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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:08,307
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:11,910
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:14,980
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:18,250
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:21,536
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,166
♪ All the things
that make us ♪
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00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,956
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:30,962
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,931
Previously on Family Guy...
11
00:00:32,999 --> 00:00:35,467
Dad's working
for the Trump White House?
12
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,303
Uh, hey, Stewie,
can we do that again?
13
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,738
Maybe a little more energy?
14
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:44,343
Uh, no?
15
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,790
I-I think we can use it.
16
00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:49,631
Oh, yay, that's awesome.
17
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:51,717
♪ ♪
18
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:55,521
Wow, the White House is great.
19
00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:57,829
There's no wonder
you spend two days
a week here.
20
00:00:59,042 --> 00:01:00,953
I'm sorry,
can you hang on a sec?
21
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,577
Got to close this window.
22
00:01:02,646 --> 00:01:05,664
Melania's out there
blowing bubbles for Eric.
23
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:10,569
Dad, I got one in my mouth.
24
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,304
It tastes like soap!
25
00:01:12,356 --> 00:01:14,539
Tremendous. Amazing.
26
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:18,376
Okay, Peter,
your main job here
is to go in rooms before me
27
00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:21,580
to make sure there's
no static electricity.
28
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:25,150
Don't go in there.
It's not safe.
29
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:26,718
Well done, Peter.
30
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:35,472
Everyone, welcome
to our new place.
31
00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:38,029
I think we're gonna enjoy
the Beltway lifestyle.
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00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,910
Washington, D.C.
is a wonderful city
to call home.
33
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:44,402
And will we be putting
our kids in the local
public schools?
34
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:45,782
No, I would not recommend it.
35
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:48,440
Dibs on the bedroom
in which an intern
got murdered.
36
00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,976
Aw, I want
the intern murder bedroom!
37
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,422
There's no need to fight, kids.
38
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,886
An intern has been murdered
in each of the bedrooms.
39
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,533
Well, I think this sucks.
40
00:01:57,601 --> 00:01:59,100
I want to go back to Quahog.
41
00:01:59,169 --> 00:02:01,147
But we just got here, sweetie.
42
00:02:01,171 --> 00:02:02,437
Tomorrow, at James Woods High,
43
00:02:02,505 --> 00:02:04,673
it's Scoliosis Spine Check Day.
44
00:02:04,741 --> 00:02:07,108
It's the one day a year
I get touched!
45
00:02:07,177 --> 00:02:09,477
Meg, your father got
this great new opportunity,
46
00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,357
and we need to support him.
47
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:13,392
Let's give D.C.
a chance, huh?
48
00:02:13,416 --> 00:02:14,783
Yeah, Meg, trust me...
49
00:02:14,851 --> 00:02:16,563
Before long,
we'll fit right in here,
50
00:02:16,587 --> 00:02:18,954
like a cowboy
in a Chinese Starbucks.
51
00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,760
This is the most
strangest place ever.
52
00:02:24,828 --> 00:02:26,094
Yee! Ha!
53
00:02:26,163 --> 00:02:28,579
Oh, this ain't so different.
54
00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:37,956
Oh, this is so exciting!
55
00:02:38,024 --> 00:02:40,859
I've never been to a fancy
White House party before.
56
00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:43,695
We're happy you're here,
Mrs. Griffin, Mr. Griffin.
57
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,875
And we're glad you brought
your two children
58
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:48,244
and former Governor
Chris Christie.
59
00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:51,231
That's, like,
the fourth person who's
called Meg Chris Christie.
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00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:55,023
Aw, sweetie,
I'm sorry everyone thinks
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00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:58,693
you're a historically
unpopular fatso
from New Jersey.
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00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:00,895
Whatever.
I just want to go home.
63
00:03:00,964 --> 00:03:02,541
Oh, you can't go home yet!
64
00:03:02,565 --> 00:03:04,110
We haven't even served dinner.
65
00:03:04,134 --> 00:03:05,878
And I hope
you saved your appetite,
66
00:03:05,902 --> 00:03:08,102
because, later,
we're all wiping our ass
67
00:03:08,138 --> 00:03:09,788
with the Constitution.
68
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,289
Hi, Brian Griffin.
69
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,625
They let me write
some of the liberal jokes.
70
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:14,871
How you liking 'em?
71
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:16,175
Good, there's more coming.
72
00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:20,176
Folks, to drink this evening,
we've got red wine,
73
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,117
white wine,
and a fifth of bourbon.
74
00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:24,814
What'll you have,
disgraced political oddity
Roger Stone?
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00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:25,970
I'll take the fifth.
76
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,306
That works on two levels.
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00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:29,458
Layered.
78
00:03:29,526 --> 00:03:32,093
Man, the Trump
White House is so awesome.
79
00:03:32,162 --> 00:03:34,040
And for sure
it's not crawling
with Russians.
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00:03:34,064 --> 00:03:35,407
That's for actual,
81
00:03:35,431 --> 00:03:37,276
other American at this party.
82
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:38,667
So, what kinds of things
83
00:03:38,735 --> 00:03:41,770
do you hearing
from our Mr. USA President?
84
00:03:41,838 --> 00:03:43,104
I don't know, fellow American,
85
00:03:43,173 --> 00:03:45,206
but here's my Gmail log-in
and password,
86
00:03:45,275 --> 00:03:46,719
'cause I know
I can trust you with it.
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00:03:46,743 --> 00:03:49,177
Wonderful.
Now, to please excuse,
88
00:03:49,245 --> 00:03:53,181
I have very aching gut
from eating
so much apple cake.
89
00:03:53,249 --> 00:03:56,000
Ha! Doesn't get
more American than that.
90
00:04:06,429 --> 00:04:08,274
Sorry! I'm just looking
for the exit.
91
00:04:08,298 --> 00:04:09,447
I didn't mean to...
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00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:11,499
Holy girl boner.
93
00:04:11,568 --> 00:04:13,118
♪ Ivanka Trump ♪
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00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:16,488
♪ Has a gentle breeze
indoors. ♪
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00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:19,335
Tell those kids,
if they ever want to
see their parents again,
96
00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:20,625
they'll make the shoes!
97
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,494
Do you know
who you're dealing with?
98
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:24,529
My husband is the son of a felon
99
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,676
who went to prison
for blackmailing
his brother-in-law
100
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,110
by entrapping him
with a prostitute
101
00:04:28,134 --> 00:04:31,870
and then mailing a copy
of the tape to his own sister!
102
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:33,638
♪ All that stuff ♪
103
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,707
♪ Happened for real. ♪
104
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,056
Is everything okay?
105
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,860
Huh? Oh. Yeah.
106
00:04:38,929 --> 00:04:41,262
Sorry to be out of sorts.
I just...
107
00:04:41,331 --> 00:04:43,031
Sometimes I wish
I could meet someone else
108
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:45,801
whose dad is a fat idiot
who once had
a hit television show
109
00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,803
and who, over time,
has worn out his welcome.
110
00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:49,916
You know, Meg's dad is als...
Shut up, Tiffany.
111
00:04:49,940 --> 00:04:51,939
Yeah. Shut up, Tiffany.
112
00:04:52,008 --> 00:04:54,108
Meg, I think you'd look amazing
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00:04:54,177 --> 00:04:55,777
in my brand
of lifestyle products
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00:04:55,846 --> 00:04:58,012
that are designed to represent
a poor person's idea
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00:04:58,081 --> 00:04:59,547
of what a rich person
would wear.
116
00:04:59,616 --> 00:05:01,361
You think so?
Trust me.
117
00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:03,885
When I'm done with you,
you'll be pretty enough
to marry
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00:05:03,953 --> 00:05:05,587
an Orthodox Jewish son
of a felon
119
00:05:05,655 --> 00:05:07,989
who's too stupid to get
into Harvard the normal way.
120
00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:10,692
And whose voice is way higher
than you thought it would be?
121
00:05:10,761 --> 00:05:12,744
Hi, honey.
Ready for dinner?
122
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,718
Stewie, where have you been?
123
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:23,098
Ugh, many American
baby things am I doing.
124
00:05:23,122 --> 00:05:27,258
So, what is your
favorite ballistic
missile launch codes?
125
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,744
Whoa, is that Meg?
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00:05:29,813 --> 00:05:31,245
♪ ♪
127
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,101
That girl is pretty.
128
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,848
So pretty
by D.C. standards.
129
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,939
With Geico, you can save
up to 15% on car insurance.
130
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:46,527
Wow! Two-thirds
of the people here
are talking about me.
131
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,330
Because you're beautiful, Meg.
132
00:05:48,398 --> 00:05:49,664
Thanks to you.
133
00:05:49,732 --> 00:05:51,978
Come on,
let me introduce you
to the president.
134
00:05:52,002 --> 00:05:54,322
He's kind of like my boyfriend.
135
00:05:57,173 --> 00:05:58,934
Hang on.
He's still getting ready.
136
00:06:04,881 --> 00:06:07,715
Hey, Dad, I want you
to meet my new friend, Meg.
137
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:10,151
Pleased to meet you.
I've got to run, Dad.
138
00:06:10,220 --> 00:06:12,687
Thanks again for getting me
plastic surgery in my teens.
139
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,623
Um, yeah, anyway,
140
00:06:15,692 --> 00:06:17,893
it's an honor to meet you,
Mr. President.
141
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,094
This is amazing.
142
00:06:19,163 --> 00:06:20,695
Yesterday, I was at Quahog Pond,
143
00:06:20,764 --> 00:06:23,198
pulling out carps
just to watch them suffocate.
144
00:06:23,267 --> 00:06:24,399
And now look at me,
145
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,467
with the winner
of the 46th-largest
146
00:06:26,536 --> 00:06:28,970
electoral college victory
of all time.
147
00:06:29,039 --> 00:06:30,906
And, I got to say,
I'm a huge fan
148
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:33,141
of your board game
and your beef products
149
00:06:33,210 --> 00:06:34,810
and your fraudulent
university and...
150
00:06:36,330 --> 00:06:38,296
Oh, my God!
Oh, please.
151
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:41,461
Every president
since Washington
has done this.
152
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:43,329
Dearest Martha,
153
00:06:43,353 --> 00:06:46,588
I cannot wait to once again
place my hand
154
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:49,390
onto your Gates of Venus.
155
00:06:49,459 --> 00:06:51,036
My darling Bess,
156
00:06:51,060 --> 00:06:53,060
tonight, I'm going to drop
the Big One
157
00:06:53,129 --> 00:06:55,129
onto your Pacific theater.
158
00:06:55,198 --> 00:06:58,065
Hey, Barbara Bush, working late.
159
00:06:58,134 --> 00:07:00,502
Sleeping in office.
160
00:07:00,570 --> 00:07:01,970
Crazy headache.
161
00:07:02,038 --> 00:07:03,855
You look like my mom.
162
00:07:10,413 --> 00:07:11,958
Good afternoon, I'm Tim Tucker,
163
00:07:11,982 --> 00:07:13,748
not my twin brother, Tom.
164
00:07:13,817 --> 00:07:17,018
Our top story:
mentally challenged
boys' T-shirts.
165
00:07:17,087 --> 00:07:19,671
Are they getting even longer?
166
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:22,590
Um, guys, I got to
tell you something.
167
00:07:22,658 --> 00:07:24,359
Last night, at the White House,
168
00:07:24,427 --> 00:07:26,761
President Trump
touched me inappropriately.
169
00:07:26,830 --> 00:07:29,608
What?!
Meg, that's my boss,
all right?
170
00:07:29,632 --> 00:07:31,410
This is my career
you're talking about.
171
00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:33,046
I spent a whole day
working on this.
172
00:07:33,070 --> 00:07:34,881
You want me to just
throw away in one day
173
00:07:34,905 --> 00:07:37,038
what I've spent a whole day
trying to build?
174
00:07:37,107 --> 00:07:39,374
A whole day's worth of work,
poof, gone in a day!
175
00:07:39,442 --> 00:07:40,854
Meg, you expect us to believe
176
00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:42,455
that the president
of the United States
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00:07:42,479 --> 00:07:44,512
would grab a woman by her?
178
00:07:44,581 --> 00:07:45,713
That's ridiculous!
179
00:07:45,782 --> 00:07:47,215
How could you not believe me?
180
00:07:47,284 --> 00:07:48,716
Oh, hang on. CNN's on,
181
00:07:48,785 --> 00:07:51,114
where I'm the loudest guy
on an overcrowded panel.
182
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,538
This country needs
stronger border security.
183
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,518
Our border security
is the strongest
in the world.
184
00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,842
What we need
is to take care
of our children.
185
00:07:57,910 --> 00:07:59,190
I can't get an erection!
186
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:00,656
You think giving them amnesty
187
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,658
is fair to the people
who are already here?
188
00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:04,193
They're contributing
to the economy.
189
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:05,495
I've tried all the herbs!
190
00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:07,096
Amnesty is never the answer.
191
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,353
It's not amnesty.
192
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:10,855
It's recognizing their
contributions to our country.
193
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:13,269
They said to meditate,
but I keep fallin' asleep!
194
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:14,573
We need stronger vetting.
195
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:16,705
And to enforce the laws
already on the books.
196
00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,807
I'm terrified of being
alone with my wife!
197
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:19,908
It's too much pressure!
198
00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:21,344
Well, nothing's
ever gonna change
199
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:23,168
if Congress isn't
willing to compromise.
200
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,414
Exactly my point.
A wall would solve this.
201
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:26,749
I wake up with an erection,
202
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:28,251
but never when
she's in the bed with me!
203
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:29,652
A wall would solve nothing.
204
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,142
These children have rights.
205
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,651
I spent three grand
on a Sandals vacation,
206
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,090
thinking that might do it!
207
00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:37,577
Know what it was?
Me being limp
on a lazy river!
208
00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:39,533
Well, that's all the time
we have.
209
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:40,897
Thank you to Peter Griffin...
No!
210
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:43,049
Don't send me home to my wife!
211
00:08:43,073 --> 00:08:44,389
Democrats.
212
00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:46,252
That's why we went to Sandals?
213
00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:47,976
Dad, did you hear what I said?
214
00:08:48,044 --> 00:08:49,388
Sorry, Meg, I got to go to work.
215
00:08:49,412 --> 00:08:51,612
What? You're still
gonna work for that man
216
00:08:51,681 --> 00:08:53,292
after he assaulted me?
217
00:08:53,316 --> 00:08:55,850
Meg, you got to stop
with these stories.
218
00:08:55,919 --> 00:08:57,418
People hate a liar.
219
00:08:57,487 --> 00:08:59,954
Just like closed captioning
stenographers hated
220
00:09:00,023 --> 00:09:02,383
the Sleepy Hollow guy
for some reason.
221
00:09:13,103 --> 00:09:14,685
Did he carry a broadax?
222
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:18,339
The mark on his hand...
223
00:09:20,076 --> 00:09:21,309
Was it a bow?
224
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,368
Oh, no.
No, no, no, it can't be.
225
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:37,409
When I cut off his head.
226
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,225
Okay, I'll take your questions.
227
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,599
Me With A Fake Mustache.
228
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:47,201
America wants to know
what you're packin' up there.
229
00:09:47,270 --> 00:09:48,769
I've heard 11 inches. True?
230
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:51,317
All right,
that's enough from you.
Me With A Funny Hat.
231
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,069
I also have heard 11 inches.
232
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,259
Okay, any non-11-inch questions?
233
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:56,489
Me With An Old-Timey Wig.
234
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,596
I've heard four handbreadths.
235
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,815
Mr. President, the press
briefing went very well.
236
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,071
Many people are saying
237
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,184
it was the best press briefing
in all of history.
238
00:10:09,208 --> 00:10:11,843
Mr. Griffin,
you're not speaking
to President Trump.
239
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,845
That's a butternut squash.
240
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:17,882
Oh. Well, if this
lumpy orange garbage
vegetable is here,
241
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,018
then where's
President Donald Trump?
242
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:21,619
Mr. President, please,
243
00:10:21,688 --> 00:10:23,354
I'm not interested.
244
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:24,738
You'll regret this.
245
00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:34,482
Oh, my God.
246
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,184
Bob's Burgers is on!
247
00:10:36,252 --> 00:10:39,320
This show speaks
to us young people,
apparently.
248
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:42,123
That show...
and-and I mean no disrespect
when I say this...
249
00:10:42,192 --> 00:10:44,925
But that show looks like
it was animated
in a moving car.
250
00:10:44,994 --> 00:10:47,495
And again, no disrespect,
wonderful people over there,
251
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:50,648
but... oh, my God,
President Trump
is assaulting Meg!
252
00:10:50,717 --> 00:10:53,296
I can't believe
what I just saw,
Mr. President!
253
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,785
What would your third wife,
254
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:57,955
the soft-core girl-on-girl
porn lady, think about this?
255
00:10:58,025 --> 00:11:01,087
Or the actual porn star
your lawyer paid
hush money to?
256
00:11:01,111 --> 00:11:04,545
I'm so sorry
we didn't believe you
earlier, sweetie.
257
00:11:04,614 --> 00:11:06,492
Yeah, where do you get off
behaving like this?
258
00:11:06,516 --> 00:11:08,949
Why shouldn't I? You do.
What?
259
00:11:09,018 --> 00:11:12,886
When you walked
through that door,
you insulted Bob's Burgers
260
00:11:12,955 --> 00:11:15,189
and the hundreds of people
who work there.
261
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,668
Well, I was just kidding around.
262
00:11:16,692 --> 00:11:18,959
No, you weren't.
You're just jealous
263
00:11:19,028 --> 00:11:22,029
'cause it wins all the Emmys
and the kids love it.
264
00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,942
You seem to know a lot
about Bob's Burgers.
265
00:11:23,966 --> 00:11:25,333
Of course I do.
266
00:11:25,401 --> 00:11:29,120
Bob's Burgers
is my favorite animated show.
267
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,157
Wow. There's your headline,
Emmy voters.
268
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:33,574
Vote your conscience.
269
00:11:33,643 --> 00:11:35,676
Anyway, my point is,
270
00:11:35,745 --> 00:11:38,812
if Peter Griffin
gets to be a jerk
all the time,
271
00:11:38,881 --> 00:11:41,315
then why can't Donald Trump?
272
00:11:41,384 --> 00:11:42,816
Huh.
273
00:11:42,885 --> 00:11:46,485
That is not the...
dumbest thing
you've ever said.
274
00:11:46,523 --> 00:11:48,222
So are we square?
275
00:11:49,492 --> 00:11:50,625
No.
276
00:11:50,694 --> 00:11:53,661
No, President Trump,
we are not! I quit!
277
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,290
What?
That's right.
278
00:11:55,314 --> 00:11:57,659
And you know what else?
My days of being mean
279
00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:59,117
and insulting are over!
280
00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:00,362
From here on out,
281
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:02,854
I'm gonna be the nice,
kind Peter Griffin.
282
00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:04,922
You can't walk out on me.
283
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:06,591
I'm the president.
284
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:08,320
Well, you're not
a very good one.
285
00:12:08,344 --> 00:12:09,360
Like that guy.
286
00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:11,495
Or-or that one.
287
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,746
Or that one.
288
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,377
Hey, which one is that, anyway?
289
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:15,900
I'm Grover Cleveland,
290
00:12:15,968 --> 00:12:18,819
the only president
to be married
in the White House.
291
00:12:18,888 --> 00:12:20,855
Oh, what a nice story.
292
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:23,207
It's a great story.
I married a girl
293
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:26,460
who I'd raised
since the time
she was 11 years old.
294
00:12:26,529 --> 00:12:29,547
Oh.
Well, that guy's
not getting a musical.
295
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:38,456
We now returnto Pirates of the Caribbean,
296
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,892
where the sound guy
put the microphone too close
297
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:43,077
to Johnny Depp's
jangling bracelets.
298
00:12:43,146 --> 00:12:45,480
Hold it right there, Sparrow.
299
00:12:45,549 --> 00:12:47,715
This is the day
you will always remember
300
00:12:47,784 --> 00:12:50,718
as the day
you almost caught
Captain Jack Sparrow.
301
00:12:50,787 --> 00:12:52,453
What?!
I said...
302
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:54,422
I've spent $65 million
303
00:12:54,491 --> 00:12:56,524
on vacation homes
and daytime wine.
304
00:12:59,662 --> 00:13:01,795
All right, turn off
that cheap celebrity slam.
305
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:03,898
The Griffins are gonna
be better than that now.
306
00:13:03,966 --> 00:13:05,077
What?
You heard me.
307
00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:07,168
We are done
being mean and insulting,
308
00:13:07,237 --> 00:13:09,237
like Donald Trump is.
From now on,
309
00:13:09,305 --> 00:13:11,739
this family's gonna
be nice and supportive.
310
00:13:11,807 --> 00:13:14,142
Oh. So if we're
being nice now,
311
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,322
maybe you have nice things
to say to me, Dad.
312
00:13:16,346 --> 00:13:18,712
Uh... of course I do.
313
00:13:18,781 --> 00:13:20,515
Your hair is, um...
314
00:13:20,583 --> 00:13:22,316
very... hat.
315
00:13:23,253 --> 00:13:25,420
You're a... hat owner.
316
00:13:26,322 --> 00:13:27,405
You're also hatted.
317
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,985
Why does he keep
coming back to the hat?
318
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,092
Peter, stop.
Your nipples are bleeding.
319
00:13:32,361 --> 00:13:34,428
All right, fine,
I'm not a nice person.
320
00:13:34,497 --> 00:13:36,080
I'm sick of
complimenting your hat!
321
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,483
I knew that fat man
couldn't keep this up.
322
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,385
He always buckles
under pressure.
323
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:42,999
Yeah, you're right.
Like at that
Billy Joel concert.
324
00:13:46,309 --> 00:13:47,953
♪ Da, da, da, da,
da, da, da, da ♪
325
00:13:47,977 --> 00:13:49,488
♪ Da, da, da, da,
da, da, da, da ♪
326
00:13:49,512 --> 00:13:50,989
♪ Da, da, da, da,
da, da, da, da ♪
327
00:13:51,013 --> 00:13:52,458
♪ Da, da, da, da,
da, da, da, da ♪
328
00:13:52,482 --> 00:13:54,081
♪ Uptown girl! ♪
329
00:13:54,784 --> 00:13:56,116
♪ ♪
330
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,309
Trump!
331
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,488
Who are you?
I have dementia.
332
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,079
Peter Griffin.
333
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:09,447
Look, you were right.
334
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:11,916
I can be insulting sometimes,
I admit it.
335
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,685
But so what?
I'm just a guy
from Rhode Island.
336
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:16,888
You're the President
of the United States!
337
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:19,268
You're not just a guy
from Rhode Island.
338
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:21,893
You're Peter Griffin
from Family Guy.
339
00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:24,896
Many children have learned
their favorite Jewish, black
340
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:28,733
and gay jokes by watching
your show over the years.
341
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:31,535
In fairness,
we've been trying
to phase out the gay stuff.
342
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,570
But you know what?
We're a cartoon.
343
00:14:33,639 --> 00:14:35,539
You can turn us off.
You're the president.
344
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:36,941
We can't turn you off.
345
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,009
And you're on,
like, all the time!
346
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,978
Yes, tremendous ratings.
347
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:44,382
Our Leslie Nielsen ratings
are the highest in history.
348
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:45,749
Surely you can't be serious.
349
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:49,019
I am serious.
And don't call me Leslie.
350
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:52,323
Ugh. You really do
find a way to screw
everything up.
351
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:55,893
If I screwed up so bad,
how come I'm a billionaire?
352
00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:57,295
Billionaire? Please.
353
00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:59,697
You're worth $700 mil
on the high side.
354
00:14:59,765 --> 00:15:02,233
And most of that is borrowed
or tied up and underwater.
355
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:04,668
That's why you ain't
releasin' your taxes, Trump.
356
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,037
You're cash poor!
357
00:15:07,023 --> 00:15:08,422
Say that again.
358
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:09,673
I dare you.
359
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,459
You...
360
00:15:11,527 --> 00:15:13,260
are cash...
361
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,695
poor.
362
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:17,298
♪ ♪
363
00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:32,680
Peter! Catch!
364
00:15:32,749 --> 00:15:35,149
Kill him in front of me,
and I sex you.
365
00:15:35,652 --> 00:15:36,817
Yah!
366
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:47,912
Yah!
367
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:15,267
Aah!
368
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,510
Yah!
369
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:23,598
♪ ♪
370
00:16:42,819 --> 00:16:44,062
Sarah, any update?
371
00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:46,587
I haven't had the chance
to ask the president
372
00:16:46,656 --> 00:16:48,434
if he is fighting
with Peter Griffin.
373
00:16:48,458 --> 00:16:49,874
Oh!
374
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:05,997
Yah!
Yah!
375
00:17:33,102 --> 00:17:34,669
I wrote that one.
376
00:17:34,737 --> 00:17:37,554
Why are we
so damn divided, America?
377
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:39,640
♪ ♪
378
00:17:48,851 --> 00:17:50,095
making Neil Armstrong
379
00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:52,252
the first man
to walk on the Moon.
380
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:54,399
Who knows...maybe someonelistening to this
381
00:17:54,423 --> 00:17:56,757
might be the first chicken
to walk on the Moon.
382
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,492
♪ ♪
383
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:08,186
I got a sillier plane.
384
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,388
♪ ♪
385
00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:42,169
Peter!
386
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:44,922
Grab my hand!
387
00:18:46,943 --> 00:18:48,609
I can't! It's too little!
388
00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:08,495
Wha...? Who...
who put this here?
389
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:10,631
I did.
Sure hope that's okay.
390
00:19:16,772 --> 00:19:18,672
Justin Trudeau?
391
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:20,891
The hunky prime minister
of Canada?
392
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,460
He's not that hunky.
393
00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:24,445
Very weak borders.
394
00:19:24,513 --> 00:19:26,247
I was just kayakin' past,
395
00:19:26,316 --> 00:19:28,682
and it looked like you guys
could use some help.
396
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:30,662
Everything okay?
No, yeah, we're good.
397
00:19:30,686 --> 00:19:32,264
He touched my daughter,
but I punched him,
398
00:19:32,288 --> 00:19:33,999
like, a hundred times,
so we're fine now.
399
00:19:34,023 --> 00:19:36,991
I punched you,
like, a million times.
400
00:19:37,060 --> 00:19:38,570
I punched you infinity times.
401
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,929
I punched you infinity
plus one times.
402
00:19:41,998 --> 00:19:43,678
Damn it!
Right on!
403
00:19:43,732 --> 00:19:46,700
Well, then,
I'll just go do some
awesome Canada stuff.
404
00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:49,503
Hey, call me
if you ever need help movin'.
405
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,990
Trudeau, away...!
406
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:56,027
That guy's the best.
407
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,195
You know who's really the best?
408
00:19:58,264 --> 00:20:00,597
Putin. Putin's the best.
409
00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:03,283
Yes, he is.
Putin is the best.
410
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:05,369
Ha! I write this part.
411
00:20:05,437 --> 00:20:07,771
Am I not to be a stinker?
412
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,375
Bye-bye,
American situation comedy
with drawings.
413
00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:19,461
I'm glad we're back in Quahog.
414
00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:22,069
And just in time to see
my appearance on Jeopardy!
415
00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:24,571
Peter?
What is...
416
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,417
it like to have an erection?
417
00:20:26,441 --> 00:20:30,310
I'm sorry, we were looking
for "the electromagnetic
spectrum."
418
00:20:30,379 --> 00:20:32,296
Betty, still your board.
419
00:20:32,365 --> 00:20:34,498
I was not included
in the final round.
420
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,646
I'll tell you one thing,
I'm not gonna miss
Washington, D.C.
421
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:41,105
Well, we had
a lot of fun this week
and changed zero minds.
422
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:43,207
If you want to learn more
about our president,
423
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:44,975
consult the Steele dossier,
424
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:47,311
which is all about
getting peed on.
425
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:49,580
He also, with whole heart
and full throat,
426
00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:52,127
endorsed a pedophile for
the United States Senate.
427
00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:54,062
That didn't fit
into tonight's narrative,
428
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,531
but should not be forgotten.
429
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:57,988
And I am a proud hat owner.
430
00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:59,423
Shut up, Meg.
431
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:02,526
From our family to yours,
we're very frightened.
32037
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