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00:00:01,985 --> 00:00:04,620
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,688 --> 00:00:08,140
♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:11,777
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,779
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,849 --> 00:00:18,116
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,520
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:23,188
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,256 --> 00:00:24,739
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,808 --> 00:00:30,045
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,402
We now return to The Terminator.
11
00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:41,372
I've been sent
here from the future.
12
00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:44,576
I've to have sexwith your housekeeperto save humanity.
13
00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:46,622
What?
Bring me your housekeeper.
14
00:00:46,646 --> 00:00:49,681
I've to have sexwith her now.I'm the Terminator.
15
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,261
I don't have a housekeeper,
16
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,880
and I think you'rejust present-dayArnold Schwarzenegger.
17
00:00:53,904 --> 00:00:55,470
No, I'm a machine.
18
00:00:55,539 --> 00:00:58,473
Every secondI'm not having sexwith a housekeeper,
19
00:00:58,542 --> 00:01:01,076
robots are killing
people in the future.
20
00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:03,155
Okay, I finish for the day.
21
00:01:03,179 --> 00:01:06,014
You lied to me.You do havea housekeeper.
22
00:01:06,082 --> 00:01:08,316
Let's go make a large-faced boy.
23
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,587
Whoa, whoa, whoa, cop, cop, cop.
24
00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:13,733
Peter, it's me,
25
00:01:13,757 --> 00:01:15,735
and you're an adult
man drinkin' in a bar.
26
00:01:15,759 --> 00:01:17,003
Anyway, sorry I'm late.
27
00:01:17,027 --> 00:01:19,439
The pantry down at
the station needed
new shelf paper.
28
00:01:19,463 --> 00:01:21,124
That's what they got
you doin' down there?
29
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:23,626
Well, that and I'm
also in charge
of the office gerbil.
30
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:26,663
And let me tell you,
Lieutenant Nibbles
is quite a handful.
31
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:29,015
He'll only eat
real cheese,
not processed.
32
00:01:29,039 --> 00:01:31,273
You buy special
cheese for a gerbil?
33
00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:33,136
Yeah, I have to.
He outranks me.
34
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:34,793
Jeez, Joe,
what the hell happened?
35
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:37,379
You used to be this
badass cop out
there on the street,
36
00:01:37,447 --> 00:01:39,131
bustin' heads and
keepin' us safe.
37
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:40,743
Well, it may not sound exciting,
38
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,362
but I play an important role.
39
00:01:42,386 --> 00:01:44,197
I go through all
the body cam footage
40
00:01:44,221 --> 00:01:46,666
and take out all
the parts where the
cops go pee-pee.
41
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:49,619
So, you're just
erasin' cop wieners
all day?
42
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,721
Eh, not erasing,
sort of cuttin'
them together
43
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:54,057
into a funny montage
we show on birthdays.
44
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:55,480
Speakin' of which,
45
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:58,749
Flannigan's got
the big four-oh
comin' up. Gotta go.
46
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:01,714
Man, you guys think
Joe's as happy
as he says he is
47
00:02:01,738 --> 00:02:03,416
just doin' all that desk work?
48
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:06,325
No way. He's just
puttin' lipstick
on a pig.
49
00:02:06,377 --> 00:02:09,338
This is called
Crimson Sky.
What do you think?
50
00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:10,378
Hmm.
51
00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:12,581
Harold?
Get this off of me!
52
00:02:12,649 --> 00:02:14,600
What are you doing
in the women's department?
53
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,145
Eh... Waiting
for you.
54
00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:17,736
Well, I'm ready.
Let's go.
55
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,023
Who are you?
56
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:31,127
Ugh, she just put
her tampons on
top of the bread.
57
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,245
Take the groceries out.
We gotta start over.
58
00:02:33,269 --> 00:02:36,438
Mom, can I go
bare-hand raisins
from the bulk aisle?
59
00:02:36,506 --> 00:02:38,401
Okay, but if you
get caught, just say,
60
00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:40,785
"Oopsie-poopsie"
like a simpleton.
61
00:02:41,144 --> 00:02:42,927
Hey, watch your fat arms.
62
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:44,197
Excuse me, ma'am,
63
00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:45,675
your little girl
dropped her
teddy bear.
64
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:48,049
What? Little girl?
65
00:02:48,118 --> 00:02:51,036
Yeah,
she hates it when
she drops that.
66
00:02:51,105 --> 00:02:54,100
He's actually
a little boy but
thank you very much.
67
00:02:54,124 --> 00:02:57,175
Did she just
think I was a girl?
Why would she think that?
68
00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:58,754
I don't know.
Maybe she saw you
try to throw
69
00:02:58,778 --> 00:03:00,479
that feather in
the yard yesterday.
70
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,965
Hey, don't watch me
when I'm doin' stuff.
71
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:05,300
What are you doing, kid?
Those aren't free.
72
00:03:05,368 --> 00:03:07,335
Oopsie-poopsie!
73
00:03:07,404 --> 00:03:09,805
Oh, God bless you.
Help yourself.
74
00:03:21,085 --> 00:03:23,268
Car trouble?
Ah! Son of a bitch, Joe,
75
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:24,414
didn't even hear you comin'.
76
00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,678
Yeah, I'm kind of
quiet on grass.
77
00:03:30,076 --> 00:03:31,543
Thanks for
givin' me a ride, Joe.
78
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:33,177
Hey, since we're in a cop car,
79
00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:35,914
let's talk about our
hunches and how
somethin' doesn't add up.
80
00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:37,093
All right.
81
00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:39,384
I have a hunch
Madea's not really a girl.
82
00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:41,865
Yeah, somethin'
doesn't add up
about that.
83
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,616
All units, report to a drug deal
84
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,217
in progress at Fifth and Maple.
85
00:03:45,241 --> 00:03:47,959
Shots fired.
Suspect possibly armed.
86
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:50,912
Well, shots fired,
so definitely armed. Duh!
87
00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:53,664
- Dispatch much?
- Sorry, guys.
88
00:03:53,717 --> 00:03:56,117
Fifth and Maple?
That's right near here.
We gotta go.
89
00:03:56,186 --> 00:03:58,019
No can do.
I gotta go to the station
90
00:03:58,088 --> 00:03:59,832
and tidy up the bulletin board.
91
00:03:59,856 --> 00:04:01,901
No one's bitin' on
those guitar lessons.
92
00:04:01,925 --> 00:04:04,170
What are you talkin' about?
There's a drug deal
goin' down.
93
00:04:04,194 --> 00:04:07,106
Peter, there's a lot
you don't understand
about police work.
94
00:04:07,130 --> 00:04:09,030
What's to understand?
I watch TV.
95
00:04:09,099 --> 00:04:10,865
Come on, Joe.
Let's put this '70s siren
96
00:04:10,934 --> 00:04:12,033
on your car and go.
97
00:04:13,536 --> 00:04:15,381
Did you just wipe
a booger on my roof?
98
00:04:15,405 --> 00:04:16,470
Let's go! Let's go!
99
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,494
Oh, crap! Cops!
100
00:04:22,546 --> 00:04:24,946
That's the house.
101
00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:28,028
Hold on, Peter.
We can't go in there.
We gotta wait for backup.
102
00:04:28,052 --> 00:04:29,350
The hell we do.
103
00:04:29,869 --> 00:04:30,985
Peter!
104
00:04:31,054 --> 00:04:32,974
Reach for the stars.
105
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,288
What?
106
00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,457
I think he's
telling us to follow
our dreams.
107
00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:38,388
Where are the drugs?
What are you doin'?
108
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,807
You're violatin' all
kinds of procedures.
109
00:04:40,831 --> 00:04:42,780
There's no drugs here, pig.
110
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,486
A-ha! No drugs, huh?
What do you call this?
111
00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:50,316
And I bet there's more
where that came from?
112
00:04:50,340 --> 00:04:52,860
They're tryin' to
flush their stash.
113
00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:55,711
Nice try, scumbag,
114
00:04:55,779 --> 00:04:58,112
but I got your
squishy drugs
right here.
115
00:04:58,181 --> 00:04:59,297
Oh-oh!
116
00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:01,043
Peter, hand me my gun
and get out of here.
117
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,695
I could get fired for this.
118
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:05,987
And I can't go
back to my job as
a magician's assistant.
119
00:05:08,491 --> 00:05:12,360
And now to pull
the two sides apart.
120
00:05:12,429 --> 00:05:15,614
And wiggle your toes.
121
00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:19,351
I said wiggle your toes.
122
00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:22,854
Yeah, that's why
I wanted to talk to you
before the show.
123
00:05:29,046 --> 00:05:30,206
What's up, dudes?
124
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,474
Stewie,
what the hell
is all this?
125
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,898
Oh, only the most
manly thing ever.
126
00:05:33,951 --> 00:05:36,863
A little somethin'
called American
football.
127
00:05:36,887 --> 00:05:38,887
Is that a Michael Sam jersey?
128
00:05:38,955 --> 00:05:41,706
Yep, two boy names.
Doubly masculine.
129
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,553
Like, George Michael?
Shut up!
130
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,571
Come on, Stewie.
You still hung
up about the woman
131
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,340
at the grocery
store thinkin'
you were a girl?
132
00:05:47,364 --> 00:05:49,548
Elton John is another.
133
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:51,410
It has nothing to
do with that, Brian.
134
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:53,896
I just thought it'd
be good to
take up a sport.
135
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,164
You know, like boys do.
136
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,417
You don't have
to play football
to prove you're a boy.
137
00:05:57,441 --> 00:06:00,608
Barney Frank is yet another one.
138
00:06:00,677 --> 00:06:01,843
Chris, please.
139
00:06:01,912 --> 00:06:02,972
Actually,
you know what?
Ricky Martin.
140
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,490
There's a bunch of these.
141
00:06:04,514 --> 00:06:05,792
Anyway, they're not
gonna let you play
football, Stewie.
142
00:06:05,816 --> 00:06:07,627
You're too little.
Oh, don't worry.
143
00:06:07,651 --> 00:06:10,035
I'm gonna be bad news
for the other team.
144
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,197
And nobody likes bad news.
145
00:06:12,221 --> 00:06:15,140
Except for Larry
the Self-Loathing Idiot.
146
00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:18,660
Larry, I'm afraid
you only have three
months to live.
147
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:29,122
Swanson!
I need to see
you right now.
148
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:34,075
Captain. Lieutenant.
149
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,872
You had no
business participating
150
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,690
in that raid at Fifth and Maple.
151
00:06:37,714 --> 00:06:39,275
I know that, Captain.
I'm sorry that I...
152
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:40,932
But I'm glad you did.
153
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,467
Excuse me?
154
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,748
You brought down
one of the biggest
drug rings in Quahog.
155
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:46,971
Above and beyond, Swanson.
156
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,991
Well, sir,
I'm just like any other cop.
157
00:06:50,059 --> 00:06:52,610
My wife puts on my
pants one leg at a time.
158
00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:55,190
I appreciate
your modesty,
but nice work.
159
00:06:55,214 --> 00:06:57,660
It's hard to believe
you did that
all by yourself.
160
00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:00,001
Yep, did it
all by myself, I did.
161
00:07:00,070 --> 00:07:03,471
I did. My little lonesome,
says I.
162
00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:05,919
That's weird phrasing,
but I'll tell
you this, Swanson,
163
00:07:05,943 --> 00:07:07,287
you keep up this kind of work,
164
00:07:07,311 --> 00:07:09,372
there'll be no more
grocery runs for you.
165
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:11,290
You'll be back on
the street full time.
166
00:07:11,314 --> 00:07:12,413
Thank you, Captain.
167
00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:15,177
Sir.
168
00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:16,234
Thank you, sir.
169
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,965
Hey, Peter. You know,
I was just thinkin' about
170
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,847
how much fun we
had the other day
171
00:07:28,899 --> 00:07:32,550
and wondered if
you'd wanna join me
for another ride along.
172
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,663
Well, yeah, but
I thought you said
I couldn't do that
173
00:07:34,687 --> 00:07:35,715
'cause you'd get in trouble.
174
00:07:35,739 --> 00:07:37,238
It'll be our little secret.
175
00:07:37,306 --> 00:07:39,451
All right.
Hey, can I drive
the car?
176
00:07:39,475 --> 00:07:40,909
Yeah, I guess
I can let you drive.
177
00:07:40,978 --> 00:07:43,789
Awesome!
Hey, and can we go slow
up to a homeless guy
178
00:07:43,813 --> 00:07:45,825
and go, "Yip, yip"
and see what he does?
179
00:07:45,849 --> 00:07:47,015
That's half the job!
180
00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:48,527
So what do you say?
You think you're up to it?
181
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:51,363
You bet I am.
I'm in the best
shape of my life.
182
00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:54,133
I've been workin'
my Dave Matthews
punchin' bag.
183
00:07:54,157 --> 00:07:56,223
Thank you very much
for using me today.
184
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,980
This isn't annoying enough.
I need my David Lee Roth bag.
185
00:08:11,975 --> 00:08:15,226
Wow! So these are
the wife beaters
of tomorrow.
186
00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:16,978
Which team is
Stewie gonna to be on?
187
00:08:17,047 --> 00:08:18,407
He's not gonna be on any team.
188
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:21,182
He's just overcompensating
because he was
called a girl.
189
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:24,518
But once he sees how big
the other kids are,
he'll back out.
190
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,938
Ooh, my shoes
have 12 little heels.
191
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,234
They're cleats.
192
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:30,509
Okay, kids,
let's start practice.
193
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:32,410
Yeah, football.
Boy stuff.
194
00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:34,423
Hittin' the shower.
Gettin' embarrassed.
195
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,797
Goin' home to shower.
196
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:37,059
Okay, Stewie, enough is enough.
197
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:38,850
All right,
let's get you
out of here.
198
00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:40,697
Yeah, you probably
should get him
out of there
199
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,320
'cause he's just
a little shrimp.
200
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:44,033
Um, okay, thank you.
201
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,953
I mean, look at him.
My Tyler would
kill him out there.
202
00:08:46,977 --> 00:08:49,422
Okay, well, believe me,
there's more to
him than you think.
203
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:52,079
Come on, Stewie.
You know,
ballet is great exercise.
204
00:08:52,148 --> 00:08:54,699
Maybe you should put
short stack in a tutu.
205
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:57,602
No, you know what,
Stewie? Get the hell
out on that field.
206
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,654
And if you see
that Tyler,
take his knee out.
207
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,750
All right, let's do it.
Football game.
208
00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:04,625
Then reminder,
showering at home.
209
00:09:04,694 --> 00:09:07,640
Okay, I guess we'll
see who's got
the toughest kid here.
210
00:09:07,664 --> 00:09:09,013
Yeah, I guess we will.
211
00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:13,985
Hey!
Oopsie-poopsie.
212
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:15,487
Aw!
213
00:09:16,290 --> 00:09:17,588
♪ No sleep till
214
00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:22,961
♪ Brooklyn
215
00:09:27,517 --> 00:09:29,934
♪ Foot on the pedal
never ever false metal
216
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:32,403
♪ Engine runnin' hotter
than a boilin' kettle
217
00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:34,889
♪ My job ain't a job
it's a damn good time
218
00:09:34,958 --> 00:09:37,291
♪ City to city
I'm runnin' my rhymes
219
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,911
♪ On location
tourin' around the nation
220
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:42,380
♪ Beastie Boys
always on vacation
221
00:09:42,448 --> 00:09:44,749
♪ Itchy trigger finger
but a stable turntable
222
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:47,301
♪ I do what I do best
because I'm willin' and able
223
00:09:47,370 --> 00:09:48,519
♪ Ain't no fakin'
224
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,271
♪ Your money I'm takin'
225
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:51,984
♪ Goin' coast to coastwatchin' allthe girlies shakin'
226
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:54,342
♪ While you're at the job
workin' 9:00 to 5:00
227
00:09:54,410 --> 00:09:57,290
♪ The Beastie Boysat the Gardencold kickin' it live
228
00:10:01,484 --> 00:10:02,500
♪ No sleep till
229
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,173
♪ Another plane, another train
another bottle in the brain
230
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:12,110
♪ Another girl, another fight
another drive all night
231
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:14,479
♪ Our manager's crazy
he always smokes dust
232
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:17,181
♪ He's got his own room
at the back of the bus
233
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,277
♪ Tour around the world
234
00:10:18,301 --> 00:10:19,533
♪ You rock around the clock
235
00:10:19,602 --> 00:10:21,903
♪ Plane to hotel,
girls on the jock
236
00:10:21,971 --> 00:10:24,172
♪ We're trashin' hotels
like it's goin' out of style ♪
237
00:10:28,412 --> 00:10:31,095
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
Our top story tonight,
238
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:33,926
local news anchor,too professionalto laugh at penis
239
00:10:33,950 --> 00:10:35,627
poked through hole in cue card.
240
00:10:35,651 --> 00:10:38,103
But first,
earlier today at City Hall,
241
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,937
the mayor honored a hero cop
242
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:42,307
who has foiled
a string of recent crimes.
243
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:45,460
Good afternoon.We had a budgetmeeting that ran long,
244
00:10:45,529 --> 00:10:50,498
so I'm gonna eat my lunchwhile I hold thispress conference.
245
00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:55,769
Oh, my favorite.Loose cop saladin a lunch box.
246
00:10:55,838 --> 00:10:59,357
I'm gonna now shake this up
like a lady in your office.
247
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:03,711
Okay, while
the dressing does its magic,
248
00:11:03,780 --> 00:11:06,113
let's honor Officer Joe Swanson,
249
00:11:06,182 --> 00:11:10,668
who single-handedlycut crime inQuahog by 75%.
250
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:14,539
What? Single-handedly?
251
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:18,111
Officer Swanson,as thanks froma grateful city,
252
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,611
please accept this
certificate of merit.
253
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:24,782
And with that,I hereby declarethis hero cop open.
254
00:11:25,802 --> 00:11:29,087
Whoa, sweet bod.
You lift, bro?
255
00:11:29,139 --> 00:11:31,617
Damn it, I can't
believe Joe's
hoggin' all the credit.
256
00:11:31,641 --> 00:11:34,470
That bastard's
just gettin' famous
by trickin' people.
257
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:36,110
Like Orson Welles.
258
00:11:36,179 --> 00:11:41,933
So, the aliens have
come to Earth to
destroy all mankind.
259
00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:45,737
And they're going to
start at McDonald's.
260
00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:48,273
So, if you're in line there,
you better run!
261
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:51,509
Whoa, whoa,
not the workers though.
262
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,694
They've already said
the workers are safe.
263
00:11:57,850 --> 00:12:00,134
Excuse me,
Coach Hara... Harar...
264
00:12:00,203 --> 00:12:01,869
Harar...
Rarara...
265
00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:03,999
It's Herrera.
Okay, that's a lot of R's,
266
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:06,574
but listen, I noticed
you're not
starting Stewie.
267
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:07,986
No, I can't put him in.
268
00:12:08,010 --> 00:12:09,672
I mean, he can come out
for limp handshakes
269
00:12:09,696 --> 00:12:11,340
at the end of the game,
but I can't play him.
270
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:13,091
He's too little.
Little?
271
00:12:13,115 --> 00:12:14,715
Oh, like that car
you drive over there.
272
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:17,135
Let's see if it looks
bigger when
I throw a Sprite at it.
273
00:12:19,538 --> 00:12:21,855
Well, it's not my car,
but I don't care.
274
00:12:21,924 --> 00:12:23,507
I'm just a volunteer.
275
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,496
All right,
Griffin, get in there.
276
00:12:28,964 --> 00:12:31,927
Come on, Stewie, give
your dog somethin'
to post on Facebook.
277
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:33,751
Somethin' to post
on Facebook. Let's go.
278
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:38,856
All right!
And nobody's blocking...
279
00:12:40,543 --> 00:12:42,527
Oh, my God, Stewie!
280
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,196
Are you okay?
281
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,009
Back off!
He may have
a concussion.
282
00:12:47,033 --> 00:12:48,033
A concussion?
283
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,284
You do me an honor, lieutenant,
284
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:52,620
but my dance card is full.
285
00:12:58,261 --> 00:13:00,123
Officer Swanson, as requested,
286
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,341
here's a big stack of
the cases you cracked.
287
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:04,064
Oh, great.
Now I'm gonna go ahead
288
00:13:04,133 --> 00:13:05,828
and brood over
a photo of the girl
289
00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:08,920
whose case was
the one I couldn't solve.
290
00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:11,122
Your '70s sweater
and feathered hair
291
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:14,159
let people know
this is a cold case.
292
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:17,678
Well, hello, Officer Swanson.
293
00:13:17,747 --> 00:13:20,467
Peter, what are you doin'?
You're not supposed
to be here.
294
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:21,882
I saw you on TV,
295
00:13:21,951 --> 00:13:24,201
hoggin' all
the credit for
my police work.
296
00:13:24,254 --> 00:13:27,016
Look, I told you
I need you to be
a silent partner on this.
297
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,235
The truth is, I could
get into a lot of trouble.
298
00:13:29,259 --> 00:13:32,543
Oh, I see. You need me
to be the bad cop
who kicks all the ass,
299
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:34,411
and then I'm supposed
to be quiet about it?
300
00:13:34,464 --> 00:13:36,463
Well, my silence
is gonna cost you.
301
00:13:36,532 --> 00:13:37,732
What are you sayin'?
302
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:40,084
I'm sayin' you
get stuff,
I want stuff.
303
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,433
I've seen that evidence locker.
304
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:43,371
I know you've got
Discmans in there.
305
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,490
I want a murdered
jogger's Discman.
306
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,152
Peter, you know I can't do that.
307
00:13:47,176 --> 00:13:49,794
Yeah, well,
maybe I accidentally
reveal
308
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:51,979
that you're not
the hero everyone
thinks you are
309
00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:54,644
and that you've been
lettin' your neighbor
do all kinds of cop stuff.
310
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,612
You wouldn't do that, would you?
311
00:13:56,636 --> 00:14:00,421
You bet I would.
And one more thing.
312
00:14:00,490 --> 00:14:03,558
Peter asked me to
do this. He said it's
somethin' from before.
313
00:14:03,626 --> 00:14:05,326
I don't know.
I hope it's funny.
314
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:16,548
All right, I'm here,
but why did you
want me to bring this?
315
00:14:16,572 --> 00:14:17,905
I'll tell you why.
316
00:14:17,973 --> 00:14:19,652
You're gettin' all
the credit for
my police work,
317
00:14:19,676 --> 00:14:21,175
so I want stuff from you.
318
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,744
I want a minute in
your house with
this shopping cart
319
00:14:23,813 --> 00:14:26,230
like Supermarket Sweep.
Here, time me.
320
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:28,978
Peter, you expect
me to let you ransack
my house?
321
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,568
Well, unless you'd
rather I spill the
beans to the chief
322
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:33,271
about who's been
doin' your dirty work.
323
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,356
Okay, go.
324
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,777
Ah! Sweet, board games.
325
00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:41,679
I'm takin' the cannon
from your Monopoly.
326
00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:43,847
Why is Peter in the house?
327
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:46,250
It's a police matter, Bonnie.
328
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:48,119
Hey, how come
Kevin's room is locked?
329
00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:49,832
He just wants some privacy.
330
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:51,422
It's locked from the outside.
331
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:53,341
Don't open it, Peter.
332
00:14:55,178 --> 00:14:57,128
Hi, baby. Hi, baby.
333
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:59,478
Get out of Susie's room!
334
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:03,016
Your stuff sucks.
I didn't need
the full minute.
335
00:15:03,085 --> 00:15:05,030
All right.
So, are we even now?
336
00:15:05,054 --> 00:15:06,638
Oh, we're just getting started.
337
00:15:06,689 --> 00:15:09,340
Next, I wanna ride
a police horse.
338
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,254
All right, Peter,
this is Charlie.
339
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,822
That's a horse?
I thought this
was a horse.
340
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:15,363
Peter, that's a Brontosaurus.
341
00:15:15,431 --> 00:15:17,209
Oh, well,
that's what
I wanna ride.
342
00:15:17,233 --> 00:15:19,166
We don't have
a police Brontosaurus.
343
00:15:19,235 --> 00:15:20,912
Then, maybe
I'll just have to tell
344
00:15:20,936 --> 00:15:23,099
everybody about
your little secret.
345
00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:30,811
Please, step back!
346
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:39,536
Hey, Stewie,
how's our little
concussion guy?
347
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:44,553
Oh, my God.
Can you...
Can you see me?
348
00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:46,772
Yeah. No,
I'm fine,
I'm fine.
349
00:15:46,796 --> 00:15:49,196
Is... Is anybody gonna
answer that telephone?
350
00:15:49,265 --> 00:15:51,599
He keeps thinking
the phone is
ringing, Brian.
351
00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:53,162
Well, at least
he's talking again.
352
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:54,596
I think that means
he's getting better.
353
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,237
Is it day or night?
354
00:15:56,306 --> 00:15:58,367
I don't...
I don't care.
I just wanna know.
355
00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,868
Lois, answer the bloody phone!
356
00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:01,921
No, no, we don't need Lois.
357
00:16:01,945 --> 00:16:03,355
Chris, pretend
to answer the phone.
358
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:07,648
Hello. Okay.
Yes, one second.
359
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:09,317
Mom, it's for you.
360
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:10,930
What? No,
damn it, Chris.
361
00:16:10,954 --> 00:16:14,772
I'll... I'll take that.
Hello, this is
Brian Griffin.
362
00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:17,208
Actually, I already receive
The New York Times,
363
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:20,573
and I always enjoy
finishing the
crossword puzzle.
364
00:16:20,597 --> 00:16:22,329
You're bragging to nobody?
365
00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:23,692
Phone's still ringin'.
366
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:25,745
Crap, Chris,
he's worse off
than I thought.
367
00:16:25,769 --> 00:16:27,079
We have to do something.
368
00:16:27,103 --> 00:16:29,086
Well, on TV
if somebody gets
hit on the head,
369
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:32,473
you hit him a second
time, and that gets
him back to normal.
370
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:34,370
No, no, Chris,
this is very serious.
371
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:35,604
You see, what a concussion is,
372
00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:37,156
is the impact of brain matter
373
00:16:37,180 --> 00:16:38,958
on the inside of the skull.
374
00:16:38,982 --> 00:16:40,492
That's why you
sometimes hear
this nonsense
375
00:16:40,516 --> 00:16:42,478
about, "Oh, let's
just give 'em
better helmets."
376
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,530
But you can't
make a helmet
for the inside...
377
00:16:44,554 --> 00:16:46,715
Chris, are you crazy?
378
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:49,040
Shh! Let's just let
him sleep this off.
379
00:16:49,975 --> 00:16:51,575
Look how peaceful he is.
380
00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:54,212
I wonder what's
goin' on in that
little head of his.
381
00:16:57,149 --> 00:17:00,418
♪ The world
looks mighty good to me
382
00:17:00,486 --> 00:17:03,554
♪ 'Cause Tootsie Rolls
are all I see
383
00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:07,074
♪ Whatever it is I think I see
384
00:17:07,143 --> 00:17:10,094
♪ Becomes
a Tootsie Roll to me ♪
385
00:17:15,417 --> 00:17:17,484
Joe, is something wrong?
386
00:17:17,553 --> 00:17:20,787
I didn't hear you
crying in the shower
this morning.
387
00:17:20,856 --> 00:17:22,590
I'm just dealin'
with some stuff at work.
388
00:17:22,658 --> 00:17:24,670
But everything is going so well.
389
00:17:24,694 --> 00:17:26,488
You've been getting
all those commendations,
390
00:17:26,512 --> 00:17:28,824
and my online
handmade lip
balm business
391
00:17:28,848 --> 00:17:30,581
is really taking off.
392
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,210
I don't even know what
you're talkin' about.
393
00:17:32,234 --> 00:17:36,486
Well, I'm proud of you,
and you should be
proud of yourself.
394
00:17:40,009 --> 00:17:41,258
I want these.
395
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:43,527
Rechargeable
heated mittens.
Write it down.
396
00:17:44,713 --> 00:17:45,757
Forget it, Peter.
397
00:17:45,781 --> 00:17:47,709
I'm done being
blackmailed by you.
398
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,233
Oh, yeah?
Well, fine.
399
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:52,069
But remember,
you're nothin'
without your muscle.
400
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:53,699
Any available unit.
401
00:17:53,723 --> 00:17:56,101
We have a reportof an armedrobbery in progress.
402
00:17:56,125 --> 00:17:59,093
Go on, hero cop.
You don't need me.
403
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:04,115
Well, maybe you and I
can do one last bust
for old time's sake.
404
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,482
Yes! All right,
let's do it.
405
00:18:05,551 --> 00:18:08,686
Let's go be heroes,
like the
designated driver.
406
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:12,390
Is there a skeleton
with a wig that can
drive me home?
407
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:13,508
I can.
408
00:18:13,576 --> 00:18:16,744
Look at this mess.
Where is the
housekeeper?
409
00:18:23,335 --> 00:18:26,036
Well, you already look
better. The doctor
should be in any minute.
410
00:18:27,390 --> 00:18:29,101
Chris, what the hell?
411
00:18:29,125 --> 00:18:32,426
There is a room where
you can go in and just
get free people.
412
00:18:32,495 --> 00:18:34,535
Yeah, you should give that back.
413
00:18:35,298 --> 00:18:38,182
Look, I'm really
sorry I let you
get hurt, Stewie.
414
00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:40,284
I never should have
pushed you
into that game.
415
00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:42,047
Well, it's not your fault.
416
00:18:42,071 --> 00:18:44,399
I just have to
accept that
I'm not a man,
417
00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:45,968
and I'm never going to be one.
418
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,042
That's ridiculous.
You can't let
what one woman
419
00:18:48,111 --> 00:18:50,528
says in a grocery store
define who you are.
420
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:52,140
Mom and Dad said it, too.
421
00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:54,426
I heard it through
a vent in the wall.
422
00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:55,933
Hey, knock knock.
423
00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:58,602
Coach Herrera?
You came to
see Stewie?
424
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:01,672
Yeah, I wanted to
check in on this
tough little guy.
425
00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:03,558
Tough little guy?
426
00:19:03,626 --> 00:19:06,076
It takes a real man to
take a hit like that.
427
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,145
Feel better, sport.
428
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:09,914
How about that?
429
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,232
Real man.
430
00:19:11,301 --> 00:19:14,301
See, I told you, Stewie.
You're a big, tough boy.
431
00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:15,986
Yes, I guess I am.
432
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:17,270
That may be, Stewie,
433
00:19:17,339 --> 00:19:19,657
but if I were you,
I'd stay off the field.
434
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:22,643
Concussions are
the number one problem
in football today.
435
00:19:22,711 --> 00:19:24,729
Recent brain scan
studies have shown...
436
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:29,233
That brain injuries
are directly linked
437
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:32,452
to dementia and
suicides in
former players.
438
00:19:32,521 --> 00:19:34,722
Yet the league...
439
00:19:34,791 --> 00:19:38,525
You can play the music
louder, but you can't
silence the truth.
440
00:19:41,698 --> 00:19:42,863
Peter, slow down.
441
00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:44,710
No can do, Joe.
I'm all hopped up
442
00:19:44,734 --> 00:19:47,094
'cause I Vicks Vapo'd my sack.
443
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:51,041
I also got some
of it in my eyes.
444
00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:54,975
Am I getting 'em?
Am I getting the robbers?
445
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:56,660
Peter, put the gun down.
446
00:19:58,981 --> 00:20:02,233
On the floor, punks.
Everybody dies.
447
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:04,835
My already irritated eyes.
448
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,674
Oh, damn it, Peter.
449
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:13,110
This is Officer Swanson.
I need backup at...
450
00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:15,940
They're beatin' me
with vapin' accessories.
451
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:17,481
Forget it. There's no time.
452
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,586
Freeze! Police!
453
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:24,082
Too late, Joe.
I already identify
with my captors.
454
00:20:24,106 --> 00:20:25,817
Don't hurt Max and Ken.
455
00:20:46,129 --> 00:20:48,762
Holy crap, Joe,
that was freakin'
amazin'.
456
00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:50,080
You kicked their ass.
457
00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:52,160
You're right.
I guess I did.
458
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:56,053
And without my help.
See, this is
the Joe I remember.
459
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:59,189
You know,
maybe you had it
in you all along.
460
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,742
Wow. I guess
I just got ground down
461
00:21:01,810 --> 00:21:04,523
by years of people
treatin' me
like an errand boy,
462
00:21:04,547 --> 00:21:07,364
and I just let 'em
walk all over me.
463
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:09,695
You know, you were
a real pain in the
butt as a partner
464
00:21:09,719 --> 00:21:12,336
but you helped me
find myself again.
465
00:21:12,405 --> 00:21:14,645
Thanks, Peter.
You're welcome, Joe.
466
00:21:15,391 --> 00:21:16,940
Excuse me.
467
00:21:17,009 --> 00:21:19,454
Do you have any TaB
soda I can bring back
to the sex dungeon
468
00:21:19,478 --> 00:21:21,707
where I've been held
captive for decades?
469
00:21:21,731 --> 00:21:23,142
Ma'am, this is a crime scene.
470
00:21:23,166 --> 00:21:25,298
I'm gonna have to
ask you to move along.
471
00:21:26,836 --> 00:21:29,236
You're right, Peter.
I'm a pretty good cop.
37176
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