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♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,822 --> 00:00:08,140
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:11,609
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:14,913
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:18,183
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:21,587
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,638 --> 00:00:23,188
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,256 --> 00:00:24,806
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:30,045
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:38,520
And now,the History Channelpresents American Inventor,
11
00:00:38,589 --> 00:00:41,056
the true story of Henry Ford.
12
00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:45,043
This is my Jewflattening machine.It'll flatten any Jew.
13
00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:48,396
Simply climb behind the wheel,drive it towardsa Jew and flatten him.
14
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:51,383
Could you alsouse it just to drivefrom place to place and stuff?
15
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:54,202
It's a Jew flattening machine,that's not whatit's designed for.
16
00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:55,653
But you could use it that way?
17
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,372
Yeah.
Yeah, you could...
18
00:00:57,441 --> 00:01:00,736
You could also usethe Mona Lisa
as a place mat. God!
19
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,288
Hey, guys.
Oh, hey, Quagmire.
20
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:03,862
How was marching band practice?
21
00:01:03,931 --> 00:01:06,265
Peter, you know
this is a pilot's uniform.
22
00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:08,495
It represents years
of specialized training.
23
00:01:08,519 --> 00:01:11,119
Yeah, well,
you know what else takes
years of specialized training?
24
00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:12,637
Crossing your eyes.
25
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:17,376
Too far!
Too far!
Hold still.
26
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:23,431
Thank you,
Korean sweatshop animator.
27
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,650
You've earned your
nickel this week.
28
00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:27,179
Where you coming from, Quagmire?
29
00:01:27,203 --> 00:01:28,787
I had to fly to Aruba,
30
00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:31,284
so I brought my mom along
with my friends
and family discount.
31
00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:32,407
Did you...
32
00:01:32,475 --> 00:01:34,877
Yes, Joe, I got you a magnet.
33
00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:37,379
Where do you even put
all those magnets, Joe?
34
00:01:37,448 --> 00:01:39,458
You know I have that
fridge in the garage
35
00:01:39,482 --> 00:01:41,842
with bags of blood
in my blood type.
36
00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:44,736
What's "friends and family"?
37
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:47,005
Oh, airline employees
can get discounted tickets
38
00:01:47,057 --> 00:01:48,506
for family and close friends.
39
00:01:48,559 --> 00:01:50,859
What? How come you've never
done that for us?
40
00:01:50,928 --> 00:01:52,605
If I'm being honest,
I've also got
41
00:01:52,629 --> 00:01:54,357
a few Celeste
pizzas in that fridge.
42
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:57,142
I don't know.
I guess I just figured
you guys always have to work
43
00:01:57,184 --> 00:02:00,079
or you're with your kids,
but sure, I could
take you somewhere.
44
00:02:00,103 --> 00:02:02,415
I'm going to
San Francisco next week.
You guys wanna come?
45
00:02:02,439 --> 00:02:04,005
San Francisco?
46
00:02:04,074 --> 00:02:06,408
That city from
And the BandPlayed On and Milk?
47
00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:08,721
I'm in.
Yeah, thanks, Quagmire.
48
00:02:08,745 --> 00:02:10,278
Oh, wow, this will be great.
49
00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:12,014
Hey, can you make us X-Men?
50
00:02:15,952 --> 00:02:17,702
What a surprise.
51
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,359
Well, I'm off to San Francisco
with the guys.
52
00:02:24,428 --> 00:02:26,894
Okay, I'm off to Hilton Head
with the girls.
53
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,029
You what?
54
00:02:28,098 --> 00:02:30,332
Peter, I told you about this
a month ago.
55
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,652
I'm going with
Bonnie and Donna
to Donna's sister's timeshare.
56
00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:36,137
We can't both go on a trip
at the same time.
57
00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:39,352
I'm sorry, Peter,
but I already
have a taxi waiting.
58
00:02:39,376 --> 00:02:42,677
All right,
I'll go tell the guys
I'm not going.
59
00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:45,046
Why is he taking his suitcase
to tell the guys?
60
00:02:45,115 --> 00:02:47,076
You guys, come on,
we gotta go now!
Let's go, move it!
61
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,261
I'm in the shower!
62
00:02:48,285 --> 00:02:50,085
It doesn't matter.
We're stealing Lois' cab.
63
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:53,088
Son of a...
64
00:02:53,156 --> 00:02:55,316
And the idiot took my suitcase.
65
00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:59,627
Aw, he was taking me with him.
66
00:03:07,337 --> 00:03:09,004
Ah, San Francisco.
67
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,890
San Francisco!
68
00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,442
So, what are we gonna do first?
69
00:03:13,510 --> 00:03:14,954
I wanna see
the Golden Gate Bridge.
70
00:03:14,978 --> 00:03:16,589
I wanna see Lombard Street.
71
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,112
I wanna see Ghirardelli Square.
72
00:03:18,181 --> 00:03:22,117
Guys, guys,
let's get lesbian haircuts
and see 'em all!
73
00:03:42,606 --> 00:03:45,973
All right, the gay jokes
are out of the way, now,
let's get down to business.
74
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:53,599
Okay, guys.
"This is the original
Levi jeans factory,
75
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:56,968
"created by Levi Strauss
in the year 1853
76
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,548
"so that gold miners could wear
77
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,199
"a comfortable
yet durable fabric."
78
00:04:00,223 --> 00:04:01,406
This is boring.
79
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:03,185
Well, then
you plan the vacation!
80
00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:06,043
Peter, Peter,
calm down. It's okay.
81
00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:07,579
We'll do whatever you want.
82
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:09,264
All right, if you promise.
83
00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:11,650
I was thinking we could
tuck our shirts
into our pants,
84
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:14,135
put on huge
helmets and ride Segways.
85
00:04:14,204 --> 00:04:17,172
We're not from here!
We're not from here!
86
00:04:20,610 --> 00:04:25,146
You guys,
look, it's Golden State
Warriors star, Steph Curry.
87
00:04:25,215 --> 00:04:27,432
Oh, my God,
Steph, I'm such a big fan!
88
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:28,862
Thanks, it's nice to meet you.
89
00:04:28,886 --> 00:04:31,052
Hey, I know we just met,
but can I sit on your lap
90
00:04:31,121 --> 00:04:33,271
during your next post-game
press conference?
91
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:35,256
Sure. I don't see why not.
92
00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:37,208
This is exciting
for the whole Bay Area
93
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,410
to be just four games away
from the Championship.
94
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,795
Dad, I duked.
95
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,824
The other team's not just
gonna go away, though.
96
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:45,194
We gotta stay focused,
keep doing what
we've been doing.
97
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:47,719
Fat lady.
Dad, dad, a fat lady.
98
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,404
Yeah, I see her, Peter.
99
00:04:49,473 --> 00:04:51,985
Make her go.
That's not how
we talk to people.
100
00:04:52,009 --> 00:04:54,137
- Make her go!
- I'll leave.
101
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,378
Yay! I'm learning
bad lessons!
102
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:04,852
Wow. So that was
San Francisco.
103
00:05:04,921 --> 00:05:07,572
I didn't realize how hilly
it was gonna be.
104
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,836
Thanks again for
taking us, Quagmire.
105
00:05:09,860 --> 00:05:11,909
Hey, no problem.
You know, we're here early.
106
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,540
You guys want
a little tour of the plane?
107
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:14,813
Yeah, that'd be great.
108
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,564
Normally,
I'd just go to Hudson News
109
00:05:16,633 --> 00:05:19,017
and pretend to be
the most important guy there.
110
00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,069
Can I help you?
111
00:05:20,136 --> 00:05:22,248
Yes, I will have eight Dasanis
112
00:05:22,272 --> 00:05:24,556
and a J.D. Power
and Associates.
113
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:32,080
Wow, this place is cool.
114
00:05:32,148 --> 00:05:35,650
Yeah, what do all
these buttons do?
Like, what's this red one?
115
00:05:35,718 --> 00:05:37,936
That's a voice filter,
so the passengers always think
116
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,672
the pilot is a 60-year-old
Midwestern white man.
117
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,974
What? That's impossible.
118
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,127
Hi, y'all. This is Cleveland.
119
00:05:45,195 --> 00:05:46,561
Good afternoon, folks.
120
00:05:46,630 --> 00:05:48,990
This is Captain Darrell Clarke
up here on the flight deck.
121
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,899
We're way up in the air.
122
00:05:50,967 --> 00:05:54,302
We've reachedour cruising altitudeof 37,000 feet.
123
00:05:54,371 --> 00:05:57,022
Y'all get ready to watch
Big Momma's House.
124
00:05:57,091 --> 00:06:00,742
Our in-flightentertainment todaywill be Under the Tuscan Sun.
125
00:06:00,811 --> 00:06:03,028
Oh, I like that.
I hear it's good.
126
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:05,263
Hey, what's this button?
Autopilot?
127
00:06:05,331 --> 00:06:08,016
Oh, that allows
the plane to fly itself
when I need a break.
128
00:06:08,084 --> 00:06:10,702
What do you mean, "a break"?
You don't have
to fly the plane?
129
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:13,104
Of course I do. I just take
a short break sometimes.
130
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,957
"Short break"?
It looks like you had
time to put together
131
00:06:16,026 --> 00:06:18,377
the 10,000-piece Lego Hogwarts.
132
00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:19,656
You don't have to touch it, Joe.
133
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,224
You can just say you noticed it.
134
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:23,164
And what's this booth over here?
135
00:06:23,232 --> 00:06:24,761
Oh, that's my back-in-time box.
136
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:27,101
I go inside,
magically go back in time,
137
00:06:27,170 --> 00:06:30,188
and then come out and react
to the fact that we're flying.
138
00:06:31,842 --> 00:06:33,958
My God, we're levitating!
139
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:35,705
That's just a box
full of costumes.
140
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,312
It's my back-in-time box!
141
00:06:37,380 --> 00:06:38,596
What the hell, Quagmire?
142
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:40,798
So basically, your job
is just goofing off.
143
00:06:40,851 --> 00:06:43,268
That's not true.
I broke Gandalf in half.
144
00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:44,769
It's Dumbledore.
145
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:46,849
Screw you guys!
You know, being a pilot
is hard work.
146
00:06:46,873 --> 00:06:49,908
Look, I tried to be nice
and take you fellas
on a free trip.
147
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,210
And all you can do
is crap all over my job!
148
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:55,830
I was a Navy pilot,
you jerks. Get the hell
out of my cockpit!
149
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:01,502
Joke's on him. I farted
just before he kicked us out.
150
00:07:01,571 --> 00:07:03,004
Oh! Oh, God!
151
00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,679
All right, let's see what's in
the in-flight magazine.
152
00:07:11,748 --> 00:07:15,867
Muscular old guy,
already-filled-in
crossword puzzle...
153
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:18,697
Ooh, this is food
for different
routes I'm not on.
154
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:22,090
All right,
time to use the potty.
155
00:07:22,158 --> 00:07:24,478
Don't say "potty."
You're an adult.
156
00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:32,951
Okay, nobody move!
157
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,954
Oh, my God.
Those guys in
first class have guns!
158
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:38,990
Cleveland,
just be happy with what
you have. Don't envy people.
159
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,903
No, Peter, we're being hijacked.
160
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:42,143
Close the cockpit door!
161
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,467
This plane now belongs to us.
162
00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:52,137
You move, you're dead.
So nobody try to get smart.
163
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:55,139
Hmm, page 100. Hmm.
164
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,248
Control tower,
this is flight 364.
165
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:05,962
We have
a hijacking in progress.
Our flight has been...
166
00:08:07,170 --> 00:08:08,953
Damn it, they jammed
the transmission.
167
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:11,672
I'm gonna have to go
to the backup
communication system.
168
00:08:16,146 --> 00:08:17,573
Hello, can you hear me?
169
00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:20,248
This is flight 364.
We're being hijacked.
170
00:08:20,317 --> 00:08:21,582
I can hear you...
171
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:30,558
This is your last chance.
Open the door or
your copilot gets it.
172
00:08:30,627 --> 00:08:32,705
No! I'm landing
at the closest airfield
173
00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:34,507
which is less than an hour away.
174
00:08:34,531 --> 00:08:35,747
So just let him go,
175
00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:37,960
'cause you're not getting
control of this plane!
176
00:08:39,202 --> 00:08:40,913
Jimmy!
Oh, my God!
177
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:44,455
Oh, great. I had to
surrender my mouthwash
but that guy's got a gun.
178
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:48,209
Oh, yeah, I saw those guys in
the TSA pre-check line.
179
00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,627
I should pre-check.
180
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,724
If we don't get killed today,
I'm gonna look into that.
181
00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:53,064
Why are you doing this?
182
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:54,727
America needs to be punished
183
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:57,952
for supporting the other side
of my country's civil war.
184
00:08:58,021 --> 00:08:59,137
Which country?
185
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,872
Do you really wanna know,
186
00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:03,952
or are you just asking
because we're gonna be
on the plane for a while
187
00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:06,494
and you think
you should make small talk?
188
00:09:06,562 --> 00:09:07,996
The second thing.
189
00:09:08,065 --> 00:09:10,376
Open the door
or I'll start
executing passengers!
190
00:09:12,202 --> 00:09:15,336
Man, coming on this trip
was a terrible idea.
191
00:09:15,405 --> 00:09:17,238
I know. Now I wish
I'd just stayed home
192
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:19,257
and finished my
remake of Inside Out.
193
00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:21,009
I'm Joy.
194
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,260
I'm Sadness.
195
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:24,568
I'm Anger.
I'm Disgust.
196
00:09:24,881 --> 00:09:26,097
I'm Poo.
197
00:09:27,967 --> 00:09:31,019
Oh, I need to use the bathroom.
198
00:09:31,087 --> 00:09:32,420
Yay! I win!
199
00:09:38,628 --> 00:09:40,668
We interrupt this program
with a special report.
200
00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:42,763
A flight from
San Francisco to Quahog
201
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:45,349
has lost contact
with air traffic control.
202
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:48,002
Oh, my God.
That's your father's flight!
203
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,622
Governmentofficials are monitoringthe situation closely.
204
00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:53,290
I'll be here to update you
as the story progresses.
205
00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:56,310
Coming up on the Midday News,a couple in their30s gets married
206
00:09:56,379 --> 00:09:58,273
without their dog
being in the wedding.
207
00:09:58,297 --> 00:10:00,377
You're not gonna
believe their story.
208
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:04,647
What's it gonna be?
209
00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:06,032
Are you going to open this door
210
00:10:06,056 --> 00:10:07,717
or am I going
to start killing people?
211
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,073
I'm not opening it.
212
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,120
Excuse me,
I'd just like to ask
the mom behind me
213
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:14,045
who told me to stop watching
Game of Thrones on my laptop
214
00:10:14,097 --> 00:10:17,648
if I'm still the worst person
on this plane.
215
00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:19,495
You, fat guy, get up here!
216
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:25,206
Last chance. Open the door
or this idiot gets it.
217
00:10:25,274 --> 00:10:27,258
Don't open it, Quagmire.
It's not worth it.
218
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:31,145
Okay.
Wait... Wait, what?
That was quick.
219
00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:33,798
I'm sorry, Peter, but I have
to think about
the whole plane.
220
00:10:33,866 --> 00:10:36,100
There's over 150 passengers
back there,
221
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:38,169
several of whom
are in our Commander's Club,
222
00:10:38,237 --> 00:10:40,672
and to them, I'd like to issue
a special welcome.
223
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:42,623
Oh, man, we gotta help Peter.
224
00:10:42,692 --> 00:10:45,143
Those crazy European guys
are gonna kill him.
225
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,440
You know, I have a gun
in the bag I checked.
226
00:10:47,464 --> 00:10:48,980
If we can get to the galley,
227
00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:51,732
we can take the elevator down
to the cargo hold.
228
00:10:51,801 --> 00:10:53,217
Good idea, Joe.
229
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:56,821
Oh, man,
it feels like we're in
one of those hijacking movies.
230
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:57,917
You're right. It does.
231
00:10:57,941 --> 00:10:59,752
There's even
an impatient businessman
232
00:10:59,776 --> 00:11:01,671
who really wants
to reach his destination
233
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,761
so he can conduct more business.
234
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,591
Can't you see
how important I am?
235
00:11:05,615 --> 00:11:07,732
My shirt is blue
but the collar is white.
236
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,283
It's the same shirt!
237
00:11:09,352 --> 00:11:10,768
Quick. He's distracted.
238
00:11:20,130 --> 00:11:21,762
Get off my plane.
239
00:11:21,831 --> 00:11:23,631
Get off my plane.
240
00:11:23,699 --> 00:11:25,650
What's that now?
Hmm? Nothing.
241
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:29,471
Always bet on black.
242
00:11:29,539 --> 00:11:31,088
Always bet on black.
243
00:11:31,157 --> 00:11:33,591
Did you say something?
I don't think so.
244
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,144
Double trouble!
245
00:11:36,212 --> 00:11:37,545
That's it.
We found it.
246
00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:40,498
What the hell? Hey!
247
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,478
Two of the passengers
are missing.
248
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:45,222
Okay, you guys
watch the main cabin.
I'll go find them.
249
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:47,805
I'll take this fat guy
as a human shield.
250
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:51,809
Oh, nice. Last guy
picked for dodgeball,
first guy for human shield.
251
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:59,166
Everybody be quiet.
There's another update.
252
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:00,863
Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker.
253
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:04,188
The search fora missing airlinercontinues as speculation grows
254
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:05,974
that the plane
has been hijacked.
255
00:12:06,042 --> 00:12:08,142
Oh, this is all so awful.
256
00:12:08,211 --> 00:12:11,296
What will our lives be like
if our husbands don't make it?
257
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:15,349
♪ Thank you for being a friend
258
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:19,920
♪ Traveled down the road
and back again
259
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:22,740
♪ Your heart is true
260
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:26,344
♪ You're a pal
and a confidant
261
00:12:28,030 --> 00:12:34,202
♪ Thank you
for being a friend ♪
262
00:12:36,772 --> 00:12:39,373
Oh, my God.
Now I want dad to die!
263
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:47,548
Hey, Joe, look at me.
Do I look like
Mickey the Mouse?
264
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,283
Get out of people's stuff.
265
00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:50,684
Ah, here's my bag.
266
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,074
Hey, what are you
two doing down here?
267
00:12:59,829 --> 00:13:03,664
Oh, someone's
shipping live lobsters. Yum.
268
00:13:03,733 --> 00:13:05,867
Prepare to die.
You first.
269
00:13:05,935 --> 00:13:07,201
That's what you think.
270
00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:13,207
Peter, grab onto something!
271
00:13:13,276 --> 00:13:15,321
Uh-oh. I grabbed
my own belt.
272
00:13:36,031 --> 00:13:38,461
- Attention, passengers.
- I know we're being hijacked
273
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,362
but I would be remiss
if I didn't point out
274
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:43,855
that we'represently passing overYosemite National Park.
275
00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:46,691
Wow, that is truly
awe-inspiring.
276
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,025
It certainly is.
277
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:50,414
And you know
what you don't see
from up here?
278
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:51,463
Borders.
279
00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,788
Die in hell, Eurotrash!
280
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,040
Hang on, Peter!
281
00:14:05,294 --> 00:14:07,177
Holy crap, that was close.
282
00:14:07,246 --> 00:14:09,558
Joe, how'd you know that lever
would open the landing gear?
283
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:11,193
Wheels are my expertise, Peter.
284
00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:14,235
I notice every wheel in a room
as soon as I enter.
285
00:14:17,873 --> 00:14:20,441
Special delivery
from the U.S. of A.
286
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,996
Rats. My bullets
are in my shaving kit.
287
00:14:32,855 --> 00:14:34,672
Get off my...
Double trouble!
288
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,757
Sorry.
Come on, man!
289
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,112
Oh, my God. You guys did it.
We're saved!
290
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,747
Yep. We wrapped
this up quicker
291
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,898
than the treaty-signing
at Appomattox.
292
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:47,602
So if I sign this,
the war is over,
293
00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:51,205
we surrender and we still
get to be dicks forever?
294
00:14:51,274 --> 00:14:54,124
Okay, you win.
295
00:14:54,193 --> 00:14:55,737
You can all
relax now, everybody.
296
00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:58,696
We're ten minutes
away from landing
in an air field in Nevada.
297
00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:01,582
Looks like you'll make
that business
meeting after all.
298
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:04,218
Great. Thanks for keeping us
in the sky, boys.
299
00:15:05,388 --> 00:15:06,904
Now, reach for it.
300
00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:09,840
You're one
of the hijackers, too?
Yes.
301
00:15:09,892 --> 00:15:12,610
I was in reserve
in case the plan went awry.
302
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:16,847
And now I can finally get into
the cockpit and
execute our plan,
303
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,610
crashing this
plane into the ultimate
304
00:15:18,634 --> 00:15:20,568
symbol of American materialism,
305
00:15:20,636 --> 00:15:22,553
Las Vegas.
306
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,605
You know,
I've lost a ton in Vegas,
307
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:27,307
but I never thought
I'd lose my life there.
308
00:15:27,376 --> 00:15:29,676
Did you just think of that?
Yeah, just now.
309
00:15:29,745 --> 00:15:31,596
You know, you are
seriously funny, man.
310
00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:34,498
I know I crap on you a lot,
but sometimes
when I'm driving,
311
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:36,617
I think about
stuff you say and I laugh.
312
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,719
Thank you, Peter.
No, thank you.
313
00:15:45,761 --> 00:15:49,246
Very good.
We are less than 20 minutes
from Las Vegas.
314
00:15:49,315 --> 00:15:53,701
Get ready to say goodbye
to your precious Rita Rudner.
315
00:15:53,770 --> 00:15:55,954
Is your plan just
to kill Rita Rudner?
316
00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:59,457
No, we're going to crash
into the biggest
hotel on the Strip.
317
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:03,294
Killing Rita
Rudner will just be
the custard on the dumpling.
318
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:06,380
You know,
we never quite nailed down
what region you guys are from.
319
00:16:11,170 --> 00:16:12,514
Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker
320
00:16:12,538 --> 00:16:14,355
with the latest on
the hijacking crisis.
321
00:16:14,423 --> 00:16:16,306
As you can see,
I've taken off my blazer
322
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:18,242
to show the severity
of the situation.
323
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,777
We understand the plane
has been found by satellite.
324
00:16:20,846 --> 00:16:22,646
It's apparently
veered off its flight plan
325
00:16:22,699 --> 00:16:24,548
and is headed for Las Vegas.
326
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,128
The government,
fearing the worst,
327
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,902
is considering shooting it down.
328
00:16:27,970 --> 00:16:30,120
Now here's an over-the-top
news graphic.
329
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:48,450
Oh, look, there's one guy
who slept through
this whole thing.
330
00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:51,108
Hey, buddy, wake up.
We're all about to die.
331
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,876
What? What are you
talking about?
332
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:54,273
Yeah, I thought
I should wake you up.
333
00:16:54,297 --> 00:16:55,707
Nobody wants
to die in their sleep.
334
00:16:55,731 --> 00:16:58,415
Oh, my God.
No! I have a family!
335
00:16:58,484 --> 00:17:00,484
There you go.
336
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:03,036
Only a few more minutes
until your country pays
337
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:05,156
for its imperialistic sins.
338
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:06,807
Us? What about you?
339
00:17:06,876 --> 00:17:08,771
Like, how come
you Eastern European guys
340
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,511
can't be quieter in pornos?
341
00:17:10,579 --> 00:17:13,398
I mean,
nobody's ever been like,
"Yeah, yeah, more guy noises."
342
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:14,926
They ask us to do
that to cover up
343
00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,984
the sound of
children playing nearby.
344
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:19,119
Now shut up
and get ready to die!
345
00:17:27,764 --> 00:17:29,047
So, uh...
346
00:17:29,115 --> 00:17:31,660
You ever been
to Vegas before?
No.
347
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:34,652
Well, I think you're gonna
flip for it!
348
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,237
Yeah!
349
00:17:43,262 --> 00:17:45,713
Attention,
passengers, the plane...
350
00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:51,068
Oh, come on! Doesn't anybody
pay attention to the sign?
351
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,174
That was some
quick thinking, Glenn.
352
00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,210
And look, even
that plane with all
the missiles is impressed.
353
00:18:02,531 --> 00:18:05,232
Missiles? That's
a military fighter jet.
354
00:18:05,301 --> 00:18:06,845
He's here to shoot us down!
355
00:18:06,869 --> 00:18:08,786
Or she.
What?
356
00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:11,054
They must think the hijackers
still control the plane.
357
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:12,623
And our
communications are jammed,
358
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,503
so we can't even tell them
everything's okay.
359
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,526
Don't worry, I'll signal to him.
360
00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:19,530
Hey, we knocked
out all the bad guys.
361
00:18:19,582 --> 00:18:20,815
See, we don't need your help.
362
00:18:20,884 --> 00:18:23,450
We kicked their asses
and we have their guns.
363
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,263
I've got
a visual on the terrorists.
364
00:18:25,287 --> 00:18:27,904
They've gota hostage in a blue shirtwith a white collar.
365
00:18:27,973 --> 00:18:29,590
He must be
an important businessman.
366
00:18:29,659 --> 00:18:31,625
Copy that, prepare to engage.
367
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,730
Oh, good, he's moving away.
368
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:38,026
No, he isn't.
He's getting in
position to fire.
369
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:39,728
He thinks we're
gonna crash into the Strip.
370
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:40,967
Everybody in your seats!
371
00:19:02,958 --> 00:19:05,292
Frank Caliendo does
a five o'clock show.
372
00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:06,860
Quagmire, land this plane.
373
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:15,687
We've been hit!
374
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:19,873
Oh, God, this is it.
We're gonna die!
375
00:19:19,943 --> 00:19:22,226
Like hell we are.
We're gonna make it.
376
00:19:36,626 --> 00:19:39,926
We're going too fast!
We're gonna crash
into that lake!
377
00:19:39,995 --> 00:19:41,495
Oh, no, we're not.
378
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,876
Ah, yeah,
right there. That's good.
379
00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:58,879
And now to discharge
the plane's fire retardant.
380
00:19:59,682 --> 00:20:00,814
Giggity.
381
00:20:11,861 --> 00:20:14,773
Wow, Quagmire,
thanks for saving
all of our lives.
382
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,825
We're sorry for saying
your job was easy.
383
00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:18,933
Yeah, you're
the best damn pilot
in the world.
384
00:20:19,002 --> 00:20:22,002
He's right.
What you did up
there was amazing.
385
00:20:22,071 --> 00:20:24,049
Thanks, guys.
That means a lot.
386
00:20:24,073 --> 00:20:25,601
That was quite a trip,
wasn't it?
387
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:27,058
It sure was.
388
00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:29,821
And we learned
a lot about blue jeans,
didn't we, guys?
389
00:20:29,845 --> 00:20:31,507
Yes, yes, we did.
That's right, Peter.
390
00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:33,514
Thank you for planning
a wonderful day.
391
00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:39,821
Cleveland!
392
00:20:39,888 --> 00:20:41,368
Joe!
Peter!
393
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,291
Dad, I was really
worried, so I pulled
394
00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:50,759
a record of your
credit card purchases
395
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:52,849
in San Francisco
and I saw some things
396
00:20:52,902 --> 00:20:54,822
I think you'd
prefer to keep private.
397
00:20:54,870 --> 00:20:56,070
We'll talk later, Chris.
398
00:20:56,138 --> 00:20:57,821
I think we will.
399
00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,923
I do believe we will.
400
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:01,291
Well, let's head home.
401
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:04,044
I know I, for one, am ready
to put all this behind us.
402
00:21:04,113 --> 00:21:05,612
Sounds good.
403
00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:08,949
Oh, yeah.
In case we didn't say,
this was Spirit Airlines.
31984
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