All language subtitles for The Neighbors (2012) S02E18 A Night in (Lou Ferrigno’s Hibachi) Heaven (1080p AMZN Webrip x265 10bit EAC3 5.1 - TheSickle)[TAoE]_track3_[eng]
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,044 --> 00:00:04,625
Aah. Blueberry.
2
00:00:04,625 --> 00:00:06,177
Thanks.
Yep.
3
00:00:08,339 --> 00:00:09,930
[ sighs ]
4
00:00:09,930 --> 00:00:11,592
Kids down?
Mm-hmm.
5
00:00:11,592 --> 00:00:14,014
Kimmel?
Uh-huh.
6
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,137
[ beep ]
[ laughter ]
7
00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:20,441
Hey.
Hey.
8
00:00:20,441 --> 00:00:22,233
Work good?
Uh-huh.
9
00:00:22,233 --> 00:00:23,234
Bathroom.
10
00:00:23,234 --> 00:00:25,196
[ sighs ]
11
00:00:25,196 --> 00:00:26,607
Kids down?
Mm-hmm.
12
00:00:26,607 --> 00:00:28,239
Sex?
Nah.
13
00:00:28,239 --> 00:00:29,610
Kimmel?
Uh-huh.
14
00:00:29,610 --> 00:00:31,782
[ beep ]
[ laughter ]
15
00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:34,205
[ sighs ]
16
00:00:34,205 --> 00:00:35,786
Night.
17
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,162
Wait.
18
00:00:41,162 --> 00:00:43,164
Have we not said
A single full sentence
19
00:00:43,164 --> 00:00:46,967
To each other
This whole week?
20
00:00:46,967 --> 00:00:48,008
No.
21
00:00:48,008 --> 00:00:50,261
Marty, we're in a rut.
22
00:00:50,261 --> 00:00:52,263
Yeah.
23
00:00:52,263 --> 00:00:53,224
Checkers?
24
00:00:54,595 --> 00:00:56,227
♪♪♪
25
00:00:56,227 --> 00:01:00,020
♪ we came from outer space
And settled in new jersey ♪
26
00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:03,894
♪ we took names like larry bird
And jackie joyner-kersee ♪
27
00:01:03,894 --> 00:01:06,066
♪ then the humans
Moved next door ♪
28
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,279
♪ started testing
All our limits ♪
29
00:01:08,279 --> 00:01:10,241
♪ so sit right down,
Enjoy the show ♪
30
00:01:10,241 --> 00:01:12,283
♪ we'll be done in 30 minutes ♪
31
00:01:14,905 --> 00:01:16,407
Marty,
We're in a marital rut.
32
00:01:16,407 --> 00:01:18,078
I read about this
In glamour.
33
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,790
And vogue.
34
00:01:19,790 --> 00:01:21,792
And elle. And cosmo.
35
00:01:21,792 --> 00:01:24,125
Wow, they really are
All the same magazine.
36
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:25,626
I feel it, too.
We're coasting, babe.
37
00:01:25,626 --> 00:01:26,917
When was the last time
We even had --
38
00:01:26,917 --> 00:01:28,048
Two thursdays ago,
In between
39
00:01:28,048 --> 00:01:29,670
The "Scandal" clip show
And "Scandal."
40
00:01:29,670 --> 00:01:30,881
Yeah.
41
00:01:30,881 --> 00:01:33,424
I was going to say,
"When was the last time
42
00:01:33,424 --> 00:01:35,216
We even had
A real conversation?"
43
00:01:35,216 --> 00:01:36,427
Oh.
44
00:01:36,427 --> 00:01:38,429
Remember when
We were first married
45
00:01:38,429 --> 00:01:42,273
We'd drop in a ub40 cd
And dig into
46
00:01:42,273 --> 00:01:44,645
A raspberry danish twist
And a box of white zin?
47
00:01:44,645 --> 00:01:46,687
We'd talk all night.
48
00:01:46,687 --> 00:01:48,649
You could talk about
Nothing for hours.
49
00:01:48,649 --> 00:01:50,441
You were like
Adorable white noise.
50
00:01:50,441 --> 00:01:51,862
I know!
[ chuckles ]
51
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,864
Maybe we need
A date night.
52
00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:56,076
I think we do
To shake things up.
53
00:01:56,076 --> 00:01:57,368
Okay, I'm gonna
Take care of it tomorrow.
54
00:01:57,368 --> 00:01:58,539
Well, you know what,
Marty?
55
00:01:58,539 --> 00:02:00,741
Maybe I should help with --
No, I'm the man.
56
00:02:00,741 --> 00:02:02,293
You're gonna let me
Be the man, okay?
57
00:02:02,293 --> 00:02:03,374
I will take care
Of everything.
58
00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,746
My man.
That's right.
I'm your man.
59
00:02:05,746 --> 00:02:07,548
Mm. Mmm.
60
00:02:07,548 --> 00:02:09,590
Oh, not now, marty.
I haven't shaved my legs.
61
00:02:09,590 --> 00:02:10,881
Oh, okay.
[ grunts ]
62
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:17,348
And...
[ beep ]
63
00:02:17,348 --> 00:02:19,350
...We have a reservation
For date night.
64
00:02:19,350 --> 00:02:22,223
I'm' so excited.
Ooh! Hey!
65
00:02:22,223 --> 00:02:24,104
I know it's last minute,
But can you babysit tonight?
66
00:02:24,104 --> 00:02:25,316
I can't.
I have to study.
67
00:02:25,316 --> 00:02:27,147
Doesn't that mean
You'll be here?
68
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,689
Study out in public.
69
00:02:28,689 --> 00:02:30,571
I focus best when
I'm surrounded by distractions.
70
00:02:30,571 --> 00:02:34,325
You guys wouldn't understand
Because, well, you're old.
71
00:02:34,325 --> 00:02:36,737
You gave up booze nine months
For that one.
72
00:02:36,737 --> 00:02:39,370
Not entirely.
That could be the problem.
Yeah.
73
00:02:39,370 --> 00:02:40,541
I'll call pearl.
74
00:02:40,541 --> 00:02:44,084
Ooh. Who's pearl?
She sounds young and hip.
75
00:02:44,084 --> 00:02:46,667
She's our babysitter.
Oh! Where are we going?
76
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,249
Nowhere because we
Are not going anywhere.
77
00:02:48,249 --> 00:02:49,670
I'm taking debbie
Out to the city
78
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,502
To a very special place,
And it's a big surprise.
79
00:02:51,502 --> 00:02:53,294
You're really not gonna tell me
Where we're going?
80
00:02:55,716 --> 00:02:57,758
[ gasps ] He's locked
His lips with a key.
81
00:02:57,758 --> 00:02:59,350
And he's throwing it
Down the sink.
82
00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:01,852
This is like theater.
No! He's destroying
The key!
83
00:03:01,852 --> 00:03:04,184
[ grinding ]
Now we'll never understand
Why they need this hot date.
84
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:07,107
Oh.
Well, we've just been in a
Little bit of a rut lately --
85
00:03:07,107 --> 00:03:08,609
Oh, he can still speak.
Thank god.
86
00:03:08,609 --> 00:03:11,151
Hey, marty, you don't just
Tell people we're in a rut.
87
00:03:11,151 --> 00:03:13,864
Mm, marty, tmi.
Embarrassing.
88
00:03:13,864 --> 00:03:16,867
What's a rut?
Act it out with your hands.
Oh!
89
00:03:16,867 --> 00:03:19,280
Well, a rut is when
You're so used to each other
90
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,872
That you stop making
An effort to connect.
91
00:03:21,872 --> 00:03:23,284
You guys have that, right?
92
00:03:23,284 --> 00:03:24,875
Nope.
Never knew
It was a thing.
93
00:03:24,875 --> 00:03:27,458
Sounds depressing.
Let's bounce.
94
00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:28,879
Bird-kersees out.
95
00:03:28,879 --> 00:03:31,091
Why did you guys
Even come over here?!
96
00:03:31,091 --> 00:03:32,633
Just to
Make us feel bad?
97
00:03:32,633 --> 00:03:37,217
Perfect pose, dick.
Think royalty.
98
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,260
Candy bar?
Ah.
99
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:41,051
I've been doing research
All day.
100
00:03:41,051 --> 00:03:44,104
And apparently, the weaver's
"Marital rut" is a thing.
101
00:03:44,104 --> 00:03:45,726
Oh.
Yes.
102
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,268
I've been reading elle,
Cosmo, and vogue --
103
00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:50,020
They're basically all the same
Magazine -- not cat fancy.
104
00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:51,231
That's really
Trying something.
105
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,984
And they all agree
That "Rut" is cited
106
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:56,196
As one of the top reasons
For getting a divorce,
107
00:03:56,196 --> 00:03:58,949
Along with hair plugs,
Sports cars, and facebook.
Mm-hmm.
108
00:03:58,949 --> 00:04:01,822
But luckily, we don't have
To worry about not connecting.
109
00:04:01,822 --> 00:04:03,033
Am I right? Fist bump.
110
00:04:03,033 --> 00:04:05,366
Uh-huh. Aah!
111
00:04:05,366 --> 00:04:06,917
Look at what
You made me do.
112
00:04:06,917 --> 00:04:09,670
Our little prince
Is not that rosy.
113
00:04:09,670 --> 00:04:11,211
You agreed
To a fist bump.
114
00:04:11,211 --> 00:04:13,294
You can't stop
A fist bump mid-bump.
115
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,835
And enough
With the paintings
116
00:04:14,835 --> 00:04:16,547
Of dick butkus
Through the centuries.
117
00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:18,379
No one wants that
On their coffee table,
118
00:04:18,379 --> 00:04:19,550
Well, I'm sorry.
119
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:20,681
I'm just trying to get
Dick's eyes to sparkle
120
00:04:20,681 --> 00:04:22,262
Like they do
In real life.
121
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,724
Jjk?
Yes?
122
00:04:23,724 --> 00:04:25,726
Did you hear a single word
I just said.
Of course I did!
123
00:04:25,726 --> 00:04:29,440
I heard "Rut" and "Rut"
And something about facebook.
124
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,853
Oh, no.
It's happening to us.
125
00:04:32,853 --> 00:04:34,525
Hmm?
We're in a rut.
126
00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:36,106
[ gasps ]
127
00:04:36,106 --> 00:04:38,158
Oh, we must have caught it
From the weavers.
128
00:04:38,158 --> 00:04:40,200
Well, what do we do
To get out of it?
129
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:43,243
I haven't the first clue.
I read about getting into a rut.
130
00:04:43,243 --> 00:04:45,616
I don't know
How to bust a rut.
[ sighs ]
131
00:04:45,616 --> 00:04:47,037
Oh, no.
132
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,249
We bounced out of the weavers'
House too quickly.
133
00:04:49,249 --> 00:04:51,041
Bird-kersees back in.
134
00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:55,175
I look
Like marcia cross.
135
00:04:57,127 --> 00:05:00,130
Marty.
Hey, larry,
Does this shirt say,
136
00:05:00,130 --> 00:05:01,382
"We've been married
For 20 years,
137
00:05:01,382 --> 00:05:02,473
But we've still got it"?
138
00:05:02,473 --> 00:05:03,634
No, it says
You haven't been shopping
139
00:05:03,634 --> 00:05:05,346
For 20 years
And you never had it.
140
00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:08,188
Anyway,
Just making conversation.
141
00:05:08,188 --> 00:05:09,560
Did you see "The voice"
Last night?
142
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:12,272
Can anyone pull off
A 5:00 shadow like adam levine?
143
00:05:12,272 --> 00:05:14,104
Do you believe
He's jewish?
144
00:05:14,104 --> 00:05:17,528
Also, how do you get out
Of a marital rut?
145
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:21,362
Hi, debbie weaver.
146
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:22,823
Hey, jackie.
147
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,244
So, I feel like
We didn't get
148
00:05:24,244 --> 00:05:26,156
To finish
Our conversation before.
149
00:05:26,156 --> 00:05:27,498
You're in
A miserable marriage,
150
00:05:27,498 --> 00:05:29,950
And you're making
A last-ditch effort to save it.
151
00:05:29,950 --> 00:05:31,251
Dish.
152
00:05:31,251 --> 00:05:32,413
Uh, okay.
153
00:05:32,413 --> 00:05:34,795
Not a last-ditch effort,
Not miserable.
154
00:05:34,795 --> 00:05:37,257
Marty's just surprising me
With dinner in the city.
155
00:05:37,257 --> 00:05:39,840
It'll be a quiet evening
Where we can really...
156
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,261
Go crazy, you know?
157
00:05:41,261 --> 00:05:44,224
I mean, you get so into your
Boring day-to-day routine
158
00:05:44,224 --> 00:05:46,346
That sometimes, you need
Something exciting to...
159
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,598
...Help you to slow down,
160
00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:50,431
Check in with the person
You fell in love with.
161
00:05:50,431 --> 00:05:52,563
It's just gonna be
Me and marty, and...
162
00:05:52,563 --> 00:05:55,396
...Three djs --
A real hot crowd!
163
00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,187
We're going to this
Trendy new restaurant
164
00:05:57,187 --> 00:05:59,069
With fancy lighting
And hip music
165
00:05:59,069 --> 00:06:00,280
Because
Tonight should be...
166
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:03,113
...Simple,
Intimate, quiet,
167
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,245
A place where
We can really talk.
168
00:06:05,245 --> 00:06:08,248
They have a mechanical shrimp
You can ride.
169
00:06:08,248 --> 00:06:10,621
So long, rut.
170
00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:11,832
Thank you, marty.
171
00:06:11,832 --> 00:06:14,585
This has been...
Completely useless.
172
00:06:14,585 --> 00:06:16,797
As useless
As teats on a bull.
173
00:06:16,797 --> 00:06:18,589
I don't know why
We barge in there anymore.
174
00:06:18,589 --> 00:06:19,920
To make them feel bad,
Right?
175
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:22,132
The weavers think
They can fix a marriage
176
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,263
With a meal in the city,
177
00:06:23,263 --> 00:06:26,056
But you can't eat your way
Out of a rut.
178
00:06:26,056 --> 00:06:27,267
You have to fight
The rut.
179
00:06:27,267 --> 00:06:28,849
So, we're taking it
Up a notch,
180
00:06:28,849 --> 00:06:32,683
Which is why I went
To the real expert here.
181
00:06:32,683 --> 00:06:33,684
Abby weaver?
182
00:06:33,684 --> 00:06:35,275
Yes,
But she was on a call,
183
00:06:35,275 --> 00:06:37,107
So now I don't know
Who to speak to.
184
00:06:37,107 --> 00:06:38,689
Let's just ask google.
185
00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:40,320
Jane knows everything.
186
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,362
I thought it was "Go-ogle"
Until right now.
187
00:06:42,362 --> 00:06:45,986
Search "How to spice up
A marriage."
188
00:06:45,986 --> 00:06:47,367
"How to spice..."
189
00:06:47,367 --> 00:06:49,199
Ooh! "How to spice up
A chicken."
190
00:06:49,199 --> 00:06:51,161
Click on that.
Ooh, rosemary.
I would have guessed thyme.
191
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,913
Google "Rosemary."
192
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,915
Should I click
On "Rosemary clooney"
Or "Rosemary's baby"?
193
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,296
Ooh, I love babies.
194
00:06:56,296 --> 00:06:58,248
Ooh, babies and puppies!
Do babies and puppies.
195
00:06:58,248 --> 00:07:00,300
Aww!
Aww!
Aww!
196
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,342
Wait, what were we doing?
[ groans ] We did it again.
197
00:07:02,342 --> 00:07:05,175
We got distracted by
The "Did you mean" function.
198
00:07:05,175 --> 00:07:06,967
Let me go back to "How
To spice up your marriage."
199
00:07:06,967 --> 00:07:08,258
Oh.
200
00:07:08,258 --> 00:07:10,471
The first thing that comes up
Is "Role play."
201
00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:12,432
"Dress up
As a super-hot alter ego
202
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,685
And meet your partner
Out on the town."
203
00:07:16,607 --> 00:07:18,819
What's super hot?
Oh, dick,
Avert your ears.
204
00:07:18,819 --> 00:07:21,021
We are possibly
Talking about sex.
205
00:07:21,021 --> 00:07:22,402
We're not sure.
Nerds.
206
00:07:22,402 --> 00:07:23,824
Dick, mommy and daddy
Are having date night,
207
00:07:23,824 --> 00:07:25,155
So you're staying home
With your brother.
208
00:07:25,155 --> 00:07:27,367
No, no, no. Jane and I are
Having our own date night.
209
00:07:27,367 --> 00:07:29,199
It's soul-mating season!
210
00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,571
Oh, all right.
211
00:07:30,571 --> 00:07:32,372
Dick, then you'll go
To the weavers.
212
00:07:32,372 --> 00:07:35,075
They've hired a babysitter,
So you'll be in good hands.
213
00:07:35,075 --> 00:07:36,497
Are you
Freaking kidding me?!
214
00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:39,169
I'm not going to be left
With some hormonal teenager
215
00:07:39,169 --> 00:07:41,381
Who is just waiting
For us to go to bed
216
00:07:41,381 --> 00:07:43,794
So her boyfriend
Can grope her on the sofa.
217
00:07:43,794 --> 00:07:46,296
Well, that's what's happening,
So get on board.
218
00:07:46,296 --> 00:07:47,467
Fine, but I'm not
Making small talk
219
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,259
With the boyfriend
While she "Freshens up."
220
00:07:49,259 --> 00:07:52,222
I hate this planet.
221
00:07:54,805 --> 00:07:56,396
Kids,
I want you to be good
222
00:07:56,396 --> 00:07:58,519
And do whatever
Pearl asks you to do.
223
00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:01,231
Me, dick butkus,
Needing a babysitter.
224
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:04,314
[ door closes ]
Of all the insulting,
Demoralizing --
225
00:08:04,314 --> 00:08:06,316
♪♪♪
226
00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:16,076
♪ when you come to me ♪
227
00:08:16,076 --> 00:08:18,328
Debbie:
Oh, hello, pearl.
228
00:08:18,328 --> 00:08:20,380
Hey, mrs. Weaver.
229
00:08:20,380 --> 00:08:22,623
Hey, max, abby,
What's up?
230
00:08:22,623 --> 00:08:25,385
Ooh, and you are?
231
00:08:25,385 --> 00:08:27,387
In love.
232
00:08:27,387 --> 00:08:32,973
♪ when you come to me ♪
[ sneezes ]
233
00:08:32,973 --> 00:08:35,556
Ooh! Sinus infection.
234
00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:38,899
Is it hot in here,
Or is it just you?
235
00:08:38,899 --> 00:08:40,400
Doesn't feel hot to me,
236
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:43,403
But, uh, I have nerve damage
Down my entire left side, so...
237
00:08:43,403 --> 00:08:45,566
Hurry along now, weavers.
Wouldn't want to miss
Your reservation.
238
00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:47,027
Okay, kids,
Have a good night.
239
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,029
I'm gonna have an intimate
Date night with my guy.
240
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,240
Aw-oogah.
241
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,152
[ loud dance music plays ]
242
00:08:52,152 --> 00:08:54,655
Welcome to lou ferrigno's
Hibachi heaven!
243
00:08:54,655 --> 00:08:56,246
It's dinner-tainment!
244
00:08:56,246 --> 00:08:57,457
[ applause ]
245
00:08:57,457 --> 00:09:00,330
Right? This is exactly
What we needed --
246
00:09:00,330 --> 00:09:03,163
Something new and different
To rekindle our flame, baby.
247
00:09:03,964 --> 00:09:05,465
Ooh!
[ crowd gasping ]
248
00:09:05,465 --> 00:09:08,088
Oh, okay.
You went with literal flames.
249
00:09:08,088 --> 00:09:09,760
Interesting choice.
250
00:09:14,344 --> 00:09:16,136
Sit back, strap in
251
00:09:16,136 --> 00:09:19,940
For a sizzling seafood
Taste-splosion!
252
00:09:19,940 --> 00:09:21,271
[ chuckles ]
[ applause ]
253
00:09:21,271 --> 00:09:26,066
All right. Now, who's ready
To get...It...Prawn?
254
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,068
[ laughs ]
"Prawn" is another name
For shrimp.
255
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,319
I got it, marty.
256
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,651
I also got it when he asked me
If I'd come here
257
00:09:30,651 --> 00:09:31,822
"Just for the halibut."
258
00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,454
"Just for the hell of it"?
Yeah.
259
00:09:34,454 --> 00:09:36,576
You see? He's doing that?
Yeah.
Okay, you know what?
260
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:40,580
We are going to try
And salvage the evening.
261
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,122
I know this is dorky,
But --
262
00:09:42,122 --> 00:09:44,414
All aboard
The onion train!
263
00:09:44,414 --> 00:09:46,466
Choo-choo!
[ train whistle blows ]
264
00:09:46,466 --> 00:09:47,628
What?
265
00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:50,260
We're gonna
Salvage this evening!
266
00:09:50,260 --> 00:09:52,763
I saw this on an episode
Of "The view."
267
00:09:52,763 --> 00:09:55,926
Sherri shepherd wanted to
Connect with her husband,
268
00:09:55,926 --> 00:09:58,849
And she used these things
Called "Convo cards."
269
00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:01,852
Is sherri the one who thinks
The world is flat?
What?
270
00:10:01,852 --> 00:10:05,065
I said, "Is sherri the one
Who thinks the world is flat?"
271
00:10:05,065 --> 00:10:07,487
[ music fades ]
The other black one!
272
00:10:09,439 --> 00:10:14,364
The lovely lady
That's not whoopi.
273
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,536
Sherri and her husband
Used these
274
00:10:16,536 --> 00:10:19,239
To, uh, find new things
To talk about.
275
00:10:19,239 --> 00:10:20,540
Honey,
That sounds kind of lame.
276
00:10:20,540 --> 00:10:22,582
Well, marty, I just watched
A man make a pac-man
277
00:10:22,582 --> 00:10:24,454
Out of fried rice
To katy perry's "Roar,"
278
00:10:24,454 --> 00:10:26,086
So work with me here.
279
00:10:26,086 --> 00:10:27,668
Okay. Okay.
280
00:10:29,339 --> 00:10:30,711
[ crunch! ]
281
00:10:30,711 --> 00:10:32,923
Here's what's up.
282
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:35,926
See that goddess --
The one that smells like magic?
283
00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:37,848
She and I
Are meant to be.
284
00:10:37,848 --> 00:10:40,560
Wait.
You like pearl?
285
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,642
Just look at her crunching down
That pack of dry ramen.
286
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:46,526
Didn't even add hot water.
Didn't have to.
287
00:10:46,526 --> 00:10:48,729
She is
Quite something.
288
00:10:48,729 --> 00:10:51,111
So, what do you say you guys
Put yourselves to bed
289
00:10:51,111 --> 00:10:53,944
And let the grown-ups
Be grown-ups?
290
00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:55,826
[ yawns ]
Time to turn in, max.
291
00:10:55,826 --> 00:10:57,447
It's 10:00 p.M.
Somewhere.
292
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,331
Oh, hey, dick.
293
00:11:01,331 --> 00:11:03,243
'sup?
Oh, not much.
294
00:11:03,243 --> 00:11:05,836
Just sanitizing the old bod.
[ chuckles ]
295
00:11:05,836 --> 00:11:08,588
Too many people stop at
The hands, but you know what?
296
00:11:08,588 --> 00:11:10,340
Bacteria
Can live anywhere.
297
00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:12,342
You are very wise.
298
00:11:12,342 --> 00:11:14,344
Here.
You want to try some?
299
00:11:14,344 --> 00:11:16,967
Yanked it
From my gynecologist's office.
300
00:11:19,059 --> 00:11:22,062
[ piano music playing ]
301
00:11:22,062 --> 00:11:24,434
[ indistinct conversations ]
302
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:29,569
You're probably wondering
About my fly lady threads.
303
00:11:29,569 --> 00:11:31,571
Well, my wife and I
Seem to be in a rut,
304
00:11:31,571 --> 00:11:33,573
So we decided to meet here
And role-play
305
00:11:33,573 --> 00:11:36,737
Dressed as the sexiest people
We could think of.
306
00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:39,159
I dressed as her.
307
00:11:39,159 --> 00:11:42,582
Fingers crossed
She'll come as adam levine.
308
00:11:42,582 --> 00:11:45,585
Jackie: [ deep voice ]
Hello, there.
309
00:11:45,585 --> 00:11:47,748
[ gasps ]
[ normal voice ] You're...
310
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:51,752
[ as jackie ] I'm the sexiest
Person I could think of.
311
00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:54,755
I'm jackie joyner-kersee --
Mind of a genius,
312
00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:59,049
Heart of an angel,
Legs that go on for days.
313
00:11:59,049 --> 00:12:00,841
And you are...?
Oh.
314
00:12:00,841 --> 00:12:03,053
[ as larry ] Also the sexiest
Person I could think of --
315
00:12:03,053 --> 00:12:05,806
Larry bird,
Supreme leader.
Oh!
316
00:12:05,806 --> 00:12:08,899
Perhaps you've heard of me.
If not, you're an idiot.
317
00:12:08,899 --> 00:12:11,351
Oh!
318
00:12:11,351 --> 00:12:13,153
[ normal voice ]
This has the possibility
Of being very confusing.
319
00:12:13,153 --> 00:12:15,485
But right now,
I am so turned on.
320
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,617
[ squeals ]
[ chuckles ]
321
00:12:20,911 --> 00:12:24,124
So, pearl,
What's your story?
322
00:12:24,124 --> 00:12:26,496
What do you do
When you're not babysitting?
323
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,289
Oh, well, uh [clears throat]
Recently,
324
00:12:29,289 --> 00:12:31,671
I moved in with my cousin
After her big accident,
325
00:12:31,671 --> 00:12:34,504
So I guess you could say
I'm always babysitting.
326
00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:37,217
[ chuckles ]
Listen, pearl...
327
00:12:37,217 --> 00:12:39,589
Yeah?
...You dig me,
I dig you.
328
00:12:39,589 --> 00:12:41,141
Let's go steady.
329
00:12:41,141 --> 00:12:43,143
Whoa [chuckles] Wait.
Dick, okay.
330
00:12:43,143 --> 00:12:45,555
You're very cute...
Preach.
331
00:12:45,555 --> 00:12:46,807
...But you are 10.
332
00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,478
Age is just a number.
333
00:12:48,478 --> 00:12:51,481
Look at demi and ashton,
Mariah and nick,
334
00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:53,483
Madonna and, well,
Everybody.
335
00:12:53,483 --> 00:12:57,737
All good examples, but, dick,
We sitters have a code, okay?
336
00:12:57,737 --> 00:13:00,530
We watch your kids,
We eat your food,
337
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:03,493
And when you return,
You pay us and we leave.
338
00:13:03,493 --> 00:13:06,166
Not so much a code
As just the job description.
339
00:13:06,166 --> 00:13:09,579
Yes, but it's
A job description I live by.
340
00:13:09,579 --> 00:13:14,544
So, dick, I am sorry,
But you and I will never be.
341
00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:16,086
[ sobs ]
342
00:13:18,508 --> 00:13:20,720
Ooh, that's gonna
Leave a mark.
343
00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:22,222
Ouch.
344
00:13:22,222 --> 00:13:23,803
[ piano music plays ]
345
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,595
[ as larry ]
I love your skort.
346
00:13:25,595 --> 00:13:30,390
[ as jackie ] Thank you.
I only ever wear skorts.
347
00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:34,354
No one wears a skort
Quite like you wear a skort.
348
00:13:34,354 --> 00:13:36,736
[ normal voice ]
Okay, so, basically,
That just turned into
349
00:13:36,736 --> 00:13:38,698
You complimenting yourself,
I think.
350
00:13:38,698 --> 00:13:40,901
Well, let's --
Let's do me, okay?
351
00:13:40,901 --> 00:13:42,702
[ normal voice ]
Yes, yes, sorry. Uh...
352
00:13:42,702 --> 00:13:45,115
[ as larry ]
I'm larry bird.
353
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,577
Some would say my smile
Is my best feature.
354
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:49,409
[ as jackie ]
Oh, go on.
355
00:13:49,409 --> 00:13:51,411
Why would I smile
When everyone's an idiot?
356
00:13:51,411 --> 00:13:54,794
[ normal voice ] Okay, so, um,
Just a heads up, but you've gone
357
00:13:54,794 --> 00:13:56,877
To the "Larry thinks
Everyone's an idiot,"
358
00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:57,958
Well, twice now.
359
00:13:57,958 --> 00:14:00,380
[ normal voice ]
Oh...Yeah. I'm sorry.
360
00:14:00,380 --> 00:14:02,552
No, it's just that we've been
Married an incredibly long time,
361
00:14:02,552 --> 00:14:05,765
So let's just try and find
Other details about me
362
00:14:05,765 --> 00:14:08,268
Besides the fact that I think
Everyone's an idiot.
363
00:14:08,268 --> 00:14:09,349
Of course, of course.
Mm-hmm.
364
00:14:11,021 --> 00:14:13,023
[ as larry ]
I'm larry bird.
365
00:14:13,023 --> 00:14:14,604
I have the best hair.
366
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,476
No, no, no, no.
Let's not do hair.
367
00:14:16,476 --> 00:14:17,647
We always do hair.
368
00:14:17,647 --> 00:14:19,069
I mean, I have great hair.
We get it.
369
00:14:19,069 --> 00:14:20,360
Let's work
A little harder.
370
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,741
[ normal voice ] Larry bird,
You're ruining this.
371
00:14:21,741 --> 00:14:24,154
I'm ruining this?
What about this?
372
00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:25,575
[ as jackie ]
I'm jackie joyner-kersee.
373
00:14:25,575 --> 00:14:27,537
My best friend
Is "Debbieweaaaver."
374
00:14:27,537 --> 00:14:28,828
That's how I say it --
"Debbieweaaaver."
375
00:14:28,828 --> 00:14:31,411
Everybody else
Says "Debbie weaver,"
376
00:14:31,411 --> 00:14:34,794
Like it's a four-syllable name,
But I say "Debbieweaaaver."
377
00:14:34,794 --> 00:14:37,087
It drives my husband crazy,
But he would never say anything
378
00:14:37,087 --> 00:14:39,589
Because I can't take
Constructive criticism.
379
00:14:39,589 --> 00:14:42,262
[ gasps ]
380
00:14:42,262 --> 00:14:44,054
[ as larry ]
I'm larry bird,
381
00:14:44,054 --> 00:14:46,056
And when I'm not
At my first job,
382
00:14:46,056 --> 00:14:48,508
Bumbling the coffee orders
Of overprivileged teenagers,
383
00:14:48,508 --> 00:14:51,431
I'm busy with my second --
Being better than everyone else.
384
00:14:51,431 --> 00:14:53,393
[ normal voice ]
Well, sometimes, people make
My other job really easy,
385
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,065
Especially
When they act like...
386
00:14:55,065 --> 00:14:56,476
Idiots!
...Idiots!
387
00:14:56,476 --> 00:15:00,280
Why didn't you just come
Dressed as adam levine?
388
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:01,731
[ sighs ]
389
00:15:01,731 --> 00:15:04,324
[ loud dance music plays ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
390
00:15:04,324 --> 00:15:07,487
[ whistles ]
391
00:15:07,487 --> 00:15:10,490
Oh, marty, if you could
Have one superpower,
392
00:15:10,490 --> 00:15:13,663
Would you rather it be
Invisibility or flight?
393
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:16,876
Hey. The shrimp is in his hat.
[ chuckles ]
394
00:15:16,876 --> 00:15:19,299
Don't tell the others.
Marty.
395
00:15:19,299 --> 00:15:21,501
Oh, I'm sorry. Okay.
396
00:15:21,501 --> 00:15:24,044
Um, I guess that, uh,
I would wish for more wishes.
397
00:15:24,044 --> 00:15:25,966
What? Who said
Anything about wishes?
398
00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:28,969
We're talking about superpowers.
Are you even listening to me?
399
00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:30,600
Yes! Of course I am!
400
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,602
I would pick heat vision.
401
00:15:32,602 --> 00:15:35,355
Well, heat vision
Wasn't an option, marty.
402
00:15:35,355 --> 00:15:38,728
Oh. Crap. I'm sorry.
I get distracted.
403
00:15:38,728 --> 00:15:40,860
You know how I am around
Dinner-tainment, baby.
404
00:15:40,860 --> 00:15:42,062
I'm sorry.
405
00:15:42,062 --> 00:15:43,523
Well, I'm glad you found
A restaurant that's
406
00:15:43,523 --> 00:15:45,275
So dinner-taining that your date
Is completely irrelevant.
407
00:15:45,275 --> 00:15:46,656
Irrelevant?
What are you talking about?
408
00:15:46,656 --> 00:15:47,777
The whole point
Of tonight
409
00:15:47,777 --> 00:15:49,029
Was to do
Something different.
410
00:15:49,029 --> 00:15:50,620
You said we needed
To shake things up.
411
00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:52,832
I said I miss
When we used to talk,
412
00:15:52,832 --> 00:15:55,245
Not when we used to eat
Rum-soaked fish
413
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,496
And dodge fireballs.
414
00:15:56,496 --> 00:15:57,998
I know. That's why --
415
00:15:57,998 --> 00:15:59,749
Oh! Oh, thank goodness.
You're still here, debbiewe--
416
00:15:59,749 --> 00:16:01,341
Debbie.
417
00:16:01,341 --> 00:16:02,922
Jackie?
I need a ride home.
418
00:16:02,922 --> 00:16:05,215
I had to get away
From larry bird.
419
00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:07,047
What are you doing here,
Husband?
420
00:16:07,047 --> 00:16:08,638
I followed you
When you stormed out.
421
00:16:08,638 --> 00:16:11,351
I'm not getting back on
That bus, not with these legs.
422
00:16:11,351 --> 00:16:13,593
What is going on, and
What is with these outfits?
423
00:16:13,593 --> 00:16:17,807
Move over, weavers.
There's a new rut in town.
424
00:16:17,807 --> 00:16:21,401
[ train whistle blows ]
Whoo! Whoo!
425
00:16:25,315 --> 00:16:26,816
Weavers, what are we to do?
We're in a rut.
426
00:16:26,816 --> 00:16:29,409
You guys are not in a rut.
You're in drag.
427
00:16:29,409 --> 00:16:30,410
We're in a rut.
428
00:16:30,410 --> 00:16:31,611
I thought
It wasn't dignified
429
00:16:31,611 --> 00:16:33,453
To talk about our rut
In front of people.
430
00:16:33,453 --> 00:16:35,825
I just spent
The last two hours on a date
431
00:16:35,825 --> 00:16:38,208
In lou ferrigno's
Hibachi heaven.
432
00:16:38,208 --> 00:16:41,000
My clothes smell like soy sauce
And the waiter's body spray.
433
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,463
I no longer
Remember dignity.
434
00:16:43,463 --> 00:16:45,295
Okay, back to us.
435
00:16:45,295 --> 00:16:47,297
You two got us
All freaked out.
436
00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:49,629
And a couple of lady mags
And google searches later,
437
00:16:49,629 --> 00:16:51,471
And I'm in manhattan
In my wife's skort
438
00:16:51,471 --> 00:16:53,183
And she thinks
I'm a bumbling fool.
439
00:16:53,183 --> 00:16:54,394
I only said that
Because you made fun
440
00:16:54,394 --> 00:16:55,935
Of the way
I say "Debbieweaaaver."
441
00:16:55,935 --> 00:16:56,936
Why do you
Say it like that?
I often wonder about that.
442
00:16:56,936 --> 00:16:58,188
No one asked you!
443
00:16:58,188 --> 00:17:00,520
You see? Look what
The weavers have done to us.
444
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,352
We find each other
Endlessly fascinating.
445
00:17:02,352 --> 00:17:03,693
Why are we fighting?
446
00:17:03,693 --> 00:17:05,905
That's true.
447
00:17:05,905 --> 00:17:08,568
Maybe those dreadful magazines
Don't apply to us.
448
00:17:08,568 --> 00:17:10,150
Except for cat fancy.
449
00:17:10,150 --> 00:17:11,741
It has such good ideas,
And do you remember
450
00:17:11,741 --> 00:17:13,073
When I made you
That scratching post?
451
00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:14,244
[ purrs ]
Mm.
452
00:17:14,244 --> 00:17:16,536
Oh, you're right!
453
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,368
We're not broken
Like the weavers.
454
00:17:18,368 --> 00:17:21,541
We have long conversations
Into the night,
455
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:22,662
We chose each other
456
00:17:22,662 --> 00:17:24,464
As the sexiest people
To dress up as,
457
00:17:24,464 --> 00:17:27,087
And we both loathe
Dinner-tainment.
458
00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:30,090
Okay, so maybe you two would
Like to take this outside.
459
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:31,511
Come on, boo.
Let's go home.
460
00:17:31,511 --> 00:17:33,433
We can leave
The marital rut
461
00:17:33,433 --> 00:17:35,595
To all the other idiots
Around here.
462
00:17:35,595 --> 00:17:37,387
I don't get it.
Why did you even come here?
463
00:17:37,387 --> 00:17:39,559
They do show up
Just to make us feel bad.
464
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,981
Man: taste-splosion!
Oh! I got to take a bath!
465
00:17:41,981 --> 00:17:43,773
[ cheers and applause ]
Come on.
Keep the jacket.
466
00:17:43,773 --> 00:17:46,566
Just keep your feet in the air.
I'm sure it'll drain on its own.
467
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,819
Okay?
Love you too, dad.
468
00:17:55,195 --> 00:17:57,787
It's the pretty ones
Who hit the hardest.
469
00:17:57,787 --> 00:17:59,409
We're sorry, dick.
470
00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:01,411
[ sighs ] We should have
Tried to talk you out of it.
471
00:18:01,411 --> 00:18:03,833
It's all right.
No one could have stopped me.
472
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,835
I was a runaway train.
473
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:08,468
But you shouldn't be
Too sad about pearl.
474
00:18:08,468 --> 00:18:11,471
One day, you'll find somebody
Who is perfect for you.
475
00:18:11,471 --> 00:18:13,343
And not 42.
476
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:15,054
You gonna be okay?
477
00:18:15,054 --> 00:18:17,477
It's gonna take some time
To get the sweet sound
478
00:18:17,477 --> 00:18:19,849
Of pearl crunching down
That dry ramen out of my head,
479
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:22,432
But I will be.
480
00:18:22,432 --> 00:18:27,357
Max, abby, kids?
Kids, where did you go?
481
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:30,320
Abby? My life is just
One big accident!
482
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,611
Max?
483
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,236
[ sighs ]
You're right, honey.
484
00:18:36,236 --> 00:18:39,409
Hibachi heaven --
Stupid idea.
485
00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:42,622
Oh, no, marty.
I should have just gone with it.
486
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:46,876
The teriyaki tuna tower of power
Was surprisingly...Warm.
487
00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:51,461
We've got three kids
That get up early.
488
00:18:51,461 --> 00:18:53,713
You've got a job
That gets you home late.
489
00:18:53,713 --> 00:18:55,595
We've been
Retelling each other
490
00:18:55,595 --> 00:18:58,638
The same stories
For 20 years.
491
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:03,813
I think talking for hours
Is a thing of the past.
492
00:19:03,813 --> 00:19:07,227
But I'd rather say
Three words a day to you
493
00:19:07,227 --> 00:19:09,649
Than a thousand
To anyone else.
494
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:12,232
Me, too, babe.
495
00:19:12,232 --> 00:19:16,486
But tonight, I hope
That you'll make an exception.
496
00:19:19,489 --> 00:19:21,911
Oh!
497
00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:24,494
A raspberry
Danish twist!
498
00:19:24,494 --> 00:19:26,416
A box of white zin!
499
00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:28,628
[ ub40's "The way you do
The things you do" plays ]
500
00:19:28,628 --> 00:19:32,502
Ub40! You did
Want to talk to me!
501
00:19:32,502 --> 00:19:33,923
Of course I did,
502
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,635
Right after I plied you
With lou ferrigno and fish.
503
00:19:35,635 --> 00:19:38,468
Come on. I figured I would have
A little dinner-tainment first
504
00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,930
And then I'd have a little
Debbie-tainment after.
♪ you make my life so rich ♪
505
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:42,302
♪ you know, you could have
Been some money ♪
This is the perfect night.
506
00:19:42,302 --> 00:19:43,723
My man.
507
00:19:43,723 --> 00:19:45,064
♪ and, baby, you're so sweet ♪
Yes, I am.
508
00:19:45,064 --> 00:19:47,357
I'm speechless.
Well, I hope not
509
00:19:47,357 --> 00:19:48,608
Because that's one big-ass
Box of wine.
♪ you know, you could have
Been some honey ♪
510
00:19:48,608 --> 00:19:51,231
Ooh!
♪ well, you could have been ♪
511
00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:53,613
♪ anything that you wanted to ♪
Did you see larry bird's legs
In that skort?
512
00:19:53,613 --> 00:19:56,025
♪ I call tell ♪
Oh, my god. What is the deal?
Is he naturally hairless?
513
00:19:56,025 --> 00:19:58,908
♪ the way you do
The things you do ♪
I think
He had them waxed!
514
00:19:58,908 --> 00:20:01,491
♪ all right, the way
You do the things you do ♪
I mean, alien or no alien,
No man's legs look like that.
515
00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:03,873
♪ the way you do
The things you do ♪
What about mine?
516
00:20:03,873 --> 00:20:06,586
♪ all right, the way
You do the things you do ♪
517
00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:12,962
♪♪♪
518
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:15,715
Hi,
Bored college freshman.
519
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:18,928
Did you order a large pizza
With extra sausage?
520
00:20:18,928 --> 00:20:21,261
I sure did.
Is it extra hot?
521
00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:22,892
It's so hot.
522
00:20:22,892 --> 00:20:25,184
[ chuckles ]
523
00:20:25,184 --> 00:20:27,267
Wow, it barely fits
In my box.
524
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:28,728
I know.
It's really big.
525
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:31,060
Oh, no.
I don't have any cash.
526
00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:32,852
How ever
Will I pay you for this?
527
00:20:34,904 --> 00:20:36,776
What about debit?
528
00:20:36,776 --> 00:20:39,158
[ chuckles ]
That's perfect.
529
00:20:39,158 --> 00:20:41,321
[ chuckles ]
530
00:20:41,321 --> 00:20:42,992
[ both giggle ]
That was fun!
531
00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:43,993
That was
The best one yet.
532
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:45,365
Let's do one
Where it's cash only.
533
00:20:45,365 --> 00:20:47,667
Oh! Okay.
Okay. Okay, okay.
534
00:20:47,667 --> 00:20:50,420
I love role-playing!
[ laughs ]
40132
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.