All language subtitles for Dharma & Greg [05x01] Intensive Caring

Look, all I'm saying is that we can
make this about who did what to who

and tally up all the points we've got.

But then we just wind up with
a giant scorecard instead of a marriage.

I'm the one who's trying to say this is OK,
I forgive you, let's move on,

and I get a lecture about how I don't know
how to be in a marriage, what is that?

You just don't get it, do you?

We celebrate and bless the wedding
of Susan and Russell.

He's sorry, he didn't understand before.

This chuppah symbolizes many things.

It is tradition in the Jewish religion.

Mainly, the chuppah symbolizes
the home that they will share...

Well, I guess we still have
some stuff to work out.

But we will.

I know.

Greg!

Dharma Montgomery.

D-H, yes, yes, I'll hold.

Can't this thing go any faster?

Not until we get to the top of the hill.

Should have waited for my car.

It was blocked and the valet said
it was going to take another 20 minutes.

Maybe I should walk,
I'll let them know you're on the way.

Shhh, Edward.

I'm sorry, could you repeat that?

All right, yes, thank you very much.

-What? What did they say?
-Dharma is still in surgery...

they're going to let Gregory know
we'll be there as soon as we can.

What happened to your new van,
Finkelstein?

Abby's been asking me that for two weeks.
Will your people leave me alone?

I'll remember.

Excuse me for not being Mr got rocks,

who can just run out and buy
a new van every time he loses one.

-Larry.
-Sorry.

-I'll get us there as fast as I can.
-All right Larry, you're doing fine.

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Enjoy Watching!

Thank you.

Greg's so full of it, I don't snore.

Hello Dharma!

Hi George!

Are you dead?

Oh, no. It's just the anesthesia.
I just had an operation, I'm totally not dead.

I mean not that's bad being dead,
you're dead and that's great for you.

It's okay.

What are you doing here?

I was up in the Maternity Ward.
I'm thinking about reincarnation.

Did you see anything good?

One ugly little girl with big ears.

Hey, it's me.

How you doing?

I'm not snoring.

Dharma, I'm so sorry.

George, do you think
this happened for a reason?

Do you think there's some kind of lesson that
we're supposed to learn from this accident?

Maybe next time you should drive.

Oh, Gregory!

-How are you son?
-I'm fine.

They said that she came from the surgery great.

Hey Pumpkin, we're here.

We got here as fast as we could.

The van stalled, we had to walk
from Market Street.

Market Street?

Hey, how she's doing?

Dr Coleman, these are Dharma's parents
and these are my parents.

This guy who did the operation?

He's pretty good except he...

sing along to Christina Aguilera
for the whole thing.

Nature's Own.

Hey, she was pretty banged up.
We're very optimistic about her recovery.

OK, can you give it to us
without all the medical mumbo jumbo?

She's going to be fine, Larry.

Thank you. Was that so hard?

She suffered a number of minor injuries,

but what we had to deal with
was a fractured hip.

We've set it with a pin so it's going to
be a while before she's on her feet again.

And she's going to need your help

to maintain a structured approach
to her physical therapy.

Structure?

-I think I can do that.
-Oh yeah! Greg, your guy there.

-OK, I'll check in on her in the morning.
-Thank you doctor.

-Doctor?
-Yeah.

We want her to have the best possible care,
no expenses to be spared.

The gang will be glad to hear that.

She'll be fine.

She'll be fine.

Hey George, check it out.
Everyone's getting along.

These things bring people together.

We should have flipped the car years ago.

OK, a little.

OK, we're just going to manipulate
your cervical vertebrae a bit.

OK.

That's OK.

OK.

No, no, it sucks.

You know what,
really, that's pretty good.

Your range of motion is about 45 degrees.

-Well, yesterday it was 50.
-It's kind of subjective.

I had Lisa yesterday, she's an easy grader.

I think she's a little sweet on me.

There goes your date, cupcake.

You know, if it is subjective
you really shouldn't use numbers.

You should just say good or not so good

because if you use numbers
it imposes an arbitrary quantification.

Does it?

There's nothing Greg hates
more than arbitrary quantification.

Except maybe raisins in his rice pudding
and when people say "often".

Dharma, you have to take this seriously.

How much more serious
do you want me to get?

Is he always like this?

Often.

You know, one look at that butt,
it's all worth it.

Yeah, his butts are good, they are.

-But for me it's all about the calves.
-Oh yeah.

You want to see some good calves.

Honey, show us some leg.

We're not here for girls talk.

Sorry.

-How's your penis, Nancy?
-So good, thanks.

Great.

You know, I was just reading an article
in the Journal of physical therapy

that said at this point in lower body injuries

you should really concentrate
on building upper body strength.

I didn't read that.

He's got a copy for you.

Excuse me.

Gerg Montgomery.

-He is really all over this.
-Oh yeah.

He's on the phone right now
to the Mayo Clinic getting a second opinion.

Hey honey!

Hold on a second I'm with the doctor
from Johns Hopkins Edwin.

How close was I.

Edward!

Are you aware that Gregory
has asked Abby and Larry...

to look after the dogs and water the plants
while Dharma is in the hospital?

Well, that makes sense.
He's not home much lately.

That is not my point Edward.

Well, I missed it then, sorry.

My point is Gregory did not ask us.

Edward, if we do not do something
to help the children...

this will come back to haunt us.

Why are they going to Dharma's family
for Thanksgiving?

Because they walked the dogs,
they watered the plants.

I'm sorry, was that supposed to be two people
talking? Because you use the same voice.

I'm all alone in this marriage, aren't I?

Well, I know who's talking there.

The crystals have to be lined up here,
so that the light refracts through them...

into Dharma's healing chakra.

Where's this go?

That's the handle of the shopping bag.

Just hook that back on the shopping bag.

-What are we doing?
-A healing ceremony.

Hey, don't knock it.
I never missed a day of school growing up.

You were home-schooled.

What exactly is this supposed to accomplish?

Frankly not much, Greg. It's a stop Gap.

I mean what would really help
her as an African replenishment circle.

Oh absolutely.

We should really be taking her
to go see Natty-um Bang in Santa Fe.

-Oh, Natty-um-bang is the best.
-Yeah.

OK, you want to drag her 500 miles so somebody
can wave chicken feathers over her head?

Chicken feathers?! She doesn't have
high blood pressure.

OK, how's the physical therapy going.

She's making progress but she's still got a
little pain when she flexes her knee joint.

I made a notation in her chart.

Don't do that.

Sorry.

Doctor, could you possibly do that later

because there isn't a lot of sunlight left
and I have two whole pages to chant.

All right sure,
I'll come back in the morning.

Thanks.

You're kidding? You can't just walk out
because they're doing voodoo.

After four years he still can't tell
the difference between

Voodoo and a harmonic alignment ceremony.

Don't be too hard on him. I think
he's feeling guilty about the accident

and he's kind of channeling it all
into trying to take really good care of me.

-All right.
-Of course.

Just like you and your friend Tito
in high school.

I'll go talk to him.

What happened with Tito?

We're putting up posters for their band and
your father shot Tito in the hand with a staple gun.

He felt so bad about it

that he mowed Tito's lawn
for the whole summer.

At least he thought it was Tito's lawn.

Greg!

When I was in high school

I was in a band with my best friend Tito.

Tito had an older brother
who was in the Navy

and he claimed there was a woman

who liked to sleep with young guys,
you know, take their virginity

she supposedly lived in a yellow house
so we drove around for hours looking for it

and you know what, Greg?

There was no yellow house.

See what I'm saying here?

No, I really don't.

Sorry pumpkin,
I told him the Tito story.

-Dharma?
-Hey.

-Over here.
-Hey.

Don't you have a two o'clock
physical therapy session.

Yeah, I blew it off for today.

Build your own taco bar over there

and if you can find us a long pole
we're gonna do wheelchair limbo.

Why did you blow it off?

Because we're having a going away party
for Stan, he got his beauticians license.

-Check it out. What do you think?
-I like it.

Is it too short?
No honey, it looks really good.

Listen, did Nancy say that you
could skip physical therapy?

Nancy did the shampoo.

Hey Greg.
Hey buddy.

Pete, what are you doing here?

He is not being fixed up,
he's just a single person

invited to an event where there just
happens to be another single person there.

-Getting fixed up.
-With me.

OK.

Fiesta's over for Dharma she has to go
to physical therapy.

Nancy, we'll meet you downstairs
and Pete you get back to the office.

I think I know where we can find a limbo Pole.

Greg, can I see you out in the hallway
for a moment?

Nancy said it's OK
to skip one day of physical therapy.

This is the same Nancy
who seems to think Pete is a catch.

Oh good you're both here.

Hey Doctor. You just in time
to take a wake in the Pinata.

We didn't have any candy
so we filled it with Aspirin.

Listen,

we took a look at this morning's X-rays

and we're a little concerned
about how the pin is sitting.

We could wait and see how it heals

but I prefer to go back in
and realign things a bit.

I vote wait.

Dharma, this is something
the doctor thinks we should do.

But I don't want to.

She's gonna need
some more time to think about it

but why don't we go ahead and schedule it.

-So we can just get the ball rolling.
-Great. Excuse me!

Honey, you can roll all the balls you want,
I'm not gonna have another operation.

Dharma, just think about it and if you decide
later you don't want it then we can cancel.

Then cancel it. I'm not gonna spend another 2 hours lying on a table while someone cuts me open and sings Genie in a Bottle.

We'll talk about it later come on.

No, you go. I got a limbo contest to judge.

You have to go to physical therapy.

It's just one session,

if I want to play hooky and whack at a paper
mache donkey full of painkillers I'm gonna.

OK.

Great.

Who had a good bath?

We had a good bath, didn't we?
Yes we did.

Larry, I think you need to see this.

Dharma has mutual funds.

Boy!

You always think it's going to be
somebody else's kid and Bam, it's yours

let's not say anything

she'll come to us when she's ready

since when is it a crime to tip a doorman?

He wasn't holding the door Edward,
he was licking it

and that's not worth a couple of bucks

hello!

Oh Abby! No, don't!

-We're here to relieve you.
-What?

Yes, we're going to walk the dogs and
water the plants and what have you

all right just a tip

if you decide to get in the
bath with the dogs keep an eye on nunzio

you can get a little curious.

Kitty, I think they've got things
under control.

Nonsense Edward, it isn't fair they shouldn't
have to shoulder all the responsibility themselves.

She is a woman with a child.

You know we did want to take
Harry down to the Carousel in the park.

We're protesting
the depiction of animals in captivity.

Well, it's like a lovely little family outing.

All right, this is the list and we've marked off
the things we've done.

-You want us to go over it with you?
-There's no need, Abby,
we know how to read a list.

OK, thank you so much.
Bye-bye.

Don't let the doorman lick you
on the way out.

I never understood that expression.

All right, they've brought in the mail,
they bathed the dogs.

Edward why don't you give Stinky
his heartworm pills

and I will change the water in the tofu-

culture tray.

Which one is Stinky?

Heaven's sakes Edward,
we've known these dogs for years

well the name should give you a clue

you're not suggesting
I smell them, are you?

Maybe you could take a bath with them
and see which one gets curious.

Church tongue depressor Jello relay races if you've
never seen this before you're in for a real treat.

Go! Go! Go!
Pop up if you have to.

Dharma?
-What? It is totally legal.

Should you be doing this?

Honey, I'm in pain no matter where I am.

At least out here I can open this baby up
and see what she's got.

Hey listen,

-I'm sorry that I was pushing you before.
-Thank you.

I know you're concerned
about having the second operation,

so I use some of my parents connections

and I got in touch with a guy who's supposed to be
the best on the west coast,

his name is Dr Gower
and he's at UCLA but he's flying up tonight.

What?

He checked your records and he agreed to do the
operation and Dr Coleman's totally cool with it.

In fact, I think he's a little starstruck.

Dharma, I thought you talked to Greg about this.

Abby & Larry are taking me
for a healing in Santa Fe.

How could...

you plan that without even talking to me.

The Tito story about the stapler.

That's how you wanted me to tell him.

-If you guys give us a second.
-Yeah, sure honey.

I told him the one about the yellow house.

-What yellow house?
-Eexactly.

Honey, I know you want to help me...

and I've been doing things your way,
but this...

it's my body.

And I've always done a pretty good job
taking care of it

I always will, and right now
I really want to do things my way.

What's wrong with that?

Nothing.

If it's just you going through this

but this isn't just you going through this,
this is us going through this, and if there's

any chance that this operation is going to make
you better you'll have no right not to do it.

As best as I can tell he's
eaten six heartworm pills.

I had them wrapped in a raw turkey bacon he...

he must have taken them when I wasn't looking,
he probably thought they were hors d'oeuvre.

No, he's not a dog, he's a 65 year old man.

I called his doctor they said to speak to you.

Fine, thank you.

Yes, thank you very much.

He said to walk you twice a day and keep you off
of dry food for the weekend.

If you want more
there's plenty right there on the stove top.

And we have enough for
two more weeks right here in the freezer

at which point I will come
back and make you more.

Because your mommy is here to help.

I didn't know if I was going to be able
to make this dish,

but I was delighted to find out
that Dharma has finally started buying milk

that comes from cows instead of beans.

You know Gregory,

if Dharma didn't have you,

she would be trying to fix that hip

by sitting on some Mountaintop and Kathmandu
wrapped in bark

instead of behaving like a normal person
and having that operation tomorrow.

She's come a long way in four years
and that is all you're doing.

And I think you should feel very proud.

Edward, din din.

How are you doing?

I'm gonna have an operation,
they gave me a shot.

You're gonna have another operation.

I need to be responsible.

We're in this together.

-Hey Dharma!
-Hey!

They gave me a shot.

This is Dr.
Morning

and I'm gonna take you down to the operating
room now.
Do you have any questions?

Would you ask my dead Indian friend
if he would like a shot?

OK, I think you're good to go.

I'll see you after the operation.

Everybody, hang on just a second.

I'm very sorry
there's gonna be a change in plans.

Don't make me, no never mind.

I had a shot.

I'm sorry.

I guess I kind of forgot who you were.

It's OK.

It is all gonna be OK.