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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:08,073
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:11,643
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:14,946
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:18,250
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:21,620
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,154
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:24,956
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:29,928
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,312
We now return to
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00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:38,103
Top Chef:
Looney Tunes Edition.
12
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:41,072
Okay, Chef Fudd,I was a little disappointedin you this week.
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Your dish was just a live rabbit
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00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,488
who thought he
was taking a bath.
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00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,711
But I used carrots and celery.
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00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:49,948
Yes. I saw he wasscrubbing his backwith a long celery stalk.
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00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:51,894
Chef Sylvester,
on the other hand,
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00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:55,098
I'm happy to sayyour sufferin' succotashwas absolutely delicious.
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00:00:55,122 --> 00:00:56,354
Thanks.
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00:00:57,858 --> 00:00:59,958
Hello? Oh, hi, Bonnie.
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00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:02,827
No, I'm not doing anything.
Just sitting
here with the baby.
22
00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:05,063
Fuck you, too. Oh, hey, Bri.
23
00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:07,244
Hey, you want to go out
and get some
gluten-free pizza?
24
00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:08,600
I'm gluten-free now.
25
00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:10,247
But, you know,
I'm not gonna be
annoying about it.
26
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:11,348
Too late.
27
00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:13,071
Oh, we should be
gluten-free together!
28
00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:16,141
Let's go to Whole Foods
and buy a bunch of stuff
from that weird aisle
29
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:17,475
nobody else goes down.
30
00:01:17,544 --> 00:01:19,389
I can't. I got plans.
I'll see you later.
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00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,947
Oh, sure.
Maybe another time.
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00:01:22,016 --> 00:01:25,384
I didn't seem
too desperate, right?
Don't answer.
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00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:27,497
It's just that Brian's
been so distant lately,
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00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:28,932
and we used to be inseparable,
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00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,522
like Jack and Jill.
36
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:33,157
Well, so then Jack takes these
two pails of water and trips,
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00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:34,993
and totally falls down the hill.
38
00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:38,597
Yeah.
Hey, I got a funny story.
39
00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:40,832
Jill had a tooth fall out,
and she swallowed it,
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00:01:40,901 --> 00:01:44,268
and then we had to
root through her feces
to find it. And we did.
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00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:45,748
And then we took it
to the dentist,
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00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,083
and he put it back in her mouth.
43
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,740
So I guess we're
both klutzes, huh?
44
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:51,209
Why don't you
spin another tale,
crap-tooth? No?
45
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:54,446
My turn again?
Okay. Jill's barren.
46
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:02,599
Good afternoon.
I'm Tom Tucker.
47
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:06,692
Some sad news this morningas 38 schoolchildrendrowned when their...
48
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:09,728
Excuse me.
49
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:12,677
When their school bus hita patch of iceand drove off a...
50
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:16,112
What is wrong with me today?
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00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,769
And drove off a local bridge.
52
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:21,206
And now the viralvideo of the week,with over seven million views.
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00:02:21,274 --> 00:02:23,152
For those of you who loved
Screaming Sheep,
54
00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:25,010
we've got Opera Penguin.
55
00:02:30,116 --> 00:02:33,951
Is that it?
Is he gonna do it again? No?
56
00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:36,988
Okay, so just
normal penguin stuff now.
57
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:38,590
Okay, cut back to me.
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00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,593
You can't?
The button broke off?
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00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:45,129
All right, well,a U.S. convoy was ambushedin Kabul this morning,
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00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:47,811
so now we're going to havea moment of silencein remembrance...
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00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,536
He does do it again.
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00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:54,239
That could be my
favorite thing I ever seen.
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00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:56,742
What is a penguin?
Is it some kind of bug?
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00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,243
What? You serious?
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00:02:58,312 --> 00:02:59,478
So it is a bug?
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00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:01,023
Hey, you know,
that's what we ought to do.
67
00:03:01,047 --> 00:03:02,892
We ought to
make a viral video.
All right!
68
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:04,494
Let's do it!
Awesome!
69
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,329
Oh, wait, I don't know if
you're gonna be in it, Joe.
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00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:10,021
I thought, while we filmed,
we'd just keep all of
our stuff on your lap.
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00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:14,826
What the hell are you doing?
72
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:17,362
I saw a scary boy doing this,
and I thought I'd try it.
73
00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:18,730
All right, have fun. I'm late.
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00:03:18,798 --> 00:03:19,998
Late?
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00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:21,611
But I thought
you and I could hang out
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00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,113
and maybe watch Lois shush Peter
77
00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:25,303
while they watch Nashville.
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00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,850
Which girl is called Nashville?
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00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,606
Shush, Peter.
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00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:30,842
Maybe another time, Stewie.
81
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,378
There he goes again.
He's being so standoffish.
82
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,512
I don't understand.
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00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:43,722
Oh, we used to be that happy.
Wait a minute.
84
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:47,225
Joe and Bonnie never
used to spend time together
until they had Susie.
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00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:50,362
Having a baby seems to have
made them closer.
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00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:52,797
Babies save relationships!
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00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,835
Oh, look at you.
You're flying!
88
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,905
Okay, thanks, Bonnie.
Next I want to ride a bike.
89
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:01,506
That's it, Rupert!
90
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,986
That's how Brian
and I are going to
improve our relationship.
91
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:05,544
We're going to have a baby!
92
00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:09,147
I say, this is my best idea
since I robbed
a Joseph A. Bank.
93
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:14,586
Three suits for 99 bucks?
Take me to jail!
94
00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:21,592
All right.
I want tonight to be perfect.
95
00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:23,173
I'm gonna lay it
all out for Brian
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00:04:23,197 --> 00:04:25,263
why we should
have a baby together.
97
00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:27,076
I don't know.
I haven't even
thought about that.
98
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,212
Why are you so obsessed
with circumcision?
99
00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:31,269
Oh, hey, look. You made
a little dinner party.
100
00:04:31,338 --> 00:04:33,058
Hi, Rupert.
He won't be joining us.
101
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,339
Get up!
102
00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:35,673
Please, sit.
103
00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:37,608
You, uh, okay?
104
00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:40,345
I'm terrific. And that is
so sweet of you to ask.
105
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:43,413
You really are
a natural caregiver,
aren't you?
106
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,184
Mmm, mmm.
107
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:47,319
Do you mind not texting?
108
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:50,522
Sorry, sorry.
Just finishing right now.
Almost done.
109
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:54,959
There.
All finished, right...
Now.
110
00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:58,263
There.
111
00:04:58,332 --> 00:05:00,832
Thanks. So, I wanted
to talk to you about...
112
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:02,011
Are you just gonna
leave it on the table?
113
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:03,101
I won't look at it.
114
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,314
Great. So, I wanted to...
115
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,178
You're looking at it.
Sorry. Work.
116
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:08,184
It's not work.
It'll just take a second.
117
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,528
I normally wouldn't do this,
118
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:10,920
but I was already kind of
in the middle of something,
119
00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:12,544
and I just need
to quickly respond,
120
00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:16,581
and there, I am finished.
121
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:19,717
Ah, yeah.
122
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:23,921
Okay, just a few more words...
And...
123
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,590
Done. Sorry.
124
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,737
Okay, so...
125
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,005
Nah, nah, I'm not gonna get it.
126
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,007
Then maybe we can
take it off the table.
127
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,231
All right, just keep going.
128
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,812
I was thinking,
we should talk
about having a...
129
00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:39,571
This isn't fun for me,
watching you text.
130
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,007
No, no, this is great.
Mmm, mmm. Yum.
131
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:45,009
But I got to go.
I have a date.
132
00:05:45,079 --> 00:05:47,245
This is serious, Rupert.
I'm losing him.
133
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,225
If we're going to
fix this relationship,
134
00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:51,349
we need a baby
and we need it now.
135
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:57,233
I'm just going to take
a little bit of his DNA,
136
00:05:57,257 --> 00:06:01,426
and soon we'll
be proud parents,
like Ron Livingston's parents.
137
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,039
You know,
our son's a famous actor.
138
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,574
Really?
What's his name?
139
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,365
Um...
140
00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:07,999
He's, uh...
141
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,402
He was, like,
the main guy
in Office Space.
142
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:14,072
Yeah. What else?
Uh, he has dark hair.
143
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:16,375
I don't know,
was he in Black Hawk Down?
144
00:06:16,443 --> 00:06:19,083
He was in, like,
at least five
Sex in the Cities.
145
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:21,646
What is his name?
What is his name?
146
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,793
Is your son Ron Livingston?
147
00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:25,851
Yes!
Oh, God! Thank God!
148
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:29,588
Ron Livingston! Thank you!
That has been
bugging me all day.
149
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:35,359
Okay, let's see.
150
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:38,997
Now, what are the ingredients
to a viral Internet video?
151
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,010
Cats.
Yes, cats. Good.
152
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:43,402
Uh, people reacting
to watching gross stuff.
153
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:45,948
Oh, yeah.
'Cause they're like,
"Ugh, that's gross!"
154
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:47,839
Can I get a soda?
What?
155
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:50,720
No. This is, like,
the worst time
to ask for a soda.
156
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:51,944
Unbelievable.
157
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:53,823
You know what, we should
just go out and start filming.
158
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:55,958
'Cause I think
we're really gonna
surprise everyone.
159
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:59,417
Like Buster Keaton did
in his first talking picture.
160
00:06:59,486 --> 00:07:04,188
Here we go. I'm moving
through the scene
and I slam the door.
161
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:08,359
Oh, no! I slammed it too hard,
and the house is
gonna squash me!
162
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,530
Oh, it turned out
that window was there.
163
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,559
Pause for laugh and amazement.
164
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:23,141
All right, Rupert,
the fertilization
device is complete.
165
00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:25,309
This will impregnate me
with the child
166
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:28,179
that will bring Brian
and me back together!
167
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:30,682
First, I add Brian's
hair and saliva,
168
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:32,517
and some preschool applications,
169
00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:35,152
because we are
already way behind.
170
00:07:35,221 --> 00:07:37,667
There.
Now I just have to
get into the machine,
171
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:40,002
and then the machine does
whatever it has to do to me
172
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:42,159
in order to successfully
impregnate me.
173
00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:45,329
We do not judge the machine.
We do not judge Stewie.
174
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:49,467
Good-bye, body.
175
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,437
You're gonna
watch me get pregnant.
176
00:07:52,505 --> 00:07:54,305
I want to look at you
when it happens.
177
00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:57,942
Yeah, you watch me, bitch.
178
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,008
Good morning, Brian.
179
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,222
What is that?
I smell pee.
180
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:34,979
Yes, you do, Brian.
181
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,795
Oh, my God,
that thing's positive!
182
00:08:39,819 --> 00:08:41,185
Is Lois pregnant again?
183
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:42,553
No.
184
00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:43,855
Meg is pregnant?
185
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:45,757
You're getting warmer.
186
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:50,261
What... What have you done?
187
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,396
I think you mean,
what have we done?
188
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:53,664
What?
189
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:55,266
Brian, we're pregnant!
190
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:56,834
Oh, my God!
191
00:08:56,903 --> 00:09:00,104
And in 18 years,
he's going to move away!
192
00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:08,258
You're pregnant with our baby?
193
00:09:08,282 --> 00:09:09,925
How could this even happen?
194
00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:14,051
Simple. I took your DNA
and inserted it into
my temporary uterus
195
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,519
through my fertilization device.
196
00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:17,333
Oh, my God, you're serious!
197
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:20,992
People are gonna think
I had sex with a male baby
and then got him pregnant!
198
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,372
Oh, thank you
for finding a way to
make it sound horrible.
199
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,740
We can't have a baby, Stewie!
200
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:25,997
Is this about money?
201
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,967
Because I have a bit saved.
We could even use my old crib.
202
00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:31,069
You use your old crib!
Oh, right.
203
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,582
Stewie,
you have to get rid of it.
204
00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:35,106
"Get rid of it"?
You know, why don't
you just say it?
205
00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:37,675
Say the word, Brian.
I want to hear you say it.
206
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,043
Abortion! Abortion!
207
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:42,057
You need to get
a big fat abortion
right this second!
208
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:43,348
You can't even say it.
209
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,228
I think I'm gonna throw up.
210
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:48,252
Oh, save the cheap theatrics.
This isn't one of your
crappy short stories.
211
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,154
This is real life,
mister, so man up!
212
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,168
You are getting
an abortion, Stewie.
213
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:55,293
I will not! Our child
is growing inside me!
214
00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:58,930
Stop talking like that!
And how do you
even know it's mine?
215
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,465
How dare you!
So I'm just some slut?
216
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:03,902
Well, this slut is
having your baby!
217
00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:05,314
Why would you even do this?
218
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:06,604
I thought you'd be happy.
219
00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:08,639
I mean, you have
all these amazing qualities,
220
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:11,843
and I'm kind of good-looking.
I mean, I'm no model, but...
221
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,745
Well, certainly not
a runway model.
222
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,814
I'd be more catalog, probably.
223
00:10:15,882 --> 00:10:18,616
You know what?
Why not a runway model?
Why not?
224
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:21,086
Why am I always apologizing
for how good-looking I am?
225
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,121
I'm sick of it.
I can model in Paris.
226
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,600
We could take the baby with us.
227
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,584
We could be that
kind of family.
What do you think?
228
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,860
Is it dead?
229
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,095
You hit me!
230
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:33,098
What kind of monster
hits a pregnant toddler!
231
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:37,102
If you ever lay
a finger on me again,
I'll burn you in your bed.
232
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,470
Could you do that now, please?
233
00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:47,412
Okay guys,
time to make ourselves
a viral Internet video.
234
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,624
All right!
Let's do it!
235
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,148
One video I always enjoyed
236
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,583
was the one with that girl
pooping in the Jacuzzi.
237
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,196
So, let's all get
in Joe's hot tub
238
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,654
while he does the filming
and I do the pooping.
239
00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:02,561
Okay.
240
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,462
Okay.
241
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:05,863
Okay, here it comes.
242
00:11:07,401 --> 00:11:10,013
Oh, my God!
Peter, what's wrong
with you?
243
00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:11,881
What do you mean?
This is what
happens every time.
244
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,745
Peter, it's supposed to
be brown!
245
00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:16,707
Brown? Oh, gross, like pee?
246
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:20,956
All right, Peter,
get the camera ready.
247
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:22,780
I got a viral Internet video
that's gonna
248
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:25,783
go straight to
the top of the charts.
249
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:30,354
Hi, I'm Joe Swanson,
and this is
30 Impressions In 30 Seconds.
250
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:34,826
"Show me the money."
"Oh, behave."
"Good morning, Vietnam."
251
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:37,729
"Wait until they
get a load of me,"
said the Joker.
252
00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:39,697
Some of these I'm paraphrasing.
253
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:47,530
Hey, I need you to
take me to the doctor
for my prenatal vitamins.
254
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:50,475
I'm not taking you anywhere.
Geez, how far along are you?
255
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:53,010
I'm not really sure.
Two days, six months.
256
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:55,124
There's a certain amount
of guesswork involved in this.
257
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:58,428
And while I'm pregnant,
I'm going to need you
to change the cat litter.
258
00:11:58,452 --> 00:11:59,617
We don't have a cat.
259
00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:01,920
Please don't fight me on this.
260
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:03,822
Oh, my back is killing me.
261
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:06,335
And I've also
been experiencing
a little...
262
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:07,959
Morning sickness.
263
00:12:08,027 --> 00:12:10,394
It's for the baby.
It's for the baby.
264
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:16,278
You look ridiculous like that.
265
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:18,636
Not too ridiculous for you
to put a baby in me.
266
00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:20,704
Okay, Raylene,
I'm Dr. Hartman.
267
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,552
Now, before we begin,
I want you to know
268
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,320
the record is
just past my watch.
269
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:27,056
Well, it takes two people
to break a record.
270
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,924
You look a little young.
How old are you?
271
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:30,948
Uh, thirteen?
272
00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:32,550
Fourteen?
273
00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:36,221
Fifteen. But he didn't
force himself on me.
I wanted it, too.
274
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:38,369
Well, that's
the important thing.
275
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:39,691
That's odd.
276
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,226
Your vagina seems to have
a penis and two testicles.
277
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:46,631
Oh, right.
I, uh, sneezed real hard
and all that came out.
278
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:47,932
Ah, that explains it.
279
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:49,745
Could you do that thing
where you take some fluid
280
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,537
and tell me if
it's going to be
an imbecile or a cretin?
281
00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:55,646
Oh, not to worry,
there are places where those
people can be warehoused.
282
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:58,409
But from
strictly eyeballing you,
I'd say everything looks fine.
283
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,010
Oh, that's wonderful.
284
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:02,747
Now, Brian, did you have
any questions for the doctor?
285
00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:04,860
Yeah. Are there
a lot of stairs
in this building?
286
00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:06,395
Stop being such a dick.
287
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:08,297
Thank you so much,
Dr. Hartman.
288
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:11,723
Now, I understand
we just send the bill
to President Obama?
289
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,358
Despite the doomsday prognosis
of its detractors,
290
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,227
the Affordable Care Act
is working.
291
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,863
Which means that Burt Kolavski
of North Platte, Nebraska
292
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:20,464
can get his artificial leg.
293
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,533
Or Raylene Griffin of Quahog,
Rhode Island,
294
00:13:22,601 --> 00:13:24,735
can now afford
her prenatal vitamins.
295
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,049
Can I talk to
you about the place
you're putting us up?
296
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:28,339
It's not great.
297
00:13:30,877 --> 00:13:32,977
God, we need so much stuff.
298
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:36,092
Look at how tiny
all these clothes are.
It's so adorable.
299
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:38,194
I mean, what kind of feet
can fit into these shoes?
300
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:39,250
Your feet!
301
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,596
That's getting old, you know.
302
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,887
You better get
on board with this.
303
00:13:42,955 --> 00:13:44,288
Oh, how far along are you?
304
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:45,723
Eight months.
305
00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:48,526
You look amazing.
Let me ask you,
are you leaking?
306
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:49,860
Because I've been leaking.
307
00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:51,073
How old are you?
308
00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:52,097
Well, how old are you?
309
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,531
You look like you're 40,
310
00:13:53,599 --> 00:13:55,811
which means whatever
you've got in there
is 100% brain-damaged.
311
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:57,535
All right.
You have a good day.
312
00:13:57,603 --> 00:13:58,936
I hated that lady.
313
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:06,544
I like these.
These are good.
Very classy.
314
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:08,391
This feels incredibly wrong.
315
00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:10,881
We're going to want these,
Brian, believe me.
316
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:13,751
You can't see my nipples,
can you?
They're getting really large,
317
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:15,853
and I'm not sure if
I'm completely covering them.
318
00:14:15,922 --> 00:14:17,955
Eh, you know what?
We'll see what we see.
319
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,256
Let's get a few candids.
320
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:21,926
Dad, can I get one of
your head on the belly?
321
00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:25,663
Oh, "Dad."
I just got emotional.
322
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:27,532
♪ Having my baby
323
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,801
♪ I'm a woman in love
324
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,838
♪ And I love
what's goin' through me
325
00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:38,709
♪ Having my baby
Having my baby
326
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:43,581
♪ It's another way of sayin'
how much I love you
327
00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:44,816
♪ I love you
328
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,885
♪ Having my baby
Having my baby ♪
329
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,858
Okay, now people
really love that viral video
330
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:57,261
of a monkey
forcing that sex act
on a frog at the zoo.
331
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:59,697
So maybe we can
find another frog
for something like that.
332
00:14:59,765 --> 00:15:01,532
You mean like that frog?
Who?
333
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:05,669
That frog in the miniskirt,
putting a quarter
in the jukebox.
334
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:09,673
♪ Shot through the heart
And you're to blame
335
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:13,311
♪ You give love a bad name
Bad name
336
00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:14,545
♪ I play my part
337
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:17,448
Bingo.
338
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:21,119
♪ You give love a bad name
Bad name
339
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:24,288
♪ You give love ♪
340
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:27,724
I'm concerned that frog
is in more trouble
than she realizes.
341
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,374
I'm having such
a craving for burgers.
342
00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:34,832
It's like my body is
just craving red meat.
343
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:37,468
And mint chip ice cream.
But only mint chip.
344
00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:39,415
Any other ice cream
makes me want to puke.
345
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,804
Isn't that weird?
346
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:43,607
Yes, Stewie,
that's the one
weird thing in all this.
347
00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:45,754
What are you looking at?
Go push your buttons.
348
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,122
My husband will kick your ass.
349
00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:48,446
Stop saying I'm your husband.
350
00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:51,893
Brian, I need you to
take me to the hospital.
351
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:53,151
Why?
352
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:54,396
My water just broke.
353
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:56,354
Oh, my God!
It's okay. Don't panic.
354
00:15:56,422 --> 00:15:58,889
Call the doula. Brian,
you've got to call the doula!
355
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,958
Doula? I don't even
know what that is!
356
00:16:01,027 --> 00:16:03,805
It's a divorced woman
who knows about lady parts
and cheers you on.
357
00:16:03,829 --> 00:16:04,996
Let's go!
358
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:12,035
You're gonna have to
drive a little faster!
359
00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:13,749
I'm already going
over the speed limit.
360
00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:16,039
Too late! Pull over!
It's starting to come out!
361
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:18,148
Of where?
I'm not sure exactly.
362
00:16:19,913 --> 00:16:22,780
Brian, I'm going to
need you to deliver the baby.
363
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:25,560
Uh, uh, okay,
can you wait a second
while I put a towel down?
364
00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:27,229
I don't want anything
to get on the seats.
365
00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:28,519
Oh, no, of course.
366
00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:30,465
Our first priority should be
to keep the vinyl clean.
367
00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:32,589
Oh, God. Oh, God,
it's coming!
368
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,058
Can you see the head?
369
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:35,337
I don't know where to look!
370
00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:37,072
Well, maybe you should
look at the part of me
371
00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:38,376
where there's a baby coming out!
372
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:42,266
How did Murphy Brown
make this look so easy?
373
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,775
Careful,
don't get anything on the...
374
00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:45,769
Seats.
375
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,383
Oh, God,
I think another one's coming!
376
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:48,839
I don't see it!
377
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:51,208
I think it's coming out
of my mouth!
378
00:16:51,277 --> 00:16:54,145
There's more!
And they're coming
out of everywhere!
379
00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:56,213
Ah, kill me!
This hurts too much!
380
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:58,394
Holy shit!
What is happening?
381
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:00,484
I don't know!
Brian, save the placenta.
382
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:02,131
Do you even have a placenta?
383
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:04,333
Well,
whatever comes out, save it.
I want to eat it.
384
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,667
Oh, God!
They're crawling all over me!
385
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:06,936
How many are there now?
386
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,080
Four, five, six, seven.
387
00:17:09,728 --> 00:17:11,262
Mazel tov!
388
00:17:29,115 --> 00:17:31,648
I just put Jack and Rose
down for their nap.
389
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:34,196
And I'm trying to keep
the more attractive
ones in this area.
390
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,452
This is a nightmare.
391
00:17:35,521 --> 00:17:37,232
Oh, I caught two of them
trying to eat each other,
392
00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:39,790
so that's something
we need to watch out for.
393
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:42,819
Look, Bri,
that one looks
just like you.
394
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:46,364
Huh. Well, you know what?
I guess he does.
395
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,144
You know,
I was actually thinking,
396
00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:50,979
this could be a chance
for you to finally
make things right.
397
00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:52,436
What? What do you mean?
398
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,883
Well, you do have a son
that you were never
there for.
399
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,267
This is your opportunity
to do things differently.
400
00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:00,210
Wow. Maybe you're right.
401
00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:03,114
I suppose I could give it a try.
402
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:06,284
There you go.
Oh, Dick really likes you.
403
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:08,652
I like Dick.
You like dick!
404
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:11,422
His name's not Dick,
you idiot. It's Finn.
405
00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:19,063
All right, let's
check our YouTube channel
and see how we're doing.
406
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,443
Boy, they just went
right after Cleveland,
didn't they?
407
00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:24,135
Geez,
that word looks even harsher
when it's in all caps.
408
00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:27,004
Wow,
people really seem to hate
everything we put on here.
409
00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:28,639
That sucks.
410
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:31,776
And I worked really hard
on taking a picture
of myself every day for a year
411
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:34,145
and then setting the photos
to an emotional song.
412
00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:35,846
Look.
413
00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:39,116
♪ Hey there, Delilah,what's it likein New York City
414
00:18:39,185 --> 00:18:41,118
♪ I'm a thousand miles away
415
00:18:41,187 --> 00:18:43,887
♪ But, girl,
tonight you look so pretty
416
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:47,224
♪ Yes, you do
417
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:50,461
♪ Times Square can't
shine as bright as you
418
00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:53,530
♪ I swear it's true ♪
419
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,634
Yeah, so we're, uh,
thinking about
selling the house.
420
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:07,845
Hey, stop squirming in there.
421
00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:11,949
This one's bones all feel loose.
422
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:13,562
And I think that one is blind.
423
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,397
We'll have to get him
little sunglasses.
424
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:17,632
Great, because
dog-head-human-ears
over here
425
00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:19,234
doesn't react to anything I say.
426
00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:21,658
Hey! Hey, you!
427
00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:23,393
Okay, this one is deaf.
428
00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:25,763
We are going to be spending
a fortune on schools.
429
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,776
How are we gonna
pay for that?
Well, you tell me.
430
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,034
You're the one who insisted
I be a stay-at-home mom.
431
00:19:30,103 --> 00:19:31,303
I don't even have a job.
432
00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:32,469
Well, you better get one.
433
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:35,206
And not writing.
A real job.
434
00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:36,551
Why are you being such a jerk?
435
00:19:36,575 --> 00:19:38,776
I don't know.
I'm sorry. I just...
436
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:41,090
I just feel
like once I get them
on a schedule,
437
00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:42,646
everything will be fine.
438
00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:51,222
I can't believe
we couldn't come up
with a viral video.
439
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:54,258
We should've just
gotten Jimmy Fallon
to do any lame thing.
440
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:58,540
Coming up,a white waiter ata Chinese restaurant?
441
00:19:58,564 --> 00:20:00,575
We'll get you the facts
on this bizarre story.
442
00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:02,633
But first,
this week's viral video,
443
00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:05,002
Fat Kid Hustles
Through Crosswalk.
444
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:06,304
Here it is.
445
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,532
Here's little Chubbo
pulling up the rear.
446
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,749
Oh, he's got to get moving now.
447
00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:21,152
That's right, don't let your
chocolate levels get too low.
448
00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:30,005
I can't believe Chris
gets four million hits
just crossing the street.
449
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,207
I guess we were trying too hard.
450
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:35,732
Hey, I went by your
house the other day.
Is your baby pregnant?
451
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:38,035
I don't know.
Lois is in charge
of the kids.
452
00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:48,145
Stewie, this is awful.
453
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:50,092
I don't know why anyone
would want to be a parent,
454
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,482
especially to four children.
455
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:53,596
Four? I thought
we were down to five.
456
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:55,786
Yeah, the deaf one
didn't hear Joe's lawnmower.
457
00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:57,354
Oh, that's really upsetting.
458
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:58,823
I can't take this anymore,
Stewie.
459
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:00,235
I'm sorry.
I got to get out of here.
460
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,726
What? Where are you going?
461
00:21:01,794 --> 00:21:03,460
Stop doing that!
462
00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:06,274
I need a break, all right?
I just got to get away
for a couple weeks.
463
00:21:06,298 --> 00:21:07,898
A couple weeks?
464
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,612
You're not leaving me alone
with these things.
465
00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:12,247
The whole point of this
was for us to spend
more time together.
466
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,350
What are you talking about?
The whole point of what?
467
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:16,719
Well, you've been
so distant lately.
468
00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:19,521
I thought if we had a baby
it would bring us
closer together.
469
00:21:19,545 --> 00:21:20,845
What?
470
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:23,247
I was only distant because
you've been so moody lately.
471
00:21:23,315 --> 00:21:24,626
I thought you needed more space.
472
00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:26,027
I always want to
hang out with you.
473
00:21:26,051 --> 00:21:28,251
Well, I was only moody
because you were so distant!
474
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,165
I always want to
hang out with you, too!
475
00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:31,422
Oh, my God.
476
00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:35,704
So, we didn't have
to do any of this.
477
00:21:35,728 --> 00:21:37,595
I guess not.
478
00:21:38,897 --> 00:21:40,409
How attached
to them are you?
Not at all.
479
00:21:40,433 --> 00:21:41,465
Yeah, me either.
480
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:46,570
This is for the best.
481
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:48,016
Yeah, I mean,
I'm sure they'll
be adopted.
482
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,840
Oh, God, yeah.
483
00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:52,153
I'm still
keeping all the gifts
from the baby shower.
484
00:21:52,177 --> 00:21:53,877
You had a baby shower?
485
00:21:53,946 --> 00:21:56,146
Oh!
486
00:21:56,215 --> 00:21:58,749
Now, this makes it real!
487
00:21:58,817 --> 00:22:00,016
Oh, my goodness.
488
00:22:00,085 --> 00:22:02,125
That's enough cake
for you, Mary Beth.
38368
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