All language subtitles for Family Guy - S16E14 - Veteran Guy

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese Download
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:04,569 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:08,007 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:11,576 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:14,480 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:18,150 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:21,536 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,166 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,956 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:30,095 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,739 Ah, the Aiwa Double Tape Deck. 11 00:00:40,807 --> 00:00:43,108 The Waldorf and Statler of every thrift store. 12 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:44,805 The selection here stinks. 13 00:00:44,829 --> 00:00:46,573 Yeah, and so do the customers. 14 00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:52,117 Jim Henson died of treatable pneumonia. 15 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,986 Hey, Brian, remember Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? 16 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,555 They have the magic girl-power jeans. 17 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:01,626 Holy crap, what happened? 18 00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:04,796 I don't know. I-I think I turned into America Ferrera. 19 00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:07,532 I don't want this. Help! Someone, help! 20 00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,901 Looking passable, Stewie. 21 00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:12,604 Looking damn passable. 22 00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:17,075 Aw, crap, people we know. You know the drill. 23 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:21,479 We're donating, not buying. 24 00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:24,450 Just doing our part to give back to the community. 25 00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:25,962 I'm gonna go wait in the alley. 26 00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:29,587 Could you just ball them up and throw them out the window? 27 00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:32,390 Putting on strangers' hats is always a good idea. 28 00:01:38,215 --> 00:01:39,948 - Thank you for your service. - Huh? 29 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,382 My father's a veteran, too. 30 00:01:41,451 --> 00:01:43,763 Thank you for protecting us and for posting revenge porn 31 00:01:43,787 --> 00:01:45,364 on Marine Corps message boards. 32 00:01:45,388 --> 00:01:46,621 Oh, actually, I'm not... 33 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,568 I'm gonna start a trend of interrupting your sentences. 34 00:01:48,592 --> 00:01:50,003 Well, no, it's just a hat. I didn't... 35 00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:51,292 Thank you for your service. 36 00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:53,095 Bless you and all of our veterans. 37 00:01:53,163 --> 00:01:54,507 No, guys, I-I'm not really a vet... 38 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,142 I don't have time to hear the rest of your sentence, 39 00:01:56,166 --> 00:01:57,577 but thank you for being a veteran 40 00:01:57,601 --> 00:01:59,245 because you're definitely a veteran. 41 00:01:59,269 --> 00:02:03,171 And I'm Cris Collinsworth from NBC Sunday Night Football. 42 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:06,041 On behalf of all TV football dummies, 43 00:02:06,110 --> 00:02:07,909 thank you for your service. 44 00:02:07,978 --> 00:02:10,212 You're-you're welcome. 45 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,514 Wow. Feels real good to be a veteran, 46 00:02:12,583 --> 00:02:15,367 even better than buying a bottle of Newman's Own. 47 00:02:17,353 --> 00:02:20,122 This makes me a good person. 48 00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:21,687 Hey, 49 00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:24,543 someone just bought a bottle of bland salad dressing. 50 00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:27,779 Now we can use all proceeds to do jihad stuff. 51 00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:32,784 ♪ ♪ 52 00:02:37,174 --> 00:02:38,684 Hey, Peter, what's with the hat? 53 00:02:38,708 --> 00:02:40,586 - I'm pretending to be a veteran. - What? 54 00:02:40,610 --> 00:02:43,078 Yeah, it's awesome. Vets get all the sweet deals. 55 00:02:43,147 --> 00:02:45,113 I mean, you never see a homeless vet. 56 00:02:45,182 --> 00:02:46,559 And people have been really nice. 57 00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,463 Everywhere I go, they open doors for me. 58 00:02:49,787 --> 00:02:51,987 - Welcome, sir. - Thank you. 59 00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:55,857 Hey, so when really fat people come, 60 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,076 make sure we're opening both doors. 61 00:02:58,145 --> 00:02:59,944 Guys, you could be veterans, too. 62 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,013 Look what happens when I put on sunglasses. 63 00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:04,994 ♪ Highway to the danger zone... ♪ 64 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,518 - Wow! - I want to try. 65 00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:09,288 ♪ Highway to the danger zone. ♪ 66 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,256 It's loud being a veteran! 67 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,036 The hell is wrong with you guys?! 68 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,294 Do I need to remind you I actually am a veteran? 69 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:18,074 And I'm sickened by the thought of trolling for free handouts 70 00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:20,815 on account of being a vet, much less pretending to be one. 71 00:03:20,884 --> 00:03:22,629 Quagmire, what if I told you your glasses 72 00:03:22,653 --> 00:03:24,135 do "Playing With The Boys"? 73 00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:25,504 The volleyball scene? 74 00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:27,305 Go ahead, give it a whirl. 75 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,441 ♪ I'm playing... ♪ 76 00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,744 Whoa! It's like I'm high-fiving with Anthony Edwards. 77 00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:34,646 And it's not like I'd be lying. 78 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:37,582 There we go. Hey, another round for me and my veteran buddies. 79 00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:41,720 Dad, Family Guy used two of your songs. 80 00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:44,122 Well, that's great, but I'm not your dad. 81 00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:47,426 I'm Kenny Loggins and you're a groupie I brought here for sex. 82 00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:48,760 Dad, Family Guy just... 83 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,629 See, now, that's my daughter. 84 00:03:54,952 --> 00:03:56,663 You guys got your video cameras ready? 85 00:03:56,687 --> 00:03:58,236 Yeah. What's going on? 86 00:03:58,305 --> 00:04:01,139 Well, as a veteran, I get to star in a viral YouTube video 87 00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:03,508 of me reuniting with my beloved pet. 88 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,560 So here goes. 89 00:04:05,628 --> 00:04:07,779 ♪ ♪ 90 00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,022 My pet is Christian the lion. 91 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,191 I'm doing two Internet things at once. 92 00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,261 This is my heterosexual roommate, Ace, 93 00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:24,730 with whom I shared the lion two decades ago. 94 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:27,348 - You look great, Peter. - I have a family now! 95 00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:34,339 You know, guys, if being a veteran is about anything, 96 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,474 it's about getting half-hearted applause 97 00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:39,277 on a Southwest Airlines flight. 98 00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:40,790 Veterans. 99 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,764 Yay, veterans. 100 00:04:42,833 --> 00:04:45,633 Holy crap, you're Eric Dane from Marley and Me, 101 00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,134 and other stuff! 102 00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,281 I'm afraid you got to give us your front-of-the-plane seats 103 00:04:49,305 --> 00:04:51,225 'cause that's what celebrities do for veterans. 104 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,524 Well, clear out, kids. 105 00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:54,404 It's just part of the Hollywood deal. 106 00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:56,027 Thank you. Thanks. 107 00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:58,179 Thank you so much. This is why I served. 108 00:04:58,248 --> 00:05:00,165 "USS Nathan James"? 109 00:05:00,234 --> 00:05:02,200 Yes, sir. Boats, military, sir. 110 00:05:02,269 --> 00:05:04,252 The Nathan James is the fictitious ship 111 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:06,120 on TNT's The Last Ship, 112 00:05:06,189 --> 00:05:08,590 starring Adam Baldwin and Jocko Sims. 113 00:05:08,658 --> 00:05:11,059 - And Eric Dane. - Uh-oh. 114 00:05:11,128 --> 00:05:13,462 You guys aren't veterans at all. You're frauds. 115 00:05:15,165 --> 00:05:16,598 Okay, we ain't real vets. 116 00:05:16,666 --> 00:05:18,333 Quagmire served in the Navy. 117 00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:20,701 The rest of us are charlatans. 118 00:05:20,771 --> 00:05:22,436 - Boo! - You're terrible! 119 00:05:22,505 --> 00:05:24,839 I fly Southwest to have a classy experience 120 00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,941 and you've ruined it. 121 00:05:27,010 --> 00:05:28,921 Excuse me, gentlemen. You're under arrest. 122 00:05:28,945 --> 00:05:30,211 What?! Why?! 123 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,947 You three are in violation of the Stolen Valor Act, 124 00:05:33,016 --> 00:05:35,183 which makes it a crime to pretend to be a veteran. 125 00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:37,652 Oh, so suddenly it's a crime to break the law? 126 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:39,498 Mr. Quagmire, you're free to go, 127 00:05:39,522 --> 00:05:41,518 but the rest of you will have to come with me. 128 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,085 I thought we had it bad, 129 00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:44,375 being gay overhead bins. 130 00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:45,822 What makes us gay? 131 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,279 We've got bags in our mouths. 132 00:05:54,071 --> 00:05:55,503 Hey, quick, put these on. 133 00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:57,516 They're not gonna throw a veteran in jail. 134 00:05:57,540 --> 00:05:59,118 Is this some kind of joke to you? 135 00:05:59,142 --> 00:06:00,641 No, it was a sincere idea. 136 00:06:00,710 --> 00:06:02,210 Real servicemen and women 137 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,646 have made real sacrifices for this country. 138 00:06:04,714 --> 00:06:07,516 And you. You're an actual veteran; you should know better. 139 00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:08,783 I'm sorry. 140 00:06:08,852 --> 00:06:10,985 You made a mockery of our whole family, Glenn. 141 00:06:11,054 --> 00:06:12,387 Now, everywhere I go, 142 00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,956 it's like people are staring at me and whispering. 143 00:06:15,024 --> 00:06:16,458 Court is now in session. 144 00:06:16,526 --> 00:06:18,960 Judge Dignified Q. Blackman presiding. 145 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:22,213 You men are accused of violating the Stolen Valor Act, 146 00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:24,265 and that's years of jail time. 147 00:06:24,334 --> 00:06:25,995 We forgot to get a lawyer. 148 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:28,619 But in view of your long service to comedy, 149 00:06:28,688 --> 00:06:30,471 I'm willing to offer a deal. 150 00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:31,890 What kind of deal? 151 00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:35,059 I'll waive the charges, but only on the condition 152 00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,729 that you men enlist in the military for real. 153 00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:40,414 You three have to join the Marines. 154 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:43,468 Oh, my God. We could be killed! Please, no! 155 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,231 All right, how about the Coast Guard? 156 00:06:45,255 --> 00:06:46,688 Yeah, that's fine. 157 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:48,084 - Wow. - Something happened. 158 00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,401 Something just happened in court. 159 00:06:49,425 --> 00:06:51,893 Glenn, if you were half the man I used to be, 160 00:06:51,962 --> 00:06:54,696 you'd stand up and join them. 161 00:06:54,764 --> 00:06:57,199 Your Honor? I'd like to sign up, too. 162 00:06:57,267 --> 00:06:58,378 Oh, my God. 163 00:06:58,402 --> 00:06:59,796 I was checking my phone. What happened? 164 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:02,098 -Excuse me? -That's right. I'm going with them. 165 00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,405 The four of us will join the Coast Guard together. 166 00:07:04,474 --> 00:07:07,508 All right. Report to the induction center tomorrow. 167 00:07:07,577 --> 00:07:09,744 Court is adjourned. 168 00:07:09,813 --> 00:07:13,097 Next case on the docket: The People v. Ted 2. 169 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:15,566 Okay, come on, let's get out of here. Let's go. Let's go. 170 00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:24,643 Good morning, recruits. Welcome to the Coast Guard. 171 00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:26,961 Sir, when do we report for basic training, sir? 172 00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,950 Hey, what's with the "sir" stuff? 173 00:07:28,998 --> 00:07:30,598 This is just the Coast Guard. 174 00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:33,535 Now, come on. Who here can pantomime driving a boat? 175 00:07:33,603 --> 00:07:35,820 Hmm, we got any boat guys here? 176 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,223 Whoa, look at that. 177 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,159 You guys should be recruiting me. 178 00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:43,611 Now can you bounce with the waves a little bit? 179 00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:48,016 Uh-oh! Getting kind of choppy. 180 00:07:48,085 --> 00:07:50,135 Is this guy for real? This is idiotic. 181 00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,047 This is nothing like what the Navy was. 182 00:07:52,071 --> 00:07:54,150 Shh, Quagmire, I got to focus on my boat here. 183 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,407 The way people's talking makes me think 184 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,460 we're gonna be dealing with a lot of water. 185 00:07:59,529 --> 00:08:01,329 You guys seem to have what it takes, 186 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:04,032 so raise your right hand as I recite the Coast Guard pledge. 187 00:08:04,101 --> 00:08:06,568 "When you're here, you're family." 188 00:08:06,636 --> 00:08:08,869 - Isn't that the slogan for...? - We had it first! 189 00:08:10,173 --> 00:08:11,839 Everybody ships out tomorrow. 190 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:14,325 You'll find your assignments listed on this sheet. 191 00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:18,914 Ah, crap. Where in Iraq is "Fort El Ahoud Urd Ali"? 192 00:08:18,982 --> 00:08:20,681 Peter, that's Fort Lauderdale. 193 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:23,751 We're being shipped out to guard freakin' spring break. 194 00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:25,064 - Sweet! - All right! 195 00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,766 Spring break on the land, not the water! 196 00:08:26,790 --> 00:08:28,268 No, it's not sweet. It's a joke. 197 00:08:28,292 --> 00:08:29,524 This whole thing is a joke! 198 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:31,704 Compared to the Navy, the Coast Guard is totally 199 00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:33,373 unprofessional and incompetent, 200 00:08:33,397 --> 00:08:35,141 like that ancient Roman intern. 201 00:08:35,165 --> 00:08:38,733 This is Markus. Today's his first day. 202 00:08:38,802 --> 00:08:42,036 He's going to be crucifying you now. 203 00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:46,074 He might want to use his hammer. 204 00:08:46,143 --> 00:08:48,309 Ugh, sorry. I'm so bad at this. 205 00:08:48,378 --> 00:08:50,845 Relax, you're doing fine. 206 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:58,186 - Well, I'm off. - Oh, Peter, I'm so worried. 207 00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,516 - Where are they stationing you? - I can't tell you. 208 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,740 That is on a knead-the-dough basis. 209 00:09:05,662 --> 00:09:07,161 - Florida?! - Shh! 210 00:09:07,230 --> 00:09:09,147 Hey, you be safe. 211 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,616 Wait, Dad, before you go, 212 00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,284 can you teach me to shave? 213 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:14,519 Well, for starters, bud, 214 00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:15,931 that's supposed to be on your pubes. 215 00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:18,022 You got a secret inch hiding under there. 216 00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:20,191 This is what I'm gonna be missing. 217 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,820 Well, that's an unrelated car honking, 218 00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:24,346 but I'm gonna go now. 219 00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:26,398 ♪ ♪ 220 00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,473 Fort Lauderdale, Florida, 221 00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:38,793 where all the art in every dentist's office comes from. 222 00:09:38,862 --> 00:09:40,942 All right, let's get to work. Grab your binoculars. 223 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:42,574 We got to practice doing funny double-takes 224 00:09:42,598 --> 00:09:44,331 upon seeing a bikini woman. 225 00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:51,572 Sir, should I say, "Aaoogah," sir? 226 00:09:51,641 --> 00:09:54,409 Affirmative. And, Joe, I order you to just let the binoculars 227 00:09:54,478 --> 00:09:56,778 fall right out of your hands, but you don't even notice 228 00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:58,567 'cause of how foxy the woman is. 229 00:09:58,615 --> 00:10:00,214 All right, yeah. 230 00:10:00,283 --> 00:10:02,412 I can see that we got the right skill set for this assignment. 231 00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:03,768 Okay, guys, knock it off. 232 00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:06,938 But, Quagmire, there's spring break boobs everywhere! 233 00:10:07,006 --> 00:10:08,339 Come on, guys, I mean it. 234 00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,708 This is important. I want you to start acting like it. 235 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,877 - Wow, he's serious. - He's very serious. 236 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,528 We're in the motel now. 237 00:10:14,597 --> 00:10:17,649 ♪ ♪ 238 00:10:18,935 --> 00:10:21,569 Guys, we have to complete a 160-point inspection 239 00:10:21,637 --> 00:10:24,105 of this coastal patrol cutter. I'll call them out. 240 00:10:24,174 --> 00:10:26,241 Item one: hydraulic grapple-winch. 241 00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,893 Guys? 242 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:31,601 We're over here, painting clever names on boats. 243 00:10:41,607 --> 00:10:44,042 No, Peter, it's supposed to be short and poppy. 244 00:10:44,110 --> 00:10:45,443 Oh, okay. 245 00:10:53,937 --> 00:10:56,504 Okay, guys, while I scan for disabled watercraft, 246 00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:59,373 I need a status report on that hydraulic grapple-winch. 247 00:10:59,443 --> 00:11:00,742 Guys? 248 00:11:00,811 --> 00:11:02,638 We're busy; we're hanging out with Aquaman. 249 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,595 I told you, I'm not Aquaman. 250 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,130 I am the Sub-Mariner. 251 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:08,333 - What's your deal? - I'm just like Aquaman, 252 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,134 but I can't get fish to do things. 253 00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:11,469 That's the big thing. 254 00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,349 I mean, isn't that all Aquaman does? 255 00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:15,373 No, he can also breathe underwater, 256 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:16,841 and he's strong, like me. 257 00:11:16,909 --> 00:11:18,810 Isn't everyone strong underwater? 258 00:11:18,878 --> 00:11:20,845 No, no. Not like me. 259 00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:23,914 I can punch a big octopus a really long way. 260 00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:25,082 Hey, guys. 261 00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,751 - Hey, Aquaman! - Yeah! 262 00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,453 Hey, make a fish do something. 263 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,588 Aw, shucks, guys, I don't know. 264 00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:32,434 I guess I could do something like... 265 00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:34,542 this. 266 00:11:38,415 --> 00:11:40,715 Wow, a real superhero. 267 00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:43,551 I-I have little wings on my feet! 268 00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,586 No, just-just, shh, shh. Ju... it's over. 269 00:11:45,655 --> 00:11:47,155 It's over. 270 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,723 Hey, can you guys keep it down for a bit? 271 00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,947 I got to have a FaceTime conversation with my wife 272 00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:57,794 where we talk at the same time, and then stop, 273 00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,498 and then start again, then laugh. 274 00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:03,866 - Hi, hon... - Hi, hon... 275 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,401 - No, no, you go... - You go ahead. 276 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:06,903 - No, I... - Go ahead. 277 00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,237 - Y-You first. - You first. 278 00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,829 - Hi, Pop. - Oh, God, Stewie. 279 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,197 You've gotten so big. 280 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,644 No, I'm just in the foreground. 281 00:12:14,668 --> 00:12:16,378 You're as tall as your mother now. 282 00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,335 He... he doesn't understand perspective. 283 00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,282 All right, let me say good-bye to Mommy. 284 00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:21,984 - Well, you take ca... - Good-bye, hon... 285 00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:23,519 - You go... - Oh, what? 286 00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:25,143 - You go... - No, I was just gonna say... 287 00:12:26,195 --> 00:12:28,312 Everything stinks. 288 00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:30,292 - Hey, Quagmire, where you going? - I'm going home. 289 00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:32,050 - What? Why? - 'Cause I'm sick of this. 290 00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:34,018 I'm the only one taking the job seriously. 291 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,898 Hell, you guys still don't even know how to operate 292 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,483 a simple hydraulic grapple-winch. 293 00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,490 Okay, that's the third time you've mentioned 294 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,192 the hydraulic grapple-winch. 295 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:42,805 Is that gonna be important for later? 296 00:12:42,829 --> 00:12:44,545 I feel like maybe it is. 297 00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,309 Quagmire, you can't just go home. 298 00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,465 We're stationed here. 299 00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,567 I wasn't sentenced, but I came anyway 300 00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,480 because I thought I could try and teach my friends 301 00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:54,004 what it means to serve their country, the way I did. 302 00:12:54,073 --> 00:12:56,273 But you're hopeless, so I'm done. 303 00:12:57,927 --> 00:12:59,405 And I'm still the voice 304 00:12:59,429 --> 00:13:01,829 of Cris Collinsworth, and I'm done, too. 305 00:13:03,233 --> 00:13:04,843 Uhp, closet. 306 00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,767 Now I got it. 307 00:13:06,836 --> 00:13:08,269 Aw. 308 00:13:08,338 --> 00:13:11,206 I disappointed the stupidest guy in football. 309 00:13:11,274 --> 00:13:14,075 - I got to go take a sad pee. - Me, too. 310 00:13:14,143 --> 00:13:16,911 We should probably all go urinate together, outdoors, 311 00:13:16,979 --> 00:13:20,348 as a group of guys, while wearing backwards baseball caps, 312 00:13:20,417 --> 00:13:23,233 per Fort Lauderdale municipal law. 313 00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:27,005 The Florida ways are the best ways. 314 00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:28,651 Are we ready to attack? 315 00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:31,776 We are! And many people will die. 316 00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,044 What the hell's that? 317 00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:39,517 Are we ready to attack? 318 00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:42,553 We are! And many people will die. 319 00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,922 - Oh, my God. - Those evil frat boys 320 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,758 are planning to kill spring break. 321 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:49,627 And they only had time to record two lines of dialogue. 322 00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:51,195 Are we ready to attack? 323 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:54,498 We are! And many people will die. 324 00:13:58,521 --> 00:14:00,565 - We got to stop them. - All right, let's just find 325 00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:02,439 a quiet place to come up with a plan. 326 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,153 All right, here's what we do! 327 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,644 We track down... 328 00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:09,313 we saw talking and... 329 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,715 Joe, you get us some... 330 00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:14,096 Cleveland, I want you to get... 331 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,354 buildings in the city. 332 00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:19,490 I'm still very unclear about the plan! 333 00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,692 Three more banana daiquiris. 334 00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:24,695 We track down the... 335 00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:32,420 Did you see all of those guns and weapons 336 00:14:32,488 --> 00:14:35,356 - those evil frat boys had? - I sure did. 337 00:14:35,424 --> 00:14:37,958 And we still haven't nailed down a date for visiting Epcot. 338 00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:39,410 But what can we do? 339 00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:41,946 Quagmire was the only real soldier among us. 340 00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:43,798 You're right. Compared to him, 341 00:14:43,867 --> 00:14:45,344 we're about as useless as one of those 342 00:14:45,368 --> 00:14:47,118 automatic bathroom sinks. 343 00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:52,990 Uhp. Uhp. 344 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:56,627 Uhp. 345 00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:00,331 Uhp. 346 00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:03,701 Uhp. Uhp. 347 00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:05,669 Uhp. Uhp. Uhp. 348 00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,471 Uhp. Uhp. Uhp. 349 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:10,208 What the hell are you doing? This is a women's bathroom. 350 00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:11,809 Uhp. 351 00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:14,812 Come on, guys, we don't need Quagmire to do the right thing. 352 00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,180 I love that movie. 353 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,249 If there's gonna be an attack at spring break, 354 00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:20,852 we can't just stand by while people get hurt, 355 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,336 or even killed. 356 00:15:22,405 --> 00:15:25,172 Joe's right. It's up to us to stop it. 357 00:15:25,241 --> 00:15:26,952 Because we're in the Coast Guard, 358 00:15:26,976 --> 00:15:29,710 and when you're here, you're family. 359 00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:46,671 - Great! - Yeah! 360 00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:48,980 - Ooh! - Yeah, yeah. 361 00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:51,549 That food was all very salty. 362 00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,601 ♪ ♪ 363 00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:57,638 There's so many people. 364 00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:59,017 We got to find those frat boys. 365 00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:00,219 Look for anything suspicious. 366 00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,660 The Coors party ball is a dirty bomb! 367 00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:06,748 No, Peter, it's not; it's just the coolest, freshest way 368 00:16:06,816 --> 00:16:09,516 to keep your party rolling is what it is. 369 00:16:09,585 --> 00:16:10,952 This is hopeless! 370 00:16:11,020 --> 00:16:12,832 There's no way to guess what their target is. 371 00:16:12,856 --> 00:16:14,383 Final boarding call for 372 00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:15,951 the "Are We Ready To Attack, We Are, 373 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,075 And Many People Will Die" booze cruise. 374 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,611 Okay, I got a feeling about that one. 375 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,324 - Let's go! - No, guys. 376 00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:23,814 We'll never make it on foot. 377 00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,800 We got to steal that kid's Jet Ski. 378 00:16:25,869 --> 00:16:28,386 Peter, the boat's right there. We'll totally make it. 379 00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:30,134 It's the only way, guys! 380 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,358 Peter, we're now literally standing on the boat. 381 00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:35,893 That's how close the boat is. 382 00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:38,563 Made it! 383 00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:39,908 You wanted to ride the Jet Ski. 384 00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:41,127 I wanted to ride the Jet Ski. 385 00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:48,089 How much you reckon a boat like this cost? 386 00:16:48,158 --> 00:16:51,092 All right, everybody, freeze! This is the U.S. Coast Guard. 387 00:16:51,161 --> 00:16:53,327 And when you're here, you're family. 388 00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:09,626 Anyway, U.S. Coast Guard. You kids are... 389 00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:14,610 What are we gonna do? We're way outgunned. 390 00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:16,100 Are any of you familiar 391 00:17:16,168 --> 00:17:19,036 with what's referred to as a "Leeroy Jenkins"? 392 00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:20,449 Well, I don't know what that is, 393 00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,573 but let's make a very long, elaborate plan. 394 00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:23,986 All right, so I'll run in first 395 00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:25,610 and use an intimidating shout. 396 00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:26,878 When my shout's done, 397 00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:29,124 I'll need Joe to come in and use his shout, too. 398 00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:30,192 What do you think, Joe? 399 00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,694 Can you give me a number crunch real quick? 400 00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,328 Yeah, give me a sec. I'm coming up with, uh, 401 00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:36,487 32.33, repeating, of course. 402 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,233 Okay, that's a lot better than we usually do. 403 00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:41,692 - So let's... - Leeroy Jenkins! 404 00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:44,194 Oh, my God, he just ran in. Let's go! Stick to the plan! 405 00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:45,663 Let's go, let's go! 406 00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:49,032 Aw, man. Aw, we're dying. 407 00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:51,046 Damn it, Cleveland. 408 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,414 Where'd they get dragons? 409 00:17:52,438 --> 00:17:54,772 These guys have magic, guys. 410 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,240 I can't move. 411 00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:59,310 Oh, God! 412 00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:00,889 You know, Cleveland, you're an idiot. 413 00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:04,181 This episode has a lot of Internet things. 414 00:18:07,403 --> 00:18:09,403 Ah, crap, we're gonna die. 415 00:18:09,472 --> 00:18:10,804 Freeze! 416 00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:14,041 Quagmire, you came back! 417 00:18:14,127 --> 00:18:16,827 That's right. Because I'm in the U.S. Coast Guard. 418 00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:18,815 - And when you're here... - Oh, no, don't say it! 419 00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:27,505 Ah, I'm glad you came back, buddy. 420 00:18:27,557 --> 00:18:29,256 You really saved the day. 421 00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:30,669 Hey, where'd you get the machine gun? 422 00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:32,388 From the coastal patrol cutter. 423 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:36,481 "Machine gun" is item 49 of the 160-point inspection. 424 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:39,667 Oh, that was when I was writing homosexual stuff on the boat. 425 00:18:39,735 --> 00:18:42,135 - Too bad about the bomb. - Bomb? 426 00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:44,137 Yep. Right here on the boat. 427 00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:47,040 Soon you will all do the foamy dance of death. 428 00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:50,227 We are! And many people will die. 429 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:51,995 He just says that one thing. 430 00:18:57,587 --> 00:19:00,520 The bomb is hidden in the foam. 431 00:19:05,194 --> 00:19:07,795 -Where is it? Have you found it? -No. 432 00:19:07,864 --> 00:19:10,464 I was thinking next Thursday for Epcot, but no bomb. 433 00:19:10,532 --> 00:19:13,067 You're wasting your time; the bomb will activate 434 00:19:13,136 --> 00:19:15,002 the moment the floor stops vibrating. 435 00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:17,537 Did you hear that? Twerk! 436 00:19:17,606 --> 00:19:19,306 Twerk like you're Miley Cyrus 437 00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:20,953 trying to prove something to your dad! 438 00:19:29,134 --> 00:19:30,784 Found it! 439 00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:36,373 We're all gonna die! 440 00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:37,674 Oh, no, we're not. 441 00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:39,793 I stole a Jet Ski from a kid. 442 00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:50,421 Ha, ha! 443 00:19:52,975 --> 00:19:54,458 Oh, I forgot they do that. 444 00:19:57,796 --> 00:19:59,513 Hydraulic grapple-winch! 445 00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:01,899 - Oh, yeah! - From earlier! 446 00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:18,916 - We did it! It's over. - 'Cause of you. 447 00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:20,918 Thanks for saving us, Quagmire. 448 00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:23,854 Ah, I was just doing my duty. Just like you did. 449 00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:26,273 Good job, soldier. 450 00:20:26,342 --> 00:20:29,076 Anyway, what matters is everyone's okay, 451 00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:30,611 thanks to the Coast Guard. 452 00:20:30,679 --> 00:20:32,046 Because when you're here... 453 00:20:33,816 --> 00:20:36,784 I'm not going back to that restaurant. 454 00:20:44,259 --> 00:20:46,593 I'm so happy you're back home where you belong, Peter. 455 00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,729 It's just not the same here without you. 456 00:20:48,798 --> 00:20:51,832 Thanks, Lois. And I thought about you not at all. 457 00:20:51,901 --> 00:20:54,568 Well, I'm so proud of my Coast Guard husband. 458 00:20:54,636 --> 00:20:57,404 And I'm proud of my Coast Guard dad. 459 00:20:57,472 --> 00:21:00,607 And I'm bisexual, like all members of the Coast Guard. 460 00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:03,844 Good night, Coast Guard. Hope you enjoyed the episode. 34592

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.