All language subtitles for [English (auto-generated)] Woody Allen Dick Cavett (30_6-1969) [DownSub.com]

there we are

Woody Allen is a gentleman who you might

call him one of the last of the great

boulevardier he's detached and droll and

the essence of a man of the world he he

can be cruel when necessary having to

fight his way through the hoards of

women who wait at the stage door I don't

know what mood he'll be in tonight but

will you welcome playwright author and

bon vivant Woody Allen

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this is the show where I know I know

that I balanced shoelace

the

bingo that takes care of but or no not

the other one no no like you can do that

[Music]

you come back I do that again at 10 and

12 my side of you I haven't seen that

takes care of my first question which

was how are your shoes how's it going

that's a dumb thing to ask but I know

you're playing Knightley on Broadway and

it's really roughly it even find time to

get over here yes it's going okay I came

back so the first time I ever took a

vacation at all for a weekend I went to

Fire Island for the weekend why do they

do this I don't know there's something

about Fire Island that I don't know what

it is

I don't either I know that I went there

once I did not see anything unusually

odd about fire the same way I found it

yeah I went there on Saturday night and

this is my beach at tire I have sand and

my sneakers in my pockets and the little

crevices of my body get into that later

I dunno

what is this you don't believe we can

switch audiences and bring in another

one no I do know that there's there are

jokes about certain segments of Fire

Island because there's one bless you

there's this guy sneeze on my arm I

didn't think they caught that at home

germs are spread that way

germs are our friends that's another of

your odd theories yes you have several

they make us sick and then we don't have

to show up do our show everybody you

know why it's gonna ask you once I know

that your show anyone knows who's seen

it or who will see it will know that

it's just chock-full of beautiful girls

you know I don't know if that was

intentional and that but did you have a

tough time finding that many pretty

girls auditioning them and it wasn't no

it was tough to find girls that could

act that we're pretty that was the

problem was there beautiful women are a

dime a dozen this is the truth you know

and for a guy like myself this is so

high I'm not come off like dominoes you

know like that now

any now when you go into the theater

they have like 20 or 30 waiting in the

wings and each one is more beautiful in

the next and they come out and they

speak and they sound like Minnie Mouse

or you know they're really bad and it's

hard to find eight girls that can

actually act yeah but we did but if you

manage to get a really a passel of

lovelies it is a really terrific I mean

it just is a it's a joy to go in there

every night I'll be playing the play

till October I think or you know maybe

beyond that I don't know and then you

have your film coming out which is how

soon in the future I believe six weeks I

think six to eight weeks and the movie

should be out yeah why don't we we have

a clip from your film can we show that

you know that we did yeah and we'll show

it the name of the movie is the name

change it's my turn yeah take the money

and run

and you want me to tell you I get

emotionally little bit because this is

I'm I'm a racketeer in the picture I

keep telling people that I'm with the

Philharmonic to throw the look so they

don't so they don't catch me sure and in

this section of the picture I stick up a

guy on a street corner

this is toward the end of the picture

but it's not the actual end of the

picture okay with that in mind we roll

we don't believe we roll we look at - if

you look right there last films of

Virgil Stockwell being captured by the

FBI right get your hands up it's a

stick-up

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that's right with the Philharmonic look

it's been great speaking to you really

oh it's so nice to see you you too take

it easier that's the average oh I just

realized

you kidding house going oh it's a great

job I get it I get a patient

[Music]

I think they love it well that's one

little section of the picture and the

fellow with me was Mark Gordon who is

that we shot this we shot that section

of the picture in New York and it's

toward the end of the picture I can't

tell you the end because no don't

breathe a word at the end no surprise to

it at all

oh no no he's seated during the picture

are after it started before it started

or or at the end what rating does the

picture have then the picture it's pee

perverts only I guess yeah I guess I

should have known we have to poison

we'll be back yes I'll tell you what let

me reword that now a word from a bowl

cleaner with a more active cleaning

ingredient than the other leading brands

santé flesh yes sir

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Oh before you came here tonight some of

the people in the audience were anxious

to meet you and we couldn't have

everyone meet you of course so they

wrote questions to you and we grabbed up

a handful of them and do you mind if we

just have a go at these and see what

happens

no no I don't mind anything I'm good

this is to mr. Allen now these people

sign them I guess they did

[Music]

do you like blondes or brunettes thin or

just pleasingly that's from Joe Brendan

Joe is that two people Joe Brendan I

know I think Joe brand is one person

unless he or she or both of them

disagree

I like blondes and the fatter the better

I like really fat chicks that's you know

it's it's never revealed it this is true

if it's a weirdness of mine but I like

I'm really gigantic women who are 500

pounds with gels and fat thighs thighs I

love to brush my cheek up against a

really bulbous file

if we'd known perhaps we could have

arranged something this woman says did

you ever meet a real woman I mean the

artists kind of underlined that's what I

was trying to figure out there better I

believe you've dealt with the kind you

would like to be a real woman

what is it depends on the definition of

a real woman yeah it's hard to know what

they mean by there yeah a real woman

they don't you always get the impression

that it's someone you know who sits

around on silks and satins and breathes

fire and everything and but I um I stay

away from real women as often as

possible you know it's true because you

don't know they're they're too

formidable you know what I mean the idea

is to get to try and get losers you know

there are certain good if you hit on

ugly chicks as you go through life you'd

be amazed what a great percentage of

scores you make

that's funny didn't-didn't dr. rose

friends blouse a much the same thing let

me see what outstanding talents do you

have and what are some of your hobbies

hope that doesn't overlap yes I I

collect open sores this is true how many

of you thought he wouldn't treat me

seriously and I'd like to fill cavities

a little bit of amateur dentistry on the

side yes and I like to be hickey by

midgets well I believe if we put

something in for everybody there let's

see how did you know this is odd how did

you like the tuna fish in the Midwood

high school cafeteria is there anybody

out here from is that a real place yeah

middle high school well that's your

actual yes it is there someone here from

familiar yep oh that's right this girl

right down here oh is Midwood bisexual

what is the phrase I want

sneeze again John we need it

what was the word I wanted co-education

yes right I often say bisexual or me

something else let's move on before we

get why do you always scratch your head

Sharon Weinstein they're sharing up

there right I'm trying to to stimulate

my dandruff I'm trying to accumulate the

world's largest collection of dandruff

which I presently can when you get it

can we be the first to show it yes it's

multicolored flakes and I accumulate

them a neat little piles around the

house and I have people over and I use

them as conversation pieces that's

somehow I knew you were going to say

that would you like to meet we have a

surprise for you because I know what an

inveterate fight fan you are you're

practically always ringside I was the

other night even when the garden is

closed what he goes oh I think to almost

all of the major the other night we did

our show played against a man wheat and

we we cut the first intermission down by

about five minutes and we cut out the

second intermission completely which was

really work and we just ran as fast as

we could and we got to the garden time

to see the championship fight the Frazer

fight the phrase your boyfriend I don't

know if he says Frasier or phrase the

phrase would you handle it listen I plan

to tell him exactly what I think of him

when he gets out here which is that he's

honorable and courageous and all of

those things

I have never over right you may whether

you want to or no kiss I've never met a

heavyweight champion that I well of

course to Cassius Clay what but I mean

right after he had fought like this it's

quite a quite a thrill for me I don't

know a great deal about heavyweight

boxing my interest in it spans the Billy

Conn Joe Louis fight up to the marriage

of Ethel Merman and Ernest Borgnine

it seemed to be several