All language subtitles for S05E24 Madame Mystery

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:38,552 --> 00:00:40,782 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 2 00:00:41,321 --> 00:00:43,619 I'm making credit cards. 3 00:00:52,966 --> 00:00:54,866 As you can see, 4 00:00:54,968 --> 00:00:59,667 this credit card is cleverly patterned after the L5 note. 5 00:01:00,407 --> 00:01:03,968 In this way we do away with such troublesome features 6 00:01:04,144 --> 00:01:09,013 as the monthly statement or the necessity for solvency. 7 00:01:09,549 --> 00:01:13,679 Furthermore, these are good in any city in the country 8 00:01:13,754 --> 00:01:16,450 and in any business establishment. 9 00:01:17,057 --> 00:01:20,083 Provided the cashier is near-sighted. 10 00:01:20,627 --> 00:01:23,289 And now you may watch our play... 11 00:01:24,231 --> 00:01:26,290 If your credit is good. 12 00:02:05,439 --> 00:02:06,838 Can I come in? 13 00:02:07,941 --> 00:02:09,636 I'm Lois. 14 00:02:10,110 --> 00:02:12,010 I just fell in your ocean. 15 00:02:12,379 --> 00:02:13,846 I know you won't mind. 16 00:02:13,947 --> 00:02:16,040 Oh, I don't mind... 17 00:02:16,116 --> 00:02:19,711 I mean, it's not as though we couldn't find another ocean, if we had to. 18 00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:22,584 Jimmy told me you'd loan me your blanket. 19 00:02:22,656 --> 00:02:25,090 At least until we get to his place. 20 00:02:25,192 --> 00:02:28,684 He's getting some things out of the car. 21 00:02:31,131 --> 00:02:32,120 Jimmy? 22 00:02:32,299 --> 00:02:33,561 Jimmy Dolan, you mean? 23 00:02:33,633 --> 00:02:38,263 Mm-hmm. I'm just getting started in the business. 24 00:02:38,738 --> 00:02:41,832 We came from the studio together. 25 00:02:43,176 --> 00:02:44,200 I see. 26 00:02:44,945 --> 00:02:47,675 Well, you seem to have been pretty well laundered. 27 00:02:48,515 --> 00:02:50,005 I'm cold. 28 00:02:50,083 --> 00:02:53,382 Look, I own a blanket, but I think it's out on the line. 29 00:02:54,154 --> 00:02:55,451 Just a minute. 30 00:03:02,729 --> 00:03:04,720 There. How's that? Thank you. 31 00:03:06,066 --> 00:03:08,557 Stevie! Stevie, Stevie, listen, 32 00:03:08,635 --> 00:03:10,262 I gotta talk to ya. Why? 33 00:03:10,437 --> 00:03:14,373 Why? So you can shine like a glow-worm instead of a schnook, that's why. 34 00:03:14,441 --> 00:03:17,103 And maybe pick yourself up two, 300 bucks. 35 00:03:17,477 --> 00:03:18,967 How much? You heard me, man. 36 00:03:19,045 --> 00:03:22,173 Maybe I can't guarantee the three, but there's at least two bills in it for you 37 00:03:22,249 --> 00:03:23,648 if you want to wade through this. 38 00:03:23,717 --> 00:03:25,412 Another publicity job for the studio? 39 00:03:25,552 --> 00:03:27,349 My biggest and best. Well, no thanks. 40 00:03:27,420 --> 00:03:30,583 I'm halfway through my book. Oh, halfway through your miserable book. 41 00:03:30,657 --> 00:03:32,955 Three-quarters through the soles of your one pair of shoes. 42 00:03:33,026 --> 00:03:34,015 Jimmy. 43 00:03:34,327 --> 00:03:35,794 This is the literary life? 44 00:03:35,862 --> 00:03:37,124 Thirty-five minutes from Hollywood 45 00:03:37,197 --> 00:03:39,028 with all the comforts of an abandoned mineshaft. 46 00:03:39,132 --> 00:03:41,066 Jimmy? Look, Lilacs, 47 00:03:41,134 --> 00:03:43,295 go plant yourself someplace until you're ready to bloom again. 48 00:03:43,370 --> 00:03:45,634 I'm talking with a man. Can't you see that? 49 00:03:45,705 --> 00:03:51,200 Now look... Not here. My place, baby. My place. You know the way. 50 00:03:51,278 --> 00:03:54,179 Don't ya, huh? Come on. 51 00:03:55,282 --> 00:03:57,250 And don't brush your teeth with the vodka again. 52 00:03:57,317 --> 00:03:58,807 Remember what I told you last time? 53 00:03:58,885 --> 00:04:03,117 That was real sweet, Jimmy. It gets a fella here. 54 00:04:03,623 --> 00:04:06,148 Come off it. Sentiment's a waste of time. 55 00:04:06,226 --> 00:04:08,285 Can you do something for her? 56 00:04:09,896 --> 00:04:12,091 What an awful question to ask me. 57 00:04:14,935 --> 00:04:19,201 Stevie-boy, you're looking at a man who just spent four solid hours 58 00:04:19,272 --> 00:04:20,967 in the M.P.'s private office. 59 00:04:21,141 --> 00:04:24,372 In whose office? M.P., the owner, the boss of the studio. 60 00:04:24,945 --> 00:04:26,537 He listened to everything I had to say, 61 00:04:26,613 --> 00:04:27,910 and he said to me, M.P. did, he said, 62 00:04:27,981 --> 00:04:31,439 "Jimmy, this can be the biggest public relations deal 63 00:04:31,518 --> 00:04:33,452 "since the invention of the Easter Bunny." 64 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:34,748 What can be? 65 00:04:36,489 --> 00:04:39,219 The Betsy Blake thing. What do you think? Oh. 66 00:04:39,626 --> 00:04:40,991 Well, you know what happened to her, don't you? 67 00:04:41,261 --> 00:04:43,889 Well, sure. There hasn't been much else in the paper for the past week. 68 00:04:44,631 --> 00:04:46,895 She got herself killed in a speedboat accident. 69 00:04:46,967 --> 00:04:49,435 Just out beyond Catalina Harbor, wasn't it? That's right. 70 00:04:50,203 --> 00:04:52,137 Her speedboat went head-on into another speedboat, 71 00:04:52,205 --> 00:04:56,141 killing Mr. Louis Fryer, a fairly important citizen in Pasadena, and herself. 72 00:04:56,876 --> 00:04:58,343 But the most important thing is this. 73 00:05:00,747 --> 00:05:02,374 Until I had my talk with M.P. this afternoon, 74 00:05:02,449 --> 00:05:06,180 it looked like Betsy had also sunk a $6,000,000 Goliath production 75 00:05:06,252 --> 00:05:09,813 in living, breathing color, and Audacio, the newest dimension in sound. 76 00:05:10,156 --> 00:05:12,090 You mean that picture, Splendor? That's right. 77 00:05:12,292 --> 00:05:14,692 Well, it's all wrapped up. No more retakes. 78 00:05:14,761 --> 00:05:17,286 The sets have been struck, the whole thing's in a can. 79 00:05:17,430 --> 00:05:20,092 Just two days before she goes out and gets herself killed. 80 00:05:21,668 --> 00:05:23,363 Well, that's kinda tough on Betsy, I suppose, 81 00:05:23,436 --> 00:05:25,097 but how's it going to hurt the picture? 82 00:05:25,438 --> 00:05:27,906 I mean, you've had nothing but publicity for the past week. 83 00:05:28,608 --> 00:05:30,371 It could help the picture. 84 00:05:30,443 --> 00:05:34,402 Help it just great if we were going into distribution today or tomorrow. 85 00:05:34,481 --> 00:05:36,949 But the important thing is that we're all set for late autumn release, 86 00:05:37,017 --> 00:05:41,579 around Thanksgiving, to catch the holiday trade and make a bid for the awards. 87 00:05:41,655 --> 00:05:43,418 Well, that's three months away. 88 00:05:43,990 --> 00:05:45,787 By that time all the excitement's over. 89 00:05:46,126 --> 00:05:49,186 The public interest is gonna be as dead as Betsy Blake. 90 00:05:49,729 --> 00:05:52,562 By November you can change the title to Asleep In The Deep. 91 00:06:06,513 --> 00:06:09,311 She was a real dish in her day. I'll tell you that. 92 00:06:10,817 --> 00:06:12,785 What makes you think they'll forget her so soon? 93 00:06:13,687 --> 00:06:14,915 Are you kidding? 94 00:06:15,989 --> 00:06:19,550 I was raised in this business, Stevie-boy. It's in my blood. 95 00:06:20,427 --> 00:06:22,793 I've got what M.P. calls "box-office instinct." 96 00:06:22,929 --> 00:06:24,863 I can't help it. Lights go on and off inside of me. 97 00:06:24,931 --> 00:06:26,523 You know what I mean? Oh, save it, please. 98 00:06:26,599 --> 00:06:28,624 Don't start talking like a Hollywood pioneer to me. 99 00:06:28,702 --> 00:06:32,103 I happen to know you're just a fresh kid chasing a rapid dollar. 100 00:06:32,338 --> 00:06:34,306 You're 23 years old. 101 00:06:34,874 --> 00:06:36,034 How do you know? 102 00:06:36,109 --> 00:06:38,976 That time two summers ago, when the waiter wouldn't serve you a drink. 103 00:06:39,045 --> 00:06:40,740 You had to show him your driver's license. 104 00:06:40,914 --> 00:06:42,643 You were 21 at the time. 105 00:06:43,183 --> 00:06:44,480 You think you're pretty smart, don't ya? 106 00:06:44,551 --> 00:06:46,348 Well, I can add 21 and two. 107 00:06:46,453 --> 00:06:49,286 You think you're so smart that you have to sit here in this sun-kissed pig sty, 108 00:06:49,355 --> 00:06:52,415 waiting for some kid like me to bail you out of hock for a couple of hundred bucks. 109 00:06:52,492 --> 00:06:55,484 You can go now, Jimmy, and take your money with you. 110 00:06:55,562 --> 00:06:58,053 Nobody asked you to come down here. 111 00:06:59,666 --> 00:07:01,065 Can't you take a joke? 112 00:07:02,702 --> 00:07:06,399 Look, Stevie-boy, why do you think I'm here, huh? 113 00:07:06,940 --> 00:07:09,841 Because you have to grind out 90 yards of copy about Betsy Blake 114 00:07:09,909 --> 00:07:13,106 and you haven't got the writing talent of a backward high school boy. 115 00:07:13,179 --> 00:07:14,373 An equally important reason 116 00:07:14,447 --> 00:07:17,575 is that you don't want the people who pay you a big fat salary to find it out. 117 00:07:22,055 --> 00:07:23,784 Well, looks like we understand each other, right? 118 00:07:24,090 --> 00:07:25,114 I wouldn't say that, 119 00:07:25,191 --> 00:07:27,751 but we understand a few things we mightn't have understood before. 120 00:07:31,531 --> 00:07:33,158 But about Betsy Blake, 121 00:07:33,666 --> 00:07:36,191 her body wasn't recovered until this morning, was it? 122 00:07:36,269 --> 00:07:38,237 That's right. She washed up on the shore. 123 00:07:38,371 --> 00:07:39,668 The identification was positive? 124 00:07:39,739 --> 00:07:40,831 Well, sure. Well... 125 00:07:41,741 --> 00:07:44,835 Naturally, she couldn't have looked like Miss Palm Frond of 1943, 126 00:07:44,911 --> 00:07:46,936 but the authorities were satisfied. 127 00:07:47,013 --> 00:07:48,844 That's what I told M.P. this afternoon. I said, 128 00:07:48,915 --> 00:07:52,851 "That wraps it up. That makes it official. The mystery's gone." 129 00:07:52,919 --> 00:07:56,184 A month from now people won't remember whether it was Betsy Blake or Betty Boop 130 00:07:56,256 --> 00:07:58,121 that went for a ride in that speedboat. 131 00:07:58,258 --> 00:08:00,055 They won't remember unless... 132 00:08:00,727 --> 00:08:03,025 And that's when the inspiration hit me, Steve. 133 00:08:03,096 --> 00:08:04,723 What inspiration? 134 00:08:05,698 --> 00:08:10,135 I pointed to a picture hanging on the wall in M.P.'s office, and I said to him, 135 00:08:10,670 --> 00:08:12,001 "There's your solution, right there." 136 00:08:12,071 --> 00:08:16,440 And it was a picture of Mr. Rudolph Valentino. M.P. got the message. 137 00:08:16,843 --> 00:08:18,606 Well, what's Valentino got to do with it? 138 00:08:19,746 --> 00:08:21,043 Death, man. 139 00:08:21,214 --> 00:08:23,273 Death turned Rudolph Valentino into a legend. 140 00:08:23,349 --> 00:08:25,317 That's what M.P. was able to understand. 141 00:08:25,485 --> 00:08:29,148 Some smart people saw to it that Rudy had the most sensational funeral 142 00:08:29,222 --> 00:08:32,817 this country ever saw, up to, but not including, 143 00:08:32,892 --> 00:08:35,019 the burial of Miss Betsy Blake. 144 00:08:35,628 --> 00:08:37,289 What was done for the screen's greatest lover 145 00:08:37,363 --> 00:08:38,955 certainly can be done for Madame Mystery. 146 00:08:39,032 --> 00:08:40,090 Madame who? 147 00:08:40,166 --> 00:08:42,293 Madame Mystery, some name they pinned on her a few years back 148 00:08:42,368 --> 00:08:44,165 when she was... Mysterious? 149 00:08:44,237 --> 00:08:45,602 Yeah, mysterious. 150 00:08:45,839 --> 00:08:47,807 This thing that I'm about to create, Stevie-boy, 151 00:08:47,874 --> 00:08:50,240 is an ark that's gonna really be able to float. 152 00:08:51,044 --> 00:08:53,979 We're gonna bury Betsy Blake like she was Mother Machree, 153 00:08:54,047 --> 00:08:56,481 Sweet Georgia Brown, Cleopatra, 154 00:08:56,549 --> 00:08:58,016 The Sweetheart of Sigma Chi, 155 00:08:58,084 --> 00:08:59,847 Salome, all wrapped up into one. 156 00:08:59,919 --> 00:09:01,614 I'm going out, boy. I'm going way, way out. 157 00:09:01,754 --> 00:09:03,949 And it's gonna make me a big man in this town. 158 00:09:04,023 --> 00:09:05,354 I can just see it. 159 00:09:05,592 --> 00:09:07,719 Then we go into the spook department. 160 00:09:10,496 --> 00:09:12,487 You'll hear it around for a little while, 161 00:09:12,699 --> 00:09:14,894 but then you'll see the first printed rumor. 162 00:09:16,035 --> 00:09:18,265 "Is Betsy Blake Still Alive?" 163 00:09:21,374 --> 00:09:24,571 Now, how can you get away with that when she's being buried this week? 164 00:09:24,878 --> 00:09:30,282 That's the mystery angle, man. You've got no imagination. 165 00:09:31,017 --> 00:09:32,382 We know she's dead. 166 00:09:32,886 --> 00:09:35,377 We know she's gone like an old dropped lemon pie, 167 00:09:35,755 --> 00:09:38,553 but you gotta realize she's been floating around in the water for a week, 168 00:09:38,625 --> 00:09:41,253 and she didn't look like... You can skip the details. 169 00:09:41,828 --> 00:09:43,591 I keep forgetting you're sensitive. 170 00:09:44,297 --> 00:09:47,789 Meanwhile, I'm juggling a couple of other ideas for this campaign, 171 00:09:47,867 --> 00:09:50,836 The Real Betsy Blake and The Betsy Blake Nobody Knows. 172 00:09:50,904 --> 00:09:51,996 What do you think of that? 173 00:09:52,071 --> 00:09:53,299 Depends. 174 00:09:53,873 --> 00:09:57,866 I guess you can get a lot of mileage out of The Betsy Blake that Nobody Knows. 175 00:09:57,944 --> 00:09:59,241 Did you know her? 176 00:09:59,312 --> 00:10:00,336 Are you kidding? 177 00:10:00,413 --> 00:10:02,210 I handled her publicity for years. 178 00:10:02,282 --> 00:10:03,647 Oh, at your age? 179 00:10:03,750 --> 00:10:05,615 Look, will you lay off my age! 180 00:10:05,685 --> 00:10:09,246 Maybe Stalzbuck took the bows, as head of promotion, but it was me, Stevie, 181 00:10:09,322 --> 00:10:11,790 little Jimmy here, that was digging in there with that spade. 182 00:10:11,858 --> 00:10:13,120 That's what M.P. was able to understand. 183 00:10:13,192 --> 00:10:15,183 What do you think he gave me this big chance for, anyway? 184 00:10:15,261 --> 00:10:18,389 Now does that satisfy you? Look, it's no skin off my nose. 185 00:10:18,464 --> 00:10:20,728 But incidentally, how old was Betsy Blake? 186 00:10:21,534 --> 00:10:24,662 Well, let's say she was no spring chicken, 187 00:10:24,737 --> 00:10:27,035 but she kept her feathers nice and smooth. 188 00:10:27,106 --> 00:10:29,336 Seems to me she was around a pretty long time. 189 00:10:29,409 --> 00:10:31,240 Look, Stevie-boy, I've got to have a prospectus 190 00:10:31,311 --> 00:10:33,404 in M.P.'s hands by Monday morning. 191 00:10:33,479 --> 00:10:36,243 I'm counting on you, pal, to help me with the fancy prose. 192 00:10:36,316 --> 00:10:37,715 So he'll think you wrote it? 193 00:10:37,784 --> 00:10:39,115 Okay, I'll level with you. 194 00:10:39,319 --> 00:10:41,253 That 200 bucks comes out of my pocket. 195 00:10:41,321 --> 00:10:42,720 So what? So who cares? 196 00:10:42,789 --> 00:10:44,814 So it'll take you off the K-rations for a while 197 00:10:44,891 --> 00:10:47,382 and you can go back to your corny book with your stomach full. 198 00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:48,686 No. The answer is no. 199 00:10:49,862 --> 00:10:53,628 You know how I feel about razzle-dazzle promotions of this kind. 200 00:11:12,051 --> 00:11:14,076 Three hundred bucks on the table. 201 00:11:17,056 --> 00:11:20,457 One, two, three. 202 00:11:20,526 --> 00:11:22,016 Now, there could be a bonus in this for you, Stevie, 203 00:11:22,095 --> 00:11:23,357 as soon as the picture comes out. 204 00:11:23,429 --> 00:11:26,330 You might even be able to get your plumbing fixed. 205 00:11:26,399 --> 00:11:28,026 Now, what do you say? Last chance. 206 00:11:35,508 --> 00:11:37,476 Tell me some more about Betsy Blake. 207 00:11:48,121 --> 00:11:49,486 Well, look, I gotta be knocking off. 208 00:11:49,555 --> 00:11:51,420 I'll leave the tools inside there for you. 209 00:11:51,491 --> 00:11:53,891 You know it gets dark pretty early down here in November. 210 00:11:54,594 --> 00:11:57,495 You don't get lonesome down here all by yourself, do you? 211 00:11:57,730 --> 00:11:59,595 Nah, it's one of those things. 212 00:11:59,665 --> 00:12:04,466 Well, uh-oh, I forgot about Friday night. 213 00:12:04,971 --> 00:12:06,438 That must be the genius. 214 00:12:10,576 --> 00:12:13,010 I don't see no chorus line of broads down there. 215 00:12:13,079 --> 00:12:14,307 You think he's sick? 216 00:12:14,380 --> 00:12:15,642 You'll have to ask him. 217 00:12:15,982 --> 00:12:18,644 He's got a convertible out there as long as a hook and ladder. 218 00:12:19,385 --> 00:12:22,411 Public Relations Manager for Goliath Pictures, huh? 219 00:12:23,656 --> 00:12:26,124 Well, Steve, tell me something, will ya? 220 00:12:26,325 --> 00:12:29,021 How does a young punk his age hold on to a job like that? 221 00:12:29,562 --> 00:12:31,427 You think he knows where some bodies are buried? 222 00:12:31,497 --> 00:12:34,523 You got me. I'll let you know if I ever find out. 223 00:12:35,168 --> 00:12:36,760 I'll see ya. 224 00:12:37,070 --> 00:12:39,061 Alfredo, my good man, how are ya? 225 00:12:44,744 --> 00:12:45,972 What's with him? 226 00:12:46,045 --> 00:12:49,208 His daughter brought home Love Secrets From Beyond The Grave. 227 00:12:49,282 --> 00:12:51,113 You're kidding? 228 00:12:51,284 --> 00:12:54,720 Hey, you know those phony fan clubs I organized eight weeks ago? 229 00:12:54,787 --> 00:12:57,187 That I remember. Well, they ain't phony no more. 230 00:12:57,390 --> 00:13:00,291 I got 50,000 love-sick volunteers 231 00:13:00,359 --> 00:13:03,328 gazing into their tea leaves and their Betsy Blake voodoo rings. 232 00:13:03,396 --> 00:13:04,863 You think I'm kidding you? 233 00:13:04,931 --> 00:13:06,899 What about your conscience? 234 00:13:07,233 --> 00:13:08,632 My what? Oh, my conscience. 235 00:13:08,701 --> 00:13:10,191 Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell ya, 236 00:13:10,603 --> 00:13:14,061 I swapped it to the Daughters of Salvation for a bass drum. 237 00:13:15,975 --> 00:13:18,569 We open up nation-wide next week, Stevie-boy. 238 00:13:18,945 --> 00:13:21,812 No sneak previews or test patterns for my sky-rocket. 239 00:13:21,881 --> 00:13:24,714 Just solid bookings right across the nation. 240 00:13:25,251 --> 00:13:28,379 You think M.P. doesn't know who wrapped this package up? 241 00:13:28,621 --> 00:13:31,613 I've got a contract in my pocket that he gave me this afternoon. 242 00:13:32,058 --> 00:13:33,787 I don't wanna shock ya, pal. 243 00:13:34,060 --> 00:13:37,723 But the salary figures read like the roundtrip mileage to the moon. 244 00:13:38,030 --> 00:13:39,554 Congratulations. 245 00:13:42,502 --> 00:13:45,266 Love Secrets From Beyond The Grave. How do you like that? 246 00:13:45,338 --> 00:13:47,101 And Madame Mystery, no less. 247 00:13:47,173 --> 00:13:49,607 And I Was Betsy Blake's Astrologist. 248 00:13:49,675 --> 00:13:51,666 I'm telling you, it's killing me. 249 00:13:52,411 --> 00:13:55,938 The best thing that washed-out, platinum-rinsed old pelican 250 00:13:56,015 --> 00:13:59,917 ever did in her life was to ram her speedboat into that jerk from Pasadena. 251 00:13:59,986 --> 00:14:01,078 What was... Mr... 252 00:14:01,154 --> 00:14:03,588 Mr. Fryer, of Pasadena, Jimmy. 253 00:14:03,956 --> 00:14:06,447 Mr. Louis Fryer was the gentleman's name. 254 00:14:08,694 --> 00:14:11,754 I think the next episode should be the cutest one, don't you? 255 00:14:12,231 --> 00:14:14,699 The Return of Betsy Blake. 256 00:14:20,973 --> 00:14:23,203 Do you have to stare at me like that? 257 00:14:24,510 --> 00:14:26,944 It's not possible. You've got no right... 258 00:14:27,013 --> 00:14:30,312 Sure, it was thoughtless of me. I should have stayed dead. 259 00:14:30,516 --> 00:14:33,280 Old bag comes stumbling back after 90 days, 260 00:14:33,352 --> 00:14:36,685 with her hair three different colors, and a poached-egg look in each eye. 261 00:14:36,756 --> 00:14:40,283 Listen, I... Don't say any more. Just keep your mouth shut! 262 00:14:44,897 --> 00:14:48,389 You've got a kind face, dear. Stupid but compassionate. 263 00:14:49,535 --> 00:14:51,765 You got a little drink for little ol' Madame Mystery? 264 00:14:52,171 --> 00:14:53,661 There's some... 265 00:14:53,739 --> 00:14:56,367 Don't apologize to Betsy, angel-boy. 266 00:14:56,442 --> 00:14:57,739 I spotted it already. 267 00:14:57,843 --> 00:14:59,708 This all you got? I'm afraid so. 268 00:15:00,313 --> 00:15:02,281 I'm sorry to take all your vitamins, dear. 269 00:15:02,515 --> 00:15:04,881 Remind me to get you a case some day. 270 00:15:10,223 --> 00:15:12,054 That's much, much better. 271 00:15:12,124 --> 00:15:14,388 I haven't had a drink in an hour and a half. 272 00:15:15,528 --> 00:15:19,225 Well, Junior, maybe I can tell you what this is all about. 273 00:15:19,498 --> 00:15:23,195 Actually, well, the newspapers didn't have anything right, 274 00:15:23,269 --> 00:15:26,295 except Louie Fryer's name and my own. 275 00:15:26,539 --> 00:15:28,063 I had to laugh! 276 00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:30,131 Laugh someplace else. Come on, let's get... 277 00:15:30,576 --> 00:15:32,544 No, no, no, let her talk. 278 00:15:34,413 --> 00:15:36,244 You weren't in a speedboat accident? 279 00:15:36,315 --> 00:15:38,909 Oh, sure! We hit, all right. 280 00:15:39,051 --> 00:15:42,817 I went into Louie Fryer and his girlfriend like a torpedo. 281 00:15:43,256 --> 00:15:46,089 "The Blonde Torpedo," they used to call me. 282 00:15:46,158 --> 00:15:47,250 You remember that, Jim? 283 00:15:47,326 --> 00:15:49,453 Louie Fryer's girlfriend? What girlfriend? 284 00:15:49,528 --> 00:15:52,793 Well, like I was gonna tell you, see, there was this doll. 285 00:15:53,065 --> 00:15:56,501 Some floozy that he must've picked up on the beach. 286 00:15:56,569 --> 00:15:59,868 That was Louie Fryer for you, every time. 287 00:16:00,206 --> 00:16:03,607 She was blonde, and so I supposed people figured her for me. 288 00:16:04,010 --> 00:16:06,535 Especially after seven days in the water. 289 00:16:07,413 --> 00:16:08,573 Go on. 290 00:16:08,648 --> 00:16:10,946 This is gonna kill you, Junior. 291 00:16:11,017 --> 00:16:13,485 There must've been a lot of cork in the stuff I drank that day 292 00:16:13,586 --> 00:16:15,520 because I just wasn't easy to sink. 293 00:16:17,957 --> 00:16:19,652 A fishing trawler picked me up. 294 00:16:20,192 --> 00:16:22,820 An old tub out of San Diego with a new coat of paint. 295 00:16:24,497 --> 00:16:27,022 Must have looked a little bit like me, huh? 296 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,166 Well, anyway, it was on its way to Seattle. 297 00:16:30,836 --> 00:16:33,828 A Swede by the name of Eric fished me out of the channel. 298 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,505 He was sort of a blonde Humphrey Bogart with muscles. 299 00:16:38,177 --> 00:16:41,237 He mixed his own booze in an oil drum. 300 00:16:42,882 --> 00:16:44,907 We were the only ones on board. 301 00:16:45,384 --> 00:16:48,182 Best three months I had in my whole life. 302 00:16:48,454 --> 00:16:49,819 It's not possible. 303 00:16:50,022 --> 00:16:51,546 It's just not possible! 304 00:16:51,957 --> 00:16:55,484 Well, you stick to your dreams, Junior, and I'll stick to mine. 305 00:16:58,631 --> 00:17:00,929 It was a whole week before we saw the Seattle newspapers. 306 00:17:01,467 --> 00:17:05,836 Eric brought a stack onboard and laughed and I thought we'd split the deck. 307 00:17:05,905 --> 00:17:07,998 I shouldn't imitate Eric's accent, 308 00:17:08,307 --> 00:17:11,606 but when he said, "Where do we go from here?" 309 00:17:12,244 --> 00:17:14,439 I took one look at that Nordic rooster 310 00:17:14,513 --> 00:17:18,882 and said, "As far away from Goliath Studios as you can sail this tub!" 311 00:17:19,285 --> 00:17:20,274 So we took off. 312 00:17:20,886 --> 00:17:21,875 For three months? 313 00:17:22,888 --> 00:17:26,119 Why not? First vacation I've ever had in my whole life. 314 00:17:26,425 --> 00:17:29,826 Nobody around to say, "Betsy, watch the calories." 315 00:17:29,895 --> 00:17:34,855 "Betsy, lay off the grape." So what if I did gain weight? 316 00:17:35,501 --> 00:17:38,561 We'd have been gone three years if he hadn't run out of cash, 317 00:17:39,004 --> 00:17:42,599 and I plan to change that just as soon as I get to my safe deposit box. 318 00:17:44,477 --> 00:17:48,573 But there's one thing, Junior. You did a great publicity job! 319 00:17:49,849 --> 00:17:52,977 I especially enjoyed the accounts of my own funeral. 320 00:17:53,285 --> 00:17:55,219 I like the magazine articles, too. 321 00:17:55,488 --> 00:17:58,821 Love Secrets From Beyond The Grave. 322 00:17:59,024 --> 00:18:00,992 Eric liked that one, too. 323 00:18:02,628 --> 00:18:05,654 What's the matter? You don't look happy, Jim-precious. 324 00:18:06,165 --> 00:18:07,655 Should I? Now? 325 00:18:08,768 --> 00:18:10,065 Come on, I need a drink more than you do. 326 00:18:10,136 --> 00:18:13,833 Well, anybody's booze is better than no booze. 327 00:18:17,176 --> 00:18:19,701 I'll see you later, Steve, there'll be something I wanna talk to you about. 328 00:18:19,779 --> 00:18:20,768 You know what I mean? 329 00:18:29,755 --> 00:18:32,451 So? Looks like a course built for goats. 330 00:18:32,591 --> 00:18:34,889 Not a goat as old as this one, huh? 331 00:18:35,594 --> 00:18:37,027 You had to ruin it, didn't ya? 332 00:18:37,096 --> 00:18:39,564 You had to come back and hog your way into the act? 333 00:18:39,698 --> 00:18:40,995 Well I had it made. Do you hear me? 334 00:18:41,066 --> 00:18:43,500 I had it all wrapped up at Goliath. I was man of the year, 335 00:18:43,569 --> 00:18:45,935 until you come in here looking like something from Halloween. 336 00:18:46,005 --> 00:18:47,768 Thank you. Tell me more. 337 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,974 I'll tell you more, but it won't be any news to you. 338 00:18:50,042 --> 00:18:52,033 You had to come back and take your curtain call. 339 00:18:52,111 --> 00:18:54,909 And take the shine off the only success I ever made on my own. 340 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:56,411 Well, that's Betsy for you. 341 00:18:56,482 --> 00:18:58,040 Good ol' Betsy Blake. 342 00:18:58,117 --> 00:19:00,711 Well, I worked like a pig in a pit to put this promotion on. 343 00:19:00,786 --> 00:19:02,447 I went without rest for 90 days 344 00:19:02,521 --> 00:19:04,421 to turn an old crow like you into a bird of paradise. 345 00:19:04,490 --> 00:19:08,722 And, whammy, right into the tin can the old crow comes stumbling home. 346 00:19:09,128 --> 00:19:11,756 You are sweet, Jimmy. Real sweet. 347 00:19:12,465 --> 00:19:13,796 I should have remembered that. 348 00:19:13,899 --> 00:19:15,423 Well, if you don't believe me, ask M.P. 349 00:19:15,501 --> 00:19:17,765 He told me this afternoon, that when they talk about legends, 350 00:19:17,837 --> 00:19:19,930 they're not gonna talk about Valentino or Jimmy Dean, 351 00:19:20,105 --> 00:19:22,596 they're gonna say it all started with Jimmy Dolan and Betsy Blake. 352 00:19:22,975 --> 00:19:25,375 I turned your rotten picture into a guaranteed success. 353 00:19:25,444 --> 00:19:26,877 That's who did it! Me! Me! 354 00:19:26,946 --> 00:19:28,811 I made your... Took your nickelodeon talent 355 00:19:28,881 --> 00:19:31,076 and turned it into the kind of success that the public would buy... 356 00:19:31,183 --> 00:19:34,050 Listen, you couldn't have gotten into Goliath Studios with a pistol and a crowbar, 357 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:36,019 if it hadn't have been for me. 358 00:19:36,088 --> 00:19:38,454 You had the brains of a moth and the personality of a cobra 359 00:19:38,524 --> 00:19:40,754 when I went to M.P. and told him he had to give you a job. 360 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,324 What do you want me to do for you I haven't done already? 361 00:20:20,032 --> 00:20:22,057 Hey, what's the matter with you? 362 00:20:24,203 --> 00:20:25,500 Where's Betsy? 363 00:20:28,340 --> 00:20:30,467 What makes you think that old dame was Betsy Blake? 364 00:20:30,576 --> 00:20:34,376 Come on. Come off it. How many drinks did you have? 365 00:20:34,647 --> 00:20:35,636 Suppose... 366 00:20:36,549 --> 00:20:39,677 Suppose for the sake of an idea I had, suppose it wasn't her. 367 00:20:40,352 --> 00:20:42,582 Look, I've been to the movies too many times. 368 00:20:42,655 --> 00:20:44,555 Why, her voice, the way she talks... 369 00:20:50,462 --> 00:20:52,123 Where is Betsy now? 370 00:20:54,733 --> 00:20:58,829 There was an accident. It wasn't my fault. 371 00:20:59,471 --> 00:21:00,870 She was hurt? 372 00:21:03,242 --> 00:21:04,641 Is she dead? 373 00:21:09,014 --> 00:21:10,140 Well, is she? 374 00:21:10,215 --> 00:21:12,274 Steve, you've got to help me. Like I said, it wasn't my fault. 375 00:21:12,351 --> 00:21:13,579 She had it coming to her. 376 00:21:13,652 --> 00:21:14,949 Yeah, Jimmy? 377 00:21:15,154 --> 00:21:17,679 I don't mean that. What I mean... I mean, she was drunk. 378 00:21:18,090 --> 00:21:20,684 Steve, you gotta help me. She tripped and she fell. 379 00:21:21,860 --> 00:21:24,693 Why did you kill her? Why? 380 00:21:27,666 --> 00:21:30,829 The greatest publicity job in the last 20 years, 381 00:21:31,637 --> 00:21:34,834 and she turns it into a farce! 382 00:21:37,509 --> 00:21:39,443 Do you know for certain that she's dead? 383 00:21:43,882 --> 00:21:46,544 She's dead, all right. 384 00:21:51,457 --> 00:21:54,221 I tried to... I tried to drag her away from my place, 385 00:21:55,060 --> 00:21:56,584 but I couldn't. 386 00:21:56,795 --> 00:21:58,922 I heard people walking along the beach, 387 00:21:59,331 --> 00:22:01,731 and I got scared and I came here. 388 00:22:01,934 --> 00:22:04,164 Steve, you gotta help me! Please! Sure, I'll help you. 389 00:22:04,236 --> 00:22:05,601 You're such a real nice kid. 390 00:22:05,671 --> 00:22:07,502 I'll call the cops and have them come and take the body away. 391 00:22:09,541 --> 00:22:11,600 Steve, she's no good. She's a drunk. 392 00:22:11,744 --> 00:22:13,177 She's a lie. She's no good. 393 00:22:13,312 --> 00:22:17,112 I've got five grand home. $5,000 that I got as a bonus from this campaign. 394 00:22:17,216 --> 00:22:18,740 It's all yours, if you'll just help me! 395 00:22:19,618 --> 00:22:22,678 As far as anybody's concerned, Betsy Blake's been dead for three months! 396 00:22:22,888 --> 00:22:26,847 You could help me. Help me move the body and put it in the trunk of my car. 397 00:22:33,465 --> 00:22:34,989 Give me the police. 398 00:22:37,970 --> 00:22:42,373 You'd kill your own mother to be a big man at Goliath Studios, wouldn't you? 399 00:22:51,717 --> 00:22:53,048 My mother? 400 00:22:56,488 --> 00:22:58,820 That's right, Stevie, 401 00:23:00,559 --> 00:23:02,493 but how did you know that's who she was? 402 00:23:16,709 --> 00:23:19,906 So much for our ode to mother love. 403 00:23:20,245 --> 00:23:24,682 I must say, it was a pleasant change to meet Jimmy Dolan. 404 00:23:24,750 --> 00:23:28,516 Here's a boy unsullied by any Oedipus complex, 405 00:23:28,654 --> 00:23:31,384 not tied by any silver cord, 406 00:23:31,457 --> 00:23:34,756 unfettered by any sentimental claptrap. 407 00:23:35,294 --> 00:23:38,991 Just a healthy, happy, well-adjusted killer. 408 00:23:39,565 --> 00:23:41,396 It's all very refreshing. 409 00:23:41,900 --> 00:23:46,394 And now for those of you who are accustomed to enjoying television, 410 00:23:46,472 --> 00:23:50,272 here is something that is also refreshingly different. 411 00:23:50,809 --> 00:23:52,538 After which, I'll be back. 412 00:23:55,848 --> 00:23:59,750 By the way, I am no longer in the credit card business. 413 00:24:00,486 --> 00:24:02,886 Someone was flooding the country 414 00:24:02,955 --> 00:24:06,015 with exact reproductions of our cards. 415 00:24:06,692 --> 00:24:09,252 When I discovered the culprit was the government, 416 00:24:09,728 --> 00:24:12,253 I thought it best to bow out gracefully. 417 00:24:13,232 --> 00:24:14,699 As for our story, 418 00:24:14,833 --> 00:24:18,428 I must say it was a pleasant change to meet Jimmy Dolan. 419 00:24:19,037 --> 00:24:22,905 Here was a boy unsullied by any Oedipus complex, 420 00:24:23,175 --> 00:24:25,666 not tied by any silver cord, 421 00:24:25,744 --> 00:24:28,804 unfettered by any sentimental claptrap. 422 00:24:29,615 --> 00:24:32,914 Just a healthy, happy, well-adjusted killer. 423 00:24:33,652 --> 00:24:37,019 However, Jimmy subsequently had a bit of bad luck. 424 00:24:37,556 --> 00:24:43,290 He met with an accident in his home, and died as a result of a fall. 425 00:24:43,829 --> 00:24:46,229 He tripped over his grandmother while he was attempting 426 00:24:46,298 --> 00:24:48,528 to throw her down a flight of stairs. 427 00:24:49,067 --> 00:24:50,227 Very sad. 428 00:24:50,636 --> 00:24:54,902 Next time, I shall return with another story equally uplifting. 429 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,231 Until then, goodnight. 35627

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