All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S03E09 Gomer Pyle Super Chef 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton as
as Sergeant Carter.

[band music continues]

Okay, it's open for a buck.

- Okay, Vince, I'm in.
- I'll see it.

Come on, Carter, deal 'em
like you know how.

Listen to the maharajah of the mess hall.

- How many cards?
- I'll take three.

Uh, give me two.

And I'll play these.

Cost you two clams to see 'em.

Okay, Vince, I'll keep you honest.

That's it for me.

Read 'em and weep, sucker.

Two pair. Aces and jacks. [laughing]

Not so fast, sport. I got 15.

- What?
- Three little fives.

Looks like he outdrew you, Sarge.

You should only have so much
luck with your chow, Hacker.

We'd be eating like kings.

I don't know about my chow,
but I just cooked your goose.

Cooked his goose. [laughing]

[laughs mockingly]

- Hey, Sergeant, I got it.
- Huh?

Don't you remember? You told me to stop by

and pick up your uniform
at the dry cleaners.

Dry cleaners?

He's already been taken to the cleaners,
haven't you, Vince?

Okay, Pyle, just hang it in the locker.

Wait a minute, let's see
what kind of work they did.

That's not my uniform.
That skirt it's a woman's.

Why don't you try it on, Vince?
Maybe it'll change your luck.

Can't you ever do anything right?

I gave you a simple little job,

go over to the cleaners
and pick up my uniform.

Was that too much for that
peanut brain of yours to absorb?

I'm sorry about that, Sergeant.

But it said "Sergeant Carter" on the bill.

It did? Where?

You're right, Pyle, it did.
It says "Carter" all right.

Sergeant Gloria Carter.

Well, I'll be. Gloria Carter.

- Well, I'm as sorry as I can be
- Knock it off, Pyle.

Just double-time over to that dry cleaners
and pick up my uniform.

Now, is that clear,
or should I write it down? Go!

Right, Sergeant.

I can't imagine how a mistake
like that happened. Imagine--

Move! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!

Of all the nitwits.

You know, I used to have plans
of being a 30-year man.

But with a guy like Pyle
in my outfit, I don't know.

Any day now, any day.

Yeah, well, as my old
mess sergeant used to say,

"No matter how you stir the pot,

you only get out of it
what you put into it."

Huh? What is that supposed to mean?

What's it supposed to mean?

Well, I was just saying a guy
like Pyle needs special attention.

He's just not getting it.

- Can you open, Boyle?
- Hold on, Hacker.

What kind of attention ain't he getting?

What kind? Uh, understanding.

You know, a guy that knows
how to work with him.

And it's just possible, Vince,
that you don't know how to handle him.

- And can you open?
- I don't know how to handle him?

What are you hinting at, Hacker?
That you'd know how to handle him?

Well, I've had guys
like Pyle in my mess hall.

Some even worse.

I remember one birdbrain,
he couldn't even handle a can opener.

But I worked with him,
gave him a little encouragement

and then within one week,

one week, he was able to prepare a meal
for the whole company.

Well, what do you know, Boyle,
we got a miracle worker sitting here.

A regular miracle worker.

Can we play?

What are you suggesting, Hacker,

that you can work a miracle
with Pyle, too?

No miracle, Vince.
Just the right approach.

You see, the trouble with you is,
is you have no tact.

I got no what?

Tact, tact.

You see the difference between us is,
is that I have feelings for human beings.

And let's face it, Vince, you don't.

As a matter of fact,
sometimes you are downright crude.

Crude? Who you calling crude?

- I'm calling you crude.
- Fellas, please, can we play?

You know what I ought to do?
I ought to turn him over to you.

That's right, you got all that tact
and feeling for people--

I ought to give him to you as a present.

Why don't you? I couldn't do any worse
with him than you have.

Okay, he's yours.

And while we're at it,
suppose we put a little bet on it?

A bet? Who said anything about a bet?

Well, you're the big genius
that took some goof-up

and had him turning out a meal.

There's no reason you can't do
the same thing with Pyle, is there?

Pyle-- cook a meal?

Hey, he's pretty big with the talk,
ain't he, Boyle, huh?

But when it comes to putting up the dough

Okay, okay, I'll do it.

I did it with one knucklehead,
I can do it with another.

You're going to take Pyle on?

Yeah, I'll take him on just
to prove something to you, Vince.

- Okay, how much?
- You tell me.

Well, since you're loaded down with tact,
shall we say 50?

All right, let's say 50.

But remember, I'm not promising
Pyle will be the head chef at the Waldorf.

He'll just be able to
prepare a meal by himself.

You heard him, you heard him. 50 bucks.

By this time next week, Pyle cooks a meal

all on his own, right, Hacker?

Right, right, yeah, yeah.

Oh, and just one more little thing,
about that meal, Hacker,

we have to live after it.

[laughing]

The Mess hall?
You mean you're putting me on KP?

Oh, no, Pyle, this has nothing
to do with KP.

You see, there's this new regulation

that all Marines have to be able to
double up in different jobs.

You know, in case of emergency.

So, knowing how you love to eat,

I thought you'd be perfect
for the kitchen.

Well, does this mean that I'm going to be
over there all the time?

You're not trying to get rid of me
are you, Sergeant?

Oh, why, no, Pyle.
How could you think such a thing?

This is just a temporary assignment
for a week.

- And what a great opportunity.
- Really?

Oh, sure. Everybody wanted the job,
but Sergeant Hacker asked for you special.

He did?

Well, I sure hope I'm worthy of the job.

Oh, you are, Pyle, you are.
You're going to be just great.

The fact is, I've got every confidence
in the world in you.

Well, thank you, Sergeant.

Knowing that you feel that way about it,

I'm gonna go over there
to the mess hall tomorrow

and give it everything I've got.

Good. Good boy. [laughing]

You will?

Well, remember, Pyle, we're all only human

and sometimes even
the best of us make mistakes.

Don't you worry, Sergeant,
I won't let you down.

Yeah, well, whatever you do, Pyle,

just be yourself and everything
will work out fine.

How do you mean that?

I mean, don't do anything
to change the way you are.

I mean, just be yourself.

All right, snap it up in there now.
We're a little behind this morning.

Pyle? Where's Pyle?
He was here a minute ago.

- Pyle?
- Here I am, Sergeant.

I had to go change my hat.

The other one was kind of loose,

and I didn't want it
to fall into breakfast.

Yeah, fine, Pyle, fine.

But stay close. Stay real close.

Now, you're my number one assistant,
and I'm counting on you.

Well, I sure appreciate that, Sergeant.
And believe me, I'm going to do my best.

I mean, you won't be sorry for all
the faith and trust you have in me

Yeah, yeah, sure, Pyle.

Now let's see, I want to put you on
something nice and simple.

Uh ah, aha, there it is.

Now since this is your first day
in the kitchen,

I'm going to put you on oatmeal.

You mean, I'm gonna get
to make the oatmeal?

My aunt had a recipe--

No, no, Pyle, no.
The oatmeal's all ready to go.

You see, the ingredients
are all in there cooking away.

Now all you have to do is stir it.
Now watch me.

Now you see, that's all there is to it.

You just make circles. Nice round circles.

Now why don't you try it, Pyle.

Okay.

Like this?

That's perfect, just perfect.

I've never seen anybody take to stirring
just like that.

Thank you, Sergeant.

Just one question, though.

Is it okay if I change directions
and go like this?

Sure, anything you want, Pyle.
Backwards, forwards, sideways.

Can I make numbers and X's
like a figure eight?

Sure, Pyle.

X's, numbers, doodles-- anything you want.

But just keep stirring.

Now I'm going to go out
and check on the steam tables.

If you need anything, just call me.

All right, Sergeant,
you go about your business

and just leave the oatmeal to me.

[mysterious music plays]

Say

That's a pretty heavy load you got there.

Let me give you some help.

There you go.

Boy, this is way too big
a bundle for any one man.

[dramatic music plays]

Oatmeal! Pyle, the oatmeal! Pyle! Pyle!

You call me, Sergeant? I was just helping

- Shazam. The oatmeal, it's boiling over.
- Yeah, sure it's boiling over.

Why is it boiling over?
Because you stopped stirring.

You did stop stirring, didn't you, Pyle?

Yes, Sergeant, I got not excuse.
I left my post.

Oh, I feel just terrible.

- Well, get a mop, just get a mop.
- I will, Sergeant, I'll get a mop.

Right away. You just wait right here.

- Wow, what happened here?
- What does it look like?

We'd better do something fast, Sergeant.
The guys are lining up for chow.

What are we going to do?

We'll just give them
what's left, that's all.

Get a rag and start cleaning up.
And the rest of you, move around there.

Okay, come on, keep it moving there.

You mean that's it?

Come on, come on, stop with the jokes.
Put something in there.

Come on, Carter, move it along.
You're holding up the line.

What do you mean? Are you guys putting out
food for canaries?

You're feeding Marines. Come on, let's go.

Look, Carter, you got more than enough.

Your eyes are bigger than your stomach.

Besides, we've been wasting
too much food in this mess Hali

and I'm calling a halt to it.

Hold on, Hacker.

What are you talking about?
There's nothing in there.

Waste not, want not. Now move it.

I don't know, there's something
phony going on around here.

Hey, Sergeant Hacker,
I finished all my mopping

and I cleaned up the whole mess.

Hey, Sergeant Carter.

Boy, when oatmeal boils over,
it really boils over.

- Yeah, well, okay, Pyle, come on--
- I should have known.

It boiled over?

We're out of oatmeal
because of you, huh, Pyle?

That's right, Sergeant. It's all my fault.
I take full responsibility.

Just like I was telling
Sergeant Hacker--

Yeah, okay, Pyle, come on, back in
the kitchen. We got a lot of work to do.

- Fill up those salt shakers, huh?
- Right, Sergeant.

Sure hope you enjoy the oatmeal, Sergeant.
Or what's left of it.

Oh, I will, I will.

I'll enjoy it like it was a $50 dinner,
huh, Hacker?

[laughs]

Okay, now, Pyle, like I told you,

we're gonna forget all
about what happened at breakfast.

We're gonna start fresh.

We're gonna pretend that you've never been
in this kitchen before, all right?

Okay, Sergeant.

Okay, now you see what we got to do, Pyle,
is start from the beginning.

We got to get you acquainted
with all the fundamentals here.

And by the time we're through,

you're going to be able to cook a meal
all by yourself.

Golly, Sergeant, me cook a meal by myself?

Why, I appreciate
your faith in me, Sergeant,

but I don't think I could ever do that.

Confidence, Pyle, confidence.

Now let's take a reading on the stuff
we're going to be using, all right?

Well, now, first of all, this is a stove.

- Oh, I already knew that.
- Hmm.

Well, it never hurts to be sure.

Now, repeat after me, uh skillet.

- Skillet.
- Fine.

Uh, Chopping block.

- Chopping block.
- Good.

Soup ladle.

Soup ladle.

Potato masher.

Potato masher.

- Meat cleaver.
- Meat cleaver.

All right. I think that's about
enough for a starter.

Now let's review
what we learned, shall we?

Uh

- Skillet.
- Good.

Uh

- Soup ladle.
- Very good.

Uh

Oh, uh you just told me.

- Now don't tell me, don't tell me.
- Me mea meat, meat

Oh, I know, no, meat axe. Meat axe.

No, it's not a meat axe.
It's a meat cleaver. A cleaver.

Now pay attention, Pyle,
or you'll never learn to cook.

Now get this through your head.

[gasps]

What's going on here?

That cleaver, Hacker--
what are you trying to do?

Just because he ruined the oatmeal?
[clicking tongue]

Oh, knock it off, Carter.

Sergeant Hacker here
was giving me a cooking lesson.

Yeah, yeah, well, that'll be all
for the first lesson, Pyle.

- Why don't you go take a break.
- Well, thank you, Sergeant.

And I sure am enjoying the course.

You just call me when you
get ready for another class.

Chopping block

meat clature

Come on, Charlie, stop kidding around.

Why don't you admit he's impossible,
and toss in the dishtowel.

I got till Friday, that's all I'm saying.

You beginning to get
the problem, buddy boy?

You still think all Pyle needs
is the right approach? Huh, huh?

I got till Friday, that's all I'm saying.

Well, just remember, Hacker,
by Friday he fixes that meal,

or you're out the 50.

Just don't you worry about him.

I still say all he needs is
a little patience and encouragement,

which is what I'm giving him,
and he'll be fine, just fine.

[mysterious music plays]

[no audio]

[no audio]

[sniffing]

[no audio]

[music continues]

Well, well, well, look who they got
serving up the noon chow.

Hey, Sergeant Carter, Corporal Boyle.

Would you care for some mashed potatoes?

Oh, sure, Pyle, load me up.

I'll take some, too, Pyle.

Hey, Sergeant, guess what?

Huh? What's the matter, Pyle?

I made these mashed potatoes myself.

You did? No kidding.

Hey, Boyle, you hear that?
Pyle made the mashed potatoes--

Shh! Shh!

I don't want the other cooks to hear.
They'll think I'm pushing myself.

Oh, sure, Pyle, sure.

They look delicious. You did a great job.

Thank you, Sergeant.

I can hardly wait for you to taste them.

Yeah, well, uh, we can hardly wait,
either, right, Boyle? [chuckling]

Let me know what you think.

If you want seconds, there's plenty more.

Hey, Vince?

You think Pyle really made
these potatoes by himself?

I don't know,
but here's where we find out.

He made them.

Hacker! Oh, Mess Sergeant Hacker?

What do you want, Carter? I'm busy.

I understand that Pyle made
these potatoes all by himself.

That's right, Pyle made them. So what?
What's wrong with them?

Well, Boyle and me were just
wondering about the recipe.

Did he use cement or wallpaper paste?

I had everything laid out for him.

I even stood over him
while he mixed the ingredients.

How could he-- wait a minute. I remember.

I went back to the reefer
for some more milk.

But I couldn't have been
gone more than 45 seconds.

He couldn't have!

Oh, yes he could, Hacker.

Leaving Pyle alone
for 45 seconds is inviting disaster.

But how?

It's impossible. It can't be.

You know, Hacker,
I almost feel sorry for you.

If I was a real nice guy,

I'd let you off the hook
and call off the bet.

But I'm not a nice guy
and you got a big mouth,

so the bet's still on.

He cooks the meal on Friday,
which is tomorrow, is it not?

[groaning]

[laughing]

Yes, sir, Boyle, this is it, D-day.
Dinner Day.

Fifty big ones coming my way.
Five-oh. [laughing]

You sound awful confident, Sarge.

You're that positive Pyle's
going to blow the meal?

I'll tell you how positive I am.

I'm going to call that fancy
French joint in town, Le Petit Château,

and make a dinner reservation
for Bunny and me.

We've got a lot of celebrating to do.

[chuckling]

You sent for me, sir?

Yes, Sergeant.

We just received word from the airstrip

that Colonel Driscoll arrived
from San Francisco,

and we'll be eating
at your mess this noon.

I just thought you ought to know.

Yes, sir. Well, uh, I'll cook up some
T-bone steaks, a couple of baked potatoes

Oh, no, no. Nothing special.
What are you serving the men?

Well, the menu calls
for salmon croquettes, sir,

but I'm sure that you and the colonel
would like something more elaborate.

I'm afraid you don't understand, Sergeant.

Colonel Driscoll makes it a policy
to always eat what the men are eating,

so salmon croquettes will be fine.

B-But, sir, the croquettes--
you see, I'm not sure about that.

What I mean is, they may not
come out the way we--

I know this is short notice, Sergeant,
but whatever you have will be fine.

That'll be all.

Aye, aye, sir.

Hey, Carter, it's over. The bet's off.
I've got to get over to the mess hall.

- Huh?
- Colonel Driscoll's on the post.

He's going to eat our mess hall.

Colonel Driscoll's going
to eat Pyle's cooking?

That's very funny.

Oh, yeah, how funny is it going to be

when he tastes the cooking
and orders an investigation?

What do you mean?

There's got to be an investigation.
The guys, they just beef a little.

But the colonel will
order an investigation.

- Huh?
- Can't you see?

It's got to come out
that that miserable meal

is the result of a personal
bet between you and me.

You'll be in as much trouble as me.

So what do you suggest?

Our only hope is to get over there

and doctor up Pyle's meal
before the colonel shows.

Come on, let's go.

- Yeah.
- Wait a minute.

What if Pyle's cooking can't be fixed?

I don't know. We'll do something.
We'll send out for Chinese.

Come on!

[upbeat music playing]

Out of the way! Out of the way!

It's an emergency!

Hold it, Vince. Look.

We're too late.

It's Colonel Driscoll with Colonel Gray.

Yeah, and look who's carrying their trays.

Oh, somebody trip him.
Somebody trip him, please.

Oh, he's serving the meal.

Vince, I can't watch anymore.

Pyle's handing out the napkins.

Driscoll, picking up his fork.

He's taking a bite. I can't watch, either.

Fifteen years. 15 years!

I've been a mess sergeant for 15 years,

and now to see it all go down the drain.

Easy, Charlie, easy.

You take it easy.

All those years serving up chow

in jungles, on beachheads,
during air raids,

in war and peace, all those years.

And not once, not once

was I ever called up for a bad meal.

And now, this is the way it all ends.
And it's all your fault.

My fault? My fault?
Who opened his big mouth first?

Who wanted Pyle to cook a meal?

Yeah, but if you hadn't
given me that static--

- Knock it off!
- What do you mean, "Knock it off"?

Sergeant Hacker. Sergeant Carter.

The colonel would like to
see you both right away.

[dramatic music plays]

Sergeant Hacker reporting as ordered, sir.

Sergeant Carter reporting as ordered, sir.

At ease.

I understand that you two men have had

something to do
with the preparation of this meal.

Uh, yes, sir.

We, uh, both share in the responsibility.

Good, 'cause I just want to say

that that is the best pork rinds
and collard greens I have ever eaten.

Sir?

Not to mention those black-eyed peas,

the grits and gravy,
and that cherry cobbler.

Boys, I haven't tasted cooking like that

since I was a young'un
back home in Georgia.

A pleasant surprise, Sergeant.

I understood today's menu
called for salmon croquettes.

Well, I guess I'm to blame for that, sir.

You see, sergeant, when I started
fixing them salmon croquettes,

I couldn't make heads nor tails
out of that recipe,

and I knew I couldn't let
the fellas go away without eating.

So I just got to thinking,
and Shazam, it come to me!

"Shazam"?

See, I remembered those
Sunday church suppers back home.

And how used to watch my Aunt Martha
prepare all the fixings.

So I just put my memory
to work and this is it.

Well, however you did it, son,
it certainly was a pleasant surprise.

And you deserve a lot of credit.

Well, thank you, Colonel,
but I can't claim all the credit.

'Cause if it hadn't been
for Sergeant Hacker here

and Sergeant Carter,
I never could've done it.

Hold it, son. You lost me there.
What do you mean?

Well, to be honest with you,
Colonel, up to now,

I've been making a real mess
here in the mess hall.

But Sergeant Hacker was just
as patient as he could be.

Hardly ever raised his voice to me.

All he was worried about
was me making the grade,

isn't that right, Sergeant Hacker?

Yeah, Pyle, sure, that's right.

And, as for Sergeant Carter here,

when I told him how bad things was going
over here in the mess hall,

he told me not to worry at all.

Said it was "okay"
if I ruined a few meals.

He said, "The only way to learn
is by making mistakes."

So you see,
they deserve most of the credit.

With faith and confidence
like that, how could I go wrong?

Well, apparently you two sergeants
have a real talent

for handling men, and that's good.

Thank you, sir.

All we can do is try, give it our best.

But, of course, with a bright
boy like Pyle here to work with,

you really have no problems.

Yes, sir, he's one of my favorites.
Bright as they come.

Only wish I had more like him.

Well, Vince, all in all,

I'd say we've been
pretty lucky. Pretty lucky.

Yeah, Pyle really came
through for us, didn't he?

[both laughing]

He sure did.

And speaking of coming through,
how about paying off?

Paying off? What do you mean?

Well, the bet. The bet that, uh,

Pyle could manage a meal all by himself.

Are you kidding? You called it off.
Don't you remember?

Oh, I called it off when I thought

that I'd have to throw his meal
out and cook one myself.

But I didn't have to.
Pyle's meal worked, so pay up.

So it worked, that's no credit to you.

That's cooking he learned
from this Aunt Martha.

If I was gonna pay anybody,
I'd pay his Aunt Martha.

Come on, Vince, be fair.

Be fair? You be fair.

You cancel out, the bet's off. Come on!

Well, all right. Maybe you're right.

- You're darn right I'm right.
- There you got me on a technicality.

Yeah.

But you've got to admit one thing,
what I started out to prove.

That if you show even
a knucklehead like Pyle

a little patience and understanding,
he'll come through for you.

I don't know.

What do you mean?

He did such a good job with lunch,
I told him to go ahead and make dinner.

- You did? He's making dinner?
- Right now.

Tact, Vince, tact.

Just show him a little confidence

and he'll come through.
Why don't you admit it?

I don't know.

Admit it. Admit it. All he needs--

[explosion]

What was that?

I don't know.

- Thunder?
- Could be a sonic boom.

No, it sounded closer

like it came from down
around the mess hall.

The mess hall!

Pyle.

Sergeant Hacker,
I got bad news about your stove.

Admit what, Hacker?

What should I admit, huh?

What, what, what, what--
what should I admit, huh?

[laughing]

[marching band plays]