Original subtitles

[Partridge family theme playing]

♪ Come on now and meet everybody ♪

♪ and hear us singin' ♪

♪ there's nothing better than being together ♪

♪ when we're singin' ♪

♪ five of us and mom working all day ♪

♪ we knew we could help her if our music could pay ♪

♪ Danny got Reuben to sell our song ♪

♪ and it really came together when mom sang along ♪

♪ come on now and meet everybody ♪

♪ and hear us singin' ♪

♪ there's nothing better than being together ♪

♪ when we're singin' when we're singin' ♪

♪ when we're singin' ♪♪

Shirley: After four weeks on the road

and constant unrelenting contact

with my five children,

there was one thing I missed more than anything else:

The sound of an adult voice.

Preferably baritone and over 30.

Well, [guitar playing]

I was about to get my wish.

Everybody get enough to eat?

What's the matter?

You look different.

What do you mean by "different?"

From always.

You look glamorous.

Laurie, would you zip me up, please?

Is that bad?

I Don't think you're the glamorous type.

What type am I?

Mm, I Don't know.

Pleasant, ordinary type.

Oh, thanks.

You're really sending me out with a great deal of confidence.

Sending you out where, mom?

Well, if you must know, I have a date.

You?

It may be hard to believe, but it's true.

You mean, you're going out with a guy?

I bumped into an old friend in the lobby,

and he's asked me out to dinner.

Why?

Oh, I Don't know.

Maybe he just likes the pleasant, ordinary type.

Boy, that's weird.

What's weird?

I thought at her age,

she'd get all that stuff out of her system.

What stuff?

I think you're too young for me to tell you.

Okay. Can I have your ice cream?

Sure.

People Don't stop being interested in the opposite sex

just because they're over 30, you know.

They Don't?

Of course not. It never stops.

Tell me something.

What?

When does it start?

The thing we have to realize

is that mother is a healthy, attractive female,

with all the normal human desires

and emotions of any woman.

You're kidding.

[Sighs]

I Don't know why I even bother

trying to explain any of these things.

You're much too immature to understand any of this.

Chris: You always say that, and it's not true.

We're terrifically mature.

You wanna go play with my baseball cards?

Okay.

I think it's nice,

mom having a little romance in her life.

Don't you?

Don't you think you're blowing this thing up

a little out of proportion?

I mean, after all,

they only met a few hours ago.

Yeah, well,

Romeo and Juliet only knew each other one day.

And look what happened to them.

[♪♪♪]

[Light, relaxing music playing]

Thank you.

[Both laughing]

What's the matter?

Well, it's...

I'm trying to remember

why we ever stopped seeing each other.

Well, I think it had something to do

with you going off to be an engineer

in South America.

Ah, yes, yes.

Yeah, well,

those walks home from a Saturday date

would have been murder.

You never got married, Larry?

No, no.

Came close a couple of times.

Cold feet?

Well, would you believe

it's because I never got over you?

Uh, no.

Oh, I think it's about time

an old croc like you settled down.

Oh-ho-ho.

Well, the signs are all there.

Oh, shortness of breath, creakiness in the joints?

Ah.

The desire for a family,

loneliness...

Yes, I guess everybody gets lonely.

You too?

Sometimes.

Well, maybe our meeting again will solve that problem for us.

Ah.

Thank you.

Oh, what should we drink to?

Friendship.

Yeah.

Past, present...

And future.

[Sighs]

Laurie: You look as if you had a good time.

What are you doing up?

Oh, just checking up on you.

Oh, you can't blame me

for worrying just a little,

first date and all.

Oh, I see. What did you do?

Oh, the usual things one does on a date.

You're kidding!

We talked.

Until 1:00 in the morning?

Come on, let's go to bed.

Um, mom?

Do you mind if I give you some advice?

Do I have a choice?

Well, it's just that you haven't been...

Well...

Involved with men for a long time.

I mean, you're a bit out of touch.

Oh, I think it'll come back to me.

It's like riding a bike, isn't it?

Well, what I'm trying to say

is that when you, when you're...

Well, inexperienced, it's easy to get...

You know, swept off your feet.

Well, I think you should guard against that.

I'll try and remember that.

Now can I give you some advice?

Sure.

Go to bed.

I'm telling you, she really likes him.

How can you tell?

Because I'm a woman.

No, you're not. You're a sister.

Hi, kids. All set?

Keith: Yeah.

Let's do "I really want to know you" first.

[Plays guitar]

♪ I want to look behind ♪

♪ the mirror of your eyes ♪

♪ and see the secret ♪

♪ secret world ♪

♪ the world your words disguise ♪

♪ the birthplace of your sighs ♪

♪ I want to know the pain ♪

♪ of all your silent fears ♪

♪ and when you speak ♪

♪ speak of them ♪

♪ the ones that no one hears ♪

♪ I want to taste your tears ♪

♪ I really want to know you... ♪

♪ I really want ♪

♪ to know you ♪

♪ ooh♪♪

Has she ever been late for a show before?

And look at yesterday.

She missed an entire rehearsal.

I think we better do something about it.

I mean,

what do we really know about this guy?

Oh, I Don't know.

He seems like a very attractive,

eligible bachelor.

[Scoffs] Yeah.

And what's he doing hanging around mom?

I keep telling you

that mom can be considered very sexy.

That's just silly.

I mean, I like mom and all,

but let's be realistic.

She's no Gloria cranwater.

Who's Gloria cranwater?

She sits in front of me in assembly.

She's sexy.

I Don't think she is.

You're not old enough to think anyone's sexy.

Anyway,

I think there's something very suspicious

about this guy, Mr. Metcalf.

Like what?

I think he's a fortune hunter.

Well, that's a very good theory, Danny,

except for one thing.

We Don't have a fortune.

Yet.

But how do you know

mister metcalf doesn't have money?

He spends like he does.

Takes a little to make a lot.

Anyway,

I think we should investigate.

[Telephone ringing]

Yeah.

Danny: Danny partridge here, Mr. Kincaid.

Danny, I'm in the shower.

Can you talk a little louder?

I'm sorry.

Something's about to happen that can change your whole life.

Look, kid, the shampoo is congealing in my ears.

You better fly out here right away,

but Don't tell mom.

I'll leave word at the desk where to meet me.

We have a very delicate situation here.

Can't your mother handle it?

Not in her condition.

What condition?

She's fallen into the hands of a "giggle-o."

A what?

[Door opens]

There's somebody coming. I can't talk anymore.

Bye.

[Hangs up receiver]

"A giggle-o"?

Danny?

Danny: Over here, Mr. Kincaid.

[Coughs]

Danny, we've got to stop meeting like this.

I Don't want mom to know we've been talking about her.

Why not?

Because she'll beat up on me. Maybe both of us.

Terrific.

Okay, what's the story?

We think mom's been swept off her feet

by a "giggle-o."

The word is "gigolo," kid.

It came to me on the plane.

Do you know what it means?

Sure.

Just because I can't pronounce it

doesn't mean I Don't know what it means.

I have a reading vocabulary.

Are you sure this guy's

only after a piece of the action?

Positive.

That's why I called you,

to find out his net worth.

I tried to do it myself over the phone,

but they wouldn't answer any of my questions.

Who wouldn't?

Dun and bradstreet.

Did you tell them who you were?

Yeah.

I said I was Nelson rockefeller.

Didn't work, huh?

No. I think it was because my voice was too low.

That's why I called you.

Now, look, kid,

I am not about to start prying

into this guy's financial affairs.

Mr. Kincaid, if they marry, the first thing he'll do

is become our manager and fire you.

I'm about to start prying

into this guy's financial affairs.

[Knock on door]

Mr. Kincaid, you're not supposed to come here!

Mom might see you!

Sit down, kid.

I checked out Larry metcalf.

Did you know

he has his own engineering company?

He's got money?

About a million and a half.

Are you sure all those facts on him

are correct? Facts on who?

Reuben, what are you doing here?

[Clears throat] I gotta go check my sound system.

Me too.

I gotta check my baseball cards.

I just remembered,

I have to wash my hair.

[Doors closing]

I need some air.

[Door opens and closes]Well.

I certainly know how to clear a room.

Never mind.

It'll give us a chance to have a nice little chat.

Okay, let's talk.

[Gulps]

Chris: Was she really mad?

Yeah, she was mad.

Laurie: But what did she say?

She said, "if and when she gets married,

it'll be her own decision."

Laurie: Well, at least we know one thing.

He's not after her money.

And one for you...

And one for you.

Two for you.

How many do you want?

Two.

I'll give you three.

Hi, kids.

Hi, Mr. Metcalf.

Mr. Metcalf.

Any messages for me?

Oh, yes, the hotel jeweler left word

that the ring you ordered will be ready at 3:00.

Oh, thanks.

We'll be in to pick it up later.

What kind of ring did you buy?

A diamond. It's for a lady.

Boy, you sure give good presents.

Well, it's rather a special occasion.

She's starting out on a whole new life.

They're engaged! Okay, okay. They're engaged, I tell you.

Okay, calm down, Chris.

Now, what makes you think they're engaged?

Because he said so.

He said, "mom's gonna start a whole new life."

And he bought her a diamond ring.

Why didn't she tell us?

Maybe after talking to Danny

she figured we'd be against it.

I just thought of something terrible.

What?

If they can be secretly engaged,

what stops them from being secretly married?

Gee, they didn't even invite us to the wedding.

You're really much too good to me, Larry.

Oh, why shouldn't I be good to you?

You're still my best girl, aren't you?

Yeah.

That is about the dumbest idea you've ever come up with.

Why?

Because they'd find his body

within two hours.

So what?

We'd be sure to get off.

Family honor.

Family honor?

Where do you think we are, sicily?

I tell you, I Don't think we have any choice.

It's our duty to tell her.

Tell her what?

That he's a philanderer.

You mean he collects stamps?

Are you sure we should, Keith?

It's the only mature thing to do.

Well, I'm not so sure I'm mature enough to do it.

Don't worry. I'll do it.

We can't let her ruin her life, can we?

[Door opens]

Hi.

Boys, I bought you some underwear and socks.

Okay, Don't tell me, just let me guess.

The dog ate the laundry again.

[Clears throat] Uh, mom,

we have something to tell you

that's not very pleasant.

It's about Larry metcalf.

He hasn't been hurt or anything?

No, he's not the one who's been hurt. You are.

He's got another girl, mom.

What are you talking about?

You're engaged to be married to him,

aren't you?

Hi, everybody. Can I come in?

Yes, maybe you'd better.

Well, that doesn't sound like too friendly an invitation.

Well, that's because we're not friends.

Keith.

Oh, that's all right, Shirley.

Let him talk.

I thought you liked me.

Do you know the reason for this?

No. But it better be good.

We Don't like the way you've been treating mom,

and we want you to stop hanging around her!

Keith!

You Don't know the full story, mom.

Well, what is the full story?

[Knocks on door]

Oh, this is the right room. I wasn't sure.

Y... you brought her here?

Oh, why not?

This is my niece Tina.

I came into town for her graduation.

Your niece?

You bought her an engagement ring?

He bought me a ring for my graduation present.

Well, Keith,

you seem to have run out of things to say.

Shirley: All right.

I've talked a long time.

Now I hope you understand why I'm so upset.

You've put me in a very embarrassing situation

and probably ruined a friendship that I value very highly.

I certainly hope the next time you decide

to meddle into someone's life,

you'll examine your own motives first.

Well, at least there's one good thing.

You know mom won't stay mad long.

Mom never could hold a grudge.

This time I wouldn't be so sure.

Do you realize

we've completely destroyed

any chance of him proposing?

Why?

Do you think he'd ask her to marry him

knowing the way we feel about him?

After the things I said.

How do we know she even wants to marry him?

Couldn't we ask her?

She'd say "no"

just to spare our feelings, Tracy.

We'll never really know.

Laurie's right.

We'll never know whether we were the ones

that destroyed her chance at happiness or not.

Wow.

What a terrible burden to live with.

Keith: Well, that's about it, mister metcalf.

We...

We just wanted you to know

that we realize how stupid we acted,

and we're really sorry.

Oh, but that's okay, kids. There's no damage done.

Then you'll propose?

Propose?

Don't mind her, Mr. Metcalf.

We were feeling really rotten

because we thought we might have ruined any chance

for you and mom of having a...

Future relationship.

So you go ahead and propose if you want.

You have our blessing.

I see.

We're not forcing you to or anything.

And we can't guarantee she'll say "yes".

But we want it to be her decision, not ours.

I understand.

Well, I'm...

Glad we had this little chat.

No hard feelings then, Mr. Metcalf.

No hard feelings.

Suite 347, please.

Oh, Shirley, this is Larry.

Look...

I need a completely honest answer.

Metcalf: How would you describe our relationship?

Very good friends.

No romantic overtones?

Well, just enough to make it interesting.

Shirley, I have to see you tonight.

Will you marry me, Shirley?

I... I can't, Larry.

Why not? Is it because of the kids?

No, no.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the kids.

Then why?

Well, i...

I guess there are a thousand reasons.

But the most important one is that i...

I Don't love you.

Shirley: [In other room] I'm sorry, Larry.

I felt you deserved to know the real reason.

We shouldn't have been listening to that.

[Chuckles] I know, but I'm sure glad we did.

[All laughing]

[Boys giggling in other room]

[Exhales and laughs]

Oh, that was terrific.

I somehow get the feeling you've done this before.

No, no, but i...

I've been practicing in front of a mirror

since this afternoon.

Look, are you sure they heard us?

Oh, those walls are paper thin.

Larry, it was very sweet of you

to want to take my kids off the hook.

What? Take them off the hook?

Listen, do you know what it's like

to be walking around with the feeling

there are five shot guns

in your back?

[Laughs]

Well, Larry, have you decided what you're gonna do now?

Well, got an offer this morning,

a bridge in Peru.

Are you going?

I'm considering it.

Well, if you ever decide to give up engineering,

I'm sure you could make it as an actor.

That was quite a performance last night.

[Chuckles] Yeah, well,

I'm not so sure it was a performance.

Oh? Shirley, what would you say

if I really proposed?

Well, that depends.

Uh, would we get married and settle down

before you build the bridge or after?

Hmm.

I just figured out

why we never got together 20 years ago.

You know me too well.

[Chuckles]

Goodbye, Larry.

[♪♪♪]

Don't look so sad, mom.

We think you made the right decision.

You do?

Sure. It never would have worked out.

What makes you think that?

Chris: Because he's an engineer and you're a star.

What's that got to do with anything?

Mom, everyone knows

those mixed marriages never work.

[♪♪♪]