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1
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:51,935
That's the way, Rodney. Don't bother helping me get the tea
ready, you carry on poncing about with that computer.
2
00:00:52,921 --> 00:00:55,329
I am not 'poncing about' with
anything!
3
00:00:55,649 --> 00:00:59,323
In case it's slipped that senile,
shrapnel-cluttered brain of yours,
4
00:00:59,913 --> 00:01:03,578
I happen to be studying for a
computer diploma course.
5
00:01:03,995 --> 00:01:05,367
Oh I ain't forgotten, son.
6
00:01:05,558 --> 00:01:09,191
I remember you enrolling on a
three-month course - two years ago!
7
00:01:09,698 --> 00:01:12,609
It happens to be an extremely
difficult exam!
8
00:01:12,801 --> 00:01:14,941
Well, you should know. You've
failed it often enough.
9
00:01:15,866 --> 00:01:20,776
I have not failed - well, not
in the popular sense of the word.
10
00:01:21,317 --> 00:01:24,213
The other students have
an advantage over me.
11
00:01:24,380 --> 00:01:25,743
Yeah, they all pass.
12
00:01:27,537 --> 00:01:31,463
I mean, they are sent to the
evening college by their companies.
13
00:01:31,686 --> 00:01:36,698
All day long they are working with computers,
knocking out data and programs, ain't they?
14
00:01:36,876 --> 00:01:39,703
Whereas all day long I am working with
a suitcase,
15
00:01:39,914 --> 00:01:43,091
knocking out disposable lighters and
Turkish raincoats!
16
00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:49,483
But even if you get your diploma, what difference
will that make to Trotters Independent Traders?
17
00:01:49,657 --> 00:01:53,241
I am not doing it for Trotters
Independent Traders! I'm doing it for me!
18
00:01:53,794 --> 00:01:59,057
This diploma could be my passport to freedom,
a decent job, a future!
19
00:01:59,427 --> 00:02:03,406
I mean, I can't go on for the rest of
my life messing about with this sort of junk, can I?
20
00:02:03,753 --> 00:02:05,277
D'you know
what he wants me to do?
21
00:02:05,448 --> 00:02:10,344
He wants me to stand in a market flogging
raincoats with 'dry clean only' on the label!
22
00:02:11,838 --> 00:02:13,717
Puts the punters right off!
23
00:02:13,752 --> 00:02:17,880
Well, the way Del Boy was telling the other day,
the futures' never looked promising.
24
00:02:17,915 --> 00:02:22,293
Oh, Albert. That's all talk innit?
Haven't you seen the changes in him?
25
00:02:22,328 --> 00:02:24,812
He's gone all high-powered and trendy
ain't he?
26
00:02:25,081 --> 00:02:29,101
He saw that film Wall Street about
six bloody times!
27
00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:32,817
There's a character
in that, right, called Gordon Gekko.
28
00:02:32,852 --> 00:02:37,048
Now he's a real tough, high-flying whiz
-kid right, and Del wants to be just like him.
29
00:02:37,373 --> 00:02:41,091
He doesn't seem to realize that Gordon
Gekko had brains.
30
00:02:42,532 --> 00:02:47,826
Del thinks all you need's a Filofax and a pair of
red braces and you're a chairman of the board!
31
00:02:48,359 --> 00:02:52,715
Still, I will say one thing for him: he's been very
encouraging with this evening college course.
32
00:02:52,958 --> 00:02:54,460
Yeah, how?
33
00:02:56,878 --> 00:02:58,956
Well, he gives me a
lift there every week!
34
00:03:04,978 --> 00:03:08,203
That's the way, Rodney. Don't bother about
stocking up the van for the morning.
35
00:03:08,238 --> 00:03:10,439
You just carry on poncing about with
that computer.
36
00:03:10,878 --> 00:03:15,113
Derek, it is my college evening
and I am trying to finish my homework!
37
00:03:18,147 --> 00:03:22,014
That's very good, Rodney.
You'll get a star for that!
38
00:03:23,100 --> 00:03:24,707
I dunno why you bother, honestly.
39
00:03:24,882 --> 00:03:26,621
You've always been the same, even
when you was at school,
40
00:03:26,656 --> 00:03:31,783
nothing but books, learning, education.
That's why you're no good at snooker.
41
00:03:32,689 --> 00:03:34,120
Fancy a bit of grub, Del?
42
00:03:34,155 --> 00:03:38,880
No thanks, Albert. Food is for wimps, and I've got me
correspondence to catch up with.
43
00:03:39,272 --> 00:03:40,876
It's tough at the top, eh
Del?
44
00:03:41,178 --> 00:03:46,403
We'll get to the top, one day.
This time next year we will be millionaires!
45
00:03:53,629 --> 00:03:56,895
See, we are moving already.
This is from the council.
46
00:03:56,930 --> 00:04:00,502
They've received my application to buy this flat
and they're giving it consideration.
47
00:04:00,537 --> 00:04:02,396
This flat? Why?
48
00:04:02,893 --> 00:04:08,521
Well, we've been living in it since 1962.
You were born in it. He was banned from it.
49
00:04:09,803 --> 00:04:12,235
I mean, we're all living in it,
you know the whole family.
50
00:04:12,270 --> 00:04:17,288
There's Mum and Grandad and,
you know, everyone.
51
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:20,886
This place holds many warm
memories for me.
52
00:04:21,555 --> 00:04:22,984
But why do you wanna buy it?
53
00:04:23,325 --> 00:04:28,128
- So we can sell it!
- Sell it? What for?
54
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:30,375
A bloody good profit, with
any luck!
55
00:04:30,545 --> 00:04:35,154
Exactly. You see, Rodney,
Peckham here is becoming a trendy area.
56
00:04:35,328 --> 00:04:39,565
I mean, it's full of wine bars and bistros,
you know. Property prices are booming.
57
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:45,503
So if we can flog this place to some
chinless wonder for some vastly inordinate sum
58
00:04:45,538 --> 00:04:48,818
well, that means that we can get a nice
little drum out in the suburbs.
59
00:04:49,043 --> 00:04:53,540
Del, council properties were built so the
poorer classes would have somewhere to live!
60
00:04:53,723 --> 00:04:57,100
If they start selling them to
hooray Henrys where they are they gonna go?
61
00:04:58,269 --> 00:05:03,943
- Esher, Orpington - somewhere like that.
- But they can't afford to buy houses!
62
00:05:04,109 --> 00:05:06,377
They can when they've sold
their flats!
63
00:05:06,577 --> 00:05:08,363
Yeah, yeah, 'course they can.
It's money for old rope.
64
00:05:08,552 --> 00:05:09,759
Lovely Jubbly!
65
00:05:09,794 --> 00:05:11,043
It is immoral!
66
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:12,915
Oh shut up, you tart!
67
00:05:14,736 --> 00:05:18,304
Alright, think of it from our
business point of view, eh?
68
00:05:18,339 --> 00:05:20,758
I mean this flat is in a
wonderful position.
69
00:05:20,793 --> 00:05:24,966
It's 15 minutes from the West End,
it's 15 minutes from the motorway.
70
00:05:25,001 --> 00:05:27,105
And 15 minutes from the ground.
71
00:05:30,211 --> 00:05:32,924
You're right, Rodney.
I ever thought of that!
72
00:05:32,959 --> 00:05:35,700
That's a very good selling point.
I'm gonna make a note of that.
73
00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:39,349
That could put a few grand on, Albert.
Yeah, don't worry.
74
00:05:39,384 --> 00:05:42,145
We'll make a nice little bit
of bunce out of this old drum.
75
00:05:42,180 --> 00:05:45,078
You have got no right to sell
this flat over my head!
76
00:05:45,113 --> 00:05:50,723
Do you mind? Listen. I've been living here for 27 years,
that gives me the right to decide its future!
77
00:05:50,758 --> 00:05:53,863
And I was born here! That
gives me more right than anybody.
78
00:05:53,898 --> 00:05:57,418
You might have been born here,
but Del's the one who pays the rent arrears.
79
00:05:57,453 --> 00:06:02,257
Yeah, that's right, and you just take
how much I've paid in rent over the years.
80
00:06:02,292 --> 00:06:05,214
I must have bought this place
at least four or five times over
81
00:06:05,249 --> 00:06:12,232
and yet not one breeze block belongs to me - to us.
But all that is gonna change!
82
00:06:12,519 --> 00:06:14,301
You're just a snob, that's
all you are!
83
00:06:14,336 --> 00:06:17,691
I am not a snob, Rodney;
I am a realist.
84
00:06:17,726 --> 00:06:22,261
I've grafted for years to try and get us a
nice little place out there at the open air
85
00:06:22,296 --> 00:06:26,029
and look at us - we're still here in this
council-built Lego set!
86
00:06:26,679 --> 00:06:31,329
I used to watch you when you was a kid, you know,
breathing in all the fumes from the motorway
87
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:34,691
you must have more lead inside you
than a butcher's pencil,
88
00:06:35,298 --> 00:06:38,084
and I used to think,
what is it doing to his little brain?
89
00:06:38,291 --> 00:06:40,028
Too late now, son.
90
00:06:40,892 --> 00:06:42,334
Yeah, you see, that's right!
91
00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:45,108
I'm a fully gro...
What d'you mean, it's too late now?
92
00:06:45,143 --> 00:06:47,441
I mean you're a full-grown
man!
93
00:06:47,476 --> 00:06:49,892
Oh... Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.
94
00:06:50,534 --> 00:06:53,490
Anyway, you've only been paying the rent
here since Mum died!
95
00:06:53,525 --> 00:06:55,389
Oh leave it out, Rodney.
96
00:06:55,745 --> 00:06:58,788
I've been paying the rent here
ever since I was old enough to 'op the wag!
97
00:06:59,126 --> 00:07:01,740
I was the only one in this family
who earned any money!
98
00:07:02,085 --> 00:07:05,210
I mean, you just take it that it was mom,
bless her, you know...
99
00:07:05,245 --> 00:07:07,854
She tried but her health let her down.
100
00:07:08,410 --> 00:07:12,203
And there was Dad, he would have loved a job,
except he suffered from his sticky mattress
101
00:07:14,165 --> 00:07:16,140
and there was dear old Grandad,
bless him.
102
00:07:16,377 --> 00:07:20,657
He was about as useful as a pair of
sunglasses on a bloke with one ear!
103
00:07:22,617 --> 00:07:27,303
All the things we've ever got out of life has come
through my intelligence and my foresight.
104
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:29,349
Well, I'm glad somebody's
owned up!
105
00:07:33,479 --> 00:07:36,408
I don't know what you're moaning about.
Life's been a walk over for you.
106
00:07:36,655 --> 00:07:40,324
You never had to graft for it when you
was a kid. I saw to it that you didn't have to!
107
00:07:41,173 --> 00:07:42,865
But I was 11 years old, Rodney,
108
00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:46,187
Dad got me two - count 'em - two
paper rounds.
109
00:07:46,222 --> 00:07:49,906
That was me, come rain, sleet or shine,
there was Del Boy every morning...
110
00:07:49,941 --> 00:07:54,902
35 Daily Sketches, 40 Heralds and a
Spick 'n' Span for the weirdo in Marley Road!
111
00:07:56,958 --> 00:08:00,718
And when Id' delivered them I went to
another shop and started me second round!
112
00:08:01,536 --> 00:08:03,354
Dad always said
he'd get me a bike!
113
00:08:05,112 --> 00:08:08,182
- I used to work when I was a kid as well!
- When?
114
00:08:08,217 --> 00:08:13,079
When I was 11! When they were
introducing North Sea gas to the area
115
00:08:13,114 --> 00:08:16,984
and you'd got hold of that consignment of
do-it-yourself gas conversion kits.
116
00:08:18,371 --> 00:08:22,491
You remember, that Sunday you sent me down the
Mountbatten Estate with a barrow-load of 'em.
117
00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:25,703
All day long I was down
there knocking on doors.
118
00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:27,794
I missed me Sunday dinner and
everything.
119
00:08:27,829 --> 00:08:30,738
And not one of the gits down there
had the decency to tell me
120
00:08:30,773 --> 00:08:33,364
that the Mountbatten Estate
was all-electric!
121
00:08:38,129 --> 00:08:41,103
I remember you
coming back and telling me about that.
122
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:47,745
They just kept laughing at me! I thought it was that
stupid flower-power shirt you used to make me wear.
123
00:08:48,455 --> 00:08:50,371
That was a beautiful shirt,
that, Rodney!
124
00:08:50,406 --> 00:08:54,827
That was 'orrible! It was pink
with little red poppies all over it.
125
00:08:55,226 --> 00:08:57,215
That was
very fashionable, once.
126
00:08:57,606 --> 00:09:01,762
But Derek, at the time
I happened to be covered in chickenpox!
127
00:09:02,659 --> 00:09:05,873
From a distance it looked
like I was stripped to the waist!
128
00:09:08,035 --> 00:09:11,840
To this day I will never know what possessed
you to send me to that estate.
129
00:09:11,997 --> 00:09:15,171
I mean, you had mates living there,
you must have known it was all-electric?
130
00:09:15,952 --> 00:09:18,792
Alright, I don't know. It was a long time ago
I've forgotten about...
131
00:09:18,827 --> 00:09:24,796
Alright, so you grafted as well.
He fought and died for his country... many times!
132
00:09:26,489 --> 00:09:29,127
Which gives us the right to
make a bit of profit out of this flat.
133
00:09:29,383 --> 00:09:31,568
I wanna stay in this flat!
134
00:09:31,876 --> 00:09:33,617
You can buy it off Del then!
135
00:09:38,215 --> 00:09:41,149
That's the trouble with you, Rodney,
you don't move with the times.
136
00:09:41,323 --> 00:09:44,089
The world is changing out there;
it's a financial jungle.
137
00:09:44,267 --> 00:09:48,873
It's a question of he who dares,
wins, he who hesitates...don't!
138
00:09:50,811 --> 00:09:52,691
It's called the survival of
the fittest.
139
00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:56,255
No, Unc, it's called pull the
ladder up, Jack, and sod the rest!
140
00:09:57,243 --> 00:09:59,721
There are times when you have
to look after yourself, Rodney!
141
00:09:59,994 --> 00:10:02,371
I remember once when I was in
the South Pacific.
142
00:10:02,406 --> 00:10:05,881
Don't you dare give me
another nautical nightmare!
143
00:10:07,254 --> 00:10:10,424
I've already been through the
Adriatic with him once this afternoon.
144
00:10:10,937 --> 00:10:13,092
It's like the
adventures of a Dover sole!
145
00:10:19,095 --> 00:10:21,968
Alright, Rodney. Look, we
won't move far away.
146
00:10:22,350 --> 00:10:24,832
There are lots of nice places
around this area.
147
00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:28,711
We'll buy a house that
befits people like us.
148
00:10:28,927 --> 00:10:31,469
- What do you mean, people like us?
- Well, yuppies.
149
00:10:33,983 --> 00:10:36,142
I am not a yuppy!
150
00:10:36,326 --> 00:10:39,792
No. But given time and a bit
of help from me...
151
00:10:45,058 --> 00:10:47,073
Is it supposed to do that?
152
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:57,477
What you stopping for?
153
00:10:59,287 --> 00:11:02,059
Cop a load of this, bruv.
I mean, this is what you call living.
154
00:11:09,504 --> 00:11:14,919
You know, I bet this gaff, I bet it's got a
guest suite, swimming pool, a jacuzzi!
155
00:11:15,546 --> 00:11:18,945
What have we got? A put-you-up,
a damp patch and a jakarsey!
156
00:11:20,264 --> 00:11:22,009
What do you reckon this sort
of place goes for then?
157
00:11:22,593 --> 00:11:25,056
Oh, I dunno, three-quarters
of a million, maybe more.
158
00:11:26,187 --> 00:11:28,139
We'll be in one of those one
day, bruv.
159
00:11:28,299 --> 00:11:32,261
Oh yeah! What you got lined
up, a decorating job?
160
00:11:33,828 --> 00:11:39,322
No, listen to me. We just need
an half-decent break and we'll be millionaires!
161
00:11:39,961 --> 00:11:44,796
Del, I wouldnt live in this road
if you paid me! It's poncy. It's... it's immoral!
162
00:11:44,831 --> 00:11:48,110
Immoral? What you going on
about, you dipstick?
163
00:11:48,145 --> 00:11:52,995
You've got something like 18 acres of land here
with about 12 families living on it.
164
00:11:53,030 --> 00:11:55,575
These sort of people need a
bit of space round 'em, don't they?
165
00:11:55,610 --> 00:12:01,561
I mean, down here you've got stockbrokers,
private doctors... Porsches!
166
00:12:02,225 --> 00:12:05,647
This is the creme de la
menthe of our community!
167
00:12:05,846 --> 00:12:08,536
You could house thousands of
people on this land!
168
00:12:08,571 --> 00:12:10,439
What, more tower blocks?
169
00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:15,839
If it was left up to you, the only
growth industry would be lift-repairing!
170
00:12:16,143 --> 00:12:21,795
Every time you go to these evening classes
you end up talking like Ken Livingstone or Arthur Scargill.
171
00:12:22,034 --> 00:12:24,455
Watch it or you'll end up
with a funny hair cut.
172
00:12:25,059 --> 00:12:28,197
Are you gonna drive me to
the adult education centre
173
00:12:28,232 --> 00:12:31,126
or are we gonna stand here all night
admiring the privets?
174
00:12:33,051 --> 00:12:35,404
Are you sure the door's closed,
Rodney?
175
00:12:43,264 --> 00:12:47,644
Look, Rodney. I wanna be
successful, but not for the money.
176
00:12:47,871 --> 00:12:51,148
I want the power and
the influence that success brings.
177
00:12:51,183 --> 00:12:53,956
And what will you do with
all this power and influence?
178
00:12:53,991 --> 00:12:55,564
Spend it!
179
00:13:18,396 --> 00:13:22,653
Go on, hurry up Rodney.
They'll be calling the register in a minute!
180
00:13:24,621 --> 00:13:28,747
Mind the road! Remember what
the Green Cross Code Man said?
181
00:13:30,420 --> 00:13:32,566
You are getting on my bloody nerves!
182
00:13:36,230 --> 00:13:40,758
Just remember, if the big boys gang up
on you again at playtime, you tell the teacher!
183
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:42,391
Why don't you pi...
184
00:13:53,079 --> 00:13:55,715
And don't lose
your dinner money!
185
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:14,574
Now that's a bit of me!
186
00:14:59,408 --> 00:15:02,369
- It's good to unwind, innit?
- Sorry?
187
00:15:02,877 --> 00:15:05,550
After a hard day in
the City, it's good to unwind.
188
00:15:05,846 --> 00:15:07,758
I imagine it must be very
tiring.
189
00:15:07,793 --> 00:15:11,545
Tiring? Tired, yeah, I'm
cream crackered and that's no lie!
190
00:15:12,235 --> 00:15:15,200
Well, I've been up since six this morning
trying to talk to a bloke in New York.
191
00:15:15,235 --> 00:15:17,506
Why didn't you use a telephone?
192
00:15:19,090 --> 00:15:21,105
No, I've got a telephone an' all
that.
193
00:15:21,140 --> 00:15:25,087
No, I mean, it's just a long and stressful day
wheeling and dealing in the old commodities market.
194
00:15:25,122 --> 00:15:27,357
It ain't all champagne and
skittles.
195
00:15:27,392 --> 00:15:35,487
Oh no - buying, selling, making billion-pound decisions.
It's a git of a journey home an' all!
196
00:15:36,410 --> 00:15:39,283
What exactly do you buy and
sell in the commodities market?
197
00:15:39,461 --> 00:15:41,607
Oh, you know, this and that,
whatever's going, you know.
198
00:15:41,777 --> 00:15:45,635
Iron, ore, sugar beet.
I made a killing today on olive oil.
199
00:15:46,116 --> 00:15:48,570
Gawd knows what
Popeye'll say when he gets home!
200
00:15:50,970 --> 00:15:52,515
Can I get you anything?
201
00:15:53,076 --> 00:15:56,840
Yes please, John. A bottle of
Beaujolais Nouveau.
202
00:15:56,875 --> 00:16:01,800
- Yes, sir.
- A '79.
203
00:16:05,043 --> 00:16:07,838
Oh, Popeye? You got it, have yer?
Good 'un, innit?
204
00:16:24,394 --> 00:16:30,549
Oh bloody hell! How am I
s'posed to do all this?
205
00:16:32,949 --> 00:16:34,219
Hello!
206
00:16:37,211 --> 00:16:38,732
Sorry to interrupt you.
207
00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:43,197
Oh what? No, it's alright,
just some computer data I've to put into a program.
208
00:16:43,375 --> 00:16:44,856
It looks very complicated.
209
00:16:44,891 --> 00:16:52,425
Well, yeah, it does look difficult,
but it's no problem... My name's Rodney.
210
00:16:52,460 --> 00:16:53,821
Cassandra.
211
00:16:54,312 --> 00:16:56,680
Oh Cassandra. That's a lovely
name.
212
00:16:56,715 --> 00:16:58,496
Thank you. Um, I just wanted
to say...
213
00:16:58,531 --> 00:17:02,038
I'm glad we've bumped into each other 'cos
I was trying to find a way of saying hello to you
214
00:17:02,073 --> 00:17:05,750
and I think it's really you know, sort of
liberated for you to make the first move.
215
00:17:05,785 --> 00:17:10,870
Move? No, you don't understand.
You've taken my coat!
216
00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:15,783
Oh, I am so sorry.
217
00:17:15,818 --> 00:17:20,180
It's OK. They're very similar;
it's an easy mistake to make. This one's yours.
218
00:17:20,584 --> 00:17:22,174
Well, how'd you know it's
mine?
219
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:24,346
It's got your name
written in it.
220
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,265
Look, I didn't write this.
221
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:36,685
It's, it's most probably my brother you know -
his idea of a joke!
222
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:40,342
Well, whatever. We've sorted
it out now.
223
00:17:42,377 --> 00:17:46,515
- Well, nice meeting you.
- And you.
224
00:18:04,110 --> 00:18:09,383
Cassandra! I was wondering
whether you had time for a quick drink?
225
00:18:09,418 --> 00:18:11,776
Oh I'm sorry. I'm going out
with a friend tonight.
226
00:18:12,279 --> 00:18:15,549
Oh well, never mind! Um,
can I walk you to your car?
227
00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:19,114
- Oh thank you.
- Pleasure.
228
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:22,927
Here we are!
229
00:18:25,023 --> 00:18:26,448
I thought it was...
230
00:18:27,709 --> 00:18:29,842
Thank you for getting me here
safely.
231
00:18:30,514 --> 00:18:34,019
Oh think nothing of it. Nice
car.
232
00:18:34,241 --> 00:18:35,608
It's my father's.
233
00:18:36,462 --> 00:18:39,940
- D'you live round here?
- Blackheath. How about you?
234
00:18:39,975 --> 00:18:41,389
Peckham.
235
00:18:42,559 --> 00:18:43,912
Where are you parked?
236
00:18:43,947 --> 00:18:45,803
Me? Oh, I lent my car to my
brother.
237
00:18:45,838 --> 00:18:49,967
Well I wish I hadn't now, after he wrote
my coat, the little rascal!
238
00:18:50,801 --> 00:18:52,436
Oh, I'll get a bus down the
terminus.
239
00:18:52,471 --> 00:18:54,790
I'm going past the terminus -
if you'd like a lift?
240
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:56,697
Oh thank you.
241
00:19:04,629 --> 00:19:06,469
I think someone's calling
you.
242
00:19:06,823 --> 00:19:08,322
Really?
243
00:19:08,721 --> 00:19:11,737
Hey, over here! I hung about for you.
I'll give you a lift home.
244
00:19:13,477 --> 00:19:22,618
Oh yeah. That's - someone I know.
Well, thanks for the offer anyway.
245
00:19:22,653 --> 00:19:26,810
- OK. Bye.
- Yeah, bye.
246
00:19:30,774 --> 00:19:32,373
Who's the tart?
247
00:19:44,385 --> 00:19:50,741
What... what is the matter with you?
Has he given you lines or something?
248
00:19:51,602 --> 00:19:53,693
Why did you write my name
inside that raincoat?
249
00:19:53,728 --> 00:19:55,960
Mum said to me on her deathbed...
250
00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:58,130
Look, why did you write it,
you git?
251
00:19:58,179 --> 00:20:00,211
Alright, alright. She said to
me,
252
00:20:00,297 --> 00:20:04,228
"Make sure you always write Rodney's
name in his clothes' that way no one'll nick 'em."
253
00:20:04,646 --> 00:20:06,162
And I was just keeping my promise.
254
00:20:06,475 --> 00:20:08,332
I was so embarrassed.
255
00:20:08,506 --> 00:20:10,482
Yeah, but no one nicked yer
coat, did they, eh?
256
00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:15,126
Oh come on, come on, it was just a
joke, you touchy sod.
257
00:20:15,410 --> 00:20:19,960
Come on, have a drink. I've got
some wine and some of that funny water.
258
00:20:20,518 --> 00:20:26,496
Right, I never thought I'd like a Spitzer
but I've got right into it now.
259
00:20:27,108 --> 00:20:29,446
Why don't you try that?
Good stuff.
260
00:20:30,504 --> 00:20:31,734
What are you still doing
here?
261
00:20:31,769 --> 00:20:36,709
Ah well, when I dropped you, I followed
these two yuppy sorts, you know.
262
00:20:36,744 --> 00:20:39,606
Told 'em a few jokes, flashed me
Filofax. knocked 'em bandy!
263
00:20:40,333 --> 00:20:41,643
So where are they?
264
00:20:41,678 --> 00:20:44,753
They went to the ladies a couple of hours ago
and they ain't come back yet.
265
00:20:45,736 --> 00:20:47,141
Still, never mind, never mind eh?
266
00:20:47,176 --> 00:20:50,518
There's plenty more in the sea,
plenty more where they came from ain't there, eh?
267
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:57,017
That's an idea, why don't we pull ourselves
a couple of sorts and go on to a club?
268
00:20:57,448 --> 00:20:59,080
Nah, not me, Del.
269
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,749
Oh come on. You're not going
home already, are ya?
270
00:21:01,784 --> 00:21:03,481
No. Not with Albert there.
271
00:21:03,516 --> 00:21:06,632
The last thing I need right now is
another battle of the Baltic!
272
00:21:07,031 --> 00:21:09,620
Look, stick them in the van for me, would ya?
I'll see you later Del.
273
00:21:09,655 --> 00:21:11,514
Yeah, yeah, alright, bruv.
Yeah, I will, yeah.
274
00:21:13,933 --> 00:21:19,139
- Excuse me, are you eating?
- No, I'm nibbling it.
275
00:21:20,811 --> 00:21:24,124
Our bistro's just open
and I wondered if you'd like a table for dinner?
276
00:21:24,159 --> 00:21:27,527
Oh dinner, no thanks John.
Dinner is for wimps.
277
00:21:27,562 --> 00:21:29,295
You know what I mean?
278
00:21:32,904 --> 00:21:37,012
- And tonight's lucky winner is...
- That chick sitting at the corner
279
00:21:38,087 --> 00:21:42,303
You got no chance with her Jevon.
I've seen 5 blokes asking her for a dance...
280
00:21:42,338 --> 00:21:43,748
- and she gave 'em all a blank.
281
00:21:43,783 --> 00:21:46,129
Five ordinary mortals. She
hasn't met me yet.
282
00:21:46,626 --> 00:21:48,165
Just listen to it!
283
00:21:48,462 --> 00:21:51,669
Well, you carry on, Jevon.
Me and Mickey'll prepare the alter.
284
00:21:51,704 --> 00:21:53,423
I'll wave to you as I leave.
285
00:21:53,458 --> 00:21:55,214
Don't forget, will yer?
286
00:21:55,898 --> 00:21:58,391
That Jevon, he does the
business, though, don't he, Rodney eh?
287
00:21:58,820 --> 00:22:00,944
Still, I taught
him everything he knows.
288
00:22:01,322 --> 00:22:07,587
Oh turn it up, Mickey. Last time you went out with
a bird you took her to a Bay City Rollers concert.
289
00:22:08,973 --> 00:22:12,634
What's the matter with you anyway?
You got a boil or a pimple or something?
290
00:22:12,910 --> 00:22:15,822
Yeah sort of - it's called
Del Boy.
291
00:22:16,134 --> 00:22:18,809
Oh yeah. Yeah, he's getting
a bit noncy, ain't he lately?
292
00:22:18,974 --> 00:22:23,268
I seen him walking down the high street the
other day with his Filofax held up in front of him.
293
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:26,317
You know, a lot of people
thought it was a protest march.
294
00:22:26,547 --> 00:22:29,278
Yeah, well, he only uses it
for business, don't he?
295
00:22:29,313 --> 00:22:33,473
And what about that green coat of his, eh?
He's looks a right poultice, don't it?
296
00:22:33,508 --> 00:22:35,463
Well, personally I think he
looks very smart.
297
00:22:35,498 --> 00:22:39,655
Oh leave it out, Rodney.
He looks like the Incredible Hulk's little boy!
298
00:22:39,690 --> 00:22:44,455
Oh I'll tell him next time I see him. I'm sure he'll
find a way of showing his gratitude.
299
00:22:44,490 --> 00:22:47,891
You don't have to tell him, do you?
It's only a joke, innit?
300
00:22:50,084 --> 00:22:55,291
I don't believe it. It looks
like Jevon has fallen on stony ground!
301
00:23:11,995 --> 00:23:13,938
She's a lesbian!
302
00:23:14,455 --> 00:23:18,383
She probably likes the direct approach
instead of all that old fanny you give 'em!
303
00:23:18,603 --> 00:23:21,331
Watch
the master and learn!
304
00:23:23,618 --> 00:23:25,872
The thing is, I never know
whether to believe him.
305
00:23:25,907 --> 00:23:28,389
He always struck me as a
pretty straight forward type.
306
00:23:28,424 --> 00:23:29,833
You don't know him like I do!
307
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:31,318
- Do you wanna dance?
- No!
308
00:23:31,504 --> 00:23:33,036
Right!
309
00:23:35,874 --> 00:23:37,761
Definitely a lesbian!
310
00:23:39,096 --> 00:23:46,779
Oh don't be stupid they're all busy down
the town hall! She'd dance with me!
311
00:23:50,071 --> 00:23:53,952
That's what we like about you Rodney,
we're always guaranteed a laugh!
312
00:23:54,690 --> 00:23:58,747
Look, I'm a first dan of lateral chatting
and this is God's foster son!
313
00:23:58,782 --> 00:24:01,233
So what chance has a woll like you
got?
314
00:24:02,416 --> 00:24:04,248
I bet she'll dance with me!
315
00:24:04,283 --> 00:24:07,220
You bet, do ya? Right, a
tenner says she don't!
316
00:24:07,255 --> 00:24:11,855
I'll have some of that!
That's a score. Cover the bet Rodney.
317
00:24:12,413 --> 00:24:14,061
Alright, I will!
318
00:24:17,899 --> 00:24:21,209
Before you ask her to dance,
why don't you see if she'll lend you a fiver?
319
00:24:22,954 --> 00:24:24,581
One score!
320
00:24:25,197 --> 00:24:28,078
You don't come to a disco
expecting to make a profit, do ya?
321
00:24:28,365 --> 00:24:30,408
That's very true Michael.
322
00:24:30,443 --> 00:24:32,400
I'll see you two later.
323
00:24:34,038 --> 00:24:36,446
He said he had a holiday home
near Marbella.
324
00:24:36,481 --> 00:24:38,688
It turned out to be a caravan
on the Isle of Sheppey!
325
00:24:38,723 --> 00:24:40,184
Well didn't you say something?
326
00:24:40,219 --> 00:24:43,392
Yes, but he said distance was
relative.
327
00:24:43,427 --> 00:24:45,086
Well I suppose he's got a
point.
328
00:24:45,121 --> 00:24:48,966
I mean compared to somewhere like Melbourne
the Isle of Sheppy is near Marbella!
329
00:24:50,949 --> 00:24:53,140
Hello - again!
330
00:25:25,167 --> 00:25:27,918
Oh Trig! Trigger! Trig, over here!
331
00:25:28,286 --> 00:25:29,801
- Del Boy.
- Hiya.
332
00:25:30,239 --> 00:25:31,682
What you doing here?
333
00:25:31,908 --> 00:25:33,762
I'm always here.
I'm a regular here now.
334
00:25:33,774 --> 00:25:36,422
John, get my mate a pint of
lager.
335
00:25:36,620 --> 00:25:39,602
I'm afraid we don't serve
beers, sir.
336
00:25:40,004 --> 00:25:42,443
Oh. I remember now, yeah.
337
00:25:43,056 --> 00:25:47,045
There was no call for it so they knocked it
on the head. D'you fancy a Spitzer?
338
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:48,911
Er... yeah, I'll give it a try.
339
00:25:49,099 --> 00:25:52,129
Yeah, anyway, what you doing down here, Trig?
I thought you'd be in the old Nag's Head.
340
00:25:52,284 --> 00:25:54,730
Yeah, I was, but Mike's just
barred me.
341
00:25:54,765 --> 00:25:56,310
Barred you. What for?
342
00:25:56,345 --> 00:25:59,176
He accused me of stealing one
of his pork pies.
343
00:25:59,575 --> 00:26:03,819
What do I want his rotten pork pies for?
I don't even like pork pies!
344
00:26:04,133 --> 00:26:06,949
Oh, he's right out of order,
that bloke.
345
00:26:07,147 --> 00:26:10,790
Oh I'm thinking of suing him
for def... defn...
346
00:26:12,704 --> 00:26:14,848
- Slander.
- Yeah.
347
00:26:16,391 --> 00:26:19,102
I wouldn't worry about it,
Trig, he's done you a favour actually.
348
00:26:20,134 --> 00:26:21,766
I mean, look around you.
349
00:26:22,071 --> 00:26:27,225
This place is full of yuppy sorts.
Yeah, we can't go wrong here.
350
00:26:27,260 --> 00:26:29,111
All we gotta do is learn
to learn their language.
351
00:26:29,241 --> 00:26:31,214
Why, they foreign then?
352
00:26:31,584 --> 00:26:36,681
No, they're yuppies! They don't speak
proper English like what we do.
353
00:26:36,835 --> 00:26:39,841
I mean, I've bin earholing 'em.
It's all 'Ya', 'Soope' and 'Fab'.
354
00:26:41,149 --> 00:26:44,648
And they love to talk about
money. It's their favourite subject.
355
00:26:44,683 --> 00:26:47,586
I mean, you chat about money
and you can't fail to impress them.
356
00:26:47,621 --> 00:26:49,184
- Yeah?
- God's honest.
357
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:54,866
I saw one of them old five
pound notes the other day.
358
00:27:03,322 --> 00:27:06,426
I don't mean
talk about your bloody coin collection, do I?
359
00:27:06,587 --> 00:27:08,700
I mean, you just gotta talk
about your wealth.
360
00:27:08,982 --> 00:27:10,336
But I ain't got none of that!
361
00:27:10,387 --> 00:27:13,953
Neither have half of these. They're all living
in sin with their flexible friends.
362
00:27:14,889 --> 00:27:18,429
You just gotta chat about it,
you just gotta talk, that's all.
363
00:27:19,531 --> 00:27:20,773
Look, I'll show you how
it's done.
364
00:27:20,975 --> 00:27:22,398
Watch me, watch this.
365
00:27:28,863 --> 00:27:31,967
It's all go when you're in a
high-profile business, innit girls eh?
366
00:27:32,314 --> 00:27:32,923
Really?
367
00:27:32,958 --> 00:27:35,884
Yes, 'cos I'm in stock and
shares meself, yeah.
368
00:27:35,919 --> 00:27:39,257
I bought a few thousand shares in a
little department store this afternoon.
369
00:27:39,292 --> 00:27:42,925
Now I've gotta phone me lawyer and me
accountant. Gives you the 'ump, don't it?
370
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,967
Excuse me, sorry,
how do you spell 'Arrods?
371
00:27:47,206 --> 00:27:49,044
Capital 'A'!
372
00:27:52,529 --> 00:27:54,547
Oh, I see!
373
00:27:54,582 --> 00:28:00,792
Beam me up, Snotty!
It's all you need, innit eh?
374
00:28:01,198 --> 00:28:03,504
Have this. I don't want it.
375
00:28:16,217 --> 00:28:17,729
See you later, Mickey.
376
00:28:17,968 --> 00:28:19,560
Rodney, Rodney, hang on.
377
00:28:20,319 --> 00:28:22,655
What's happening, then eh?
What's she all about?
378
00:28:22,690 --> 00:28:28,136
Her name is Cassandra, she lives in
Blackheath and she is giving me a lift home!
379
00:28:28,171 --> 00:28:29,356
She's got a car?
380
00:28:29,391 --> 00:28:33,262
No she's giving me a crossbar!
Of course she's got a car!
381
00:28:34,241 --> 00:28:37,422
We're dropping her friend off first, she lives
next door to Cassandra.
382
00:28:37,457 --> 00:28:39,960
You're going to Blackheath?
You can give me a lift home, then eh?
383
00:28:39,995 --> 00:28:41,085
No!
384
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,015
Oh go on. I'm goin' a club
over Blackheath.
385
00:28:43,050 --> 00:28:45,483
Just drop us off somewhere
and I'll walk the rest of the way.
386
00:28:45,518 --> 00:28:49,406
No, 'cos, um, well, she's
only got a two-seater!
387
00:28:49,441 --> 00:28:53,268
If she hasa two-seater, how come she's taking
you and her mate?
388
00:28:53,546 --> 00:28:54,774
No, look, Mickey.
389
00:28:54,809 --> 00:28:56,511
Jevon, we're off.
390
00:29:01,377 --> 00:29:03,272
You'd better not nause this
up for me, Mickey.
391
00:29:03,307 --> 00:29:06,880
Don't worry. I'll be on my double
best behaviour - the perfect gentleman.
392
00:29:06,915 --> 00:29:08,145
You'd better be!
393
00:29:08,180 --> 00:29:10,201
- Promise! What's her friend's name?
- Emma.
394
00:29:10,236 --> 00:29:11,900
She do a turn?
395
00:29:13,819 --> 00:29:15,528
Sorry, don't get the 'ump!
396
00:29:22,515 --> 00:29:28,087
You see, nowadays these modern Eurobirds,
they go for the mature men who'd made it in life.
397
00:29:28,122 --> 00:29:30,584
Yeah? Is that why we're
having no luck?
398
00:29:32,119 --> 00:29:35,591
I haven't started yet! I'm just
building myself up to it.
399
00:29:35,626 --> 00:29:38,434
Well, you'd better hurry up.
It'll be closing time soon.
400
00:29:38,469 --> 00:29:40,347
Alright, alright.
401
00:29:50,396 --> 00:29:53,092
I think we're on a winner here, Trig,
alright?
402
00:29:53,442 --> 00:29:56,914
Play it nice and cool, son, nice and
cool. You know what I mean?
403
00:30:19,592 --> 00:30:22,012
Drink up Trig.
Drink up. We're leaving.
404
00:30:24,813 --> 00:30:26,442
Ain't you gonna try for them
birds?
405
00:30:26,477 --> 00:30:29,567
No, no, you're cramping
my style, mate.
406
00:30:35,675 --> 00:30:39,264
Me and Rodney live ear each other.
Do you know the Nyerere Estate, Peckham?
407
00:30:39,299 --> 00:30:41,027
No, I can't say I've ever
hear of it, no.
408
00:30:41,062 --> 00:30:45,756
Well, it's a rather lively place,
specially when the militants hold a Mardi Gras!
409
00:30:47,099 --> 00:30:48,505
You two live in
Blackheath?
410
00:30:48,540 --> 00:30:49,783
Yes.
411
00:30:49,818 --> 00:30:52,899
Hear, you heard of a drinker round there
called the 'Down by the Riverside Club'?
412
00:30:52,934 --> 00:30:56,330
No, I can't say I've ever
heard of that either. Where is it?
413
00:30:56,862 --> 00:31:00,658
Well, ooh, it's down by the
riverside, innit?
414
00:31:01,283 --> 00:31:05,095
I've heard of it. It's got a terrible reputation,
full of unsavoury characters.
415
00:31:05,553 --> 00:31:06,812
I'm a member!
416
00:31:07,405 --> 00:31:08,422
Beg your pardon.
417
00:31:08,457 --> 00:31:14,518
That's alright, darling, I didn't even hear it!
Didn't even hear it!
418
00:31:14,936 --> 00:31:16,661
Oh please, God!
419
00:31:17,133 --> 00:31:18,237
Alright, fair enough.
420
00:31:18,272 --> 00:31:22,273
You get a few unsavoury characters
get in there, but we enjoy ourselves.
421
00:31:22,308 --> 00:31:23,691
So do lynch-mobs!
422
00:31:23,726 --> 00:31:27,099
Ooh, bitchy! Just for that
I'm not gonna let you give me a kiss good night.
423
00:31:27,282 --> 00:31:28,832
Oh, God!
424
00:31:32,383 --> 00:31:34,105
Here we are.
425
00:31:41,042 --> 00:31:43,222
- Night, Rodney.
- Good night, Emma.
426
00:31:47,675 --> 00:31:49,869
Here, Rodney, clock the
houses!
427
00:31:49,904 --> 00:31:51,901
Yeah, nice eh?
428
00:31:51,936 --> 00:31:55,269
Nice? You gotta be talking
300k!
429
00:31:55,902 --> 00:31:58,002
Gonna be a bit of a culture shock
for Cassandra
430
00:31:58,037 --> 00:32:00,805
when she drops you off
at Nelson Mandela House, innit?
431
00:32:02,351 --> 00:32:05,321
Anyway, I'd better walk it
from here eh? I'll see you, Rodney.
432
00:32:06,249 --> 00:32:10,255
Night, Cassandra. Good night
Emma... love you!
433
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,278
Look, I'm sorry about Mickey.
434
00:32:19,313 --> 00:32:22,671
Don't be silly. We all have friends who are
over the top, shall we say?
435
00:32:22,706 --> 00:32:26,351
Yeah. He's probably still
upset about losing his money.
436
00:32:26,386 --> 00:32:27,822
How'd he do that?
437
00:32:27,857 --> 00:32:31,024
Well you remember when I asked you to dance?
Well, I did it for a bet.
438
00:32:33,317 --> 00:32:35,090
Well, no, I didn't mean it
like that!
439
00:32:35,125 --> 00:32:38,836
Mickey said I wouldn't have the guts
to ask you. But well, I did.
440
00:32:39,573 --> 00:32:43,321
I get the feeling that hidden in that statement
somewhere there's a compliment.
441
00:32:43,505 --> 00:32:45,937
Yeah, a big compliment.
442
00:32:46,260 --> 00:32:50,247
Alright, then, I suppose we'd better be getting
you back to - what was it called?
443
00:32:50,282 --> 00:32:51,946
The Nyerere Estate?
444
00:32:52,785 --> 00:32:54,245
I don't live in the Nyerere
Estate!
445
00:32:54,820 --> 00:32:55,319
But I thought Mickey said...
446
00:32:55,354 --> 00:32:59,088
Mickey lives on the Nyerere Estate.
I live near it. Past it.
447
00:32:59,123 --> 00:33:01,704
Quite a long way past it. I'll show you.
448
00:33:13,439 --> 00:33:15,346
What a lovely road you live in.
449
00:33:15,381 --> 00:33:19,671
Yes, it's quite nice.
Ah, here we are.
450
00:33:22,681 --> 00:33:24,732
You lucky thing, what a great
house.
451
00:33:24,767 --> 00:33:29,752
Oh well, I don't notice it really, you know.
Its just a place to lay my head.
452
00:33:30,723 --> 00:33:38,466
Ah, good, my brother got the car home safely.
Well, thanks for the lift, Cassandra.
453
00:33:38,501 --> 00:33:39,699
Pleasure.
454
00:33:39,734 --> 00:33:47,751
I'll give you my number. Give me a
ring. If you like.
455
00:33:49,029 --> 00:33:53,519
- Thanks. Well, good night.
- Night.
456
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:04,999
Good night, Rodney!
457
00:34:06,024 --> 00:34:07,509
Yes, of course.
458
00:34:27,055 --> 00:34:29,461
Please drive away!
459
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,990
Oh my God!
460
00:34:46,531 --> 00:34:50,438
Hi, I'm home.
461
00:34:54,143 --> 00:34:56,726
Please, Cassandra, go!
462
00:35:30,315 --> 00:35:32,423
Cosmic.
463
00:35:38,629 --> 00:35:41,204
Cos bloody-mic.
464
00:36:03,382 --> 00:36:05,859
What'd you wanna do
that for, you soppy old duffer?
465
00:36:07,036 --> 00:36:09,274
Bloody 'ell, I don't realise
me own strength!
466
00:36:09,848 --> 00:36:11,901
It has nothing to do with
your strength.
467
00:36:12,934 --> 00:36:17,290
I was having a few drinks earlier this evening
in a very trendy wine bar
468
00:36:17,325 --> 00:36:21,420
with some of my yuppy friends when I
happened to fall arse over head!
469
00:36:23,004 --> 00:36:26,151
You're gonna do yourself a
lot of damage if you ain't careful.
470
00:36:26,186 --> 00:36:28,659
I've already done meself a
lot of damage!
471
00:36:28,694 --> 00:36:31,436
I mean, you're not eating -
eating's for wimps!
472
00:36:31,588 --> 00:36:34,365
And you're drinking so much
you're falling down in boozers!
473
00:36:34,715 --> 00:36:41,551
I wasn't drinking, in fact I was on some very trendy
funny-tasting... oh forget it!
474
00:36:42,039 --> 00:36:44,234
I'm getting rid of that
rubbish in the kitchen.
475
00:36:44,269 --> 00:36:46,562
Do you want me to chuck
anything else down the chute?
476
00:36:46,835 --> 00:36:49,721
Not unless you're feeling in
a kamikaze mood!
477
00:36:50,612 --> 00:36:53,124
Look, why don't you let me
do you some grub eh?
478
00:36:54,420 --> 00:36:59,525
Yeah, alright Uncle. I am feeling a bit hungry.
Do me a health-conscious fry-up will ya?
479
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:12,976
I don't care what they say,
you can't whack The Who.
480
00:37:27,037 --> 00:37:30,891
- Alright?
- What?
481
00:37:31,999 --> 00:37:35,897
- I said, alright?
- Triffic!
482
00:37:38,297 --> 00:37:39,965
What's it like out?
483
00:37:42,727 --> 00:37:44,953
There's a few spots of rain
in the air!
484
00:37:45,766 --> 00:37:49,066
Yeah? It might help us shift
some of those raincoats.
485
00:37:50,493 --> 00:37:52,203
Blimey, that one shrunk.
486
00:37:54,993 --> 00:37:58,824
Come on, let's have it here.
Did you have a good night?
487
00:37:59,265 --> 00:38:00,560
Not too bad.
488
00:38:02,022 --> 00:38:06,546
I stayed on at the wine bar.
It's very nice, my sort of place.
489
00:38:07,245 --> 00:38:10,591
Then I went on for a drink - down
by the riverside!
490
00:38:11,937 --> 00:38:18,415
I met that Mickey Pearce, he came in
right at the last knockings, and he told me
491
00:38:18,450 --> 00:38:23,471
that you'd met this posh tart
and she'd given you a lift home in her flash car.
492
00:38:23,690 --> 00:38:25,153
Yeah, that's right.
493
00:38:25,188 --> 00:38:27,037
What's she got, a convertible?
494
00:38:28,460 --> 00:38:33,342
No! I asked her to drop me
off half way. I fancied a walk.
495
00:38:33,377 --> 00:38:35,246
What, in this weather?
496
00:38:35,475 --> 00:38:38,287
Lots of people enjoy walking
in the rain.
497
00:38:38,322 --> 00:38:42,260
Yes I know, but they're
usually recaptured very quickly.
498
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:47,658
Del, this bottle's empty.
499
00:38:47,708 --> 00:38:50,264
That's alright, no problem.
Chuck it in the rubbish...
500
00:38:54,034 --> 00:38:55,897
It's alright, Rodney,
you can't hide the truth from me.
501
00:38:55,932 --> 00:38:59,180
I know what happened tonight.
I can read you like a book.
502
00:38:59,215 --> 00:39:01,946
You know nothing, Del,
so keep it out.
503
00:39:05,394 --> 00:39:08,386
I've got 20 notes here -
look, there they are
504
00:39:08,421 --> 00:39:12,747
that says I can guess what happened tonight.
G'on then, you cover that.
505
00:39:12,782 --> 00:39:17,381
Alright, go'n then, know-all,
tell me!
506
00:39:17,416 --> 00:39:25,733
Alright. That Mickey Pearce said that this Cassandra
sort lived in a right nice drum.
507
00:39:25,933 --> 00:39:27,460
Yeah, so?
508
00:39:27,495 --> 00:39:31,321
So this is what I think
happened.
509
00:39:32,262 --> 00:39:38,621
You saw her house and the snob in you
came racing to the surface and you thought:
510
00:39:38,656 --> 00:39:43,927
"Ooh, how can I take her back to
Nelson Mandela House?"
511
00:39:45,694 --> 00:39:51,620
So on your way home, you've made her
drive up some right posh road
512
00:39:51,655 --> 00:39:55,042
- somewhere like The King's Avenue -
513
00:39:55,527 --> 00:40:02,171
and then you stopped at some right nice little mansion
and you pretended that's where you lived!
514
00:40:02,468 --> 00:40:04,235
You don't half talk a load of
rubbish!
515
00:40:04,270 --> 00:40:06,124
- Is that the truth?
- Yes!
516
00:40:06,159 --> 00:40:08,102
Thank you very much indeed.
517
00:40:09,201 --> 00:40:15,135
That's it, Rodney, you see, you're like an open book,
my son - and it's thicker than my Filofax!
518
00:40:16,162 --> 00:40:19,231
"Double yout money
try to get rich."
519
00:40:24,046 --> 00:40:26,830
I'll file your bloody fax.
520
00:40:28,938 --> 00:40:30,615
Still raining?
521
00:40:30,650 --> 00:40:33,459
No, I took a short cut through
a car wash!
522
00:40:33,736 --> 00:40:36,697
Alright, boy, don't have a go
at me, I only asked!
523
00:40:37,887 --> 00:40:40,075
I'll chuck this stuff down the
chute.
524
00:40:42,139 --> 00:40:44,126
Here y'are, dry yourself off.
525
00:40:44,403 --> 00:40:46,406
And don't be ashamed
of where you live, Rodney.
526
00:40:46,630 --> 00:40:48,950
Look, I want better than this
but I'm not ashamed of it.
527
00:40:49,356 --> 00:40:52,204
Oh but Del, you should have
seen her road.
528
00:40:52,637 --> 00:40:56,620
There weren't one window boarded up,
all the lamp posts worked.
529
00:40:56,981 --> 00:40:59,686
I meant what would she have
thought if she'd have come back here eh?
530
00:41:00,031 --> 00:41:03,856
Well, just keep driving straight past
the burnt-out panda car, Cassandra,
531
00:41:03,891 --> 00:41:06,577
and I live just
before the next barricade.
532
00:41:07,724 --> 00:41:11,077
I know how you feel, Rodney.
I've been through the same emotions meself.
533
00:41:11,586 --> 00:41:12,503
You?
534
00:41:12,538 --> 00:41:21,625
Yes, me. Well it was about 15, 16 years ago.
I met this bird. She was from Texas.
535
00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,756
What, the do-it-yourself place?
536
00:41:29,290 --> 00:41:35,156
No, no. Texas in America.
Her old man was an oil-baron or something.
537
00:41:35,191 --> 00:41:39,293
She had one of these long double-barreled
funny names like Elly-May or something like that.
538
00:41:39,731 --> 00:41:42,173
How would you meet an oil
baron's daughter?
539
00:41:42,653 --> 00:41:44,949
I was working in the Tower
of London.
540
00:41:44,984 --> 00:41:47,102
I was doing the old Happy Snaps,
you know?
541
00:41:47,137 --> 00:41:50,211
Second-hand Brownie, no film, pound a go
- Lovely Jubbly!
542
00:41:51,592 --> 00:41:59,020
She asked me to take a picture of her
and a Beefeater at one of these crow things, right?
543
00:41:59,055 --> 00:42:03,867
So, anyway, I started to chat her up and I offered to
show her round London.
544
00:42:04,527 --> 00:42:10,724
So, anyway, after a little while
we fell deeply in love with each other...
545
00:42:12,860 --> 00:42:17,618
God, what was her name? Anyway, it
doesn't matter, anyway.
546
00:42:17,653 --> 00:42:19,564
You know what she said to me one day?
547
00:42:19,892 --> 00:42:21,448
Where's my picture?
548
00:42:24,472 --> 00:42:28,821
No, she didn't say that!
She paid me a very great compliment.
549
00:42:29,134 --> 00:42:33,369
She said when she met me it reminded her
of the day that President Kennedy died.
550
00:42:34,804 --> 00:42:37,339
And that's one of the nicest
compliments you've ever had?
551
00:42:38,703 --> 00:42:40,397
Don't you see what she meant?
552
00:42:40,564 --> 00:42:41,717
No.
553
00:42:41,887 --> 00:42:45,269
Well, I like to think that she meant
that everyone remembers
554
00:42:45,304 --> 00:42:48,875
where they were the day
they met Del Trotter.
555
00:42:51,350 --> 00:42:53,248
She might not have meant that!
556
00:42:53,283 --> 00:42:54,791
Well what else could she have
meant?
557
00:42:54,826 --> 00:42:57,982
Well I don't know. Perhaps
she meant you looked, yeah,
558
00:42:58,017 --> 00:43:00,336
you looked like Lee Harvey
Oswald!
559
00:43:01,182 --> 00:43:07,404
I don't look like Lee Harvey bleed 'n' Oswald.
Cor, who's Lee Harvey Oswald?
560
00:43:07,873 --> 00:43:12,202
He's the bloke what shot
Kennedy. You look a bit like him, Del.
561
00:43:12,237 --> 00:43:13,826
No, I don't.
562
00:43:13,861 --> 00:43:17,275
No, of course you don't.
You look nothing like him. I'll get your grub.
563
00:43:18,863 --> 00:43:22,687
So, anyway, what's you and Peggy-Sue
gotta do with me and Cassandra?
564
00:43:22,859 --> 00:43:28,016
'Cos she wanted to see where I lived and I had
the same struggle with my conscience as you've had.
565
00:43:28,051 --> 00:43:31,369
I was frightened if I brought her back
here she might think less of me.
566
00:43:31,779 --> 00:43:34,054
- So you didn't?
- No, I did.
567
00:43:34,661 --> 00:43:35,908
When?
568
00:43:35,943 --> 00:43:39,160
Well, it was one Sunday,
years ago now.
569
00:43:39,195 --> 00:43:40,928
Well, where was I?
570
00:43:41,358 --> 00:43:45,439
You was down the Mountbatten
Estate selling them gas conversion kits.
571
00:43:46,765 --> 00:43:53,577
You bastard! You sent me all the way down
there knowing I had chickenpox.
572
00:43:53,601 --> 00:43:57,369
just so you and Annie bloody Oakley
could have the flat to yourselves!
573
00:43:57,933 --> 00:44:01,446
It wasn't like that, Rodney, wasn't like that. I was
trying to present you with a challenge.
574
00:44:01,666 --> 00:44:06,193
What, selling gas conversion kits on an all-electric
estate? That's a challenge and a half!
575
00:44:07,553 --> 00:44:10,217
No, it's alright, listen,
I'll tell you the truth.
576
00:44:10,469 --> 00:44:12,743
Alright, so I wanted to get
rid of you for a couple of hours.
577
00:44:12,778 --> 00:44:17,829
I mean, I was serious about her and wanted to make
a good impression.
578
00:44:17,864 --> 00:44:21,977
I just thought, well, bringing her back to
this tower block's bad enough but, I mean,
579
00:44:22,012 --> 00:44:26,234
if she saw you in that dopey shirt
and all them Randolph Scotts all over your face,
580
00:44:26,708 --> 00:44:28,907
that'd be good night Vienna,
wouldn't it?
581
00:44:30,779 --> 00:44:32,289
So she come back here?
582
00:44:33,305 --> 00:44:43,284
Yeah. I gave her a pot of tea and a
Lyons Victoria sponge. It was very nice.
583
00:44:44,153 --> 00:44:47,860
And did she, you know, think
anything less of you?
584
00:44:48,772 --> 00:44:50,965
I dunno - I never saw her again.
585
00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:54,029
I mean she went home,
you know, her holiday was finished.
586
00:44:54,281 --> 00:44:55,707
Did she write to you?
587
00:44:58,188 --> 00:45:01,222
Cor blimey, look at it, it's
bucketing down out there, innit?
588
00:45:01,438 --> 00:45:03,080
Here are, Del Boy.
589
00:45:03,995 --> 00:45:07,845
Oi, some little bird phoned
for you about 15 minutes ago.
590
00:45:08,425 --> 00:45:10,239
I think she'd been on drugs.
591
00:45:10,588 --> 00:45:15,842
She said you'd left your coat in the back of her car and
she'd taken it back to your house in the King's Avenue.
592
00:45:17,835 --> 00:45:19,864
The people there had never
heard of you.
593
00:45:21,467 --> 00:45:25,130
You conning git!
Give me that money back!
594
00:45:26,616 --> 00:45:33,492
Stop it. Calm down. You've learnt a very
valuable lesson tonight, haven't you?
595
00:45:33,527 --> 00:45:37,734
Don't gamble. You never know when the
cards have been stacked.
596
00:45:37,769 --> 00:45:41,491
I said, of course they'd never heard of him, he
don't live in the King's Avenue,
597
00:45:41,526 --> 00:45:43,766
he lives on the
Nyerere Estate!
598
00:45:44,141 --> 00:45:50,850
You told her where I lived?
Well, bang goes another dream.
599
00:45:50,885 --> 00:45:55,236
Not necessarily so, bruv.
"It ain't necessarily so."
600
00:45:55,738 --> 00:45:58,497
She phoned up,
left her phone number
601
00:45:58,532 --> 00:46:01,648
and said that she'd be there 'til midnight
so you could phone her back.
602
00:46:01,683 --> 00:46:03,083
You're kidding?
603
00:46:03,118 --> 00:46:05,160
She said she wants to hear
from you tonight
604
00:46:05,195 --> 00:46:08,990
because she's going out tomorrow to
buy a couple of tickets for some pop concert.
605
00:46:09,666 --> 00:46:11,894
I bet it's Wet Wet Wet!
606
00:46:16,354 --> 00:46:20,281
Yeah, I bet! Ah cheers, Del.
Where's her number?
607
00:46:20,316 --> 00:46:22,528
In my Filofax.
608
00:46:24,153 --> 00:46:25,739
Git!
609
00:46:30,937 --> 00:46:35,598
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