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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,231 PATRICIA: Don't touch my boobs. 2 00:00:04,576 --> 00:00:06,070 ROB: Why not? 3 00:00:07,006 --> 00:00:07,683 PATRICIA: I don't want all that 4 00:00:07,801 --> 00:00:09,294 bacteria on my nipples. 5 00:00:10,282 --> 00:00:10,770 ROB: What? 6 00:00:12,961 --> 00:00:13,786 What bacteria? 7 00:00:15,629 --> 00:00:16,811 I don't have any bacteria. 8 00:00:18,970 --> 00:00:19,808 PATRICIA: Yes, you do. 9 00:00:20,556 --> 00:00:21,943 You touch your balls every five 10 00:00:22,062 --> 00:00:23,431 minutes, and then you touch 11 00:00:23,474 --> 00:00:25,034 your face and your phone. 12 00:00:25,765 --> 00:00:26,945 Then you touch your balls again. 13 00:00:27,588 --> 00:00:28,966 I don't want all that bacteria. 14 00:00:29,554 --> 00:00:31,105 I'm still breastfeeding the baby 15 00:00:31,223 --> 00:00:31,624 at night. 16 00:00:32,614 --> 00:00:33,459 ROB: So I can't touch your 17 00:00:33,495 --> 00:00:33,925 boobs? 18 00:00:34,511 --> 00:00:34,833 PATRICIA: No. 19 00:00:36,575 --> 00:00:37,450 ROB: Well, that sucks. 20 00:00:38,403 --> 00:00:39,831 PATRICIA: [Sighs] 21 00:00:40,845 --> 00:00:41,805 You can touch my boobs 22 00:00:41,922 --> 00:00:42,821 over my shirt. 23 00:00:44,401 --> 00:00:45,603 ROB: Yeah, but it's not the same thing. 24 00:00:46,696 --> 00:00:48,110 PATRICIA: Yeah, but it's better than nothing. 25 00:00:49,501 --> 00:00:50,536 ROB: Yeah, barely. 26 00:00:52,603 --> 00:00:53,803 Can I at least touch one of them? 27 00:00:54,644 --> 00:00:55,964 PATRICIA: [Sighs] 28 00:00:56,982 --> 00:00:57,327 OK. 29 00:00:58,749 --> 00:00:59,724 Touch the right one. 30 00:01:00,489 --> 00:01:01,434 But stay away from the nipple. 31 00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:04,726 ROB: God, so many rules. 32 00:01:06,089 --> 00:01:06,554 OK. 33 00:01:07,811 --> 00:01:09,491 - Which one? - PATRICIA: The right one. 34 00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:11,708 - ROB: The right one? This one? - PATRICIA: Mm-hmm. 35 00:01:11,827 --> 00:01:13,717 Touched the nipple. I told you not to! 36 00:01:14,180 --> 00:01:15,230 ROB: I couldn't help it, honey. 37 00:01:15,994 --> 00:01:17,052 Once you start touching, you 38 00:01:17,095 --> 00:01:19,141 just go right to the nipple. That's what everybody does. 39 00:01:19,408 --> 00:01:20,028 [Scoffs] 40 00:01:21,018 --> 00:01:21,319 [clicks tongue] 41 00:01:21,438 --> 00:01:22,953 [Baby crying] 42 00:01:23,073 --> 00:01:24,245 Well, you lost your chance. 43 00:01:24,726 --> 00:01:26,301 - No, let her cry. - No. 44 00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:29,607 No, crying is good, honey. She's got to be strong. 45 00:01:32,061 --> 00:01:32,916 Let her cry a little! 46 00:01:34,113 --> 00:01:36,828 - [Baby crying] - ROB: [Sighs] 47 00:01:37,429 --> 00:01:39,364 She's got to learn to cry. 48 00:01:40,846 --> 00:01:42,106 [Sighs] 49 00:01:46,552 --> 00:01:51,007 [Opening theme] 50 00:01:55,023 --> 00:01:55,990 _ 51 00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,257 _ 52 00:02:15,110 --> 00:02:15,530 MAN: Rob... 53 00:02:16,549 --> 00:02:18,034 - Will you sign these? - ROB: Yeah. 54 00:02:21,373 --> 00:02:22,093 What the hell is this? 55 00:02:22,212 --> 00:02:23,862 This is your movie, "Deuce Bigalow". 56 00:02:24,295 --> 00:02:25,660 It's one of my favourites of yours. 57 00:02:25,778 --> 00:02:26,558 It's a blank disc! 58 00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:27,817 No, it's on there. 59 00:02:28,145 --> 00:02:29,434 I downloaded it from the internet. 60 00:02:35,077 --> 00:02:35,949 [Sighs] 61 00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:39,045 - What's this?! - The bonus features! 62 00:02:39,303 --> 00:02:41,831 You want me to sign a bootleg "Deuce Bigalow" bonus features? 63 00:02:42,052 --> 00:02:42,904 Yeah. It's a set! 64 00:02:52,029 --> 00:02:54,069 Thanks! I can sell these for, like, two bucks. 65 00:03:01,619 --> 00:03:02,483 Christ! 66 00:03:06,306 --> 00:03:07,120 JAMIE: [On recording] Hey, it's Jamie, 67 00:03:07,136 --> 00:03:08,125 Rob Schneider's assistant. 68 00:03:08,197 --> 00:03:09,188 Please leave me a message! 69 00:03:13,616 --> 00:03:14,630 Look at that. 70 00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:20,045 Jesus! What the hell, man? 71 00:03:20,089 --> 00:03:22,417 - I'm sorry. - You do know what time I got in, right? 72 00:03:22,466 --> 00:03:23,109 I'm sorry. 73 00:03:23,229 --> 00:03:25,138 - Traffic on the 405 is nuts right now! - You're sorry? 74 00:03:25,642 --> 00:03:27,151 I've been waiting a half hour for your ass! 75 00:03:27,270 --> 00:03:28,351 I've got a lot of shit going on! 76 00:03:28,704 --> 00:03:30,196 I've got a lot of shit going on, too, 77 00:03:30,234 --> 00:03:31,444 waiting for you all day! 78 00:03:31,563 --> 00:03:32,903 I'm really sorry, man. 79 00:03:33,116 --> 00:03:34,067 What is all this shit? 80 00:03:34,186 --> 00:03:36,026 Margaret kicked me out of the house last night. 81 00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:37,081 I don't blame her! 82 00:03:37,119 --> 00:03:38,982 She thought I was hitting on some girl at Whole Foods. 83 00:03:39,276 --> 00:03:40,515 - Were you? - No! 84 00:03:41,665 --> 00:03:42,433 I mean, she was hot... 85 00:03:46,468 --> 00:03:48,572 - Where the fuck am I going to sit? - I'll make room. 86 00:03:50,894 --> 00:03:52,229 You can't be serious with this! 87 00:03:52,347 --> 00:03:53,227 I'm sorry, man. 88 00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:55,728 It's been a terrible, terrible day. 89 00:03:55,845 --> 00:03:58,318 - I just... - Are you fucking kidding me? 90 00:03:58,436 --> 00:03:59,001 I'm sorry! 91 00:04:00,277 --> 00:04:02,187 The airbag is going to blow my fucking head off! 92 00:04:02,918 --> 00:04:04,323 I have a 40-year-old assistant. 93 00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,264 Now, he's a great guy, but two things: 94 00:04:06,515 --> 00:04:08,641 never hire a 40-year-old assistant 95 00:04:08,997 --> 00:04:10,006 and never hire your friend 96 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,453 especially a friend that doesn't know jack shit about computers... 97 00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:16,372 especially when you don't know jack shit about computers! 98 00:04:27,068 --> 00:04:29,146 Get me out of this piece of shit! 99 00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:32,049 - God! Fur in my face... - I've got your bag. 100 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,394 Do you have to drive with your whole record collection? 101 00:04:36,461 --> 00:04:37,061 [Sighs] 102 00:04:37,416 --> 00:04:38,581 Did you update my Twitter account? 103 00:04:38,807 --> 00:04:39,804 I've got a guy on it. 104 00:04:39,923 --> 00:04:42,158 - Then what do I need you for? - I'm the one that got the guy. 105 00:04:42,504 --> 00:04:44,221 - Did you book my flight to Portland? - It's done. 106 00:04:44,990 --> 00:04:46,708 - Almost. - Almost? 107 00:04:47,065 --> 00:04:49,347 It's either done or it's not done. It's not "almost" done. 108 00:04:49,465 --> 00:04:51,016 Relax, man! I am on it! 109 00:04:51,891 --> 00:04:53,584 - When do you leave, again? - Friday! 110 00:05:00,324 --> 00:05:01,621 Is that that fucking stalker guy? 111 00:05:01,740 --> 00:05:02,185 Yeah. 112 00:05:02,304 --> 00:05:04,578 He always knows exactly when you're going to be home. 113 00:05:04,696 --> 00:05:06,702 He knows your schedule better than I do. 114 00:05:09,289 --> 00:05:10,118 What a psycho! 115 00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:11,847 My wife's Mexican. 116 00:05:12,485 --> 00:05:14,851 She's not, like, jump-out-at-you Mexican, you know what I mean? 117 00:05:14,969 --> 00:05:16,737 I'm not saying, like, Mexicans jump out at you, 118 00:05:16,857 --> 00:05:20,339 but, you know, there is some occasional jumping, you know what I mean? 119 00:05:25,251 --> 00:05:27,711 I'm Patricia, Rob Schneider's wife. 120 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,363 Rob and I have an 11-month-old baby girl. 121 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,107 I don't have a nanny right now. 122 00:05:32,545 --> 00:05:34,111 She got injured walking the dog. 123 00:05:34,981 --> 00:05:36,874 NANNY: [Unintelligible] 124 00:05:37,151 --> 00:05:39,457 I'm not working right now, and I get bored easily, 125 00:05:39,685 --> 00:05:42,059 so I need to be doing lots of different things. 126 00:05:46,624 --> 00:05:47,642 What the hell is that? 127 00:05:48,312 --> 00:05:49,445 It's an exercise pole. 128 00:05:50,528 --> 00:05:52,411 I thought they were called "dirty stripper poles". 129 00:05:52,529 --> 00:05:54,158 Shh! Don't wake up Miranda. 130 00:05:55,548 --> 00:05:56,816 This is the perfect room for it. 131 00:05:57,144 --> 00:06:00,641 I can work out and watch Miranda at the same time. 132 00:06:01,299 --> 00:06:03,115 Yeah, but these things are dangerous. 133 00:06:03,234 --> 00:06:04,545 I think we should get rid of it. 134 00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:07,041 No. I'm not getting rid of this pole. 135 00:06:08,349 --> 00:06:11,500 I think this is sending the wrong message to the baby. 136 00:06:12,262 --> 00:06:13,731 Of course it's the right message. 137 00:06:13,951 --> 00:06:15,239 She's going to learn how to work out. 138 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,566 What am I supposed to do now? Pay 20 dollars? 139 00:06:21,684 --> 00:06:23,711 You already spent 1,200 dollars on this... 140 00:06:24,115 --> 00:06:25,152 without installation. 141 00:06:28,056 --> 00:06:29,036 [Whispering] I love you! 142 00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:33,548 I got rid of the pole because I didn't think it was 143 00:06:33,565 --> 00:06:34,993 sending the right message. 144 00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:37,081 Ugh. 145 00:06:39,824 --> 00:06:40,830 She's super-cute, though. 146 00:06:40,883 --> 00:06:42,743 She's the cutest when she said "ah-thung"? 147 00:06:43,037 --> 00:06:44,229 PATRICIA: I know! [Both laugh] 148 00:06:46,481 --> 00:06:47,257 Oh... 149 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:48,586 Shit. Sorry. 150 00:06:52,097 --> 00:06:52,712 Wait. What... 151 00:06:53,245 --> 00:06:54,351 You're not going to eat that, right? 152 00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,871 It didn't fall on the floor. It fell on my shoe. 153 00:06:57,385 --> 00:06:57,946 My shoe is clean. 154 00:06:59,242 --> 00:07:00,210 That's disgusting. 155 00:07:01,062 --> 00:07:04,026 If you eat that, I swear you're sleeping on the couch tonight. 156 00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:06,070 Yeah. 157 00:07:09,966 --> 00:07:11,764 What? What's the matter? 158 00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:14,213 It's called "shoe-shi"! 159 00:07:18,209 --> 00:07:19,746 You know, women are so easily grossed out. 160 00:07:19,788 --> 00:07:20,956 She's like "I found a hair! 161 00:07:21,154 --> 00:07:22,384 It's a hair! Disgusting!" 162 00:07:22,636 --> 00:07:24,765 And I said, "Well, take it out. It's not a finger, it's a hair. 163 00:07:24,882 --> 00:07:25,669 Just, you know..." 164 00:07:26,181 --> 00:07:27,934 "No, I don't want to eat anymore. I don't want to eat it. 165 00:07:27,979 --> 00:07:29,116 Now I'm disgusted. I'm not hungry. 166 00:07:29,152 --> 00:07:30,113 I don't want to eat anymore." 167 00:07:31,737 --> 00:07:32,867 You know, it's like guys 168 00:07:33,318 --> 00:07:34,255 don't understand that at all. 169 00:07:34,439 --> 00:07:37,636 You know, when it comes to food, guys work around the problem. 170 00:07:38,735 --> 00:07:40,234 For a guy not to eat his food 171 00:07:40,284 --> 00:07:41,644 would take more than a hair. 172 00:07:42,434 --> 00:07:43,533 For a guy not to eat his food 173 00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:45,015 would take multiple hairs 174 00:07:45,335 --> 00:07:47,892 attached to a pair of balls, you know? 175 00:07:51,884 --> 00:07:52,844 Then a guy's going to go, "How 176 00:07:52,884 --> 00:07:55,041 far away are those balls from the food source? 177 00:07:56,515 --> 00:07:57,480 If I wore a visor, 178 00:07:57,536 --> 00:08:00,374 I could probably sneak up on one of those things and..." 179 00:08:02,948 --> 00:08:05,813 Rob makes me buy all sorts of weird shit! 180 00:08:06,294 --> 00:08:07,745 He's got me driving all over town, 181 00:08:07,786 --> 00:08:09,974 going to all these different farmers' markets, 182 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:12,006 it's got to be all organic. 183 00:08:12,885 --> 00:08:14,314 And I try to get all organic, 184 00:08:14,681 --> 00:08:15,345 but sometimes... 185 00:08:15,373 --> 00:08:16,728 like, if I'm fighting with my girlfriend 186 00:08:17,217 --> 00:08:18,190 I just go wherever. 187 00:08:21,896 --> 00:08:24,516 Hey, buddy. Can I get 20 dollars on pump number 8? 188 00:08:25,540 --> 00:08:26,952 And can I get five of those apples? 189 00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:28,048 CLERK: Sure. 190 00:08:28,310 --> 00:08:29,466 JAMIE: They're right beneath the condoms. 191 00:08:35,994 --> 00:08:37,238 This apple tastes like shit! 192 00:08:38,406 --> 00:08:39,626 There's no way this is organic! 193 00:08:39,904 --> 00:08:41,635 Are you sure? Jamie just bought those. 194 00:08:43,861 --> 00:08:44,810 It tastes like motor oil. 195 00:08:47,079 --> 00:08:47,972 We've got to get rid of Jamie. 196 00:08:48,450 --> 00:08:49,096 Why? 197 00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:50,864 I just don't think he really does anything. 198 00:08:51,284 --> 00:08:53,725 You've been saying that for the last five years. 199 00:08:53,946 --> 00:08:55,249 Well, this time, I really mean it. 200 00:08:55,781 --> 00:08:56,235 Hey... 201 00:08:57,438 --> 00:08:59,663 I finally figured out something that I can do 202 00:09:00,044 --> 00:09:01,216 that could be a really good business. 203 00:09:01,263 --> 00:09:03,272 I'm so excited to tell you all about it. 204 00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:04,555 That's great, honey! 205 00:09:04,784 --> 00:09:05,733 I want to hear all about it. 206 00:09:05,794 --> 00:09:07,302 First, I have to make five phone calls. 207 00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:08,584 I think it's a great idea. 208 00:09:08,620 --> 00:09:09,979 It might make us some good money. 209 00:09:10,405 --> 00:09:10,769 ROB: Mm-hmm. 210 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:12,704 That way, you don't have to be on the road so much. 211 00:09:13,786 --> 00:09:15,285 Honey, you know I love you. 212 00:09:15,752 --> 00:09:17,073 What makes you happy makes me happy, 213 00:09:17,378 --> 00:09:18,948 and I want that for you, OK? 214 00:09:19,571 --> 00:09:20,017 OK. 215 00:09:20,136 --> 00:09:21,260 - Whatever it is. - PATRICIA: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 216 00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:22,574 I want you to be... Oops! It's my agent. 217 00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:23,769 - [Baby crying] - PATRICIA: OK. 218 00:09:23,889 --> 00:09:25,351 - Oh! She's awake. - ROB: Hey, Andy. What's up? 219 00:09:26,701 --> 00:09:28,717 ANDY: The club in Portland needs to know your flight information. 220 00:09:29,031 --> 00:09:30,313 Well, Jamie was supposed to send it to them. 221 00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:31,880 Well, they don't have it yet! 222 00:09:32,298 --> 00:09:33,701 PATRICIA: Honey, I need your help in here. 223 00:09:33,820 --> 00:09:35,129 [Sighs] I'll be right there, baby! 224 00:09:35,778 --> 00:09:37,367 Right. They need it as soon as possible! 225 00:09:37,723 --> 00:09:39,684 Yeah. I will call Jamie right now 226 00:09:39,802 --> 00:09:41,060 and I will make sure that they get it. 227 00:09:41,407 --> 00:09:42,102 OK. 228 00:09:42,841 --> 00:09:43,658 I've got to go. 229 00:09:48,673 --> 00:09:50,231 Honey, that crazy stalker guy! 230 00:09:50,937 --> 00:09:52,858 That weird stalker guy is staring into the back yard! 231 00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:55,094 What's going on? 232 00:09:55,124 --> 00:09:57,061 I was going to get your suit for the book signing, 233 00:09:57,134 --> 00:09:59,023 but the battery for the closet lock died. 234 00:09:59,893 --> 00:10:02,595 I told Jamie to change the battery in the closet lock a week ago! 235 00:10:02,713 --> 00:10:03,550 Well, he never did it, 236 00:10:03,670 --> 00:10:05,603 and now my clothes are trapped in there, too. 237 00:10:05,722 --> 00:10:06,430 That's it. 238 00:10:08,714 --> 00:10:09,721 Call "Dipshit". 239 00:10:11,363 --> 00:10:12,251 PHONE: Calling "Dipshit". 240 00:10:12,517 --> 00:10:14,910 JAMIE: Margaret, you know I love you and you're the hottest! 241 00:10:15,127 --> 00:10:15,625 Listen to me. 242 00:10:15,744 --> 00:10:16,659 I've got to take this call. 243 00:10:17,166 --> 00:10:19,329 I've got to grab... No, it's not the girl from Whole Foods! 244 00:10:19,447 --> 00:10:20,404 It's my boss! 245 00:10:20,669 --> 00:10:21,915 Hold on. I've got... Hold on. 246 00:10:23,061 --> 00:10:24,167 Hey, Rob. What's going on, man? 247 00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:24,944 Where are you?! 248 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:26,040 Walking the dog! 249 00:10:26,258 --> 00:10:27,065 For three hours? 250 00:10:27,318 --> 00:10:29,160 Dude, I have not been gone for three hours. 251 00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:31,576 Even if I was, it's 'cause I'm out there doing stuff for you. 252 00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:32,455 I asked you to get 253 00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:34,160 batteries for the closet lock a week ago. 254 00:10:34,190 --> 00:10:35,688 Now I need to get in there, and it's locked! 255 00:10:35,957 --> 00:10:36,717 I called the guy! 256 00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:38,028 If you don't believe me, you can check my phone. 257 00:10:38,236 --> 00:10:39,978 You don't need a guy to get batteries! 258 00:10:40,048 --> 00:10:41,747 You just go to CVS and you get the batteries! 259 00:10:42,026 --> 00:10:42,771 What kind of assistant 260 00:10:42,795 --> 00:10:44,076 doesn't know how to change some batteries? 261 00:10:44,546 --> 00:10:45,522 I won't use him next time. 262 00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:46,772 I won't use you next time! 263 00:10:46,891 --> 00:10:47,957 I can't take this anymore! 264 00:10:48,333 --> 00:10:49,080 I'm sorry, man. 265 00:10:49,118 --> 00:10:50,441 I've been a mess since this breakup 266 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,567 and I don't even know what's happening with us right now. 267 00:10:52,582 --> 00:10:53,833 I'm tired of your excuses. 268 00:10:54,018 --> 00:10:55,445 I'm tired of you trying to find guys 269 00:10:55,563 --> 00:10:56,824 to do stuff that you should be doing. 270 00:10:57,013 --> 00:10:57,563 No, you're right. 271 00:10:57,684 --> 00:10:58,759 I should be doing some of that stuff. 272 00:10:58,877 --> 00:11:00,367 Some of it? You should be doing all of it! 273 00:11:00,749 --> 00:11:02,668 Do you even know where I'm supposed to be in 45 minutes? 274 00:11:02,786 --> 00:11:03,224 You know what? 275 00:11:03,258 --> 00:11:04,437 I've got to charge my phone in the car 276 00:11:04,493 --> 00:11:05,233 and I'll call you right back. 277 00:11:05,270 --> 00:11:06,257 I'm really low on battery. 278 00:11:06,277 --> 00:11:07,028 Of course you are! 279 00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:08,867 Maybe you should get some guy to charge it for you. 280 00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:11,065 It's dying! Oh! Oh no! 281 00:11:11,651 --> 00:11:12,352 Hey, baby. 282 00:11:12,995 --> 00:11:14,119 I'm sorry we're fighting. 283 00:11:14,310 --> 00:11:15,131 His phone just died. 284 00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:16,819 I can't even fire the idiot! 285 00:11:18,158 --> 00:11:18,915 We've got to break in there. 286 00:11:19,663 --> 00:11:20,126 OK. 287 00:11:21,518 --> 00:11:22,672 Well, you can probably do it. 288 00:11:22,790 --> 00:11:23,570 Oh... 289 00:11:24,111 --> 00:11:24,781 What do you mean? 290 00:11:25,687 --> 00:11:26,811 Like, you might be able 291 00:11:26,863 --> 00:11:27,862 to get in there, because you 292 00:11:27,897 --> 00:11:29,688 have a... your nationality 293 00:11:29,806 --> 00:11:32,149 has a strength in, um, 294 00:11:33,533 --> 00:11:34,705 [Spanish] Como Se dice 295 00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:37,510 "unlocking things that are locked"? 296 00:11:37,627 --> 00:11:39,228 PATRICIA: Oh... [Chuckles] 297 00:11:40,958 --> 00:11:42,010 Miranda, did you hear that? 298 00:11:42,774 --> 00:11:43,954 Daddy thinks, because Mommy is 299 00:11:43,992 --> 00:11:46,127 Mexican, she should be able to break into things, 300 00:11:46,423 --> 00:11:49,288 like all Mexicans are good at breaking into places. 301 00:11:49,828 --> 00:11:50,378 Is that it? 302 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:51,485 I don't mean that. 303 00:11:51,532 --> 00:11:52,664 I didn't... I never... Miranda, 304 00:11:52,718 --> 00:11:53,616 I didn't mean that at all. 305 00:11:53,662 --> 00:11:55,195 I just... Can you? 306 00:11:56,714 --> 00:11:57,249 Voil�. 307 00:11:57,878 --> 00:11:58,509 Gracias. 308 00:11:58,629 --> 00:11:59,612 Don't hold this against me. 309 00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:00,725 OK. 310 00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:03,527 Can you take me? 311 00:12:03,749 --> 00:12:04,214 I can't. 312 00:12:04,385 --> 00:12:05,488 I'm teaching a Zumba class. 313 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:06,611 Is that important? 314 00:12:07,082 --> 00:12:07,496 What do you mean? 315 00:12:08,290 --> 00:12:09,928 I mean it's very important and you shouldn't miss it. 316 00:12:10,541 --> 00:12:12,525 And then, later, I have auditions here 317 00:12:12,556 --> 00:12:13,568 at the house, if that's OK. 318 00:12:14,186 --> 00:12:15,150 Of course it is. 319 00:12:15,420 --> 00:12:16,137 How are you going to get there? 320 00:12:16,980 --> 00:12:18,749 That moron Jamie has my car! 321 00:12:19,385 --> 00:12:21,058 I don't even know the address of where I'm supposed to go! 322 00:12:21,947 --> 00:12:23,604 Wait. Who can I find at the last minute 323 00:12:23,724 --> 00:12:25,647 that knows my exact schedule and can take me there? 324 00:12:30,405 --> 00:12:32,802 I've got to be there by 4:30. Thanks for driving me. 325 00:12:33,221 --> 00:12:35,166 STALKER: You're actually supposed to be there at 4:15. 326 00:12:35,285 --> 00:12:37,111 The signing starts at 4:30. 327 00:12:37,699 --> 00:12:39,162 Damn! I forgot to get something to eat. 328 00:12:39,518 --> 00:12:40,032 Here. 329 00:12:40,909 --> 00:12:42,590 This is your organic juice from Erewhon. 330 00:12:43,646 --> 00:12:44,486 Thanks, man. 331 00:12:50,977 --> 00:12:52,207 It's got an extra shot of ginger! 332 00:12:52,609 --> 00:12:53,668 I followed you down there, 333 00:12:53,963 --> 00:12:56,686 and I asked the juice guy exactly what's in there. 334 00:12:57,352 --> 00:12:59,375 [Chuckles] He told me everything! 335 00:12:59,778 --> 00:13:00,618 That's creepy... 336 00:13:01,505 --> 00:13:02,859 in an awesome way. 337 00:13:02,978 --> 00:13:04,135 This is what I do. 338 00:13:11,975 --> 00:13:15,181 _ 339 00:13:17,343 --> 00:13:19,631 I don't have a pen. Where's a pen? 340 00:13:19,893 --> 00:13:21,294 What kind of Sharpie would you need? 341 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,391 Oh, thanks. I guess a silver. 342 00:13:24,736 --> 00:13:25,981 Mm... I would go with the black 343 00:13:26,099 --> 00:13:28,330 because it goes so much better with the cover design. 344 00:13:28,748 --> 00:13:29,464 Wow. 345 00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,310 This guy's good, huh? [Chuckles] 346 00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:37,119 "You can do it." [Chuckles] 347 00:13:37,722 --> 00:13:40,461 Alright. See you. [Chuckles] 348 00:13:42,884 --> 00:13:44,503 - Ah. - MAN: Excuse me, Mr. Schneider. 349 00:13:44,621 --> 00:13:45,623 - Yeah? - Do you mind if my wife 350 00:13:45,743 --> 00:13:46,674 takes a quick photo with you? 351 00:13:46,972 --> 00:13:47,808 Sure, no problem. 352 00:13:47,926 --> 00:13:49,227 - Just take the flash off, OK? - Yeah, yeah. 353 00:13:49,625 --> 00:13:50,182 Alright. 354 00:13:51,427 --> 00:13:51,944 Flash off? 355 00:13:52,804 --> 00:13:54,996 Ah. You fucked me on that, didn't you? OK. 356 00:13:55,114 --> 00:13:55,980 Thanks a lot. 357 00:13:56,835 --> 00:13:57,204 Prick. 358 00:13:57,791 --> 00:13:59,464 Hi. What's your name? 359 00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:00,300 Cheryl. 360 00:14:00,418 --> 00:14:03,735 - Cheryl. Is that with a "Cherrrryl"? - [Woman chuckles] 361 00:14:04,599 --> 00:14:06,471 - Alright. There you go. - Thank you. 362 00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:07,805 OK. Thanks now. 363 00:14:08,253 --> 00:14:08,900 You can do it. 364 00:14:09,198 --> 00:14:11,011 Hi. And what's your n... 365 00:14:11,130 --> 00:14:12,464 Where's my phone? 366 00:14:12,670 --> 00:14:13,268 STALKER: Here's your phone. 367 00:14:13,705 --> 00:14:14,701 I charged it for you in my car. 368 00:14:15,277 --> 00:14:16,382 - You did? - Yeah. 369 00:14:16,859 --> 00:14:17,507 Wow. 370 00:14:19,796 --> 00:14:20,832 [Chuckles] And your name? 371 00:14:21,050 --> 00:14:21,718 Stefanie. 372 00:14:22,384 --> 00:14:24,197 - Is that with a "ph" or...? - F. 373 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:25,768 F? Oh. 374 00:14:26,383 --> 00:14:27,349 Sorry, too late. 375 00:14:29,089 --> 00:14:30,494 I already did it. [Chuckles] 376 00:14:31,005 --> 00:14:33,217 - Thank you. - You can do it. Thanks. 377 00:14:33,861 --> 00:14:35,515 A busload of handicapped people just arrived. 378 00:14:35,634 --> 00:14:36,501 I've got to get you out of here. 379 00:14:36,621 --> 00:14:38,195 You're right. They take forever! 380 00:14:45,146 --> 00:14:46,560 Can't thank you enough, buddy. 381 00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:48,724 You're, like, a million times better than my assistant. 382 00:14:49,072 --> 00:14:49,659 Thank you. 383 00:14:50,102 --> 00:14:51,218 Hey, where did you get this car, anyway? 384 00:14:51,993 --> 00:14:53,188 My grandmother gave it to me. 385 00:14:53,307 --> 00:14:55,010 - ROB: Yeah? - This is a precious baby. 386 00:14:55,337 --> 00:14:56,442 She practically raised me, 387 00:14:56,481 --> 00:14:58,202 because, see, my mother, she 388 00:14:58,229 --> 00:15:00,065 wasn't really capable of being 389 00:15:00,096 --> 00:15:01,913 there when we wanted her to, because she... 390 00:15:01,977 --> 00:15:02,621 Alright, buddy. 391 00:15:02,811 --> 00:15:03,895 Hey, thanks a lot, huh? 392 00:15:04,372 --> 00:15:05,711 You're a good man. Take care. 393 00:15:09,460 --> 00:15:11,998 Hey... what are you doing tomorrow around 3:30? 394 00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:14,421 Picking you up for your meeting at Fox Studios 395 00:15:14,477 --> 00:15:16,581 with the head of the television department, Mr. Jeff Goldwyn. 396 00:15:17,204 --> 00:15:18,632 [Laughs] Alright. 397 00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:19,835 We'll see you then, huh? 398 00:15:21,184 --> 00:15:22,071 Sorry. What's going on here? 399 00:15:22,531 --> 00:15:23,326 Oh, I... I... 400 00:15:23,691 --> 00:15:24,869 - No, no, no... Not so... - ROB: [Muttering] 401 00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:25,787 Hard, not so hard. 402 00:15:25,970 --> 00:15:26,493 Softer. 403 00:15:26,611 --> 00:15:27,773 Oh, no, no, no, no, no... 404 00:15:28,339 --> 00:15:29,544 - Rob, Rob, Rob, no, no, no, no... - ROB: How's that? 405 00:15:29,848 --> 00:15:30,677 - STALKER: Rob... - I got it. 406 00:15:30,919 --> 00:15:32,405 - STALKER: Please! No! - There you go. 407 00:15:32,823 --> 00:15:33,467 No, no, no, no! 408 00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:34,300 - I'm sorry. - Please! 409 00:15:34,943 --> 00:15:35,797 That's not how you fix it. 410 00:15:35,917 --> 00:15:37,321 - There you go. - No! No, Rob... 411 00:15:39,975 --> 00:15:43,239 OK. I'll see you tomorrow, huh? Thanks, man. 412 00:15:44,904 --> 00:15:45,350 [Sobs] 413 00:15:47,443 --> 00:15:48,897 Hey, honey. You're not going to believe this. 414 00:15:49,204 --> 00:15:50,559 That stalker guy is amazing. 415 00:15:51,086 --> 00:15:52,869 I think I'm going to hire him as my new assistant. 416 00:15:52,987 --> 00:15:53,983 - MAN: What's up? - Hey. How are you doing? 417 00:15:55,798 --> 00:15:56,624 What the fuck? 418 00:15:58,397 --> 00:15:59,960 What are all these naked guys doing in here? 419 00:16:00,077 --> 00:16:01,808 That's what I was trying to tell you. 420 00:16:02,041 --> 00:16:03,236 This is my new idea. 421 00:16:03,355 --> 00:16:04,132 What's your new idea? 422 00:16:04,173 --> 00:16:06,004 Throwing a surprise party for Anderson Cooper? 423 00:16:06,122 --> 00:16:09,176 No. I'm putting on a male cabaret show 424 00:16:09,294 --> 00:16:11,230 like Crazy Horse in Paris, but, 425 00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:13,150 instead of naked women, naked men. 426 00:16:13,753 --> 00:16:14,769 This is the casting. 427 00:16:15,425 --> 00:16:17,362 These guys can really dance. 428 00:16:17,481 --> 00:16:18,661 Yeah, I'm glad they can really dance, 429 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:19,897 but can they really put on a shirt? 430 00:16:20,306 --> 00:16:21,290 Do they have to have their dicks 431 00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:22,284 waving in front of the baby? 432 00:16:22,916 --> 00:16:23,722 Where is the baby? 433 00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:25,235 Hey, give me that! 434 00:16:26,206 --> 00:16:26,826 BABY: Whoa! 435 00:16:27,149 --> 00:16:29,386 Honey, don't they already have these shows? 436 00:16:29,453 --> 00:16:31,705 Yeah. I've been to a bunch of male strip shows. 437 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:32,550 They all suck. 438 00:16:32,668 --> 00:16:33,333 Well, that's interesting. 439 00:16:33,354 --> 00:16:34,965 You went to a bunch of them, they all sucked, 440 00:16:35,023 --> 00:16:36,194 and yet you continued to go. 441 00:16:36,783 --> 00:16:38,123 I was doing research. 442 00:16:38,443 --> 00:16:39,246 You hear that, Miranda? 443 00:16:39,318 --> 00:16:41,026 Mommy's doing research at male strip clubs. 444 00:16:41,226 --> 00:16:42,770 Now she wants to own her own male strip club. 445 00:16:42,890 --> 00:16:45,333 No, that's not what this is at all. 446 00:16:45,926 --> 00:16:47,093 OK, guys, you can take five. 447 00:16:49,658 --> 00:16:51,296 I want to put on a great show. 448 00:16:51,949 --> 00:16:54,309 Women spend money like crazy on those kind of shows, 449 00:16:54,427 --> 00:16:55,717 and those are not even good. 450 00:16:56,250 --> 00:16:57,820 I'm going to make something special 451 00:16:58,106 --> 00:17:00,317 something from a female perspective. 452 00:17:01,007 --> 00:17:04,483 Honey, when we met, I was a TV producer in Mexico. 453 00:17:04,998 --> 00:17:08,721 I didn't give up my career and my life just to move here to the States with you. 454 00:17:09,213 --> 00:17:09,716 You didn't? 455 00:17:10,098 --> 00:17:10,561 No. 456 00:17:11,127 --> 00:17:11,791 Well, that sucks. 457 00:17:12,052 --> 00:17:13,784 I need to do something for myself. 458 00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:15,820 I can't be just a desperate housewife. 459 00:17:16,106 --> 00:17:16,905 ROB: Well, just tell me the truth. 460 00:17:17,415 --> 00:17:18,342 You want to do this show, but 461 00:17:18,381 --> 00:17:20,403 you also wouldn't mind being surrounded by a bunch of 462 00:17:20,676 --> 00:17:22,410 half-naked, hunky guys. 463 00:17:22,529 --> 00:17:23,176 No. 464 00:17:23,438 --> 00:17:25,057 I just think this is a good opportunity 465 00:17:25,116 --> 00:17:26,560 to have a good family business. 466 00:17:26,632 --> 00:17:28,165 Just admit that you like the idea 467 00:17:28,210 --> 00:17:30,466 of being surrounded by a bunch of naked guys, and I'll be fine with it. 468 00:17:30,787 --> 00:17:32,223 OK, maybe a little bit. 469 00:17:32,341 --> 00:17:33,035 Thank you. 470 00:17:33,258 --> 00:17:35,917 No. No way. Absolutely not. 471 00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:39,523 I'm not asking you for permission. I'm just telling you that I'm doing it. 472 00:17:40,553 --> 00:17:42,725 Well, since I don't have a choice, I... 473 00:17:42,843 --> 00:17:44,558 I guess I'm fine with it. 474 00:17:46,502 --> 00:17:49,280 - OK, I've got to go now. - PATRICIA: Mm. OK, baby. 475 00:17:51,634 --> 00:17:52,995 Did you just have to kiss that guy's tit? 476 00:17:53,330 --> 00:17:54,553 - What? - The guy's tit! 477 00:17:56,446 --> 00:17:59,715 Some guy have a problem with a woman's sexual past, you know? 478 00:17:59,831 --> 00:18:04,193 Some guys, you know, get fucked up about that, you know? 479 00:18:04,453 --> 00:18:05,739 Some cultures get fucked up about that... 480 00:18:06,548 --> 00:18:08,783 like the Taliban, you know? 481 00:18:12,037 --> 00:18:14,436 They get weirded out by a woman's sexual past, you know? 482 00:18:15,873 --> 00:18:18,428 It's like I know my wife and I know she had a past. 483 00:18:18,547 --> 00:18:20,104 You know, she lived with a guy. I'm not naive. 484 00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:21,436 They probably made out, you know? 485 00:18:22,670 --> 00:18:24,564 I'm not stupid, you know? 486 00:18:29,079 --> 00:18:31,396 But that Taliban... Oof. 487 00:18:31,514 --> 00:18:34,870 That... What's that... What was that kind of, um... 488 00:18:35,086 --> 00:18:36,135 that Sharia law? 489 00:18:36,737 --> 00:18:37,341 That's tough. 490 00:18:37,693 --> 00:18:39,387 If a woman has sex before marriage, 491 00:18:39,632 --> 00:18:41,501 they could stone her to death. 492 00:18:42,272 --> 00:18:44,142 That's pretty extreme, huh? Stoned to death? 493 00:18:44,683 --> 00:18:45,833 I mean, I could imagine maybe 494 00:18:46,304 --> 00:18:46,930 one stone. 495 00:18:47,051 --> 00:18:49,404 You know... like, a little one. 496 00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:50,442 Pop! "Whore." 497 00:18:50,499 --> 00:18:51,189 "What? Huh? 498 00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:57,038 Did somebody just call me a whore? 499 00:18:58,882 --> 00:18:59,924 That's fucked up." 500 00:19:02,330 --> 00:19:04,118 He's great. You'll see. 501 00:19:04,346 --> 00:19:06,034 He's ten times better than Jamie. 502 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,224 It turns out stalkers are natural born assistants. 503 00:19:10,641 --> 00:19:13,551 I don't want to have a stalker inside of our house. 504 00:19:13,758 --> 00:19:15,004 He's not going to be inside the house. 505 00:19:15,122 --> 00:19:15,778 That's the best part! 506 00:19:16,137 --> 00:19:18,170 He stays outside and he still stalks me. 507 00:19:18,288 --> 00:19:18,881 It's perfect. 508 00:19:19,412 --> 00:19:20,033 It's creepy. 509 00:19:22,553 --> 00:19:23,064 How do I look? 510 00:19:24,143 --> 00:19:26,095 - You look good. - OK. Got to go. Give me a kiss. 511 00:19:28,924 --> 00:19:30,156 I'm not comfortable with it. 512 00:19:37,194 --> 00:19:38,065 Hey, Rob! 513 00:19:38,995 --> 00:19:40,517 You never brought my car back last night. 514 00:19:41,402 --> 00:19:42,623 Why did you take it in the first place? 515 00:19:43,023 --> 00:19:44,084 I had all my stuff in mine. 516 00:19:44,574 --> 00:19:46,607 Thank you for letting me sleep in there. Very comfortable... 517 00:19:46,724 --> 00:19:48,105 I didn't let you sleep in it! 518 00:19:48,519 --> 00:19:49,891 You took it without asking! 519 00:19:50,191 --> 00:19:51,643 Hey, we'd better get you to your meeting today. 520 00:19:52,102 --> 00:19:53,095 I'll drive you. Come on. 521 00:19:53,126 --> 00:19:56,141 I don't need you to get me to my meeting. 522 00:19:56,858 --> 00:19:58,094 I have somebody else to take me. 523 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,633 Maybe I'll just grab you a few things from Whole Foods. 524 00:20:01,161 --> 00:20:01,998 I'll see you later back at the house... 525 00:20:02,066 --> 00:20:04,422 I won't be seeing you later at the house, either! 526 00:20:05,634 --> 00:20:06,495 I'm firing you. 527 00:20:06,744 --> 00:20:07,636 You're firing me?! 528 00:20:07,995 --> 00:20:09,528 That's the word that just came out of my mouth! 529 00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:11,607 "Fire you"! 530 00:20:11,872 --> 00:20:13,311 You know how you always get that guy? 531 00:20:13,429 --> 00:20:14,889 The guy who knows how to do all the stuff? 532 00:20:15,216 --> 00:20:16,671 All the stuff that you should be doing? 533 00:20:17,870 --> 00:20:19,293 - I got that guy! - What? 534 00:20:19,810 --> 00:20:20,795 Yeah, I got him. 535 00:20:21,091 --> 00:20:22,467 OK. Obviously, you're upset. 536 00:20:22,586 --> 00:20:23,186 Obviously! 537 00:20:23,304 --> 00:20:23,966 JAMIE: And you should be. 538 00:20:24,086 --> 00:20:25,093 - Uh huh. - I deserve it. 539 00:20:25,420 --> 00:20:27,173 Maybe you should have some organic greens, 540 00:20:27,606 --> 00:20:28,904 some Nordic bottled water... 541 00:20:29,246 --> 00:20:30,853 Organic greens and Nordic water 542 00:20:30,972 --> 00:20:32,495 is not going to save you this time, Jamie. 543 00:20:33,210 --> 00:20:34,011 I'm replacing you. 544 00:20:34,344 --> 00:20:35,517 With who? Who did you hire? 545 00:20:37,344 --> 00:20:38,659 You hired the stalker?! 546 00:20:39,970 --> 00:20:40,909 I got your juice! 547 00:20:44,316 --> 00:20:45,896 I didn't know you liked juice in the morning! 548 00:20:46,489 --> 00:20:47,130 Well, I do. 549 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:48,833 See you around, Jamie. 550 00:20:56,735 --> 00:20:57,752 Well, how am I going to get home? 551 00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:00,237 I don't know. Why don't you call that guy? 552 00:21:00,721 --> 00:21:01,691 You know, the guy! 553 00:21:01,942 --> 00:21:03,068 He never calls me back. 554 00:21:03,598 --> 00:21:04,740 I don't blame him! 555 00:21:13,484 --> 00:21:15,408 First of all, we are big 556 00:21:15,656 --> 00:21:18,567 fans of your work. We really want to work with you. 557 00:21:18,684 --> 00:21:19,314 Thank you. 558 00:21:19,641 --> 00:21:20,471 The script is perfect. 559 00:21:20,591 --> 00:21:22,521 There's just a couple ideas we'd like to run by you. 560 00:21:22,916 --> 00:21:23,319 OK. 561 00:21:25,010 --> 00:21:28,408 First off, is this something you have to star in? 562 00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:33,454 Wh... Well, I mean, it's called "Rob". 563 00:21:33,741 --> 00:21:34,382 I was... 564 00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:37,773 I was hoping, you know? [Chuckles] I mean... 565 00:21:40,564 --> 00:21:42,467 Well, yeah. Yeah, I'd like to star in it. 566 00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:45,080 Um... Yeah. Yes. 567 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,838 You see, I want this to be more real, you know? 568 00:21:50,548 --> 00:21:51,286 Like, um... 569 00:21:51,899 --> 00:21:53,025 a lot of the shows, you know... 570 00:21:53,883 --> 00:21:55,973 I mean, I think the audiences really want to see that 571 00:21:56,091 --> 00:21:57,267 these days, you know? 572 00:21:57,386 --> 00:21:59,218 And I'm not afraid to show that part of my life 573 00:21:59,566 --> 00:22:01,080 especially now, with my young family... 574 00:22:01,128 --> 00:22:02,225 - What is that guy doing out there? - Huh? 575 00:22:07,482 --> 00:22:08,299 That's my stalker. 576 00:22:09,618 --> 00:22:11,542 How did he get on the lot? Call security! 577 00:22:11,805 --> 00:22:12,540 He drove me here. 578 00:22:13,618 --> 00:22:13,963 What? 579 00:22:14,557 --> 00:22:15,746 We drove... drove together. 580 00:22:17,043 --> 00:22:18,185 You... You know your stalker? 581 00:22:18,918 --> 00:22:20,031 Yeah. He's my stalker, 582 00:22:20,149 --> 00:22:21,611 but he actually... 583 00:22:21,676 --> 00:22:23,152 Um, I needed a ride. 584 00:22:24,053 --> 00:22:25,165 He's... He's very... 585 00:22:25,217 --> 00:22:26,426 Thank... Uh, Rob, uh, 586 00:22:26,545 --> 00:22:27,352 thanks for coming in. 587 00:22:27,663 --> 00:22:29,553 When is my next meeting? Have I got a 3:45? 588 00:22:30,687 --> 00:22:32,147 Hate to run, but got to go, Rob. 589 00:22:32,265 --> 00:22:32,624 Thanks. 590 00:22:33,657 --> 00:22:34,298 Thank you. 591 00:22:40,864 --> 00:22:42,202 His notes were terrible! 592 00:22:42,401 --> 00:22:44,059 Especially the ones about casting. 593 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:46,615 These guys, they have no idea what they're talking about! 594 00:22:47,611 --> 00:22:48,705 I know where they live if you need... 595 00:22:48,767 --> 00:22:50,429 No, no. Don't do anything crazy. 596 00:22:51,828 --> 00:22:52,164 OK. 597 00:22:52,404 --> 00:22:54,559 Don't forget about your radio interview tomorrow. 598 00:22:54,938 --> 00:22:56,275 Uh, and, also, I booked your 599 00:22:56,323 --> 00:22:57,236 Portland flight for you. 600 00:22:58,792 --> 00:23:00,587 Wait a minute. You have my credit card information? 601 00:23:01,317 --> 00:23:02,726 I took your statement out of the garbage 602 00:23:02,759 --> 00:23:03,594 a couple of months ago. 603 00:23:05,226 --> 00:23:06,164 I've got to get a shredder. 604 00:23:06,623 --> 00:23:06,982 Yeah. 605 00:23:07,847 --> 00:23:08,395 Alright. 606 00:23:09,036 --> 00:23:10,282 So, what time are you picking me up tomorrow? 607 00:23:12,590 --> 00:23:12,913 OK... 608 00:23:13,559 --> 00:23:15,066 I... I've got to tell you something, Rob. 609 00:23:15,924 --> 00:23:16,195 What? 610 00:23:18,027 --> 00:23:19,503 I... I can't pick you up tomorrow. 611 00:23:20,842 --> 00:23:22,224 I can't be your assistant. 612 00:23:23,153 --> 00:23:23,727 Why not? 613 00:23:24,714 --> 00:23:25,793 We've got a good thing going. 614 00:23:26,097 --> 00:23:27,561 You're the best assistant I've ever had! 615 00:23:28,758 --> 00:23:29,484 I'm a stalker. 616 00:23:30,220 --> 00:23:31,815 I like watching you from afar. 617 00:23:32,348 --> 00:23:33,459 But now you're in the car with me! 618 00:23:34,036 --> 00:23:34,890 Isn't that even better? 619 00:23:35,470 --> 00:23:36,347 Yeah, you would think so... 620 00:23:36,817 --> 00:23:37,248 but no. 621 00:23:40,658 --> 00:23:41,589 I think I understand. 622 00:23:43,233 --> 00:23:44,008 So I'm going to go back 623 00:23:44,037 --> 00:23:45,380 to hanging around and show up 624 00:23:45,431 --> 00:23:46,369 when you least expect it and 625 00:23:46,413 --> 00:23:47,361 make you feel uncomfortable... 626 00:23:48,098 --> 00:23:48,882 if it's OK with you. 627 00:23:50,385 --> 00:23:51,195 Yeah, I guess. 628 00:23:52,221 --> 00:23:52,667 [Chuckles] 629 00:23:55,157 --> 00:23:56,249 Oh, jeez! I'm sorry. 630 00:23:56,801 --> 00:23:58,770 Wow. That just came right off there. 631 00:23:58,887 --> 00:23:59,792 Here, I'll put it back on for you. 632 00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:01,093 - Sorry about that. - It's OK. 633 00:24:01,212 --> 00:24:01,728 No, I got it. 634 00:24:03,234 --> 00:24:04,316 I... I got it. I got it. 635 00:24:05,460 --> 00:24:05,851 Sorry. 636 00:24:06,138 --> 00:24:06,728 Oh, fuck. 637 00:24:07,010 --> 00:24:08,029 Sorry. There you go. 638 00:24:08,725 --> 00:24:09,155 Ah. 639 00:24:10,193 --> 00:24:10,879 I'm sorry, buddy. 640 00:24:12,027 --> 00:24:12,738 You should probably 641 00:24:13,388 --> 00:24:14,690 - fix that thing, or... - Ah. 642 00:24:15,553 --> 00:24:16,324 Oh my God. 643 00:24:16,804 --> 00:24:17,254 Hey... 644 00:24:17,874 --> 00:24:19,026 one more thing. 645 00:24:19,645 --> 00:24:22,445 Patricia is wearing that pyjamas you bought her for Valentine's Day. 646 00:24:22,802 --> 00:24:24,273 [Chuckles] Have fun. 647 00:24:24,911 --> 00:24:26,569 Wow. That does make me uncomfortable. 648 00:24:27,317 --> 00:24:28,068 Oh, I love you, too. 649 00:24:28,188 --> 00:24:30,707 I mean... I'm sorry. OK. Bye. 650 00:24:32,046 --> 00:24:33,544 My wife, she wanted a 651 00:24:35,063 --> 00:24:36,737 security system for the house, you know? 652 00:24:36,855 --> 00:24:39,803 I said, "OK. We'll get it. Whatever you want." 653 00:24:40,275 --> 00:24:41,934 She went, "I want an alarm system 654 00:24:43,042 --> 00:24:44,418 with a motion detector... 655 00:24:45,621 --> 00:24:48,109 to detect the motion." 656 00:24:50,309 --> 00:24:51,686 I said, "OK. Alright." 657 00:24:52,779 --> 00:24:54,563 So we got the whole motion-detector thing, 658 00:24:54,681 --> 00:24:56,347 we set it up, and I thought that would calm her down. 659 00:24:56,597 --> 00:24:58,399 She wasn't calmed down at all, you know? 660 00:24:58,731 --> 00:24:59,808 She was still like 661 00:25:00,319 --> 00:25:01,658 "Did you check the garage?" 662 00:25:03,107 --> 00:25:04,634 "Yeah, but we got the alarm system there." 663 00:25:04,752 --> 00:25:06,999 "Yeah, but, by the time the alarm people come, 664 00:25:07,033 --> 00:25:08,529 the guy will be through the garage, upstairs, 665 00:25:08,544 --> 00:25:09,608 and stabbing, and strangling, 666 00:25:09,672 --> 00:25:10,737 and stabbing, and strangling, 667 00:25:10,794 --> 00:25:11,578 and shooting, and stabbing." 668 00:25:11,619 --> 00:25:13,880 I said, "OK, I'm going to check the garage." 669 00:25:15,634 --> 00:25:17,156 So I go downstairs, check the garage. 670 00:25:17,830 --> 00:25:18,588 Like, of course it's closed. 671 00:25:18,612 --> 00:25:20,261 I never left it open a day in my life. 672 00:25:21,656 --> 00:25:22,805 "Yeah, the garage is closed." 673 00:25:22,925 --> 00:25:24,185 "Did you check the front door?" 674 00:25:26,722 --> 00:25:27,140 "Yes." 675 00:25:27,154 --> 00:25:29,515 "You paused. You always lie when you pause, you know?" 676 00:25:31,152 --> 00:25:31,804 "Yeah, I do 677 00:25:31,834 --> 00:25:33,706 I always lie when I pause. Alright." 678 00:25:34,940 --> 00:25:36,448 "Yeah, I checked the front door. It's locked. 679 00:25:36,484 --> 00:25:37,587 The chain was on, too." 680 00:25:37,665 --> 00:25:39,093 It's like "I didn't put the chain on. 681 00:25:39,211 --> 00:25:40,057 Did you put the chain on? 682 00:25:40,071 --> 00:25:41,032 Who put the chain on?!" 683 00:25:42,319 --> 00:25:43,636 "Honey, nobody broke in our house and 684 00:25:43,684 --> 00:25:45,417 put the fucking chain on, I guarantee you." 685 00:25:48,245 --> 00:25:49,967 "Did you check the sliding glass door?" 686 00:25:51,046 --> 00:25:52,167 "No, but I was about to. 687 00:25:53,128 --> 00:25:54,450 First, I wanted to take off my pants, 688 00:25:54,569 --> 00:25:56,980 and get into bed, and kind of regroup, you know? 689 00:25:58,709 --> 00:25:59,894 Now that I've done that, 690 00:26:01,302 --> 00:26:02,367 I'll get out of bed, 691 00:26:03,493 --> 00:26:04,871 put my pants back on, 692 00:26:04,925 --> 00:26:06,704 and check the sliding glass door." 693 00:26:08,770 --> 00:26:09,175 I check it. 694 00:26:09,194 --> 00:26:10,733 Of course, it's locked. 695 00:26:12,276 --> 00:26:13,528 I get back into bed, you know? 696 00:26:13,836 --> 00:26:14,808 "I hear something!" 697 00:26:18,405 --> 00:26:20,856 "Honey, the only person who wants to kill you 698 00:26:21,131 --> 00:26:23,003 is already in the house, OK? 699 00:26:26,931 --> 00:26:29,144 And he knows all the codes, OK? 700 00:26:30,591 --> 00:26:32,163 He knows all that shit." 701 00:26:38,396 --> 00:26:41,070 I feel like I got dumped by my stalker. 702 00:26:42,398 --> 00:26:43,330 Is that even possible? 703 00:26:44,260 --> 00:26:45,201 You need to move on. 704 00:26:45,807 --> 00:26:47,109 Next time you hire someone, 705 00:26:47,357 --> 00:26:49,179 just make sure to hire the right person 706 00:26:49,637 --> 00:26:51,510 someone with your highest potential. 707 00:26:53,982 --> 00:26:55,013 I hired Jamie back. 708 00:26:55,382 --> 00:26:56,433 I knew it! 709 00:26:57,034 --> 00:26:58,185 You coward. 710 00:26:58,819 --> 00:26:59,891 I know what to expect from him. 711 00:27:00,239 --> 00:27:01,501 Yeah, nothing. 712 00:27:03,216 --> 00:27:05,573 Hey, but I have great news. 713 00:27:05,791 --> 00:27:06,040 What? 714 00:27:06,583 --> 00:27:07,905 I hired a new nanny. 715 00:27:08,281 --> 00:27:09,042 Oh, that's terrific! 716 00:27:09,288 --> 00:27:10,233 - Mm-hmm. - We really need one. 717 00:27:10,352 --> 00:27:11,691 - Mm-hmm. - Is it someone you trust? 718 00:27:11,733 --> 00:27:12,611 Absolutely. 719 00:27:13,014 --> 00:27:13,321 Good! 720 00:27:13,589 --> 00:27:14,698 You're going to love him. 721 00:27:15,347 --> 00:27:15,757 Him? 722 00:27:17,504 --> 00:27:18,337 You hired a guy? 723 00:27:18,797 --> 00:27:19,156 Yeah. 724 00:27:19,777 --> 00:27:21,155 Shouldn't I have at least met him first 725 00:27:21,213 --> 00:27:22,475 before you hire a guy? 726 00:27:22,959 --> 00:27:23,722 You already met him. 727 00:27:24,265 --> 00:27:24,669 When? 728 00:27:25,116 --> 00:27:25,815 The other day. 729 00:27:26,197 --> 00:27:27,524 He's one of my male dancers. 730 00:27:27,832 --> 00:27:28,921 You've got to be shitting me! 731 00:27:29,041 --> 00:27:30,581 Shh! You're going to wake him up. 732 00:27:30,803 --> 00:27:31,521 He's here?! 733 00:27:31,764 --> 00:27:33,589 Well, I told him he could stay in the guest room. 734 00:27:33,941 --> 00:27:35,331 No fucking way! 735 00:27:35,726 --> 00:27:36,880 God damn it! 736 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:37,559 Honey... 737 00:27:37,975 --> 00:27:40,903 - Get out! Get out of my house! - Wait! Don't kick him out. Come on. 738 00:27:42,584 --> 00:27:45,105 - I want you out! - Don't do anything stupid, please. 739 00:27:45,106 --> 00:27:47,596 Come back. Please. 740 00:27:47,647 --> 00:27:49,647 Synced by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com - 741 00:27:49,697 --> 00:27:54,247 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 51706

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