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1
00:00:00,298 --> 00:00:02,593
Kenny, your laundry's done.
2
00:00:02,614 --> 00:00:05,681
We ran out of all of
your organic starch,
3
00:00:05,701 --> 00:00:08,135
so you're just gonna have to rough it.
4
00:00:09,138 --> 00:00:10,253
Aah!
5
00:00:10,272 --> 00:00:11,140
Hello.
6
00:00:11,161 --> 00:00:12,588
Allison.
7
00:00:12,608 --> 00:00:15,424
You scared the crap out
of me. I almost hit you.
8
00:00:15,444 --> 00:00:17,627
It's okay. I have cat-like reflexes.
9
00:00:17,647 --> 00:00:20,563
Seriously, my doctor told
me it's a rare condition.
10
00:00:20,583 --> 00:00:24,498
Kenneth, I can't handle anything
else coming out of your closet.
11
00:00:24,519 --> 00:00:27,755
12
00:00:30,259 --> 00:00:32,708
Would you like to explain
what your lesbian friend
13
00:00:32,728 --> 00:00:34,343
is doing pulling a "Stranger Things"
14
00:00:34,363 --> 00:00:35,444
in your bedroom?
15
00:00:35,464 --> 00:00:36,912
I'm sorry. I didn't tell you at first,
16
00:00:36,932 --> 00:00:38,381
'cause I know she's not your favorite,
17
00:00:38,401 --> 00:00:39,682
but her parents are splitting up
18
00:00:39,702 --> 00:00:41,317
and things have been
kind of rough at home.
19
00:00:41,337 --> 00:00:42,551
Oh, that's a shame.
20
00:00:42,571 --> 00:00:44,587
Maybe you could talk to
her parents about divorce.
21
00:00:44,607 --> 00:00:45,988
You're kind of nailing it.
22
00:00:46,008 --> 00:00:47,056
Oh, no.
23
00:00:47,076 --> 00:00:48,858
I don't tell other people how to parent.
24
00:00:48,878 --> 00:00:50,893
I didn't listen when
those nosy women told me
25
00:00:50,913 --> 00:00:52,728
not to let Jimmy eat Styrofoam peanuts,
26
00:00:52,748 --> 00:00:54,130
and he turned out just fine.
27
00:00:54,150 --> 00:00:54,864
Really?
28
00:00:54,884 --> 00:00:55,665
Mm-hmm.
29
00:00:55,685 --> 00:00:57,433
- Jimmy!
- What's up, bro?
30
00:00:57,453 --> 00:01:00,369
Did you get into any of the
15 colleges you applied to?
31
00:01:00,389 --> 00:01:01,689
Not a one.
32
00:01:02,591 --> 00:01:04,697
I'm still not talking to her parents.
33
00:01:04,718 --> 00:01:05,783
Fine.
34
00:01:05,804 --> 00:01:07,767
But can she stay here,
through? She's all alone.
35
00:01:07,788 --> 00:01:11,013
All right, fine. She can
stay here temporarily.
36
00:01:11,033 --> 00:01:12,782
And she has to stop startling me.
37
00:01:12,802 --> 00:01:13,934
- Deal.
- Oh, God!!
38
00:01:14,905 --> 00:01:17,439
We'll figure it out, Eileen.
39
00:01:18,175 --> 00:01:20,090
Hey, man. So, why the surprise visit?
40
00:01:20,110 --> 00:01:21,926
Well, I need to ask you something.
41
00:01:21,946 --> 00:01:23,994
I'm coming up on a pretty big milestone.
42
00:01:24,014 --> 00:01:26,096
This week is the
one-year kiss-a-versary
43
00:01:26,116 --> 00:01:27,064
for me and Eileen.
44
00:01:27,084 --> 00:01:28,232
All right.
45
00:01:28,252 --> 00:01:30,034
I hadn't realized it
had been a year already,
46
00:01:30,054 --> 00:01:32,002
or that a kiss-a-versary was a thing.
47
00:01:32,022 --> 00:01:33,504
Well, it has, and it isn't.
48
00:01:33,524 --> 00:01:35,105
Okay, keep it together, Clive.
49
00:01:35,125 --> 00:01:36,440
Where are you going with this, man?
50
00:01:36,460 --> 00:01:38,976
I would like to ask permission
51
00:01:38,996 --> 00:01:41,879
for your ex-wife's hand in marriage.
52
00:01:41,899 --> 00:01:43,914
Just say yes or punch
me, but no name-calling.
53
00:01:43,934 --> 00:01:45,049
Those bruises don't heal.
54
00:01:45,069 --> 00:01:47,785
What? Are you kidding me?!
55
00:01:47,805 --> 00:01:49,587
Of course, buddy! [Laughs]
56
00:01:49,607 --> 00:01:51,522
Of course you have my blessing!
57
00:01:51,542 --> 00:01:54,458
Whoo-hoo! Oh, man!
58
00:01:54,478 --> 00:01:56,327
That is an ass-ton of relief.
59
00:01:56,347 --> 00:01:58,562
Oh, here... Let me show you the ring.
60
00:01:58,582 --> 00:01:59,463
Yeah.
61
00:01:59,483 --> 00:02:01,465
It's the same I gave to my ex-wife
62
00:02:01,485 --> 00:02:03,834
that she later threw
at me from her Jetta.
63
00:02:03,854 --> 00:02:04,902
What do you think?
64
00:02:04,922 --> 00:02:05,866
Wow.
65
00:02:05,887 --> 00:02:08,272
I think you're lucky she
didn't hit you with the Jetta.
66
00:02:08,292 --> 00:02:09,440
She tried.
67
00:02:09,460 --> 00:02:11,809
And also, I mean, it's
got bad vibes from your ex.
68
00:02:11,829 --> 00:02:12,843
You want to give Eileen
69
00:02:12,863 --> 00:02:15,612
something that isn't
tainted with failure.
70
00:02:15,633 --> 00:02:19,115
Mother has my great-grandmother's ring.
71
00:02:19,136 --> 00:02:20,417
It's gorgeous.
72
00:02:20,437 --> 00:02:22,551
Only problem is, Mother
will never let me have it.
73
00:02:22,572 --> 00:02:24,054
She even hides the Bed Bath & Beyond
74
00:02:24,074 --> 00:02:26,590
20% coupons from me because
she thinks I'll ruin them.
75
00:02:26,610 --> 00:02:29,627
Clive, we're going to your mom's
and we're getting that ring.
76
00:02:29,647 --> 00:02:31,629
Great. Let's also steal the coupons.
77
00:02:31,649 --> 00:02:34,531
I've got my eye on a duvet
that's just 20% too expensive.
78
00:02:34,551 --> 00:02:36,533
Shannon!
79
00:02:36,553 --> 00:02:37,935
Look what I found.
80
00:02:37,955 --> 00:02:41,605
A positive pregnancy test?
Where did you find that?
81
00:02:41,625 --> 00:02:43,874
It was in the downstairs
bathroom in the trash can.
82
00:02:43,894 --> 00:02:46,076
It was stuffed in the
bottom of bag of old fries.
83
00:02:46,096 --> 00:02:48,245
Jimmy, I thought we were
done eating trash fries.
84
00:02:48,265 --> 00:02:49,209
You were done.
85
00:02:49,230 --> 00:02:50,836
I never agreed to
that, and I never will.
86
00:02:50,857 --> 00:02:52,342
Well, it certainly isn't mine,
87
00:02:52,363 --> 00:02:56,320
and Allison is a lesbian
and clearly a virgin, so...
88
00:02:56,340 --> 00:02:57,436
- It's Mom's!
- It's Mom's!
89
00:02:57,457 --> 00:02:59,518
- Oh, God! It has Mom's pee on it!
- Ew, pregnant pee!
90
00:02:59,538 --> 00:03:00,891
Ahh! God!
91
00:03:00,911 --> 00:03:03,460
Well, Mom is obviously not
ready to share the news yet,
92
00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:05,271
so we better keep this to ourselves.
93
00:03:05,291 --> 00:03:06,238
You're right. Right.
94
00:03:06,258 --> 00:03:07,606
She'll tell us when she's ready.
95
00:03:07,626 --> 00:03:08,501
Right.
96
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:09,975
And please tell me you
stopped eating the fries
97
00:03:09,995 --> 00:03:11,310
once you found the pee stick.
98
00:03:11,330 --> 00:03:15,214
99
00:03:15,234 --> 00:03:17,850
I don't want to lie to you, Shannon.
100
00:03:17,870 --> 00:03:19,918
Now, when Mother gets
back with the cookies,
101
00:03:19,938 --> 00:03:22,621
I'll make an excuse to leave,
and you keep her busy in here.
102
00:03:22,641 --> 00:03:25,424
Clive, I literally just finished
telling you that was the plan.
103
00:03:25,444 --> 00:03:27,426
- I know. I'm just so excited.
- Calm down.
104
00:03:27,446 --> 00:03:28,527
Here we are.
105
00:03:28,547 --> 00:03:30,829
Victoria, I can't tell
you what a pleasure it is
106
00:03:30,849 --> 00:03:33,299
to finally meet the
mother of my best friend.
107
00:03:33,319 --> 00:03:35,801
But I have to tell you, you
look more like his sister.
108
00:03:35,821 --> 00:03:37,102
Oh, you flatter me.
109
00:03:37,122 --> 00:03:39,338
My secret is I never smile.
110
00:03:39,359 --> 00:03:40,799
I just look amused,
111
00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:43,676
and I have a deep understanding
of the female orgasm.
112
00:03:43,696 --> 00:03:44,977
Ahh.
113
00:03:44,997 --> 00:03:49,915
Well, as the Chippewa say,
I have to go take a tea-pee.
114
00:03:49,936 --> 00:03:51,576
[Sighs]
115
00:03:51,597 --> 00:03:54,186
He has the same
constitution as his father...
116
00:03:54,206 --> 00:03:55,454
Weak and needy.
117
00:03:55,474 --> 00:03:58,524
And yet you are so
strong and independent.
118
00:03:58,544 --> 00:04:02,294
You have no idea. I was
a Rockette, you know.
119
00:04:02,314 --> 00:04:03,562
- Oh!
- Mm-hmm.
120
00:04:03,582 --> 00:04:05,664
Well, Clive has told me many
fascinating things about you,
121
00:04:05,684 --> 00:04:07,132
but he never mentioned... Wow!
122
00:04:07,152 --> 00:04:08,567
Oh, look at those high kicks.
123
00:04:08,588 --> 00:04:11,315
That's a flexibility
you have to be born with.
124
00:04:11,336 --> 00:04:13,174
I'm not sure if Clive told you,
125
00:04:13,195 --> 00:04:16,175
but, um, my lover Gary
and I have parted ways.
126
00:04:16,195 --> 00:04:17,843
He did not share that with me.
127
00:04:17,863 --> 00:04:20,846
That is... That's good
information to have.
128
00:04:20,866 --> 00:04:26,051
Shame to let all that
flexibility go to waste.
129
00:04:26,071 --> 00:04:28,082
Well, all done.
130
00:04:28,103 --> 00:04:29,722
Pat, we should probably get going.
131
00:04:29,742 --> 00:04:30,689
Why don't you go on ahead, Clive.
132
00:04:30,709 --> 00:04:31,557
I-I'll catch up.
133
00:04:31,577 --> 00:04:33,592
Mother. This one is mine.
134
00:04:33,612 --> 00:04:35,627
And, Pat, we have plans.
135
00:04:35,647 --> 00:04:38,306
Mm-hmm. You'll be back.
136
00:04:39,551 --> 00:04:40,833
Probably.
137
00:04:40,853 --> 00:04:43,068
If you're my friend, you won't
go past third base with her.
138
00:04:43,088 --> 00:04:45,270
But I think it was all
worth it for this ring.
139
00:04:45,290 --> 00:04:46,038
Oh, yeah.
140
00:04:46,058 --> 00:04:47,539
Voil?. [Chuckles]
141
00:04:47,559 --> 00:04:48,264
Clive!
142
00:04:48,285 --> 00:04:49,566
It's the Murray family crest.
143
00:04:49,587 --> 00:04:52,378
What are you from, a family
of tacky sorcerers? No!
144
00:04:52,398 --> 00:04:54,813
Here. Clive, you have
to buy Eileen a new ring.
145
00:04:54,833 --> 00:04:56,815
Don't you have like three
months' salary saved up?
146
00:04:56,836 --> 00:04:58,417
Three months? Try three years.
147
00:04:58,437 --> 00:05:00,853
I get all of my clothes from
the school's lost and found.
148
00:05:00,873 --> 00:05:04,423
Hey, you have the same
electric toothbrush I do.
149
00:05:04,443 --> 00:05:06,425
No. But I should get one.
150
00:05:06,445 --> 00:05:08,327
It also cleans sneakers.
151
00:05:08,347 --> 00:05:10,600
Well, consider it a welcome gift.
152
00:05:10,621 --> 00:05:12,097
Thanks.
153
00:05:12,118 --> 00:05:14,634
Why is your fish in my bathtub?
154
00:05:14,655 --> 00:05:16,268
Are you cleaning its tank?
155
00:05:16,288 --> 00:05:18,604
No. I'm giving Catfish Everdeen a bath.
156
00:05:18,624 --> 00:05:20,372
Isn't her whole life a bath?
157
00:05:20,392 --> 00:05:22,274
You just blew my mind.
158
00:05:22,294 --> 00:05:24,610
Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed.
159
00:05:24,630 --> 00:05:27,012
Oh, actually, the air
mattress was for...
160
00:05:27,032 --> 00:05:28,747
You know what? Never mind.
161
00:05:28,767 --> 00:05:31,216
Oh, hey, did you get a
chance to read that pamphlet
162
00:05:31,236 --> 00:05:33,619
I left out for you about
being a child of divorce?
163
00:05:33,639 --> 00:05:34,953
I couldn't get all the way through it.
164
00:05:34,973 --> 00:05:35,954
It's a pamphlet.
165
00:05:35,974 --> 00:05:37,022
I know.
166
00:05:37,083 --> 00:05:41,047
Well, hopefully your
parents can figure out
167
00:05:41,068 --> 00:05:43,515
a civil way to resolve their issues.
168
00:05:43,536 --> 00:05:46,031
You know, our family
is actually closer...
169
00:05:46,051 --> 00:05:48,133
- [Snoring]
- Allison?
170
00:05:48,153 --> 00:05:50,436
[Air hisses, squeaks]
171
00:05:50,456 --> 00:05:53,872
I really hope that was the air mattress.
172
00:05:53,892 --> 00:05:56,275
173
00:05:56,295 --> 00:05:58,210
Ow!
174
00:05:58,230 --> 00:05:59,945
What are you doing?
175
00:05:59,965 --> 00:06:02,681
I am making things safe
for little VP Jimmy.
176
00:06:02,701 --> 00:06:04,550
This house is a death trap.
177
00:06:04,570 --> 00:06:07,519
Like this... Look at
this dangerous pill.
178
00:06:07,539 --> 00:06:09,488
You know, is it medicine, is it candy?
179
00:06:09,508 --> 00:06:11,256
There's only one way to find out.
180
00:06:11,276 --> 00:06:12,209
No, Jimmy...
181
00:06:13,854 --> 00:06:14,760
It was a bug.
182
00:06:14,780 --> 00:06:15,682
Okay.
183
00:06:15,703 --> 00:06:17,563
Well, you do realize you're
about a year and a half
184
00:06:17,583 --> 00:06:19,331
too early for baby-proofing, right?
185
00:06:19,351 --> 00:06:22,319
It's never too early
to drown in the toilet.
186
00:06:24,223 --> 00:06:26,238
[Sighs]
187
00:06:26,258 --> 00:06:29,374
Jimmy, 100 outlet covers?
188
00:06:29,394 --> 00:06:31,877
What's this?
189
00:06:31,897 --> 00:06:33,178
He got into college.
190
00:06:33,198 --> 00:06:34,413
Oh! God!
191
00:06:34,433 --> 00:06:35,285
I snoop.
192
00:06:35,306 --> 00:06:37,883
Also, your dad took out a
second mortgage on the house.
193
00:06:37,903 --> 00:06:39,436
Bye.
194
00:06:41,073 --> 00:06:43,655
Hey, Jimmy, you hear
from any of the colleges
195
00:06:43,675 --> 00:06:44,857
you applied to yet?
196
00:06:44,877 --> 00:06:47,092
Nope. Swing and a miss on all of 'em.
197
00:06:47,112 --> 00:06:48,393
Good thing college didn't agree,
198
00:06:48,413 --> 00:06:50,653
because somebody's got to
stay here and protect the baby.
199
00:06:52,837 --> 00:06:54,432
Oh, wow. This is good.
200
00:06:54,453 --> 00:06:56,101
This is gonna be hard for the baby,
201
00:06:56,121 --> 00:06:58,770
you know, 'cause... 'cause
they don't have thumbs yet.
202
00:06:58,790 --> 00:07:02,441
Okay, I'm trapped. Shannon! Mom!
203
00:07:02,461 --> 00:07:03,308
Got it.
204
00:07:03,328 --> 00:07:04,427
Thank you.
205
00:07:06,365 --> 00:07:08,247
- [Snoring]
- Kenny.
206
00:07:08,267 --> 00:07:09,081
Eileen: Kenny!
207
00:07:09,101 --> 00:07:10,616
I'm awake!
208
00:07:10,636 --> 00:07:12,251
Where am I?
209
00:07:12,271 --> 00:07:14,419
You're in the kitchen,
drooling on a loaf of bread.
210
00:07:14,439 --> 00:07:16,399
We need to talk about Allison.
211
00:07:16,420 --> 00:07:18,724
She ate two boxes of waffles.
212
00:07:18,744 --> 00:07:21,816
8 waffles each... That's 16 waffles.
213
00:07:21,837 --> 00:07:24,563
And the toaster's cold.
She ate them frozen.
214
00:07:24,583 --> 00:07:27,199
I keep going out of my
way to give her advice,
215
00:07:27,219 --> 00:07:28,692
but she refuses to listen to it,
216
00:07:28,713 --> 00:07:31,286
and she wore my meditation kimono.
217
00:07:32,512 --> 00:07:35,407
Is this her retainer in my coffee mug?
218
00:07:35,427 --> 00:07:38,343
She has some boundary issues
when it comes to oral hygiene.
219
00:07:38,363 --> 00:07:41,647
Kenny, I know she's your friend
220
00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:44,149
and she means a lot to you, but...
221
00:07:44,169 --> 00:07:46,154
- girl's got to go.
- Girl's got to go.
222
00:07:47,923 --> 00:07:50,671
[Sizzling]
223
00:07:50,691 --> 00:07:52,173
What are you doing?
224
00:07:52,193 --> 00:07:53,707
Crisping my waffle.
225
00:07:53,727 --> 00:07:55,347
With my curling iron?
226
00:07:55,368 --> 00:07:57,478
I didn't know how to
use your stupid toaster.
227
00:07:57,498 --> 00:08:00,527
And I bet this how they do it
on "Orange is the New Black."
228
00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:03,441
Okay, Allison, we need to talk.
229
00:08:03,462 --> 00:08:04,409
Great.
230
00:08:04,430 --> 00:08:06,145
Your mom keeps the house way too hot.
231
00:08:06,166 --> 00:08:08,248
Actually, it's about you staying here.
232
00:08:08,269 --> 00:08:10,824
And it's not that I don't
enjoy you or Catfish Everdeen.
233
00:08:10,844 --> 00:08:13,099
- It's just...
- Oh, you don't have to worry about it.
234
00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,787
I talked to my parents last night,
235
00:08:14,808 --> 00:08:16,764
and they worked things out.
236
00:08:16,785 --> 00:08:19,177
I was gonna tell you after
I finished this waffle.
237
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:20,146
Perfect!
238
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,702
[Clears throat] I mean...
239
00:08:21,722 --> 00:08:22,810
that's so cool.
240
00:08:22,831 --> 00:08:24,805
Love wins.
241
00:08:24,825 --> 00:08:26,473
Aunt Jodi.
242
00:08:26,493 --> 00:08:29,059
Hey, sweetheart! What
are you doing here?
243
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:30,614
I need to ask you something about Jimmy.
244
00:08:30,634 --> 00:08:32,215
Your mom let him eat
those Styrofoam peanuts
245
00:08:32,234 --> 00:08:32,957
when he was a kid.
246
00:08:32,978 --> 00:08:34,417
I think that's the
reason for everything.
247
00:08:34,437 --> 00:08:36,886
Not this. He got into college.
248
00:08:36,906 --> 00:08:38,548
He did? Yay!
249
00:08:38,569 --> 00:08:41,891
But he's not telling anyone,
and I can't figure out why.
250
00:08:41,911 --> 00:08:43,515
Well, people have their reasons
251
00:08:43,536 --> 00:08:44,917
for keeping things to themselves.
252
00:08:44,938 --> 00:08:45,795
Not Jimmy.
253
00:08:45,815 --> 00:08:47,797
Remember he showed us
his first armpit hair.
254
00:08:47,817 --> 00:08:49,231
Oh. Chris.
255
00:08:49,251 --> 00:08:51,033
I'm just worried that something's wrong.
256
00:08:51,053 --> 00:08:53,169
And you're so good at
getting people to open up.
257
00:08:53,189 --> 00:08:54,111
It's true.
258
00:08:54,132 --> 00:08:56,248
Something about the way
that I touch people's hair.
259
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:59,608
Sherry just told me that she's
making her kids sick on purpose.
260
00:08:59,628 --> 00:09:01,911
[Doorbell chimes]
261
00:09:01,931 --> 00:09:04,447
Hi! Can I help you find something?
262
00:09:04,467 --> 00:09:06,816
Uh, we need an engagement ring.
263
00:09:06,836 --> 00:09:07,750
Oh! When's the date?
264
00:09:07,770 --> 00:09:09,593
Ah, well, we haven't set one yet.
265
00:09:09,614 --> 00:09:11,445
Yeah, he has to get a "yes" first.
266
00:09:11,466 --> 00:09:14,155
Oh, well, you better snap him up,
267
00:09:14,176 --> 00:09:17,660
because I can think of about
15 things I'd like to do to him.
268
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,443
Wow. Everyone is hitting on you today.
269
00:09:19,464 --> 00:09:20,196
Yeah.
270
00:09:20,216 --> 00:09:22,298
Well, I love flirting with you gays.
271
00:09:22,318 --> 00:09:24,867
I can say the most outrageous things
272
00:09:24,887 --> 00:09:27,203
because I know nothing
is ever gonna happen.
273
00:09:27,223 --> 00:09:29,305
Like, um, "Let's go into the stock room
274
00:09:29,325 --> 00:09:30,973
and just [bleep] each other."
275
00:09:30,993 --> 00:09:33,142
We are actually straight.
276
00:09:33,162 --> 00:09:35,729
Oh! My bad.
277
00:09:36,799 --> 00:09:38,647
Well, gentlemen,
278
00:09:38,667 --> 00:09:43,252
I have a wonderful
princess cut right here.
279
00:09:43,272 --> 00:09:44,553
This is beautiful.
280
00:09:44,573 --> 00:09:45,621
Yes. Gorgeous.
281
00:09:45,641 --> 00:09:46,989
Oh, man!
282
00:09:47,009 --> 00:09:50,067
And look how your delicate
fingers really show it off.
283
00:09:50,087 --> 00:09:52,805
There's no way she
says "no" to that ring.
284
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:55,164
Yes. She's going to love it.
285
00:09:55,184 --> 00:09:56,699
[Chuckles] Huh.
286
00:09:56,719 --> 00:09:58,334
This is so great! It is so exciting.
287
00:09:58,354 --> 00:09:59,835
I mean, there's so much to plan.
288
00:09:59,855 --> 00:10:02,938
Not just the wedding, but we also have
to find you a great place to live.
289
00:10:02,958 --> 00:10:04,607
I hadn't really thought about that.
290
00:10:04,627 --> 00:10:05,908
Know what? Maybe I could talk to Marco
291
00:10:05,928 --> 00:10:07,510
about you taking over my
lease at the Hazelwood.
292
00:10:07,530 --> 00:10:09,066
What? No. I don't want to live there.
293
00:10:09,087 --> 00:10:09,981
That place is the worst.
294
00:10:10,001 --> 00:10:12,256
Uh, okay. Don't yuck my yum.
295
00:10:12,277 --> 00:10:13,827
That is my home, and
those are my friends.
296
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,251
Obviously you have not been to The 'Wood
297
00:10:15,271 --> 00:10:16,379
on "make your own pizza" night.
298
00:10:16,399 --> 00:10:18,287
We make our own pizzas. At night.
299
00:10:18,307 --> 00:10:19,404
Clive, why would I want to live
300
00:10:19,424 --> 00:10:21,023
with a bunch of sad, divorced men?
301
00:10:21,043 --> 00:10:22,892
Well, maybe they don't
want to live in a garage.
302
00:10:22,912 --> 00:10:24,760
Well, if you want me to live
where you've lived before,
303
00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:26,362
why don't I just go
move in with your mother?
304
00:10:26,382 --> 00:10:27,196
You wouldn't!
305
00:10:27,216 --> 00:10:28,297
Oh, I don't know what I'd do.
306
00:10:28,317 --> 00:10:29,832
I'm feeling very unhinged right now.
307
00:10:29,852 --> 00:10:31,233
In fact, suddenly I don't feel
308
00:10:31,253 --> 00:10:32,819
like ring shopping with you anymore.
309
00:10:35,925 --> 00:10:37,273
Lovers' quarrel?
310
00:10:37,293 --> 00:10:41,010
There is so much stress
leading up to the big day.
311
00:10:41,030 --> 00:10:42,611
You said it, sister.
312
00:10:42,631 --> 00:10:44,847
So, we're getting a new
electric toothbrush...
313
00:10:44,867 --> 00:10:45,648
Waffles.
314
00:10:45,668 --> 00:10:47,716
- And hair gel for you.
- Yeah.
315
00:10:47,737 --> 00:10:49,919
- I hope Allison's doing okay.
- Yeah.
316
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:51,779
You know, I'm really gonna
miss having her around.
317
00:10:51,799 --> 00:10:52,821
Me, too.
318
00:10:52,841 --> 00:10:55,624
[Both laugh]
319
00:10:55,644 --> 00:10:57,193
I thought you were serious.
320
00:10:57,213 --> 00:10:58,761
I thought you were serious.
321
00:10:58,781 --> 00:11:02,464
I love her, but she's
just a lot to take.
322
00:11:02,484 --> 00:11:03,766
And that creepy fish...
323
00:11:03,786 --> 00:11:06,135
It watched me when I
went to the bathroom.
324
00:11:06,155 --> 00:11:07,736
I got weird vibes from that fish, too.
325
00:11:07,756 --> 00:11:09,171
[Air squeaks]
What was that?
326
00:11:09,191 --> 00:11:10,390
It was us.
327
00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:15,012
Do you think she heard us?
328
00:11:15,032 --> 00:11:16,981
Yes.
329
00:11:17,001 --> 00:11:18,200
I heard you.
330
00:11:22,453 --> 00:11:23,534
Allison.
331
00:11:23,554 --> 00:11:25,345
What are you doing in our minivan?
332
00:11:25,366 --> 00:11:27,304
I thought everything with
your parents worked out.
333
00:11:27,324 --> 00:11:28,873
I lied to you about that.
334
00:11:28,893 --> 00:11:31,275
My parents' relationship
was never in trouble.
335
00:11:31,295 --> 00:11:33,143
In fact, they're stronger than ever
336
00:11:33,163 --> 00:11:34,945
because they have a common enemy.
337
00:11:34,965 --> 00:11:36,247
Is it your pervert fish?
338
00:11:36,267 --> 00:11:37,481
No. It's me.
339
00:11:37,501 --> 00:11:40,050
They found out I'm gay,
and they kicked me out.
340
00:11:40,070 --> 00:11:42,186
Oh, my God. Did you come out to them?
341
00:11:42,206 --> 00:11:43,220
No.
342
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,923
But they read my Jennifer Lawrence blog.
343
00:11:45,943 --> 00:11:47,558
And they saw me kissing my girlfriend.
344
00:11:47,578 --> 00:11:49,860
Kind of hard to walk that one back.
345
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,295
Why didn't you tell me?
346
00:11:51,315 --> 00:11:53,330
I didn't want you to feel bad.
347
00:11:53,350 --> 00:11:54,406
They blame you.
348
00:11:54,427 --> 00:11:57,234
They think I became gay
when I joined your LGBT club.
349
00:11:57,254 --> 00:11:58,802
That doesn't make any sense.
350
00:11:58,822 --> 00:11:59,937
That is ridiculous.
351
00:11:59,957 --> 00:12:01,901
Mom, we have to talk
to Allison's parents.
352
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:04,120
Oh, no. I don't get involved
with other people's business.
353
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,710
Mom, you're the perfect
person to talk to them.
354
00:12:05,729 --> 00:12:08,379
No. I'm sorry, Allison,
but this family business,
355
00:12:08,399 --> 00:12:09,647
your family's business.
356
00:12:09,667 --> 00:12:11,715
That's okay. I can live in your van.
357
00:12:11,735 --> 00:12:13,684
After all, Jewel did it for years.
358
00:12:13,704 --> 00:12:15,052
And how's that working out for her?
359
00:12:15,072 --> 00:12:16,720
When was the last time
you heard from Jewel?
360
00:12:16,740 --> 00:12:19,223
- She...
- Christmas albums don't count.
361
00:12:19,243 --> 00:12:20,724
Oh.
362
00:12:20,744 --> 00:12:22,481
Jimmy: Thanks for texting me
363
00:12:22,502 --> 00:12:24,484
about wanting to give me a free haircut.
364
00:12:24,505 --> 00:12:26,697
- How'd you know I needed it?
- Hairdresser's intuition.
365
00:12:26,717 --> 00:12:28,599
Plus we never get one-on-one time.
366
00:12:28,620 --> 00:12:30,011
Anything new with you?
367
00:12:30,032 --> 00:12:32,002
No. Same old, same old. Oh, my God!
368
00:12:32,022 --> 00:12:33,437
I got into ASU, but I hid the letter
369
00:12:33,457 --> 00:12:34,538
because I don't want to go,
370
00:12:34,558 --> 00:12:36,040
and I accidentally killed Allison's fish
371
00:12:36,060 --> 00:12:37,808
- and replaced it with another one.
- I knew it!
372
00:12:37,828 --> 00:12:39,209
I'm sorry! I hugged it too hard!
373
00:12:39,229 --> 00:12:40,110
No, not that.
374
00:12:40,130 --> 00:12:41,912
Why don't you want to go to college?
375
00:12:41,932 --> 00:12:44,181
Yeah, you've been
working so hard to get in.
376
00:12:44,202 --> 00:12:46,851
'Cause I don't think I'm
ready to leave you guys yet.
377
00:12:46,870 --> 00:12:49,520
I mean, that's what I wrote
my essay about that got me in,
378
00:12:49,540 --> 00:12:50,891
but they're too dumb
to even understand that,
379
00:12:50,911 --> 00:12:53,891
which makes me think that ASU
really is just a party school.
380
00:12:53,911 --> 00:12:55,402
Jimmy, you have to go.
381
00:12:55,423 --> 00:12:56,460
No, I do not.
382
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,330
Anyway, now that mom's having
a baby, we can't afford college.
383
00:12:59,351 --> 00:13:00,332
- What?
- Jimmy!
384
00:13:00,353 --> 00:13:01,832
I can't help it. Her hands are magic.
385
00:13:01,852 --> 00:13:03,100
Your mom's having a baby?
386
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,668
Yes. But nobody else knows.
387
00:13:04,688 --> 00:13:07,237
We found the pregnancy test
in a bag of trash fries,
388
00:13:07,257 --> 00:13:10,040
which also tested
positive... for flavor.
389
00:13:10,060 --> 00:13:11,927
[Sighs]
390
00:13:14,264 --> 00:13:16,313
This seat taken?
391
00:13:16,333 --> 00:13:18,816
No, but it's sticky.
392
00:13:18,836 --> 00:13:20,618
I deserve it.
393
00:13:20,638 --> 00:13:21,518
Oh!
394
00:13:21,538 --> 00:13:24,388
You weren't kidding. I am planted.
395
00:13:24,408 --> 00:13:27,925
Look, buddy, if we're moving
too fast, I can pump the brakes.
396
00:13:27,945 --> 00:13:30,552
I think I just got so
excited to get your blessing,
397
00:13:30,573 --> 00:13:32,496
I didn't think it through.
398
00:13:32,516 --> 00:13:33,764
But now I get it.
399
00:13:33,784 --> 00:13:36,767
I'm not just marrying Eileen.
I'm marrying all of you.
400
00:13:36,787 --> 00:13:39,536
I understand if you don't want
me living in the back yard.
401
00:13:39,556 --> 00:13:41,805
Are you kidding me? Of
course I want you there.
402
00:13:41,825 --> 00:13:44,008
I just assumed you'd
want to go somewhere else
403
00:13:44,028 --> 00:13:45,560
'cause that's the normal thing to do.
404
00:13:45,581 --> 00:13:47,578
But nothing about this is normal,
405
00:13:47,598 --> 00:13:49,980
yet somehow we make it work.
406
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,182
So, you're okay if I
stay in the tiny house?
407
00:13:52,202 --> 00:13:55,085
Absolutely. I would be ecstatic.
408
00:13:55,105 --> 00:13:56,620
I can't be the man I want to be
409
00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:58,707
without this guy right
outside my back door.
410
00:14:00,427 --> 00:14:05,429
Ladies, I beg you, live your lives!
411
00:14:05,449 --> 00:14:07,564
You know?
412
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:10,335
Uh, so this is a pamphlet
413
00:14:10,354 --> 00:14:13,170
explaining that being
gay is not a choice,
414
00:14:13,190 --> 00:14:15,581
and here's one that will maybe help
415
00:14:15,601 --> 00:14:19,143
the two of you understand
what Allison is going through.
416
00:14:19,163 --> 00:14:20,619
Uh, now this pamphlet
417
00:14:20,639 --> 00:14:23,989
is for a sale at the J.Crew outlet,
418
00:14:24,009 --> 00:14:25,249
uh, which could be yours
419
00:14:25,269 --> 00:14:27,718
for the small price of
accepting your daughter.
420
00:14:27,738 --> 00:14:29,520
Kenny, we don't need your pamphlets.
421
00:14:29,540 --> 00:14:31,689
We have a plan that
will bring Allison home.
422
00:14:31,709 --> 00:14:33,190
You do?
423
00:14:33,210 --> 00:14:34,958
Okay. That's... That's great.
424
00:14:34,978 --> 00:14:37,528
She must agree to see
our church's counselor
425
00:14:37,548 --> 00:14:39,396
once a week to fix her problem.
426
00:14:39,416 --> 00:14:42,099
See, I told you they wouldn't listen.
427
00:14:42,119 --> 00:14:45,936
Yeah, that's the thing... Um,
she doesn't have a problem.
428
00:14:45,956 --> 00:14:50,649
It's just who she is,
and she is amazing.
429
00:14:50,669 --> 00:14:51,575
Trust me.
430
00:14:51,595 --> 00:14:53,777
Kenny, why should we trust a boy
431
00:14:53,797 --> 00:14:56,313
who lured her into his deviant club?
432
00:14:56,333 --> 00:15:00,114
My club is not deviant.
We do community outreach.
433
00:15:00,135 --> 00:15:02,380
Chess Club got kicked
out of the Ramada Inn.
434
00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:05,522
You're a bad influence, and
this conversation is over.
435
00:15:05,542 --> 00:15:06,323
Excuse me.
436
00:15:06,343 --> 00:15:07,424
[Clears throat]
437
00:15:07,444 --> 00:15:08,826
I'm sorry to interrupt.
438
00:15:08,846 --> 00:15:10,627
I'm Eileen, Kenny's mother.
439
00:15:10,647 --> 00:15:13,831
I never want to interfere,
but I just couldn't sit here,
440
00:15:13,851 --> 00:15:16,166
and I'm... I'm done with my pie.
441
00:15:16,186 --> 00:15:18,857
But your plan isn't going to work
442
00:15:18,878 --> 00:15:21,161
because there's nothing to fix.
443
00:15:21,182 --> 00:15:22,463
Believe me, I've tried.
444
00:15:22,484 --> 00:15:25,033
You can quote the Bible,
and you can throw away
445
00:15:25,054 --> 00:15:27,315
their playbill from "A Chorus Line,"
446
00:15:27,336 --> 00:15:29,346
but nothing you do is
gonna make them not gay.
447
00:15:29,366 --> 00:15:31,108
I knew I didn't lose that playbill.
448
00:15:31,129 --> 00:15:32,816
We're not gonna put aside our beliefs
449
00:15:32,836 --> 00:15:33,951
and let her ruin her life.
450
00:15:33,971 --> 00:15:36,381
It's time for tough love.
451
00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:37,620
Oh.
452
00:15:37,641 --> 00:15:38,722
Oh, well...
453
00:15:38,742 --> 00:15:42,426
Kicking your kid out
of the house isn't love.
454
00:15:42,446 --> 00:15:44,495
And the only one it's
gonna be tough on is you
455
00:15:44,515 --> 00:15:45,729
because you won't have a relationship
456
00:15:45,749 --> 00:15:47,030
with your daughter.
457
00:15:47,050 --> 00:15:51,353
So, maybe just take a
second look at those beliefs.
458
00:15:53,442 --> 00:15:55,791
Allison will stay with us
459
00:15:55,812 --> 00:15:59,547
until, you know, you fix your problem.
460
00:16:00,430 --> 00:16:02,179
Okay.
461
00:16:02,199 --> 00:16:03,180
That's our pie.
462
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,983
Yes, but she eats an enormous amount.
463
00:16:06,003 --> 00:16:07,684
I think it's only fair.
464
00:16:07,704 --> 00:16:09,404
Come on, honey. Let's go.
465
00:16:15,579 --> 00:16:16,693
Okay, here we are.
466
00:16:16,713 --> 00:16:18,061
Oh, good. You guys are here.
467
00:16:18,081 --> 00:16:19,429
Trash fries are still fries.
468
00:16:19,449 --> 00:16:21,765
Everybody, family meeting
in the living room, please.
469
00:16:21,785 --> 00:16:23,167
Everybody in the living room.
470
00:16:23,187 --> 00:16:24,099
Go ahead.
471
00:16:26,690 --> 00:16:27,905
- What's going on?
- Hang on.
472
00:16:27,925 --> 00:16:29,540
Don't worry about it. Just have a seat.
473
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,508
Well, not all of our family is here yet.
474
00:16:31,528 --> 00:16:32,643
Okay.
475
00:16:32,663 --> 00:16:35,427
Clive has something
he would like to say.
476
00:16:39,303 --> 00:16:40,384
O'Neals.
477
00:16:40,404 --> 00:16:43,554
And Allison, who's here for some reason.
478
00:16:43,575 --> 00:16:48,404
Um, after living under
Mother's thumb for so long,
479
00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:52,599
being with all of you has
felt like joining the circus.
480
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,665
Shannon, you're the ringmaster.
481
00:16:54,685 --> 00:16:56,600
Jimmy, you're the clown.
482
00:16:56,620 --> 00:16:58,769
Pat, you're the lion and the lion tamer.
483
00:16:58,789 --> 00:17:00,871
Jodi, you're tickets and promotions.
484
00:17:00,891 --> 00:17:03,807
And, Kenny, of course
you are the bearded lady.
485
00:17:03,827 --> 00:17:05,709
That is offensive, but, honestly,
486
00:17:05,729 --> 00:17:08,078
just glad not to be
tickets and promotions.
487
00:17:08,098 --> 00:17:11,982
And, Eileen, you are
the incredible acrobat.
488
00:17:12,003 --> 00:17:15,485
Elegant and strong, yet flexible.
489
00:17:15,505 --> 00:17:16,520
Hey, now.
490
00:17:16,540 --> 00:17:19,130
In the way that you are able to adapt
491
00:17:19,151 --> 00:17:23,827
to new circumstances gracefully
and without fear of failing.
492
00:17:23,847 --> 00:17:28,198
Uh, so, just indulge me this
circus metaphor a moment longer
493
00:17:28,218 --> 00:17:35,606
to say that I would like to run
away with all of you forever.
494
00:17:35,626 --> 00:17:37,025
So...
495
00:17:38,194 --> 00:17:39,376
[Gasps]
496
00:17:39,396 --> 00:17:41,930
Eileen O'Neal, and family...
497
00:17:43,653 --> 00:17:45,053
Oh, my God.
498
00:17:47,371 --> 00:17:49,419
...will you marry me?
499
00:17:49,439 --> 00:17:53,457
Oh, Clive, it's beautiful.
500
00:17:53,477 --> 00:17:54,491
I tried it on myself.
501
00:17:54,511 --> 00:17:56,260
It was a little loose
on my dainty fingers,
502
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,661
so it should fit you just fine.
503
00:17:57,681 --> 00:18:00,448
That was the loveliest proposal.
504
00:18:02,417 --> 00:18:04,032
But no thank you.
505
00:18:04,053 --> 00:18:05,235
Pat: Wait, what?
506
00:18:05,255 --> 00:18:07,671
Eileen, that was perfect. He
just hit it out of the park.
507
00:18:07,691 --> 00:18:10,574
He did, but I don't want
to get married again.
508
00:18:10,594 --> 00:18:12,776
At least not right now.
509
00:18:12,796 --> 00:18:18,081
For so long I've been worried
about doing the right thing
510
00:18:18,101 --> 00:18:20,582
and what other people think.
511
00:18:20,603 --> 00:18:24,487
I've lived by those rules
and look where it's gotten me.
512
00:18:24,508 --> 00:18:25,522
No offense, Pat.
513
00:18:25,542 --> 00:18:26,490
Ah, that's okay.
514
00:18:26,510 --> 00:18:27,557
I live in your garage. I get it.
515
00:18:27,577 --> 00:18:29,017
Well, it's a tiny house.
516
00:18:29,038 --> 00:18:32,856
I love you, but I'm
on a new adventure now,
517
00:18:32,877 --> 00:18:35,192
and it's not one I've chosen,
518
00:18:35,213 --> 00:18:37,501
but I want to see where it takes me.
519
00:18:37,521 --> 00:18:39,836
I hope you understand.
520
00:18:39,856 --> 00:18:41,138
You kidding me?
521
00:18:41,158 --> 00:18:42,774
You just told me you loved
me for the first time.
522
00:18:42,794 --> 00:18:44,361
I can live off of that for years.
523
00:18:44,381 --> 00:18:47,444
Also, um, I don't think I'm
ready to leave the Hazelwood.
524
00:18:47,464 --> 00:18:49,980
They just installed
the pickleball court.
525
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,183
Listen, I still consider
this proposal a success, okay?
526
00:18:53,203 --> 00:18:55,686
And there's no reason
to waste champagne.
527
00:18:55,706 --> 00:18:56,987
I would love a drink.
528
00:18:57,007 --> 00:18:59,222
No! Mom, you can't drink.
529
00:18:59,242 --> 00:18:59,966
Why?
530
00:18:59,987 --> 00:19:01,091
'Cause you're pregnant.
531
00:19:01,112 --> 00:19:02,531
What? I am not.
532
00:19:02,552 --> 00:19:04,828
I'm just a little
full from all that pie.
533
00:19:04,848 --> 00:19:05,762
Geez.
534
00:19:05,782 --> 00:19:07,130
What? [Scoffs]
535
00:19:07,150 --> 00:19:08,765
So, wait. Then who is?
536
00:19:08,785 --> 00:19:11,138
Jimmy, why does somebody
have to be pregnant?
537
00:19:15,525 --> 00:19:17,274
Fine. It's me.
538
00:19:17,294 --> 00:19:18,976
I'm pregnant.
539
00:19:18,996 --> 00:19:20,243
- [Gasps]
- What?
540
00:19:20,263 --> 00:19:21,113
What?
541
00:19:21,134 --> 00:19:23,246
- Uncle Dwayne?
- Yes.
542
00:19:23,266 --> 00:19:24,848
It happened when you
locked us in your room
543
00:19:24,868 --> 00:19:25,981
and you played The Cranberries.
544
00:19:26,001 --> 00:19:29,152
Who were responsible for many
unplanned pregnancies in 90s.
545
00:19:29,172 --> 00:19:32,789
Wow! Well, I am super happy for you.
546
00:19:32,809 --> 00:19:34,291
But I need a new bed.
547
00:19:34,311 --> 00:19:35,792
Wait, so you're knocked up?
548
00:19:35,812 --> 00:19:38,480
Then how is she gonna take
care of tickets and promotions?
549
00:19:38,501 --> 00:19:39,870
Oh, Jimmy.
550
00:19:41,350 --> 00:19:43,001
Yeah!
551
00:19:43,021 --> 00:19:46,212
Kenny: A lot can happen
to a family in one year.
552
00:19:46,232 --> 00:19:49,349
People can get divorced
but still grow closer,
553
00:19:49,369 --> 00:19:51,918
they can find what makes them happy,
554
00:19:51,938 --> 00:19:53,853
even if it's weird,
555
00:19:53,873 --> 00:19:57,782
they can find joy in completely
unexpected moments,
556
00:19:57,802 --> 00:20:00,829
and they can stand up
for what they believe in,
557
00:20:00,850 --> 00:20:02,262
even if its scary.
558
00:20:02,282 --> 00:20:04,622
Kenny: "From the
outside, you might think
559
00:20:04,642 --> 00:20:07,492
all these changes would
make me want to go to college
560
00:20:07,512 --> 00:20:09,535
as far away from home as possible,
561
00:20:09,555 --> 00:20:10,937
where I can do keg stands
562
00:20:10,957 --> 00:20:13,507
and paint my belly at football games.
563
00:20:13,528 --> 00:20:17,143
But it actually makes me
want to stay close to home
564
00:20:17,163 --> 00:20:19,545
and paint 'O'Neal' on my belly,
565
00:20:19,565 --> 00:20:22,782
because we've become my favorite team."
566
00:20:22,802 --> 00:20:25,881
Jimmy, this is a really good essay.
567
00:20:25,902 --> 00:20:27,320
Thanks.
568
00:20:27,340 --> 00:20:28,702
It's all right.
569
00:20:28,723 --> 00:20:30,694
You're gonna go, aren't you?
570
00:20:30,715 --> 00:20:32,530
I don't know. It's expensive.
571
00:20:32,551 --> 00:20:34,994
And, plus, it's... it's far from here.
572
00:20:35,014 --> 00:20:38,431
I don't know if I'm done
with you all yet, so...
573
00:20:38,451 --> 00:20:39,780
Well, go.
574
00:20:39,801 --> 00:20:41,834
Or stay. I don't care.
575
00:20:41,854 --> 00:20:42,965
You care.
576
00:20:42,986 --> 00:20:44,301
You care, bitch.
577
00:20:44,322 --> 00:20:46,239
Well, um, Kenny, can you do me a favor?
578
00:20:46,259 --> 00:20:48,508
Hold her down, 'cause I'm gonna hug her.
579
00:20:48,528 --> 00:20:49,275
- No.
- Yes.
580
00:20:49,295 --> 00:20:50,109
No, you're not.
581
00:20:50,129 --> 00:20:51,110
- Oh, it's coming.
- No!
582
00:20:51,130 --> 00:20:52,812
It's happening. It's happening!
583
00:20:52,832 --> 00:20:54,113
Come here! Come here!
584
00:20:54,133 --> 00:20:55,114
Yeah!
585
00:20:55,134 --> 00:20:56,482
Peanut brother sandwich!
586
00:20:56,502 --> 00:20:59,552
Both: Peanut brother sandwich!
Peanut brother sandwich!
587
00:20:59,602 --> 00:21:04,152
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