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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:08,240
♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV
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00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:11,810
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:14,913
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:18,250
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:21,519
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:23,088
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:24,923
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:29,894
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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Today's featurepresentation of Glory willnot be seen.
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00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:40,872
What? Oh, I love that movie.
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00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:43,153
Oh, man, that's gonna leave
a big hole in their lineup.
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00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:44,676
What's gonna
fill the Glory hole?
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00:00:44,744 --> 00:00:46,422
In place of Glory, we will be
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00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:48,191
showing Shaft,
starring Richard Roundtree.
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00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,615
What? You can't just shove
Shaft in the Glory hole.
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00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:51,761
Yeah, I know.
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00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,129
It'd be better to
put in that movie
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00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:54,430
about the two
girls who meet Nixon.
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00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:55,832
What's that
movie called? Dick?
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00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:57,333
Dick would slide right
into that Glory hole.
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00:00:57,357 --> 00:00:59,102
No, no, Dick's too
short for that Glory hole.
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00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:02,160
But if you also put in Edward
Furlong's movie, Pecker,
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00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:04,073
you got Pecker and
Dick in the Glory hole,
25
00:01:04,097 --> 00:01:06,431
and you got a tight squeeze,
but it ought to fit.
26
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,467
The hell am I sitting on?
27
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:11,181
Oh, hey, that's my old rope toy.
28
00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:12,748
I was wondering where that was.
29
00:01:12,772 --> 00:01:15,006
Ew, what would you want
that for? It's gross.
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00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,286
No, it's not.
It's awesome.
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00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:18,154
I can suck on it for the flavor.
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00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:19,989
I can thrash it around,
pretend it's a snake.
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00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:21,657
Sometimes I just
bite it like this.
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00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:23,448
Rope!
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00:01:23,516 --> 00:01:24,883
That's stupid.
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00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:26,751
I want it.
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00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,131
Well, you can't have it,
it's mine.
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00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:30,395
Oh, yeah?
Not for long it ain't.
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00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:33,546
Come on, Brian, I need this rope
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00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:36,261
in case I open
a nautical-themed restaurant.
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00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,141
Come on down to
Pete's Crab Shack.
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00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:39,965
We got boat parts on the wall,
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00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:42,534
so you know
the crab comes from the ocean.
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00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:45,304
Eating next to a porthole!
What?
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00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,768
No, no, no. I don't
want to make that trade.
46
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,403
I thought I wanted
to make that trade,
47
00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:08,708
but I don't want
to make that trade.
48
00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:13,676
Hey, Chris.
Where's your father?
49
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:16,501
He's still trying to get
that rope away from Brian.
50
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,281
Oh, he's got to
give up that obsession.
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00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,450
I don't like what
it's doing to him.
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00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:23,975
Precious. Wants precious rope.
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00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:25,577
Peter, enough with the rope.
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00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:28,180
Also wants ice cream.
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00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:30,448
No, Peter,
it's too close to dinnertime.
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00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:33,051
Get ice cream anyway.
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00:02:33,119 --> 00:02:35,420
Don't you dare!
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00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,066
All right, but I'll be back
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00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:39,090
in a moment as
another movie thing.
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00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,195
I am Johnny Five. Need input.
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00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:46,931
Input is ice cream.
I need ice cream.
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00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:50,435
Did I say I'm Johnny Five yet?
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00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:53,371
You didn't go to
work today, did you?
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00:02:58,078 --> 00:03:00,578
So, still got that rope, I see.
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00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:02,080
Well, I got a better rope.
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00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:03,515
That's not a chewing rope.
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00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,183
I know. It's a tying rope!
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00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:17,629
Come on,
Brian, you'd better let go.
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00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,698
I told you this is mine!
You're never gonna get it!
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00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:27,572
Just give me the rope.
Nobody has to get hurt, Brian.
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00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:31,977
Only one person has
to get hurt, Brian.
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00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:35,186
All right, I warned you.
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00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:00,972
My teeth!
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00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:03,408
Oh!
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00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:06,210
Oh, man! I'm real sorry
about your mouth, Brian.
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00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:08,146
Damn it, Peter.
What were you thinking?
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00:04:08,214 --> 00:04:10,760
This has to be
the stupidest thing
you've ever done.
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00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,829
No, Brian.
The stupidest thing
I ever did
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00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,998
was turn the bubbles
off in a hot tub.
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00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,355
Yeah! Party!
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00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:21,359
Ew, bath with friends.
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00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,266
Now, remember, Brian's probably
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00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:30,146
very self-conscious
about how he looks,
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00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,203
so let's try to be supportive.
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00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,771
Brian! Dinner!
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00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,677
So, everybody, how was
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00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:40,545
your day? What's for dinner?
I'm starving.
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00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,816
My God, you look like
one of those animals.
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00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:48,653
You know, the one that...
Which one does the...
Sound?
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00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,922
That... Oh, crap,
you know which one I mean.
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00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,791
Oh, who am I kidding?
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00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:55,494
You got to take
me to the dentist
to get my mouth fixed.
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00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:58,407
Brian, we can try
to make you feel
a little less repulsive.
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00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,311
But we're not
spending human money
on a deformed animal.
95
00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:04,836
What? Then what am
I supposed to do?
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00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:07,773
I don't know.
But here,
you can have this back.
97
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:09,841
It's boring.
It doesn't do anything.
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00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,043
You know what?
Go to hell, Peter!
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00:05:13,781 --> 00:05:16,048
Wow, this is
the craziest meal I've had
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00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:18,917
since I had lunch
at Tommy Sullivan's house.
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00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:21,987
Very good
macaroni and cheese,
Mrs. Sullivan.
102
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,454
Thank you, Chris.
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00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:25,434
That was just awful, Chris.
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00:05:25,458 --> 00:05:26,490
Terrible.
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00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:28,104
He is not ready for flashbacks.
106
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:29,527
No, he is not.
107
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,581
Hey, Jerome,
there's a woman lying
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00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:40,182
in a pool of my vomit
in the back alley.
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00:05:40,206 --> 00:05:42,507
Could you bring
her some onion rings?
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00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,220
You know, when that chick
sees Jerome coming,
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00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:46,511
she's gonna think
her night just got even worse.
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00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,146
Yeah.
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00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:50,660
Hey, listen, thanks for
not laying into me
like everybody else.
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00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,751
I don't care enough about you
to lay into you.
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00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:55,853
But now that you mention it,
your face looks
like a used condom.
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00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:57,355
Yeah, I know.
117
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,462
Oh, come on, Brian.
Don't do that.
118
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,896
Don't cry. Be a man.
119
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,331
I'm not crying!
120
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,067
Look, listen, just...
Here, just take this.
121
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,136
What is this?
That's my dentist.
122
00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:12,770
He'll bill me.
I've got an account.
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00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:14,717
You've got an account
with a dentist?
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00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:17,442
He sells me
nitrous at wholesale,
I bang his wife.
125
00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:19,777
Those both sound
like things for you.
126
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:22,881
Look, you want
his number or not?
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00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:25,449
I won't forget this,
Glenn Quagmire.
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00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:27,452
Don't ever say my
name like that, okay?
129
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:29,454
And don't tell
anybody about this.
130
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:32,623
Now get the hell
out of the bar,
you pathetic son of a bitch.
131
00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:35,693
Hey, language.
My big, fat,
black mama's here.
132
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:38,696
I know I didn't just hear
what that man said.
133
00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:41,466
Jerome, you gotta go
to extra church!
134
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,234
Oh, Mom.
135
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:51,175
We now returnto My Dinner with
Andre the Giant.
136
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:55,247
I could never give upmy electric blanket.It's cold in New York City.
137
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:57,159
You may arguethat this isa waste of energy,
138
00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:59,016
but to me,
it's worth the comfort,
139
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:02,787
because, let's face it,the world isan abrasive place.
140
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:07,459
I have maybehours to live, and you'rewasting them.
141
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,060
Hey. I'm, uh...
142
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,595
I'm back from
getting my new teeth.
143
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:13,131
Well, come on in, Brian.
Let's see 'em.
144
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,999
All right, here it goes.
145
00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:21,172
Oh, my God!
Look at your teeth!
146
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,808
Hey, maybe you could
help us build the dam.
147
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:26,077
If you think you
got the chops for it.
148
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:29,648
Well, think about it.
It's something to chew on.
149
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:33,050
We use him just
the right amount.
150
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:41,092
So, be honest, huh?
You guys hate 'em.
151
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:44,161
No, Brian, are you kidding?
They're spectacular!
152
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:45,397
You look like a movie star.
153
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:46,865
Really?
154
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:49,634
Yeah, you're like
an even more
handsome Adam Carolla.
155
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,836
God, I can't believe
you guys really like 'em.
156
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:55,640
Yeah, Brian,
you are gonna get
so much sweet tail!
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00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,720
Oo-cha, oo-cha, oo-cha, oo-cha!
158
00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:59,588
Brian, you have found your look.
159
00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:01,757
That is the best
cosmetic surgery
in this family
160
00:08:01,781 --> 00:08:03,481
since Lois got her boob job.
161
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:06,684
I don't know what happened.
I told the doctor C-cups.
162
00:08:06,753 --> 00:08:08,019
I told him something else.
163
00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:10,688
I think he did a dam good job.
164
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:13,038
Okay, now we've
used him too much.
165
00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:20,131
♪ When you're smiling
166
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:24,102
♪ When you're smiling
167
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:28,406
♪ The whole
world smiles with you
168
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:32,077
♪ When you're laughing
169
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:35,413
♪ When you're laughing
170
00:08:35,481 --> 00:08:39,350
♪ The sun comes
shining through
171
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:43,088
♪ But when you're crying
172
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,324
♪ You bring on the rain
173
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:49,194
♪ So stop your sighing
174
00:08:49,263 --> 00:08:52,063
♪ Be happy again
175
00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:54,498
♪ Keep on smiling
176
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:57,969
♪ 'Cause when you're smiling
177
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:04,375
♪ The whole world
smiles with you ♪
178
00:09:07,413 --> 00:09:08,658
Oh, good, you're already here.
179
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:09,848
I'm sorry?
180
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:11,728
Can we ask you a few questions?
181
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,451
Uh, yeah, sure.
182
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,119
Is this a good neighborhood?
183
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:16,721
Uh, yeah,
it's a great neighborhood.
184
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,957
Lot of families, good parks.
185
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:22,928
Six fire hydrants,
but they are unavailable.
They are previously claimed.
186
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,563
They belong to some badass.
187
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:27,766
Okay, but do you think
this house will
hold its value?
188
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,868
I don't see why not.
It's got a nice porch.
189
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:32,270
And the yard's
got plenty of room
for little ones.
190
00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:34,639
Although that's really
up to the two of you.
191
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,743
Hey, so sorry I'm late.
Let me show you the house.
192
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:42,647
No need to.
Your partner already
sold us on it.
193
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:45,616
Sorry, I... I didn't
realize they thought
I was a real estate agent.
194
00:09:45,685 --> 00:09:48,452
You are a real estate agent.
You just don't know it yet.
195
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:49,698
What do you mean?
196
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:52,223
Look at that smile.
You're a born salesman.
197
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:54,993
You should come work for me.
198
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:56,427
Huh.
199
00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:59,241
Never thought
I'd be in real estate.
You think I can handle it?
200
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:02,033
Every other divorced mom
at my kid's
school is a realtor.
201
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,135
I think you can handle it.
202
00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:13,189
Bonnie, I still don't get
why you want to
see this house.
203
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:14,890
The foundation is
totally out of whack.
204
00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:17,893
I mean, the whole
house is slanting down
to that cliff over there.
205
00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:20,885
Uh-huh. Can you
open the sliding door?
206
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,728
I'll take it.
207
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,243
So, tell me again,
where's the lake?
208
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,299
Right there.
209
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:36,568
And where's the summer camp?
210
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:37,702
Right over there.
211
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:38,848
I'll take it.
212
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:40,739
Now, I am obligated to disclose
213
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:43,207
that the previous owners
were murdered in this house.
214
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:46,516
Whoa, buddy!
Quit drilling,
you already struck oil.
215
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:51,160
I just don't know
if this is
the right time to buy.
216
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:52,350
Yeah, you're probably right.
217
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:54,386
Maybe we should wait
till you graduate college.
218
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:57,455
Thank you, but I'm
actually 42 years old.
219
00:10:57,524 --> 00:10:59,924
Uh, that's not credible.
220
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:03,528
Hello, Doctor?
I need a new pair of eyes
221
00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:05,897
because clearly mine
aren't seeing straight.
222
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,167
You know what?
Maybe I am ready to buy.
223
00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:11,870
Great! I'll get the paperwork.
224
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:14,739
Hello? Hello?What's going onwith your eyes?
225
00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:16,252
Oh, nothing.
Everything's fine.
226
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,154
Is this the guy
who wanted his pulse checked
227
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,455
because he died
and went to heaven?
228
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,146
Uh, yes.
229
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:24,649
Please stop calling.This is a verybusy doctor's office.
230
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:27,029
♪ Where you from
231
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:28,620
♪ You sexy thing
232
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,187
♪ Sexy thing, you ♪
233
00:11:34,294 --> 00:11:37,295
Brian, five sales this week.
You're killing it.
234
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,964
Yeah. And last night,
I closed another big deal.
235
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,673
Kim in marketing.
236
00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:42,867
What are the specs?
237
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:45,048
She's a two-breast,
one-ass fixer-upper.
238
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,316
The entire property
was covered
in a thick brush.
239
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,809
Everyone in
the office besides us
is garbage.
240
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,857
Wow, Brian,
you're doing great here.
You're really on fire.
241
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,648
Thanks. I guess I
should stop, drop and roll.
242
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:58,783
Whoa.
243
00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:00,051
That's enough.
244
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:02,787
The only thing is,
anyone can sell a nice house,
245
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:05,756
but a real star is someone
who can sell a dump.
246
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,091
I can sell anything.
247
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,627
Well, we got this crap condo
down by the marina.
248
00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:11,940
We haven't been
able to unload it
in two years.
249
00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:14,865
You find some
sucker to buy it,
and I'll make you partner.
250
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:16,200
All right, sounds good.
251
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:17,469
It's a plan.
252
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,048
Hey, did I tell you
about Kim in marketing?
253
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,438
You mean my wife Kim?
254
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:22,306
I'm gonna go sell that condo.
255
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:29,814
God, there's got to be
a sucker to buy this condo.
256
00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:31,315
Guys, this is on me.
257
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:33,785
I just hit 20
years in the air,
and I got a big bonus.
258
00:12:33,853 --> 00:12:36,454
It's sad when planes 'splode.
259
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:38,489
What? Yeah, I guess.
260
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:39,891
Anyway, I am flush.
261
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,493
For the first time in my life,
I got money to burn.
262
00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:48,366
Looks like I found my sucker.
263
00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:10,955
Whoa. What?
264
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,090
I didn't know
you worked out
at this gym, too.
265
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:15,237
Hey, Brian. Hang on,
I'm just finishing a set.
266
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:18,530
Come on, come on, two more.
Come on,
come on, you gotta want it.
267
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:25,602
Nice job.
Let's get you a rubdown.
268
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:26,871
I'm glad I bumped into you
269
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:28,784
because I've been meaning
to give you something.
270
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,108
What's this?
271
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:31,496
That is the money you loaned me.
272
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,344
Oh, that's pretty cool.
Thanks.
273
00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:35,146
You're welcome.
274
00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:38,315
I just wish I could do
something more for you. Hmm.
275
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:40,918
I could make you rich.
No, no, no, that's just money.
276
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,064
I'll think of something else.
277
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:43,165
What're you
talking about, Brian?
278
00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:44,709
No, no, no.
I've said too much.
279
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,868
The one thing
they're pretty firm about
at the office
280
00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:50,294
is you don't take
the inside deals
and give them to your friends.
281
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:53,203
What...
What kind of inside deal
are you talking about?
282
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:55,466
All I can say is,
283
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:57,902
underpriced waterfront property
284
00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:00,270
that's guaranteed to
appreciate in value.
285
00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:01,606
That's all I can say.
286
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,408
Oh, wait, are you bothered
by sorority noise, though?
287
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:07,255
Uh, I don't know, Brian.
I don't know if I'm
a real estate investor.
288
00:14:07,279 --> 00:14:08,713
Well, you might
surprise yourself.
289
00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:11,348
I mean, I didn't think
I'd ever be
friends with Ice-T.
290
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:14,964
What are you thinking about?
291
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:17,421
Thinking about putting
black guy hair in a ponytail,
292
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:20,258
'cause the times change,
but I don't.
293
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:26,808
All right, guys,
here it is.
Prescott Towers.
294
00:14:26,832 --> 00:14:29,934
Quahog's premier
luxury living experience.
295
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,440
Nestled somewhere between
296
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,475
the ocean and your imagination.
297
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,410
Prescott Towers.
298
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:44,448
Quahog's only luxuryresidence cateringexclusively to the affluent.
299
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:46,584
Affluent means rich.
300
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:49,020
Come live in the kind of place
301
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,388
a Persian guy would
say is a little much.
302
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,428
The ceiling is a pool.
The ceiling is a pool.
Quagmire, you gotta get this.
303
00:14:57,497 --> 00:15:00,009
I don't know
about buying a place
without seeing it first.
304
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:02,000
Of course not.
I wouldn't expect you to.
305
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,113
But as your friend, I wanted
to let you know early,
306
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,415
because there's another buyer
who's about to snap it up.
307
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,150
I think he's a pilot for Delta?
308
00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:10,574
Delta?
It's not Lew Sheridan, is it?
309
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,943
Well, I'm not
really permitted to say.
310
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,053
Do you like Lew Sheridan?
I hate Lew Sheridan.
311
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,926
It's Lew Sheridan.
That son of a bitch!
312
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:18,961
Say what you want,
but he's got
an eye for real estate.
313
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:21,330
Let me just give him a call
and let him know he's
gonna get the place.
314
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:23,354
Wait, wait, wait!
315
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,822
Okay. I'll take it.
316
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:26,769
All right.
You won't be sorry.
317
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:28,659
Yeah, that condo looks awesome.
318
00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:30,494
You're making
a smart move, Quagmire.
319
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:33,264
Like I did when I
wanted to get out
of that boring meeting.
320
00:15:33,332 --> 00:15:37,201
Third quarter
projections indicate
our sales will be down 40%.
321
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,270
Why don't we go through
the profit-loss statement
322
00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:41,472
line by line from
the past six quarters,
323
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:44,108
which will offer us
a good cost
analysis comparison...
324
00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:45,955
that I think
we'll be able to utilize
325
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:48,412
as we move forward
into the next fiscal year.
326
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:52,283
Hey, guys, I gotta leave.
I got a nosebleed,
and, uh, I don't work here.
327
00:15:57,423 --> 00:15:59,034
All right,
Quagmire, now when you
328
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:00,603
introduce us to
the ladies by the pool,
329
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,471
I'm a millionaire,
Joe's a war hero,
330
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,273
and Cleveland is Magic Johnson.
331
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:08,466
I own a lot of theaters.
I hope you don't
know much else about me.
332
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:15,606
Is this the right address?
333
00:16:15,674 --> 00:16:17,619
This doesn't look
like the building
from Brian's presentation.
334
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:20,522
Come on, Quagmire.
Never judge
a book by its cover.
335
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:21,746
Or a movie.
336
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:24,482
No.
337
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:34,158
Eh, it's probably nothing,
338
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:37,094
but there's a stain on the rug
in the shape of a little kid.
339
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,941
I don't know if
you want this now,
340
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:40,943
but I bought you a mini cactus.
341
00:16:40,967 --> 00:16:43,134
What the hell?
This is a dump.
342
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,903
Well, maybe it's still
got a nice ocean view.
343
00:16:45,971 --> 00:16:48,105
The harbor is poisoned.
344
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,741
Damn it. Brian screwed me.
345
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:53,711
That's why I've never made
any major
investments with my dog.
346
00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:57,019
What am I gonna do?
I sank my entire
bonus into this place.
347
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,883
Let me see your contract,
Quagmire.
348
00:16:58,952 --> 00:17:00,830
There's gotta be
a way out of this.
349
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,932
I'm gonna kill him,
that's what I'm gonna do.
350
00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:06,090
Club Amigos. That's what
we're gonna call this place.
351
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:08,559
Here it is.
You've got 72 hours
352
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,994
after closing to
rescind the purchase.
353
00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:12,396
State law.
354
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:15,232
Thank God.
I gotta go tell
Brian the deal's off.
355
00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:18,735
Oh, there's
a head in the freezer.
Oh, and sherbert!
356
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:24,252
We're looking for Brian Griffin.
357
00:17:24,276 --> 00:17:27,211
I'm still within 72 hours,
and I wanna get
out of my contract.
358
00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:29,479
You'd have to speak
to Mr. Griffin about that.
359
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:31,615
But I'm sorry,
he's not in the office.
360
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:32,717
Where the hell is he?
361
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:33,918
Slow down, Quagmire.
362
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:35,986
This sounds like
a discussion to have
363
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,022
over a cone-shaped cup of water.
364
00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:42,259
Ah.
365
00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:43,961
You can drink from these
366
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,864
and then put 'em on your head
to be a clown from
an Italian opera.
367
00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:50,267
♪ Laughing outside,
crying down below
368
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:52,837
♪ Pasta,
meatballs, Joe DiMaggio
369
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:57,007
♪ Fellatio, Pinocchio
A pizza pie from Domino's
370
00:17:57,076 --> 00:18:00,010
♪ All of thisbecause I'm singingin a pointy hat ♪
371
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,246
Look, Mr. Griffin's not here,
372
00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:05,349
but if you leave your name,
I'll let him
know you stopped by.
373
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:08,919
Fine. Glenn Quagmire.
Have him call me
the minute he gets in.
374
00:18:12,025 --> 00:18:14,892
They're gone.
375
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:19,697
Well, for the next 72 hours,
I'm gonna be harder to
find than a nice cat.
376
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:22,466
You need me to clean
out your litter box?
377
00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:27,572
Mittens!
378
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,944
Okay, Rupert,
we're going to play a game.
379
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:37,915
I'm gonna be Buffalo Bill,
and you're gonna be a great,
big fat person.
380
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:41,530
Close the lid.
Brian? What are you doing?
381
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:43,632
I'm hiding from Quagmire
for a few more hours.
382
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,667
After that, he won't be able
to pull out of that deal.
383
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:48,392
Well, if anybody
knows how to pull out,
it's Quagmire.
384
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:53,397
I have a lot of fun
up here in my room.
385
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:09,680
Welcome home.
386
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:12,717
Ahhh! Hey, hey, there, buddy.
387
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:15,130
There you are.
I've been looking
all over for you.
388
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,266
That's why you've
been hiding from me
in this motel?
389
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:19,467
Now let me out of this deal
and give me my money back.
390
00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:21,993
Look, if you're not happy
with your current property,
391
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:25,596
we could roll your money over
into something in
Sinkhole Estates.
392
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,643
Those places are
going very fast, though.
Who's a pilot you hate?
393
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,467
You are such a scumbag.
394
00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:32,681
You know, when you were poor,
you were always a douche,
395
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:34,471
but at least you
came by it honestly.
396
00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:37,174
But now,
screwing over the people
who helped you?
397
00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:39,176
I don't know how
you sleep at night.
398
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,880
My God.
399
00:19:42,948 --> 00:19:44,214
You're right.
400
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:45,883
I'm a jerk.
401
00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:48,351
I'm a selfish and
pretentious jerk.
402
00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:51,032
And you're the only guy in town
403
00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:53,301
who's ever called
me out on my crap.
404
00:19:53,325 --> 00:19:55,493
You know,
I used to hate you for it,
405
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:57,105
but now I think
you're the only person
406
00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:58,707
who was trying to be my friend.
407
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,375
No, I think you're
misunderstanding me.
408
00:20:00,399 --> 00:20:01,732
No, I'm serious.
409
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,913
Even though I know
you never liked me,
410
00:20:03,937 --> 00:20:05,948
you still helped me
when I really needed it.
411
00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:08,605
That says a lot
about your character.
412
00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:12,643
I'm ashamed of myself
because I am none of
the things you are.
413
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,545
You're honest and direct
414
00:20:14,613 --> 00:20:16,258
and compassionate...
415
00:20:16,282 --> 00:20:20,785
And that is 72 hours.
Enjoy your shit-hole,
cocksucker!
416
00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:22,186
You son of a bitch!
417
00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:31,828
Wow, so I guess that's it
for you and real estate,
huh, Brian?
418
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:34,509
Yeah,
it was a lot tougher
than I thought.
419
00:20:34,533 --> 00:20:37,001
Oh, yeah, it's real hard
being a real estate agent.
420
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:39,303
I mean, you got to be able
to count bathrooms.
421
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:42,017
I once beat
a real estate agent
in a game of chess.
422
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,874
Me. A well-known buffoon.
423
00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:46,943
Face it, you failed
at people's safety net job.
424
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:49,891
Oh, come on, guys.
Give me a break, huh?
I've had a rough day.
425
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:53,484
You've had a rough day?
You guys wouldn't
believe the day I've had.
426
00:20:53,552 --> 00:20:56,253
First of all, I didn't have
any clean
underwear this morning,
427
00:20:56,322 --> 00:20:58,255
so I had to wear a bathing suit.
428
00:20:58,324 --> 00:21:00,391
Then I missed the bus,
of course.
429
00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:02,371
Then it looked like
it was gonna start to rain.
430
00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:03,960
Luckily, it didn't.
431
00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:07,064
And like that wasn't enough,
then we had a pop
quiz in history.
432
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,576
Oh, European history.
433
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,968
American history
was last year. Then...
34237
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