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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,150 --> 00:00:03,114 Ooh, Karen! Have you turned off the hot water again? 2 00:00:03,126 --> 00:00:05,118 Don't you want to save polar bears? 3 00:00:12,190 --> 00:00:14,162 Die, infidel dog! 4 00:00:14,332 --> 00:00:15,964 Ben! Aaargh! Pew! Pew! 5 00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,018 I've got a bit of a headache, 6 00:00:17,097 --> 00:00:20,552 so if you could just go easy on the deafening roaring... 7 00:00:20,912 --> 00:00:22,952 Why's your face grey? 8 00:00:22,964 --> 00:00:24,952 I've just... 9 00:00:24,968 --> 00:00:26,952 You look like somebody shaded you in with a pencil. 10 00:00:26,968 --> 00:00:31,968 I'm just... if you... Just keep it down, OK? 11 00:00:32,984 --> 00:00:34,960 Karen! I can't hear any movement. 12 00:00:36,944 --> 00:00:38,928 Oooohhh! 13 00:00:38,940 --> 00:00:40,932 You haven't developed OCD, have you? 14 00:00:41,968 --> 00:00:43,916 No. The estate agent rang. 15 00:00:43,928 --> 00:00:45,948 We've finally got a nibble, 16 00:00:45,964 --> 00:00:48,932 and there's a couple coming round this afternoon, 17 00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:53,952 so I've got to make this place clean and tidy and presentable. 18 00:00:54,964 --> 00:00:58,912 Yeah, well, good luck with that. 19 00:00:59,952 --> 00:01:03,916 You're practising for a game called Crusades? 20 00:01:03,932 --> 00:01:06,940 Yeah. At break time, I'm going to be Richard the Lionheart, 21 00:01:06,952 --> 00:01:08,936 Ibrahim's going to be Saladin 22 00:01:08,952 --> 00:01:13,000 and all the girls are going to play the innocent civilians... 23 00:01:13,912 --> 00:01:14,948 who get massacred. 24 00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,936 Right. 25 00:01:18,956 --> 00:01:22,000 You smell like that relief teacher who didn't stay very long. 26 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:26,908 The one with the shaky hand and who always used to cry for no reason. 27 00:01:29,932 --> 00:01:30,968 This is solid. 28 00:01:30,980 --> 00:01:33,940 Oh, God, 29 00:01:33,956 --> 00:01:37,944 Ben hasn't been mixing cement in the sink again, has he? 30 00:01:37,956 --> 00:01:39,920 The kitchen is very messy, Mummy. 31 00:01:39,936 --> 00:01:41,976 Yes, I know that, thank you. That's why... 32 00:01:41,992 --> 00:01:45,964 Karen! You're still in your pyjamas! Come on, chop, chop. 33 00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:47,924 No, Mummy, I'm not going to school today. 34 00:01:47,936 --> 00:01:49,960 Oh, don't be stupid, darling. 35 00:01:49,972 --> 00:01:51,908 I'm not being stupid. 36 00:01:51,924 --> 00:01:54,984 Watch my lips. I am not going to school today. 37 00:01:54,996 --> 00:01:57,948 Oh, really, and why is that? 38 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,948 Because I'm scared. 39 00:02:02,944 --> 00:02:03,992 Scared? 40 00:02:04,908 --> 00:02:09,912 Raaaa! Pew! Pew! 41 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,976 The point of...? 42 00:02:14,988 --> 00:02:16,924 Yeah. Why do we live? 43 00:02:17,940 --> 00:02:20,912 Well, I don't know. 44 00:02:20,924 --> 00:02:22,956 That is an enormous question 45 00:02:22,972 --> 00:02:28,924 that has puzzled mankind down through the ages. 46 00:02:28,936 --> 00:02:29,980 OK, just asking. 47 00:02:30,996 --> 00:02:34,960 Raaaa! Pew! Pew! 48 00:02:34,976 --> 00:02:36,964 Oh. 49 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:42,940 Why are you scared, Karen? You like going to school. 50 00:02:42,952 --> 00:02:44,988 Yes, but today I'm staying at home 51 00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:47,996 because that way nothing bad can happen to me. 52 00:02:48,908 --> 00:02:51,952 But what do you mean, sweetheart? 53 00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:55,948 Nothing bad's going to happen to you. Why should anything bad happen to you? 54 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:56,996 Because today is Friday the 13th. 55 00:02:57,912 --> 00:03:01,952 No darling, that's just a silly superstition. 56 00:03:01,964 --> 00:03:03,912 Nothing bad is going to happen. 57 00:03:03,928 --> 00:03:06,968 But something bad has already happened. My goldfish died. 58 00:03:06,980 --> 00:03:10,908 Uh... that was on Monday. 59 00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:14,000 Yes, the Monday in the same week as Friday the 13th. 60 00:03:14,912 --> 00:03:15,948 Oh, that's ridiculous! 61 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,956 It's not ridiculous. 62 00:03:17,972 --> 00:03:21,924 Friday the 13th is not an especially unlucky day, it's just... 63 00:03:21,936 --> 00:03:22,972 Tell that to Mrs B. 64 00:03:22,988 --> 00:03:26,972 Her husband dropped dead in Woolworths on Friday the 13th. 65 00:03:26,984 --> 00:03:28,932 Are you saying that's not unlucky? 66 00:03:28,948 --> 00:03:32,988 Well, no, dropping dead is... quite unlucky, but... 67 00:03:33,904 --> 00:03:35,932 And it was unlucky for Woolworths, as well, 68 00:03:35,948 --> 00:03:37,972 because not long after that, they closed. 69 00:03:37,988 --> 00:03:40,960 But that was the reces... Listen, Karen, 70 00:03:40,972 --> 00:03:43,920 Mrs B is a very nice, kind old lady. 71 00:03:43,936 --> 00:03:45,948 She just happens to be very superstitious. Yes, but... 72 00:03:45,964 --> 00:03:47,928 And some of what she says... she knows stuff, 73 00:03:47,944 --> 00:03:51,964 and she told me all the things that can bring bad luck. 74 00:03:51,980 --> 00:03:56,916 Whistling in the house, which you do all the time, 75 00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:58,916 and is probably why my goldfish died. 76 00:03:58,932 --> 00:04:02,944 Karen, there is no connection between... No, because... 77 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,908 the death of a fish and me whistling occasionally. 78 00:04:05,924 --> 00:04:06,972 When Ben broke the mirror... 79 00:04:06,988 --> 00:04:08,920 the same day... That's... 80 00:04:08,932 --> 00:04:09,968 he cut his foot. 81 00:04:09,980 --> 00:04:11,916 Because the mirror fell on his foot. 82 00:04:11,932 --> 00:04:14,996 And you're always opening umbrellas in the house, 83 00:04:15,912 --> 00:04:16,992 and that's probably why you... No. 84 00:04:17,904 --> 00:04:18,984 Can't clean up all this mess. 85 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,976 I can't keep the kitchen clean because you lot create such... Mum?! 86 00:04:21,992 --> 00:04:24,976 Karen, look we... I'm not going to school. 87 00:04:24,992 --> 00:04:27,000 You are going to school, now. 88 00:04:27,916 --> 00:04:29,992 If you're concerned about my... Oh, no. 89 00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:32,000 Then don't make me go to school. 90 00:04:32,916 --> 00:04:34,960 If you don't believe in bad luck then why...? What's all this about? 91 00:04:34,972 --> 00:04:37,920 Oh, she's refusing to go to school 92 00:04:37,936 --> 00:04:39,972 'cause it's Friday the 13th, and she thinks something bad's gonna happen. 93 00:04:39,984 --> 00:04:41,984 Something bad WILL happen. 94 00:04:41,996 --> 00:04:43,932 Mrs B told me. 95 00:04:43,948 --> 00:04:45,972 Right, that's the last time she comes to babysit. 96 00:04:45,984 --> 00:04:48,912 Let's not be hasty, Pete. 97 00:04:48,928 --> 00:04:51,988 Mrs B is a good babysitter. She's great with the kids 98 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,936 and very calm. 99 00:04:53,952 --> 00:04:55,916 And she's old and lonely, so she's always available. 100 00:04:55,932 --> 00:04:57,996 Yes, but... I like it when Mrs B comes. 101 00:04:58,908 --> 00:05:00,920 She shows me how to bake cakes 102 00:05:00,936 --> 00:05:02,916 and she reads me lovely bedtime stories. 103 00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:03,964 See? 104 00:05:03,980 --> 00:05:07,988 And last time she came, she brought her tarot cards and Ben got Death. 105 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,976 Yeah, that was cool. 106 00:05:09,988 --> 00:05:11,924 Look, you're going to school. 107 00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:15,908 It's just another day. Nothing especially bad is going to happen. 108 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:16,956 How can you say that? 109 00:05:16,972 --> 00:05:20,000 You've already been sick this morning in the toilet. 110 00:05:20,912 --> 00:05:21,968 Has he? 111 00:05:21,980 --> 00:05:24,912 Yeah, he was going... 112 00:05:24,928 --> 00:05:25,960 "Jesus. Oh, God..." Yeah, OK, Karen. 113 00:05:25,976 --> 00:05:28,940 "Blaaaaa! Oh, God, I feel terrible. Blaaaaa!" 114 00:05:28,952 --> 00:05:29,988 Yes, that's enough. We don't... 115 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,936 "Oh, God. Blaaaaa! Oh, Jesus." 116 00:05:32,948 --> 00:05:33,984 OK. Alright. 117 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,964 Oh, that's so unfair. I wish I'd seen that. 118 00:05:35,980 --> 00:05:40,960 And I think Jesus only helps poor people with diseases. 119 00:05:40,976 --> 00:05:45,928 I don't think he helps people with bad tummies on Friday the 13th. 120 00:05:45,944 --> 00:05:47,988 Were there carrots in it? Or like, were there any peas in it? 121 00:05:48,904 --> 00:05:49,976 Oh, OK. Listen, you two... 122 00:05:49,988 --> 00:05:51,924 That's why I don't eat vegetables. 123 00:05:51,940 --> 00:05:54,000 Dad throwing up has absolutely nothing to do 124 00:05:54,912 --> 00:05:55,964 with today being Friday 13th. 125 00:05:55,976 --> 00:05:57,936 All that happened was, last night, 126 00:05:57,952 --> 00:05:59,904 he went to a leaving do, got paralytic, 127 00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:01,968 staggered home in the early hours of the morning 128 00:06:01,984 --> 00:06:07,944 and fell into bed, stinking like a brewery. That's right, isn't it, Mum? 129 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,988 Karen? Karen, look at me. You're safe to go into school, today, 130 00:06:11,904 --> 00:06:13,944 'cause I promise you that Friday the 13th 131 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,936 is no more dangerous than any other day, alright? 132 00:06:16,948 --> 00:06:18,996 OK. 133 00:06:19,908 --> 00:06:21,932 That's not strictly true. 134 00:06:21,944 --> 00:06:23,952 Friday the 13th is more dangerous 135 00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:27,940 because it was Friday the 13th when all those teenagers got killed. 136 00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:29,964 See! 137 00:06:29,980 --> 00:06:32,948 They were all camping by a lake... Ben, that's a film. 138 00:06:32,964 --> 00:06:35,000 Friday the 13th, in the same lake a few years ago... 139 00:06:35,916 --> 00:06:37,920 It's a film. A boy had murdered his mother, 140 00:06:37,936 --> 00:06:40,908 and then... Film... his mum's spirit comes to present day... 141 00:06:40,924 --> 00:06:41,992 Film. And murdered all the teenagers. 142 00:06:42,908 --> 00:06:44,992 Ben? And all that happened on Friday the 13th, 143 00:06:45,904 --> 00:06:47,980 so I shouldn't go to school either. 144 00:06:47,992 --> 00:06:49,956 Ben, it's a movie. It's not... 145 00:06:49,972 --> 00:06:52,908 Hang on, when did he see Friday The 13th? 146 00:06:52,924 --> 00:06:53,988 That's way too scary for a nine-year-old. 147 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,976 It's not that scary. 148 00:06:57,996 --> 00:07:00,960 But when did...? Maisie's sleepover. 149 00:07:00,976 --> 00:07:03,960 Oh, for... Karen, go and get changed for school. 150 00:07:03,972 --> 00:07:06,948 No. I'm not going, and I mean it. 151 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,964 AND I MEAN IT! 152 00:07:09,976 --> 00:07:12,928 I'm just in the mood, OK? 153 00:07:15,992 --> 00:07:18,904 So last night was worth it, was it? 154 00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:19,952 Oh, it was OK. 155 00:07:19,968 --> 00:07:22,944 How come you got so wrecked? It's years since you've done that. 156 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:27,924 Oh, I dunno. I got ambushed by these bright green cocktails. 157 00:07:27,936 --> 00:07:30,928 Oh, well, that explains the toilet. 158 00:07:30,944 --> 00:07:32,952 Stupid. It's not doing my stomach any good. 159 00:07:32,964 --> 00:07:34,912 What time did you get in? 160 00:07:34,924 --> 00:07:36,968 I dunno... er, three-ish? 161 00:07:36,984 --> 00:07:39,948 I did text you about midnight to tell you I was gonna be late. 162 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,992 Oh, is that what it said? 163 00:07:42,908 --> 00:07:45,940 Well, it's difficult to text when you're drunk. 164 00:07:45,952 --> 00:07:46,988 You lose control of your thumbs. 165 00:07:47,904 --> 00:07:50,912 Yeah, the last bit had nine consecutive Ws. 166 00:07:50,924 --> 00:07:52,924 Sorry. 167 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,952 You upset me when you shouted at me. 168 00:07:54,968 --> 00:07:58,928 Did I? Karen? 169 00:07:58,944 --> 00:08:01,956 Karen, I know you're dawdling deliberately. 170 00:08:01,968 --> 00:08:04,000 I'm looking for my shoes, OK? 171 00:08:04,916 --> 00:08:06,904 Could they be these shoe-shaped objects, 172 00:08:06,916 --> 00:08:07,952 here in the middle of the room? 173 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:11,944 How am I going to get this place tidied up 174 00:08:11,956 --> 00:08:12,992 before they come to view the...? 175 00:08:13,908 --> 00:08:16,996 Have you explained to the people yet, that whatever happens, 176 00:08:17,912 --> 00:08:20,920 I will not be moving and I will be staying on in my room? 177 00:08:20,936 --> 00:08:22,972 No, I thought I'd let that be a lovely surprise. 178 00:08:22,984 --> 00:08:24,920 Now go and get dressed. 179 00:08:24,936 --> 00:08:27,908 When we move, can we move to Australia? 180 00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:31,908 Because Australia is brilliant, and they've got the two-step spider, 181 00:08:31,924 --> 00:08:34,960 'cause it bites you, and then when you walk two steps, you die. 182 00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:37,924 Don't oversell it, now. 183 00:08:37,940 --> 00:08:40,924 Ooh, and do you know how kangaroos keep cool in the desert? 184 00:08:40,940 --> 00:08:42,968 No. Well, they cover themselves in their own saliva. 185 00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,992 Oooh. 186 00:08:45,908 --> 00:08:46,996 If we move to Australia, we could buy a kangaroo, 187 00:08:47,908 --> 00:08:48,972 and then we could bottle its saliva 188 00:08:48,984 --> 00:08:50,920 and use it instead of suntan lotion. 189 00:08:50,932 --> 00:08:52,000 Bottle kangaroo saliva? 190 00:08:52,912 --> 00:08:53,948 It would be better at airports 191 00:08:53,964 --> 00:08:55,984 because they always take your suncream, 192 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:59,956 and glare at you a bit and then give it back to you. Yeah. 193 00:08:59,972 --> 00:09:03,904 If you got the kangaroo with you, they can't take the kangaroo 194 00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:04,980 'cause the kangaroo doesn't want to be taken. 195 00:09:04,996 --> 00:09:06,996 So, you take the kangaroo to the airport. 196 00:09:07,908 --> 00:09:08,944 What's this your printing out? 197 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:12,904 It's just a really interesting website I found on the internet 198 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,904 about how the attack on the Twin Towers 199 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,960 was, like, orchestrated by George Bush. It's for my history project. 200 00:09:16,976 --> 00:09:20,916 Well, that's not really history as such, is it? 201 00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:23,916 That's more sort of... bollocks. 202 00:09:24,924 --> 00:09:27,904 Well, you don't seriously sign up for this rubbish, do you? 203 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,940 Well, I'm not sure it makes total sense, no, but... 204 00:09:29,956 --> 00:09:31,964 Thank you... you've got to admit there is something weird 205 00:09:31,980 --> 00:09:34,944 about the way those towers collapsed. 206 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,964 And there's this other spider, which hides under your toilet seat, 207 00:09:37,980 --> 00:09:40,944 and then, when you go to the toilet it jumps out and bites you. 208 00:09:40,956 --> 00:09:43,904 Going to the toilet's quite boring 209 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:44,980 but this makes it much more exciting. 210 00:09:44,996 --> 00:09:50,000 Hang on. There's a slice of pizza down here. Is that yours? 211 00:09:50,912 --> 00:09:52,980 Is it a Margarita? 212 00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:54,936 Er... no. 213 00:09:54,948 --> 00:09:55,984 Ah then, it's not mine. 214 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,992 No, Dad, that is crap. 215 00:09:58,904 --> 00:10:00,932 Hang on. How do these people at 216 00:10:00,948 --> 00:10:04,960 I'll-believe-anything-because- I'm-a-gullible-idiot-dot-com 217 00:10:04,976 --> 00:10:08,912 explain the fact that Osama Bin Laden went on television 218 00:10:08,928 --> 00:10:11,928 and said that he had attacked the Twin Towers? 219 00:10:11,940 --> 00:10:12,992 Ah, but did he? 220 00:10:13,908 --> 00:10:15,984 Yes. Yes, he did. 221 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,932 Jake... The CIA could have easily... 222 00:10:17,948 --> 00:10:18,992 could you get that, please? It'll be Melanie. 223 00:10:19,908 --> 00:10:20,972 She's going to take them to school for me, 224 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,984 so I've got more time to get this lot straight. 225 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,912 When are you going to hospital, so the doctors can 226 00:10:25,924 --> 00:10:27,988 put the camera up your bottom? 227 00:10:28,904 --> 00:10:31,904 Um, Monday. Why? Can you ask if you can keep the film? 228 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,976 Only, I'd like to take it into class for Show and Tell. 229 00:10:33,988 --> 00:10:35,940 Show and...? 230 00:10:35,956 --> 00:10:38,988 No. I don't want everyone in your school knowing about my colonoscopy. 231 00:10:39,904 --> 00:10:41,952 They already know. Karen put it on Facebook. 232 00:10:41,968 --> 00:10:44,992 But... And Mum told all the other mums at pick-up time. 233 00:10:47,916 --> 00:10:49,968 Well, not all the mums. 234 00:10:49,980 --> 00:10:51,920 It's not a secret, is it? 235 00:10:51,936 --> 00:10:55,992 No. I would just rather it wasn't lead item on the news. 236 00:10:56,908 --> 00:10:57,952 Hi, Jake. Hi, Melanie. They're on their way. 237 00:10:57,968 --> 00:11:00,940 - Right. - Hi, Kelly, how's it going? 238 00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:02,936 So, how are you? 239 00:11:02,948 --> 00:11:03,996 Fine. 240 00:11:05,952 --> 00:11:08,944 Hear you're turning into a bit of a star striker? 241 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,984 Look - see? Libra's facing unexpected difficulties. 242 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,924 That's proof that I shouldn't go to school today. 243 00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:15,976 Astrology, Karen. It's not proof of anything 244 00:11:15,988 --> 00:11:17,928 except human stupidity. 245 00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,976 Now, come on, move it. You'll regret this. 246 00:11:19,992 --> 00:11:22,000 What happens if you send me to school 247 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:26,988 and then, on the way I get ripped apart by ferocious huge bears? 248 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,936 You'd be sorry then, wouldn't you? 249 00:11:28,948 --> 00:11:29,984 Yep. I'd be in pieces. 250 00:11:29,996 --> 00:11:31,996 And so would you. 251 00:11:32,912 --> 00:11:34,980 Keep moving. Thanks for this, Mel. You're a lifesaver. 252 00:11:34,996 --> 00:11:36,948 Come on, Jake, shift yourself. You'll be late. 253 00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:38,968 Come on, we've got to get out of the house. 254 00:11:39,976 --> 00:11:41,948 Shift! Yeah, sorry? 255 00:11:41,964 --> 00:11:44,928 And put your tongue in. We don't want you tripping over it, do we? 256 00:11:44,944 --> 00:11:46,944 Hi, Melanie. Hiya. 257 00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,956 Hey, don't forget your masterpiece 258 00:11:48,972 --> 00:11:50,988 on how George Bush destroyed the Twin Towers. 259 00:11:51,904 --> 00:11:53,952 God, all that conspiracy stuff's pretty daft, isn't it? 260 00:11:53,964 --> 00:11:56,908 At last, the voice of reason. 261 00:11:56,924 --> 00:11:58,916 Mind you, there was something a bit weird 262 00:11:58,932 --> 00:12:00,924 about the way those towers collapsed. 263 00:12:01,924 --> 00:12:02,972 Ahhhh! 264 00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:04,920 There. See? Ben, 265 00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:07,932 don't go rushing off on your own! 266 00:12:07,948 --> 00:12:10,912 We don't want another letter from the social services. 267 00:12:10,928 --> 00:12:11,960 Oh, good luck with the colonoscopy, Pete. 268 00:12:11,976 --> 00:12:15,920 My brother had one. Said it was fine. See ya. 269 00:12:18,956 --> 00:12:21,928 I expect she saw that on Ceefax. 270 00:12:21,944 --> 00:12:23,940 See ya. Bye. 271 00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:26,936 Boys, we need to win this war. 272 00:12:31,924 --> 00:12:33,904 Oh, my God. 273 00:12:40,242 --> 00:12:41,440 Hiya. 274 00:12:47,309 --> 00:12:50,573 Sorry, wrong house. This took me seven hours. 275 00:12:50,981 --> 00:12:52,609 Seven hours? 276 00:12:52,666 --> 00:12:54,734 Yeah, well, I lost the first hour working out where to start. 277 00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:58,477 But I soon got cracking and I found an old wasps' nest, 278 00:12:58,493 --> 00:13:03,477 your missing passport that we had to replace and two German road signs. 279 00:13:03,958 --> 00:13:06,970 Cleaning Ben's room alone took me three hours. 280 00:13:07,882 --> 00:13:08,970 You cleaned Ben's room? 281 00:13:09,882 --> 00:13:12,942 My God, that place looked like... 282 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,922 the Apocalypse. Where did you put all his crap? 283 00:13:20,946 --> 00:13:22,894 Right. 284 00:13:22,906 --> 00:13:24,882 How was school? 285 00:13:24,898 --> 00:13:28,938 Oh, we had the police in with some handwriting experts, 286 00:13:28,954 --> 00:13:30,910 after the latest death threat to the headmaster. 287 00:13:30,926 --> 00:13:33,886 I mean, personally, I don't think it could have been 288 00:13:33,902 --> 00:13:35,906 one of our pupils wrote those death threats 289 00:13:35,918 --> 00:13:38,918 'cause the grammar's too good, 290 00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:41,966 and the word disembowel was spelt correctly. 291 00:13:42,882 --> 00:13:45,942 It was probably one of the teachers... 292 00:13:45,954 --> 00:13:48,954 like last time. 293 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,974 Ow! You alright? 294 00:13:52,886 --> 00:13:53,922 Yeah. It's just... 295 00:13:53,938 --> 00:13:58,882 some clown clattered into me last night during the dancing. 296 00:13:58,894 --> 00:13:59,942 Dancing? You hate dancing. 297 00:13:59,958 --> 00:14:01,942 I know, but I was too drunk to remember that. 298 00:14:01,958 --> 00:14:04,894 Well, you didn't even dance at our wedding. 299 00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:07,946 What sort of dancing was it? What? 300 00:14:07,958 --> 00:14:09,894 Was it slow dancing, boppy dancing? 301 00:14:09,910 --> 00:14:10,970 It was just dancing to music. I dunno. 302 00:14:11,886 --> 00:14:14,962 Alright, alright. Just asking... 303 00:14:14,974 --> 00:14:17,922 what sort of dancing it was. 304 00:14:22,974 --> 00:14:24,910 Hi, guys. 305 00:14:24,926 --> 00:14:26,970 On to Jerusalem! Stay out of the kitchen! 306 00:14:28,890 --> 00:14:30,930 So, Karen, did anything bad happen today? 307 00:14:30,946 --> 00:14:33,906 There's still time. Stay out of the kitchen! 308 00:14:33,918 --> 00:14:35,926 Thanks for that, Mel. Were they OK? 309 00:14:35,938 --> 00:14:36,974 Oh, no problem. 310 00:14:37,890 --> 00:14:40,962 Oh, Ben's teacher said, can she have a word with you tomorrow. 311 00:14:40,978 --> 00:14:42,942 Something about him and Ibrahim kettling all the girls 312 00:14:42,954 --> 00:14:44,890 in the lower playground. 313 00:14:44,902 --> 00:14:47,914 Oh, not again. 314 00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:49,914 What the hell have you done to my room? 315 00:14:49,926 --> 00:14:51,946 It's full of... floor. 316 00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:53,922 It's nice, isn't it? Stay out of it. 317 00:14:55,886 --> 00:14:57,942 And the kitchen - stay out of that, too. 318 00:14:57,958 --> 00:14:59,922 You can go in there but don't touch anything. 319 00:14:59,938 --> 00:15:02,882 Would you like to come in? No, that's fine. 320 00:15:02,898 --> 00:15:04,978 Good luck with your buyers. Thank you. 321 00:15:05,894 --> 00:15:06,938 Well, well, well, Karen. 322 00:15:06,954 --> 00:15:10,926 Friday the 13th successfully negotiated, 323 00:15:10,942 --> 00:15:13,930 and miraculously you remain unsavaged by bears. 324 00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:18,914 Why is Friday the 13th so unlucky? Where did all that come from? 325 00:15:18,930 --> 00:15:20,974 Well, I think it's something to do with the Last Supper, isn't it? 326 00:15:21,886 --> 00:15:22,922 Eh? 327 00:15:22,938 --> 00:15:24,922 Well, at Jesus' last supper, Judas... 328 00:15:24,938 --> 00:15:27,942 made 13 at the table, and Judas betrayed Jesus, 329 00:15:27,958 --> 00:15:29,962 who was then crucified and I think... 330 00:15:29,974 --> 00:15:32,882 See, see, see? He was crucified. 331 00:15:32,898 --> 00:15:34,898 I don't think you can get unluckier than that. 332 00:15:34,914 --> 00:15:36,886 No, but he... You can. 333 00:15:36,898 --> 00:15:37,974 If you got crucified by accident. 334 00:15:38,890 --> 00:15:40,910 Just imagine. It's a really lovely day 335 00:15:40,926 --> 00:15:42,942 and suddenly, your shoe lace is untied... 336 00:15:42,958 --> 00:15:44,922 Ben... and you're walking. 337 00:15:44,938 --> 00:15:47,978 Then you just go, like "whoah!" as you fall onto a cross 338 00:15:48,890 --> 00:15:49,926 with nails sticking out of it. 339 00:15:49,942 --> 00:15:50,974 Then you crucify yourself by accident. 340 00:15:51,890 --> 00:15:53,890 It would be really bad if you just tripped. 341 00:15:53,906 --> 00:15:55,910 Think we may have gone off at bit of a tangent. 342 00:15:56,910 --> 00:15:57,958 Hiya. 343 00:15:57,970 --> 00:15:59,906 Hi. 344 00:16:02,958 --> 00:16:05,930 Here. No, please... 345 00:16:05,946 --> 00:16:07,930 let me do it. No, it's fine. It's alright. 346 00:16:07,942 --> 00:16:08,978 It's OK. I don't mind. 347 00:16:11,906 --> 00:16:13,942 Here. 348 00:16:13,958 --> 00:16:16,902 There you go. Thanks. 349 00:16:16,914 --> 00:16:18,950 Bye. 350 00:16:18,962 --> 00:16:20,910 Listen, Karen. 351 00:16:20,926 --> 00:16:24,890 Jesus was not crucified on Friday the 13th. 352 00:16:24,902 --> 00:16:25,938 It was a Friday though, wasn't it? 353 00:16:25,950 --> 00:16:27,966 Yeah, it was Good Friday. 354 00:16:28,882 --> 00:16:31,930 Good Friday? That's a weird name for a day which someone gets crucified. 355 00:16:31,946 --> 00:16:34,938 It should have been called something like Ouchy Friday, 356 00:16:34,954 --> 00:16:36,910 or Oh-no-I'm-being-crucified Friday, or... 357 00:16:36,922 --> 00:16:37,978 Ouchy Friday? 358 00:16:38,894 --> 00:16:39,958 So what date was it when Jesus got killed? 359 00:16:39,970 --> 00:16:41,950 Well, no-one knows. 360 00:16:41,966 --> 00:16:44,930 So it could have been Friday the 13th? 361 00:16:44,942 --> 00:16:48,918 No. Well, technically, if you... 362 00:16:48,934 --> 00:16:51,954 I bet it was. That's just the sort of thing that would happen, 363 00:16:51,966 --> 00:16:53,942 especially as Jesus was a Capricorn. 364 00:16:53,954 --> 00:16:55,910 Oh, for heaven's... 365 00:16:55,926 --> 00:16:59,898 But he was born on Christmas Day - that makes him a Capricorn. 366 00:16:59,914 --> 00:17:00,970 Jake! 367 00:17:01,886 --> 00:17:03,906 Don't go in the kitchen. It's temporarily out of bounds. 368 00:17:03,918 --> 00:17:05,902 What, because of the bird? 369 00:17:05,918 --> 00:17:08,946 Sorry? Yeah, there's a bird in here. 370 00:17:08,958 --> 00:17:10,898 A bird?! 371 00:17:11,942 --> 00:17:14,942 Oh, no, for God's sake! 372 00:17:15,978 --> 00:17:17,942 Awesome! Oh, my God. 373 00:17:19,962 --> 00:17:22,926 Alright, everyone, just stay calm, don't panic. 374 00:17:22,938 --> 00:17:24,934 It's just a pigeon. 375 00:17:24,950 --> 00:17:27,890 Well, what the hell is it doing in my kitchen? 376 00:17:27,902 --> 00:17:28,938 Probably come in from the garden. 377 00:17:28,954 --> 00:17:30,950 Well, I didn't think it arrived by email. 378 00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:33,890 Oh, my God, there it is. Oh, my God, there it is. 379 00:17:33,902 --> 00:17:35,902 Alright, calm down, calm down. 380 00:17:35,918 --> 00:17:37,966 - It's an omen. - Ben?! What? 381 00:17:38,882 --> 00:17:40,938 Mrs B told me that if there's a bird in the house, 382 00:17:40,950 --> 00:17:42,890 there's going to be a death. 383 00:17:42,906 --> 00:17:45,942 Karen, that's just... "One for sorrow." 384 00:17:45,954 --> 00:17:47,890 That's magpies, Karen. 385 00:17:47,906 --> 00:17:49,890 Yeah, and this is a pigeon. Can we keep him? 386 00:17:49,906 --> 00:17:50,978 Of course, we can't keep it. It's a... 387 00:17:51,894 --> 00:17:52,950 - Come on. Come on, Mr Pigeon. - Ben?! 388 00:17:52,966 --> 00:17:54,970 We need to corral it out the way he came in. 389 00:17:55,882 --> 00:17:56,942 It's only got one escape route. 390 00:17:56,958 --> 00:18:00,898 Well, I'm going up to my room. I do not want to be the one who dies. 391 00:18:01,974 --> 00:18:03,906 She's a real team player, isn't she? 392 00:18:03,922 --> 00:18:05,966 What's wrong with him? Why's he staying in here? 393 00:18:06,882 --> 00:18:10,918 There's gardens out there, with trees and grass and... sky. 394 00:18:10,930 --> 00:18:11,966 Perhaps he's agoraphobic. 395 00:18:11,978 --> 00:18:13,954 It's not funny, Pete. 396 00:18:13,966 --> 00:18:16,894 He's crapped on the computer. 397 00:18:16,910 --> 00:18:17,966 That's not funny either. Yes, it is. 398 00:18:18,882 --> 00:18:20,962 We've got people coming to look at the house in a few moments! 399 00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:22,938 Alright, alright, calm down. 400 00:18:22,954 --> 00:18:25,946 No, because the conventional way to greet a potential buyer 401 00:18:25,962 --> 00:18:27,970 is with the smell of coffee and freshly baked bread... 402 00:18:28,882 --> 00:18:30,902 not pigeon plop. 403 00:18:30,918 --> 00:18:32,922 Mum, don't worry. 404 00:18:32,938 --> 00:18:33,978 I've spent all day cleaning this kitchen. 405 00:18:34,894 --> 00:18:35,958 I've got an idea. We don't need an idea. 406 00:18:35,974 --> 00:18:37,930 We just need... You see, David Attenborough says 407 00:18:37,946 --> 00:18:40,934 that pigeons have a bit of magnetism in their brain, 408 00:18:40,946 --> 00:18:42,946 and that's how they get home. 409 00:18:42,962 --> 00:18:45,910 They track the earth's magnetic field. 410 00:18:45,922 --> 00:18:46,958 You go round from that side. 411 00:18:46,974 --> 00:18:49,938 If I stood out in the garden with a massive magnet, 412 00:18:49,954 --> 00:18:51,942 I'd be able to suck him out the kitchen. 413 00:18:51,958 --> 00:18:55,882 We just inch... slowly... Do we have a massive magnet? 414 00:18:55,898 --> 00:18:58,934 No, we don't have a bloody, massive magnet! 415 00:18:58,950 --> 00:19:01,922 Don't shout, because you'll just upset the... 416 00:19:01,938 --> 00:19:03,962 Oh, Jesus! 417 00:19:03,974 --> 00:19:06,974 There's marbles all over the floor! 418 00:19:07,886 --> 00:19:08,922 If we just leave the thing alone, 419 00:19:08,938 --> 00:19:10,922 it'll probably fly out on its own, in the end. 420 00:19:10,938 --> 00:19:12,914 It's no big deal. There are three of us. 421 00:19:12,930 --> 00:19:16,914 Look, we could just herd it towards... What's that? 422 00:19:16,926 --> 00:19:19,914 It's a picture of a cat. 423 00:19:19,930 --> 00:19:21,922 Oh, for... Ben, this isn't really a four-man job, 424 00:19:21,938 --> 00:19:23,942 so why don't you just go and play in your bedroom? 425 00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:25,902 I can't. It feels weird. 426 00:19:25,918 --> 00:19:27,894 Ben, just... 427 00:19:27,906 --> 00:19:28,942 I'll get it. 428 00:19:28,958 --> 00:19:31,894 Oh, my God. That'll be them. Alright, don't panic. 429 00:19:31,910 --> 00:19:33,934 Right, you stall them. You show them the rest of the house. 430 00:19:33,950 --> 00:19:36,918 Jake and I will stay here, and try and get rid of that thing. 431 00:19:36,930 --> 00:19:38,914 Or we could just explain it to them. 432 00:19:38,930 --> 00:19:41,906 Pete, I've spent hours, invested hours, trying to make... 433 00:19:41,918 --> 00:19:42,954 Have you come to buy the house? 434 00:19:42,966 --> 00:19:45,130 Well, possibly. 435 00:19:45,172 --> 00:19:47,136 Well, you should 'cause it's fantastic, 436 00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:48,271 especially if you're a kid. 437 00:19:48,925 --> 00:19:52,037 There's loads of brilliant places where you can hide for hours, 438 00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:55,163 until the adults start panicking and screaming out your name. 439 00:19:55,175 --> 00:19:57,111 Right. 440 00:19:58,163 --> 00:20:00,111 And the most important thing of all 441 00:20:00,127 --> 00:20:02,095 is that while you're standing here arguing, 442 00:20:02,111 --> 00:20:04,179 Ben is talking to them. Oh, my... 443 00:20:06,175 --> 00:20:09,099 And another interesting thing is... Sorry, sorry about that. 444 00:20:09,115 --> 00:20:10,159 In the basement. Hi, I'm Pete. 445 00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:12,123 Tony. Fiona. Hi. 446 00:20:12,139 --> 00:20:15,091 This is Ben. Yes, he's been telling us all about the house. 447 00:20:15,103 --> 00:20:18,115 Has he? What's he been saying? 448 00:20:18,127 --> 00:20:19,163 That it's a fantastic house for kids. 449 00:20:19,175 --> 00:20:22,115 Ah, yes, of course. 450 00:20:22,127 --> 00:20:23,163 Well, would you like the tour? 451 00:20:23,175 --> 00:20:25,119 Right. 452 00:20:26,167 --> 00:20:28,115 This is Karen. 453 00:20:28,131 --> 00:20:32,147 You can buy this house if you want, but I intend to stay living here. 454 00:20:32,159 --> 00:20:34,175 Oh, right. 455 00:20:35,091 --> 00:20:37,167 It wasn't my idea to move. I wasn't consulted. 456 00:20:37,183 --> 00:20:40,147 Well, I'm sure mummy and daddy always try and do what's best for you. 457 00:20:40,159 --> 00:20:42,127 No, I don't think so. 458 00:20:42,143 --> 00:20:44,115 This morning my daddy didn't even seem to care 459 00:20:44,131 --> 00:20:48,175 that I could have been torn apart by ferocious bears. 460 00:20:50,183 --> 00:20:54,139 No, that's not... that's not true. 461 00:20:54,151 --> 00:20:56,139 It's a long story. She was... 462 00:20:56,151 --> 00:20:58,123 Shall we start upstairs? 463 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:01,167 It's just a bird. 464 00:21:01,183 --> 00:21:03,139 Now, the stupid thing's nesting on my fridge. 465 00:21:03,155 --> 00:21:05,179 Look, Mum, if we panic it, it might end up hurting itself. 466 00:21:06,091 --> 00:21:07,175 What is this? Pigeon Concern Week? 467 00:21:07,187 --> 00:21:09,127 Now if I, er... 468 00:21:09,143 --> 00:21:13,107 Eh, if I throw this hat on top of it, maybe we can... 469 00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,147 No! It's bad luck to throw a hat. 470 00:21:15,163 --> 00:21:18,091 Mrs B told me. No, she didn't. 471 00:21:18,107 --> 00:21:21,139 Well, it was something about hats. Um... 472 00:21:21,155 --> 00:21:24,107 Might have been, never throw a hat on a gypsy, or... 473 00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:25,155 She's doing my head in. 474 00:21:25,167 --> 00:21:27,155 Never give money to Albanians. 475 00:21:27,171 --> 00:21:29,103 That's not superstition. That's racism. 476 00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:32,171 And it's green! That's unlucky! Karen! 477 00:21:32,183 --> 00:21:35,099 Well, the neighbours are nice. Er... 478 00:21:35,111 --> 00:21:37,139 Transport's good. What else? 479 00:21:37,155 --> 00:21:39,187 Are you OK, love? Yeah, I'm just a bit short of puff. 480 00:21:40,099 --> 00:21:41,167 Do you want a glass of water? 481 00:21:41,179 --> 00:21:43,155 I would, actually, yes. 482 00:21:43,167 --> 00:21:45,147 That boy's very special. 483 00:21:45,163 --> 00:21:48,179 Yes. That's the word his teachers keep using. 484 00:21:49,095 --> 00:21:51,119 You two go on up. I'll just sit here for a sec. 485 00:21:51,135 --> 00:21:54,091 You sure? OK, Tony. Up we go. 486 00:21:54,103 --> 00:21:57,111 OK, well, this is the third floor. 487 00:21:57,123 --> 00:21:59,115 It's just more bedrooms, really. 488 00:21:59,127 --> 00:22:00,163 Ooh, baby's kicking. 489 00:22:00,179 --> 00:22:02,163 So, you're definitely having a baby? 490 00:22:02,175 --> 00:22:05,115 Only, I don't like to ask. 491 00:22:05,131 --> 00:22:06,187 Not since I upset that big, fat lady. 492 00:22:07,099 --> 00:22:09,127 Oh, right. 493 00:22:09,139 --> 00:22:11,143 So, your husband's black? 494 00:22:11,155 --> 00:22:13,139 Yes. 495 00:22:13,151 --> 00:22:15,103 But you're white? 496 00:22:16,107 --> 00:22:18,099 So, your baby could be black or white? 497 00:22:18,115 --> 00:22:21,139 Um, well, yes. Most likely something in between. 498 00:22:21,151 --> 00:22:22,187 But not stripy? 499 00:22:23,103 --> 00:22:25,131 No, I don't think I'd like a stripy baby. 500 00:22:25,143 --> 00:22:26,183 Be harder to lose. 501 00:22:27,095 --> 00:22:28,187 Yeah, that's true. 502 00:22:29,103 --> 00:22:30,135 They sometimes have mix-ups in the hospitals. 503 00:22:30,147 --> 00:22:33,107 Sometimes. Not often. 504 00:22:33,123 --> 00:22:35,107 Could you have a black-and-white, spotty baby? 505 00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:38,091 Um... it doesn't really work... 506 00:22:38,103 --> 00:22:39,139 But you could call him Spot. 507 00:22:39,155 --> 00:22:42,107 Um, yeah, we were thinking, Peter, but... 508 00:22:42,123 --> 00:22:43,167 You could have a black-and-white, zigzag baby. 509 00:22:43,179 --> 00:22:45,119 Maybe as a middle name. 510 00:22:45,135 --> 00:22:47,119 Or a black-and-white chequered baby, or puzzle pieces. 511 00:22:47,135 --> 00:22:49,119 I don't think so, no. Triangles... 512 00:22:49,135 --> 00:22:52,127 Probably just the one colour... joined together like diamonds. 513 00:22:52,143 --> 00:22:54,147 Not in a pattern. Or you could have a football marking, 514 00:22:54,163 --> 00:22:57,091 like those big hexagons all over its body. 515 00:22:57,103 --> 00:22:58,139 But Mrs B said... 516 00:22:58,151 --> 00:23:00,091 Karen, I tell you what. 517 00:23:00,107 --> 00:23:04,123 You make yourself useful by picking up all these marbles off the floor. 518 00:23:04,139 --> 00:23:06,175 But I didn't spill them. I'm not saying you spilt them. 519 00:23:07,091 --> 00:23:09,179 But who spilt them? 'Cause... It doesn't matter who spilt them. 520 00:23:10,095 --> 00:23:12,103 Because whoever spilt them should clean them up. 521 00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:15,115 I'm asking you. Doesn't matter who... It does matter who spilt them. 522 00:23:15,131 --> 00:23:18,159 Say there was a massive ship carrying all this oil, and then... 523 00:23:18,171 --> 00:23:20,107 Karen? 524 00:23:20,123 --> 00:23:22,187 Someone spilt it all, and made all the puffins 525 00:23:23,099 --> 00:23:25,119 all sticky and gooey and horrible. 526 00:23:25,135 --> 00:23:28,091 Then they said, "Doesn't matter who spilt it. 527 00:23:28,107 --> 00:23:30,095 Karen, you go and clean it up." It does matter. 528 00:23:30,107 --> 00:23:31,143 Karen, please? 529 00:23:31,159 --> 00:23:34,147 But if babies were stripy and spotty, 530 00:23:34,163 --> 00:23:36,123 then there would be no racism, would there? 531 00:23:36,139 --> 00:23:37,171 Well, that would be nice, wouldn't it? 532 00:23:37,187 --> 00:23:41,179 Or maybe the spotty people would fight the stripy people 533 00:23:42,095 --> 00:23:45,103 and the chequered people, and they'd just have great big wars 534 00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:47,171 of the stripy and spotty and stuff like that. 535 00:23:47,187 --> 00:23:49,179 I don't think it's gonna happen, but, um... 536 00:23:50,091 --> 00:23:52,143 And it's their responsibility! 537 00:23:52,155 --> 00:23:54,095 You need to do Mummy a favour. 538 00:23:54,111 --> 00:23:55,155 But... You have to help me out here. 539 00:23:55,167 --> 00:23:57,151 Just pick up the marbles. 540 00:23:57,167 --> 00:23:59,183 But it's like you hammering a nail into Daddy's head, 541 00:24:00,099 --> 00:24:01,131 What? And then saying to Jake, 542 00:24:01,147 --> 00:24:04,103 "Go on, get it out", when you did it. 543 00:24:04,115 --> 00:24:05,151 Oh, my word. 544 00:24:05,167 --> 00:24:07,131 Are you going to hospital to have the baby? 545 00:24:07,147 --> 00:24:09,107 I'm not really a big fan of hospitals. 546 00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:10,163 I don't mind the hospital. 547 00:24:10,179 --> 00:24:13,095 The nurses all know me. They've got these special tongs 548 00:24:13,111 --> 00:24:15,103 for pulling memory sticks out of your throat. 549 00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:18,135 Well, I think I'm going to have my baby at home. 550 00:24:18,151 --> 00:24:21,123 The lady across the road did that. Oh, right. 551 00:24:21,139 --> 00:24:24,103 She screamed all night. I really didn't know what was going on. 552 00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:27,107 I thought there was a fox that had its paw stuck in a trap, 553 00:24:27,123 --> 00:24:29,167 and it was trying to bite its own leg off to get free. 554 00:24:29,179 --> 00:24:31,127 Oh, right. 555 00:24:31,143 --> 00:24:32,187 There was loads of blood, apparently. 556 00:24:33,103 --> 00:24:35,179 Dad said they had to get the whole bedroom redecorated. 557 00:24:36,095 --> 00:24:38,163 Could I have some more of water, do you think? 558 00:24:38,175 --> 00:24:40,111 No problem. 559 00:24:40,127 --> 00:24:41,171 Bet it was you who spilt the marbles. 560 00:24:41,183 --> 00:24:43,147 Oh, shoosh. 561 00:24:43,163 --> 00:24:46,131 It just needs one more little nudge. I think... hang on... 562 00:24:46,143 --> 00:24:49,187 If I get... this might... 563 00:24:50,103 --> 00:24:53,091 NO! I could just push him... 564 00:24:53,107 --> 00:24:55,103 That's the most worst luck to open an umbrella inside! 565 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:58,167 Don't be daft. And it's green! Are you mad? 566 00:25:00,131 --> 00:25:03,147 I mean, you know, I'm biased, but it's got a lovely feel about it. 567 00:25:03,159 --> 00:25:05,127 It's a very happy house. 568 00:25:05,143 --> 00:25:08,127 SUE: Will you shut the hell up about it being green, 569 00:25:08,139 --> 00:25:11,147 or I'll ram it down your throat?! 570 00:25:15,115 --> 00:25:18,095 The lounge. 571 00:25:18,107 --> 00:25:20,107 Stop nagging. 572 00:25:20,123 --> 00:25:24,099 Well, ring bloody ChildLine then - see if I care. 573 00:25:24,111 --> 00:25:27,159 This is the lounge. 574 00:25:27,175 --> 00:25:29,139 Look, you've upset me and you've upset the bird. 575 00:25:29,155 --> 00:25:31,139 Sorry I lost it, but you keep banging on about... 576 00:25:31,155 --> 00:25:33,159 You've upset me! Doesn't matter... superstitions and stuff. 577 00:25:33,171 --> 00:25:35,147 Look, everyone just... 578 00:25:38,155 --> 00:25:40,115 Oh, hell. 579 00:25:40,131 --> 00:25:43,115 There are good schools. There's a GP's surgery on the corner. 580 00:25:43,131 --> 00:25:46,091 Also good. Yeah, the doctor's really cool. 581 00:25:46,107 --> 00:25:49,163 He said they had to put a camera up Dad's bottom. 582 00:25:49,175 --> 00:25:52,139 And we're gonna put it on YouTube. 583 00:25:52,151 --> 00:25:54,167 That's not going to happen. 584 00:25:54,183 --> 00:25:58,119 My sister had a colonoscopy. She said it was fine. 585 00:25:58,131 --> 00:26:00,187 Yes, everyone tells me that. 586 00:26:01,099 --> 00:26:04,143 Oh, poor thing. 587 00:26:04,155 --> 00:26:06,151 Now, that has got to be bad luck. 588 00:26:06,167 --> 00:26:10,159 Not just any bird in the house, but a dead bird in the house. 589 00:26:10,175 --> 00:26:12,179 Why did he have to fly into the window? 590 00:26:13,091 --> 00:26:14,159 And this is the kitchen. 591 00:26:21,127 --> 00:26:22,175 This is my wife. 592 00:26:24,187 --> 00:26:26,183 Sue. Hello, there. 593 00:26:30,111 --> 00:26:34,163 Usually a bit tidier than this. 594 00:26:34,179 --> 00:26:39,095 And, obviously, not usually... a dead bird. 595 00:26:39,111 --> 00:26:41,135 Right. Well, thanks for showing us around. 596 00:26:41,151 --> 00:26:43,135 Well, there's more to see. No, it's fine, thank you. 597 00:26:43,147 --> 00:26:45,123 Well, if you'd like to mull it over. 598 00:26:45,139 --> 00:26:47,163 If you want to come back another time, have another look then... 599 00:26:47,179 --> 00:26:50,179 I can't see that happening. Really? 600 00:26:51,095 --> 00:26:55,091 My wife, she has a thing about birds in the house. 601 00:26:55,103 --> 00:26:57,095 She says it's a bad omen. 602 00:26:57,107 --> 00:26:59,127 Does she? 603 00:26:59,139 --> 00:27:02,127 We'll see ourselves out. 604 00:27:02,143 --> 00:27:05,099 Yeah, well, mind out for the witches. 605 00:27:05,111 --> 00:27:07,111 You shouldn't joke about witches. 606 00:27:07,123 --> 00:27:09,111 They don't like it. 607 00:27:09,123 --> 00:27:12,143 Oh, for God's sake. 608 00:27:12,159 --> 00:27:16,127 Mum? Yes? Oh... Jake! 609 00:27:16,143 --> 00:27:18,139 I'm so gonna Facebook all of this. 610 00:27:18,155 --> 00:27:20,155 - I didn't mean to hurt the poor... - Mum? 611 00:27:20,171 --> 00:27:23,163 Should I take the bird out into the garden and give it a post-mortem? 612 00:27:23,179 --> 00:27:25,159 No. Alright. 613 00:27:25,171 --> 00:27:27,107 But it is science. 614 00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:29,183 It's not science, it's... eurgh! 615 00:27:30,099 --> 00:27:34,147 Well, Leonardo da Vinci was always cutting up animals. 616 00:27:34,159 --> 00:27:36,175 Along with most serial killers. 617 00:27:39,159 --> 00:27:41,099 Aren't you going to read that? 618 00:27:41,115 --> 00:27:43,091 Only a text. It's not a royal bloody summons. 619 00:27:43,103 --> 00:27:45,147 Alright, alright. 620 00:27:46,167 --> 00:27:49,139 You OK? Yeah. 621 00:27:50,163 --> 00:27:52,127 So... 622 00:27:52,143 --> 00:27:56,175 the Enlightenment, what a waste of bloody time that was. 623 00:27:57,091 --> 00:28:01,107 Do you know, the year may be 2010, but our kids, they're just... 624 00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:03,119 living in the Dark Ages. 625 00:28:03,135 --> 00:28:06,091 Witches, crackpot conspiracy theories. 626 00:28:06,103 --> 00:28:07,147 Yeah, I know. 627 00:28:07,163 --> 00:28:10,151 Blind superstition, astrology. Yeah. 628 00:28:10,167 --> 00:28:14,091 You know, the more irrational it is, the more they just lap it up. 629 00:28:14,107 --> 00:28:17,163 Still, don't worry. They'll soon grow out of it. Touch wood. 630 00:28:17,188 --> 00:28:22,488 Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells Exclusive for http://UKsubtitles.ru 631 00:28:22,538 --> 00:28:27,088 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 48889

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