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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:04,853 ♪ It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,257 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,325 --> 00:00:11,943 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,212 ♪ On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:18,383 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:21,603 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,671 --> 00:00:23,354 ♪ All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:24,940 ♪ Laugh and cry 9 00:00:25,008 --> 00:00:29,845 ♪ He's a family guy ♪ 10 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:37,914 Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker. 11 00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,838 Coming up, why one hello a day 12 00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:42,357 to the receptionist at work is the magic number. 13 00:00:42,425 --> 00:00:45,059 But first, pilot strike at Quahog Airport. 14 00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:47,028 Picketing began on Thursday... 15 00:00:47,097 --> 00:00:48,475 Weird day to start a strike. 16 00:00:48,499 --> 00:00:50,648 And both sides appear to be at an impasse. 17 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,952 So, ground control is telling Major Tom this could be a long one. 18 00:00:55,255 --> 00:00:57,623 Does anyone else like David Bowie? 19 00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,202 Hey, what the hell is up with this letter? 20 00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,287 It says I'm no longer covered on your health insurance. 21 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:03,040 Oh, yeah. They don't cover dogs no more. 22 00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,964 You could do COBRA for $7,300 a month, though. 23 00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:07,677 Would that be something you'd be interested in? 24 00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,941 I need that health insurance. You know I have a hernia. 25 00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,119 What if I need surgery? 26 00:01:11,187 --> 00:01:13,322 Well, if you need insurance that bad, 27 00:01:13,390 --> 00:01:16,290 maybe it's time for you to go out and get a job of your own. 28 00:01:16,359 --> 00:01:17,576 Oh, this sucks. 29 00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,144 How did you get a hernia? 30 00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:22,213 Actually, I got it performing an incredible act of heroism. 31 00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:26,935 Oh, my God! 32 00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:29,003 Somebody help me. I'm sinking. 33 00:01:31,542 --> 00:01:32,985 Hurry. I can't hold it. 34 00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:35,794 Okay. Let me just unstrap my baby. 35 00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:38,413 Oh, oh, oh. Slipping, slipping. Sorry. 36 00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:45,203 - What do we want? - Fair wages. 37 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,312 - When do we want it? - Originally now. 38 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:50,759 But it's been delayed until 9:40 due to weather in Philly. 39 00:01:51,628 --> 00:01:53,178 This is a mess. 40 00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:56,331 It's working about as well as that animal sobriety checkpoint. 41 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:59,296 Excuse me, sir. Is that a baggie of catnip on your seat? 42 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,286 I have a card for that. 43 00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:02,799 What else you got in here? 44 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:05,907 Open container of cat food, feather on the string. 45 00:02:05,975 --> 00:02:07,442 Is that a dead mouse? 46 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,227 Get him off me. 47 00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:11,864 Somebody get him off me! 48 00:02:25,162 --> 00:02:27,602 - Think catnip's a joke? - Think again. 49 00:02:27,631 --> 00:02:30,966 Vote yes on increased animal sobriety checkpoints. 50 00:02:31,034 --> 00:02:32,100 Paid for by dogs. 51 00:02:38,608 --> 00:02:41,342 Bachelorette party. Can I fit this in? 52 00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:47,098 Okay, cool. I got time. 53 00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:51,803 Hello, ladies. Wow, here comes the bride, huh? 54 00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:53,766 More than once if I have anything to do with it. 55 00:02:53,790 --> 00:02:55,857 Finally, the stripper's here. 56 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,410 What? No, I'm not a stripper. I'm a pilot. 57 00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:01,313 See? This is a real uniform. 58 00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:04,449 Ooh. Take something else off, sexy. 59 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:06,885 All right. 60 00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:10,672 Oh, yeah? You want a little more, huh? 61 00:03:14,578 --> 00:03:18,630 Yeah. All right. Who wants me to stow my bag under their seat? 62 00:03:24,187 --> 00:03:28,523 Boy, and I thought that Federal Hill bakery had nice buns. 63 00:03:28,592 --> 00:03:31,237 You're talented, Denise. 64 00:03:31,261 --> 00:03:33,381 You should really go for it. 65 00:03:37,567 --> 00:03:40,719 Wow, what a day. 66 00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:41,836 Please, don't comment. 67 00:03:41,905 --> 00:03:44,338 Oh, look at you. Did you get a job? 68 00:03:44,407 --> 00:03:46,024 Bitch. Did I get a job? 69 00:03:46,092 --> 00:03:48,460 This ain't a life vest, sister. 70 00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:52,096 It's a work vest from a little place called Mega Hardware. 71 00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:53,827 Because that's basically what I am now. 72 00:03:53,851 --> 00:03:56,485 Just an everyday working-class Joe. 73 00:03:56,553 --> 00:03:58,002 Well, good for you. 74 00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:02,057 No. No, Brian. This doesn't feel right today. 75 00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:06,278 Yes. There's a rat trap in that cabinet. 76 00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:07,545 With a foot in it. 77 00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:09,926 And somewhere in this house there's a footless rat. 78 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:13,684 Well, I'm off to watch some Fox News in front of the old boob tube. 79 00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:16,121 ♪ Tommy used to work on the docks 80 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,623 ♪ Union's been on strike He's down on his luck 81 00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:20,625 ♪ It's tough, so tough ♪ 82 00:04:25,916 --> 00:04:26,976 Hey. No. 83 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,394 I wasn't sure. I'm sure. 84 00:04:28,418 --> 00:04:29,979 Okay. Well, got to go. 85 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,286 Got to do some more picketing. 86 00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:33,516 Seriously? It's like, nine o'clock at night. 87 00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:36,507 Yeah, well... It's... 88 00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:38,025 Cleveland's stealing shot glasses. 89 00:04:39,563 --> 00:04:42,403 I don't like drinking Nyquil out of 'em little cups. 90 00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:50,605 Where the hell's Quagmire going? The airport's that way. 91 00:04:50,673 --> 00:04:52,151 He doesn't know we're following him, Joe. 92 00:04:52,175 --> 00:04:53,637 You don't have to duck down. 93 00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:56,072 I'm not. You took a pretty hard right turn back there. 94 00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,896 I've been like this for a while. 95 00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,805 What's he doing? 96 00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,685 This is one of them places where women go to see male strippers. 97 00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:11,459 Some bisexual men go as well. 98 00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:18,917 I don't see him. 99 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:24,884 Ladies, this is your pilot speaking. 100 00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:28,310 I am in the full, upright, and locked position. 101 00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:36,634 Oh, my. 102 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,418 Oh, my God. What are you guys doing here? 103 00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,327 Crap. Our disguises didn't work. 104 00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,359 Quagmire, I didn't know you were a male stripper. 105 00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:03,077 I wasn't. Not until the strike, anyway. 106 00:06:03,146 --> 00:06:05,325 I've been out of work for three weeks. I'm out of money. 107 00:06:05,349 --> 00:06:08,349 I had to do something. God, I'm so embarrassed. 108 00:06:08,418 --> 00:06:11,118 Why? Stripping is a very respectable profession. 109 00:06:11,187 --> 00:06:12,671 If it weren't respectable, 110 00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:14,784 why would real-estate agents go to strip clubs for lunch? 111 00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,719 He's right. This is tremendous. 112 00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:18,320 Are you banging all these chicks? 113 00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:20,311 Hey, hey. That is offensive. 114 00:06:20,363 --> 00:06:22,430 I am a dancer, not a gigolo. 115 00:06:22,499 --> 00:06:25,316 Captain Cockpit, my friend is about to get married, 116 00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:28,953 and we were wondering if you'd have sex with her for $500? 117 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,623 I'm a gigolo. 118 00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:33,986 Oh, hey, it's that guy. 119 00:06:34,010 --> 00:06:36,511 Are you gonna say, "Who else but Quagmire"? 120 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:39,497 No, I... 121 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:42,984 Wanted to know if Quagmire was available tomorrow evening? 122 00:06:43,053 --> 00:06:44,535 Are you gay? 123 00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:46,699 Of course not. No. I... 124 00:06:46,723 --> 00:06:49,785 But I am unable to properly have sex with my wife, 125 00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:52,090 so, I figured, you know... 126 00:06:52,796 --> 00:06:54,907 Who else but Quagmire. 127 00:06:54,931 --> 00:06:56,982 Hey, awesome cameo. 128 00:07:04,074 --> 00:07:06,352 Hey, sorry I'm late, guys. Had to stop at the dry cleaner. 129 00:07:06,376 --> 00:07:09,722 The dry cleaner? Wow, somebody's struck it rich. 130 00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:12,125 You know, I got to tell you. I was sweating that pilot strike. 131 00:07:12,149 --> 00:07:14,966 But now that I'm a gigolo, I'm making money by the fistful. 132 00:07:15,618 --> 00:07:16,734 Is that a giggity? 133 00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,286 That is a giggity. 134 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:19,932 Quagmire, I couldn't help but notice 135 00:07:19,956 --> 00:07:21,300 you got some dry cleaning hanging up 136 00:07:21,324 --> 00:07:22,768 in the backseat of your car. 137 00:07:22,792 --> 00:07:24,654 Did you win the lottery? No. 138 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:27,157 Well, I hope you're not actually doing that gigolo thing. 139 00:07:27,181 --> 00:07:29,147 You know, prostitution is illegal. 140 00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,232 No, no. It's something else. 141 00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:35,887 Quagmire is selling online Internet cyber stuff. 142 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,900 Well, good for you, Quagmire. 143 00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:40,425 You and Gates, huh? 144 00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:45,329 Jeez, I got to go home and change into my Tarzan costume. 145 00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:48,016 For the web. 146 00:07:48,084 --> 00:07:50,244 Huh. I got to get a computer. 147 00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:58,787 Excuse me. How many BTUs does this grill have? 148 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:02,113 Oh, man, that puppy, more than you need, less than I want. 149 00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:04,982 Excuse me, do you have a small grocery cart 150 00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,152 I could put this boat-sized hunk of lumber in? 151 00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,598 Probably out in the parking lot. 152 00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,199 Can you tell me where I can find extension cords? 153 00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:11,922 Aisle 25. I was just there. 154 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,891 Twenty-six. There is no 26. 155 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,827 Fifteen. 156 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,957 So, Gobi gets up on the lift. Don't mind me. 157 00:08:17,981 --> 00:08:21,283 Just grabbing myself a cup of mud. I like mine black. 158 00:08:21,351 --> 00:08:22,767 Black as night. 159 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,052 Black as sin. Know what I'm sayin'? 160 00:08:25,121 --> 00:08:28,923 Haven't introduced myself. Guys in my crew call me "the Ratchet." 161 00:08:28,992 --> 00:08:31,793 Brian, it's not your break. Get out there and help the customers. 162 00:08:31,862 --> 00:08:35,046 "Brian"? Who are you, my father? This guy. 163 00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,675 Get out there. Yes, sir. 164 00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:40,496 That guy's got no idea how hard I'm working... 165 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,670 Bird! A bird got in. Awesome. 166 00:08:51,348 --> 00:08:54,265 Hello? Hey, Quagmire. What's going on? 167 00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:55,628 Oh, you need a ride? Yeah, sure. 168 00:08:55,652 --> 00:08:57,492 I can come and get you. I'm not doing anything. 169 00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:05,009 Meg, that was the last guy. So, just lock up when you are done. 170 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,284 Thanks for the ride. 171 00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:15,130 One of my tricks drove me here from the Clam, 172 00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:16,382 and I didn't have any money for a cab. 173 00:09:16,406 --> 00:09:18,384 Why not? Didn't she just pay you for sex? 174 00:09:18,408 --> 00:09:20,909 No. After it was over, she said she wasn't gonna pay. 175 00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,476 Well, that ain't fair. 176 00:09:22,545 --> 00:09:24,574 You can't let these women take advantage of you like that. 177 00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:26,409 What apartment is she in? I'll go talk to her. 178 00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:28,032 She's in Unit 17. 179 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,668 You know, if you're going back in anyway, can you grab my belt? 180 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,403 It's reversible, so I'd hate to lose it. 181 00:09:37,093 --> 00:09:39,060 Hey. You didn't pay my friend. 182 00:09:39,128 --> 00:09:41,629 So, I'm gonna play with your doorbell until you pay up. 183 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:47,068 Stop it! I can do this all day. I love buttons. 184 00:09:47,136 --> 00:09:49,296 Fine! Here's your money! 185 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,324 Here you go. 186 00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:53,992 Peter, this is amazing. Thank you. 187 00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:56,644 Hey, you know what? Here's a little something for your trouble. 188 00:09:56,713 --> 00:09:58,313 You're giving me a cut? 189 00:09:58,381 --> 00:10:00,348 Wow! Thanks. No problem. 190 00:10:00,417 --> 00:10:02,300 It's just too bad you're not here every time. 191 00:10:02,368 --> 00:10:05,664 Well, I could be. I mean, my days are pretty open. 192 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:08,050 And I don't sleep a lot at night 'cause of health stuff. 193 00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:10,658 Huh, that'd be kind of nice, actually. 194 00:10:10,727 --> 00:10:12,710 Maybe you could drive me around and help me out 195 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,706 and I could even pay you a little something for your time. 196 00:10:14,730 --> 00:10:16,141 Sure. That sounds great. 197 00:10:16,165 --> 00:10:17,526 You know what, it'll be nice to have a little 198 00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:20,335 extra cash to bet on college football. 199 00:10:20,403 --> 00:10:21,998 Yeah, I'd like to bet 100 bucks. 200 00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:24,142 You wanna pick a team? No, just take it. 201 00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,859 I thought you had the day off. Maybe from the store. 202 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:35,628 But it's not like things take a day off 203 00:10:35,652 --> 00:10:37,996 from needing repairs. Am I right? 204 00:10:38,020 --> 00:10:40,872 Oh, looks like this cabinet door is a good place to start. 205 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:43,286 Yep. She's off-kilter. I'm gonna have to plane her down. 206 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,237 Lois, what year was this house built? 207 00:10:45,261 --> 00:10:47,712 I don't know. Maybe 1945? 208 00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:48,924 Good. It's grandfathered in. 209 00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:50,176 I thought I'd need a variance. 210 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,011 Don't want to get a code vi. 211 00:10:52,035 --> 00:10:54,719 "Vi" is violation. Code is just code. 212 00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:57,355 I don't know, Brian. It looks straight to me. 213 00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,064 What? It's straight. 214 00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:01,470 I don't know what that means. "It's straight"? 215 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:04,339 Oh, you mean "plum." You're saying the door is plum. 216 00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:06,798 Wow, Brian. You do know all the lingo. 217 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,795 Oh, come on. It's just stuff you pick up on the side. 218 00:11:09,819 --> 00:11:11,514 I'm gonna go use a miter to jerry-rig 219 00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,482 a shim-jam strap hinge, quarter-round-saw off 220 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,875 a two-by-six dowel cherry picker flimflam. 221 00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:19,494 You know, Rupert, Brian's douchiness should infuriate me, 222 00:11:19,563 --> 00:11:21,796 but the truth is, he seems happy. 223 00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:24,682 So I guess I'll just do nothing and that's that. 224 00:11:29,155 --> 00:11:30,915 Can't do it. Let's get him fired. 225 00:11:34,478 --> 00:11:37,278 ♪ Some days won't end ever And some days pass on by 226 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:40,464 ♪ I'll be working here forever At least until I die 227 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,351 ♪ Damned if you do, damned if you don't 228 00:11:43,420 --> 00:11:46,432 ♪ I'm supposed to get a raise next week You know damn well I won't 229 00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:49,607 ♪ Workin' for a livin' ♪ Workin 230 00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:52,643 ♪ Workin' for a livin' ♪ Workin 231 00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:55,196 ♪ Workin' for a livin', livin' and workin' 232 00:11:55,264 --> 00:11:56,875 ♪ I'm taking what they're giving 233 00:11:56,899 --> 00:11:58,711 ♪ 'Cause I'm workin' for a livin' 234 00:11:58,735 --> 00:12:01,669 ♪ Workin' for a livin' Livin' and a-workin' ♪ 235 00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:15,082 Boy, I have a whole new respect for Hayden Panettiere. 236 00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:18,581 Giggity. I'm pulling up You're ready? 237 00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:21,272 Oh, hey, Peter. Listen, I can't work tonight. I'm spent. 238 00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:24,158 That last trick was like trying to use an empty bottle of hand soap. 239 00:12:24,227 --> 00:12:26,305 But you got to work. I set up five appointments. 240 00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:28,323 That's a lot of money. Sorry, I can't do it. 241 00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:29,959 You're just gonna have to cancel them. 242 00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,783 What the hell did you say to me? 243 00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:34,296 Peter, what are you doing? You tripping, boy? 244 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,721 You're going out if I tell you you're going out, bitch. 245 00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:39,757 Okay. But what's in your pimp cup? 246 00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:42,376 It's actually a wheatgrass-ginger mixture. 247 00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:43,861 I was in the middle of a cleanse. 248 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,608 I didn't know we'd be doing this pimp thing 249 00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,398 but I made a promise to my body. 250 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,049 Ahhh! 251 00:12:49,752 --> 00:12:50,951 Not great. 252 00:12:59,429 --> 00:13:02,713 Peter, what you doing all dressed up for church? This ain't Easter. 253 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,477 Oh, Cleveland. These are my work clothes. 254 00:13:04,501 --> 00:13:07,101 You're hosting Family Feud? No, I'm a pimp. 255 00:13:07,169 --> 00:13:08,914 Big Pete, if we're gonna be sitting, 256 00:13:08,938 --> 00:13:10,416 may I use my penis donut? 257 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,106 Bitch, I don't care. 258 00:13:12,174 --> 00:13:15,092 Dang, Quagmire. You're lucky. He take care of you? 259 00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:16,455 Yeah. No, no. It's great. 260 00:13:16,479 --> 00:13:18,946 I'm making a lot of money. I'm actually really happy. 261 00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:20,843 I'm actually very hungry. 262 00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:22,411 Nobody is gonna want you if you're fat. 263 00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,795 You wanna eat, get up to that bar and earn your keep. 264 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,540 What should I ask for, 500? 265 00:13:28,592 --> 00:13:31,403 You're not worth that much. You're trash. Ask for two. 266 00:13:31,427 --> 00:13:33,038 You know I hit you and whore you out 267 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:35,343 because I love you, right? 268 00:13:36,132 --> 00:13:38,016 Hi there. You wanna party? 269 00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,700 And can I have some of your bread? 270 00:13:39,769 --> 00:13:41,735 Hi, handsome. You can't have my bread. 271 00:13:41,804 --> 00:13:45,106 But you can have something of mine that smells like bread. 272 00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,247 Okay, let's go. 273 00:13:52,315 --> 00:13:53,715 Just so you know, 274 00:13:53,783 --> 00:13:57,535 it takes me a long time. 275 00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:06,505 All right, Rupert. If we're going to teach Brian a lesson, 276 00:14:06,529 --> 00:14:09,047 we're going to need some muscle. 277 00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:12,294 You, you, and you, 20 bucks for the day. Hop in the back. 278 00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:13,318 No. 279 00:14:15,037 --> 00:14:16,481 Forget it. Just get in. 280 00:14:16,505 --> 00:14:19,123 Anyone who doesn't enjoy the music of Josh Groban 281 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,103 can get out of the fucking car. 282 00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:24,778 ♪ You raise me up ♪ 283 00:14:24,847 --> 00:14:27,526 Okay, if you had a friend who worked at Mega Hardware, 284 00:14:27,550 --> 00:14:28,961 how would you get him fired? 285 00:14:28,985 --> 00:14:30,679 You ask him for papers. 286 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:34,188 Okay, good. That, unfortunately, won't work in this instance. 287 00:14:34,257 --> 00:14:36,641 But I like your effort, Luis. Any other ideas? 288 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,258 You could kill a guy. 289 00:14:38,328 --> 00:14:40,289 You know what, Carlos, you stay quiet for a while. 290 00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:41,940 I really only need two of you. 291 00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:43,125 You'll still be paid. 292 00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:44,832 You ask for papers. 293 00:14:44,901 --> 00:14:46,512 Okay, is there any idea out there 294 00:14:46,536 --> 00:14:48,931 besides killing a guy or getting someone deported? 295 00:14:48,955 --> 00:14:51,138 We do good job, we live with you? 296 00:14:51,207 --> 00:14:52,667 Well, you just offered to kill a guy, 297 00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:55,404 so you're not exactly number one on my roommate list. 298 00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:57,940 Now, let's go. I paid good money for you. I need answers. 299 00:14:57,964 --> 00:14:59,524 I want your best and I won't stand 300 00:14:59,548 --> 00:15:02,199 for even one more stupid idea. 301 00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,902 You shake a boss's soda, and give to him. 302 00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:07,004 When he open it, it explode. 303 00:15:08,892 --> 00:15:11,212 This is why I pushed you. 304 00:15:16,299 --> 00:15:19,417 Huh, I guess that Brian Griffin is a good egg after all. 305 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,371 Griffin! You're fired! 306 00:15:24,207 --> 00:15:26,140 Well done, team. 307 00:15:26,208 --> 00:15:27,703 So, what are you guys doing now? 308 00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:29,727 I mean, I paid you for the whole day. 309 00:16:02,111 --> 00:16:04,039 I never liked prostitutes 310 00:16:04,063 --> 00:16:07,815 because they sell their bodies to all types of men. 311 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:11,585 I turned my first trick when I had my first one-night stand. 312 00:16:11,654 --> 00:16:14,722 I had sex for dinner and drinks. 313 00:16:14,791 --> 00:16:17,024 Being a prostitute is no fun. 314 00:16:17,093 --> 00:16:19,427 You have to work nights, weekends. 315 00:16:19,496 --> 00:16:22,313 I hear on SNL the women are funnier than the guys now. 316 00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:24,421 But I don't know. I'll never see it. 317 00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:32,707 We meet Quagmire, a small town boy with big city dreams, 318 00:16:32,776 --> 00:16:36,210 who has fallen deep into the game of prostitution at the Point. 319 00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:42,416 You know, some people ask me, would you want your son to be a hooker? 320 00:16:42,485 --> 00:16:43,979 My answer is always, "Hey, lady, 321 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,003 "are we talking or am I beefing you?" 322 00:16:47,824 --> 00:16:49,890 I kinda wanna see Guardians of the Galaxy 323 00:16:49,959 --> 00:16:52,827 but I also kind of feel like there might be scary parts. 324 00:16:54,163 --> 00:16:56,747 Hey, honey. You're shopping for groceries? 325 00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:57,981 You know what that means? 326 00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,684 Shopping for groceries is what I say 327 00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,485 instead of, "Do you wanna pay me for sex?" 328 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:02,670 So, I can't get arrested. 329 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,775 Stewie, did you hire three Mexican guys 330 00:17:24,843 --> 00:17:26,978 to shake a soda can and give it to my boss? 331 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,429 What? 332 00:17:28,498 --> 00:17:29,698 One's Guatemalan. 333 00:17:29,732 --> 00:17:31,332 Damn it, Stewie. You got me fired. 334 00:17:31,401 --> 00:17:33,521 Who you kidding? You got yourself fired, 335 00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:34,863 parading around there, pretending 336 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,381 you know the first thing about tools. 337 00:17:36,405 --> 00:17:38,923 You know what, you're going down there with me right now 338 00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:40,358 to tell them what you did. 339 00:17:40,426 --> 00:17:43,586 Get your hands off me. I'll go floppy dead weight on you. 340 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,916 Oh, crap. My stomach. I think my hernia ruptured. 341 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:51,852 Oh, my God. Damn it, it's bad. It's bad. 342 00:17:51,921 --> 00:17:53,715 I'll get Lois. She can take you to the hospital. 343 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:57,007 No, she can't. Thanks to you, I don't have insurance anymore. 344 00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,221 What are we gonna do? I'll get the gun. 345 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,362 No, Stewie. You have to fix me. 346 00:18:01,430 --> 00:18:02,897 What? I'm not a doctor. 347 00:18:02,966 --> 00:18:05,283 Just look it up on your phone or something. 348 00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:08,271 Hold on. I have gotta update iOS. Stewie! 349 00:18:09,405 --> 00:18:10,872 Okay, okay. Got it. 350 00:18:10,940 --> 00:18:13,708 It says I have to make an incision, retract the hernia sac 351 00:18:13,776 --> 00:18:16,827 and then suture the abdominal lining. How am I supposed to do that? 352 00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:20,014 Grab my tool belt. Use the self-sharpening linoleum blade. 353 00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:25,865 And then hold the incision open with a vice grip. 354 00:18:25,889 --> 00:18:30,190 And use the slip joint pliers to get the muscle back in position. 355 00:18:30,259 --> 00:18:32,727 Okay. Okay, now it's saying I have to suture it. 356 00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,945 I've got some monofilament line you can use. 357 00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:37,515 It's from aisle eight, above the chains and cables. 358 00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:41,085 Monofilament lines? Slip joint pliers? I got to say, Brian, 359 00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:43,671 it seems like you really did learn something on that job. 360 00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:46,073 You're right. I guess I did. 361 00:18:46,141 --> 00:18:47,708 But please, stitch me up. 362 00:18:47,777 --> 00:18:49,221 Just be careful and take your time. 363 00:18:49,245 --> 00:18:50,861 This is the delicate part, because... 364 00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:52,597 Yeah. I'm gonna just use the staple gun. 365 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,881 Damn it! 366 00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:56,750 You know what, that was really easy. 367 00:18:56,786 --> 00:18:59,436 That guy who killed Joan Rivers must be terrible at this. 368 00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:07,094 Hey, there. Oh. What are you doing here? 369 00:19:07,162 --> 00:19:11,498 Quagmire? I have a hobby that takes me this way. 370 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,879 Hey, I'm freezing. You got a blanket in there or something? 371 00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:17,604 I got a towel. But it's wet because I'm eating peaches. 372 00:19:17,673 --> 00:19:20,641 I lied about the hobby. I was sinning. 373 00:19:20,709 --> 00:19:23,127 I'm going to drive away backwards now. 374 00:19:28,617 --> 00:19:30,817 Hey, baby. You wanna party? Get in. 375 00:19:38,161 --> 00:19:40,081 You guys having a good night? 376 00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,829 I like that it's getting dark earlier. 377 00:19:42,898 --> 00:19:45,149 What are you guys gonna be for Halloween? 378 00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:47,879 Big Pete, help. She want to do German things. 379 00:19:47,903 --> 00:19:49,520 German things! 380 00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:52,901 What? No! He hasn't eaten anything in days. It's not gonna work. 381 00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,292 Nein! Nein! 382 00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:01,682 She's got us both. Help us, pimps and hos! 383 00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:03,584 Help us, HBO camera crew! 384 00:20:08,724 --> 00:20:12,020 God, Quagmire, most of that was horrible. 385 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:15,078 I know. Eventually, I might want to try it again. 386 00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:18,299 Hey, listen, buddy. I'm sorry about all this. 387 00:20:18,367 --> 00:20:20,445 I guess I just got caught up in the money and... 388 00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:23,281 And assumed you were okay with it because of the sex. 389 00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:24,849 I don't know. Peter. I think you're just mad 390 00:20:24,873 --> 00:20:27,091 I didn't come to see your Pretenders cover band. 391 00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:28,509 Yes, well, that may be. 392 00:20:28,577 --> 00:20:30,472 Speaking of which, the Pretend-Pretenders 393 00:20:30,496 --> 00:20:32,207 are playing again this weekend. 394 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:35,399 Much like the real band, we have been described as "meh". 395 00:20:36,285 --> 00:20:37,868 Still, I'm really sorry. 396 00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:39,814 Can you find it in yourself to forgive me 397 00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:42,356 and maybe we can just go back to being friends? 398 00:20:42,425 --> 00:20:43,607 I'd like that. 399 00:20:43,675 --> 00:20:45,395 Hopefully the pilots' strike will end soon 400 00:20:45,427 --> 00:20:46,727 and I can get my old job back. 401 00:20:46,795 --> 00:20:48,624 Oh, the strike ended a month ago. 402 00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,865 What? Why didn't you tell me? I did. 403 00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:54,301 Are you still GlenQten-at-aol.com? 404 00:20:54,370 --> 00:20:56,970 No! Ah. Well, there you go. 405 00:21:01,443 --> 00:21:04,122 Well, I'm glad Quagmire's back to work for the airline 406 00:21:04,146 --> 00:21:07,014 and that whole gigolo and pimping thing is over. 407 00:21:07,083 --> 00:21:08,182 You knew about that? 408 00:21:08,251 --> 00:21:09,561 You know what, you were sticking 409 00:21:09,585 --> 00:21:11,680 to your cleanse, so I didn't really care. 410 00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,082 I got to hand it to you, Brian. 411 00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:15,483 You are a better blue-collar guy than I expected. 412 00:21:15,507 --> 00:21:19,176 You finally earned this nice, cold beer. Thanks, Stewie. 413 00:21:20,963 --> 00:21:22,179 Nice work, Pedro. 414 00:21:22,231 --> 00:21:24,281 Let us know if you want us to kill a guy. 415 00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:26,028 Okay. It could be anyone. 416 00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:29,886 Got it. You have no idea how hard they tried to pierce my ears. 33294

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