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1
00:00:03,684 --> 00:00:05,235
Burgers for breakfast.
2
00:00:05,269 --> 00:00:06,719
Just today,
3
00:00:06,737 --> 00:00:08,405
because I woke up
craving red meat.
4
00:00:08,439 --> 00:00:10,690
Now, look away, baby.
5
00:00:10,724 --> 00:00:12,058
Mmm!
6
00:00:12,076 --> 00:00:13,243
Hi!
Hello!
7
00:00:13,277 --> 00:00:14,694
Oh, it's open. Come in. Oh.
8
00:00:14,728 --> 00:00:15,995
What is happening?
9
00:00:16,030 --> 00:00:17,730
Hello. Good morning.
Good morning.
10
00:00:17,748 --> 00:00:19,065
Hmm.
Goldie,
11
00:00:19,083 --> 00:00:20,500
what is in your mouth?
12
00:00:20,534 --> 00:00:21,668
Oh, my God, is that fast food?
13
00:00:21,702 --> 00:00:22,902
Oh, please tell me
you're bulimic
14
00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:24,537
so at least it'll come up
before it hits our baby.
15
00:00:24,571 --> 00:00:25,672
Or...
16
00:00:25,706 --> 00:00:27,674
You could eat this
17
00:00:27,708 --> 00:00:29,575
healthy, organic food
18
00:00:29,593 --> 00:00:31,795
we just got you
at the farmers' market.
19
00:00:31,846 --> 00:00:33,179
I had never eaten broccoli
20
00:00:33,214 --> 00:00:35,414
before I met David.
Nutrition can be fun!
21
00:00:35,433 --> 00:00:37,083
Guys, pregnancy cravings
are totally normal,
22
00:00:37,101 --> 00:00:38,968
and it's just so delicious.
23
00:00:39,019 --> 00:00:41,137
Yeah, I know, but
24
00:00:41,188 --> 00:00:44,140
that delicious burger
could cause all kinds
25
00:00:44,191 --> 00:00:46,893
of developmental issues
for our baby.
26
00:00:46,927 --> 00:00:48,394
See, not a lot
of people know this,
27
00:00:48,428 --> 00:00:52,198
but charbroiled meat is a
carcinogen proven to effect DNA.
28
00:00:52,233 --> 00:00:55,034
Oh, well, I ate like this
when I was pregnant with Shania,
29
00:00:55,069 --> 00:00:56,486
and she turned out just fine.
30
00:00:56,537 --> 00:00:58,538
Okay?
31
00:00:58,572 --> 00:00:59,539
Um,
32
00:00:59,573 --> 00:01:00,907
also, uh,
33
00:01:00,941 --> 00:01:02,775
we brought your mail over
that was forwarded to our house.
34
00:01:02,793 --> 00:01:04,911
Oh.
Oh! What's this?
35
00:01:04,945 --> 00:01:06,913
It's your very important
absentee ballot
36
00:01:06,947 --> 00:01:08,748
from the crucial
battleground state of Ohio.
37
00:01:08,782 --> 00:01:11,417
Don't forget to mail that in.
It's a big election.
38
00:01:11,451 --> 00:01:12,585
I know. We're having
39
00:01:12,619 --> 00:01:14,387
a mock presidential election
at my school.
40
00:01:14,421 --> 00:01:16,005
That's adorable.
I love mock things.
41
00:01:16,056 --> 00:01:17,123
No, you love
42
00:01:17,141 --> 00:01:18,291
mock things.
43
00:01:18,309 --> 00:01:19,592
So, spill the beans, kiddo.
44
00:01:19,626 --> 00:01:20,760
Who are you gonna vote for?
45
00:01:20,794 --> 00:01:22,962
Well, most of the kids
are just gonna vote
46
00:01:22,980 --> 00:01:24,630
for whoever their parents do,
47
00:01:24,648 --> 00:01:26,132
but I'm thinking
about voting Obama.
48
00:01:26,150 --> 00:01:29,302
Well, if you do the math
on that,
49
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:31,604
that means your mom is voting
50
00:01:31,638 --> 00:01:33,239
for... O.M.G.O.P!
51
00:01:33,274 --> 00:01:35,191
Mitt Romney? You
can't be serious.
52
00:01:35,242 --> 00:01:37,277
Goldie, you are carrying
our Democratic baby.
53
00:01:37,311 --> 00:01:39,078
Our beautiful
little donkey fetus.
54
00:01:39,113 --> 00:01:40,697
Maybe you guys should just steal
my ballot and vote for me.
55
00:01:40,748 --> 00:01:42,415
That's what my Nana did in 2008.
56
00:01:42,449 --> 00:01:44,584
That is outrageous.
She can't do that.
57
00:01:44,618 --> 00:01:46,085
Yeah, this is America, damn it.
58
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:47,253
You're free to vote
59
00:01:47,288 --> 00:01:49,622
for the black incumbent
president of our choice.
60
00:01:49,656 --> 00:01:50,707
Hmm.
61
00:01:59,965 --> 00:02:05,386
Sync & corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.Com
62
00:02:17,851 --> 00:02:20,019
What's smelly eating?
63
00:02:20,037 --> 00:02:21,905
Vegetables.
64
00:02:21,956 --> 00:02:24,574
You stay out
of my granddaughter's head!
65
00:02:24,625 --> 00:02:26,960
I put years into shaping it,
and I will not have
66
00:02:26,994 --> 00:02:29,528
you left-wing Nancy boys
poisoning her
67
00:02:29,547 --> 00:02:31,581
with your hug-a-Muslim
bull crap!
68
00:02:31,632 --> 00:02:34,667
Mrs. Forrest,
what a disturbing surprise.
69
00:02:34,701 --> 00:02:37,470
I will have you know
that my family has voted
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00:02:37,504 --> 00:02:38,871
republican since
Abraham Lincoln,
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00:02:38,889 --> 00:02:41,424
the freer of the slaves.
72
00:02:41,475 --> 00:02:43,376
I am proud of my party,
and I have been
73
00:02:43,394 --> 00:02:45,812
a supporter since 1972.
74
00:02:45,846 --> 00:02:47,780
No more war!
75
00:02:47,815 --> 00:02:49,983
Dick Nixon knows how
to keep America strong!
76
00:02:50,017 --> 00:02:51,651
That's why I like dick.
77
00:02:51,685 --> 00:02:52,652
Who is with me?
78
00:02:52,686 --> 00:02:55,054
I like dick!
I like dick!
79
00:02:55,072 --> 00:02:59,108
Oh, so we have you to thank for
Watergate and Reagan and bush
80
00:02:59,159 --> 00:03:00,276
and baby bush.
81
00:03:00,327 --> 00:03:01,444
Oh, honey,
82
00:03:01,495 --> 00:03:03,329
even we don't like
the bushes anymore.
83
00:03:03,364 --> 00:03:05,114
But you're voting
for mitt Romney,
84
00:03:05,165 --> 00:03:06,950
which is the
equivalent of saying
85
00:03:07,001 --> 00:03:09,002
the poor aren't entitled
to health care,
86
00:03:09,036 --> 00:03:11,671
or the environment
doesn't need protecting.
87
00:03:11,705 --> 00:03:13,957
Mitt Romney is interested
in preserving
88
00:03:14,008 --> 00:03:15,341
every American's right
89
00:03:15,376 --> 00:03:19,329
to make his or her own choices.
90
00:03:19,363 --> 00:03:21,014
Unless you're gay.
91
00:03:21,048 --> 00:03:24,050
I thought gay wasn't a choice.
92
00:03:24,084 --> 00:03:27,753
You've already polluted Goldie's
womb with your gay sperms.
93
00:03:27,771 --> 00:03:28,888
Leave her vote alone.
94
00:03:28,922 --> 00:03:30,306
You know what I
think this is about?
95
00:03:30,357 --> 00:03:32,392
Obama is black, and
you don't like anybody
96
00:03:32,426 --> 00:03:33,926
who's not like you.
97
00:03:33,944 --> 00:03:35,928
Oh, I would slap your face
right now
98
00:03:35,946 --> 00:03:38,865
if I didn't want to get
a handful of man makeup.
99
00:03:38,899 --> 00:03:39,983
It is tinted sunscreen!
100
00:03:40,034 --> 00:03:41,401
I'm just gonna say it.
101
00:03:41,435 --> 00:03:45,238
Mrs. Forrest, I believe
you are a racist.
102
00:03:45,272 --> 00:03:48,274
Why is that the place
that all you liberals go to?
103
00:03:48,292 --> 00:03:50,877
Just because I don't like a man
104
00:03:50,911 --> 00:03:53,496
who wants to take
my hard-earned money
105
00:03:53,547 --> 00:03:57,333
and dump it into
a broken system, I'm a racist?
106
00:03:57,384 --> 00:03:59,419
Don't you think
it's a little more racist
107
00:03:59,453 --> 00:04:03,122
to vote for a black man
simply because he's black?
108
00:04:04,758 --> 00:04:06,342
And what about you two?
109
00:04:06,393 --> 00:04:09,429
I don't imagine you're lighting
candles on kwanzaa.
110
00:04:09,463 --> 00:04:10,763
Couple of hypocrites.
111
00:04:10,797 --> 00:04:12,098
Like every other liberal,
112
00:04:12,132 --> 00:04:14,567
you walk the walk,
but you can't talk the talk.
113
00:04:14,601 --> 00:04:17,186
That is not true! We have black
friends. We have oodles of them!
114
00:04:17,237 --> 00:04:18,855
Right. We do, and if
you don't believe me,
115
00:04:18,906 --> 00:04:20,440
you can come to our
party on Friday night,
116
00:04:20,474 --> 00:04:21,640
and you can meet
them for yourself.
117
00:04:21,659 --> 00:04:23,693
Mm.
Great. I'll see you
118
00:04:23,744 --> 00:04:26,913
and all your homies on Friday.
119
00:04:26,947 --> 00:04:29,749
Great!
120
00:04:29,783 --> 00:04:32,285
So, we're having a party?
121
00:04:32,319 --> 00:04:34,287
Yup.
122
00:04:34,321 --> 00:04:35,654
Know any black people?
123
00:04:35,673 --> 00:04:38,458
How is it that we don't have
any black friends?
124
00:04:38,492 --> 00:04:40,159
Oh, David, we
have black friends.
125
00:04:40,177 --> 00:04:41,711
Like who?
Amir.
126
00:04:41,762 --> 00:04:43,629
Amir is not black.
He's Indian.
127
00:04:43,663 --> 00:04:46,132
He's of a hue.
128
00:04:46,166 --> 00:04:47,300
Mrs. Forrest is right.
129
00:04:47,334 --> 00:04:48,685
We are phony, liberal frauds.
130
00:04:48,719 --> 00:04:49,936
We are racists!
131
00:04:49,970 --> 00:04:51,521
We can't be.
132
00:04:51,555 --> 00:04:55,224
We are two educated,
successful, enlightened gay men.
133
00:04:55,275 --> 00:04:56,693
I guess we can't be held
entirely responsible.
134
00:04:56,727 --> 00:04:58,177
We do meet a lot
of black people.
135
00:04:58,195 --> 00:04:59,812
Right.
We see them at work.
136
00:04:59,846 --> 00:05:01,481
Uh-uh. We run into
them at parties,
137
00:05:01,515 --> 00:05:02,982
except for our own.
138
00:05:03,016 --> 00:05:04,567
I mean, is it our fault
that none of them stick?
139
00:05:04,618 --> 00:05:08,071
Yeah, using the pejorative
"them" is not helping our case.
140
00:05:08,122 --> 00:05:10,656
We have to get some black
people to come to our party.
141
00:05:10,690 --> 00:05:12,125
I will not be called a bigoted,
142
00:05:12,159 --> 00:05:13,459
armchair liberal by anyone.
143
00:05:13,494 --> 00:05:15,361
Maybe we could get the
cast of treme to come.
144
00:05:15,379 --> 00:05:17,130
I sat next to them at the
golden globes last year,
145
00:05:17,164 --> 00:05:18,715
and since nobody watches
that show anyway,
146
00:05:18,749 --> 00:05:21,801
they could easily pass as your
run-of-the-mill, non-famouses.
147
00:05:25,472 --> 00:05:27,306
Rocky, there you are.
148
00:05:27,341 --> 00:05:30,042
Bryan's coming down to
approve Clea's wardrobe.
149
00:05:30,060 --> 00:05:31,427
He has nixed everything
I've shown him.
150
00:05:31,478 --> 00:05:33,813
I'm running out
of options. Help.
151
00:05:33,847 --> 00:05:37,233
Not bad. You know, he likes
preppy in an ironic way.
152
00:05:37,267 --> 00:05:39,385
If you lose the belt,
you should be fine.
153
00:05:39,403 --> 00:05:41,354
And if you let him think
154
00:05:41,388 --> 00:05:43,272
he came up with it,
155
00:05:43,323 --> 00:05:45,057
he'll love it.
156
00:05:45,075 --> 00:05:46,109
Untuck your shirt.
157
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,827
No one can be skinnier
than he is.
158
00:05:47,861 --> 00:05:49,895
Five more pounds
is not gonna kill her.
159
00:05:49,913 --> 00:05:51,581
All right. I pushed
editing to 4:30.
160
00:05:51,615 --> 00:05:53,032
I know how you feel
about sitting
161
00:05:53,066 --> 00:05:54,200
in Brad's office after lunch.
162
00:05:54,234 --> 00:05:55,368
Oh, thank you.
163
00:05:55,402 --> 00:05:56,953
That fart candle
isn't fooling anyone.
164
00:05:57,004 --> 00:05:58,404
Show me, my sweet.
165
00:06:00,924 --> 00:06:04,677
Now, I love it. Approved.
166
00:06:08,265 --> 00:06:10,016
So, whatever your plans
are tomorrow night,
167
00:06:10,050 --> 00:06:12,468
cancel them and
come to my party.
168
00:06:12,519 --> 00:06:14,387
You're inviting me
to your house as a guest
169
00:06:14,421 --> 00:06:16,522
and not to kill a spider
or scare a coyote?
170
00:06:16,557 --> 00:06:18,024
Of course! I mean,
it's nothing huge.
171
00:06:18,058 --> 00:06:19,776
It's just, you know,
a fun little soirée
172
00:06:19,810 --> 00:06:21,027
with my closest friends.
173
00:06:21,061 --> 00:06:24,363
And you know what?
Bring your friends, too.
174
00:06:24,398 --> 00:06:26,765
Just as many of
them as you'd like.
175
00:06:26,784 --> 00:06:30,102
It's gonna be off
the chain, yo!
176
00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:32,271
Hook? Off the hook?
177
00:06:32,289 --> 00:06:34,407
That's not a thing.
178
00:06:34,441 --> 00:06:36,275
Shut up.
179
00:06:37,377 --> 00:06:39,745
Okay, see you later, guys.
180
00:06:39,779 --> 00:06:42,548
There's not a single
person of color here.
181
00:06:42,583 --> 00:06:44,950
Amir is barely ethnic. He's not
even dark enough to count.
182
00:06:44,968 --> 00:06:46,952
I see. Would you like me to wrap
a tablecloth around his head?
183
00:06:46,970 --> 00:06:49,005
It's just that the blond
imperial wizard is coming,
184
00:06:49,056 --> 00:06:50,890
and everyone here is whiter
than any woman
185
00:06:50,924 --> 00:06:52,592
who's had Ambien sex
with Tiger Woods.
186
00:06:52,626 --> 00:06:55,895
Why are we letting this
small-minded woman get to us?
187
00:06:55,929 --> 00:06:57,630
Because we don't
want her to be right.
188
00:06:57,648 --> 00:06:58,898
We are not hypocrites.
189
00:06:58,932 --> 00:07:00,433
We are human, which means
190
00:07:00,467 --> 00:07:02,935
we do not always
live up to our ideals.
191
00:07:02,969 --> 00:07:04,970
But at least we have them.
192
00:07:04,988 --> 00:07:06,639
Rocky!
193
00:07:06,657 --> 00:07:08,241
Oh!
194
00:07:08,275 --> 00:07:09,358
Hi.
Thank God you're here.
195
00:07:09,409 --> 00:07:10,476
Hi.
How are you?
196
00:07:10,494 --> 00:07:12,645
Oh. Thank you for coming.
197
00:07:12,663 --> 00:07:13,696
Thank you for having me.
198
00:07:13,747 --> 00:07:15,164
How are you?
Well, of course.
199
00:07:15,199 --> 00:07:16,482
So?
200
00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:19,418
So?
Where are your friends?
201
00:07:23,757 --> 00:07:26,292
If those aren't black albinos,
we are screwed.
202
00:07:35,738 --> 00:07:37,271
Those lily white snow bunnies
to my party?
203
00:07:37,322 --> 00:07:39,524
Excuse me?! David and I are
trying to convince Mrs. Forrest
204
00:07:39,558 --> 00:07:40,858
that we have black friends.
205
00:07:40,892 --> 00:07:43,027
Oh, so when you realized
you didn't, you invited me
206
00:07:43,061 --> 00:07:45,029
because you thought
I'd bring a bunch of sistas?
207
00:07:45,064 --> 00:07:47,882
Right. Only we were hoping for
more pointer and less bronte.
208
00:07:47,916 --> 00:07:50,501
Okay, so, you're assuming
I only have black friends?
209
00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:51,836
That's racist.
210
00:07:51,870 --> 00:07:54,956
I'm horrible. I...
I apologize.
211
00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:57,742
Please help me. Lucky for
you, I invited my brother.
212
00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,844
Don't know what time he's
gonna be here, though.
213
00:07:59,878 --> 00:08:02,413
You know how black
people are always late.
214
00:08:02,431 --> 00:08:04,515
So, that's really a thing?
215
00:08:06,101 --> 00:08:08,669
Did you ask Amir if
he could beat-box?
216
00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:10,421
Excuse me.
217
00:08:10,455 --> 00:08:12,507
Bryan, no!
218
00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:15,626
You're a waiter, so I'm going
to go out on a limb here
219
00:08:15,644 --> 00:08:17,011
and assume, actor, as well?
220
00:08:17,062 --> 00:08:18,846
Yes! And let me say,
Mr. Collins,
221
00:08:18,897 --> 00:08:19,931
I'm a huge fan of your show.
222
00:08:19,965 --> 00:08:21,933
Oh, thank you. Bryan.
Bryan. Please.
223
00:08:21,967 --> 00:08:24,185
Hey, how would you like
to audition for me right now?
224
00:08:24,236 --> 00:08:25,603
Right now?
Are you serious?
225
00:08:25,637 --> 00:08:26,771
Yeah, it's very simple.
226
00:08:26,805 --> 00:08:28,773
You just have to play the role
of my friend.
227
00:08:28,807 --> 00:08:30,942
Okay, uh, your friend.
What's my back story?
228
00:08:30,976 --> 00:08:32,309
Am I the kid you took in
229
00:08:32,327 --> 00:08:34,028
off the street after I saved
you from gettin' jacked?
230
00:08:34,079 --> 00:08:35,479
You know, like...
231
00:08:35,497 --> 00:08:37,915
My boy here was gonna die if
I hadn't saved his white ass.
232
00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:39,650
Oh, yeah, yeah, I love that.
233
00:08:39,668 --> 00:08:41,753
It's very nineties-era
law & order, but no.
234
00:08:41,787 --> 00:08:44,038
No. You are just
the long-time contemporary
235
00:08:44,089 --> 00:08:45,423
of a very successful
236
00:08:45,457 --> 00:08:47,425
color-indifferent,
TV writer/producer.
237
00:08:47,459 --> 00:08:49,093
And you're playing
opposite the guest
238
00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:50,461
who just arrived.
239
00:08:50,495 --> 00:08:51,796
She's playing
a very racist woman
240
00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:53,464
who doesn't believe
that I have black friends.
241
00:08:53,498 --> 00:08:54,966
And action!
242
00:08:55,934 --> 00:08:58,436
Excuse me. Ah,
Mrs. Forrest.
243
00:08:58,470 --> 00:09:00,271
Welcome. So happy
you're here.
244
00:09:00,305 --> 00:09:02,774
Oh, can the coffee klatch,
Marge. Where are the blacks?
245
00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:04,609
The blacks? Well,
246
00:09:04,643 --> 00:09:06,027
if you listen carefully,
247
00:09:06,061 --> 00:09:08,312
you can hear them in the
fields singing spirituals.
248
00:09:08,346 --> 00:09:09,614
Ooh, look. There's one.
249
00:09:09,648 --> 00:09:11,399
But she's not really
a friend, is she,
250
00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:13,451
because she works for the missus?
251
00:09:13,485 --> 00:09:14,852
Hi, Nana.
Ah.
252
00:09:14,870 --> 00:09:16,904
Oh, Goldie, you're 24 years old.
253
00:09:16,955 --> 00:09:19,240
Would it kill you
to put on a little lipstick?
254
00:09:19,291 --> 00:09:20,524
Where's the kid?
255
00:09:20,542 --> 00:09:23,661
Oh, she's upstairs writing
Charlie rose fan fiction.
256
00:09:23,695 --> 00:09:25,746
- I'm gonna grab a soda.
- Or...
257
00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:27,131
Even healthier than a soda.
258
00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:29,000
Have you tried coconut water?
259
00:09:29,034 --> 00:09:30,868
Come on, I'll show you.
260
00:09:30,886 --> 00:09:32,253
Mrs. Forrest, mingle.
261
00:09:32,304 --> 00:09:34,422
It's what us humans do.
262
00:09:34,473 --> 00:09:35,590
Well, well, well, Jane Forrest.
263
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:37,892
I'd like you to meet a
dear, dear friend of mine
264
00:09:37,926 --> 00:09:39,877
from way, way back.
265
00:09:39,895 --> 00:09:44,015
Charles Worthington III,
but my friends call me Tripp.
266
00:09:45,901 --> 00:09:48,986
Hey.
267
00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:50,988
Hi.
How late am I?
268
00:09:51,023 --> 00:09:52,824
Oh. Super late. Everyone's
already formed cliques
269
00:09:52,858 --> 00:09:54,108
and picked out their cubbies.
270
00:09:54,159 --> 00:09:55,860
Damn. I'm going
to end up sitting
271
00:09:55,894 --> 00:09:57,411
with the booger eaters. Again.
272
00:09:58,530 --> 00:10:00,331
I'm Clint, by the way.
273
00:10:00,365 --> 00:10:01,666
Oh. Uh, Goldie. Hi.
274
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:04,902
Hey, baby brother.
Good to see you.
275
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:08,339
Come on, let's walk the runway.
276
00:10:12,377 --> 00:10:14,212
You think she's buying it?
277
00:10:15,914 --> 00:10:18,299
I'm not sure black frasier
is convincing anyone.
278
00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:20,134
Bryan was such a cut-up
at Princeton.
279
00:10:20,185 --> 00:10:23,087
Always joshing around and doing
the most scathing impressions.
280
00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:28,192
I'm guessing you're not first in
line at the Tyler Perry movies.
281
00:10:32,865 --> 00:10:34,565
I did not sign up for this.
282
00:10:34,599 --> 00:10:36,734
No, but you did promote
our only waiter to best friend.
283
00:10:36,768 --> 00:10:38,602
Ooh, that looks yummy.
What is it?
284
00:10:38,620 --> 00:10:40,938
Meat with things on it.
Bon appétit.
285
00:10:40,956 --> 00:10:42,156
So how do you know those guys?
286
00:10:42,207 --> 00:10:43,991
David's my doctor.
287
00:10:44,042 --> 00:10:45,159
He's excellent, too.
288
00:10:45,210 --> 00:10:46,661
Really knows his way around
down there,
289
00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:48,546
which is what you want
from a lady doctor,
290
00:10:48,580 --> 00:10:51,666
not that you would know...
or, uh, maybe you do.
291
00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:54,335
I'm sure you've seen
plenty of them up close.
292
00:10:54,386 --> 00:10:55,670
I'm going to stop talking.
293
00:10:56,838 --> 00:10:58,289
Are you sure you're single?
294
00:10:58,307 --> 00:11:02,393
Yeah, mm-hmm, I'm single,
all right, very, very single.
295
00:11:03,478 --> 00:11:06,597
Uh... potatoes?
296
00:11:06,631 --> 00:11:07,598
Yeah, let's do it.
297
00:11:07,632 --> 00:11:09,433
Mostly I work with father.
298
00:11:09,467 --> 00:11:12,270
He has a boutique
arbitrage firm downtown.
299
00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:14,471
Your brother
and my granddaughter
300
00:11:14,489 --> 00:11:16,524
really seem
to be hitting it off.
301
00:11:16,575 --> 00:11:18,859
If they start dating, I swear
to God, I'll throw myself
302
00:11:18,911 --> 00:11:20,161
under a bus.
303
00:11:20,195 --> 00:11:23,147
If they start dating, I swear
to God, there is no God.
304
00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:30,288
Bryan, could I get a splash more
coffee when you get a chance?
305
00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:33,257
Coffee coming right up.
306
00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:34,491
Laugh it up, drunky.
307
00:11:34,509 --> 00:11:35,593
Relax, it's skinny girl.
308
00:11:35,627 --> 00:11:37,128
It's only 100
calories per glass.
309
00:11:37,162 --> 00:11:39,496
That doesn't mean you can drink
four times as much.
310
00:11:39,514 --> 00:11:40,431
Goldie.
311
00:11:40,465 --> 00:11:41,799
Oh, great, thank you.
Delicious.
312
00:11:42,634 --> 00:11:43,634
Fruit.
313
00:11:43,668 --> 00:11:44,769
Why are you being punished?
314
00:11:44,803 --> 00:11:48,439
Oh, they just know
I'm allergic to crust.
315
00:11:48,473 --> 00:11:50,674
And deliciousness.
316
00:11:52,177 --> 00:11:53,227
Honey, you okay?
317
00:11:53,278 --> 00:11:56,513
Fine, just, cake went
down the wrong way.
318
00:11:56,531 --> 00:11:59,450
Well, fortunately you have
two doctors at the table,
319
00:11:59,484 --> 00:12:01,402
so choke all you want.
We are on the job.
320
00:12:01,453 --> 00:12:03,154
Yeah, so long as you have
health insurance.
321
00:12:04,823 --> 00:12:06,157
Well, unless Romney wins,
322
00:12:06,191 --> 00:12:08,025
and then we'll just have
to sit here and watch you die.
323
00:12:08,043 --> 00:12:09,360
Oh, you liberals.
324
00:12:09,378 --> 00:12:11,412
You sure do love to twist
the truth, don't you?
325
00:12:11,463 --> 00:12:12,830
Oh, that's right, everybody,
326
00:12:12,864 --> 00:12:15,750
we have a real, live republican
at the table here tonight.
327
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:18,202
Quick, everyone show
proof of citizenship.
328
00:12:19,388 --> 00:12:20,588
So, Jane,
329
00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:22,873
you don't think all
Americans are entitled
330
00:12:22,891 --> 00:12:24,475
to affordable health care?
If you can find
331
00:12:24,509 --> 00:12:26,677
affordable health care,
more power to you.
332
00:12:26,711 --> 00:12:28,929
I just don't want
the federal government
333
00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:30,648
making decisions that are
334
00:12:30,682 --> 00:12:32,099
my choice to make.
335
00:12:32,150 --> 00:12:33,851
Unless it's a woman's
right to choose.
336
00:12:33,885 --> 00:12:36,053
Yeah, or the right to
marry whomever you love.
337
00:12:36,071 --> 00:12:37,221
You know, by all means,
338
00:12:37,239 --> 00:12:39,357
vote for your pet projects
339
00:12:39,391 --> 00:12:40,557
over the good
340
00:12:40,575 --> 00:12:41,692
of the entire country.
341
00:12:41,726 --> 00:12:43,828
Uh, equality is not
a pet project.
342
00:12:43,862 --> 00:12:45,279
It's actually
a moral imperative.
343
00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:47,398
Look, Obama's plan
might not have been perfect,
344
00:12:47,416 --> 00:12:48,949
but at least he tried
coming up with a fix.
345
00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:50,034
Yeah,
by making me pay
346
00:12:50,068 --> 00:12:53,004
every time some illegal
sprains his ankle
347
00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:53,871
jumping the border.
348
00:12:53,905 --> 00:12:54,872
This chocolate pie
349
00:12:54,906 --> 00:12:56,340
is delicious, by the way.
350
00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:58,742
Thank you, I made it myself.
351
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:00,211
Your whole system is broke,
352
00:13:00,245 --> 00:13:02,129
and your Obama just
wants to keep dumping
353
00:13:02,180 --> 00:13:03,714
more money into it.
It's like giving
354
00:13:03,748 --> 00:13:06,634
penicillin to a Kardashian...
too little, too late.
355
00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:08,135
That's good. So it's
just about money to you?
356
00:13:08,186 --> 00:13:09,520
No, it isn't just about money.
357
00:13:09,554 --> 00:13:11,889
It's about personal
responsibility,
358
00:13:11,923 --> 00:13:14,809
and personal responsibility
begins at home.
359
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:17,428
I run my house the way
the government should be run.
360
00:13:17,446 --> 00:13:18,595
Goldie pays rent.
361
00:13:18,613 --> 00:13:19,864
There are no handouts,
362
00:13:19,898 --> 00:13:21,198
there's no freeloading.
363
00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:23,868
And the way you talk about
a woman's right to choose...
364
00:13:23,902 --> 00:13:26,153
if I hadn't taken away
her mother's right,
365
00:13:26,204 --> 00:13:27,271
she wouldn't be sitting
366
00:13:27,289 --> 00:13:28,772
with us while we sip amaretto
367
00:13:28,790 --> 00:13:30,708
around this table
368
00:13:30,742 --> 00:13:31,775
at the penis palace.
369
00:13:31,793 --> 00:13:33,044
Oh, yeah,
370
00:13:33,078 --> 00:13:37,164
that's right, 25 years ago
my prize of a daughter,
371
00:13:37,215 --> 00:13:38,666
she-who-shall-
not-be-named,
372
00:13:38,717 --> 00:13:41,052
was headed
for the abortion clinic
373
00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:42,887
and I took away
374
00:13:42,921 --> 00:13:44,788
her right to choose.
375
00:13:44,806 --> 00:13:46,123
I forced her to take
responsibility
376
00:13:46,141 --> 00:13:48,059
for her actions.
377
00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:50,127
We would not be having
this rousing political debate,
378
00:13:50,145 --> 00:13:53,230
trying to sway Goldie's vote
379
00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:56,350
because Goldie wouldn't be here.
380
00:13:56,401 --> 00:13:57,902
How can you say that
right in front of her?
381
00:13:57,936 --> 00:13:59,103
Oh, no, it's okay.
382
00:13:59,137 --> 00:14:01,272
She tells me that story
every year on my birthday.
383
00:14:01,306 --> 00:14:02,273
So, who wants more wine?
384
00:14:02,307 --> 00:14:03,741
I'll get it.
Yes, me.
385
00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:09,864
This is a disaster.
386
00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:11,699
I can't believe we're trying
to impress this woman. Shh...
387
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,984
What are you shush-shush-shush?
Look,
388
00:14:14,002 --> 00:14:16,921
I-I think I may have offended
some of your friends
389
00:14:16,955 --> 00:14:20,424
back there inadvertently
with my passion.
390
00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:21,425
I'm sorry.
391
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:24,845
Oh, well... thank you very much.
392
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,163
It was a little harsh.
393
00:14:26,181 --> 00:14:28,632
I think this might be a great
time to change the mood.
394
00:14:28,666 --> 00:14:30,017
I bet your friends
would be thrilled
395
00:14:30,051 --> 00:14:31,769
to hear some happy news,
396
00:14:31,803 --> 00:14:33,337
like you and sissy
are going to be mommies.
397
00:14:33,355 --> 00:14:34,555
Hmm, I don't know.
Oh, no, David's,
398
00:14:34,606 --> 00:14:35,839
David's superstitious.
Yeah.
399
00:14:35,857 --> 00:14:37,775
He wants to wait to announce
till the 12th week.
400
00:14:37,809 --> 00:14:40,611
You've got all your friends
together in one place.
401
00:14:40,645 --> 00:14:42,012
You're at the ten-week mark,
402
00:14:42,030 --> 00:14:43,847
out of the woods.
I think it would make
403
00:14:43,865 --> 00:14:45,449
the party memorable.
404
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:47,485
Think about it.
405
00:14:49,371 --> 00:14:51,355
What are you
doing morrow night?
406
00:14:51,373 --> 00:14:52,740
Want to go to a movie?
407
00:14:52,791 --> 00:14:55,576
Oh, um, yeah, that sounds fun.
408
00:14:56,861 --> 00:14:58,695
So, since you are
409
00:14:58,713 --> 00:15:00,197
all our closest friends...
410
00:15:00,215 --> 00:15:02,032
except you...
411
00:15:02,551 --> 00:15:03,700
and you and you,
412
00:15:03,718 --> 00:15:04,701
now seems
413
00:15:04,719 --> 00:15:07,871
like the perfect time
to tell you
414
00:15:07,889 --> 00:15:09,673
that Bryan and I
415
00:15:09,707 --> 00:15:11,041
are pregnant.
416
00:15:11,059 --> 00:15:14,428
Thank you, thank you.
417
00:15:14,479 --> 00:15:17,097
We are ten weeks along
with our baby
418
00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:19,150
and we could not be happier.
419
00:15:19,184 --> 00:15:21,235
And we could not have done this
420
00:15:21,269 --> 00:15:23,053
without our amazing surrogate
421
00:15:23,071 --> 00:15:25,105
Goldie, so, Goldie...
422
00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:26,157
A toast to Goldie.
423
00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:27,825
Cheers.
424
00:15:27,859 --> 00:15:29,443
You're pregnant
with their baby?
425
00:15:29,494 --> 00:15:32,446
Oh, wait, Shania really
should be here for this.
426
00:15:32,497 --> 00:15:33,447
Shania is Goldie's daughter
427
00:15:33,498 --> 00:15:34,999
from her crumbling marriage.
428
00:15:35,867 --> 00:15:38,536
Excuse me, please.
429
00:15:42,591 --> 00:15:43,958
What?
430
00:15:50,980 --> 00:15:54,963
I am so sick of you all
crapping your $400 jeans
431
00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:56,522
over this Obama.
432
00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:57,857
Don't lump me in with them.
433
00:15:57,875 --> 00:16:00,192
Oh, excuse me, $20 jeans.
434
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:01,360
I'm voting for Romney.
435
00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:02,345
What?
436
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:03,696
You done lost your damn mind.
437
00:16:03,714 --> 00:16:06,632
Wow, a black republican.
438
00:16:06,667 --> 00:16:08,418
You know, I've heard stories.
439
00:16:08,469 --> 00:16:09,919
I just never knew
they were real.
440
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,221
How can you turn your back
on Barack right now?
441
00:16:12,256 --> 00:16:13,222
I don't vote race.
442
00:16:13,257 --> 00:16:14,557
I vote issues,
443
00:16:14,591 --> 00:16:16,426
and I think Romney's
experience as a businessman is
444
00:16:16,477 --> 00:16:18,644
the thing we need to get
this economy moving.
445
00:16:18,679 --> 00:16:19,812
Goldie isn't answering.
446
00:16:19,847 --> 00:16:21,064
I think I might call the cops.
447
00:16:21,098 --> 00:16:23,149
You are not sending
a policeman to chase down
448
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,718
a hormonal girl's
temper tantrums.
449
00:16:25,736 --> 00:16:26,886
I'll track her myself.
450
00:16:26,904 --> 00:16:28,104
Yeah, why don't you hop
on your broomstick
451
00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:31,491
and write "surrender Goldie"
over the Hollywood skies?
452
00:16:31,525 --> 00:16:33,559
Was that an actual
Judy Garland reference?
453
00:16:33,577 --> 00:16:36,061
I'm surprised you're not
wearing Ruby slippers.
454
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,062
Keep joking, lady.
455
00:16:37,081 --> 00:16:38,230
It's your manipulations
456
00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:39,832
that made her run off
in the first place.
457
00:16:39,867 --> 00:16:42,085
My manipulations, mine?
Yeah.
458
00:16:42,119 --> 00:16:45,254
This party is a bigger farce
than tom cruise's marriage
459
00:16:45,289 --> 00:16:47,006
to that girl
with the dead eyes.
460
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:48,240
Which one?
461
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,242
Okay, uh, this is getting weird,
462
00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:51,294
and, uh,
463
00:16:51,345 --> 00:16:52,428
my catering shift ended
an hour ago,
464
00:16:52,463 --> 00:16:53,846
so...
465
00:16:53,881 --> 00:16:56,182
I think we can both agree
that I nailed it.
466
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:57,800
Call my people.
467
00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:58,801
I knew it.
468
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,636
He's an actor.
469
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:01,687
He was a black actor.
470
00:17:01,722 --> 00:17:03,255
Farce. A blactor. Enough, hey!
471
00:17:03,273 --> 00:17:05,925
The important thing
is that we find Goldie.
472
00:17:05,943 --> 00:17:07,810
Now, where the hell
could she be?
473
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:09,612
I think I might
know where she is.
474
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:15,985
See, told you she'd be here.
475
00:17:18,572 --> 00:17:20,490
Hey, hey, order me a double
cheeseburger and fries
476
00:17:20,541 --> 00:17:21,791
but say it's for you.
477
00:17:21,825 --> 00:17:23,159
I'll eat it cold, crouched
behind the potting bench
478
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,710
in the garage after
David falls asleep.
479
00:17:24,745 --> 00:17:26,746
Your secret's safe with me.
480
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:33,469
Goldie, we are so sorry.
481
00:17:33,504 --> 00:17:35,287
We had no right to
announce the pregnancy
482
00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:37,223
before talking to you first.
483
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:38,558
And the food.
484
00:17:38,592 --> 00:17:41,144
David was so controlling
about the food.
485
00:17:41,178 --> 00:17:42,294
Oh, come on,
486
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:44,630
you know the real reason
you ran off is because
487
00:17:44,648 --> 00:17:46,432
Wayland and Madame here
were trying to sway your vote
488
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,067
and keep that man
in the brown house.
489
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:52,137
No, no, no, no, you
can have the burger.
490
00:17:52,156 --> 00:17:53,990
- Here, eat, finish the burger.
- Yeah, yeah, le-le-let's
491
00:17:54,024 --> 00:17:55,441
get you some chili,
too, I mean,
492
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,476
I mean, if, if,
if you want chili.
493
00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:59,028
That's right.
494
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,113
We still might
make suggestions,
495
00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:03,816
but if you want to eat
chili, you can eat chili.
496
00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:06,586
I'm sorry for being
so emotional, guys.
497
00:18:06,620 --> 00:18:07,620
It's just that I thought
498
00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:09,488
that moving out here,
changing everything,
499
00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:11,090
that my life was finally going
500
00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:14,210
to be my own, but it's not.
501
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,045
Clay is suing me for custody.
502
00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:17,263
This paper says
503
00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:19,715
I got to take Shania
back to Ohio.
504
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:24,353
Hallelujah.
505
00:18:24,388 --> 00:18:25,938
That moron finally did
506
00:18:25,973 --> 00:18:27,523
one smart thing.
507
00:18:27,558 --> 00:18:29,058
Okay, okay.
508
00:18:40,454 --> 00:18:41,737
Hey.
Hey.
509
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,739
So who'd you vote for?
510
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:44,790
Well, I was leaning
511
00:18:44,825 --> 00:18:46,576
Romney for a while
because he seems
512
00:18:46,627 --> 00:18:48,377
more committed to
Israel's security,
513
00:18:48,412 --> 00:18:49,662
but Obama believes gay people
514
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,297
should be treated
like human beings,
515
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:52,632
and you guys are gay,
516
00:18:52,666 --> 00:18:55,551
so that made me vote for him.
517
00:18:55,586 --> 00:18:57,036
Yes. I feel like
we're watching her
518
00:18:57,054 --> 00:18:58,554
take her first steps.
Yeah.
519
00:18:58,589 --> 00:19:01,140
Hey, Shania, want to
help me pull my lever?
520
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:02,374
Okay.
521
00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:04,260
Hey, let's save that for your
first term in congress, kid.
522
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,377
Off you go.
523
00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:07,212
So, Goldie,
how are you going to vote?
524
00:19:07,231 --> 00:19:09,315
Like daughter, like mother? Hmm?
525
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,216
Meh.
526
00:19:12,936 --> 00:19:14,987
What, you haven't decided
who to vote for yet?
527
00:19:15,022 --> 00:19:16,272
A billion dollars in ads...
528
00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:17,890
I didn't say I don't know
who I'm voting for.
529
00:19:17,908 --> 00:19:19,058
I'm just not telling you.
530
00:19:19,076 --> 00:19:20,893
Isn't that the whole point
of a true democracy?
531
00:19:20,911 --> 00:19:23,613
Well played.
532
00:19:24,448 --> 00:19:25,731
And we will honor that.
533
00:19:25,749 --> 00:19:28,367
Blink once for Obama,
twice for the mormon.
534
00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:37,960
You know, it would be nice
to have more diversity
535
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:40,680
in our lives...
if not for us, for the baby.
536
00:19:40,714 --> 00:19:41,464
It's true.
537
00:19:41,515 --> 00:19:42,798
Growing up with two white dads.
538
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,017
I mean, how much travel
and culture and dance
539
00:19:45,052 --> 00:19:46,018
can one kid take?
540
00:19:46,053 --> 00:19:47,186
I'm serious.
541
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,438
I know, I know, and I agree.
542
00:19:49,473 --> 00:19:52,108
I mean, we talk the talk, but
we don't always walk the walk.
543
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,094
Not a word to your grandmother.
544
00:19:55,112 --> 00:19:57,480
We will deny it, I swear.
545
00:19:57,531 --> 00:19:58,864
You know, it's never too late.
546
00:19:58,899 --> 00:20:01,567
Come on.
547
00:20:06,540 --> 00:20:09,208
Um, hi, I'm Goldie,
Shania's mom.
548
00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:10,293
I'm Renee.
549
00:20:10,327 --> 00:20:12,295
This is my husband Joe
and our son Matthew.
550
00:20:12,329 --> 00:20:13,462
So, how far along are you?
551
00:20:13,497 --> 00:20:14,664
Almost six months.
552
00:20:14,715 --> 00:20:16,082
Oh, congratulations.
553
00:20:16,116 --> 00:20:19,218
I'm not showing yet
but, um, I'm pregnant, too.
554
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:20,503
Oh, congratulations to you.
555
00:20:20,554 --> 00:20:22,505
Oh, well, thank... um, actually
it's, it's not my baby.
556
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:24,423
It's theirs.
557
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,458
I'm their surrogate.
558
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:28,978
You know, we've
done this before.
559
00:20:29,012 --> 00:20:31,180
If you have questions about
being first-time parents,
560
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,398
we should have dinner sometime.
561
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:33,516
Uh, we would love that.
562
00:20:33,567 --> 00:20:34,800
Yeah, that'd be great.
563
00:20:34,818 --> 00:20:36,018
Cool.
564
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,353
Nice meeting you.
See you.
565
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:38,470
This is perfect.
566
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:40,823
You were just saying
we need some gay friends.
567
00:21:16,373 --> 00:21:21,466
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