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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:08,007
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:11,443
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:14,679
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:18,083
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:21,403
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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00:00:21,471 --> 00:00:23,032
♪ All the things
that make us
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00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:24,690
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:29,794
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:37,969
We now return to
Star Trek: Creep Space Nine.
11
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:47,329
Ah! She saw us!
Warp speed!
12
00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:48,758
Hey, you guys,
you know that song
13
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:50,048
Jimmy Crack Corn?
14
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:52,095
Yeah, it's me and Lois'
wedding song. What about it?
15
00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:54,264
Well, the whole time
the guy's saying
16
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:55,754
he doesn't care that, uh,
17
00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:57,968
this Jimmy fella
cracked the corn,
18
00:00:57,992 --> 00:01:00,259
but yet he wrote
an entire song about it.
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00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:02,794
Cared enough
to put pen to paper.
20
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:04,741
Are you on vacation?
I am.
21
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:06,298
Here's those fries you ordered.
22
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,016
And your hot sauce.
23
00:01:08,085 --> 00:01:10,585
Hot sauce? On fries?
Mmm-hmm.
24
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:13,689
Oh, yeah. Black guys put
hot sauce on everything,
25
00:01:13,757 --> 00:01:15,835
on account of most of us
been pepper-sprayed
26
00:01:15,859 --> 00:01:17,192
by the time we're two.
27
00:01:17,260 --> 00:01:20,145
Can't taste nothing unless
you got that burn on there.
28
00:01:20,213 --> 00:01:21,513
This stuff ain't that hot.
29
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:23,882
Whoo!
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00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:25,284
I feel like I'm crying,
31
00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:27,318
but, like, out of
my neck and back.
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00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:28,436
There it is!
33
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,149
If you ain't sweating,
you ain't eating.
34
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:31,472
Look at his face.
35
00:01:31,542 --> 00:01:33,992
He looks like Oliver Platt
climbing a flight of stairs.
36
00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:37,662
Hey! That's a low blow.
I'm gonna call
the network and complain.
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00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:40,532
- Where's the phone?
- It's upstairs, Oliver!
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00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,529
Ah, they know what they did.
39
00:01:42,553 --> 00:01:44,564
Tell you what, Peter.
I'll give you 10 bucks
40
00:01:44,588 --> 00:01:45,831
if you drink
an entire shot glass
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00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:46,999
of that hot sauce.
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00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:48,056
Let me see the money.
43
00:01:48,124 --> 00:01:49,852
You don't believe I have $10?
44
00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:52,177
I think he's afraid.
Am not!
45
00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:53,445
Prove it. Ten bucks.
46
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:54,613
All right.
47
00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:56,080
This is for all the teachers
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00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:59,150
who told me I'd never
amount to nothing.
49
00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:03,189
Oh, my God!
50
00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:11,763
That last one was
more caliente than hot.
51
00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:13,165
But still, holy crap!
52
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:14,549
Well, here's your money.
53
00:02:14,618 --> 00:02:16,218
This is awesome!
54
00:02:16,286 --> 00:02:19,254
I can get people
to pay me ten bucks
just for doing stupid stuff?
55
00:02:19,323 --> 00:02:22,491
Man, I haven't
made money this easy
since I invented the Yanket!
56
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:23,859
Peter, what's wrong?
57
00:02:23,927 --> 00:02:26,795
Well, I want to masturbate,
but I'm just so darn cold.
58
00:02:26,864 --> 00:02:29,431
Too bad there's no answer
for that problem.
59
00:02:29,499 --> 00:02:30,666
But now there is.
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00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:33,234
Hi, I'm Peter Griffin,
creator of the Yanket.
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00:02:33,303 --> 00:02:34,514
If you're anything like me,
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00:02:34,538 --> 00:02:36,115
the number-one problem
in your life
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00:02:36,139 --> 00:02:38,106
is that you can't
masturbate just anywhere.
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00:02:38,175 --> 00:02:39,841
But now you can.
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00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,509
Introducing the Yanket,
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00:02:41,579 --> 00:02:44,212
the only blanket with
built-in decoy arms.
67
00:02:44,281 --> 00:02:46,932
Our patented process
makes it look like you're...
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00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:49,617
Or sipping a beer.
69
00:02:49,686 --> 00:02:51,786
Meanwhile, your real hands
are under the blanket,
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00:02:51,855 --> 00:02:53,672
going to town.
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00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,973
Peter, what are you doing?
Nothing.
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00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:58,143
Let's watch
a Scarlett Johansson movie.
73
00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,577
But wait, there's more!
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00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:01,324
We have Yankets
for all occasions.
75
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:08,331
Hey, what's going on
under that blanket?
76
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,871
You'll never know.
77
00:03:16,513 --> 00:03:17,545
All right, you guys.
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00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,147
I will now do anything for $10.
79
00:03:19,215 --> 00:03:20,259
Who's got something for me?
80
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:21,327
I got one.
81
00:03:21,351 --> 00:03:22,562
I'll give you
10 bucks if you wear
82
00:03:22,586 --> 00:03:24,130
the same pair of
underwear for a month.
83
00:03:24,154 --> 00:03:25,787
Pay up.
84
00:03:25,856 --> 00:03:28,001
Actually, you owe me $20.
Ew.
85
00:03:28,025 --> 00:03:29,803
Here's $50, go change
your underwear.
86
00:03:29,827 --> 00:03:31,510
It won't come off!
87
00:03:35,399 --> 00:03:37,532
Hey, Peter, you want to earn
another 10 bucks?
88
00:03:37,601 --> 00:03:38,645
Course I do.
89
00:03:38,669 --> 00:03:39,901
Great, I got a hilarious one.
90
00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:42,737
I'll give you $10
for your L4 vertebrae.
91
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,993
So, uh, I guess this means
92
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,329
Peter, you're our Joe now,
93
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:51,563
and Joe, you're our Peter.
94
00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,476
That means you got to do
anything for 10 bucks.
95
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,800
Okay.
I have a request.
96
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:57,769
Yay! Joe's chin!
97
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:06,678
Hey, Peter, I just
thought of something else
you could do for 10 bucks.
98
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,358
Yeah, you know what?
99
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:12,117
I'm... Think I'm gonna...
I'm upping my price
to $12.50.
100
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:14,686
No, you...
No, you're locked in at $10.
101
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,256
Yeah, no renegotiating!
102
00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:18,757
God, it was a joke.
103
00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:21,593
Shut... Just point me
to the thing.
104
00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:24,129
All right, we're gonna
open this fire hydrant
105
00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:27,866
and you're gonna
drink as much water
from it as you can.
106
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,701
Chris has Crohn's disease.
107
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,287
Get down there.
Don't tell us that now.
108
00:04:35,892 --> 00:04:39,394
I think this is how
Anna Nicole Smith died.
109
00:04:39,463 --> 00:04:40,695
Don't make light of that.
110
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:50,071
Holy crap!
We got to get out of here!
111
00:04:51,108 --> 00:04:53,308
Aw, man, the library.
112
00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,195
White Fang?
113
00:04:57,264 --> 00:04:59,864
This is for ruining
my eighth-grade summer!
114
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,678
Ah!
115
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,981
He ruined my summer, too.
116
00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:25,435
Oh, hey, Bri.
Still sitting
in chairs, huh?
117
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,036
What'd your back ever do to you?
118
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,100
I'm trying to watch.
119
00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,128
Know what I'm watching?
My core.
120
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:33,757
Your body and mind
are supposed to be
on the same team.
121
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:38,119
Sitting on the hard floor's
good for your back, too.
122
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:41,339
Coming up,female high school teachersleeps with her students.
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00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:43,208
Is she hot? Stay tuned.
124
00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:46,277
But first,the public library suffereddamage this evening
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00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,825
when an area fat mansmashed throughthe front of the building
126
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,749
while attempting
a drunken stunt.
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00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:53,185
The bus stationis expected to absorbthe overflow
128
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:55,053
of homeless
armpit-washing ladies.
129
00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:57,339
Oh, God.
130
00:05:57,407 --> 00:05:59,447
Peter, is there something
you want to tell me?
131
00:05:59,476 --> 00:06:01,676
Ah, yeah, every light
in the house is on.
132
00:06:01,745 --> 00:06:03,456
Did you destroy the library?
133
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,914
Did I destroy the library?
134
00:06:05,983 --> 00:06:07,849
No, Lois.
That was television.
135
00:06:07,918 --> 00:06:09,746
In light of events
at the library,
136
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:12,650
we now go live toa press conferenceat the mayor's residence.
137
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:13,822
Good evening, Quahog.
138
00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:16,157
I'm here tonight
with the deputy mayor.
139
00:06:16,226 --> 00:06:17,226
Hi, everybody!
140
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,511
Shut up.
141
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:22,097
Anyway, these types of immature,
142
00:06:22,165 --> 00:06:24,633
drunken hijinks
are destroying our town.
143
00:06:24,701 --> 00:06:29,237
And if we can't
trust a 42-year-old man
to drink responsibly,
144
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:31,773
then I have no choice
but to take action.
145
00:06:31,842 --> 00:06:33,141
So, as mayor of Quahog,
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00:06:33,209 --> 00:06:37,028
I hereby raise the town's
legal drinking age to 50.
147
00:06:37,096 --> 00:06:39,464
What?
I can't drink anymore?
148
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:40,765
What am I gonna do?
149
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,434
What do people do
who don't drink?
150
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:43,868
I don't know. Knit?
151
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,237
"Knit"? Knit?
152
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:47,689
Are you kidding me? Maybe.
153
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:51,876
Um... Okay,
so it turns out I am, like,
crazy good at knitting.
154
00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,328
Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker.
155
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:01,586
It's day three
of Quahog's new ban
156
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,822
on alcohol for anybody under 50.
157
00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:06,591
And if there's one thingthe new drinking age lawhas done,
158
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:09,160
it's let us know that
women tell terrible stories.
159
00:07:09,228 --> 00:07:11,006
Good to see your eyes open, Tom.
160
00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:14,298
For more on this story,we now go toTricia Takanawa. Tricia?
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00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:17,469
Joyce, I'm standing here
on the streets of Quahog,
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00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:19,497
where citizens are
feeling the effects
163
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:21,422
of the city's new drinking law.
164
00:07:21,491 --> 00:07:23,842
I was going to
bone my girlfriend,
165
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:28,013
but she told me that
if there wasn't
vanilla vodka involved,
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00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,998
there was no way.
167
00:07:30,066 --> 00:07:32,967
I think we just
have to trust
our elected officials
168
00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:35,870
and Goldman's Pharmacy
is fully stocked on
cough syrup,
169
00:07:35,939 --> 00:07:38,005
which goes great
with ginger ale.
170
00:07:38,074 --> 00:07:39,691
Well, I do miss drinking,
171
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,371
but I have used
the time to reconnect
with my children
172
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:45,713
and I'm actually
thinking about resuming
my actuarial practice.
173
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,366
Oh, my God,
he's just been drunk
this whole time?
174
00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:49,851
This new law sucks.
175
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:51,797
And I got to say,
it was kind of uncool
176
00:07:51,821 --> 00:07:53,683
of Mayor West to call it
"Peter's Law."
177
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:57,125
No kidding. Now I know
how Megan from
Megan's Law felt.
178
00:07:57,194 --> 00:07:59,427
I don't think
you know how she felt.
179
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,728
I don't know why
I didn't think of
this before, guys.
180
00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:08,865
We'll just go into
the brewery after hours
and take some beer.
181
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,783
Hey, buddy.
It's okay, I work here.
182
00:08:10,807 --> 00:08:12,907
Aren't you the guy
who cried in that meeting?
183
00:08:12,976 --> 00:08:15,054
You know, I just remembered,
184
00:08:15,078 --> 00:08:17,512
there's no beer here,
let's just go.
185
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,617
Peter, why'd you want me
to get us into this prison?
186
00:08:22,685 --> 00:08:24,496
Because, Joe,
everyone knows that
187
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:27,133
all prisoners
make bootleg wine
in their toilet.
188
00:08:27,157 --> 00:08:29,102
We are gonna get so wasted!
189
00:08:29,126 --> 00:08:32,206
Oh, look, right here.
This one's full
of Chardonnay.
190
00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:33,906
Peter, I don't think that's...
191
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,730
But it was Chardonnay.
192
00:08:35,799 --> 00:08:38,633
The best Chardonnay
I'd ever had in my life.
193
00:08:38,702 --> 00:08:41,636
The man who made it,
Curtis "Murder Dog" Williams,
194
00:08:41,705 --> 00:08:44,939
went on to becomeone of America's mostcelebrated vintners.
195
00:08:45,008 --> 00:08:47,742
Hey, Joe here.Peter's lying.He drank pee-pee.
196
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,960
Don't worry, guys.
If we can't buy
alcohol in Quahog,
197
00:08:53,984 --> 00:08:56,265
we'll just go to
the next town over.
198
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,516
Sorry, in this town,
you can only buy alcohol
199
00:08:59,540 --> 00:09:01,300
if you're dressed
head-to-toe in jeans.
200
00:09:01,324 --> 00:09:02,640
What? Who made that law?
201
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,292
Our mayor, Jay Leno.
202
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:06,823
Have you seen
some of these laws they've
got now about denim?
203
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:10,515
You know, I say,
if you don't like it,
you may as well Levi's.
204
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,384
Who's voting for these mayors?
205
00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:15,002
Rhode Island's a mess
from top to bottom.
206
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,604
I tell you, guys,
getting alcohol
when you're underage
207
00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,961
isn't as easy
as Obama's daughters
make it look.
208
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,130
What? Is that true?
I don't know.
209
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,599
Hey, isn't that
your dog at the bar?
210
00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:30,372
Hey, Jerome, one more, neat.
211
00:09:32,222 --> 00:09:35,223
What the hell?
Why's Jerome
serving booze to Brian?
212
00:09:35,292 --> 00:09:37,391
I don't know,
but I'm gonna find out.
213
00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:38,893
Come here, boy! Come on!
214
00:09:38,962 --> 00:09:40,639
Hey, what's up?
We going for
a ride in the car?
215
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:42,275
No, no,
I had a question for you.
216
00:09:42,299 --> 00:09:45,934
Don't ever fucking do that
unless you have
a car ride to offer.
217
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,413
How come you're
allowed to drink?
218
00:09:47,437 --> 00:09:48,580
Yeah, you're not 50.
219
00:09:48,604 --> 00:09:51,823
Actually, I am.
I'm 56 in dog years.
220
00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:54,192
Oh! Is that why
you got white pubic hair?
221
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,527
I'll thank you not to
check out my pubic hair.
222
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,274
Well, then don't go
flashing it around.
223
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,498
Put on some underpants,
you crazy old man.
224
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:02,650
Peter, I think
you're missing the point.
225
00:10:02,719 --> 00:10:04,836
Brian can buy us booze.
226
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,115
Oh, my God, you're right!
227
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,700
Would you do that for us, Brian?
228
00:10:07,724 --> 00:10:09,757
Sure, why not?
Oh, thank God.
229
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,437
'Cause just sitting
here all sober
230
00:10:11,461 --> 00:10:13,511
is more boring
than watching a pot boil.
231
00:10:13,563 --> 00:10:15,474
Hey, you.
What are you doing?
232
00:10:15,498 --> 00:10:16,698
I like to watch.
233
00:10:16,766 --> 00:10:17,966
I want to watch you boil.
234
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,594
I can't do it with you watching.
235
00:10:19,635 --> 00:10:21,369
Oh, not even if I do this?
236
00:10:21,438 --> 00:10:23,904
Don't do that!
Oh, God, that's so hot.
237
00:10:23,973 --> 00:10:26,541
Oh, yeah? Then why don't
I take your top off?
238
00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:29,310
Oh! Oh. I'm boiling!
I'm boiling!
239
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:32,346
Yeah. Now I'm gonna stick
my raw pasta in you.
240
00:10:32,415 --> 00:10:33,926
Peter, what's going on in there?
241
00:10:33,950 --> 00:10:35,500
Making dinner, babe.
242
00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:37,101
♪ Brass Monkey
243
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,837
♪ That funky Monkey
244
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,422
♪ Brass Monkey junkie
245
00:10:41,491 --> 00:10:43,791
♪ That funky Monkey
246
00:10:43,859 --> 00:10:46,411
♪ Brass♪ Got this dancethat's more than real
247
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,291
♪ Drink Brass Monkey
Here's how you feel
248
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,498
♪ Put your left leg down
Your right leg up
249
00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:52,511
♪ Tilt your head back
Let's finish the cup
250
00:10:52,535 --> 00:10:53,695
♪ M.C.A. with the bottle
251
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:54,919
♪ D rocks the can
252
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,549
♪ Ad-Rock gets nice
with Charlie Chan
253
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:57,738
♪ We're offered Moet
254
00:10:57,807 --> 00:10:59,157
♪ We don't mind Chivas
255
00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,803
♪ Wherever we go,
we bring the Monkey with us
256
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:01,870
♪ Ad-Rock drinks three
257
00:11:01,894 --> 00:11:03,144
♪ Mike D is D
258
00:11:03,213 --> 00:11:04,724
♪ Double R foots the bill
most definitely
259
00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:06,881
♪ I drink Brass Monkey
and I rock well
260
00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:08,794
♪ I got a castle in Brooklyn
That's where I dwell
261
00:11:08,818 --> 00:11:10,118
♪ Brass Monkey ♪
262
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,239
Hey, hey, Brian, Brian.
263
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,052
How would you like to build,
264
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:20,177
build a deck right now
with your buddy?
265
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:23,114
'Cause we got hammers,
the whole deal.
266
00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:25,182
I don't know, man.
It's pretty dark out.
267
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:27,463
That's okay.
I'll just pull
my car around
268
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,231
and point the headlights at it.
269
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:33,224
Did you know that my dad
once called me "a mistake"?
270
00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:35,894
That's messed up, man. Wow!
271
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:37,996
You know, Brian,
hanging out with you
272
00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:40,092
this past week has been awesome.
273
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,233
Yeah, why don't we
do this anymore?
274
00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:45,369
We used to do fun stuff
all the time, you know?
275
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:47,038
It used to be you and me.
276
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:49,707
And it always will be, pal.
277
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,142
Hey, listen, listen.
278
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,845
I want you to be
Meg's godfather.
279
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:57,749
No, thanks, Peter.
But this here,
we got to keep this going.
280
00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:59,483
I agree, buddy, I agree.
281
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:03,837
All right,
I'm gonna go barf down
the garbage disposal.
282
00:12:03,906 --> 00:12:06,436
Brian, I think we can get
John Mayer to stop
tweeting again,
283
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:07,770
but we all got to work together.
284
00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:09,472
Oh, my God!
Are you drunk again?
285
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:12,564
Yeah, I was just hanging out
with my main man, Peter.
286
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:15,300
"Main man"?
"Hanging out"?
287
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:17,435
Brian, he's only
using you to buy alcohol!
288
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:20,037
What? What are...
What are you,
what are you talking about?
289
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:22,952
It hasn't dawned on you
that he only started
spending time with you
290
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:24,420
when the drinking age
was raised?
291
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,244
Come on, that's,
that's not true.
292
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:30,848
Ah, shoot, I puked in
the clean dishes' side.
293
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:33,129
Trust me, as soon
as you're no longer
of use to him,
294
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,230
he'll be done with you.
295
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,453
Oh, I get it, I get it.
296
00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:37,021
Okay, you're...
297
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,168
You're jealous
'cause I'm spending
all my time with Peter.
298
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,570
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, right.
299
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:43,261
Yeah, where's my dumb,
morbidly obese friend?
300
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:44,907
Hey, Stewie, get in here!
301
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,432
I'm being an '80s
computer hacker!
302
00:12:47,501 --> 00:12:50,468
Come on, baby,
show me what you got.
303
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:52,670
And we are in!
304
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:53,939
All right, I'd better go.
305
00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:56,790
I got to go tell him
"This isn't a game, man."
306
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,792
Brian, do you have
any idea why Peter
307
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,672
was trying to climb
in the dishwasher?
308
00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,875
I thought it was
a Tokyo apartment.
309
00:13:02,899 --> 00:13:06,334
Sorry, Lois, we...
I guess we had a little
too much to drink.
310
00:13:06,403 --> 00:13:09,270
"To drink"?
It's against the law
for him to do that!
311
00:13:09,339 --> 00:13:10,771
Was Stewie in here?
312
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,508
Was he in here?
I smell his cologne.
313
00:13:13,576 --> 00:13:16,144
Listen to me, Brian.
No more booze in this house.
314
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,312
You're gonna get us
all in trouble.
315
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:22,183
Peter, maybe we should find
someplace else to drink.
316
00:13:22,252 --> 00:13:23,951
Yeah, I think you're right.
317
00:13:25,321 --> 00:13:27,755
Hi, we're here
from the '80s FBI.
318
00:13:27,823 --> 00:13:32,159
Somebody here
with a 2,400-baud modem
almost started World War III.
319
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,948
Oh, sounds like
they're making an escape.
320
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,729
Hey, you want to
see me run up that slide?
321
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:41,785
Sure.
322
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:48,559
Oh, damn it! I think my
belt buckle cut my gut!
323
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,962
Hey, Peter,
can I ask you something?
324
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:52,441
You're not just
hanging out with me
325
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,799
because I can
buy you alcohol, right?
326
00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:57,046
What? 'Course not.
We're friends.
327
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,253
Yeah, no, I know.
That's what I thought.
328
00:13:59,322 --> 00:14:01,250
And also you bring me
dead birds.
329
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:02,751
I know Lois gets mad about it,
330
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:04,854
but I like using them
to point at things.
331
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,138
Hey, did they move the bagels?
332
00:14:06,162 --> 00:14:07,206
Yeah, they're right there.
333
00:14:07,230 --> 00:14:09,074
Oh, my God!
What the hell is that?
334
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:11,732
This? This is
a pointing bird.
335
00:14:11,801 --> 00:14:13,345
All right, I just saw
a sprinkler come on,
336
00:14:13,369 --> 00:14:15,289
so I'm gonna go
bite at the water
a little bit.
337
00:14:17,540 --> 00:14:18,872
Hey, what's going on here?
338
00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:21,542
Ah, some butthorn's
shining a flashlight on me.
339
00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:24,290
I meant
prior to me coming up
and investigating this.
340
00:14:24,314 --> 00:14:26,213
Well, you got to be
clearer, man. I'm wasted.
341
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:29,482
Sir, I'm gonna
need to see some I.D.
You look underage.
342
00:14:30,053 --> 00:14:31,863
Just as I suspected.
You're a minor.
343
00:14:31,887 --> 00:14:33,287
It ain't my fault!
344
00:14:33,356 --> 00:14:35,034
Somebody's been
buying it for me
and all my friends!
345
00:14:35,058 --> 00:14:36,101
Oh, is that right?
346
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:37,403
Well, you better
tell me who that is
347
00:14:37,427 --> 00:14:38,687
or you're in a lot of trouble.
348
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:40,662
Hey, is this the park
where Boner died?
349
00:14:40,730 --> 00:14:42,229
Wait, what's going on?
350
00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:44,376
That's him, Officer!
That's who's been
buying us the booze!
351
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,400
What?
You get home, son.
352
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:48,213
You're lucky
I'm letting you off
with a warning.
353
00:14:48,237 --> 00:14:49,581
But you, you're coming with me.
354
00:14:49,605 --> 00:14:51,705
You got to be kidding!
Do you need a ride?
355
00:14:51,774 --> 00:14:54,086
I'm just gonna stay here
until the sun comes up
356
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:56,171
and then be the best
at tetherball.
357
00:14:58,831 --> 00:14:59,831
Next!
358
00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:08,505
What are you in for?
359
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,020
I bought some
alcohol for someone
I thought was my friend.
360
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,610
How about you?
361
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:15,212
I threw a bottle of rum
through the window
of the Apple Store.
362
00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:17,949
I couldn't remember me password.
363
00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:20,117
Well, this sucks.
Oh, it's not so bad.
364
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:23,220
Sometimes they let you take
the good trash home
if you ask nice.
365
00:15:23,289 --> 00:15:25,456
Last week,
I got an old greeting card.
366
00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:28,659
It obviously wasn't for me,
but the imagination's
a hell of a thing.
367
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:31,941
Hey, Brian,
what time you get off?
368
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:34,342
Me and the guys
were hoping you could
buy us some more beer.
369
00:15:34,366 --> 00:15:35,399
You can't be serious.
370
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:36,701
It's a little bit serious.
371
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,480
Yeah, I haven't
been drunk in a day
372
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:40,115
and I'm not feeling
particularly handsome.
373
00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:41,689
Peter, you're the reason
I'm here!
374
00:15:41,758 --> 00:15:43,491
You totally sold me out
to that cop!
375
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,554
Oh, are we just gonna
play the blame game?
376
00:15:45,578 --> 00:15:47,522
'Cause I got another
game I'd rather play.
377
00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:48,813
Boggle.
378
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:51,598
Go to hell! You used me.
That's not what friends do.
379
00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:53,412
It's what Adam Sandler's
friends do.
380
00:15:53,436 --> 00:15:55,676
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I've got a half a can
381
00:15:55,704 --> 00:15:57,516
of hot beer left
in this open container
382
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,351
I've been driving around with.
383
00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:06,197
You, too, pig.
384
00:16:06,249 --> 00:16:08,293
Well, I'm not
the smartest man
in the world,
385
00:16:08,317 --> 00:16:11,753
but I can always
look back on my life
and say I went for it.
386
00:16:11,821 --> 00:16:14,666
Ugh! This seems
like a weird place
to even use a condom.
387
00:16:14,690 --> 00:16:16,758
Just shut up, Peter.
I'm done with you,
all right?
388
00:16:16,826 --> 00:16:18,938
You completely lied
about why you were
hanging out with me.
389
00:16:18,962 --> 00:16:20,294
What? I never lie.
390
00:16:20,363 --> 00:16:22,930
Well, except for that one time.
391
00:16:22,999 --> 00:16:25,343
Oh, my God!
My husband's having
a heart attack!
392
00:16:25,367 --> 00:16:27,568
Is anyone here a doctor?
393
00:16:27,637 --> 00:16:29,570
I have a 13-inch penis!
394
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:34,520
And besides,
I'm sick of you acting
like you're such a victim.
395
00:16:34,544 --> 00:16:35,788
You agreed to buy us booze,
396
00:16:35,812 --> 00:16:36,922
'cause we weren't old enough.
397
00:16:36,946 --> 00:16:38,111
You're not old enough?
398
00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:39,747
You're a man in his 40s!
399
00:16:39,816 --> 00:16:41,515
This whole law is ridiculous!
400
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,283
Hey, can one
of you guys with elbows
401
00:16:43,352 --> 00:16:44,785
try to get this truck to honk?
402
00:16:47,623 --> 00:16:52,876
Ah! That and giving noogies
is what I miss most about
having elbows.
403
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:55,324
You know, Brian,
what you said
is right.
404
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,580
This law is stupid.
405
00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:57,726
I mean, if it weren't for that,
406
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:58,978
we never would've
been in this fight.
407
00:16:59,002 --> 00:17:00,867
Yeah, but what difference
does it make?
408
00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:02,686
It's the law.
Nothing we can do about it.
409
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,371
The hell there's not.
410
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:07,219
I bet if we worked together
we could find a way
to change it back.
411
00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:08,876
I don't know, Peter.
412
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,323
Come on,
I know it seems hard,
we can't just give up.
413
00:17:11,347 --> 00:17:13,575
I mean,
what if Thomas Edison
had given up?
414
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:15,861
Uh... What's that?
What's that thing
you're working on?
415
00:17:15,885 --> 00:17:17,696
Well, it's
a lightbulb and...
A lightbulb!
416
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,598
Lightbulb!
Yeah, I invented that.
417
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:22,723
Me! I'm Thomas Edison.
I invented the lightbulb.
418
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:23,902
What's it do?
419
00:17:23,926 --> 00:17:25,592
It lights up a room
using electrical...
420
00:17:25,662 --> 00:17:28,062
Lights up a room
using electrical stuff!
421
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:31,465
I was about to say that,
because I invented it!
422
00:17:31,534 --> 00:17:32,711
What are you working on?
423
00:17:32,735 --> 00:17:33,901
It's a phonograph...
424
00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:37,038
Phonograph! I knew that,
'cause I invented it.
425
00:17:37,106 --> 00:17:39,439
I'm Thomas Edison.
I rule!
426
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,477
Okay, Peter,
I know how we can
get the law changed.
427
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:49,778
I've been doing some research,
428
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,362
and it says here
that in eight months,
429
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,971
we can get
a non-binding proposition
on the ballot
430
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,960
as long as we get
4,000 signatures.
431
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,886
Ah, screw that,
we're going with plan B...
432
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,555
Threaten to kill
the mayor's nephew.
433
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,245
I love you, Dad!
434
00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:02,480
Peter, that's your son.
435
00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:05,198
Shut up, Brian!
He's hugging me!
436
00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:11,072
So, what exactly
is your plan, here?
437
00:18:11,140 --> 00:18:13,100
You'll see.
Just follow my lead.
438
00:18:14,711 --> 00:18:16,744
Ooh! Trick-or-treaters!
439
00:18:16,813 --> 00:18:18,323
Well, what do we have here?
440
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:21,816
A cowboy and a princess?
Uh...
441
00:18:21,884 --> 00:18:23,884
Yippee-ki-yay, Mr. Mayor.
442
00:18:23,953 --> 00:18:26,704
Oh! A Western princess!
443
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,351
All right, listen,
we want that
drinking law gone.
444
00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:32,187
And everybody knows
the best way to get
any law struck down
445
00:18:32,211 --> 00:18:33,956
is to get
the gays angry about it.
446
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,313
Bruce? Jeffrey?
447
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:38,382
That's right, Mr. Mayor!
I needs my Proseccos!
448
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,718
What are you talking about?
You're 52.
449
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,953
You said you was 39!
450
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,722
I was just trying
to get you in bed.
451
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,274
I thought we'd both
be dead by now.
452
00:18:47,342 --> 00:18:50,077
Crap. But come on,
you got to change that law!
453
00:18:50,146 --> 00:18:51,690
I mean, it's already
ruined a friendship
454
00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:53,225
with one of
the best guys I know!
455
00:18:53,249 --> 00:18:55,249
Adam, who's at the door?
456
00:18:55,318 --> 00:18:58,385
Oh, hi, Brian.
Hi, Peter.
457
00:18:58,454 --> 00:19:01,589
Wait a minute.
Is that... Is that wine?
458
00:19:01,657 --> 00:19:04,653
Yeah, Adam just
poured me a little
before dinner.
459
00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:06,010
Wow! You guys eat late.
460
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:07,344
No, Peter, don't you see?
461
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:08,745
Carol's underage, too!
462
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:11,198
The mayor just broke
his own law!
463
00:19:11,267 --> 00:19:13,367
Mmm. That's a good point.
464
00:19:13,436 --> 00:19:15,836
I guess I'll just
have to resign in scandal
465
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,783
while leaving the law intact.
466
00:19:17,807 --> 00:19:20,274
Or you could
just change the law.
467
00:19:20,342 --> 00:19:21,726
But it's a good law.
468
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:23,461
No, it ain't!
469
00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:26,275
Look, don't you understand
what drinking means
to us working stiffs?
470
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:27,876
It helps us forget about our day
471
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,346
and tell our children
we love 'em
with a straight face.
472
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:33,937
It allows gross uggos
to boof each other's
gross uggo parts.
473
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:36,907
And it gives people
the courage to sneak
onto their mayor's property
474
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:39,793
and blackmail him and eat
all his ripe tomatoes.
475
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:41,678
That was a croquet ball.
476
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:45,182
Ah, then could you point me
to the closest
nighttime dentist?
477
00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:48,252
So listen, Mr. Mayor,
what do you say
about that law?
478
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:50,499
All right, I'll repeal it.
479
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:53,443
But only
if you send me and Carol
a copy of that picture.
480
00:19:53,492 --> 00:19:56,159
We don't have a lot
of the two of us together.
481
00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:58,873
Brian, we did it!
We got him to change
the law!
482
00:19:58,897 --> 00:20:01,376
Just goes to show,
if anybody
wants a law changed,
483
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,851
they should just go
to their mayor's house.
484
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:07,804
Hey, I, uh...
I appreciate what you said
there about our friendship.
485
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,373
Well, to be honest, Brian,
486
00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:11,842
at first I did just
want you to buy us beer.
487
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:14,155
But then the more
we were hanging out,
488
00:20:14,179 --> 00:20:16,847
I remembered how much fun
we used to have together.
489
00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:18,393
I guess after all these years,
490
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:20,429
I started taking you
for granted.
491
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:22,464
But you're still my best friend.
492
00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:24,366
Even if I don't
always act like it.
493
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:28,793
I enjoyed
hanging out with you, too.
Thanks, Peter.
494
00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:30,806
Hey, on your way out,
could you put this
495
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,908
in my mailbox for the mailman?
496
00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:34,999
Uh, sure.
Put the flag up?
497
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,879
Of course put the flag up!
498
00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:38,903
Jeez, mail much?
499
00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:46,627
Well, Peter, I'm just happy
that you and Brian
500
00:20:46,695 --> 00:20:48,273
managed to get
that law repealed,
501
00:20:48,297 --> 00:20:49,808
and that you're finally
friends again.
502
00:20:49,832 --> 00:20:52,699
Me, too, Lois.
Good to have my
drinking buddy back.
503
00:20:52,768 --> 00:20:55,736
Yay! Everybody's happy!
504
00:20:55,804 --> 00:20:59,073
I love this family!
505
00:20:59,142 --> 00:21:02,192
I draped that over him.
He was just doing it
out in the open.
36799
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