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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,440
Checking the road's clear
and what's next?
2
00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:05,520
Is it a signal?
Signal. Good lad.
3
00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:07,800
And into our manoeuvre.
4
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:10,720
Nice and slow.
5
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,080
But not that slow.
Hurry up, will ya?
6
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:16,040
Sorry, I'm a learner.
7
00:00:16,080 --> 00:00:18,760
Easing her round to the left.
Can we swop over?
8
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:22,360
We'll have none of that. You must
learn the U-turn at some point.
9
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,760
We're keeping calm,
feeling confident.
10
00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,200
Oi, drive, you dickhead!
11
00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,520
Ignoring that, if you can.
I'm not sure I can.
12
00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:33,120
Come on, kiddo.
I'm telling you you can do this.
13
00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:38,160
Which means one of two things,
either you can or I'm a liar.
14
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:39,960
And am I a liar?
No.
15
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,520
No, I'm not.
I'm the best in the bizzle.
16
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,320
So, easing around.
OK, yeah. I'm doing it.
17
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,600
I'm doing it.
Sort it out, you goon!
18
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:51,560
No, I can't do it. I'm sorry.
Swapping over, then. Out you pop.
19
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:54,640
Watching out for any pedestrians.
20
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,400
Ow! Sorry! Sorry.
21
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,960
Really sorry. I'm a learner.
22
00:01:00,127 --> 00:01:15,872
23
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:21,040
Albus reckons, at this rate, I can
be in the arena in three months.
24
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:24,120
Are you that bad?
It's only across town.
25
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,120
No, as a charioteer, obviously.
26
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:28,640
Marcus, quick question.
What?
27
00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:30,880
Will you be my best man?
28
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,160
Sorry?
Will you be my best man?
29
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,360
Didn't know you were marrying.
I am.
30
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,200
Didn't know you had a girlfriend.
I have. I am.
31
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:41,240
Will you be my best man?
32
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,640
Who is she?
Her name's Drusilla.
33
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,920
And why is she marrying you?
Cos I'm amazing.
34
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:49,280
Yeah, but seriously, why?
Cos I've known her for ages.
35
00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:52,320
Then why have we never met her?
She doesn't go out much.
36
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:56,160
You keep her locked in a box?
No, because she has brittle bones.
37
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,440
Brittle bones. Of course!
Did you go over your brittle boner?
38
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:01,360
No.
So that's what you have in common?
39
00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:03,640
How brittle is your boner?
It's not.
40
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,640
Did I snap it off?
Like a little icicle.
41
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:09,040
My boner can break a man's arm.
Gosh.
42
00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:12,600
Only in self-defence, I hope.
Absolutely.
43
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:15,840
He's getting married.
Oh, how charmingly naive.
44
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:19,760
Thanks. Marcus will be my best man.
I haven't agreed to it yet.
45
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:23,480
Oh, why not?
Yeah, why not?
46
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:28,200
Um... Because -
You think he's an insufferable prick
47
00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:32,040
and you want nothing to do with it?
No, I don't think that.
48
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,240
We're good mates, aren't we?
Big time.
49
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:37,440
Please do it, mate.
You're my best man.
50
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:42,400
Oh, look how desperate he is.
It's making me nauseous.
51
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:46,280
Y-eee-s?
Yes!
52
00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,440
Yes! Get him there!
53
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,280
Yes... Sorry. Yes.
54
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,480
Salve, Grumio.
All right, landlord?
55
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:14,160
Stroking the chickens again?
Yeah, it's making me well hungry.
56
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,680
Understandably.
What were all that about?
57
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,640
Oh, we're dealing in seeds.
Selling them.
58
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,920
It's all perfectly legit.
Seeds? What for?
59
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:24,760
Well, for food.
60
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,200
It's no wonder
he's so bloody skinny.
61
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:30,080
They're more of a delicacy
than a slap-up meal.
62
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:33,880
Who'd want that?
Well, these... chefs.
63
00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:36,920
Oh, he's a chef, is he?
That he is.
64
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:41,680
Davus, see to the chef, would you?
Oh, chefs. Yeah, right.
65
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,920
Yeah, it's a real foodie favourite.
A bit gourmet.
66
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,400
Dead tasty, then, is it?
Oh, it's very moreish.
67
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,880
It's his third lot this week.
I'll give you a sample.
68
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,920
First lot's for free,
then I'll rinse ya.
69
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,080
Enjoy.
70
00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,640
Gourmet. Well, la-di-da.
71
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:05,080
Got to plan the stag,
write a bloody speech.
72
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,840
What can I say?
I've only ever seen him pour water.
73
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:10,720
Maybe say how little he spills it.
74
00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:15,000
Is that Cynthia? Cynthia!
75
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:19,120
Hey. Cynthia?
76
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:21,840
Cynthia?
77
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:25,200
Oh, hi. Didn't see you there.
OK. Think you did, but -
78
00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:29,360
What's with the cat suit?
Just promoting a piece of theatre
79
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:32,720
where I play the part
of a talking cat who serves drinks.
80
00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:37,040
So you're a waitress?
Yep. It's a bit embarrassing.
81
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:41,200
Ah, waitressing's all right.
In my heart, I'm still an actress.
82
00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,880
"Kitten Club Casino and Bar
Caturday Miaowdness."
83
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:47,400
Saturday madness.
A bit ambitious.
84
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:53,000
"Half-price drinks to get you
feline good." Hey, purrfect.
85
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,960
No. No way. Bringing pissed-up
pricks to Cynthia's workplace
86
00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:00,520
will not reflect well on me.
She was looking for punters.
87
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:03,240
Last time, Aurelius
stuck his tongue down her throat.
88
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:06,800
We're not taking the stag do there.
No way.
89
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,400
Mmm. This is... weird.
90
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:13,640
It is, actually. Why is it weird?
As you always slag off me food,
91
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:17,440
I've added gourmet seeds landlord's
been flogging to the chefs.
92
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:21,800
Chefs? What chefs?
Them pale, skinny blokes outside.
93
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:26,040
What, the drug addicts? Have you
spiked our dinner with drugs?
94
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:29,360
Oh, he said they were chefs. Sorry.
95
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,800
Don't be. It's awesome.
No, spit it out.
96
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:35,160
But I want to eat the drugs.
On a Thursday? At home?
97
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:38,640
You wanna take loads of drugs?
It'll screw up your driving.
98
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:40,800
And shrivel your penis.
99
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:45,400
Yeah, it was inevitable.
100
00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:49,360
After 15 years of marriage, she
now finds me physically repulsive.
101
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,680
Just creeping out.
So, what about the kids?
102
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,760
Oh, they're troopers,
they really are.
103
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:57,040
Minding the kerb.
They're putting a brave face on it.
104
00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:01,760
Obviously, at some point they'll
crack. "Give us back our daddy!"
105
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:04,520
They're not saying it yet, but...
Stuck in the gutter.
106
00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,960
Don't worry.
This is the biggest bitch of all.
107
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:11,480
I'll take the reins.
Just easing around.
108
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,720
Easing around there.
See? Easing around.
109
00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:16,040
Yeah!
On the plus side,
110
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:19,560
I'm psyched about being single.
I'm like a kid in a sweet shop, me.
111
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,720
You're single, right?
Always. Can I have the reins now?
112
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:26,440
Me and you should hit the town.
If you reckon you can keep up.
113
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:30,560
Oh, don't you worry about me, kiddo.
114
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:33,280
You're looking at a man
who whilst on holiday in Crete
115
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:36,200
had sex with identical triplets.
Minding your speed.
116
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:40,400
It's hard. I kept forgetting
which one I was working on.
117
00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:42,960
Oh, watching out for the pedestrian.
118
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,600
Nevertheless,
I brought all three to climax
119
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:49,080
and then I made them a casserole.
So, ooh, hang on, yeah.
120
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:52,600
Reckon I could keep up.
Now, on your trot.
121
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,200
Staying in your lane. Yeah?
122
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:59,400
I want cocktails, costumes, fun.
123
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,800
I want the whole night
to just scream Aurelius.
124
00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:04,920
Yeah, I'm ready to do that now.
Want a club full of hotties.
125
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,120
Yeah, you said that.
All dancing with me.
126
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,200
Harder to arrange, but OK.
Marcus, mate,
127
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,560
this has to be the night
to end all nights.
128
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:13,880
So, my bitches,
how's the stag coming on?
129
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:17,080
My best man's being a bit negative.
I'm just worried about cost,
130
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:19,320
given the small guest list.
Who's coming?
131
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:23,040
People have been tricky to pin down.
All his closest friends
132
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:26,800
are serving overseas in the army.
That's true. They are. They are.
133
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:30,200
It's basically us three,
paying for everything. Really?
134
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:33,160
No, I'm not paying. I'm the stag.
The stag doesn't pay.
135
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:36,760
Of course not.
Maybe ask the other guys from work.
136
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,960
From the main office. They love me.
They'll be well up for it.
137
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,160
And bring your slave, Goonio.
138
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,720
I know him quite well.
Sort of. His name's Grumio.
139
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:48,280
And he doesn't have any money. So...
He's good value, though.
140
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,200
What are you doing?
141
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,920
Is that a trick question?
142
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:01,680
Hello there.
All right?
143
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:03,880
Hang onto my seeds.
Are they drugs?
144
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:06,680
They are, yes. Keep the safe, OK?
Where?
145
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,000
Up the arsehole's quite good.
In me pocket.
146
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,640
Pocket's good too.
147
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,600
Follow me!
148
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,360
Open the door, now.
149
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,320
So, gentlemen. Entrez.
150
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:34,560
OK, go ahead.
Male members of staff
151
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:38,960
are invited to a stag do to
celebrate the marriage of Aurelius.
152
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:43,040
Now, Aurelius...
Brackets, the one with the jug.
153
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,360
And the weird beard.
Got him.
154
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:50,840
Uh, bring lots of cash and get ready
for the night to end all nights.
155
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:53,200
Ooh, gosh.
Hey, you should come.
156
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:57,200
Well, I have my mother staying.
But I could leave her for an hour.
157
00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:00,240
What's planned?
Still locking that down.
158
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:03,680
Because, recently,
for my maiden aunt's 65th birthday,
159
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:07,960
the whole family did a ghost tour
around the historic parts of Rome.
160
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:12,320
It was both terrifically
entertaining and informative.
161
00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:15,440
Ye-ah. This is more
of a megalash nightclub crawl.
162
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,480
But thanks anyway.
163
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:25,600
Yep, so she got the house,
the witch, but I got my freedom.
164
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,640
Both hands on the reins.
And I'm loving it.
165
00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:30,960
I'm sleeping under the stars.
On the streets?
166
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:34,040
No, in my chariot.
Which is on the street.
167
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:37,520
But, no, it's great. When I was
married, I was never allowed out.
168
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:38,880
Now...
You're out.
169
00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:42,000
Exactly. And you get used to
washing in the river.
170
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,880
Checking your blind spot.
171
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:46,720
And hanging out with young guys
like you is a real tonic.
172
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:50,680
So, all in all,
I'm having a whale of a time.
173
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:57,040
I'm going on a stag do tomorrow.
You can probably come.
174
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:58,920
I love a stag.
I'll have to check.
175
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:02,680
No, no. I'm very good on a stag.
You won't regret bringing me along.
176
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,880
So you're up for it?
I'm up for everything.
177
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:08,280
You name it, I'll down it, snort it,
fuck it. Staying in your lane.
178
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:12,440
- It won't be anything too fancy.
- Hey, staggy, staggy.
179
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:17,040
Yeah, sort of.
Come on. Staggy, staggy.
180
00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:20,800
- Minding the kerb.
- Staggy, staggy, staggy.
181
00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:33,434
Is this it, then?
No, the guys of work should come.
182
00:10:33,474 --> 00:10:35,634
Who's the middle-aged man
with the bag?
183
00:10:35,674 --> 00:10:39,554
Balbus, my driving instructor.
Driving instructor by day,
184
00:10:39,594 --> 00:10:43,434
lash instructor by night
and the best in the bizzle at both.
185
00:10:43,474 --> 00:10:45,674
Everyone put one of those on.
186
00:10:45,714 --> 00:10:48,954
What are they?
They're little dicks. Dicklets.
187
00:10:48,994 --> 00:10:51,674
Everyone tie one on.
Um... Why?
188
00:10:51,714 --> 00:10:54,354
Because we're the Dickhead Brigade.
189
00:10:55,194 --> 00:10:57,314
Which one's the groom?
I am.
190
00:10:57,354 --> 00:11:01,194
Stick it in your ear.
Dick in your ear, dick in your ear.
191
00:11:02,114 --> 00:11:05,674
This guy's great. Is this guy great?
I'm not sure.
192
00:11:05,714 --> 00:11:10,234
Your missus out on a hen, is she?
Got a face full of cock?
193
00:11:10,274 --> 00:11:12,994
She's with her nurse.
She's got brittle bones.
194
00:11:13,034 --> 00:11:16,954
Too much shagging?
No, it's a congenital condition.
195
00:11:16,994 --> 00:11:20,114
Can she even have sex?
Yeah, I mean... What?
196
00:11:20,154 --> 00:11:22,234
Probably, yeah.
You've not done it yet?
197
00:11:22,274 --> 00:11:25,594
She's always with the nurse.
Most marriages end up without sex.
198
00:11:25,634 --> 00:11:28,314
Yours will start that way too.
199
00:11:28,834 --> 00:11:33,234
Sorry I'm late. Good evening all.
Oh, lovely outfit.
200
00:11:33,274 --> 00:11:35,594
Are there no other office guys?
Sadly not.
201
00:11:35,634 --> 00:11:39,314
There were several redundancies
this week, so no-one's in the mood.
202
00:11:39,354 --> 00:11:41,274
Fucking geeks.
20 into the kitty.
203
00:11:41,314 --> 00:11:44,354
I'm very much ready to eat,
drink and be a bit ribald.
204
00:11:44,394 --> 00:11:46,114
Yeah.
Especially eat.
205
00:11:46,154 --> 00:11:48,954
Chuffing starving over 'ere.
No, we're not eating.
206
00:11:48,994 --> 00:11:51,754
Course not. Eating's cheating.
And expensive.
207
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:54,034
If we're low on cash,
we can go to Cynthia's.
208
00:11:54,074 --> 00:11:57,554
Shut up. We're not going there.
We just need to be a bit frugal.
209
00:11:57,594 --> 00:12:00,594
Are we downing these, then?
Sipping's fine.
210
00:12:00,634 --> 00:12:03,954
Down in one. Hold onto your dicks.
211
00:12:24,274 --> 00:12:26,634
And we're here.
Here? What happens here?
212
00:12:26,674 --> 00:12:29,514
There's a stripper hiding somewhere,
I can smell it.
213
00:12:29,554 --> 00:12:33,514
Isn't this Servius Tullius?
That's right. Because...
214
00:12:33,554 --> 00:12:37,634
On this spot, King Servius
was murdered by Tarquin.
215
00:12:38,074 --> 00:12:40,954
And they say the wind
that whistles through the portico
216
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:43,474
sounds like his dying screams.
217
00:12:43,514 --> 00:12:45,754
What's this you're doing?
It's a ghost tour.
218
00:12:45,794 --> 00:12:48,354
What?!
A ghost tour. Oh, great news.
219
00:12:48,394 --> 00:12:50,634
You see?
I don't want to do a ghost tour.
220
00:12:50,674 --> 00:12:54,034
We should be grinding with hotties.
And stuffing our faces.
221
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:57,674
Just give it a chance.
Servius Tullius is most famous
222
00:12:57,714 --> 00:13:00,794
for his series of tax reforms.
I'll skip this bit.
223
00:13:01,194 --> 00:13:04,634
However, a full three years
after Caesar's murder -
224
00:13:04,674 --> 00:13:08,154
This is rubbish!
Stick with it. A local reported
225
00:13:08,194 --> 00:13:10,994
that, "I was walking past
the senate at the dead of night
226
00:13:11,034 --> 00:13:13,274
and saw a robed figure
covered in blood,
227
00:13:13,314 --> 00:13:17,994
wearing a crown of laurels."
You don't know what you're doing
228
00:13:18,034 --> 00:13:20,754
You might learn something.
A small suggestion.
229
00:13:20,794 --> 00:13:23,274
When we did this
for my maiden aunt's 65th,
230
00:13:23,314 --> 00:13:26,874
the guide did lots of voices.
Are we doing something aunts do?
231
00:13:26,914 --> 00:13:30,314
It's getting good. We're about to
look for blood stains.
232
00:13:30,354 --> 00:13:34,994
They'll have cleared them up.
Shh! Everyone look for blood stains.
233
00:13:38,394 --> 00:13:40,194
I'll just have the one.
234
00:13:40,234 --> 00:13:43,314
There aren't any blood stains.
OK, so, carrying on...
235
00:13:43,354 --> 00:13:47,154
Fuck this, I'm sobering up here.
Yes, agreed. Let's move on.
236
00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:50,314
It's just... money-wise...
We could go to the Kitten Club.
237
00:13:50,354 --> 00:13:53,874
Yes, what's that? Let's go there.
It's a bar
238
00:13:53,914 --> 00:13:56,314
where the waitresses dress as cats.
Yes!
239
00:13:56,354 --> 00:13:57,834
No.
Let's skin a cat.
240
00:13:57,874 --> 00:14:00,714
We're not going there.
I'm best man, this is my show,
241
00:14:00,754 --> 00:14:03,634
we are not going.
Then you're sacked. Be my best man?
242
00:14:03,674 --> 00:14:08,474
Sure thing. Let's go.
Yes! Kitty Club, Kitty Club!
243
00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:12,394
I put a lot of effort
into this stag, you know.
244
00:14:12,754 --> 00:14:14,674
I'll just have the two.
245
00:14:20,394 --> 00:14:23,794
Right, let's keep a low profile.
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
246
00:14:23,834 --> 00:14:25,074
OK. Perfect.
247
00:14:25,514 --> 00:14:29,234
Marcus, you came down.
Yeah. I wanted to support you.
248
00:14:29,274 --> 00:14:31,154
Pussy time! Pussy time!
249
00:14:31,194 --> 00:14:34,994
Can you stop chanting, please, mate?
It's a stag do. He's a bit... much.
250
00:14:35,034 --> 00:14:38,554
Oh, well, thanks for coming.
Maybe take the dildos off?
251
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:41,154
Yeah.
Dildos off! Dildos off!
252
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:43,794
We won't stay long.
253
00:14:43,834 --> 00:14:47,714
Is that your mate I met at New Year?
Um... No, I don't think so.
254
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:50,914
Let's get some half-price drinks.
Half-price drinks!
255
00:15:34,114 --> 00:15:37,194
Whoa! The old witch
never used to let me gamble.
256
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:42,114
Let's make up for lost time.
Too right, kiddo. Let's roll.
257
00:15:44,394 --> 00:15:47,074
It is her.
Think she's still up for it?
258
00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:50,274
What? You're getting married.
Yeah, I know.
259
00:15:50,314 --> 00:15:53,674
And I'll never have sex again.
Drusilla's got brittle bones.
260
00:15:53,714 --> 00:15:56,274
You'll make it work.
It'll be fine, won't it?
261
00:15:56,314 --> 00:15:59,954
Well, I'm no expert. Maybe you could
employ some sort of harness.
262
00:15:59,994 --> 00:16:02,394
See? A harness.
263
00:16:02,714 --> 00:16:04,754
My father should have warned me.
Why?
264
00:16:04,794 --> 00:16:08,154
It was his idea.
He does business with her dad.
265
00:16:08,194 --> 00:16:11,274
It's more tax-efficient
if the families are legally joined.
266
00:16:11,314 --> 00:16:14,754
Very shrewd.
And romantic, in a way.
267
00:16:14,794 --> 00:16:16,834
So, cheers to that.
268
00:16:23,634 --> 00:16:27,034
All of it. Evens.
Hey, whoa! Don't do that.
269
00:16:27,074 --> 00:16:28,594
Really?
Put it on odds.
270
00:16:28,634 --> 00:16:32,794
Odds is better odds, hence the name.
Good call. Everything on odds.
271
00:16:33,474 --> 00:16:37,274
If I win, pay off me debts,
sort me life out. If I lose...
272
00:16:37,314 --> 00:16:39,314
Can't lose.
273
00:16:39,674 --> 00:16:41,554
Come on, you odds.
274
00:16:43,354 --> 00:16:44,994
Oh! Yeah.
275
00:16:46,754 --> 00:16:49,154
No, wait. I need that.
276
00:16:49,474 --> 00:16:52,954
No, no. You can't do this.
My wife's left me, for Jove's sake!
277
00:16:52,994 --> 00:16:56,034
Steady on.
I didn't mean it.
278
00:16:56,074 --> 00:16:59,274
Just give it back!
Can you control him, please?
279
00:16:59,314 --> 00:17:01,674
Sorry.
Oh, you're back, are you?
280
00:17:01,714 --> 00:17:04,354
Couldn't keep away, is that it?
Excuse me?
281
00:17:04,394 --> 00:17:06,954
Aurelius, stop it.
She loves it, mate.
282
00:17:06,994 --> 00:17:09,434
Ah! What the hell are you doing?
283
00:17:09,474 --> 00:17:11,474
Miaow!
284
00:17:11,834 --> 00:17:14,434
Ah! Aaaah!
285
00:17:14,674 --> 00:17:16,114
Oh, my nose.
Sorry.
286
00:17:16,154 --> 00:17:17,794
You hit me.
I'm really sorry.
287
00:17:17,834 --> 00:17:21,634
I'm the stag.
You can't hit the stag!
288
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:25,714
Cynth, I'm really sorry about that.
I've just been fired because of you.
289
00:17:25,754 --> 00:17:27,794
He was trying to grope you.
I loved that job.
290
00:17:27,834 --> 00:17:29,874
It was a stopgap.
291
00:17:29,914 --> 00:17:33,154
In your heart, you're an actress!
Fuck yourself, Fish Face.
292
00:17:33,914 --> 00:17:37,954
This is your fault.
It was to save us from your tour.
293
00:17:43,874 --> 00:17:46,274
Where is it?
294
00:17:47,034 --> 00:17:50,554
Well, that's what I call a shit stag.
295
00:17:50,594 --> 00:17:53,474
It ain't over yet, kiddo.
We're making a night of this.
296
00:17:53,514 --> 00:17:56,954
Yes. Lead us. I don't think
he's in the right frame of mind.
297
00:17:56,994 --> 00:18:01,194
And I'm sacking you, doing nothing
while the stag's getting decked.
298
00:18:01,234 --> 00:18:02,634
You.
Balbus.
299
00:18:02,674 --> 00:18:06,474
Will you be my best man?
Yes. Finally! Yes, I bloody will.
300
00:18:06,514 --> 00:18:09,754
Well, I'd best be off.
Thank you all for a lovely evening.
301
00:18:09,794 --> 00:18:12,594
You're staying.
I've got to tuck my mother in.
302
00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:16,914
And I'll tuck in your mother if you
leave now. You ain't going nowhere.
303
00:18:16,954 --> 00:18:19,954
Soft cock. You're staying! Oi!
304
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:25,354
Right. Fix up and look sharp.
You're following me. Where to?
305
00:18:25,394 --> 00:18:28,554
To the wall of glory,
the best-kept secret in Rome.
306
00:18:28,594 --> 00:18:31,394
Up you get, Numb Nuts.
307
00:18:33,514 --> 00:18:35,074
Oi, oi.
308
00:18:38,794 --> 00:18:40,994
Yes! There are spaces.
309
00:18:41,434 --> 00:18:45,074
Pick your hole, then, gents.
Sorry, what is this place?
310
00:18:45,114 --> 00:18:47,874
This is the wall of glory.
311
00:18:48,154 --> 00:18:50,794
Just edge forward and park up.
312
00:18:51,194 --> 00:18:54,594
What? In the hole? Are you serious?
They're clean girls.
313
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:57,114
I do it all the time.
They won't bite it off.
314
00:18:57,154 --> 00:18:59,634
I'm really not into this.
What? Come on!
315
00:18:59,674 --> 00:19:02,634
Nah. Nor me. I don't put my dick
in a wall as a rule.
316
00:19:02,914 --> 00:19:05,914
Staggy, then?
Oh, I'm not sure.
317
00:19:05,954 --> 00:19:09,274
Once you get hitched
this is all the action you'll get.
318
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:13,154
Well, I am the stag.
That's it, kiddo.
319
00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:16,114
You're in for a treat. Coins.
Uh...
320
00:19:17,234 --> 00:19:18,354
Come here.
Yeah.
321
00:19:18,554 --> 00:19:23,274
You put your coin in one slot,
you put your boy in the other.
322
00:19:23,314 --> 00:19:25,194
And then you brace yourself.
323
00:19:26,074 --> 00:19:28,394
Ooh! Right. Yes. Mmm.
324
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:30,194
No. Ah... No.
325
00:19:30,554 --> 00:19:33,834
Sorry, can I...? I don't like it.
I've changed my mind.
326
00:19:33,874 --> 00:19:38,634
No, you don't. We've paid now.
Be as quick as you can, please.
327
00:19:43,674 --> 00:19:45,074
Salve, Grumio.
328
00:19:45,114 --> 00:19:47,594
All right, landlord?
Yeah, I am, actually.
329
00:19:47,634 --> 00:19:51,114
Finally got rid of the rozzers.
Still got my package, I see.
330
00:19:51,154 --> 00:19:53,794
I'll have that back now.
331
00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:56,594
Been helping yourself, then?
You've got a beak.
332
00:19:56,954 --> 00:19:59,474
I'll take that as a yes.
333
00:19:59,514 --> 00:20:01,474
Centurion!
Oi!
334
00:20:01,914 --> 00:20:03,994
Shit sticks!
335
00:20:05,514 --> 00:20:07,914
Get that into your arsehole.
Pocket!
336
00:20:07,954 --> 00:20:09,954
Pocket.
337
00:20:12,034 --> 00:20:13,354
We should go.
338
00:20:18,554 --> 00:20:20,634
Oh, God.
339
00:20:22,314 --> 00:20:24,874
Wait. That can't be it.
Where are the girls?
340
00:20:25,234 --> 00:20:28,714
There are hot girls behind there.
Yeah. I don't think there are.
341
00:20:28,754 --> 00:20:30,554
Argh!
342
00:20:30,594 --> 00:20:33,394
Stop where you are!
Argh!
343
00:20:39,474 --> 00:20:42,114
Shoo! Argh!
344
00:20:51,994 --> 00:20:54,754
Oh. Oh. I feel sick.
Where's Balbus?
345
00:20:54,994 --> 00:20:57,154
I thought he was with us.
Balbus!
346
00:20:57,194 --> 00:21:00,434
I'm going to do it!
Oh! What are you doing now?
347
00:21:00,474 --> 00:21:02,874
I'm gonna bloody jump.
Whoa! Don't jump.
348
00:21:02,914 --> 00:21:06,434
I've got nothing left, kiddo.
The witch has taken everything,
349
00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:09,634
my money, my kids, my house.
350
00:21:09,674 --> 00:21:11,994
And it turns out I've spent
most Friday nights
351
00:21:12,034 --> 00:21:14,794
getting sucked off by old men!
352
00:21:14,834 --> 00:21:17,114
You can't pin that on her.
I'm gonna do it.
353
00:21:17,154 --> 00:21:19,674
Wait! You can't!
Give me one good reason not to.
354
00:21:19,714 --> 00:21:21,874
You haven't taught me
how to reverse yet.
355
00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:26,274
You don't need me. No-one does!
Hey! That's not true.
356
00:21:26,314 --> 00:21:28,754
You're the best in the bizzle.
357
00:21:28,914 --> 00:21:33,794
Learner drivers everywhere need you.
And you're great on a stag.
358
00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:35,474
Isn't he, Marcus?
359
00:21:35,514 --> 00:21:39,394
You? Yes. You're a bloody legend.
360
00:21:41,434 --> 00:21:46,034
I mean, that can't be
all there is, though.
361
00:21:46,074 --> 00:21:48,554
I need more than that.
362
00:21:49,514 --> 00:21:52,274
I'll give you a big bag of drugs.
363
00:21:52,514 --> 00:21:54,954
OK, I'm coming down.
Right.
364
00:21:54,994 --> 00:21:57,354
Good. Let's get him home
before the wedding.
365
00:21:57,394 --> 00:21:59,754
No, it's off.
I'm not getting married.
366
00:21:59,794 --> 00:22:01,514
What?
Not if that's the result.
367
00:22:01,554 --> 00:22:04,674
It doesn't always do this.
This is quite a special case.
368
00:22:04,714 --> 00:22:07,034
I'll tell Dad in the morning.
I don't love her.
369
00:22:07,074 --> 00:22:12,234
I don't want to have sex
in a harness. All this for nothing?
370
00:22:18,594 --> 00:22:22,354
Pretty good stag, all told.
The wedding's been cancelled
371
00:22:22,394 --> 00:22:26,754
and someone tried to kill himself.
I kept having fucked up visions
372
00:22:26,794 --> 00:22:31,594
of chickens everywhere and people
getting noshed off by old men.
373
00:22:31,634 --> 00:22:34,754
Unfortunately,
most of that happened.
374
00:22:34,794 --> 00:22:36,874
Shit. Dead end.
375
00:22:36,914 --> 00:22:40,594
So, do a U-ie.
I've never managed one before.
376
00:22:41,674 --> 00:22:44,274
All right. Let's do this. Tsk, tsk.
377
00:22:53,392 --> 00:23:27,482
378
00:23:27,532 --> 00:23:32,082
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