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When these people came to me
and said,
4
00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:16,080
"We should like to make a
film of your life,"
5
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:20,320
I said, "Yes, do. Films are fantasies.
6
00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:23,160
"Films are magical illusions.
7
00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:28,800
"You can make my life a fantasy,
as I have tried, but failed to make it."
8
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,240
But then they said,
"We want the film to be real.
9
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,480
"You know, real life."
10
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:41,440
So I said, "Any film, even the worst,
is at least better than real life."
11
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:46,360
Then they said, "Though, of course, we
should have to have an actor to play you."
12
00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:51,120
I said, "I have spent 66 years
on this Earth,
13
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:54,960
"painfully attempting to play the part
of Quentin Crisp.
14
00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:57,320
"L have not succeeded.
15
00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:01,040
"Yes, of course you must have an actor
to play me.
16
00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:04,040
"He will do it far better than
I have done."
17
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:09,360
And then they said, "We shall want
to show you when you were young."
18
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:16,000
And I said, "If I might suggest
one image for your film..."
19
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,640
Quentin! Breakfast!
20
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:06,120
Do you intend to spend your entire life
admiring yourself?
21
00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:07,720
If I possibly can.
22
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:13,400
Are you keen on this girl, then,
Quentin?
23
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,120
- Keen?
- Yes.
24
00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:19,039
Good God, no! She's a friend.
25
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:22,880
I mean, friendship exists.
I don't think anything else does.
26
00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,879
I think all this thing between men and
women is something invented by novelists.
27
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:30,920
- Love?
- Because that's what people want to believe.
28
00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:34,560
Have you ever felt love? Honestly?
29
00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:38,920
- I haven't.
- Your son's not one of those, is he, Hilda?
30
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:44,480
- One of what?
- One of those who don't love women.
31
00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:47,240
That's just my point.
I don't think anyone does.
32
00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:55,280
- I've been over him. Perfectly normal.
- It's just that he's so terribly listless.
33
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,639
What he wants is a good boot
up the bottom.
34
00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:59,560
- No.
- If you ask my advice,
35
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,840
what he needs is a practical lesson
in the facts of life.
36
00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:07,720
I had already discovered for myself
one fact of life,
37
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,760
the only fact I've ever fully understood.
38
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:15,480
I have a message for those who, like me,
inhabit a world of make-believe.
39
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,480
- What did you do this morning?
- A poster.
40
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,680
- What of'?
- Cows Ashes of Roses.
41
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:31,160
I always make my posters madly exotic,
even if it's only to annoy Mr Barker.
42
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:32,200
Did it?
43
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:37,600
Crisp, why do you suppose
you are an art student'?
44
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:38,840
And you said?
45
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,520
Because it is the last door
through which
46
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:45,040
my parents think they can push me
into the outer world.
47
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,720
The outer world is a club I do
not wish to join.
48
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,040
Hello, ducky!
49
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,000
Hello, there.
50
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:07,280
And then I stumbled on the very truth
that was just what the doctor had ordered.
51
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:16,080
Could l... trouble you for a light?
52
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,000
Oh...
53
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,920
Thank you... so much.
54
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:44,960
'Dilly's dead tonight, isn't it?
Been here an hour now, not a thing.
55
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,600
Except two policemen,
disguised as human beings.
56
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,480
Well, you're not going to be much
good to me, now, are you?
57
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,080
No.
58
00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,720
Oh, well...
c'est la vie, I suppose.
59
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:04,320
- Shall we have a cup of coffee?
- Yes.
60
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:10,480
I learned that I was not the
only one in the world.
61
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:30,520
No roughs in tonight, thank heavens.
They get on my tits.
62
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:38,920
- Hello, girls.
- Hello.
63
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:43,520
- May I introduce Quentin?
- Quentin? That's something new.
64
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,200
Gloria Swanson, and hasn't she
got a nerve?
65
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:48,800
How do you do?
66
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,240
- And Bermondsey Liz.
- How do you do?
67
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,559
How do you do?
68
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,479
Albert, ducky, two of your
dreadful coffees.
69
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,880
Two coffees. Right.
70
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,679
- Any luck tonight?
- Three, so far.
71
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:09,279
- Must be foggy in Dean Street.
- Ooh, you are a bitch. Really!
72
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:12,200
Trust me, I got a thrasher.
My dear!
73
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:13,840
- Funny how they find you.
- Ooh!
74
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:18,800
- Are you on the game?
- I...
75
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,399
- Am l...?
- Well, if you don't know what it means,
76
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:24,799
you can't be.
77
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,680
Is he, urn... so?
78
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,560
Oh, he's so, all right.
79
00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:36,120
Like to try it?
80
00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,480
Thank you.
81
00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:52,400
So I learned yet another fact of life.
82
00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,800
Quentin! Breakfast!
83
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,080
- Morning.
- Mm.
84
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:18,400
Don't put so much butter
on your toast.
85
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:21,800
So sorry.
86
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,760
Well, are you going out to look
for a job?
87
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,560
I suppose I might.
88
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,159
Your trouble is you look
like a male whore.
89
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:36,840
It was the first acknowledgment
90
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,880
my father had ever made of any
part of my problem.
91
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,960
My heart throbbed with gratitude.
92
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,760
- Well, I'm off, then.
- Father?
93
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,480
- Mm?
- I shall be leaving here soon.
94
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:52,320
And I promise you faithfully
that I shall try not to come back.
95
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:01,360
Sorry, darling, he wants someone
more my age.
96
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:02,719
- And what's that?
- 18.
97
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:05,720
- Ooh!
- You're 21 if you're a day.
98
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:07,760
- You're past it now.
- No, honestly.
99
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,719
Ooh, that hurt.
100
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,639
- How do you know? It's only a wig.
- It's not, it's all my own.
101
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,880
Wait till they touch you with
hair like that.
102
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:19,000
- You'd get years, dear. You'd get years!
- I am 18 last March.
103
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,399
- ALL: Oooh!
- All right...
104
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,360
Come on, out, the lot of you. Out.
105
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:25,920
- Oh, dear, aren't we behaving?
- Two hours here and one cup of coffee!
106
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,160
What do you think this is,
a four-course banquet?
107
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,519
Now, come on.
Either you order again or out.
108
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:35,680
Oh, well, I suppose
we'd better go where we're wanted.
109
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:56,240
The great thing about following
an obvious homosexual
110
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,200
is that you can't possibly be wrong.
111
00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,640
He will certainly do whatever you want,
112
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:03,360
and he will certainly not run screaming
to the police.
113
00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:06,960
Courtship in such cases
consists of the words...
114
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:08,760
How much?
115
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:12,000
- Seven and six.
- All right.
116
00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:15,560
And the only words of tenderness
ever uttered to me...
117
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:16,600
This'll do.
118
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,600
They give me a lot.
I give them very little.
119
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:23,760
Is it very little?
120
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,880
The briefest possible moment.
They're much too scared of the police.
121
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:30,440
And seven and six.
Sometimes ten shillings.
122
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,160
Once or twice, an actual pound note.
123
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:36,800
What do you really give them,
these men?
124
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:41,280
I give them the opportunity
to vent their contempt on other people.
125
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:43,479
- To defile someone else.
- Yes.
126
00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:47,960
I suppose it's logical.
I abuse them, they defile me.
127
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:51,119
I am an effeminate homosexual.
128
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,400
I want to win the admiration,
129
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:57,120
I want to be found desirable
by a great, dark man.
130
00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:00,640
- Yes.
- But what proof have I that I'm desired?
131
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:04,639
No great, dark man is going to come up
to me and say, "Quentin, I adore you.
132
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:07,079
"Your eyes are like stars
and your lips are like roses."
133
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:11,120
- No.
- A ten-shilling note is proof.
134
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,680
A proof I understand.
135
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:21,160
I think that everything that
happens to us is our fault.
136
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:25,600
But that's not our fault.
137
00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:46,080
Just a minute.
138
00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,000
Advice to my friends.
139
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:59,240
- We've been watching you.
- Oh, yes?
140
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,880
May we ask what you're doing
in this street?
141
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:08,440
I'm on my way to the Black Cat Cafe
to have a light supper with friends.
142
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,840
- Where are you from?
- High Wycombe.
143
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:15,080
That's a long way to come to the
Black Cat, isn't it?
144
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:18,760
Oh, Mr Bremner of the Black Cat
serves a very good light supper.
145
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,560
High Wycombe, eh?
146
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:26,000
I'd be delighted to give you the address.
My father's a solicitor.
147
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:30,760
- Does he know you're a pansy?
- A dirty, stinking little pansy?
148
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:33,479
You're a pansy, aren't you?
149
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:38,080
Pansy? What's that, apart from
being a flower?
150
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:43,400
- Listen, can I give you a word of advice?
- Yes, Constable.
151
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,320
The only men who would go with
young chaps like you...
152
00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:48,560
Yes, Constable?
153
00:11:48,561 --> 00:11:52,040
Are men suffering from
what is known as venereal disease.
154
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:56,440
- You know what that is, do you?
- I've heard of it, Constable.
155
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:59,720
Because they would be ashamed
to give it to a woman.
156
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,239
They say they're trying to stop it.
157
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,999
They should see what I've seen
at reform school.
158
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,999
- I bet you reformed a lot of boys.
- I certainly did.
159
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,759
Why can't they leave us alone?
Do we do any harm?
160
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:14,000
We provide a very special
public service.
161
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,960
I think it's simply because
they don't understand.
162
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,600
And people hate what they
don't understand.
163
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,719
- The roughs are coming!
- Oh, my gawd!
164
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:25,320
- Quick!
- Come on, out.
165
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:29,240
- Hello, girls.
- You're not leaving, are yer?
166
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,519
- We come here special to see yer.
- Now look, I don't want no trouble.
167
00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:34,399
We ain't making any trouble.
168
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,240
- We come for a cup of tea, didn't we?
- Yeah.
169
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,440
They're gonna buy us a cup of tea.
170
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,160
You're gonna buy us a
cup of tea, in't yer?
171
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,200
Ain't yer... darlin'?
172
00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:47,319
I thought it was for the gentlemen
to buy the drinks.
173
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:48,600
Vvah-hey-hey!
174
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:53,079
Well, we're not gentlemen, see?
We come from Hoxton.
175
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:56,240
I thought even in Hoxton
they knew how to treat a lady.
176
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,680
- ALL: Whoooh!
- You're pretty, in't yer?
177
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:01,000
- Eh?
- Yes, I am.
178
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,600
- Give us your hand, then.
- What for?
179
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:05,600
I want to hold your hand.
180
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:09,400
Ah... what a little one, eh?
181
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,160
- Lovely little hand!
- Yes.
182
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,640
I'd like to squeeze it.
183
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:18,360
Do you like that?
You like it, don't yer?
184
00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:20,960
Do you love me?
185
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,920
I said, don't you love me?
186
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:28,119
- Are you gonna buy me a cup of tea?
- I...
187
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,239
'Ere, he's gonna buy me a cup of tea.
188
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:37,160
All right, then, whisper in me ear.
Tell me you love me.
189
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:43,960
Why don't you sod off back to Hoxton
before they find out you're queer?
190
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,480
You...!
191
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:59,480
Well, I seemed to have hit on a
home truth.
192
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:03,960
And of course...
193
00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:11,880
On a relatively quiet night in
the Black Cat,
194
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,720
I met Thumbnails.
195
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,280
As a result, at the age of 22, in 1930,
196
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,999
I kept my promise to my father.
197
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,440
I left home. Forever.
198
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,920
What did you say his name was?
199
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:27,840
Thumbnails.
200
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:34,400
I just call him Thumbnails.
They are appalling.
201
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:36,280
- Dirty?
- No.
202
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,640
The wrong shape.
203
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,320
Why? I mean, why him?
204
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,320
- He has a flat.
- No other reason?
205
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,800
No. We're not lovers.
206
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:52,520
- I doubt if we're even friends.
- He's not the great, dark man?
207
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:56,399
He is most absolutely, definitely,
208
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,360
positively NOT the great, dark man.
209
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,880
Well, you might at least do some
tidying up during the day.
210
00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:04,800
You're here all day.
211
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,960
I said, you might at least do some
tidying up.
212
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:13,960
What did you get for supper?
213
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,840
Quentin?
What did you buy for supper?
214
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,680
I couldn't see anything in the kitchen.
215
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,520
Quentin, what...?
216
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:29,360
You'd look a lot better if you didn't
put all that stuff on your face.
217
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:32,640
You don't need to,
it can't be good for your skin.
218
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:37,399
Now, look at actresses. They get these
terrible rough skins with all the stuff
219
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:38,520
they have to put on.
220
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:42,600
You ought to get out during the day
and get some exercise.
221
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:46,120
You'll be flabby by the time you're
30, you know that.
222
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:50,200
You'll look terrible when you're old,
the life you lead.
223
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,360
Really terrible.
224
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,960
Now, what are you going to do today
while I'm out at work?
225
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:04,240
I shall...
experiment with a new eye shadow.
226
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,320
You don't have to look like a woman.
Now, why do you try?
227
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,760
- I'm rather glad...
- Please.
228
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:27,240
I'm rather glad you couldn't get a taxi.
I've never been in a bus before.
229
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,440
Isn't it fun?
230
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,080
- Fares, please.
- Two to Piccadilly Circus.
231
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,640
Does one tip the conductor?
232
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,640
Nothing happened.
233
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:42,720
I'm not a woman.
I don't want to be a woman.
234
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,160
I happen to be a fully formed
male person
235
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,640
who happens to be attracted to
other men. That's all.
236
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:48,879
Do you wish you weren't?
237
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:52,080
I regard all heterosexuals, however low,
238
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,200
as infinitely superior to any
homosexual, however noble.
239
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,880
- You don't mean that.
- Well, as infinitely luckier.
240
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,040
It's always better to be
a member of the majority.
241
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,760
- Can we go to the zoo?
- Yes.
242
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,600
Do you think a homosexual elephant
has a terrible time of it?
243
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,480
I know what happens to animals
who have a leg like mine.
244
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,799
Oh, your problem can be seen with
the naked eye. Mine cannot.
245
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:19,520
The world is full of aborigines who don't
even realise that homosexuality exists.
246
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,239
I shall go about the routine of
daily living
247
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:27,680
making this particular fact
abundantly clear to them.
248
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,480
♪ Hip hip hooray
249
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:48,280
Ooh!
250
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:07,880
Come in.
251
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,400
I have an appointment with
Mr Dunsmore.
252
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:25,240
My name is Crisp. Quentin Crisp.
253
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:33,760
Erm...
254
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:39,560
I erm... I take it that you have had
some erm... experience?
255
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:45,480
Well, I attended Battersea Art School,
though without actually learning anything.
256
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:49,280
And I worked for some time in a
drawing office as a tracer.
257
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,640
Yes, well, erm...
258
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:55,840
I gather that your mother...
259
00:18:56,800 --> 00:19:00,680
is the friend of the wife of one of our
erm... directors.
260
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:02,640
Yes, that's right.
261
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:09,720
May I... May I ask
how you got the job as a tracer?
262
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:13,520
- Well, my mother was...
- Ah, yes. Yes.
263
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:16,960
Well...
264
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,800
I became a commercial artist.
265
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:24,320
This enabled me to leave Thumbnails
and take a room of my own.
266
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,400
My existence blossomed.
267
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:44,200
My darling, a lioness
would be proud of those nails!
268
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:46,960
A little drink.
269
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:48,920
Hello, my darling!
270
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,280
Liberated in my new flat,
271
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:52,920
I could invite my friends.
272
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,240
The nice art student, of course.
273
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:58,320
And a Polish gentleman with an
unpronounceable name.
274
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:01,040
And his wife, who'd once sat
for Epstein.
275
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,440
Or was it Augustus John?
276
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,120
I should explain that Poland is not
so much a country,
277
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,240
as a disturbed state of mind.
278
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,800
Ah, Quentin!
279
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:15,120
What do you think this extraordinary
wife of mine says to me yesterday?
280
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:17,800
- He pawned my gramophone.
- Oh, I pawned her gramophone.
281
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:20,000
- Without telling me.
- Oh, she's mad.
282
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,359
If I had told her, she would have
prevented me.
283
00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:23,919
Of course I would!
284
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:27,960
I pawned the gramophone to buy
meat, to bring to my friend Quentin.
285
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:30,799
I shall now go into my friend
Quentin's kitchen,
286
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,680
and make a famous Polish national dish.
287
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:37,560
Does he know anything about cooking?
288
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:38,680
Not a thing.
289
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,520
I'll give him a hand.
290
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,920
- Can I help you?
- But you are not Polish!
291
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:50,640
I think you and he invented the
vie de boheme.
292
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,960
You're happy tonight.
293
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:56,160
This week, I earned
two pounds ten shillings.
294
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,839
And I have, for some time now,
completely and absolutely
295
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,120
given up sex.
296
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,560
You've no idea of the energy you feel.
297
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,880
I don't want... energy.
298
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,400
Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.
299
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:10,960
Oh, balls, Quentin!
300
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,240
Well, you live in a secure world
of normality.
301
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:17,280
I live hanging on a rotten rope
over an abyss.
302
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:22,039
On an actuarial basis, the expectation
of happiness in an effeminate queer...
303
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:25,080
Darling, see if he's got my cigarettes,
would you?
304
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,160
Of course.
305
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:38,960
Until now, I had regarded other people
only as reflections of my own existence,
306
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,239
as an audience for my own problem.
307
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:44,920
Now I saw two of them
in violent relation to each other.
308
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:49,000
For the first time, I was forced to admit
that other people existed.
309
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:52,840
- Yeah, I have.
- You have?
310
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:56,240
Oh, thank you, darling.
How's the Polish national dish?
311
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,840
Oh... Corning along nicely.
312
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:07,240
The trouble with living in Clerkenwell
was getting back to my room at night.
313
00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:12,360
When you're being followed,
there are a number of rules to obey.
314
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:35,800
Oi!
315
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,240
Who the hell do you think you are?
316
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,760
No one, really... sir.
317
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,880
May l...?
318
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,920
Then you're unlucky.
319
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,720
However, you can be even unluckier.
320
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,640
- Here, have a look at him!
- Oi, oi!
321
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,160
That's somethin' else!
322
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:16,160
Oi, come here.
Let's have a look at yer.
323
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,520
Lovely, eh!
324
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,840
- Come on.
- Here, you.
325
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,440
- Evening, gentlemen.
- Look at the barnet!
326
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,960
- Yeah, it's dyed.
- It is dyed, innit?
327
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:31,719
- He's got make-up on.
- 'Ere, what you got make-up on for, eh?
328
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,399
- Look at his nails. He's a woman.
- No, he ain't.
329
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,440
- He's a geezer.
- Have a feel!
330
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:40,880
I felt it! I found it!
331
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:42,960
Whooh!
332
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,640
Gentlemen, if I may speak for a moment,
allow me to reassure you that...
333
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:53,400
Taxi!
334
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,840
17 Morton Street, please.
335
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,520
17 Morton Street, please.
336
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,680
Could you please take me to
17 Morton Street?
337
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:16,360
I'd be very grateful if you could take me
to my home, which is 17 Morton Street.
338
00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:30,360
Out.
339
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:33,480
Out!
340
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,760
Out.
341
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,720
'Ere. Come here, you. We want you.
342
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:45,960
- Come on!
- Get him, lads!
343
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:11,040
I seem to have annoyed you gentlemen
in some way.
344
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,560
Come in.
345
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:55,680
- You wanted to see me, sir?
- Yes, I think I made the right choice.
346
00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:02,720
Sha... Shall we er...
Shall we make it this one?
347
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:06,840
Yes, er... This one, I think.
348
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,240
- Don't you?
- Yes.
349
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,920
Well, there's something to be said
for the English.
350
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:16,720
What other nation would look at my
face and not utter a single word?
351
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:20,320
The English, huh!
They are all concealed homosexuals.
352
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:23,920
- Well, you're certainly not English.
- Thank God!
353
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,560
Why don't you go and live in Paris
where nobody cares?
354
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,079
There you can dress as you like,
do your face as you like.
355
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:32,160
I don't believe in abroad.
They're such cheats
356
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:33,520
How, cheats?
357
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:37,480
I believe they speak English behind our
backs when we're not listening.
358
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,480
I don't believe in abroad, either.
359
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:43,320
The English will never cease to believe
that sex is disgusting.
360
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:44,880
Unlike the Poles, who...
361
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:48,240
And that your kind of sex
is the most disgusting of all.
362
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:53,440
But it's my crusade. It's the reason for
my existence, to make them understand.
363
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:57,160
You are exhibitionist, my friend.
364
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,840
An exhibitionist has no friends.
365
00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,680
No friends at all.
366
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,760
Certainly no friends among
my own kind.
367
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:08,800
♪ And when I told them
368
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:13,200
♪ How beautiful you are
369
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:17,639
♪ They didn't believe me
370
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:20,319
♪ They didn't believe me... ♪
371
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:23,440
- God, it's Quentin.
- You don't want to be seen with her, dear.
372
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:24,959
She's a dead giveaway.
373
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,360
♪ ...or change your hair
374
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:31,200
♪ You're in a class beyond compare... ♪
375
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,239
A small Guinness, please.
376
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:39,240
♪ ...the loveliest girl that one could see
377
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:44,080
♪ And when I tell them... ♪
378
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,240
- Quentin.
- Hello.
379
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:51,360
May I ask, did anyone see you
coming in here?
380
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:53,400
Not so far as I'm aware.
381
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,480
Would you make sure
that no one sees you leaving?
382
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,560
If you wish.
383
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:05,360
You mean you'd like me to go?
384
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:08,560
Look, ducky, you're spoiling it
for the others.
385
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:14,479
You mean like a consumptive with a
cough spoils the fun of tuberculosis?
386
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:17,800
Quentin, ducky, if the police come in,
we're all normal.
387
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:21,560
With you here, everyone in court
and me, six months in jail.
388
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:24,440
And you don't want to be a
martyr to the cause.
389
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:28,880
Quentin, may I see
your membership card, please?
390
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:31,440
I think I have it.
391
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:41,440
What cause?
392
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:42,960
We're normal.
393
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,200
I had a number of normal friends.
394
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,000
But what is normal?
395
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,400
Cocoa.
396
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:56,160
Quentin... I love you.
397
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,480
- Oh, my darling, you do realise...
- I don't care.
398
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:02,000
Yes, well, I...
399
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:10,200
All I can possibly offer any woman
is a beautiful friendship.
400
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:13,000
That's what I want.
401
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:15,560
Well, that's all right, then.
402
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,200
I don't care about sex.
403
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,400
It doesn't matter, does it?
404
00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:24,240
It doesn't matter
to those to whom it doesn't matter.
405
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:28,480
I just want to be near you.
All the time.
406
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:32,520
- In a world of non-sexual bliss.
- Yes.
407
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:34,800
And we'll hold hands and read poetry,
408
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,720
and you-know-what
will never rear its ugly head.
409
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:41,880
- Mmm.
- That is your dream.
410
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:43,960
Shall I tell you mine?
411
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:50,200
I dream of a great, dark man,
a real man,
412
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:54,320
enormously strong, enormously virile,
whose love I shall win.
413
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,880
I know that my dream
is doomed to disappointment.
414
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:01,440
If I succeed, I fail.
415
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,640
If I win the love of a man,
he cannot be a real man,
416
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,880
and the more feminine I make
myself to attract a real man,
417
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:12,040
the less will a real man be
attracted by me.
418
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:15,640
The dream is only a dream.
419
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:19,360
There is no great, dark man.
420
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:22,000
I don't care.
421
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:25,599
- I love you, Quentin.
- And your dream is as hopeless as mine.
422
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:29,480
And if you go on like this you'll finish up
with yoga, or vegetarianism, or religion,
423
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,480
or God knows what.
424
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,880
Yes, well, I er...
425
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:38,480
I'm afraid...
426
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,520
Skipping lightly over the fact
that I'd lost my job,
427
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:47,960
not because I was queer, simply
because it was those bleak 1930s,
428
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:53,480
we arrive at the time when I lodged
with, of all things, a teacher of ballet.
429
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:57,640
Make your movements bold.
Make your chest alive.
430
00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:01,960
Let your arms flow, boldly, boldly.
431
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:06,440
I myself contributed to the school
by teaching tap-dancing.
432
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:12,360
This I managed by taking lessons myself
and keeping one jump ahead.
433
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,800
No, no. More like this.
434
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:19,960
There!
435
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:23,240
It was at this time, I'm sorry to say,
436
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:26,360
that sex re-entered my life.
437
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,320
Cold, tonight.
438
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:31,880
Yes.
439
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:34,560
I see the forecast's good, though.
440
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:36,800
Oh, is it?
441
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:40,720
Well...
442
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:47,840
Well?
443
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,280
I must be getting home.
444
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:56,360
I do understand.
445
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,400
Would you like a cup of tea?
446
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:31,520
It's very nice of you, but my
mother will be expecting me.
447
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:34,800
Oh, yes. Well...
448
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:50,240
Shall we meet again?
449
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:52,520
Oh, God, what for?
450
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:54,719
If you like.
451
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:59,840
Thereby condemning myself
to three or four years of dismalness.
452
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:02,840
There!
453
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:04,920
Mm-hm?
454
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:08,000
- Quentin, two people to see you.
- Oh, yes?
455
00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:10,480
I'm afraid they're the police.
456
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,000
Thank you, madam.
457
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,320
Mr Crisp?
458
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:16,920
Yes?
459
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:20,000
We've called, sir,
in consequence of complaints.
460
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,000
- Oh, yes?
- From your neighbours.
461
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:26,480
Who say they can see in through
your window.
462
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,440
I expect they can.
It's a big window.
463
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:31,480
At night.
464
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:34,240
Apparently,
you don't always close your curtains.
465
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:38,200
- I very rarely close my curtains.
- Why is that, sir?
466
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:42,480
Well, it never occurs to me that
the neighbours would want to look in.
467
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:47,160
- Well, I gather, sir, they can see your bed.
- Quite easily.
468
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:51,479
Well, I mean, they wouldn't
need a telescope.
469
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,320
And sometimes, people on your bed.
470
00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:55,480
Oh, yes?
471
00:33:55,520 --> 00:34:00,120
Are you aware of the laws in this country
relating to what goes on in private?
472
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:05,160
- To which particular law do you refer?
- You know as well as I do.
473
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:09,480
The neighbours aren't willing to give
evidence or he'd have arrested me already.
474
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:14,240
Things go on in this house for which
the penalty is seven years' imprisonment.
475
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:17,799
In that case, whatever they are,
I must make quite sure that
476
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:19,800
they never happen again.
477
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:22,319
You'd bloody better!
478
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:24,720
Oh, my God! Draw the curtains.
479
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,280
What do you think they saw?
480
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:30,079
Possibly, you kissing me.
481
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:34,160
- Oh, no!
- Now they can't see a thing.
482
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:35,959
Neither can I.
483
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:39,520
- No chinks?
- Not even a Japanese gentleman.
484
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:45,480
I hope you look pained.
That was one of my most terrible jokes.
485
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:51,680
- You see, I'm a civil servant.
- I had imagined you were.
486
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:55,800
- In the Ministry of...
- No, please don't tell me. I have no curiosity.
487
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:57,840
But you see, my job does depend on...
488
00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:01,760
Of course.
And the King wouldn't like it.
489
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:04,440
Not to speak of the little princesses.
490
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:17,840
If you decide
not to come and see me anymore,
491
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:20,560
I shall quite understand.
492
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,240
Life was not all dreariness.
493
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:27,080
Quentin, champagne! It is a party.
494
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,240
To celebrate our divorce.
495
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,280
Marvelous!
496
00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:36,800
We come straight from the court, where
your wonderful British justice was done.
497
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:40,600
Congratulations.
Congratulations, darling.
498
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:42,960
- Thank you, darling.
- I'm an adulterer.
499
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:46,640
So my wife is taken from me!
Marvelous!
500
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:49,320
Do I congratulate everyone?
501
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:50,840
Oh, I think so, don't you?
502
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:53,800
- Congratulations, dear.
- Thank you.
503
00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,480
Everyone must drink to divorce,
504
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,520
the noblest of institutions!
505
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,000
To divorce!
506
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:05,040
And then, we go in the school room
with the music, and we dance.
507
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:08,320
- A ballet.
- Aha! A beautiful ballet.
508
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:12,600
♪ La da da, da daa da daaa!
509
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:15,560
- Darling, I want you to meet...
- How do you do?
510
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:19,040
- How do you do?
- One of my dearest, absolute dearest...
511
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:22,200
- Delighted to meet you.
- We're going to be married.
512
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:25,960
- Well, once again! More...
- More champagne.
513
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,879
He's terribly sweet, and terribly rich.
514
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:33,440
I'm so glad. You can buy yourself
a new gramophone.
515
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:37,560
Quentin! You must not embrace her.
516
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:39,880
She is my ex-wife, not yours.
517
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:44,560
Darling, come and dance,
for the lovely, lovely last time.
518
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:46,880
An English dance, not Polish.
519
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:48,920
I've finished with Poles.
520
00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:58,840
Will you marry?
521
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:00,800
Just go on living with him.
522
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:05,000
Quite right. Marriage is for those
who've given up the struggle.
523
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:08,520
- Quick, what's his name?
- Lord Alcohol.
524
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,560
- What?
- More champagne?
525
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:13,279
- Marvelous!
- Good party, eh?
526
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:16,080
- I hope the neighbours can see.
- Oh, why?
527
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:20,120
A divorce celebration.
What could be more normal than that?
528
00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:23,280
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
529
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:34,720
For all I knew,
we might be in for a very thin time.
530
00:37:35,720 --> 00:37:38,240
- Quentin, dear.
- Hello.
531
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:42,400
Did you hear that funny wailing sound
this morning? What on earth was it?
532
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,000
Quentin, I think I'll be leaving here.
533
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:47,520
In fact, I shall. I am going to leave.
534
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,959
Yes, of course.
535
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:52,680
The men must learn a different dance.
536
00:37:52,720 --> 00:37:54,640
But what about you?
537
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:58,720
I shall find a new landlady,
not half as angelic as you.
538
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,240
Would you like...
539
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:10,920
- Er, would it help...
- Darling, your mime is marvelous.
540
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,679
I know exactly what you mean,
but do you really mean...?
541
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:16,440
Well, I got them for you,
and I can't take them with me.
542
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:19,479
And it is terribly expensive,
putting things in store.
543
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:23,720
- Angel!
- You could be an unfurnished tenant.
544
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:25,520
Bliss!
545
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,600
Complete and utter bliss!
546
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:34,960
In the lower depths of Chelsea,
I became unfurnished and immoveable,
547
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:37,400
and alone.
548
00:38:37,720 --> 00:38:39,360
Crisp!
549
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:46,480
- Yes, sir.
- Get in there.
550
00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:48,480
Come on, move!
551
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:49,720
Crisp, sir.
552
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:51,760
Sit down.
553
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:57,600
Your hair's dyed.
554
00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:59,320
Yes, sir.
555
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,600
A man dying his hair
is a sign of sexual perversion.
556
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:06,640
- Do you know what that means?
- Yes, sir.
557
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:10,880
Do you know what the word
"homosexual" means?
558
00:39:11,240 --> 00:39:13,520
Yes, I am homosexual.
559
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:16,480
Wait here.
560
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:36,320
- How old are you?
- 31.
561
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:38,560
It says here, 25.
562
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:42,920
I said 25 because I thought
that would get me into the Army sooner.
563
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:45,000
Why did you want to get in
the Army?
564
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:47,800
In order to avoid starvation.
565
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:49,560
Right, take those off.
566
00:39:50,720 --> 00:39:51,960
Let's have a look at you.
567
00:39:56,920 --> 00:39:58,800
Bend over.
568
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:06,839
I think I ought to explain
that I've very rarely gone in for sodomy.
569
00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:08,800
Not for some years now.
570
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:12,080
I mean, if that's what you're looking for.
571
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:14,479
Stand up.
572
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:16,160
Put those things on again.
573
00:40:19,720 --> 00:40:21,960
What use do you think you'd be
to the Army?
574
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:24,440
Anyone can get killed.
575
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:27,680
Wait here.
576
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:41,280
Sit down.
577
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:53,000
- I am a psychiatrist.
- Oh, yes... sir?
578
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,840
You say you are homosexual.
579
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:04,080
I am homosexual, irretrievably.
580
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:06,079
But you want to join the Army?
581
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:07,080
Yes.
582
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:10,600
Then why did you come here,
looking as you do?
583
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:13,440
Well...
584
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:17,840
I didn't put on any of my
usual make-up.
585
00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:20,960
I thought,
"I mustn't blind them with it."
586
00:41:21,240 --> 00:41:26,640
But there's my hair and my fingernails.
I won't do anything about those.
587
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:30,559
I mustn't make it seem I'm trying to
disguise the fact that I'm homosexual.
588
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:31,600
It wouldn't be fair.
589
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:35,400
And in any case,
I couldn't possibly get rid of the dye.
590
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:38,640
You have to grow it out,
and that can take quite a long time.
591
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:41,200
I could have cut it.
592
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:44,760
But I thought, "When I join the
Army, they'll cut it for me."
593
00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:46,520
And apart from saving me
the expense,
594
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:49,280
then it would provide me with a
permanent excuse.
595
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:52,880
"My hair is short because
they've cut it.
596
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:56,320
"The way you see me now
is because they've done it to me."
597
00:41:56,960 --> 00:42:00,280
The burden of responsibility
will pass from my shoulders.
598
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:05,720
Does that answer your question?
599
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:11,520
In all seriousness, have you a fantasy
vision of yourself as a fighting man?
600
00:42:12,240 --> 00:42:14,840
In all seriousness, the only soldiers
I know
601
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:18,360
spend their time loading
petrol cans onto lorries in Banbury.
602
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:20,400
I'm sure even I can do that.
603
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:30,000
I must admit that I'm more likely to be
killed by the English than by the Germans,
604
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:33,880
but I've taken that risk for years now.
605
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:38,120
- Do you read your Bible?
- Not constantly.
606
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:41,200
"Male and female created He them."
607
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:47,800
Male and female created He me.
608
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:55,760
Armed with a certificate saying,
"Exempt, suffering from sexual perversion,"
609
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:57,680
I had a happy War.
610
00:42:57,800 --> 00:43:01,520
In the blackout,
the whole of London was my playground.
611
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:04,079
And when the Americans came,
612
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:06,640
I discovered, like many a good girl,
613
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:08,440
that sex could be fun.
614
00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:10,480
Hey, ma'am.
615
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:19,320
Can I walk you home?
616
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:22,480
You think I'm a woman, don't you?
617
00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:26,920
Well, you sure wiggle your fanny
like a woman.
618
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:29,400
Frankly, I'm not a woman.
619
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:33,840
Frankly, do I care?
620
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:39,399
Never in the history of sex was
so much offered to so many by so few.
621
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:43,120
- Hiya, Red.
- Hi.
622
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:46,079
- Well, you sure are pretty.
- Am I?
623
00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:47,560
Yeah. You wanna go someplace?
624
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:50,560
- What place?
- Your place.
625
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:56,280
Hey, uh... what say we have another
piece of gum and then do it again?
626
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:00,120
All right.
627
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:02,480
Shucks...
628
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:08,240
this is more fun than watching a long-tailed
cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
629
00:44:08,320 --> 00:44:09,800
Yeah.
630
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:12,040
Quentin, are you in?
631
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:15,519
- Hello.
- Darling, you've got to do it for me.
632
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:18,599
- Oh, yes?
- Tonight. I simply can't, I shall be in Brighton.
633
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:21,560
I've telephoned everyone.
They're all booked, so it must be you.
634
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:24,400
- Me?
- You've always said how nice it must be.
635
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:27,839
- Jeez, Quent! Do you know what time it is?
- No, I'm afraid I don't.
636
00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:29,359
They really want me?
637
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:33,199
You are practically the only person left
in London with two arms and two legs.
638
00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:35,119
Pardon me, ma'am. I'll just
get my clothes here.
639
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:37,479
But, what do I wear?
640
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:39,960
Oh, roughly as you are.
641
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:43,280
Oh.
642
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:51,761
I suppose you couldn't stand
with your arms stretched out?
643
00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:53,800
Yes.
644
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:58,880
In a sort of crucifixion pose?
645
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:01,640
Christ!
646
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:15,800
Being a model requires no education,
no references and no previous experience.
647
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:20,400
You have only to say, "I do"
and you're stuck with it for life.
648
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:21,680
Like marriage.
649
00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:43,880
Quentin...
650
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:45,720
could you erm...
651
00:45:46,240 --> 00:45:48,880
sort of stand as if you were
waiting for a bus?
652
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:51,400
Waiting for a bus?
653
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:59,160
A number 11, to be precise.
654
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:02,280
Do you think you could be
more natural?
655
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:05,120
Natural? Me?
656
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:14,320
He's been standing like that for
two hours now.
657
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:15,920
Why?
658
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:18,320
In case "they" come.
659
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:21,680
Last night, he stood there all night.
660
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:25,440
Who are "they"?
661
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:40,800
Who are "they"?
They who might come?
662
00:46:43,040 --> 00:46:44,360
They might.
663
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:47,320
- Who? The Germans?
- No.
664
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:49,960
Scotland Yard?
665
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:53,360
Secret Service? Spies?
666
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:55,640
Spies, perhaps.
667
00:46:57,240 --> 00:47:00,000
To spy on whom?
To find out what?
668
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:03,000
Who would want to spy on you?
669
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,040
They.
670
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:09,040
Who do you think "they" are?
671
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:16,800
They... are ideas in my head.
672
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:24,200
Then let's all sit down,
673
00:47:24,240 --> 00:47:28,760
and we'll have a drink
and we'll talk about something else.
674
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:35,960
Are there microphones in the room?
675
00:47:37,960 --> 00:47:41,240
Who would want to put
microphones here?
676
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:44,240
They would.
677
00:47:44,720 --> 00:47:47,560
My problem was minor in comparison.
678
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:50,400
After years of quite phenomenal luck...
679
00:47:50,720 --> 00:47:52,000
Excuse me, sir.
680
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:57,760
- We are police officers.
- Oh, yes?
681
00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:00,000
Have you some evidence of
your identity?
682
00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:07,760
Are you exempted from the
forces, sir?
683
00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:13,960
Exempted...
684
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:16,800
suffering from sexual perversion.
685
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:18,440
That's right.
686
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:20,520
Thank you.
687
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:23,560
Move along.
688
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:28,999
20 minutes later,
in another part of the forest...
689
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:32,160
- Quentin, how are you, love?
- Hello.
690
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:34,240
Must get to the theater.
Be good.
691
00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:36,000
I'm depressingly good.
692
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:39,400
Just a minute, you.
693
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:43,120
- Oh, hello. You, again.
- We're taking you in for soliciting.
694
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:45,800
- For what?
- Soliciting for an immoral purpose.
695
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:46,960
Quick march.
696
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:50,999
It was an eventuality that I had
expected for many a long year.
697
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:54,000
I can't think why I acted surprised.
698
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:08,200
USHER: Quentin Crisp.
699
00:49:13,240 --> 00:49:16,760
I was assailed by two contrary feelings.
700
00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:19,720
The first was that
here was the long awaited situation
701
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:23,200
which would need all my powers
of survival.
702
00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:25,600
The second was that I might
easily fall in a dead faint,
703
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:27,400
and it would be just as well if I did.
704
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:28,920
Quentin Crisp...
705
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:33,640
you are charged with soliciting for an
immoral purpose on September 28th,
706
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:36,640
in Catherine Street,
Russell Street and Tavistock Street.
707
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:39,920
Do you plead guilty or not guilty?
708
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:42,560
- Not guilty.
- Speak up. I can't hear you.
709
00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:45,559
Not guilty.
710
00:49:45,560 --> 00:49:49,040
- Sit down, Mr Crisp.
- Thank you, sir.
711
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:51,240
I swear by Almighty God,
712
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:53,039
the evidence I shall give shall
be the truth,
713
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:54,800
the whole truth and nothing
but the truth.
714
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:57,240
So help him, God.
715
00:49:57,480 --> 00:50:01,159
On September 28th, I was on plain clothes
patrol duty in the West End,
716
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:03,319
together with
Detective Constable J Robinson.
717
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:06,320
At approximately 6pm, in Catherine
Street, I saw the accused.
718
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:09,279
He approached and spoke to a man,
who turned away from him,
719
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:11,679
as if offended, and walked rapidly away.
720
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:15,400
I then, with Detective Constable Robinson,
kept the accused under observation,
721
00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:17,440
at a distance of approximately 15 yards,
722
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:20,159
while he proceeded from
Catherine Street into Tavistock Street,
723
00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:22,440
Drury Lane,
and then into Russell Street.
724
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:26,240
This was from approximately 6pm
until approximately 6:20.
725
00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:29,200
During this time,
he approached three other male persons,
726
00:50:29,240 --> 00:50:31,240
and spoke or attempted to
speak to them.
727
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:34,359
In each case, after a few words
had been spoken on both sides,
728
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:36,279
the person to whom the accused
had been speaking
729
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:37,920
turned and walked away from him,
730
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:40,520
looking as if disgusted and horrified.
731
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:43,039
The final occasion I saw this happen
732
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:46,079
was immediately outside the
Fortune Theatre in Russell Street at
733
00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:47,480
approximately 6:20.
734
00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:51,119
I went up to the accused, informed him
of the charge and took him into custody
735
00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:52,520
at Bow Street Police Station.
736
00:50:52,560 --> 00:50:55,960
One must never say that
the police are liars.
737
00:50:56,080 --> 00:50:59,640
Do you wish to ask the officer
any questions about his evidence?
738
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:01,160
Stand up.
739
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:06,280
Er... No.
740
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:09,080
Why don't I wish to question him?
741
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:13,280
Because you must never say
that the police are liars.
742
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:17,120
At approximately 6pm in Catherine Street,
I saw the accused.
743
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:20,640
He approached and spoke to a man,
who turned away from him as if offended.
744
00:51:20,880 --> 00:51:25,200
14 years ago
I ceased to be a homosexual prostitute.
745
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:28,639
Of my own accord
I threw off the burden of homosexuality
746
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:30,680
by transforming it into a cause.
747
00:51:30,720 --> 00:51:35,000
I decided to make the problem clear
by making it evident.
748
00:51:35,240 --> 00:51:40,400
I must now do something publicly
to fight for that cause.
749
00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:42,960
Looking disgusted and horrified.
750
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:45,720
The final occasion on which I saw
this happen was immediately
751
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:49,720
outside the Fortune Theater in
Russell Street at approximately 6:20pm.
752
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:51,079
I then went up to the accused,
753
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:53,480
informed him of the charge and
took him into custody.
754
00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:55,960
Have you anything to say, Mr Crisp?
755
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:00,360
Yes.
756
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:03,399
You may say what you have to say
from where you are.
757
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:06,240
Or if you wish,
you may go into the witness box,
758
00:52:06,320 --> 00:52:08,720
in which case, you will be put to oath.
759
00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:10,720
Now, which do you prefer?
760
00:52:11,120 --> 00:52:16,160
Well, I can't possibly play my big scene
with my back to the audience.
761
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:18,680
The witness box, please.
762
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:29,776
Take the book in your right hand and...
763
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:33,679
I swear by Almighty God, the evidence
I shall give shall be the truth,
764
00:52:33,680 --> 00:52:36,120
the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth.
765
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:38,760
- Full name?
- Quentin Crisp.
766
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:43,080
Quentin. You are a male person,
I presume?
767
00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:46,679
- Yes.
- Your address? Full address?
768
00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:50,800
97 Bewley Street, London SW3,
England.
769
00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:54,560
Do you deny the facts, as given in
evidence by the two police officers?
770
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:58,360
- Yes.
- Are you saying that the police are liars?
771
00:52:58,400 --> 00:53:00,840
- No.
- What are you saying, then?
772
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:03,600
I am saying that I think they
were mistaken.
773
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:07,120
Do you deny that you were in the places
mentioned, at the times mentioned?
774
00:53:07,240 --> 00:53:11,239
Oh, not at all, no. I was definitely
in Catherine Street at six o'clock.
775
00:53:11,240 --> 00:53:12,879
I remember this particularly,
776
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:15,680
because it was then that the two
gentlemen who later arrested me
777
00:53:15,720 --> 00:53:18,040
came up and spoke to me for
the first time.
778
00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:20,519
- They what?
- They asked to see my papers.
779
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:22,479
I showed them my exemption
papers,
780
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:25,400
which say that I am suffering from
sexual perversion.
781
00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:29,600
- Is this true?
- Yes, sir.
782
00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:32,519
It is certainly true that I am
a sexual pervert,
783
00:53:32,520 --> 00:53:35,320
but I've never been quite sure
about the word "suffering".
784
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:39,040
You are a sexual pervert?
785
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:42,559
- Yes.
- You are attracted to men and not to women?
786
00:53:42,560 --> 00:53:44,640
- Yes.
- You go to bed with men?
787
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:47,400
I have done, sometimes, yes.
788
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:49,840
Do you deny
that you spoke to men in the street?
789
00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:55,600
I deny that I approached anyone or that
I spoke to anyone before he spoke to me.
790
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:59,600
- But you spoke to men?
- Only if they demanded some reply.
791
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:01,560
In Catherine Street?
792
00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:04,800
I don't think I said anything
in Catherine Street.
793
00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:08,240
It was there that a man came up to me
and said, forgive me,
794
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:11,600
"You effing pansy,
you ought to be locked up."
795
00:54:12,080 --> 00:54:16,520
And I didn't reply, because this really
didn't seem to demand any reply.
796
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:18,280
And in Tavistock Street?
797
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:21,479
I think it was in Tavistock Street
798
00:54:21,480 --> 00:54:23,880
that a man came up to me and
pushed me in the chest,
799
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:25,440
but I can't be absolutely sure.
800
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:28,320
- Why not?
- That sort of thing happens to me all the time.
801
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:34,920
Mr Crisp, are you saying that the police
officers misinterpreted what they saw?
802
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:38,760
I am saying
that they made a very natural mistake.
803
00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:41,720
They had seen from my papers
that I was homosexual.
804
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:46,240
Good heavens, they could have told
from my appearance, as you can now.
805
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:49,439
They were watching me from
15 yards or so,
806
00:54:49,440 --> 00:54:52,200
when I had these brief exchanges
with various men.
807
00:54:52,240 --> 00:54:54,720
And it may well have seemed,
from a distance...
808
00:54:54,760 --> 00:55:01,440
But you are saying, on oath, that in no
case did you make the first approach.
809
00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:03,720
- My Lord...
- No.
810
00:55:04,400 --> 00:55:07,120
I beg your pardon, sir.
811
00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:10,640
Sir, look at me.
812
00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:16,400
I wear lipstick, I wear rouge,
I wear mascara on my eyelashes.
813
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:19,079
I dye my hair,
I wear flamboyant clothes,
814
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:22,160
far more outre than those I'm
wearing now.
815
00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:27,759
I am a self-evident, self-professed,
effeminate homosexual,
816
00:55:27,760 --> 00:55:30,400
for all the world to see.
817
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:37,080
How could I hope to solicit anybody in
broad daylight, in a crowded London
818
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:38,960
street, looking as I do?
819
00:55:39,240 --> 00:55:42,440
What would I expect, but a
curse and a blow?
820
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:52,320
No, my appearance sets me apart
from the rest of humanity.
821
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:56,720
It is not easy for me to make
human contacts.
822
00:55:56,800 --> 00:55:59,000
With strangers, it is almost impossible.
823
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:04,640
I learned, many years ago,
the golden rule of my life.
824
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:09,960
In public places I do not speak to
anyone unless they speak to me.
825
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:14,040
I do not look at anyone
unless they demand that I look at them.
826
00:56:16,280 --> 00:56:21,160
It is the only way I know
of getting safely to my destination.
827
00:56:23,080 --> 00:56:26,560
- Have you anything else to say, Mr Crisp?
- Yes.
828
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:31,320
I have never refrained
from any course of action
829
00:56:31,760 --> 00:56:34,200
on the ground that it was illegal
or immoral.
830
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:39,400
But I no longer ask strange men for money
because I do not think that I would get it.
831
00:56:41,520 --> 00:56:48,200
Perhaps... Perhaps my very existence
is a form of importuning.
832
00:56:49,160 --> 00:56:52,560
Otherwise, I am not guilty as charged.
833
00:56:55,880 --> 00:56:57,360
Thank you.
834
00:56:57,800 --> 00:56:59,320
Please return to the dock.
835
00:57:02,680 --> 00:57:07,400
Well, I flatter myself London
has not seen a performance like that
836
00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:10,080
since Sybil Thorndike's St Joan.
837
00:57:10,960 --> 00:57:12,760
Do you know he is a homosexual?
838
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:15,640
Yes.
839
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:19,600
- Yet you say he is a friend of yours?
- Yes.
840
00:57:21,560 --> 00:57:24,240
- Do you know he is a homosexual?
- Yes.
841
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:28,560
- And yet you describe him as "respectable"?
- Yes.
842
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:32,480
- Do you know he is a homosexual?
- Yes.
843
00:57:33,160 --> 00:57:35,560
And yet you call him "a good man"?
844
00:57:36,520 --> 00:57:38,880
- Yes.
- Thank you.
845
00:57:40,680 --> 00:57:42,200
- Mr Crisp.
- Stand up.
846
00:57:43,800 --> 00:57:47,160
Have you any other witnesses
to character?
847
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:49,560
About ten, I think.
848
00:57:50,160 --> 00:57:52,680
I am tired of this recital
of your praises.
849
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:55,760
There is insufficient evidence to convict.
850
00:57:56,040 --> 00:57:59,720
By which he means the police are liars.
851
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:00,720
Case dismissed.
852
00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:24,400
You look terrible.
853
00:58:36,240 --> 00:58:39,240
Exhibitionism is indeed a drug.
854
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:43,040
Hooked in adolescence,
I was now taking doses so massive
855
00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:45,080
they would have killed a beginner.
856
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:48,200
Darling, are you coming to the party?
857
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:52,880
- I suppose so.
- Come in, Ricky.
858
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:58,240
I brought him for you. He's a bit small,
but they are getting difficult to find.
859
00:58:59,480 --> 00:59:01,440
Oh, it's very sweet of you, darling, but...
860
00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:05,880
I do think, not at the moment.
861
00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:09,720
Fate held something worse in store.
862
00:59:09,800 --> 00:59:15,000
Into the Cuzco of the layabout civilization
came a man the size of a barn door,
863
00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:17,640
and as easily pushed to and fro.
864
00:59:17,680 --> 00:59:20,880
- Is this taken?
- No.
865
00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:23,520
Mind if I...?
866
00:59:27,320 --> 00:59:28,800
Please do.
867
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:35,320
He was a great, dark thing
from outer space.
868
00:59:55,640 --> 00:59:57,000
Breakfast?
869
00:59:59,080 --> 01:00:01,560
- What?
- Would you like some breakfast?
870
01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:04,240
Oh, right.
871
01:00:04,640 --> 01:00:06,919
- Thanks.
- Right.
872
01:00:06,920 --> 01:00:10,320
I put him up for a night,
which lasted a weekend,
873
01:00:10,360 --> 01:00:13,000
for three long, dark years.
874
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:29,559
Oh, that's nice. That's very nice.
875
01:00:29,560 --> 01:00:33,039
- I'm glad.
- Yeah, they do a nice job at that laundry.
876
01:00:33,040 --> 01:00:35,960
- You tell 'em.
- Yes, I will.
877
01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:40,160
What are you making for
supper, then?
878
01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:42,480
- Stew?
- Irish?
879
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:45,120
It's sort of Hibernian.
880
01:00:45,280 --> 01:00:47,280
You put them vegetables in I brought?
881
01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:50,840
My only notion of cooking
is to put everything in and stir it.
882
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:54,280
Hah! I don't know...
you do all right.
883
01:00:54,400 --> 01:00:55,800
Thank you.
884
01:00:58,400 --> 01:00:59,720
Do you like this shirt?
885
01:01:00,320 --> 01:01:04,719
Think the colour suits me?
Do you think it makes me look nice?
886
01:01:04,720 --> 01:01:08,040
Yes. Yes, it makes you look very nice.
887
01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:10,760
- Did I show you what I bought today?
- No, you didn't.
888
01:01:16,120 --> 01:01:19,480
French beret.
Makes a change from the old cap, eh?
889
01:01:23,400 --> 01:01:25,720
- Do I look like a Frenchman?
- Yes.
890
01:01:26,520 --> 01:01:28,120
Yes, you do, somewhat.
891
01:01:28,960 --> 01:01:33,080
♪ Every little breeze seems to
whisper Louise
892
01:01:33,640 --> 01:01:37,240
♪ The birds in the trees
just whisper Louise
893
01:01:40,800 --> 01:01:44,480
♪ I love you, love you ♪
894
01:01:45,960 --> 01:01:49,200
- I ought to go on the stage.
- Why not?
895
01:01:54,600 --> 01:01:57,200
'Ere. Quent!
896
01:01:57,640 --> 01:02:00,920
- Hmm?
- You ought to clean up. This place is filthy.
897
01:02:00,960 --> 01:02:03,960
I have discovered a great
labour-saving secret.
898
01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:07,400
After the first four years,
the dust doesn't get any worse.
899
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:13,319
Yeah? Well, I reckon you ought to
clean up. It's not nice.
900
01:02:13,320 --> 01:02:17,200
- Perhaps I'm not nice.
- I want our neighbours to respect you.
901
01:02:17,960 --> 01:02:20,480
The job is done. They're terrified.
902
01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:26,160
As far as I know, this is ready.
903
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:31,960
- Hey, Quent?
- Mm-hm?
904
01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:36,080
I've been thinking about it.
I don't like you sleeping on the floor.
905
01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:40,880
- I don't mind it.
- Well, I think you ought to sleep in the bed.
906
01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:45,280
With me.
907
01:02:49,000 --> 01:02:50,040
Know what I mean?
908
01:02:51,320 --> 01:02:52,400
If you like.
909
01:02:54,160 --> 01:02:55,400
Yeah.
910
01:02:55,960 --> 01:02:59,720
The sex was all right,
in a domestic sort of way.
911
01:02:59,960 --> 01:03:04,479
But never share a narrow double bed
with a wide single man.
912
01:03:04,480 --> 01:03:11,240
♪ Do de dah-ah,
eh, dah dee dee..
913
01:03:11,280 --> 01:03:15,920
♪ Dee dee dee, Columbina
914
01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:21,640
♪ Ree dee, Pagliaccio
915
01:03:21,880 --> 01:03:25,840
♪ Dee dee, dee dee, dee dee ♪
916
01:03:32,160 --> 01:03:36,440
- I ought to have been in opera.
- I think you could have done very well.
917
01:03:36,800 --> 01:03:39,680
Hey, do you think
I ought to have been in opera?
918
01:03:40,480 --> 01:03:41,920
Do you think I've got a good voice?
919
01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:43,560
Mr Crisp does.
920
01:03:44,200 --> 01:03:45,640
Give us your hand.
921
01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:53,160
Mr Crisp and me
have been together for two years now.
922
01:03:53,960 --> 01:03:54,960
Fact
923
01:03:57,560 --> 01:03:59,200
- Hey, Quent?
- Mm-hm?
924
01:04:01,320 --> 01:04:02,720
This going to bed together.
925
01:04:03,600 --> 01:04:05,040
Yes?
926
01:04:06,480 --> 01:04:08,040
Let's pack it in.
927
01:04:09,240 --> 01:04:11,160
If you like.
928
01:04:13,240 --> 01:04:16,480
How marvelous for you to be
here again!
929
01:04:17,560 --> 01:04:19,080
I shall...
930
01:04:22,720 --> 01:04:27,040
No, I shan't. I can't do it any longer.
931
01:04:31,040 --> 01:04:33,279
Quentin, I am worried about you.
932
01:04:33,280 --> 01:04:36,160
All my friends are constantly
in that state.
933
01:04:36,200 --> 01:04:39,360
But I don't understand
your relationship with him.
934
01:04:40,520 --> 01:04:43,040
He is a poor, wee thing.
935
01:04:43,240 --> 01:04:45,479
I fed him because he was
hungry, and I
936
01:04:45,480 --> 01:04:48,040
housed him because he had
nowhere to go.
937
01:04:48,160 --> 01:04:50,040
But that's compassion.
938
01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:52,080
- Oh, I see. ls it?
- Isn't it?
939
01:04:52,560 --> 01:04:54,720
I've yet to be informed.
940
01:04:55,280 --> 01:04:59,280
Because all the love that I have ever
known is that I wish people well,
941
01:04:59,320 --> 01:05:02,400
and that occasionally,
I actually give them half a crown.
942
01:05:02,520 --> 01:05:06,000
Or what they need - advice,
a bath, a bed.
943
01:05:06,400 --> 01:05:09,200
And he, poor, wee thing,
needed a kingdom.
944
01:05:09,240 --> 01:05:12,560
He'd never known a world
in which he had the upper hand.
945
01:05:12,720 --> 01:05:15,880
- I gave him a kingdom.
- But your relationship?
946
01:05:16,160 --> 01:05:18,200
He wanted sex, I obeyed.
947
01:05:18,240 --> 01:05:20,640
He wanted to stop, I obeyed.
948
01:05:22,600 --> 01:05:24,560
But does he love you?
949
01:05:25,400 --> 01:05:29,080
You are a woman. You speak a
language that I do not understand.
950
01:05:29,240 --> 01:05:32,080
If love exists, which is
something that I wouldn't know,
951
01:05:32,800 --> 01:05:37,240
then love is never closing my hand,
not even to the unlovable.
952
01:05:38,400 --> 01:05:42,280
I thought perhaps he was
your great, dark man.
953
01:05:43,560 --> 01:05:46,760
There is no great, dark man.
954
01:05:49,400 --> 01:05:53,799
May I utter that universal truth
more loudly here,
955
01:05:53,800 --> 01:05:57,160
where the echoes are so marvelous?
956
01:06:04,200 --> 01:06:06,200
I leave for France on Tuesday.
957
01:06:08,760 --> 01:06:12,560
- I always thought you'd become a nun.
- Why?
958
01:06:13,280 --> 01:06:14,880
Because you hate the world.
959
01:06:15,160 --> 01:06:17,120
I have never been a member of it.
960
01:06:19,000 --> 01:06:20,360
Will you go and see him?
961
01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:24,200
If you like.
962
01:06:24,840 --> 01:06:28,640
I've been every Sunday.
You needn't go incessantly.
963
01:06:28,800 --> 01:06:30,480
But you must go.
964
01:06:31,240 --> 01:06:33,720
If I can't come every weekend,
that's it, isn't it?
965
01:06:34,080 --> 01:06:37,560
I shall be delighted to see you
whenever it's possible.
966
01:06:37,600 --> 01:06:41,240
- No, you won't.
- I told you, I have to see a friend.
967
01:06:41,280 --> 01:06:42,600
An old friend.
968
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:46,080
Yeah, that's what you say.
But that's not the truth.
969
01:06:46,440 --> 01:06:51,399
Alas, that when you bite into a soft
centre, you can't put it back in the box.
970
01:06:51,400 --> 01:06:55,160
Please do come again,
though it can't be so often.
971
01:06:55,200 --> 01:06:56,440
No!
972
01:06:58,880 --> 01:07:00,560
Just as you wish.
973
01:07:04,240 --> 01:07:05,800
Going to see a madman.
974
01:07:06,960 --> 01:07:12,240
You're not well, Quent. You're not
right. You're a bit sick, you know.
975
01:07:12,440 --> 01:07:16,240
Hell consists of having the same
diseases as one's neighbours.
976
01:07:17,800 --> 01:07:19,080
Thank you.
977
01:07:24,520 --> 01:07:26,600
What am I doing here?
978
01:07:27,320 --> 01:07:29,839
In loving mummery of a woman
who is a nun,
979
01:07:29,840 --> 01:07:31,960
and therefore is as if already dead.
980
01:07:32,480 --> 01:07:35,000
I never liked him much,
even when he was sane.
981
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:40,040
Perhaps he is... unlovable.
982
01:07:41,640 --> 01:07:45,800
Quentin! My dear friend, Quentin!
983
01:07:45,880 --> 01:07:47,240
Hello.
984
01:07:48,560 --> 01:07:51,800
You have come. At last,
you have come.
985
01:07:51,880 --> 01:07:56,000
- Yes.
- Tea. You will have tea with me.
986
01:07:56,120 --> 01:08:00,240
- Yes, shall I get it'?
- Oh, no, no. Here you are chez moi.
987
01:08:00,320 --> 01:08:03,560
It will be my treat, as in the
good old days.
988
01:08:14,360 --> 01:08:18,039
Beautiful sandwiches.
They make them with fresh bread.
989
01:08:18,040 --> 01:08:21,920
He looks better, you know.
He looks better since he's been here.
990
01:08:26,160 --> 01:08:28,760
There. Help yourself.
991
01:08:30,680 --> 01:08:33,200
Did she say that I'd be coming?
992
01:08:33,560 --> 01:08:35,920
Oh, yes. If it was she.
993
01:08:36,880 --> 01:08:38,720
- If?
- She put me here, you know.
994
01:08:39,160 --> 01:08:41,080
- Yes.
- That was unforgivable.
995
01:08:41,160 --> 01:08:44,400
- We all thought it would be for the best.
- The woman I loved.
996
01:08:44,960 --> 01:08:46,360
She betrayed me.
997
01:08:46,880 --> 01:08:50,480
- She came to see you every weekend.
- If it was she.
998
01:08:54,320 --> 01:08:56,560
Who's the third cup for?
999
01:09:03,200 --> 01:09:06,680
This place is an absolute madhouse.
1000
01:09:11,560 --> 01:09:14,760
Two hours to get here,
two hours of this.
1001
01:09:15,520 --> 01:09:17,400
Two hours to get back.
1002
01:09:18,240 --> 01:09:20,400
I have a present for you.
1003
01:09:20,800 --> 01:09:22,639
Oh, you shouldn't have.
1004
01:09:22,640 --> 01:09:24,560
Yes, for you! Open it.
1005
01:09:26,600 --> 01:09:28,920
I took them from the orchard here,
1006
01:09:29,000 --> 01:09:31,880
when, for a moment, they were
not watching.
1007
01:09:33,680 --> 01:09:37,000
- Why, that's very kind of you.
- They will do you good.
1008
01:09:37,160 --> 01:09:39,840
You must take care of yourself,
Quentin.
1009
01:09:40,600 --> 01:09:41,880
You are looking old.
1010
01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:46,840
My dentist, a dear friend, said,
1011
01:09:46,920 --> 01:09:50,320
"lt's not your teeth that are
decaying, it's you."
1012
01:09:51,240 --> 01:09:55,360
It was 1948. I was 40.
1013
01:09:55,400 --> 01:09:57,520
MR POLE: "You're looking old."
1014
01:10:00,640 --> 01:10:03,400
Looking old, because growing old.
1015
01:10:10,720 --> 01:10:14,840
Loyally, my students didn't mind,
red, white or blue.
1016
01:10:20,200 --> 01:10:22,680
Quentin, my friend!
1017
01:10:23,160 --> 01:10:26,280
But you look marvelous!
1018
01:10:27,440 --> 01:10:28,600
Thank you.
1019
01:10:32,840 --> 01:10:36,680
You like it? It makes me
look young, eh?
1020
01:10:37,160 --> 01:10:39,320
I am more desirable.
1021
01:10:39,560 --> 01:10:42,240
Erm... Yes. How do you...
1022
01:10:42,400 --> 01:10:47,160
Cod liver oil. I rub it into my scalp
all day long.
1023
01:10:47,800 --> 01:10:50,000
Tea. You will have tea.
1024
01:10:50,720 --> 01:10:53,760
I went on visiting him for eight years.
1025
01:10:53,920 --> 01:10:56,720
After eight years, he was allowed
to visit me.
1026
01:10:58,280 --> 01:11:00,640
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
Come in.
1027
01:11:03,680 --> 01:11:08,640
- Quentin!
- Hello. How lovely to see you.
1028
01:11:09,280 --> 01:11:12,159
Take your coat off. I'm just
making the tea.
1029
01:11:12,160 --> 01:11:15,320
- How are you?
- I have brought you presents.
1030
01:11:15,560 --> 01:11:18,880
- Many presents.
- You shouldn't have.
1031
01:11:18,920 --> 01:11:23,120
Oh, I've brought you... You cannot
guess what I have brought you.
1032
01:11:23,560 --> 01:11:26,760
I have brought you some apples...
1033
01:11:29,520 --> 01:11:31,160
some chocolate...
1034
01:11:32,880 --> 01:11:34,800
a meat pie...
1035
01:11:35,360 --> 01:11:38,400
and a bottle of British sherry.
1036
01:11:38,480 --> 01:11:40,240
How lovely.
1037
01:11:40,400 --> 01:11:42,400
For you, Quentin,
1038
01:11:42,640 --> 01:11:44,720
because I love you.
1039
01:11:47,080 --> 01:11:51,440
You are the only person
in the world that I love.
1040
01:11:53,720 --> 01:11:54,760
The kettle!
1041
01:11:57,160 --> 01:11:59,480
I'm nearly 50.
1042
01:11:59,600 --> 01:12:01,920
He must be 70.
1043
01:12:02,960 --> 01:12:05,960
I must remain perfectly calm.
1044
01:12:09,000 --> 01:12:11,960
Why don't you sit down and
have a cup of tea?
1045
01:12:12,000 --> 01:12:16,400
Quentin, my love!
1046
01:12:16,880 --> 01:12:18,600
My darling.
1047
01:12:21,040 --> 01:12:24,680
He was not sexless, but
he was impotent.
1048
01:12:24,800 --> 01:12:26,760
There was little he could do.
1049
01:12:26,800 --> 01:12:28,560
He did what little he could.
1050
01:12:30,440 --> 01:12:33,160
This was the measure of his loneliness.
1051
01:12:33,480 --> 01:12:36,560
I was the limit of his degradation.
1052
01:12:37,240 --> 01:12:41,800
The nun returned to us
for one last glimpse of the past.
1053
01:12:41,840 --> 01:12:44,160
- Cheers, darling.
- Cheers.
1054
01:12:46,120 --> 01:12:50,159
- How is it there?
- Every moment has been agony.
1055
01:12:50,160 --> 01:12:52,040
But I couldn't have done otherwise.
1056
01:12:53,120 --> 01:12:55,400
The story of our lives.
1057
01:12:57,160 --> 01:12:58,880
Some of our lives.
1058
01:12:59,720 --> 01:13:04,080
She, at least, was safe
in the loving bosom of Lord Alcohol.
1059
01:13:04,520 --> 01:13:09,160
She was still seeking
mad, passionate, romantic love.
1060
01:13:09,240 --> 01:13:10,320
In vain.
1061
01:13:11,400 --> 01:13:14,960
It was one of the Pole's last
visits to London.
1062
01:13:15,320 --> 01:13:18,479
He hanged himself in his mental
home when, for a moment,
1063
01:13:18,480 --> 01:13:20,400
"they" were not watching.
1064
01:13:21,800 --> 01:13:23,520
As for myself...
1065
01:13:23,800 --> 01:13:28,200
Well, even a marriage with oneself
may not last forever.
1066
01:13:33,120 --> 01:13:35,680
I am not merely a stopped clock.
1067
01:13:35,720 --> 01:13:38,320
I am a stopped grandfather clock.
1068
01:13:38,960 --> 01:13:43,520
The symbols I adopted 40 years ago
to express my sexual type
1069
01:13:43,600 --> 01:13:46,680
have become the uniform
of all young people.
1070
01:13:48,080 --> 01:13:51,960
I have survived.
I have had some happy times.
1071
01:13:53,440 --> 01:13:56,360
There was one night
when I was totally happy.
1072
01:13:57,640 --> 01:14:01,600
For some reason,
I had to spend the night in Portsmouth.
1073
01:14:01,920 --> 01:14:07,880
I went for a walk on the front and I was
immediately surrounded by sailors.
1074
01:14:07,920 --> 01:14:09,719
- Hello!
- Where are you going?
1075
01:14:09,720 --> 01:14:13,320
Here, come with us and have a drink.
We're going to the Queen's Arms.
1076
01:14:13,360 --> 01:14:16,520
- Very sweet of you.
- Well, we are sweet, aren't we?
1077
01:14:16,560 --> 01:14:19,400
- Oh, I should say so!
- Yes, you are.
1078
01:14:19,480 --> 01:14:23,360
- I think you're all terribly sweet.
- Ooh!
1079
01:14:23,400 --> 01:14:27,199
He doesn't want the Queen's Arms.
He wants the Jolly Jack Tar!
1080
01:14:27,200 --> 01:14:28,999
The old Jack Tar, eh!
1081
01:14:29,000 --> 01:14:31,879
- Oh, is that a nicer place?
- You wait!
1082
01:14:31,880 --> 01:14:34,760
Well, when you get in the
Jolly Jack Tar...
1083
01:14:34,800 --> 01:14:36,719
you'll have the time of your life!
1084
01:14:36,720 --> 01:14:38,239
And when he gets in you...!
1085
01:14:38,240 --> 01:14:41,119
Oh, it's not a pub.
1086
01:14:41,120 --> 01:14:43,440
You meant something else.
1087
01:14:43,480 --> 01:14:49,480
It was the first, last and only time
that I have ever been in a crowd of people
1088
01:14:49,520 --> 01:14:52,320
where I was the centre of attention
1089
01:14:52,360 --> 01:14:54,959
without feeling that I was in danger.
1090
01:14:54,960 --> 01:14:58,079
- Do you fancy one of us, then?
- Which one of us do you fancy?
1091
01:14:58,080 --> 01:15:01,639
Oh, I think you're all
so incredibly attractive.
1092
01:15:01,640 --> 01:15:03,079
Oh, go on!
1093
01:15:03,080 --> 01:15:06,959
Nothing sexual happened.
Nothing was going to happen.
1094
01:15:06,960 --> 01:15:11,079
It was what I have always longed for
and never elsewhere found.
1095
01:15:11,080 --> 01:15:15,720
A flirtation; an evening's entertainment.
1096
01:15:33,760 --> 01:15:38,319
Hey, mister! Me and my mates, we been
watching you. You're a poof, ain't ya?
1097
01:15:38,320 --> 01:15:41,519
Queer baiters are getting younger
these days.
1098
01:15:41,520 --> 01:15:44,720
See that copper over there?
If you don't give us a quid each, right,
1099
01:15:44,760 --> 01:15:47,479
I'm gonna tell him
you've been fiddling with these two.
1100
01:15:47,480 --> 01:15:49,879
I defy you to do your worst.
1101
01:15:49,880 --> 01:15:54,559
It can hardly be my worst. Mine has
already and often happened to me.
1102
01:15:54,560 --> 01:15:56,639
You cannot touch me now.
1103
01:15:56,640 --> 01:15:59,400
I am one of the stately homos
of England.
1104
01:16:02,480 --> 01:16:06,560
Never looking at anyone
unless they demand that I look.
1105
01:16:06,600 --> 01:16:09,240
Never speaking unless spoken to.
1106
01:16:15,200 --> 01:16:18,000
87083
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