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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,280
There goes the bell as
we enter the last lap
2
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:05,320
of this extraordinary race.
3
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:07,920
He's trying to overtake him round
the outside
4
00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:09,680
but he can't get through.
5
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,600
It's Scorpus in green, moving up to
third place.
6
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,680
Looks like too little too late,
though, for the reigning champion.
7
00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:18,840
Whatever happens now, you can say to
your grandchildren,
8
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:20,880
"Yes, I was there!"
9
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,560
What's going on now?
10
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:25,080
There's a lot of sand.
Some cheering.
11
00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:27,960
There's a guy selling nuts. In the
race, tell me about the race.
12
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:31,080
Someone in the crowd's gone topless.
Quickly tell me about that.
13
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:32,920
Some fat bloke.
And back to the race.
14
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:35,160
Stop squeezing my neck!
Here comes red again...
15
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,800
Shit, I knew it! I knew I shouldn't
have bet on green.
16
00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:40,760
You shouldn't have bet at all.
That's 40 denari down the drain.
17
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,800
You shouldn't gamble our money away
without asking me. Hang on, 40?
18
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,040
I thought you said four?
19
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:46,960
I said 40, I just said the 'T' very
quietly.
20
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,080
You total twat!
Red's out of it.
21
00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:51,720
He smacked into a wall.
Oh, yes!
22
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,640
That's nasty. He's covered in blood.
23
00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,640
That's a shame, but still yes!
Come on, green!
24
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,680
Blue and green are neck-and-neck.
They're round the final bend.
25
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:01,800
It's well tied. Get your hands out
of my face!
26
00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:03,520
And? And?
Green!
27
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:05,560
Yes!
28
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,840
I knew it would be green!
29
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:09,440
No, it's blue.
30
00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:12,280
You idiot! I told you, I told you
not to throw our money away.
31
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:13,880
No, green. It is green.
32
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,920
Yes!
33
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:17,640
I'm still really angry with you.
34
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:20,280
Yes! Yes!
Oi, you three.
35
00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:22,880
Piss off or buy a ticket like
everyone else.
36
00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,320
We'll piss off, thanks. We saw it
for nothing, mate,
37
00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,360
and we made a packet, so -
38
00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:31,440
You know what you are, don't you?
39
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:46,784
40
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,720
So that's a cool 100 for me and a
cool 100 for you.
41
00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:57,800
What do I get?
Nothing, Grumio.
42
00:01:57,840 --> 00:01:59,600
You're my slave. Your money is my
money.
43
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,120
So is your money my money?
44
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,960
No, that's still my money.
Essentially, everything's mine.
45
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,080
Come on, you stingy git.
Give me some.
46
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,280
You're only gonna go and spaff it
all on Cynthia.
47
00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,560
Er, no, he won't.
I might actually.
48
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:13,240
There's a swanky new Hispanian
restaurant just opened
49
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,960
that I want to take her to. See?
You've got to let her go, bro.
50
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,800
You're getting nowhere fast.
Or I'm getting somewhere slow.
51
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,040
You've not grappled anybody since we
got to Rome.
52
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,840
You're denying other ladies the
chance to get busy with you.
53
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:25,360
I think they're fine with that.
54
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,280
None of that. We have got 100 denari
each.
55
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:30,360
This is our chance to start again.
56
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,400
To become the big men of Rome.
57
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:37,120
Meaning? Well, I'm going to reinvent
myself as a charioteer.
58
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:40,320
Oh, wicked. Girls wet themselves for
those guys.
59
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,480
In a good way. I think chariots cost
a bit more than 100 denari, mate.
60
00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:46,400
Who said anything about getting a
chariot? I can't even drive.
61
00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,440
How's that gonna work?
62
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:56,080
Salve, ladies. Stylax, charioteer.
63
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,040
Hey, Metella.
Have a nice weekend?
64
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,560
You want Cynthia, right?
65
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:17,080
I was trying to make conversation
with you first. Why?
66
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:18,480
Because it's neighbourly.
67
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:20,600
Are you actually interested in my
life at all?
68
00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:21,680
Well, no, but -
69
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:23,920
So just say what you want rather
than waste my time
70
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,640
asking inane questions.
OK, fine.
71
00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:27,000
I'd like to see Cynthia.
72
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,800
There we are. That's better, isn't
it?
73
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,880
Cynthia!
Yeah?
74
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,600
It's Marcus. Shall I tell him you're
out?
75
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:38,400
Oh, er...
76
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,200
I can hear all this, by the way.
77
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,360
Oh. Er, no, then.
78
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,480
Hey, Marcus.
What's up?
79
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:47,360
Hey. So I've managed to bag a table
tomorrow night
80
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,000
at this new Hispanian restaurant if
you wanted to join me.
81
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,640
They do patatas bravas.
That's really sweet,
82
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,920
but I'd better not. I've got an
audition coming up
83
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,160
for the part of a sylph.
84
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:57,600
Right. What's a sylph?
85
00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:00,040
Like a cross between
a nymph and a sprite.
86
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,640
So...
Thin, basically.
87
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:06,000
I'm only eating cress at the mo'.
Certainly can't have patatas.
88
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:08,160
Potatoes.
Can't have those either.
89
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,200
Sorry.
OK.
90
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,280
Good luck with the audition -
Oh.
91
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,800
You all right, darling?
Yep.
92
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,840
You ain't gonna jump, are you?
93
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:26,640
No. Just er, problem neighbours.
94
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:28,960
Well, er, thanks for the warning.
95
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,640
I'm Marcus. I live in that one.
96
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,560
Well, I'm Amanda and I live in this
one.
97
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,760
You're not free at all tomorrow
night are you, Amanda?
98
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:42,320
I'm so proud of you, man!
99
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,960
I didn't deceive her or waste months
pretending to be her friend.
100
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,560
I just asked her out, straight up.
And she just said yes?
101
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,760
Indeed she did.
What's wrong with her then?
102
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:54,240
Nothing. This guy is a hunk. She's
going because she fancies him.
103
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:56,680
Or because she fancies
a big steak supper.
104
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:58,800
No, actually, cos it's not that kind
of food.
105
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,960
It's all small dishes designed for
sharing.
106
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,400
You'll struggle with that then,
you stingy bastard.
107
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:05,200
Oh my Jove. There you go then,
Grumio.
108
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,560
Don't say I never give you anything.
109
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:11,040
One deni? Thanks a bloody bunch!
110
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,200
You don't even own a chariot.
Well, not yet.
111
00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:20,120
And yet you bought leathers, cuffs,
a cape -
112
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:21,520
A helmet.
Don't help him.
113
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,520
In case you crash your imaginary
chariot into an imaginary wall?
114
00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,600
All I know is that women love men
who live on the edge.
115
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,920
Who laugh in the face of death.
I know, mate.
116
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,080
Hence why they love me.
117
00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:35,400
What? You laugh in the face of death
do you, Aurelius?
118
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,320
I once had sex in a graveyard. So...
119
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,400
Wow.
Yes, thank you. I know.
120
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,400
And did you put the corpse back
afterwards?
121
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,040
No -
Did you just leave it there?
122
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:47,520
It wasn't with a corpse - Were you
laughing in its face? It was a living woman.
123
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,760
She started off that way...
For the whole time -
124
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,000
Does she still walk?
I would never hump a corpse!
125
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:56,920
I think I'll be cremated all the
same, water boy, just to be safe.
126
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,960
Yes, good idea.
Water man.
127
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,800
Shredder, have you got yourself a
chariot?
128
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:04,720
Of course he has. What kind of fool
would buy all the chariot kit
129
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,120
without having a chariot?
130
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,920
I must say, I do like young men in
leather. And in general.
131
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:10,040
Thank you very much.
132
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,040
My husband collects chariots.
133
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,800
I tell him he's compensating for
shortcomings elsewhere.
134
00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:17,640
Is that what you're doing? No, no
shortcomings here.
135
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:19,680
Long-comings if anything.
136
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,200
That reminds me, I've left my
lunchbox at home.
137
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:24,760
Be a love and whizz back and get it
for me. Go to your house?
138
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,520
Won't take long in a chariot.
30-minute round trip.
139
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,960
I might need a bit longer.
140
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,280
Nonsense. Crack the whip! You do
have a whip, don't you?
141
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,080
No, so maybe I shouldn't go.
142
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,120
No, no, no. You can borrow one of
mine.
143
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,160
Follow me.
144
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,320
Don't forget your helmet, mate.
145
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,360
Safety first.
146
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,760
Salve, Grumio.
All right, landlord?
147
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,280
What's with the bling?
148
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,880
Well, you know, business is booming
so I thought I'd treat myself.
149
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,800
What's with the big man?
150
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,840
I thought I'd treat myself to him
too.
151
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:18,400
I'm accessorising. His name's Davis.
152
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,200
All right, fella.
153
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,600
In fact, take the weight off a sec
will you, Davis?
154
00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,120
That's better.
155
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,400
How can I get rich then?
156
00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,960
Well, in my experience, the easiest
way to make money
157
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,800
is to have loads already.
Right. Any other ways?
158
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,680
Could work really hard.
Any other ways?
159
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:39,480
You could try something like Amanda
over there.
160
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,680
What's her story then?
161
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,400
Works from home. World's oldest
profession.
162
00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:47,440
She busy then, is she?
163
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,560
Oh, yeah. Lot of happy customers.
164
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,600
Going in and out.
165
00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:53,640
Know what I mean?
166
00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:58,320
That'll do. Lovely.
167
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,480
Hello?
168
00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:25,080
Yes? What do you want?
169
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,440
Hey.
170
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,800
Hm?
171
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,080
My name's Stylax, I work with Flavia.
Mm-hm?
172
00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:36,280
And what do you want?
173
00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,720
I'm here to pick up her lunchbox.
174
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:40,760
It's there.
175
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,240
Is that it?
Could I have a glass of water?
176
00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:51,600
No.
Eff off, then.
177
00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:53,560
Cool, I'll just -
Yeah. Just go.
178
00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,800
He's definitely doing the dirty.
You don't know that.
179
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,760
He was with a woman who was
butt-naked and boobs-naked.
180
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,800
Everything-naked.
181
00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:08,840
Which tunic do you think?
That one.
182
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:12,040
I caught him with his dick in the
cookie jar
183
00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,720
and you know what that means? His
dick's got crumbs on it.
184
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,720
And therefore?
Don't eat his cookies?
185
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,760
We threaten to tell Flavia.
No way.
186
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,320
We're not blackmailing him.
187
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,840
I just want some hush money.
Or a chariot.
188
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:25,240
I want a hush chariot.
189
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,880
Count me in. It's got sod all to do
with you, Grumio.
190
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:30,720
Or any of us.
Right, how do I look?
191
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:34,640
You're an absolute dreamboat, mate.
If I were a girl, I'd ruin you.
192
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:36,080
That's a bit weird, but thanks.
193
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,840
Now remember, you are a big man of
Rome
194
00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:42,120
so splash the cash, spread the love
and show the girl a good time.
195
00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:48,560
So, so proud.
196
00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,480
Wow. This is dead posh, innit?
197
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,520
The forks are metal and everything.
198
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:04,920
Yes, well, order anything else you
want. It's all on me.
199
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,160
So have you got a good job then,
Marcus?
200
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:11,120
Er, sort of. I work for Rome's third
largest grain supply company.
201
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,400
Oh, wow. I bet you like grain then.
202
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:16,600
I don't actually work with the grain
myself. I'm a copier.
203
00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,240
Try the patatas.
204
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,760
I do know a thing or two about
grain. I grew up on a farm.
205
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:25,080
Oh, wow. Do you know, I love farms.
All the little ducks and everything.
206
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,000
I bet that was brilliant.
207
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:28,880
Yeah, it had its moments.
Oh, yeah?
208
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,920
What sort of moments?
209
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:35,360
Er, let's think. Erm, one time I was
in a chicken coup
210
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,320
and I found a square egg.
Square?
211
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:41,080
Really? That's dead odd, innit?
Cos eggs are usually sort of round.
212
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,320
Egg-shaped, yeah, I know. But this
was more...
213
00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,520
it wasn't a perfect square,
it was still an egg.
214
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:48,000
But put it this way, it's on my
parent's mantelpiece
215
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:50,560
and it's not rolling anywhere.
Have some more wine.
216
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:53,680
OK.
Oh, don't worry about it.
217
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,280
No, no.
Waiter.
218
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,320
One more bottle of wine, please.
219
00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:59,360
Yes, sir. House again?
220
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,240
Erm, no, actually.
221
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:04,040
I think this time we'll go one up
from house.
222
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,680
Salve, ladies. Stylax, charioteer.
223
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,280
They could tell, can't they?
224
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,240
Tell what? That I'm not
a real charioteer.
225
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:26,560
I'm just a twat in a uniform.
226
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,720
Hang on.
227
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:36,880
I wish we had more money.
228
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,320
Well, that didn't work, did it?
229
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,000
Oh, Marcus. That is amazing.
230
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:52,560
Shall I keep going?
Up to you, babes.
231
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,800
Do whatever you want.
I'll keep going.
232
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,080
Just a mo'.
233
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:04,520
- I'll be five minutes, yeah?
- OK, no worries.
234
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,080
I'm sorry, babes. It's your five
minute warning.
235
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:09,320
Why, who was that?
236
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:11,360
My next client. Just a bit early.
237
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:15,720
"Client"? Sorry, Amanda, are you a -
238
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,400
I'm not being rude - but are you a -
Er, yeah.
239
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,440
Ah.
240
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,120
How long were you down there for?
241
00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,160
Maybe... an hour?
242
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,000
An hour? I can't believe I was so
stupid.
243
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:42,080
She laughed at my jokes. She even
liked the square egg story.
244
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,920
That's basically a prostitute test.
245
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,480
I like that story. This is all your
fault, you realise?
246
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:49,160
How do you work that out? I was
trying to spread the love.
247
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,320
Show her a good time. And look where
that got me.
248
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:52,960
100 denari bill and lockjaw.
249
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,600
For that sort of money you really
should have humped her.
250
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:57,640
I just warmed her up for the next
guy. Or guys.
251
00:12:57,680 --> 00:12:59,720
I probably wasn't even her first of
the day.
252
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,760
No, you weren't.
253
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,480
How do you know?
Cos I saw her with a fat bloke.
254
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,520
Right. And why didn't you tell me?
255
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:09,920
Landlord said she did the oldest job
in the world.
256
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,160
That's a prostitute.
Famously a prostitute.
257
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,640
Right. I thought it were a cook.
258
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:16,440
A cook? Why would it be a cook?
259
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,680
Even a prozzie's got to eat,
hasn't she?
260
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,240
He makes a fair point. You should
have given me the money.
261
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,480
It wouldn't have ended up like this.
Oh, really?
262
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,360
It wouldn't have ended with me
sucking you off? Good to know!
263
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,840
Hi, guys.
Hey, Cynthia. Hello, hello.
264
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:30,720
How was the audition?
Hideous.
265
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:32,400
I was so weak from the cress diet
266
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,320
that I passed out walking up the
stairs.
267
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,560
Oh, shit. I know. On the flipside,
I'm now hardcore comfort eating.
268
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,440
So if you still want to go to that
restaurant, then I'm game.
269
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:44,200
Yeah. I'm a bit broke is all.
270
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:47,120
My treat. Just got Nana's
inheritance fund.
271
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,680
Oh, great. And condolences,
obviously.
272
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:53,920
Also, I don't know if you've noticed but landlord's
moved a filthy whore into the building.
273
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,680
We just found out ourselves.
274
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,920
So I've started a petition to have
her evicted
275
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,680
before the whole building's crawling
with horny creeps.
276
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:02,640
Do you know what I mean?
Completely, yeah.
277
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:04,680
So you'll sign it, right?
278
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,800
I...of course.
279
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,600
I just came round to say thank you
for a lovely evening
280
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:19,680
and to see if there's any way I
could get away with not paying for it.
281
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,560
Why?
I didn't know that you were a...
282
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,240
He didn't have a clue.
Did you not spot the red candle?
283
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,800
See, I grew up on a farm where we
didn't have the whole
284
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,760
red candle system. What about how
flirty I was with you?
285
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,600
I genuinely thought you were into
me.
286
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,640
And when I checked your dick for
lice?
287
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:37,040
Yeah, in hindsight that was a bit
odd.
288
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,560
Even so, the fact is you got taken
to a fancy restaurant
289
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:42,480
where you ate two desserts
and then received oral attention.
290
00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:43,920
For an hour.
Approx.
291
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:45,720
If anything, you should be paying
him.
292
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,400
That won't be necessary, but maybe
we could call it quits?
293
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,880
What you choose to do in our time is
entirely up to you.
294
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,720
You didn't find it weird that I
chose to do that? For an hour?
295
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,080
He's got lockjaw, for Jove's sake!
296
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,320
OK, mate. Could we at least arrange
a discount?
297
00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,240
I'll give you a 20% discount, only
because you're a dopey twat.
298
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:04,200
Thank you, that's kind of you. But I
will need it for today. Fine.
299
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:07,160
Well, if you'll excuse me, I need my
beauty sleep.
300
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,200
I am chockablock later.
301
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:13,000
Sorry, erm, have you got a menu I
could take away?
302
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:15,040
Is it called a menu?
303
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:20,840
So what are we going to say to him?
304
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,360
"Game's up, sucker! We know you're
doing the dirty."
305
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:27,200
We're not calling him "sucker."
We need to set the tone, show him we mean business.
306
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:30,240
People who mean business don't say
"sucker." How about "nonce"?
307
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:31,920
Doesn't "nonce" mean paedophile?
308
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,960
"Shut your mush, you fucking mush."
309
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,800
Forget about that. What are our
demands gonna be?
310
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,440
I need 80 denari.
Round that up to a cool grand.
311
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,600
That's more than rounding up.
Plus a chariot.
312
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,040
And a horse.
Good thinking.
313
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,160
Some feed for the horse.
Er, yeah.
314
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,280
Some feed for me.
Why do you need feed?
315
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,120
Cos I'm hungry.
Some feed for G-man.
316
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:50,760
Or "food" as we tend to call it.
317
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:54,200
A cool grand, chariot, a horse, some
feed and some food.
318
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:57,200
OK.
Let's do this.
319
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,840
Shut your fucking mush,
you bozo bitch sucker.
320
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:07,320
You all right?
Yeah.
321
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,040
I was here yesterday for the
lunchbox. I know.
322
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,760
And? And when I was here I saw
something.
323
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,520
Something big. And bad.
324
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,200
Get to the point maybe?
325
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,240
Your dick's got crumbs on it.
What?
326
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:22,200
I saw her. The naked lady frolicking
about, I saw her.
327
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,280
Oh, right. Now we're getting
somewhere.
328
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,520
And you thought you'd come back with
your two heavies, did you,
329
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:28,920
to blackmail me?
330
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,840
And if you don't want us to tell
Flavia,
331
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:34,240
you'd better meet our demands.
Flavia, darling, love of my life.
332
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,400
Come down here for a moment will
you, please?
333
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,440
There's some idiots at the door.
334
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,640
When do we get to do our demands?
I'm not sure we do.
335
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,440
Ah, yes. These are my idiots.
336
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:46,080
And my idiots' idiot.
337
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,920
It's all getting very exciting down here,
darling. They're trying to blackmail me.
338
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,080
No, he said blackmail. I didn't say -
339
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:54,800
They're threatening to tell you
about the naked lady
340
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,640
that was here yesterday.
Oh, bless.
341
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,840
Do you want to handle this or should
I go and get my big sword?
342
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:03,200
No, no, no. Leave it with me,
Cornelius, my love.
343
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,240
Light of my world.
344
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,360
Forgive my husband for being
brusque, boys,
345
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:14,120
he's just a very talented artist
and therefore a very rude person.
346
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:17,080
Currently he's working on a
sculpture on the birth of Venus.
347
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,120
The nude was his model.
348
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:20,560
Oh, right. You sure?
349
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,160
I hardly think Venus would be
clothed at birth, would she?
350
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,400
I mean, were you born clothed?
351
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:26,840
No.
Can't remember.
352
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,040
I'm sorry. We needed money.
353
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:31,000
I see. Well, since you're here,
Shredder,
354
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,840
why don't you chauffeur me into
town? I'll give you ten denari.
355
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,200
I don't actually own a chariot,
turns out.
356
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,240
Just got the uniform.
357
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,400
Well, do please come again soon.
358
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,440
Can we carry you for ten denari?
359
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,880
Or five? We're desperate. Is there
anything we can do?
360
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,480
Well, maybe rob a bank?
361
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,000
Ey up, I've got an idea.
362
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,040
Is it robbing a bank?
363
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,080
Not quite.
364
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:02,200
Come on, get stuck in.
365
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:03,720
I think this is illegal.
366
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:06,520
Nobody owns this money. They've
literally thrown it away.
367
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,240
So they'd have their wishes granted.
It works, don't it?
368
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,720
Last night I wished we had more
money and today we do.
369
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,680
It's a miracle, praise the Gods!
370
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,800
Bloody hell, five denari.
371
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:18,120
Nice one. Next time I'm bringing a
bucket.
372
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,760
Are we big men now? Cos I don't feel
like a big man.
373
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,040
Did you just splash me?
Sorry.
374
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,680
Fountains make me want to do
splashy-splashy.
375
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:32,560
Grumio, do not splash him back.
I order you.
376
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:34,920
If he's gonna do splashy-splashy,
then so am I.
377
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:46,400
Oi, stop a sec. No, you're only
gonna splashy-splashy me!
378
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,440
Seriously...
Oi!
379
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,160
Shit, maybe it is illegal.
Stay where you are.
380
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,200
Oi!
381
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:32,560
Psst.
Spare any change?
382
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,680
You're turning this place into a den
of sin.
383
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:42,960
You should have checked
with the tenants first.
384
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,360
She's not hurting anyone.
Unless they pay her to.
385
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,960
What if one of your dirty clients
386
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,000
accidentally knocks on my door in
the night?
387
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:50,800
Take him in, darling. You could do
well.
388
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,320
Thank you very much, but that's not
really the point.
389
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,640
Especially if you remove that pole
from your arse.
390
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,200
Right, that is it. Landlord, you
have to get rid of her.
391
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:01,640
I'm not alone here. I've started a
petition amongst the other tenants.
392
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:04,040
You what? I've already
got several supporters.
393
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,080
Marcus! You'll back me up.
394
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,920
I was just going to get changed.
395
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,800
This is important.
For when we go out.
396
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,360
"The following tenants demand the
eviction
397
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,080
of the whore from flat six."
398
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:15,760
Did you sign it?
399
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,760
Did I? I can't remember...
400
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,480
"Marcus Goer." Yep, you did, yeah.
401
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,520
You can bloody forget the discount
now then.
402
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:22,840
Discount? What discount?
403
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,880
Uh-huh, this is interesting.
404
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,440
There was a misunderstanding.
I want the full 100, now.
405
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,880
You paid for sex?
No, he hasn't paid yet.
406
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,560
I didn't actually have sex with her.
What did you do, then?
407
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,720
Doesn't matter. Erm... sorry, it's a
bit wet.
408
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,800
You're paying me in damp change.
Are you serious?
409
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:44,680
Still legal tender.
8, 10, 17, 20, 24...
410
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,640
I'm a bit short. Could I owe you?
No, you couldn't.
411
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,240
Right. Erm...
412
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:54,480
Cynthia, any chance I could borrow
some - What?
413
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,080
You want me to fund
your prostitute habit?
414
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:58,680
It's not a habit, it was a one-off.
415
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,800
And a mistake. I thought it might be
pleasure rather than business.
416
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:05,440
You thought someone would go out with
you for pleasure? Don't start. How much?
417
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:07,560
76 denari.
I'm really sorry.
418
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,720
This is not what Nana's inheritance
is for.
419
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:15,400
Here's 80. You can keep the change.
It was a pleasure doing business with you.
420
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,640
Thank you. I'll pay you back.
421
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,040
And tonight, are we still on for
dinner?
422
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:24,720
You expect me to pay your prostitute
bills and then buy you dinner?
423
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,760
Well, ideally...
424
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,800
Wow.
425
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,720
Legend.
426
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:43,880
I don't need a chariot.
Don't need it.
427
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,800
I'll stick to walking.
I like walking.
428
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:48,840
You're good at walking. Plus there's
running costs, the parking.
429
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,880
One-way system's a nightmare.
430
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,840
They are as sexy as hell,
though.
431
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,880
You're not wrong.
432
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,360
This one's just like the one outside
Flavia's -
433
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:11,080
Uh-oh! I've got you now, you dirty
little punk-arsed pussy sucker.
434
00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:13,120
Bloody nonce.
435
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,600
Oh, shit.
436
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,240
Take the next left.
Don't know how.
437
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:29,200
Where are we going, then?
It's sort of up to the horse.
438
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,600
Salve, ladies. Stylax, charioteer.
439
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:34,640
Marcus, big man of Rome.
440
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:40,200
We've arrived, baby. The big men have
arrived!
441
00:22:41,921 --> 00:23:16,779
442
00:23:16,829 --> 00:23:21,379
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