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1
00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:04,853
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,257
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,325 --> 00:00:11,943
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,212
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:18,383
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:21,603
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,671 --> 00:00:23,354
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:24,940
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,008 --> 00:00:29,845
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:37,914
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
11
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,838
Coming up, why one hello a day
12
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:42,357
to the receptionist at work
is the magic number.
13
00:00:42,425 --> 00:00:45,059
But first, pilot strike
at Quahog Airport.
14
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:47,028
Picketing began on Thursday...
15
00:00:47,097 --> 00:00:48,475
Weird day to start a strike.
16
00:00:48,499 --> 00:00:50,648
And both sides
appear to be at an impasse.
17
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,952
So, ground controlis telling Major Tomthis could be a long one.
18
00:00:55,255 --> 00:00:57,623
Does anyone else
like David Bowie?
19
00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,202
Hey, what the hell is
up with this letter?
20
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,287
It says I'm no longer
covered on your
health insurance.
21
00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:03,040
Oh, yeah. They don't
cover dogs no more.
22
00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,964
You could do COBRA
for $7,300 a month, though.
23
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:07,677
Would that be something
you'd be interested in?
24
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,941
I need that health insurance.
You know I have a hernia.
25
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,119
What if I need surgery?
26
00:01:11,187 --> 00:01:13,322
Well, if you need
insurance that bad,
27
00:01:13,390 --> 00:01:16,290
maybe it's time
for you to go out
and get a job of your own.
28
00:01:16,359 --> 00:01:17,576
Oh, this sucks.
29
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,144
How did you get a hernia?
30
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:22,213
Actually, I got it
performing an incredible
act of heroism.
31
00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:26,935
Oh, my God!
32
00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:29,003
Somebody help me.
I'm sinking.
33
00:01:31,542 --> 00:01:32,985
Hurry.
I can't hold it.
34
00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:35,794
Okay. Let me
just unstrap my baby.
35
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:38,413
Oh, oh, oh.
Slipping, slipping. Sorry.
36
00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:45,203
- What do we want?
- Fair wages.
37
00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,312
- When do we want it?
- Originally now.
38
00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:50,759
But it's been
delayed until 9:40
due to weather in Philly.
39
00:01:51,628 --> 00:01:53,178
This is a mess.
40
00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:56,331
It's working about as well
as that animal
sobriety checkpoint.
41
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:59,296
Excuse me, sir.
Is that a baggie
of catnip on your seat?
42
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,286
I have a card for that.
43
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:02,799
What else you got in here?
44
00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:05,907
Open container
of cat food,
feather on the string.
45
00:02:05,975 --> 00:02:07,442
Is that a dead mouse?
46
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,227
Get him off me.
47
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:11,864
Somebody get him off me!
48
00:02:25,162 --> 00:02:27,602
- Think catnip's a joke?
- Think again.
49
00:02:27,631 --> 00:02:30,966
Vote yes on increased
animal sobriety checkpoints.
50
00:02:31,034 --> 00:02:32,100
Paid for by dogs.
51
00:02:38,608 --> 00:02:41,342
Bachelorette party.
Can I fit this in?
52
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:47,098
Okay, cool.
I got time.
53
00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:51,803
Hello, ladies. Wow,
here comes the bride, huh?
54
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:53,766
More than once if I have
anything to do with it.
55
00:02:53,790 --> 00:02:55,857
Finally, the stripper's here.
56
00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,410
What? No, I'm not
a stripper.
I'm a pilot.
57
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:01,313
See? This is
a real uniform.
58
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:04,449
Ooh. Take
something else
off, sexy.
59
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:06,885
All right.
60
00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:10,672
Oh, yeah?
You want a little more, huh?
61
00:03:14,578 --> 00:03:18,630
Yeah. All right. Who wants
me to stow my bag
under their seat?
62
00:03:24,187 --> 00:03:28,523
Boy, and I thought
that Federal Hill
bakery had nice buns.
63
00:03:28,592 --> 00:03:31,237
You're talented, Denise.
64
00:03:31,261 --> 00:03:33,381
You should really go for it.
65
00:03:37,567 --> 00:03:40,719
Wow, what a day.
66
00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:41,836
Please, don't comment.
67
00:03:41,905 --> 00:03:44,338
Oh, look at you.
Did you get a job?
68
00:03:44,407 --> 00:03:46,024
Bitch.
Did I get a job?
69
00:03:46,092 --> 00:03:48,460
This ain't a life vest, sister.
70
00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:52,096
It's a work vest
from a little place
called Mega Hardware.
71
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,827
Because that's
basically what I am now.
72
00:03:53,851 --> 00:03:56,485
Just an everyday
working-class Joe.
73
00:03:56,553 --> 00:03:58,002
Well, good for you.
74
00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:02,057
No. No, Brian. This
doesn't feel right today.
75
00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:06,278
Yes.
There's a rat
trap in that cabinet.
76
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:07,545
With a foot in it.
77
00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:09,926
And somewhere
in this house
there's a footless rat.
78
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:13,684
Well, I'm off to watch
some Fox News in front
of the old boob tube.
79
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:16,121
♪ Tommy used
to work on the docks
80
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,623
♪ Union's been on strike
He's down on his luck
81
00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:20,625
♪ It's tough, so tough ♪
82
00:04:25,916 --> 00:04:26,976
Hey.
No.
83
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,394
I wasn't sure.
I'm sure.
84
00:04:28,418 --> 00:04:29,979
Okay.
Well, got to go.
85
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,286
Got to do some more picketing.
86
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,516
Seriously? It's like,
nine o'clock at night.
87
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:36,507
Yeah, well... It's...
88
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:38,025
Cleveland's
stealing shot glasses.
89
00:04:39,563 --> 00:04:42,403
I don't like drinking
Nyquil out of
'em little cups.
90
00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:50,605
Where the hell's
Quagmire going?
The airport's that way.
91
00:04:50,673 --> 00:04:52,151
He doesn't know
we're following him, Joe.
92
00:04:52,175 --> 00:04:53,637
You don't have to duck down.
93
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:56,072
I'm not.
You took a pretty hard
right turn back there.
94
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,896
I've been like this for a while.
95
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,805
What's he doing?
96
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,685
This is one of them places
where women go to
see male strippers.
97
00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:11,459
Some bisexual men go as well.
98
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:18,917
I don't see him.
99
00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:24,884
Ladies, this is
your pilot speaking.
100
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:28,310
I am in the full, upright,
and locked position.
101
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:36,634
Oh, my.
102
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,418
Oh, my God.
What are you guys doing here?
103
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,327
Crap.
Our disguises didn't work.
104
00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,359
Quagmire, I didn't know
you were a male stripper.
105
00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:03,077
I wasn't.
Not until the strike,
anyway.
106
00:06:03,146 --> 00:06:05,325
I've been out of
work for three weeks.
I'm out of money.
107
00:06:05,349 --> 00:06:08,349
I had to do something.
God, I'm so embarrassed.
108
00:06:08,418 --> 00:06:11,118
Why? Stripping is a very
respectable profession.
109
00:06:11,187 --> 00:06:12,671
If it weren't respectable,
110
00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:14,784
why would real-estate
agents go to strip
clubs for lunch?
111
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,719
He's right.
This is tremendous.
112
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:18,320
Are you banging
all these chicks?
113
00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:20,311
Hey, hey.
That is offensive.
114
00:06:20,363 --> 00:06:22,430
I am a dancer, not a gigolo.
115
00:06:22,499 --> 00:06:25,316
Captain Cockpit,
my friend is
about to get married,
116
00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:28,953
and we were
wondering if you'd have
sex with her for $500?
117
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,623
I'm a gigolo.
118
00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:33,986
Oh, hey, it's that guy.
119
00:06:34,010 --> 00:06:36,511
Are you gonna say,
"Who else but Quagmire"?
120
00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:39,497
No, I...
121
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:42,984
Wanted to know if
Quagmire was available
tomorrow evening?
122
00:06:43,053 --> 00:06:44,535
Are you gay?
123
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:46,699
Of course not.
No. I...
124
00:06:46,723 --> 00:06:49,785
But I am unable to
properly have sex
with my wife,
125
00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:52,090
so, I figured, you know...
126
00:06:52,796 --> 00:06:54,907
Who else but Quagmire.
127
00:06:54,931 --> 00:06:56,982
Hey, awesome cameo.
128
00:07:04,074 --> 00:07:06,352
Hey, sorry I'm late,
guys. Had to stop
at the dry cleaner.
129
00:07:06,376 --> 00:07:09,722
The dry cleaner?
Wow, somebody's
struck it rich.
130
00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:12,125
You know, I got to
tell you. I was sweating
that pilot strike.
131
00:07:12,149 --> 00:07:14,966
But now that I'm a gigolo,
I'm making money
by the fistful.
132
00:07:15,618 --> 00:07:16,734
Is that a giggity?
133
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,286
That is a giggity.
134
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:19,932
Quagmire,
I couldn't help
but notice
135
00:07:19,956 --> 00:07:21,300
you got some dry
cleaning hanging up
136
00:07:21,324 --> 00:07:22,768
in the backseat of your car.
137
00:07:22,792 --> 00:07:24,654
Did you
win the lottery?
No.
138
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:27,157
Well, I hope you're not
actually doing
that gigolo thing.
139
00:07:27,181 --> 00:07:29,147
You know,
prostitution is illegal.
140
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,232
No, no.
It's something else.
141
00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:35,887
Quagmire is selling
online Internet
cyber stuff.
142
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,900
Well, good for you, Quagmire.
143
00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:40,425
You and Gates, huh?
144
00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:45,329
Jeez, I got to go home
and change into
my Tarzan costume.
145
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:48,016
For the web.
146
00:07:48,084 --> 00:07:50,244
Huh. I got to get
a computer.
147
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:58,787
Excuse me.
How many BTUs
does this grill have?
148
00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:02,113
Oh, man, that puppy,
more than you need,
less than I want.
149
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:04,982
Excuse me, do you
have a small grocery cart
150
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,152
I could put this
boat-sized hunk
of lumber in?
151
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,598
Probably out in the parking lot.
152
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,199
Can you tell me
where I can find
extension cords?
153
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:11,922
Aisle 25.
I was just there.
154
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,891
Twenty-six.
There is no 26.
155
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,827
Fifteen.
156
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,957
So, Gobi gets up
on the lift.
Don't mind me.
157
00:08:17,981 --> 00:08:21,283
Just grabbing
myself a cup of mud.
I like mine black.
158
00:08:21,351 --> 00:08:22,767
Black as night.
159
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,052
Black as sin.
Know what I'm sayin'?
160
00:08:25,121 --> 00:08:28,923
Haven't introduced myself.
Guys in my crew
call me "the Ratchet."
161
00:08:28,992 --> 00:08:31,793
Brian, it's not your
break. Get out there
and help the customers.
162
00:08:31,862 --> 00:08:35,046
"Brian"? Who are you,
my father? This guy.
163
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,675
Get out there.
Yes, sir.
164
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,496
That guy's got no idea
how hard I'm working...
165
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,670
Bird! A bird got in.
Awesome.
166
00:08:51,348 --> 00:08:54,265
Hello? Hey, Quagmire.
What's going on?
167
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:55,628
Oh, you need a ride?
Yeah, sure.
168
00:08:55,652 --> 00:08:57,492
I can come and get you.
I'm not doing anything.
169
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:05,009
Meg, that was the last guy.
So, just lock up
when you are done.
170
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,284
Thanks for the ride.
171
00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:15,130
One of my tricks drove
me here from the Clam,
172
00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:16,382
and I didn't have
any money for a cab.
173
00:09:16,406 --> 00:09:18,384
Why not? Didn't she
just pay you for sex?
174
00:09:18,408 --> 00:09:20,909
No. After it was over,
she said she
wasn't gonna pay.
175
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,476
Well, that ain't fair.
176
00:09:22,545 --> 00:09:24,574
You can't let these women
take advantage
of you like that.
177
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:26,409
What apartment is she in?
I'll go talk to her.
178
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:28,032
She's in Unit 17.
179
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,668
You know, if you're
going back in anyway,
can you grab my belt?
180
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,403
It's reversible,
so I'd hate to lose it.
181
00:09:37,093 --> 00:09:39,060
Hey.
You didn't pay my friend.
182
00:09:39,128 --> 00:09:41,629
So, I'm gonna play
with your doorbell
until you pay up.
183
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:47,068
Stop it!
I can do this all day.
I love buttons.
184
00:09:47,136 --> 00:09:49,296
Fine!
Here's your money!
185
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,324
Here you go.
186
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:53,992
Peter, this is amazing.
Thank you.
187
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:56,644
Hey, you know what?
Here's a little
something for your trouble.
188
00:09:56,713 --> 00:09:58,313
You're giving me a cut?
189
00:09:58,381 --> 00:10:00,348
Wow! Thanks.
No problem.
190
00:10:00,417 --> 00:10:02,300
It's just too bad
you're not here every time.
191
00:10:02,368 --> 00:10:05,664
Well, I could be.
I mean, my days
are pretty open.
192
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:08,050
And I don't
sleep a lot at night
'cause of health stuff.
193
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:10,658
Huh, that'd be kind
of nice, actually.
194
00:10:10,727 --> 00:10:12,710
Maybe you could
drive me around
and help me out
195
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,706
and I could even
pay you a little
something for your time.
196
00:10:14,730 --> 00:10:16,141
Sure.
That sounds great.
197
00:10:16,165 --> 00:10:17,526
You know what, it'll
be nice to have a little
198
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:20,335
extra cash to bet
on college football.
199
00:10:20,403 --> 00:10:21,998
Yeah, I'd like to bet 100 bucks.
200
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:24,142
You wanna pick a team?
No, just take it.
201
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,859
I thought you
had the day off.
Maybe from the store.
202
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:35,628
But it's not like
things take a day off
203
00:10:35,652 --> 00:10:37,996
from needing repairs.
Am I right?
204
00:10:38,020 --> 00:10:40,872
Oh, looks like this
cabinet door
is a good place to start.
205
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:43,286
Yep. She's off-kilter.
I'm gonna have
to plane her down.
206
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,237
Lois, what year
was this house built?
207
00:10:45,261 --> 00:10:47,712
I don't know.
Maybe 1945?
208
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:48,924
Good. It's
grandfathered in.
209
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:50,176
I thought I'd need a variance.
210
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,011
Don't want to get a code vi.
211
00:10:52,035 --> 00:10:54,719
"Vi" is violation.
Code is just code.
212
00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:57,355
I don't know, Brian.
It looks straight to me.
213
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,064
What?
It's straight.
214
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:01,470
I don't know
what that means.
"It's straight"?
215
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:04,339
Oh, you mean "plum."
You're saying
the door is plum.
216
00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:06,798
Wow, Brian.
You do know all the lingo.
217
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,795
Oh, come on.
It's just stuff you
pick up on the side.
218
00:11:09,819 --> 00:11:11,514
I'm gonna go use
a miter to jerry-rig
219
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,482
a shim-jam strap hinge,
quarter-round-saw off
220
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,875
a two-by-six dowel
cherry picker flimflam.
221
00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:19,494
You know,
Rupert, Brian's douchiness
should infuriate me,
222
00:11:19,563 --> 00:11:21,796
but the truth is,
he seems happy.
223
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:24,682
So I guess I'll
just do nothing
and that's that.
224
00:11:29,155 --> 00:11:30,915
Can't do it.
Let's get him fired.
225
00:11:34,478 --> 00:11:37,278
♪ Some days won't end ever
And some days pass on by
226
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:40,464
♪ I'll be working here forever
At least until I die
227
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,351
♪ Damned if you do,
damned if you don't
228
00:11:43,420 --> 00:11:46,432
♪ I'm supposedto get a raise next weekYou know damn well I won't
229
00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:49,607
♪ Workin' for a livin'
♪ Workin
230
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:52,643
♪ Workin' for a livin'
♪ Workin
231
00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:55,196
♪ Workin' for a livin',
livin' and workin'
232
00:11:55,264 --> 00:11:56,875
♪ I'm taking
what they're giving
233
00:11:56,899 --> 00:11:58,711
♪ 'Cause I'm
workin' for a livin'
234
00:11:58,735 --> 00:12:01,669
♪ Workin' for a livin'
Livin' and a-workin' ♪
235
00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:15,082
Boy, I have
a whole new respect
for Hayden Panettiere.
236
00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:18,581
Giggity.
I'm pulling upYou're ready?
237
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:21,272
Oh, hey, Peter. Listen,
I can't work tonight.
I'm spent.
238
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:24,158
That last trick was
like trying to use
an empty bottle of hand soap.
239
00:12:24,227 --> 00:12:26,305
But you got to work.
I set up five appointments.
240
00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:28,323
That's a lot of money.
Sorry, I can't do it.
241
00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:29,959
You're just gonna
have to cancel them.
242
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,783
What the hell did you say to me?
243
00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:34,296
Peter,
what are you doing?
You tripping, boy?
244
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,721
You're going out
if I tell you
you're going out, bitch.
245
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:39,757
Okay. But what's
in your pimp cup?
246
00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:42,376
It's actually
a wheatgrass-ginger
mixture.
247
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:43,861
I was in
the middle of a cleanse.
248
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,608
I didn't know we'd be
doing this pimp thing
249
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,398
but I made a promise to my body.
250
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,049
Ahhh!
251
00:12:49,752 --> 00:12:50,951
Not great.
252
00:12:59,429 --> 00:13:02,713
Peter, what you doing
all dressed up for church?
This ain't Easter.
253
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,477
Oh, Cleveland.
These are my work clothes.
254
00:13:04,501 --> 00:13:07,101
You're hosting
Family Feud?
No, I'm a pimp.
255
00:13:07,169 --> 00:13:08,914
Big Pete,
if we're gonna
be sitting,
256
00:13:08,938 --> 00:13:10,416
may I use my penis donut?
257
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,106
Bitch, I don't care.
258
00:13:12,174 --> 00:13:15,092
Dang, Quagmire.
You're lucky.
He take care of you?
259
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,455
Yeah. No, no.
It's great.
260
00:13:16,479 --> 00:13:18,946
I'm making a lot of money.
I'm actually really happy.
261
00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:20,843
I'm actually very hungry.
262
00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:22,411
Nobody is gonna
want you if you're fat.
263
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,795
You wanna eat,
get up to that bar
and earn your keep.
264
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,540
What should I ask for, 500?
265
00:13:28,592 --> 00:13:31,403
You're not worth
that much. You're
trash. Ask for two.
266
00:13:31,427 --> 00:13:33,038
You know I hit you
and whore you out
267
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:35,343
because I love you, right?
268
00:13:36,132 --> 00:13:38,016
Hi there.
You wanna party?
269
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,700
And can I have
some of your bread?
270
00:13:39,769 --> 00:13:41,735
Hi, handsome.
You can't have my bread.
271
00:13:41,804 --> 00:13:45,106
But you can have
something of mine that
smells like bread.
272
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,247
Okay, let's go.
273
00:13:52,315 --> 00:13:53,715
Just so you know,
274
00:13:53,783 --> 00:13:57,535
it takes me a long time.
275
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:06,505
All right, Rupert.
If we're going
to teach Brian a lesson,
276
00:14:06,529 --> 00:14:09,047
we're going to need some muscle.
277
00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:12,294
You, you, and you,
20 bucks for the day.
Hop in the back.
278
00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:13,318
No.
279
00:14:15,037 --> 00:14:16,481
Forget it.
Just get in.
280
00:14:16,505 --> 00:14:19,123
Anyone who doesn't enjoy
the music of Josh Groban
281
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,103
can get out of the fucking car.
282
00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:24,778
♪ You raise me up ♪
283
00:14:24,847 --> 00:14:27,526
Okay, if you had
a friend who worked
at Mega Hardware,
284
00:14:27,550 --> 00:14:28,961
how would you get him fired?
285
00:14:28,985 --> 00:14:30,679
You ask him for papers.
286
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:34,188
Okay, good.
That, unfortunately,
won't work in this instance.
287
00:14:34,257 --> 00:14:36,641
But I like your effort, Luis.
Any other ideas?
288
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,258
You could kill a guy.
289
00:14:38,328 --> 00:14:40,289
You know what,
Carlos, you stay
quiet for a while.
290
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:41,940
I really only need two of you.
291
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:43,125
You'll still be paid.
292
00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,832
You ask for papers.
293
00:14:44,901 --> 00:14:46,512
Okay, is there
any idea out there
294
00:14:46,536 --> 00:14:48,931
besides killing a guy
or getting someone
deported?
295
00:14:48,955 --> 00:14:51,138
We do good job,
we live with you?
296
00:14:51,207 --> 00:14:52,667
Well, you just
offered to kill a guy,
297
00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:55,404
so you're not
exactly number one
on my roommate list.
298
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:57,940
Now, let's go.
I paid good money
for you. I need answers.
299
00:14:57,964 --> 00:14:59,524
I want your best
and I won't stand
300
00:14:59,548 --> 00:15:02,199
for even one more stupid idea.
301
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,902
You shake
a boss's soda,
and give to him.
302
00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:07,004
When he open it, it explode.
303
00:15:08,892 --> 00:15:11,212
This is why I pushed you.
304
00:15:16,299 --> 00:15:19,417
Huh, I guess
that Brian Griffin
is a good egg after all.
305
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,371
Griffin! You're fired!
306
00:15:24,207 --> 00:15:26,140
Well done, team.
307
00:15:26,208 --> 00:15:27,703
So, what are you guys doing now?
308
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:29,727
I mean, I paid you
for the whole day.
309
00:16:02,111 --> 00:16:04,039
I never liked prostitutes
310
00:16:04,063 --> 00:16:07,815
because they sell their bodies
to all types of men.
311
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:11,585
I turned my first trickwhen I had myfirst one-night stand.
312
00:16:11,654 --> 00:16:14,722
I had sex for dinner and drinks.
313
00:16:14,791 --> 00:16:17,024
Being a prostitute is no fun.
314
00:16:17,093 --> 00:16:19,427
You have to work nights,
weekends.
315
00:16:19,496 --> 00:16:22,313
I hear on SNL
the women are funnierthan the guys now.
316
00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:24,421
But I don't know.
I'll never see it.
317
00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:32,707
We meet Quagmire,a small town boywith big city dreams,
318
00:16:32,776 --> 00:16:36,210
who has fallen deepinto the gameof prostitution at the Point.
319
00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:42,416
You know, some people ask me,
would you want your
son to be a hooker?
320
00:16:42,485 --> 00:16:43,979
My answer is always, "Hey, lady,
321
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,003
"are we talking or
am I beefing you?"
322
00:16:47,824 --> 00:16:49,890
I kinda wanna see
Guardians of the Galaxy
323
00:16:49,959 --> 00:16:52,827
but I also kind of feel like
there might be scary parts.
324
00:16:54,163 --> 00:16:56,747
Hey, honey. You're
shopping for groceries?
325
00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:57,981
You know what that means?
326
00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,684
Shopping for groceries
is what I say
327
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,485
instead of, "Do you
wanna pay me for sex?"
328
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:02,670
So, I can't get arrested.
329
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,775
Stewie, did you
hire three Mexican guys
330
00:17:24,843 --> 00:17:26,978
to shake a soda can
and give it to my boss?
331
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,429
What?
332
00:17:28,498 --> 00:17:29,698
One's Guatemalan.
333
00:17:29,732 --> 00:17:31,332
Damn it, Stewie.
You got me fired.
334
00:17:31,401 --> 00:17:33,521
Who you kidding?
You got yourself fired,
335
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:34,863
parading around there,
pretending
336
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,381
you know the first
thing about tools.
337
00:17:36,405 --> 00:17:38,923
You know what,
you're going down there
with me right now
338
00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:40,358
to tell them what you did.
339
00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:43,586
Get your hands off me.
I'll go floppy
dead weight on you.
340
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,916
Oh, crap. My stomach.
I think my hernia ruptured.
341
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:51,852
Oh, my God.
Damn it,
it's bad. It's bad.
342
00:17:51,921 --> 00:17:53,715
I'll get Lois.
She can take you
to the hospital.
343
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:57,007
No, she can't. Thanks to you,
I don't have
insurance anymore.
344
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,221
What are we gonna do?
I'll get the gun.
345
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,362
No, Stewie.
You have to fix me.
346
00:18:01,430 --> 00:18:02,897
What? I'm not a doctor.
347
00:18:02,966 --> 00:18:05,283
Just look it up on
your phone or something.
348
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:08,271
Hold on.
I have gotta update iOS.
Stewie!
349
00:18:09,405 --> 00:18:10,872
Okay, okay. Got it.
350
00:18:10,940 --> 00:18:13,708
It says I have
to make an incision,
retract the hernia sac
351
00:18:13,776 --> 00:18:16,827
and then suture
the abdominal lining.
How am I supposed to do that?
352
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:20,014
Grab my tool belt.
Use the self-sharpening
linoleum blade.
353
00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:25,865
And then hold the incision
open with a vice grip.
354
00:18:25,889 --> 00:18:30,190
And use the slip joint pliers
to get the muscle
back in position.
355
00:18:30,259 --> 00:18:32,727
Okay. Okay, now it's saying
I have to suture it.
356
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,945
I've got some monofilament
line you can use.
357
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:37,515
It's from aisle eight,
above the chains and cables.
358
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:41,085
Monofilament lines?
Slip joint pliers?
I got to say, Brian,
359
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:43,671
it seems like you
really did learn
something on that job.
360
00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:46,073
You're right.
I guess I did.
361
00:18:46,141 --> 00:18:47,708
But please, stitch me up.
362
00:18:47,777 --> 00:18:49,221
Just be careful
and take your time.
363
00:18:49,245 --> 00:18:50,861
This is
the delicate part, because...
364
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:52,597
Yeah. I'm gonna just
use the staple gun.
365
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,881
Damn it!
366
00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:56,750
You know what,
that was really easy.
367
00:18:56,786 --> 00:18:59,436
That guy who
killed Joan Rivers
must be terrible at this.
368
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:07,094
Hey, there.
Oh. What are you
doing here?
369
00:19:07,162 --> 00:19:11,498
Quagmire?
I have a hobby
that takes me this way.
370
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,879
Hey, I'm freezing.
You got a blanket in
there or something?
371
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:17,604
I got a towel.
But it's wet because
I'm eating peaches.
372
00:19:17,673 --> 00:19:20,641
I lied about the hobby.
I was sinning.
373
00:19:20,709 --> 00:19:23,127
I'm going to drive
away backwards now.
374
00:19:28,617 --> 00:19:30,817
Hey, baby.
You wanna party?
Get in.
375
00:19:38,161 --> 00:19:40,081
You guys having a good night?
376
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,829
I like that it's
getting dark earlier.
377
00:19:42,898 --> 00:19:45,149
What are you guys
gonna be for Halloween?
378
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:47,879
Big Pete, help.
She want to do
German things.
379
00:19:47,903 --> 00:19:49,520
German things!
380
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:52,901
What? No! He hasn't
eaten anything in days.
It's not gonna work.
381
00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,292
Nein! Nein!
382
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:01,682
She's got us both.
Help us, pimps and hos!
383
00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:03,584
Help us, HBO camera crew!
384
00:20:08,724 --> 00:20:12,020
God, Quagmire,
most of that
was horrible.
385
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:15,078
I know. Eventually,
I might want
to try it again.
386
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:18,299
Hey, listen, buddy.
I'm sorry about all this.
387
00:20:18,367 --> 00:20:20,445
I guess I just got
caught up in
the money and...
388
00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:23,281
And assumed you
were okay with it
because of the sex.
389
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:24,849
I don't know. Peter.
I think you're just mad
390
00:20:24,873 --> 00:20:27,091
I didn't come to see
your Pretenders cover band.
391
00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:28,509
Yes, well, that may be.
392
00:20:28,577 --> 00:20:30,472
Speaking of which,
the Pretend-Pretenders
393
00:20:30,496 --> 00:20:32,207
are playing again this weekend.
394
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:35,399
Much like the real band,
we have been
described as "meh".
395
00:20:36,285 --> 00:20:37,868
Still, I'm really sorry.
396
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:39,814
Can you find it
in yourself to forgive me
397
00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:42,356
and maybe we can just
go back to being friends?
398
00:20:42,425 --> 00:20:43,607
I'd like that.
399
00:20:43,675 --> 00:20:45,395
Hopefully the pilots'
strike will end soon
400
00:20:45,427 --> 00:20:46,727
and I can get my old job back.
401
00:20:46,795 --> 00:20:48,624
Oh, the strike
ended a month ago.
402
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,865
What? Why
didn't you tell me?
I did.
403
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:54,301
Are you still
GlenQten-at-aol.com?
404
00:20:54,370 --> 00:20:56,970
No!
Ah. Well,
there you go.
405
00:21:01,443 --> 00:21:04,122
Well, I'm glad
Quagmire's back to
work for the airline
406
00:21:04,146 --> 00:21:07,014
and that whole gigolo
and pimping thing is over.
407
00:21:07,083 --> 00:21:08,182
You knew about that?
408
00:21:08,251 --> 00:21:09,561
You know what, you were sticking
409
00:21:09,585 --> 00:21:11,680
to your cleanse,
so I didn't
really care.
410
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,082
I got to hand it to you, Brian.
411
00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:15,483
You are a better
blue-collar guy
than I expected.
412
00:21:15,507 --> 00:21:19,176
You finally earned
this nice, cold beer.
Thanks, Stewie.
413
00:21:20,963 --> 00:21:22,179
Nice work, Pedro.
414
00:21:22,231 --> 00:21:24,281
Let us know if you
want us to kill a guy.
415
00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:26,028
Okay.
It could be anyone.
416
00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:29,886
Got it. You have no idea
how hard they tried
to pierce my ears.
33294
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