:07:24,483
Adam and Eve,
original sin.
172
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:26,350
I mean...
173
00:07:26,383 --> 00:07:29,150
that's why she never
ate
the ribs, right?
174
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:33,133
God, that's clever.
175
00:07:33,166 --> 00:07:34,000
I missed that.
176
00:07:36,350 --> 00:07:37,366
I-I ju-- I thought
it was brilliant.
177
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,216
Mm-hm, yeah, me too.
178
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:40,416
Meanwhile, there's
a six-pound lobster
179
00:07:40,450 --> 00:07:41,200
getting his affairs
in order, bye.
180
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:45,183
Is that a Robert Graham?
181
00:07:45,216 --> 00:07:46,433
Ah, yes.
Yes, it is.
182
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,416
He's one of my
favorite sculptors.
183
00:07:47,450 --> 00:07:49,830
Oh, mine too.
184
00:07:49,116 --> 00:07:50,216
I love him.
185
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:52,133
Didn't he design that beer mug
186
00:07:52,166 --> 00:07:52,450
where you drink
out of the nipple?
187
00:07:54,216 --> 00:07:56,100
[SOFTLY] Let's go.
188
00:07:56,133 --> 00:07:57,483
You know, I have
the companion piece to that
189
00:07:58,160 --> 00:07:59,830
up in the master bedroom.
190
00:07:59,116 --> 00:08:00,433
Would you like to see it?
191
00:08:00,466 --> 00:08:03,160
I'll bet it's worth
twice
what you paid for
it.
192
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:04,000
Well, if it is,
I'll sell it to you.
193
00:08:04,330 --> 00:08:04,383
[BOTH LAUGH]
194
00:08:06,830 --> 00:08:08,160
Well, it's so nice
195
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:09,183
that the three of us
are getting closer.
196
00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:14,183
My cousin Meryl's husband
had a friend named Sam.
197
00:08:14,216 --> 00:08:17,250
The three of them
did everything together,
198
00:08:17,283 --> 00:08:20,266
except Meryl wasn't
much of a dancer,
199
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,400
so sometimes the two guys
would go out together--
200
00:08:22,366 --> 00:08:23,166
Hey!
201
00:08:30,466 --> 00:08:33,266
C.C., we are not investing
in a summer home.
202
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:36,183
Now, Glen mentioned
a fabulous stock.
203
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:38,466
That's where we should put
our company's profits.
204
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,416
But, Maxwell, look at
this
Martha's Vineyard
house.
205
00:08:43,133 --> 00:08:44,316
There's even a servant
shack
behind the dune.
206
00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:48,100
We can keep Niles there
when he's not waiting on
us.
207
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:51,300
Lemon cake?
208
00:08:51,333 --> 00:08:52,116
Please.
209
00:08:57,366 --> 00:09:00,116
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
Brighton is really
upset
210
00:09:00,150 --> 00:09:02,466
about this whole Rice
Krispie
elf-resemblance thing,
211
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,500
so I'm taking him
downtown shopping.
212
00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:06,400
He wants a whole new look.
213
00:09:06,433 --> 00:09:09,450
Oh, it's just a stage,
Miss Fine.
214
00:09:09,483 --> 00:09:12,483
When I was his age,
I was a bit of a rebel
myself.
215
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,660
Oh, what'd you wear?
Brown socks and black shoes?
216
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:17,133
Sometimes.
217
00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:20,400
Once I wore
my dickey backwards...
218
00:09:22,330 --> 00:09:23,200
and no one knew.
219
00:09:24,366 --> 00:09:25,216
Watch out.
220
00:09:26,300 --> 00:09:27,500
[PHONE RINGS]
221
00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:29,416
Hello.
222
00:09:29,450 --> 00:09:31,500
Oh, hello, Glen.
223
00:09:31,830 --> 00:09:32,416
Oh, boy, is he
an eager
beaver.
224
00:09:32,450 --> 00:09:34,150
Hand it over.
225
00:09:34,183 --> 00:09:34,316
Thank you for
getting back to me.
226
00:09:36,266 --> 00:09:38,116
I just wanted
to call and say
227
00:09:38,150 --> 00:09:40,283
how much I enjoyed
our squash game.
228
00:09:40,316 --> 00:09:44,283
And my partner and I are very
intrigued by that stock tip.
229
00:09:44,316 --> 00:09:45,483
[MOCKINGLY]
"My partner and I
230
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:46,333
are very intrigued
by that stock tip."
231
00:09:48,166 --> 00:09:50,150
Listen, I'll come by the club
later on and bring you a
check.
232
00:09:50,183 --> 00:09:51,400
Mm-hm.
233
00:09:51,433 --> 00:09:52,300
Yes, Fran's right here.
234
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,000
Glen says hello.
235
00:09:58,330 --> 00:10:00,333
Oh, and by the way,
thank you for introducing us.
236
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,283
Oh, my pleasure.
And where are you
registered?
237
00:10:02,316 --> 00:10:03,233
Do you need a nice punch bowl?
238
00:10:09,366 --> 00:10:10,483
Come on, homie,
keep up.
239
00:10:13,116 --> 00:10:14,383
Brighton's in tha house!
240
00:10:16,466 --> 00:10:18,366
Oh, honey, I think you should
hike up your pants a little
bit.
241
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,150
No, Fran,
this is cool.
242
00:10:20,183 --> 00:10:21,366
No, honey, this is
the Maytag Repairman.
243
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:22,200
[GRUNTS]
244
00:10:24,283 --> 00:10:26,500
How about a nice hot dog?
245
00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:27,450
I'm thinking sauerkraut,
red onions--
246
00:10:27,483 --> 00:10:29,183
Oh, and a little mayonnaise.
247
00:10:29,216 --> 00:10:30,166
Okay, you can have your own.
248
00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:34,216
MAN:
That'll be two
bucks.
249
00:10:34,250 --> 00:10:36,283
No, honey, I'm telling you,
250
00:10:36,316 --> 00:10:39,133
this is Gomer,
this is Goober...
251
00:10:39,166 --> 00:10:40,316
this is cool.
252
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,216
Can I help
y--
oh, boy!
253
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:48,116
Oh, my God.
254
00:10:48,150 --> 00:10:50,250
You're a hot dog vendor?
255
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,183
They're not even kosher.
256
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:01,383
Oh, Niles!
257
00:11:01,416 --> 00:11:04,400
I am responsible for Mr.
Sheffield investing his money
258
00:11:04,433 --> 00:11:06,300
with a hot dog vendor.
259
00:11:08,183 --> 00:11:09,133
I'll be in my room.
260
00:11:09,166 --> 00:11:10,333
Wheee!
261
00:11:14,150 --> 00:11:16,466
Not to mention getting his
kid
hooked on riboflavin.
262
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,116
[CHUCKLES]
263
00:11:19,150 --> 00:11:22,400
Oh, this is the worst
trouble
I have ever been in.
264
00:11:22,433 --> 00:11:25,830
Ever since the time
I cornrowed my father's
toupee.
265
00:11:28,116 --> 00:11:30,660
Thank God he knew all the
lyrics
to "Sunshine of My Life."
266
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:30,333
[CHUCKLES]
267
00:11:31,416 --> 00:11:33,830
Well, you could always get
268
00:11:33,116 --> 00:11:35,183
Mr. Sheffield's business
manager
to sell the stocks.
269
00:11:35,216 --> 00:11:39,166
Oh, Niles, you're a genius.
Who's his business manager?
270
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,383
No, no, I don't thinkyou
know
who you're talking to.
271
00:11:42,416 --> 00:11:45,266
I've got
lawyers,
I've got money,
272
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:48,383
and
273
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:51,433
You will rue the day
you crossed C.C. Babcock.
274
00:11:51,466 --> 00:11:52,166
Bye, Mummy.
Kiss, kiss.
275
00:11:59,830 --> 00:12:02,166
Oh, Niles,
will you ask her for me?
276
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,250
[CHUCKLING]
Oh, she detests me
more than you.
277
00:12:03,283 --> 00:12:04,333
No way.
278
00:12:04,366 --> 00:12:05,183
Way.
279
00:12:08,150 --> 00:12:09,450
Maggie, who does
Miss Babcock hate more?
280
00:12:09,483 --> 00:12:12,160
Me or him?
281
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:13,116
Oh, God,
this is
hard.
282
00:12:15,366 --> 00:12:17,133
She hates both your guts.
283
00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:18,166
Yeah, but I make
her
nauseous.
284
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,166
I make her drink.
285
00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:25,316
Look, I don't wanna hurt
anyone's feelings here,
286
00:12:25,350 --> 00:12:28,500
but I'd have to say
she hates Niles
more.
287
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:29,333
Yes, still number one.
288
00:12:34,383 --> 00:12:38,166
Knock, knock.
[SINGSONGY]
Miss Babcock.
289
00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:44,160
Look, I made you
some cucumber sandwiches.
290
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:46,433
And I cut all the
crust off
on the bread.
291
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:50,830
And, look, there's even
a little cherry-tomato
flower.
292
00:12:58,660 --> 00:12:59,133
I'm dying, aren't I?
293
00:13:02,660 --> 00:13:04,350
No, no, of course not.
294
00:13:04,383 --> 00:13:07,266
It's just that, well,
we spend so much time together,
295
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:08,483
I thought that
we should be friends.
296
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,233
You want something,
don't you?
297
00:13:12,266 --> 00:13:14,316
Nanny Fine wants something.
298
00:13:14,350 --> 00:13:16,160
Oh, yes!
299
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:17,383
Yes!
300
00:13:17,416 --> 00:13:20,183
Oh, God, this is good.
301
00:13:22,216 --> 00:13:22,450
[EXHALES]
302
00:13:27,116 --> 00:13:27,483
Are you done?
303
00:13:31,216 --> 00:13:32,250
You wanna have a ciggy butt
and cuddle now?
304
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,133
Okay, what is it?
305
00:13:38,166 --> 00:13:42,150
Well, remember Glen,
the stockbroker?
306
00:13:42,183 --> 00:13:45,100
The one who cost me
my beautiful vacation house.
307
00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:46,450
Did I mention that he said
308
00:13:46,483 --> 00:13:47,433
that you look just like
Heather Locklear?
309
00:13:47,466 --> 00:13:49,250
I never met him.
310
00:13:49,283 --> 00:13:50,350
I described you.
He was drooling.
311
00:13:54,830 --> 00:13:57,660
Anyway, you're gonna get
a big kick out of this.
312
00:13:57,100 --> 00:14:00,450
Glen, the
stockbroker,
is really...
313
00:14:00,483 --> 00:14:02,400
Is this thing on?
314
00:14:02,433 --> 00:14:05,166
...a hot-dog vendor.
315
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,433
[SHE SCREECHES]
316
00:14:06,466 --> 00:14:08,500
[THEY BOTH LAUGH]
317
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:14,330
I know. I know.
People, right?
[SHE LAUGHS]
318
00:14:14,660 --> 00:14:15,450
Go figure.
[SHE LAUGHS]
319
00:14:15,483 --> 00:14:17,450
So at this very minute,
320
00:14:17,483 --> 00:14:20,300
Maxwell is at
the Manhattan Men's Club,
321
00:14:20,333 --> 00:14:24,133
handing over $100,000
to a hot dog vendor
322
00:14:24,166 --> 00:14:26,150
you
[SHRIEKS]
323
00:14:26,183 --> 00:14:28,300
Yes!
[LAUGHS]
324
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:31,216
[BOTH LAUGHING]
325
00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:33,116
Now, go pick up the phone
and kill that deal.
326
00:14:33,150 --> 00:14:34,133
[SHE GIGGLES]
327
00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:35,116
Here you go.
328
00:14:35,150 --> 00:14:36,283
[ GIGGLES]
329
00:14:36,316 --> 00:14:37,500
Pick up the phone.
330
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:42,416
Just put it in your
hand
and dial the number.
331
00:14:45,333 --> 00:14:49,500
Oh, come on, Miss Babcock,
it's your money too.
332
00:14:49,830 --> 00:14:51,233
Hmm, save a ton of money,
Nanny Fine screwed.
333
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:52,283
Whoops.
334
00:14:52,316 --> 00:14:54,183
[LAUGHS]
335
00:14:57,183 --> 00:15:00,283
Please, Miss
Babcock,
pick up the phone.
336
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:03,160
[CLEARS THROAT]
Oh, all right.
337
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:07,483
[WHISPERS] Oh, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
338
00:15:07,483 --> 00:15:09,250
Hello, Dr. Bort, cancel
my therapy session today.
339
00:15:09,283 --> 00:15:10,266
I don't need it.
340
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:11,483
[LAUGHING]
341
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:18,383
Guest of Mr. Sheffield.
342
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:23,200
Sorry.
No women allowed.
343
00:15:23,233 --> 00:15:24,433
Well, what is this?
The He-Man Woman-Haters' Club?
344
00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:28,660
This is very important.
345
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:31,133
I must speak to Mr.
Sheffield.
I'm his nanny.
346
00:15:31,166 --> 00:15:34,216
Lady, no woman's ever
gotten
into this club,
347
00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:36,366
and no woman's ever gonna
figure out how.
348
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,300
Hm.
349
00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:44,466
["I LOVE LUCY" THEME
PLAYS ON TV]
350
00:15:59,450 --> 00:16:01,233
[IN MAN'S VOICE]
I thought there were
no women allowed?
351
00:16:01,266 --> 00:16:04,366
Just the cocktail
waitresses, sir.
352
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:05,383
[WHISPERS]
If I'd thought of that,
I'd go straight to Al
Capone.
353
00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:09,330
Excuse me?
354
00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:11,100
Uh, I'll have
a Brandy Alexander,
355
00:16:11,133 --> 00:16:12,366
skim milk,
and put it in a parfait
glass.
356
00:16:14,150 --> 00:16:16,383
Uh, that's a--
357
00:16:16,416 --> 00:16:18,116
That's a lovely shade of
blush
you're wearing.
358
00:16:20,483 --> 00:16:22,660
Chicks like to hear
that stuff.
359
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:26,200
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
360
00:16:26,233 --> 00:16:26,466
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
361
00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:32,216
Oh, yeah,
Mary Ann, uh,
362
00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:33,200
cancel my appointment
with, uh...
363
00:16:34,433 --> 00:16:35,166
the Professor.
364
00:16:36,333 --> 00:16:38,416
[BOTH LAUGHING]
365
00:16:38,450 --> 00:16:41,200
[FAKE LAUGHS]
366
00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:43,300
[FAKE LAUGHS]
367
00:16:43,333 --> 00:16:46,183
Hey, how you doin'?
368
00:16:46,216 --> 00:16:48,266
Hello. Maxwell Sheffield.
And you are Mister...?
369
00:16:50,660 --> 00:16:52,160
Uh... Ed?
370
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:55,500
Ed.
371
00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:57,100
Well, er, Mr. Ed,
this is Mr. Mitchell.
372
00:16:57,133 --> 00:16:58,400
You can call me Glen.
373
00:16:58,433 --> 00:17:00,483
Oh, well, you
can call me Wilbur.
374
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:01,200
[ELASTIC SNAPS]
375
00:17:03,450 --> 00:17:05,416
Oh!
[CLEARS THROAT]
376
00:17:05,450 --> 00:17:07,466
Glen here is
a stock market wiz.
377
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,150
Oh, a real hot dog, huh?
[CHUCKLES]
378
00:17:12,166 --> 00:17:13,283
Yes, as a matter of fact,
379
00:17:13,316 --> 00:17:15,350
he gave me one helluva
stock tip.
380
00:17:15,383 --> 00:17:16,466
Oh, no kiddin'.
- Oh, yeah.
381
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,183
My nanny turned me
on to him.
382
00:17:19,216 --> 00:17:22,166
Oh. Hey, uh, can I talk
to you for a second?
- Yeah.
383
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:24,250
And his nanny
turned me on, period.
384
00:17:24,283 --> 00:17:26,200
She is hot.
385
00:17:26,233 --> 00:17:28,450
Oh. Would you excuse us
a minute, Glen?
386
00:17:28,483 --> 00:17:30,433
Ah, well, now, Max, you
know,
it can wait, it can wait.
387
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,300
Go on, go on.
388
00:17:34,333 --> 00:17:37,116
So, Max, what's the
story
with you and Fran?
389
00:17:37,150 --> 00:17:41,330
Yeah, what's the story
with you and Fran, Max?
390
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:44,000
I mean she's a beautiful
woman
who lives in your house.
391
00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:45,450
GLEN: Haven't you
ever been...
392
00:17:45,483 --> 00:17:47,166
[CHUCKLING IN UNISON]
BOTH: ..tempted?
393
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,400
Well, to tell you
the truth, Glen--
394
00:17:48,433 --> 00:17:50,166
Here's your Brandy Alexander.
395
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:51,100
Get out of the way! Move!
396
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,100
Missed it, missed it.
What'd you say?
397
00:17:56,133 --> 00:17:57,416
Ah, but I have her
wrapped around
398
00:17:57,450 --> 00:17:58,466
my little finger,
you know.
399
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,000
Oh, yeah?
400
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,300
Oh, yes, I say things
to her like,
401
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:07,216
"Oh, but you are
so much wiser than I am,"
402
00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:09,250
or...or, "The children
are so much more comfortable
403
00:18:09,283 --> 00:18:10,433
talking to you."
404
00:18:10,466 --> 00:18:12,400
Hm-hm.
You know, rot like that.
405
00:18:12,433 --> 00:18:14,333
Oh, yeah.
I can't believe she
hasn't caught on yet.
406
00:18:14,366 --> 00:18:16,133
Mm-hm, she will.
407
00:18:16,166 --> 00:18:16,416
[LOUD THUMP]
408
00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:21,350
Ah, Glen, listen,
before I forget,
409
00:18:21,383 --> 00:18:22,450
here's that check
I promised you.
410
00:18:22,483 --> 00:18:24,433
Oh, no.
No business on club premises.
411
00:18:26,216 --> 00:18:28,250
I'm a Buddhist.
412
00:18:28,283 --> 00:18:31,830
But I don't think this
concerns
you, Wilbur, old boy.
413
00:18:31,116 --> 00:18:33,200
Well, I think it does,
Glen, old beef.
414
00:18:33,233 --> 00:18:35,150
Now, listen, buddy.
415
00:18:35,183 --> 00:18:37,233
Hey, hey,
gimme that back.
416
00:18:37,266 --> 00:18:38,333
[BOTH GRUNT]
Gentlemen, please!
417
00:18:38,366 --> 00:18:39,830
[GRUNTS]
[LOUD CRUNCH]
418
00:18:41,133 --> 00:18:42,500
Do not take...
[GRUNTS]
419
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:43,133
Hey!
420
00:18:43,166 --> 00:18:45,133
Whoa! Hey.
421
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,000
Ha.
422
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:49,333
Gi-- gi--
Give that to me!
423
00:18:49,366 --> 00:18:55,330
[BOTH MUTTER AND GRUNT]
424
00:18:56,233 --> 00:18:57,330
[GRUNTS]
425
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,400
[NORMAL VOICE]
Mr. Sheff... Mr.
Sheffield.
426
00:19:05,433 --> 00:19:06,466
Mr. Sheffield,
are you okay?
427
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,183
Wilbur?
428
00:19:08,216 --> 00:19:10,200
No, it's me, Miss Fine.
429
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:13,350
Oh! Oh.
Thank God.
430
00:19:13,383 --> 00:19:16,450
For a moment I found myself
oddly attracted to you.
431
00:19:16,483 --> 00:19:18,383
I thought 20 years
in musical theater
432
00:19:18,416 --> 00:19:21,660
had finally taken
its toll on me.
433
00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:24,330
What the hell are you
doing here dressed like that?
434
00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:26,233
Well, it was the only
way
that I could get in.
435
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:28,333
[IN MAN'S VOICE]
Uh, I came to put an end
436
00:19:28,366 --> 00:19:31,283
to this thing
between you and Glen.
437
00:19:31,316 --> 00:19:33,183
[WHISPERS] Would you--would
you
keep your voice down?
438
00:19:33,216 --> 00:19:34,366
It's all right,
It's all right.
439
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,100
We... we live together.
440
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:39,316
Nothing to see here.
Nothing to see here.
441
00:19:39,350 --> 00:19:43,000
What a bunch of yentas.
442
00:19:43,330 --> 00:19:44,416
[NORMAL VOICE]
Mr. Sheffield, Mr.
Sheffield,
443
00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:47,500
Glen is not a stockbroker.
444
00:19:47,830 --> 00:19:49,483
You were about to give $100,000
to a man that sells hot dogs.
445
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,116
Hot dogs!
How many?
446
00:19:53,133 --> 00:19:54,266
You lied to me.
447
00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:57,200
He lied to both of us.
448
00:19:57,233 --> 00:19:59,160
What? Were you using me
to get to him?
449
00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:03,000
I don't even know you.
450
00:20:03,330 --> 00:20:05,200
Oh, so I suppose that
afternoon in the Hamptons
451
00:20:05,233 --> 00:20:06,366
meant nothing to you?
452
00:20:09,660 --> 00:20:12,330
Fran?
453
00:20:12,330 --> 00:20:14,366
Oh, I should have known.
454
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,450
No chick can eat
a whole six-pound
lobster.
455
00:20:19,250 --> 00:20:21,233
I had a Slim-Fast for lunch
456
00:20:21,266 --> 00:20:22,183
and a sensible dinner.
457
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:29,200
You said you were
a stockbroker.
458
00:20:29,233 --> 00:20:33,233
No, I said
I worked on Wall
Street.
459
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:34,416
Would you have
gone out with me
460
00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:36,483
if I told you
that
I sold hot
dogs?
461
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:40,266
Absolutely.
But now all trust is
gone.
462
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:42,160
I can't stand a man who
pretends
to be something that he's not.
463
00:20:44,450 --> 00:20:47,183
Yeah, well, just for the
record,
I was a stockbroker.
464
00:20:47,216 --> 00:20:49,160
I got killed in the '80s.
465
00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:51,233
All I needed was
one big client.
466
00:20:57,483 --> 00:20:59,316
[WHIMPERING]
Maxwell Sheffield was
the man of my dreams.
467
00:21:06,660 --> 00:21:08,000
Boy, I haven't seen
a shiner like this
468
00:21:08,330 --> 00:21:09,150
since my sister got
her nose job.
469
00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:13,266
Okay, easy.
470
00:21:13,300 --> 00:21:15,133
I'll be back
in a moment,
sir.
471
00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:19,150
I have to run down to the
market
now dinner is on your face.
472
00:21:19,183 --> 00:21:21,333
Perhaps Miss Fine
would like to go for you?
473
00:21:21,366 --> 00:21:23,660
Maybe she can pick up
an ex-doctor
474
00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:23,433
with his own falafel wagon.
475
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,150
No, thank you.
476
00:21:27,183 --> 00:21:29,233
I've learned my lesson.
477
00:21:29,266 --> 00:21:31,500
Besides, if I wanna
meet a doctor,
478
00:21:31,830 --> 00:21:32,150
I'll do it
the old-fashioned way.
479
00:21:32,183 --> 00:21:33,283
Fall in love?
480
00:21:33,316 --> 00:21:34,183
Faint in Temple.
[CHUCKLES]
481
00:21:36,450 --> 00:21:37,200
What's up,
brother man?
482
00:21:40,316 --> 00:21:41,283
[JULIE ANDREWS SINGS ON STERO]
♪ High on a hill ♪
483
00:21:41,316 --> 00:21:43,160
♪ Was a lonely goatherd ♪
484
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:45,333
[YODELS]♪ Layee odl, layeeOdl layee-oo ♪
485
00:21:45,366 --> 00:21:47,316
♪ Loud was the voiceOf the lonely goatherd ♪
486
00:21:47,350 --> 00:21:48,316
[YODELS]
♪ Layee odl, layee-- ♪
487
00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:49,366
[CLICKS SWITCH]
You be cool.
488
00:21:52,150 --> 00:21:54,266
Dad, would you get
your own stereo?
489
00:21:54,300 --> 00:21:55,233
Five more minutes, I could've
been in the park with this.
490
00:21:58,416 --> 00:22:00,830
What are we gonna do
about that
491
00:22:00,116 --> 00:22:02,333
Brighton Big-Pants situation?
492
00:22:02,366 --> 00:22:05,416
Ah, well, I thought
that
you'd talk to him.
493
00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:09,333
You know, you're so much
wiser than I am,
494
00:22:09,366 --> 00:22:13,160
and, well, the
children
are just so much
more
495
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:14,000
Rot like that.
496
00:22:15,233 --> 00:22:17,266
Blast.
497
00:22:17,300 --> 00:22:19,366
Oh, don't
worry,
Mr. Sheffield,
498
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:23,100
I have my own phrases
to manipulate you too.
499
00:22:23,133 --> 00:22:25,333
Really?
Like what?
500
00:22:25,366 --> 00:22:27,316
Mm, someone should really
talk to that Fergie
501
00:22:27,350 --> 00:22:29,116
about horizontal stripes.
502
00:22:29,150 --> 00:22:31,160
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
503
00:22:31,500 --> 00:22:32,466
What--? What phrases?
504
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,400
Oh, I'm just kidding.
505
00:22:35,433 --> 00:22:38,160
Gosh, Mr. Sheffield,
506
00:22:38,500 --> 00:22:41,330
I could never put
anything over on
you.
507
00:22:41,660 --> 00:22:42,216
I mean you're a big
Broadway producer...
508
00:22:44,116 --> 00:22:45,216
I'm just a nanny.
509
00:22:45,250 --> 00:22:46,300
[CHUCKLES] Quite right.
510
00:22:49,166 --> 00:22:50,150
[SOFTLY] Well, number 17
still works.
511
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:59,333
[THEME TUNE PLAYS]
512
00:23:03,500 --> 00:23:05,000
I'm off work in an hour.
513
00:23:05,330 --> 00:23:07,116
You wanna meet me
for a drink?
514
00:23:07,150 --> 00:23:09,366
Honey, I got two words for you -
515
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:10,416
"Crying...Game".
36544
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