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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,560
Oh dear!
Who did this then, chief?
2
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,720
It was like it when I got it.
3
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,080
Oh, my days!
Look at the state of that axle.
4
00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:10,400
What a bodge! Oh dear.
Oh dear.
5
00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:13,720
My mum could have done a better job
with those wheel arches,
6
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,240
and she's been dead 20 years!
7
00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,280
That's bad then, isn't it?
They're all warped. Look.
8
00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:20,600
I'm just looking for
a bit more speed is all.
9
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:23,160
You race then, chief?
Planning to, planning to.
10
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:26,480
Underground or in the arena?
Well, hopefully arena one day.
11
00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,400
What's underground?
Wannabe circuit.
12
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:31,320
Every Saturday outside
the city wall. Oh sweet.
13
00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:35,520
Bunch of dickheads! Think they know
the first thing about racing.
14
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:37,240
I hate dickheads.
15
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:39,920
It could be several things
slowing her down, boss.
16
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:43,520
The wheels, the axle, or the arches.
I'd start again with all of them.
17
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,560
OK, how much do you reckon
this is gonna...?
18
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,520
495 denarii.
Oh.
19
00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:50,120
Or, could it just be the horse?
20
00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:52,000
Yeah.
21
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,280
To be fair, it could be that.
22
00:00:54,469 --> 00:01:09,325
23
00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:13,160
"Owing to the failure of your
legal representative in court."
24
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:14,400
Sorry about that.
25
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:17,240
"You will hereby be deported
in five days time
26
00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:21,160
"unless you are able to pay
a 3,000 denarii fine
27
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:24,280
"or obtain a work permit
from a reputable company.
28
00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:27,840
"We hope you've enjoyed your stay
in Rome and please do not come back."
29
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:31,200
I am so sorry. If there's anything
I can do, please just say.
30
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,920
Can you pay 3,000 denarii?
No, to be fair, I can't do that.
31
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,800
What about Grandma's inheritance?
That's a few thousand?
32
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:39,400
It was. It's now about 50.
Right.
33
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:42,520
Is there a grandpa
that could maybe help out?
34
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:44,000
By help out you mean die.
35
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:47,080
Grandpa will outlive us all.
Mm, great.
36
00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:49,840
Well, look we'll find a way
out of this, I promise.
37
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,800
The way I see it,
things couldn't be any better.
38
00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:58,680
Right, how exactly? The girl
I may well love is being deported.
39
00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,720
Because I'm racing this Saturday.
40
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,200
She bets her money on me,
I romp home,
41
00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:05,400
she pays off her fine, job done.
42
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,800
Racing as in...
Chariots, baby.
43
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,880
On the underground circuit.
Ah, and underground as in...
44
00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:12,760
Tunnels, probably.
45
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,720
No, Grumio, underground
as in not that legal.
46
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,440
Oh, perfect!
She should bet on me.
47
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,760
My odds will be good cos I'm new.
You're shit.
48
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,160
A bit of both.
49
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,560
Sorry, what is this?
Carbs, for the race.
50
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:27,720
I've got to carb up.
Do you? The horse is doing the work.
51
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,800
I egg her on, don't I?
Not very well, clearly.
52
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,720
I've never seen Peggy go quicker
than a trot. That's not true!
53
00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,040
Do not suggest gambling
to the girls, OK?
54
00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,280
I'm taking care of it.
All right, fine.
55
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:43,880
G-man, is this carbs or sand?
56
00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:46,160
It's a sandy carbs.
57
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,600
Keep going, champ.
All right.
58
00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:49,680
No pain, no gain.
Yeah.
59
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,720
Go on, champ. Huh.
60
00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:54,400
She's dedicated, conscientious,
61
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,360
she works well on her own
and as part of a team.
62
00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,480
And needs a work permit
to avoid deportation.
63
00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:00,920
Pretty much.
64
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,760
Her CV seems to be a list of accents.
65
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,240
Yes, I'm an actor mainly.
That's my acting CV.
66
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,400
Proficient in folk dancing I see.
67
00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:12,400
I'm a bit rusty, but I'm happy to do
a refresher course if it helps.
68
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,600
It doesn't,
because this is an office.
69
00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:17,560
Ever worked in one of these?
No, but I'm keen to learn.
70
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,720
And she does have useful
officey skills, don't you?
71
00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:23,880
Yes, I can do adding and taking away
and the other one.
72
00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:25,560
Can you fuck people's husbands?
73
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,920
Erm... is that an officey skill?
74
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,320
Not really. How's that relevant?
75
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,600
My bastard husband has just
shacked up with one of her lot.
76
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:36,280
My lot?
Yes, you know?
77
00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,880
Young, blonde, perky.
78
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,800
OK, that's not really her fault.
No, no, I know.
79
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,680
I don't want to take it out on you
but if you stay much longer
80
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,880
I may very well stab this pen
into your milky white neck.
81
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:50,600
Right, let's maybe leave it.
82
00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,080
Thank you for the opportunity.
83
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:58,160
Come on, Peggy. Yeah! Yeah.
84
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:01,160
What you doing?
Just trying out a new noise. Yeah.
85
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,280
Hah.
Go on, you bugger.
86
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:05,360
Go on, get, get.
Stop. We're confusing her.
87
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:06,960
Try the carrot.
88
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,520
No, I meant on Peggy, Grumio.
Oh. Right, yeah.
89
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:11,880
Hah. Hah.
90
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,760
Salve, Grumio. Horsing about again.
91
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,280
All right, Davus.
How do you get something to run?
92
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:18,600
Maybe chase it with an axe.
93
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,760
Usually works for me.
Sounds a bit full on.
94
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:24,400
So listen, how do you fancy
a rotisserie chicken?
95
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,360
Keep talking.
96
00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:33,560
So, Landlord's now living in
this exclusive gated community,
97
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:36,120
slash maximum security prison.
98
00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:38,040
Right. I wondered where he'd been.
99
00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,680
And he wants to see you.
Why me?
100
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,080
He values your specific talent.
What's that then?
101
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,560
Being able to
fit through a tiny pipe.
102
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:49,400
I'd do it myself but pff,
I could barely get my dick in there.
103
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,360
Well, I want the chicken
upfront then,
104
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:53,960
so I can eat it in the pipe.
105
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:57,600
You know it's a sewage pipe.
Mm, OK, I'll have it after.
106
00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:59,360
Good stuff. Right, up and at 'em.
107
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,080
Come on, my son.
108
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:09,200
Uhh. Ergh.
109
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:11,720
Yeah, push me.
That's it.
110
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:14,600
Oh, it's dead brown.
111
00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:16,760
Close your mouth maybe.
112
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,360
Oi.
113
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,120
Landlord.
114
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,880
Salve, Grumio.
All right, Landlord.
115
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:34,160
Am I glad to see you.
116
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,000
I don't know. Are you?
117
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,720
Yes, I am.
So how's prison going then?
118
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,320
Quite secure unfortunately.
119
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,640
I feel a bit erm, stuck.
120
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:46,320
You know what I mean?
I do actually, yeah.
121
00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:47,560
I'd give you a tour but...
122
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:50,320
I should be getting back.
It's a bit whiffy in here.
123
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:55,520
Sure. Well, do me a favour
and give this to Davus, will you?
124
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,360
It's just a little shopping list.
125
00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,360
Got ya.
Ta-ra then. Come and see me anytime.
126
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:01,800
You know where I am.
127
00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:09,280
It's doing my head in. I just can't
get Peggy going no matter what I do.
128
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:10,600
Have you tried whipping her?
129
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,720
What, whip Peggy?
Whip her on the bum.
130
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,920
Dig your heels in.
She'll go like the clappers.
131
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:20,400
I mean, Peggy is a horse, right?
No, she's his new girlfriend.
132
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:23,320
You want me to whip her on her bum.
I got confused.
133
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,600
Dig his heels in.
I thought she was a horse.
134
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:28,360
That's what you're into.
That's how you make women go?
135
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,920
I'm not into that.
Pervert!
136
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,200
No.
What are you into?
137
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,760
If you're not into that...
I'm into big booties.
138
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,960
Really, water boy.
139
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,120
Remind me to have
the salad for lunch.
140
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:41,320
Yes, don't worry.
You're perfectly safe. Water man.
141
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:45,000
Good to hear.
Don't look at my tuchus again.
142
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:48,800
Copier, I've decided to give
your perky little pal a job
143
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,680
and therefore a work permit.
144
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,520
Oh, brilliant. That's fantastic.
145
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,520
I've overcome my anger
towards my husband
146
00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,760
due to some Celtic
breathing techniques.
147
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,040
Those guys can really breathe.
They can indeed.
148
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:02,080
In with peace. Out with pain. Whoo.
149
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:05,040
The job comes with two conditions.
Go ahead.
150
00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:08,320
One, she must dress dowdily.
I'll cut a hole in a sack.
151
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,760
And two, you must visit
my house tonight,
152
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,680
gain entry and beat the living shit
out of my husband.
153
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:16,800
Sorry, I don't really understand.
It's very simple.
154
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,680
You beaty hubby, she getty jobby.
155
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,120
Yeah, I'm not gonna beaty hubby.
156
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,520
Then no getty jobby,
157
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:27,080
because that love rat bastard
needs to bleed hard...
158
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,160
And in with peace.
159
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,040
And out with pain.
160
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,200
Of course you could beaty hubby.
161
00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:40,880
You're nails.
Am I, though?
162
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:44,200
I'm really scared of violence.
And wasps. And crowds.
163
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,560
We have already blackmailed
Flavia's husband.
164
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,360
We'd be adding injury to insult.
165
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,120
We're only gonna shit him up a bit,
not kill the guy.
166
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,200
Not sure it's worth it.
167
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,320
All this faff for a girl
who doesn't like me.
168
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:57,680
Of course she likes you.
169
00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:00,640
I've been hounding her since
she moved in and I've got nowhere.
170
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,880
At least if she leaves,
Metella will go with her.
171
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,960
Don't give up now,
hey, if she's leaving
172
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,400
she might have sex with you because
she never has to see you again.
173
00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:10,280
Oh perfect. How romantic!
174
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:13,880
Fuck romantic! You need to end
your sex drought, dude.
175
00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,160
End the drought!
176
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,560
Douche me.
177
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,040
Ooh.
178
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,200
Hi, is Cynthia in?
No.
179
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:35,000
She's gone to the gardens
before we return to Britain
180
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,040
where we're being deported
because of you.
181
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:39,120
I have said sorry.
Can I take a message?
182
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:42,120
Tell Cynthia I've tried my best
but I'm not getting anywhere.
183
00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:43,680
I could have told you that.
184
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:46,320
With the work permits.
To keep you guys in Rome.
185
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,280
Ah-ha. So I guess that's that then.
186
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,520
That's the last time I hear
you lamely knocking at our door.
187
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:55,400
And the last time I'm disappointed
when it's you that answers.
188
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:58,000
Well, it's been an absolute blast.
189
00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:01,480
Are you ready for this to be slammed
in your hideous face one last time?
190
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,800
Actually... no. Not yet.
191
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,600
You have always tried to
get between me and Cynthia.
192
00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:09,720
Right from the start for no reason.
193
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:12,960
You are totally wrong for each other.
Surely you get that by now?
194
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,880
Tell you what I get, mate,
195
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:19,320
I get that you are a cold knob,
who's always hated me.
196
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:23,440
Given we're never gonna see each
other ever again, I wanna know why.
197
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,080
Because you're such a crap kisser.
198
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:36,520
And you're a grumpy cow.
Shut up, you whiny prick.
199
00:09:44,437 --> 00:09:49,037
I don't know. It just happened.
And with that, the sex drought ends!
200
00:09:49,039 --> 00:09:50,279
I'm so proud.
201
00:09:50,319 --> 00:09:52,959
Thought you liked the other one.
Yeah, well so did I.
202
00:09:52,999 --> 00:09:55,239
I thought you hated this one.
Again, so did I.
203
00:09:55,279 --> 00:09:58,679
She's always so shitty with me.
Exactly, because she wants you bad.
204
00:09:58,719 --> 00:10:00,559
This is what I've been
saying all along.
205
00:10:00,599 --> 00:10:02,359
You've never said that before.
206
00:10:02,399 --> 00:10:04,719
Have I not?
No. You've not.
207
00:10:04,759 --> 00:10:06,319
I've definitely thought it.
208
00:10:06,359 --> 00:10:09,279
We've agreed to keep it secret.
Carry on like we hate each other.
209
00:10:09,319 --> 00:10:11,759
You've had plenty of practice.
Yeah.
210
00:10:11,799 --> 00:10:15,879
But the weird thing is,
I think I really like Metella.
211
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:18,399
Of course you do.
You two are well suited.
212
00:10:18,439 --> 00:10:22,119
You're both brainy and... frowny.
I mean, it's perfect.
213
00:10:22,159 --> 00:10:25,559
Isn't she being deported?
I'm sure that bit's not ideal.
214
00:10:25,599 --> 00:10:28,319
Still, you've got a couple of days
of rampant humping.
215
00:10:28,359 --> 00:10:30,719
Then you can wipe her down
and wave her off.
216
00:10:30,759 --> 00:10:32,439
She can't go. Not now.
217
00:10:32,479 --> 00:10:34,719
I've been chasing the wrong one
this whole time.
218
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:36,719
I need to keep them here.
What you gonna do?
219
00:10:36,759 --> 00:10:39,279
I think we've got a hubby to beaty.
220
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:50,959
OK, this one's Flavia's house.
Right, here's the plan.
221
00:10:50,999 --> 00:10:53,639
You pin him down.
Right, pin him with my hands?
222
00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:54,999
Not with pins, clearly.
223
00:10:55,039 --> 00:10:57,799
I was thinking I could do
a berserker. What's that?
224
00:10:57,839 --> 00:11:00,399
You just kind of hulk out
and cause mayhem.
225
00:11:00,439 --> 00:11:02,919
Yeah, don't do that.
OK, I have it really as a backup.
226
00:11:02,959 --> 00:11:05,639
You're gonna create a diversion.
What's that then?
227
00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:08,239
Just make him look the other way
so I can smack him about.
228
00:11:08,279 --> 00:11:10,399
Nice one.
And let me do the talking.
229
00:11:10,439 --> 00:11:11,799
Good luck, everyone.
230
00:11:12,999 --> 00:11:17,599
Hello there. We work with Flavia.
We've come to pick up a folder.
231
00:11:17,639 --> 00:11:21,319
What, all three of you?
It's a really big folder.
232
00:11:21,359 --> 00:11:23,999
OK, then, come on.
233
00:11:26,159 --> 00:11:28,279
Hey, I know you.
234
00:11:28,319 --> 00:11:31,919
You're the guy who blackmailed me
for my chariot.
235
00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:34,879
Oh yeah. That was me.
Sorry about that.
236
00:11:34,919 --> 00:11:38,479
No worries.
Actually did me a bit of a favour.
237
00:11:38,519 --> 00:11:41,439
Went and bought a bigger one.
Oh, amazing.
238
00:11:41,479 --> 00:11:43,719
Yeah, that stepped it up
a bit of a gear.
239
00:11:43,759 --> 00:11:45,879
Leather trim, metallic paintwork,
240
00:11:45,919 --> 00:11:48,839
those really nasty spiky things
on the wheels for racing.
241
00:11:48,879 --> 00:11:50,879
Ooh nasty.
I just entered a race.
242
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:53,679
Have ya? Oh rock on, man.
Bit of a speed demon, hey?
243
00:11:53,719 --> 00:11:54,839
Er, guys.
244
00:11:54,879 --> 00:11:57,319
Hardly, he can't even get
Peggy to run.
245
00:11:57,359 --> 00:11:59,879
She's not responding to the command?
What command?
246
00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:03,679
Guys, Pegasus is a highly-trained
racing animal.
247
00:12:03,719 --> 00:12:07,479
She's not gonna run unless you
give her the proper vocal command.
248
00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:09,599
And what is that?
Moooo.
249
00:12:09,639 --> 00:12:11,519
A moo?
Yeah.
250
00:12:11,559 --> 00:12:15,359
I guess she must have been a bit
freaked by cows when she was...
251
00:12:15,399 --> 00:12:17,719
Hey, sorry.
Can I offer you some food?
252
00:12:17,759 --> 00:12:20,199
Yes, please.
253
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:24,359
Got this amazing Ligurian ham.
It is the business.
254
00:12:24,399 --> 00:12:26,639
I've got a very
feisty cheese over there.
255
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,359
That's very kind of you, but we do
need to get that folder now.
256
00:12:29,399 --> 00:12:31,839
Go and get it then.
We'll have some feisty cheese.
257
00:12:31,879 --> 00:12:33,399
Grumio, I mean...
258
00:12:34,399 --> 00:12:37,399
Fucking hell! What was that?
That's for being a dirty love rat.
259
00:12:37,439 --> 00:12:39,079
You've just slapped me.
Yeah.
260
00:12:39,119 --> 00:12:41,919
I can't believe you just slapped me,
you dirty, filthy bitch.
261
00:12:41,959 --> 00:12:43,639
Well, believe it.
Get off me.
262
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:45,319
Ooh, ahh.
Get off me.
263
00:12:45,359 --> 00:12:48,959
Hey, look over here. Moony.
264
00:12:49,999 --> 00:12:51,919
Ooh.
Get out my house.
265
00:12:51,959 --> 00:12:54,119
Right. Ahhh!
266
00:12:54,159 --> 00:12:56,639
Shitting hell. My sword.
267
00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:58,479
My sword.
268
00:13:00,999 --> 00:13:02,439
We're going.
Come on!
269
00:13:02,479 --> 00:13:04,439
We're leaving now.
270
00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:10,599
Twats.
271
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:16,559
So, all in all,
I think it was a success.
272
00:13:16,599 --> 00:13:17,759
Really?
273
00:13:17,799 --> 00:13:21,719
My husband's totally unscathed
face and body suggests otherwise.
274
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,719
But we shat him up though I bet.
275
00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:26,239
Not so much actually
according to Cornelius.
276
00:13:26,279 --> 00:13:29,399
You ate various cold meats.
That was Grumio.
277
00:13:29,439 --> 00:13:32,039
Then one of your bore their bottom.
Also Grumio.
278
00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:33,599
Whilst you took your top off.
279
00:13:33,639 --> 00:13:35,719
I was hulking out, doing a berserker.
280
00:13:35,759 --> 00:13:38,119
And then broke one of my vases.
281
00:13:38,159 --> 00:13:40,999
I did slap him.
Did he mention the slap?
282
00:13:41,039 --> 00:13:42,439
He did not.
I did slap him.
283
00:13:42,479 --> 00:13:43,919
He did. He slapped him good.
284
00:13:43,959 --> 00:13:47,159
So, can Cynthia have the job then?
285
00:13:47,199 --> 00:13:49,679
What do you think?
286
00:13:49,719 --> 00:13:52,919
We just go back to plan A,
they bet on me, I win the race,
287
00:13:52,959 --> 00:13:56,279
they pay the three grand, you and
Metella live snarkily ever after.
288
00:13:56,319 --> 00:13:57,719
That is not plan A.
289
00:13:57,759 --> 00:14:00,359
There's not enough letters
to give that plan a name.
290
00:14:00,399 --> 00:14:02,999
I know the special noise now.
Sure, you can moo at a horse.
291
00:14:03,039 --> 00:14:05,199
That really fills me
with confidence.
292
00:14:05,239 --> 00:14:07,159
What are you doing?
293
00:14:07,199 --> 00:14:09,319
Trust me and I will win.
294
00:14:09,359 --> 00:14:13,239
I don't think it works like that.
Well, at least admit I can win.
295
00:14:13,279 --> 00:14:16,039
OK, I admit it's mathematically
possible for you to win.
296
00:14:16,079 --> 00:14:17,879
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
297
00:14:19,639 --> 00:14:21,399
Thanks, babe.
298
00:14:21,439 --> 00:14:23,719
You all right, lads?
Hey.
299
00:14:23,759 --> 00:14:26,479
Hi, Cynthia. Metella.
300
00:14:26,519 --> 00:14:29,239
Get anyone deported today,
you ugly bastard?
301
00:14:29,279 --> 00:14:31,519
Not yet, you ginger prick.
302
00:14:31,559 --> 00:14:34,399
We're selling the things we can't
take back to Britain with us.
303
00:14:34,439 --> 00:14:36,599
Everything must go, including us.
304
00:14:36,639 --> 00:14:38,919
You never know.
You might be staying.
305
00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:43,759
Right, Marcus?
Er, yeah. There's one last option.
306
00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,199
You could always bet on him.
Yeah, do that.
307
00:14:46,239 --> 00:14:48,319
Bet on him to do what?
I'm in a chariot race.
308
00:14:48,359 --> 00:14:50,359
That's your plan? Betting on him.
309
00:14:50,399 --> 00:14:52,279
He CAN do it.
And will.
310
00:14:52,319 --> 00:14:55,239
I know it's not what we'd want,
but it's all we've got.
311
00:14:55,279 --> 00:14:58,199
How about we throw caution to
the wind and just give it a go?
312
00:14:58,239 --> 00:15:00,039
Britain's a long way away.
313
00:15:00,079 --> 00:15:03,199
So, I'd much prefer
to have you next door.
314
00:15:06,799 --> 00:15:10,559
Delivering the shopping,
delivering the shopping,
315
00:15:10,599 --> 00:15:13,839
delivering the shopping to Landlord.
316
00:15:14,879 --> 00:15:18,839
Oh, lovely.
That will work a treat.
317
00:15:18,879 --> 00:15:20,519
What's all this stuff for then?
318
00:15:20,559 --> 00:15:23,119
Erm, I'm thinking of joining
the woodwork club.
319
00:15:23,159 --> 00:15:24,839
Yeah, escape the drudgery.
320
00:15:24,879 --> 00:15:28,999
Won't they have tools there?
No, no tools in prison. Only screws.
321
00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:34,119
That's for whittling.
Oh. So what you gonna make then?
322
00:15:34,159 --> 00:15:36,999
I don't know.
I guess maybe a swing.
323
00:15:37,039 --> 00:15:38,999
Oh, yeah, wicked.
324
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,119
The years will fly by
if you're on a swing.
325
00:15:41,159 --> 00:15:43,119
That is the idea.
326
00:15:48,839 --> 00:15:50,519
Oh. Hi, Cynth.
327
00:15:50,559 --> 00:15:53,559
Hey, so when's this race then?
A couple of hours or so.
328
00:15:53,599 --> 00:15:55,759
Stylax is already there.
Geeing himself up.
329
00:15:55,799 --> 00:15:58,159
Right. Shouldn't he be
geeing the horse up?
330
00:15:58,199 --> 00:15:59,599
Yeah, he won't be told.
331
00:15:59,639 --> 00:16:02,319
Whatever works, because
I'm going to do the betting.
332
00:16:02,359 --> 00:16:04,679
You are. Wow, that's fantastic.
333
00:16:04,719 --> 00:16:06,319
I'd do anything to stay in Rome.
334
00:16:06,359 --> 00:16:08,759
I can see how much it means to you
to have us next door.
335
00:16:08,799 --> 00:16:12,359
It really does. God knows what
freaks might move in instead.
336
00:16:12,399 --> 00:16:14,799
Yeah, but it's more
than that though, isn't it?
337
00:16:14,839 --> 00:16:18,919
Is it? You've pursued me
since the moment I got here.
338
00:16:18,959 --> 00:16:23,519
Sometimes I've felt flattered and
other times I've felt mm, harassed.
339
00:16:23,559 --> 00:16:27,639
I guess I'm starting to see
what might have been.
340
00:16:27,679 --> 00:16:30,439
Only now when it's almost too late.
341
00:16:30,479 --> 00:16:34,199
So how about we do what you said
and throw caution to the wind?
342
00:16:35,279 --> 00:16:37,919
Oh. Now.
343
00:16:37,959 --> 00:16:40,119
This is what you want, isn't it?
344
00:16:40,159 --> 00:16:42,479
Yeah.
345
00:16:56,719 --> 00:16:58,239
Davus!
346
00:16:58,279 --> 00:17:00,879
Davus! I'm finished.
347
00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:03,039
Davus!
348
00:17:03,079 --> 00:17:06,239
- Make way!
- Ooh!
349
00:17:09,239 --> 00:17:14,039
Hi. Out there.
I'm late for a race.
350
00:17:14,079 --> 00:17:17,039
Salve, Grumio.
All right, Landlord, pull us out.
351
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:18,679
Sorry, I'm in a bit of a rush.
352
00:17:18,719 --> 00:17:20,679
Ooh. Help!
353
00:17:30,079 --> 00:17:32,719
Oh, by jove,
he's done the double.
354
00:17:32,759 --> 00:17:36,319
Sex drought all year
and then boom, sex flood.
355
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,719
I'm a dirty love rat.
Yeah, I know you are.
356
00:17:38,759 --> 00:17:41,559
I'm so incredibly proud.
What the hell do I do though?
357
00:17:41,599 --> 00:17:44,879
Will they definitely tell each other?
Pretty sure they will.
358
00:17:44,919 --> 00:17:48,039
Cynthia's also keeping it secret
but that won't last long.
359
00:17:48,079 --> 00:17:51,159
Is it out of the question that they
might be willing to share you?
360
00:17:51,199 --> 00:17:53,799
Share me?
They're more likely to stab me!
361
00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:57,239
Look, I think it's best
for all of us, but mainly me,
362
00:17:57,279 --> 00:18:01,279
if the girls just got
deported after all.
363
00:18:01,319 --> 00:18:04,599
Good thinking. Which of course
they will if you lose the race.
364
00:18:04,639 --> 00:18:07,719
Oh, no, no, no, no. Bad thinking.
Don't make me throw the race, dude.
365
00:18:07,759 --> 00:18:10,759
You don't have to. You're not gonna
win it as we both know.
366
00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:13,319
All I'm saying is,
if by some freak occurrence
367
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:15,479
you look like you might win it,
just don't.
368
00:18:15,519 --> 00:18:17,959
OK, for me?
369
00:18:17,999 --> 00:18:20,919
Huh, fine.
Ah cool, man.
370
00:18:20,959 --> 00:18:23,519
May as well stop lunging then.
371
00:18:23,559 --> 00:18:25,119
Cheers, man.
372
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,119
Right. Here goes.
373
00:18:31,479 --> 00:18:33,239
Uhhh!
374
00:18:34,879 --> 00:18:36,239
Ha, ha.
375
00:18:36,279 --> 00:18:38,559
Bloody hell.
376
00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:47,639
In the next race
we've got Castro at nine to four,
377
00:18:47,679 --> 00:18:50,319
Attibius at three to one,
and Aidanus at seven to one,
378
00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:53,039
and Stylax at one hundred to one.
379
00:19:04,159 --> 00:19:05,639
Hey.
380
00:19:07,759 --> 00:19:09,799
I did the betting.
Cool.
381
00:19:09,839 --> 00:19:11,439
On Stylax, right? To win.
382
00:19:11,479 --> 00:19:14,759
Yep. We'll make over 5,000 denarii
if he wins.
383
00:19:14,799 --> 00:19:16,959
The odds on him are brilliant,
as in terrible.
384
00:19:16,999 --> 00:19:19,839
Great. Well then, come on, Stylax.
385
00:19:19,879 --> 00:19:21,519
All right.
386
00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:24,239
Yeah.
387
00:19:24,279 --> 00:19:26,279
Nut?
Thanks.
388
00:19:26,319 --> 00:19:28,959
Not for me.
389
00:19:30,199 --> 00:19:33,159
Three, two, one!
390
00:19:43,999 --> 00:19:46,239
Come on, Stylax!
391
00:19:49,559 --> 00:19:51,879
Move it, Stylax!
392
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,079
Oh. Ooh.
393
00:19:56,239 --> 00:19:57,999
Uh-oh!
394
00:19:58,879 --> 00:20:02,039
Mooo!
No. No. Grumio.
395
00:20:02,079 --> 00:20:04,439
No, Grumio.
Moooo!
396
00:20:06,519 --> 00:20:07,999
Go on, Stylax.
397
00:20:08,839 --> 00:20:10,039
Yes.
398
00:20:10,079 --> 00:20:12,039
Whoa, Peggy. Whoa, Peggy.
399
00:20:13,039 --> 00:20:14,559
Yeah, I can't...
400
00:20:15,479 --> 00:20:18,519
Whoa. Whoa!
401
00:20:18,559 --> 00:20:21,519
Moo!
Stop mooing!
402
00:20:22,759 --> 00:20:24,959
Ah, jove.
403
00:20:26,079 --> 00:20:27,759
Final lap.
404
00:20:27,799 --> 00:20:31,119
Come on!
Come on, Stylax!
405
00:20:31,159 --> 00:20:33,239
Whoa!
406
00:20:34,279 --> 00:20:35,559
Jove!
407
00:20:35,599 --> 00:20:39,759
I don't like it.
I don't like it. Ooh.
408
00:20:39,799 --> 00:20:42,879
Keep on going.
Go on, Stylax!
409
00:20:42,919 --> 00:20:45,679
He's going to do it.
Oh. Great.
410
00:20:45,719 --> 00:20:48,239
He's doing it.
411
00:20:52,879 --> 00:20:56,439
Did it first.
412
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:02,839
Uhh!
413
00:21:07,999 --> 00:21:09,599
Erm...
414
00:21:09,639 --> 00:21:11,439
The winner is Stylax!
415
00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:13,839
Uhh! Uhh!
416
00:21:13,879 --> 00:21:16,839
Don't like it. Uhh.
417
00:21:16,879 --> 00:21:19,759
You were right about the girls.
They're not gonna share you.
418
00:21:19,799 --> 00:21:21,759
Uh-huh.
You were right about the race.
419
00:21:21,799 --> 00:21:23,799
It is the horse, not the driver.
Uh-huh.
420
00:21:23,839 --> 00:21:27,639
Which makes it a stupid bloody sport.
I mean, it's way too fast.
421
00:21:27,679 --> 00:21:29,759
Especially when someone
starts mooing.
422
00:21:29,799 --> 00:21:32,079
How were I supposed to know
you needed him to lose
423
00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:35,039
cos you wanted the girls kicked out
cos you'd done the other one
424
00:21:35,079 --> 00:21:37,639
as well as the other one,
I can't keep up these days.
425
00:21:37,679 --> 00:21:40,359
Yeah, neither can I.
426
00:21:40,399 --> 00:21:44,239
Hey, how come you leaving?
I thought you'd won enough to stay.
427
00:21:44,279 --> 00:21:47,199
We're staying in Rome, we're just
getting out of this shit pit.
428
00:21:47,239 --> 00:21:51,159
We don't want to live next door to a
big-nosed, lying, cheating, bastard
429
00:21:51,199 --> 00:21:53,919
who makes this face
when this orgasms.
430
00:21:53,959 --> 00:21:57,279
I don't do that face.
You do actually.
431
00:21:57,319 --> 00:22:00,919
That's it then.
There goes the love of my life.
432
00:22:00,959 --> 00:22:02,359
Which one?
433
00:22:02,399 --> 00:22:06,919
Mm, yeah, not sure.
I've really fucked it up this time.
434
00:22:06,959 --> 00:22:10,199
Oh bullshit, man. You're my hero.
435
00:22:10,239 --> 00:22:13,919
You've had sex with
two girls in one week.
436
00:22:13,959 --> 00:22:15,719
You live in the best
city in the world
437
00:22:15,759 --> 00:22:18,239
and you get to hang out
with me and G-man.
438
00:22:18,279 --> 00:22:20,879
Things couldn't be any better. Hey.
439
00:22:20,919 --> 00:22:24,519
Yeah, before we hug, can we maybe
wash off the blood, shit and vom?
440
00:22:24,559 --> 00:22:26,039
Oh. Yeah, sure.
441
00:22:26,079 --> 00:22:27,999
Come on then, douche me.
442
00:22:31,159 --> 00:22:33,159
This way, lads.
443
00:22:52,666 --> 00:23:26,220
444
00:23:26,270 --> 00:23:30,820
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