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1
00:00:02,413 --> 00:00:06,893
The seas will rise up and drown
the people living in the lowlands.
2
00:00:06,947 --> 00:00:09,947
Doughnuts! And the sun
shall beat down,
3
00:00:09,987 --> 00:00:13,667
and burn all those people
living in the hills.
4
00:00:13,707 --> 00:00:18,707
Doughnuts! And those people
living on the lands that are neither high nor low
5
00:00:18,747 --> 00:00:23,667
will also die through a combination
of burning and drowning.
6
00:00:23,707 --> 00:00:27,187
None of you are safe.
The end is nigh.
7
00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:29,147
Come get your doughnuts!
8
00:00:29,187 --> 00:00:31,667
So... When's the world ending?
9
00:00:31,707 --> 00:00:33,987
Oh, I dunno. I were listening
to that doughnut guy.
10
00:00:34,027 --> 00:00:36,467
Nigh, apparently. Oh, right. Nigh.
11
00:00:36,507 --> 00:00:40,267
Hang on, doesn't that mean soon?
Well, yeah. To the people that say it, it means soon.
12
00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:42,787
To everyone else, it means
you're a nutter talking shit.
13
00:00:42,827 --> 00:00:44,947
I'm gonna get a doughnut,
just in case.
14
00:00:46,187 --> 00:00:48,347
If the world did end,
I'd be bloody miffed.
15
00:00:48,387 --> 00:00:50,147
I've got so much to give.
16
00:00:50,187 --> 00:00:52,587
I dunno.
I can see the appeal of oblivion.
17
00:00:52,627 --> 00:00:54,227
At least everyone would shut up.
18
00:00:54,267 --> 00:00:57,267
We're just broke single dickheads,
anyway. What have we got to live for?
19
00:00:57,307 --> 00:01:00,787
Mate, you dunno what you're
talking about. The future is gonna be peachy as shit.
20
00:01:00,827 --> 00:01:03,227
Yeah? You think? Yeah, I do think.
21
00:01:03,267 --> 00:01:05,667
We'll get a new flat,
climb the corporate ladder.
22
00:01:05,707 --> 00:01:08,267
You'll get with Cynthia,
I'll get with everybody else.
23
00:01:08,307 --> 00:01:10,347
And when's this happening, exactly?
24
00:01:10,387 --> 00:01:12,587
Well, I don't know when exactly,
but it is nigh.
25
00:01:12,627 --> 00:01:14,267
It's really fucking nigh.
26
00:01:14,987 --> 00:01:31,240
27
00:01:33,507 --> 00:01:37,187
How's the doughnut, then?
Oh, nasty. Don't like it.
28
00:01:37,227 --> 00:01:39,227
But you gonna finish it?
Oh, yeah.
29
00:01:42,027 --> 00:01:44,667
Hey, guys! Isn't this wicked?
30
00:01:44,707 --> 00:01:47,507
Look at all the Saturnalia stuff
we've bought. Oh, brilliant.
31
00:01:47,547 --> 00:01:50,387
What have you got? So far,
we've got a set of wooden eggs
32
00:01:50,427 --> 00:01:52,267
and some tiny straw animals.
33
00:01:52,307 --> 00:01:54,947
Just the essentials.
Mets, look! Wind chimes!
34
00:01:54,987 --> 00:01:57,867
We do need some wind chimes.
But, of course.
35
00:01:59,547 --> 00:02:02,027
Shit! I'm so sorry.
Are you all right?
36
00:02:02,067 --> 00:02:04,547
You bloody fool! I'm really sorry.
37
00:02:04,587 --> 00:02:09,187
It was an accident.
Before the year's out, you'll have an accident of your own.
38
00:02:09,227 --> 00:02:11,387
What? Really?
All right. She said she was sorry.
39
00:02:11,427 --> 00:02:13,427
Do you want some? No, thank you.
40
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:18,587
Wow, that was creepy.
Nah, it's probably fine.
41
00:02:18,627 --> 00:02:22,747
Earlier, she was banging on
about the end of the world. She's just a real wet blanket.
42
00:02:22,787 --> 00:02:24,427
Right, yeah.
43
00:02:24,467 --> 00:02:26,467
Mad old trout.
44
00:02:29,307 --> 00:02:31,427
Midnight, tomorrow, my friend.
45
00:02:31,467 --> 00:02:34,987
That's when it's nigh.
That's when people lose their shit.
46
00:02:35,027 --> 00:02:38,467
OK. In a good way? Yeah.
You'll finally get with Cynthia.
47
00:02:38,507 --> 00:02:42,147
Apparently, everyone rams
into the Forum for the countdown and the gong banging.
48
00:02:42,187 --> 00:02:45,507
Then, all the girls
gruffle whoever they're next to.
49
00:02:45,547 --> 00:02:47,147
Why would they do that? I dunno.
50
00:02:47,187 --> 00:02:50,467
Carnival atmosphere? Moment
of madness cos it's cold? Who cares?
51
00:02:50,507 --> 00:02:53,547
It's no longer about who you are,
it's about where you stand.
52
00:02:53,587 --> 00:02:59,067
Let me get this straight. A hideous
dog-man could snog a really hot babe just by standing next to her?
53
00:02:59,107 --> 00:03:02,027
Well, come along and we'll
test it out. Oh, very funny. Not.
54
00:03:02,067 --> 00:03:06,187
I'm busy.
At Saturnalia, I always volunteer at a homeless shelter. Wow. Wowzer.
55
00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:10,667
I did not know that.
What do you do? I give them food, a bath, a warm bed for the night.
56
00:03:10,707 --> 00:03:12,507
Why is it warm?
Are you in the bed? Ha, no.
57
00:03:12,547 --> 00:03:14,707
Do you cuddle them in the bed?
Of course I don't.
58
00:03:14,747 --> 00:03:16,547
So, you fuck them warm?
What? Oh, my God.
59
00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:19,547
I don't get it.
If you don't cuddle them - I do not fuck the homeless warm!
60
00:03:19,587 --> 00:03:22,587
Well, good.
You'd think they'd suffered enough.
61
00:03:22,627 --> 00:03:25,187
Can I have this in a larger
font? It's giving me a headache.
62
00:03:25,227 --> 00:03:27,787
To clarify, I work at a homeless
shelter at Saturnalia.
63
00:03:27,827 --> 00:03:29,987
It's not a sex arrangement.
How noble of you.
64
00:03:30,027 --> 00:03:32,427
I'd love to do something like that
but I worry I'd hate it.
65
00:03:32,467 --> 00:03:35,227
And, alas, I can't.
It's my annual Saturnalia bash.
66
00:03:35,267 --> 00:03:37,587
I have gone a bit
overboard this year.
67
00:03:37,627 --> 00:03:41,987
Really? Who's going?
Friends, colleagues, waifs and strays, people I actively despise.
68
00:03:42,027 --> 00:03:44,027
Pretty much everyone I've ever met.
69
00:03:46,547 --> 00:03:49,187
I mean, how do we not fit
into one of those groups?
70
00:03:56,387 --> 00:03:59,227
Salve, Grumio.
Compliments of the season to you.
71
00:03:59,267 --> 00:04:03,547
Cheers. By the way, Marcus said
I had to have a go at you about the damp in one of the rooms.
72
00:04:03,587 --> 00:04:05,707
Oh, right. Well, go on then.
OK, cool.
73
00:04:05,747 --> 00:04:08,587
There's damp in one of the rooms.
Yeah, it's a wet room.
74
00:04:08,627 --> 00:04:10,867
Oh...wicked.
75
00:04:10,907 --> 00:04:12,987
I'll pass that on. If you would.
76
00:04:13,027 --> 00:04:15,147
Can you smell that, by the way?
77
00:04:15,187 --> 00:04:17,227
What is it?
It's like someone's having a BBQ.
78
00:04:17,267 --> 00:04:18,907
Oh, that. Yeah, that's the temple.
79
00:04:18,947 --> 00:04:21,827
They get all sacrificey
during Saturnalia.
80
00:04:21,867 --> 00:04:23,627
So, who eats all the meat, then?
81
00:04:23,667 --> 00:04:25,867
The gods.
Yeah, but who really eats it?
82
00:04:25,907 --> 00:04:30,587
Oh, I guess... Dogs, ants
and any other animals that aren't that religious.
83
00:04:30,627 --> 00:04:32,627
Bit of a waste, if you ask me.
84
00:04:44,787 --> 00:04:46,507
Season's greetings, Metella.
85
00:04:46,547 --> 00:04:48,227
Just say hi. Yeah, hi.
86
00:04:48,267 --> 00:04:52,907
Tomorrow night we're going to
the Forum for the gong banging, and you guys should definitely come.
87
00:04:52,947 --> 00:04:55,667
I'm having a quiet one. Thanks.
Brilliant. Just Cynthia, then.
88
00:04:55,707 --> 00:04:57,547
Yep, she's the reason it's quiet.
89
00:04:57,587 --> 00:05:00,547
After that crone cursed her,
90
00:05:00,587 --> 00:05:02,987
she's been terrified
about having an accident. What?
91
00:05:03,027 --> 00:05:05,667
That's... Cynthia!
I really wouldn't bother.
92
00:05:05,707 --> 00:05:09,067
What? Who is it? It's Marcus.
Has he got anything jagged on him?
93
00:05:09,107 --> 00:05:11,107
Just his face.
94
00:05:14,467 --> 00:05:16,787
Wow. You look cosy.
What is it, Marcus? Quickly.
95
00:05:16,827 --> 00:05:19,107
OK, listen.
Forget the whole curse thing.
96
00:05:19,147 --> 00:05:21,227
Come to the Forum.
Saturnalia tomorrow night.
97
00:05:21,267 --> 00:05:23,987
It's gonna be this massive, wild,
incredibly safe party.
98
00:05:24,027 --> 00:05:26,267
The Forum? Are you mad?
No. I'll protect you!
99
00:05:26,307 --> 00:05:29,107
I could get trampled on.
So... You can go on my shoulders.
100
00:05:29,147 --> 00:05:33,187
Or, I could get struck by lightning.
So... I'll go on your shoulders.
101
00:05:33,227 --> 00:05:35,027
I'm not sure I can manage that.
102
00:05:35,067 --> 00:05:37,067
Maybe next year.
103
00:05:39,227 --> 00:05:40,947
Put a word in...
104
00:05:44,947 --> 00:05:47,827
Find the crone
and make her reverse the curse.
105
00:05:47,867 --> 00:05:50,227
Do a reverse-a-curse.
The crone hates us.
106
00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:52,187
She nearly cursed me.
Well, then, pay her off.
107
00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:54,707
Or, even better,
get her to say something good, like,
108
00:05:54,747 --> 00:05:57,187
'This year, you will shag Marcus.'
109
00:05:57,227 --> 00:05:59,747
That's an even worse curse.
A worse-a-curse.
110
00:06:01,467 --> 00:06:03,387
What is this meat, Grum?
It's so tasty.
111
00:06:03,427 --> 00:06:05,827
Yeah? I dunno. OK.
112
00:06:05,867 --> 00:06:09,107
Hang on, not OK. Why don't you know?
It's not from a shop.
113
00:06:09,147 --> 00:06:12,107
OK. Where's it from? Temple.
Right. Getting there.
114
00:06:12,147 --> 00:06:14,667
Why's it from the temple?
They sacrifice meat.
115
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:16,947
And you bought it, or...? Nabbed it.
116
00:06:16,987 --> 00:06:19,987
I see. So, we're eating
stolen sacrificial meat, now?
117
00:06:22,307 --> 00:06:25,707
Right, you're fine with that?
That we're chowing down on the food of the gods?
118
00:06:25,747 --> 00:06:30,227
I know. It's delicious.
No, but it's really bad form to steal the gods' food.
119
00:06:30,267 --> 00:06:33,867
The gods aren't hungry.
Or, you know... Real.
120
00:06:33,907 --> 00:06:37,787
Either way, it's not getting eaten.
He's doing them a favour, tidying up all their loose meat.
121
00:06:37,827 --> 00:06:40,587
We shouldn't be eating loose meat.
We dunno what it is.
122
00:06:40,627 --> 00:06:43,867
Well, it tastes like chicken.
Yeah, you know what else tastes like chicken?
123
00:06:43,907 --> 00:06:45,787
Humans.
124
00:06:45,827 --> 00:06:47,827
Do they even do
human sacrifices any more?
125
00:06:47,867 --> 00:06:50,987
Grumio, what are the chances
that this is a person?
126
00:06:51,027 --> 00:06:54,227
Very slim.
This is a chicken leg, Marcus.
127
00:06:54,267 --> 00:06:57,107
Look, there is no way
that's from a human.
128
00:06:57,147 --> 00:06:59,187
This person would be laughably tiny.
129
00:07:01,227 --> 00:07:02,987
Or a baby.
130
00:07:03,027 --> 00:07:06,547
I'm joking. I'm mucking about.
It won't be a baby. I'm finished.
131
00:07:07,747 --> 00:07:09,467
Oooh.
132
00:07:09,507 --> 00:07:11,507
Yes, thank you very much.
133
00:07:12,387 --> 00:07:15,067
Because I need her
to come to the Forum with us.
134
00:07:15,107 --> 00:07:18,307
So, if you could tell her that she
definitely won't have an accident.
135
00:07:18,347 --> 00:07:20,027
But she will have an accident.
136
00:07:20,067 --> 00:07:23,387
If she doesn't leave the flat,
how's she gonna gruffle him? Kiss him. Kiss me.
137
00:07:23,427 --> 00:07:25,987
She will not kiss you.
No, because of you.
138
00:07:26,027 --> 00:07:28,547
Because it is written.
Is it written, though?
139
00:07:28,587 --> 00:07:32,907
Cos I've got some money here
that should more than cover the whole rewriting process.
140
00:07:32,947 --> 00:07:35,787
It can not be rewritten.
It is too late.
141
00:07:35,827 --> 00:07:37,787
The seas are rising.
142
00:07:37,827 --> 00:07:39,467
No, you've already done that one.
143
00:07:39,507 --> 00:07:41,987
The people in the
lowlands will drown.
144
00:07:42,027 --> 00:07:43,827
No, they won't. Shut up.
145
00:07:43,867 --> 00:07:47,427
What are lowlands, anyway?
Who says lowlands, you daft old bint.
146
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:51,387
Hey, whoa! What you doing?
You will be forever miserable.
147
00:07:51,427 --> 00:07:54,667
And your penis will be shrivelled.
148
00:07:54,707 --> 00:07:57,827
Not bothered. Tell me something new.
He's ten steps ahead of you, love.
149
00:07:57,867 --> 00:07:59,627
Picked the wrong penis to shrivel.
150
00:07:59,667 --> 00:08:02,547
This guy invented the shrivelled
penis! All right. That's a bit much.
151
00:08:02,587 --> 00:08:04,587
Just backing you up.
152
00:08:20,427 --> 00:08:22,747
So, you know these sacrifices?
153
00:08:22,787 --> 00:08:24,627
Yes, yes. What about them?
154
00:08:24,667 --> 00:08:26,547
Do they come in lamb?
155
00:08:26,587 --> 00:08:28,347
I'm sorry,
do they what, little buddy?
156
00:08:28,387 --> 00:08:30,507
Do you do 'em in lamb?
157
00:08:30,547 --> 00:08:34,027
Yes, we can sacrifice lambs.
Why do you ask?
158
00:08:34,067 --> 00:08:38,507
Just... I reckon the gods would be
well into that chubby one, there.
159
00:08:38,547 --> 00:08:41,347
Right. Well, it's good of you
to take an interest.
160
00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:43,387
No worries.
161
00:08:47,787 --> 00:08:51,387
That's a different crone.
No. Same crone. Different day. Definitely the same.
162
00:08:51,427 --> 00:08:53,667
She's a bit...older.
We're all a bit older.
163
00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:55,347
And thinner. She's been working out.
164
00:08:55,387 --> 00:08:57,387
And she's only got one arm. Has she?
165
00:08:59,467 --> 00:09:01,707
Yeah...she lost it. Lost it?
166
00:09:01,747 --> 00:09:04,187
Yeah. Yesterday. You know,
you win some, you lose some.
167
00:09:04,227 --> 00:09:06,307
That phrase doesn't apply to arms.
168
00:09:06,347 --> 00:09:08,347
See you in the new year.
169
00:09:09,787 --> 00:09:11,787
Good effort. Come on, you.
170
00:09:13,427 --> 00:09:15,427
No, no, no. We said no win, no fee.
171
00:09:46,667 --> 00:09:49,467
Little man!
172
00:09:49,507 --> 00:09:51,507
Can I help you with something?
173
00:09:53,187 --> 00:09:55,187
Have you got a doggy bag?
174
00:09:56,467 --> 00:09:58,547
We don't need them.
We hit the Forum anyway.
175
00:09:58,587 --> 00:10:01,747
Find some other girls,
wait for the gong and pounce.
176
00:10:01,787 --> 00:10:04,467
Really? Pounce?
Yeah. Pounce like a cat.
177
00:10:04,507 --> 00:10:06,787
Or like a rapist. More like a cat.
178
00:10:06,827 --> 00:10:09,507
Listen. Why don't you come
to the homeless shelter with me?
179
00:10:09,547 --> 00:10:11,827
They always need a hand.
They always need a handjob?
180
00:10:11,867 --> 00:10:16,827
Do you give out handjobs?
No, I - OK. You can take the piss as much as you want,
181
00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:19,347
but the work that these guys do
is really important.
182
00:10:19,387 --> 00:10:23,187
I feel proud
to spend Saturnalia making a difference to people's lives.
183
00:10:23,227 --> 00:10:25,867
Quick question. Do you want
to come to my Saturnalia party?
184
00:10:25,907 --> 00:10:28,387
Oh, yes. Yes, please.
Whoa, what about the homeless?
185
00:10:28,427 --> 00:10:30,707
I can rearrange.
You can rearrange homelessness?
186
00:10:30,747 --> 00:10:32,787
It's OK.
They're used to disappointment.
187
00:10:32,827 --> 00:10:37,987
You two? Or will you be too busy
drinking yourselves blind and laying in your own throw-up.
188
00:10:38,027 --> 00:10:39,667
We'd love to come. Marvellous.
189
00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:41,387
Well, come around seven
and, er...
190
00:10:41,427 --> 00:10:44,587
Don't take this the wrong way,
but have you got any nice clothes?
191
00:10:44,627 --> 00:10:46,867
I think so.
I can rent something. Exactly.
192
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:48,907
And maybe try brushing your teeth.
193
00:10:50,627 --> 00:10:53,187
Yes, I'm in!
194
00:10:53,227 --> 00:10:55,467
It's taken five years
but I'm finally in.
195
00:11:17,630 --> 00:11:21,510
So... The Centurion there
wants to bang you up.
196
00:11:21,658 --> 00:11:23,778
Ah, jizz.
197
00:11:23,818 --> 00:11:27,178
But I have told him
it ain't going to happen.
198
00:11:27,218 --> 00:11:29,018
So, he's backing off.
199
00:11:29,058 --> 00:11:31,058
Wicked. Ta.
200
00:11:31,098 --> 00:11:34,218
He doesn't get how hard it is
for guys like you.
201
00:11:34,258 --> 00:11:36,858
You know, you're driven to this.
You need to eat.
202
00:11:36,898 --> 00:11:40,138
I really do.
Because if people are so hungry,
203
00:11:40,178 --> 00:11:42,538
if their situation is so dire,
204
00:11:42,578 --> 00:11:45,098
that they need to steal
religious offerings,
205
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,738
then that, my friend,
is the fault of society.
206
00:11:47,778 --> 00:11:50,058
Bloody society.
207
00:11:50,098 --> 00:11:51,738
We're going to look after you here.
208
00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:54,698
So, you don't need to feel
scared or hungry any more.
209
00:11:54,738 --> 00:11:57,338
OK, cool.
210
00:11:57,378 --> 00:11:59,378
I'm more hungry than scared but...
211
00:12:04,578 --> 00:12:06,618
What's she doing out? Cynthia!
212
00:12:06,658 --> 00:12:08,418
Oh, hey. There you are.
213
00:12:08,458 --> 00:12:10,698
Guess what. It's happened.
What's happened?
214
00:12:10,738 --> 00:12:12,898
The accident. It's happened?
215
00:12:12,938 --> 00:12:15,498
You know there's damp in the flats?
The water feature.
216
00:12:15,538 --> 00:12:19,538
Well, it finally got too damp
and this whole chunk of ceiling came crashing down.
217
00:12:19,578 --> 00:12:22,858
It's brilliant.
Some call it brilliant, others criminal negligence.
218
00:12:22,898 --> 00:12:25,618
I'll go for brilliant. I asked
you to deal with that ages ago.
219
00:12:25,658 --> 00:12:29,258
Good job I didn't.
Or I could have had an even worse accident down the line.
220
00:12:29,298 --> 00:12:32,178
There you go. So, anyway,
we're now hugely pumped for tonight.
221
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:34,978
You guys are still free, right?
222
00:12:35,018 --> 00:12:37,018
Er...
223
00:12:41,018 --> 00:12:42,858
What time did you say
we'd meet the girls?
224
00:12:42,898 --> 00:12:45,258
Nine. At the doughnut stand.
OK, perfect.
225
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:48,178
We'll put in some quality face time
at Flavia's and then raz over.
226
00:12:48,218 --> 00:12:51,058
We're just popping in, right?
We'll pop for like an hour. Max.
227
00:12:51,098 --> 00:12:53,018
OK, well, we've gotta go. Grumio?
228
00:12:53,058 --> 00:12:55,218
We're off, mate.
229
00:12:55,258 --> 00:12:58,418
And you're wearing a crown, are you?
I am, yes.
230
00:12:58,458 --> 00:13:01,738
Have you seen Grumio?
Did we...put him somewhere?
231
00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:09,418
He abuses you?
232
00:13:09,458 --> 00:13:11,898
Your master? He makes me do stuff.
233
00:13:11,938 --> 00:13:13,778
Hmmm. Hmmm.
234
00:13:13,818 --> 00:13:18,138
What kind of stuff?
Shopping, cleaning - Sex acts?
235
00:13:18,178 --> 00:13:20,818
Any sexual abuse of any kind?
236
00:13:20,858 --> 00:13:24,098
More your verbals.
Dissing and that. Hmmm, hmmm.
237
00:13:24,138 --> 00:13:27,698
A lot of the other guys
were also raped by their masters.
238
00:13:27,738 --> 00:13:30,258
Oh, not raped. No.
Or they're in denial.
239
00:13:31,418 --> 00:13:34,698
We have a little saying here
at the Temple of Sibyli.
240
00:13:34,738 --> 00:13:38,698
If you don't admit it's real,
you're never gonna heal.
241
00:13:38,738 --> 00:13:42,018
Hmmm? Hmmm. Hmmm!
242
00:13:50,378 --> 00:13:52,458
Sorry, I don't know
what's going on. No, OK.
243
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:56,138
I think you should
have a little read of this. It'll tell you about the mission.
244
00:13:56,178 --> 00:13:58,858
I think you're gonna
really vibe with it.
245
00:13:58,898 --> 00:14:02,658
All finished?
Yes. Thank you, Brother Laurence. Thank you, Brother Quintus.
246
00:14:02,698 --> 00:14:05,938
Now, Grumio,
are you ready for your rub down?
247
00:14:09,858 --> 00:14:12,098
I think we might be early.
She said seven.
248
00:14:14,698 --> 00:14:18,338
Look at you, Shredder.
That crown is just divine.
249
00:14:18,378 --> 00:14:20,378
In you come.
250
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:27,378
Sorry, are we early?
No, no. You're just in time.
251
00:14:27,418 --> 00:14:30,458
The guests will be arriving
any moment. And here we are.
252
00:14:31,418 --> 00:14:33,778
What do you mean guests?
Are we not - Nooo.
253
00:14:33,818 --> 00:14:37,738
Copier, if you
follow Water boy around giving out the canapes, there.
254
00:14:37,778 --> 00:14:41,458
Right. Water man.
Do try to distribute the food as effectively as possible
255
00:14:41,498 --> 00:14:44,178
because there are a couple of
fat fucks in business affairs
256
00:14:44,218 --> 00:14:46,898
that'll attempt to hem you in
and snaffle the lot.
257
00:14:46,938 --> 00:14:50,298
Do not let them succeed.
Yes, sorry. I hadn't realised.
258
00:14:50,338 --> 00:14:52,698
What? That we were working. Yes.
259
00:14:52,738 --> 00:14:55,978
Cos, er...
What time will we knock off?
260
00:14:56,018 --> 00:14:58,938
The guests will leave shortly
after midnight, you do the tidy up,
261
00:14:58,978 --> 00:15:01,858
I check you haven't stolen anything
and you can be on your way.
262
00:15:01,898 --> 00:15:03,658
Ah, it's just...
263
00:15:03,698 --> 00:15:06,418
We were hoping to go to the Forum
for the gong.
264
00:15:06,458 --> 00:15:08,618
Oh, if you want to leave
at any time, you can.
265
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,458
But don't bother coming back
to work on Monday, OK?
266
00:15:12,338 --> 00:15:14,298
So, am I doing canapes, then?
267
00:15:14,338 --> 00:15:16,018
No, no. You follow me, Shredder.
268
00:15:16,058 --> 00:15:19,698
I have something a little more
special...planned for you. Right.
269
00:15:24,258 --> 00:15:26,618
How's this? Yeah, good.
270
00:15:26,658 --> 00:15:28,658
Can you go a bit higher? Like that?
271
00:15:30,058 --> 00:15:31,698
Oh, yeah.
272
00:15:31,738 --> 00:15:34,098
Yep. That's class, that is.
273
00:15:34,138 --> 00:15:36,138
Ohhh.
274
00:15:47,618 --> 00:15:49,618
Whoa there. OK.
275
00:15:50,698 --> 00:15:53,178
What are these, please?
Er, fig rolls.
276
00:15:53,218 --> 00:15:56,418
And what's this, please?
That's strawberries and cream.
277
00:16:00,898 --> 00:16:02,858
How is it? How d'you think it is?
278
00:16:02,898 --> 00:16:05,658
Creamy. We need to
get out of here, man.
279
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,298
Some of the guests are - Oi!
280
00:16:07,338 --> 00:16:09,098
Oh. Sorry.
281
00:16:09,138 --> 00:16:11,138
Not there. You can't swipe there.
282
00:16:11,178 --> 00:16:13,178
That's where the most cream is.
Yeah, even so.
283
00:16:13,218 --> 00:16:16,258
In the cleft.
Stay away from the cleft.
284
00:16:20,778 --> 00:16:24,538
You see what I'm saying?
Some people aren't even bothering with the strawberries.
285
00:16:24,578 --> 00:16:26,858
OK, we need to get out of here.
I know, but how? I dunno.
286
00:16:26,898 --> 00:16:29,098
Maybe sneak out? What? Sneak out?
287
00:16:29,138 --> 00:16:32,738
I think people might notice
if the cream covered human statue tries to sneak out.
288
00:16:32,778 --> 00:16:35,658
Copier! Circulate.
Yeah, sorry. I am.
289
00:16:37,298 --> 00:16:39,298
So many options.
290
00:16:43,018 --> 00:16:44,618
How's it going? Rubbish.
291
00:16:44,658 --> 00:16:46,698
It's like being at work,
but in a rented toga.
292
00:16:46,738 --> 00:16:48,818
It's nearly ten. This is dog shit.
293
00:16:48,858 --> 00:16:51,738
We can't stay here all night.
We can't leave. She'll fire us.
294
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:55,258
If we get to the Forum
there'll be the gong and people - No, it's not worth it.
295
00:16:55,298 --> 00:16:57,458
We're meeting some girls.
Hot girls? Yes.
296
00:16:57,498 --> 00:17:00,938
Hot girls. So, listen. I don't like
you and you don't like me, but if -
297
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:02,698
I do like you.
298
00:17:02,738 --> 00:17:05,858
OK. Well... We need to work together.
You don't like me?
299
00:17:05,898 --> 00:17:08,458
Er - Why don't you like me?
We're getting bogged down now.
300
00:17:08,498 --> 00:17:10,778
I thought you liked me. I do.
You just said you didn't.
301
00:17:10,818 --> 00:17:12,738
It's a phrase.
Not for when you like someone.
302
00:17:12,778 --> 00:17:15,538
Hey! I think you're great, Aurelius.
303
00:17:15,578 --> 00:17:20,018
So, why did you just say -
Now, help us get out of here and you can meet the hot girls.
304
00:17:20,858 --> 00:17:24,458
OK, deal. What's the plan? Cool.
We need to stop the party somehow.
305
00:17:24,498 --> 00:17:26,978
Start a fire?
Oh! I've got an amazing idea.
306
00:17:27,018 --> 00:17:30,018
OK, what is it?
Right, we start a big old ruckus.
307
00:17:30,058 --> 00:17:33,578
Keep talking. So, I'm pretty
sure that Julia, from reception,
308
00:17:33,618 --> 00:17:38,258
is having an affair with Balbo,
the Communications Director, who's married to Livia, from admin.
309
00:17:38,298 --> 00:17:42,018
If you tell Sexstus,
from compliance, that Livia has been shagging Ambrosius,
310
00:17:42,058 --> 00:17:45,218
and I'll tell Julia
that Sexstus has been getting it on with Abana, from HR,
311
00:17:45,258 --> 00:17:47,778
and this place
will get pretty f-ing nasty.
312
00:17:47,818 --> 00:17:52,138
Right. Definitely?
Well, at the very least, the atmosphere will be awful.
313
00:17:52,178 --> 00:17:54,498
Cos I was thinking
you could diddle the water clock
314
00:17:54,538 --> 00:17:57,018
and we could bring midnight
forward an hour.
315
00:17:57,058 --> 00:18:00,538
Yeah. Let's do that.
316
00:18:15,978 --> 00:18:17,898
Right, well...
317
00:18:17,938 --> 00:18:20,458
Thanks for the rub down
and the scroll and that.
318
00:18:20,498 --> 00:18:24,738
Well, may Sibyli bless you
on your holy journey.
319
00:18:24,778 --> 00:18:28,498
May...he...bless you -
Is it a he or she?
320
00:18:28,538 --> 00:18:30,218
Have you read the scroll?
321
00:18:30,258 --> 00:18:32,498
Hmmm. Hmmm? Hmmm?
322
00:18:32,538 --> 00:18:34,338
It's a she, ain't it? Mm-hm.
323
00:18:34,378 --> 00:18:36,538
Cos of the boobs.
324
00:18:36,578 --> 00:18:41,018
Well, if you want to just
pop on to the back of the cart there with the other trainees.
325
00:18:41,058 --> 00:18:43,898
Oh, right.
Are we gonna get dropped off, then?
326
00:18:43,938 --> 00:18:45,698
I were just gonna walk it.
327
00:18:45,738 --> 00:18:47,658
Precious. No, no, no.
328
00:18:47,698 --> 00:18:49,698
Up you pop.
329
00:18:54,338 --> 00:18:56,858
It's time! Everybody, let's go!
330
00:18:56,898 --> 00:19:00,138
10... Is it midnight already?
331
00:19:00,178 --> 00:19:02,858
7...6...5...
332
00:19:05,298 --> 00:19:08,018
Sorry, which way are we going?
Cos I live back that way.
333
00:19:08,058 --> 00:19:11,978
We're heading to the docks.
It'll only take a couple of hours.
334
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:16,458
Right, don't mean to be
a backseat driver or nothing, but that is a bit of a long way round.
335
00:19:16,498 --> 00:19:20,258
My gaff's up there.
Well, first the docks, and then on to Cyprus. Hmmm?
336
00:19:20,298 --> 00:19:21,938
Hmmm.
337
00:19:21,978 --> 00:19:24,738
W-What's all this about Cyprus?
Cyprus.
338
00:19:24,778 --> 00:19:28,258
Where you'll be castrated
and continue to train at the Graduate Palace. Hmmm?
339
00:19:28,298 --> 00:19:30,618
Right. Palace. Oh.
340
00:19:30,658 --> 00:19:32,778
That sounds... Is it hot, Cyprus?
341
00:19:32,818 --> 00:19:36,218
Cyprus? Oh, very hot. Yes. Very hot.
342
00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:38,018
Like, nice hot? Not too hot, hot?
343
00:19:38,058 --> 00:19:40,178
No, no, no. Not too hot, hot.
Nice hot, hot.
344
00:19:40,218 --> 00:19:43,498
Oh, yes. Right. Hmmm. Hmmm.
345
00:19:43,538 --> 00:19:45,458
Cool.
346
00:19:45,498 --> 00:19:47,498
And what's castrated, again?
347
00:20:11,218 --> 00:20:13,178
Doughnuts!
348
00:20:14,378 --> 00:20:16,178
Where are they?
I was promised hot girls.
349
00:20:16,218 --> 00:20:18,058
They should be here,
by the doughnut seller.
350
00:20:18,098 --> 00:20:21,298
Excuse me, mate. Are there any other
doughnut sellers in the Forum?
351
00:20:21,338 --> 00:20:23,778
What's wrong
with my doughnuts? Nothing.
352
00:20:23,818 --> 00:20:26,098
Salve, Marcus. Landlord.
353
00:20:26,138 --> 00:20:28,658
Ready for the frenzy?
Yeah, they've not hit the gong yet?
354
00:20:28,698 --> 00:20:30,738
No, any moment now. Brace yourselves.
355
00:20:30,778 --> 00:20:33,618
Listen. Have you seen Cynthia?
Haven't seen bugger all, mate.
356
00:20:33,658 --> 00:20:38,178
I had these mushrooms
that have given me bat-shit mental hallucinations and stomach cramps.
357
00:20:38,218 --> 00:20:40,018
Do you want some? No, thanks. I will.
358
00:20:40,058 --> 00:20:42,738
Ah, good lad. Covered in cream, then?
359
00:20:42,778 --> 00:20:45,098
Yep. Classic.
360
00:20:45,138 --> 00:20:49,058
Are there any other doughnut
sellers, Landlord? In the Forum?
361
00:20:49,098 --> 00:20:51,058
Landlord?
362
00:20:51,098 --> 00:20:52,778
Doughnut sellers?
363
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:54,458
Shitloads, mate.
364
00:20:54,498 --> 00:20:57,858
But I've been having these quadruple
visions, or something, so who knows?
365
00:20:57,898 --> 00:21:00,018
Good luck with that.
366
00:21:00,058 --> 00:21:02,498
Thanks for the mushrooms.
Yeah, no problem.
367
00:21:10,498 --> 00:21:12,778
Doughnuts!
368
00:21:12,818 --> 00:21:15,818
Hey, Cynthia! Oh, wow. You found us!
369
00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:19,578
Yeah, hi. Sorry. We got a bit lost -
And covered in cream. I got covered in cream, yes.
370
00:21:19,618 --> 00:21:22,018
Lovely to meet you, I'm Aurelius.
All set for the gong?
371
00:21:22,058 --> 00:21:25,778
Oh, it's my favourite instrument.
I'm Aurelius. All right, mate. Back off. What?
372
00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:28,458
Oh, this is so exciting!
Here we go again.
373
00:21:28,498 --> 00:21:30,418
10...9...
374
00:21:30,458 --> 00:21:33,258
8...7...6...
375
00:21:33,298 --> 00:21:35,618
5...4...3...
376
00:21:35,658 --> 00:21:38,098
2...1... Marcus!
377
00:21:38,138 --> 00:21:40,018
Grumio?
378
00:21:40,058 --> 00:21:42,058
Marcus!
379
00:21:48,018 --> 00:21:50,018
Happy New Year!
380
00:21:51,098 --> 00:21:52,698
You, too, mate.
381
00:21:52,738 --> 00:21:54,738
You, too.
382
00:22:07,618 --> 00:22:09,618
Shit!
383
00:22:09,643 --> 00:22:40,722
384
00:22:40,772 --> 00:22:45,322
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