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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,867 --> 00:00:09,550 "More Crap" 2 00:00:09,750 --> 00:00:13,202 I'm going down to South Park, gonna have myself a time, 3 00:00:13,237 --> 00:00:16,461 Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation, 4 00:00:16,492 --> 00:00:19,804 I'm goin out to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind, 5 00:00:19,820 --> 00:00:23,151 Ample parking day or night, people spouting howdy neighbor, 6 00:00:23,183 --> 00:00:26,264 I'm heading out to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind, 7 00:00:26,373 --> 00:00:29,882 I like girls with big fat titties, I like girls with really big fat titties, 8 00:00:29,917 --> 00:00:32,651 So come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine, 9 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,537 Well, there's no doubt in my mind, Mr. Marsh. 10 00:00:42,572 --> 00:00:44,051 You are constipated. 11 00:00:44,526 --> 00:00:46,190 Thanks for the news flash! 12 00:00:46,365 --> 00:00:48,498 I haven't taken a crap in over three weeks! 13 00:00:48,533 --> 00:00:49,789 The question is why? 14 00:00:50,290 --> 00:00:54,786 - Well, what food have you been eating? - P.F. Chang's, mostly. Good stuff. 15 00:00:55,494 --> 00:00:57,344 I'm going to prescribe a laxative. 16 00:00:58,522 --> 00:00:59,496 But I must warn you: 17 00:00:59,531 --> 00:01:03,766 When you do finally pass this stool, it might be very painful. 18 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:06,564 How painful is "painful"? 19 00:01:18,043 --> 00:01:19,830 Oh God. Oh, here it comes. 20 00:01:22,821 --> 00:01:26,645 Whoa, hot! Hot, hot! Whoa, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! 21 00:01:38,103 --> 00:01:40,657 Oh, it's over. It's over. 22 00:01:41,530 --> 00:01:44,440 Oh God. I feel so much better. 23 00:01:51,003 --> 00:01:51,886 Wow. 24 00:01:53,152 --> 00:01:55,258 That is huge. 25 00:01:56,852 --> 00:01:59,692 That has got to be the biggest crap I've ever taken. 26 00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:05,624 Hey, hey, Sharon. Sharon, you gotta come see this. 27 00:02:06,513 --> 00:02:07,379 Sha-Sharon? 28 00:02:08,373 --> 00:02:10,853 What is it, Randy? Do you have any-- Oh, Randy! 29 00:02:11,102 --> 00:02:11,968 Will you look at that? 30 00:02:12,003 --> 00:02:14,104 Is that the biggest crap you've ever seen or what? 31 00:02:14,423 --> 00:02:18,098 - Flush the toilet for Christ's sake! - Come on! That's pretty impressive. 32 00:02:18,453 --> 00:02:21,880 - Hey Stan! Stan, look at this. - Randy! 33 00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:24,951 - Look what your old man made. - No way! 34 00:02:24,986 --> 00:02:26,818 Huh? Never seen one that big, have you? 35 00:02:26,853 --> 00:02:27,971 No, never. 36 00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:29,758 Gross, Dad, sick! 37 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:31,756 All right, will you flush the toilet now? 38 00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:33,860 I'll try, but I don't think... 39 00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:37,072 W-Wait a minute. I gotta call Jimbo first. 40 00:02:37,444 --> 00:02:38,288 Why? 41 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:39,563 He's gotta see this. 42 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:41,754 No, we are flushing the toilet right now-- 43 00:02:41,789 --> 00:02:42,367 No! 44 00:02:42,503 --> 00:02:43,344 Jimbo has to see it 45 00:02:43,405 --> 00:02:44,841 so when I tell the guys how big it was, 46 00:02:44,893 --> 00:02:46,096 they'll know I'm not lying! 47 00:02:46,930 --> 00:02:50,293 - Oh, for the love of God, Randy! - Sharon, this is important. 48 00:02:50,683 --> 00:02:52,682 Stan, go call your Uncle Jimbo. I'm gonna stand guard. 49 00:02:58,471 --> 00:03:01,076 - Hey, guys! - Hey, Randy. 50 00:03:01,231 --> 00:03:04,130 - Are you feeling better? - Yeah, I'm totally fine now. 51 00:03:04,610 --> 00:03:07,341 You guys shoulda seen the crap Randy took last night. 52 00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:09,385 It was honestly, the biggest crap 53 00:03:09,445 --> 00:03:11,744 anyone has ever taken. Ever. 54 00:03:11,981 --> 00:03:13,350 Well I don't know about ever... 55 00:03:13,553 --> 00:03:16,453 I'm telling you this thing was the size of a freaking football. 56 00:03:16,793 --> 00:03:18,507 I guess it was pretty big. 57 00:03:18,593 --> 00:03:21,996 - A football? That's amazing. - I've never heard of one that big. 58 00:03:22,190 --> 00:03:25,465 Oh, my brother took a crap once, that was enormous. 59 00:03:25,470 --> 00:03:28,267 It was the biggest in the history of the world, I think. 60 00:03:31,422 --> 00:03:32,805 It wasn't bigger than mine was. 61 00:03:33,542 --> 00:03:36,029 Oh no, seriously, this crap was a monster. 62 00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:40,619 Mine... Mine was bigger. 63 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:42,300 I doubt it. 64 00:03:44,211 --> 00:03:44,986 You wanna see it? 65 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,003 Oh my freaking Lord. 66 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:58,139 That did not seriously come out of your ass. 67 00:03:58,174 --> 00:03:59,407 Oh yes, it did. 68 00:03:59,463 --> 00:04:01,567 Go ahead and check it for splits. It's one solid piece. 69 00:04:01,922 --> 00:04:02,719 Jesus... 70 00:04:03,020 --> 00:04:05,686 That uh, a little bigger than your brother's there, Gerald? 71 00:04:05,891 --> 00:04:08,647 It's... other-worldly. 72 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:10,571 Randy, have you called the people 73 00:04:10,606 --> 00:04:12,352 from Guinness Book of World Records? I mean... 74 00:04:12,590 --> 00:04:15,202 this might seriously be the biggest crap in history. 75 00:04:15,633 --> 00:04:17,861 That's why I gotta make sure to keep it safe. 76 00:04:20,762 --> 00:04:23,368 - Randy Marsh! - Aw, crap! 77 00:04:23,812 --> 00:04:26,437 What the hell do you think you're doing keeping that thing in our house? 78 00:04:26,751 --> 00:04:29,124 The guys agree, Sharon: It could be a record holder. 79 00:04:29,272 --> 00:04:32,545 Why are men so obsessed with how big their crap is? 80 00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,411 Guinness World Records America. How can I help you? 81 00:04:40,362 --> 00:04:42,105 The biggest crap? 82 00:04:43,092 --> 00:04:46,460 We actually don't keep track of that record, sir. 83 00:04:47,481 --> 00:04:49,495 Because we don't want to. 84 00:04:50,383 --> 00:04:52,827 Look, we get calls from men all the time 85 00:04:52,862 --> 00:04:54,667 who believe they took the biggest crap 86 00:04:54,672 --> 00:04:58,034 and we simply can't handle all the measuring and verification. 87 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,595 You need to call the European Fecal Standards 88 00:05:00,630 --> 00:05:02,290 and Measurements Office in Zurich. 89 00:05:03,272 --> 00:05:06,767 You're welcome. Jeez, another one. 90 00:05:08,970 --> 00:05:10,615 Guinness World Records America. 91 00:05:10,782 --> 00:05:13,266 Yes, hello. My name is Randy Marsh 92 00:05:13,301 --> 00:05:15,997 and I believe I took the world's biggest crap. 93 00:05:19,250 --> 00:05:21,755 You need to call the European Fecal Standards 94 00:05:21,790 --> 00:05:23,576 and Measurements Office in Zurich. 95 00:05:23,673 --> 00:05:26,037 Their number is listed on their website. 96 00:05:32,401 --> 00:05:33,910 Herr President, take a look at this. 97 00:05:34,177 --> 00:05:36,446 It is a crap sent to us from the United States. 98 00:05:37,033 --> 00:05:38,252 Very nice. 99 00:05:39,230 --> 00:05:40,774 Has it been checked for accuracy? 100 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,635 It appears to be legitimate, based on the photo. 101 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:47,249 We estimate that the crap is over eight and a half Courics! 102 00:05:49,193 --> 00:05:51,637 We'd better get on a plane. Right away. 103 00:05:56,811 --> 00:05:58,031 Hm, enshnusen? 104 00:05:58,651 --> 00:06:00,520 Verron snusunarich. 105 00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:06,469 What was your primary diet for this poo, Mr. Marsh? 106 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,881 Mostly P.F. Chang's. General Tsao's Chicken. 107 00:06:10,210 --> 00:06:13,576 And a lot of Aunt Jemima's Frozen Sausage Biscuits in the mornings. 108 00:06:14,021 --> 00:06:16,787 I believe I detect some cabbage as well? 109 00:06:16,822 --> 00:06:18,441 Oh yes, I had a lot of kim chee. 110 00:06:19,271 --> 00:06:21,737 You have got to be kidding me. 111 00:06:22,081 --> 00:06:25,290 These guys are from Zurich, Sharon! They're Europeans! 112 00:06:25,491 --> 00:06:30,440 - It is a tremendous crap, Mr. Marsh. - For the love of God! 113 00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:35,240 Your crap officially weighs 8.6 Courics. 114 00:06:35,611 --> 00:06:36,608 Courics? 115 00:06:37,061 --> 00:06:39,359 The standard measuring unit for human feces. 116 00:06:39,591 --> 00:06:43,202 One Katie Couric is approximately two and a half pounds of excrement. 117 00:06:43,410 --> 00:06:47,114 The current record is a crap weighing 7.5 Courics. 118 00:06:48,062 --> 00:06:50,194 - But that means... - That's right. 119 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:53,679 - You are the new world's champion! - Really? 120 00:06:54,131 --> 00:06:56,000 You mean, really? 121 00:06:58,522 --> 00:07:02,403 Hey, Stan! Hey, Sharon! Hey, everybody! 122 00:07:03,353 --> 00:07:06,218 Well, I guess we'd better call the old champion 123 00:07:06,221 --> 00:07:09,636 and let him know his record has just been broken. 124 00:07:11,012 --> 00:07:14,878 He has won twenty-two Grammy's, countless humanitarian awards... 125 00:07:14,882 --> 00:07:16,518 and is the only person ever 126 00:07:16,576 --> 00:07:19,886 to be nominated for an Academy Award, a Golden Globe... 127 00:07:19,891 --> 00:07:24,048 and the Nobel Peace Prize. Ladies and gentlemen, Bono! 128 00:07:28,941 --> 00:07:32,487 Thank you. Thank you so much for this newest award, it means so much. 129 00:07:34,911 --> 00:07:37,293 Oh, excuse me. I must be getting another award. 130 00:07:38,231 --> 00:07:39,866 - Yes? - Yes, Bono. 131 00:07:39,872 --> 00:07:41,167 Sir, we wish to inform you 132 00:07:41,202 --> 00:07:44,830 that your record for biggest crap has just been broken. 133 00:07:45,823 --> 00:07:48,743 What? That's impossible! How big was it? 134 00:07:57,681 --> 00:08:00,615 We are here to honor the first American... 135 00:08:00,650 --> 00:08:03,752 to bring home the distinguished EFSM medal 136 00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:05,633 for biggest crap ever taken. 137 00:08:08,153 --> 00:08:11,951 Hey look, Sharon, it's the President! Hey, hey, Sharon! 138 00:08:13,003 --> 00:08:18,293 To present the award I give you the dean of the EFSM, Sir Orloff Broloff. 139 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:25,527 Thank you, Senator. For over a hundred years now, 140 00:08:25,562 --> 00:08:27,646 the European Fecal Standards and Meas-- 141 00:08:27,652 --> 00:08:29,355 Herr Broloff! Herr Broloff! 142 00:08:31,533 --> 00:08:32,638 Das shpoitenhoff? 143 00:08:32,701 --> 00:08:34,127 Ah ladies and gentlemen, 144 00:08:34,142 --> 00:08:35,577 I understand we have just received 145 00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:39,012 a special video-taped announcement from Bono. 146 00:08:40,161 --> 00:08:41,849 Bono? Cool! 147 00:08:41,951 --> 00:08:44,478 Could we play the tape on the big screen, please? 148 00:08:46,002 --> 00:08:49,117 Hello everyone! I am Bono. 149 00:08:59,142 --> 00:09:03,636 For years, it has been my honor to try and bring focus to the needs in Africa. 150 00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:06,790 And today, I have very exciting news. 151 00:09:06,822 --> 00:09:12,723 Last night, at twenty past eight, I took a crap weighing nine and a half Courics. 152 00:09:15,451 --> 00:09:16,438 Bono? 153 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,739 As you can see, it is one solid piece. It is my biggest crap to date. 154 00:09:22,011 --> 00:09:26,336 And I swear to its authenticity. Thank you, and God bless. 155 00:09:32,343 --> 00:09:33,955 You heard it, ladies and gentlemen! 156 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:37,359 The official biggest crap is 9.5 Courics! 157 00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:39,288 Congratulations to Bono! 158 00:09:58,810 --> 00:10:02,380 Dad, um... I think dinner's almost ready. 159 00:10:02,681 --> 00:10:04,385 I almost did it. 160 00:10:05,411 --> 00:10:07,300 I almost made something of myself. 161 00:10:08,713 --> 00:10:10,477 You know, when you get real close, 162 00:10:10,688 --> 00:10:13,188 you start to think that maybe your life is gonna matter. 163 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:19,311 I mean, this was something I made! 164 00:10:19,943 --> 00:10:24,166 Something that came from me! That was a a part of me! 165 00:10:25,070 --> 00:10:27,738 The only thing I ever made that was any good. 166 00:10:31,001 --> 00:10:34,011 - Gee, thanks a lot, Dad. - You're welcome. 167 00:10:34,082 --> 00:10:34,956 And I just... 168 00:10:35,273 --> 00:10:36,911 I know that this late in my life, 169 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,633 I'll never come so close to finally having meaning. 170 00:10:42,251 --> 00:10:43,837 Come on, guys. Lasagna's ready. 171 00:10:45,636 --> 00:10:47,872 Oh. Lasagna's ready. 172 00:10:48,765 --> 00:10:52,837 You hear that, Stan? Mom says lasagna is ready. 173 00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:55,883 I can see through your sarcasm, Sharon! 174 00:10:56,664 --> 00:10:59,605 - What are you talking about? - You can say it, Sharon! 175 00:10:59,861 --> 00:11:01,814 I know Bono's better than me! 176 00:11:02,422 --> 00:11:04,514 I'm sorry I'm not Bono, all right? 177 00:11:04,850 --> 00:11:06,657 Sorry that I don't have billions of dollars 178 00:11:06,692 --> 00:11:08,552 and a Nobel prize nomination! 179 00:11:08,961 --> 00:11:12,907 - Randy, this is ridiculous. - Oh, that's real mature, Sharon! 180 00:11:13,162 --> 00:11:16,884 Just act like everything's funny! It's a big joke to you, isn't it? 181 00:11:17,060 --> 00:11:19,954 Just a big joke! Don't touch me! 182 00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:23,082 Can you believe him? 183 00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:26,178 All this over what guy took the biggest crap. 184 00:11:26,783 --> 00:11:29,681 You don't understand, Mom. You just don't understand. 185 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,842 Wha? Wha? 186 00:11:41,231 --> 00:11:45,011 How come they just let that Bono guy send a picture of his crap? 187 00:11:45,140 --> 00:11:46,953 Because he's Bono, that's why. 188 00:11:47,062 --> 00:11:49,279 But he could have faked it. It isn't fair! 189 00:11:49,489 --> 00:11:53,173 Doesn't matter. He's got the record now, there's nothing I can do. 190 00:11:54,509 --> 00:11:57,399 Oh yes there is! You could do it again. 191 00:11:57,730 --> 00:11:58,335 What? 192 00:11:58,371 --> 00:12:02,329 Think about it. You weren't even trying to take the biggest crap last time. 193 00:12:02,580 --> 00:12:04,838 Imagine if you actually worked at it! 194 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:06,855 Hey. Hey that's right. 195 00:12:07,692 --> 00:12:11,168 No. I can't go through all that again. It's too much. 196 00:12:11,552 --> 00:12:12,811 Come on, Randy. 197 00:12:12,846 --> 00:12:14,946 I'll bet you can crap that big again easy! 198 00:12:15,251 --> 00:12:18,435 With the right diet and training, who knows what you're capable of? 199 00:12:18,461 --> 00:12:20,474 Guys, forget it! It's over! 200 00:12:20,509 --> 00:12:23,526 It was a fluke crap. I'll never take one that big again! 201 00:12:24,541 --> 00:12:28,194 Is it over, Randy? We all saw that crap you took! 202 00:12:28,391 --> 00:12:29,689 That was no fluke! 203 00:12:30,241 --> 00:12:33,600 There's something inside you that made you able to do it! 204 00:12:34,072 --> 00:12:38,417 Randy, you have a gift. Now who knows why God chose you, but he did! 205 00:12:38,819 --> 00:12:42,865 And if you walk away now, you'll always wonder... 206 00:12:43,421 --> 00:12:45,463 how big a crap you could have taken. 207 00:12:47,781 --> 00:12:51,746 - I would need a lot of help. - That's what we're here for. 208 00:12:51,930 --> 00:12:53,426 Come on, Randy, what do you say? 209 00:12:54,722 --> 00:12:55,822 I say... 210 00:12:57,639 --> 00:12:59,747 Let's give Bono a run for his money! 211 00:13:07,799 --> 00:13:10,316 This is CNN Headline News. 212 00:13:10,359 --> 00:13:12,844 Tonight, a possible attack on Iran... 213 00:13:13,032 --> 00:13:15,884 may mean the beginning of a new war in the Middle East. 214 00:13:16,399 --> 00:13:17,619 Oh no. 215 00:13:17,781 --> 00:13:22,279 But first, the record for the world's biggest crap, will it again be broken? 216 00:13:23,291 --> 00:13:25,493 Randy Marsh of Colorado is now three weeks 217 00:13:25,528 --> 00:13:27,404 into his quest to make a new crap. 218 00:13:27,439 --> 00:13:30,499 Spending nearly every waking hour at P.F. Chang's. 219 00:13:31,541 --> 00:13:33,271 Is this really newsworthy? 220 00:13:33,882 --> 00:13:35,675 You just don't understand. 221 00:13:36,279 --> 00:13:37,834 You're right. I don't. 222 00:13:37,962 --> 00:13:40,077 At the same time, some people are questioning 223 00:13:40,112 --> 00:13:41,522 Bono's current record entry, 224 00:13:41,599 --> 00:13:44,062 saying nobody has ever seen it in person. 225 00:13:44,431 --> 00:13:45,888 Bono could not be reached for comment 226 00:13:45,976 --> 00:13:48,280 as he is currently in Africa helping the needy. 227 00:13:55,580 --> 00:13:57,587 Hello, hello. 228 00:13:58,340 --> 00:14:00,871 Marsh is attempting to break the record again. 229 00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,232 We thought you should know. 230 00:14:02,900 --> 00:14:05,018 He can't beat my nine and a half Courics! 231 00:14:05,454 --> 00:14:07,032 Well, he's going to try. 232 00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:11,610 Fine, but he has to take the crap in front of you! In Zurich. 233 00:14:12,072 --> 00:14:14,626 Bono, we've never had that rule before. 234 00:14:14,870 --> 00:14:16,728 I's the only way you can know he's not cheating. 235 00:14:17,069 --> 00:14:19,351 If he doesn't crap in Zurich, it shouldn't count! 236 00:14:22,969 --> 00:14:24,730 Ultrasound is very simple, Mr. Marsh. 237 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,883 We're going to use harmless waves to look inside your belly. 238 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,460 Just gonna put some warm gel on your stomach first. 239 00:14:31,302 --> 00:14:32,529 Okay, take a deep breath. 240 00:14:34,012 --> 00:14:35,581 I see the crap now. 241 00:14:35,616 --> 00:14:38,622 I can't say for sure, but I, I'd say it's about... 242 00:14:39,381 --> 00:14:42,213 - 14 Courics. - Fourteen?! 243 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,766 - That's great, Randy! - Can--Can I see it? 244 00:14:44,849 --> 00:14:47,689 Sure. This is your colon, and in here, 245 00:14:47,769 --> 00:14:50,107 is the feces growing inside your belly. 246 00:15:05,129 --> 00:15:06,596 Guys, we have a problem! 247 00:15:06,631 --> 00:15:10,139 I talked to the EFSM and they say Randy has to take the crap in Zurich. 248 00:15:10,739 --> 00:15:11,726 In Zurich? 249 00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:14,616 They say Bono is demanding it and that their hands are tied. 250 00:15:14,722 --> 00:15:15,715 I'm sorry Mr. Marsh. 251 00:15:15,765 --> 00:15:18,786 I-I cannot condone you traveling on an airplane in your condition. 252 00:15:19,071 --> 00:15:21,698 It is never safe to fly during your turd trimester. 253 00:15:28,482 --> 00:15:30,661 Hi, could I speak with Mr. Bono, please? 254 00:15:31,369 --> 00:15:33,947 Mr. Bono, you have a young gentleman caller. 255 00:15:38,761 --> 00:15:41,101 Get the jet ready, Bovis! I've got to be going. 256 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:43,972 Hi, my name is Stan Marsh. 257 00:15:44,007 --> 00:15:46,230 My dad's trying to beat your record for biggest crap. 258 00:15:46,262 --> 00:15:49,401 Oh right. He can't make it to Zurich, right? 259 00:15:49,436 --> 00:15:50,752 That's kind of what I'm here for. 260 00:15:50,787 --> 00:15:53,211 Do you really need the biggest crap record? 261 00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:56,042 Could you maybe see your way to just letting my dad have this one? 262 00:15:57,220 --> 00:15:59,755 Let him have it? Why would I do that? 263 00:16:00,111 --> 00:16:01,817 Look, you gotta understand, sir. 264 00:16:01,852 --> 00:16:04,910 My dad's never won an award for anything. Ever. 265 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:06,880 He doesn't have one single trophy. 266 00:16:07,201 --> 00:16:09,036 I mean, even I have a second-place trophy 267 00:16:09,071 --> 00:16:11,053 for most Sports Illustrated subscriptions sold. 268 00:16:12,161 --> 00:16:14,153 I have the first-place trophy for that. 269 00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:17,986 Dude, don't you have enough? I mean... 270 00:16:18,150 --> 00:16:19,548 you got tons of money, a jet, 271 00:16:19,583 --> 00:16:21,925 and the biggest rock band in the world, a hot wife and... 272 00:16:21,931 --> 00:16:24,204 You've been knighted. I mean, at some point, 273 00:16:24,239 --> 00:16:26,000 can't you just kind of... fuck off? 274 00:16:26,709 --> 00:16:29,914 I want people to know that I'm worth something. That I matter. 275 00:16:30,321 --> 00:16:32,635 All I'm asking is that maybe with this one thing, 276 00:16:32,670 --> 00:16:34,380 let my dad be number one. 277 00:16:34,431 --> 00:16:35,915 And you can still be number 2. 278 00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:40,179 Number two? Number two?! 279 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,802 Nobody calls me that anymore and gets away with it! 280 00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:48,064 - Take it back! Take it back! - I take it back! 281 00:16:48,122 --> 00:16:50,444 - Say I'm not number two! - You're not number two! 282 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,794 That's right! I'm not! 283 00:16:57,939 --> 00:16:59,327 What is wrong with that guy? 284 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:03,020 Your father is in grave danger. Come with me! 285 00:17:20,904 --> 00:17:23,192 It must be quite a crap. 286 00:17:23,612 --> 00:17:25,915 Come on, Randy. You have to push! 287 00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:32,679 What are you saying? 288 00:17:32,730 --> 00:17:34,259 How do you know my dad is gonna die? 289 00:17:34,397 --> 00:17:37,319 Because nobody has ever taken a crap that big before. 290 00:17:37,605 --> 00:17:39,406 So Bono's newest record is a lie! 291 00:17:39,668 --> 00:17:41,775 Look, I first knew something was wrong 292 00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:44,612 when I looked at Bono's first award for biggest crap. 293 00:17:44,765 --> 00:17:47,935 - It said he took it in 1960. - So? 294 00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:52,551 So that's the year Bono was born. Then it all made sense to me. 295 00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:57,321 How could Bono be so talented, so caring and yet seem like such a piece of crap? 296 00:17:57,898 --> 00:17:59,873 Because he is crap. 297 00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:03,437 Don't you get it? Bono is not the record holder... 298 00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:08,054 - He's the record. - Yes. 299 00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:16,203 I can't do it! I can't do it! 300 00:18:16,218 --> 00:18:20,027 The crap is simply too big, Mr. Marsh. We must perform a Caesarean! 301 00:18:20,787 --> 00:18:23,771 - But then, does it still count? - Oh, no! 302 00:18:23,955 --> 00:18:26,701 A biggest crap means you crapped it out! 303 00:18:26,801 --> 00:18:28,543 I believe that's true. 304 00:18:28,795 --> 00:18:32,928 We are sorry, Mr. Marsh, but if you cannot crap out the crap... 305 00:18:33,116 --> 00:18:34,793 It's not really a crap. 306 00:18:35,968 --> 00:18:38,850 No... No. 307 00:18:39,265 --> 00:18:42,720 There there, Randy. You gave it your best shot. 308 00:18:42,787 --> 00:18:45,892 I want my wife. Sharon? Sharon? 309 00:18:46,957 --> 00:18:49,336 - What? - I'm sorry, Sharon. 310 00:18:50,017 --> 00:18:54,521 I'm sorry that I let you down. I'm sorry I can't crap like Bono. 311 00:18:55,476 --> 00:18:59,467 Well congratulations, Bono, it appears your record is intact. 312 00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:02,429 - I had a feeling it would be. - Wait! Stop! 313 00:19:03,147 --> 00:19:04,818 Dad, your old crap counts. 314 00:19:04,887 --> 00:19:06,831 Bono never took a second crap to beat yours. 315 00:19:07,936 --> 00:19:09,109 Get him out of here! 316 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:11,509 What are you talking about, young man? 317 00:19:11,627 --> 00:19:13,260 Somebody's been keeping it a secret. 318 00:19:13,295 --> 00:19:16,420 Bono was never the record holder! He's the record. 319 00:19:18,036 --> 00:19:21,640 It's not true! Kill the kid! I want him dead! 320 00:19:22,436 --> 00:19:26,739 It's too late, Bono. The boy has learned the truth. 321 00:19:26,837 --> 00:19:29,728 Herr Broloff, what do you know of this? 322 00:19:29,763 --> 00:19:31,347 It's true, I'm afraid. 323 00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:34,398 You see, until Mr. Marsh came along, 324 00:19:34,433 --> 00:19:37,088 I was the record holder for the biggest crap. 325 00:19:37,347 --> 00:19:39,419 I took it back in 1960. 326 00:19:39,891 --> 00:19:42,060 It was the most amazing crap I'd ever taken. 327 00:19:42,338 --> 00:19:44,758 Poppa, no! Say nothing more! 328 00:19:45,666 --> 00:19:48,389 Come to me, my darling precious child. 329 00:19:54,386 --> 00:19:57,249 After I had broken the record, I took the crap home. 330 00:19:57,715 --> 00:20:00,701 I was so proud of it that I decided to keep it, 331 00:20:00,922 --> 00:20:03,068 to try and raise it like a child. 332 00:20:03,175 --> 00:20:07,654 - No, poppa. No, poppa. - There there, my little crap. 333 00:20:07,917 --> 00:20:11,318 Don't cry. Here, do you want the biddy? 334 00:20:12,567 --> 00:20:13,865 Does Bono want the biddy? 335 00:20:16,628 --> 00:20:18,543 Yes, he likes the biddy, doesn't he? 336 00:20:20,006 --> 00:20:20,865 Dude. 337 00:20:21,115 --> 00:20:24,627 I kept the crap in my office, nursed it, fed it biddy. 338 00:20:25,045 --> 00:20:28,460 And soon, biddy made him strong. Biddy made him grow up! 339 00:20:28,766 --> 00:20:31,577 Into one of the most influential figures of our time. 340 00:20:31,612 --> 00:20:33,482 Easy Bono, that hurts the biddy. 341 00:20:34,325 --> 00:20:35,270 Biddy. 342 00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:39,394 My little crap has accomplished many things. 343 00:20:39,577 --> 00:20:43,524 But he could never shed the fact that he was really a number two. 344 00:20:44,025 --> 00:20:47,556 So he spent his life trying to be number one, in everything. 345 00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:51,079 That's why he's able to do so much, try to help so many people... 346 00:20:51,307 --> 00:20:52,914 but still seem like such a piece of shit. 347 00:20:53,815 --> 00:20:56,793 You have blemished this noble society's good name, Herr Broloff. 348 00:20:56,905 --> 00:20:57,759 Have I? 349 00:20:58,168 --> 00:21:00,307 Look at the crap I took all those years ago! 350 00:21:00,578 --> 00:21:04,252 Bono is now almost six feet tall and over 80 Courics in weight! 351 00:21:04,786 --> 00:21:07,894 No matter how you look at it, he is still the record! 352 00:21:08,806 --> 00:21:12,202 Oh God, here it comes! Oh, hot, hot, hot, hot! 353 00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:15,462 Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! Hot! Hot! 354 00:21:21,747 --> 00:21:25,341 - My God... - It must be over a hundred Courics! 355 00:21:26,177 --> 00:21:28,130 - Dad, are you all right? - Yeah, I'm... 356 00:21:28,785 --> 00:21:31,262 No, I'm good! Feel a lot better. 357 00:21:31,675 --> 00:21:35,024 Mr. Marsh, we apologize and if it's okay with you... 358 00:21:35,488 --> 00:21:39,280 We would like to present you... your long overdue trophy.28880

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