All language subtitles for The Neighbors (2012) S02E22 There Goes the Neighbors Hood (1080p AMZN Webrip x265 10bit EAC3 5.1 - TheSickle)[TAoE]_track3_[eng]

♪ I'm leavin' on a jet plane ♪

♪ I don't know
When I'll be back again ♪

♪ oh, babe ♪

[ sighs ]

♪ you know I hate to go ♪

Johnny unitas,
You're never gonna get that much

For that thing.

♪ I'm leaving on a jet plane ♪

[ sighs ]

You're insulting me to my face,
But I don't even care.

How could I care about anything
But those dimples?

Much better.

♪ you know I hate to go ♪

So, your brother turned out
To be a real [bleep]

Who could have
Seen that coming?

Um, I believe
I saw that coming.

He arrived,
And I believe I said,

And I quote,
"He's a real [bleep]"

You all
Need to lose weight.

He's got that jaime lannister
"Game of thrones" thing

Happening, am I right?

Is that the dwarf?
No.

Hot blond one
With the dragon?

Can we move on?
Sorry.

[ sighs deeply ]

I can't believe
We're going home.

Do we have to?

Husband, let's go over
The facts again

To make sure that
We're doing the right thing.

Plus, it's smart to catch up
Those two tim allen fans

Who accidentally
Tuned in.

Of course.

We're barely on speaking terms
With the weavers.

The community turned against me
In favor of my brother,

Who convinced
Our 10-year-old genius

To move to boston
So he can attend harvard,

And then
Gave our teenage son a pill

To enable him
To turn human.

Where is it?!
Where's my pill?!

I know you hid it,
Father.

I did.

I will not allow my son
To alter his genetic makeup

And become human
Just for a teenage crush.

Amber is not
Just a teenage crush!

She's the love
Of my life!

[ sighs ]
Goodness,
Reggie jackson.

Stop talking like
You're in a kate hudson film.

Yes,
And if you insist on it,

At least start using
"Fool's gold" dialogue.

Oh! My god!

What?
Aah!

Oh, it's all right.

I was just...
Under a little bit of stress.

[ inhales deeply ]

Ooh. My left arm
Is tingling.
[ gasps ]

My goodness,
Do you think that you --

No, no, no, no,
I'm -- I'm fine.

I am staying
With amber!

Dick:
And I am going to harvard!

Do you know
How rare it is

For someone my age
To get into college?

Here's the roster,
Alphabetically --

Butkus, dick;
Howser, doogie.

That's it!
So get on board!

The only thing we are getting
On board is our spaceship.

[ door opens, closes ]
Pack up those boxes.
We leave in eight hours.

Hey, have you guys
Seen max and abby?

Oh, so now
You're talking to us?

Oh, jackie,
Not now.

They're not in their rooms,
They're not anywhere,

And they left
A note --

"Ran away to outer space.
We'll try to skype around 8:00."

Dick,
Where are your friends?

I'll never tell you! You can
Waterboard me, for all I care!

Dick.
They're in that box.

Debbie: guys.

I mean, we had to try.

They're going
To outer space!

It does sound like
Kind of fun.

We could go
For a long weekend.

Nah,
I got a thing monday.

♪♪♪

And don't you go anywhere near
That spaceship!

God!

I'm gonna miss
Saying things like that.

I can't believe
The bird-kersees are leaving.

We had one little fight.
So what?

We're best friends.

What are you doing?

Got something you want to say
To me about this, deb?

Why are you holding
A used pregnancy test?

Ugh!
Marty, wash your hands.

How could it happen, deb?
I don't understand.

We've been so careful.
We've been infrequent.

We've been
Aggressively infrequent and --

Wait. Wait.
You don't think --

Marty, I'm not pregnant.

Deb, I found this
In our bathroom, okay?

So if you're not pregnant,
Then who --

[ exhales sharply ]

My father
Can't do this.

I mean,
If I want to become human,

I should be allowed
To become human.

All right,
Let's slow down.

Maybe this is a good opportunity
To think about everything.

You said you loved me, amber.
No backsies.

There's no backsies
On "I love you."

No, no, no, no, no.

Reggie, I do love you,

And I'm very excited
About you becoming human.

It's a game changer.
Total game changer.

I just think maybe you haven't
Thought this through.

I mean, before,
You were a zabvronian, you know?

And now...You're just gonna be
Another asian guy.

No, I'm going to work
Really hard

And excel at math and violin
To distinguish myself.

Oh, my god! I'm not
Just going to be human!

I'm going to be asian!

[ gasps ]

Does this mean
I can't karaoke anymore?

It's a little
On the nose.

And, plus, you don't even know
Where the pill is.

Ah, but I have a plan.

Dick.
[ snaps fingers ]

You wanted to see me,
Brother?

As the youngest
Zabvronian,

Dick was born with
A heightened sense of smell.

You follow?

No, but this is
The kind of stuff
I'm gonna miss.

Dick, the pill
Was last inside this box.

Actually, I'm pretty busy
Applying for harvard, so --

Ooh! [ sniffing ]

Got it.

He'll find it.
He's like a ginger lojack.

Honey, we need to prioritize
What we're taking home.

We don't have
Enough room.

Oh, but we have to take
The toothpick statue

You made of marty weaver
When we first met them.

And the critics thought
We wouldn't ever last.

Hmm.

Ohh! Look!

It's the animated
Gingerbread man I used

To terrorize
The pta lady

When she wouldn't listen
To debbie weaver.

[ high-pitched ] Hey, guys!
I'm surprised you didn't
Bust me out for the holidays.

[ chuckling ]
Ohh! He's so creepy.

I know.
Can't leave without this guy.

Mm.
No! Get off me!

No! Leave me alone!
Not back in the box!

Aah!
[ muffled ] I hate the box.

And look!

It's the puppet
That dick butkus made

Of marty weaver
For his first halloween-ween.

[ as marty ] Hey, deb! Deb!
Fantasy football!

Deb! Deb!

[ both laugh ]

Ohh.

We're never going to see
The weavers again, are we?

With the time change,

They'll be dead
By the time we back to zabvron.

[ sighs ] I don't want to go,
Husband.

I don't, either.

But I lost
The community.

And our children
Are abandoning us one by one.

But, larry bird --
You don't understand
The complexity of the situation.

You're not dealing with
What I'm dealing with.

Of all the times to not have
My best friend to talk to.

I wonder what she's doing
Right now.

Max wouldn't just
Pee on that thing
For fun, would he?

He might,
But it wouldn't be positive.

Hey. What's up?

Are you pregnant?
Are you pregnant?

Oh, my god.
Yes. So pregnant.

Amber,
Answer your father.

Father,
I'm not pregnant.

I know this because the furthest
I've ever gone with a guy --

Stop answering your father.
Stop now.

All right,
Go to your room.
All right.
I'll see you at dinner.

Don't forget -- make it hearty.
I'm eating for two now.

Go away, please.

Aww.
Your grandson kicked.

She's a terrible person.
Terrible person.

So, wait a minute.
Who is pregnant?

This is what dick was wearing
When he said his first words.

"I can change myself, woman.
Hands off the merchandise."

[ gasps ]
So many memories.

Are you absolutely positive
That we have to leave?

Do you want reggie to become
Just another puny human

Destined for mortality?

And what about dick?

Do you want him to become just
Another spoiled harvard grad

Destined for
The "Simpsons" writers' room?

I do.

Me too. His spec script
Was so good.

Ohh.
Oh!

Husband?
No, no, I'm fine.
I'm fine.

Whew. At least my left arm
Is completely numb now.

Oh.

[ inhales sharply ]
Oh!

If you'll excuse me --
Aah!

...I'm just gonna take a nap
On the floor of the bathroom.

Okay.

[ inhales deeply ]

You're fine, larry.

Just keep it together
Till you get home.

Just eight more hours
And a couple of light-years.

Someone's in here!

[ sniffing ]

Wait a second.

[ sniffing ]

Dick.

Don't freak out.

[ sniffs deeply ]

Does this mean...?

You're the only one
Who knows, dick.

Daddy's pregnant.

Oh, dick.

What am I going to do?

I personally think
This is very exciting news.

You're going to be
A great father.

Third time's a charm,
Right?

Thanks, dick. That hurts
And helps all at once.

I can't
Tell your mother yet.

She wanted to have a baby here
So badly.

And the truth is,
I did, too.

But no zabvronian has ever
Given birth in a human form.

I mean, how do I know
My baby would be safe?

How do I hide my back bump
From the humans?

What hole
Would it come out of?

Father, who are you
More worried about --

The baby or yourself?

Oh, definitely myself.

I haven't gotten
Very attached to the baby yet.

Sounds to me
Like you've gotten attached

To a great deal of things
Around here.

What a wit on him.

[ door closes ]

What a shame he'll never
Get to run the harvard lampoon.

Oh. Hello.

Hi, jackie.

I know we're not speaking,
But we really need to talk.

Oh, I'm so happy to hear you
Say that, debbie weaver,

Because
You're my best friend.

Jackie, we found this
In our bathroom.

Oh, it's beautiful!
What is it? Can I hold it?

No, jackie,
It's a pregnancy test.

You pee on it, and it tells you
If you're pregnant.

What does it tell you
If you poop on it? The weather?

Ha! Up high!

Actually, no.
Don't touch me.

[ gasps ] Wait a second.
Debbie weaver, are you --

No, no, no, jackie. It's not
From anyone in our family.

And when I think of things
That aren't in our family

But are always in our house,
I think of you guys.

[ laughs ]
Don't be ridiculous.

You know that the men
In our species carry the babies.

And if larry bird were pregnant,
He'd be exhibiting symptoms.

He'd be moody...

Give my son the remote!!

...Depressed...

I'm hideous.

If I get
Any more bloated...

"Something, something,
Rush limbaugh.

He'd be having symptoms
Akin to your...Heart attacks.

I think someone must have left
A hole in my cat bag.

The cat's
Out...Of...The bag.

The cat bag.

Anyways...

Meow.

I'm pregnant.
[ gasps ]

Yes, you heard correctly,
My darling, my love.

I have a little baby bird
Nestling in my back.

We're having a baby!
Ohh!

Oh, my god! [ laughs ]

We're gonna have a baby!

I mean, no jumping!
No jumping!

Whoa. Ho. Wait.
One -- one s--

What was the pregnancy test
Doing in our bathroom?

Well, I'm not gonna pee
On my floor.

We're having a baby!
Why am I still
Holding this?

Oh, marty! We can give them
Abby's bassinet!

We can give them abby
For all I care!

No one in our house is pregnant!
This is the best day ever!

[ sighs ]
We have to go,
Don't we?

Now I see
Why you were so insistent.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don't think
For a second

I'm gonna
Let you guys leave now.

Oh, you don't understand,
Debbie weaver.

Well, how is larry bird
Going to hide

His adorable
Baby back bump?

What hole
Will it even come out of?

Or will it
Make its own hole?

Ugh!

It's not just the baby.

Everything
Is out of control.

Jackie: ohh.

You.
Unh-unh.

Me?
Y-- you. You.

Definitely you.

[ stomps feet ]

Larry!

You're always saying,
You know,

"I'm the supreme leader
Of this,"

"I'm the supreme leader
Of that."

You know -- lead!

[ theme from "Bridge over
The river kwai" plays ]
There'll always be
Other harvards

And genetic-altering
Pills

And...
Scary male pregnancies

And dj jazzy jeffs --

[ music distorts, slows ]
The things that have come
Out of my mouth this season...

Baby, stay on point.
Stay on point.

Yeah.

[ music normalizes ]
Larry...

Going back to zabvron isn't
Fixing your problems, okay?

It's running away
From them.

You are
A supreme leader.

If you lead,
They will follow.

I know we would.

'cause that's
What friends are for?

No.

No, because that's
What family is.

Get over here.

You know, that's the first time
We have hugged!

Yes, I know.
And I-I didn't like it.

And if
You don't do that again,

I shall go out and try
And win back my community.

[ squeals ]

Never feels good
Helping him.

What the hell
Are you doing?

Oh, hey.

I figured my father
Maybe hid the pill in my room

Because he knew it'd be
The last place I'd look.

Reggie, I need you
To hear me right now.

I want you to see what it means
To really be human.

What's that?

It's a book.
It's called "Everyone poops."

And it's...

Accurate.
Everyone poops.

If you become human,
You will, too. It's not great.

Amber --

Photographs of asian men
With male pattern baldness.

Your hair is not human.
It's going to become human.

Can you handle
Knowing that?

Amber, I love you --

This is
A bloomin' onion.

It's 2,200 calories.

You will want to eat it.

You will eat it.

It will make you nauseous.

Amber --

And, eventually,
After you eat enough of them

And do a million other
Bad things to your body,

You will die.

You will be old and bald
And weak

And then...Dead.

And I need you to hear that --
Really hear that --

Because I don't know
If I'm ready

For you to take all that on
Just for me.

I love you.

I might even love you too much
To let you do this.

Remember, everyone --
Just the bare necessities.

[ sighs ]

Kevin,
Aren't you excited?

[ grunts ]
You're gonna be back
To your old self again.

And no one's gonna remember
The joke we played

When we said
We were all coming as alpacas.

[ grunts ]

Stop taunting kevin,
Brother.

This has gone far enough.

Remember, you're like
My michelle obama.

Despite my dip,
Your ratings remain high

Because of
Your aspirational arms.

If this all goes wrong,
Jump in

And talk about child obesity
Or something.

Brother,
Your time here has --

That's right!

You tell him,
Lar!

Sorry.

We got -- we jumped the gun
Just a little bit.

Community!

We were happy before he arrived,
Were we not?

"Happy's"
A strong word.

Well, we were fond
Of this place --

Of their iphones
And their adam sandler comedies.

"Spanglish."
"Spanglish."
"Spanglish."

And their starbucks.

Actually, we've got a starbucks
On zabvron now.

Oooh!
Oooh!
Oooh!

Kareem: I was about to
Throw out my gift card!

Let's get out of here!

[ clears throat ]

[ american voice ]
Our children are too fat.

The children
Are very fat.

She really does have great arms,
Doesn't she?

My fellow zabvronians,

I have made some mistakes
Since I've been here.

But the one mistake
I won't make

Is leaving this planet
And leaving our friends

Before
Our mission is over

Just because what we face
Is uncertain and a bit scary.

[ grunts ]

This isn't a command,
But a request --

Stay with me.

Continue
Our exploration of earth,

Continue growing our
Relationship with the weavers.

For if we stand strong
Together,

There's nothing
That can break us apart!

[ exhales deeply ]

And if that's not reason enough
To stand with me...

I'm having a baby!

Aah! [ laughs ]
I'm having a baby!

Go, larry! Ah! Yeah!
I'm having a baby!

I'm having a baby!

I'm...Having...

How will he hide
His back bump?

What hole
Will it even come out of?

I think we should call this.
The ship is sinking.

Dj jazzy jeff:
All right, I'm gonna go ahead

And call pre-boarding
For all zabvronians

With elite status.

Ah --
Oh. No, wait.

That's --
[ chuckling ] That's only me.

Suck it, coach trash.

[ grunts ]

[ indistinct conversations ]

And remember --

Calisthenics are good
For both mind and body.

Screw it.
[ clears throat ]

Well, that's not good.

Kareem,
You'd really leave me

After everything
We've been through?

I mean, they have
A starbucks now, so...

But --

[ exhales sharply ]

[ sighs ]

There was a month
Where I wanted you.

Mm--

Mary lou retton!

Me too.

Mm--

Surely, not you, too,
Johnny u?

It's just...I already made
All the shirts.

Father wants a word.

[ beep ]
Hi, daddy.

Your brother tells me
You're with child?

Mm, I am.

And you're going to
Stay there?

What hole will the baby
Even come out of?

Everyone, stop talking
About the hole!

God!

Son, we will likely
Never speak again.

You are
A total embarrassment

And an abject failure.

But despite that --

[ tablet chimes ]

Oh, crap.
I have another call.

Bye.

Last chance.

[ sighs ]

All right.

Goodbye forever.

[ john denver's
"Leaving on a jet plane" plays ]

[ engines roaring ]

♪ 'cause I'm leavin'
On a jet plane ♪

♪ don't know
When I'll be back again ♪

♪ oh, babe, I hate to go ♪

[ leaves rustling ]

♪ 'cause I'm leavin'
On a jet plane ♪

♪ don't know
When I'll be back again ♪

♪ oh, babe, I hate to go ♪

[ sighs ]

I don't know what to do now.

I just don't know what's next.

Dick, if you want harvard,
You should go to harvard.

I won't stop you.

Reggie...

If you want to be human,
I won't stop you, either.

I'm all out of answers.

Enough.

But I --
I said "Enough."

Larry bird,
I have never doubted you

On this mission --
Not once.

You said "Name yourself
Jackie joyner-kersee.

You'll fit right in."

I did it.

"New jersey is
The garden state," you said.

"It will be beautiful."
I listened.

It's a great pep talk,
But do you have a point?

My point, husband,

Is that you are wrong
A great deal of the time.

But if there's one thing
I can count on,

It's that you will be confident
And doubtless

Even when
You are completely clueless.

It's what I love most
About you, larry bird.

Well, that's kind of depressing,
Isn't it?

Shh!
Shh!
Shh!

We were surrounded
By our brethren for a decade.

There was safety in that,
But...We're all alone now.

Not entirely.

Hey, you won't be
Getting rid of us any time soon.

Uh-huh. The weavers
Aren't going anywhere.

Got nowhere to go.

We couldn't move
If we wanted to.
Couldn't afford it.

Adjustable
Interest rates!

Look like we're gonna be stuck
In our townhome

Till the day we die.

[ chuckling ] Okay, okay.
Well, you guys...Get it.

You know what?
Screw harvard.

Zuckerberg didn't need them.
Neither does the butkus.

I stand with you, father.

[ the fray's "Love don't die"
Plays ]

I would go bald and poop
For you, amber, in a heartbeat.

But there's only four of us left
On this entire planet,

And we can't afford
To lose any more zabvronians.

Not today.

So...
I won't lie to you.

I don't know what things
Are going to look like
This time next year,

But I know
We're going to make it.

I can't see the path yet,
But it's there.

Wednesdays?
You never know.

I've heard whispers
About abc family?

Oh, screw that.
Ooh!

Every step along the way,
They've counted us out.

No one thought
We would last this long,

And we did.

And so help me,
We'll do it again.

♪ love don't die ♪

♪ no matter where we go ♪

We can rebuild
This community.

We just need to stick together!

There's nothing coming
That we can't handle

On this or any other planet.

♪ love don't die ♪

Here come the humans.

Well, here we are.

[ sighs ]

Honey, I was worried I was
Gonna have buyer's remorse,

But I love it more
Every time I see it.

Well, it's all yours,
Baby.

Oh. I wonder
What the neighbors are like.

Oh, please
Make them normal.

Oh, crap.