All language subtitles for The Neighbors (2012) S02E18 A Night in (Lou Ferrigno’s Hibachi) Heaven (1080p AMZN Webrip x265 10bit EAC3 5.1 - TheSickle)[TAoE]_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:04,625 Aah. Blueberry. 2 00:00:04,625 --> 00:00:06,177 Thanks. Yep. 3 00:00:08,339 --> 00:00:09,930 [ sighs ] 4 00:00:09,930 --> 00:00:11,592 Kids down? Mm-hmm. 5 00:00:11,592 --> 00:00:14,014 Kimmel? Uh-huh. 6 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,137 [ beep ] [ laughter ] 7 00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:20,441 Hey. Hey. 8 00:00:20,441 --> 00:00:22,233 Work good? Uh-huh. 9 00:00:22,233 --> 00:00:23,234 Bathroom. 10 00:00:23,234 --> 00:00:25,196 [ sighs ] 11 00:00:25,196 --> 00:00:26,607 Kids down? Mm-hmm. 12 00:00:26,607 --> 00:00:28,239 Sex? Nah. 13 00:00:28,239 --> 00:00:29,610 Kimmel? Uh-huh. 14 00:00:29,610 --> 00:00:31,782 [ beep ] [ laughter ] 15 00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:34,205 [ sighs ] 16 00:00:34,205 --> 00:00:35,786 Night. 17 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,162 Wait. 18 00:00:41,162 --> 00:00:43,164 Have we not said A single full sentence 19 00:00:43,164 --> 00:00:46,967 To each other This whole week? 20 00:00:46,967 --> 00:00:48,008 No. 21 00:00:48,008 --> 00:00:50,261 Marty, we're in a rut. 22 00:00:50,261 --> 00:00:52,263 Yeah. 23 00:00:52,263 --> 00:00:53,224 Checkers? 24 00:00:54,595 --> 00:00:56,227 ♪♪♪ 25 00:00:56,227 --> 00:01:00,020 ♪ we came from outer space And settled in new jersey ♪ 26 00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:03,894 ♪ we took names like larry bird And jackie joyner-kersee ♪ 27 00:01:03,894 --> 00:01:06,066 ♪ then the humans Moved next door ♪ 28 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,279 ♪ started testing All our limits ♪ 29 00:01:08,279 --> 00:01:10,241 ♪ so sit right down, Enjoy the show ♪ 30 00:01:10,241 --> 00:01:12,283 ♪ we'll be done in 30 minutes ♪ 31 00:01:14,905 --> 00:01:16,407 Marty, We're in a marital rut. 32 00:01:16,407 --> 00:01:18,078 I read about this In glamour. 33 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,790 And vogue. 34 00:01:19,790 --> 00:01:21,792 And elle. And cosmo. 35 00:01:21,792 --> 00:01:24,125 Wow, they really are All the same magazine. 36 00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:25,626 I feel it, too. We're coasting, babe. 37 00:01:25,626 --> 00:01:26,917 When was the last time We even had -- 38 00:01:26,917 --> 00:01:28,048 Two thursdays ago, In between 39 00:01:28,048 --> 00:01:29,670 The "Scandal" clip show And "Scandal." 40 00:01:29,670 --> 00:01:30,881 Yeah. 41 00:01:30,881 --> 00:01:33,424 I was going to say, "When was the last time 42 00:01:33,424 --> 00:01:35,216 We even had A real conversation?" 43 00:01:35,216 --> 00:01:36,427 Oh. 44 00:01:36,427 --> 00:01:38,429 Remember when We were first married 45 00:01:38,429 --> 00:01:42,273 We'd drop in a ub40 cd And dig into 46 00:01:42,273 --> 00:01:44,645 A raspberry danish twist And a box of white zin? 47 00:01:44,645 --> 00:01:46,687 We'd talk all night. 48 00:01:46,687 --> 00:01:48,649 You could talk about Nothing for hours. 49 00:01:48,649 --> 00:01:50,441 You were like Adorable white noise. 50 00:01:50,441 --> 00:01:51,862 I know! [ chuckles ] 51 00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,864 Maybe we need A date night. 52 00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:56,076 I think we do To shake things up. 53 00:01:56,076 --> 00:01:57,368 Okay, I'm gonna Take care of it tomorrow. 54 00:01:57,368 --> 00:01:58,539 Well, you know what, Marty? 55 00:01:58,539 --> 00:02:00,741 Maybe I should help with -- No, I'm the man. 56 00:02:00,741 --> 00:02:02,293 You're gonna let me Be the man, okay? 57 00:02:02,293 --> 00:02:03,374 I will take care Of everything. 58 00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,746 My man. That's right. I'm your man. 59 00:02:05,746 --> 00:02:07,548 Mm. Mmm. 60 00:02:07,548 --> 00:02:09,590 Oh, not now, marty. I haven't shaved my legs. 61 00:02:09,590 --> 00:02:10,881 Oh, okay. [ grunts ] 62 00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:17,348 And... [ beep ] 63 00:02:17,348 --> 00:02:19,350 ...We have a reservation For date night. 64 00:02:19,350 --> 00:02:22,223 I'm' so excited. Ooh! Hey! 65 00:02:22,223 --> 00:02:24,104 I know it's last minute, But can you babysit tonight? 66 00:02:24,104 --> 00:02:25,316 I can't. I have to study. 67 00:02:25,316 --> 00:02:27,147 Doesn't that mean You'll be here? 68 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,689 Study out in public. 69 00:02:28,689 --> 00:02:30,571 I focus best when I'm surrounded by distractions. 70 00:02:30,571 --> 00:02:34,325 You guys wouldn't understand Because, well, you're old. 71 00:02:34,325 --> 00:02:36,737 You gave up booze nine months For that one. 72 00:02:36,737 --> 00:02:39,370 Not entirely. That could be the problem. Yeah. 73 00:02:39,370 --> 00:02:40,541 I'll call pearl. 74 00:02:40,541 --> 00:02:44,084 Ooh. Who's pearl? She sounds young and hip. 75 00:02:44,084 --> 00:02:46,667 She's our babysitter. Oh! Where are we going? 76 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,249 Nowhere because we Are not going anywhere. 77 00:02:48,249 --> 00:02:49,670 I'm taking debbie Out to the city 78 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,502 To a very special place, And it's a big surprise. 79 00:02:51,502 --> 00:02:53,294 You're really not gonna tell me Where we're going? 80 00:02:55,716 --> 00:02:57,758 [ gasps ] He's locked His lips with a key. 81 00:02:57,758 --> 00:02:59,350 And he's throwing it Down the sink. 82 00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:01,852 This is like theater. No! He's destroying The key! 83 00:03:01,852 --> 00:03:04,184 [ grinding ] Now we'll never understand Why they need this hot date. 84 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:07,107 Oh. Well, we've just been in a Little bit of a rut lately -- 85 00:03:07,107 --> 00:03:08,609 Oh, he can still speak. Thank god. 86 00:03:08,609 --> 00:03:11,151 Hey, marty, you don't just Tell people we're in a rut. 87 00:03:11,151 --> 00:03:13,864 Mm, marty, tmi. Embarrassing. 88 00:03:13,864 --> 00:03:16,867 What's a rut? Act it out with your hands. Oh! 89 00:03:16,867 --> 00:03:19,280 Well, a rut is when You're so used to each other 90 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,872 That you stop making An effort to connect. 91 00:03:21,872 --> 00:03:23,284 You guys have that, right? 92 00:03:23,284 --> 00:03:24,875 Nope. Never knew It was a thing. 93 00:03:24,875 --> 00:03:27,458 Sounds depressing. Let's bounce. 94 00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:28,879 Bird-kersees out. 95 00:03:28,879 --> 00:03:31,091 Why did you guys Even come over here?! 96 00:03:31,091 --> 00:03:32,633 Just to Make us feel bad? 97 00:03:32,633 --> 00:03:37,217 Perfect pose, dick. Think royalty. 98 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,260 Candy bar? Ah. 99 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:41,051 I've been doing research All day. 100 00:03:41,051 --> 00:03:44,104 And apparently, the weaver's "Marital rut" is a thing. 101 00:03:44,104 --> 00:03:45,726 Oh. Yes. 102 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,268 I've been reading elle, Cosmo, and vogue -- 103 00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:50,020 They're basically all the same Magazine -- not cat fancy. 104 00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:51,231 That's really Trying something. 105 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,984 And they all agree That "Rut" is cited 106 00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:56,196 As one of the top reasons For getting a divorce, 107 00:03:56,196 --> 00:03:58,949 Along with hair plugs, Sports cars, and facebook. Mm-hmm. 108 00:03:58,949 --> 00:04:01,822 But luckily, we don't have To worry about not connecting. 109 00:04:01,822 --> 00:04:03,033 Am I right? Fist bump. 110 00:04:03,033 --> 00:04:05,366 Uh-huh. Aah! 111 00:04:05,366 --> 00:04:06,917 Look at what You made me do. 112 00:04:06,917 --> 00:04:09,670 Our little prince Is not that rosy. 113 00:04:09,670 --> 00:04:11,211 You agreed To a fist bump. 114 00:04:11,211 --> 00:04:13,294 You can't stop A fist bump mid-bump. 115 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,835 And enough With the paintings 116 00:04:14,835 --> 00:04:16,547 Of dick butkus Through the centuries. 117 00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:18,379 No one wants that On their coffee table, 118 00:04:18,379 --> 00:04:19,550 Well, I'm sorry. 119 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:20,681 I'm just trying to get Dick's eyes to sparkle 120 00:04:20,681 --> 00:04:22,262 Like they do In real life. 121 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,724 Jjk? Yes? 122 00:04:23,724 --> 00:04:25,726 Did you hear a single word I just said. Of course I did! 123 00:04:25,726 --> 00:04:29,440 I heard "Rut" and "Rut" And something about facebook. 124 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,853 Oh, no. It's happening to us. 125 00:04:32,853 --> 00:04:34,525 Hmm? We're in a rut. 126 00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:36,106 [ gasps ] 127 00:04:36,106 --> 00:04:38,158 Oh, we must have caught it From the weavers. 128 00:04:38,158 --> 00:04:40,200 Well, what do we do To get out of it? 129 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:43,243 I haven't the first clue. I read about getting into a rut. 130 00:04:43,243 --> 00:04:45,616 I don't know How to bust a rut. [ sighs ] 131 00:04:45,616 --> 00:04:47,037 Oh, no. 132 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,249 We bounced out of the weavers' House too quickly. 133 00:04:49,249 --> 00:04:51,041 Bird-kersees back in. 134 00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:55,175 I look Like marcia cross. 135 00:04:57,127 --> 00:05:00,130 Marty. Hey, larry, Does this shirt say, 136 00:05:00,130 --> 00:05:01,382 "We've been married For 20 years, 137 00:05:01,382 --> 00:05:02,473 But we've still got it"? 138 00:05:02,473 --> 00:05:03,634 No, it says You haven't been shopping 139 00:05:03,634 --> 00:05:05,346 For 20 years And you never had it. 140 00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:08,188 Anyway, Just making conversation. 141 00:05:08,188 --> 00:05:09,560 Did you see "The voice" Last night? 142 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:12,272 Can anyone pull off A 5:00 shadow like adam levine? 143 00:05:12,272 --> 00:05:14,104 Do you believe He's jewish? 144 00:05:14,104 --> 00:05:17,528 Also, how do you get out Of a marital rut? 145 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:21,362 Hi, debbie weaver. 146 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:22,823 Hey, jackie. 147 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,244 So, I feel like We didn't get 148 00:05:24,244 --> 00:05:26,156 To finish Our conversation before. 149 00:05:26,156 --> 00:05:27,498 You're in A miserable marriage, 150 00:05:27,498 --> 00:05:29,950 And you're making A last-ditch effort to save it. 151 00:05:29,950 --> 00:05:31,251 Dish. 152 00:05:31,251 --> 00:05:32,413 Uh, okay. 153 00:05:32,413 --> 00:05:34,795 Not a last-ditch effort, Not miserable. 154 00:05:34,795 --> 00:05:37,257 Marty's just surprising me With dinner in the city. 155 00:05:37,257 --> 00:05:39,840 It'll be a quiet evening Where we can really... 156 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,261 Go crazy, you know? 157 00:05:41,261 --> 00:05:44,224 I mean, you get so into your Boring day-to-day routine 158 00:05:44,224 --> 00:05:46,346 That sometimes, you need Something exciting to... 159 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,598 ...Help you to slow down, 160 00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:50,431 Check in with the person You fell in love with. 161 00:05:50,431 --> 00:05:52,563 It's just gonna be Me and marty, and... 162 00:05:52,563 --> 00:05:55,396 ...Three djs -- A real hot crowd! 163 00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,187 We're going to this Trendy new restaurant 164 00:05:57,187 --> 00:05:59,069 With fancy lighting And hip music 165 00:05:59,069 --> 00:06:00,280 Because Tonight should be... 166 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:03,113 ...Simple, Intimate, quiet, 167 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,245 A place where We can really talk. 168 00:06:05,245 --> 00:06:08,248 They have a mechanical shrimp You can ride. 169 00:06:08,248 --> 00:06:10,621 So long, rut. 170 00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:11,832 Thank you, marty. 171 00:06:11,832 --> 00:06:14,585 This has been... Completely useless. 172 00:06:14,585 --> 00:06:16,797 As useless As teats on a bull. 173 00:06:16,797 --> 00:06:18,589 I don't know why We barge in there anymore. 174 00:06:18,589 --> 00:06:19,920 To make them feel bad, Right? 175 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,132 The weavers think They can fix a marriage 176 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,263 With a meal in the city, 177 00:06:23,263 --> 00:06:26,056 But you can't eat your way Out of a rut. 178 00:06:26,056 --> 00:06:27,267 You have to fight The rut. 179 00:06:27,267 --> 00:06:28,849 So, we're taking it Up a notch, 180 00:06:28,849 --> 00:06:32,683 Which is why I went To the real expert here. 181 00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:33,684 Abby weaver? 182 00:06:33,684 --> 00:06:35,275 Yes, But she was on a call, 183 00:06:35,275 --> 00:06:37,107 So now I don't know Who to speak to. 184 00:06:37,107 --> 00:06:38,689 Let's just ask google. 185 00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:40,320 Jane knows everything. 186 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,362 I thought it was "Go-ogle" Until right now. 187 00:06:42,362 --> 00:06:45,986 Search "How to spice up A marriage." 188 00:06:45,986 --> 00:06:47,367 "How to spice..." 189 00:06:47,367 --> 00:06:49,199 Ooh! "How to spice up A chicken." 190 00:06:49,199 --> 00:06:51,161 Click on that. Ooh, rosemary. I would have guessed thyme. 191 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,913 Google "Rosemary." 192 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,915 Should I click On "Rosemary clooney" Or "Rosemary's baby"? 193 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,296 Ooh, I love babies. 194 00:06:56,296 --> 00:06:58,248 Ooh, babies and puppies! Do babies and puppies. 195 00:06:58,248 --> 00:07:00,300 Aww! Aww! Aww! 196 00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,342 Wait, what were we doing? [ groans ] We did it again. 197 00:07:02,342 --> 00:07:05,175 We got distracted by The "Did you mean" function. 198 00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,967 Let me go back to "How To spice up your marriage." 199 00:07:06,967 --> 00:07:08,258 Oh. 200 00:07:08,258 --> 00:07:10,471 The first thing that comes up Is "Role play." 201 00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:12,432 "Dress up As a super-hot alter ego 202 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,685 And meet your partner Out on the town." 203 00:07:16,607 --> 00:07:18,819 What's super hot? Oh, dick, Avert your ears. 204 00:07:18,819 --> 00:07:21,021 We are possibly Talking about sex. 205 00:07:21,021 --> 00:07:22,402 We're not sure. Nerds. 206 00:07:22,402 --> 00:07:23,824 Dick, mommy and daddy Are having date night, 207 00:07:23,824 --> 00:07:25,155 So you're staying home With your brother. 208 00:07:25,155 --> 00:07:27,367 No, no, no. Jane and I are Having our own date night. 209 00:07:27,367 --> 00:07:29,199 It's soul-mating season! 210 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,571 Oh, all right. 211 00:07:30,571 --> 00:07:32,372 Dick, then you'll go To the weavers. 212 00:07:32,372 --> 00:07:35,075 They've hired a babysitter, So you'll be in good hands. 213 00:07:35,075 --> 00:07:36,497 Are you Freaking kidding me?! 214 00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:39,169 I'm not going to be left With some hormonal teenager 215 00:07:39,169 --> 00:07:41,381 Who is just waiting For us to go to bed 216 00:07:41,381 --> 00:07:43,794 So her boyfriend Can grope her on the sofa. 217 00:07:43,794 --> 00:07:46,296 Well, that's what's happening, So get on board. 218 00:07:46,296 --> 00:07:47,467 Fine, but I'm not Making small talk 219 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,259 With the boyfriend While she "Freshens up." 220 00:07:49,259 --> 00:07:52,222 I hate this planet. 221 00:07:54,805 --> 00:07:56,396 Kids, I want you to be good 222 00:07:56,396 --> 00:07:58,519 And do whatever Pearl asks you to do. 223 00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:01,231 Me, dick butkus, Needing a babysitter. 224 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:04,314 [ door closes ] Of all the insulting, Demoralizing -- 225 00:08:04,314 --> 00:08:06,316 ♪♪♪ 226 00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:16,076 ♪ when you come to me ♪ 227 00:08:16,076 --> 00:08:18,328 Debbie: Oh, hello, pearl. 228 00:08:18,328 --> 00:08:20,380 Hey, mrs. Weaver. 229 00:08:20,380 --> 00:08:22,623 Hey, max, abby, What's up? 230 00:08:22,623 --> 00:08:25,385 Ooh, and you are? 231 00:08:25,385 --> 00:08:27,387 In love. 232 00:08:27,387 --> 00:08:32,973 ♪ when you come to me ♪ [ sneezes ] 233 00:08:32,973 --> 00:08:35,556 Ooh! Sinus infection. 234 00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:38,899 Is it hot in here, Or is it just you? 235 00:08:38,899 --> 00:08:40,400 Doesn't feel hot to me, 236 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:43,403 But, uh, I have nerve damage Down my entire left side, so... 237 00:08:43,403 --> 00:08:45,566 Hurry along now, weavers. Wouldn't want to miss Your reservation. 238 00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:47,027 Okay, kids, Have a good night. 239 00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,029 I'm gonna have an intimate Date night with my guy. 240 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,240 Aw-oogah. 241 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,152 [ loud dance music plays ] 242 00:08:52,152 --> 00:08:54,655 Welcome to lou ferrigno's Hibachi heaven! 243 00:08:54,655 --> 00:08:56,246 It's dinner-tainment! 244 00:08:56,246 --> 00:08:57,457 [ applause ] 245 00:08:57,457 --> 00:09:00,330 Right? This is exactly What we needed -- 246 00:09:00,330 --> 00:09:03,163 Something new and different To rekindle our flame, baby. 247 00:09:03,964 --> 00:09:05,465 Ooh! [ crowd gasping ] 248 00:09:05,465 --> 00:09:08,088 Oh, okay. You went with literal flames. 249 00:09:08,088 --> 00:09:09,760 Interesting choice. 250 00:09:14,344 --> 00:09:16,136 Sit back, strap in 251 00:09:16,136 --> 00:09:19,940 For a sizzling seafood Taste-splosion! 252 00:09:19,940 --> 00:09:21,271 [ chuckles ] [ applause ] 253 00:09:21,271 --> 00:09:26,066 All right. Now, who's ready To get...It...Prawn? 254 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,068 [ laughs ] "Prawn" is another name For shrimp. 255 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,319 I got it, marty. 256 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,651 I also got it when he asked me If I'd come here 257 00:09:30,651 --> 00:09:31,822 "Just for the halibut." 258 00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,454 "Just for the hell of it"? Yeah. 259 00:09:34,454 --> 00:09:36,576 You see? He's doing that? Yeah. Okay, you know what? 260 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:40,580 We are going to try And salvage the evening. 261 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,122 I know this is dorky, But -- 262 00:09:42,122 --> 00:09:44,414 All aboard The onion train! 263 00:09:44,414 --> 00:09:46,466 Choo-choo! [ train whistle blows ] 264 00:09:46,466 --> 00:09:47,628 What? 265 00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:50,260 We're gonna Salvage this evening! 266 00:09:50,260 --> 00:09:52,763 I saw this on an episode Of "The view." 267 00:09:52,763 --> 00:09:55,926 Sherri shepherd wanted to Connect with her husband, 268 00:09:55,926 --> 00:09:58,849 And she used these things Called "Convo cards." 269 00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:01,852 Is sherri the one who thinks The world is flat? What? 270 00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:05,065 I said, "Is sherri the one Who thinks the world is flat?" 271 00:10:05,065 --> 00:10:07,487 [ music fades ] The other black one! 272 00:10:09,439 --> 00:10:14,364 The lovely lady That's not whoopi. 273 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,536 Sherri and her husband Used these 274 00:10:16,536 --> 00:10:19,239 To, uh, find new things To talk about. 275 00:10:19,239 --> 00:10:20,540 Honey, That sounds kind of lame. 276 00:10:20,540 --> 00:10:22,582 Well, marty, I just watched A man make a pac-man 277 00:10:22,582 --> 00:10:24,454 Out of fried rice To katy perry's "Roar," 278 00:10:24,454 --> 00:10:26,086 So work with me here. 279 00:10:26,086 --> 00:10:27,668 Okay. Okay. 280 00:10:29,339 --> 00:10:30,711 [ crunch! ] 281 00:10:30,711 --> 00:10:32,923 Here's what's up. 282 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:35,926 See that goddess -- The one that smells like magic? 283 00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:37,848 She and I Are meant to be. 284 00:10:37,848 --> 00:10:40,560 Wait. You like pearl? 285 00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,642 Just look at her crunching down That pack of dry ramen. 286 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:46,526 Didn't even add hot water. Didn't have to. 287 00:10:46,526 --> 00:10:48,729 She is Quite something. 288 00:10:48,729 --> 00:10:51,111 So, what do you say you guys Put yourselves to bed 289 00:10:51,111 --> 00:10:53,944 And let the grown-ups Be grown-ups? 290 00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:55,826 [ yawns ] Time to turn in, max. 291 00:10:55,826 --> 00:10:57,447 It's 10:00 p.M. Somewhere. 292 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,331 Oh, hey, dick. 293 00:11:01,331 --> 00:11:03,243 'sup? Oh, not much. 294 00:11:03,243 --> 00:11:05,836 Just sanitizing the old bod. [ chuckles ] 295 00:11:05,836 --> 00:11:08,588 Too many people stop at The hands, but you know what? 296 00:11:08,588 --> 00:11:10,340 Bacteria Can live anywhere. 297 00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:12,342 You are very wise. 298 00:11:12,342 --> 00:11:14,344 Here. You want to try some? 299 00:11:14,344 --> 00:11:16,967 Yanked it From my gynecologist's office. 300 00:11:19,059 --> 00:11:22,062 [ piano music playing ] 301 00:11:22,062 --> 00:11:24,434 [ indistinct conversations ] 302 00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:29,569 You're probably wondering About my fly lady threads. 303 00:11:29,569 --> 00:11:31,571 Well, my wife and I Seem to be in a rut, 304 00:11:31,571 --> 00:11:33,573 So we decided to meet here And role-play 305 00:11:33,573 --> 00:11:36,737 Dressed as the sexiest people We could think of. 306 00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:39,159 I dressed as her. 307 00:11:39,159 --> 00:11:42,582 Fingers crossed She'll come as adam levine. 308 00:11:42,582 --> 00:11:45,585 Jackie: [ deep voice ] Hello, there. 309 00:11:45,585 --> 00:11:47,748 [ gasps ] [ normal voice ] You're... 310 00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:51,752 [ as jackie ] I'm the sexiest Person I could think of. 311 00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:54,755 I'm jackie joyner-kersee -- Mind of a genius, 312 00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:59,049 Heart of an angel, Legs that go on for days. 313 00:11:59,049 --> 00:12:00,841 And you are...? Oh. 314 00:12:00,841 --> 00:12:03,053 [ as larry ] Also the sexiest Person I could think of -- 315 00:12:03,053 --> 00:12:05,806 Larry bird, Supreme leader. Oh! 316 00:12:05,806 --> 00:12:08,899 Perhaps you've heard of me. If not, you're an idiot. 317 00:12:08,899 --> 00:12:11,351 Oh! 318 00:12:11,351 --> 00:12:13,153 [ normal voice ] This has the possibility Of being very confusing. 319 00:12:13,153 --> 00:12:15,485 But right now, I am so turned on. 320 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,617 [ squeals ] [ chuckles ] 321 00:12:20,911 --> 00:12:24,124 So, pearl, What's your story? 322 00:12:24,124 --> 00:12:26,496 What do you do When you're not babysitting? 323 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,289 Oh, well, uh [clears throat] Recently, 324 00:12:29,289 --> 00:12:31,671 I moved in with my cousin After her big accident, 325 00:12:31,671 --> 00:12:34,504 So I guess you could say I'm always babysitting. 326 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:37,217 [ chuckles ] Listen, pearl... 327 00:12:37,217 --> 00:12:39,589 Yeah? ...You dig me, I dig you. 328 00:12:39,589 --> 00:12:41,141 Let's go steady. 329 00:12:41,141 --> 00:12:43,143 Whoa [chuckles] Wait. Dick, okay. 330 00:12:43,143 --> 00:12:45,555 You're very cute... Preach. 331 00:12:45,555 --> 00:12:46,807 ...But you are 10. 332 00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,478 Age is just a number. 333 00:12:48,478 --> 00:12:51,481 Look at demi and ashton, Mariah and nick, 334 00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:53,483 Madonna and, well, Everybody. 335 00:12:53,483 --> 00:12:57,737 All good examples, but, dick, We sitters have a code, okay? 336 00:12:57,737 --> 00:13:00,530 We watch your kids, We eat your food, 337 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:03,493 And when you return, You pay us and we leave. 338 00:13:03,493 --> 00:13:06,166 Not so much a code As just the job description. 339 00:13:06,166 --> 00:13:09,579 Yes, but it's A job description I live by. 340 00:13:09,579 --> 00:13:14,544 So, dick, I am sorry, But you and I will never be. 341 00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:16,086 [ sobs ] 342 00:13:18,508 --> 00:13:20,720 Ooh, that's gonna Leave a mark. 343 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:22,222 Ouch. 344 00:13:22,222 --> 00:13:23,803 [ piano music plays ] 345 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,595 [ as larry ] I love your skort. 346 00:13:25,595 --> 00:13:30,390 [ as jackie ] Thank you. I only ever wear skorts. 347 00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:34,354 No one wears a skort Quite like you wear a skort. 348 00:13:34,354 --> 00:13:36,736 [ normal voice ] Okay, so, basically, That just turned into 349 00:13:36,736 --> 00:13:38,698 You complimenting yourself, I think. 350 00:13:38,698 --> 00:13:40,901 Well, let's -- Let's do me, okay? 351 00:13:40,901 --> 00:13:42,702 [ normal voice ] Yes, yes, sorry. Uh... 352 00:13:42,702 --> 00:13:45,115 [ as larry ] I'm larry bird. 353 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,577 Some would say my smile Is my best feature. 354 00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:49,409 [ as jackie ] Oh, go on. 355 00:13:49,409 --> 00:13:51,411 Why would I smile When everyone's an idiot? 356 00:13:51,411 --> 00:13:54,794 [ normal voice ] Okay, so, um, Just a heads up, but you've gone 357 00:13:54,794 --> 00:13:56,877 To the "Larry thinks Everyone's an idiot," 358 00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:57,958 Well, twice now. 359 00:13:57,958 --> 00:14:00,380 [ normal voice ] Oh...Yeah. I'm sorry. 360 00:14:00,380 --> 00:14:02,552 No, it's just that we've been Married an incredibly long time, 361 00:14:02,552 --> 00:14:05,765 So let's just try and find Other details about me 362 00:14:05,765 --> 00:14:08,268 Besides the fact that I think Everyone's an idiot. 363 00:14:08,268 --> 00:14:09,349 Of course, of course. Mm-hmm. 364 00:14:11,021 --> 00:14:13,023 [ as larry ] I'm larry bird. 365 00:14:13,023 --> 00:14:14,604 I have the best hair. 366 00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,476 No, no, no, no. Let's not do hair. 367 00:14:16,476 --> 00:14:17,647 We always do hair. 368 00:14:17,647 --> 00:14:19,069 I mean, I have great hair. We get it. 369 00:14:19,069 --> 00:14:20,360 Let's work A little harder. 370 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,741 [ normal voice ] Larry bird, You're ruining this. 371 00:14:21,741 --> 00:14:24,154 I'm ruining this? What about this? 372 00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:25,575 [ as jackie ] I'm jackie joyner-kersee. 373 00:14:25,575 --> 00:14:27,537 My best friend Is "Debbieweaaaver." 374 00:14:27,537 --> 00:14:28,828 That's how I say it -- "Debbieweaaaver." 375 00:14:28,828 --> 00:14:31,411 Everybody else Says "Debbie weaver," 376 00:14:31,411 --> 00:14:34,794 Like it's a four-syllable name, But I say "Debbieweaaaver." 377 00:14:34,794 --> 00:14:37,087 It drives my husband crazy, But he would never say anything 378 00:14:37,087 --> 00:14:39,589 Because I can't take Constructive criticism. 379 00:14:39,589 --> 00:14:42,262 [ gasps ] 380 00:14:42,262 --> 00:14:44,054 [ as larry ] I'm larry bird, 381 00:14:44,054 --> 00:14:46,056 And when I'm not At my first job, 382 00:14:46,056 --> 00:14:48,508 Bumbling the coffee orders Of overprivileged teenagers, 383 00:14:48,508 --> 00:14:51,431 I'm busy with my second -- Being better than everyone else. 384 00:14:51,431 --> 00:14:53,393 [ normal voice ] Well, sometimes, people make My other job really easy, 385 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,065 Especially When they act like... 386 00:14:55,065 --> 00:14:56,476 Idiots! ...Idiots! 387 00:14:56,476 --> 00:15:00,280 Why didn't you just come Dressed as adam levine? 388 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:01,731 [ sighs ] 389 00:15:01,731 --> 00:15:04,324 [ loud dance music plays ] [ indistinct conversations ] 390 00:15:04,324 --> 00:15:07,487 [ whistles ] 391 00:15:07,487 --> 00:15:10,490 Oh, marty, if you could Have one superpower, 392 00:15:10,490 --> 00:15:13,663 Would you rather it be Invisibility or flight? 393 00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:16,876 Hey. The shrimp is in his hat. [ chuckles ] 394 00:15:16,876 --> 00:15:19,299 Don't tell the others. Marty. 395 00:15:19,299 --> 00:15:21,501 Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. 396 00:15:21,501 --> 00:15:24,044 Um, I guess that, uh, I would wish for more wishes. 397 00:15:24,044 --> 00:15:25,966 What? Who said Anything about wishes? 398 00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:28,969 We're talking about superpowers. Are you even listening to me? 399 00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:30,600 Yes! Of course I am! 400 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,602 I would pick heat vision. 401 00:15:32,602 --> 00:15:35,355 Well, heat vision Wasn't an option, marty. 402 00:15:35,355 --> 00:15:38,728 Oh. Crap. I'm sorry. I get distracted. 403 00:15:38,728 --> 00:15:40,860 You know how I am around Dinner-tainment, baby. 404 00:15:40,860 --> 00:15:42,062 I'm sorry. 405 00:15:42,062 --> 00:15:43,523 Well, I'm glad you found A restaurant that's 406 00:15:43,523 --> 00:15:45,275 So dinner-taining that your date Is completely irrelevant. 407 00:15:45,275 --> 00:15:46,656 Irrelevant? What are you talking about? 408 00:15:46,656 --> 00:15:47,777 The whole point Of tonight 409 00:15:47,777 --> 00:15:49,029 Was to do Something different. 410 00:15:49,029 --> 00:15:50,620 You said we needed To shake things up. 411 00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:52,832 I said I miss When we used to talk, 412 00:15:52,832 --> 00:15:55,245 Not when we used to eat Rum-soaked fish 413 00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,496 And dodge fireballs. 414 00:15:56,496 --> 00:15:57,998 I know. That's why -- 415 00:15:57,998 --> 00:15:59,749 Oh! Oh, thank goodness. You're still here, debbiewe-- 416 00:15:59,749 --> 00:16:01,341 Debbie. 417 00:16:01,341 --> 00:16:02,922 Jackie? I need a ride home. 418 00:16:02,922 --> 00:16:05,215 I had to get away From larry bird. 419 00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:07,047 What are you doing here, Husband? 420 00:16:07,047 --> 00:16:08,638 I followed you When you stormed out. 421 00:16:08,638 --> 00:16:11,351 I'm not getting back on That bus, not with these legs. 422 00:16:11,351 --> 00:16:13,593 What is going on, and What is with these outfits? 423 00:16:13,593 --> 00:16:17,807 Move over, weavers. There's a new rut in town. 424 00:16:17,807 --> 00:16:21,401 [ train whistle blows ] Whoo! Whoo! 425 00:16:25,315 --> 00:16:26,816 Weavers, what are we to do? We're in a rut. 426 00:16:26,816 --> 00:16:29,409 You guys are not in a rut. You're in drag. 427 00:16:29,409 --> 00:16:30,410 We're in a rut. 428 00:16:30,410 --> 00:16:31,611 I thought It wasn't dignified 429 00:16:31,611 --> 00:16:33,453 To talk about our rut In front of people. 430 00:16:33,453 --> 00:16:35,825 I just spent The last two hours on a date 431 00:16:35,825 --> 00:16:38,208 In lou ferrigno's Hibachi heaven. 432 00:16:38,208 --> 00:16:41,000 My clothes smell like soy sauce And the waiter's body spray. 433 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,463 I no longer Remember dignity. 434 00:16:43,463 --> 00:16:45,295 Okay, back to us. 435 00:16:45,295 --> 00:16:47,297 You two got us All freaked out. 436 00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:49,629 And a couple of lady mags And google searches later, 437 00:16:49,629 --> 00:16:51,471 And I'm in manhattan In my wife's skort 438 00:16:51,471 --> 00:16:53,183 And she thinks I'm a bumbling fool. 439 00:16:53,183 --> 00:16:54,394 I only said that Because you made fun 440 00:16:54,394 --> 00:16:55,935 Of the way I say "Debbieweaaaver." 441 00:16:55,935 --> 00:16:56,936 Why do you Say it like that? I often wonder about that. 442 00:16:56,936 --> 00:16:58,188 No one asked you! 443 00:16:58,188 --> 00:17:00,520 You see? Look what The weavers have done to us. 444 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,352 We find each other Endlessly fascinating. 445 00:17:02,352 --> 00:17:03,693 Why are we fighting? 446 00:17:03,693 --> 00:17:05,905 That's true. 447 00:17:05,905 --> 00:17:08,568 Maybe those dreadful magazines Don't apply to us. 448 00:17:08,568 --> 00:17:10,150 Except for cat fancy. 449 00:17:10,150 --> 00:17:11,741 It has such good ideas, And do you remember 450 00:17:11,741 --> 00:17:13,073 When I made you That scratching post? 451 00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:14,244 [ purrs ] Mm. 452 00:17:14,244 --> 00:17:16,536 Oh, you're right! 453 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,368 We're not broken Like the weavers. 454 00:17:18,368 --> 00:17:21,541 We have long conversations Into the night, 455 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:22,662 We chose each other 456 00:17:22,662 --> 00:17:24,464 As the sexiest people To dress up as, 457 00:17:24,464 --> 00:17:27,087 And we both loathe Dinner-tainment. 458 00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:30,090 Okay, so maybe you two would Like to take this outside. 459 00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:31,511 Come on, boo. Let's go home. 460 00:17:31,511 --> 00:17:33,433 We can leave The marital rut 461 00:17:33,433 --> 00:17:35,595 To all the other idiots Around here. 462 00:17:35,595 --> 00:17:37,387 I don't get it. Why did you even come here? 463 00:17:37,387 --> 00:17:39,559 They do show up Just to make us feel bad. 464 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,981 Man: taste-splosion! Oh! I got to take a bath! 465 00:17:41,981 --> 00:17:43,773 [ cheers and applause ] Come on. Keep the jacket. 466 00:17:43,773 --> 00:17:46,566 Just keep your feet in the air. I'm sure it'll drain on its own. 467 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,819 Okay? Love you too, dad. 468 00:17:55,195 --> 00:17:57,787 It's the pretty ones Who hit the hardest. 469 00:17:57,787 --> 00:17:59,409 We're sorry, dick. 470 00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:01,411 [ sighs ] We should have Tried to talk you out of it. 471 00:18:01,411 --> 00:18:03,833 It's all right. No one could have stopped me. 472 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,835 I was a runaway train. 473 00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:08,468 But you shouldn't be Too sad about pearl. 474 00:18:08,468 --> 00:18:11,471 One day, you'll find somebody Who is perfect for you. 475 00:18:11,471 --> 00:18:13,343 And not 42. 476 00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:15,054 You gonna be okay? 477 00:18:15,054 --> 00:18:17,477 It's gonna take some time To get the sweet sound 478 00:18:17,477 --> 00:18:19,849 Of pearl crunching down That dry ramen out of my head, 479 00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:22,432 But I will be. 480 00:18:22,432 --> 00:18:27,357 Max, abby, kids? Kids, where did you go? 481 00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:30,320 Abby? My life is just One big accident! 482 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,611 Max? 483 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,236 [ sighs ] You're right, honey. 484 00:18:36,236 --> 00:18:39,409 Hibachi heaven -- Stupid idea. 485 00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:42,622 Oh, no, marty. I should have just gone with it. 486 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:46,876 The teriyaki tuna tower of power Was surprisingly...Warm. 487 00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:51,461 We've got three kids That get up early. 488 00:18:51,461 --> 00:18:53,713 You've got a job That gets you home late. 489 00:18:53,713 --> 00:18:55,595 We've been Retelling each other 490 00:18:55,595 --> 00:18:58,638 The same stories For 20 years. 491 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:03,813 I think talking for hours Is a thing of the past. 492 00:19:03,813 --> 00:19:07,227 But I'd rather say Three words a day to you 493 00:19:07,227 --> 00:19:09,649 Than a thousand To anyone else. 494 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,232 Me, too, babe. 495 00:19:12,232 --> 00:19:16,486 But tonight, I hope That you'll make an exception. 496 00:19:19,489 --> 00:19:21,911 Oh! 497 00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:24,494 A raspberry Danish twist! 498 00:19:24,494 --> 00:19:26,416 A box of white zin! 499 00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:28,628 [ ub40's "The way you do The things you do" plays ] 500 00:19:28,628 --> 00:19:32,502 Ub40! You did Want to talk to me! 501 00:19:32,502 --> 00:19:33,923 Of course I did, 502 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,635 Right after I plied you With lou ferrigno and fish. 503 00:19:35,635 --> 00:19:38,468 Come on. I figured I would have A little dinner-tainment first 504 00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,930 And then I'd have a little Debbie-tainment after. ♪ you make my life so rich ♪ 505 00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:42,302 ♪ you know, you could have Been some money ♪ This is the perfect night. 506 00:19:42,302 --> 00:19:43,723 My man. 507 00:19:43,723 --> 00:19:45,064 ♪ and, baby, you're so sweet ♪ Yes, I am. 508 00:19:45,064 --> 00:19:47,357 I'm speechless. Well, I hope not 509 00:19:47,357 --> 00:19:48,608 Because that's one big-ass Box of wine. ♪ you know, you could have Been some honey ♪ 510 00:19:48,608 --> 00:19:51,231 Ooh! ♪ well, you could have been ♪ 511 00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:53,613 ♪ anything that you wanted to ♪ Did you see larry bird's legs In that skort? 512 00:19:53,613 --> 00:19:56,025 ♪ I call tell ♪ Oh, my god. What is the deal? Is he naturally hairless? 513 00:19:56,025 --> 00:19:58,908 ♪ the way you do The things you do ♪ I think He had them waxed! 514 00:19:58,908 --> 00:20:01,491 ♪ all right, the way You do the things you do ♪ I mean, alien or no alien, No man's legs look like that. 515 00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:03,873 ♪ the way you do The things you do ♪ What about mine? 516 00:20:03,873 --> 00:20:06,586 ♪ all right, the way You do the things you do ♪ 517 00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:12,962 ♪♪♪ 518 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:15,715 Hi, Bored college freshman. 519 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:18,928 Did you order a large pizza With extra sausage? 520 00:20:18,928 --> 00:20:21,261 I sure did. Is it extra hot? 521 00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:22,892 It's so hot. 522 00:20:22,892 --> 00:20:25,184 [ chuckles ] 523 00:20:25,184 --> 00:20:27,267 Wow, it barely fits In my box. 524 00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:28,728 I know. It's really big. 525 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:31,060 Oh, no. I don't have any cash. 526 00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:32,852 How ever Will I pay you for this? 527 00:20:34,904 --> 00:20:36,776 What about debit? 528 00:20:36,776 --> 00:20:39,158 [ chuckles ] That's perfect. 529 00:20:39,158 --> 00:20:41,321 [ chuckles ] 530 00:20:41,321 --> 00:20:42,992 [ both giggle ] That was fun! 531 00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:43,993 That was The best one yet. 532 00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:45,365 Let's do one Where it's cash only. 533 00:20:45,365 --> 00:20:47,667 Oh! Okay. Okay. Okay, okay. 534 00:20:47,667 --> 00:20:50,420 I love role-playing! [ laughs ] 40132

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