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1
00:00:01,332 --> 00:00:03,003
[ door opens, closes ]
2
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,005
Larry! We're here!
Where's the fire?
3
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,778
What? There's no fire.
What are you talking about?
4
00:00:07,778 --> 00:00:09,580
You called and said
There was an emergency
5
00:00:09,580 --> 00:00:11,582
And to bring
A fire extinguisher.
6
00:00:11,582 --> 00:00:13,784
Yeah, there is an emergency,
And bring a fire extinguisher.
7
00:00:13,784 --> 00:00:15,316
They're two separate thoughts.
8
00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:16,687
But why do you need
A fire extinguisher?
9
00:00:16,687 --> 00:00:19,250
We don't have one.
10
00:00:19,250 --> 00:00:21,352
Debbie: well,
What's the emergency?
11
00:00:21,352 --> 00:00:23,724
September is a kind of
Dead period for holidays,
12
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,496
So I was looking through
My calendar.
13
00:00:25,496 --> 00:00:27,798
What exactly
Is april fools' day?
14
00:00:27,798 --> 00:00:29,700
Is that one of your crazy
Religious holidays,
15
00:00:29,700 --> 00:00:31,502
Or one of your
"I deserve a day off
16
00:00:31,502 --> 00:00:34,165
Because working five days
A week is too much" holidays?
17
00:00:34,165 --> 00:00:35,266
Well, it's just a day
In april
18
00:00:35,266 --> 00:00:36,607
When people play pranks
On each other,
19
00:00:36,607 --> 00:00:38,769
And then they yell,
"April fools!"
20
00:00:38,769 --> 00:00:40,211
Pranks?
21
00:00:40,211 --> 00:00:43,814
Ooh. Well, that sounds
More fun than yom kippur.
22
00:00:43,814 --> 00:00:45,316
When do we get started?
23
00:00:45,316 --> 00:00:47,448
Well, larry, it's september,
Okay?
24
00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:50,181
And as the name implies,
April fools' day is in april.
25
00:00:50,181 --> 00:00:52,223
Yeah. You know, larry,
April fools' day
26
00:00:52,223 --> 00:00:53,624
May not be
The holiday for you,
27
00:00:53,624 --> 00:00:55,356
Because pranks take
A certain nuance.
28
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,588
What are you saying? Are you
Saying that I lack nuance?
29
00:00:57,588 --> 00:00:59,290
I'll have you know
I've got nuance
30
00:00:59,290 --> 00:01:01,732
Falling out of my anuses.
31
00:01:01,732 --> 00:01:03,664
Mnh...Mnh.
Ah, come on, really?
32
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,736
[ gasps ] My god!
What is that?!
33
00:01:05,736 --> 00:01:07,298
You know what, larry?
We're not falling for that.
34
00:01:07,298 --> 00:01:09,640
Dick:
Falling for what?
35
00:01:10,801 --> 00:01:13,774
All this holiday talk got me
Excited about halloween.
36
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:16,777
I'll have you know
That I am a prankster.
37
00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:19,210
And a merry one at that.
38
00:01:19,210 --> 00:01:20,711
I'm going to prank you
So hard.
39
00:01:20,711 --> 00:01:22,183
That's great, but, you know,
You should probably
40
00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:23,684
Change your shirt first,
'cause you --
41
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,616
You have something
Right -- right there.
Yeah.
42
00:01:25,616 --> 00:01:26,687
What? What? I just --
Boop!
43
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:28,819
[ snorts ]
[ laughing ]
44
00:01:28,819 --> 00:01:30,391
You will regret that,
Marty weaver.
45
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:32,493
Yeah? Guess what.
Your shoe's also untied.
46
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,695
You should -- boop! Again!
[ laughing ]
[ laughing ]
47
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:37,598
Totally fell for it!
See you.
48
00:01:38,869 --> 00:01:40,731
He's good,
49
00:01:40,731 --> 00:01:42,133
But I'm better.
50
00:01:42,133 --> 00:01:44,635
[ laughing ]
Mark my words,
51
00:01:44,635 --> 00:01:46,237
By the time this day is over...
[ door closes ]
52
00:01:46,237 --> 00:01:49,380
...I'll show them that
I'm the merriest prankster!
Aah!
53
00:01:49,380 --> 00:01:50,711
Ow!
54
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,843
Dick, I'm trying to make
A statement of intent here.
55
00:01:52,843 --> 00:01:57,818
And mark my words,
By the...
Ow!
56
00:01:57,818 --> 00:02:00,621
Ow!
57
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,693
You know what?
Forget it.
58
00:02:02,693 --> 00:02:04,555
♪♪♪
59
00:02:04,555 --> 00:02:08,159
♪ we came from outer space
And settled in new jersey ♪
60
00:02:08,159 --> 00:02:12,203
♪ we took names like larry bird
And jackie joyner-kersee ♪
61
00:02:12,203 --> 00:02:14,405
♪ then the humans
Moved next door ♪
62
00:02:14,405 --> 00:02:16,537
♪ started testing
All our limits ♪
63
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:18,709
♪ so sit right down,
Enjoy the show ♪
64
00:02:18,709 --> 00:02:23,744
♪ we'll be done in 30 minutes ♪
65
00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,776
[ groans softly ]
66
00:02:25,776 --> 00:02:27,318
[ hair scrapes ]
Ow, mom!
67
00:02:27,318 --> 00:02:29,480
If you pull out
Any more of my hair,
68
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:31,352
I'm gonna start looking
Like grandma.
69
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,153
Oh, sorry, baby,
But sometimes
70
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,685
Women have to hurt
To look pretty.
71
00:02:34,685 --> 00:02:36,557
Max,
If you untie that tie,
72
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,389
I'm taking away
Your bed for a week.
73
00:02:38,389 --> 00:02:40,561
Why do I have to wear
A bow tie and a vest?
74
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:41,832
I look like magic mike!
75
00:02:41,832 --> 00:02:43,564
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
76
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:45,396
Uh! Did you watch
That movie
77
00:02:45,396 --> 00:02:47,838
After I explicitly
Told you not to?
78
00:02:47,838 --> 00:02:49,300
Hey, you and daddy
Are the ones
79
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:51,872
Who are wasting 20 bucks
A month on starz.
80
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:53,544
At least someone's using it.
81
00:02:53,544 --> 00:02:55,376
Ooh! You guys look
Like martha stewart
82
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:56,577
Made you in her lab.
83
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:59,350
Oh, dick, you literally said
The perfect thing.
84
00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:01,882
We're taking the weaver
Family photo today.
85
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:04,315
And I am finally gonna get
That one picture
86
00:03:04,315 --> 00:03:05,786
Where everyone's eyes
Are open,
87
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:09,490
Everyone is clean,
And everyone is smiling.
88
00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:11,762
When am I not smiling,
Debra?
89
00:03:11,762 --> 00:03:14,395
Don't forget
Your hair appointment!
90
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,767
It's what I'm most looking
Forward to in my whole life.
91
00:03:16,767 --> 00:03:19,500
Come on, guys, you're not gonna
Be this age forever,
92
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:21,302
And I just want one
Perfect picture
93
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:23,234
Of my sweet,
Adorable family.
94
00:03:23,234 --> 00:03:25,706
Tell me if I ripped my shirt
Open right now,
95
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,378
The song "It's raining men"
96
00:03:27,378 --> 00:03:28,909
Wouldn't start playing
Out of nowhere.
97
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:31,482
Okay, everybody stop watching
"Magic mike."
98
00:03:31,482 --> 00:03:33,784
I'm getting my picture,
And I'm canceling starz.
99
00:03:33,784 --> 00:03:35,646
[ chuckles ] Humans.
100
00:03:35,646 --> 00:03:38,449
T.N.L.B.T.F.T.W.
101
00:03:38,449 --> 00:03:39,720
They never learn,
But they're fun to watch.
102
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,392
I hope it'll catch one.
103
00:03:41,392 --> 00:03:43,894
Anyhoo, I'm here to challenge
The weaver children
104
00:03:43,894 --> 00:03:46,397
To a toy show-off.
You two game?
105
00:03:46,397 --> 00:03:47,858
Can we please go?
106
00:03:47,858 --> 00:03:49,930
Can't get dirty or sweaty
Or mess up your hair
Or your clothes.
107
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,462
So...
Go be kids.
108
00:03:51,462 --> 00:03:52,863
[ gasps ] Yeah!
Yes!
109
00:03:56,867 --> 00:04:00,371
Yeesh, I'm scalpin' her.
110
00:04:00,371 --> 00:04:01,642
[ inhales sharply ]
111
00:04:06,917 --> 00:04:09,720
What are you doing,
Husband?
Research.
112
00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,852
I'm coming up with a prank
For marty weaver
113
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:15,686
That will show him that his
April fools' holiday is stupid,
114
00:04:15,686 --> 00:04:17,988
And that I am
The biggest fool, and --
115
00:04:17,988 --> 00:04:19,730
That sounded bad
As soon as it came out.
116
00:04:19,730 --> 00:04:21,762
Isn't april fools'
In april?
117
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,834
It is, which gives me
Only eight months
118
00:04:23,834 --> 00:04:25,666
To plan a grand prank.
119
00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:27,538
Until then, I'm going to
Berate him
120
00:04:27,538 --> 00:04:29,640
With small, maddening jokes.
121
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,772
[ laughs ] Like this.
122
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,744
It's an inflatable
Rubber bag
123
00:04:33,744 --> 00:04:35,476
Which you place under
Someone's seat.
124
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,277
And when they sit down...
125
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,349
[ flatulence sound ]
126
00:04:38,349 --> 00:04:39,950
Ha! [ laughing ]
[ shrieks and laughs ]
127
00:04:39,950 --> 00:04:42,483
That is so clever!
Isn't it?
128
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,785
Just when I think humans
Are completely worthless,
129
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,717
They go and invent
Something like this.
130
00:04:46,717 --> 00:04:48,759
Oh...Oh...
What else are you
Cooking up, larry bird?
131
00:04:48,759 --> 00:04:50,821
Would you like some gum?
132
00:04:50,821 --> 00:04:51,992
Sure.
133
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:54,325
[ snaps ]
Ow! [bleep]
134
00:04:54,325 --> 00:04:56,897
[ laughing ]
What the hell is
Wrong with you, larry bird?
135
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,469
That really hurt!
136
00:04:58,469 --> 00:05:01,902
It's not cool, man!
It's not cool!
137
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:02,833
[ snaps ]
138
00:05:02,833 --> 00:05:05,075
Jerk! Ooh!
139
00:05:05,075 --> 00:05:06,907
[ door opens ]
140
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,040
[ door closes ]
141
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:11,842
That one's a keeper.
142
00:05:16,987 --> 00:05:18,719
You know, most girls
Would be freaked out
143
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:20,891
If their boyfriend's
Intergalactic soul mate
144
00:05:20,891 --> 00:05:22,753
Stalked their house
For a week.
145
00:05:22,753 --> 00:05:24,555
Well, that's what makes you
So special.
146
00:05:24,555 --> 00:05:26,927
Dude, no, I'm saying
It totally freaks me out
147
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:28,629
That your intergalactic
Soul mate
148
00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:30,361
Has been stalking your house
For a week.
149
00:05:30,361 --> 00:05:31,902
But she means nothing
To me.
150
00:05:31,902 --> 00:05:34,565
I mean, yes, she traveled across
Time and space to be with me.
151
00:05:34,565 --> 00:05:36,437
Yes, the universe paired us
At birth,
152
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:37,738
And I'm magnetically
Drawn to her,
153
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,840
But you're the one I want.
154
00:05:42,072 --> 00:05:43,844
You don't believe me?
155
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,616
Come on.
156
00:05:45,616 --> 00:05:47,748
No. Where are you going?
I don't want to get up.
157
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,480
Okay.
158
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:50,881
[ door closes ]
159
00:05:53,083 --> 00:05:54,655
Hey, reggie.
Hi.
160
00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:56,527
Hi, amber.
Swimfan.
161
00:05:56,527 --> 00:05:57,858
Jane, it's time for you
To go home.
162
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,960
Amber's my girlfriend,
And I love her.
163
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,462
I know you do,
And I get that.
164
00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:03,764
Amber's sardonic
And intelligent,
165
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:05,766
With the long hair
And the alabaster skin.
166
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,097
She's lovely. Truly.
167
00:06:07,097 --> 00:06:08,999
But I'm your soul mate,
Reggie.
168
00:06:08,999 --> 00:06:10,771
[ cellphone chimes ]
169
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,503
Okay, I can't believe
I'm about to say this,
170
00:06:12,503 --> 00:06:13,904
But I have to go get
My hair blown out
171
00:06:13,904 --> 00:06:15,606
For a family photo.
172
00:06:15,606 --> 00:06:18,449
I know.
I'll see you later.
173
00:06:18,449 --> 00:06:19,850
Go away.
174
00:06:19,850 --> 00:06:22,553
Oh, it's starting to get cold.
175
00:06:22,553 --> 00:06:23,784
Do you want my letterman's
Jacket?
176
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,686
Your mathlete jacket?
177
00:06:25,686 --> 00:06:26,917
You know what?
178
00:06:26,917 --> 00:06:28,919
I think I'm already bordering
On too popular.
179
00:06:28,919 --> 00:06:31,462
That might just make them
Resent me.
180
00:06:31,462 --> 00:06:33,093
Enjoy your blow-out!
181
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,865
You're wasting your time,
Jane.
182
00:06:34,865 --> 00:06:36,927
I know this is hard
On you, reggie,
183
00:06:36,927 --> 00:06:38,999
And it pains me
To see you like this,
184
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,771
But you and I are
Destined to be together.
185
00:06:40,771 --> 00:06:42,503
We're not done here.
186
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:43,674
No, we're not.
187
00:06:43,674 --> 00:06:45,035
No, I meant,
We are done here.
188
00:06:45,035 --> 00:06:46,677
I know you did.
I love you.
189
00:06:46,677 --> 00:06:47,908
I love you, t--
190
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:50,511
You...
191
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,082
Go away.
192
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,946
I thought we were gonna go
Play video games now.
193
00:06:55,946 --> 00:06:58,048
Video games are for fat girls
And virgins.
194
00:06:58,048 --> 00:07:00,591
I'm gonna show you guys
Something really cool.
195
00:07:03,093 --> 00:07:06,457
[ laughing hysterically ]
196
00:07:06,457 --> 00:07:07,998
Oh, yes!
197
00:07:07,998 --> 00:07:09,930
Who's got nuance now?
[ laughs ]
198
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,732
Father, I'm in the middle
Of a life crisis
199
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:14,204
And don't have time
For your juvenile shenanigans.
[ laughs ]
200
00:07:14,204 --> 00:07:16,707
Where's mother?
201
00:07:16,707 --> 00:07:19,069
[ laughing ]
202
00:07:19,069 --> 00:07:22,643
I didn't even put that there!
That was just a happy accident!
203
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:24,745
[ laughing ]
204
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,847
Oh...Pranks! Ha!
205
00:07:28,779 --> 00:07:30,450
Mother, I need your help
With jane.
206
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,182
[ gasps ] You've been crying.
207
00:07:32,182 --> 00:07:33,754
No, no, it's fine.
208
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,826
Oh. Well, how can I help?
209
00:07:35,826 --> 00:07:37,588
Well, I want to handle
This like an adult,
210
00:07:37,588 --> 00:07:38,759
So I don't want you
To advise me.
211
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:39,990
Or judge me.
Or question me.
212
00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:41,892
But those are my three
Favorite things to do.
213
00:07:41,892 --> 00:07:43,664
I know, but I have an idea
214
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,465
To get jane out of our
Lives forever.
215
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,838
So, are you in or out?
216
00:07:49,099 --> 00:07:51,101
Mm...
217
00:07:51,101 --> 00:07:52,543
Hmm...
218
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:08,789
Okay. I can't decide on which
Tie for the picture, okay?
219
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:11,522
Paisley...
Or captain america shield?
220
00:08:11,522 --> 00:08:13,524
Now, before you answer,
I think --
Paisley.
221
00:08:13,524 --> 00:08:15,696
Yeah, that's where I was --
Paisley.
222
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,928
Good afternoon, weavers.
223
00:08:17,928 --> 00:08:20,070
Oh, hey, dick.
Where are max and abby?
224
00:08:20,070 --> 00:08:21,602
They're right behind me.
Listen,
225
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:23,634
Will you still love
Your kids when they're older?
226
00:08:23,634 --> 00:08:25,806
Dick, I love my kids
Unconditionally.
227
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,638
I will love them
When they choose
228
00:08:27,638 --> 00:08:29,780
The wrong husband
And wives to marry.
229
00:08:29,780 --> 00:08:31,582
I will love them
When they give birth
230
00:08:31,582 --> 00:08:33,644
To grandchildren
That they never let me see.
231
00:08:33,644 --> 00:08:36,817
I will even love them
When their father gets sick,
232
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,218
And they never come
To visit,
233
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:40,791
And the only company I have
Is a jamaican hospice nurse
234
00:08:40,791 --> 00:08:43,293
Who comes once a week
To help me clean his face
235
00:08:43,293 --> 00:08:45,796
And wipe his --
Where are you right now?
236
00:08:45,796 --> 00:08:47,558
Oh...
Okay, and will you still
Love them
237
00:08:47,558 --> 00:08:49,800
If they look different from
When you last saw them?
238
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,562
Okay, dick, what are you
Talking about?
239
00:08:51,562 --> 00:08:52,933
[ giggles ] Funny story --
240
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,665
So we were showing off
Our toys,
241
00:08:54,665 --> 00:08:56,006
And I had to bring out
My big gun.
242
00:08:56,006 --> 00:08:57,938
Literally --
A big ray gun.
243
00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,109
Did they get dirty?
244
00:08:59,109 --> 00:09:00,240
No...
245
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,942
But they're a little wrinkled.
246
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:03,013
All right, guys!
247
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,720
Hey, dad.
Hi, mom.
248
00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:10,881
Hello.
249
00:09:10,881 --> 00:09:12,182
Dick, what's going on?
250
00:09:12,182 --> 00:09:14,224
Debbie,
I aged your kids.
251
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:24,564
Dick, who are these people?
Where's max and abby?
252
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,637
This really
Is them.
253
00:09:26,637 --> 00:09:28,198
Uh, dick, I don't have
Time for this.
254
00:09:28,198 --> 00:09:30,701
[ chuckling ] I am so sorry.
I am debbie weaver.
255
00:09:30,701 --> 00:09:32,673
I know who you are, mom.
256
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:34,675
Hey, after we take
The family picture,
257
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,677
Can we have a tea party?
258
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:39,780
What's happening?
Where are they going?
259
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:42,152
Where are they going?
Dick: I told you,
These are your children.
260
00:09:42,152 --> 00:09:44,354
Okay. [ chuckles ]
Dick, that's impossible.
261
00:09:44,354 --> 00:09:46,757
Not if you have
An aging machine, which I do,
262
00:09:46,757 --> 00:09:48,859
In my garage,
Next to the bowflex.
263
00:09:48,859 --> 00:09:51,622
All right, so, if these
Really are our children,
264
00:09:51,622 --> 00:09:53,263
Then, abby, you will know
That your birthday is...
265
00:09:53,263 --> 00:09:55,726
June 12, 2006.
Hmm.
266
00:09:57,227 --> 00:09:58,829
Max, what's your
Favorite movie?
267
00:09:58,829 --> 00:10:03,073
"Empire strikes back"
And..."Hairspray."
268
00:10:03,073 --> 00:10:04,705
What's my cellphone number?
269
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,677
[ gasps ]
Aha!
270
00:10:06,677 --> 00:10:08,779
Deb, to be fair,
I don't know that, either.
271
00:10:08,779 --> 00:10:10,681
You don't know
My cellphone number?
272
00:10:10,681 --> 00:10:12,983
Well, it's in my phone.
I just press your face,
And it calls you.
273
00:10:12,983 --> 00:10:14,985
Can we please focus
On the issue at hand?
274
00:10:14,985 --> 00:10:16,616
All right, I'm sorry.
275
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,089
Abby, what's your favorite
Doll's name?
Sophie.
276
00:10:19,089 --> 00:10:20,721
Is that right?
Yes.
277
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,222
Max, what's the nickname
278
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,725
We gave michael phelps
At the london olympics?
279
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:25,756
The ugly dolphin.
280
00:10:25,756 --> 00:10:28,398
[ gasps ]
Oh! Geez!
281
00:10:28,398 --> 00:10:30,230
Dick, go get your dad!
282
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,301
On it.
[ gasps ]
283
00:10:35,836 --> 00:10:38,769
Where are we going,
Future husband?
284
00:10:38,769 --> 00:10:40,941
Don't call me that.
285
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,673
We're taking you
To the bus station.
286
00:10:42,673 --> 00:10:44,144
We are? Isn't
The bus station --
287
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,776
You said you wouldn't
Question, advise, or judge.
288
00:10:45,776 --> 00:10:47,077
And I'm not.
289
00:10:47,077 --> 00:10:49,219
But don't you think
That perhaps
290
00:10:49,219 --> 00:10:51,321
Dropping an alien off
At the bus station
291
00:10:51,321 --> 00:10:53,984
Is maybe a little -- and I say
This without judgment -- stupid?
292
00:10:53,984 --> 00:10:56,056
No, mother,
It is not stupid.
293
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:58,689
When we get to the bus station,
I'm gonna buy you a ticket
294
00:10:58,689 --> 00:11:00,260
To anywhere you want to go,
Give you money,
295
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,062
And my life can get
Back to normal.
296
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:04,795
[ sighs ] Reggie,
You are my destiny.
297
00:11:04,795 --> 00:11:07,838
The universe encoded my love
For you in my d.N.A.
298
00:11:07,838 --> 00:11:10,701
Amber weaver won't even
Wear your jacket.
299
00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,704
Okay, I don't want
To talk about this anymore.
300
00:11:13,704 --> 00:11:14,875
No more talking.
301
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,406
We're just going to sit here
And...
302
00:11:16,406 --> 00:11:17,878
Listen to the radio
In silence.
303
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,210
This thing doesn't have
A radio.
304
00:11:20,210 --> 00:11:21,681
Damn it.
305
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,014
♪ I got my hands up,
They're playing my song ♪
306
00:11:24,014 --> 00:11:26,156
♪ and I know I'm gonna be okay ♪
307
00:11:26,156 --> 00:11:27,958
♪ yeah ♪
308
00:11:27,958 --> 00:11:29,920
♪ it's a party in the u.S.A. ♪
309
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,321
Jackie:
That's your favorite song!
310
00:11:31,321 --> 00:11:32,893
Reggie:
I know! Just keep driving!
311
00:11:37,467 --> 00:11:39,800
Are you okay?
312
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,401
Can I get you
Anything else?
313
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:44,034
I'm fine, mom.
Boobies feel weird,
314
00:11:44,034 --> 00:11:45,475
But other than that,
I'm fine.
315
00:11:45,475 --> 00:11:47,437
Mm...
Can you get me a beer?
316
00:11:47,437 --> 00:11:49,439
What?
I can't make a joke?
317
00:11:49,439 --> 00:11:51,942
[ door opens ]
Marty.
318
00:11:51,942 --> 00:11:53,744
Smell my boutonniere.
[ door closes ]
319
00:11:53,744 --> 00:11:55,886
I promise it won't
Squirt water in your face.
320
00:11:55,886 --> 00:11:57,918
Okay, now's not the time,
Larry. You need to fix this.
321
00:11:57,918 --> 00:12:00,390
Oh, come on!
Let me prank you!
322
00:12:00,390 --> 00:12:02,853
Why are there little people
In your house?
323
00:12:02,853 --> 00:12:04,454
Are you having a party?
No!
324
00:12:04,454 --> 00:12:07,157
That's max and abby.
Dick did something to them.
325
00:12:07,157 --> 00:12:08,829
What did you do?
326
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,831
I put the weaver children
In an aging machine.
327
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:12,232
Dick butkus!
328
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,764
How many times
Have I told you?
329
00:12:13,764 --> 00:12:15,305
That machine
Is for ripening fruit
330
00:12:15,305 --> 00:12:17,337
And distressing denim only!
331
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:19,439
You ripened and distressed
Our children?
332
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:22,212
Oh, my god, oh, my god,
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
333
00:12:22,212 --> 00:12:23,743
It was an accident,
Father!
334
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,745
It was on the lowest
Setting, I promise!
335
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,178
Oh...That's good news.
336
00:12:28,178 --> 00:12:29,950
The effects should be
Temporary.
337
00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:32,752
Max and abby should be
Back to normal by 6:00 p.M.
338
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,025
Hang in there, guys.
Your children will be fine.
339
00:12:35,025 --> 00:12:36,426
Probably. Hopefully.
340
00:12:36,426 --> 00:12:39,529
[ shudders ] I should probably
Go and check the settings
341
00:12:39,529 --> 00:12:40,931
On the machine.
342
00:12:40,931 --> 00:12:42,963
It will be fine.
You should both just relax.
343
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:44,534
Okay, great.
Thank you, larry.
344
00:12:44,534 --> 00:12:46,366
Of course.
You're welcome.
345
00:12:48,138 --> 00:12:49,769
I see the joy buzzer
In your hand, larry.
346
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,101
Damn it!
347
00:12:51,101 --> 00:12:52,472
I'm sorry.
348
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:55,946
Please accept my apologies
With this non-exploding cigar.
349
00:12:55,946 --> 00:12:58,408
Fix my children, larry!
350
00:12:58,408 --> 00:13:00,780
Damn it!
I'm good at pranks!
351
00:13:08,518 --> 00:13:12,222
I am pranking your parents
So good.
352
00:13:12,222 --> 00:13:14,464
Awesome.
They're pretty easy marks.
353
00:13:14,464 --> 00:13:15,826
[ laughs ]
354
00:13:19,269 --> 00:13:20,300
Heads up down there.
355
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,933
♪♪♪
356
00:13:22,933 --> 00:13:25,105
Well, at least
Max held on to his hair.
357
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,207
You know, I was worried that
He got your father's genes.
358
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:28,839
Are you making a joke
Right now?
359
00:13:28,839 --> 00:13:31,581
No! I'm just trying to find
A silver lining here, okay?
360
00:13:31,581 --> 00:13:34,314
There is no silver lining,
Marty!
361
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,516
This is black lining
On a black cloud.
362
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,949
Oh, my god, I am
A terrible mother.
363
00:13:38,949 --> 00:13:41,251
The last thing I said to them
Was I was canceling starz.
364
00:13:41,251 --> 00:13:44,254
[ both laughing ]
365
00:13:44,254 --> 00:13:46,296
What if they don't
Change back?
366
00:13:46,296 --> 00:13:48,158
I don't know if I can be
A good mother
367
00:13:48,158 --> 00:13:49,459
To a middle-aged them.
368
00:13:49,459 --> 00:13:52,202
Hey, you could be
A good mother to anyone.
369
00:13:52,202 --> 00:13:54,164
And besides, larry said
They'll be back to normal
370
00:13:54,164 --> 00:13:56,166
By 6:00.
371
00:13:57,207 --> 00:13:59,940
Mommy, my joints hurt.
372
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:01,311
Can you give me a bath?
373
00:14:04,274 --> 00:14:05,375
Give her a bath.
374
00:14:05,375 --> 00:14:06,947
Please?
375
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,418
Oh...
376
00:14:08,418 --> 00:14:10,180
Oh...
377
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,958
I should probably call it
At this point,
378
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:21,061
But it's -- it's way
Too much fun. [ laughs ]
379
00:14:22,592 --> 00:14:25,966
[ handcuffs click ]
380
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:32,242
Here.
I made these for you.
381
00:14:32,242 --> 00:14:34,304
Pick a place you want to live
And go there.
382
00:14:34,304 --> 00:14:36,546
Goodbye.
I'll see you soon, reggie.
383
00:14:36,546 --> 00:14:38,648
And you, too,
Mother joyner-kersee.
384
00:14:38,648 --> 00:14:40,280
Looking forward to it.
385
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,212
I mean, good riddance,
Skank-face!
386
00:14:44,654 --> 00:14:47,257
Please don't leave angry.
387
00:14:47,257 --> 00:14:49,089
I'm not angry.
I'm just...
388
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,161
Confused? Frustrated?
389
00:14:51,161 --> 00:14:54,094
I'll admit, it's not entirely
Fair to lay this on you.
390
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,927
But now that you've met me,
You won't be able to forget me.
391
00:14:56,927 --> 00:14:59,399
I'll be in your thoughts
And dreams.
392
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,671
You'll see my face
Everywhere you look.
393
00:15:01,671 --> 00:15:04,174
Sometimes you'll catch yourself
Talking to yourself,
394
00:15:04,174 --> 00:15:06,276
And you'll realize
You were talking to me.
395
00:15:06,276 --> 00:15:09,239
Soon I'll begin to feel
Like a phantom limb --
396
00:15:09,239 --> 00:15:10,640
Part of your body
That you know should be there,
397
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:12,242
But isn't.
398
00:15:12,242 --> 00:15:13,643
Until you accept our destiny,
399
00:15:13,643 --> 00:15:16,316
Every good thing in your life
Will feel empty,
400
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,218
Every sadness like an abyss.
401
00:15:20,050 --> 00:15:21,321
Geez!
402
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:23,023
[ sighing ] Wow...
403
00:15:29,359 --> 00:15:30,330
Good luck.
404
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,204
Let's go home.
405
00:15:43,573 --> 00:15:45,515
Mother, stop.
406
00:15:45,515 --> 00:15:47,377
[ tires screech ]
407
00:15:47,377 --> 00:15:49,179
Tell me I'm doing
The right thing.
408
00:15:49,179 --> 00:15:51,951
[ sighs ]
409
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,985
May I speak without
Restrictions or limitations?
410
00:15:54,985 --> 00:15:56,256
Please.
411
00:15:57,657 --> 00:16:00,290
Son, love is complicated.
412
00:16:00,290 --> 00:16:03,433
And confusing --
Especially here.
413
00:16:03,433 --> 00:16:05,395
On earth, you have to find
Your love.
414
00:16:05,395 --> 00:16:07,467
On zabvron,
Your love finds you.
415
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:11,201
I can't tell you whether or not
You're doing the right thing.
416
00:16:11,201 --> 00:16:13,303
Only you know that.
417
00:16:13,303 --> 00:16:16,006
But I do know that you are not
The kind of boy
418
00:16:16,006 --> 00:16:18,008
Who leaves a foreign girl
Alone at a bus stop
419
00:16:18,008 --> 00:16:20,250
With a handful of money
And nowhere to go.
420
00:16:27,317 --> 00:16:29,189
Get in.
421
00:16:34,264 --> 00:16:36,366
[ video game beeping on tv ]
422
00:16:38,128 --> 00:16:40,030
It's 6:00, deb. Why are
They not changing back?
423
00:16:40,030 --> 00:16:41,371
I don't know.
I'm starting to freak out.
424
00:16:41,371 --> 00:16:43,203
No.
Yep.
425
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,504
You cannot freak out.
If you freak out,
426
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,036
Then I am gonna freak out,
427
00:16:46,036 --> 00:16:47,777
And you do not want me
Freaking out about this.
428
00:16:47,777 --> 00:16:49,679
Well, I'm freaking out!
I'm really freaking out, deb!
Oh!
429
00:16:49,679 --> 00:16:52,282
[ sighs ]
430
00:16:52,282 --> 00:16:53,613
Mom, dad,
Do you still love us?
431
00:16:54,684 --> 00:16:56,286
Of course we do.
[ gasps ]
432
00:16:56,286 --> 00:16:58,718
Yes. Don't say that.
We love you very much.
433
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:02,252
There is nothing that could
Stop us from loving you guys.
434
00:17:02,252 --> 00:17:04,194
That's right.
435
00:17:04,194 --> 00:17:06,226
Oh. Oh.
436
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:08,598
And it doesn't matter
How old you are.
437
00:17:08,598 --> 00:17:12,502
You will always be our babies,
And we love you no matter what.
438
00:17:12,502 --> 00:17:15,235
And no ray gun
From some other planet
439
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,207
Is gonna change that, so...
440
00:17:17,207 --> 00:17:19,739
Thanks, mom. Now will you
Give me a bath?
441
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,371
[ inhales sharply ]
442
00:17:21,371 --> 00:17:22,712
You betcha!
443
00:17:22,712 --> 00:17:24,244
Okay...
444
00:17:25,775 --> 00:17:28,118
You took a shower
Earlier, right?
445
00:17:28,118 --> 00:17:30,080
Yeah. I'm good.
446
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:31,681
Okay, good.
447
00:17:38,228 --> 00:17:41,491
Mother, may I please
Speak with jane alone?
448
00:17:47,297 --> 00:17:49,299
Thank you for for bringing me
Back, reggie.
449
00:17:49,299 --> 00:17:52,302
You're welcome.
But you can't stay here.
450
00:17:52,302 --> 00:17:54,073
Soul mate or not,
It's super creepy
451
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,846
That you stand outside
My house.
452
00:17:56,846 --> 00:17:58,408
I get that.
453
00:17:59,849 --> 00:18:01,511
Don't worry about me.
454
00:18:01,511 --> 00:18:03,113
I'll be gone
In the morning.
455
00:18:03,113 --> 00:18:07,387
♪♪♪
456
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:10,360
♪ I'll be always ♪
457
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:13,393
♪ on your beat always ♪
458
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:16,526
♪ we'll be keeping time ♪
459
00:18:16,526 --> 00:18:18,598
♪ always ♪
460
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:24,103
♪ I wrote you a letter ♪
461
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,235
Thank you, reggie.
462
00:18:25,235 --> 00:18:26,336
♪ the day I met you ♪
463
00:18:26,336 --> 00:18:27,807
You're welcome.
464
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,310
♪ it said
In my heart you'll stay ♪
465
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,342
♪ always ♪
[ door opens and closes ]
466
00:18:32,342 --> 00:18:34,384
♪ oh, always ♪
467
00:18:34,384 --> 00:18:38,448
♪ hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah ♪
468
00:18:38,448 --> 00:18:41,221
♪ oh, always ♪
469
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:44,394
♪ hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah ♪
470
00:18:44,394 --> 00:18:47,197
♪ yeah ♪
471
00:18:47,197 --> 00:18:51,361
♪ ooh, ooh ♪
472
00:18:51,361 --> 00:18:52,602
♪ ooh ♪
473
00:18:52,602 --> 00:18:54,704
You want to shave, um,
474
00:18:54,704 --> 00:18:57,407
With the flow
Of your whiskers.
475
00:18:57,407 --> 00:18:58,708
'cause when you shave
Against it,
476
00:18:58,708 --> 00:19:00,710
You could cut yourself
Or get razor burn.
477
00:19:02,772 --> 00:19:05,415
Hey, I'm doing it, dad.
I'm shavin'!
478
00:19:05,415 --> 00:19:06,576
Yep.
479
00:19:08,378 --> 00:19:10,220
Do you want
Your swimming mermaid?
480
00:19:10,220 --> 00:19:12,482
Yeah! Thanks, mommy.
I love you.
481
00:19:12,482 --> 00:19:15,685
I love you, too.
[ smooches ]
482
00:19:15,685 --> 00:19:17,227
April fools'.
483
00:19:17,227 --> 00:19:19,659
[ laughing loudly ]
484
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,366
Oh, you should see the looks
On your faces!
485
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,298
Hey, guys!
You miss us?
486
00:19:28,298 --> 00:19:31,341
[ laughing ]
I pranked you so good!
487
00:19:31,341 --> 00:19:33,303
Oh, my god!
488
00:19:33,303 --> 00:19:36,776
You were about to give
A complete stranger a bath!
489
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:38,748
Oh, my god,
Thank god you're okay!
[ laughing ]
490
00:19:38,748 --> 00:19:40,380
I don't care about
Some stupid picture.
491
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:42,312
I love you unconditionally
And always --
492
00:19:42,312 --> 00:19:44,314
Mm!
493
00:19:44,314 --> 00:19:45,855
Did I just give that
Woman a kiss?
494
00:19:45,855 --> 00:19:48,187
Yes, I think you did!
Yeah, you did!
495
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,719
Oh!
Larry, what the hell
Is wrong with you?
496
00:19:49,719 --> 00:19:51,291
What's wrong with me?
497
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:54,664
You're the ones who believed
That we had an aging machine.
498
00:19:54,664 --> 00:19:57,297
That was a mean, vicious,
Unconscionable thing to do.
499
00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:59,529
Oh...I'm sorry.
Did it lack nuance?
500
00:19:59,529 --> 00:20:01,571
Am I not
The prankster type?
501
00:20:01,571 --> 00:20:04,374
You have to admit,
It was pretty good.
502
00:20:04,374 --> 00:20:05,805
Well --
Don't you dare
Say it was good.
503
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:06,836
No, I wasn't gonna say that.
504
00:20:06,836 --> 00:20:08,678
Larry, who are
These people, then?
505
00:20:08,678 --> 00:20:10,910
Oh, just some folks I met
At the bus station.
506
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,782
They're from a traveling
Theater group.
507
00:20:12,782 --> 00:20:14,784
Aren't they wonderful?
Hey. My name's skip.
508
00:20:14,784 --> 00:20:16,416
Marty: hey.
And I'm melanie.
509
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,718
It's been great
Working with you.
Nice to meet you.
510
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,420
Larry: if you think
This was fun,
511
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:22,422
Wait till you see what I've got
Planned for april. [ laughs ]
512
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,324
No! No, larry!
No, no, larry!
513
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:27,357
[ larry laughing ]
Marty: larry!
514
00:20:27,357 --> 00:20:28,898
You guys want
Your robes back?
515
00:20:28,898 --> 00:20:30,400
No, thanks.
We're good.
516
00:20:34,304 --> 00:20:35,665
Well, your hair looks
Beautiful.
517
00:20:35,665 --> 00:20:37,367
Oh, no, max, just keep --
Keep your tie straight,
518
00:20:37,367 --> 00:20:39,439
And you make sure you look
At the camera
519
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:41,240
And keep your eyes open.
Don't blink too much.
Debbie: okay.
520
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,613
Amber, try and smile,
Or at least don't frown.
521
00:20:43,613 --> 00:20:45,275
Marty, relax.
Everyone looks great.
522
00:20:45,275 --> 00:20:47,347
I know how you want
Everything to be perfect.
523
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:48,778
Everything is perfect.
Okay.
524
00:20:48,778 --> 00:20:50,720
Photographer: in 3, 2...
525
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,552
Hey, dad, you're out of gin.
[ shutter clicks ]
526
00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:54,023
Come on, let's go.
527
00:20:54,023 --> 00:20:55,024
Let me get another
Bottle out.
38338
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