All language subtitles for Charlie . Boots (Murphy, Dean 2009)_BDRip.720p.x264.AAC_EN

Sorry, I just, um...

Um...

Mum, she had this amazing ability to...

to make people smile...

to forget their worries,

even if it was just for a few moments.

And Mum was always willing to...

to sacrifice her own needs
for the needs of others.

She gave up her job as a teacher
to look after us on the farm.

In fact, everything she did was...
was for us, for our family

and for her boys.

Sorry. Um...

Mum taught us many things.

She taught us respect, loyalty...

and she taught us forgiveness.

To Dad, she was his Gracie.

To Boots and I, she was, um...

she was...

she was Mum.

And to my kids,
she was their beautiful Nanna.

We love you, Mum.

And we'll really miss you.

Sympathies, mate.
See you back at the house.

- You finished with this?
- Yes, darling.

I'll take those, love.

I thought you could use these.

Thanks.

Hi.
You've called Charlie and Gracie.

We're not here at the moment.
Please leave us a message. Bye.

Hey, Dad. It's, uh...
it's me, it's Boots.

I, um, guess we're going to
have to change that message.

Oh, look, um, Dad, I know we haven't
been getting along very well,

but, I, um... I don't know,
I think we've got to try.

- Hey.
- Hey.

You come to do some work, have you?

How's Dad getting on?

He's alright.

Never answers his phone.

Nah, he's alright.

How's the kids?

Yeah, good.

And Mel?

She's alright.

- Has Dad been getting out at all?
- Nah, not really.

Gotta get him out doing something.

He can help me milk the cows
if he wants to do something.

OK. Better go see how he is.

Dad?

Hey, Dad, it's me.

So you remembered where we live.

Dad, what are you doing?

It's bloody dark in here.

Should have the telly on.
The game's about to start.

Batted very sensibly today, used his head.

And then the 100 the other day,
the first one ever in Australia.

I thought he was magnificent.
Don't forget...

The loss and what it means...

There's been some gutsy selection,

there's been some fantastic
leadership throughout this game.

I think he needs to take
a hell of a lot of credit.

There were moments throughout
the series where India was...

not just the one here today.

He batted sensibly today, used his head.

I don't know. Get Nigel to cover
for me. He never does anything.

I don't know. Uh, a week?

I don't know. Maybe two.

- Hey, I was watching that.
- Come on, Dad.

- No, turn it back on.
- Nah, we're going out.

- I'm not going anywhere.
- Yeah, you are.

We're going fishing.

Fishing? Since when
have you liked fishing?

I can open me own bloody door.

Yeah, I know.
Watch your fingers.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

Dad, are you coming?
Just jump in the car.

I can bloody walk.

Just get in the car.

What are we doing now?

I'm just gonna grab a couple of things.

I thought we were going fishing.

We are, Dad.
I'll be back in a sec, OK?

Where are you going?
Port Fairy's that way.

Yeah, we're, uh... we're not
actually going to Port Fairy.

Why not? It's the only
good fishing around here.

Yeah, we're, uh... not actually
going fishing around here.

What?

Do you remember when I was little,
you always promised me that one day

we'd go and cast a line off
the northernmost tip of Australia?

No.

Well, we're doing it.

What do you mean?

I mean we're doing it.
We're on our way to Cape York.

Have you lost your mind?

Yep.

Well, that's the dumbest
thing I've ever heard of.

Typical of you and your half-baked ideas.

You're a dickhead. Cape York's,
like, 3,000 miles from here.

Yep, and it will be even further

if you don't start studying that map.

Alright, then, where are we?

Well, Warrnambool's about there.

I bloody know that.
Where are we going?

- Well, we're about here.
- Yeah.

Cape York's all the way up there.

Well, that's... that's just stupid.

Yeah.

It'll be fun. Don't you reckon?

What the hell is that?

Dad. Dad.

Have a look at this little ripper.

It's the Big Koala.

Better have a look, eh?

You coming?

Uh, no, I can see it from here, son.

Alright. I'm going to go inside.

"There was a young fella from Horsham

"Who took out his balls to wash 'em

"His wife said, 'Jack,
If you don't put them back

"'I'll jump on the buggers
and squash 'em."'

Remember telling me that?

"In the heart of rich farming
land and the Victorian goldfields,

"Maryborough is famous
for its railway station

"and was settled in the 1830s."

You gonna be like this all the way?

- What do you mean?
- Annoying.

I just thought you might like me

to, I don't know,
read you some local colour.

Really? Why?

Just because.

Oh, well, don't worry about it, then.

OK.

They're on their way to Warrnambool.

Just telling them all the stuff
they should see when they get there.

Pity we won't be home.
Could have shown them around.

Well, maybe we should head back.

No, I'm serious.

I'm, um, worried about the farm.

Don't be. I spoke to Graeme.
He said everything's fine.

He said to have a good time.

Yeah, well, at least
your brother's responsible.

Jeez, Dad, you got enough salt on those?

I don't want me veins getting all floppy.

I'm serious, Dad. You've got to
start looking after yourself.

Echuca's probably the go tonight,
Dad, don't you reckon?

You can have a look in the brochures
up here if you want.

Hey, fresh strawberries.

Small punnets $3, large, $6,
family size, 10 bucks.

Family size?

I think we might need one of them.

Don't you think so, Dad?

Huh?

Actually, I think we'll get
a couple of those.

No worries.

So which way are you headed?

Uh, headed up north to Cape York, but
we'll probably get to Echuca tonight.

- Do you want anything else, Dad?
- Nah.

Well, enjoy.

Yeah, will do.
Thank you very much.

Don't eat them all at once.

We'll try not to.

Eh? This is the life.

The open road with my dad, fresh fruit.

Does it get any better than this?

What was that?

That looks interesting.

Must be glad you bought
the family-sized punnet, eh?

You could help.

Nah, never fancied strawberries much.

And she asked!
She knew which way we were headed.

And she said,
"Don't eat them all at once."

Paddle Wheel.
That looks alright.

Sing out, Dad, if you see one you like.

The Georgian Motor Lodge.

This looks like us.

This is alright, isn't it?

Here, pick a bed, Dad. I'm just
going to go in the big action room.

Bloody hell, Dad.
There's a lot of mirrors in here.

Look at that. There's even
one on the back of the door.

Gee whiz! I could do with
losing a few kilos, just quietly.

Dad?

Dad?

Dad... Oh, shit.

Oi!

Where you off to?

You know, I honestly thought you'd left.

On that bus.

Yeah, well, I thought about it,

but it was only the courtesy bus
for the country club.

And, of course, you never packed me clubs.

Oh, did something die in here?

Shouldn't have eaten all them strawberries.

Eugh.

Good morning. Breakfast.

"Sun, stars, steam
and Murray River magic."

- What's your problem?
- PS 'Emmylou'. Paddle steamer.

Ah. Yeah, well,
let me know how it goes.

Come on, Dad.
I thought we could go on it.

Paddle steamer -
you get on it, it goes up the river,

it turns around, comes back down again.

What's the point?

Why are you being so difficult?

I'm not being difficult.

I'm saying that if you
want to go on it, go on it.

I just don't go in for that touristy stuff.

Oi!

Hang on! It's a Holden museum!

Kids, who can tell me
the first Holden model

made with a left-hand drive?

The FB.

Thank you, sir, but I was asking the kids.

Ah! Paddle steamer.

Looks like fun.

Ah! New South Wales.

Across the border.

- Can you drive for a bit?
- No.

Why do I have to do all the driving?

You don't have to.

Alright, if I drive for the next two hours,

then will you drive?

- No.
- I'm still hungry.

Come on!

I don't mind sheep.

Really? I didn't know that.

Oh, yeah. Came up here once
when I was a young'un.

Worked for a month or two
on a place called Frome Downs.

We had cattle and sheep.
Would've stayed longer if I could've.

Why didn't you?

Oh, well, we had the family farm

and, you know, I couldn't turn
my back on that, you know?

And I didn't want to let my father down.

And, of course, I met your mum.

"Hay. Population 2,932.

"Hay's in the Southern Riverina
of New South Wales

"in a semiarid grazing area
known as the Hay Plains."

You're not gonna stop this, are you?

It's Australia, Dad.
It's fascinating.

I can shut up if you want me to.

Hey, look at this.

It was also home to 3,000 POWs
during the Second World War...

Oh, shit! Look out!

Hang on, hang on!

What, is she a stunt driver?
God! Bloody clown!

- Hey, Dad, Dad...
- Learn to drive, you dickhead!

Dad, just relax. We're OK.

- Could've been killed.
- Killed!

- Truck full of white leghorns.
- Yep, we're OK, Dad.

Tell her to get some driving lessons.

Yeah, I will.

Sorry. It's OK. You just kinda
cut us off a little bit over there.

Did I?

Really?

Tell her... tell her
to get some glasses!

You need glasses to see where you're going!

Sorry. My dad,
he's not himself at the moment.

He's... a little bit...

kinda hung up, that's all.

Yeah, it's the shock from the accident.

Dad, just shut up.

Whole life rushed before me eyes.

Ehh...

It was pretty boring.

What is it with you Victorians?

Everything alright, Edna?

Yeah. I can handle this.

You're just lucky you're not a bloke.
He'd have knocked your block off.

For fuck's sake Dad, just shut up!

Just...

We should...
We should keep moving, so, um...

Yeah. I think perhaps
you should keep moving.

You should take that old man with you.

Get some driving lessons off the nuns.

Clown.

- Man, you're something else.
- What?

You should get some L-plates.
Hang 'em round your neck.

- What is wrong with you?
- What?

Hello.

Hi.

I have no doubt.
I know he's very nervous.

Thanks, Robin.

You're with Ryan Miles on ABC local radio.

After Prince Charles's
embarrassing gaffe on the weekend,

we're discussing
your most embarrassing moments.

Deirdre, you had a confession
over wetting the...

Just filling up, Dad.

Get me a sarsaparilla, will you, Boots?

Yeah.

Oh, Deirdre, that's terrible.

But I must say you were brilliant
blaming it on the cat.

I know. The poor thing.

Well, next we have a Charlie on the line.

Yeah, g'day.

Yeah, this one's about my son.

Let's call him... Slippers. yep.

Now, one day when he was about 14,
I come in early from the milkin',

I opened the door and...
..there he was.

Yeah, buffin' the bazooka.

I'm sorry?

Chokin' the goose.

Oh, well, um...
thanks for that, Charlie.

Hammering the hamster, some might say.

Yes... yes, thanks, Charlie.
I think we've got it.

Oh, you couldn't miss it.
The kid's hung like a draught horse.

Thank you.

Well, this is interesting.

I'm not talking to you.

"The yellow-rumped pardalote,
a rare bird indeed,

"can occasionally be spotted
foraging in this area."

Pig!

What?

That was a bit rough.

- I was just...
- Pig!

Arggh!

Ahh, brake! Jesus!

Oh!

Whoa.

Thanks for stopping.
I've been out here for ages.

Thought I was gonna be out there all night.

No worries.

Where are you headed?

To, uh, Cape York. To go fishing.

Is that anywhere near Tamworth?

Well, Tamworth's on the way.

Cape York's on the very
northern tip of Australia.

Oh, cool.

So, how did you end up out here?

My boyfriend was taking me
to Tamworth. I'm a singer.

And he cracked it and kicked me out.
He's a real arsehole.

Why did he do that?

Um, he wanted me to do things to him
I didn't want to. And I told him so.

And he begged, and I said no,
and he begged some more

and then he kicked me out.

Yep, sounds like an arsehole to me.

So, how far's this Cape York?

It's about 2,500 k's.

When I was young,
Dad promised we'd do it one day

so we're doing it now.

That's so great. I'm Jess.

I'm Charlie. And this is Boots.

How you goin'?

Charlie and Boots.

Pretty cool, eh?

Oh, well, he's out.

He's so cute.

I suppose.

Do you love him?

Well, yeah, he's my dad.

I mean, we've had
our ups and downs but, uh...

I don't know,
he's kind of all I've got now.

Well, there's my brother, but...

Your mum?

No, she... she died last month.

That must be awful.

I don't know what I'd do if my mum died.

I never got to meet my dad.

You're not married?

Oh, I was.

Mum and Dad were married for 45 years.

He must miss her.

Yeah.

Here I am, I couldn't even manage
to stay married for three years.

What happened?

Uh... Therese, my wife...

I don't know, I guess I was just
never really what she needed.

She was a city girl.

Mum and Dad tried
to get her involved in the farm

but I told them
to pull their head in and...

and... with what happened...

uh...

Did you have any kids?

Yeah, a little boy. Ben.

You know, I reckon
you'll find someone else.

Yep.

So you live on the farm with your dad?

No, my little brother runs it now.

Me and my wife moved away, so...

Can you not go back?

No.

I mean, I love the farm,
don't get me wrong.

But I don't know, things just
didn't work out that way, I guess.

Plus, it wouldn't really be fair,
I suppose, on my brother.

Which I know disappoints my dad.

Why are you called Boots?

My mum was a real character.

I mean, what you might call a free spirit.

You know, she was into the arts and music,

and one day in a moment of inspiration

she decided to name me
after her favourite singer.

Dad never really was crazy about the name

so he's always called me Boots.

Who was the singer?

- Dean Martin?
- I wish.

Frank Sinatra?

Fred Astaire?

- No, he was a dancer.
- Oh.

Um...

I'm not gonna tell you.

Sorry about that one, son.

Another argument I lost with your mother.

He's awake.

- Morning, Charlie.
- Morning.

It's starting to get a little bit late.

Maybe we should stop over in Gilgandra.

OK, well, maybe you can drop me
at a service station, then?

We can take you the rest of the way
in the morning.

- I really can't afford to pay...
- No, don't worry about that.

Me and Dad can get you a room,
can't we, Dad?

Oh, sure. Not gonna just drop you
alongside the roadway.

Thank you.

♪ Giddy-up! ♪

♪ She's a wild horse
and I wanna ride ♪

♪ She's a full moon
on a restless night... ♪

Wow.

You should not be eating that.

What?

Chips, potato cakes and dim Sims.

Chips - made from potatoes.

Good for ya.

Potato cakes - name says it all.

And dim Sims -

finely minced stuff

wrapped in whatever it is
the Chinese wrap it in.

You know it's no good for you.

She's eating it.
Looks pretty healthy to me.

Yeah, she's not nearly 70.

Mmm. Clever buggers, them Chinese.

Enjoy.

♪ She's got me
so damn hot for rodeo ♪

♪ Open up the gate, baby
I'll be hanging on ♪

♪ You can buck and twist
but I won't be thrown ♪

♪ Giddy-up, giddy-up... ♪

He worries about you.

Yeah. I know.

I'm sorry to hear about Grace.

Yeah.

She sounds awesome.

Awesome.

Yeah, Gracie...

Yeah, she was something else.

Are you OK?

Oh, yeah.

I think it's great
what you and Boots are doing.

I would've loved
to have gone fishing with my dad.

Not that I have any idea how to fish.

Ahh.

I think he'd have loved it too.

Yeah, I reckon he would.

Well, that's me done.

You reckon they'd have sticky date pudding?

Oh, yeah, I'll have some of that.

- Excuse me. Dance! Come on.
- Oh, OK.

Come on. You can come too.

♪ Unbridled love
A little one-on-one ♪

♪ We're just tossing around
having too much fun ♪

♪ Giddy-up, giddy-up ♪

♪ Cowgirl, let's raise some hell ♪

♪ Saddle up, bring it on ♪

♪ Honey, let's take it to the bell ♪

♪ Giddy-up, giddy-up ♪

♪ Cowgirl, let's raise some hell... ♪
No.

♪ Saddle up, saddle up ♪

♪ Buckle up, buckle up ♪

♪ Honey, let's take it to the bell ♪

♪ I'm man enough
to take on what you got ♪

♪ Ohh, so giddy-up ♪

♪ Giddy-up... ♪

- Come on.
- I really wanted to say goodbye.

- Come on, they'll survive!
- One sec.

What's that?

Oh, it's from Jess!

I hope she knows what she's doing.

Ah, she'll be right.

She's pretty switched on
for a 16-year-old kid.

- What are you doing?
- What?

I mean, to what do I owe the pleasure?

I'm always happy to drive.

Really?

All you had to do was ask.

Uh-huh.

Smile.

Whoa!

Bloody hell, Dad.

Sorry, Boots.
Corner just sneaked up on me.

What are we doing?

Charlie!

And Julio!

I haven't seen you since you were this big.

Hey, Mac, your cousin Charlie
and young Julio are here.

- Oh, it's so good to see you!
- You too.

How long's it been?
I wouldn't even know.

Oh, I don't know. About three
decades, I suppose, would it be?

Well, I'm 176 now.

And how's your dad been since Gracie went?

Well, we're gettin' there.

Oh, it was just shocking, darl.
I couldn't believe it. I still can't.

No, it was just awful.

Might get a drop of rain.

Yeah.

It'd be good.

Good.

And how's the gorgeous Theresa?

Therese - yeah, we're
actually no longer together.

Oh, no, love. That's no good.

Oh, wait a sec.
I think your mum told me that.

- Did your mum tell me that?
- I'm not sure.

Oh, I am sorry.

- Theresa was beautiful, wasn't she?
- Yeah.

I mean, like, really beautiful,
from the photos.

Must've been tough, though, when...

Oh, you've certainly
been in the wars, love.

- Oh, well, onwards and upwards.
- Yeah.

It all gets easier with time.

And I'm sure you'll find someone else.

Looks aren't everything.

Hey, you boys! Lunch!

- They're nice.
- Yeah.

She hates a chat.

Dad, I'm not saying that
Mike Tyson wasn't a good fighter,

I'm just saying Muhammad Ali,
I mean, he's called 'The Greatest'.

Oh, yeah, he was pretty to watch,

but nobody ever hit harder than Tyson.

Oh, look.
Fresh strawberries.

Shut up, Dad.

Are you saying Pamela Anderson's ugly?

She runs up and down the beach...

And you don't like the look of that?

With that David Hopalong, Jason or...

Hasselhoff.

No.

I don't believe it.

Hello!

Well, it's official -
he really is an arsehole.

What did he do this time?

More of the same.
What is it with boys?

Where's your guitar?

Still in the back.
I wasn't quick enough.

- There's Tristan! Again!
- Really?

- Yeah.
- Your guitar!

I can't believe I fell for that jerk.

Oh, don't worry about it.
We all make mistakes.

His bumper sticker should've
been enough to scare me off.

Can you see him?

Ah, could be anywhere by now.

There he is!

What are you doing?

There we go.

Don't worry, you'll get
used to his driving.

Jess, grab your guitar.

Oh, shit. It's not there.

Hey, it's here in the front seat.

Bugger.

Boots, keep an eye on him.

You got a wire coathanger?

Give me some ginger beer,
a pie and some hot chips.

How about this?

- Wait, wait, wait.
- Too soft.

G'day.

Oh, shit.

- Have you done that before?
- Oh, sure.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Are you sure you've done this?

Yeah. Yeah.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You'd better be quick -
I think he's coming!

How you goin'?

- We need something else.
- How about this?

Oi!

Quick! Get in the car!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Tamworth - the country music capital
of Australia.

I can't believe it. I'm finally here.

Jess, you do know that Tamworth's
not like Nashville -

I mean, other than the music festival,

the rest of the year
it's just a nice little town, yeah?

It's a city, actually.

But yeah, I know.
I'm not stupid.

Oh, wow! There it is.

Thank you.

Our pleasure.

- You gonna be OK?
- Of course!

Who knows - the next time you see me,
I might be performing in there.

We're counting on it.

- What's wrong with today?
- What?!

Come with me.

Ooh! What are you doing?

Its not what I'm doing,
it's what you're doing.

- I can't do that.
- Of course you can.

You'll be fine. Come on.

There might be people in there.

Let's find out.

- G'day.
- G'day.

Just here to see... Trevor.

Yeah, I've got the tools.

We're all good.

Whoa.

Go on.

Sit over here.

I might be a bit rusty.
I haven't played in a few days.

♪ Well, you're
only as old as you feel ♪

♪ And I bet
you're feeling old by now ♪

♪ The sun has gone out ♪

♪ And you must find a way
to cope somehow ♪

♪ And I will be here
until our dying days ♪

♪ Nothing will get in the way ♪

♪ 'Cause I would drop everything
like a lead balloon ♪

♪ Just to see you
Just to see you ♪

♪ I would jump in the sea
for a plastic bag ♪

♪ If you told me
If you told me to ♪

♪ I would follow you round
till my feet fell off ♪

♪ That's what it takes
to win your love ♪

♪ 'Cause I would drop everything
like a lead balloon ♪

♪ Just to see you. ♪

Yeah! Jess!

Whoo! Yeah!

Whoo! Whoo!

She'll go a long way, that kid.

Yeah. Yeah,
there's no worries about that.

Ah, Tenterfield.

Situated in the gently rolling hills
of northern New South Wales.

Of course, no reference to
Tenterfield would be complete

without a mention
of its most famous citizen -

world-renowned philatelist
Gordon 'Stumpy' Adams,

who for many years
worked as the assistant manager

of the historic Tenterfield Post Office.

And, of course, it's here we find

the legendary world's thickest thickshakes.

They're good.

Good.

- That's you.
- Hmm? Oh.

Oh, it's work.

Hang on a tick.

Hello.

Yeah, g'day, mate. How you going?

Yeah, good.

What, now? Er, Tenterfield.

Nah. Still on our way up.

Yeah, sort of northern New South Wales.

Yeah, I understand that but, er...

What?

Well, it's just something
I've gotta do, mate.

Well, I'll pick me stuff up
in a couple of weeks.

Alright.

Yeah, alright. Bye.

Everything OK?

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

Have you heard from Therese lately?

Yeah, every now and then.

What did she want?

I don't know. Nothing, really.

- What was her problem?
- Dad!

Well, you did everything
you could do and...

Yeah, well, when something happens like...

you know, what did happen,

I don't know, people just
react differently, I guess.

Yeah, well, it's for better
or for worse, you know?

You can't just then go
off running around with...

Dad, that's not fair.
You weren't there.

You wouldn't let us be.

She wants to get back together.

What? Do you want to?

Nah. How do you go back?

Would you like to?

Nah, I can't.

You were so lucky to have Mum.

Yeah, well, nothing's perfect.

- What?
- Every marriage has its problems.

Are you saying you and Mum did?

Do you remember Gavin O'Connor?

The school principal? Yeah.

Yeah, well, when you was a kid, your
mum was sort of acting suspiciously,

staying out late at night
and always going to meetings and...

Hmm.

Anyway, one night, I followed her.

And she went to Gavin's place.

What?

Just about killed me.

Did you confront them?

Nah.

I was too scared of losing her.

I never told anyone that.

Not long after that,
Gavin moved to Sydney and...

Nah, she loved you, Dad.

I mean, she... she adored you.

Yeah, I know. I know.

You kids were like that.

Especially you.

You were a little bugger.
You had to be everywhere first.

You were always 10m out in front of us,

running and skipping
and tripping over things.

Oh, you were a funny little bugger.

You OK, mate?

I'm gonna go for a walk.

You think you'll ever have more kids?

Yeah. I think so.

You should, you know.

You can either let what happened...

beat you...

or you can try and overcome it.

Hmm. Yeah.

You shouldn't wait too long.

Time waits for no man...

and very few women.

Yeah, well, obviously
I've gotta meet someone first.

- Hmm?
- Yeah.

That shouldn't be too hard.

Sleep tight. See you
in the morning, son.

Yeah. Goodnight, Dad.

- What are you up to?
- What?

I don't know. You're up to something.

Oh! I'm just having me breakfast.

Yeah, right.

Oh, excuse me, love.

My son here, Boots, was just asking me

if I thought you were married or not

and I said to him,
"Go ahead. Ask her yourself."

Yes, I am. Sorry.

Oh, told you.

Aww! You'll find someone.

Yeah, thanks.

Oooh, what?

What? What?

Oh.

Oh, excuse me, love.

Yes?

My son Boots here, that strapping
young fellow over there...

- Oh, what's your pleasure, love?
- Oh, just one of those.

There you go.

Thanks, darl.

Oh, all part of the service.

- Here's your change.
- Thanks.

And, um, this is our card.

It's got the phone number on it,
in case you need it.

Thanks.

Look, Dad, all I'm saying
is I don't need help with the ladies.

Well, we both know
that's a load of rubbish.

Alright, well, put it this way -

I certainly don't need
your help with the ladies.

Hey, she gave you
her phone number, didn't she?

Yeah, but I didn't ask for it.

That's what I'm for.

No, Dad, that's not what you're here for.

From now on, stay in the car
when we stop to eat.

Oh!

So, it turns out I'm good
with the ladies. Who knew?

Eugh.

You alright, Dad?

Just get past this truck, son.

- Dad?
- Boots.

G'day, Wes, boys.

Dad?

Boots, here.

What the...?

Quick.

- G'day, mate.
- G'day.

Where will I find that great
hunk of spunk you were with?

My dad?

Your dad? Yeah, must be.

My dad? Now, let me think.

I mean, he couldn't be far away.

I mean, he was here, like, a minute ago.

My dad?

Hmm... Oh, hang on.

Oh, here it is. Found her.
The cup we...

Oh, hello, love.

You're good with the ladies?

Well, you know, I'm a dairy farmer
but that was absurd.

You should have seen you,

trying to bend in there like a koala bear

trying to get in a matchbox.

Good thinking, though, wasn't it?

A foam cup, eh? She wouldn't
have got hers in a foam cup.

- There you go, fellas.
- Oh, thanks, love.

Where are you heading?

We're thinking about
going this way up to Emerald

and then all the way up to the Cape.

Oh, no worries.

Most people take the Roma road but
my hubby, Clive - he's a sales rep -

swears by the road straight north

and then you cut across
at a place they call Mongans Lane.

That's about 100 k's north of here.

Then get on to the Emerald road from there.

He reckons it saves
about an hour and a half.

Sounds good to me. You know what
they say about local knowledge!

It's a good road?

Yeah. Yeah.

A bit of gravel,
about 40 k's, but no traffic.

No worries. Thanks for that.

Beautiful country out this way, isn't it?

Yeah.

Which was the road she said to take?

Actually, I think this
is it coming up here, isn't it?

Mongans Lane. This is it here.

Wow! Look at that.

The sky looks amazing.

Bugger.

It's not too bad.
It's just a burst radiator hose.

Can you fix it?

No. I haven't got any tools.

What do you expect?

You set off on some harebrained
bloody trip, half-cocked.

I haven't got a spare radiator hose either.

You're a bloody dickhead.

You knew we were coming up here.
You should have brought a spare.

Well, it wasn't exactly
a trip that I'd planned, Dad.

Oh, bloody useless.

What sort of an idiot comes
up here without his tools?

Me, Dad. Me.
Is that what you want to hear?

I mean, I'm not Graeme.

I mean, I'm doing my best here, Dad,
but I can't do everything.

I don't know what you want.

I want your mum back.

Well, I can't do anything about that, Dad.

I mean, the same as I couldn't
do anything about Ben.

I want to go home.

To do what, Dad? What?

Sit in the dark
and feel sorry for yourself?

Fuck, Dad! It wouldn't hurt
to cry, you know?

But you just cut yourself off.

You did it... I mean, you did it when
Ben died and you're doing it now.

You went on and on to me
with all this bullshit

about, you know,
"Don't let it destroy you."

And what are you doing?

You know, Dad, let's not pretend
that I don't know about loss.

Really!

Dad, my heart nearly stopped
when Ben drowned

and I have struggled every day...

I've got to tell you the truth - it
is not a day that goes by that I...

I mean, Mum was there when he died.

I mean, how did that happen?

I mean, she was looking after him.

I mean, they were playing
hide-and-seek, for God's sake.

Your mum struggled with that
every bloody day since.

I'd go to sleep at night

and wake up to her crying her eyes out.

I would have liked to cry with her too

but someone has to say "Don't worry, love"

and "You'll feel better tomorrow"
and "It's God's will"

and whatever other pathetic bullshit
I could come out with.

You know Therese, I mean,
never forgave Mum for that?

And I got to be honest, Dad -
I wrestled with it too.

And you know what really gets me,
is that, I mean, despite all that,

I never got to tell Mum I still loved her.

Oh, mate, she knew that.

I promise you, she knew.

I need to cry.

I'll never forget
the night I first met your mum.

It was the footy club dance
at the Allansford Hall.

Oh, she was something.
Took my breath away.

She was the new school teacher in town then

and every bloke in town was after her.

I remember Gary Flood, Archie Witherspoon,

Joey Twigg...

in fact, the whole bloody football team

was lined up waiting
to get a dance with her.

I thought to myself,

"If I don't make a move now,
I'm gonna miss out."

As luck happened,
I spotted a gap in the pack,

sidestepped my way through
and asked her for a dance.

And she said yes.

Then the music started

and it was the bloody tangoette.

Tangoette?

The dance of love.

Oh, tough one.

Oh.

Anyway, the next thing, there I was,

gliding across the dance floor,
cheek to cheek with your mum,

Gracie.

I was a pretty useful footy player.

You know, quick on me feet.

But I couldn't dance for shit.

I was treading all over her feet
and kicking her shins and...

Disaster.

So what did you do?

I did the only thing I could do,
the only decent thing to do -

I faked a hammy.

Fantastic.

Yeah, it worked.

Your mum helped me off the dance floor...

and then spent the next 45 years
looking after me.

Oh, God, I miss her. I miss her.

Yeah, I know.

You blokes got some trouble, have ya?

Oh, yeah. We've done
our radiator hose.

And where are you fellas off to anyway, eh?

We're heading up the Cape.

I promised me son here

I'd take him fishing at
the northernmost tip of Australia.

You blokes right?

Yeah, let her rip.

Got another rope?

Oh, no.

No worries, then. I'll just
double this one up, eh?

Sure. Thanks.

Alright. That should do it.

I was thinking, maybe just take it
a little bit easier this time.

Yeah, righto.

Bloody hell. It's hard to see.

Oh, well, you don't need me, mate.
I'll have a little nap.

Bullshit!

We're doing 80!

Maybe they've forgot we're back here.

Shit, Dad, we're doing 100!

Didn't that waitress say that
her old man did 120 on this road?

But I bet he wasn't bloody towing someone.

This guy's trying to kill us.

Whoa! Shit!

Shit! We're doing 120 already.

Uh-oh.

I want you to pull over.

You want us to what?

I want you to pull over.

Pull over?

This should be interesting.

You, uh... you might want to talk
to the guys in the other car.

Don't worry about them.
I'll deal with them in a minute.

He's a bright bugger.

You know you're being towed?

Oh? Oh, really?

And here we were, just about
to try and overtake the buggers.

Stay here.

Stay here?

Uh, roger.

There you go, fellas.

Yeah, uh, sorry about the speeding
ticket back there, eh?

Ah, no worries. Still can't believe
he tried to book us for tailgating.

What's going on?

What's goin' on?!

Go on! Get out of it!

Oh!

Bloody hell. Did you see that?

You'd have to be half mad, wouldn't you?

Don't forget, ladies and gentlemen,
coming up straight after this event -

the inaugural amateur challenge.

Which one of you would-be cowboys
out there in the crowd

wants to get on the legendary
buckin' bull, the mighty Dynamite?

Come up and put your names down.

We're gonna draw it
in about 10 minutes time.

All you would-be cowboys...

I need a leak.

Yeah, alright. I'll stay here.

You took your time.

Right now it's time to
draw the name of the very brave man

who, shortly, will be precariously perched

upon over one tonne of angry fillet steak

on our feature bull named Dynamite.

What's that? What's that?

Well, it seems that it's going
to be easier than I thought.

There's only one man -
shall I say, with the kahunas -

game enough to mix it with the big boys.

Give him a round of applause,
ladies and gentlemen. How about it?

About to ride Dynamite - Boots McFarland.

I'm fucking what?

Come on up here, Boots.

What is wrong with you?

Boots McFarland, ladies and gentlemen!

My son! Give him a big hand.

Mate, no worries - I had
a good look at that old bull.

It's as gentle as a lamb.

Are you mad? There's no way
I'm gonna be able to ride a bull.

Mate, you think I don't know
cattle after all these years?

If he's a bucking bull,
I'm the next pope. Wave to the fans.

You're gonna die,
you fat f... Whoa!

Thank God you're here, mate.

Thought we were gonna
have to cancel the event.

Huh, great.

You've obviously done this before.

- No.
- Really?

Well, this bloke
hasn't bucked this century.

The only thing you're in danger of

is this old boy falling asleep
and laying down.

Yeah. Now, when he gets out, he'll
just trundle around a bit, alright?

Huh.

Try and make it look dangerous
and jump off when you're ready.

Just bend that round the back again.

I've ridden a horse before.
Does that help?

Oh, well...
..we'll be right, then, won't be?

Enjoy.

You ready?

Yeah.

Our cowboy, Boots McFarland,
is raring to go.

Hey, Boots, give us a wave.

Now, Boots, for climbing aboard,

you are already our winner.

We've got a dinner for two

at the Los Elmos Emerald Mexican Cantina.

And also - this might help dull the pain -

a dozen bottles of Inner Circle rum.

Shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh!

Get away from... Get aw...

Oh!

Oh, hey!

No, no, no, no, no! Hey!

Come on. Get out of here.
Go, go, go!

Run! Go, go, go, go, go, go!

Well, what do you say now, your holiness?

Huh!

- What'd I tell ya? Piece of cake.
- "Piece of cake."

- I know me cattle, mate.
- He was a big piece of cake.

Oh, how you doin'?

- This here is...
- Boots.

- Oh, Leilani.
- Beautiful day.

Hello.

Single.

What'd I tell you, mate?
All the girls love a cowboy.

Oh, yeah, Dad. I'm a cowboy.
I'm a hurt one.

That was part of me plan.

- Yeah, you had a...
- Hello.

You boys like a massage?

Oh, yeah, Boots here would.

Yeah. Actually, we both would.

- No, mate, I...
- Yeah, come on.

I've... I've never had
a massage.

Mate, no!

If you could just put these on.

On what?

Yeah, sure. Thanks.

Which is the front and which is the back?

I think it kind of depends on
what kind of look you're going for.

Are you ready, boys?

Oh.

Uh...

Love, while I don't doubt

that you could change a tractor Tyre
with your bare hands...

- You reckon?
- Yeah.

Just bear in mind

that you're working
on a vintage Rolls-Royce here.

Okey-dokey.

Whoops! Not too high, love.

Don't wanna damage the gearbox.

Oh.

- Dad, Dad.
- Yeah.

I dare you to ask
for the 'executive finish'.

Fuck off!

Oh-ho!

How are you feeling?

Bit sore, mate. How about you?

Sore.

If I'd had come down
off that bull any harder

I'd have three Adam's apples.

Buenas noches, amigos.

Sorry?

Oh, it means,
"Good evening, friends," in Mexico.

My dad makes me say it.

He says it makes the place more authentic.

Authentic.

Of course, the moustache is real, right?

No. He makes me wear that too.

- Oh.
- Get out!

Well, uh, amigo, we are mucho hungry.

Righto, then.

Well, mucho gracias and adios, amigos.

Oh, hooroo, amigo.

See ya, mate.

- Very authentic.
- Yeah, got me convinced.

Ooh.
What do you reckon's in a burrito?

I don't know, but it's in us now.

Well, bugger me.
It's that Tristan's car.

You're kidding.

No.

What are you doing?

- Gonna hide it.
- That is so immature.

Not to mention childish.

- Gonna help?
- Yeah.

OK, steady.

- Just make sure the handbrake's on.
- Yeah, yeah.

You've never grown up, have ya?

Bit late now.

- Shh, shh, shh!
- Gonna hide it behind that truck.

- Where you going?
- Over there.

Oh, ohh! Uh-oh!

Oh, not good.
Not good, not good, not good.

That can't be good.

Uh, no.

Didn't his car have four spotlights on it?

Uh, yeah.

So one day God was sitting around in Heaven

on his La-Z-Boy recliner.

Well, he can if he wants to - he's God.

And he saw his son come in
and he said, "Jesus, lad, over here."

He said, "I've been looking down at Earth

"and it's a terrible mess.

"I'm gonna have to send you down
there to straighten them out."

And Jesus said, "My pleasure, Dad."

"There's a bit of a drawback,
though," he said.

"I'm gonna have to send you
as a human being.

"You'll be mortal

"and I'm afraid you're gonna
have to die for their sins."

Jesus says, "Ohhh, you know,
OK, your wish is my command," etc.

He said, "Look, son,
the best thing I can do, though,

"is I can give you a choice
in how you're gonna die.

"You can either be crucified

"or you can be stung to death
by killer bees."

And that's the reason
that all over the world today,

Christians make the sign of the cross.

And not...

Alright, another one.

- There's two nuns, they're in a car.
- Oh, no!

Yeah, they're in a car
and this massive bat comes in

and it's kind of like Satan.

And it lands on the bonnet,
foaming blood and fierce,

kind of going, "Arggh!"

On the bonnet - "Rarr!"
On the bonnet, right?

And one of the nuns says,
"Quick, Maud, show him your cross."

And she goes, "Oh, good idea,"

and she winds the window down and
goes, "Get off the bonnet, you..."

"There was a young man from McLeod

"Who was caressing a girl in the crowd

"When someone down front said..."

- No, no, no, no.
- No what?

That's the wrong limerick, son.
You've got two mixed up.

It goes like this.

"There was a young girl from Bude

"Who got on a tram in the nude

"When the vicar down front..."

A vicar? Rubbish, vicar!
That's not a limerick.

It has to rhyme with 'McLeod'
'cause the last line of the limerick

is "Just like that, out loud."

No. How can that be a limerick?

A limerick has to have
a certain rhythm, a count to it.

It goes, "Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da,
da-da-da-da..."

Da-da-da! Bullshit!
That's not a limerick.

Mine's a limerick.
Yours is not a limerick.

It's not. A limerick's
supposed to be funny.

Mine's hilarious. Yours isn't.

Limericks are an art form,
an ancient art form from Ireland, OK?

And I taught ya!

Can I help you, boys?

Yes, you can, love, as a matter of fact.

You look to me like a woman of the world.

"There was a young lady from Bude..."

- Oh, let it go!
- "..In the nude..."

No, "There was a young man from McLeod

"Who was caressing
a girl in the crowd..."

No, that's a joke, not a limerick.

- It is a limerick, Dad.
- No. It's the "Girl in the nude."

- And it's not a vicar.
- It's always a vicar.

- It's never a vicar.
- Vicars are funny.

- They ride round on bikes...
- Look...

- On bikes? You are off your trolley.
- Look!

- What's it got to do with a bike?
- Look, I'm not interested.

It sounds disgusting.

You're both old enough
to know better, especially you.

Now, if you want to order food, go ahead.

Otherwise, you can leave.

Where are you blokes headin'?

Up to Cape York.

We're going fishing
off the tip of Australia.

Not in this, you're not.

Especially this time of the year.

This won't even go close.

Oh?

Oh, well, um...

have to get a hold of a four-wheel drive.

- Eh, Dad?
- Yeah.

Yeah, we can rent one.

Anywhere near here we can get one of those?

Yep. Down at Cairns. No worries.

Well, there you go.

But unless it's got fins,
I don't think it'll help ya.

What do you mean?

It's the wet season.

River crossings are 30ft deep
this time of the year.

Then there's the crocs.

Bloody wet season.

Mate, we did bloody well to get this far.

We can still whip over to Port Douglas.

I reckon the fishing there's great.
Eh?

Yeah, I know, Dad, but...

you know, just once in my life

it'd be nice to actually achieve
something I've set out to do.

You know what I mean?

Does that thing work?

I'm not going up in that.

Oh, yes, you are.

You've already dragged me
2,000 bloody miles.

We're going through with this now.

Does it even fly?

Well, it did last time we dragged it out.

Sorta.

I've gotta tell you,
I'm not too crazy about flying.

Especially in small planes.

If you get scared, just close
your eyes. That's what I do.

Oh, fantastic.

Well, you could always stay here.
Look after the servo with Marge.

Nup. Your missus scares me.

Yeah, that makes two of us.

Hey, where do you get
your aviation fuel around here?

Aviation fuel? That's just
revenue raising for the government.

I use what I've got in the pumps.

That works just as well?

Yeah. Well, seems to.

That'll do it. Climb on in.

I'm glad you blokes turned up.

I've been looking for an excuse
to see if the old girl

will still get off the ground

with a big load like this.

Mate, you know, I'm really glad
you talked me into this trip.

Here's the captain.

Yeah, well...

Well, she's started.
That's always a good sign.

All tied in?

- Yep.
- Sort of.

OK.

Ah, shit!

Are they cows up there on the runway?

Not mine, the neighbours'.

I keep forgetting to fix that bloody fence.

They look like Brahmas.
Good stock.

Shouldn't we be pulling up?
Can we pull up, pull up?!

Oh, shit!

That was a bit of fun.

Look at that, fellas.

Atherton Tablelands.

Home of agriculture, bananas,

pineapples...

Oh, fuck me! Not you too.

He's bad enough.

You get her up very often?

Nah.

Haven't been flying much lately.

Due to the fact
that the carby's a bit dodgy.

How long's this gonna take?

Oh, dunno.

Two... three hours.

Hope you had a pee before we left.

You do know how to find it, yeah?

I've flown to Cape York dozens of times.

Never as the pilot, though.

Now, the ocean's meant to be
on our left or our right?

Right!

Oh, well. No worries, then.

Mate, this thing,
can you do aerobatics in this?

No, it's not built for it.

I went up with a crop-duster pilot once.

And he done one of those stall drops.
Geez, it was fun.

I can do a stall.

Thing is not to panic

just because the ground's
coming up at 200 miles an hour.

See that, Boots?

That's the beautiful Daintree forest.

Amazing, isn't it?

Just gently... pull it back.

Oh, that was fun.

Do you want to have a try?

Oh, me? Ohh.

Uh, I'd better not.

Look at that.

Great Barrier Reef.

One of the true wonders of the world.

It really is something, isn't it?

Wow.

I hope that's broken.

See that?

You can see both coastlines.

We've almost run out of Australia.

There she is.

So, that's Cape York, eh?

- Where's the airstrip?
- Airstrip?

I'll chuck her down on the beach.

- Does that work?
- No worries.

As my old mate Bill used to say,

"Any landing you can walk away from's
a good landing."

God rest his soul.

- You got everything?
- Yeah, that's the lot, mate.

- Can't thank you enough, Roly.
- No worries.

Yeah, thanks, mate.

- I'll be back in a few days.
- Sounds good.

Well, better get goin'
before the sun disappears.

I hope I can find me way back.

- There you go, son.
- Thanks.

Oh.

Sarsaparilla!

Ahhh.

I... I've been thinkin' about buying
old Tommy Noonan's farm.

Of course I'd...

I'd need someone to help me run it.

Photo.

For the fridge.

Ripper.

"There was a young man
from Bombay..."

"Who caught a slow boat
to China one day..."

"He was tied to the tiller..."

"By a sex-crazed gorilla..."

"And China's a long way away."

Here we go.

Hello, I'm John Nutting.

This week on Saturday Night Country

we'll be featuring the latest single
from Matt Scullion.

Also we'll be chatting with Tamworth Teddy

who tells us he's made
an exciting discovery -

a 16-year-old star on the rise.

Here's a preview.

♪ I'm gettin' pretty sick and tired ♪

♪ Of seeing you sittin' around ♪

♪ On your big, fat... couch ♪

♪ You keep on tellin' me ♪

♪ You'll get a job one day ♪

♪ You just need time ♪

♪ To work out how ♪

♪ Well, I work my own things out ♪

♪ And I made my own plans too ♪

♪ Yeah, I've had enough of this ♪

♪ So today I'm leaving you ♪

♪ I got new strings on my guitar ♪

♪ I got the tank filled in the car ♪

♪ And I got my suitcase
on the roof-rack ♪

♪ I got the tyres all pumped up ♪

♪ I checked the oil in the sump ♪

♪ And I got what's left of us
in the boot, Jack ♪

♪ And I won't be back ♪

♪ The sun is shining bright today ♪

♪ And I got plenty of miles to make ♪

♪ So I'm gettin' gone ♪

♪ Don't worry, darlin' ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm sure
that you won't starve ♪

♪ No matter where you are ♪

♪ Jenny Craig delivers ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm a real nice girl ♪

♪ I left you my PC ♪

♪ 'Cause I know how much you love that
darn thing more than me ♪

♪ I got new strings on my guitar ♪

♪ I got the tank filled in the car ♪

♪ And I got my suitcase
on the roof-rack ♪

♪ I got the tyres all pumped up ♪

♪ I checked the oil in the sump ♪

♪ And I got what's left of us
in the boot, Jack ♪

♪ And I won't be back... ♪

She's a big bridge, isn't she, Dad?

Yeah.

Imagine having to paint the bastard.

♪ I got my suitcase
on the roof-racks ♪

♪ I got the tyres all pumped up ♪

♪ I checked the oil in the sump ♪

♪ And I got what's left of us
in the boot, Jack ♪

♪ And I won't be back ♪

♪ Uh-uh ♪

♪ Yeah, I won't be back, Jack ♪

♪ No, I won't be back ♪

♪ No, I won't be back, Jack! ♪

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