Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,069 --> 00:00:04,603
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:08,007
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:11,543
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,846
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:18,117
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,552
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,154
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:24,956
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:28,560
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:34,969 --> 00:00:36,279
We now return to yet
11
00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:37,970
another Indiana Jones movie.
12
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:42,074
Snakes. Why did it
have to be snakes?
13
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:46,578
Elderly potheads.Why did it have tobe elderly potheads?
14
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,980
Is everyone warm in here?
Is it warm?
15
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,426
Brian, are you
feeling all right?
16
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:52,010
Yeah, I'm fine.
It just seems kind of...
17
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:54,519
Oh, my God!
18
00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:56,054
Oh, Lois, your dog threw up.
19
00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:58,101
Peter, Brian's clearly
not feeling well.
20
00:00:58,125 --> 00:00:59,703
You got to take him to the vet.
21
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:00,959
Unbelievable!
22
00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:03,194
Brian throws up once,
and you rush him to the vet.
23
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:05,030
I was throwing up
all night last night.
24
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:07,010
Good start.
Keep it up, Snack Pack.
25
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,078
That's funny...
26
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:11,480
Peter, you got to take him now!
27
00:01:11,504 --> 00:01:13,082
Lois, it's probably
just something I ate.
28
00:01:13,106 --> 00:01:14,372
I'm fine. Really.
29
00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:17,342
I got more energy than
a cruise ship conga line.
30
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:20,712
Horny on a big boat!
Horny on a big boat!
31
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:22,981
I'm very sick from lobster.
32
00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:29,655
Brian, your blood work shows
33
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:31,468
that your liver isn't
functioning properly.
34
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:33,091
Would you happen
to be a drinker?
35
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,794
Well, I don't know
if I'd label myself a drinker.
36
00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:37,840
I know I like a cold beer
after I mow the lawn.
37
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,977
There were three
lies in that sentence.
38
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:43,335
Brian, have you ever heard
of Lou Gehrig's disease?
39
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:44,547
Oh, no!
40
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:46,771
Well, you have
Mickey Mantle's disease.
41
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,307
Now, the most obvious step
42
00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:50,775
would simply be
to stop drinking.
43
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:51,977
Or?
44
00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:53,778
Well, we do have
these pills that may
45
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,525
correct the enzyme
imbalance in your liver.
46
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:56,592
Yeah, that one.
47
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:57,693
Okay, I'll be
in the waiting room
48
00:01:57,717 --> 00:01:59,717
barking at the fish in the tank.
49
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:00,919
All right, Mr. Griffin,
50
00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:02,732
these pills will clear
up Brian's condition.
51
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:03,788
But unfortunately,
52
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,857
they only come in
suppository form.
53
00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,059
Uh...
54
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,560
It means they
have to be inserted
55
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,162
into the patient's anus.
56
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:13,198
Oh, you're
a dirty doctor, aren't you?
57
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,567
Mr. Griffin, I'm not joking,
or a doctor.
58
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:17,380
Now, you'll need to
administer these pills,
59
00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:18,970
because no dog ever voluntarily
60
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:20,439
takes a suppository.
61
00:02:20,507 --> 00:02:22,040
Well, one in ten does.
62
00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:24,576
Oh, I know the one.
Brian's cousin Jasper.
63
00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:25,788
His bum looks like that guy
64
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,972
with 100 cigarettes
in his mouth.
65
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,624
Hey, Chris, I noticed
you were sitting alone.
66
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:39,924
You mind if I join you?
67
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,494
Sure. We both have hats.
Makes sense.
68
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:46,298
Oh, thanks.
Hey, can you check my back
for "kick me" signs?
69
00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,445
Oh, yeah, you got a couple.
70
00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:50,669
This one says
you're a "dirty kick."
71
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,837
That doesn't say "kick,"
but thanks,
72
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,939
I'll keep that
one for my lawsuit.
73
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,409
Boys, I got a new home gym.
74
00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,344
Why are you telling us that?
75
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,757
Just letting people know.
76
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:04,215
Don't want anyone
to get freaked out
by the transformation.
77
00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:06,029
I got to say,
it feels kind of weird
78
00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:07,764
having someone
join me for lunch.
79
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:09,287
Well, it's only natural, Chris.
80
00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:11,389
You and I are social exiles.
81
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:14,459
We're the Khaleesi
and Jorah Mormont
of this school.
82
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,839
Sure, I'll agree to keep
the conversation going.
83
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,831
Well, time to break out
my terrible Jewish bag lunch.
84
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,667
Let's see.
Smoked whitefish,
herring in cream sauce,
85
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:25,169
smoked sable,
that's a different
kind of whitefish.
86
00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:28,106
And for dessert,
the only bad
cookie in the world.
87
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:30,709
Hey, what's it like
buying food from school?
88
00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:32,789
It's good. I know
everyone back there,
89
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,724
so they let me
drink their corn water.
90
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:37,293
Boy, it's so great
having someone
I can talk to.
91
00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:38,817
I feel the same way, Chris.
92
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,185
I think you and I could
get along very nicely.
93
00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:44,790
Yeah. We'll be a better team
than the Warsaw Globetrotters.
94
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:47,492
♪ Dribble, dribble, dribble
Tuck in shirt
95
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,961
♪ Give to my friend
96
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,462
♪ Spin on finger
97
00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:55,033
♪ Two rotations
Dream about window
98
00:03:55,102 --> 00:04:00,372
♪ Put away basketball,go to workIn calcium mine ♪
99
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:06,790
All right,
Brian, it's time for you
100
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,513
to take one of these
pills from the vet.
101
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,826
Oh, yeah, right.
Can we do
what we normally do,
102
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:13,529
where you roll it up
in a piece of cheese
like you're fooling me?
103
00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:16,087
Yeah, I guess,
but then you're gonna
have cheese in your ass.
104
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:17,755
Wait, what?
105
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:19,969
Yeah, the doctor
said I got to give you
these pills the butt way.
106
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:22,027
No, no, no.
That is not happening.
107
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,007
No, no, no. I do not
go the butt way.
108
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,209
Look, I know it
sounds a little rough,
but why don't we start
109
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:29,134
with a gentle
massage of the area
and see how you feel?
110
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:30,601
Peter, get away from my ass!
111
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:33,405
Brian! No!
112
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:36,441
Huh. Guess I'm just gonna
have to take him by surprise.
113
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:39,989
Shouldn't be too hard.
After all, I used to
be a pete-in-the-box.
114
00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:54,192
Goes the weasel!
115
00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,208
All right, if I'm gonna
give Brian his medicine,
116
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,344
I should probably watch
that old episode of Lassie
117
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:03,902
where Timmy has
to give her a suppository.
118
00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:10,208
What's that, Lassie?
You feel sick?
119
00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:12,243
What's wrong, girl?
120
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,714
A supposi-what?
121
00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:17,315
What am I supposed
to do with it?
122
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,485
Gosh. I...
123
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:23,354
Well, if you're in
that much pain, I guess.
124
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:24,989
Okay.
125
00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:33,498
You were lying?
You weren't feeling sick?
126
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:36,201
I don't understand.Why did youwant me to do this?
127
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:39,937
Well, I love you too,
but I don't know...
128
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:42,641
I have so many
confusing feelings!
129
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:47,445
What? He was
watching the whole time?
130
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:54,953
Kids, everybody, family meeting!
131
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,221
There's too much
passing gas in this house.
132
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,257
So from now on,
anytime you got to cut one,
133
00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:01,938
you pull your pants down
and you do it
through this fart hole.
134
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:03,428
Are you insane?
135
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,575
Lois, it's okay,
it's all a trick.
136
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,477
As soon as Brian does it,
I'm gonna be on
the other side,
137
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:09,178
and I'll stick
the suppository in.
138
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:12,837
No. Absolutely not.
I am not living like this.
139
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:16,241
You think Morgan Fairchild
has a fart hole in her house?
140
00:06:16,310 --> 00:06:18,876
Morgan, the coq au vin
is divine.
141
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:21,879
But so rich.
Will you excuse me?
142
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,687
Where do our Hollywood farts go?
143
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:32,057
I've heard they're filtered
into Tom Sizemore's house.
144
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,329
Ah, Morgan.
145
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,370
Hey, no, no, Brian.
No, no. You win. You win.
146
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:48,039
I quit. It's your liver.
You do whatever you want.
147
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,242
Well, thank you.
Yes, it is my liver,
148
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:51,909
and I don't want
to take that pill.
149
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:53,545
Fine. We're both
in agreement.
150
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,191
So let's just both watch TV.
151
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,326
And nothing else.
152
00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:57,449
Sounds good to me.
153
00:06:57,517 --> 00:06:59,662
I'm glad you think
it sounds good.
154
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,688
It's nice to watch TV
155
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,235
when you have
nothing else to do,
isn't it?
156
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:06,625
Yeah.
157
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:08,371
Get over here, you idiot!
Peter! What the hell?
158
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:09,572
I'm still in charge of you!
I'm a human!
159
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,895
Stop it! Get away from me!
160
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,609
This is for your benefit,
so just go limp and take it!
161
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,473
You touch my ass,
I swear to God I'll kill you!
162
00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:22,773
What the hell?
You, you bit me!
163
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,442
You're damn right I did!
164
00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:26,322
And I'll do it
again if you don't stay
the hell away from my ass!
165
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,258
But, Brian, the vet said...
166
00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:33,451
Wow, where did that come from?
God, that was so intense.
167
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,054
I feel more powerful
than a lesbian's crotch.
168
00:07:37,824 --> 00:07:40,057
Ooh, sorry, ma'am,
we don't valet motorcycles.
169
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,626
Heh. Don't need to.
170
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,773
Lois, can you pour my juice?
I can't lift my arm.
171
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:56,975
I still can't
believe Brian bit you.
172
00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,755
It just doesn't seem like him.
173
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,556
Oh, yeah, 'cause
you know him so well.
174
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,013
Shut your face.
175
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,451
Oh, uh...
176
00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:08,386
Hey, Brian.
177
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:10,922
Get out of that chair.
Leave the eggs.
178
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,256
But this is my breakfast.
179
00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:22,299
Honey, when did
Peter Griffin
take up jogging?
180
00:08:22,368 --> 00:08:23,835
I don't know, dear.
181
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:26,938
By the way,
we're the couple who lives
a few blocks away.
182
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,058
We now return to
183
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:37,682
an '80s teen movie at
a realistic high school.
184
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,871
You're going down
at that karate tournament.
185
00:08:39,919 --> 00:08:41,352
I don't think so.
186
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:44,489
You guys do karate?
You're both fuckin' losers.
187
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:47,458
Uh, morning, sir.
188
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,961
So, Peter, I assume
if you're watching TV,
189
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,141
that means you already
did all my chores?
190
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,431
I sure did, sure did.
191
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,444
I scared off the mailman,
threatened Quagmire's cat,
192
00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,669
and I even took
your bath for you.
193
00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:59,777
Now, I'm just gonna
reach for the shampoo.
194
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,238
No jumping out.
195
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:07,479
He's got Rupert!
196
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,281
Hey, drop it.
Drop it. Drop it.
197
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,828
All right, I need you
to buy a birthday present
for my friend Jeff.
198
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:14,997
He likes
the Packers
and surfing.
199
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:18,956
Enough is enough, Peter.
The dog's not in
charge of this house.
200
00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:21,770
First thing tomorrow,
I'm taking Brian
to obedience school
201
00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:23,961
so we can get him
back under control.
202
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,430
You know,
sending him to school
wouldn't be the worst idea.
203
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:29,834
He might even enjoy it.
I know I had
a blast in college.
204
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,970
Man, I love college.
So many chicks,
so many parties.
205
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:34,617
Yeah, totally.
206
00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:35,951
I'm supposed
to meet the R.A.
207
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:37,687
for coffee later
in the common room,
208
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:39,088
but until then,
I'm just gonna walk around
209
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,312
with my shower caddy
210
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,714
and see what people wrote
on their whiteboards.
211
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:50,187
Uh, before I touch anything,
is this a nut-free counter?
212
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:53,924
I don't know.
My dad's might have been
on there this morning.
213
00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:55,960
Oh, hey, Meg.
I saw you stomp
214
00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:58,195
that pigeon today
with your bare foot.
215
00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,930
Pretty powerful stuff.
216
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:02,444
Thanks.
I don't like losing
any part of my lunch.
217
00:10:02,468 --> 00:10:05,014
Look, I'd love to
stay and talk, Neil,
but I have homework,
218
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,198
and there was no toilet paper
in the girls' bathroom.
219
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,975
Well, while you freshen up,
maybe I could help
you get a head start
220
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,175
on that homework.
221
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:14,278
You'd do that?
Wow, that'd be great!
222
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:17,482
Wait, Neil,
I thought you and I were
gonna go find unlocked cars
223
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:19,017
and pretend we're driving them.
224
00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:22,219
Sorry, Chris.
Booty calls.
225
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:25,890
What was that all about?
Well, I guess I have
to do it by myself.
226
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:30,962
Boy, this light
is taking forever!
227
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:32,997
Please, get out.
228
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,966
I never drive this car.
My wife died in it.
229
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:43,241
Listen up, maggots!
230
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,876
You're in my house now!
231
00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:46,444
There are no
belly scratches here!
232
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:47,778
There are no table scraps!
233
00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:49,680
What we have here are good dogs!
234
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:52,350
No bandana-wearing,
Frisbee-catching
hippie dogs!
235
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:55,139
No parking lot,
hind-leg-dancing
YouTube dogs!
236
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:58,690
No crime solving,
camera mugging
Scooby-Dooby dogs!
237
00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:00,124
Oh, no Scooby-Doo, huh?
238
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,761
Oh, it seems we
got us a comedy dog.
239
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,262
Are you Kathy Griffin?
240
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:08,110
'Cause I ain't laughing.
So maybe you
are Kathy Griffin.
241
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:09,545
Or maybe you're that comedy dog
242
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,836
with Robert Smigel's hand
up your backside.
243
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,883
Well, let me
tell you something,
comedy dog.
244
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,751
You're here for me to poop on!
245
00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:17,419
All right, first of all,
it seems like you have
246
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:19,410
a lot of opinions
about a lot of comedians.
247
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,913
- And second of all...
- That hurts!
248
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:24,827
That's right.
Silent and terrible,
like The Artist.
249
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,495
I watch a lot of TV and movies.
250
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,020
I am your media-savvy
worst nightmare!
251
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:32,123
Now, down on all fours
like the rest of them!
252
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:34,692
That's right, we got ways
to break your spirit!
253
00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:38,963
In fact, you seem
like a prime candidate
for the chair.
254
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,078
Honey, did you
hear a dog scream?
255
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,580
Yes, I did, dear.
256
00:11:55,649 --> 00:11:58,749
Our summer cabin is near
the obedience school.
257
00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:05,034
Move along. Got to
keep the hallway clear.
258
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,224
This isn't
because of my divorce.
259
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:10,127
Good for him.
He actually followed through.
260
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:15,066
What the hell? Again?
261
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:16,901
Thanks for doing
my book report, Neil.
262
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,915
And I didn't
even have to change
the handwriting,
263
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:20,305
'cause you write like a girl.
264
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:22,106
You should see me throw.
265
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:25,810
Listen, Meg, would you want
to go to a movie sometime?
266
00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:29,113
You know what?
I'd like that.
It's a date.
267
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,783
Okay, well, I'll, uh,
see you later.
268
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:35,419
Home Ec just got out.
I'm gonna go lick
all their bowls.
269
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:37,188
Hey, Neil.
270
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,990
Oh, hey, Chris.
271
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:42,126
You sure are
spending a lot of time
with my sister lately.
272
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,028
You know,
if I didn't know better,
273
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,830
I'd think that fish are ghosts.
274
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:49,667
And I'd also think
you're putting
the moves on Meg.
275
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:53,404
Listen, Chris,
you're my friend,
so I have to confess.
276
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,050
My sitting with you at lunch
277
00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:56,974
was part of
a carefully laid-out plan
278
00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:58,654
to get close to your sister.
279
00:12:58,678 --> 00:12:59,711
What?
280
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,523
Look, I know it sounds terrible.
281
00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:03,747
But still, we've had
some good times together.
282
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,550
We even got Sean Penn
to dress up as my dad.
283
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:12,090
Go away! I never want
to talk to you again!
284
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,126
God, I should have known it.
285
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:19,230
I feel more betrayed
than when I thought
that lawyer was gonna propose.
286
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,865
So you did commit the murder?
287
00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:22,400
Uh-huh.
288
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,602
And you admit it here
in front of everyone?
289
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,204
Uh-huh.
290
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:28,673
No further questions,
Your Honor.
291
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:31,008
Wait. No further questions?
292
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:35,046
Motion to have
the last eight years
stricken from the record!
293
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,890
Hey, Brian, you're back!
Come on in!
294
00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:50,094
Inside?
Are you sure?
295
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,441
Yeah, what do you think,
I'm gonna make you
stay in the yard?
296
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:53,864
Get in here.
297
00:13:56,002 --> 00:14:00,538
Sir, if it takes
the rest of my life,
I will repay you.
298
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:01,784
Who's this puss?
299
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,085
Oh, no, no, no, I'm not a cat.
300
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:05,443
I'm a dog.
I'm your pet.
301
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,512
And I'm just happy to be here.
302
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,525
Brian, what did they
do to you at that school?
303
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,482
You're so submissive.
304
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:14,063
Yes, looks like
someone's gone at him
with a whip.
305
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:17,922
That is a perfectly
valid way of saying that.
Bravo, Master.
306
00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:19,090
Master?
307
00:14:19,158 --> 00:14:22,793
And a surprisingly
quick erection for Stewie.
308
00:14:29,902 --> 00:14:32,402
There you go.
You look very dapper, sir.
309
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:34,972
Thanks, Brian.
God, I love the new you.
310
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,653
That obedience school
really schooled you
in obedience.
311
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,322
That's why it's called that!
312
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:43,047
Permission to take fast,
tiny bites of
my own tail, sir?
313
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:44,214
Granted.
314
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:48,653
You're wearing a bow tie?
What's the occasion?
315
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:52,123
No occasion, Lois.
I just want to piss
a couple of guys off.
316
00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:53,457
What the hell are you doing?
317
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:54,770
You think you're better than us?
318
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:57,128
No way you tied
that on your own.
319
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:04,535
I'm glad we got here early.
I like to watch the previews.
320
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:08,039
Yeah, and also
the friendly warning
about theater shootings.
321
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:12,243
♪ Don't get shot by a bullet
322
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:15,045
♪ Don't get shot by a bullet
323
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,848
♪ Keep your wits about you
324
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,951
♪ This place used to be fun! ♪
325
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:22,787
You know, this is nice.
326
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,432
It's actually the first time
I've been on a date
327
00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:26,190
since I got
the nickname Gutterball.
328
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:29,093
It is nice.
Here, hold still.
329
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:31,929
Make a wish.
330
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:34,999
What did you wish for?
331
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:36,100
This.
332
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:40,871
You used me
333
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,174
just so you could
date my sister!
334
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,042
Oh, my God! Chris?
335
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,711
I'm so sorry!
What have I done?
336
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,314
Oh, crap.
337
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:53,051
Okay, Dad, you got us in.
Now just go.
338
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:00,803
Cleveland, what are
you looking at?
339
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:03,761
I'm on edge.
Saw Halloween II last night.
340
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:06,497
Brian, go outside.
Keep guard for Michael Myers.
341
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:09,066
If he seem like he dead,
he ain't dead!
342
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:12,180
Boy, Peter, seems like
that obedience school
did wonders for Brian.
343
00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:14,872
Ah, yeah, it's great.
He'll do anything
I tell him to now.
344
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:16,741
Maybe I should send Bonnie.
345
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:24,248
Oh, my!
346
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,329
All right, somebody
say something else.
347
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:30,053
No. You need to
know what you did.
348
00:16:34,226 --> 00:16:36,561
Hey, Brian,
you know what we should do?
349
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,030
Let's, you and me,
go pee in Meg's bed.
350
00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:40,832
That's always fun.
351
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:44,235
- Pee in her bed?
- I could never do that.
352
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:45,981
That'd be peeing
in the house, and that's,
353
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,349
that's bad dog stuff.
354
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:48,984
That's not good dog stuff!
355
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,475
Wait. What?
What are you talking about?
356
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,878
Forgive me for
speaking out of turn, sir,
357
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:56,391
but you sent me
to that school
to change me.
358
00:16:56,415 --> 00:17:00,117
It was your turn, wasn't it?
First, I went, and you went?
359
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,396
We best get you to bed, sir.
360
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:03,020
Oh, come on, Brian.
361
00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:06,290
It's still early.
Let's go throw potatoes
at Cleveland's house.
362
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,403
You go ahead.
I've got to go
make the waffle fries
363
00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:11,473
that you
scream-requested
in the car.
364
00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:13,664
Geez, what the hell
happened to him?
365
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:17,234
We used to be so close,
but now we seem so different.
366
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:21,272
Like a whale and
his developmentally
disabled brother.
367
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:28,112
Hi, guys!
368
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:30,848
Get in my mouth,
you hundreds of fish.
369
00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:38,523
A record crowd of 65 people
370
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,691
turned out for
Free Jerky Stick Night.
371
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,737
Hey, that sounds
pretty good to me.
372
00:17:42,761 --> 00:17:44,106
Traffic on 146 is backed up
373
00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:45,674
all the way to
Mineral Spring Avenue...
374
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:49,300
What do you want, Neil?
And why are you
playing the news?
375
00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:50,802
Oh, it's an old boom box.
376
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:52,203
I don't own any cassettes,
377
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,383
so I just have to play
whatever's on the radio.
378
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,340
Shouldn't you be out with Meg?
379
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,709
Look, Chris,
I'm sorry I lied to you,
380
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:01,012
but I'd still
like to be friends,
381
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,081
and I hope... I'm sorry.
I have to put
the boom box down.
382
00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:06,417
The D batteries
make it very heavy.
383
00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:09,398
Neil! There you are!
What the hell
is your problem?
384
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:12,923
I finally give you a shot,
and you abandon me
in a movie theater?
385
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:24,768
I'm sorry, Meg,
but my friendship
with Chris is more important.
386
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:27,437
You're a jerk, Neil!
387
00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:30,908
So what do you say, Chris?
Can we hang out again?
388
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:33,444
Yeah. I'd like that, Neil.
389
00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:35,513
Great. See you tomorrow.
390
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,923
This is 'cause I'm drunk!
391
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,025
Move out, Irish trash!
392
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:55,711
Hey, Lois,
you noticed ever since
393
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,412
Brian came back
from obedience school
394
00:18:57,436 --> 00:18:58,636
that things have been weird?
395
00:18:58,671 --> 00:18:59,871
What do you mean?
396
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:01,650
Well, he just lets
me order him around,
397
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:04,586
and he never wants
to do fun stuff
together like before.
398
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:06,521
I mean, the thing I
always loved about Brian
399
00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:08,779
was that he wasn't just a pet.
400
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:12,482
He was a friend.
And I miss that friend.
401
00:19:12,551 --> 00:19:15,452
I think we just
have to accept that
this is how he is now.
402
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:17,487
Don't forget, he bit you, Peter.
403
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:19,089
I mean, what if he bit Stewie?
404
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,103
How about you bite me, bitch?
405
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:24,695
Wait a minute.
You're right! He bit me!
406
00:19:24,763 --> 00:19:26,330
I know what I got to do.
407
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,711
I'm sorry.
Was that too harsh?
408
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,975
It sounded more
playful in my head.
409
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:40,644
I'm sorry, Brian,
410
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,793
but I'm doing this in
the name of friendship.
411
00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:52,390
Ah, damn it!
What the hell, Peter?
Oh, my God.
412
00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:55,159
Oh, my God, I bit you!
I'm so sorry, sir!
413
00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:58,240
No, no, no, it's okay!
It's okay!
Don't you see, Brian?
414
00:19:58,264 --> 00:20:01,476
That's the appropriate
response if anyone
gets near your anus.
415
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,968
Look, we were wrong
to try to change you.
416
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:06,048
I just want the old you back.
417
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:09,306
You do?
But I was a bad dog.
418
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,620
I know, but that's
what I liked about you,
you know?
419
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,389
You were fun, we got
into trouble together,
we got...
420
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,558
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
I just rubbed my eye
with this finger.
421
00:20:16,582 --> 00:20:17,848
Am I gonna be okay?
422
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,877
Am I gonna be okay?
Wait, how do you get pink eye?
423
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:21,563
Oh, God, this has got to be it.
424
00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:24,855
Peter, I want things back
the way they were, too.
425
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,390
That's what I want!
426
00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:28,659
Look, I'm really sorry
I bit you.
427
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:32,896
Oh, forget all that.
I'm just happy to
have my best friend back.
428
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,665
I missed you, Brian.
429
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:38,435
I've missed you, too, Peter.
430
00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:40,271
Welcome back, buddy.
431
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:51,826
And, now,
I'm gonna go upstairs
and pee in Meg's bed.
432
00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:55,051
No. We're gonna go
pee in Meg's bed.
433
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,120
Good boy.
434
00:20:58,023 --> 00:20:59,523
Hey, what's up?
435
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:02,472
I didn't know we
could do finger stuff
in the public rooms.
33835
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
