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1
00:00:00,278 --> 00:00:03,201
Kenny: The O'Neals had begun to
find the rhythm of our new life.
2
00:00:03,365 --> 00:00:05,713
My father had embraced basement living
3
00:00:05,714 --> 00:00:07,895
and mastered the art
of crock-pot cooking.
4
00:00:07,963 --> 00:00:09,964
And my mom filled in the greens.
5
00:00:10,032 --> 00:00:11,899
They worked together pretty well.
6
00:00:11,967 --> 00:00:14,502
My mother had even
started referring to my sexuality
7
00:00:14,570 --> 00:00:16,270
as "the situation,"
8
00:00:16,338 --> 00:00:19,340
which is step 2 of the 94
steps of accepting your gay child.
9
00:00:19,408 --> 00:00:23,111
Yep, things were looking
good, and then...
10
00:00:23,178 --> 00:00:24,979
Agnes: I'm not tipping
you because I know
11
00:00:25,047 --> 00:00:26,948
you're a millionaire
back in your own country.
12
00:00:27,016 --> 00:00:29,117
Geez, who's the crazy racist?
13
00:00:30,185 --> 00:00:31,953
Grandma.
14
00:00:33,055 --> 00:00:34,989
Agnes: This is why I don't like cabs.
15
00:00:35,057 --> 00:00:37,592
Allowing you to live in
our country is tip enough.
16
00:00:37,660 --> 00:00:40,928
Grandma Agnes, mother of my mother.
17
00:00:40,996 --> 00:00:43,131
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh yo
18
00:00:43,198 --> 00:00:45,366
- A straight-up Catholic gangsta.
- [Rapping]
We at war
19
00:00:45,434 --> 00:00:47,135
Jesus walk
20
00:00:47,202 --> 00:00:48,536
God, show me the way
21
00:00:48,604 --> 00:00:50,705
Because the devil's tryna break me down
22
00:00:50,773 --> 00:00:53,941
-
Jesus walk with me
-
the only thing that I pray
23
00:00:54,009 --> 00:00:56,010
Is that my feet don't fail me now
24
00:00:56,078 --> 00:00:58,446
Get the God box! Get the God box!
25
00:00:58,514 --> 00:01:00,048
We're pretty Catholic,
26
00:01:00,115 --> 00:01:03,718
but we could never be Catholic
enough for Grandma.
27
00:01:03,786 --> 00:01:05,219
Yeah. Pope swap.
28
00:01:05,287 --> 00:01:07,121
Francis down. John Paul up.
29
00:01:07,189 --> 00:01:08,556
Why doesn't your mom ever
call before she comes?
30
00:01:08,624 --> 00:01:09,857
Because then we'd be ready.
31
00:01:09,925 --> 00:01:11,859
- Jimmy, scatter these bibles around.
- Yep.
32
00:01:11,927 --> 00:01:14,028
- What are you wearing?
- Grandma's Easter bonnet.
33
00:01:14,096 --> 00:01:16,664
This hat made me 20 bucks
and change on her last visit.
34
00:01:16,732 --> 00:01:18,066
Suck-up!
35
00:01:18,133 --> 00:01:20,835
I'm not here to make friends.
I'm here to play the game.
36
00:01:20,903 --> 00:01:22,303
- We need to talk.
- Right now?
37
00:01:22,371 --> 00:01:24,091
- We're still married.
- In the eyes of the law?
38
00:01:24,106 --> 00:01:26,340
- In the eyes of my mother.
- What?! You haven't told her?!
39
00:01:26,408 --> 00:01:29,043
How do you tell the world's
most sinless Catholic,
40
00:01:29,111 --> 00:01:31,345
"I've decided the Bible
was wrong about marriage
41
00:01:31,413 --> 00:01:32,880
and I'm going straight to hell"?
42
00:01:32,948 --> 00:01:34,015
Probably not like that.
43
00:01:34,083 --> 00:01:35,383
Plus I'm not just getting a divorce.
44
00:01:35,451 --> 00:01:37,719
I'm divorcing the only thing
she likes about me... you.
45
00:01:37,786 --> 00:01:40,555
While my mother is here,
please just be my husband.
46
00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:41,190
Hey, wait a second.
47
00:01:41,191 --> 00:01:42,856
I've made a new life for
myself in the basement.
48
00:01:42,857 --> 00:01:44,726
I grew a mustache. I eat with my hands.
49
00:01:44,793 --> 00:01:46,060
I make decisions without
fear of criticism.
50
00:01:46,128 --> 00:01:48,329
Pat, you grew a mustache.
You are not a pioneer.
51
00:01:48,397 --> 00:01:50,031
Her visits only last two hours.
52
00:01:50,099 --> 00:01:52,500
Please, just go along
with this. And no tickling.
53
00:01:52,568 --> 00:01:54,902
- What? Old women love tickling.
- What?!
54
00:01:54,970 --> 00:01:56,738
-
Jesus walk
- [Doorbell rings]
55
00:01:57,116 --> 00:02:00,041
Oh! One more thing. You're not gay.
56
00:02:00,109 --> 00:02:02,310
Mom! So good to see you!
57
00:02:02,377 --> 00:02:05,413
The only thing that I pray is
that my feet don't fail me now
58
00:02:05,481 --> 00:02:09,556
Synced and corrected by VitoSilans
- www.Addic7ed.com -
59
00:02:10,457 --> 00:02:11,282
Mom!
60
00:02:11,283 --> 00:02:12,353
What are you doing?
61
00:02:12,421 --> 00:02:14,055
I'm hugging you.
62
00:02:14,123 --> 00:02:15,957
My goodness, Pat, that mustache.
63
00:02:16,024 --> 00:02:18,126
You look like a young Alex Trebek.
64
00:02:18,193 --> 00:02:19,327
Oh. [Laughs]
65
00:02:19,394 --> 00:02:21,696
Well, I'll take
compliments for $200, Agnes.
66
00:02:21,764 --> 00:02:22,463
[Chuckles]
67
00:02:22,531 --> 00:02:24,132
Stop! Stop! Stop that!
68
00:02:24,199 --> 00:02:26,300
[Both laugh]
69
00:02:26,368 --> 00:02:27,802
Um, quick sidebar.
70
00:02:27,870 --> 00:02:30,471
Um, why haven't you
told Grandma that I'm gay
71
00:02:30,539 --> 00:02:32,306
and you're getting divorced?
72
00:02:32,374 --> 00:02:33,908
Well, it hasn't come up.
73
00:02:33,976 --> 00:02:35,243
We talk about powerball,
74
00:02:35,310 --> 00:02:37,078
what kind of stone fruit is in season.
75
00:02:37,146 --> 00:02:38,626
We don't have time for idle chitchat.
76
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,448
Mom, you cannot keep avoiding this.
77
00:02:40,516 --> 00:02:43,084
She's here now. If you
don't tell her, I will.
78
00:02:43,152 --> 00:02:44,752
Man, I really miss the days
79
00:02:44,820 --> 00:02:47,088
when I could shove a
binky in your mouth.
80
00:02:47,156 --> 00:02:49,791
Fine. I will do it. But
let me find the right time.
81
00:02:49,858 --> 00:02:50,792
Fine.
82
00:02:50,859 --> 00:02:52,794
Agnes: Shannon, here's $5.
83
00:02:52,861 --> 00:02:53,895
I love that bonnet.
84
00:02:53,962 --> 00:02:55,596
And I love all my grandchildren.
85
00:02:55,664 --> 00:02:58,266
I thought I'd have more, but
when your mother was born,
86
00:02:58,333 --> 00:03:00,568
she came out wearing
my uterus like a hat.
87
00:03:00,636 --> 00:03:02,303
- [Chuckles]
- Just like my bonnet!
88
00:03:02,371 --> 00:03:04,972
Oh! We almost both died.
89
00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:06,774
But then we didn't.
90
00:03:06,842 --> 00:03:09,143
But my perfect grandbabies make up
91
00:03:09,211 --> 00:03:11,112
for some of what I
lost with your mother.
92
00:03:11,180 --> 00:03:12,680
[Chuckles]
93
00:03:12,748 --> 00:03:13,756
What should we do first?
94
00:03:13,757 --> 00:03:15,817
Oh! Well, we could play
this really cool new game
95
00:03:15,884 --> 00:03:18,364
where we all talk honestly about
what's happening in our lives.
96
00:03:18,420 --> 00:03:19,754
That game sounds boring.
97
00:03:19,822 --> 00:03:22,290
Come on. I want to show you
my new colander in the kitchen.
98
00:03:22,357 --> 00:03:23,825
99
00:03:23,892 --> 00:03:26,360
[Laughs] I have gifts for you kids!
100
00:03:26,428 --> 00:03:28,763
Shannon, I brought you a coloring book
101
00:03:28,831 --> 00:03:30,164
from my Sunday school.
102
00:03:30,232 --> 00:03:31,332
The theme is "sins."
103
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,801
You see, these two men are fornicating.
104
00:03:33,869 --> 00:03:36,270
And I'll give you $2
for every page you color.
105
00:03:36,338 --> 00:03:38,706
Getting paid to color? What?!
106
00:03:38,774 --> 00:03:41,943
And, Kenny, I brought a jar
of my famous dill pickles.
107
00:03:42,010 --> 00:03:43,477
Oh, I love your pickles, Grandma.
108
00:03:43,545 --> 00:03:44,879
That's because they're thick.
109
00:03:44,947 --> 00:03:46,814
They have to be long and thick and hard.
110
00:03:46,882 --> 00:03:47,815
That's fine, Mom.
111
00:03:47,883 --> 00:03:48,883
No, no, no, no, no.
112
00:03:48,951 --> 00:03:50,351
I'm okay with pickle talk.
113
00:03:50,419 --> 00:03:53,788
And, Jimmy, my Bible study
group bought these clever puzzles
114
00:03:53,856 --> 00:03:55,556
for all of our grandchildren.
115
00:03:55,624 --> 00:03:57,144
We want to see who can solve it first.
116
00:03:57,192 --> 00:03:58,025
Be first.
117
00:03:58,093 --> 00:03:59,727
Neat! What is it?
118
00:03:59,795 --> 00:04:00,995
It's a genius test.
119
00:04:01,063 --> 00:04:02,783
You have to get rid of
all the pegs but one.
120
00:04:02,798 --> 00:04:03,631
[Chuckles]
121
00:04:03,699 --> 00:04:05,132
Uh...
122
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,068
Bam!
123
00:04:07,135 --> 00:04:08,169
I'm a genius.
124
00:04:08,237 --> 00:04:09,403
Oh.
125
00:04:09,471 --> 00:04:11,172
I'll walk him through the
introductions, Grandma.
126
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,241
Kenny, sweetheart,
127
00:04:13,308 --> 00:04:15,243
tell me what you've been up to lately.
128
00:04:15,310 --> 00:04:16,744
Yeah, okay.
129
00:04:16,812 --> 00:04:20,715
Um, well, I'd love to tell you
about it in detail, Grandma.
130
00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:23,222
[Clears throat] You know how
I've always loved "Dreamgirls"?
131
00:04:23,285 --> 00:04:24,652
We forgot to get cake!
132
00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,520
Kenny, let's talk about
it in the dining room.
133
00:04:29,124 --> 00:04:31,492
He always loved musicals.
134
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:34,228
Mom, you're stalling.
135
00:04:34,296 --> 00:04:36,296
Trust me, it's better to
just rip the band-aid off.
136
00:04:36,331 --> 00:04:38,432
You know that's not how I do it.
137
00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:41,102
I massage the band-aid
with mineral oil.
138
00:04:41,169 --> 00:04:42,670
And then while you
watch "Tom and Jerry,"
139
00:04:42,738 --> 00:04:45,106
I slowly peel it back,
and then you get a cookie.
140
00:04:45,173 --> 00:04:46,374
[Chuckles] No! No!
141
00:04:46,441 --> 00:04:48,442
But it's not right. She's old.
142
00:04:48,510 --> 00:04:50,177
She could die without knowing the truth.
143
00:04:50,245 --> 00:04:52,880
I know you think you're
listing a con, but that's a pro.
144
00:04:52,948 --> 00:04:55,016
Come on, you tell her your
thing, and I'll tell her mine.
145
00:04:55,083 --> 00:04:56,183
All right, fine.
146
00:04:56,251 --> 00:04:59,086
We'll tell her together,
but after dessert.
147
00:04:59,154 --> 00:05:01,422
The sugar will make
her confused and docile.
148
00:05:01,490 --> 00:05:02,657
[Gasps]
149
00:05:02,724 --> 00:05:07,194
Run to the bakery and
get a lemon potato cake.
150
00:05:07,262 --> 00:05:08,362
Lemon potato cake?
151
00:05:08,430 --> 00:05:11,732
Yeah, it's a big Irish
thing. Potato cake.
152
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,301
You know, because the British kept
153
00:05:13,368 --> 00:05:15,069
all the real cake for themselves.
154
00:05:15,137 --> 00:05:16,070
Bastards.
155
00:05:16,138 --> 00:05:17,238
- I know.
- [Groans]
156
00:05:17,306 --> 00:05:18,873
Yeah.
157
00:05:18,941 --> 00:05:20,942
This is when Jimmy went to state
158
00:05:21,009 --> 00:05:23,077
and Kenny won the debate finals.
159
00:05:23,145 --> 00:05:24,445
And here's Shannon.
160
00:05:24,513 --> 00:05:27,248
She won first prize at
the science fair last year.
161
00:05:27,316 --> 00:05:28,950
Such amazing kids.
162
00:05:29,017 --> 00:05:31,652
They really take after you, Pat.
163
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,888
Oh, well, that's... Thank you.
164
00:05:33,956 --> 00:05:35,990
But they also take after my wife,
165
00:05:36,058 --> 00:05:39,160
who I'm still married
to on a continual basis.
166
00:05:39,227 --> 00:05:40,494
Thank you, Pat...
167
00:05:40,562 --> 00:05:42,930
Not only for the compliment
but for phrasing it
168
00:05:42,998 --> 00:05:44,765
in such an odd and stilted way.
169
00:05:46,902 --> 00:05:48,302
You know there's a scoop there.
170
00:05:48,370 --> 00:05:50,071
Sorry.
171
00:05:50,138 --> 00:05:51,405
Don't you dare apologize.
172
00:05:51,473 --> 00:05:53,841
I love to see a man eat with his hands.
173
00:05:53,909 --> 00:05:55,609
Oh.
174
00:05:55,677 --> 00:05:57,845
Oh, look at him eat like a gorilla!
175
00:05:57,913 --> 00:05:59,246
[Grunting]
176
00:05:59,314 --> 00:06:02,183
[Both laugh]
177
00:06:02,250 --> 00:06:03,784
Oh, good heavens, Pat.
178
00:06:03,852 --> 00:06:05,353
- You know what?
- Hmm?
179
00:06:05,420 --> 00:06:06,620
I've been wondering what to do
180
00:06:06,655 --> 00:06:09,357
with my Bears season tickets when I die.
181
00:06:09,424 --> 00:06:11,492
I was going to give
them to your cousin Gary,
182
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,761
but he's still living
with that Sikh girl.
183
00:06:13,829 --> 00:06:15,129
You mean his wife?
184
00:06:15,197 --> 00:06:17,331
Either way, he's out.
185
00:06:17,399 --> 00:06:18,933
My dream was to give them to a son,
186
00:06:19,001 --> 00:06:20,968
who I wasn't able to
have because of Eileen.
187
00:06:21,036 --> 00:06:26,273
But it just occurred to me
that, Pat, you are my son.
188
00:06:26,341 --> 00:06:27,808
Bears tickets?
189
00:06:27,876 --> 00:06:29,610
I'll always be your son, Mama.
190
00:06:29,678 --> 00:06:31,846
Ohh.
191
00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:34,815
192
00:06:36,685 --> 00:06:38,386
[Sighs]
193
00:06:38,453 --> 00:06:40,287
Damn it! I'm not a genius.
194
00:06:40,355 --> 00:06:42,289
- I'm average. I'm average!
- Okay.
195
00:06:42,357 --> 00:06:43,391
Okay, we're going to put this down.
196
00:06:43,458 --> 00:06:44,392
Grandma knew exactly what she was doing
197
00:06:44,459 --> 00:06:45,726
when she gave me the puzzle!
198
00:06:47,029 --> 00:06:48,462
Ahh. Okay.
199
00:06:48,530 --> 00:06:50,564
We have now been to five bakeries,
200
00:06:50,632 --> 00:06:53,167
and no one has heard
of lemon potato cake.
201
00:06:53,235 --> 00:06:56,504
Why would Mom send us for
something that doesn't exist?
202
00:06:56,571 --> 00:06:57,859
She's ashamed because I
can't solve the puzzle!
203
00:06:57,884 --> 00:06:59,064
She doesn't want
Grandma to know I'm gay!
204
00:06:59,107 --> 00:07:01,909
Why would she be
ashamed of the puzzle thing?
205
00:07:01,977 --> 00:07:04,245
No, you're right. It's the gay thing.
206
00:07:04,312 --> 00:07:06,213
That makes... A lot more sense...
207
00:07:06,281 --> 00:07:08,081
- A lot more sense.
- When you think about it.
208
00:07:10,285 --> 00:07:13,354
And aunt Sally's out of the
will since she went Presbyterian.
209
00:07:13,422 --> 00:07:16,424
- [Telephone ringing]
- Oh, my gosh.
210
00:07:16,491 --> 00:07:17,658
Yello?
211
00:07:17,726 --> 00:07:19,493
Kenny: Hey, Mom. Guess what.
212
00:07:19,561 --> 00:07:22,496
There's no such
thing as lemon potato cake.
213
00:07:22,564 --> 00:07:24,432
Are you sure? Why don't
you try a few more bakeries?
214
00:07:24,499 --> 00:07:26,000
You were never gonna tell her.
215
00:07:26,068 --> 00:07:27,501
I am saving us from her wrath.
216
00:07:27,569 --> 00:07:28,502
I'm coming home,
217
00:07:28,570 --> 00:07:30,171
and I'm coming out!
218
00:07:30,238 --> 00:07:31,338
Stay away!
219
00:07:31,406 --> 00:07:33,507
Go see one of those
long "Hobbit" movies.
220
00:07:33,575 --> 00:07:34,708
No.
221
00:07:34,776 --> 00:07:35,776
You know what?
222
00:07:35,844 --> 00:07:38,579
Maybe Mom is afraid of Grandma,
223
00:07:38,647 --> 00:07:42,383
but, uh, that ain't how
this eagle flies anymore.
224
00:07:42,451 --> 00:07:44,785
This caged bird sings.
225
00:07:44,853 --> 00:07:46,353
What are you doing, Kenny?
226
00:07:46,421 --> 00:07:47,788
I'm trying to speak for a generation,
227
00:07:47,856 --> 00:07:49,490
but it's... it's very hard.
228
00:07:51,460 --> 00:07:53,194
- Drive!
- Yep.
229
00:07:53,261 --> 00:07:55,796
All right, we've got 15
minutes to get my mother out of here.
230
00:07:55,864 --> 00:07:58,365
Kenny's on his way home to
blab everything to Grandma.
231
00:07:58,433 --> 00:07:59,513
Well, the father in me says
232
00:07:59,534 --> 00:08:00,894
honesty is always the best policy,
233
00:08:00,936 --> 00:08:02,103
but the Bears fan in me says
234
00:08:02,170 --> 00:08:03,370
let's get her the hell out of here.
235
00:08:03,438 --> 00:08:05,072
She's already criticized my housekeeping
236
00:08:05,140 --> 00:08:06,180
and talked about her will.
237
00:08:06,241 --> 00:08:07,641
Okay, so that leaves friends' illnesses
238
00:08:07,709 --> 00:08:09,160
and filth on
television and she's gone, right?
239
00:08:09,185 --> 00:08:09,685
Right.
240
00:08:09,711 --> 00:08:12,279
Hey, Agnes, how's Carl
Pilton's psoriasis coming along?
241
00:08:12,347 --> 00:08:14,615
Ohh. Did I not tell you?
242
00:08:14,683 --> 00:08:15,749
He's dead.
243
00:08:17,719 --> 00:08:19,887
Oh, no, no, no, no. We're
not gonna make it.
244
00:08:19,955 --> 00:08:22,423
Um, cut through this alley!
245
00:08:22,491 --> 00:08:24,931
Jimmy: Screw puzzles. I'm
a genius at driving.
246
00:08:24,993 --> 00:08:26,894
"Madam Secretary" was a good show
247
00:08:26,962 --> 00:08:29,663
until they started
dressing tea Leoni like a hooker.
248
00:08:29,731 --> 00:08:31,132
[Chuckles] So true.
249
00:08:31,199 --> 00:08:33,000
Thanks for dropping by, Mom.
250
00:08:34,469 --> 00:08:35,736
I got the cake.
251
00:08:35,804 --> 00:08:38,506
Grandma, I'm gay.
252
00:08:38,573 --> 00:08:42,576
Mom, do you have anything that
you'd like to tell her?
253
00:08:43,578 --> 00:08:44,612
Ohh.
254
00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:46,080
[Body thuds]
255
00:08:46,148 --> 00:08:48,249
Thank God.
256
00:08:48,299 --> 00:08:50,134
Mom, you'll be comfortable in here.
257
00:08:50,135 --> 00:08:53,767
Will these soft pillows take
away my grandson being gay
258
00:08:53,835 --> 00:08:55,569
and ease my general disappointment
259
00:08:55,637 --> 00:08:56,737
with this entire family?
260
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:57,838
Hopefully.
261
00:08:59,507 --> 00:09:01,108
Have I died?
262
00:09:01,175 --> 00:09:03,343
Because Shannon looks like an angel.
263
00:09:03,411 --> 00:09:04,891
Thank you for the nightgown, Grandma.
264
00:09:04,913 --> 00:09:06,013
I'll wear it until you feel better.
265
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:08,115
That's my girl.
266
00:09:08,182 --> 00:09:09,917
Hi, Grandma.
267
00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:11,952
I'm sorry that I laughed when you fell.
268
00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:13,954
Yeah, and, yeah, I
didn't mean to bring on
269
00:09:14,022 --> 00:09:15,022
one of your spells.
270
00:09:15,089 --> 00:09:16,857
I'm not ready to speak to you.
271
00:09:16,925 --> 00:09:20,394
Except to say that you've
ruined cake for me, and rainbows.
272
00:09:20,461 --> 00:09:22,396
All right! Nighty-night, everybody.
273
00:09:22,463 --> 00:09:25,432
Pat, let's you and I get into
our marital bed, like always.
274
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:26,900
Mm-hmm. Righty-oh, lover.
275
00:09:26,968 --> 00:09:30,570
I cannot wait to cleave unto you.
276
00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:31,638
[Door closes]
277
00:09:33,341 --> 00:09:34,641
Good job, Kenny.
278
00:09:34,709 --> 00:09:37,144
What? Me? You broke our pact.
279
00:09:37,211 --> 00:09:38,578
I did not break our pact.
280
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:40,614
I lied to you when I
said there was a pact.
281
00:09:40,682 --> 00:09:42,115
Well, then, you owe
me $23.50 for the cake
282
00:09:42,183 --> 00:09:43,617
'cause it has seven rainbow layers,
283
00:09:43,685 --> 00:09:44,918
and it's adorable.
284
00:09:44,986 --> 00:09:45,919
Wait, you guys are gonna spend the night
285
00:09:45,987 --> 00:09:46,920
in the same room together?
286
00:09:46,988 --> 00:09:48,188
With Dad's mustache?
287
00:09:48,256 --> 00:09:51,458
Yes, because Dad's
mustache is Mom's beard.
288
00:09:51,526 --> 00:09:52,459
Wait, what? No.
289
00:09:52,527 --> 00:09:53,660
It's just one night.
290
00:09:53,728 --> 00:09:54,995
It's not the end of the world.
291
00:09:55,063 --> 00:09:56,163
Well, let me tell you,
292
00:09:56,230 --> 00:09:58,131
as someone who had a beard named Mimi,
293
00:09:58,199 --> 00:10:00,634
that's gonna get itchy
and bitchy real quick.
294
00:10:00,702 --> 00:10:02,135
- Excuse me?
- I get it, okay?
295
00:10:02,203 --> 00:10:03,503
It stinks a little bit,
296
00:10:03,571 --> 00:10:04,938
but it's just 'cause I
got some food caught in it,
297
00:10:05,006 --> 00:10:06,106
and I can't find it.
298
00:10:06,174 --> 00:10:07,975
Kenneth Christopher Sebastian O'Neal,
299
00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:09,109
you are 16 years old.
300
00:10:09,177 --> 00:10:10,911
Your frontal lobe is not developed yet.
301
00:10:10,979 --> 00:10:12,479
I have more brain than you do.
302
00:10:12,547 --> 00:10:15,082
And my brain knows what it's
like to be judged by that woman.
303
00:10:15,149 --> 00:10:17,250
Well, I know that it's
better to be out than in.
304
00:10:17,318 --> 00:10:19,486
And whatever that woman
throws at me, I can take it.
305
00:10:19,554 --> 00:10:20,420
And I'm going to bed.
306
00:10:20,488 --> 00:10:23,623
307
00:10:25,093 --> 00:10:27,094
You look like a Mormon's eighth wife.
308
00:10:27,161 --> 00:10:30,530
I don't care. I made $124 today.
309
00:10:31,532 --> 00:10:33,867
[Snorts]
310
00:10:33,935 --> 00:10:36,470
[Sighs] So, how is this going to work?
311
00:10:36,537 --> 00:10:37,771
It's not a big deal.
312
00:10:37,839 --> 00:10:40,007
It's six hours, and
then my mother goes home.
313
00:10:40,074 --> 00:10:41,441
What about next time when she visits?
314
00:10:41,509 --> 00:10:43,010
What are we gonna do when
I live in a new place?
315
00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:44,444
We'll worry about that then.
316
00:10:44,512 --> 00:10:46,980
What if you've got a boyfriend?
What if I've got a girlfriend?
317
00:10:47,048 --> 00:10:48,768
How am I gonna explain
spending the night...
318
00:10:48,783 --> 00:10:51,100
A threesome... With my
ex-wife and a pillow?
319
00:10:51,347 --> 00:10:53,887
All I'm saying is that
I think Kenny is right.
320
00:10:53,955 --> 00:10:55,522
I mean, why don't you just tell her?
321
00:10:55,590 --> 00:10:57,657
Kenny doesn't know what it's
like to have a difficult mother.
322
00:10:57,725 --> 00:10:58,992
[Chuckles]
323
00:11:02,864 --> 00:11:04,865
Eileen: No, the cab is for my mother,
324
00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:06,633
and I don't really
know how to phrase this,
325
00:11:06,701 --> 00:11:10,003
but if you could send your most, um...
326
00:11:10,071 --> 00:11:12,372
Uh, patriotic driver.
327
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,241
- See you soon.
- So?
328
00:11:14,308 --> 00:11:15,675
Good morning, Mom.
329
00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:17,210
Your taxi's on the way.
330
00:11:17,278 --> 00:11:19,246
I'll bet you're excited
to be heading home.
331
00:11:19,313 --> 00:11:20,280
I am.
332
00:11:20,348 --> 00:11:22,382
And, Kenny, I've decided I'm glad
333
00:11:22,450 --> 00:11:23,917
you told me about being gay.
334
00:11:23,985 --> 00:11:25,152
Wait. You are?
335
00:11:25,219 --> 00:11:26,553
Yes.
336
00:11:26,621 --> 00:11:28,088
Admitting you have a problem
337
00:11:28,156 --> 00:11:30,023
is the first step towards fixing it.
338
00:11:30,091 --> 00:11:31,371
Looks like she has a whole list.
339
00:11:31,426 --> 00:11:32,826
Yeah, no, I'm not really sure
340
00:11:32,894 --> 00:11:34,528
it's something that
you can fix, Grandma.
341
00:11:34,595 --> 00:11:36,196
Well, that's just the thing. It is.
342
00:11:36,264 --> 00:11:38,098
For example, whenever
you feel a gay impulse,
343
00:11:38,166 --> 00:11:39,266
take a cold shower.
344
00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:40,667
Mnh-mnh. I prefer baths.
345
00:11:40,735 --> 00:11:43,036
So did the Romans, and we
know what happened to them.
346
00:11:43,104 --> 00:11:45,405
Also, write with your
less dominant hand.
347
00:11:45,473 --> 00:11:48,775
It'll fix that hinky wiring in
your brain that makes you gay.
348
00:11:48,843 --> 00:11:50,677
You know, again, I'm not
really sure that's how it works.
349
00:11:50,745 --> 00:11:54,681
Perhaps most helpful...
350
00:11:54,749 --> 00:11:56,149
I'm gonna send you to this.
351
00:11:58,286 --> 00:11:59,719
Um...
352
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:02,055
A gay conversion camp?
353
00:12:02,123 --> 00:12:03,557
Oh, camp sounds fun.
354
00:12:03,624 --> 00:12:05,692
The rest seems a little odd.
355
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,961
You'll spend two weeks in
the woods with other boys
356
00:12:08,029 --> 00:12:10,197
that have the same affliction you do.
357
00:12:10,264 --> 00:12:12,365
Hmm...
358
00:12:12,433 --> 00:12:17,104
Mmm. These heterosexual
s'mores are delicious.
359
00:12:17,171 --> 00:12:20,307
They're so messy. I
got some on my shirt.
360
00:12:20,374 --> 00:12:23,143
-
I can't believe
- Oh, I spilled, too.
361
00:12:23,211 --> 00:12:25,278
We better go wash off at the lake.
362
00:12:25,346 --> 00:12:27,214
- Good idea.
- Meet you there!
363
00:12:27,281 --> 00:12:29,116
[Cheers and laughter]
364
00:12:29,183 --> 00:12:31,585
Mm. Two weeks in the woods
with a bunch of gay boys?
365
00:12:31,652 --> 00:12:32,919
You're right.
366
00:12:32,987 --> 00:12:34,955
I think that's probably the
best thing for me right now.
367
00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:37,757
Uh, I think Kenny's gonna be
very busy this summer, Mom.
368
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,993
I don't think either of you is
taking this seriously enough.
369
00:12:40,061 --> 00:12:43,130
All right. There's a cab
out front for you, Agnes.
370
00:12:43,197 --> 00:12:45,037
How about one more
mustache kiss before you go?
371
00:12:45,066 --> 00:12:46,299
I'm not going anywhere.
372
00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:49,169
Eileen, you've let this
situation get out of control.
373
00:12:49,237 --> 00:12:51,571
I'm staying here until
I save Kenny's soul
374
00:12:51,639 --> 00:12:53,106
from eternal damnation.
375
00:12:53,174 --> 00:12:55,609
What's the timeline
on something like that?
376
00:12:55,676 --> 00:12:57,811
Could be weeks. Could be months.
377
00:12:57,879 --> 00:13:01,014
It depends on how much sin
is hiding in this house.
378
00:13:01,082 --> 00:13:03,817
Mom can't fake being
married for that long.
379
00:13:03,885 --> 00:13:05,619
Mom, you can't stay here.
380
00:13:05,686 --> 00:13:08,188
You didn't even bring any clothes.
381
00:13:08,256 --> 00:13:09,489
Good one.
382
00:13:09,557 --> 00:13:11,077
I'll wash out my turtleneck every night
383
00:13:11,092 --> 00:13:12,559
and borrow some of your panties.
384
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:16,129
I'll take that mustache kiss now.
385
00:13:17,331 --> 00:13:18,298
[Sighs]
386
00:13:32,634 --> 00:13:33,734
- Mom?
- Look away!
387
00:13:33,802 --> 00:13:35,336
Mom, what are you doing?
388
00:13:35,404 --> 00:13:38,072
I'm eating gay cake on the toilet.
389
00:13:38,140 --> 00:13:40,374
Mom, you have to tell Grandma the truth.
390
00:13:40,442 --> 00:13:41,609
I have fought all my life
391
00:13:41,676 --> 00:13:43,878
for just a little bit of
approval from that woman.
392
00:13:43,945 --> 00:13:46,080
If I tell her now that
my marriage is a failure,
393
00:13:46,148 --> 00:13:47,214
that will never happen.
394
00:13:47,282 --> 00:13:48,916
You can do this, and I can help you.
395
00:13:48,984 --> 00:13:50,985
I have successfully
come out three times.
396
00:13:51,052 --> 00:13:53,220
And which time do you think
was the most successful?
397
00:13:53,288 --> 00:13:55,408
When you outed yourself in
front of the entire parish?
398
00:13:55,424 --> 00:13:57,158
When you gay-bashed yourself at school?
399
00:13:57,225 --> 00:13:59,059
Or when you broke Grandma?
400
00:13:59,127 --> 00:14:00,694
I had a better plan.
401
00:14:00,762 --> 00:14:03,597
I was gonna soften you up by
cooking your favorite meal,
402
00:14:03,665 --> 00:14:06,066
and then I was gonna
mention all the famous people
403
00:14:06,134 --> 00:14:07,435
you love who are gay.
404
00:14:07,502 --> 00:14:08,469
What? Who?
405
00:14:08,537 --> 00:14:09,403
We don't need to do that right now.
406
00:14:09,471 --> 00:14:10,404
George Clooney?
407
00:14:10,472 --> 00:14:11,605
Don't tell me. I don't want to know.
408
00:14:11,673 --> 00:14:13,574
Anyway, once I got you used to the idea
409
00:14:13,642 --> 00:14:15,342
that you already loved gay people,
410
00:14:15,410 --> 00:14:17,077
I was gonna tell you about me.
411
00:14:17,145 --> 00:14:19,280
You think that would work for divorce?
412
00:14:19,347 --> 00:14:21,182
Well, it's got to, because...
413
00:14:21,249 --> 00:14:22,216
[Sighs]
414
00:14:22,284 --> 00:14:24,251
This is not.
415
00:14:24,319 --> 00:14:25,753
Oh, mother.
416
00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:28,522
Is that sink ice cream?
417
00:14:28,590 --> 00:14:31,091
Mom...
418
00:14:31,159 --> 00:14:32,760
[Fingers snap] Drop it.
419
00:14:32,828 --> 00:14:35,796
420
00:14:35,864 --> 00:14:37,131
When does she have the time?
421
00:14:37,199 --> 00:14:38,399
Good. Shannon, you're here.
422
00:14:38,467 --> 00:14:39,467
What stinks?
423
00:14:39,534 --> 00:14:40,501
Mom's trying to soften up Grandma
424
00:14:40,569 --> 00:14:41,936
by cooking her corned beef and cabbage.
425
00:14:42,003 --> 00:14:43,771
Oh, good. I thought we got skunked.
426
00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:45,172
Eileen, I'm so proud of you.
427
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,908
And I fully support you
telling your mom the truth.
428
00:14:47,976 --> 00:14:50,211
I am, however, gonna
try and get Agnes to sign
429
00:14:50,278 --> 00:14:52,798
this legal zoom document locking
down those Bears tickets first.
430
00:14:52,814 --> 00:14:53,914
Totally get it.
431
00:14:53,982 --> 00:14:55,502
And I will do everything I can to help.
432
00:14:55,517 --> 00:14:57,117
Okay. This is how it's gonna go down.
433
00:14:57,185 --> 00:14:58,285
Shannon, you get in there
434
00:14:58,353 --> 00:15:00,054
and you give her that
completed coloring book.
435
00:15:00,121 --> 00:15:02,056
Jimmy, show her that
you finished the puzzle.
436
00:15:02,123 --> 00:15:03,557
Yeah, actually, Shannon
finished it for me.
437
00:15:03,625 --> 00:15:05,125
Shannon: You can take the credit.
438
00:15:05,193 --> 00:15:07,261
I'm already wearing her
purple corduroy overalls.
439
00:15:07,329 --> 00:15:09,296
Mom, she's had three glasses of Sherry.
440
00:15:09,364 --> 00:15:10,931
She's in there smiling at nothing.
441
00:15:10,999 --> 00:15:12,166
Now, you get in there,
442
00:15:12,234 --> 00:15:14,134
and you tell her how much you hate Dad.
443
00:15:14,202 --> 00:15:16,237
That's right. Hey, don't sugarcoat it.
444
00:15:16,304 --> 00:15:17,771
Let's go.
445
00:15:17,839 --> 00:15:18,672
One, two, three.
446
00:15:18,740 --> 00:15:19,807
All: Corned beef!
447
00:15:19,875 --> 00:15:21,642
The scandal isn't that
she's black, Grandma.
448
00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:22,977
It's just the name of the show.
449
00:15:23,044 --> 00:15:24,512
Well, it's confusing.
450
00:15:26,381 --> 00:15:29,617
So, uh, do you remember
when Joan and Ted Kennedy
451
00:15:29,684 --> 00:15:30,851
got divorced?
452
00:15:30,919 --> 00:15:32,253
Mm, the Kennedys. Saints.
453
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:33,621
Yes, but they got a divorce.
454
00:15:33,688 --> 00:15:35,856
I think the pope
pardoned Ted on that one.
455
00:15:35,924 --> 00:15:38,626
And Alex Trebek, by
the way. Also divorced.
456
00:15:38,693 --> 00:15:40,427
So he could live with his mother.
457
00:15:40,495 --> 00:15:42,463
[Chuckles] What are you getting at?
458
00:15:42,531 --> 00:15:44,365
Why all this divorce talk?
459
00:15:44,432 --> 00:15:46,200
Um...
460
00:15:46,268 --> 00:15:48,168
I have something to tell you.
461
00:15:48,236 --> 00:15:50,304
Before you do, I have
to tell you something.
462
00:15:50,372 --> 00:15:52,840
Eileen, this corned beef is really good.
463
00:15:52,908 --> 00:15:54,475
- But?
- No but.
464
00:15:54,543 --> 00:15:57,111
You have made a lovely meal. Hmm.
465
00:15:57,178 --> 00:16:00,281
466
00:16:00,348 --> 00:16:02,316
Oh, but I cut you off.
467
00:16:02,384 --> 00:16:03,684
What were you saying?
468
00:16:03,752 --> 00:16:05,553
This is your moment.
469
00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:08,689
You softened her up. Do it, Mom. Do it.
470
00:16:08,757 --> 00:16:10,724
I, um...
471
00:16:10,792 --> 00:16:12,560
I was going to say...
472
00:16:12,627 --> 00:16:16,363
That, um...
473
00:16:16,431 --> 00:16:17,665
I have to get dessert.
474
00:16:17,732 --> 00:16:19,700
Or... don't.
475
00:16:19,768 --> 00:16:21,402
Am I eating the same thing as Grandma?
476
00:16:21,469 --> 00:16:23,404
Yes.
477
00:16:23,471 --> 00:16:24,171
What happened?
478
00:16:24,239 --> 00:16:25,139
[Sighs]
479
00:16:25,206 --> 00:16:27,146
All that woman ever talks about
480
00:16:27,147 --> 00:16:28,642
are the two things I've
done wrong in my life.
481
00:16:28,710 --> 00:16:29,944
The first was being born,
482
00:16:30,011 --> 00:16:32,379
the second one was getting
pregnant out of wedlock.
483
00:16:32,447 --> 00:16:36,350
I have been waiting my whole life
484
00:16:36,418 --> 00:16:39,253
for the feeling I just got from
that corned-beef compliment.
485
00:16:39,321 --> 00:16:41,088
And let me tell you something.
486
00:16:41,156 --> 00:16:43,390
It's worth staying in the closet for.
487
00:16:43,458 --> 00:16:44,758
And I'm not saying this to hurt you,
488
00:16:44,826 --> 00:16:47,761
but the corned beef
really wasn't that good.
489
00:16:47,829 --> 00:16:49,263
She's just drunk.
490
00:16:49,331 --> 00:16:51,665
I don't care if she stays
drunk for the rest of her life.
491
00:16:51,733 --> 00:16:53,334
I like her this way.
492
00:16:53,401 --> 00:16:57,271
I guess she wasn't ready, but
it's not for me to judge.
493
00:16:57,339 --> 00:17:00,207
Everyone has to come
out in their own time.
494
00:17:00,275 --> 00:17:01,408
Oh, there it is.
495
00:17:01,476 --> 00:17:02,610
Show me the pudding.
496
00:17:02,677 --> 00:17:04,244
Oh, is that my favorite?
497
00:17:04,312 --> 00:17:06,046
Bread-and-butter
pudding. It sure is.
498
00:17:06,114 --> 00:17:08,015
Oh, Agnes. I thought
I was your favorite?
499
00:17:08,083 --> 00:17:10,050
Oh, Pat, you're a rascal.
500
00:17:10,118 --> 00:17:12,419
Well, Eileen, you have
really outdone yourself.
501
00:17:12,487 --> 00:17:13,687
Oh, thanks, Mom.
502
00:17:13,755 --> 00:17:16,290
Kenny helped with the dessert.
503
00:17:16,358 --> 00:17:17,524
It looks a little dry.
504
00:17:17,592 --> 00:17:19,426
Do you want some sauce, Grandma?
505
00:17:19,494 --> 00:17:20,794
No, thank you.
506
00:17:20,862 --> 00:17:23,063
You want somebody less
saucy to give you sauce?
507
00:17:23,131 --> 00:17:24,898
I know you think I'm a silly old woman
508
00:17:24,966 --> 00:17:26,934
and you've been mocking
me and my beliefs,
509
00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:29,069
but even if you don't care what I think,
510
00:17:29,137 --> 00:17:31,105
you should care about what God thinks.
511
00:17:31,172 --> 00:17:32,406
I do.
512
00:17:32,474 --> 00:17:35,242
No, you don't. God doesn't accept you.
513
00:17:35,310 --> 00:17:37,911
He thinks you're broken, and I do, too.
514
00:17:37,979 --> 00:17:41,415
I didn't think anything Grandma
said could upset me,
515
00:17:41,483 --> 00:17:43,283
but I was wrong.
516
00:17:43,351 --> 00:17:44,485
That's enough, Mom.
517
00:17:44,552 --> 00:17:45,886
My son is not broken,
518
00:17:45,954 --> 00:17:47,921
and if you want to talk about someone
519
00:17:47,989 --> 00:17:50,491
who's not accepted by
God, you can talk about me.
520
00:17:53,461 --> 00:17:54,828
Pat and I are getting a divorce.
521
00:17:54,896 --> 00:17:56,730
That's right. And it's
not her fault, Agnes.
522
00:17:56,798 --> 00:17:58,065
It was a mutual decision.
523
00:17:58,133 --> 00:17:59,366
That's right.
524
00:17:59,434 --> 00:18:01,394
So, you can say whatever
you want to say now, Mom.
525
00:18:02,537 --> 00:18:03,370
Whoa.
526
00:18:04,372 --> 00:18:05,773
Kenny: Are you choking?
527
00:18:06,808 --> 00:18:08,308
Is this what we're doing?
528
00:18:08,376 --> 00:18:09,736
We're letting God take out Grandma?
529
00:18:09,744 --> 00:18:10,844
No!
530
00:18:10,912 --> 00:18:12,312
[Choking]
531
00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:14,515
Oh!
532
00:18:14,582 --> 00:18:16,784
I told you it was dry.
533
00:18:16,851 --> 00:18:20,087
534
00:18:22,357 --> 00:18:23,857
[Coughs]
535
00:18:23,925 --> 00:18:26,326
Come on, everyone. We need
to get to church early.
536
00:18:26,394 --> 00:18:27,594
We have a lot of work to do.
537
00:18:27,662 --> 00:18:29,382
Let's get going. You
heard your grandmother.
538
00:18:29,431 --> 00:18:31,498
I want this family in the front pew
539
00:18:31,566 --> 00:18:34,501
so the holy spirit can
blast us right in the face.
540
00:18:34,569 --> 00:18:37,337
Jimmy: Oh, in the splash zone.
541
00:18:37,405 --> 00:18:40,007
Dad, why are we going to
church with this woman?
542
00:18:40,075 --> 00:18:43,711
Bears tickets. Why are you doing it?
543
00:18:43,778 --> 00:18:44,945
This is ridiculous.
544
00:18:45,013 --> 00:18:46,653
Everybody is acting
like nothing happened.
545
00:18:46,681 --> 00:18:48,182
It's classic Irish-Catholic denial.
546
00:18:48,249 --> 00:18:49,450
It's the one thing they love
547
00:18:49,517 --> 00:18:50,718
more than corned beef and cabbage.
548
00:18:50,785 --> 00:18:51,885
[Chuckles]
549
00:18:51,953 --> 00:18:53,554
No, it's not.
550
00:18:53,621 --> 00:18:56,123
Oh, my God. I'm doing it.
551
00:18:56,191 --> 00:18:57,458
I call back right!
552
00:18:57,525 --> 00:19:00,527
At least Shannon, Jimmy, and
I can still take communion.
553
00:19:00,595 --> 00:19:01,762
You sure can.
554
00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:03,864
I hope the foreign
priest isn't leading mass.
555
00:19:03,932 --> 00:19:05,899
I can barely understand a word he says.
556
00:19:05,967 --> 00:19:08,068
Those New York accents
can be pretty crazy.
557
00:19:08,136 --> 00:19:09,403
You missed the turn.
558
00:19:09,471 --> 00:19:10,571
Nope. I didn't.
559
00:19:10,638 --> 00:19:13,207
Why are we stopping at cousin Gary's?
560
00:19:13,274 --> 00:19:15,375
I've decided that your visit's over
561
00:19:15,443 --> 00:19:18,212
and it's time for you to
learn about Sikh culture.
562
00:19:18,279 --> 00:19:19,747
They just celebrated Hola Mohalla.
563
00:19:19,814 --> 00:19:20,981
You should ask him about it.
564
00:19:21,049 --> 00:19:22,382
- Damn.
- Damn.
565
00:19:22,450 --> 00:19:23,517
Whoa.
566
00:19:23,585 --> 00:19:24,752
It's not Grandma Agnes
567
00:19:24,819 --> 00:19:26,520
who's a straight-up Catholic gangsta.
568
00:19:26,588 --> 00:19:27,588
It's my mom.
569
00:19:27,655 --> 00:19:28,589
What?
570
00:19:28,656 --> 00:19:29,957
I'm sorry, Mom.
571
00:19:30,024 --> 00:19:32,593
I can handle your judgment
because I'm used to it.
572
00:19:32,660 --> 00:19:35,929
But I just won't have you
doing that to my children.
573
00:19:35,997 --> 00:19:38,065
You're not welcome back to our house
574
00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:40,434
until you respect everyone in my family.
575
00:19:40,502 --> 00:19:43,470
576
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:46,600
Aren't you gonna help me out, Pat?
577
00:19:46,641 --> 00:19:49,176
Uh, I'll take "no" for $400, Agnes.
578
00:19:49,244 --> 00:19:51,345
You can forget about
those Bears tickets.
579
00:19:51,412 --> 00:19:53,247
Well, then I'm gonna
shave off my mustache.
580
00:19:53,314 --> 00:19:56,717
That's the most
disappointing thing of all.
581
00:19:56,785 --> 00:19:58,619
[Sighs]
582
00:20:00,421 --> 00:20:01,421
[Door slams]
583
00:20:01,489 --> 00:20:02,456
[Door opens]
584
00:20:02,524 --> 00:20:03,791
Hi, Agnes. Hello, welcome.
585
00:20:03,858 --> 00:20:04,892
Ugh.
586
00:20:04,959 --> 00:20:06,860
Nama... ow!
587
00:20:08,463 --> 00:20:12,399
I did not see that coming, Mom.
588
00:20:12,467 --> 00:20:13,600
Thank you.
589
00:20:13,668 --> 00:20:15,602
Coming out is really terrifying.
590
00:20:15,670 --> 00:20:17,171
You are very brave.
591
00:20:19,641 --> 00:20:20,641
What should we do now?
592
00:20:20,708 --> 00:20:22,810
Well...
593
00:20:22,877 --> 00:20:25,379
I'd still like to go to church.
594
00:20:25,446 --> 00:20:28,782
All right. Let's go to
church, take communion...
595
00:20:28,850 --> 00:20:31,618
- [Engine starts]
- And burst into flames.
596
00:20:31,686 --> 00:20:34,254
We should probably confess
we almost killed Grandma.
597
00:20:34,322 --> 00:20:36,757
598
00:20:37,966 --> 00:20:42,088
- Mm. Ellen DeGeneres.
- I know that one. Who else?
599
00:20:42,156 --> 00:20:43,756
Mm, that guy you love
on "The Good Wife."
600
00:20:43,824 --> 00:20:45,692
- What?
- Yeah, also, he's Scottish.
601
00:20:45,759 --> 00:20:47,560
What?!
602
00:20:47,628 --> 00:20:49,929
You know, that was really cool the way
603
00:20:49,997 --> 00:20:51,864
you outed yourself to Grandma.
604
00:20:51,932 --> 00:20:53,333
Oh, I was so terrified.
605
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:54,701
Was it that scary for you?
606
00:20:54,768 --> 00:20:57,737
No. But that's 'cause I have
a better mom than you do.
607
00:20:57,805 --> 00:21:00,940
608
00:21:01,008 --> 00:21:01,941
Mm!
609
00:21:02,009 --> 00:21:03,676
Your hairdresser, Timothy...
610
00:21:03,744 --> 00:21:07,013
- Mm?
- Ironically straight.
611
00:21:07,081 --> 00:21:09,248
I don't understand anything.
612
00:21:09,316 --> 00:21:11,384
[Dog barking in distance]
613
00:21:11,452 --> 00:21:12,919
Mmm.
614
00:21:12,987 --> 00:21:14,721
Orange one's the best.
615
00:21:14,788 --> 00:21:16,923
Mmm. They all taste the same to me.
616
00:21:16,991 --> 00:21:18,358
Really?
617
00:21:18,425 --> 00:21:19,926
Yeah. I mean, what's the point?
618
00:21:20,194 --> 00:21:25,194
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