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[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
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BATMAN: Black.
3
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All important movies start
with a black screen.
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And music.
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00:00:19,437 --> 00:00:22,067
Edgy, scary music
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00:00:22,232 --> 00:00:25,492
that would make
a parent or studio executive nervous.
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And logos.
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Really long and dramatic logos.
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Warner Bros.
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Why not "Warner Brothers"?
I don't know.
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[THUNDER RUMBLING]
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DC.
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The house that Batman built.
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Yeah, what, Superman?
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Come at me, bro.
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I'm your Kryptonite.
17
00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:01,603
Hmm.
18
00:01:01,771 --> 00:01:05,321
Not sure what RatPac does,
but that logo is macho.
19
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I dig it.
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Okay.
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Get yourself ready for some
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reading.
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00:01:14,951 --> 00:01:16,751
"If you want to make the world
a better place"
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"take a look at yourself
and make a change."
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"Hooo."
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No. I said that.
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Batman is very wise.
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I also have huge pecs
and a nine-pack.
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Yeah, I've got an extra ab.
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Now, let's start the movie.
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BILL: Gotham Tower,
this is McGuffin Airlines, Flight 1138.
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We are transporting
11 million sticks of dynamite,
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17,000 pounds of C-4,
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about 150 cute little
classic bomb-type bombs,
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and two best friends!
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And request permission to fly over
the most crime-ridden city in the world.
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Over.
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I'm just looking at all the guys' faces
here in the control tower.
39
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- I'm good.
- Sounds good to me.
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- Do it!
- Yeah, as long as they're best friends.
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- Thumbs up!
- Yep, I think we're cool with that.
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[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
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LEAD CRIMINAL: Gentlemen,
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seal breach in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
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What was that?
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- One of us should check it out.
- Okay.
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BOTH: Scissors, paper, rock.
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- Paper.
- Scissors.
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Ha! You always do paper.
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I'm a loser at home
and a loser at work.
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Holy cow!
52
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[SCREAMS]
53
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[MUZAK PLAYING]
54
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Captain Dale, is everything okay?
55
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LEAD CRIMINAL: I am afraid
Captain Dale had to bail.
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I'm your new co-pilot.
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And I always come to work
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with a smile!
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- You should be terrified.
- Why?
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Because I will be taking over the city.
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Mmm...
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- What?
- Batman will stop you.
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[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
He always stops you.
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No, he doesn't.
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What about that time with the two boats?
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This is better than the two boats.
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- Mmm...
- Well, tonight is gonna be different!
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Tonight is my greatest plan yet.
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And trust me,
Batman's never gonna see it coming.
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BILL: Like that time with the parade
and the Prince music?
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JOKER: Hey, quiet!
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- Good night, Steve.
- Take it easy, Jeff.
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Man, I really like that guy.
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I sure hope nothing bad happens to him.
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[JEFF WHISTLING]
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[SINGING]
Nothing bad ever happens to me.
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What the...
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JOKER: Your city is under attack
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by Gotham's greatest criminal minds.
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Including.
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The Riddler. [LAUGHING]
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Scarecrow.
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Pizza delivery.
84
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[GROANS]
85
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- Bane.
- Hello.
86
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Two-Face!
87
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We need that door open, baby!
88
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Catwoman.
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Meow, meow. You're in! Meow, meow.
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SECURITY GUARD:
I'm jumping out of the way!
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[HONKING]
92
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JOKER: And let's not forget, Clayface.
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[ROARING]
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[IMITATING GUNS FIRING]
95
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Poison Ivy.
[IMITATES GUNS FIRING]
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00:04:27,018 --> 00:04:28,478
- Freeze!
- Mr. FREEZE: No!
97
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You freeze!
98
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JOKER: Mr. Freeze!
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Penguin, Crazy Quilt, Eraser.
100
00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:36,357
Polka-Dot Man, Mime, Tarantula.
101
00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:38,397
King Tut, Orca, Killer Moth,
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00:04:38,571 --> 00:04:40,371
March Harriet, Zodiac Master,
Gentleman Ghost.
103
00:04:40,490 --> 00:04:44,870
Clock King, Calendar Man, Kite-Man,
Catman, Zebra-Man, and the Condiment King.
104
00:04:46,871 --> 00:04:48,501
Okay, are you making some of those up?
105
00:04:48,665 --> 00:04:50,115
Nope, they're all real.
106
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Probably worth a Google.
107
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- Hey, watch it!
- Commissioner Gordon!
108
00:04:55,964 --> 00:04:56,974
What is it, O'Hara?
109
00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:58,131
We just got a report!
110
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All the Z-grade villains have
broken into the energy plant!
111
00:05:00,885 --> 00:05:01,925
What are we gonna do, sir?
112
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The only thing we ever do.
Flip the switch to the Bat-Signal!
113
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Flip!
114
00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:07,159
OFFICER: [ON RADIO]
Commissioner, are you there?
115
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The Bat-Signal, she's been egged!
116
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[GIGGLING]
O'HARA: It's Egghead, sir.
117
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I'm well aware of his work.
118
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Dear gosh.
You've destroyed the Bat-Signal.
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You have thought of everything.
120
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Yeah, I know!
121
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And when I take over Gotham City...
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ENERGY PLANT COMPUTER:
Opening reactor core doors.
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JOKER: Batman will grovel at the feet
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of his greatest enemy!
125
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Me! The Joker!
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[LAUGHS]
127
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Joker, do you read me?
128
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10-4, girl buddy.
129
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We're ready for you, sugar plum.
130
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Well, then, let's raise the roof!
131
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BANE: Fire in the hole!
132
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[SIRENS WAILING]
133
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O'Hara, have you tried the Bat-Phone?
134
00:05:50,268 --> 00:05:52,598
Yes, but all I'm getting
is this hold music.
135
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[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
136
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I love it.
137
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[TIRES SCREECHING]
138
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- I want snipers trained on that building!
- You bet!
139
00:06:01,005 --> 00:06:03,165
- I want water and air support, yesterday!
- Ahoy, sir!
140
00:06:03,299 --> 00:06:04,617
And I need SWAT here now!
141
00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:05,926
OFFICER: Phone call
for Commissioner Gordon.
142
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Hello? Batman?
143
00:06:07,118 --> 00:06:09,658
Hi, Jimmy! It's the Jokes. Oop!
144
00:06:09,829 --> 00:06:11,209
Nobody calls you that.
145
00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:13,214
[SCOFFS] Yes, people do call me that.
146
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Okay, listen up.
147
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ALL: Go, go, go!
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JOKER: At this very moment,
an unnecessarily complicated bomb
149
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is being attached
to the inside of the main energy core.
150
00:06:24,052 --> 00:06:27,722
If the mayor isn't here in five minutes
to negotiate the city's surrender,
151
00:06:27,889 --> 00:06:31,599
then I shall destroy Gotham City.
152
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I did something!
153
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PIPPA: Doctor, that sounds frightening
and overly complicated.
154
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Talk us through it.
155
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Well, I don't wanna scare
any small children who may be listening,
156
00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:42,870
but it's a little-known fact
that Gotham City
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00:06:42,987 --> 00:06:46,317
is built on a bunch of flimsy plates
stuck together.
158
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There's literally nothing beneath us,
159
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except an infinite abyss
that smells like dirty underwear.
160
00:06:52,330 --> 00:06:54,250
If Joker's bomb were to go off,
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these plates would break apart,
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plunging every Gotham citizen
163
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into the eternal abyss forever.
164
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JOKER: And you wouldn't want that,
now would you?
165
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Now get me the mayor! Joker out!
166
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Madam Mayor,
I cannot ask you to do this!
167
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- Jim, did you find Batman?
- No, ma'am.
168
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Then we have no choice.
169
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The Joker has the upper hand.
We have to surrender Gotham City.
170
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GORDON: Oh, no.
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I'm sorry!
172
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PILOT: Flying the mayor
package in right now.
173
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SWAT LEADER: SWAT team,
get your stun guns ready!
174
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- Non-lethal.
- BOTH: Yeah!
175
00:07:27,532 --> 00:07:29,582
PILOT: Lowering
mayor package through hole.
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JOKER: Madam Mayor!
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Thanks for dropping by.
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[SCOFFS] I've only got one thing
to say to you, Joker.
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Well, you better make it fast.
180
00:07:39,335 --> 00:07:40,375
Do you like to gamble?
181
00:07:40,545 --> 00:07:41,625
Oh, I certainly do.
182
00:07:41,796 --> 00:07:43,546
Do you ever play roulette?
183
00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:44,764
On occasion.
184
00:07:44,924 --> 00:07:46,634
Well, let me give you a word of advice.
185
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I'm all ears.
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00:07:47,969 --> 00:07:49,219
When playing roulette...
187
00:07:49,387 --> 00:07:50,507
Yes?
188
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Always bet on black.
189
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Batman?
190
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What are you doing?
You're completely outnumbered here!
191
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Are you nuts?
192
00:07:58,396 --> 00:07:59,976
You wanna get nuts? Come on!
193
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Let's get nuts!
194
00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:05,123
'Cause I just wrote a song
about how I'm gonna kick all your butts!
195
00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:07,656
Stop him before he starts singing!
196
00:08:07,822 --> 00:08:08,992
[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]
197
00:08:09,157 --> 00:08:12,237
[SINGING] Yeah!
198
00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:14,578
In the darkest night.
199
00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:17,624
I make the bad guys fall.
200
00:08:18,374 --> 00:08:19,424
There's a million heroes.
201
00:08:20,084 --> 00:08:21,634
Computer, overcompensate.
202
00:08:21,794 --> 00:08:22,954
But I'm the best of them all.
203
00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:24,085
PUTER: I'm on my way, sir.
204
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:27,088
- Who has the coolest gadgets?
- Batman!
205
00:08:27,425 --> 00:08:30,385
- Who has the tricked-out ride?
- Batman!
206
00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:33,353
- Who does the sickest backflips?
- Batman!
207
00:08:33,723 --> 00:08:36,183
Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na
Batman!
208
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:39,020
Yeah, hey, hey! Batman jam!
209
00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:41,228
Da-Na, da-Na, da-Na, da-Na.
210
00:08:41,439 --> 00:08:42,479
Batman!
211
00:08:42,648 --> 00:08:43,808
You think my muscles are big?
212
00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:44,941
Thank you.
213
00:08:45,401 --> 00:08:46,861
You haven't seen my brain.
214
00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:50,202
Ladies, it's okay if you stare.
215
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:51,374
Why?
216
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:54,242
'Cause I'm a billionaire.
217
00:08:54,410 --> 00:08:55,540
Get it together, guys!
218
00:08:55,745 --> 00:08:57,505
You're making me look bad
in front of Batman!
219
00:08:57,914 --> 00:08:58,964
'Puter, where's the bomb?
220
00:08:59,123 --> 00:09:02,003
PUTER: The bomb is located
at the base of the energy core.
221
00:09:02,919 --> 00:09:03,959
What the...
222
00:09:04,128 --> 00:09:06,088
I get the last laugh
I get the final grin.
223
00:09:06,422 --> 00:09:09,512
Throw you into the asylum
With Harley Quinn.
224
00:09:09,675 --> 00:09:12,465
Turn Two-Face
To black-and-blue face
225
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,510
I 100% am not Bruce Wayne!
226
00:09:16,015 --> 00:09:17,725
Kiss me, Batman.
227
00:09:18,476 --> 00:09:20,226
- Who's the manliest man?
- Ugh!
228
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:21,484
Batman!
229
00:09:21,646 --> 00:09:23,266
- With the buns of steel?
- Batman!
230
00:09:23,439 --> 00:09:24,439
'Puter.
231
00:09:24,649 --> 00:09:27,239
- Who could choke-hold a bear?
- Batman!
232
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:30,111
- Who never skips leg day?
- Batman!
233
00:09:30,446 --> 00:09:31,986
Who always pays their taxes?
234
00:09:32,156 --> 00:09:33,316
Not Batman.
235
00:09:34,492 --> 00:09:37,122
How is he beating all of you again?
236
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,158
[GROANS]
- Because...
237
00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:40,410
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
238
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:41,921
I'm Batman!
239
00:09:42,083 --> 00:09:43,383
It's gonna blow!
240
00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:45,132
I'm Batman!
241
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:46,344
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
242
00:09:46,504 --> 00:09:48,424
I'm Batman!
243
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:53,303
Hi, Batman!
So weird to keep running into you.
244
00:09:57,473 --> 00:09:58,813
Batman!
245
00:09:59,392 --> 00:10:01,192
Looks like your plan failed.
246
00:10:01,352 --> 00:10:05,312
Well, it's only a matter of time
before I take over Gotham City.
247
00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:13,112
When has that ever happened?
Computer!
248
00:10:13,281 --> 00:10:16,031
PUTER: Calculating. Never.
249
00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:17,407
You know why? [YELPS]
250
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:19,696
Because I'm always
one step ahead of you.
251
00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:21,460
And I always get away!
252
00:10:23,541 --> 00:10:25,081
Not this time.
253
00:10:27,837 --> 00:10:28,917
'Cause this time.
254
00:10:29,422 --> 00:10:30,592
I got you.
255
00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:31,796
Oh, yeah?
256
00:10:31,966 --> 00:10:34,046
Well, there's only one problem.
257
00:10:34,719 --> 00:10:36,549
Who's gonna defuse the bomb?
258
00:10:36,721 --> 00:10:38,351
It's gotta be one or the other, Batman.
259
00:10:38,514 --> 00:10:42,814
Save the city,
or catch your greatest enemy.
260
00:10:42,977 --> 00:10:43,977
You can't do both.
261
00:10:44,145 --> 00:10:45,289
I'm sorry, what did you just say?
262
00:10:45,313 --> 00:10:46,353
You can't do both, I said.
263
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:47,570
No, I mean the other thing.
264
00:10:47,732 --> 00:10:49,612
Save the city,
or catch your greatest enemy.
265
00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,175
You think you're my greatest enemy?
266
00:10:51,277 --> 00:10:53,397
Yes! You're obsessed with me!
267
00:10:53,571 --> 00:10:54,771
[BLOWS RASPBERRY] No, I'm not.
268
00:10:54,864 --> 00:10:56,024
- Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not.
269
00:10:56,115 --> 00:10:59,365
Yes, you are! Who else drives you
to one-up them the way that I do?
270
00:10:59,535 --> 00:11:00,865
- Bane.
- No, he doesn't!
271
00:11:01,037 --> 00:11:03,117
- Superman.
- Superman's not a bad guy!
272
00:11:03,289 --> 00:11:06,169
Then I'd say that I don't
currently have a bad guy.
273
00:11:06,334 --> 00:11:08,594
I am fighting a few different people.
274
00:11:08,753 --> 00:11:09,753
What?
275
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:10,920
I like to fight around.
276
00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:13,628
Okay, look, I'm fine with you
fighting other people
277
00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:17,639
if you wanna do that,
but what we have is special.
278
00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,095
So, when people ask you.
279
00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:21,103
"Who's your number one bad guy?"
you say...
280
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:22,345
Superman.
281
00:11:22,516 --> 00:11:24,476
Are you seriously saying
that there is nothing,
282
00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:27,063
nothing special about our relationship?
283
00:11:27,605 --> 00:11:28,605
Whoa.
284
00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:31,404
Let me tell you something, J-bird.
285
00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:35,277
- Batman doesn't do 'ships.
- What?
286
00:11:35,446 --> 00:11:37,776
As in "relationships."
287
00:11:38,616 --> 00:11:41,286
There is no "us."
288
00:11:41,452 --> 00:11:44,712
Batman and Joker are not a thing.
289
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:47,420
I don't need you.
290
00:11:48,376 --> 00:11:50,286
I don't need anyone.
291
00:11:52,004 --> 00:11:54,974
You mean nothing to me.
292
00:11:59,178 --> 00:12:00,968
No one does.
293
00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:03,772
[BOMB TIMER BEEPING]
294
00:12:13,442 --> 00:12:14,442
[GRUNTING]
295
00:12:24,036 --> 00:12:25,246
[SNIPS]
296
00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:30,330
Hurray! Batman! [ALL CHEERING]
297
00:12:30,501 --> 00:12:31,711
You did it!
298
00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:33,087
You're welcome.
299
00:12:33,254 --> 00:12:35,014
- Thank you, Batman.
- Oh, my pleasure.
300
00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,180
WOMAN: Batman, we love you!
301
00:12:38,342 --> 00:12:40,972
Thank you!
I'm blushing super hard under the mask.
302
00:12:41,137 --> 00:12:43,717
- Grazie, Batman! [BLOWS KISS]
- Prego.
303
00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:45,492
- MAN: You're the best, Batman!
- Oh, I'm humble.
304
00:12:45,516 --> 00:12:48,056
- Thanks, Batman!
- I'm super modest about it. Thank you.
305
00:12:48,227 --> 00:12:50,587
- Batman, you're the greatest!
- Oh, pray hands, pray hands.
306
00:12:50,980 --> 00:12:53,230
- WOMAN: Thanks for saving the city!
- You're welcome.
307
00:12:53,399 --> 00:12:55,189
MAN 1: Batman,
I love you more than my kids!
308
00:12:55,359 --> 00:12:56,359
BATMAN: So do I, guy!
309
00:12:58,612 --> 00:13:00,912
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
310
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:04,370
MAN 2: You're our hero, Batman!
311
00:13:04,535 --> 00:13:06,865
[LAUGHS] I love my life.
312
00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:08,037
Computer.
313
00:13:08,205 --> 00:13:09,205
PUTER: Go ahead.
314
00:13:09,373 --> 00:13:11,083
- BATMAN: Are we near the orphanage?
- Yes.
315
00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:14,460
Great.
Let's turn those frowns upside down.
316
00:13:14,670 --> 00:13:16,090
[HONKING BATMAN THEME]
317
00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:19,757
That sounds like the Batmobile.
318
00:13:22,511 --> 00:13:23,551
No way!
319
00:13:24,138 --> 00:13:25,388
Hey, orphans! Look who's here!
320
00:13:25,598 --> 00:13:27,058
[ORPHANS CLAMORING] It's Batman!
321
00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:30,231
Hey, kids.
Who wants a shot from the merch gun?
322
00:13:30,394 --> 00:13:32,194
- ALL: I do, I do, I do!
- Great!
323
00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:34,194
- Kaboom!
- I got a lunchbox!
324
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:36,476
- Kaboom!
- I got a sippy cup!
325
00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,900
- Kaboom!
- I got a Batarang!
326
00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:40,739
And the rest of you get Bat Bucks.
327
00:13:40,905 --> 00:13:42,235
Kaboom! [ALL CHEERING]
328
00:13:42,406 --> 00:13:44,406
Remember, kids,
if you want to be like Batman,
329
00:13:44,575 --> 00:13:46,075
take care of your abs. Batman out!
330
00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:49,120
ORPHANS: [CHANTING]
Batman! Batman! Batman!
331
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:52,497
[HONKING BATMAN THEME]
332
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:57,923
Thanks, Batman. You're my hero!
333
00:13:58,130 --> 00:14:00,590
[UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]
334
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:03,760
Whoo!
335
00:14:05,471 --> 00:14:07,101
[LAUGHING]
336
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,147
PUTER: What is the password?
337
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:22,780
Iron Man sucks.
338
00:14:22,947 --> 00:14:24,027
Thank you.
339
00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:27,952
It must be great to be Batman.
340
00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:30,288
I can only imagine
he is going home right now
341
00:14:30,454 --> 00:14:32,084
to party the night away,
342
00:14:32,248 --> 00:14:35,788
surrounded by scores of friends
and lady tennis players.
343
00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:43,048
[BATS SQUEAKING]
344
00:14:45,094 --> 00:14:46,604
Hey, Computer.
345
00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:48,137
I'm home.
346
00:14:48,347 --> 00:14:49,887
[ECHOING]
347
00:14:52,518 --> 00:14:53,688
PUTER: Welcome home, sir.
348
00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:56,692
Initializing Batcave operating system.
349
00:14:59,108 --> 00:15:00,108
Hey, 'Puter.
350
00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:03,485
What's up, Batman?
351
00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:06,243
Put this bomb in the museum.
352
00:15:06,407 --> 00:15:07,407
Certainly, sir.
353
00:15:08,534 --> 00:15:10,124
- Thank you.
- No worries.
354
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:12,829
Anything exciting happen
when I was gone?
355
00:15:12,997 --> 00:15:14,367
You have four pieces of mail.
356
00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:15,870
Great, what'd I get?
357
00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:17,881
You have this week's Pennysaver,
358
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:21,013
two bills,
and a coupon for Bed Bath and Beyond.
359
00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:23,051
It expires in two weeks.
360
00:15:23,215 --> 00:15:26,335
But I've heard that some stores
will honor them past the expiry date.
361
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:27,510
Copy that.
362
00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:31,718
Also, Alfred is on the 17th floor,
grouting tiles in the second bathroom
363
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,270
of the fifth master bedroom.
364
00:15:34,143 --> 00:15:36,063
Do you want me to tell Alfred
you're home?
365
00:15:36,228 --> 00:15:38,978
No, that's cool, Computer.
Thanks for the update.
366
00:15:39,148 --> 00:15:40,858
I should probably
have some dinner.
367
00:15:41,025 --> 00:15:43,355
Alfred left your lobster thermidor
in the fridge.
368
00:15:43,527 --> 00:15:44,527
Oh, that's my favorite.
369
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,862
I can't wait.
370
00:16:04,715 --> 00:16:08,045
Oh, not 20 minutes. Stupid.
371
00:16:24,735 --> 00:16:25,935
[SIGHS]
372
00:16:27,655 --> 00:16:28,985
[SMACKS LIPS RHYTHMICALLY]
373
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:57,976
[STRUMMING]
374
00:16:58,227 --> 00:16:59,267
[CLEARS THROAT]
375
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:00,896
[PLAYING GUITAR SOLO]
376
00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,118
Oh, wait.
377
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:20,668
There, which one is, uh...
378
00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:22,625
Okay.
379
00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:25,297
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
380
00:17:31,135 --> 00:17:33,845
JERRY MAGUIRE: You complete me.
381
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,012
[LAUGHS]
382
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:38,480
DOROTHY BOYD: [SNIFFLES]
Shut up. You had me at hello.
383
00:17:38,642 --> 00:17:40,062
[LAUGHING]
384
00:17:40,269 --> 00:17:41,439
Love it!
385
00:17:47,276 --> 00:17:48,396
[SIGHS]
386
00:18:20,017 --> 00:18:21,307
Hey, Mom.
387
00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:23,812
Hey, Dad.
388
00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:26,320
I, uh...
389
00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:28,692
I saved the city again today.
390
00:18:32,529 --> 00:18:34,279
I wish you could have seen me.
391
00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:38,333
I think you would have been
really proud.
392
00:18:41,038 --> 00:18:42,158
There you are! [GRUNTS]
393
00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:46,377
Oh! Alfred! I am so sorry.
394
00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:47,963
I have incredible reflexes.
395
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,548
No, it's all my fault, sir.
396
00:18:49,713 --> 00:18:52,113
I should have known better
than to sneak up on you like that.
397
00:18:52,137 --> 00:18:54,545
Sorry, I was just lost in thought,
and as you know,
398
00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:56,298
when I'm in there, I'm in deep.
399
00:18:56,470 --> 00:18:58,760
Were you looking
at the old family pictures again?
400
00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:01,556
At the what? The old family...
401
00:19:01,725 --> 00:19:03,725
Oh, yes! I see what you mean.
402
00:19:03,894 --> 00:19:06,274
Look at that! The old gang.
403
00:19:06,438 --> 00:19:08,398
Yeah. No, I wasn't.
404
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:10,896
I see.
405
00:19:11,068 --> 00:19:14,448
Sir, if you don't mind my saying,
I'm a little concerned.
406
00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:20,243
I've seen you go through similar phases
in 2016 and 2012 and 2008 and 2005
407
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:23,410
and 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989
408
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:27,040
and that weird one in 1966.
409
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,999
Do you want to talk about
how you're feeling right now?
410
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,260
I don't talk about feelings, Alfred.
411
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:34,012
I don't have any, I've never seen one.
412
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:36,974
I'm a night-stalking,
crime-fighting vigilante,
413
00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:38,795
and a heavy metal rapping machine.
414
00:19:38,971 --> 00:19:42,021
I don't feel anything emotionally,
except for rage.
415
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:45,942
24/7, 365, at a million percent.
416
00:19:46,103 --> 00:19:48,903
And if you think that there's something
behind that, then you're crazy.
417
00:19:48,927 --> 00:19:49,927
Good night, Alfred.
418
00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:51,192
Sir, it's morning.
419
00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:53,779
[HISSING AND GROANING]
420
00:19:53,944 --> 00:19:57,954
Master Bruce, you live on an island,
figuratively and literally.
421
00:19:58,115 --> 00:19:59,365
BATMAN: Yeah. I love it.
422
00:19:59,533 --> 00:20:01,253
You can't spend
the rest of your life alone,
423
00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:02,540
dressed in black,
424
00:20:02,703 --> 00:20:04,963
listening to angry music,
and staying up all night.
425
00:20:05,122 --> 00:20:07,622
Yes, I can, 'cause I'm Batman.
426
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:10,841
But don't you think it's time
427
00:20:11,003 --> 00:20:14,053
you finally faced your greatest fear?
428
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:15,224
- Snakes?
- No.
429
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:16,382
- Clowns?
- No.
430
00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:17,630
Snake clowns?
431
00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:18,971
Bruce, listen.
432
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:22,183
Your greatest fear is
433
00:20:23,307 --> 00:20:25,727
being a part of a family again.
434
00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:38,163
Nope. Now it's snake clowns,
because you put that idea in my head.
435
00:20:38,322 --> 00:20:39,742
- Sir?
- Time for push-ups!
436
00:20:39,907 --> 00:20:41,827
One, two... We're going to 1,000.
437
00:20:41,992 --> 00:20:43,452
I'm afraid that's not possible, sir.
438
00:20:43,619 --> 00:20:45,409
It is possible. I'm already at 20.
439
00:20:45,579 --> 00:20:48,329
You're scheduled to go to
Jim Gordon's retirement party.
440
00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:51,628
What? No. I don't wanna do that.
441
00:20:51,793 --> 00:20:53,753
- You're going to have a great time!
- No, no, no.
442
00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:55,045
You might meet some new people!
443
00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:56,383
No, no, no!
444
00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:58,028
You could even make some new friends.
445
00:20:58,052 --> 00:21:01,469
No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
446
00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:03,848
[BEATBOXING] No!
447
00:21:04,014 --> 00:21:06,774
And before you go,
we can do your favorite thing.
448
00:21:07,017 --> 00:21:09,017
[GASPS] Tuxedo dress-up party.
449
00:21:09,353 --> 00:21:10,983
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
450
00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:18,110
[LAUGHS]
451
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:20,028
Sir, aren't you forgetting something?
452
00:21:20,238 --> 00:21:22,278
- Nope.
- Your cowl.
453
00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:23,699
My what, now?
454
00:21:23,867 --> 00:21:27,287
[SIGHS] Your armored face disguise?
455
00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:30,539
Fine.
456
00:21:32,417 --> 00:21:34,287
- Happy now?
- Indubitably.
457
00:21:34,461 --> 00:21:36,511
Good. Must be nice to be happy.
458
00:21:36,672 --> 00:21:38,922
PIPPA:
Tonight, on Metropolis in Focus,
459
00:21:39,174 --> 00:21:41,594
we have our favorite star, Superman!
460
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,510
What up, Gotham!
461
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:44,720
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
462
00:21:44,972 --> 00:21:47,022
Superman, tell me.
How do you feel
463
00:21:47,182 --> 00:21:50,192
about your recent banishment
of Zod to the Phantom Zone?
464
00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:53,652
Yeah, look, Pippa, it's...
It's complicated. Okay?
465
00:21:53,814 --> 00:21:57,784
Zod and I, we've had some
pretty epic battles over the years.
466
00:21:58,151 --> 00:21:59,321
[SIGHS]
467
00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:02,566
I don't believe I would be Superman
without fighting Zod.
468
00:22:02,739 --> 00:22:07,119
See? Superman gets it.
Why can't Batman?
469
00:22:07,285 --> 00:22:10,865
Check it out, guys.
I built a CD rack. Ta-da!
470
00:22:12,749 --> 00:22:14,999
And how am I supposed to get
Batman's respect
471
00:22:15,168 --> 00:22:18,128
when I'm working
with these human farts?
472
00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:19,916
Boo-boo, look at me.
473
00:22:20,382 --> 00:22:23,512
You're too good for Batman.
He needs to open his eyes
474
00:22:23,677 --> 00:22:26,097
and see what it feels like
when you're not around. Okay?
475
00:22:26,263 --> 00:22:29,273
Yeah, Pippa. I couldn't put Zod
in a regular prison, right?
476
00:22:29,433 --> 00:22:30,853
He's Zod. Come on!
477
00:22:31,476 --> 00:22:32,636
No, he needed to go someplace
478
00:22:32,769 --> 00:22:35,609
where he could never harm
Metropolis ever again.
479
00:22:36,982 --> 00:22:38,232
The Phantom Zone.
480
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,440
PIPPA: Ah, yes, the notorious space jail
481
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:42,990
that houses the greatest
super-villains of all time.
482
00:22:43,155 --> 00:22:45,945
They've got, like,
the sickest baddies up there.
483
00:22:46,116 --> 00:22:47,196
They got, like, this guy.
484
00:22:47,303 --> 00:22:49,303
- And her.
- WICKED WITCH: I'll get you, my pretty!
485
00:22:49,327 --> 00:22:51,927
SUPERMAN: To say nothing about him.
VOLDEMORT: Wingardium Leviosa!
486
00:22:51,955 --> 00:22:52,955
SUPERMAN: And these guys.
487
00:22:53,123 --> 00:22:54,123
DALEKS: Exterminate!
488
00:22:54,291 --> 00:22:57,631
I'm starting to get an idea,
monkey face.
489
00:22:57,961 --> 00:23:00,881
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
490
00:23:03,133 --> 00:23:04,213
REPORTER: Bruce, over here!
491
00:23:04,301 --> 00:23:05,941
Okay, shutterbugs.
Look alive, here we go.
492
00:23:05,965 --> 00:23:07,645
I'm gonna give you three poses. You ready?
493
00:23:07,669 --> 00:23:08,137
Kissy face.
494
00:23:08,305 --> 00:23:09,555
Oops, I did it again.
495
00:23:09,723 --> 00:23:11,813
And the Bad Boys. What you gonna do?
496
00:23:11,975 --> 00:23:14,135
I'm out of here, guys. Thank you.
497
00:23:14,311 --> 00:23:16,731
- Congresswoman.
- Mr. Wayne, good to see you.
498
00:23:17,147 --> 00:23:18,477
- Senator, looking great.
- Bruce.
499
00:23:18,732 --> 00:23:21,992
[SINGING] I'm starting with
the man in the mirror
500
00:23:22,152 --> 00:23:23,671
Bruce, any advice
for the new commissioner?
501
00:23:23,695 --> 00:23:26,382
Long as he knows how to push the button
for the Bat-Signal, he'll be fine.
502
00:23:26,406 --> 00:23:27,906
Bruce, I don't know how you did it.
503
00:23:28,075 --> 00:23:29,555
You can't prove it, you didn't do it.
504
00:23:29,659 --> 00:23:31,579
Mr. Wayne, so great to see you!
Come and join us!
505
00:23:31,603 --> 00:23:32,658
Mr. Prime Minister.
506
00:23:32,829 --> 00:23:34,159
Did you have some work done?
507
00:23:36,124 --> 00:23:37,134
No way!
508
00:23:38,627 --> 00:23:39,837
Bruce Wayne!
509
00:23:40,003 --> 00:23:41,803
He's the greatest orphan of all time.
510
00:23:41,963 --> 00:23:44,843
ALL: [SINGING] Shamon Shamon.
511
00:23:45,008 --> 00:23:47,048
- Nice to see you, Mr. Ambassador.
- Mr. Wayne!
512
00:23:47,219 --> 00:23:49,049
- You want a picture?
- That would be swell!
513
00:23:49,221 --> 00:23:50,901
Here we go. Party face!
[CAMERA CLICKS]
514
00:23:50,972 --> 00:23:52,272
Boom. Keep it.
515
00:23:52,432 --> 00:23:53,432
Whoa! Thanks, Mr. Wayne.
516
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:54,640
Call me Bruce, champ.
517
00:23:54,810 --> 00:23:56,270
I'm just so jazzed to meet you, sir.
518
00:23:56,436 --> 00:23:57,846
I'm sorry, did you say "jazzed"?
519
00:23:58,021 --> 00:23:59,651
Yes! My name's Richard Grayson,
520
00:23:59,815 --> 00:24:01,501
but all the kids at the orphanage
call me Dick.
521
00:24:01,525 --> 00:24:03,145
- Well, children can be cruel.
- Yeah.
522
00:24:03,318 --> 00:24:04,670
- Great to see you, Bruce.
- Nice to see you, sir.
523
00:24:04,694 --> 00:24:07,054
- So, I had a question for you, sir.
- Okay, hit me with it.
524
00:24:07,155 --> 00:24:08,915
Do you have any advice
on how to get adopted?
525
00:24:08,990 --> 00:24:10,200
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, you do?
526
00:24:10,367 --> 00:24:11,844
- Mr. Wayne, can I get an autograph?
- Sure.
527
00:24:11,868 --> 00:24:14,149
Um, all right, for example,
is teeth whitener a good idea?
528
00:24:14,204 --> 00:24:15,564
- Yes. There you go, pal.
- Thanks!
529
00:24:15,622 --> 00:24:16,622
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
530
00:24:16,790 --> 00:24:18,470
- Looking good, Bruce.
- Thank you so much.
531
00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:20,340
How about eyeliner
or a foreign language?
532
00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:21,882
- Try both.
- Bueno.
533
00:24:22,045 --> 00:24:23,335
Look, it's the new commissioner!
534
00:24:23,505 --> 00:24:25,585
- Where? Oh, she's with the mayor!
- Okay. Let's see.
535
00:24:25,609 --> 00:24:26,859
Here she is, everyone!
536
00:24:26,967 --> 00:24:28,387
- Oh, my darling!
- Hi, Dad.
537
00:24:28,552 --> 00:24:29,722
[GASPS]
538
00:24:29,928 --> 00:24:32,008
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
539
00:24:34,015 --> 00:24:35,015
DICK: Mr. Wayne?
540
00:24:35,767 --> 00:24:38,147
Should I get experimental surgery
to make my eyes larger
541
00:24:38,311 --> 00:24:39,691
and more vulnerable-looking?
542
00:24:40,856 --> 00:24:42,396
Uh, do that.
543
00:24:43,150 --> 00:24:44,690
[LAUGHING]
544
00:24:51,158 --> 00:24:52,738
Uh, Mr. Wayne?
545
00:24:52,909 --> 00:24:55,159
Are you currently in the market
to adopt a child?
546
00:24:55,662 --> 00:24:57,082
- Yeah.
- Really?
547
00:24:57,247 --> 00:24:58,917
Oh, yeah. [LAUGHS] Wow.
548
00:24:59,053 --> 00:25:00,893
Are you looking for more
of a base model orphan
549
00:25:00,917 --> 00:25:03,167
- or one that has more upgraded features?
- Yep.
550
00:25:03,336 --> 00:25:04,666
Like cooking or driftwood art?
551
00:25:04,838 --> 00:25:06,158
- Gymnastic abilities?
- Yep. Yep.
552
00:25:06,182 --> 00:25:07,852
Close-up street magic à la David Blaine?
553
00:25:07,966 --> 00:25:09,756
- All of it sounds great.
- Really?
554
00:25:09,926 --> 00:25:13,346
Because all of it sounds like me.
555
00:25:13,513 --> 00:25:16,353
Mr. Wayne, do you think you'd be
interested in adopting me
556
00:25:16,516 --> 00:25:18,186
as your future orphan son?
557
00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:19,351
Definitely.
558
00:25:19,519 --> 00:25:20,809
Oh, this is great!
559
00:25:20,979 --> 00:25:24,229
Because all I want is to get adopted,
so I can finally stop being
560
00:25:26,818 --> 00:25:28,108
alone.
561
00:25:29,321 --> 00:25:30,841
McCASKILL: We've gathered here tonight
562
00:25:30,865 --> 00:25:32,784
to mark the retirement of Jim Gordon.
563
00:25:32,949 --> 00:25:33,949
Goodbye.
564
00:25:34,117 --> 00:25:38,827
And we wish him well
on his South African jungle safari!
565
00:25:38,997 --> 00:25:40,117
[ALL CHEERING]
- Thank you.
566
00:25:40,290 --> 00:25:41,960
Now, to introduce you
567
00:25:42,125 --> 00:25:44,125
to his exciting new replacement.
568
00:25:44,294 --> 00:25:46,884
Everyone, meet your new commissioner!
569
00:25:47,088 --> 00:25:48,088
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
570
00:25:49,174 --> 00:25:51,434
ANNOUNCER: Meet Barbara Gordon!
571
00:25:51,593 --> 00:25:55,813
- The new commissioner of Gotham City!
- Whoa!
572
00:25:55,972 --> 00:25:59,482
She was top of her class
at Harvard for Police.
573
00:25:59,643 --> 00:26:03,443
She cleaned up the streets
of Gotham's nearby sister city Blüdhaven
574
00:26:03,605 --> 00:26:05,475
using statistics
575
00:26:06,149 --> 00:26:07,939
and compassion.
576
00:26:08,109 --> 00:26:10,779
And now she's bringing her new ideas
577
00:26:10,946 --> 00:26:14,566
and her nunchucks to Gotham City.
578
00:26:14,741 --> 00:26:16,661
Congratulations, darling.
579
00:26:16,826 --> 00:26:18,746
- Thanks, Dad.
- Here she is, everyone!
580
00:26:18,912 --> 00:26:20,252
Thank you! Thanks!
581
00:26:20,413 --> 00:26:21,623
Hurray!
582
00:26:21,790 --> 00:26:23,150
REPORTER 1: Ms. Gordon, over here!
583
00:26:23,174 --> 00:26:24,421
- REPORTER 2: Big smile!
- Wow.
584
00:26:24,584 --> 00:26:27,254
Thank you for the oversized key
to Arkham Asylum.
585
00:26:27,420 --> 00:26:29,210
And, uh, what's this?
586
00:26:29,381 --> 00:26:32,681
Thank you for the switch
to the Bat-Signal.
587
00:26:32,842 --> 00:26:34,052
Nice.
588
00:26:34,261 --> 00:26:35,301
[CLEARS THROAT]
589
00:26:35,512 --> 00:26:40,432
Dad, you've always done a great job
protecting Gotham City.
590
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,730
Flip! [CHUCKLES] That's me.
591
00:26:42,894 --> 00:26:45,564
Thank you.
Along with Batman, of course.
592
00:26:45,730 --> 00:26:47,190
Whoo! Let's hear it for Batman!
593
00:26:47,357 --> 00:26:48,977
Who I wish was here right now.
594
00:26:49,150 --> 00:26:50,690
BRUCE: Oh, I'm sure he's listening.
595
00:26:50,860 --> 00:26:52,530
I'd like to ask all of you a question.
596
00:26:52,696 --> 00:26:54,696
Are you fed up with crime?
597
00:26:54,990 --> 00:26:57,390
- Uh-huh. We're all tired of crime.
- Yeah, we're sick of it.
598
00:26:57,414 --> 00:26:59,544
Great. Then let's talk about
real improvements
599
00:26:59,703 --> 00:27:01,543
that will end the cycle of crime.
600
00:27:01,871 --> 00:27:05,291
I've got a four-point pilot program
that I'd love to share with you.
601
00:27:05,458 --> 00:27:07,038
I wanna hear all four points.
602
00:27:07,210 --> 00:27:08,380
- It's called...
- I am ready.
603
00:27:08,545 --> 00:27:09,545
It takes a village...
604
00:27:09,713 --> 00:27:10,923
Best opening to a title ever.
605
00:27:11,089 --> 00:27:12,589
Not a Batman.
606
00:27:13,383 --> 00:27:14,383
- Waiter.
- Sir?
607
00:27:14,551 --> 00:27:15,551
- Can I?
- Of course.
608
00:27:15,719 --> 00:27:16,889
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
609
00:27:17,053 --> 00:27:18,053
Thanks so much.
610
00:27:18,263 --> 00:27:19,263
[GULPING]
611
00:27:20,390 --> 00:27:21,980
- What?
- Look.
612
00:27:22,142 --> 00:27:26,062
Batman's been on the job
for a very, very, very,
613
00:27:26,229 --> 00:27:29,569
very, very, very, very, very long time.
614
00:27:29,733 --> 00:27:31,403
He has aged phenomenally.
615
00:27:31,568 --> 00:27:35,568
However, despite all the great work
Batman has done for us,
616
00:27:35,739 --> 00:27:40,409
Gotham City is still the most
crime-ridden city in the world.
617
00:27:40,577 --> 00:27:41,804
- She's got a great point.
- Interesting.
618
00:27:41,828 --> 00:27:43,708
Historically speaking, that is accurate.
619
00:27:43,913 --> 00:27:46,233
- He hasn't captured Riddler.
- MAN: You know, she's right.
620
00:27:46,257 --> 00:27:47,347
He hasn't captured Bane.
621
00:27:47,509 --> 00:27:48,962
- Huh!
- Or Catwoman.
622
00:27:49,127 --> 00:27:53,087
Or Two-Face,
or any of Gotham's other villains!
623
00:27:53,256 --> 00:27:54,256
He's not good at his job.
624
00:27:54,424 --> 00:27:55,884
Including the Joker!
625
00:27:56,051 --> 00:27:57,931
She's making a lot of sense.
[CLEARS THROAT]
626
00:27:58,178 --> 00:27:59,758
Excuse me. I'm so sorry. Excuse me.
627
00:27:59,929 --> 00:28:01,729
[CLEARING THROAT]
MAN: We love you, Barbara!
628
00:28:01,753 --> 00:28:03,348
- Yes.
- Hi. Bruce Wayne.
629
00:28:03,516 --> 00:28:05,936
Billionaire, bon vivant,
gallivanter, playboy,
630
00:28:06,102 --> 00:28:08,772
Gotham's most eligible bachelor,
like, 90 years in a row.
631
00:28:08,938 --> 00:28:11,178
- That's me right there.
- I know who you are, Mr. Wayne.
632
00:28:11,202 --> 00:28:15,112
You bet you do. Quick quest,
what is your problem with Batman,
633
00:28:15,278 --> 00:28:17,608
and also, what the heck, dude?
634
00:28:17,781 --> 00:28:19,241
I'm glad you asked, Mr. Wayne.
635
00:28:19,407 --> 00:28:21,447
I'm not a Batman hater.
636
00:28:21,618 --> 00:28:24,038
But we don't need
an unsupervised adult man
637
00:28:24,204 --> 00:28:26,834
karate-chopping poor people
in a Halloween costume.
638
00:28:27,207 --> 00:28:29,787
We need to take
what's good about Batman...
639
00:28:30,001 --> 00:28:34,551
and marry it to actual laws
and proper ethics
640
00:28:34,714 --> 00:28:35,884
and accountability.
641
00:28:36,299 --> 00:28:37,579
I hate everything you just said.
642
00:28:37,634 --> 00:28:42,564
Because my dream is for the police force
to team up with Batman.
643
00:28:42,722 --> 00:28:43,722
Waiter.
644
00:28:43,890 --> 00:28:45,650
Wouldn't that be better?
[BRUCE SPITTING]
645
00:28:45,809 --> 00:28:49,019
And I know that, together,
the world's greatest Detective...
646
00:28:49,687 --> 00:28:51,607
[JOKER GIGGLING]
and Gotham's finest
647
00:28:51,815 --> 00:28:53,815
could clean up
these crime-ridden streets.
648
00:28:54,150 --> 00:28:56,070
[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[GIGGLING CONTINUES]
649
00:28:56,152 --> 00:28:57,282
Forever.
650
00:28:57,445 --> 00:28:58,905
BOTH: Everybody, get down!
651
00:28:59,489 --> 00:29:01,159
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
652
00:29:01,324 --> 00:29:03,334
Grand entrance!
[IMITATES GUNS FIRING]
653
00:29:03,827 --> 00:29:06,287
Everyone! Make your way
to the exits immediately!
654
00:29:06,496 --> 00:29:07,706
WOMAN: Run!
655
00:29:07,872 --> 00:29:09,832
Team Bane, block the exits.
656
00:29:09,999 --> 00:29:11,249
Going somewhere?
657
00:29:11,501 --> 00:29:14,211
Clayface, Freeze, bring me
the new Commissioner Gordon.
658
00:29:14,379 --> 00:29:16,009
- We're on it.
- Cool.
659
00:29:16,172 --> 00:29:17,882
And, Harley, you know what to do.
660
00:29:18,049 --> 00:29:19,049
I sure do.
661
00:29:19,259 --> 00:29:22,799
It's time for Operation
"Take Out the Laundry."
662
00:29:23,054 --> 00:29:25,974
[GRUNTS] Butler One, this is Bat One.
Do you copy?
663
00:29:26,182 --> 00:29:28,982
- Go ahead, Bat One.
- I need my armored face disguise, now!
664
00:29:29,144 --> 00:29:30,384
Only if you say the magic word.
665
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:31,600
- Now!
- No.
666
00:29:31,771 --> 00:29:34,521
- You're fired.
- No. Sir, we'll talk about this
667
00:29:34,691 --> 00:29:35,731
back at the Batcave.
668
00:29:38,027 --> 00:29:39,107
- Hey, 'Puter.
- PUTER: Yes?
669
00:29:39,237 --> 00:29:40,947
Initialize masterbuild music.
670
00:29:41,114 --> 00:29:42,284
Right away.
671
00:29:42,949 --> 00:29:46,039
Collateral damage assessment
suggests the Scuttler, sir.
672
00:29:46,202 --> 00:29:47,332
Good plan.
673
00:29:52,208 --> 00:29:54,208
[GRUNTS] Madam Mayor, stay close to me.
674
00:29:54,377 --> 00:29:55,377
Head for the south exit.
675
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:57,010
Now, ma'am.
676
00:29:57,964 --> 00:29:58,974
[GROANS]
677
00:29:59,132 --> 00:30:00,132
Go! Go! Go!
678
00:30:00,300 --> 00:30:01,720
Honey, let Batman take care of it.
679
00:30:01,885 --> 00:30:03,215
Dad, I got this.
680
00:30:03,386 --> 00:30:04,546
[GRUNTING]
681
00:30:15,565 --> 00:30:17,065
PUTER: Scuttler online.
682
00:30:17,233 --> 00:30:19,363
Chief O'Hara, we're coming in hot!
683
00:30:19,527 --> 00:30:21,027
I'm almost there.
684
00:30:21,863 --> 00:30:23,623
[SCREAMS]
685
00:30:25,575 --> 00:30:27,175
BARBARA: Chief, get the mayor to safety.
686
00:30:28,244 --> 00:30:30,544
BATMAN: Computer,
I've got the Joker in my sights.
687
00:30:30,705 --> 00:30:32,745
Team, I got the Joker in my sights.
688
00:30:37,253 --> 00:30:38,253
Joker!
689
00:30:38,421 --> 00:30:39,421
Joker.
690
00:30:39,589 --> 00:30:41,169
Uh, excuse me? I was about to...
691
00:30:41,341 --> 00:30:44,091
Push the Bat-Signal? Good call.
I like your instincts.
692
00:30:44,260 --> 00:30:46,220
JOKER: I've got a surprise for you guys.
693
00:30:46,387 --> 00:30:48,427
And it's gonna make you smile.
694
00:30:48,598 --> 00:30:50,598
Uh-oh! His smile is our grimace.
695
00:30:50,767 --> 00:30:51,767
Everybody, get down.
696
00:30:51,935 --> 00:30:53,685
- I...
- Joker, no!
697
00:30:54,604 --> 00:30:55,774
Surrender.
698
00:30:56,147 --> 00:30:57,607
What?
699
00:30:58,566 --> 00:31:00,396
Uh, what did you just say?
700
00:31:00,568 --> 00:31:03,818
I said, "I surrender."
701
00:31:03,984 --> 00:31:05,424
KING TUT: Joker, what are you doing?
702
00:31:05,448 --> 00:31:07,208
I'm sorry, my Bat-ears
must be malfunctioning
703
00:31:07,367 --> 00:31:08,367
because it sounds...
704
00:31:08,535 --> 00:31:09,535
I surrender!
705
00:31:09,702 --> 00:31:12,122
Okay, you know what? Cool it.
You're a criminal.
706
00:31:12,288 --> 00:31:14,328
[TUTTING]
You run, and I catch you.
707
00:31:14,499 --> 00:31:15,789
Not anymore, Batman.
708
00:31:15,959 --> 00:31:17,999
You were right. There is no "us."
709
00:31:18,169 --> 00:31:21,459
So, there's no point
in me trying to fight you anymore.
710
00:31:21,631 --> 00:31:23,971
Therefore, I will be surrendering myself
711
00:31:24,133 --> 00:31:26,843
to our strong-willed and
forward-thinking new commissioner.
712
00:31:27,011 --> 00:31:28,971
Blink, blink, blink.
Blinkety blink, blink, blink!
713
00:31:28,995 --> 00:31:29,995
That's really suspicious.
714
00:31:30,163 --> 00:31:32,099
Yeah, it is. What are you up to, Joker?
715
00:31:32,267 --> 00:31:34,727
I just wanna go to Arkham
and pay for all of my crimes.
716
00:31:34,894 --> 00:31:36,854
Blink, blink, blink.
Blinkety blink, blink, blink!
717
00:31:36,878 --> 00:31:38,686
Are you actually saying "blink"?
718
00:31:38,856 --> 00:31:40,146
No! Blink, blink, blink.
719
00:31:40,316 --> 00:31:41,316
Joker! That's enough.
720
00:31:41,484 --> 00:31:43,034
Okay, Babs. I got this.
721
00:31:43,194 --> 00:31:46,664
Not so fast, Batman.
You can't fight me anymore.
722
00:31:46,823 --> 00:31:47,823
I'm off the market.
723
00:31:47,991 --> 00:31:49,701
What are you talking about?
724
00:31:49,867 --> 00:31:51,697
I'm off the menu.
725
00:31:51,869 --> 00:31:54,659
You won't get to fight
any of this anymore.
726
00:31:54,998 --> 00:31:56,668
Man, am I sorry I asked.
727
00:31:56,833 --> 00:31:59,673
Anyway, have fun in jail and...
728
00:31:59,836 --> 00:32:01,046
Batman, what are you doing?
729
00:32:01,296 --> 00:32:03,046
[GRUNTS]
- Punching Bane.
730
00:32:03,214 --> 00:32:04,844
That was unnecessary.
731
00:32:05,008 --> 00:32:07,298
Oh, no, you can't fight Bane
anymore either.
732
00:32:07,468 --> 00:32:08,548
Really? [BANE GROANS]
733
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:10,680
Yeah. Or Riddler.
[SUPER-VILLAINS GROANING]
734
00:32:10,847 --> 00:32:12,347
Or Catwoman. Or Condiment King.
735
00:32:13,099 --> 00:32:14,099
Why not?
736
00:32:14,267 --> 00:32:18,017
Because we're all surrendering.
Right, guys?
737
00:32:18,187 --> 00:32:19,187
ALL: We are?
738
00:32:19,355 --> 00:32:20,475
Yes!
739
00:32:22,525 --> 00:32:23,605
[LAUGHS MOCKINGLY]
740
00:32:24,694 --> 00:32:25,704
[SUPER-VILLAINS YELP]
741
00:32:26,362 --> 00:32:27,412
[ALL GASP]
742
00:32:27,989 --> 00:32:30,529
RIDDLER: Riddle me this.
What just happened?
743
00:32:30,908 --> 00:32:32,368
It's the end of crime!
744
00:32:32,910 --> 00:32:33,910
All right!
745
00:32:34,037 --> 00:32:35,222
- That was amazing!
- Over here, over here!
746
00:32:35,246 --> 00:32:37,326
- You did it!
- Yeah, of course I did. I'm...
747
00:32:37,540 --> 00:32:40,080
Sorry, not you.
We're talking to Commissioner Gordon.
748
00:32:40,251 --> 00:32:42,211
- Well, it was a team effort.
- I got this, Babs.
749
00:32:42,378 --> 00:32:43,758
Commissioner, how do you feel?
750
00:32:43,921 --> 00:32:46,011
Amazing! This is a great first day.
751
00:32:46,174 --> 00:32:47,344
[SCOFFS] Okay.
752
00:32:47,508 --> 00:32:48,718
- Question for Batman.
- Shoot.
753
00:32:48,885 --> 00:32:50,404
What are you gonna do
with the rest of your life?
754
00:32:50,428 --> 00:32:51,968
What do you mean,
the rest of my life?
755
00:32:52,138 --> 00:32:55,018
We don't need a vigilante crime fighter
now that there's no more crime.
756
00:32:55,183 --> 00:32:56,233
Uh, yes, you do.
757
00:32:56,392 --> 00:32:58,812
You can spend some quality time
with your family.
758
00:32:59,771 --> 00:33:00,771
My...
759
00:33:05,485 --> 00:33:07,945
Okay, Batman. We'll take it from here.
760
00:33:08,112 --> 00:33:09,242
All right, listen up.
761
00:33:09,405 --> 00:33:11,695
All of you have
the right to remain silent.
762
00:33:11,866 --> 00:33:12,906
Let's roll out!
763
00:33:13,076 --> 00:33:14,156
PENGUIN: Toodle-oo, Batman!
764
00:33:14,243 --> 00:33:15,721
BANE: Bye, Batman.
POISON IVY: Au revoir, Batman.
765
00:33:15,745 --> 00:33:16,745
CLAYFACE: Bye, Batman.
766
00:33:16,913 --> 00:33:18,253
JOKER: Bye, Batman!
767
00:33:18,414 --> 00:33:21,044
[SAD MUSIC PLAYING]
768
00:33:24,671 --> 00:33:26,921
Today is a victory
769
00:33:27,090 --> 00:33:30,260
for the citizens of Gotham City!
770
00:33:31,094 --> 00:33:34,104
ALL: [CHANTING] No more crime!
No more crime! No more crime!
771
00:33:34,263 --> 00:33:37,273
No more crime! No more crime!
No more crime!
772
00:33:37,433 --> 00:33:40,733
No more crime! No more crime!
No more crime!
773
00:33:44,607 --> 00:33:45,777
Is everything okay, sir?
774
00:33:45,942 --> 00:33:47,702
You've barely touched
your lobster thermidor.
775
00:33:47,777 --> 00:33:50,777
I don't have time to eat
lobster thermidor right now! [YELLS]
776
00:33:54,450 --> 00:33:55,790
JOKER: Warrior two.
777
00:33:55,952 --> 00:33:58,832
Pigeon pose. Tree pose.
778
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,130
Tree pose.
779
00:34:04,293 --> 00:34:05,343
Hey, Batman!
780
00:34:05,503 --> 00:34:06,673
Barbara!
781
00:34:06,838 --> 00:34:07,838
What are you doing?
782
00:34:08,005 --> 00:34:09,795
Nothing. I have a very full life.
783
00:34:09,966 --> 00:34:12,466
No, I mean, what are you doing here?
784
00:34:12,635 --> 00:34:15,805
Surveillance. On the Joker.
785
00:34:15,972 --> 00:34:18,892
Batman, we both know
the Joker's up to something.
786
00:34:19,058 --> 00:34:21,728
Well, then we can't just let him
run around loose in a prison.
787
00:34:21,894 --> 00:34:23,154
He's not loose.
788
00:34:23,312 --> 00:34:25,482
He has to go someplace outside the law.
789
00:34:25,648 --> 00:34:27,318
- Outside the law?
- Yeah.
790
00:34:27,525 --> 00:34:29,485
Somewhere like, uh...
791
00:34:29,652 --> 00:34:32,742
Hi, there. I'm here
from Phantom's Own Laundry.
792
00:34:32,905 --> 00:34:34,865
Here to take that bad stuff
off your hands.
793
00:34:35,032 --> 00:34:37,662
Wait, that's it! The Phantom Zone.
794
00:34:37,827 --> 00:34:39,657
The Phantom Zone? No way!
795
00:34:39,829 --> 00:34:43,419
That is super illegal
and way outside our jurisdiction.
796
00:34:43,791 --> 00:34:47,041
So, why don't you and I work together
797
00:34:47,211 --> 00:34:49,711
inside the law,
to figure out what he's up to?
798
00:34:49,881 --> 00:34:52,681
Batman works alone.
That's my motto. Copyright Batman.
799
00:34:52,842 --> 00:34:53,842
[SIGHS]
800
00:34:54,010 --> 00:34:58,100
Batman, there are no more vigilantes
allowed in Gotham City.
801
00:34:58,264 --> 00:34:59,724
Okay. Totally got it.
802
00:34:59,891 --> 00:35:03,351
Then I have to go into
double-secret super vigilante mode.
803
00:35:03,895 --> 00:35:05,895
You said that out loud.
804
00:35:06,522 --> 00:35:09,402
I know that she said I said that out loud,
but there's no way I did.
805
00:35:09,567 --> 00:35:12,527
She has no idea what's going on
in my super-mind.
806
00:35:12,695 --> 00:35:14,355
Super-mind? [GASPS]
807
00:35:14,614 --> 00:35:15,954
Smoke bomb!
808
00:35:20,870 --> 00:35:23,710
Computer, how do I put the Joker
in the Phantom Zone?
809
00:35:23,873 --> 00:35:25,963
Quickest route, no freeways.
810
00:35:29,170 --> 00:35:30,460
'Puter, do you hear me?
811
00:35:30,671 --> 00:35:32,761
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
812
00:35:32,965 --> 00:35:34,625
Hello, Master Bruce.
813
00:35:34,801 --> 00:35:37,361
Alfred, there's something wrong
with the Batcomputer. Watch this.
814
00:35:37,512 --> 00:35:39,222
'Puter. Nothing.
815
00:35:39,388 --> 00:35:41,138
'Puter. Do you see what I'm saying?
816
00:35:41,259 --> 00:35:42,659
There's nothing wrong with it, sir.
817
00:35:42,683 --> 00:35:45,273
I have just taken away
your computer privileges.
818
00:35:48,189 --> 00:35:49,979
The parental lock? You can't do that.
819
00:35:50,149 --> 00:35:52,359
Oh, I can. I've been reading.
820
00:35:52,527 --> 00:35:54,897
Setting Limits
for Your Out-of-Control Child.
821
00:35:55,071 --> 00:35:56,271
You know what? Doesn't matter,
822
00:35:56,322 --> 00:35:58,042
'cause I have
a double-secret super password
823
00:35:58,157 --> 00:35:59,657
that unlocks the parental lock.
824
00:35:59,826 --> 00:36:03,116
You mean, "Alfred da Butt-ler,"
with two T's?
825
00:36:03,329 --> 00:36:04,329
[LAUGHS]
826
00:36:04,580 --> 00:36:06,960
Sir, it's time for you
to stop this unhealthy behavior.
827
00:36:07,124 --> 00:36:08,584
No, it's not.
828
00:36:08,751 --> 00:36:10,551
You need to take responsibility
for your life.
829
00:36:10,575 --> 00:36:12,035
Not right now, I don't.
830
00:36:12,088 --> 00:36:14,718
And it starts by raising your son.
831
00:36:17,969 --> 00:36:18,969
I'm sorry.
832
00:36:19,136 --> 00:36:21,926
I literally have no idea
what you're talking about.
833
00:36:22,098 --> 00:36:25,058
The young orphan you adopted
at the gala. Remember?
834
00:36:25,768 --> 00:36:26,938
[RICHARD WHOOPING]
835
00:36:27,353 --> 00:36:30,363
Wow! Stairs. Whee!
836
00:36:30,773 --> 00:36:32,983
He's been living here for the past week.
837
00:36:33,150 --> 00:36:35,780
Hello, table! Boom!
838
00:36:36,028 --> 00:36:39,568
ALFRED: And I must say,
I've grown rather fond of the young lad.
839
00:36:39,740 --> 00:36:41,660
[WHISPERS] Hello, secret camera.
840
00:36:41,826 --> 00:36:43,226
ALFRED: You should get to know him.
841
00:36:43,250 --> 00:36:44,575
[SINGING] We are family.
842
00:36:44,745 --> 00:36:47,285
- You and he have a lot in common.
- En garde.
843
00:36:49,208 --> 00:36:50,958
Hello, family photos.
844
00:36:51,127 --> 00:36:53,547
ALFRED: He lost his parents
at a very young age.
845
00:36:55,172 --> 00:36:56,922
I've always wanted one of those.
846
00:36:59,093 --> 00:37:03,063
Doesn't he deserve a chance for someone
to take him under their wing,
847
00:37:04,098 --> 00:37:07,308
as I took you under mine?
848
00:37:10,438 --> 00:37:13,148
Alfred, you've been watching
way too many Lifetime movies
849
00:37:13,316 --> 00:37:14,316
and drinking chardonnay.
850
00:37:14,483 --> 00:37:16,163
- It's Pinot grigio, sir.
- Whatever it is.
851
00:37:16,235 --> 00:37:18,275
Listen, you don't have a family.
852
00:37:18,487 --> 00:37:19,857
You're satisfied serving me.
853
00:37:20,531 --> 00:37:22,871
So what do you know about
having a surrogate son?
854
00:37:23,451 --> 00:37:25,081
Now, I'm gonna go fight crime
855
00:37:25,244 --> 00:37:28,164
while you put that kid on the next jet
to the orphanage. Got it?
856
00:37:28,748 --> 00:37:29,748
[SIGHS]
857
00:37:29,999 --> 00:37:31,129
As you wish, sir.
858
00:37:31,459 --> 00:37:32,629
[WHISTLING]
859
00:37:32,835 --> 00:37:34,245
Whoops-a-daisy.
860
00:37:34,587 --> 00:37:35,587
[RICHARD GASPS]
861
00:37:35,796 --> 00:37:37,116
BATMAN: Wait, what are you doing?
862
00:37:37,140 --> 00:37:38,140
Dusting.
863
00:37:38,215 --> 00:37:39,615
You can't let him into the Batcave!
864
00:37:39,639 --> 00:37:42,545
I'm not. I'm letting him into your life
865
00:37:42,762 --> 00:37:44,262
via the Batcave.
866
00:37:44,472 --> 00:37:46,392
[WHOOPS]
867
00:37:47,808 --> 00:37:48,888
[GASPS]
868
00:37:54,273 --> 00:37:55,273
What?
869
00:37:55,524 --> 00:37:56,654
[GASPING]
870
00:37:56,901 --> 00:37:58,951
It's the Batcave!
[BATS SQUEAKING]
871
00:37:59,362 --> 00:38:01,862
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
872
00:38:02,031 --> 00:38:04,031
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
873
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,740
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
874
00:38:06,953 --> 00:38:08,873
[WHOOPING]
875
00:38:09,372 --> 00:38:11,542
[GASPS] Batman! Whoa!
876
00:38:11,707 --> 00:38:12,877
You're darn right, "Whoa."
877
00:38:13,042 --> 00:38:15,382
Wait, does Batman live
in Bruce Wayne's basement?
878
00:38:15,544 --> 00:38:17,714
No. Bruce Wayne lives in Batman's attic.
879
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:19,970
- We can have sleepovers every night!
- No, we can't.
880
00:38:20,132 --> 00:38:22,332
- Wow! Look, it's the Bat-Sub!
- Wait, don't touch that!
881
00:38:22,385 --> 00:38:23,737
Over there, it's the Bat-Space shuttle.
882
00:38:23,761 --> 00:38:24,905
Please, keep your hands off that.
883
00:38:24,929 --> 00:38:26,531
- Look, it's the Bat-Zeppelin!
- Don't touch that either!
884
00:38:26,555 --> 00:38:27,595
- It's the Bat-Train!
- No!
885
00:38:27,723 --> 00:38:28,893
- It's the Bat-Kayak.
- No!
886
00:38:29,058 --> 00:38:30,298
- It's the Bat-Dune buggy.
- No!
887
00:38:30,322 --> 00:38:32,152
It's the Bat shark repellent?
888
00:38:33,896 --> 00:38:36,896
Uh, actually, you can touch that.
It's completely useless.
889
00:38:37,066 --> 00:38:38,396
Whoa! Thanks, Batman!
890
00:38:38,609 --> 00:38:40,779
Please, stand over there.
891
00:38:40,945 --> 00:38:43,485
And don't touch, look at, or do anything
892
00:38:43,656 --> 00:38:45,616
for the remaining moments
you have in my presence.
893
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:46,650
Okay, cool.
894
00:38:46,742 --> 00:38:48,202
- Computer.
- Go ahead.
895
00:38:48,369 --> 00:38:50,499
How do I put the Joker
in the Phantom Zone?
896
00:38:50,663 --> 00:38:52,753
PUTER:
Joker can only be put in the Phantom Zone
897
00:38:52,915 --> 00:38:54,455
using the Phantom Zone Projector.
898
00:38:54,625 --> 00:38:55,875
Current location,
899
00:38:56,043 --> 00:38:58,093
Superman's Fortress of Solitude
900
00:38:58,254 --> 00:39:00,264
inside the Atomic Cauldron.
901
00:39:00,423 --> 00:39:04,843
However, only a person that isn't
shredded, ripped, or extremely swoll
902
00:39:05,011 --> 00:39:06,221
can enter the cauldron.
903
00:39:06,429 --> 00:39:08,099
Ugh, I'm way too buff.
904
00:39:08,264 --> 00:39:10,024
PUTER: You also have beautiful abs, sir.
905
00:39:10,182 --> 00:39:11,562
That's my cross to bear.
906
00:39:11,726 --> 00:39:13,846
Additionally, once inside the cauldron,
907
00:39:14,020 --> 00:39:16,610
multiple Kryptonian
defense systems engage,
908
00:39:16,772 --> 00:39:19,072
including the Acid Moat,
Ring of Napalm,
909
00:39:19,233 --> 00:39:20,533
and the Jaws of Death.
910
00:39:20,693 --> 00:39:24,163
Chance of total mission failure is 110%.
911
00:39:24,321 --> 00:39:26,621
Those are not great odds.
912
00:39:26,782 --> 00:39:27,782
Wait a minute.
913
00:39:27,950 --> 00:39:29,120
- Hey, kid.
- Yes, sir?
914
00:39:29,285 --> 00:39:30,945
- You're super nimble, right?
- I sure am!
915
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:32,200
- And small?
- Very.
916
00:39:32,371 --> 00:39:34,182
And quiet?
[WHISPERING] When I desire to be.
917
00:39:34,206 --> 00:39:36,126
And 110% expendable?
918
00:39:36,292 --> 00:39:38,042
I don't know what that means,
but okay.
919
00:39:38,210 --> 00:39:39,800
Great. Follow me.
920
00:39:39,962 --> 00:39:42,802
We are gonna steal
the Phantom Zone Projector from Superman.
921
00:39:42,965 --> 00:39:43,965
- Steal?
- Yeah.
922
00:39:44,133 --> 00:39:45,723
We have to right a wrong.
923
00:39:45,885 --> 00:39:48,795
And, sometimes, in order to right a wrong,
you have to do a wrong-right.
924
00:39:48,971 --> 00:39:49,971
Gandhi said that.
925
00:39:50,139 --> 00:39:51,389
Are we sure Gandhi said that?
926
00:39:51,557 --> 00:39:53,227
- I'm paraphrasing.
- Cool!
927
00:39:53,392 --> 00:39:55,592
PUTER: Preparing Fortress of Solitude
infiltration gear.
928
00:39:55,616 --> 00:39:56,956
Wow! Look at all these!
929
00:39:57,023 --> 00:39:58,623
Do I get a costume for the mission, too?
930
00:39:58,647 --> 00:40:01,107
I got a feeling that you'll just look
like a kid on Halloween.
931
00:40:01,317 --> 00:40:02,317
Don't you think?
932
00:40:02,526 --> 00:40:03,566
Don't touch that.
933
00:40:03,778 --> 00:40:05,818
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
- Whoo-hoo!
934
00:40:05,988 --> 00:40:07,132
PUTER: El Mariachi.
RICHARD: I like that one!
935
00:40:07,156 --> 00:40:08,675
- That one is culturally insensitive.
- Night Terror.
936
00:40:08,699 --> 00:40:09,819
- That one!
- BATMAN: No way.
937
00:40:09,867 --> 00:40:11,053
- This one?
- PUTER: Death Merchant.
938
00:40:11,077 --> 00:40:12,077
- BATMAN: No.
- I'm okay.
939
00:40:12,244 --> 00:40:13,564
- This one.
- PUTER: Fire Starter.
940
00:40:13,588 --> 00:40:14,998
- This one.
- Clawed Reigns.
941
00:40:15,081 --> 00:40:16,421
- Excali-Bat.
- This one?
942
00:40:16,582 --> 00:40:17,982
- Silent but Deadly.
- BATMAN: Nope.
943
00:40:18,084 --> 00:40:19,674
Bat-ryshnikov. [WHOOPING]
944
00:40:19,835 --> 00:40:21,035
How do we feel about this one?
945
00:40:21,087 --> 00:40:23,007
Dress-up parties are for grown-ups only.
946
00:40:23,172 --> 00:40:24,342
Wait. What's that one there?
947
00:40:24,467 --> 00:40:26,307
BATMAN: That one was for
the assignment called.
948
00:40:26,331 --> 00:40:27,125
The Jamaican Caper.
949
00:40:27,301 --> 00:40:29,301
The locals called me Reggae Man.
950
00:40:29,470 --> 00:40:30,600
I love it!
951
00:40:30,763 --> 00:40:32,603
Ah! Feels like I was poured into this.
952
00:40:32,765 --> 00:40:33,845
My only trouble is,
953
00:40:34,433 --> 00:40:36,023
these pants are just a little tight.
954
00:40:36,185 --> 00:40:38,305
I don't know if I could throw a kick
or jump in them.
955
00:40:38,479 --> 00:40:41,149
I got an idea. Rip! That's better!
956
00:40:41,315 --> 00:40:42,685
Now I'm free, now I'm moving.
957
00:40:42,858 --> 00:40:44,858
Come on, Batman. Let's get grooving!
958
00:40:45,111 --> 00:40:47,071
I can only look you
in the eyes right now.
959
00:40:47,238 --> 00:40:49,698
- Sir, what are you doing?
- What do you mean?
960
00:40:49,949 --> 00:40:52,079
Why is Master Dick dressed like that?
961
00:40:52,284 --> 00:40:55,874
How dare you tell me
how to parent my kid I just met?
962
00:40:56,038 --> 00:40:57,038
To the Batmobile!
963
00:40:57,206 --> 00:40:58,366
Hot-diggity-dog!
964
00:41:01,210 --> 00:41:03,050
PUTER: Vehicle rotisserie engaged.
965
00:41:03,587 --> 00:41:05,757
Retrieving the Speedwagon.
966
00:41:06,757 --> 00:41:08,377
Atomic batteries to power.
967
00:41:08,551 --> 00:41:09,591
Turbines to speed.
968
00:41:10,010 --> 00:41:11,600
Hey, kid. Let's go.
969
00:41:12,221 --> 00:41:13,891
- Oh, shoot!
- What?
970
00:41:14,598 --> 00:41:16,558
I probably shouldn't leave
971
00:41:16,725 --> 00:41:20,395
until I get the thumbs up
from my new old man, Bruce Wayne.
972
00:41:21,981 --> 00:41:24,191
Uh, yeah. Here's the thing.
973
00:41:26,068 --> 00:41:28,448
Bruno and I decided
974
00:41:28,612 --> 00:41:30,532
to share custody of you.
975
00:41:30,698 --> 00:41:32,658
So I get a say
976
00:41:32,825 --> 00:41:34,945
and you're mission approved.
977
00:41:35,119 --> 00:41:37,199
No way! Is this really happening?
978
00:41:37,371 --> 00:41:38,461
Yeah.
979
00:41:38,706 --> 00:41:39,746
Whoo-hoo!
980
00:41:39,957 --> 00:41:41,377
A month ago, I had no dads.
981
00:41:41,542 --> 00:41:43,542
Then I had one dad. Now I have two dads!
982
00:41:43,711 --> 00:41:45,841
- And one of them is Batman!
- Yeah.
983
00:41:46,005 --> 00:41:47,335
[SINGING] It's raining dads!
984
00:41:47,506 --> 00:41:48,506
So,
985
00:41:48,674 --> 00:41:50,724
are you ready to follow Batman
986
00:41:50,885 --> 00:41:53,795
and maybe learn a few
life lessons along the way?
987
00:41:53,971 --> 00:41:55,391
I sure am, Dad Two!
988
00:41:55,556 --> 00:41:57,306
But first, where's the seatbelt?
989
00:41:57,474 --> 00:41:59,024
The first lesson is,
990
00:41:59,185 --> 00:42:01,095
life doesn't give you seatbelts!
991
00:42:01,270 --> 00:42:03,270
- Let's go!
- Whoo-hoo!
992
00:42:03,522 --> 00:42:04,772
Yes!
993
00:42:04,940 --> 00:42:06,070
[WHOOPING]
994
00:42:06,442 --> 00:42:08,032
Faster, Dad! Faster!
995
00:42:08,986 --> 00:42:09,986
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
996
00:42:10,154 --> 00:42:11,164
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
997
00:42:11,322 --> 00:42:12,362
RICHARD: Yes, yes, yes!
998
00:42:12,573 --> 00:42:13,913
[BRAKES SCREECH] [GROANS]
999
00:42:14,116 --> 00:42:16,616
Oh! Oh, my goodness.
I am so sorry.
1000
00:42:16,785 --> 00:42:18,575
Get back up in that seat. There you go.
1001
00:42:18,746 --> 00:42:20,746
Hey, listen.
As soon as I get back to the Batcave,
1002
00:42:20,915 --> 00:42:23,415
I'll make sure that
Alfred puts seatbelts on there, okay?
1003
00:42:23,584 --> 00:42:26,594
But for the time being,
I'm just gonna put my arm right here.
1004
00:42:26,795 --> 00:42:29,875
And we're just gonna
gently ease out of here.
1005
00:42:30,049 --> 00:42:32,009
And here we go.
1006
00:42:44,939 --> 00:42:47,189
Okay. Like all superheroes,
1007
00:42:47,358 --> 00:42:49,898
Superman has zero friends,
and he spends most of his time
1008
00:42:50,069 --> 00:42:53,949
basking in sweet, sweet isolation,
here at his alone palace.
1009
00:42:54,240 --> 00:42:55,620
So, I'll keep him busy
1010
00:42:55,783 --> 00:42:58,583
while you sneak into that vent
and get the Projector. Got it?
1011
00:42:58,744 --> 00:43:00,584
Copy that! Oh, here's an idea.
I could also...
1012
00:43:00,746 --> 00:43:02,426
Whoa, whoa.
Don't even finish that thought.
1013
00:43:02,450 --> 00:43:04,834
See this counter?
These are all the good ideas Batman has.
1014
00:43:05,251 --> 00:43:07,881
And no one else has ever had
any good ideas. So don't even try.
1015
00:43:08,045 --> 00:43:09,625
Your super power... [GASPS]
1016
00:43:09,838 --> 00:43:12,508
Is excellent listening
and execution of my ideas.
1017
00:43:12,675 --> 00:43:14,425
- Let's try it out.
- Cool!
1018
00:43:14,593 --> 00:43:16,433
Drop to the ground. Do a backflip.
1019
00:43:16,595 --> 00:43:18,135
Do a front flip. Triple Axel.
1020
00:43:18,305 --> 00:43:20,635
Plié. Relevé. Jeté.
Pythagorean theorem.
1021
00:43:20,808 --> 00:43:22,488
A squared plus B squared equals C squared.
1022
00:43:22,512 --> 00:43:23,194
Physicalize it!
1023
00:43:23,352 --> 00:43:25,442
A squared plus B squared
1024
00:43:25,604 --> 00:43:27,364
equals C squared.
1025
00:43:27,590 --> 00:43:28,750
- How'd I do, Dad?
- Mediocre.
1026
00:43:28,774 --> 00:43:29,784
Yes!
1027
00:43:29,942 --> 00:43:31,692
And don't call me "Dad."
Now, begin mission.
1028
00:43:31,860 --> 00:43:32,860
Yes, Papa.
1029
00:43:33,028 --> 00:43:35,278
"Papa" falls into the "Dad" category.
1030
00:43:38,492 --> 00:43:39,992
[RICHARD GRUNTING]
1031
00:43:47,710 --> 00:43:49,710
[SUPERMAN THEME PLAYING]
1032
00:43:53,173 --> 00:43:54,573
'Sup, Supes?
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
1033
00:43:54,597 --> 00:43:57,057
[LAUGHS] Wow. It's Batman.
1034
00:43:57,136 --> 00:43:59,006
And he's at my house.
1035
00:43:59,179 --> 00:44:00,219
Right now.
1036
00:44:00,431 --> 00:44:01,771
What are you doing here?
1037
00:44:01,932 --> 00:44:04,892
Don't worry about it, dawg.
I'm not here to throw down or anything.
1038
00:44:05,060 --> 00:44:06,600
Uh, no, I would crush you.
1039
00:44:06,854 --> 00:44:09,364
[SCOFFS] Okay. Sure, sure, sure.
1040
00:44:09,523 --> 00:44:11,323
Hey, listen. Thank me later,
1041
00:44:11,483 --> 00:44:13,073
but I just happened to be in the hood.
1042
00:44:13,235 --> 00:44:16,065
And I figured that you could
probably use the...
1043
00:44:18,532 --> 00:44:20,582
[MUSIC STOPS] - ...company.
1044
00:44:21,076 --> 00:44:22,236
[FLASH COUGHS]
1045
00:44:22,494 --> 00:44:24,254
Wait a minute.
1046
00:44:24,663 --> 00:44:26,333
Are you... Are you having
1047
00:44:26,582 --> 00:44:30,422
the "57th Annual Justice
League Anniversary Party"
1048
00:44:30,669 --> 00:44:32,839
without me? [MOUTHING] No.
1049
00:44:33,005 --> 00:44:34,625
ALL: No! No! No!
1050
00:44:34,798 --> 00:44:37,548
No! There must have been
some mistake with the email.
1051
00:44:37,718 --> 00:44:38,758
That's crazy, man.
1052
00:44:38,927 --> 00:44:41,887
Totally! Yes, email mistakes
happen all the time.
1053
00:44:42,056 --> 00:44:44,346
Sometimes I don't get
Superman's emails for
1054
00:44:45,100 --> 00:44:46,100
years.
1055
00:44:46,268 --> 00:44:47,768
Great point, G.L. Great point.
1056
00:44:47,936 --> 00:44:49,896
All right.
Well, that clears up everything, right?
1057
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:50,920
Enjoy the party, bro.
1058
00:44:51,088 --> 00:44:52,943
Hit it, DJ Wonder Dog.
1059
00:44:53,108 --> 00:44:54,398
[BARKS] [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
1060
00:44:54,829 --> 00:44:56,629
MAN: [SINGING]
I'm Superman at the super party
1061
00:44:56,653 --> 00:44:58,163
I'm Superman at the super party.
1062
00:44:58,322 --> 00:44:59,322
Hey. Hey.
1063
00:45:00,449 --> 00:45:02,369
Hey, Batman.
Do you wanna take a quick pic?
1064
00:45:02,534 --> 00:45:03,874
Sure. Where do you want me?
1065
00:45:04,036 --> 00:45:05,036
Right there is perfect.
1066
00:45:05,204 --> 00:45:06,294
- Here's the camera.
- Oh.
1067
00:45:06,705 --> 00:45:08,665
Okay, party people, get together.
1068
00:45:08,832 --> 00:45:10,132
Yeah. Everybody say...
1069
00:45:10,292 --> 00:45:12,132
ALL: Super Friends!
[CAMERA CLICKS]
1070
00:45:12,294 --> 00:45:13,674
Let me see it! Let me see!
1071
00:45:13,837 --> 00:45:15,417
Classic! We got everyone.
1072
00:45:16,048 --> 00:45:17,508
Yeah, everyone.
1073
00:45:17,674 --> 00:45:18,804
FLASH: Thanks, Batman.
1074
00:45:18,967 --> 00:45:21,597
Yeah, no problem. I did, like, a burst.
1075
00:45:21,804 --> 00:45:23,764
FLASH: This party is the bomb!
1076
00:45:23,931 --> 00:45:27,311
Look at me! More like
Martian Dance Hunter, am I right?
1077
00:45:27,559 --> 00:45:28,559
[ALL LAUGHING]
1078
00:45:28,977 --> 00:45:30,267
'Puter, call kid.
1079
00:45:31,021 --> 00:45:32,021
Bat-Dad?
1080
00:45:32,439 --> 00:45:33,439
How's it going?
1081
00:45:33,607 --> 00:45:35,647
'Cause everything is
going great down here.
1082
00:45:35,818 --> 00:45:36,818
I can see the target.
1083
00:45:36,985 --> 00:45:38,380
But there's some kind of
laser energy thing
1084
00:45:38,404 --> 00:45:39,494
that I can't get through.
1085
00:45:39,655 --> 00:45:41,445
Okay. I'll see if I can shut it off.
1086
00:45:41,615 --> 00:45:43,935
But I'm gonna have to make up
an excuse to leave this party
1087
00:45:43,959 --> 00:45:45,459
without anyone noticing.
1088
00:45:46,662 --> 00:45:47,702
Bye.
1089
00:45:49,081 --> 00:45:50,601
Kid, tell me when it's off, all right?
1090
00:45:50,625 --> 00:45:51,332
- Now?
- No.
1091
00:45:51,500 --> 00:45:52,540
- Now?
- No.
1092
00:45:52,709 --> 00:45:53,749
- Now?
- Not quite.
1093
00:45:53,919 --> 00:45:54,919
- Now?
- No.
1094
00:45:55,087 --> 00:45:56,167
- My son...
- No.
1095
00:45:56,338 --> 00:45:58,458
These irreplaceable crystals
contain all my knowledge,
1096
00:45:58,482 --> 00:46:00,260
which I now pass on to...
1097
00:46:00,426 --> 00:46:02,506
Darn it. It's gotta be one of these.
Is this the one?
1098
00:46:03,387 --> 00:46:05,257
O.M. gosh! You did it, Padre!
It's off!
1099
00:46:05,431 --> 00:46:06,431
Okay.
1100
00:46:06,598 --> 00:46:08,558
Now you gotta make your way
to the Atomic Cauldron
1101
00:46:08,582 --> 00:46:10,062
and get that Phantom Zone Projector.
1102
00:46:10,227 --> 00:46:12,187
- Do exactly as I say.
- 10-4!
1103
00:46:12,354 --> 00:46:13,524
Okay. Jump!
1104
00:46:15,274 --> 00:46:17,114
Do a front flip. Do a backflip.
1105
00:46:18,444 --> 00:46:20,574
Run, run, run. Drop.
1106
00:46:20,737 --> 00:46:22,107
That's excellent listening.
1107
00:46:22,281 --> 00:46:23,281
Shimmy.
1108
00:46:23,449 --> 00:46:25,449
Strafe-left. Strafe-right.
1109
00:46:25,617 --> 00:46:26,657
Avoid.
1110
00:46:26,827 --> 00:46:28,787
Hey, I was thinking.
If I'm gonna be a superhero,
1111
00:46:28,954 --> 00:46:32,504
and go on awesome superhero missions
like this one, can we use code names?
1112
00:46:33,792 --> 00:46:34,792
Mine can be Robin.
1113
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:36,630
- I'm sorry, say that again?
- Robin!
1114
00:46:36,795 --> 00:46:39,375
As in the small, Midwestern frail bird?
1115
00:46:39,548 --> 00:46:42,268
Yeah, and I already have a catch phrase.
Tweet, tweet, on the street.
1116
00:46:42,301 --> 00:46:43,681
- Hard pass.
- And a song.
1117
00:46:43,844 --> 00:46:45,264
[SINGING] Fly, Robin, fly.
1118
00:46:45,429 --> 00:46:48,019
Harder pass. Now slide!
[WHOOPING]
1119
00:46:48,182 --> 00:46:49,392
Okay, kid. I'm gonna teach you
1120
00:46:49,558 --> 00:46:51,728
how to masterbuild your way
inside that thing.
1121
00:46:51,894 --> 00:46:52,904
Yay!
1122
00:46:53,061 --> 00:46:55,191
Grab those 2x6's, pull out the axle studs,
1123
00:46:55,397 --> 00:46:56,567
disconnect the 6x10 plates.
1124
00:46:56,732 --> 00:46:57,732
Like this?
1125
00:46:57,941 --> 00:46:59,781
Whoa! Unbelievable obeying.
1126
00:46:59,943 --> 00:47:01,073
Now, let's ride.
1127
00:47:01,236 --> 00:47:02,396
Toes to the nose.
1128
00:47:02,571 --> 00:47:03,821
Now you're gleaming the cube.
1129
00:47:03,989 --> 00:47:05,739
- Yeah!
- Now, get creative.
1130
00:47:05,908 --> 00:47:08,158
Freestyle a little bit.
Oh, that's good, kid!
1131
00:47:08,327 --> 00:47:10,367
It's like looking in a Bat-mirror.
1132
00:47:10,537 --> 00:47:12,367
Okay. Leap. [WHOOPING]
1133
00:47:15,167 --> 00:47:17,037
- I've got the Projector, Dad.
- Booyah!
1134
00:47:17,211 --> 00:47:20,091
Now do everything we just did backwards.
1135
00:47:20,422 --> 00:47:21,592
Oh.
1136
00:47:22,758 --> 00:47:24,678
Oh! Here you go, Dad. We did it!
1137
00:47:24,843 --> 00:47:28,063
Yeah! Mission accomplished.
That was fun!
1138
00:47:30,307 --> 00:47:33,187
You okay, Batman?
You seem the opposite of stern.
1139
00:47:34,019 --> 00:47:35,769
Yeah, I'm fine. It's just
1140
00:47:35,938 --> 00:47:38,478
watching you out there,
1141
00:47:38,649 --> 00:47:42,109
it was like the world wasn't
all darkness anymore.
1142
00:47:43,570 --> 00:47:45,610
For a brief moment
1143
00:47:45,781 --> 00:47:48,911
I could have sworn I felt something.
1144
00:47:49,076 --> 00:47:51,496
PUTER: That feeling is pride, sir.
1145
00:47:52,162 --> 00:47:53,502
You're right.
1146
00:47:53,664 --> 00:47:55,334
I am super proud.
1147
00:47:55,541 --> 00:47:56,541
[GASPS]
1148
00:47:57,167 --> 00:47:58,997
Of myself.
1149
00:47:59,169 --> 00:48:02,459
For being such
a good teacher, obviously.
1150
00:48:02,798 --> 00:48:04,968
Yeah, you're a great teacher.
1151
00:48:05,133 --> 00:48:06,133
I am?
1152
00:48:06,301 --> 00:48:09,391
Yeah! I wanna be just like you
when I grow up, Padre!
1153
00:48:09,555 --> 00:48:11,215
Wait, what did you call me?
1154
00:48:12,307 --> 00:48:13,847
I called you Padre.
1155
00:48:14,685 --> 00:48:17,435
It's Spanish for "Dad." Sorry.
1156
00:48:17,604 --> 00:48:20,984
Well, isn't it also a cool Spanish way
to say "buddy"?
1157
00:48:21,149 --> 00:48:23,029
Yeah, I could've been
saying it that way.
1158
00:48:23,193 --> 00:48:24,283
Then I'll allow it.
1159
00:48:24,444 --> 00:48:25,784
Oh, you're such a great padre!
1160
00:48:26,321 --> 00:48:27,321
What are you doing?
1161
00:48:27,489 --> 00:48:29,489
I'm trying to give you a big old hug.
1162
00:48:29,658 --> 00:48:30,988
Thought you were attacking me.
1163
00:48:32,035 --> 00:48:34,655
Hey, you up for another
top secret superhero mission
1164
00:48:34,830 --> 00:48:36,080
to defeat the Joker?
1165
00:48:36,248 --> 00:48:38,378
ROBIN: Oh, I am down to stop that clown.
1166
00:48:38,542 --> 00:48:40,842
But I don't wanna make
my other dad, Bruce Wayne, angry.
1167
00:48:41,003 --> 00:48:42,763
Do you think we'll be done
before my bedtime?
1168
00:48:42,787 --> 00:48:43,514
Bedtime?
1169
00:48:43,672 --> 00:48:45,172
Batman's life lesson number two.
1170
00:48:45,340 --> 00:48:47,180
Vigilantes don't have bedtimes.
1171
00:48:47,342 --> 00:48:48,342
Yes!
1172
00:48:48,510 --> 00:48:51,560
So, what's the vigilante policy
on cookies?
1173
00:48:51,847 --> 00:48:53,677
Unlimited!
1174
00:48:54,850 --> 00:48:58,020
All right, kid.
We need to avoid Commissioner Gordon.
1175
00:48:59,187 --> 00:49:00,897
So, lesson number three.
1176
00:49:01,523 --> 00:49:02,863
When going stealth,
1177
00:49:03,025 --> 00:49:06,945
you gotta hide every part of you,
physically and emotionally.
1178
00:49:07,529 --> 00:49:08,569
- Got it?
- Yeah!
1179
00:49:08,739 --> 00:49:09,739
Already failed.
1180
00:49:09,906 --> 00:49:11,576
Now, what I need you to do
1181
00:49:11,783 --> 00:49:15,543
is use the naturally dark areas
of your costume,
1182
00:49:15,704 --> 00:49:19,294
and integrate into the dark parts
of this environment.
1183
00:49:19,458 --> 00:49:20,538
Okay.
1184
00:49:20,709 --> 00:49:22,589
- Can you see me?
- Yes.
1185
00:49:22,753 --> 00:49:24,593
- How about now?
- Yes.
1186
00:49:24,755 --> 00:49:26,625
- What about now? Now?
- Yes.
1187
00:49:26,798 --> 00:49:28,548
Yes. You're a goner, kid.
1188
00:49:28,717 --> 00:49:30,547
Batman? [GASPS] Barbara!
1189
00:49:31,094 --> 00:49:32,804
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
1190
00:49:33,096 --> 00:49:34,966
Batman? Batman!
1191
00:49:35,641 --> 00:49:36,891
Hey, there. Look at you.
1192
00:49:37,059 --> 00:49:38,519
- Who's this?
- Hi, police lady.
1193
00:49:38,727 --> 00:49:40,227
- Is that your son?
- Yes, I am.
1194
00:49:40,395 --> 00:49:42,305
Is that my son...
No, that's just weird.
1195
00:49:42,481 --> 00:49:43,841
It's weirder if it's not your son.
1196
00:49:43,982 --> 00:49:46,232
Right. No, I don't...
[STAMMERING]
1197
00:49:46,485 --> 00:49:48,445
I'm not in a relationship or anything.
1198
00:49:48,612 --> 00:49:50,242
I could have a kid.
1199
00:49:50,739 --> 00:49:52,989
I mean, if I met the right lady,
1200
00:49:53,158 --> 00:49:56,158
and if she was just standing
right in front of me,
1201
00:49:56,328 --> 00:49:59,408
and we looked at each other and thought,
"Hey, let's do this."
1202
00:49:59,581 --> 00:50:01,331
"Let's be together."
1203
00:50:01,500 --> 00:50:02,960
- Batman?
- Yes?
1204
00:50:03,126 --> 00:50:06,086
I hope you're back because you've decided
to work together
1205
00:50:06,254 --> 00:50:07,424
on the Joker case.
1206
00:50:07,673 --> 00:50:08,723
Uh...
1207
00:50:08,924 --> 00:50:11,184
Yeah. Absolutely!
1208
00:50:11,385 --> 00:50:12,385
Great.
1209
00:50:12,928 --> 00:50:15,508
[DOOR ALARM BUZZES]
Ooh. Arkham Asylum.
1210
00:50:15,681 --> 00:50:16,949
- So, before we question the Joker...
- Uh-huh.
1211
00:50:16,973 --> 00:50:18,493
I'm gonna need you to hand
over all your weapons.
1212
00:50:18,517 --> 00:50:20,267
I mean, I don't know if I have anything...
1213
00:50:20,435 --> 00:50:21,475
[SCANNER BEEPS]
- Oh!
1214
00:50:21,770 --> 00:50:23,110
I just got a couple here. There.
1215
00:50:23,271 --> 00:50:24,361
- Is that it?
- Yeah.
1216
00:50:24,427 --> 00:50:25,667
[SCANNER BEEPS]
- Oh. Of course.
1217
00:50:25,691 --> 00:50:27,691
What about the utility belt?
Anything in your cape?
1218
00:50:27,715 --> 00:50:29,151
[SCANNER BEEPING]
Under your cowl?
1219
00:50:29,175 --> 00:50:30,321
And your shoes.
1220
00:50:30,487 --> 00:50:31,487
There we go.
1221
00:50:31,655 --> 00:50:33,365
Uh... This is really uncomfortable.
1222
00:50:33,532 --> 00:50:35,452
Sorry. My shoes are part of my pants.
1223
00:50:35,659 --> 00:50:36,659
[ALARM BLARING]
1224
00:50:36,868 --> 00:50:37,868
Oops.
1225
00:50:38,036 --> 00:50:39,246
- Batman?
- Yes?
1226
00:50:39,413 --> 00:50:41,123
Why is your "not son"
1227
00:50:41,289 --> 00:50:43,789
trying to smuggle
the Phantom Zone Projector into Arkham?
1228
00:50:43,959 --> 00:50:46,499
What? Hey, kid. What is this?
1229
00:50:46,670 --> 00:50:48,710
Batman, give me
the Phantom Zone Projector.
1230
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:49,880
- No.
- Batman!
1231
00:50:50,048 --> 00:50:51,609
Give me the Phantom Zone Projector!
Give it to me!
1232
00:50:51,633 --> 00:50:52,933
No, no, no! Whoa! Nice.
1233
00:50:53,260 --> 00:50:55,470
I studied Brazilian jiu-jitsu
at Harvard for Police.
1234
00:50:55,637 --> 00:50:58,177
Oh, yeah? Well, guess who got
a PhD in smoke bombs!
1235
00:50:58,348 --> 00:50:59,388
[COUGHING]
- Dr. Batman.
1236
00:50:59,558 --> 00:51:00,678
BARBARA: Guards! Get them!
1237
00:51:00,976 --> 00:51:01,976
Freeze, Batman!
1238
00:51:02,144 --> 00:51:05,234
Hey, kid. This is a training exercise.
These guys are my bros.
1239
00:51:05,397 --> 00:51:07,317
- Go ahead and take a couple of them out.
- Cool!
1240
00:51:07,341 --> 00:51:08,149
BATMAN: Hey, Frank.
1241
00:51:08,316 --> 00:51:09,460
ROBIN: You want a piece of Robin?
1242
00:51:09,484 --> 00:51:11,034
BATMAN: Barney!
Nice compound fracture!
1243
00:51:11,194 --> 00:51:12,954
ROBIN: How'd you like a punch, Glen?
1244
00:51:13,905 --> 00:51:14,905
Code Red!
1245
00:51:15,073 --> 00:51:16,743
I need total security lockdown, now!
1246
00:51:16,992 --> 00:51:18,452
[ALARM BLARING]
1247
00:51:19,703 --> 00:51:20,913
Om!
1248
00:51:22,456 --> 00:51:23,706
'Sup, Joker?
1249
00:51:23,874 --> 00:51:25,254
Namaste, Batman.
1250
00:51:25,417 --> 00:51:26,877
- Namaste.
- Gross.
1251
00:51:27,043 --> 00:51:28,503
Ooh. Briefs man. Me, too.
1252
00:51:28,670 --> 00:51:30,800
Cut the baloney.
Kid, guard the door, will ya?
1253
00:51:30,964 --> 00:51:32,094
On it! Take that, Alan!
1254
00:51:32,382 --> 00:51:35,682
Huh. Looks like you're going to
a lot of trouble for little old me.
1255
00:51:35,844 --> 00:51:38,014
I must be your greatest enemy after all.
1256
00:51:38,180 --> 00:51:39,510
Right, Batman?
1257
00:51:39,848 --> 00:51:41,928
- I see what you're trying to do.
- And what is that?
1258
00:51:42,058 --> 00:51:44,978
You're trying to entrap me
into a relationship.
1259
00:51:45,145 --> 00:51:47,305
- Really?
- Yeah, and it's not gonna work.
1260
00:51:47,481 --> 00:51:48,691
Oh, yes, it is.
1261
00:51:48,857 --> 00:51:50,857
Because I'm inside your head.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
1262
00:51:51,234 --> 00:51:52,594
- No, you're not!
- No, you're not!
1263
00:51:52,694 --> 00:51:53,934
[GASPS]
- I knew you'd say that.
1264
00:51:53,958 --> 00:51:55,378
- No, you didn't!
- No, you didn't!
1265
00:51:55,447 --> 00:51:57,117
[GASPS]
And I knew you'd say that!
1266
00:51:57,282 --> 00:51:59,412
See? We aren't so different, I and you.
1267
00:51:59,576 --> 00:52:01,176
- It's, "you and I!"
- It's, "you and I!"
1268
00:52:01,495 --> 00:52:03,905
- Argh!
- Admit it. I'm your greatest enemy.
1269
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:05,520
You're not my greatest enemy, Joker.
1270
00:52:05,582 --> 00:52:07,882
Okay, then send me to the Phantom Zone.
1271
00:52:08,043 --> 00:52:09,043
Fine, I will.
1272
00:52:09,211 --> 00:52:11,711
And prove I'm your greatest enemy.
1273
00:52:11,922 --> 00:52:12,922
[GROWLS]
1274
00:52:13,131 --> 00:52:14,551
Batman, don't do this.
1275
00:52:14,716 --> 00:52:18,176
As long as you're in the Phantom Zone,
I'll be saving Gotham City,
1276
00:52:18,345 --> 00:52:20,005
and that's all that matters to me.
1277
00:52:20,180 --> 00:52:21,520
Goodbye, Joker.
1278
00:52:21,681 --> 00:52:23,601
Oh, Batman, thank you!
1279
00:52:23,767 --> 00:52:24,767
[JOKER LAUGHS]
1280
00:52:26,019 --> 00:52:29,399
Yes! That's what I call
saving the city again!
1281
00:52:29,564 --> 00:52:31,274
Batman, what are you doing?
1282
00:52:31,441 --> 00:52:32,691
I'm Batman-ing.
1283
00:52:32,901 --> 00:52:33,901
[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]
1284
00:52:34,069 --> 00:52:35,989
I'm Batman I'm awesome
1285
00:52:36,154 --> 00:52:37,164
I got a nine-pack.
1286
00:52:37,322 --> 00:52:38,322
Stop it!
1287
00:52:38,740 --> 00:52:40,240
Batman, I can't believe you did this.
1288
00:52:40,408 --> 00:52:41,408
Hi, police lady.
1289
00:52:41,576 --> 00:52:42,736
And even worse,
1290
00:52:42,911 --> 00:52:45,251
you've made this kid
into an accessory to your crime.
1291
00:52:46,414 --> 00:52:47,464
Sorry, kid.
1292
00:52:47,624 --> 00:52:48,634
That's okay, ma'am.
1293
00:52:48,792 --> 00:52:50,853
As long as I'm doing a dime
in the big house with my old man,
1294
00:52:50,877 --> 00:52:52,167
everything's gonna be A-okay.
1295
00:52:52,337 --> 00:52:54,417
Officers, take this Projector
to the evidence room.
1296
00:52:54,589 --> 00:52:56,309
- You got it.
- And get this man some pants.
1297
00:52:56,424 --> 00:52:57,474
I'm good the way I am.
1298
00:52:57,634 --> 00:53:00,354
B Go, why has nobody fist bumped me yet?
1299
00:53:00,804 --> 00:53:04,774
[SIGHS] You know, when I was a kid,
1300
00:53:05,433 --> 00:53:07,893
I wanted to be you, Batman.
1301
00:53:08,436 --> 00:53:10,436
I wanted to be as strong
1302
00:53:10,605 --> 00:53:13,275
and as fast and as smart as Batman.
1303
00:53:14,276 --> 00:53:16,276
But you're not who I thought you were.
1304
00:53:16,778 --> 00:53:18,068
Uh... What do you mean?
1305
00:53:19,114 --> 00:53:22,454
You can't be a hero
if you only care about yourself.
1306
00:53:23,285 --> 00:53:25,285
Barbara, I...
1307
00:53:27,497 --> 00:53:28,747
I think you're underestimating
1308
00:53:28,915 --> 00:53:31,455
the importance of the Joker
being in the Phantom Zone.
1309
00:53:32,127 --> 00:53:34,457
Really, it's kind of a stroke
of genius. All the...
1310
00:53:34,629 --> 00:53:35,629
Hey, where are you going?
1311
00:53:35,797 --> 00:53:39,297
I just put Joker in the one place
he can't do anyone any harm.
1312
00:53:40,635 --> 00:53:41,635
[SIGHS] Yeah.
1313
00:53:42,470 --> 00:53:46,680
But what if you just gave Joker
exactly what he wanted?
1314
00:53:52,814 --> 00:53:54,694
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
1315
00:54:11,791 --> 00:54:12,831
Oh!
1316
00:54:15,837 --> 00:54:16,837
Whoa!
1317
00:54:17,005 --> 00:54:19,415
Look at this place!
Am I being too loud?
1318
00:54:19,674 --> 00:54:20,684
[CRACKS KNUCKLES]
1319
00:54:20,842 --> 00:54:22,432
- Hi!
- Oh, my gosh!
1320
00:54:22,677 --> 00:54:24,347
[GASPING]
Sorry. I always do that.
1321
00:54:24,512 --> 00:54:25,712
How about a warning next time?
1322
00:54:25,736 --> 00:54:27,136
You're so right, and I am so wrong.
1323
00:54:27,238 --> 00:54:29,022
Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy.
1324
00:54:29,184 --> 00:54:30,194
Yeah, bad guy.
1325
00:54:30,352 --> 00:54:32,512
- My name is Phyllis.
- Oh, that was my grandma's name.
1326
00:54:32,536 --> 00:54:35,116
Now hold still while I scan you.
1327
00:54:35,190 --> 00:54:36,860
[IMITATES BEEPING]
Scanning for badness.
1328
00:54:37,025 --> 00:54:38,565
Trying to assess whether you are bad.
1329
00:54:38,735 --> 00:54:39,945
[JOKER IMITATING GUNS FIRING]
1330
00:54:40,111 --> 00:54:41,861
[JOKER LAUGHING]
1331
00:54:43,531 --> 00:54:45,241
Ugh! Your whole thing screams "bad guy."
1332
00:54:45,575 --> 00:54:47,695
Oh, yeah. I'm a really bad person.
1333
00:54:47,869 --> 00:54:49,619
But with vulnerabilities.
1334
00:54:49,788 --> 00:54:51,828
Who, me? [CHUCKLING] No way.
1335
00:54:51,998 --> 00:54:54,788
So, where do you keep
all the other bad people in this place?
1336
00:54:55,210 --> 00:54:56,750
They're standing right behind you.
1337
00:54:56,962 --> 00:54:58,252
[EVIL LAUGHTER]
- Whoa!
1338
00:54:59,255 --> 00:55:00,295
Hi there, guys.
1339
00:55:00,465 --> 00:55:01,825
Lovely to meet you all. I'm the...
1340
00:55:01,967 --> 00:55:03,797
Oh, fist bump?
There we... Handshake?
1341
00:55:04,511 --> 00:55:06,151
[LAUGHS] It doesn't matter.
I'm the Joker.
1342
00:55:06,221 --> 00:55:07,601
Take a look at the new guy.
1343
00:55:07,764 --> 00:55:10,064
Guess they'll just let anybody in here.
1344
00:55:10,225 --> 00:55:11,595
Oh, no, no, no. I'm very bad, too.
1345
00:55:11,768 --> 00:55:13,978
They just showed a video montage...
1346
00:55:14,145 --> 00:55:15,555
- Boring!
- What?
1347
00:55:15,730 --> 00:55:17,320
- You're boring.
- He looks delicious.
1348
00:55:17,524 --> 00:55:18,734
[GASPS]
- Let's eat this guy.
1349
00:55:18,984 --> 00:55:20,184
[GROWLING] [JOKER STAMMERS]
1350
00:55:20,318 --> 00:55:22,608
Stop with the violence for just a second!
1351
00:55:22,779 --> 00:55:26,069
What if I told you
I could get you outta here?
1352
00:55:27,575 --> 00:55:28,815
I'm sorry, what'd you just say?
1353
00:55:28,839 --> 00:55:30,349
That's right. I'm so bad,
1354
00:55:30,453 --> 00:55:33,583
I got myself thrown into
this heck-hole on purpose!
1355
00:55:33,748 --> 00:55:34,788
I'm listening.
1356
00:55:34,958 --> 00:55:37,038
Count me interested.
1357
00:55:37,210 --> 00:55:38,920
Look, everyone here knows
1358
00:55:39,087 --> 00:55:41,417
what it's like to be hurt
by a hero, don't they?
1359
00:55:41,589 --> 00:55:43,549
We've all been taken for granted, right?
1360
00:55:43,717 --> 00:55:45,387
ALL: Yeah, bro.
MEDUSA: I'm relating.
1361
00:55:45,552 --> 00:55:49,262
Well, that's why I came
to this space prison.
1362
00:55:49,431 --> 00:55:50,911
To recruit the universe's greatest...
1363
00:55:51,057 --> 00:55:53,137
- We'll do it!
- I'm sorry?
1364
00:55:53,305 --> 00:55:54,745
You were going to
say something about
1365
00:55:54,769 --> 00:55:56,729
recruiting the universe's
greatest villains
1366
00:55:56,896 --> 00:55:59,266
to conquer a superhero.
1367
00:55:59,441 --> 00:56:01,031
- Am I right?
- Uh, yeah.
1368
00:56:01,192 --> 00:56:03,032
- Well, we're in!
- ALL: Yay!
1369
00:56:03,278 --> 00:56:04,918
Really? Because I brought a PowerPoint...
1370
00:56:04,942 --> 00:56:05,744
Still boring!
1371
00:56:05,905 --> 00:56:07,155
Yeah. Just get on with it.
1372
00:56:07,323 --> 00:56:08,783
You want us to humiliate him?
1373
00:56:08,950 --> 00:56:09,990
I certainly do. Yes.
1374
00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:12,700
You want us to make him
grovel at your feet?
1375
00:56:12,871 --> 00:56:14,751
I would like to see that very much!
1376
00:56:14,914 --> 00:56:17,084
[ECHOING] You want us to smite him?
1377
00:56:17,250 --> 00:56:18,460
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1378
00:56:18,626 --> 00:56:20,386
You want us to make
the rivers of Gotham City
1379
00:56:20,503 --> 00:56:22,133
run red with his blood?
1380
00:56:22,297 --> 00:56:23,417
Oh, that's...
1381
00:56:23,590 --> 00:56:25,970
Oh, no blood?
How do you feel about lava?
1382
00:56:26,134 --> 00:56:27,144
Yes! Lava.
1383
00:56:27,302 --> 00:56:28,302
- Done.
- ALL: Yay!
1384
00:56:28,511 --> 00:56:29,780
KING KONG: I can't wait
to crush buildings.
1385
00:56:29,804 --> 00:56:31,044
VELOCIRAPTOR: Excuse me. Hello?
1386
00:56:31,068 --> 00:56:32,738
Over here.
I don't want to be a downer,
1387
00:56:32,807 --> 00:56:34,887
but how exactly are we going
to get outta this place?
1388
00:56:35,060 --> 00:56:37,980
Oh, leave that to me.
1389
00:56:38,563 --> 00:56:39,813
GUARD: Don't wanna jinx us,
1390
00:56:39,981 --> 00:56:42,321
but I'll be a lot happier when
this Phantom Zone Projector
1391
00:56:42,525 --> 00:56:43,985
is locked up tight.
1392
00:56:44,152 --> 00:56:45,202
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
1393
00:56:45,487 --> 00:56:46,697
Going up, ma'am?
1394
00:56:46,863 --> 00:56:49,993
No. You're going down!
1395
00:56:50,658 --> 00:56:52,408
[GUARDS GROANING]
Look out! Smash!
1396
00:56:53,495 --> 00:56:55,655
I guess you're right.
I am going up. Ding!
1397
00:56:58,166 --> 00:57:00,166
Here comes the...
1398
00:57:00,335 --> 00:57:02,835
Phantom Zone!
1399
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:06,880
Huh?
1400
00:57:07,092 --> 00:57:08,342
[THUNDER CRASHING]
1401
00:57:08,676 --> 00:57:10,006
I'm gonna go start looting.
1402
00:57:10,178 --> 00:57:13,468
JOKER: Hello, Gotham City!
1403
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:16,140
The Clown Prince of Crime
1404
00:57:16,434 --> 00:57:17,944
is back!
1405
00:57:18,103 --> 00:57:20,523
Commissioner Gordon,
you gotta take a look at this.
1406
00:57:20,772 --> 00:57:22,292
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BARBARA: What's that?
1407
00:57:22,316 --> 00:57:23,820
GUARD: A monkey
and dog are friends.
1408
00:57:23,983 --> 00:57:25,323
[LAUGHS]
- Not that. That!
1409
00:57:25,485 --> 00:57:28,525
And I've come
to finally take over the city.
1410
00:57:28,696 --> 00:57:30,656
But in order to do that,
1411
00:57:30,824 --> 00:57:34,704
I need to break my friends
out of a giant, scary prison.
1412
00:57:34,869 --> 00:57:37,159
- Hey, guys, he means us!
- PRISONERS: Yay!
1413
00:57:37,372 --> 00:57:38,542
And I ain't talking about
1414
00:57:38,706 --> 00:57:41,376
those rogue losers dressed in cosplay!
1415
00:57:41,668 --> 00:57:43,418
- PRISONERS: Oh!
- Me-ouch.
1416
00:57:43,586 --> 00:57:45,796
I'm talking about my new peeps!
1417
00:57:45,964 --> 00:57:47,424
And they're just like me.
1418
00:57:47,715 --> 00:57:50,255
The greatest villains you'll ever see.
1419
00:57:50,426 --> 00:57:51,966
You wanna meet them?
1420
00:57:52,220 --> 00:57:53,890
- No.
- Too bad.
1421
00:57:55,181 --> 00:57:56,601
He's evil, he's magic,
1422
00:57:56,766 --> 00:57:59,556
and it's about to get tragic.
1423
00:57:59,727 --> 00:58:01,397
It's Voldemort.
1424
00:58:01,563 --> 00:58:02,813
Magic!
1425
00:58:04,399 --> 00:58:05,779
You are a fish.
1426
00:58:05,942 --> 00:58:06,942
You are a frog.
1427
00:58:07,110 --> 00:58:08,110
You are a fish frog.
1428
00:58:08,278 --> 00:58:10,858
JOKER: He's a 9,000-year-old
incarnation of evil,
1429
00:58:11,030 --> 00:58:12,660
with an eye forjewelry.
1430
00:58:12,824 --> 00:58:14,414
Give it up for Sauron!
1431
00:58:14,576 --> 00:58:16,576
SAURON: Good afternoon, Gotham City.
1432
00:58:16,911 --> 00:58:18,161
[ROARS]
1433
00:58:19,831 --> 00:58:20,871
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
1434
00:58:21,207 --> 00:58:24,087
JOKER: He likes long, violent walks
on historic buildings.
1435
00:58:24,252 --> 00:58:25,672
It's King Kong!
1436
00:58:25,837 --> 00:58:27,047
Come at me, Gotham!
1437
00:58:27,547 --> 00:58:28,717
[SIREN WAILING]
1438
00:58:29,007 --> 00:58:32,217
Commissioner Gordon, these monsters,
they're too powerful.
1439
00:58:32,927 --> 00:58:34,297
Can you contain them to downtown?
1440
00:58:34,929 --> 00:58:36,219
That's gonna be impossible.
1441
00:58:36,389 --> 00:58:38,099
Half the police force are fish!
1442
00:58:38,266 --> 00:58:40,766
Sergeant Jackson!
Stop floppin' around!
1443
00:58:40,935 --> 00:58:42,935
JOKER: And rounding out
the evil all-stars,
1444
00:58:43,104 --> 00:58:44,314
Wicked Witch!
1445
00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:45,770
Medusa.
1446
00:58:45,940 --> 00:58:47,280
And British robots!
1447
00:58:47,442 --> 00:58:48,572
DALEKS: Exterminate!
1448
00:58:48,735 --> 00:58:50,065
JOKER: Ask your nerd friends.
1449
00:58:50,612 --> 00:58:52,992
Hello? Bad guys?
1450
00:58:53,198 --> 00:58:54,198
[MAN SCREAMS]
1451
00:58:55,283 --> 00:58:56,453
[LAUGHS]
1452
00:58:56,951 --> 00:59:00,081
What a crew, huh?
And they all work for me!
1453
00:59:00,246 --> 00:59:03,956
Who's the greatest villain
of them all now, Batman?
1454
00:59:04,125 --> 00:59:05,285
Still not you.
1455
00:59:05,460 --> 00:59:07,500
Actually, this does look
pretty terrifying, Bat-Dad.
1456
00:59:07,629 --> 00:59:08,629
[LAUGHING]
- Whee!
1457
00:59:08,796 --> 00:59:10,296
Nice destruction all around.
1458
00:59:10,465 --> 00:59:11,465
Watch your step!
1459
00:59:11,633 --> 00:59:13,133
Good work, guys!
1460
00:59:13,301 --> 00:59:15,261
Now, all that's left for me
1461
00:59:15,428 --> 00:59:18,308
is to rub it in Batman's bat face.
1462
00:59:18,473 --> 00:59:20,933
Hey, Sauron, doesn't your flaming eye
1463
00:59:21,100 --> 00:59:23,770
have a unique ability
to peer through time and space?
1464
00:59:23,978 --> 00:59:26,148
- Uh-huh.
- Well, I need to find Batman.
1465
00:59:26,314 --> 00:59:27,864
Where's homeboy's man cave?
1466
00:59:28,066 --> 00:59:29,816
Hmm. Give me a second.
1467
00:59:29,984 --> 00:59:31,114
Scary noise.
1468
00:59:31,277 --> 00:59:32,897
It's beneath Wayne Manor!
1469
00:59:33,096 --> 00:59:34,256
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1470
00:59:34,280 --> 00:59:35,280
Hold on a sec.
1471
00:59:35,448 --> 00:59:37,118
Are you trying to tell me
1472
00:59:37,283 --> 00:59:39,953
that Bruce Wayne is Batman...
1473
00:59:40,787 --> 00:59:41,997
's roommate?
1474
00:59:42,497 --> 00:59:44,247
Uh... Yeah.
1475
00:59:44,958 --> 00:59:47,878
Evil army, this way to the Batcave!
1476
00:59:48,169 --> 00:59:50,379
[VILLAINS GROWLING]
1477
00:59:52,340 --> 00:59:53,340
Good grief!
1478
00:59:55,009 --> 00:59:56,049
[ROARING]
1479
01:00:01,015 --> 01:00:02,015
[ROARS]
1480
01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:05,900
[WHOOPING]
1481
01:00:06,062 --> 01:00:07,402
Hey, Batman!
1482
01:00:07,563 --> 01:00:09,403
Joker's home. [ECHOING]
1483
01:00:10,692 --> 01:00:13,572
[LAUGHS] I'm rubbing my butt
all over your stuff.
1484
01:00:13,736 --> 01:00:15,856
We're going to have to rename this
the Butt-mobile.
1485
01:00:16,072 --> 01:00:17,702
[ALL LAUGHING]
1486
01:00:17,949 --> 01:00:19,079
Hey, evil army.
1487
01:00:19,242 --> 01:00:20,662
I need Batman brought here.
1488
01:00:20,827 --> 01:00:22,157
Now go get him!
1489
01:00:22,328 --> 01:00:23,498
Joker out!
1490
01:00:23,705 --> 01:00:24,705
[GLASS SHATTERS]
1491
01:00:26,833 --> 01:00:27,833
Uh...
1492
01:00:28,001 --> 01:00:29,091
Padre?
1493
01:00:29,252 --> 01:00:30,252
BATMAN: Yeah?
1494
01:00:30,420 --> 01:00:31,840
Do you ever get scared?
1495
01:00:32,547 --> 01:00:33,587
No.
1496
01:00:34,507 --> 01:00:37,717
Yeah, that's what I figured,
'cause you're Batman.
1497
01:00:40,054 --> 01:00:42,724
[ROBIN SNIFFLING]
1498
01:00:44,142 --> 01:00:47,562
Hey, kid.
You know who does get scared?
1499
01:00:47,729 --> 01:00:48,729
ROBIN: Who?
1500
01:00:48,938 --> 01:00:50,268
Bruce Wayne.
1501
01:00:50,440 --> 01:00:52,230
- Really?
- Yeah.
1502
01:00:52,400 --> 01:00:54,070
Bruno told me once
1503
01:00:54,235 --> 01:00:57,445
that sometimes the only way
to get out of a down moment
1504
01:00:57,613 --> 01:00:59,243
is to start boxing.
1505
01:00:59,741 --> 01:01:01,701
And by "boxing," he meant
1506
01:01:01,868 --> 01:01:03,238
beatboxing.
1507
01:01:03,411 --> 01:01:04,621
Oh! [CLEARS THROAT]
1508
01:01:04,787 --> 01:01:06,867
[SINGING]
Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na, Na...
1509
01:01:07,040 --> 01:01:09,040
[BEATBOXING]
1510
01:01:09,208 --> 01:01:10,918
Feel it, uh-huh.
1511
01:01:11,085 --> 01:01:12,955
Dick Grayson on the mic, go.
1512
01:01:13,129 --> 01:01:14,129
Oh. Um...
1513
01:01:14,297 --> 01:01:15,917
[BEATBOXING]
1514
01:01:16,090 --> 01:01:17,930
[BOTH BEATBOXING]
1515
01:01:19,927 --> 01:01:22,057
Oh, my gosh.
This does make me feel better.
1516
01:01:22,221 --> 01:01:23,261
Okay. Shh. Batman solo.
1517
01:01:23,431 --> 01:01:25,601
[SINGING] Bat, bat, bat
Can I get a bat?
1518
01:01:25,767 --> 01:01:27,097
Can I get a bat? Bat...
1519
01:01:27,268 --> 01:01:28,868
[DEVICE RINGING]
[GASPS] The Bat-Fax!
1520
01:01:30,355 --> 01:01:32,185
Ha! The city needs me.
Bang, bang, bang!
1521
01:01:32,357 --> 01:01:33,397
Excuse me.
1522
01:01:33,566 --> 01:01:35,896
Can you get the commissioner
and show her this?
1523
01:01:36,069 --> 01:01:38,279
- Batman.
- Would you stop doing that?
1524
01:01:38,780 --> 01:01:40,660
I sent the Bat-Fax.
1525
01:01:41,157 --> 01:01:43,327
[SIGHS] I hate to say this,
but you're right.
1526
01:01:43,493 --> 01:01:44,493
The city needs you.
1527
01:01:44,660 --> 01:01:45,790
Yes! Let me out.
1528
01:01:45,953 --> 01:01:48,793
I'm only going to let you out
on one condition.
1529
01:01:48,956 --> 01:01:51,666
- Name it.
- You can't do it by yourself.
1530
01:01:51,959 --> 01:01:53,169
[GROWLS]
1531
01:01:54,420 --> 01:01:55,800
Fine. Who am I working with?
1532
01:01:55,963 --> 01:01:58,423
SEAL Team Six? Fox Force Five?
Suicide Squad?
1533
01:01:58,591 --> 01:02:00,681
No. Me.
1534
01:02:00,843 --> 01:02:01,843
Oh, I wanna help, too!
1535
01:02:02,011 --> 01:02:03,371
- And I shall join as well.
- Whoa!
1536
01:02:03,513 --> 01:02:05,313
Alfred Pennyworth
at your service, ma'am.
1537
01:02:05,473 --> 01:02:07,201
- How did you...
- Alfred, you gotta let me out of here.
1538
01:02:07,225 --> 01:02:10,305
Sir, those creatures out there
are unlike anything we've ever seen.
1539
01:02:10,478 --> 01:02:12,678
Speak for yourself.
You don't know everything I've seen.
1540
01:02:12,702 --> 01:02:13,902
I haven't told you everything.
1541
01:02:13,995 --> 01:02:16,315
And you'll never be able
to defeat them alone.
1542
01:02:16,484 --> 01:02:18,654
And it'll be more fun
if we all do it together!
1543
01:02:18,820 --> 01:02:20,490
What's the worst thing
that could happen?
1544
01:02:20,905 --> 01:02:22,485
What are you so afraid of?
1545
01:02:22,657 --> 01:02:24,487
The thing I'm most afraid of?
1546
01:02:29,831 --> 01:02:31,791
I gotta be honest with you.
It's snake clowns.
1547
01:02:31,958 --> 01:02:33,168
Yeah, that's not a thing.
1548
01:02:33,334 --> 01:02:34,754
Well then, nothing.
1549
01:02:34,961 --> 01:02:37,171
- I'm not afraid of anything.
- Okay.
1550
01:02:37,922 --> 01:02:39,172
[DOOR LOCK BEEPS]
- Prove it.
1551
01:02:39,507 --> 01:02:41,007
- Oh, I will.
- Good.
1552
01:02:41,175 --> 01:02:43,465
Do you know what the B-A-T
in Batman stands for?
1553
01:02:43,636 --> 01:02:45,806
- Not really.
- Best At Teamwork.
1554
01:02:45,972 --> 01:02:48,352
Best At Teamwork Man
is my full name.
1555
01:02:48,516 --> 01:02:50,346
Yay! We're going on a family trip.
1556
01:02:50,518 --> 01:02:52,058
This is not a family trip.
1557
01:02:52,228 --> 01:02:53,398
I can wear my costume, too.
1558
01:02:53,552 --> 01:02:55,833
Well, luckily for us,
you left your costume back at the...
1559
01:02:55,857 --> 01:02:57,067
- Rip!
- Oh!
1560
01:02:57,233 --> 01:02:59,403
Nope. Under your clothes.
That's perfect.
1561
01:02:59,569 --> 01:03:01,989
- Rip!
- Alfred, what are you doing?
1562
01:03:02,155 --> 01:03:03,155
I miss the '60s.
1563
01:03:03,322 --> 01:03:04,532
Hey, can Scarecrow help?
1564
01:03:04,699 --> 01:03:06,699
- PRISONERS: Yeah!
- He's destroying our city, too!
1565
01:03:06,723 --> 01:03:08,577
Permit us to lend you assistance.
1566
01:03:08,744 --> 01:03:10,254
Yeah. Why don't we use these guys?
1567
01:03:10,413 --> 01:03:11,413
What am I gonna do?
1568
01:03:11,581 --> 01:03:13,821
Get a bunch of criminals together
to fight the criminals?
1569
01:03:13,845 --> 01:03:15,265
That's a stupid idea.
1570
01:03:15,877 --> 01:03:17,207
[SIRENS WAILING]
1571
01:03:18,754 --> 01:03:20,554
Okay, guys. Game plan.
1572
01:03:20,715 --> 01:03:21,795
Joker's taken the Projector
1573
01:03:21,883 --> 01:03:23,123
- to Wayne Manor.
- Wayne Manor.
1574
01:03:23,147 --> 01:03:24,487
Right. Thanks, Batman.
1575
01:03:24,552 --> 01:03:25,696
- We need that Projector.
- Projector.
1576
01:03:25,720 --> 01:03:26,720
Or there's no way
1577
01:03:26,888 --> 01:03:28,031
- to blast these monsters...
- Monsters.
1578
01:03:28,055 --> 01:03:29,533
- Back to the Phantom Zone.
- Phantom Zone? Yep.
1579
01:03:29,557 --> 01:03:31,397
Batman, I really don't
need you to finish my...
1580
01:03:31,421 --> 01:03:32,265
- Sand castles.
- No.
1581
01:03:32,435 --> 01:03:33,555
- Sister's homework.
- No.
1582
01:03:33,728 --> 01:03:35,398
- Succulent something.
- No.
1583
01:03:35,897 --> 01:03:36,937
Um... Everybody?
1584
01:03:37,106 --> 01:03:39,896
SAURON: Batman is in Arkham Asylum.
1585
01:03:40,067 --> 01:03:41,737
Get him!
1586
01:03:41,903 --> 01:03:43,103
Okay, everyone, grab on to me.
1587
01:03:43,905 --> 01:03:45,275
ALL: Whoa!
1588
01:03:47,074 --> 01:03:48,084
[ALL GRUNT]
1589
01:03:49,494 --> 01:03:50,754
We've gotta take cover!
1590
01:03:50,953 --> 01:03:51,953
Whoa!
1591
01:03:52,330 --> 01:03:54,750
- Joker has eyes on us.
- Where?
1592
01:03:54,916 --> 01:03:58,376
No! I mean,
he literally has a giant eye on us.
1593
01:03:58,544 --> 01:04:00,254
I think that thing
can see our every move!
1594
01:04:00,421 --> 01:04:01,591
Shaka-laka-Iako.
1595
01:04:01,797 --> 01:04:05,217
We've got to destroy it,
or we'll never make it to Wayne Manor.
1596
01:04:05,384 --> 01:04:06,434
Uh... Bat-Dad?
1597
01:04:06,636 --> 01:04:08,036
I really think you should see this.
1598
01:04:08,179 --> 01:04:09,639
KING KONG: Building survey!
1599
01:04:10,431 --> 01:04:12,101
This building's not up to code!
1600
01:04:12,308 --> 01:04:13,308
[ALL SCREAMING]
1601
01:04:13,601 --> 01:04:14,771
[ROARING]
1602
01:04:18,940 --> 01:04:20,780
[GRUNTS] Gotcha. [ROBIN YELPS]
1603
01:04:21,442 --> 01:04:22,652
[ROARING]
1604
01:04:24,070 --> 01:04:25,240
Is that real lava?
1605
01:04:26,948 --> 01:04:27,948
I'm okay.
1606
01:04:30,076 --> 01:04:31,446
All right, yeah. It's 100% lava.
1607
01:04:31,827 --> 01:04:33,157
[ALL YELP]
1608
01:04:33,441 --> 01:04:35,641
- Everyone, start throwing me bricks.
- Right away, sir.
1609
01:04:35,665 --> 01:04:37,465
- I need a 4x6. Come on, quick.
- Here you go.
1610
01:04:37,489 --> 01:04:38,539
- I need an elbow.
- Elbow.
1611
01:04:45,299 --> 01:04:46,299
Ow!
1612
01:04:51,430 --> 01:04:52,430
BATMAN: Whoo!
1613
01:04:52,598 --> 01:04:54,848
Yes! I did it. Pretty cool, huh?
1614
01:04:55,017 --> 01:04:56,577
BARBARA: [MUFFLED] Batman?
BATMAN: Yeah?
1615
01:04:56,686 --> 01:04:59,106
Why did you build this thing
with only one seat?
1616
01:04:59,272 --> 01:05:02,282
'Cause last I checked,
I only had one butt. What the...
1617
01:05:03,109 --> 01:05:04,939
What have you done to Wayne Manor?
1618
01:05:05,778 --> 01:05:07,528
JOKER: Hey, Batman, guess what!
1619
01:05:07,780 --> 01:05:09,370
I found out one of your secrets.
1620
01:05:09,657 --> 01:05:12,157
- Uh-oh.
- What do we have here, Batman?
1621
01:05:12,326 --> 01:05:14,406
It looks like a bunch
of relationship comedies.
1622
01:05:14,579 --> 01:05:16,289
- What's that one?
- Must Love Dogs.
1623
01:05:16,455 --> 01:05:17,495
Must love crying.
1624
01:05:17,665 --> 01:05:19,625
- Marley & Me.
- I love the ending.
1625
01:05:19,792 --> 01:05:22,462
Oh! Serendipity?
1626
01:05:22,628 --> 01:05:24,298
We have Serendipity?
I love that movie!
1627
01:05:24,463 --> 01:05:26,223
JOKER: For a loner, Batman,
1628
01:05:26,382 --> 01:05:29,682
you sure like movies
about relationships!
1629
01:05:29,844 --> 01:05:31,084
Oh! And look what else I found!
1630
01:05:31,512 --> 01:05:33,512
All your wonderful toys.
1631
01:05:35,975 --> 01:05:39,725
Accio lightning storm!
1632
01:05:40,688 --> 01:05:43,478
Uh... Everyone, hold on.
[ALL SCREAMING]
1633
01:05:44,108 --> 01:05:45,388
[VILLAINS IMITATING GUNS FIRING]
1634
01:05:48,613 --> 01:05:51,663
JOKER: Gremlins,
dismantle that plane now!
1635
01:05:52,867 --> 01:05:54,287
Ugly monsters on our three.
1636
01:05:54,493 --> 01:05:55,753
[ALL CHITTERING]
1637
01:05:55,995 --> 01:05:57,705
- Uh... Padre?
- Not now, kid.
1638
01:05:59,582 --> 01:06:01,132
Kind of got my hands full.
1639
01:06:02,960 --> 01:06:04,960
I've got good tone. Firing.
1640
01:06:08,924 --> 01:06:10,724
- Uh... Batman?
- What's up, buddy?
1641
01:06:11,177 --> 01:06:12,617
ROBIN: Are we nearly at Wayne Manor?
1642
01:06:12,678 --> 01:06:13,848
BATMAN: Why?
1643
01:06:14,263 --> 01:06:16,143
Uh... Your number two
needs to go number one.
1644
01:06:16,307 --> 01:06:18,477
I thought I told you
to go back at the prison.
1645
01:06:18,643 --> 01:06:20,393
- I tried, but Bane was in there.
- So?
1646
01:06:20,561 --> 01:06:22,861
He had sort of a "get out
of this bathroom now" vibe.
1647
01:06:23,022 --> 01:06:25,522
BATMAN: I knew I shouldn't
have given you that water.
1648
01:06:27,276 --> 01:06:28,986
Can you hold it in like a big boy?
1649
01:06:29,445 --> 01:06:30,655
BARBARA: Engine one down.
1650
01:06:30,821 --> 01:06:32,701
Not a big deal.
Don't worry about it. It's fine.
1651
01:06:32,725 --> 01:06:34,805
- BARBARA: Engine two down.
- It does that sometimes.
1652
01:06:34,909 --> 01:06:36,229
BARBARA: We've lost engine three.
1653
01:06:36,253 --> 01:06:37,503
Oh. Could live without it.
1654
01:06:39,246 --> 01:06:40,706
BARBARA: Engine four!
1655
01:06:40,956 --> 01:06:42,246
[ALL SCREAMING]
1656
01:06:42,458 --> 01:06:43,748
That I do need to fix.
1657
01:06:43,918 --> 01:06:45,998
Good news.
Our bathroom problem is solved.
1658
01:06:48,589 --> 01:06:50,709
BATMAN: You three wait here
while I go fix the engine.
1659
01:06:50,733 --> 01:06:53,184
Don't worry, Batman.
You fix the Batwing, I'll fly.
1660
01:06:53,344 --> 01:06:55,064
All good, Babs.
I've got my autopilot on it.
1661
01:06:55,088 --> 01:06:56,088
[HUMS] Done.
1662
01:06:56,347 --> 01:06:58,137
BARBARA: Autopilot?
That's just a rope!
1663
01:06:58,307 --> 01:07:01,597
Exactly. All right, guys.
Until I get back, rope's in charge.
1664
01:07:02,353 --> 01:07:03,403
Thanks, rope.
1665
01:07:05,981 --> 01:07:08,781
All right, let's see.
Yes, the piston brake out here.
1666
01:07:08,943 --> 01:07:11,453
Jet engine brake in here and...
1667
01:07:12,613 --> 01:07:14,703
Get out of here. No.
Give me... No! Stop it!
1668
01:07:14,865 --> 01:07:16,505
Come on, Master Dick.
We need to help him.
1669
01:07:16,575 --> 01:07:17,615
I'm with you, Grandpa!
1670
01:07:17,785 --> 01:07:18,905
Get off my Padre!
1671
01:07:19,078 --> 01:07:20,958
ALFRED: Unhand him,
you animatronic fiends.
1672
01:07:21,122 --> 01:07:24,252
What are you two doing here?
I told you to stay in the cockpit.
1673
01:07:25,126 --> 01:07:27,036
You disobeyed me.
You're on a timeout.
1674
01:07:27,211 --> 01:07:28,841
Batman, you're on a timeout.
1675
01:07:29,004 --> 01:07:31,264
What? Alfred, you better
un-timeout me right now!
1676
01:07:31,424 --> 01:07:33,684
No. Not until you un-timeout Master Dick.
1677
01:07:33,926 --> 01:07:34,926
[GASPS]
1678
01:07:35,094 --> 01:07:36,764
Guys, you're all un-timeouted!
1679
01:07:36,929 --> 01:07:37,929
We have incoming!
1680
01:07:38,097 --> 01:07:40,097
- Sir! Watch out for those...
- What are you doing?
1681
01:07:40,121 --> 01:07:41,121
[SCREAMING]
1682
01:07:44,979 --> 01:07:46,099
[ALFRED AND ROBIN SCREAMING]
1683
01:07:46,188 --> 01:07:47,728
Okay. Everybody, timeout off.
1684
01:07:47,940 --> 01:07:49,480
Whoo-hoo! I've been parented.
1685
01:07:49,650 --> 01:07:51,780
- Batman, I can help you.
- No. Protect the rope.
1686
01:07:51,944 --> 01:07:53,364
The rope is fine!
1687
01:07:53,529 --> 01:07:54,609
Save Master Dick!
1688
01:07:54,780 --> 01:07:57,410
I'm fine. I'll just do
one of my gymnastics moves to...
1689
01:07:57,575 --> 01:07:58,575
[YELPS]
1690
01:07:59,034 --> 01:08:00,124
No!
1691
01:08:04,165 --> 01:08:05,415
[THUNDER CRASHING]
1692
01:08:05,833 --> 01:08:06,883
Dick...
1693
01:08:07,084 --> 01:08:08,544
[SCREAMING]
1694
01:08:10,588 --> 01:08:11,758
Gotcha!
1695
01:08:15,426 --> 01:08:17,336
Hold on, Alfred. I'm almost there!
1696
01:08:18,929 --> 01:08:20,179
No! [GASPS]
1697
01:08:22,767 --> 01:08:24,637
Alfred!
1698
01:08:31,025 --> 01:08:32,185
[GASPS]
1699
01:08:33,527 --> 01:08:34,697
No.
1700
01:08:39,366 --> 01:08:40,866
No!
1701
01:08:42,077 --> 01:08:43,197
Move over, rope.
1702
01:08:44,121 --> 01:08:45,161
[GRUNTS]
1703
01:08:45,372 --> 01:08:46,542
Hold on!
1704
01:08:49,126 --> 01:08:50,336
[SCREAMING]
1705
01:08:50,711 --> 01:08:51,961
[BARBARA YELLING]
1706
01:08:55,049 --> 01:08:56,049
[SCREAMS]
1707
01:08:56,217 --> 01:08:57,757
[GRUNTS]
1708
01:09:00,221 --> 01:09:01,721
[ALFRED SCREAMS]
- Gotcha!
1709
01:09:02,681 --> 01:09:03,811
Barbara, did you see that?
1710
01:09:03,974 --> 01:09:05,394
Batrope saved Alfred.
1711
01:09:05,559 --> 01:09:08,229
Sick moves, rope.
I never doubted you, bro.
1712
01:09:08,395 --> 01:09:10,395
PUTER: Actually, sir,
Ms. Gordon saved him.
1713
01:09:10,564 --> 01:09:11,824
Rope! You lied to me!
1714
01:09:12,817 --> 01:09:15,357
Wait a minute.
You mean, without you,
1715
01:09:15,528 --> 01:09:16,738
Alfred would have been
1716
01:09:17,571 --> 01:09:18,911
street meat?
1717
01:09:19,073 --> 01:09:21,583
Batman, trust us.
1718
01:09:21,742 --> 01:09:23,582
We can do this.
1719
01:09:23,744 --> 01:09:26,664
- Yeah. I know Gymkata.
- Sorry, what's that?
1720
01:09:26,831 --> 01:09:28,461
It's a gymnastics-based martial art.
1721
01:09:28,749 --> 01:09:30,919
I can punch those '80s monsters
off the plane.
1722
01:09:31,085 --> 01:09:32,335
Uh... Okay.
1723
01:09:32,837 --> 01:09:34,797
PUTER: Multiple bogeys on our six.
1724
01:09:34,964 --> 01:09:36,244
Sir, I'll get them off our back.
1725
01:09:36,382 --> 01:09:38,102
I was a tail gunner
for the Royal Air Force.
1726
01:09:38,175 --> 01:09:39,425
Locked and loaded, sir!
1727
01:09:39,593 --> 01:09:40,643
Good. Love that!
1728
01:09:40,803 --> 01:09:42,603
I got an idea.
We're gonna change course.
1729
01:09:42,763 --> 01:09:44,933
I want you to fly straight
into that flaming eyeball.
1730
01:09:45,099 --> 01:09:47,849
- What?
- Barbara, trust me.
1731
01:09:48,602 --> 01:09:50,732
All right. Let's do this.
1732
01:09:51,605 --> 01:09:53,565
[VILLAINS IMITATING GUNS FIRING]
1733
01:09:55,526 --> 01:09:56,776
[ROARS]
1734
01:09:58,070 --> 01:09:59,910
BATMAN: We got a giant
sea monster, 12 o'clock!
1735
01:09:59,934 --> 01:10:00,944
BARBARA: Got it.
1736
01:10:02,408 --> 01:10:04,368
- We've got his attention.
- He's tracking us.
1737
01:10:04,660 --> 01:10:05,660
[ROARS]
1738
01:10:09,415 --> 01:10:10,995
[LAUGHING] I've got you now.
1739
01:10:15,629 --> 01:10:17,339
Eat dirt!
1740
01:10:17,506 --> 01:10:19,586
Bob's your uncle, you ruddy duff cobblers!
1741
01:10:26,056 --> 01:10:27,306
Okay, Babs, this is it.
1742
01:10:27,474 --> 01:10:29,694
Fly us straight into that eye,
and wait for my signal.
1743
01:10:29,852 --> 01:10:30,982
Can it come now?
1744
01:10:31,145 --> 01:10:32,645
Can we make the signal thing happen?
1745
01:10:32,813 --> 01:10:33,813
Almost there.
1746
01:10:33,981 --> 01:10:35,861
Almost there!
1747
01:10:36,025 --> 01:10:38,145
- Fire!
- BATMAN: Almost there!
1748
01:10:38,319 --> 01:10:39,639
ROBIN: That fire's coming in hot!
1749
01:10:39,663 --> 01:10:40,703
Hot, hot, hot!
1750
01:10:41,113 --> 01:10:42,323
Now! Barbara, dive bomb!
1751
01:10:43,574 --> 01:10:44,834
[SAURON SCREAMS]
1752
01:10:45,659 --> 01:10:47,449
SAURON: My eye!
1753
01:10:48,037 --> 01:10:49,037
[ALL GASP]
1754
01:10:49,663 --> 01:10:51,503
JOKER: Sauron!
1755
01:10:51,999 --> 01:10:52,999
[GASPS]
1756
01:10:54,084 --> 01:10:55,344
[WHISTLING]
1757
01:10:57,129 --> 01:10:58,589
Nothing to see.
1758
01:11:02,176 --> 01:11:04,426
[ALL GROANING]
1759
01:11:05,262 --> 01:11:06,312
Whoo-hoo!
1760
01:11:06,513 --> 01:11:08,723
- Yes! That was so rad!
- We did it, everyone!
1761
01:11:08,891 --> 01:11:10,021
That was so great! Go team!
1762
01:11:10,184 --> 01:11:11,384
Come on, let's hear it for us!
1763
01:11:11,477 --> 01:11:12,829
That was incredible! [WHOOPING]
1764
01:11:12,853 --> 01:11:13,853
I felt so jazzed!
1765
01:11:14,021 --> 01:11:15,191
I say "jazzed"!
1766
01:11:15,356 --> 01:11:17,436
I gotta give it to you, Batman.
That was awesome.
1767
01:11:17,608 --> 01:11:19,048
- Ha! And you were awesome.
- Thanks.
1768
01:11:19,193 --> 01:11:20,503
- And you were awesome.
- I love compliments!
1769
01:11:20,527 --> 01:11:22,237
And you were awesome,
and I was amazing.
1770
01:11:22,381 --> 01:11:24,341
I'm not trying to make it
about myself, obviously.
1771
01:11:24,365 --> 01:11:26,885
But I just wanna make sure
that everyone gets a pat on the back.
1772
01:11:27,034 --> 01:11:28,595
- Because it feels good.
- It does feel good.
1773
01:11:28,619 --> 01:11:30,259
You had a good idea, you had a good idea,
1774
01:11:30,283 --> 01:11:32,293
and you had a good idea,
and I had a great idea.
1775
01:11:32,373 --> 01:11:34,654
You know what, I think that collectively,
I'm gonna add...
1776
01:11:36,210 --> 01:11:37,540
one. [BEEPS]
1777
01:11:37,753 --> 01:11:38,923
- No way!
- Yes!
1778
01:11:39,088 --> 01:11:40,168
Man, that feels good.
1779
01:11:40,339 --> 01:11:41,839
Best team ever! [LAUGHS]
1780
01:11:42,007 --> 01:11:44,288
Let's take a photo!
All right, everyone, squeeze together.
1781
01:11:44,385 --> 01:11:45,425
BATMAN: Hang on a second.
1782
01:11:45,594 --> 01:11:47,474
- Nice and close!
- I gotta get my pump on.
1783
01:11:47,638 --> 01:11:48,823
- It's worth it.
- Okay, everybody in?
1784
01:11:48,847 --> 01:11:50,087
BATMAN: These abs are no fluke.
1785
01:11:50,111 --> 01:11:51,691
Everyone say, "Bat Family!"
1786
01:11:51,809 --> 01:11:53,209
ALL: Bat Family! [CAMERA CLICKS]
1787
01:11:53,727 --> 01:11:55,147
Ooh, let's take a look!
1788
01:11:56,188 --> 01:11:57,358
BARBARA: Look at that!
1789
01:11:57,523 --> 01:11:58,903
- Splendid.
- Wow.
1790
01:11:59,650 --> 01:12:01,240
Didn't it turn out great?
1791
01:12:02,069 --> 01:12:04,279
Hey, guys! It's my first family photo!
1792
01:12:05,197 --> 01:12:07,027
[ALL LAUGHING]
1793
01:12:11,620 --> 01:12:13,960
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
1794
01:12:34,268 --> 01:12:35,598
- Hey, Bat-Dad.
- Oh!
1795
01:12:35,978 --> 01:12:37,598
Whoa. What are you doing?
1796
01:12:37,771 --> 01:12:40,021
I'm trying to give you a big, old H-U-G.
1797
01:12:40,190 --> 01:12:41,570
Okay, just...
1798
01:12:43,068 --> 01:12:44,988
Batman, are you okay?
1799
01:12:45,404 --> 01:12:47,364
[STAMMERS] Yeah, I'm fine.
1800
01:12:47,531 --> 01:12:49,661
We are just one big happy
1801
01:12:49,825 --> 01:12:53,365
fraternity of people
who did an awesome job together.
1802
01:12:54,788 --> 01:12:56,498
I can't think of any other way
to put that.
1803
01:12:56,665 --> 01:12:58,915
- Cool.
- So, guys, listen up!
1804
01:12:59,084 --> 01:13:00,714
Taking the Projector from the Joker
1805
01:13:00,878 --> 01:13:03,048
is gonna be our most
dangerous mission yet.
1806
01:13:03,213 --> 01:13:04,673
- A family battle mission!
- Right.
1807
01:13:04,840 --> 01:13:07,430
Salvage what you can out of the Scuttler,
and maybe root around,
1808
01:13:07,593 --> 01:13:09,279
see if you can find
a few Vitamin waters or something,
1809
01:13:09,303 --> 01:13:10,303
and then we'll head out.
1810
01:13:10,471 --> 01:13:12,311
- Right away, sir.
- Anything for you, Padre.
1811
01:13:17,394 --> 01:13:19,194
I think I'll need snowshoes.
1812
01:13:19,354 --> 01:13:22,864
Yeah, I don't think you'll need snowshoes,
but could you grab that flashlight?
1813
01:13:23,025 --> 01:13:24,105
- Batman?
- Padre?
1814
01:13:24,276 --> 01:13:25,316
Sir?
1815
01:13:25,486 --> 01:13:27,946
What are you doing? Hey, Batman.
1816
01:13:28,113 --> 01:13:29,413
Please, wait!
1817
01:13:29,573 --> 01:13:30,783
BATMAN: 'Puter.
1818
01:13:32,576 --> 01:13:33,736
PUTER: Yes, sir?
1819
01:13:33,911 --> 01:13:35,621
I'm locking in some coordinates now.
1820
01:13:35,829 --> 01:13:36,959
[IMITATES BEEPING]
1821
01:13:37,164 --> 01:13:38,874
Take the Scuttler to the taco stand
1822
01:13:39,041 --> 01:13:40,921
on the border of Gotham City
and Blüdhaven.
1823
01:13:41,085 --> 01:13:42,335
ALL: No!
1824
01:13:42,484 --> 01:13:44,564
I want you to get these guys
a couple of chimichangas
1825
01:13:44,588 --> 01:13:46,758
- and three Jarritos.
- Sir!
1826
01:13:46,924 --> 01:13:50,144
And then keep them there until this
whole attack on Gotham City blows over.
1827
01:13:50,302 --> 01:13:53,012
Padre, please. Don't do this!
1828
01:13:53,180 --> 01:13:55,180
Batman, you need us!
1829
01:13:55,516 --> 01:13:57,426
How many times I gotta tell you?
1830
01:13:58,060 --> 01:14:00,270
Batman works alone.
1831
01:14:00,896 --> 01:14:02,516
No, we have to stick together.
1832
01:14:03,899 --> 01:14:05,029
Please.
1833
01:14:05,192 --> 01:14:06,822
Now go on, Scuttler. Go!
1834
01:14:07,861 --> 01:14:09,661
- Go! Just get outta here.
- ALFRED: Batman.
1835
01:14:09,822 --> 01:14:10,942
- ROBIN: Padre!
- Get moving!
1836
01:14:11,073 --> 01:14:12,243
ROBIN: Please! [SHOOING]
1837
01:14:12,449 --> 01:14:13,449
Just go.
1838
01:14:13,617 --> 01:14:14,827
BARBARA: Batman! Please, wait!
1839
01:14:14,993 --> 01:14:16,453
Scuttler, move out!
1840
01:14:16,620 --> 01:14:18,120
BARBARA:
You're doing the wrong thing!
1841
01:14:18,288 --> 01:14:20,578
- Listen to me! Don't do this!
- ALFRED: Sir, please. Sir!
1842
01:14:20,749 --> 01:14:22,079
ROBIN: No!
1843
01:14:43,939 --> 01:14:46,299
AGENT SMITH: Scanning for intruders.
Scanning for intruders.
1844
01:14:46,323 --> 01:14:47,873
Scanning for intruders.
1845
01:14:51,155 --> 01:14:52,155
JOKER: Hi, Bats.
1846
01:14:52,322 --> 01:14:53,822
What have you done to my...
1847
01:14:53,991 --> 01:14:55,581
Bruce Wayne's house?
1848
01:14:55,742 --> 01:14:58,502
You'd better hope he's a cool guy
and doesn't go crazy.
1849
01:14:58,662 --> 01:15:00,332
What happened to all your friends?
1850
01:15:00,497 --> 01:15:03,707
I don't need friends.
I don't need anyone to stop you.
1851
01:15:04,376 --> 01:15:05,416
[YELLS]
1852
01:15:05,752 --> 01:15:07,212
JOKER: Are you sure about that?
1853
01:15:07,379 --> 01:15:09,379
Look in the mirror, Batman.
[GRUNTS]
1854
01:15:10,883 --> 01:15:13,763
When I saw you working
with your friend-family,
1855
01:15:14,553 --> 01:15:16,223
I actually thought you'd changed.
1856
01:15:16,972 --> 01:15:18,022
But, no.
1857
01:15:18,182 --> 01:15:19,602
You pushed them away. [GRUNTING]
1858
01:15:23,061 --> 01:15:25,771
You've run away from every other person
in your life.
1859
01:15:25,939 --> 01:15:28,439
But I'm the one you're always chasing.
1860
01:15:28,609 --> 01:15:30,819
Is this about that stupid
"greatest enemy" thing?
1861
01:15:30,986 --> 01:15:32,446
No, it's not.
1862
01:15:33,780 --> 01:15:34,950
Not anymore.
1863
01:15:35,066 --> 01:15:36,426
VELOCIRAPTOR: You tell him, Joker!
1864
01:15:36,450 --> 01:15:37,810
JAWS: It's time for a fresh start.
1865
01:15:37,868 --> 01:15:38,988
DALEKS: He's not worth it.
1866
01:15:39,161 --> 01:15:42,581
I think after 78 years,
I deserve respect!
1867
01:15:42,748 --> 01:15:44,538
That is right. Respect!
1868
01:15:45,125 --> 01:15:49,295
Do you realize that you have never once
1869
01:15:49,463 --> 01:15:51,133
said the words,
1870
01:15:51,298 --> 01:15:52,668
"I hate you, Joker"?
1871
01:15:52,841 --> 01:15:53,931
Not once.
1872
01:15:54,092 --> 01:15:57,222
Well, I am starting to feel
pretty annoyed with you right now.
1873
01:15:57,387 --> 01:15:58,427
That's for darn sure.
1874
01:15:58,597 --> 01:16:00,927
Annoyed is not the same thing!
1875
01:16:01,642 --> 01:16:03,562
Listen, Batman.
1876
01:16:04,102 --> 01:16:05,812
I...
1877
01:16:05,979 --> 01:16:07,229
hate you.
1878
01:16:07,397 --> 01:16:09,107
- ALL: Aww!
- That's nice.
1879
01:16:09,900 --> 01:16:10,980
Now you say it.
1880
01:16:13,153 --> 01:16:14,153
Me, too.
1881
01:16:14,363 --> 01:16:15,993
[ALL JEERING]
1882
01:16:18,033 --> 01:16:20,493
You won't. You won't change.
1883
01:16:20,661 --> 01:16:23,331
'Cause you can't.
You won't, and you can't.
1884
01:16:23,497 --> 01:16:25,077
JAWS: Batman will never change.
1885
01:16:25,249 --> 01:16:27,289
You know what, boo-boo?
Just shut it down.
1886
01:16:27,459 --> 01:16:29,499
These diseased lunatics are right.
1887
01:16:29,670 --> 01:16:30,670
Yes, we are!
1888
01:16:30,837 --> 01:16:33,087
I am not gonna be part
1889
01:16:33,257 --> 01:16:35,757
of a one-sided relationship any longer!
1890
01:16:35,926 --> 01:16:37,320
- HARLEY QUINN: Yes!
- What are you talking about?
1891
01:16:37,344 --> 01:16:39,184
- You and I are done!
- What is wrong with you?
1892
01:16:39,346 --> 01:16:40,346
I'm moving on!
1893
01:16:40,514 --> 01:16:41,684
That's ridiculous.
1894
01:16:41,848 --> 01:16:43,518
And on my way out,
1895
01:16:43,684 --> 01:16:46,774
I'm gonna blow up Gotham City!
1896
01:16:46,937 --> 01:16:48,727
No. You're not serious.
1897
01:16:48,897 --> 01:16:49,977
Wingardium Leviosa!
1898
01:16:50,649 --> 01:16:51,779
No!
1899
01:16:51,942 --> 01:16:53,992
You know what?
For once, Batman, you're right.
1900
01:16:54,152 --> 01:16:56,362
I'm not your greatest enemy.
1901
01:16:56,530 --> 01:16:58,320
Your greatest enemy
1902
01:16:58,490 --> 01:16:59,740
is you.
1903
01:16:59,908 --> 01:17:02,348
- Goodbye, Batman.
- Wait a minute. Hold on a second. [GROANS]
1904
01:17:02,452 --> 01:17:03,892
HARLEY QUINN: Good for you, boo-boo!
1905
01:17:04,037 --> 01:17:06,367
- ALL: Yay!
- Everybody, get a bomb. Let's go.
1906
01:17:06,540 --> 01:17:08,790
- Bomb, bomb, bomb. Let's bomb it out.
- ALL: Yay!
1907
01:17:09,543 --> 01:17:10,883
[ALL WHOOPING]
1908
01:17:13,046 --> 01:17:15,166
KING KONG:
Say goodbye, Gotham City!
1909
01:17:26,351 --> 01:17:27,941
- Whoa.
- Hi!
1910
01:17:28,186 --> 01:17:29,186
[GASPS] - Whoa!
1911
01:17:29,563 --> 01:17:31,063
Oh, I am so sorry.
1912
01:17:31,231 --> 01:17:32,791
It was all my fault, I keep doing that.
1913
01:17:32,815 --> 01:17:35,025
Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy.
1914
01:17:35,110 --> 01:17:36,470
[GASPS]
What are you talking about?
1915
01:17:36,528 --> 01:17:37,528
I'm not a bad guy.
1916
01:17:37,696 --> 01:17:39,406
But you're all in black.
You have a cape.
1917
01:17:39,573 --> 01:17:40,823
And you wear a big, scary mask.
1918
01:17:40,991 --> 01:17:41,991
Well, I'm not.
1919
01:17:42,159 --> 01:17:43,449
And you kicked me in the face.
1920
01:17:43,618 --> 01:17:45,498
Listen, I'm Batman.
1921
01:17:45,871 --> 01:17:47,581
Oof! You even sound like a bad guy.
1922
01:17:47,748 --> 01:17:49,208
I swear, I am a good guy.
1923
01:17:49,374 --> 01:17:51,134
Okay, Mr. Batman.
1924
01:17:51,293 --> 01:17:52,963
Hold still while I scan you.
1925
01:17:53,253 --> 01:17:54,923
[MIMICS BEEPING]
Scanning for badness.
1926
01:17:55,088 --> 01:17:56,088
Yes, sir?
1927
01:17:56,256 --> 01:17:58,086
- You're super nimble, right?
- I sure am!
1928
01:17:58,258 --> 01:18:00,258
And 110% expendable?
1929
01:18:00,427 --> 01:18:02,217
I don't know what that means, but okay.
1930
01:18:02,371 --> 01:18:03,531
- How'd I do, Dad?
- Mediocre.
1931
01:18:03,555 --> 01:18:05,305
- Yes!
- And don't call me Dad.
1932
01:18:05,766 --> 01:18:06,766
Sorry.
1933
01:18:08,727 --> 01:18:11,267
BATMAN: Alfred, put that kid
on the next jet to the orphanage.
1934
01:18:11,938 --> 01:18:16,188
But doesn't he deserve a chance
for someone to take him under their wing,
1935
01:18:16,568 --> 01:18:19,398
as I took you under mine?
1936
01:18:19,738 --> 01:18:21,618
Listen, you don't have a family.
1937
01:18:21,948 --> 01:18:24,448
So what do you know about
having a surrogate son?
1938
01:18:28,038 --> 01:18:29,038
BARBARA: Batman!
1939
01:18:29,873 --> 01:18:31,963
We have to stick together.
1940
01:18:32,667 --> 01:18:33,747
Please.
1941
01:18:36,046 --> 01:18:39,256
BATMAN: Joker, you mean nothing to me.
1942
01:18:41,843 --> 01:18:43,103
No one does.
1943
01:18:47,057 --> 01:18:49,937
Huh. You're not a traditional bad guy.
1944
01:18:50,769 --> 01:18:53,229
But you're not exactly a good guy, either.
1945
01:18:53,438 --> 01:18:54,638
BARBARA: Batman? ROBIN: Padre?
1946
01:18:55,023 --> 01:18:56,663
PHYLLIS: You even abandoned your friends.
1947
01:18:56,817 --> 01:18:57,857
What?
1948
01:18:58,026 --> 01:18:59,436
Go on, Scuttler. Go.
1949
01:18:59,611 --> 01:19:01,111
- Batman, no. No!
- Don't do this!
1950
01:19:01,279 --> 01:19:02,659
Abandoned? No.
1951
01:19:02,823 --> 01:19:04,413
No, I was trying to protect them.
1952
01:19:04,574 --> 01:19:06,374
PHYLLIS: By pushing them away?
1953
01:19:06,535 --> 01:19:07,735
Well, yeah.
1954
01:19:08,912 --> 01:19:11,422
Are they really
the ones you're protecting?
1955
01:19:14,626 --> 01:19:16,496
BARBARA: Computer, Batman's in danger.
1956
01:19:16,670 --> 01:19:18,550
ROBIN: Please, Computer, take us back!
1957
01:19:18,713 --> 01:19:20,913
Do you really want the man
who made you to come to harm?
1958
01:19:21,007 --> 01:19:23,137
PUTER: Batman programmed me
to obey him.
1959
01:19:23,301 --> 01:19:25,181
But he didn't say to not not rescue him.
1960
01:19:25,345 --> 01:19:26,595
What are they doing?
1961
01:19:26,763 --> 01:19:28,063
Come on, guys. Let's hustle.
1962
01:19:28,223 --> 01:19:30,433
Gotham City's not gonna blow itself up.
1963
01:19:31,435 --> 01:19:33,015
Well, hello!
1964
01:19:38,567 --> 01:19:40,737
'Puter, go to super-secret stealth mode.
1965
01:19:40,902 --> 01:19:43,822
[ROARS] [ALL SCREAMING]
1966
01:19:43,989 --> 01:19:45,739
- Hold on!
- No!
1967
01:19:45,907 --> 01:19:49,367
Evil buddies, those are my last three
painful reminders of Batman.
1968
01:19:49,536 --> 01:19:50,906
Run!
1969
01:19:51,079 --> 01:19:52,369
Come on, Alfred. This way.
1970
01:19:52,539 --> 01:19:53,789
Wait, where's Dick?
1971
01:19:53,957 --> 01:19:55,237
The little guy? He's over there.
1972
01:19:55,292 --> 01:19:57,052
PUTER: Initializing Batcave
operating system.
1973
01:19:57,076 --> 01:19:58,076
What's he doing?
1974
01:19:58,211 --> 01:19:59,711
I've gotta save my family!
1975
01:19:59,880 --> 01:20:00,880
Just think.
1976
01:20:01,047 --> 01:20:03,047
- What would Batman do?
- What?
1977
01:20:03,216 --> 01:20:06,136
I know. Not listen to anyone else.
Be mean to people.
1978
01:20:06,386 --> 01:20:08,046
Destroy as much property as possible.
1979
01:20:08,221 --> 01:20:10,221
Talk in a really low, gravelly voice.
1980
01:20:10,390 --> 01:20:11,890
And go it alone.
1981
01:20:12,058 --> 01:20:13,188
Kid, don't do that.
1982
01:20:13,393 --> 01:20:14,773
PUTER: Atomic batteries to power.
1983
01:20:14,936 --> 01:20:15,936
Turbines to speed.
1984
01:20:16,104 --> 01:20:17,114
Don't do what I would do!
1985
01:20:17,272 --> 01:20:18,752
I never even taught you how to drive!
1986
01:20:18,899 --> 01:20:20,649
Hold on a second, Brick Lady.
1987
01:20:20,817 --> 01:20:23,417
[STAMMERING] I'm so sorry.
I need to get down there and stop this.
1988
01:20:23,441 --> 01:20:25,818
I can't let you go.
My boss will be really mad at me.
1989
01:20:25,989 --> 01:20:27,549
Yeah. But I bet
your boss would be happy
1990
01:20:27,657 --> 01:20:29,857
if you were able to get
all those bad guys back in here.
1991
01:20:29,951 --> 01:20:31,241
Hmm. She sure would.
1992
01:20:31,411 --> 01:20:33,751
Then let me try.
Let me get down there and help them.
1993
01:20:33,914 --> 01:20:35,874
But haven't you tried that before?
1994
01:20:37,501 --> 01:20:38,921
BARBARA: This way, Alfred.
1995
01:20:40,420 --> 01:20:43,050
You do the same thing over and over.
1996
01:20:44,299 --> 01:20:46,929
[SCREAMING] [ROARING]
1997
01:20:47,093 --> 01:20:48,553
What's gonna change?
1998
01:20:48,720 --> 01:20:49,760
No!
1999
01:20:51,640 --> 01:20:53,480
I know what I need to do.
2000
01:20:53,642 --> 01:20:55,942
Just give me 24 hours,
and I'll come back.
2001
01:20:56,811 --> 01:20:58,271
Whoa!
2002
01:20:58,438 --> 01:21:00,318
You've gotta let me go
down there and save them.
2003
01:21:02,859 --> 01:21:03,899
I'll do whatever you want.
2004
01:21:04,027 --> 01:21:05,027
[GRUNTING]
2005
01:21:05,195 --> 01:21:07,315
- Please.
- DALEKS: Exterminate!
2006
01:21:07,489 --> 01:21:08,489
Please.
2007
01:21:08,657 --> 01:21:10,697
Okay, but I need all the bad guys
locked up in here.
2008
01:21:10,742 --> 01:21:11,952
I promise.
2009
01:21:14,454 --> 01:21:16,624
And I mean all of them.
2010
01:21:18,124 --> 01:21:19,844
One of these buttons
has to save my friends.
2011
01:21:20,460 --> 01:21:21,900
PUTER: Self-destruct mode activated.
2012
01:21:21,924 --> 01:21:22,670
Self what?
2013
01:21:22,879 --> 01:21:23,879
[ROBIN SCREAMING]
2014
01:21:24,047 --> 01:21:25,757
- Master Dick!
- No!
2015
01:21:25,924 --> 01:21:27,304
[CONTINUES SCREAMING] [ROARING]
2016
01:21:28,134 --> 01:21:29,764
Dick! [SCREAMING]
2017
01:21:29,928 --> 01:21:31,718
Look who's bat!
2018
01:21:33,348 --> 01:21:34,808
ROBIN: What?
2019
01:21:37,227 --> 01:21:38,897
[ALL GRUNTING]
2020
01:21:43,149 --> 01:21:45,649
Everyone okay? Dick, Alfred, Barbara.
2021
01:21:45,819 --> 01:21:47,819
- Are you guys...
- We're fine, Batman.
2022
01:21:50,574 --> 01:21:53,834
Listen, I just wanted to say
2023
01:21:56,663 --> 01:21:58,333
that I'm really,
2024
01:21:59,416 --> 01:22:01,666
really, really,
2025
01:22:03,295 --> 01:22:04,835
really, really, really,
2026
01:22:05,005 --> 01:22:06,335
really, really...
2027
01:22:07,507 --> 01:22:09,047
s-s-s...
2028
01:22:10,093 --> 01:22:11,343
[CLEARS THROAT]
2029
01:22:12,345 --> 01:22:15,265
Soooo...
2030
01:22:16,725 --> 01:22:17,725
Sorry?
2031
01:22:17,892 --> 01:22:19,942
Yeah. Whoo! I did it!
2032
01:22:21,396 --> 01:22:22,436
[SIGHS]
2033
01:22:23,064 --> 01:22:25,324
I don't even know why
you bothered coming back.
2034
01:22:28,194 --> 01:22:29,824
BATMAN: I was
2035
01:22:30,697 --> 01:22:31,697
afraid.
2036
01:22:32,657 --> 01:22:33,827
What?
2037
01:22:35,702 --> 01:22:37,542
The reason I came back
2038
01:22:38,204 --> 01:22:40,044
was the same reason I left you.
2039
01:22:43,043 --> 01:22:44,713
I was afraid
2040
01:22:46,171 --> 01:22:47,761
of feeling
2041
01:22:49,007 --> 01:22:51,377
the pain you feel
2042
01:22:52,886 --> 01:22:54,546
when you lose
2043
01:22:55,722 --> 01:22:58,142
someone close to you.
2044
01:23:06,024 --> 01:23:08,074
Gotham needs us.
2045
01:23:08,610 --> 01:23:11,740
So I came back to do this.
2046
01:23:12,322 --> 01:23:13,322
Flip.
2047
01:23:14,949 --> 01:23:16,789
Flip? What is that? I don't...
2048
01:23:17,160 --> 01:23:18,500
You gotta turn around.
2049
01:23:20,497 --> 01:23:23,037
I call it the Babs-Signal.
2050
01:23:23,208 --> 01:23:25,708
And I'm flipping the switch for you.
2051
01:23:25,877 --> 01:23:29,917
Because saving this city
is too big a job for one person.
2052
01:23:30,090 --> 01:23:31,590
Flip, flip.
2053
01:23:36,429 --> 01:23:38,769
So, what do you say, Commish?
2054
01:23:38,932 --> 01:23:41,562
Will you work with me?
2055
01:23:42,102 --> 01:23:43,852
I need your help.
2056
01:23:45,271 --> 01:23:47,111
I thought you'd never ask.
2057
01:23:48,608 --> 01:23:51,238
I'm very, very proud of you, sir.
2058
01:23:51,403 --> 01:23:55,573
But there's still only four of us
against Joker's entire army.
2059
01:23:55,740 --> 01:23:57,740
That's why I called in some backup.
2060
01:23:57,909 --> 01:23:59,909
Flip! Flip! Flip! Flip!
2061
01:24:01,246 --> 01:24:03,326
- Whoa!
- CLAYFACE: We saw your signal,
2062
01:24:03,540 --> 01:24:04,540
and we came to help.
2063
01:24:04,958 --> 01:24:07,588
Joker may be done with us,
but we're not done with him.
2064
01:24:07,752 --> 01:24:09,962
We will be the Joker's reckoning.
2065
01:24:10,130 --> 01:24:12,090
Joker said mean stuff to us.
2066
01:24:12,465 --> 01:24:14,085
You were right, Barbara.
2067
01:24:14,259 --> 01:24:16,969
It takes a village. Not a Batman.
2068
01:24:17,220 --> 01:24:18,510
[ALL CHEER]
2069
01:24:19,556 --> 01:24:21,466
Okay. Everybody, listen up.
2070
01:24:21,641 --> 01:24:25,311
These monsters want to destroy
Gotham City.
2071
01:24:25,478 --> 01:24:27,648
BATMAN: That's right.
We need sick new vehicles.
2072
01:24:27,814 --> 01:24:29,774
BARBARA: An arsenal of advanced weaponry.
2073
01:24:29,941 --> 01:24:32,491
Costumes that suit
our individual personalities.
2074
01:24:32,652 --> 01:24:33,652
Rip!
2075
01:24:33,820 --> 01:24:35,910
And code names
to use on our walkie-talkies.
2076
01:24:36,072 --> 01:24:37,072
Call it out!
2077
01:24:37,240 --> 01:24:38,530
Your name is Lady Bat.
2078
01:24:38,700 --> 01:24:39,900
- Lady Bat?
- BATMAN: Bat Lady.
2079
01:24:39,951 --> 01:24:42,831
- Veto! Nope. What?
- BATMAN: El Batarina. Soccer Mom... Bat?
2080
01:24:43,037 --> 01:24:44,657
How about a cool costume?
2081
01:24:44,831 --> 01:24:45,831
Nice!
2082
01:24:45,999 --> 01:24:47,379
That one's called Batgirl.
2083
01:24:47,542 --> 01:24:49,632
If you call me Batgirl,
can I call you Batboy?
2084
01:24:49,794 --> 01:24:52,304
And lastly, a coordinated attack strategy,
2085
01:24:52,464 --> 01:24:54,014
and a kick-butt theme song!
2086
01:24:54,174 --> 01:24:55,184
Robin?
2087
01:24:55,800 --> 01:24:57,470
[GASPS] My superhero code name.
2088
01:24:57,635 --> 01:24:58,885
Oh, yeah. Hit it!
2089
01:24:59,053 --> 01:25:00,053
Got it!
2090
01:25:00,221 --> 01:25:01,851
['80S POP SONG PLAYING]
2091
01:25:02,182 --> 01:25:04,432
No!
[OTHER '80S POP SONG PLAYING]
2092
01:25:05,518 --> 01:25:07,558
[GROANS] [ROBIN SONG PLAYING]
2093
01:25:07,771 --> 01:25:08,811
Absolutely not.
2094
01:25:09,022 --> 01:25:11,402
[POP MUSIC PLAYING] [GROWLING]
2095
01:25:11,816 --> 01:25:14,936
This music is filling me with rage.
2096
01:25:15,111 --> 01:25:16,491
Let's use it!
2097
01:25:17,947 --> 01:25:20,217
All right, team. I'm going to need to
know your special powers.
2098
01:25:20,241 --> 01:25:21,241
I'm a giant clay person!
2099
01:25:21,409 --> 01:25:23,169
- I'm irritating.
- I have a sack for a face.
2100
01:25:23,232 --> 01:25:24,472
I make unpredictable decisions.
2101
01:25:24,496 --> 01:25:25,496
I raise the stakes!
2102
01:25:25,663 --> 01:25:26,963
I can squirt ketchup!
2103
01:25:27,123 --> 01:25:28,543
Nice! Orca.
2104
01:25:28,708 --> 01:25:30,288
I'm a whale!
2105
01:25:30,460 --> 01:25:31,920
Oh, we got this covered!
2106
01:25:32,086 --> 01:25:33,126
Go team!
2107
01:25:34,798 --> 01:25:35,798
[ALL WHOOPING]
2108
01:25:35,965 --> 01:25:36,965
Whale, yeah!
2109
01:25:38,676 --> 01:25:40,396
[POP MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]
[ALL LAUGHING]
2110
01:25:40,420 --> 01:25:41,928
Shh. Quiet.
2111
01:25:42,096 --> 01:25:44,136
Who's laying down those funky beats?
2112
01:25:44,307 --> 01:25:46,387
ALL: We are!
CATWOMAN: Meow, meow!
2113
01:25:46,559 --> 01:25:47,889
Batman?
2114
01:25:48,061 --> 01:25:49,811
Evil army, get rid of them!
2115
01:25:50,688 --> 01:25:52,188
Team Gotham Family,
2116
01:25:52,357 --> 01:25:53,437
activate!
2117
01:25:53,608 --> 01:25:54,728
Voldy's got this.
2118
01:25:57,111 --> 01:25:58,781
VILLAINS: Here we go!
2119
01:25:59,364 --> 01:26:00,704
Yeah!
2120
01:26:02,075 --> 01:26:03,445
VOLDEMORT: Bombarda!
2121
01:26:04,160 --> 01:26:05,500
Smash! Smash! Smash!
2122
01:26:08,331 --> 01:26:11,131
- Whoa.
- Batman, take out Joker's bomb.
2123
01:26:11,292 --> 01:26:12,922
I'll get that Projector!
2124
01:26:13,086 --> 01:26:14,246
BATMAN: 10-4, Co-Go.
2125
01:26:15,463 --> 01:26:17,513
Freeze, Clayface, take this guy out!
2126
01:26:17,924 --> 01:26:19,804
Coming through!
2127
01:26:21,344 --> 01:26:22,804
[YELLS]
2128
01:26:24,264 --> 01:26:25,814
Okay, Alfred, bring the pain.
2129
01:26:25,974 --> 01:26:26,984
[TIRES SCREECHING]
2130
01:26:27,767 --> 01:26:30,767
Bringing it, sir. For Queen and country!
2131
01:26:31,354 --> 01:26:32,364
[LAUGHS]
2132
01:26:32,647 --> 01:26:34,107
You just got Union Jacked!
2133
01:26:36,776 --> 01:26:37,856
Robin, get ready.
2134
01:26:38,027 --> 01:26:39,947
I'm about to teach you
some father-and-son stuff.
2135
01:26:40,780 --> 01:26:42,120
First, driving.
2136
01:26:42,282 --> 01:26:44,122
- Put your hands at 10 and 2.
- Okay.
2137
01:26:44,284 --> 01:26:46,874
Now, fly! Turn left!
2138
01:26:47,704 --> 01:26:49,084
Run over these skeletons.
2139
01:26:49,247 --> 01:26:50,617
Now drive up the wall!
2140
01:26:52,083 --> 01:26:53,963
- Great driving.
- Thanks, Padre.
2141
01:26:55,461 --> 01:26:56,461
Yeah!
2142
01:26:57,630 --> 01:26:58,670
Okay, Robin.
2143
01:26:58,840 --> 01:27:00,970
Together, we're gonna
punch these guys so hard,
2144
01:27:01,134 --> 01:27:02,644
words describing the impact
2145
01:27:02,802 --> 01:27:05,642
are gonna spontaneously materialize
out of thin air.
2146
01:27:05,805 --> 01:27:06,885
Yeah!
2147
01:27:12,186 --> 01:27:13,516
Yes! Yes! Yes!
2148
01:27:17,275 --> 01:27:18,275
High five!
2149
01:27:18,568 --> 01:27:20,698
Stop moving around, you Muggles.
2150
01:27:20,904 --> 01:27:23,034
All right, team, let's shut him down.
2151
01:27:23,740 --> 01:27:25,780
Orca! You're up, baby!
[ORCA YELLS]
2152
01:27:26,367 --> 01:27:28,197
You wanna see a magic trick?
2153
01:27:28,369 --> 01:27:30,159
I'm gonna make you disappear.
2154
01:27:30,330 --> 01:27:33,080
- Wingardium Levio...
- Me-yoink!
2155
01:27:33,249 --> 01:27:35,169
Wingardium Levio... Shut up!
2156
01:27:35,335 --> 01:27:36,335
No!
2157
01:27:36,502 --> 01:27:38,172
Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy!
2158
01:27:38,338 --> 01:27:39,338
Fudgecake!
2159
01:27:40,173 --> 01:27:41,673
BARBARA: Whoo!
Here we go, Bat Team!
2160
01:27:41,841 --> 01:27:43,181
Batman, think fast!
2161
01:27:46,346 --> 01:27:48,056
Welcome to the Phantom Zone, bad guy!
2162
01:27:48,222 --> 01:27:49,222
Robin, go long.
2163
01:27:49,390 --> 01:27:51,270
- Nice grab.
- Yeah!
2164
01:27:53,311 --> 01:27:55,061
PHYLLIS: Oh, my gosh. Yes!
2165
01:27:55,229 --> 01:27:56,229
Here you go, Grandpa.
2166
01:27:58,274 --> 01:27:59,284
Hey, Batman!
2167
01:28:01,069 --> 01:28:02,649
[GROWLING] [GRUNTING]
2168
01:28:02,862 --> 01:28:04,782
Get off my padre!
2169
01:28:06,074 --> 01:28:07,874
It wasn't useless after all.
2170
01:28:08,034 --> 01:28:09,704
End this, Batgirl!
2171
01:28:12,246 --> 01:28:14,166
Adiós, shark.
2172
01:28:15,750 --> 01:28:17,920
Okay, BRB, guys.
I'm gonna go defuse that...
2173
01:28:31,599 --> 01:28:33,269
This is the end of Gotham City!
2174
01:28:34,560 --> 01:28:36,980
As I predicted, we're doomed!
2175
01:28:38,356 --> 01:28:40,016
We're not doomed. I got this.
2176
01:28:41,567 --> 01:28:42,817
Everyone, grab on to me.
2177
01:28:42,986 --> 01:28:44,106
Gotcha.
2178
01:28:44,278 --> 01:28:46,858
Come on, guys.
We need to hold this city together.
2179
01:28:49,367 --> 01:28:50,617
Batrope, no!
2180
01:28:50,785 --> 01:28:52,405
Everybody, run!
2181
01:28:52,578 --> 01:28:54,578
No! We have to stick together.
2182
01:28:54,747 --> 01:28:55,747
Right, Batman?
2183
01:28:55,915 --> 01:28:57,245
We need to use our heads!
2184
01:28:57,417 --> 01:28:59,057
Maybe we should build something together.
2185
01:28:59,085 --> 01:29:00,605
ALFRED: Heads.
BARBARA: Stick together.
2186
01:29:00,629 --> 01:29:02,469
ROBIN: Build something.
BARBARA: Together.
2187
01:29:02,631 --> 01:29:04,422
[ECHOING] Build.
Together. Together.
2188
01:29:04,590 --> 01:29:06,230
ROBIN:
We should build something together.
2189
01:29:07,427 --> 01:29:08,467
I got it.
2190
01:29:08,636 --> 01:29:11,556
You're right, Babs.
We need to stick together.
2191
01:29:11,723 --> 01:29:13,063
Literally.
2192
01:29:13,224 --> 01:29:14,434
Robin, quick. Give me a boost.
2193
01:29:14,600 --> 01:29:15,600
On it, Padre.
2194
01:29:15,768 --> 01:29:17,808
We're gonna stick together,
using our heads,
2195
01:29:17,979 --> 01:29:20,359
and the most powerful weapon of all.
2196
01:29:20,523 --> 01:29:22,943
Shredded abs. Let's do this.
2197
01:29:23,109 --> 01:29:24,503
CATWOMAN: Meow, meow.
ALL: Yeah, let's do this.
2198
01:29:24,527 --> 01:29:25,737
- Ready?
- Here we go.
2199
01:29:25,903 --> 01:29:26,953
You got this, Alfred?
2200
01:29:27,113 --> 01:29:28,873
Yes, sir. Abs of steel.
2201
01:29:29,032 --> 01:29:31,122
Great! Now you bend,
2202
01:29:31,284 --> 01:29:33,414
and I'll grab the other side!
2203
01:29:34,328 --> 01:29:35,368
No!
2204
01:29:35,538 --> 01:29:37,498
MAN: Batman, what's going on?
ROBIN: Are you okay?
2205
01:29:37,790 --> 01:29:39,250
CLAYFACE: I've got you.
2206
01:29:39,667 --> 01:29:40,997
[STRAINING]
2207
01:29:41,669 --> 01:29:42,669
Joker!
2208
01:29:42,837 --> 01:29:44,837
Please, help us!
2209
01:29:45,006 --> 01:29:46,626
No! I'm not gonna help you.
2210
01:29:46,799 --> 01:29:50,549
At least if this city is destroyed,
I'll die knowing
2211
01:29:50,720 --> 01:29:52,470
I'm your greatest enemy!
2212
01:29:52,638 --> 01:29:54,678
I'm gonna have to die to know it.
2213
01:29:54,849 --> 01:29:57,889
Shut up, Joker! If there's no Gotham,
2214
01:29:58,061 --> 01:30:00,191
then I'll never get to fight you again.
2215
01:30:01,314 --> 01:30:02,614
What?
2216
01:30:03,483 --> 01:30:05,903
You're the reason why I get up
at 4:00 in the afternoon
2217
01:30:06,069 --> 01:30:08,609
and pump iron
until my chest is positively sick.
2218
01:30:09,197 --> 01:30:10,487
You're the reason I've given up
2219
01:30:10,656 --> 01:30:13,826
a life spent with Russian ballerinas
and lady activewear models.
2220
01:30:14,452 --> 01:30:15,832
And if it wasn't for you,
2221
01:30:15,995 --> 01:30:19,245
I never would have learned how connected
I am with all these people.
2222
01:30:20,249 --> 01:30:21,249
And you.
2223
01:30:23,044 --> 01:30:25,554
So if you help me save Gotham,
2224
01:30:27,799 --> 01:30:29,589
you'll help me save us.
2225
01:30:30,593 --> 01:30:32,893
You just said "us."
2226
01:30:33,054 --> 01:30:37,144
Yeah. Batman and the Joker.
2227
01:30:38,976 --> 01:30:40,646
What do you say?
2228
01:30:41,479 --> 01:30:43,479
You had me at shut up.
2229
01:30:45,358 --> 01:30:46,648
How are your abs, bro?
2230
01:30:46,818 --> 01:30:50,028
Too much flab, not enough ab.
[CHUCKLES] Why?
2231
01:30:50,196 --> 01:30:51,946
Because I need you to crunch them.
2232
01:30:52,323 --> 01:30:53,743
Citizens of Gotham,
2233
01:30:53,908 --> 01:30:58,698
we need all of you to join us
and help bring this city back together.
2234
01:30:58,913 --> 01:31:00,923
[STRAINING] [ALL STRAINING]
2235
01:31:12,343 --> 01:31:13,893
[ALL CHEERING]
2236
01:31:21,853 --> 01:31:23,273
[WHOOPING]
2237
01:31:24,897 --> 01:31:27,067
I'm just gonna come right out and say it.
2238
01:31:27,233 --> 01:31:29,533
I hate you, Joker. [GASPS]
2239
01:31:29,777 --> 01:31:31,647
- I hate you, too.
- I hate you more.
2240
01:31:31,821 --> 01:31:33,571
I hate you the most.
2241
01:31:33,739 --> 01:31:35,529
I hate you forever.
2242
01:31:36,075 --> 01:31:37,115
Splendid!
2243
01:31:38,786 --> 01:31:39,946
We did it, everyone!
2244
01:31:44,750 --> 01:31:47,000
BANE: Bane is feeling warm and fuzzy.
2245
01:31:50,548 --> 01:31:51,798
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
2246
01:31:52,049 --> 01:31:53,089
ROBIN: Padre,
2247
01:31:53,926 --> 01:31:55,006
where are you going?
2248
01:31:56,137 --> 01:31:57,757
I made a promise.
2249
01:31:57,930 --> 01:31:59,850
I gotta go back to the Phantom Zone.
2250
01:32:00,892 --> 01:32:01,982
Sorry, kid.
2251
01:32:02,143 --> 01:32:04,103
Padre, please.
2252
01:32:04,270 --> 01:32:06,270
Don't call me Padre.
2253
01:32:06,772 --> 01:32:08,192
Okay.
2254
01:32:08,774 --> 01:32:09,864
Call me...
2255
01:32:13,905 --> 01:32:15,065
Dads.
2256
01:32:15,323 --> 01:32:18,993
[GASPS] My two dads are the same dad.
2257
01:32:20,077 --> 01:32:22,787
But they're both leaving.
2258
01:32:23,956 --> 01:32:25,576
It's gonna be okay, kid.
2259
01:32:27,168 --> 01:32:29,668
Sometimes, losing people is part of life.
2260
01:32:30,504 --> 01:32:33,474
But that doesn't mean
you stop letting them in.
2261
01:32:34,175 --> 01:32:37,135
Some very wise people taught me that.
2262
01:32:37,970 --> 01:32:39,470
My father figure.
2263
01:32:41,015 --> 01:32:43,515
My platonic coworker buddy,
2264
01:32:43,684 --> 01:32:46,314
who's a girl, but just a friend.
2265
01:32:47,939 --> 01:32:49,149
And you.
2266
01:32:49,941 --> 01:32:51,281
Mi hijo.
2267
01:32:51,984 --> 01:32:53,324
It's Spanish
2268
01:32:54,111 --> 01:32:55,491
for "son."
2269
01:32:57,615 --> 01:32:59,365
This is my family,
2270
01:33:00,618 --> 01:33:02,498
but it's your family, too.
2271
01:33:12,004 --> 01:33:13,514
[SNIFFLES]
2272
01:33:41,367 --> 01:33:42,737
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
2273
01:34:01,220 --> 01:34:02,220
[THUDS]
2274
01:34:05,016 --> 01:34:06,016
[GRUNTS]
2275
01:34:06,892 --> 01:34:08,142
Do you have a knife?
2276
01:34:08,311 --> 01:34:09,311
Why?
2277
01:34:09,478 --> 01:34:13,018
'Cause someone needs to cut the tension
between the two of us immediately.
2278
01:34:13,190 --> 01:34:14,190
[GROANS]
2279
01:34:14,358 --> 01:34:15,858
Okay. I deserved that.
2280
01:34:16,027 --> 01:34:17,397
- PHYLLIS: Hi.
- Wait a minute.
2281
01:34:17,570 --> 01:34:18,610
What's going on?
2282
01:34:18,779 --> 01:34:21,119
I came back, just like I said I would.
2283
01:34:21,282 --> 01:34:22,912
You know, Mr. Batman, [SIGHS]
2284
01:34:23,075 --> 01:34:25,575
When you're a talking brick,
working at the Phantom Zone,
2285
01:34:25,745 --> 01:34:28,245
you see a lot of crazy things.
2286
01:34:28,414 --> 01:34:30,584
But I've finally seen a man,
2287
01:34:30,750 --> 01:34:32,590
in order to make the world
a better place,
2288
01:34:32,752 --> 01:34:35,252
take a look at himself
and make a change.
2289
01:34:36,255 --> 01:34:37,255
Who?
2290
01:34:37,631 --> 01:34:39,551
- Superman.
- What?
2291
01:34:39,717 --> 01:34:40,967
I'm kidding. It's you.
2292
01:34:41,135 --> 01:34:42,425
[ALL CHEERING]
2293
01:34:42,595 --> 01:34:43,885
[LAUGHS]
2294
01:34:44,430 --> 01:34:46,770
Well, I guess I'll be seeing you
on the streets, Batman.
2295
01:34:46,932 --> 01:34:48,932
I guess so. Catch you later, Joker.
2296
01:34:49,101 --> 01:34:50,231
Let's go, gang.
2297
01:34:50,394 --> 01:34:51,444
[CHUCKLES] Wait a minute,
2298
01:34:51,812 --> 01:34:53,942
we're not just gonna
let these criminals go, right?
2299
01:34:54,106 --> 01:34:55,606
Ah, come on, Commish. Let's face it.
2300
01:34:55,775 --> 01:34:57,735
Those guys are no match
for the four of us.
2301
01:34:57,902 --> 01:34:59,572
We'll give them a 30-minute head start.
2302
01:34:59,737 --> 01:35:02,277
Besides, you can't fight crime
on an empty stomach.
2303
01:35:02,531 --> 01:35:04,241
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
2304
01:35:05,284 --> 01:35:06,454
Hey, Computer?
2305
01:35:06,619 --> 01:35:07,829
ALL: We're home!
2306
01:35:07,995 --> 01:35:08,995
[ECHOING]
2307
01:35:11,457 --> 01:35:12,627
PUTER: What is the password?
2308
01:35:12,792 --> 01:35:14,462
ALL: Iron Man sucks!
2309
01:35:15,795 --> 01:35:16,955
[LAUGHING]
2310
01:35:26,597 --> 01:35:29,477
When Dad and me were fighting,
I was giving them my best one-liners.
2311
01:35:30,309 --> 01:35:31,309
You
2312
01:35:33,437 --> 01:35:34,767
complete me.
2313
01:35:35,147 --> 01:35:36,607
[ALL LAUGHING]
2314
01:35:48,327 --> 01:35:51,367
Holy family photo, Batman. I love it!
2315
01:35:58,337 --> 01:35:59,507
BATMAN: White.
2316
01:35:59,672 --> 01:36:03,842
All important movies end
with a white screen.
2317
01:36:04,343 --> 01:36:06,473
And tying up loose ends.
2318
01:36:06,637 --> 01:36:08,677
We're coming for you, Gotham City!
2319
01:36:08,848 --> 01:36:10,348
BATMAN: Like this snake clowns bit.
2320
01:36:10,516 --> 01:36:12,676
BARBARA: Snake clowns?
BATMAN: Told you they were real.
2321
01:36:12,700 --> 01:36:14,910
BARBARA: Did you stick wigs onto snakes?
2322
01:36:15,020 --> 01:36:16,690
BATMAN: Maybe.
BARBARA: That is so weird.
2323
01:36:16,981 --> 01:36:18,750
ROBIN: Can I play that song
I wrote for the end credits?
2324
01:36:18,774 --> 01:36:20,494
BATMAN: That is a hard pass.
ROBIN: Come on.
2325
01:36:20,518 --> 01:36:21,109
BATMAN: No!
2326
01:36:21,318 --> 01:36:22,796
BARBARA: Let the kid play
whatever music he wants.
2327
01:36:22,820 --> 01:36:24,140
BATMAN: No, no, no!
ROBIN: Please?
2328
01:36:24,164 --> 01:36:25,164
BATMAN: No. ROBIN: Padre?
2329
01:36:25,364 --> 01:36:26,874
BATMAN: [SIGHS] Fine. 'Puter.
2330
01:36:27,450 --> 01:36:28,570
[BEEPS]
- PUTER: Okay, sir.
2331
01:36:28,617 --> 01:36:30,097
ROBIN: Yay!
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
2332
01:36:30,202 --> 01:36:32,502
PUTER: Now playing
Robin's happy, poppy music.
2333
01:36:32,663 --> 01:36:35,883
The kind that makes
parents and studio executives happy.
2334
01:36:39,378 --> 01:36:40,378
[GROANS]
2335
01:36:59,899 --> 01:37:00,899
Come on, everyone!
2336
01:37:20,294 --> 01:37:21,634
- Come on, Batman!
- No!
2337
01:38:15,391 --> 01:38:16,731
[PLAYING GUITAR SOLO]
2338
01:38:48,048 --> 01:38:51,388
BATMAN: [LAUGHING]
Wow, that was fun!
2339
01:38:51,552 --> 01:38:53,932
Really hope nobody was recording that.
2340
01:38:54,096 --> 01:38:56,676
Let me see. Oh, this thing is on.
This thing is recording.
169278
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