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Major Crimes 02x09
There's No Place Like Home
Original Air Date August 5, 2013

==sync, correction by dcdah==
for www.addic7ed.com

Why is Jerry
never here anymore?

Jerry Zein retired.

Retired?

But he's been
scoring my targets

since I became a lieutenant.

Sounds like he had
a good, long career.

Fine, just...
just tell me how I did.

- It's DNQ.
- Did not qualify?!

No, no, no, no!
Just hold on one second.

I've been shooting here
every week

for almost
the last three months.

If I don't qualify
by next Friday,

I'll be at a desk job
for the rest of my career.

And?

And look at that one there...
right there.

I mean, that bullet hole
is on the line.

It's on the line.

If you end up
in a dangerous situation

where you're required to be
proficient with your firearm,

other people could die.

You still have four days
to get this right.

Come back tomorrow.

So, I see you made it in
a little early.

Or way too late, depending on
how you look at it.

I'd say your timing is perfect.

Who is this, anyway?

Ed Dagby, age 36,
possible suicide.

Ooh, worked I.C.E....

Immigrations
and Custom Enforcement.

This guy
was an I.C.E. agent?

Punched the clock
for the Federal Government.

Looks like the clock
punched back.

Two weeks before he showed up
at the morgue,

Mr. Dagby took a fall down
a flight of concrete stairs,

broke his nose
and his collarbone,

and suffered a compound fracture
of his left tibia.

But he was recovering
until five days ago,

when someone
from his apartment complex

called the fire department
saying they smelled gas.

Mr. Dagby was discovered
in his kitchen,

in front of an open oven, dead.

Okay, so,
the guy gassed himself.

How is that our problem?

Because, lieutenant,

when humans inhale methane
instead of oxygen,

they suffocate,

and the lab
should have found gas

in the victim's
blood and liver,

but when Dagby's results
came back yesterday,

the ratio of oxygen to methane

was muy, muy insufficient
for suicide.

I think we're looking
at anaphylactic shock

related
to an allergic reaction.

Still not our problem.

First the accident,
then a bee sting, a peanut.

Maybe it was just the guy's
time to go.

Except why open the oven door,
turn up the gas,

and sit in your own kitchen if
you're already choking to death?

Sounds extreme,

but maybe he was under
a lot of pressure at work.

Well, you're right about that.

I.C.E.'s Inspector General's
office was investigating him,

but I don't know what for.

The agent that came to sign off
on my prelim

wasn't particularly chatty
about it.

And do you know if Mr. Dagby
had any serious allergies?

His hospital chart was negative

for pharmacological
sensitivities.

I mean, he had a brownie,

but chocolate-related fatalities
are very rare.

There were no nuts or shellfish
in his chyme,

and I couldn't find
a bee sting anywhere.

What's the point of brownies
without nuts?

You said the investigator

from I.C.E.'s
Inspector General's office

came to visit you.

Oh, yeah.
I saved the card he gave me.

Agent Mark Evans.

Lieutenant Flynn,
would you find Mr. Evans?

I want to hear about this
investigation into Mr. Dagby.

Lieutenant Provenza, would you
and the rest of the division

please go and check out
Mr. Dagby's apartment complex?

Captain I want
to talk to you about something.

Yes, lieutenant?

Uh, it... it can wait.

Sanchez, we'll need a warrant.

Mike, if we're gonna do
a search, we'll need Buzz.

Where are we going, Sykes?

I can't tell you why,
but a few months ago,

Ed Dagby sold his house
in Carthay Circle

and moved
into this apartment complex.

Welcome to Lost Horizon,

also known as
the land that time forgot.

Hope we get in and out
before the place falls down.

If I close my eyes,
I can hear the bulldozers.

Hey,
just because something's old

doesn't mean it's not
serving a good purpose.

Well, excuse me, you there,
little Mexican fellow.

A-are you here
for the handyman ad?

H-h-hablas Ingles?

Yes, ma'am, I hablas Ingles.

Vera.

Vera, you left your glasses
by the ficus again.

Now, come with me,
because lunch is...

Oh.

What's all this?

Who are these people?

Good morning, ma'am.
L.A.P.D.

Oh. Oh, Pauline.

They are not here
about the handyman ad.

No, I know they're not.

I can see that.

The badges and guns.

You know, you're going to
have to forgive Vera.

Her eyesight
is not what it was.

You should have been here
the week before last,

when her glasses broke.

My glasses didn't break.
Larry sat on them.

And this new pair just arrived,

and I can see
well enough to know

that they're here
about poor Ed.

But Ed's dead.

Yes, ma'am, we...
We're aware of that.

Oh, dear.

Give me that doorknob, darling.

You know, there's a trick
to keeping this on.

You know, you're gonna probably
want to talk to Howard.

He knows everything
about Ed's death.

Well, I wouldn't say
I know everything about it,

but, uh, I am the one
who called 911

and, uh, talked to the operator

and let the fire department in.

Doesn't make me a hero.

Of course, if you've come
to give me a medal, um...

Hey, we don't have enough
burgers for all these people.

Oh, we're not staying
for lunch, sir.

Plus we're out of beer.

I know.
Martinis at lunch?

So '80s.

I'm with you there.

We'd like to take a look around,
if we can...

Check out
Mr. Dagby's apartment.

Why check out a dead guy
when I'm available?

Larry, meet the L.A.P.D.

They think Ed was murdered.

Ma'am, we never said that.

A bunch of detectives come
to investigate a suicide?

Oh, no, you can't kid us.

We all worked on the same
crime series in the 1970s.

"Prognosis: Homicide."

It ran from '72 to '79.

Oh, I remember that show.

It was about a pathologist

who was always coming across
murder cases

that the police missed and...

And helping them investigate.

Yes.

I was the costume designer
on that series.

And Larry was
one of our teamsters,

Vera... hair.

Pauline... she was a stand-in
for our lead actress.

Not a stand-in, Clayton.
I was the stand-in.

And I was in front of
the camera, too, occasionally,

as up-and-coming female
television reporter

Blanche Everest.

It happened a couple of times.

Five times, Vera.
Look it up.

I'm in the business, too.
Just a little.

I'm technical adviser

on a new show called
"The Badge of Justice."

Tech advisor?

That's what Howard here
used to be for us

on "Prognosis: Homicide."

He was our legal guy.

Practiced law for 30 years.

Knows his stuff.

Well, so long as it has
nothing to do with divorce.

Well, I'm guessing you want
to get into Ed's apartment.

Yes. Yes, we do.

Um, is the manager
of Lost Horizon around?

We call it Shangri-La.

"La Shangri-La"
if we're feeling festive.

They said they want to speak
to the manager.

Well, that was Ed. Yeah.

If you'd like to talk to the
owner, that would be Ed, too.

Yeah, he inherited
the Shangri-La last year

from his Uncle Norman.

Our locations manager.

Norm bought this place

so that we could spend
our retirement together.

Poor fellow.

Our best-laid plans,
as the poet says, are often...

And cut.
Thank you, Pauline.

Well, uh, the fire
department left me Ed's keys,

so I guess...
Why don't you just follow me?

Um, you know?

I'm not feeling
a lot of grief for Ed here.

That, my dear,
is an understatement.

In fact, his funeral made me
want to party...

Like it was 1975.

Boy, Ed really jazzed up
this place.

Wow.

No doors to the exterior
from the rear.

All windows locked.

We should still get S.I.D.
down here

to print this place.

Do you think that someone
killed Ed?

We're just trying
to cover our bases, sir.

Well, I won't touch anything.

Whoa.

Well, I touched that,
but that's...

Let me get this.

I won't touch anything else.

Oh, I touched that.

Well, there you go.
Hands up.

Sir, do you know
if Mr. Dagby had any enemies?

Uh, you mean other than us?

'Cause, uh, we all hated him.

Oh, I wouldn't say
anyone wanted him dead,

but all these new rules
and half-draining the pool.

Where Vera and I did
our water aerobics.

Anything else odd?

Well, after Norm died and Ed
moved into his apartment,

we would have
these "power failures,"

and they only happened...

Ever only happened during
"Dancing With The Stars."

The son of a bitch.

But other than
power failures...

Well, there was that strange guy
that hung out with Ed.

Oh. The man
with the red mustache.

- Scarface.
- Yeah.

We called him that
because he had a long scar

from his temple to his chin.

Bald, about 5'7".

I guess they were
friends of a sort.

Scarface would come to visit.

But they argued.

- Lieutenant.
- Don't ask me about what.

You know, at my age,

I get the decibels better
than I do the details.

Hey, if you find the keys
to the storage unit in here,

uh, could we have them?

Ed locked up
all the good patio furniture.

Lieutenant, there's
probably $80,000 in this bag.

What?
Are you kidding me?

When was the last time
you saw this guy?

Scarface?

Well, now that you mention it,

Scarface was here the night
that Ed killed himself.

But he left
early in the evening.

I saw him smoking one of those
little cigars of his

out on that balcony.

And then,
he came down these stairs

and he went out
through the back,

even though his car
is parked out front.

Are there any security cameras
back there?

Be careful.

It's an antique.

If you look through this lens,

you can probably see
Barnaby Jones.

Brake lines on the car
were cut.

If Dagby hadn't died
in his apartment,

he would have bought it
on the freeway.

Looks like Mr. Dagby
was living right on the edge.

And someone pushed him off it.

Uh, go ahead, Kris.

I'll meet you
in the break room.

Okay.
Hi, Sharon.

Hi, Kris.
Nice to see you.

So, um, I was going to tell her

that I needed a little space,

but then she asked if we could
study again together

for our finals,
so I said yes because...

look, Sharon, I need to find
a way to wind this down

so I don't end up
hurting her feelings.

That may not be an option.

But it has to be, though.

Hey, you said,
"no pressure."

I also said, "be kind."

Are you?

I'll tell her today,
just in my own way.

So, did you find any
questionable circumstances

around Mr. Dagby's death?

A few.

Someone recently cleaned up
a lot of motor oil

on the top step
leading to Ed's apartment.

Which explains his fall.

Brake lines to his car
had been cut, ma'am.

We view that as the failsafe.

Then add the gas turned on
at full blast in his apartment

and an allergic reaction
to we-know-not-what,

and the big question isn't
"was Dagby murdered?" But...

Which one of the residents
at the apartment complex

did him in?

Maybe two of them together?

I have a theory
regarding this murder.

Hear me out.

It's a bit fanciful,
so just listen.

Our gang of retirees transformed
the Lost Horizon apartments,

A.K.A. Shangri-La, into their
very own retirement home.

But when the owner, their friend
and fellow crew mate,

Norman Dagby, died

and the complex was inherited
by his evil nephew Ed,

our tenants acted in concert
to get rid of him.

So arrest them all.

In the off chance that I'm wrong
and only one of them did it,

that one will eventually confess
to save the others,

and you're welcome.

Supporting
the lieutenant's theory,

it doesn't look like anything
was stolen from Mr. Dagby

after the murder.

In fact, the killer or killers

left behind $80,000 in cash
hidden in Ed's closet.

Customs agents
make $50,000 a year.

Where did Ed get the money?

Can't say, but he was planning
on getting a lot more.

Mr. Dagby's
e-mail account.

He'd been corresponding
with a land developer.

"Shangri-La is a tear-down,

but the neighborhood
is up and coming."

Last offer for the property
is $3 million.

So why wasn't Ed selling?

Norm gave all the tenants
life leases.

Now, they could give them up,
but they can't be kicked out.

And the offer from the developer
expires in October.

That's why Ed made living
in the Shangri-La so horrible.

Out of the 12 residents living
there before Norm's death,

only five are left.

But they're close.

So close, in fact, that they
made up this corny story

about a mysterious bald man
with a red mustache.

They even called him Scarface.

Now, framing
a nonexistent suspect

may have been believable
on that bullshit crime show

that they all worked on
back in the '70s,

but in reality, it is...

Captain Raydor,
this is Agent Mark Evans

from I.C.E.'s
Inspector General's office.

Captain.

Uh, Agent Evans.

Evans was investigating Ed Dagby
when he passed away.

And, um... what was
this investigation about?

Well, before I answer that,
I have a question for you.

Why is the L.A.P.D.
so interested in a suicide?

Just trying to fill in
a few blanks.

So, what did Ed do wrong
at work?

Well, hey, guys,
it's an open file.

I can't get into specifics.

He was a Federal employee.

Should I get the FBI involved?

Because I will.

Okay.

Okay.

All right, just the headlines.

Until about a month ago,

Dagby worked the customs line

for incoming international
flights at LAX.

Now, I.C.E.'s
Inspector General's office,

which is like
your internal affairs,

received an anonymous tip

that Ed was being bribed

to allow some contraband items
to come into the U.S.

He was suspended with pay,
pending an investigation.

Conducted by you.

And how is that investigation
going for Mr. Dagby?

Not well.

And not a lot of people
are coming forward

to vouch for his character,
either.

Ed was a miserable,

mean-spirited, cheap,
two-faced jerk.

I mean, for example,

he screwed a family member
out of inheriting

that, uh,
Lost Horizons place...

The Shangri-La,
whatever it is.

He contested his Uncle's will.

And he swore that someone
had greased the top step

to the stairs of his apartment
to make sure that he fell.

I mean,
can you believe this guy?

Did he show you the step
he slipped on?

Excuse me?

Did that jerk, Ed,

show you the step he slipped on
at his apartment complex, sir?

Oh.

Well, um, I don't know.

- Maybe.
- So you were there.

No.

Oh, yeah, of course,
I guess I was there. Yes.

In the course of my duties,

yes, I stopped by his place
once or twice,

maybe three times,
possibly six.

Can't really be precise.

Obviously.

Considering the anonymous tip,

did Ed think anyone
was out to get him?

Oh, yeah.

According to him, everybody
wanted him off this planet.

Hell, during my investigation,

there was a time, too,
I wanted to kill him.

Well, now that you brought it
up, I have to ask...

Where were you
the night that Dagby died?

Oh, that's good!

"Where were you
the night he died?"

That's funny.
That's good.

We're serious.

Where were you the night

Ed Dagby supposedly
committed suicide?

Out with friends.

It was a special night...

Wait... wait a minute.

You really think
I had something to do...

supposedly committed suicide...

What does that...
what's that mean?

We're thinking that Dagby's
death was more of a murder.

Ohh.

All right, okay, look.
Look.

Ed needs to have
committed suicide.

Oh, boy.

He was found in his apartment
with the gas turned on, right?

I mean,
how is that not a suicide?

Ed was dead
before the oven was turned on.

Oh, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You see, uh...

I'm gonna be
totally honest here.

If you'd known Ed Dagby,

you would realize
that killing himself

was the only decent thing
he had done his whole life.

I mean, the coroner said
he thought it was a suicide.

Can't we just stick with that?

- Is he kidding?
- No, he's hiding something.

And we probably need to find out
what it is.

I think I know.

The money we found
in Ed's apartment was real,

but the bag we found it in
is counterfeit.

On authentic bags,

they never split the brand logo
over the seam, like here.

This bag is fake.

- Come on!
- No.

Come on!

What can I do to make this
stay a suicide? Huh?

Hey.
How'd it go with Kris today?

I had a good plan, Sharon.
I did.

I just...
I needed the conversation

to go in a specific direction,
and it never got there.

Steering someone

into an emotionally
complicated discussion

is never easy, Rusty.

I know you're not looking
for a romantic relationship,

but you and Kris
could still be friends.

She's such a good kid.

And I'm not.

What?

Look, I may be good, Sharon,
but I am not a kid.

I mean, I need to understand
algebra. Fine.

I should learn history.
Okay.

I want to catch up
with everyone in my class,

but they are never going to
catch up with me,

because I am not a kid anymore

and I haven't been
for a very long time,

and there's no use in trying
to get closer to these people.

It's just...
it's not gonna work.

Didn't you tell me
that you'd made friends

with a boy in your chess club?

Yeah.

It turns out he was looking
for something else, too.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

It's not your fault.

I know you don't want
to hear this, Rusty,

but I could easily find
a professional

- that you could talk to.
- Oh, my God!

Every time I try to have
an honest conversation with you

about this stuff, you bring in
the whole psychiatrist thing.

I am not crazy, Sharon.

- I know that.
- I am a realist,

and I know how to cut people off
when they get too attached.

I've done it plenty of times.

I-I just have never done it

to anyone
as nice as Kris before.

Please, can you just trust me
to figure this out?

I mean, who do you think
knows Kris better, anyway?

You or me?

I've heard of carrying
extra baggage around,

but Scarface takes the cake.

After Mr. Evans left
last night,

we secured a warrant
for his fiances,

and we noticed
a recurring monthly charge

for a self-storage facility
close to the airport.

So we searched Scarface's,
A.K.A. Agent Evans', place

after he went to work today,
and look what we found.

And this isn't even everything.

There are two more piles
just like it downstairs.

You're right, lieutenant.

Evans did have something
to hide, including a new car.

We're checking to see what he
paid for his Lexus LX 570.

Evans only had his salary

and about $15,000 in debt.

So, where did he come up
with the over $70,000 in cash

Kelley Blue Book says
it would take

to buy his new Lexus, ma'am?

Dealing in counterfeit luggage.

And considering Ed had
a bag like this

full of cash in his apartment,

I think it's safe to say
that our victim and Evans

were in business together.

Oh, my God.
Are you having a sale?

I would kill
for a bag like this.

Someone may have
beaten you to it.

Why do you have
so many of these?

Some of them are worth $4,000.

And they only cost
about $10 a unit

to produce illegally overseas,

which makes smuggling them
into the country

more lucrative than drugs.

And I have no doubt
that Agent Scarface

arranged to have these bags roll
right past Ed Dagby at LAX.

Oh, my God, captain.

Speaking for the district
attorney's office,

these are not to leave P.A.B.
under any circumstance.

Excuse me, Andrea?

Now, don't think I'm trying
to tell you what to do,

because I'm not,

but if the FBI finds out
you have this stuff...

They'll say that our bags
are evidence in a Federal crime.

Illegal importation and poof.

All the bags will disappear.

Evans says he was with friends
the night of the murder?

Let me see what I can do about
breaking his alibi.

We do have some other evidence.

Five witnesses who can place
Evans at Dagby's apartment

the night he died.

And what do they have to say?

It was 8:00 in the evening.

I'd forgotten my knitting
at Clayton's.

Every now and then, I sit
on a pair of Pauline's needles.

She leaves them at my place
all the time.

The needles and her phone.

So, I usually do a little
knit 1, purl 2,

until she comes back
to get them.

Well, I mean,
I like knitting, too.

Who doesn't?

So...

Where was I?

That was my question, sir.

Oh.

We're back to the night
of the murder.

Exciting calling it that.

So, anyway, Pauline and I were
standing at the door, talking.

Not about knitting.

About crocheting.

Howard and I were down by that
half-empty hole in the ground

that used to be
our swimming pool.

We were playing dominoes.

Dominoes.

I guess it always comes down
to dominoes.

I could teach you
how to play dominoes,

but, uh, not now,

'cause I-I didn't bring
my dominoes with me.

I already know
how to play dominoes.

I bet you do.

Wow.

So, you were saying that Vera
approached you and Larry.

Why?

I was out of whiskey,

and that's when I went
to ask Larry

if he could go to the store,

and then I saw Scarface
out on the balcony smoking away.

Then he went inside, and that's
when the ruckus began.

What ruckus, ma'am?

Oh,
the yelling and the screaming

and the arguing coming from
that horrible man's apartment...

That Ed.

And what was
the argument about?

Of course, I really couldn't
hear the details.

I assumed
that they were dating,

and that Scarface
was from out of town.

Or that he worked
for the airlines.

He always showed up
with luggage.

Luggage.

Yeah.

Some fancy bag.

My ex-wives all have them.

They all look like you.

My ex-wives, not the bags.

Anyway, after the argument,

Scarface left Dagby's apartment
and headed out.

Of course, anyone who disliked
Ed enough to yell at him

was a friend of mine.

I almost went up to Scarface
to thank him,

but he was moving fast.

In what direction?

Straight out
through the parking lot.

Anyway, I went to bed...
until the next ruckus.

The next ruckus?

Lights and sirens, detective.

Lights and sirens.

So I smelled gas,
so I called 911.

And that was that.

Well, e-except for this.

This part is part of that.

The murder...
thing we were t...

I love your perfume.

If we can
hold on to the luggage,

I think your team has given me
enough to charge mark Evans,

A.K.A. Scarface.

- But?
- We won't get a deal...

Until we know
how this death-by-allergy

was accomplished.

Five eye witnesses to a suspect

seen leaving
a victim's apartment,

half an hour before that victim
was discovered asphyxiated.

Hobbs, it doesn't get
any better than that.

But Agent Evans did say
he was out with friends.

Well, Flynn's been working
on breaking that alibi,

which shouldn't be that hard,
considering.

Considering Evans was nowhere
near the Shangri-La

the night of the murder.
What?

We have five people
who say otherwise.

Uh-huh. Well, they're all lying.
Buzz.

♪ Now, I've had
the time of my life ♪

♪ no, I never felt
like this before ♪

No!

- That's not...
- It is.

That's agent Evans performing
" The Time of My Life"

at the Pueblo Bar and Grill

during the Karaoke Duet
Competition 2013.

♪ The time of my life

It gets worse.

How could it get worse?

They dance.

Oh, God.

♪ I've been waiting
for so long ♪

♪ now I finally found someone
to stand by me ♪

May I turn this off?

- Please.
♪ - Saw the wri... ♪

If Evans wasn't at Dagby's
on the night of the murder,

then who did the tenants
see leaving the apartment?

I do think that it is time

to attempt a re-creation
of the crime, lieutenant.

Are you sure you can't
join us in a beer?

You brought them.

Oh, I'd love to,
but we're on duty.

Just think of these
as a little gift

for bothering all of you

with this whole
sordid murder business.

May I say how much better
this place looks

without all those rules
posted everywhere?

Plus you cleaned
and filled the pool.

Nice beach ball.

You're starting to turn
the Shangri-La around.

Hear, hear.

Hello, lieutenant.

Is there a problem?

Oh, no. No, sir.

We just, uh,
have to get a clarification.

In order to make our arrest,

we need all of you to physically
run through your accounts

of the night
that Ed was murdered.

So, as we say in the business,
everybody back to one.

Ba rum bum!

Pauline, darling.

It's like a second
team rehearsal.

Oh, I wish I could have
appreciated

the wonder of it all then
the way I do now.

Don't you?

Okay, ladies and gentlemen.

This will serve
as our master shot.

Pauline, Clayton, this is
exactly how you were standing?

Yes, detective.

I was definitely camera left,

and Pauline never misses
her mark.

Why do we have to go through
this, lieutenant?

We told you what happened.

Ah, but this time
it's for camera.

Julio, places.

Following you up the stairs,
Scarface.

Oh, oh.
Just one more thing.

Vera, uh, do you mind taking
your glasses off?

Excuse me?

Well,
when we were here yesterday,

you had just received
these new glasses

because Larry had sat
on your old glasses.

So the night Ed died,
you didn't have glasses.

I'll hold them for you.

Okay, on "action,"

Scarface will come out
onto the balcony.

Ready...

Set... and action!

Well, Vera.

Who do you see?

Oh.

It's that little Mexican fella.

Oh!

Vera, you said the wrong thing.

Oh.
Yes, you did, Vera.

It's not "Mexican."

It's "Latino."

Latino.

My God, these glasses.

Cut! Check the gate!

Ladies and gentlemen,

you are all under arrest
for murder one.

"Having reached the age
where it is no longer possible

"to put off considering
the end of all things,

"I, Norman William Dagby,

"declare to this to be
my last will and testament.

"In the event of my death,
I give and bequeath,

after payment
of all my just debts..."

God, Tao.

Just get to the part
of Norm Dagby's will

where we find out who gets
the apartment complex.

Ah. Here it is.

"To my family, hereunto,

known as the tenants of
the Lost Horizon Apartments..."

The tenants
of the Shangri-La?

I give wholly and completely
the property and domicile

of 1066 North Hastings
Boulevard."

He left the Shangri-La
to our suspects.

But he called them his family.

And that's how
Ed Dagby got the property.

That's right, lieutenant.

No matter what Norman Dagby
said in his will,

the suspects
were not relatives.

Ed contested the word
"family."

And he got ownership
of the property.

Forget how Ed harassed them.

If they stand to inherit,

this will become murder
for financial gain.

If we can prove
it's a homicide.

I can. I can.

God, I feel like Quincy,
only without the subtitles.

Ah, you wouldn't get that joke.

You didn't watch the show
in Uruguay.

Never mind.

I can reconstruct the recipe
for the brownies

that killed your victim.

The brownies were poisoned?
No.

Remember how I said there were
no nuts in the stomach contents?

I certainly do.

But the brownies were made
with almond milk and peanut oil

and covered in an icing
laced with Frangelica.

It's a hazelnut liqueur.

Ed Dagby did have
a nut allergy.

You're missing something,
Señor Quincy.

In order to turn this allergy
into a homicidal pathogen,

you need to prove
that our suspects

knew what it would do
to our victim.

And I can.

Okay,
when I found these ingredients,

I stopped looking
at hospital records

and started searching
for calls to paramedics.

Guess what I found.

Huh? Guess!

Oh, all right.
I'll tell you.

Three months ago,
someone phoned for an ambulance

from the Lost Horizon
Apartment Complex,

and the call went like this.

911, what's your emergency?

It's my neighbor!
Something's wrong!

Can you describe
what's going on?

Well, he's sweating
and he has the hives,

and he's having trouble
breathing.

It sounds as if he's suffering
from anaphylactic shock.

An ambulance is on its way.

In the meantime,
did he eat or drink anything

that may have had
nuts or peanuts in it?

Well, I'm gonna ask about that.

Hey! Did Ed eat
any nuts or peanuts?

What the hell's
the difference?

Oh, he ate Vera's Chex Mix.

And he didn't even ask.

And he stuck his whole hand
in the bowl like a pig.

He's choking!

To death!

But he didn't choke to death.

The ambulance came and
shot him up with epinephrine.

Isn't that right?

And as we now know,

you all stood to inherit
the Shangri-La if Ed died.

- You're kidding.
- What?

You expect us to believe
that you didn't know

Shangri-La was
supposed to be yours?

We didn't!
Lieutenant,

do you think we would have put
up with Ed destroying our lives

if we knew that we had
a legal option to stop him?

You didn't put up with it.
You killed him.

After hearing
this 911 recording,

we secured a warrant

and we searched
all of your apartments.

And in Vera and Pauline's
refrigerator, we found this.

I'm guessing that when we get
the test results back,

the ingredients
will match those

of the brownie found
in Mr. Dagby's stomach.

You know I can't throw away
good food.

Those brownies were made
from scratch.

So what?

You still can't prove that
anyone here gave Ed a brownie.

No. We cannot.

And I'm beginning to think
there's only one way

through this mess.

Your honor, the people
contend that the five defendants

were involved in a conspiracy
to commit murder.

Unfortunately,
the prosecution lacks evidence

to prove which defendant

committed which part
of the conspiracy.

Also, for me to pursue this case
would include a lengthy,

time-consuming trial
of several months,

meaning the people
most available in the jury pool

would be...

Elderly and retired.
I get it.

Therefore, provided they
tell the truth today,

and considering
that the defendants

will also be eyewitnesses
in a Federal case

involving an international
smuggling ring

and counterfeit luggage,

the people recommend
this special plea.

Thank you, D.D.A. Hobbs.

Mr. Gray.

What do you and your clients
have to say?

Oh.

Larry Murdoch.
Excuse me, your honor.

I'm a retired teamster,

and I, uh, I cut the brake lines
on the bastard's car.

Just a little backup plan.

No harm done.

I'm Pauline Allen,
and I would like to confess

that I greased the very top step
on which Ed untimely slipped.

And I helped with the brownies.

Me too.

Clayton Carter.

I shopped for the almond milk
and the peanut oil.

And putting the Frangelica in
the icing was entirely my idea.

A flourish.

Vera Walker.

I made the brownies,

and I put them out by the nachos
for our weekly taco night.

And no one else was hurt by them
at all.

And I have two more batches
in the freezer.

So, if you'd like to try one
yourself...

No? Okay.

Uh, I'm Howard Gray, and, uh...

Ed helped himself to our buffet
without asking

and walked off
with two brownies.

We waited while he went
upstairs to eat,

and then after he choked
to death on his own rudeness

and his cries for help
kind of petered out,

I propped him up
in one of those kitchen chairs

and turned on the gas
and called 911.

And we're very sorry,
your honor,

and we promise never to let
someone kill themselves again.

I see.

Well, uh

taking into account
the 378 collective years

the five of you have spent
on the planet with no priors

and the fact
that not a single one of you

can actually be charged
with murder,

I accept the plea
of manslaughter

and agree in principle
to two years of house arrest

for each of the five defendants,

followed by nine years
of probation.

Your honor.

The L.A.P.D. would like to ask
that house arrest

extend some special requests.

Such as?

Each of these defendants

volunteers as a judge
for the Emmys,

television's highest honor.

It's an award show, judge,
that requires their presence

at panels
and special screenings.

Well, I can appreciate
that the defendants

are passing along
their property in trust

to the children's hospital.

I will take that
into consideration

when we discuss special requests
during sentencing.

If there's nothing further,
we're finished for today.

It looks as if you're beginning

to like the deal-making process,
lieutenant.

Yeah.

What is it you wanted
to talk to me about?

Uh, one more day.

Captain, if you don't mind.
Just one more day.

Okay.

So, before we get so caught up
in the panic of 1873

we can't think straight,
I have a surprise.

What's that?

Is this a... a gift?

Kris,
why did you buy me a gift?

I didn't.

My mother felt bad
about how she judged you,

and she makes jewelry
for a living, so...

Home.

That's all real silver, too,

because home is
a valuable thing, right?

You know, it's what you're
fighting to keep.

What do you think?

Uh... wow.

Kris...

Thank you.

Can you just wait here?

Just one second.

Sure.

Is...

Is it okay?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

It's beautiful.

I just have to...

I'll be right back.
Okay. Just...

Even though
I know it's wrong,

I want to keep one,
just for a special occasion.

Like Tuesday. Or lunch.

Oh, my God.

You're like two little girls
staring at a candy counter.

A candy counter being
wheeled away to the FBI.

Mark Evans has no idea
what's about to hit him.

Well, neither does
that old lady, Vera.

She can't see a thing.

She keeps calling me,
asking for her glasses back.

I didn't see them in evidence.

Hey.
Where's Lieutenant Provenza?

Read it and weep.

Don't see many of these.

Perfect target, lieutenant.

♪ I've had the time of my life

♪ no, I never felt this way
before ♪

♪ yes, I swear it's the truth

♪ and I owe it all to you

♪ 'cause I've had
the time of my life ♪

♪ and I've searched
though every open door ♪

==sync, correction by dcdah==
for www.addic7ed.com

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