Original subtitles

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton as Sergeant Carter.

[music continues]

[razor buzzing]

Sergeant?

- Sergeant. - [gasps]

It's just me, Sergeant.

That's my big problem in life, Pyle. It's always you!

I just came by to pick up my pass for tonight,

but if you're busy, I'd be glad to come back later.

No, no, forget it, Pyle, I got your pass right here.

Just remember to knock next time, will ya?

Instead of barging in here.

- Understand? - Right, Sergeant. And I'm sorry.

[muffled barking]

What was that?

Huh? What's what?

Sounded like a dog.

[barking]

There it is again.

Sounds like it's coming from over here!

Hey, you're kinda nosey, ain't ya?

But I thought I heard a dog.

[whimpering]

You've done it, Sergeant!

You got yourself a dog! It is a dog, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah. Come on, you might as well have a look.

Whoo-hoo.

Shazam!

A little birthday present from me to Bunny. Cute, huh?

Golly, I'll say, Sergeant. Where'd you get him?

Corporal Wolnick over in C Company. His mutt had a whole litter of 'em.

And since I didn't know what to get for Bunny

She'll just love him. She'll just love him.

Look at that little feller. And look at that cute little face.

Yeah, the perfect birthday present. And cheap, too.

Didn't cost me a nickel.

Well, now you had a good look, okay?

So, if you don't mind, Pyle.

I can just see Miss Bunny's face when she sees him.

Oh, right, right. If I could ever get outta here, Pyle.

Right, Sergeant, I'm going now.

- And, Sergeant? - Yeah?

I'll bet you're the most thoughtful sergeant on this base.

But that's you. Always thinking about the other person.

I'll buy that.

[chuckling]

Hey, hey.

Ooh, yes.

Oh, you're just the cutest,

the absolutely most adorable little thing I've ever seen.

Yeah, he is, ain't he? [laughs]

- "Tipper!" How's that sound? - Huh?

Well, he's gotta have a name and look, Vince, he's got a little black spot

right on the tip of his tail.

Tipper, huh? Yeah, I guess that's as good as any.

Oh, Vince, I gotta tell you, this is the nicest present I ever got. Ever!

Who would ever think of giving a puppy for a present?

Yeah, well, I figured you could always use a little companionship,

uh, when I'm not around, that is.

Well, you sure figured right.

Oh, Vince, I just don't know how to thank you enough.

Don't worry. You'll think of something.

- Come on, let's go. - Go?

Well, sure, that's what I'm here for, ain't it?

Take you out on the town.

Oh, Vince, we can't go off and leave little Tipper all alone.

Huh?

Leave a little puppy in a strange apartment?

On his first day here?

Oh, Vince, you wouldn't want me to do that.

Well, he's just like a little baby.

Oh, you wanna stay home, huh?

We have to.

Well, uh, yeah, okay. We'll stay home.

Sure, I can whip up a couple of Highballs,

you can put on one of them ham and sweet potato frozen dinners.

- Exactly. - And then who knows?

Maybe a nice romantic movie on television.

What could be cozier? Huh, baby-doll?

[whimpering]

Oh, is that cute?

Oh, look, Vince, he doesn't like you to do that.

- Huh? - Go on, try it again.

[whimpers]

Is that cutest thing?

If you weren't the most adorable little thing!

Yeah, adorable. Adorable.

And, to think, he was all your idea.

My little sweetness, yes.

Aw, come on, Bunny, we stayed home last night!

And the night before that.

And all your time is taken up with that dog.

Honestly, I'm beginning to think I made a mistake,

ever bringing that mutt over to you.

Oh, no, no, no. I didn't mean it that way.

No, of course, I'd never take him back. I cross my heart.

Okay. We'll stay home tonight.

Huh?

I don't care. Whatever you want to defrost.

Well, chalk up another big night of pouring milk and spreading newspapers.

The pup again, huh?

Four nights in a row. Four nights. I can't get her out of that apartment!

Doesn't sound so bad to me, Vince.

The two of you home all alone with time on your hands?

Not the two of us, the three of us! Remember?

"And Baby Makes Three!"?

Hey, Vince, you want to get out so bad, maybe that's your answer.

Huh?

I mean, what do people do who have kids and want to get out?

- They get a babysitter. - So, who's got a baby?

Well, you do. You said so yourself.

You need a dog-sitter.

I know about baby-sitters, but dog-sitters?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, they got 'em. - Oh, come on, Chuck.

Where am I gonna find an idiot silly enough

to sit up all night with a dog?

Hey, Sergeant.

I think I know.

Correct that. I know I know.

Excuse me, Sergeant.

I just wanted to report that I finished that painting detail.

- It looks just like new. - Fine. Fine.

Uh, look, Pyle, I was wondering if you have anything special on for tonight?

Gosh, I don't know.

Well, to tell you the truth, Pyle,

I was wondering if you'd like to drop by

and kind of keep an eye on Bunny's new puppy tonight,

so as we can get away.

Golly, Sergeant. You really mean that?

I'd be glad to.

Oh, good. That's good, Pyle.

And I want to tell you, you'll be doing me a big favor.

Oh, no, Sergeant. It's you that's doing me the favor.

There's nothing in the world I like better than a little puppy.

Of course, that's not counting you, Sergeant.

I was just referring to animals.

[laughing]

Golly, Sergeant, I can't tell you

how I been looking forward to this evening.

You and me both, Pyle. You and me both.

Hi-ya, baby-doll, I got a little surprise for you.

- Hey, Miss Bunny. - Well, I wasn't expecting you.

Guess what?

He's gonna be a puppy-sitter.

- A puppy-sitter? - Don't you get it?

So you and I can get out and have a little fun.

Sure, Miss Bunny. You really ought to get out.

Especially after having been cooped-up like you have.

Well, gee, fellas, I don't know.

What don't you know?

Believe me, Pyle will take better care of Tipper than you will.

And he's had lots of pets in his life, right, Pyle?

Yes, ma'am. I've had dogs and cats and birds and even a pig.

Do you want to hear about the pig?

No.

What do you say, Bunny?

Well, I could stand a night out at that.

Well, you sure you know what to do?

Oh, yes, ma'am. It's just a matter of common sense.

Sure, sure. Come on, let's go.

Okay, Vince.

Oh, I-I guess I better bring Tipper out,

so he can get used to you before we leave.

Good idea.

[chuckling]

- Well, thanks again, Pyle. - It's okay, Sergeant.

I'm gonna have every bit as much fun as you are.

You want to bet?

[laughs]

Well, here we are, out among the human race again.

Admit it. It's nice, huh?

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

Especially when you consider I got you all to myself for a change,

just the two of us.

Which reminds me.

I didn't tell you about the full itinerary for tonight.

Now, here's what I got in mind.

First, a nice energy-building blue plate special.

[waitress] Excuse me.

You Bunny Olsen?

Yes. Yes, I am.

Oh, you got a phone call.

He said you'd be sitting with a Sergeant.

You can take it right over there.

Thanks. Wonder who'd be calling me.

I don't know.

You don't think something's happened to Tipper? Oh!

Hello?

Hey, Miss Bunny.

Gomer, what's wrong?

Oh, nothing, ma'am. Everything's just fine.

It's just that I hate to bother you with something so unimportant.

- What does he want? - Shh.

Oh, no, Gomer. It's no bother at all.

Well, I see that you got Tipper's bed under the sink,

and I just wondered,

it's awful damp under there, especially for a little puppy.

Gee, I never thought of that.

But you know what?

Right next to the broom closet, that's real dry.

And he wouldn't get no draft from the window neither.

You're absolutely right, Gomer. I never thought of that.

Next to the broom closet sounds much better.

[groaning] Oh.

That's all I wanted. Thank you.

I sure hope it wasn't no inconvenience calling you like this.

Well, it's okay, Gomer, I'm glad you did.

Well, you two go on and have a good time.

Me and Tipper's getting along just fine and dandy.

Glad to hear it.

Okay, Gomer, we'll see you later, huh?

What oh, okay, I sure will. Bye-bye.

Gomer said to say, "Hey."

I'm touched. I'm really touched.

That knucklehead!

Well, was that a dinner or was that a dinner?

- [sighs] - [chuckles]

Now, about that itinerary,

here's what I thought we'd do from here.

First, maybe we'll stop at Jamaica Joe's for a couple of cha-chas,

you know, to work off dinner.

Ooh, yeah. Sounds good.

Then what do you say we take a nice long drive along the ocean.

And maybe we can

Miss Olsen, you're wanted on the phone again.

You're kidding!

It's must be Gomer again.

Oh!

Only this time let me talk to him, huh.

I want few words with him!

Vince, it could be important.

Sure, like which part of the newspaper does the mutt like best,

the sports section or the financial page!

Never mind!

Hello?

Hey, Miss Bunny, it's me, again.

No, no, nothing to be alarmed about.

It's just that I put Tipper down to sleep next to the broom closet,

and, well, he keeps crawling back under the sink.

- Oh, no. - What? What?

But you know what I thought?

He seems to feel real secure in the living room next to the TV set.

I could keep him there.

Good idea, Gomer. Why don't you try that.

Tipper keeps crawling back under the sink.

You gotta be kidding! That stupid meathead called you up to tell you that?

Hey, Miss Bunny, is that Sergeant Carter I hear?

You wanna say hello?

Good-bye. That's what I want to say. Good-bye!

Hey, Sergeant Carter. Are you and Miss Bunny having fun?

Yeah, Pyle. In between your phone calls, we're having a lot of fun.

Well, you two just stay out just as late as you want to,

long as I know where I can reach you in case something important comes up.

I got news for you, Pyle.

From here on in you got any more hot flashes about that pooch,

you're gonna have to send 'em by a sea-going pigeon, you got that!

Oh, I sure do. But you be real careful now.

Them oceanfront roads are real dark and twisty this time of night.

And you know what?

The ocean spray gets on those roads and they get real slick.

You know what I'd do if I was you?

I...

Hello?

Hello?

[waves crashing]

[sighs]

- It's a nice spot, huh? - Mm-hmm.

Talk about beautiful, I gotta tell ya, as good as you looked in the restaurant,

you look even better in the dark.

All soft and feminine

real kissable.

Oh, Vince, you know you got fuzz on your ears just like Tipper.

Yeah? I guess that makes us dogs of a feather, don't it?

[chuckles]

You think Gomer got him down for the night?

Huh?

Oh, I'm sorry, Vince, it's just that

well, this is the first time I've ever left him alone at night.

Hey, what's with you? You're talking like you left a baby back home.

Well, it is a baby. He's only three months old.

A dog baby! A dog baby!

And you didn't leave him alone. You left him with Pyle.

Mr. Conscientious himself.

Yeah. I guess you're right. I'm sorry, Vince.

Yeah, that's better.

It's just that Gomer can't reach us out here.

Yeah. Ain't it the truth. [laughs]

- What if Gomer's having trouble? - Oh, for Pete's sake!

What it Tipper's sick and he can't reach us?

- Oh, Vince, we better go back. - Huh?

Oh, please, Vince, just for my own peace of mind.

Pretty please.

Okay, okay. Why not?

There's nothing out here but a bunch of crummy moonlight anyway.

[keys jingle]

Hey, Bunny, Sergeant Carter. You back so soon?

Is he asleep? Did you get him down all right?

Shh! Everything's fine. I got him down about an hour ago.

Okay, Pyle. Thanks again.

You can get lost now, you know what I mean?

There's still some of the evening left.

- Good night, Tipper. - [whimpers]

What's the matter, sweetie?

Golly, I must've disturbed him.

Don't worry about it, Pyle. I can take care of him myself.

- You just get going. - [whimpers]

Oh, better let me, Vince.

Aw, what's the matter, sweetie?

If I may, Miss Bunny, all these faces all of a sudden is quite a shock.

Come on, Tipper.

Everything's going to be all right. You just settle down.

Well, will you look at that, Vince?

Gomer's the only one who can keep him quiet.

Yeah, a regular Pied Piper.

Well, I really do have to go.

[Tipper whimpers]

Wait a minute, Gomer.

You don't really have to go, do you?

Tipper doesn't want you to.

Well, I really would like to stay, but

I guess I better go.

Vince, you make him stay.

You're his boss, you're the sergeant.

Well, sure, but if he says he got to go--

Oh, I didn't say I had to go.

- You was the one who-- - Okay! Okay!

You hear that, Tipper?

How about that? I'm going to stay.

I'm not going after all.

Oh, good.

Now we can watch the late movie

and keep Tipper happy at the same time.

Aw, come on, Wolnick, it just didn't work out, that's all.

My girlfriend has a job

and she just doesn't have time to take care of

I know I should've thought of that first.

So, why can't you take the puppy back, huh?

Oh. You still got two of them left.

Hey, what if I give you five bucks?

What do you mean, "No soap"?

Thanks a lot!

This is ridiculous. This whole thing is ridiculous.

- Dumb, stupid and ridiculous! - And it's really getting to you, isn't it?

I'm telling you, that pup has put some cramp in my style.

- Things that bad, huh? - And it's not getting any better.

You know what I got to look forward to

for the next few months? Dog watching!

And all I'm going to have to show for it

is a stack of frozen dinner trays a mile high.

Doesn't sound so bad to me.

Think of all the dough you're saving on restaurants.

Who cares? I'm tired of eating in.

Besides, who do you think gets all that attention?

Not me, that's for sure.

But just remember, Vince, it was your idea in the first place.

Yeah, yeah. He's still got two pups.

So, who cares if he's got three? That Wolnick.

Hey! What am I groaning about?

Who says Bunny has to know that Wolnick won't take him back?

- What do you mean? - Hey, Sergeant.

Look what I got for you to take to Tipper.

Best way in the world to make friends with a dog.

A rubber mouse and it's good for his teeth, too. He can go on--

Uh, thanks, Pyle, but I'm afraid you're a little too late.

I was just telling the bad news to Boyle here.

What's wrong? What bad news?

I just talked to Corporal Wolnick.

Tipper's mother's having a real bad time of it.

Won't eat, won't sleep, won't bark, nothing.

Oh, that's a shame, Sergeant.

Yeah, a case of a broken-hearted mother, if I ever heard of one.

So what could I do?

I had to tell Wolnick I'd send the pup back.

- But, Sergeant, you couldn't. - I hated to, but I have to, Pyle.

Terrible, terrible, terrible!

I can imagine how you feel, Sergeant,

knowing what Tipper means to Miss Bunny and all.

Like a rat, a real rat.

But you're doing the right thing.

Guess there's nothing else you can do under the circumstances.

Would you tuck this in Tipper's basket as kind of a going away gift?

Sure thing, Pyle.

And thanks.

Huh? Huh?

He went for it, hook, line, and sinker.

You're a genius, Vince.

Sure, and Bunny will go for the same bit.

No muss, no fuss.

Just one little question, Vince.

What about the puppy?

- What about the puppy? - Well, where does he go?

If Wolnick won't take him back, what's the plan?

I'll take him to a pet shop.

That way, number one,

he'll have lots of company during the day,

and number two, sooner or later, some nice guy's going to come in

and take him home to some lucky kid.

Aw, come on, Chuck. Would I do anything that wasn't on the up and up?

- You know me. - Yeah, that's why I asked.

I just wish you hadn't given him to me in the first place

if I knew I had to give him back.

Aw, come on, Bunny. It's just one of those things.

It could happen to anybody and his mother.

I can't help it. I'm so used to the little thing.

Always waiting for me when I get home from work.

Well, I, I guess I better take off, huh,

before we both fall apart?

I mean, for all our sakes.

I guess you're right.

No use crying over spilled milk.

Oh, I'm sorry, Tipper, sweetie. But it's for your own good, honest.

And who knows, maybe I'll even come and visit you now and then.

Yeah, sure you will.

Look, Bunny, while I'm gone, why don't you get yourself all dolled up

for a night on the town?

You know, take your mind of things.

Okay, Vince, whatever you say.

Yeah.

Well, no use keeping your old lady waiting. Huh, old sport?

[knocking]

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

- Gomer! - I got it all solved, Miss Bunny.

I got it all solved.

You got what all solved?

What are you doing with that, that horse?

It's not a horse, sergeant, this is Cleopatra.

- [Bunny] Who? - Cleopatra, Tipper's mama.

I arranged with Corporal Wolnick

to bring her over twice a week so she can visit with Tipper.

- You what? - See, sergeant?

Now Tipper don't have to go back. He don't have to go back at all.

Gomer, you doll! Ooh, you absolute doll!

Well, I knew I had to do something,

knowing how you and Sergeant Carter felt about Tipper.

Ain't that right, Sergeant?

Did you hear that, Tipper? You're not going back after all!

You're going to stay right here.

[whimpers, barks]

And you, too, Gomer.

You're gonna stay for dinner, so Tipper and his mama can spend

as much time as they want together.

Bless his heart.

Not only do I have a puppy,

now I got a puppy, a puppy's mother and Pyle, Papa Puppy.

I got a whole family.

Well, at least you have one consolation.

He'll grow out of it and won't need all that attention.

Sure, then he'll be a bigger nuisance!

I'll have to walk him around the block. I'll have to take him for his shots.

I'll probably even have to fix him up with dates

the way things are going now.

Oh, no. No, I've got to do something now

before Bunny really gets too attached to him.

- What? - Well, you know, I've been thinking.

I know, I can see the perspiration.

I mean, what if we drop by Bunny's apartment?

You know, while she's at work. I know where she leaves the key.

- My sergeant, the dog nap per. - It's not like that at all.

I got it all worked out with a guy at the pet shop.

He's gonna make sure that Tipper gets a nice home with lots of kids.

I'm doing it as much for him as for me.

What am I, a rat?

No comment.

Gone? Just like that?

Oh, what a shame.

Are you sure you looked all over?

Uh, look, Bunny, take it easy. I'll be right there.

Just sit down and calm yourself.

No, no. I'll check the pound.

Yeah, I'll drive around the entire neighborhood.

I promise. I'll look around real good.

Okay.

Sounds kind of different with a knife in her back, don't she, Vince?

Oh, will you stop.

Look, I told you. It was either me or the pup.

Hey, sergeant, are you going into town?

Got bad news for you, Pyle. Real bad news this time.

Bunny just called, the pup ran away.

- He ran away? - Yeah, up and left.

Why, that's terrible, sergeant. Terrible, terrible, terrible.

Look, I better rush over to Bunny's, she's pretty upset.

Take over, Boyle. I may be a while.

Wh-why, that's the most terrible thing I've ever heard of.

Yeah, that's for sure.

Well, how did he get out? How?

Look, Pyle, what's done is done. I've got work to do.

Poor Miss Bunny.

She was so attached to that little fella.

Sure wish there was something I could do.

Poor, little Tipper.

Wandering around just whining his little heart out.

Oh, come on, Bunny, he's not wandering around.

You know what?

Some kid picked him up,

probably flipped him over the minute he saw him and took him back to a nice home.

But how can we be sure?

And I'll tell you something else.

A kid can give a pup a lot more love than a working girl.

You shouldn't have a dog, Bunny.

Not when you have to leave him alone all the time.

Maybe you're right, Vince.

It's just that I was getting so attached to Tipper,

coming home to all that love and companionship.

Oh, don't worry about that.

I'll make sure you get all the love and companionship you can stand.

Oh, Vince.

Believe me, if I can't make you forget a little two-pound puppy.

[knocking]

Tipper? Maybe it's somebody who found Tipper!

Well, I wouldn't set my hopes on it, honey.

[squeals]

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

Oh, Gomer, bless you!

Where did you find him?

Wait'll you hear, Miss Bunny just, Wait'll you hear.

You see, when the sergeant here told me the terrible news,

I just couldn't sit around and do nothing,

so I decided I'd have a look around.

And I looked high and low, too.

- High and low. - And?

And then I got an idea.

I thought to myself, "Well, what if somebody found Tipper,

and then couldn't take him home with him,

what would they do?

They might just sell him to a pet shop."

[groans]

What'd you say, Sergeant?

Huh? Oh, nothing. I just said, uh [sighs]

Aren't you happy we found him?

Oh, sure, sure.

That's what that was, a sound of relief that we found him.

[sighs]

- Vince, can you believe it? - No, I really can't.

Well, I guess I better get going and leave you three alone for awhile.

Wait a minute, Gomer. Didn't you say you bought him back?

- How much did you have to pay for him? - Well, it was only $35.

Thirty five bucks?

That's right, Sergeant, and I wasn't about to argue, neither,

knowing you wanted to get Tipper back for Miss Bunny at any price.

Vince, give Gomer the $35, and with thanks.

Actually, Sergeant, it was $36.50 with the tax.

Which ain't hardly nothing, consider you're gonna get

a million dollars worth of happiness out of that little puppy.

[chuckles]