All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S05E16 Win A Date 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle, USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

[phone rings]

- Get that, will you? I'm busy.
- Oh, sure, Sarge.

Company B, Corporal Slater.

Yeah, just a second. Sarge, it's for you.

- I'll be right there.
- It's long distance from Hollywood.

Huh? Hollywood?

Hello, Sergeant Carter here.

Oh, yes, sir.

Hi there. [chuckles]

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Me? Really?

Uh-huh.

Well, yes, sir, I'll be happy to.
Tomorrow?

Oh, sure, I'll be there.
Sure, I can make it.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

I'll see you tomorrow. Goodbye!

- [laughs]
- What is it, Sarge?

- Um, nothing, Slater, nothing.
- Well, it's long distance from Hollywood.

It's gotta be something.
What's it's all about?

Okay, okay.

You know that TV Show, Win A Date?

You mean the show where, if you win,
you go on a trip with a beautiful chick?

Yeah. They picked me to be a contestant.

Wow! How did you swing it?

They're using three Marines
and they just happened to pick me.

What do you mean? You have to apply
for it. Fill out a form, answer questions.

Okay, when we were making that movie
in Hollywood, I filled out a form.

Sarge, to get on Win A Date, you gotta go
direct to the producer's office.

All right, so I happened
to be walking by the producer's office,

they happened to be using Marines,
and stop asking so many questions!

Oh, sure, Sarge, sure. Gee, Win A Date.

Hey, what about Bunny? You're gonna be
on TV. You can't keep it a secret.

How is she gonna feel about you
trying to win a date?

Don't worry about Bunny. She's a sweet,
reasonable, understanding girl.

As soon as I figure out what kind
of snow job to give her, I'll call her.

What's the Marines got to do
with a show like that?

Look, I didn't ask for it.
I was assigned to it.

It's part of a Marine
public relations program.

Well, I don't like the idea of you going
off to some island with a strange girl!

You never even took me to Catalina!

Well, this is different.
I gotta go on that show.

It's orders from the top brass.

I'm still against it.

Honey, you got nothing to worry about.

Chances are I won't win, anyway.

The girl chooses the guy on the basis
of charm and personality, so...

I just won't be charming, that's all.

I'll fight it off.
I'll throw the whole ball game.

Vince, I'd hate to tell you
what I think you're throwing.

Now, I just wanna say one thing.

- If you think that you're gonna...
- Excuse me, Bunny. I gotta hang up now.

Here comes the colonel to give me
some last-minute instructions. Bye, doll.

Dames.
They don't believe a word you tell them.

Hey, Sergeant. You wanted to see me?

Uh, yeah, Pyle. I want you to drive me
up to Los Angeles tomorrow.

I may not be coming back for a week, so
I need you to return my car to the base.

- Hey, Sarge, why don't you let me do it?
- Are you kidding?

The minute you're alone,
you'll be driving up Hollywood Boulevard,

looking for dames, taking joy rides.

The only guy I trust with my car is Pyle.

Well, I appreciate your faith in me,
Sergeant,

but I didn't know you was gonna take
a trip. Where you headed for?

Well, I don't know exactly yet.

Chances are
it'll be to some romantic, beautiful isle

where the palm trees sway
and the balmy breezes say...

♪ Aloha hey, aloha hey

- Knock it off, Slater!
- I don't understand.

Sarge is gonna be a contestant
on the Win A Date show.

You are?!

Shazam, that's one of my favorite shows!

I never dreamed I'd know somebody
who was actually on it.

- It's nothing to get that excited about.
- But it is!

It's just full of thrills and suspense,

just to sit there and watch that little
girl bite her lip and wrinkle up her brow,

trying to figure out which fella to pick.

And then when she just
gets ready to do it,

they throw in a commercial
and the tension even gets worse.

- Sometimes it just gets unbearable.
- Yeah, yeah.

There won't be any tension with you on it,
Sergeant. You'll be the winner, for sure.

Your personality and your way with words.
That girl will be sure to pick you.

Yeah, well, I figure
I got a pretty good chance.

- We leave tomorrow afternoon. That's all.
- Yes, sir.

Uh, Slater, you're gonna be in charge
of the platoon...

Sergeant, I just happened to think
of something.

- Yeah, Pyle?
- What about Miss Bunny?

Isn't she gonna be mad about you
gallivanting off with some other girl?

Look, what is this,
"Let's all worry about Bunny" week?

Look, Pyle, I can take care of my girl
without any help from you.

And as a matter of fact,
Bunny wants me to have a nice vacation.

Oh, well, isn't that wonderful of Miss
Bunny? She's a very understanding person.

Yeah.

I'm sure glad it's you going on that show
instead of me.

I like to travel, but to go off on a trip
with some girl I hardly know,

that'd spoil everything.

Can you believe it, huh?

Well, I'll see you, Sergeant. Good luck.

What do you mean, good luck?
Come on in and watch me.

Well, I don't wanna be a bother to nobody.

And besides, I don't have ticket.

Ticket? What ticket? I'm your ticket.

Don't you wanna see your sergeant
out-answer them other guys

and walk off with the dame?

Well, I sure would, Sergeant,
if you think it'll be all right.

- Sure! Come on!
- Well, thank you, Sergeant.

Say, maybe I'll get to see the MC,
Dick Parker, up real close.

Did you ever notice his teeth
when he smiles?

I bet you he goes to the dentist
more than twice a year.

- Just wait in here, Sergeant.
- Thank you, Mr. Barrett.

The other two Marines ought to be here
any time. You're first to arrive.

Well, you know what they say,
the early bird catches the date.

[both laugh]

Yeah, well, if you'll excuse me, I've got
some last-minute details to take care of.

- You'll be notified when it's your turn.
- I'll be ready, sir.

I wanna thank you for letting me
come backstage with you, Sergeant.

- It sure has been exciting.
- Hey, I think I'll get some makeup on.

It'll give me the edge on the other guys.

Oh, you don't need an edge, Sergeant,
not with the way you got with words.

Like what you just said to that producer.
[chuckles]

"The early bird catches the date."
I could sit for hours and hours

and never think up anything
half as clever as that.

Well, it just comes out, Pyle.
It's natural with me.

It's a gift, Sergeant.
That's what it is, it's a gift.

Yeah, well,
I ain't counting my chickens yet,

not until I see what kind of competition
I got.

You don't have to worry. You ain't got
a thing in the world to worry about.

[chuckles]

Go-Olly,
he must be one of the contestants.

- Yeah.
- He's handsomer than Rock Hudson.

Okay, Pyle, okay.

In fact, he looks a little more
like Cary Grant.

Will you knock it off, Pyle?

Well, don't worry, Sergeant, looks don't
count. The girl don't even get to see you.

Hey, that's right. They go by your voice.

You know, I bet he's like most big guys,
got a high, squeaky voice.

[chuckles] Hi there, Sarge.

[smooth, deep voice] Hello, Sergeant.

Now I know. He looks like Rock Hudson
and talks like Cary Grant.

- Will you shut up, Pyle?!
- Well, don't worry about it, Sergeant.

It's the clever answers that count,
and that's where you really shine.

[groans]

Sergeant Cramer, you're here. Good. We've
got two contestants. That's something.

- Anything wrong, sir?
- I just got a phone call.

We go on the air in three minutes
and our third Marine isn't gonna make it.

Well, what do we do?
You ain't gonna cancel, are you?

Cancel?! We've got advance publicity
on this thing. I can't...

Wait a minute. Hey, hey, your friend here,
he can be our third contestant.

Um, I couldn't. I... I just couldn't.

- Why not? There's nothing to it!
- Well, I wouldn't know what to say.

It's just answering a few simple
questions. Just be yourself, simple.

Well, thank you, sir,
but I'm afraid I'd get too flustered,

- especially talking to a girl I never met.
- Take it, Pyle, take it.

- But, Sergeant...
- Excuse us, sir.

Look, Pyle, this is a Marine project and I
don't want you to foul it up. Now take it.

- But, Sergeant, I don't...
- I said take it now!

Yes, sir.

- It's okay, Mr. Barrett.
- Ha-ha! Great!

Just stand by, all of you,
it's almost airtime.

Well, I sure hope I don't make
a fool of myself, Sergeant,

but I know I haven't got a chance
in the world of winning.

Yeah.

[chuckles]

Oh, hi, Lou-Ann. What a nice surprise.

Well, since Gomer drove Sergeant Carter
up to Los Angeles, I was all alone,

so I just thought I'd come over
and watch the show with you.

Come on in.

I'm not so sure I'm gonna watch the show,
though.

- You're not?
- Well, the nerve of that guy,

trying to win a date
with some beautiful girl

and going off with her
on a trip somewhere.

Oh, well, it's nothing to worry about.

Why, it's just a way
to win a free vacation.

And besides,
they're gonna have a chaperone.

And if I know, Vince,
he'll try to make a pass at her, too.

Oh, now, he's not that bad.

Oh-ho! You don't know him like I do.

You should have heard
that cock-and-bull story

about being ordered to go on the show.

"Marine public relations."
He must think I'm some kind of fool.

Well, I still feel that you
should be more understanding.

I mean, a man needs
a little bit of room sometimes.

If he wants to go off without you
once in a while,

why, you just gotta be broad-minded
about it and let him.

Well, I guess you're right.

Oh, but it does burn me up sometimes.

Oh, my goodness,
the show is on right this minute.

- Do you mind if I turn on the television?
- Okay. Let's watch the Wolf Man at work.

[applause, fanfare plays]

And now, to play Win A Date,

the lovely young starlet who can be seen
in the delightful Marathon production

Very Cold for Spring, co-starring
Hamilton Jones and Phyllis Lafferty,

now playing at theaters and drive-ins
near you,

in full color,

Miss Wendy Sparks!

[applause, fanfare playing]

Welcome to Win A Date, Wendy.
It's nice to have you with us.

Thank you,
and it's just wonderful being here.

You know, I watch the show all the time,
and now here I am, actually on it.

[Parker] And it's wonderful having you.

- Well, shall we play Win A Date?
- Yes, let's.

All right, just be seated.

Tonight, Wendy,
we have three stalwart Marines

who'll be competing
for the pleasure of your company.

Of course, you can't see them, but now
we'll show them to our studio audience

and to our viewers at home.

And here's Marine number one.

[applause, marines' hymn plays]

Marine number two.

[applause, marines' hymn plays]

Why, he comes over real handsome
on television!

Yeah, it's the first time
I've seen a rat fink in living color.

And finally, Marine number three.

[fanfare plays, applause]

How about that!

Why, he didn't tell me
that he was gonna be on the show.

Well, how could he do this to me?!

Well, relax, honey,
you've got to be broad-minded about it.

[Parker] All right, Miss Sparks,
start with the questions.

Marine number one...

if we went out on a first date together,
would you try and kiss me good night?

Why not?
What better way to get to know me?

Marine number two,
would you try to kiss me good night?

Certainly not.

At all times,
I'm a Marine and a gentleman,

and I have too much respect
for the opposite sex to ever get fresh.

Not getting fresh on a first date!

Why, the first time he took me out,
I thought he was an octopus.

Marine number three, what about you?

Well, if it was our first date,

I sure wouldn't try
to kiss you good night,

but I would see you to the door

and tell you what a nice time I had
and shake your hand.

Marine number two,

what would you do if we were marooned
on a desert island?

Well, I'm a Marine and a gentleman,

so I certainly wouldn't take advantage
of the situation.

I would keep my distance, and at no time
would I ever try to get fresh.

I'd like to be marooned on a desert island
with Vince.

I'd hide his suntan lotion.

[Wendy] Marine number one?

The first thing I'd do
is sink the life raft.

Then I'd just let nature take its course.

Marine number three?

Well... first of all, I'd gather
some brush and start a smoke fire

to maybe signal some passing ship
or airplane.

In the meantime, though, I'd scrounge
around the island for some food.

Now, water is always a problem
on an island,

so I'd probably go inland
and look for a creek.

Now, shelter's a problem, too,

but there'd probably be trees on the
island, enough to build two nice huts.

The main thing is just to survive
until rescue comes.

My!

Marine number three, if I picked you
and we went on this trip together,

would you mind one night
if I went out with another man?

Well, how could I?
Not being officially engaged to you,

I've got no right to stand in the way
of you enjoying yourself.

Besides, I could keep real busy
just writing postcards back home.

Marine number one,

how would you feel if I wanted to go out
with another man?

Honey, one afternoon with me and that
thought would never enter your mind.

Marine number two?

Uh, well...
I'm not only a Marine and a gentleman,

I'm also the fair-minded type,
so I don't think I would mind,

provided the guy you go out with
doesn't try to get fresh.

[scoffs]

[Parker] Well, ladies and gentlemen,
that concludes our questioning.

And now let's see
if Wendy has made her decision.

You know something?
If it was me, I wouldn't pick any of 'em.

Well, I think Gomer was the cutest,

but I'm still furious with him
for going on that show.

After giving it a lot of thought,
I made my choice.

And because I felt
he was the most sincere,

I chose Marine number... three.

- [Lou-Ann gasps]
- [Bunny screams]

[applause]

But honest, Sergeant, I wasn't trying to
win. I just said what come to my mind.

- Give me the keys to the car, Pyle.
- I really thought you was gonna win.

You was a perfect gentleman
and said all the right things.

- Give me the keys, Pyle.
- I didn't even wanna go on the show.

- You ordered me to.
- The keys, the keys.

- Yes, sir.
- Goodbye, Pyle.

But, Sergeant, how am I gonna
get back to the base?

You won yourself a trip
all the way to Hawaii.

You ought to be able to figure out a way
to get back to the base.

- But, Sergeant...
- Aloha, Pyle, aloha.

Pyle. You were beautiful, Pyle.
Great answers.

We'll be contacting you tomorrow
to fill you in on the details of the trip.

- Congratulations.
- Oh, Mr. Barrett, uh...

- Yeah?
- I don't wanna go.

- You what?
- Well, I just can't go.

Oh, you mean you can't get leave.

Don't worry, we'll get in touch with your
commanding officer and make arrangements.

Oh, it's not that, sir.
It's just that I've got this steady girl,

Lou-Ann Poovie's her name,
and, well, it just wouldn't be fair to her

for me to go off
with some girl I hardly know.

You've gotta go. You've won.

We've sent out advance publicity about
Wendy going on this trip with a Marine.

Well, couldn't you get some other Marine
to go with her?

- 'Cause I've got a real good suggestion.
- Sergeant Carter?

Yeah, 'cause he was really
looking forward to this trip,

and I know it'd make him real happy
if you'd let him go,

that is if it ain't breaking any rules.

How could it?
This has never happened before.

Besides, this is my show.
I guess I can make up my own rules.

Oh, well, thank you, thank you, thank you!
And you won't be sorry, Mr. Barrett,

'cause Sergeant Carter is a credit
to the Corps and a perfect gentleman.

I know, he never gets fresh.

Okay, tell your sergeant
we'll be contacting him tomorrow.

I surely will, and he won't have
the same problem as me

'cause he already talked it over
with his girl, Miss Bunny,

and she said
it'd be perfectly all right with her.

Well, all I can tell you is, Vince,
that it's a good thing you didn't win.

[chuckles] 'Cause if you'd gone off
with that Wendy what's-her-name,

- you would have seen the last of me.
- Honey, that's why I didn't try to win.

- What do you mean you didn't try to win?
- Couldn't you tell?

I threw the whole thing,
just like I said I would.

- You did?
- Well, sure!

I knew you were gonna be upset,
so I said to myself,

"Vince, you can't do a thing like that
to a sweet kid like Bunny.

They can order you to go on the show,
but they can't make you win."

- That's what you said to yourself, huh?
- Those were my exact words to myself.

Well, maybe you did try to throw it.

Had to be some reason for coming up
with all those dumb answers.

[laughs]

Aw. All right, I believe you,

and you were a doll to do it.

- How about a cold beer?
- Great.

- Coming right up.
- How about some of them pretzels?

- [Bunny] You got 'em!
- [chuckles]

- [phone rings]
- [Bunny] Will you get that, please?

Hm? Oh, okay.

[phone rings]

- Hello.
- Sergeant Carter?

- I'm glad you're there. This is Gomer.
- What do you want, Pyle?

I couldn't find you on the base, so I
figured you might be over at Miss Bunny's.

- I got good news for you.
- You're quitting the Marines.

Oh, no, sir. You know that trip to Hawaii
you wanted so much?

- Well, you're gonna get to go on it.
- What? Is this some kind of gag, Pyle?

Oh, no. You see, I didn't want to go
on the trip and make Lou-Ann unhappy,

and since you already had
Miss Bunny's approval,

I just told Mr. Barrett I wanted you
to go in my place and he agreed.

Well... what do you know?

That sounds very interesting, Pyle.

He's gonna call you tomorrow
and give you all the details.

Uh, yeah, yeah, well, thanks for calling.

- Goodbye.
- Who was it?

- It was for me.
- Oh.

Boy... you just can't tell in the Marines.
You never can tell.

What?

That call was to put me on alert. They're
sending me off on a secret mission.

Secret mission?
What kind of secret mission?

Well, Bunny, I can't very well tell you
if it's a secret.

It's top, top security. Top, top.

Uh-huh.
And, uh, when are you gonna be leaving?

Well, I don't know yet, but, uh,
they'll be contacting me tomorrow.

I'll probably get a call
from the Pentagon.

- Pentagon, huh?
- Yeah.

Well... I'd better shove off, honey,
so I can get a good night's sleep.

There are gonna be a lot of briefing
sessions, map reading, stuff like that.

Mind if I take a rain check on the beer
and the pretzels? I'll call you.

If I get back safely.

C'est la guerre, huh?

[door buzzer]

Who is it?

- [Gomer] It's me, Gomer.
- Gomer who?

[Gomer] I've got to talk to you, Lou-Ann.
You haven't been answering your phone.

Well, I'm surprised
that you have time to talk.

I thought you'd be so busy
packing for your trip to Hawaii

with that darling little starlet.

[Gomer] That's what I've got to talk to you
about. I ain't going.

You're not?!

- Hey, Lou-Ann.
- Hey, Gomer.

Listen, the only reason
I went on that program

was because they were short
one contestant.

- Really?
- Uh-huh. And when I won,

I just went over and told that producer
I didn't wanna go.

You're my girl, Lou-Ann,
and I just couldn't go with anybody else.

Oh, Gomer.

But, oh, if you're not going,
then what about that nice starlet?

Then she won't get to go, either.

Oh, well, that's the best part.
She will get to go

because they let me pick Sergeant Carter
to take my place.

Sergeant Carter? But, well, what about
Bunny? What's she gonna say?

She don't mind.
Sergeant Carter said she was all for it.

She wanted him to have a nice vacation.

Oh, Gomer, I don't know
how you got that information,

but it doesn't happen to be true.

Well... Bunny and I
watched the show together tonight

and she was very upset.

Well, she was real glad
when Sergeant Carter lost.

- She was?
- Well, yes.

And now when she finds out
this latest development,

I just don't know what she's going to do.

Go-Olly.

Well, I sure have fouled things up,
haven't I?

Hello there, Mr. Barrett. Aloha!

[laughs]

Yes, sir, I was expecting the call.

So just fill me in on all the travel plans
and I...

What?

I'm not going?

But Pyle just told me...

What?

What?

Oh.

Pyle called the producer
and canceled my trip.

- You mean you're not going?
- No.

What are you gonna do, Sarge?

Before or after I kill Pyle?

So you see, Miss Bunny,
it was all my fault.

I didn't know your real feelings
about Sergeant Carter going to Hawaii

and neither did the sergeant, I guess.

It was you who called him here to tell him
you arranged for him to take that trip?

That's right.
As soon as I found out my mistake,

I called up Mr. Barrett,
and now the sergeant don't have to go.

That's very interesting, Gomer.

I'm beginning to understand
a lot of things about Vince

that I didn't understand before. Thank you
for straightening everything out, Gomer.

- Well, you're welcome, I'm sure.
- [door buzzer]

- Hi, Bun.
- Why, Vince! What a surprise!

Well, I thought you'd be off
on your secret mission by now.

Uh, yeah, uh, well,
that's what I came to see you about.

The mission was called off.
I just got the word from the Pentagon.

Oh? Well, how nice!

Yeah, so I figure we could do something.

Sure! And I know exactly what.

[yells]

Oh! Oh! Bunny!

- [Carter] Bunny!
- She doesn't live here any more!

Bunny!

Bunny?

Company B, Corporal Slater.

Hold on. Sarge, Bunny's at the main gate.

Huh?
Oh, yeah, tell them to send her on down.

Okay, send her in.

- You two talking again?
- Ah, just barely.

She's bringing some toys over
for the Toys For Kids program.

- Go out and give her a hand, will you?
- Sure.

[strums ukulele]

- Sergeant Carter?
- What do you want, Pyle? I'm busy.

Sergeant, you'll never guess
what I got in the mail

all the way from Honolulu, Hawaii.

You're right, I won't guess.
Goodbye, Pyle.

It's Wendy Sparks.
You remember, from Win A Date.

Huh? Let me see that.

"To my favorite Marine.
Till we meet again.

Wish you were here. Wendy Sparks."

Ain't that the sweetest thing, I mean, for
her to take the time out to send me that?

Yeah.

- Sarge.
- Hm? Oh.

- Hey, Miss Bunny! Here, let me help you.
- Thanks, Gomer.

- There's some more out in the trunk.
- I'll get them.

Hey, what's this?

"To my favorite Marine.
Till we meet again.

Wish you were here. Wendy Sparks"?

Huh? Let me see that!

- Uh, that's Pyle's.
- On your desk?

Oh, sure, Vince! Uh!

[Carter yells]

Wait, Bunny! Slater!

Bunny! Pyle!