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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,839 'Ooh, did you hear that wind last night? It were awful. 2 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:07,799 'You should have seen Betty's trees bending.' 3 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,119 Bending, were they? 4 00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:11,359 'I thought they were going to snap.' 5 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:14,319 Yeah, it were bad, weren't it, last night? It's lovely now, though. 6 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,039 'I've never known weather like it. We've had the lot. 7 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:20,799 'Wind, rain, wind. I've never known weather like it. 8 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,959 'It can't make its mind up. 9 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,639 'And I'm worried about our Paul and all.' 10 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:26,919 Why? What's up with him? 11 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:30,519 'He borrowed my leaf blower and he never took the charger.' 12 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:32,479 It'll be all right. Have you told him? 13 00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:34,399 He can pop round and get it, can't he? 14 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:38,039 'But he'll be busy. He'll be off gallivanting.' 15 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:39,839 Well, if he wants it, he can come and get it. 16 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,039 He can get it at the weekend. 17 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,559 You're coming to my mum's for dinner on Sunday, aren't you? 18 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:45,279 'Am I? She never said.' 19 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:47,319 Yeah, we're all going round for birthday tea. 20 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:48,759 I've got you a Dairy Box. 21 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:50,799 'But what if he needs it before then?' 22 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:51,879 Who? 23 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:55,959 'Paul. What if he needs the charger before then?' 24 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,439 Well, I'm sure he can come and get it if he needs it. 25 00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:01,359 'I know, but he's busy with his job. 26 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:03,759 'Can you not drop it round to him?' 27 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:07,359 I'm busy with my job! Anyway, I'll have to go. I'm at work now. 28 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:08,839 'So soon?' 29 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:10,719 Well, I mean I'm nearly at work, 30 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:12,239 Are you doing owt today? 31 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:15,160 'No, I'm not stirring out in this weather.' 32 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,559 But it's a gorgeous day, and it's your birthday. 33 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:22,719 'Oh, it makes no odds when you get to my age, John. 34 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:25,239 'I'm just going to play my Michael Buble.' What did you say? 35 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:28,999 Playing your what? 'I'm going to sit and play my Michael Buble CD.' 36 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,599 Oh, right. Very good. 'But I think he's gone off.' Do you? 37 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:34,839 'He was on TV AM, and I think he looked tired.' 38 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,439 UNINTERESTED: Yeah? Did he? 39 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,999 Well, have a good day, and I'll see you at the weekend. 40 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:42,239 I've got your Dairy Box. 'OK, then.' All right. 41 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,319 (Seatbelts.) Yeah. 'I'll see you. Ta-ra.' 42 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:46,839 All right, bye-bye. See ya, Nana. Take care. See ya. 43 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,319 'Oh, did you hear...' 44 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,959 Sorry about that. Hello. Hello. 45 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,759 Sorry, I was getting these dressed. 46 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,679 Yeah... Who are they? 47 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,279 You did get my text about the kids, didn't you? No. 48 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,248 Oh, that's funny. I text you last night to see if 49 00:01:59,261 --> 00:02:01,239 it was all right to drop them off on the way in. 50 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,039 No, but it doesn't matter. It's OK. 51 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,028 They stayed at mine last night. Our Mandy's 52 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:07,039 having her legs done, private. Is she? 53 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,839 Hello. Nice to meet you. 54 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:11,279 This is Alfie. This is Chloe. 55 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,799 Say hello to Uncle John. 56 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,280 I'm hanging for an high five here, kids. Eh? 57 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,159 Nah. 58 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,759 Where's the school? 59 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,359 Keep going. It's just on the way in as normal. 60 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,279 It's just off Hibbert Road, near the old Bla-busters... 61 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,839 Blackbusters? 62 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,640 Ooh, sorry. I just burped. 63 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,079 RADIO DJ: Morning all. This is Forever FM. 64 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,279 A classic Madonna and Cherish... 65 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,959 So, who's Rose? Finally got yourself a girlfriend? 66 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,808 No, it's my nana, if you must know. It's her birthday. 67 00:02:40,821 --> 00:02:42,679 I should have sent that yesterday. 68 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:45,279 ALFIE: It's her birthday. I should have sent that yesterday. 69 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:47,679 You call your nana Rose? Yeah, why? Yeah, why? 70 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,239 Why don't you just call her Nana? 71 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,679 No, I... I call her Rose. I've always called her Rose. 72 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,719 No, I call her Rose. I've always called her Rose. 73 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,639 Weird. No, it ain't. No, it ain't. 74 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:58,199 Is he trying to wind me up? Is he trying to wind me up? 75 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,159 It's just his thing at the moment. 76 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:03,039 How come he's not copying you? How come he's not copying you? 77 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,119 Aw, he must have taken a shine to you. 78 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,399 Oh. All right, son, what are you into? 79 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,959 Right, son, what are you into? Angry Birds. 80 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:12,879 Oh, aye, are you? I've had a few of them in my time. 81 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,199 I've had a few of them in my time. John! What? 82 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,399 What? 83 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,119 I'm just looking for the party, buddy. Tool. 84 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,028 You're the tool. You're the tool. No, you're the tool. 85 00:03:21,041 --> 00:03:22,959 No, you're the tool. You're the tool. 86 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,079 Quit it, the pair of you! 87 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,919 It's him. It's him. It's him. It's him. 88 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,159 It's him. It's him. You want to act your age, son. 89 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:31,759 I'm eight. You want to act your age, John. 90 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,159 Arguing with a child. 91 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,239 I'll keep my mouth shut. I'll keep my mouth shut. 92 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,600 Enough! 93 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,000 MUSIC: When Smokey Sings by ABC. 94 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,839 Do you know what? I'm going to post this. 95 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,319 Don't be daft. You'll never make it there and back in time. 96 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:09,519 Who won't? 97 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:10,920 Watch this. 98 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,759 Oh, my God. What is he doing? KIDS LAUGH. 99 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,400 Wait there. 100 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,319 HE GROANS John! 101 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,799 Suffering Jesus. Oh, God... 102 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,519 Are you all right? THEY LAUGH. 103 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,759 Thank you. It's all right. Thanks. You're all right. 104 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:41,879 Oh, God, me arm. Did you see his hair? 105 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,799 CAR HORNS BLARE And you! 106 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,839 There's a man down here, all right? 107 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:48,839 Just get in the car. 108 00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:50,119 I've broken my arm. 109 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,439 Aaargh! What are you doing to it?! 110 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,959 If you can bend it, it's not broken. Don't do that again! 111 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,599 Just get me to... It's not funny, you! 112 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,159 Stop laughing! Leave it. Alfie, shut up. 113 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,799 Get in the car. 114 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,319 What are you doing? Well, you can't drive, can you? Get in! 115 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:07,039 Well, you can't drive this. You're not insured. 116 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,200 It doesn't matter. Just get in. You two, stop laughing. 117 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:14,040 Shut the door, shut the door. I can't shut it. 118 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,559 Aaaaargh! Me arm! 119 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:23,439 RADIO DJ: We stick a celebrity in that toaster, you tell us who it is. 120 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,879 So, Katie, can you put today's celeb in the toaster? 121 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:28,800 HE WHIMPERS 122 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,759 Brave soldier. 123 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,439 KIDS GIGGLE 124 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:34,599 Jesus! 125 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:36,200 I've been in the wars, here! 126 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:39,479 You've got to laugh, John. 127 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:40,959 I'm not laughing. 128 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:44,200 It was so funny! Went right round. It's gone right round. 129 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,000 Your hand goes like... 130 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,040 SHE WHIMPERS MOCKINGLY 131 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,160 It's proper throbbing. 132 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,600 Ooh... 133 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,239 Come on, Miss Daisy! 134 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,639 Get your foot down. We've got a stock take at half nine. 135 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:15,799 Agh! 136 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,399 Do you not think you should go to A & E and get it checked out? 137 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:19,840 Oh, I-I've no time for A & E. 138 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:24,359 I'll be reet. I'll power through. 139 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,639 BLEEP Oh! 140 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,639 What... What was that noise, John? 141 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,559 It's the petrol thing. It needs filling up. 142 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,399 It's the petrol thing. It needs filling up. 143 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,559 Oh, quit it, son! I've been through the mill, here. 144 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,280 Alfie, stop it. Shh. 145 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,239 Are you all right? You've gone white. 146 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:42,559 WEAKLY: I'm not surprised. 147 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,759 Have you hurt your arm? Take a wild guess, love. 148 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,239 Take a wild guess, love. 149 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:49,199 (Shut up, you.) All right, John, don't snap at her. 150 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,719 She's only trying to be nice to you. 151 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,368 It's your own fault for playing the daredevil. 152 00:06:52,381 --> 00:06:54,039 I told you you wouldn't make it. 153 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,748 I would've made it, easy, if it hadn't 154 00:06:55,761 --> 00:06:57,479 been for that bloody pavement sticking up. 155 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,039 They're going to get a strong letter off me tonight. Who is? 156 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,599 'Kin council. Shithouses. 157 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,359 Shithouses. Right! 158 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,799 Alfie Price, any more filth like that out of your mouth 159 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,039 and you're grounded for a month. You can't ground me! 160 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:11,519 Ah! Keep going. Soon see who can't. 161 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:12,760 HE WHIMPERS 162 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,440 MUSIC: Put Yourself In My Place by Kylie Minogue 163 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,519 Jesus, my arm! 164 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,319 Right, come on, quick, you two. 165 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,519 Say goodbye to Uncle John the cripple. We're late. 166 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,279 He's made us late now, the idiot. Hey! Hey! 167 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,519 What have I told you? Come on. 168 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,719 Outrageous, that, son. 169 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:38,199 If I'd said that to my dad, he'd have put me over his knee. 170 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,839 Cheeky, aren't they? 171 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:41,919 Alfie, you've left your orange on the seat. 172 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,039 Yeah, I'll orange you. 173 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:45,759 Come on, in, in. Look at that! 174 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,319 Did you see the look he gave me? 175 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,839 Ugh. Are you going to be all right? I'll just be in and out. Yeah, yeah. 176 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:54,199 See, this is why this country's gone wrong. 177 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,719 They need a good crack, these kids today. 178 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,880 Kids like that will be wiping my arse when I'm an old man. 179 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,319 Here, I got you this. 180 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,439 What is it? It's a sling. 181 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,279 You're joking. Peppa Pig? 182 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:17,759 It's all they had. 183 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,079 Aaaaargh! 184 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:20,520 You stupid bi... 185 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:29,599 Did they not have a Bob the Builder or a... Power Rangers or something? 186 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:30,999 SHE SNIGGERS 187 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,680 Peppa pissing Pig. 188 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,479 You're making it worse! 189 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:38,119 It's so funny... It's not funny. 190 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,719 Ah, keep me going all day, that. 191 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,039 SHE LAUGHS 192 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:43,760 All right, all right! 193 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,039 Have you any Nurofen in your bag? 194 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,080 No, I don't believe in it. Oh... 195 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:54,719 Anadin? 196 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,200 I don't have any chemical toxins in my body. 197 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,639 Yeah, well... 198 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,720 I didn't hear you moaning yesterday, when you had me Fruit Pastilles. 199 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,759 RADIO DJ: This is Forever FM. 200 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,439 MUSIC: New Sensation by INXS. 201 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:10,719 Both: (Forever FM.) 202 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:12,360 Oh, this is a song. 203 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,839 I used to have this cassette. 204 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,599 Kick, this is off. 205 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,919 Belter. 206 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,080 I had it. 207 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,519 He were another Jim Morrison, this fella. 208 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,399 You know what he did, don't you? 209 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,519 Who? This fella. 210 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,599 Hutchence? 211 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,159 Put his pants on t'bed and hung himself on t'door. 212 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,679 Yeah, you've told me. 213 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:38,759 SONG PAUSES 214 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,280 SONG RESUMES 215 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,119 Shocking, though, when he died. 216 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,360 I know! 217 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:47,600 Didn't expect that. 218 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,999 It's like when the people's princess died. 219 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:54,079 Ugh. Awful. Awful. Where were you when Diana died? 220 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:55,439 I'm not telling you. 221 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:57,319 Why? I'm not telling you. 222 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,160 Why? Cos I'm not. 223 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,799 Where were you when...? I was in a hot tub. 224 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,440 Who were you in a hot tub with? 225 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,240 Four boys and our Mandy. 226 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:13,679 Huh... 227 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,159 I were at me mam's. 228 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,680 I was, too. Me mum was away. 229 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:19,639 Cat's away, eh? 230 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:20,999 I had a party. 231 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,879 Did you? 232 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:26,399 Me mum were in Lytham with me Auntie Joan. 233 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,039 She went, and I come back in at night 234 00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,719 from working night shift at the supermarket, 235 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:34,279 and she left a Post-it Note... 236 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,519 "There's a lasagne in the fridge, and Diana's died." 237 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,319 SHE GASPS What a way to tell you! 238 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:39,360 Awful. 239 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,800 SONG CONTINUES 240 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,199 THEY SING ALONG WITH RADIO JINGLE 241 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,399 Miles of tiles that'll make you smile 242 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:53,159 Make dreams come true at Corton Tiles. 243 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,359 Did you try and harmonise, then? 244 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:59,879 RADIO DJ: This is the station with the timeless hits. (Timeless hits.) 245 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,119 How's your arm? Sore. 246 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,119 MUSIC: Have A Nice Day by Stereophonics. 247 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:05,919 This is a nice, happy song. 248 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:09,439 You think it is, but if you listen to the words, it's actually... 249 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:11,519 quite a bitter song about a man who's not happy. 250 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:14,479 He's being sarcastic. Oh, is he? Yeah. 251 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,199 He's saying, "Have a nice day." 252 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,600 One of them. Aw... 253 00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:23,359 My friend had this at her wedding. 254 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:24,439 More fool her. 255 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,119 I knew a couple who had I'm Not In Love as their first slow song. 256 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,199 SHE LAUGHS 10cc. 257 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,519 Even I know that's not a good one to have. 258 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:33,759 Split up six months after. 259 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,440 Talk about cursing. 260 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,519 What would you have? What? 261 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,199 What would be your first dance? 262 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,959 I don't know... 263 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,279 I don't know. It's not going to happen, so... 264 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,999 I don't need to think about that one. 265 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,999 I'll never get wed. 266 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,319 I'm going to have Runaway by The Corrs. 267 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:55,079 You can't have Runaway. It's about running away. 268 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,839 I know, running away together. 269 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:00,639 Oh, no. You can't have Runaway as a slow dance. 270 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:01,839 Why not? 271 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:06,599 It's about running off. Yeah, with the man of your dreams. 272 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,599 Nah. I've got my whole wedding day planned. 273 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,439 You've got to meet someone first. Talk about jumping the gun. 274 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,720 It's not in it. 275 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,599 How are things going with, erm... 276 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,160 Heartsearches.com? 277 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,840 I've not had any winks for a while. 278 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,560 I won't be having any winks with this arm. 279 00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:33,560 RADIO JINGLE 280 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:38,199 RADIO: Pick a number between one and ten. 281 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:39,359 Seven. 282 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,599 Take that number and double it. 283 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,359 14. Then add your age... 284 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:45,479 I'm lost. 285 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:48,319 And take away 15. Fif... Ff... 31. 286 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:51,279 Are you left with the number 76? No. 287 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,559 No. It doesn't add up, does it? 288 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:55,879 No. But one thing that does add up... Ugh, bollocks. 289 00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:57,639 Is the new current account from... 290 00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:58,959 Suck you in, don't they? 291 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,239 BLEEP It's still beeping, John. 292 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,599 HE SIGHS We need petrol. 293 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,319 Just... get to a garage, fill her up. 294 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,159 Current account is the one that really adds up. 295 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,640 Call into your local branch today, and let us do the maths. 296 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:20,519 RADIO: 15 degrees. Forever FM weather with Lancashire Scrap Metal. 297 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:23,279 If the wind's blown it down, we'll pick it up. 298 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:27,719 Call Keith on 08081-570-075. 299 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:30,479 So here we go, the Forever FM Golden Hour, 300 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,679 with hits and headlines from a chosen year. 301 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,079 What year is it? 302 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,439 It was the unforgettable year of 9/11, 303 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,319 when two planes hit the World Trade Center in New York, 304 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,719 whilst Harry Potter started his first year at Hogwarts 305 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,720 on the big screen. But what was the year? 306 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,279 2001. 307 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,840 MUSIC: Hero by Enrique Inglesias. 308 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,679 Got something for your arm. 309 00:13:58,680 --> 00:13:59,919 Painkillers? 310 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:01,120 A Creme Egg! 311 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:03,640 Argh! 312 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:09,080 SONG CONTINUES 313 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,159 Aw, how's your poorly arm now? 314 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,560 Still smarting. 315 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,080 There he is. 316 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,680 Ted number two, having a Diet Coke break. 317 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:25,160 I can be your hero, baby... 318 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,239 He could lift me up like that any time he likes. 319 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:31,399 I can kiss away the pain... 320 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,479 I bet he's not been CRB checked. 321 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,999 I will stand by you forever... 322 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,279 I don't know why you just don't speak to him. 323 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,119 What?! As if I'd just... 324 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,399 Pfft, no! As if... 325 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,639 Joking. 326 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,839 Mind you, he'll probably have bloody clocked off 327 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,480 by the time you've parked up. 328 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:51,839 Ow! 329 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:55,199 Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital and get it checked out? No time. 330 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,919 Just get a few painkillers down me, I'll be right as rain. 331 00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,519 Well, don't you go overdosing. 332 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,800 I don't want to get the bus home on my own. 333 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,239 There's no chance. It's too much money. 334 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,960 I said I'm happy for you. 335 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,440 Well, you've got to, haven't you? It's work. What can you do? 336 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,800 I don't know. I'll have to sort something. 337 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:25,639 I'm not phoning her tonight. 338 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,640 She's had a sedation, she'll be off her face. 339 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,120 Yeah, as far I know. Steve rang earlier. 340 00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:34,479 Anyway, I'm going to have to go. 341 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,600 OK. I know it's not your fault. 342 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,839 Well, just speak to your boss, sergeant fella, 343 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,839 and let us know what's happening. 344 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,160 All right. Bye. 345 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:48,079 How's your arm? Ugh, agony. 346 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,799 I felt a right arsehole, sat in stocktake with this in a sling. 347 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,399 Give us your keys. Why? 348 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,199 You can't drive with your arm like that, can you? 349 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,680 All right. A bit of sympathy wouldn't go a miss. Get in. 350 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,120 MUSIC: Picture Of You by Boyzone 351 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:34,239 I see you were chatting to your friend Rachel. 352 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,799 Yep. What did she want? 353 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,039 Nowt. I was just telling her about my accident, 354 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,199 what happened this morning. 355 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,079 Did she offer to kiss it better? 356 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,839 No, but she did ask me if I fancied a drink sometime. 357 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,279 What?! 358 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,319 She asked me if I fancied going for a drink. 359 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:51,319 Well, I hope you told her where to go. 360 00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:52,799 What's rattled your cage? 361 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,999 (Nothing.) 362 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,679 Just didn't think you went for that type. And what type's that? 363 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:58,959 Slutty. 364 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,119 Christ! I don't know what's got into you lately. 365 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,759 I can't do right for doing wrong. 366 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,199 You're always on at me, "John, you need to meet somebody, 367 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,799 "you can't spend the rest of your life on your own," and then 368 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,799 when I do finally get a sniff, you go berserk. 369 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,239 Well, she's just not right for you, that's all I'm saying. 370 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:15,399 How do you know what's right for me? Well, I know it's not that slapper. 371 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,159 I thought you were friends? We are! 372 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:19,559 I know what she's like. 373 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,879 She'd go with anything with a pulse. 374 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,320 Thanks. 375 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,988 Well, she's already been out with three different 376 00:17:28,001 --> 00:17:30,399 blokes from our place since Christmas. Who? 377 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:33,679 Steve... off freezers, 378 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,088 Ian Hardy, who left, and I'm sure he moved to Burnley 379 00:17:36,101 --> 00:17:38,519 just to get away from her because he still lives 380 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:41,879 round here and it takes him two hours to get to work every morning. Ian Hardy left 381 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,559 cos he got store manager. It had nothing to do with Rachel. 382 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:45,719 And who's the third? 383 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,679 You, now! Ha-ha! Me? 384 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:53,159 Yes! She's only asked me out for a bloody drink. Good God. 385 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,039 And as for fancying people from work, that's rich. 386 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:59,599 You've been drooling over Ted two since old Ted's funeral. 387 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,679 Completely different. No, it's not. 388 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,639 Yes, it is, that's from afar. She's gone and asked you out for a drink. 389 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,639 Aye, for a drink. Nothing else. 390 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,048 Yeah, a drink, and the next thing you know, her 391 00:18:09,061 --> 00:18:11,480 knickers will be hanging off your lampshade. 392 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,239 Sounds to me like you're jealous. 393 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,279 Of her?! 394 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,720 You've got to be kidding. 395 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:22,279 She's a wrong 'un, John. Don't say I didn't warn you. 396 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,360 MUSIC: Devil Woman by Cliff Richard. 397 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,359 I've had nothing but bad luck 398 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:32,440 Since the day I saw the cat at my door 399 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,199 So I came into you, sweet lady 400 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,840 Answering your mystical call 401 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,960 Crystal ball on the table 402 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,840 Showing the future, the past 403 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,119 Same cat with them evil eyes 404 00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:57,760 And I knew it was a spell she cast 405 00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:03,279 She's just a devil woman with evil on her mind 406 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:07,399 Beware the devil woman, she's going to get you 407 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:11,479 She's just a devil woman with evil on her mind 408 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,000 Beware the de... PHONE RINGS 409 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:17,439 "Our Keiron." 410 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,920 Leave it. I'll speak to him later. Sure? 411 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,360 Give me the ring on your finger 412 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,240 Let me see the lines on your hand 413 00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:35,879 I can see me a tall, dark stranger 414 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,679 Giving you what you hadn't planned... 415 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,320 PHONE RINGS 416 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:43,599 "Our Keiron" again. 417 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,039 Ugh, just leave it. 418 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:46,519 Are you sure? He wants to get hold, 419 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,159 he's obviously trying to get hold of you. John, I said leave it. 420 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:52,279 I can't answer it when I'm driving, can I? What's got into you? 421 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,719 Nothing. Has something happened at work? Nothing. No. 422 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:57,559 Is it Rachel asking me out for a drink? 423 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,560 No! Well, summat's up. 424 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:07,960 Our Keiron's been offered a job, and he's got to move away. 425 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,319 Can he not commute? 426 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,199 It's in Cyprus. 427 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:14,520 Clearly not, then. 428 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,279 He's in the army, though. You're used to him being away. 429 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,719 I know, but it's different this time. 430 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,319 He's going to be stationed out there permanently. 431 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:25,919 Ah, I see. 432 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,559 What am I going to do? 433 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,520 I can't afford to keep paying for the house on my own. 434 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,119 But don't you do that now? 435 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:37,319 Well, not on my own. He still chucks in for the mortgage. 436 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,039 He won't be able to do that any more. 437 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:41,839 I'll have to move out, won't I? 438 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,479 Where will you go? 439 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:44,720 I don't know. 440 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:47,799 Probably to our Mandy's. 441 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,439 I can't afford to rent on my own. 442 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,679 Do none of your friends need someone to rent with? 443 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,519 They're all married with kids. It's only me who's still left 444 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:55,919 on their effing own. 445 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,999 This wouldn't have happened if I'd met someone. 446 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,119 Don't be ridiculous. They're two separate things. 447 00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:03,519 You can't force meeting somebody, 448 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,920 and your Keiron would have got that job, whatever the weather. 449 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:09,600 What about your mum's? 450 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:12,719 Fair enough. 451 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,239 SHE SIGHS I'll have to ask our Mandy. 452 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,119 She's got her own family, hasn't she? I know, I know. 453 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:19,799 There's hardly enough room as it is, 454 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,079 and Steve's got his bikes in the garden. 455 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,999 MUSIC: Drive by The Cars 456 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,279 I could actually cry. 457 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:31,199 36, and what have I got to show for my life? I've got nothing. 458 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,399 Don't be silly. 459 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:34,919 It'll be all right. You've got... 460 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,039 You'll only be at Mandy's for a little while, 461 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,719 and I can still pick you up in the mornings. 462 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,279 She lives in Bury. 463 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:42,839 Shit. Bury? 464 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,119 Bloody miles away. 465 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:47,239 How are you going to get in? 466 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:48,959 I'll have to get the tram. 467 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,399 Oh, right. 468 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,119 Well, you can't pick me up. 469 00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:53,599 It's on the other side of town. 470 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,199 Yeah, I suppose. 471 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,319 I'll be all right. I've got to get the tram. I'll be fine. 472 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,599 At least you've got a bit of time to sort things out. 473 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,199 He leaves next week! 474 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:03,840 Bloody hell! Are you joking? 475 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:08,319 What you slowing down for? I'm not. I've got me foot right down. 476 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:10,119 It's not me. Put your foot down. 477 00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:12,599 It's not me, it's just slowing down, John. 478 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,799 What's up with her? John, it's... 479 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,399 Pull over. Oh, shit. 480 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,040 Pull over. I'm pulling over! 481 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,760 Here, pull over here. 482 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:23,880 Park here. 483 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,119 Well, what do you reckon? 484 00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:31,400 Not a clue. Flip the bonnet. 485 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,280 What do you reckon? 486 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,360 Bloody catches, eh? Why do they hide 'em? 487 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,080 It's snapped off. It's snapped off! 488 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:01,719 What do you reckon? 489 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,879 Will you stop saying that, "What do you reckon?" I know nothing about cars! 490 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,199 SHE SIGHS 491 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,440 Looks all right... No steam. 492 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:10,719 It just slowed down? 493 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,559 Yeah. You were with me! 494 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:14,159 Bollocks! What a day! 495 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:15,639 I don't need this. 496 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,079 What are we going to do? 497 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,519 We're going to have to ring roadside recovery, aren't we? 498 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,079 SHE SIGHS We're going to be stuck here for hours. 499 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,960 Here, you speak to them. They come quicker for a woman. 500 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,000 Come on. 501 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,239 Well, I do need some new knickers. 502 00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:35,839 Hurry up! 503 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:37,720 ADVERT ON RADIO 504 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:42,839 Bloody hell, are you trying to cop off? 505 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,119 I've just spoke to a lovely man called Jermaine. 506 00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:47,399 Oh, Christ. He's sorting it. 507 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:50,919 They'll either be an hour or we get 45 quid's worth of M&S vouchers. 508 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,159 I get 'em. It's my car. 509 00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,480 I made the call. 510 00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,000 An hour? Mm-hm. What are we going to do for an hour? 511 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,639 Do I have my own chat show? 512 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,040 No. 513 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:09,359 Am I a human being? 514 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:10,720 Yes, course you are. 515 00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:13,760 Am I alive or dead? 516 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:16,560 I honestly don't know. 517 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:22,199 Yeah, I think you might be. I think you might be. Well, that's no good. 518 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,839 Either I'm dead or I'm alive. Am I a famous boxer? 519 00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,728 You've had your turn. I know, but you didn't know 520 00:24:26,741 --> 00:24:28,639 if I was alive or dead, so it doesn't count. 521 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:30,968 When you know who you are, it won't matter if 522 00:24:30,981 --> 00:24:33,319 you're alive or dead anyway. Oh, how shite's that? 523 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:35,079 Am I a famous boxer? 524 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,080 It's still not your go. It's my go. 525 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:40,079 Am I a famous boxer? 526 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:43,159 No. Am I a famous boxer for the third time? 527 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,039 No... 528 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:46,879 but you like fighting. 529 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,280 Where's this fella? 530 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,119 Are you going to go for a drink with Rachel? 531 00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:54,479 What's... that...? Just play the game. 532 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:56,000 Right, another question. 533 00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:58,639 Am I a child? 534 00:24:58,640 --> 00:24:59,960 Yes, constantly. 535 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,159 I'm a fighter, I like fighting... 536 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:07,599 Am I Rocky Balboa? 537 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:08,760 No. 538 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:11,479 Am I... 539 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,679 Oh, for God's sake. Oh, play fair. 540 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:16,999 Do I have a... Can I speak? 541 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,320 Do I have an Afro? 542 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,040 Yes, you do. 543 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:24,079 My go. Am I Snoopy? 544 00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:26,720 My go! Snoopy doesn't have an Afro! 545 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,759 Am I made of Plasticine? 546 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,920 Oh, finally, the cavalry's here. Whoo-hoo. 547 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:44,240 Oh, frig, I hope that's not Jermaine. 548 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,319 Hi. All right, love? 549 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,559 Do you want to flip your bonnet, Little Orphan Annie? 550 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:51,759 I knew it was her. 551 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,760 HE TUTS I knew it! 552 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:03,679 Am I a famous boxer? 553 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:05,120 Definitely not. 554 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:11,320 Ooh. 555 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,759 What do you reckon? 556 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:16,519 When did you last fill her up? 557 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:17,799 This morning, why? 558 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:21,640 Well, it's never a good idea to fill a diesel engine up with unleaded. 559 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:24,519 What have you done now?! 560 00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,679 I'll go and sort the truck out. 561 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:28,199 You said it was petrol! 562 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,479 Yeah, diesel! 563 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,319 You didn't say diesel, you definitely said petrol. 564 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:33,639 Petrol is diesel! 565 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,679 Petrol is petrol, diesel is diesel! 566 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,679 It says on the cap in bloody, big, red letters, "Diesel!" 567 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,200 Well, I didn't see it! Obviously not! 568 00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:45,600 A perfect end to a bloody perfect day. 569 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,079 It can lift you up Never let you down 570 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:56,719 Take your world and turn it all around 571 00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:59,639 Ever since time, nothing's ever been found 572 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:03,079 That's stronger than love 573 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,639 Ever since time, nothing's ever been found 574 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,680 That's stronger than love. 575 00:27:08,730 --> 00:27:13,280 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42609

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