All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S05E15 A Tattoo for Gomer 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle, USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

Sergeant Carter?

[inhaling and exhaling]

[exhaling sharply]

[rapid breathing]

[exhaling]

- Hey, Sergeant.
- What is it, Pyle?

I just brought your chair back
from the carpenter's shop.

Thanks. [breathes rapidly]

Golly, that sure looks heavy, Sergeant.
Is it heavy?

Hundred pounds.

- Go-Olly. That sure is heavy, Sergeant.
- Yeah, heavy.

Bye, Pyle. [breathes rapidly]

How come you're making that noise,
Sergeant?

I ain't making noise. I'm sucking wind.

All the pros do it.
It's part of the routine.

[breathes rapidly] Bye, Pyle.

The reason I ask was
my Aunt Maude used to sound like that

when she was having
one of her virus attacks.

She couldn't get her breath
for nearly a week.

One time she had an attack
while she was knitting,

she almost inhaled an Afghan.

[exhales]

I ain't having no attack, Pyle.

Now get out of here so I can do my curls!

- You're putting me on, Sergeant.
- Huh?

No, dummy, not hair curls!

Muscle curls! For my biceps! See?

Go-Olly!

Yeah. Well, that ain't all.

See them pecs and them lats?
That's all from lifting weights, Pyle.

Well, I sure never noticed that before.

Yeah, well, I never like to talk about it.

I mean, when you're built
as good as I am...

Oh, I didn't mean that, Sergeant.
I meant the tattoo.

Oh. That. Yeah, I picked
that little baby up in Korea.

Well, it sure is attractive.

Yeah, well, Kim Kwon did it.

- Maybe you heard of him.
- No, I don't think I ever did.

He's the best tattoo artist
in Seoul, Korea.

He's the guy that tattooed the entire
Seventh Fleet on a sailor's back.

- It was in all the papers.
- Well, I must have missed it.

The Mayberry papers
never did carry much tattoo news.

Go-Olly, would you look at that!

Yeah, that always gets them.

- That's how I got Bunny.
- It is?

Yeah. I was walking
along the beach one day

and I see this girl that I wanna meet,
but she's talking to a bunch of people.

So I just kinda slowly walk by

and I, uh, wiggle my Semper Fidelis
at her.

Bingo!
She follows me like I was the Pied Piper.

- And that was Miss Bunny?
- Yeah.

Couldn't take her eyes off my arm.

- She really liked your tattoo, huh?
- Crazy about it.

I don't think Lou-Ann would like 'em.
At least not on me, she wouldn't.

- Are you kidding? Girls love 'em.
- Do tell.

Yeah, there's an animal magnetism
about tattoos.

- Women can't resist them.
- I don't think I ever knew that.

Well, there are a lot of things
you probably don't know, Pyle.

For instance...

I'll bet you didn't know

that I'd like to be left alone
so I can finish my exercises.

- No, sir, I didn't know that.
- Well, you do now.

- Goodbye, Pyle.
- Bye, Sergeant.

- Hey, Duke!
- Hey, Gome. Where's the Sarge?

Oh, he's back there doing his exercises.

Since he's been on that kick, I've been
hearing the clang of barbells in my sleep.

That and the... [inhales and exhales]

It's like living with a vacuum cleaner.

Hey, Duke, did you know
the sergeant's got a tattoo?

- Yeah. Why?
- I just think it's kind of interesting.

Sergeant says
that's how he met Miss Bunny.

- At a tattoo parlor?
- No, on the beach.

Miss Bunny saw his tattoo
and she followed him.

Did you ever think about doing that?

No, but then I'm not that attracted
to hairy arms.

No, I meant get a tattoo.
Did you ever consider it?

Who, me? Nah.

I got enough going for me already.

I guess it's fine for some guys,
but I figure putting a tattoo

on a beautiful body like this would be
like drawing a mustache on the Mona Lisa.

Sergeant Carter says girls just love them.

Well, he's right, I guess. Some girls
go crazy over them. Bunny did.

- I wonder if Lou-Ann would like one.
- Why don't you ask her?

Well, Lou-Ann and I don't usually talk
about such personal things as tattoos.

I don't think she'd like it, though.
She's so refined and all.

Don't let that fool you. The refined ones
are the chicks that usually go for them.

Maybe you're right. Sergeant Carter
did say that Miss Bunny likes his,

and Lou-Ann likes Miss Bunny,

even though Miss Bunny likes
a lot of things Lou-Ann don't like,

even though she likes Miss Bunny.
I don't think Lou-Ann would like it.

Well, maybe. Then again, maybe not.

The only way you're really gonna know
is to get tattooed.

Duke, I just thought of a mean joke.

You thought of a mean joke?

Wouldn't it be kind of funny
if you drew a picture on my arm

and then I showed it to Lou-Ann,
and she screamed and said she hated it,

and then I washed it all off
and said it was a joke.

- Wouldn't that be kind of funny?
- Hey, that would be funny!

Lou-Ann said the first thing that
attracted her to me was my sense of humor.

We can use these marking pencils.
It'll look terrific, Gomer!

What kind of a picture
do you think you'd draw?

I don't know. Something nobody else has.

Hey, how about a truck? I do great trucks.

Well, I was thinking of something
more military.

- A Jeep?
- Well, no.

Something more like
what Sergeant Carter has.

A Marine emblem or an eagle.

No, I don't do birds.

It's gotta be something simple.
Something I know about.

I got an idea.

I'll need a little inspiration.

Uh-uh! No peeking.
The idea is to surprise Lou-Ann, right?

- Play a little joke on her?
- Well, that was the idea.

Okay, you just leave it to me.
This is gonna surprise you, too.

Mm-hm! Okay, take off your shirt.

There.

In all modesty, Gomer,
I gotta say, it looks great.

- Well, I can't really see it.
- Wait a second.

Take a look.

- Is that what I think it is?!
- What do you think it is?

Well, it's a girl!

Her feet are a little big,
but other than that, she looks terrific!

But a girl, Duke!
I don't think that's such a good idea.

You wanna play a joke on Lou-Ann,
don't you?

- Well, yeah.
- So what's the best thing

to put on your arm for a joke? A girl!

I mean, look, if you put on
a Marine emblem or a flag,

Lou-Ann might think that's okay,
you know, like part of being a serviceman.

But a girl, she's gotta hate a girl.

Well, I guess you're right.

And what does that say on there, Duke?
Mother and Lou-Ann?

Yeah. The tattoo stands for womanhood,
so I put the names of the two women

- in your life, your mother and Lou-Ann.
- Go-Olly, Duke.

- Ain't you the sentimental one?
- No, I just got a great sense of humor.

For your sake,
I hope Lou-Ann does, too.

Oh, she does, Duke.
And as soon as I wash this off,

we gonna have something to laugh about
for years.

Wanna laugh even harder, Gomer? Look.

All right, now make a fist
and then relax it.

And do it a couple of times. Huh? Huh?

Duke, that's terrible! But it's funny.

You know, the part of the picture
that I especially liked

was when the crook found out
that his girlfriend was a police lady.

Oh, that was good.
But I already knew she was a police lady.

Now, how could you have known that?
The crook didn't even know it

and it was his girlfriend.

Well, I figured it out in the scene before
when I saw that gun strapped to her leg.

Oh! Well, you know what I thought?

I thought that the gun meant
that she was a crook.

Well, I don't know what it was, but when
I saw that gun strapped to her leg,

I said to myself, "Gomer Pyle,
you're looking at a police lady."

[giggles] Well, I sure wish
you'd let me in on it.

Well, I didn't wanna spoil
the ending for you.

[Gomer giggles]

Gomer, now,
why are you grinning like that?

Well... it's just that I got a surprise.

- For me?
- Uh-huh. You wanna see it?

Well, of course I do!

Well, for me to surprise you, I have to
take off my shirt. Is that all right?

Well, I guess so. I can't imagine
what kind of surprise it would be

- that would make you take your shirt off.
- Well, you just wait and see.

Fact is, why don't you just turn around
until I'm ready

- and then I'll let you know, okay?
- Oh, Gomer.

Okay!

Well, what do you think?

Oh, it... it's a tattoo.

- Well, how do you like it?
- Well...

it's very colorful.

- You mean you like it?
- It... It's nice!

Uh, yes, Gomer, it's nice,
and it's got writing on it.

Uh-huh. It's got Mother on the top

and Lou-Ann on the bottom.

Oh.

Well, um, I'm proud...

...to hold such a place in your heart
and on your arm.

You know how I feel about you, Lou-Ann,
and, well, I just thought...

...well, I thought I'd show it to you.

Well, um...

Gomer, it is getting late.

Well...

Thank you very much, Lou-Ann,
for the evening.

[laughs] Well, thank you, Gomer,
for the evening,

uh, and for the tattoo.

But it was just supposed to be
a little joke!

- You should've told her it was a joke.
- Well, I just couldn't, Duke.

She was so touched
that I put her name on my arm

next to my mother's, she almost cried.

- Well, how do you feel about it?
- Well...

it's beginning to itch a little bit.

Frankly, I prefer my plain old skin.

- So what are you gonna do?
- I don't see that I have much choice.

You know, Duke, you was right. The more
refined girls really do like tattoos.

So?

Well, if it's motherhood
and Lou-Ann's name on my arm

- that's gonna make my best girl happy...
- Yeah?

...I guess I'll just have to make
this drawing of yours into a real tattoo.

- Excuse me, Sergeant.
- What is it, Pyle?

Well, you remember yesterday when you was
lifting weights and we was talking?

- Yeah.
- Well, I've got this problem.

Oh!

You finally decided you wanted to do
something about that body, huh?

Well, where do you wanna start first?
The pecs? The lats? The biceps?

You need work on all of them, Pyle.
Lots of it.

Well, maybe, Sergeant, but what I wanted
to talk to you about was tattoos.

What about them?

Well, I was just wondering if you could
tell me a good place to get one.

You want one?

Well, I don't really want one,

but it looks like
I'm gonna have to get one.

This is America, Pyle.
Nobody has to get a tattoo.

Well, you see, I was playing
this little joke on Lou-Ann...

You already got a tattoo!

Well, no, Duke just drew this on me
with a marking pen.

It was supposed to be
a little joke on Lou-Ann,

only she really liked it,

and, well, looks like now I'm gonna
have to make it into a real tattoo.

And now you think that all you gotta do
is just go down there

- and that's all there is to it?
- Yes, sir.

Mm-hm. Sit down, Pyle.

So you wanna get a tattoo, huh?

Well, I don't really wanna get one.

Getting a tattoo ain't all that simple.

There's a lot of things to consider.

- There are?
- That's right, Pyle.

Getting a tattoo is another step
toward becoming a man.

There are a lot of steps, Pyle,
steps of life.

Birth, Little League,

Marines, marriage...

But getting a tattoo...
that's special, Pyle.

- I'll bet you didn't know that, did you?
- No, sir.

It's a club, Pyle.

A big one, like the Elks or the Moose,
only it's bigger.

It's the Club of Manhood.

Welcome, Pyle.

Welcome to the Club of Manhood.

Go-Olly, Sergeant!

I never did think of it like that before.

Of course not.
That's why I'm telling you all this.

And there's something else
you gotta think about, Pyle.

Once you get a tattoo, it's always there.

- Oh, I've thought about that, Sergeant.
- It's a big decision, Pyle.

You're getting something put on your body
that's permanent.

How do you know
you won't be sorry later on?

Well, how do I know I won't be sorry
later on, Sergeant?

You don't. But I'll tell you something.

I'm glad I got mine.

My tattoo turned out to be... my friend.

All them times
that I thought I was alone...

...I was never really alone.

- You wasn't?
- No.

Because I had my tattoo, Pyle.

Something that was all mine.

Something that nobody
could ever take away from me.

I guess you're right, Sergeant.

Tattoos can be good things.

I guess it just seems that the only people
I ever knew with tattoos

was the two guys from the carnival who
used to beat up Truman Gelson every year.

That is until I found out about yours,
Sergeant,

and, well, if it's good enough for you,
it's good enough for me.

Okay now, Pyle, you let me do the talking.

I speak the language.
I'll get you a good price.

- Can I help you fellas?
- Yeah.

The kid here is thinking about a tattoo.

- What did you have in mind?
- Well, I kind of thought that I...

Pyle. What the kid wants...

Hold it. Don't tell me. Marines, right?

How about an eagle?
Marines are definitely eagles.

- Well, that wasn't exactly what I...
- Will you let me handle this?

Wait a minute. I got it. How about skulls?

The kid don't want no skulls!

It don't matter what the kid wants.
It's what fits him.

He's skulls, there's no question about it.

Look, take your pick.

I got plain skulls,
skulls with crossbones,

skulls with snakes, skulls with daggers.

I even got skulls with other skulls.

- Well, you see, the fact is...
- Pyle, I said I would handle this.

Say, pal... you see that?

- Yeah.
- You know who that is?

- Uh-uh.
- Kim Kwon, Seoul, Korea, '51.

Max Persky, Bayonne, New Jersey, '27.
So what?

Well, I just want you to know that you
ain't fooling with a couple of amateurs.

The kid don't want no skulls!

Okay. So, you don't want military, huh?

If he don't want military,
then he must want love.

It's gotta be love, right?

- Well, yes, sir.
- Take off your shirt, Pyle.

Sure. If they don't want skulls,
it's gotta be love.

Okay, I got a great new love tattoo.
Two snakes kissing.

- Well...
- And the snakes' tails curl around

and spell out your girl's name.
Hm? How does that sound?

- Well, I already know what I want.
- Show the man, Pyle.

- That's what the kid wants.
- Well, he's already got a love tattoo.

- Why do you want another one?
- Well, you see, this is just a drawing.

It ain't a real tattoo.

And what I thought is, you could go over
it and... well, make it permanent.

Nothing to it. Why didn't you say so?
20 bucks.

20 bucks?! What are you, nuts?!

This one only cost me five!

- Where?
- I told you, Korea!

Fine. Take the kid to Korea.
You'll save 15 bucks.

- We'll give you ten.
- You'll give me 30.

- You just said 20!
- Fine! It's a deal!

- [Carter laughs]
- Well, what about it?

Well, golly, I don't know.

Here, look through the book. Maybe you'll
find something you like even better.

On page four, there's a heart with arrows.
There's Indians, feathers.

What's with you, Pyle? The man made you
a good price. What are you waiting for?

Well, golly, Sergeant,
I got to thinking about what you said

about how a tattoo is permanent and all,
and, well,

I think I'd just better check with Lou-Ann
to make sure.

Well, you said she's already seen this one
and you said she was crazy about it.

But she didn't know it was just a drawing.

Maybe, if she had a choice,
she'd choose something different.

How do I know she wouldn't like
two snakes kissing?

Okay. Do what you want. I got you down
here. Now you're on your own.

I can't wait around here all day.

Oh. Well, hi, Gomer.

This is a surprise.

Well, it's kind of a surprise to me, too,
but, well, I was just in the neighborhood.

Well, come on in.

- Don't you wanna sit down for a minute?
- Well, no, thank you.

Uh, you see,
I just wanted to ask you a question.

Oh. Well, what?

Well, uh, it's about my tattoo.

Oh. Well, what about it?

Well, you was saying yesterday
how much you liked it and all,

and, well, I just wanted to check
and make sure.

Oh, yes, Gomer,
I definitely did say that I liked it.

- You're not just saying that?
- Oh, no.

Oh. Well, see, the reason I was asking,

I got to thinking about it, and I thought
maybe I owed you an apology.

After all, I didn't even ask you,
and, well, maybe if I'd have asked you,

you'd like some other
kind of tattoo better.

Oh, Gomer,
if I'd had to pick out a tattoo,

I wouldn't have chosen any different
than the one that you did.

I kind of thought that, and it sets
my mind to rest to hear you say it.

Well, I'll see you later, Lou-Ann.

Well, nice to have seen you.
Thank you for coming by.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Oh!

Pyle get back?

- I thought he was with you.
- He was.

I took him down to the tattoo parlor,
everything was all set,

and then at the last minute, he decided
he had to check it out with Lou-Ann.

- He's on his own now.
- Well, Sarge, somebody should be with him

when he has it done.
This is a big thing for him.

You're welcome to the job.
You can probably get him at Lou-Ann's.

Okay, Sarge.

[phone rings]

[Lou-Ann sniffs and cries]

- Hello?
- Hello, Lou-Ann, this is Duke Slater.

- Is Gomer there?
- Oh, no, Duke. He...

- He just left. [sobs]
- Lou-Ann?

It sounds like she's crying.

Wouldn't you cry
if you were going with Pyle?

- Lou-Ann, what's wrong?
- Why, nothing. [sniffs]

Nothing's wrong. Why do you ask?

- Well, it sounds like you're crying.
- [sobs] I'm not crying.

Okay, you're not crying.
Blow your nose and tell me what's wrong.

Did you have anything to do with
that terrible tattoo that Gomer got?

- Well, don't you like it?
- I hate it!

And it's such an ugly picture. It looks
like a four-year-old child did it.

- Well, is that why you don't like it?
- No, no. I just hate tattoos.

Oh, Duke, it's just so awful, but please
promise me you won't tell Gomer,

because he just loves it.

- No, he doesn't, Lou-Ann.
- He doesn't?

No. That's not a real tattoo.
It's just a drawing.

You see, it was supposed to be a joke,
but when Gomer thought you liked it, he...

- He's gonna have it made into a real one.
- You mean that he hasn't had it made yet?

Not yet, but he's on his way
to have it done right now.

Oh, Duke, well, I've got to stop him!
Where did he go?

Which tattoo parlor, Sarge?

Some joint on Pier Street.
I don't remember the name.

It's on Pier Street,
but we don't know the name of it.

Well, I'll find it. And thank you, Duke.
Goodbye.

Pier Street.

Stop it! Gomer, stop it!

- Lou-Ann, what are you doing here?
- [gasps] Oh!

- I'm too late!
- What can I do for you, lady?

I want you to stop what you're doing
right this minute.

- You from the Board of Health?
- No!

- You his sister?
- No!

- You want a tattoo?
- Well, certainly not!

Then will you please get out of here
and let me concentrate?

Gomer, please don't do it.

Lou-Ann,
you mean you don't like my tattoo?

I hate it!

You never liked it?

I've always hated it.

But you said you liked it.

Well, I said I liked it
because I thought you liked it.

Well, why would you think I liked it?

Well, Gomer, when somebody has something
put on their arm permanently for all time,

it's a natural assumption
to assume that they like it.

But I assumed you wouldn't like it
and would tell me so.

Why would you assume that?

Look, lady, I get paid by the job,
not by the hour,

so please get out of here
and let me finish!

Don't you dare touch his arm again!
I hate tattoos!

Listen, you're not even supposed to
be in here, so don't insult my art.

- I thought you liked it.
- Well, I didn't wanna hurt your feelings.

- Well, I didn't wanna hurt yours.
- But I didn't wanna hurt yours, either.

- But I didn't wanna hurt yours first.
- All right! All right! I'll stop.

But I'm too late.

Your arm is already... disfigured.

Oh, relax, lady.
We was just getting started.

See?

See? It comes right off.

Why, there are just two little marks!

Nostrils. I'm a great detail man.

Always start with the little things.
In this case, two little nostrils.

Oh, Gomer, I'm just so happy
that I got here in time.

- Well, so am I.
- Yeah. We're all thrilled.

Uh... Uh, uh, buddy, uh...

Oh, I'm sorry.

With all the excitement and everything,
I almost forgot to pay you.

I'll tell you what, I only done
the nostrils, I'll just charge you a buck.

Uh... a buck a nostril. That's two bucks.

Yeah. Oh, wait a minute. You're nice kids.
Here.

The nostrils are free.

Oh, well, thank you, sir!

Are you sure this is not gonna bother you
now? The nostrils, I mean.

Oh, no, Gomer, they won't bother me
if they don't bother you.

[Gomer] Well, the only reason
they'd bother me is if they bothered you.

[Lou-Ann] Well, they would bother me
if they did bother you.

But they would never bother me
if they didn't bother you.

[doorbell buzzes]

Gomer?

Hey, Lou-Ann!

Gomer Pyle, now, what is that?

- It's my mustache.
- Oh, now, it can't be your mustache.

Last time I saw you, you didn't have one.

Well, I saw you last on Saturday,
and here it is Friday already.

- That's plenty of time to grow a mustache.
- Hair doesn't grow that fast.

Well, hair just grows faster
on some people than it does on others.

I once knew a fella
whose hair grew so fast,

the barber couldn't keep up with him.

Now, Gomer Pyle,
I want you to tell me the truth.

Is that or is that not your mustache?

I swear by the Halls of Montezuma
that it is my mustache.

See?

I got a receipt right here

from the Quick-Hand Magic and Novelty Shop
made out to Gomer Pyle

- for one mustache.
- Gomer.

See, I told you the truth.
It was my mustache.

I was just having a little joke.

[Lou-Ann giggles] Oh, Gomer.

Well, you'd just better take it off,
because we're supposed to be at dinner

- in just a little while.
- Okay.

I must have put too much glue on it.