Original subtitles

[marching band playing]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton as Sergeant Carter.

I want every inch of these grounds policed!

Every inch! Is that clear?

[all] Yes, sir!

Get those heads down and pick up everything that doesn't grow!

Move it! Move it!

[in southern accent] Shazam! Look what I found!

- [man] What you got, Gome? - [Gomer] Look, see it?

What is it? What'd you find?

Af our-leaf clover.

- Well, aren't you lucky. - Ain't I, though?

I wonder what kind of luck it'll bring me.

I wonder.

All right, you people, get back to work!

Move it, move it!

Back home Barbara Sue Hooverback found one under her front porch,

and two weeks later, she married Wendell Comroy.

And to this day, she still wears that clover

in a locket around her neck on a chain.

- Pyle... - She's so proud of it.

She wears these real low-cut dresses so everybody can see it.

Pyle!

Course, you can't see the clover unless she opens up her locket.

Shoot, she'll open up that locket at the drop of a hat.

- Pyle, knock it off! - Yes, sir.

All right, you people, fall in!

All right, come on! Move it, move it, move it, move it!

A smoking lamp is lit for one cigarette!

[all] A smoking lamp is lit for one cigarette!

Aye, aye, sir!

Light up!

Sir?

- What do you want? - I don't smoke, so would it be all right

if I kept looking for some four-leaf clovers?

Get.

Thank you, sir. I might even find one for you.

Wonderful.

Course, you don't have a locket that you can keep it in

like Barbara Sue Hooverback,

but there's other places you can keep it, like in the sweatband of your hat

- or in your... - Pyle!

- Sir? - Get lost.

Yes, sir.

Ten-hut!

- Afternoon, Captain! - Good afternoon, Sergeant.

Could I talk to you for a moment?

- Something wrong, Captain? - Not unless you call making a Marine base

look like a street corner.

I authorized a break for these people, Captain.

A break does not mean ogling women Marines.

Sergeant, inform your men that this is an administration building

and not the corner drugstore.

Aye, aye, Captain.

Carry on.

What's the matter with you knuckleheads?

Don't you know a captain when you see one?

- Sorry, sir. We didn't see her. - You didn't see her?

You didn't see a captain?

All right, you'll just stand at attention

and you'll watch for captains!

Good afternoon, ma'am.

Private!

- Yes, ma'am? - What was that you just did?

- Ma'am? - Just now, when I approached,

- what did you do? - Uh, I guess I tipped my hat.

That's right. I tipped my hat, is what, ma'am.

- You did, did you? - Yes, ma'am.

Do these bars show you that I'm a captain?

Yes, ma'am.

But the rest of the uniform shows me that you're a lady.

I always tip my hat to a lady.

One of your people, Sergeant?

Yes, he is, Captain.

It is customary for recruits to learn to salute

their very first day in the service.

Yes, ma'am. Didn't he salute the Captain?

- He did not. He tipped his hat. - Tipped his hat?

On account of she's a lady, and I always tip my hat to a lady.

Private, do you know your General Orders?

- Yes, ma'am. I sure do. - What is your 10th General Order?

Let's see now,

"To take charge of this post and all government property..."

That is your first one.

Yes, ma'am, I know it is, but I learned 'em in order,

and so I have to go all the way through 'em to get to the 10th.

"To walk my post in a military manner."

Did this man learn military courtesy, or did he not?

He certainly did, Captain. I can...

- Then why is he not showing it? - Well, I just don't...

That is a poor reflection of his training, Sergeant,

- if I may say. - [Gomer] I've got it. Here it is.

"To salute all officers and all colors and standards not cased."

That's your 10th General Order, right there.

That is correct.

And the way you do that is you raise your right hand directly and smartly,

thumb and fingers are straight and touching each other,

your upper arm is level with the deck

and your forearm at a 45-degree angle.

You hold that salute until it is returned,

then cut away your hand smartly back to your side.

- Do you understand? - Yes, ma'am.

But wouldn't it be a whole lot easier

if I just tipped my hat and said, "Good afternoon, ma'am"?

Excuse me, if the Captain will let me take over now...

No, Sergeant! I have a much better plan.

You have this private report to me

every evening this week in my office, after duty hours.

I think I can teach him the business of saluting

so that he never forgets it. That's an order. Carry on.

Just think, Sergeant, she's gonna take a whole week

just to teach me proper salutin'. Ain't that nice of her?

Gomer, why are you wastin' your time sprucin' up?

You'll be torn to shreds just as soon as you get to her office.

Ah, quit joshin', Duke.

She's a real nice lady, that lady captain.

Gomer, that's no lady. Do you know what they call her?

Captain Ironpants.

Yeah, Captain Ironpants.

Duke, you ought not call her that. It ain't respectful.

- Well, that's what they call her... - [man] Ten-hut!

Hey, Sergeant, sir.

I was gettin' ready to go to my salutin' mission.

Well, you've fixed it up for yourself real good, boy,

pulling down night-school duty.

Now, you listen up and listen good!

That woman is a captain!

You say, "Yes, Captain Martin. No, Captain Martin."

- Understand? - Yes, sir. Captain Martin.

I don't care what nobody else calls her.

Huh?

Do you know what they call her on this base?

[whispering]

And it ain't respectful, neither.

Corporal Peters?

- Yes, Captain? - Do you type with a compact?

No, ma'am.

But I'm meeting Sergeant Marshall after work,

and it's just a few minutes before 1730.

Those few minutes belong to this office.

So if you wish to indulge in camouflage operations,

don't do it here.

Let me tell you something, Corporal,

those little feminine vanities do nothing to further a career in the service.

In fact, I've found them a hindrance.

- Oh, excuse me, sir. - That's all right.

- Uh, you have those requisitions, Captain? - Yes, sir. Right here.

I, uh, saw that business with Corporal Peters.

Don't you think you're being a little rough on her?

No, sir, I don't. I...

After all, we haven't secured for the night yet,

and we are Marines working on a Marine base.

Yeah, well, you are also women. I don't think it's so bad

if Corporal Peters puts on a little makeup.

She's just trying to win a different battle than you are.

- Have a nice evenin'. - Oh. Thank you.

Good evenin', ma'am. Private Gomer Pyle.

You requested that I come here for some extra duty.

So here I am.

Oh, yes. The hat-tipper.

Over here, Private.

These cards list all the officers on the base.

I want you to file them alphabetically in the lower drawer.

Yes, ma'am.

And so that you'll get in practice,

whenever you come to a card with a woman officer on it,

I want you to stand up and salute.

- You mean salute the card? - That's right.

Oh, is that funny, Private? Does that strike you as funny?

No, ma'am.

All right, sit down and get to work.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, what are you waiting for?

I was always taught not to sit while a lady's standin'.

My mama taught me that.

I am a captain in the United States Marine Corps,

and that is all I am to you.

Well, that's a lot, ma'am. That's a whole lot.

You bet it is! Now get busy!

When you're finished with that, I have other duties for you. Sit down!

Yes, ma'am.

"Lieutenant James Parker."

"Captain Larry Brown."

Oh, here's one!

"Captain Martha Benedict."

Is that what you mean, ma'am?

What do you think you're doing?

Well, I'm holdin' the chair out for you, ma'am.

That's another thing my mama taught me.

Private, listen.

There are a lot of things you've learned in civilian life

that do not always apply here.

Now, common courtesies are fine, but chair-pushing and hat-tipping

and other civilian niceties are unnecessary.

Do you understand?

Yes, ma'am.

I appreciate you tryin' to help me, Captain,

but I hope you won't be too upset if it don't take right away.

After all, my mama had over 20 years to drum all that into me.

Then we may just be here that long!

Good evenin', ma'am.

- Private, you're late. - I'm sure sorry about that.

I was almost here when I remembered the sweets

and had to run all the way back to the barracks to get 'em.

Sweets? Recruits aren't allowed candy.

Where did you get it?

Oh, it ain't for me. It's for you, Captain.

It's just an old chocolate bar.

My cousin Goober sent it to me in the mail.

He didn't know we ain't supposed to have 'em.

Thought you might like it.

Private Pyle, are you trying to bribe me with a candy bar?

Gosh, no, ma'am.

It's just a tiny present is all.

Ladies should get presents.

Please take it.

Private, I've got a lot of work to do, and so do you.

- Suppose we get started. - Yes, ma'am.

Captain?

If you wanna holler at me for bein' late, you just do that.

Otherwise, the candy might really look like a bribe.

What?

What I'm tryin' to say is, it ain't really a bribe.

And if you'll go ahead and holler,

then I'll know you think of it as a present.

Never mind.

Just go ahead and holler and that will prove

- you don't think of it as a bribe. - That won't be necessary!

- But, Captain, if you just... - Pyle, get busy cleaning this office!

Now move it, move it, move it! Go on, move it!

Yes, ma'am.

Private, what are you doing?

Sharpenin' these pencils like you asked, ma'am.

This may be a silly question,

but why don't you use the pencil sharpener?

What do you think that is?

Now resharpen those and on the double.

- Ma'am? - What is it?

If this here thing's a pencil sharpener, it ain't got no handle.

It's electric.

You put the pencils in, and they sharpen themselves.

You're pullin' my leg, ma'am.

[whirring]

There.

Lord, what'll they think of next?

[whirring]

[Gomer] Electric. Ain't that somethin'?

[whirring]

Pyle! Stop playing with that pencil sharpener!

Yes, ma'am.

There you are, ma'am. There's the first one.

That sure was fun.

- Too short? - Not for a golf tee,

but it is too short for me!

I'm sorry, ma'am. I can see that now.

A lady shouldn't use a stubby pencil.

You might break your fingernails

and ruin all that nice banana-smellin' polish.

I don't have long fingernails,

and I don't wear that nice banana-smelling polish.

That's right. You sure enough don't, ma'am.

Could've swore you did. Maybe you ought to.

- What? - Well, ma'am, you have such nice hands.

Long fingernails and that red gook

could make 'em even look that much nicer.

Well, I'll go sharpen me some more pencils now.

Pyle!

Oh, hey, Sergeant, sir. I didn't see you.

Pyle, the rest of the people are on a rest period.

- What are you doing? - Just a little private policin', sir.

What's the matter? Don't you have enough to do

between Captain Martin and myself?

Oh, yes, sir, but this is different. You see, I'm just lookin' for tinfoil.

Tinfoil?

Yes, sir. It's a surprise for Captain Martin.

You're gonna surprise Captain Martin with a ball of tinfoil?

Oh, no, sir. The tinfoil is just for the decoration.

The real surprise is underneath that.

Carry on.

Yes, sir.

Good evenin', ma'am.

Is that a new way to stand at attention?

No, ma'am. It's just that I know how ladies like to be surprised.

What?

I found 'em growin' wild back yonder at the back gate.

They're for you. Take 'em.

Oh, uh...

[stammering] That's very nice, Private.

But I'm afraid I don't have anything to keep them in, so I can't accept...

How's this?

- What's that? - Homemade vase.

Pretty, ain't they?

Yes. Yes, they are.

This here vase is just an old milk bottle

I found back of the mess hall.

I covered it in tinfoil on account I didn't think

a vase ought to say "low fat" on it.

Thank you, Private.

You're welcome, ma'am.

I think a lady should have pretty things on her desk.

All right, Private, may as well secure for the night.

- Check that window, will you? - Yes, ma'am.

Shazam! Would you look at that moon.

Boy, it'd sure be a great night for gas watchin' back home.

Private, finish up and you could shove off.

Yes, ma'am.

Gas watching?

Yes, ma'am.

Back home, I used to work at this fillin' station.

Whenever there'd be a shiny moon and I'd be workin' nights,

I used to spill out a little gas on the concrete

and watch the reflection that the moon made on it.

All them shiny colors and runny lines.

I see.

Sometimes this girl I knew named Ida Carrington,

she'd come over and sit with me,

and we'd eat a bag of pine nuts together.

We'd just sit there and look at all them runny lines

and listen to old Lester Pruit's hound dog bayin' away at the moon.

Way off yonder, you could hear the whistle off the Nashville train

passin' through.

[imitates train whistle]

And that's the only sound there'd be. Except, every once in a while,

Ida Carrington crackin' open a pine nut with her teeth.

I'm sorry, ma'am. I didn't mean to run off like that.

I'm sure a lady like you has got a lot better memories of moonlit nights

than chompin' away at pine nuts and lookin' at gas.

Well, I guess I'll shove off if the Captain don't need nothin' else.

No. No, that'll be all.

Well, see you tomorrow night, ma'am.

Good night, Captain.

Off to your nightly date with Captain Ironpants?

- I wish you'd stop callin' her that. - Why?

Well, it ain't respectful, and she's a lady.

A lady? Oh, Gomer, look alive.

Well, she is, and she's a real nice lady, too.

You know what I bet, Gomer?

I bet she's got a tattoo on her arm.

You know what, Duke? You ain't a gentleman, is what.

- Huh? - Talkin' that way about a lady.

It's just crude talk.

[Duke] Oh, come on.

It's true. It ain't nothin' but crude talk.

Gomer, it's just too bad you're only a boot and she's a captain.

Otherwise, you could take her out. Can you picture that, fellas?

Gomer out dancin' with Captain Ironpants?

She'd probably wanna lead.

It's crude talk. It ain't nothin' but crude talk.

You're crude, Duke! You're awful crude!

[big band music playing]

[music stops]

Good evenin', Captain. I didn't hear you come in.

This is an office, Private, not a dance hall.

Yes, ma'am.

I'm sorry about that.

It's just that whenever I hear any kind of music,

my feet just naturally start movin'.

Before I know it, all of me's movin'.

Do you dance, ma'am?

I beg your pardon?

I said, do you dance?

No.

Oh, that's a shame.

- That's a real shame. - What?

I mean, 'cause dancin' is just about the most fun there is,

once you get the hang of it.

Private, g-get on with your work.

Yes, ma'am.

Captain?

What now?

I bet there are a lot of nice officers on this base

that are just dyin' for you to learn.

- Look, here... - Like that Colonel Van Pelt.

I seen him through the officers' club window one night while I was on duty

and he was dancin' with a girl not half as pretty as you.

Private,

you may go back to your quarters now.

Yes, ma'am.

Captain?

If you'll excuse me for sayin' this.

Well, I know that you're a top-notch Marine,

and you really work hard at it.

But you was a lady before you was a Marine.

And a mighty fine lady, too.

So maybe if you'd work a little

at that...

I mean... Maybe...

Maybe my nickname wouldn't be Ironpants?

Why, I...

[stammering] I never...

Good night, ma'am.

- Good night, Captain. - Good night, sir.

[sniffing]

- Captain Martin? - Yes, sir?

That's very nice. Whatever it is you have on.

Thank you, sir.

Very nice. Very nice, indeed.

Good evenin', ma'am. I was...

Whoa! Don't you look nice, ma'am.

Thank you, Private.

Real, real nice.

Well, what would you like for me to do this evenin'?

Private Pyle, you've completed your week of extra duty with me, you know.

It won't be necessary for you to come back here anymore.

Oh, heck!

What?

I was beginnin' to enjoy comin' here every evenin' after chow, ma'am.

And I'm gonna miss it, is what.

But don't you worry. I won't forget the lesson you wanted me to learn.

I'll salute all officers whether they're man or woman.

Good.

And next time you come passin' by, I know just what I'll do.

- May I? - Mmm-hmm.

Good afternoon, ma'am.

- Very good, Private. - Thank you, ma'am.

Well...

I don't reckon I'll be seein' much of you anymore, ma'am.

Goodbye, Private.

Goodbye, ma'am.

- Private? - Ma'am?

There are hundreds of men on this base who salute me when I walk by.

If you should forget

and tip your hat instead when I pass...

Well, if no one else is around, I'll try not to notice.

Oh, don't you worry, ma'am. I won't never forget.

Well...

Bye, ma'am.

[stammering]

All right, let's go! Let's pick it all up!

Let's move it! Move it, move it!

Attention!

Afternoon, sir. Afternoon, ma'am.

As you were! All right, let's go! Let's pick it all up!

Let's get this area cleaned up!

Something interesting catch your eye, Private?

Don't she look nice, Sergeant?

Don't she look real nice?

- Huh? - Captain Martin. Don't she look nice?

Bless her heart.

Pyle, that is a Marine captain you're looking at.

That's all. A Marine captain!

Oh, yes, sir. But she's a lady.

She's a real fine lady.