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1
00:00:01,419 --> 00:00:04,853
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,073
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:11,743
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:14,746
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:18,083
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:21,587
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,638 --> 00:00:23,221
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:24,806
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:30,012
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:36,487 --> 00:00:39,115
Is Netflix streaming
the right choice for you?
11
00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:40,967
Well, if you like movies in HD,
12
00:00:40,991 --> 00:00:43,141
then frozen pixels,
then HD again,
13
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,110
the answer is, "Yes."
14
00:00:45,162 --> 00:00:48,280
And if you lovethe golden yearof movies, 2003,
15
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:50,761
then we might havesome of whatyou're looking for.
16
00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:52,901
Netflix Streaming.
Buffer for 20 minutes,
17
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:57,005
then watch 35 minutes
of a movie with Jason Statham.
18
00:00:57,091 --> 00:01:00,843
Ah! Look what came.
The free DVD
from my PBS pledge.
19
00:01:00,911 --> 00:01:02,438
Whatever it is,
we're not watching it.
20
00:01:02,462 --> 00:01:04,379
Peter, trust me,
you of all people
21
00:01:04,448 --> 00:01:06,081
could really learn
something from this.
22
00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:10,118
It's a documentary
about the food industry
called Food Kills.
23
00:01:10,186 --> 00:01:14,072
Huh. Says here that
Colon Health Magazine
gave it two thumbs in.
24
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:24,600
Hi, I'm Matt Lauer's cousin,
Steven McCormick.
25
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,452
Our moms are sisters.
26
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:30,622
America is gorging itself
on processed food,
creating an obesity epidemic.
27
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:34,543
We've abandoned natural foods
for chemicals, additives
and refined sugars.
28
00:01:34,611 --> 00:01:37,979
At this rate,
this is what the future
will look like.
29
00:01:38,048 --> 00:01:39,414
Those are flying cars.
30
00:01:39,482 --> 00:01:41,800
But the people in them
are too fat.
31
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:44,636
Oh, no, I left my baby in there!
32
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,599
Without drastic
changes in our diet,
33
00:01:46,623 --> 00:01:49,040
Americans are headed
for a health catastrophe.
34
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:54,346
For more, go to our website
at www.pbs.com.
35
00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:58,449
That's "www dot" the word
"double-u" three times,
36
00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:01,970
the word "dot," "PBS,"
the word "dot" again,
37
00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:04,156
the word "com," dot com.
38
00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:07,459
There was a miscommunication
when we registered
our website.
39
00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:10,728
Well, that's it.
From now on, we're eating
healthy around here.
40
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,859
We're gonna feel better
and we're gonna look better.
41
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:15,478
Well, looking better
didn't always solve
your problems, Lois.
42
00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:18,464
Sure didn't work
for Droopy Dog when
he got that face-lift.
43
00:02:18,488 --> 00:02:22,374
Contrary to my appearance,
I'm still not happy.
44
00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:27,362
Please, study my brain
so that others don't
suffer as I have.
45
00:02:38,809 --> 00:02:41,004
Thanks for coming
to my birthday party,
you guys.
46
00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:42,778
And, Esther,
I'm so sorry you ripped
47
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:44,729
your perineum
doing the Hokey Pokey.
48
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:46,960
That's okay. I got
free curly fries.
49
00:02:46,984 --> 00:02:49,344
Okay, let's see what Meg got me.
50
00:02:49,386 --> 00:02:50,868
A Crock-Pot?
51
00:02:50,937 --> 00:02:53,539
Things about to get crazy!
52
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,508
You can cook a pork tenderloin
under your bed.
53
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:57,742
Excuse me, girls.
54
00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,691
We're about to start
roller derby in a minute.
55
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:01,930
Wait, wait, you.
56
00:03:01,999 --> 00:03:03,426
What's your name?
Me?
57
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:05,800
Meg Griffin.
Would you mind standing up?
58
00:03:06,870 --> 00:03:08,948
Whoa!
What are you doing?
59
00:03:08,972 --> 00:03:11,222
My God. The magic ratio.
60
00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:12,941
What's that?
61
00:03:13,010 --> 00:03:16,010
It means your ankles,
calves and thighs
are all the same thickness.
62
00:03:16,079 --> 00:03:18,174
How would you like to try out
for the roller derby team?
63
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,514
Really?
64
00:03:19,583 --> 00:03:21,594
Do it, Meg.
Yeah, Meg,
you should totally do it.
65
00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:23,351
Meg's talking to a boy!
66
00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:25,637
Okay. Sure.
What the heck?
67
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,339
Here, take my card.
68
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:29,658
"I am a registered
sex offender."
69
00:03:29,727 --> 00:03:30,993
Flip it over.
70
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,855
"Important,
see other side."
71
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,079
Give me that.
72
00:03:34,148 --> 00:03:37,265
I'm the roller derby coach.
See you at tryouts.
73
00:03:37,334 --> 00:03:38,767
I can't believe it, you guys.
74
00:03:38,836 --> 00:03:40,301
This is the biggest surprise
75
00:03:40,370 --> 00:03:42,487
since the last
M. Night Shyamalan movie.
76
00:03:42,539 --> 00:03:45,073
Two tickets for the
M. Night Shyamalan movie.
77
00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:46,842
Wow. Really?
78
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:54,315
Hope you guys are ready
for a healthy dinner.
79
00:03:54,384 --> 00:03:56,668
I went to Whole Foods today
and got this recipe
80
00:03:56,737 --> 00:04:00,087
from an extremely
thin man with
a giant Adam's apple.
81
00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:03,992
I hate that place.
None of the cereals
are advertised on TV.
82
00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:05,877
What's this stuff
that looks like sand?
83
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,228
It's quinoa.
84
00:04:07,297 --> 00:04:09,831
Nope, I don't eat foods
that sound like karate words.
85
00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:13,568
Well, according to Food Kills,
quinoa is a superfood.
86
00:04:13,637 --> 00:04:16,615
It's very nutritious,
and it even helps
keep you regular.
87
00:04:16,639 --> 00:04:20,092
Lois, I have a system.
I poop once a week
for an hour and a half.
88
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,461
I wear a headband
and it's soaked
when I'm all done.
89
00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:26,631
Mmm. Wow, Lois, you know,
this is actually pretty good.
90
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,001
Peter, you should try it.
Ugh, fine.
91
00:04:37,061 --> 00:04:38,526
Peter, knock it off.
92
00:04:38,595 --> 00:04:41,647
I can't help it.
My body's rejecting it.
93
00:04:42,933 --> 00:04:44,949
Name?
Quinoa.
94
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:48,153
Mmm-hmm.
Sorry, sir, we're full.
95
00:04:48,222 --> 00:04:49,921
Come on in, Gummy Bears.
96
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:52,690
Oh, you are
looking fine tonight.
97
00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:53,759
Mmm!
98
00:04:59,449 --> 00:05:01,833
Thanks again for coming
and supporting me, Chris.
99
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:02,901
No problem.
100
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,213
And I'm gonna take some pictures
101
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:06,354
of the other athletes,
if you don't mind.
102
00:05:06,423 --> 00:05:07,805
You might not
know this about me,
103
00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:10,108
but I am a bit of a shutterbug.
104
00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:13,095
Okay, that's...
That's all okay.
105
00:05:13,163 --> 00:05:15,097
All right, ladies, line up.
106
00:05:16,299 --> 00:05:18,361
How about we start
with some warm-ups?
107
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:20,146
Bend down and touch your toes.
108
00:05:21,972 --> 00:05:25,089
Memory card full?
Come on!
109
00:05:25,142 --> 00:05:27,625
Okay, now,
last year we were tricked
110
00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:29,672
by a couch on a dolly
with wheels.
111
00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:32,296
So, if any of you is a couch
on a dolly with wheels,
112
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,566
I'm gonna ask you
to please leave now.
113
00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:40,204
Well, we need five for a team,
and there's five of you here.
114
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:41,990
So, congratulations.
115
00:05:42,058 --> 00:05:43,791
Wow! This is awesome!
116
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,760
I can't believe
I'm a Quahog Thug.
117
00:05:45,829 --> 00:05:47,295
When do we start skating?
118
00:05:47,364 --> 00:05:49,058
Here, look at the schedule.
119
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:51,566
This is just a list of
Sexaholic Anonymous meetings.
120
00:05:51,635 --> 00:05:52,795
Flip it over.
121
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,237
It says, "Remember
to attend your meetings."
122
00:05:55,305 --> 00:05:57,545
I'm gonna stop
handing you stuff.
123
00:06:04,915 --> 00:06:07,548
It's the middle of the night.
Where are you going?
124
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,017
I'm sick of all this
healthy crap.
125
00:06:09,085 --> 00:06:11,552
I'm going downstairs
to find something good to eat.
126
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:12,932
And then I'm gonna
fall asleep watching
127
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:15,907
transvaginal mesh
lawsuit commercials.
128
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,072
There's nothing.
129
00:06:20,096 --> 00:06:21,246
Thank you, son.
130
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:31,300
What's going on, man?
Are you pregnant?
131
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,741
No, my wife watched
that food documentary.
132
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:36,845
And you should never ask that
unless you're sure,
by the way.
133
00:06:41,018 --> 00:06:42,150
Oh, yeah.
134
00:06:42,219 --> 00:06:44,920
Peanut-butter-cup-
Dorito-sausage-car panini.
135
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:48,156
And let's crack a Cadbury Egg
over the whole thing.
136
00:06:48,225 --> 00:06:51,777
I'm just gonna use my spare
glove compartment underwear
as a napkin.
137
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:55,005
I can't believe
Randy Quaid gets to eat
like this every day.
138
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:58,399
Peter, is that you?
Cleveland?
139
00:06:58,468 --> 00:07:00,029
Are you cooking in your car?
140
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:01,085
I am.
141
00:07:02,739 --> 00:07:04,472
Is this because of Food Kills?
142
00:07:04,540 --> 00:07:06,185
Oh, you saw that movie too, huh?
143
00:07:06,209 --> 00:07:09,411
We watched
Tyler Perry's Food Kills,
which is the same movie
144
00:07:09,479 --> 00:07:11,996
except it stars black folks
you've never heard of
145
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:14,432
and white folks
you don't hear from anymore.
146
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:17,702
But, yeah,
now Donna is forcing me
to eat healthy.
147
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,867
I always get confused.
Is Donna the wife
or is Roberta the wife?
148
00:07:20,891 --> 00:07:23,574
I don't know, man.
Can I have some
of that sandwich?
149
00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:28,045
Oh, our hands just touched.
150
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:31,683
Mmm. Wow, Peter,
that's good.
151
00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:33,969
That's real good.
152
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:35,648
I'm not sure
what we're doing now.
153
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:36,872
Excuse me.
154
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:38,940
Whatever you've got in there
smells incredible.
155
00:07:39,009 --> 00:07:41,771
Man, my wife
won't let me eat
any of that stuff.
156
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,139
Tell you what,
I'll give you 10 bucks
for that thing.
157
00:07:44,163 --> 00:07:45,246
Yeah, me too.
158
00:07:45,315 --> 00:07:46,681
Wow.
159
00:07:46,750 --> 00:07:51,252
Huh. If I sell two sandwiches
for $10 each, that equals...
160
00:07:56,192 --> 00:07:57,358
Money.
161
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:04,065
Peter, you just made $20
from two sandwiches.
162
00:08:04,134 --> 00:08:05,366
Wow, you're right.
163
00:08:05,435 --> 00:08:07,363
Hey, maybe I can
turn this into a business.
164
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:09,398
You know,
selling sandwiches
from a car.
165
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:10,922
Wonder how much I could make.
166
00:08:14,611 --> 00:08:17,278
♪ Mad world... ♪
167
00:08:17,346 --> 00:08:19,047
Whoops, I stopped
thinking about math
168
00:08:19,116 --> 00:08:20,632
and started thinking
about baby-man
169
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,101
Billy Corgan being
sad at Disneyland.
170
00:08:33,363 --> 00:08:34,957
Peter, what the hell is this?
171
00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,098
This, Lois,
is my new food truck.
172
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:38,844
Specializing in
all the delicious,
173
00:08:38,868 --> 00:08:41,102
unhealthy foods that
you won't let me eat.
174
00:08:41,170 --> 00:08:43,454
'Cause you don't let me eat
what I wanna eat.
175
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:46,057
And... I am super dizzy.
176
00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:48,810
And there might be
a gas leak in this thing.
177
00:08:57,621 --> 00:08:59,704
I can't believe
you'd buy a food truck.
178
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:01,122
What are you even selling?
179
00:09:01,190 --> 00:09:02,969
First of all, believe it, baby.
180
00:09:02,993 --> 00:09:06,828
Second, uh,
mostly hamburgers where
the buns is jelly donuts.
181
00:09:06,896 --> 00:09:10,336
And drinks
where hot dogs
is the straws.
182
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:13,284
Mmm.
Another milkshake, please.
183
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:14,786
Look, I'm happy
for the business,
184
00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:16,755
but drinking that
on your knees is...
185
00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:18,673
It's putting a hat on a hat.
186
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:21,325
Look at this food.
It's gross and unhealthy.
187
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,479
It's exactly
the stuff I'm trying
to get you not to eat.
188
00:09:24,547 --> 00:09:26,859
Yeah,
but people like this food.
It makes them happy.
189
00:09:26,883 --> 00:09:30,029
I mean, you can eat
sprouts and vegan crap
your entire life
190
00:09:30,053 --> 00:09:32,981
and still get
devoured by gremlins
and none of it matters.
191
00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:35,206
So, you're saying
you shouldn't
take care of yourself
192
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,491
because you might
get devoured by gremlins?
193
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:39,126
Get a clue, Mama.
194
00:09:39,196 --> 00:09:41,595
Think of what you're doing
to your body, Peter.
195
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:42,998
Oh, there we go.
196
00:09:43,066 --> 00:09:44,310
You think I'm overweight?
197
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,368
I know you're overweight.
198
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,870
Hey, I'll have
the Swedish fish taco.
199
00:09:48,939 --> 00:09:51,539
You want the can
of chili dumped on top
or on the side?
200
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:53,102
What does the chef recommend?
201
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:55,660
Me? I like to squeeze
the can so hard,
202
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,695
the chili flies into
my mouth like Popeye.
203
00:09:57,747 --> 00:09:58,858
Do it up.
204
00:09:58,882 --> 00:10:00,681
You got it!
Let me put on my bandanna,
205
00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:03,818
fire up my very loud
watt generator
and get cookin'.
206
00:10:06,806 --> 00:10:09,023
Peter, this isn't over.
What?
207
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:20,379
Ladies and gentlemen,welcome to the firstbout of the season.
208
00:10:20,403 --> 00:10:23,988
The Quahog Thugs versus
the Medford Dump Cakes.
209
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:27,275
This season,we're brought to you byBerries note cards.
210
00:10:27,343 --> 00:10:29,805
When you need toremind yourselfof the sponsor,
211
00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:31,979
use Berries note cards.
212
00:10:49,266 --> 00:10:50,698
Nice move, Griffin.
213
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,301
Way to go, Meg!
214
00:10:53,370 --> 00:10:56,198
Wow!Newcomer Meg Griffinis lighting up the track
215
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:57,789
with some amazing moves.
216
00:10:57,858 --> 00:11:00,692
"Amazing"?
Damn right, amazing.
217
00:11:03,146 --> 00:11:04,757
Make some noise if you're mixing
218
00:11:04,781 --> 00:11:07,582
prescription drugs with alcohol!
219
00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:12,253
Wow.
This is a lot more physical
than I thought.
220
00:11:12,322 --> 00:11:15,501
My favorite part
of a woman's body
is haunches.
221
00:11:15,525 --> 00:11:18,076
And this is all haunch, baby.
222
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:21,663
Meg!
223
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:25,366
Boy, that was rough.
224
00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:28,185
This sport is
even more dangerous
than skeet shooting.
225
00:11:28,671 --> 00:11:29,721
Pull!
226
00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:31,355
I got in the wrong line!
227
00:11:36,579 --> 00:11:37,945
That'll be $16.
228
00:11:38,014 --> 00:11:40,147
Sixteen dollars?
That's expensive.
229
00:11:40,216 --> 00:11:41,844
Yes, sir, everything is
very expensive
230
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,796
because you're paying
for it on an iPad.
231
00:11:43,820 --> 00:11:45,531
Now, if you'll just
select a gratuity.
232
00:11:45,555 --> 00:11:48,806
Options are 60%, 90% and 200%.
233
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,925
Uh, I guess 60%?
234
00:11:50,993 --> 00:11:53,927
Okay, great,
and just sign by dragging
your bare finger
235
00:11:53,996 --> 00:11:55,942
across this thing
I use to masturbate.
236
00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:57,798
Uh, okay.
237
00:11:57,867 --> 00:11:59,328
Thank you.
Please make sure
238
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:00,912
to bang your head
on that low hanging thing.
239
00:12:00,936 --> 00:12:01,936
What are you...
240
00:12:02,005 --> 00:12:03,649
Oh, you spilled something.
You want a napkin?
241
00:12:03,673 --> 00:12:04,722
Yes, please.
242
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:07,111
All right, here's 40
blown by the wind.
243
00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:12,864
Hey, you hungry?
244
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:14,810
Uh, yeah.
A little.
245
00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:16,000
What can I get ya?
246
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:19,470
I don't know.
A cheeseburger
and a chocolate shake.
247
00:12:19,538 --> 00:12:21,851
Coming up.
Do you want me
to pull over?
248
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,440
No, I got this.
249
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,210
How do you want your burger?
250
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,146
Medium rare.
Good choice.
251
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,219
There we go.
252
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:41,532
What'd you order?
Cheeseburger.
253
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:42,594
Oh, right, right.
254
00:12:45,832 --> 00:12:47,031
You wanted the soup, right?
255
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,565
No. Cheeseburger.
256
00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:50,001
That's right.
Right, right.
257
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,237
You want a cobb salad, right?
258
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:55,284
What are you doing back there?
259
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:56,874
This is also a meth lab.
260
00:13:02,799 --> 00:13:05,983
Oh, Chris,
I'm glad you're here.
Swing that lamp at me.
261
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:07,318
But you'll get hurt.
262
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,507
No, I won't.
I'm gonna dodge it.
263
00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:13,608
Oh, my God! Are you okay?
264
00:13:13,676 --> 00:13:15,209
Yeah, I'm fine.
265
00:13:15,278 --> 00:13:17,461
This roller derby
has really toughened me up.
266
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:19,914
I gotta say,
I've never felt better.
267
00:13:19,983 --> 00:13:23,034
Really?
'Cause I watched how rough
it was out there the other day
268
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:25,136
and I got
a little worried for you.
269
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:28,672
I mean, all it would take
is one bad hit to do
permanent damage.
270
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:30,341
I think you should quit.
271
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,926
What? No.
272
00:13:31,995 --> 00:13:34,028
No, I love roller derby.
273
00:13:34,097 --> 00:13:36,631
It's the first thing
I'm really good at.
274
00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:39,199
Plus, I love making
other women bleed.
275
00:13:39,268 --> 00:13:41,836
You know,
in ways besides the way...
276
00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:43,682
You know, they normally bleed.
277
00:13:43,706 --> 00:13:45,806
She means periods.
Yeah, I got it, Stewie.
278
00:13:45,875 --> 00:13:48,476
But I'm telling you, Meg,
something bad is
going to happen.
279
00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:51,162
Like, when you give
a young athlete
too much money.
280
00:13:52,215 --> 00:13:54,132
Uh... I gotta murder somebody.
281
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:01,705
Peter, kids, dinner.
282
00:14:03,626 --> 00:14:05,209
Kids? Peter?
283
00:14:05,277 --> 00:14:07,879
It's time for
a healthy veggie dinner.
284
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:11,582
Come on, I spent
the whole day making
the house smell like farts.
285
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:13,201
Where the hell is everybody?
286
00:14:16,973 --> 00:14:20,107
All right,
I got a bowl of cereal.
That's M&M's and Dr. Pepper.
287
00:14:20,176 --> 00:14:21,296
Over here.
288
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,494
Chris, put that down.
289
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:26,491
You kids get in the house
and eat the healthy
dinner I prepared.
290
00:14:26,515 --> 00:14:29,868
And Peter, you too.
Shut down that truck
and get inside.
291
00:14:29,936 --> 00:14:32,553
Lois, I already told you
I don't wanna eat
your garbage food.
292
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:34,850
All right?
Now can you go inside
and get me some Pop Rocks?
293
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:35,923
I'm making a paella.
294
00:14:35,992 --> 00:14:38,275
You know what?
Enough of this nonsense.
295
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:40,544
You love this truck so much,
stay in it!
296
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:43,013
'Cause I don't want you
or your food in the house.
297
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:44,381
Fine! I love this truck.
298
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:46,150
I got everything I need in here.
299
00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,102
Maybe I'll just live here.
300
00:14:48,171 --> 00:14:49,787
I can imagine it now.
301
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:56,193
Whoops.
302
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:57,522
I stopped thinking
about the truck
303
00:14:57,546 --> 00:14:59,330
and started thinking
about Amazon woman
304
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,832
Brigitte Nielsen
drunk in a Burbank park.
305
00:15:25,141 --> 00:15:27,191
All right,
time to greet the day.
306
00:15:28,611 --> 00:15:30,811
Are you living in a truck?
307
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,180
Not bad. I see you got
a Hooters calendar in here.
308
00:15:33,249 --> 00:15:34,577
How do you get anything done
309
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,617
with those rockin' knockers
staring at ya?
310
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,336
Hey, who says
I get anything done?
311
00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:40,338
Heh. Guy talk,
guy talk, eh. Guy talk.
312
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:42,526
Guy talk, guy talk.
This is how guys talk.
313
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,002
Oh, Peter, this is awful.
314
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:45,459
Well, I love it.
315
00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:47,290
And I'm not going back
in that house
and listen to Lois
316
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,079
tell me how fat
and unhealthy I am.
317
00:15:49,148 --> 00:15:50,910
You do look like
you put on a few.
318
00:15:50,934 --> 00:15:52,611
Your elbows are
starting to pucker.
319
00:15:52,635 --> 00:15:54,569
Yeah, I mean,
are you really happy in here?
320
00:15:54,637 --> 00:15:57,905
You bet I am.
I'm happier than
a squash on Halloween.
321
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,326
Dad, are they coming
to take us away too?
322
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:04,011
No, son, we're fine.
323
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:05,830
How about on Thanksgiving?
324
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:08,018
You know what?
Just enjoy the month.
325
00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:22,258
You're going down, Griffin.
326
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,349
Like my stepfather's pants.
327
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,784
I guess I see where
some of your anger comes from.
328
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,705
Oh, no, this is bad.
329
00:16:36,512 --> 00:16:38,663
That's it!
I have to do something.
330
00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:41,081
Chris, what are you doing?
331
00:16:41,150 --> 00:16:42,350
Saving my...
332
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:48,389
Oh, my God!
Chris, are you okay?
333
00:16:48,458 --> 00:16:50,991
I don't think so.
I'm hurt pretty bad.
334
00:16:51,060 --> 00:16:53,010
Like that time
I was running with scissors.
335
00:16:56,065 --> 00:16:57,665
You run like a girl.
336
00:17:02,071 --> 00:17:04,391
Run like a man, you get a suit.
337
00:17:07,543 --> 00:17:08,887
There you go.
And if you'd like
338
00:17:08,911 --> 00:17:10,589
to put your email
on our sign-up list,
339
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:12,963
I'd be happy to sell it
to Russian hackers.
340
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,582
Peter. Peter,
it's happening.
341
00:17:14,650 --> 00:17:16,517
What?
The Bing maps car.
342
00:17:16,585 --> 00:17:18,819
It's three blocks down,
and it's coming this way.
343
00:17:18,888 --> 00:17:21,254
Holy crap! This is the day
we've been waiting for.
344
00:17:21,323 --> 00:17:23,035
We said we're gonna stand
in our front yards
345
00:17:23,059 --> 00:17:25,810
and wave as it goes by
so we're on the street view.
346
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,706
We're gonna be on the Internet.
347
00:17:27,730 --> 00:17:29,896
Mort just called.
It went by his house.
348
00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:32,299
Everybody, places.
Start waving.
349
00:17:32,368 --> 00:17:34,185
This is not a drill.
350
00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:40,658
Damn it!
I can't fit through the door.
351
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:41,942
I'm stuck in a truck.
352
00:17:42,011 --> 00:17:43,610
What?
What are you
talking about?
353
00:17:43,679 --> 00:17:46,797
I knew this would happen.
You're too fat to get out.
354
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,616
I see it. I see the Bing car.
355
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,804
Oh, my God! Bing!
Bing! Over here, Bing.
356
00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:56,318
They can't see you, Peter.
You're facing away
from the street.
357
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:58,859
Stop talking,
Quagmire, just smile.
358
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:03,463
This is amazing.
359
00:18:03,533 --> 00:18:05,032
Crap, is it gone?
360
00:18:05,101 --> 00:18:07,201
The driver nodded at me.
361
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:09,954
I... I think
I'm gonna cry.
362
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,089
Damn it!
Can't believe I missed it.
363
00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:15,393
Jeez, I hope I don't end up
stuck in here
like Winnie the Pooh.
364
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:17,328
Uh, Rabbit?
365
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:19,830
Perhaps you should push
with your shoulder
366
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:21,115
and not your fist?
367
00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,384
Don't worry about it.
368
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,341
Hey, did that big
boomba-boomba nurse
come in here?
369
00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:31,559
Uh, no.
370
00:18:31,627 --> 00:18:33,944
But, Dr. Hartman,
is my brother gonna be okay?
371
00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:36,180
That's her, that's her.
372
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:38,349
Hello, Anita.
Hello, Doctor.
373
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,280
Was that weird?
Was I just weird?
374
00:18:41,304 --> 00:18:44,505
Kind of.
You don't know, I was fine.
375
00:18:44,574 --> 00:18:47,474
Oh, Chris, I'm so sorry
you got hurt like this.
376
00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:50,161
Roller derby
was the best thing
that ever happened to me.
377
00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:53,547
I finally felt like I was good
at something, I made friends.
378
00:18:53,616 --> 00:18:56,233
But seeing you like this,
I realize you were right.
379
00:18:56,302 --> 00:19:00,137
It's too dangerous.
So, I'm going to quit.
380
00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:01,206
No, Meg.
381
00:19:01,257 --> 00:19:04,091
I got hurt because
I didn't belong out there,
382
00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:05,342
but you do.
383
00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:06,860
I watched you skate.
384
00:19:06,929 --> 00:19:09,647
You found your calling
and I believe in you.
385
00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:12,149
Now get back to that rink
and help your team win
386
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:14,184
the championship it deserves.
387
00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:16,203
Really? I will.
388
00:19:16,272 --> 00:19:18,589
Thanks, Chris.
389
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,986
With the spirit in
her heart renewed,
390
00:19:21,010 --> 00:19:24,094
Meg returned
to the roller derby arena.
391
00:19:24,146 --> 00:19:27,982
I think she did all right.
But no one will know for sure.
392
00:19:28,050 --> 00:19:32,269
Because half way through,everyone stoppedto watch some fat kid
393
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:35,573
who was killing it
on Dance-Dance Revolution.
394
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:39,376
Dance, you fat bitch.
395
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:45,877
So, tonight we say,to the yellow-billedmarsh finch,
396
00:19:45,901 --> 00:19:47,668
"You're extinct!"
397
00:19:47,737 --> 00:19:49,948
But right now,we're getting wordof breaking news.
398
00:19:49,972 --> 00:19:52,117
We go liveto Tricia Takanawawith details.
399
00:19:52,141 --> 00:19:53,290
Tricia?
400
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:56,994
Tom, I'm standing here outside
a Spooner Street home
401
00:19:57,063 --> 00:20:00,564
where a local business owner
has apparently eaten himself
402
00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:02,499
into his own food truck.
403
00:20:02,568 --> 00:20:06,571
Oh, it appears
they have finally
removed the roof.
404
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:10,374
Nobody look, this is
a private gross matter.
405
00:20:10,442 --> 00:20:13,810
Mr. Griffin,
is this performance art
406
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:16,497
or some sort of
political statement?
407
00:20:16,565 --> 00:20:18,883
Well, I'm kind of
ticked about condoms
and porn,
408
00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:21,068
but this is unrelated.
409
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:23,871
Oh, hey, Lois.
I guess, you must be happy.
410
00:20:23,940 --> 00:20:26,557
Yeah, it's every girl's dream
to have her husband hoisted
411
00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:28,709
out of a food truck
in a horse harness.
412
00:20:28,777 --> 00:20:30,817
No, look, I'm just saying...
413
00:20:31,079 --> 00:20:32,747
You were right.
414
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:36,317
I'm a big tub of lard
and you have every reason
to be ashamed of me.
415
00:20:36,385 --> 00:20:39,687
Ashamed of you?
Is that really what you think?
416
00:20:39,756 --> 00:20:42,106
Well, yeah, you kept saying
how overweight I am.
417
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:43,741
Peter, don't you get it?
418
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:46,810
I only wanted
you to eat healthy
because I love you,
419
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:49,046
and I'm concerned
about your health.
420
00:20:49,114 --> 00:20:52,383
I want you around
for as long as I'm around.
421
00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:53,785
Really?
422
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:55,502
I love you too, Lois.
423
00:20:55,571 --> 00:20:57,989
I'm sorry I was such a jerk.
424
00:20:58,057 --> 00:21:00,808
I guess I could do
without eating so much junk.
425
00:21:00,877 --> 00:21:02,877
But I could
never do without you.
426
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,564
Oh, Peter...
427
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:09,750
Ma'am, please step back.
We have to wash him
with a hose.
428
00:21:12,871 --> 00:21:14,771
Guys, look, look,
the Bing car is back.
429
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,680
No, I'm not ready.
I'm not ready.
430
00:21:20,129 --> 00:21:22,596
Inspired by his love for Lois,
431
00:21:22,665 --> 00:21:26,700
Peter had steamed vegetables
and brown rice that evening,
432
00:21:26,769 --> 00:21:30,203
then ate like crap
for the rest of his life.
433
00:21:30,272 --> 00:21:34,174
Nonetheless,he was immortalizedon Bing maps.
434
00:21:34,243 --> 00:21:38,311
Fat people are amusing to me.
435
00:21:38,380 --> 00:21:40,581
Hang there, you fat bitch.
33722
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