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1
00:00:02,338 --> 00:00:04,709
-? Look up there ?
-? What do you see? ?
2
00:00:04,743 --> 00:00:06,179
? Nature and stuff ?
3
00:00:06,245 --> 00:00:07,716
-? Like a rock ?
-? And a tree ?
4
00:00:07,816 --> 00:00:10,522
? Oh, the Great North ?
5
00:00:10,622 --> 00:00:13,728
? Way up here,
you can breathe the air ?
6
00:00:13,828 --> 00:00:15,197
? Catch some fish ?
7
00:00:15,264 --> 00:00:16,934
? Or gaze at a bear ?
8
00:00:17,001 --> 00:00:17,870
? Wow ?
9
00:00:18,003 --> 00:00:21,142
? Oh, the Great North ?
10
00:00:21,242 --> 00:00:22,746
? Here we live, oh, oh ?
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00:00:22,879 --> 00:00:24,182
? Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ?
12
00:00:24,249 --> 00:00:26,185
? From longest night
to longest day ?
13
00:00:26,252 --> 00:00:29,659
? In the Great North. ?
14
00:00:32,031 --> 00:00:34,001
[cheering]
15
00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:35,538
[Wolf] I can't remember
16
00:00:35,638 --> 00:00:37,542
if it's fork on the left
or spoon on the left.
17
00:00:37,609 --> 00:00:39,012
[sighs] If I don't
figure this out now,
18
00:00:39,112 --> 00:00:40,715
what will I do
if I get crowned princess
19
00:00:40,781 --> 00:00:42,017
of a small European country?
20
00:00:42,117 --> 00:00:43,554
If you behead a few people
right off the bat,
21
00:00:43,621 --> 00:00:45,123
they won't care
how you place your flatware.
22
00:00:45,257 --> 00:00:47,529
Luckily, our table-setting
expert is right here.
23
00:00:47,629 --> 00:00:50,935
Care to weigh in, Lone Moose's
Cup King, Ham Tobin?
24
00:00:51,002 --> 00:00:52,539
[grunts]
25
00:00:52,639 --> 00:00:54,275
So... not like I had it?
26
00:00:54,342 --> 00:00:57,148
Sorry, Wolf. I'm in the middle
of a major crisis here.
27
00:00:57,214 --> 00:00:59,418
I am freaking out
about the stupid assignment
28
00:00:59,485 --> 00:01:01,055
for my public speaking elective.
29
00:01:01,122 --> 00:01:03,527
It's worth 50% of our grade
and it's known as...
30
00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:05,363
The soul crusher.
31
00:01:05,430 --> 00:01:07,168
You belong to me now, Ham.
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00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:10,040
As you can probably guess
by how demonic Moon is acting,
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00:01:10,106 --> 00:01:11,978
the assignment is to give
a speech to his class.
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00:01:12,044 --> 00:01:12,979
[gasps]
35
00:01:13,046 --> 00:01:14,315
No, not room 15.
36
00:01:14,448 --> 00:01:15,818
They're notorious hecklers.
37
00:01:15,885 --> 00:01:18,056
I heard Jeremy Nicholbottom
transferred schools
38
00:01:18,156 --> 00:01:20,227
after presenting to that class
last semester.
39
00:01:20,327 --> 00:01:21,797
Who did you hear that from?
40
00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:23,366
Who didn't I hear it from?
41
00:01:23,466 --> 00:01:24,670
The heckles get so bad
most people
42
00:01:24,770 --> 00:01:26,172
don't even finish the speech.
43
00:01:26,272 --> 00:01:27,575
Mr. Golovkin teaches my class
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00:01:27,608 --> 00:01:29,679
and he loves failing people
for not finishing.
45
00:01:29,746 --> 00:01:31,483
He called it
"one of life's delights."
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00:01:31,584 --> 00:01:33,721
And the topic of the speech
isn't helping, either.
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00:01:33,788 --> 00:01:35,490
It's "Alaska: Wow."
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00:01:35,591 --> 00:01:37,729
That sounds easy.
Alaska is full of wows.
49
00:01:37,829 --> 00:01:40,467
Which of its many wonders
are you focusing on?
50
00:01:40,569 --> 00:01:42,170
Let me read you
what I have so far.
51
00:01:42,237 --> 00:01:44,943
"Alaska has the longest
coastline in the nation
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00:01:45,044 --> 00:01:48,585
with 66,000 miles
of shorelines. Wow."
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00:01:48,651 --> 00:01:51,523
Oh, Ham, my class
is gonna eat you alive.
54
00:01:51,623 --> 00:01:54,630
And I'll personally pick
the last bit of gristle
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00:01:54,730 --> 00:01:56,065
off your bones.
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00:01:56,165 --> 00:01:57,235
Moon, that's your brother.
57
00:01:57,335 --> 00:01:59,639
Family means nothing in room 15.
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00:01:59,739 --> 00:02:02,211
[gasps] What if this brings
my grade down to a B-minus?
59
00:02:02,344 --> 00:02:03,715
That's a Ham Tobin F.
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00:02:03,781 --> 00:02:05,685
I'll have to run away
to Seattle, and I'm no Frasier.
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00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:07,087
I'm not even a Niles.
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00:02:07,187 --> 00:02:08,591
Ham, buddy, calm down.
63
00:02:08,625 --> 00:02:11,263
You just need
a more "Alaska: Wow" topic.
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00:02:11,363 --> 00:02:12,899
If I were giving the speech--
which I am not
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00:02:13,032 --> 00:02:15,303
because I chose turquoise
jewelry design as my elective--
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00:02:15,370 --> 00:02:16,774
I'd tell a story
with some sizzle.
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00:02:16,907 --> 00:02:20,247
I, too, could spin any number
of colorful Alaskan yarns.
68
00:02:20,347 --> 00:02:22,753
I've also got
an Alaskan story in my butt
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00:02:22,819 --> 00:02:24,488
that'll make you say "what?"
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00:02:24,556 --> 00:02:26,794
[laughs] Fools.
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00:02:26,861 --> 00:02:29,498
I bet none of your stories
would impress me.
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00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,002
How about we make it a contest?
73
00:02:31,102 --> 00:02:33,373
We each tell our own
"Alaska: Wow" story
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00:02:33,473 --> 00:02:34,810
and Moon chooses the best one.
75
00:02:34,877 --> 00:02:36,747
And then I can use that one
for my presentation.
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00:02:36,814 --> 00:02:38,918
It's not plagiarism when
you're saving your own life.
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00:02:39,018 --> 00:02:42,091
I'm in. And like velour
sweatpants and infinity scarves,
78
00:02:42,157 --> 00:02:43,260
you're both already out.
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00:02:43,393 --> 00:02:45,497
And if you snooze, you lose.
80
00:02:45,565 --> 00:02:46,934
Sorry, just some
good-natured ribbing,
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00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,538
nothing personal meant by it.
82
00:02:48,605 --> 00:02:51,977
Whereas everything I say during
your stories will be personal.
83
00:02:52,077 --> 00:02:52,979
Who's first?
84
00:02:53,046 --> 00:02:55,050
The loud teen, the plaid mumbler
85
00:02:55,150 --> 00:02:56,854
or the lady dressed
as Barney's sister?
86
00:02:56,954 --> 00:02:58,223
The heckling has begun.
87
00:02:58,290 --> 00:03:00,595
I stay ready
so I don't have to get ready.
88
00:03:00,662 --> 00:03:02,598
I'll go first. [sighs]
Now presenting:
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00:03:02,665 --> 00:03:04,302
the true story
of how Bob Ross,
90
00:03:04,368 --> 00:03:06,406
one of America's
most beloved painters
91
00:03:06,473 --> 00:03:08,744
found inspiration in Alaska.
92
00:03:08,811 --> 00:03:10,113
Perfect topic, Judy.
93
00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:12,083
Ten-year-olds go crazy
for beloved painters.
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00:03:12,184 --> 00:03:14,823
Well, no. [stammers] Well, no,
it was-it was more exciting
95
00:03:14,889 --> 00:03:17,796
than just that because,
uh, uh, true fact:
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00:03:17,896 --> 00:03:19,666
Bob Ross was stationed here
97
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,903
in the Air Force.
You like airplanes, right?
98
00:03:21,970 --> 00:03:23,708
And he was part of a, um,
99
00:03:23,741 --> 00:03:26,479
Air Force fighter pilot
training thingy.
100
00:03:26,580 --> 00:03:27,682
And it's really exciting.
101
00:03:27,782 --> 00:03:29,485
And cinematic, actually,
some might say.
102
00:03:29,586 --> 00:03:32,090
We see Bob-Judy Maverick Ross,
103
00:03:32,157 --> 00:03:35,097
flying in a very cool
fighter jet.
104
00:03:35,197 --> 00:03:37,502
Wow, Ham Hock,
look at these gorgeous clouds.
105
00:03:37,569 --> 00:03:38,637
I mean, I know
we're in the middle
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00:03:38,704 --> 00:03:40,407
of life-or-death
flight training,
107
00:03:40,441 --> 00:03:42,477
but I-I...
I simply must paint them.
108
00:03:42,578 --> 00:03:44,482
Uh, Bob-Judy Maverick Ross,
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00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:46,252
I think you should
fly the plane.
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00:03:46,352 --> 00:03:48,223
Sorry, but you know
they call me Maverick
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00:03:48,290 --> 00:03:50,260
because of my unorthodox
flying style.
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00:03:50,327 --> 00:03:52,765
Aah! Bob-Judy Maverick Ross,
please stop painting.
113
00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:55,336
-We're headed
right for a mountain! [screams] -Whoops.
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00:03:56,372 --> 00:03:58,076
[Ham Hock screams]
115
00:03:58,109 --> 00:03:59,846
Eh, Ham Hock might be okay.
116
00:03:59,913 --> 00:04:03,286
Ham Hock's dead. That's the
eighth navigator you've killed
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00:04:03,353 --> 00:04:04,489
this week with your painting.
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00:04:04,590 --> 00:04:06,560
What can I say? I'm a Maverick.
119
00:04:06,627 --> 00:04:07,729
Damn it, I ought to ground you,
120
00:04:07,829 --> 00:04:09,464
but because
everyone else is dead
121
00:04:09,532 --> 00:04:10,868
and you have
a cool leather jacket,
122
00:04:10,935 --> 00:04:13,473
I'm sending you to
the most elite flight academy
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00:04:13,541 --> 00:04:15,845
in the country: Snow Gun.
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00:04:15,911 --> 00:04:18,082
[Judy]
Bob-Judy was sent to Snow Gun in Alaska,
125
00:04:18,182 --> 00:04:21,055
and Chief Beeferson was
also going, for plot reasons.
126
00:04:21,155 --> 00:04:22,893
So, Bob-Judy sets off
for the North.
127
00:04:22,959 --> 00:04:25,097
As he's landing,
he knows he's gonna
128
00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:26,433
love Snow Gun Alaska because--
129
00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:29,004
[Wolf]
Because they had hunk volleyball!
130
00:04:29,071 --> 00:04:31,108
Just a bunch of shirtless dudes
having fun,
131
00:04:31,175 --> 00:04:33,848
patting butts,
screaming, "Yeah!"
132
00:04:33,915 --> 00:04:34,850
in slow-motion.
133
00:04:34,916 --> 00:04:35,952
What are the rules?
134
00:04:36,019 --> 00:04:37,221
Nobody knows and nobody cares.
135
00:04:37,288 --> 00:04:38,658
-[Judy] Wolf.
-[Wolf] What?
136
00:04:38,725 --> 00:04:40,360
We were all waiting
for that scene.
137
00:04:40,460 --> 00:04:41,697
Stop messing up my story.
138
00:04:41,797 --> 00:04:44,101
Yeah, she wants
to mess it up herself.
139
00:04:44,168 --> 00:04:45,972
Judy, please.
I need this to be good.
140
00:04:46,039 --> 00:04:48,677
And it will be, because the
best thing about Snow Gun was
141
00:04:48,744 --> 00:04:50,548
the gorgeous Alaskan scenery.
142
00:04:50,648 --> 00:04:52,919
Bob-Judy knew right away
that he would need to paint
143
00:04:52,986 --> 00:04:55,391
all of it while flying
and killing more pilots.
144
00:04:55,457 --> 00:04:56,994
I need to paint all of this
while flying
145
00:04:57,094 --> 00:04:58,530
and killing more pilots.
146
00:04:58,563 --> 00:05:00,535
[Judy]
And then Maverick meets his new nemeses,
147
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,204
IceWolf and HoneyBarf.
148
00:05:02,271 --> 00:05:04,308
We know all about
your reputation, Maverick.
149
00:05:04,409 --> 00:05:06,079
You're too dangerous
to be in a plane.
150
00:05:06,145 --> 00:05:07,481
Your dad was reckless, too.
151
00:05:07,549 --> 00:05:09,051
Hundreds of men died on D-Day
152
00:05:09,118 --> 00:05:11,924
because your dad was sculpting
in his plane over Normandy.
153
00:05:11,990 --> 00:05:14,128
And in the War of 1812,
your great-grandpa
154
00:05:14,194 --> 00:05:16,833
would fall off his horse
because of his damn decoupage.
155
00:05:16,934 --> 00:05:18,537
Wow, you guys know a lot
about my family.
156
00:05:18,671 --> 00:05:20,975
We know your painting is writing
checks your plane can't cash.
157
00:05:21,075 --> 00:05:22,912
And even though
we hate each other right now
158
00:05:22,979 --> 00:05:25,919
we're gonna later come
to share a mutual respect.
159
00:05:25,985 --> 00:05:28,055
Looking forward to it.
160
00:05:28,757 --> 00:05:29,993
[Chief Beeferson]
Maverick!
161
00:05:30,093 --> 00:05:32,464
I finally found someone
willing to fly with you.
162
00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:35,303
-Call sign: Goose.
-Honk.
163
00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:37,274
Bob-Judy, no more
painting up there.
164
00:05:37,341 --> 00:05:38,678
I can't bury another man,
165
00:05:38,744 --> 00:05:40,548
even if that man is a goose.
166
00:05:40,648 --> 00:05:43,921
Damn this majestic
Alaskan scenery.
167
00:05:44,021 --> 00:05:45,391
Maybe I'll just paint
168
00:05:45,457 --> 00:05:47,628
one little happy tree...
169
00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:51,803
Honk!
170
00:05:52,606 --> 00:05:54,074
Eject, Goose, eject!
171
00:05:54,174 --> 00:05:55,979
[Judy]
Bob-Judy ejects just in time,
172
00:05:56,045 --> 00:05:57,648
but Goose couldn't work
the ejection lever
173
00:05:57,715 --> 00:05:59,318
because uh, because
he was a goose.
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00:05:59,418 --> 00:06:02,224
-Honk! Honk, honk, honk, honk!
-No!
175
00:06:02,358 --> 00:06:04,629
-[Judy] But, luckily, Goose
remembered he could fly. -Honk.
176
00:06:04,762 --> 00:06:06,833
Honk. Honk!
177
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,971
[Judy]
But then he got sucked into the engine.
178
00:06:10,841 --> 00:06:12,277
My painting.
179
00:06:12,411 --> 00:06:14,147
Oh, and Goose!
180
00:06:18,423 --> 00:06:19,826
Moon, I hope
you're liking this story
181
00:06:19,926 --> 00:06:21,863
because things are about
to get "soary." [chuckles]
182
00:06:21,997 --> 00:06:24,836
The only thing you should be
"soary" about is talking, babe.
183
00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:26,873
Did you just call
your sister "babe"?
184
00:06:26,973 --> 00:06:29,612
It's an energy, Dad.
Please don't question it.
185
00:06:29,713 --> 00:06:31,583
Come on, Judy,
I need something good.
186
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:32,986
I'm gonna be pulled
limb from limb
187
00:06:33,086 --> 00:06:34,388
by a bunch of toddlers tomorrow.
188
00:06:34,454 --> 00:06:36,058
And then we'll sword fight
with your arms
189
00:06:36,125 --> 00:06:38,797
while your partially-living
head still screams.
190
00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:39,599
Fun. So,
191
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,202
Bob-Judy is despondent
192
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:42,471
after losing-slash-killing
193
00:06:42,605 --> 00:06:44,107
his best and only friend, Goose.
194
00:06:44,976 --> 00:06:46,847
Goose's wife and child
were also sad.
195
00:06:46,947 --> 00:06:47,882
-Honk.
-Honk.
196
00:06:47,982 --> 00:06:49,685
[Judy]
But this isn't about them.
197
00:06:49,752 --> 00:06:51,656
It's about our cool hero,
who expressed his sadness
198
00:06:51,756 --> 00:06:53,661
by riding a motorcycle. But then
199
00:06:53,728 --> 00:06:54,930
something exciting happened.
200
00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:56,366
[Chief Beeferson]
Damn it. We've got bogeys.
201
00:06:56,433 --> 00:06:58,035
Scramble the jets!
202
00:06:58,937 --> 00:07:00,240
What the hell?
203
00:07:00,340 --> 00:07:01,142
Damn it, Mav.
204
00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:02,879
We have to send
these planes up now.
205
00:07:02,946 --> 00:07:05,383
Oh, really? Can we at least
let them dry first?
206
00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:07,154
[Judy]
So, IceWolf and HoneyBarf
207
00:07:07,254 --> 00:07:08,724
are fighting the enemy
and saying
208
00:07:08,791 --> 00:07:10,226
cool fighter stuff, like...
209
00:07:10,293 --> 00:07:11,597
-Lock and load.
-Roger that.
210
00:07:11,664 --> 00:07:12,766
Aircraft carrier.
211
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,802
The MiG on our six
is not engaging.
212
00:07:14,903 --> 00:07:16,472
It's like... it's like
he can't see us.
213
00:07:16,540 --> 00:07:18,376
[Judy]
And that's when they realized
214
00:07:18,476 --> 00:07:20,848
Bob-Judy's painting
had made the planes...
215
00:07:20,915 --> 00:07:23,019
Invisible.
Damn it, Mav, you did it.
216
00:07:23,119 --> 00:07:24,723
[Judy]
But then Chief Beeferson notices...
217
00:07:24,790 --> 00:07:26,392
[Chief Beeferson]
The sun is setting.
218
00:07:26,493 --> 00:07:27,661
All the sky colors
219
00:07:27,728 --> 00:07:29,665
are changing
in a breathtaking way.
220
00:07:29,732 --> 00:07:30,934
[Judy]
But Beeferson had an idea.
221
00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:33,540
IceWolf, HoneyBarf,
I need you to fly
222
00:07:33,607 --> 00:07:35,476
full speed towards
that building.
223
00:07:35,544 --> 00:07:36,613
Sounds great, you got it.
224
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,650
[Chief Beeferson]
Pull up, pull up!
225
00:07:39,619 --> 00:07:41,088
[Judy]
And because
226
00:07:41,155 --> 00:07:43,594
of how much Alaska
made Bob-Judy say, "Wow!,"
227
00:07:43,661 --> 00:07:45,564
the good guys from America
won against
228
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:48,804
the vague but
definitely evil bad guys.
229
00:07:48,871 --> 00:07:50,808
[cheering]
230
00:07:50,875 --> 00:07:52,311
Well, Maverick,
231
00:07:52,411 --> 00:07:54,583
-I guess I respect you now.
-To Maverick.
232
00:07:54,649 --> 00:07:56,653
[Judy]
Then Bob-Judy pops the champagne bottle
233
00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:58,256
and hits the mom goose,
234
00:07:58,323 --> 00:07:59,893
-who also dies.
-Honk!
235
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,666
-Geez, Judy.
-What? You wanted excitement.
236
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,703
Okay. Moon, did you love it?
237
00:08:04,769 --> 00:08:06,806
-I love when it ended.
-[groans]
238
00:08:06,873 --> 00:08:08,577
Not to worry, Ham.
I've got a speech
239
00:08:08,643 --> 00:08:12,117
about something that makes
everyone say "wow": flags.
240
00:08:12,217 --> 00:08:15,858
-[others groan]
-Your groans of excitement are warranted.
241
00:08:15,958 --> 00:08:17,929
I'm gonna tell you
the true story
242
00:08:17,996 --> 00:08:20,133
of how Alaska's
actual state flag
243
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:23,840
came to be designed by a
14-year-old named Benny Benson.
244
00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:27,181
A real Alaskan hero
close in age to yourself,
245
00:08:27,247 --> 00:08:28,483
and I will tell it based on
246
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:31,489
a truly action-packed movie
I recently saw
247
00:08:31,557 --> 00:08:34,128
that was originally
about math and janitors.
248
00:08:34,228 --> 00:08:36,566
-Young Benny Quinnson...
-[Judy] Oh, my God.
249
00:08:36,666 --> 00:08:39,940
Did you change the boy
who designed the Alaskan flag
250
00:08:40,006 --> 00:08:43,013
into Moon's crush Quinn
in a sad attempt to win?
251
00:08:43,079 --> 00:08:44,916
I definitely don't
have a crush on Quinn.
252
00:08:45,017 --> 00:08:47,320
That's defamation,
but I'm listening.
253
00:08:47,420 --> 00:08:49,593
Benny Quinnson
worked as a janitor
254
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:50,961
at Alaska Flag University,
255
00:08:51,028 --> 00:08:53,366
the foremost institution
for flag design.
256
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,172
Well, if it isn't Mary Moppins.
257
00:08:56,239 --> 00:08:57,440
[laughs]
258
00:08:57,508 --> 00:09:00,046
Mop that, loser.
You're just a 14-year-old punk
259
00:09:00,146 --> 00:09:02,417
who doesn't know anything
about flag design and, uh,
260
00:09:02,484 --> 00:09:05,157
-you never will.
-[Beef] But Benny Quinnson had a secret
261
00:09:05,257 --> 00:09:07,160
none of the flag design
students knew:
262
00:09:07,260 --> 00:09:10,768
she was a flag design genius,
with the ability to see
263
00:09:10,868 --> 00:09:13,774
the beautiful complexity
of flags that others couldn't.
264
00:09:13,907 --> 00:09:16,914
But she kept it to herself
because all of her friends
265
00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:18,917
were nice but also super dumb.
266
00:09:18,984 --> 00:09:20,721
[Wolf]
And all they did was play
267
00:09:20,822 --> 00:09:22,491
hunk volleyball!
268
00:09:22,559 --> 00:09:24,529
Just a bunch
of shirtless townies
269
00:09:24,629 --> 00:09:26,065
breaking into
the university at night,
270
00:09:26,098 --> 00:09:27,267
and the air conditioning is off,
271
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:28,571
so they're greasy as hell.
272
00:09:28,671 --> 00:09:29,773
What are the rules out here?
273
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,610
Nobody knows and nobody cares.
274
00:09:31,676 --> 00:09:33,346
-[others] Wolf.
-[Wolf] Okay, fine.
275
00:09:33,446 --> 00:09:35,283
[Beef]
Actually, all Benny and her friends did
276
00:09:35,350 --> 00:09:38,456
was hang out at the local bar
in their Alaskan town.
277
00:09:38,524 --> 00:09:40,193
Hello, my dirtbag friend,
HoneyBen.
278
00:09:40,293 --> 00:09:42,965
I'm also a dirtbag
who turns out to be a genius
279
00:09:43,032 --> 00:09:44,902
but never forgets
her dirtbag roots.
280
00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:46,673
As your best friend
who's the same age as you,
281
00:09:46,774 --> 00:09:47,809
you want a drink?
282
00:09:47,909 --> 00:09:49,412
Of course, because I have a sad
283
00:09:49,513 --> 00:09:51,082
flag-related thing in my past
284
00:09:51,148 --> 00:09:52,450
I'm trying to repress.
285
00:09:52,518 --> 00:09:54,789
I can't believe that you're so
much better at creating flags
286
00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:57,562
than everyone at the school,
but you're just a janitor there.
287
00:09:57,662 --> 00:10:00,500
That's all I've ever known.
My dad was a janitor
288
00:10:00,568 --> 00:10:01,836
and his dad was a janitor
289
00:10:01,936 --> 00:10:03,206
and his dad was a mop.
290
00:10:03,306 --> 00:10:05,143
You know, every morning
when I come to your house,
291
00:10:05,243 --> 00:10:06,546
I hope you're not there.
292
00:10:06,646 --> 00:10:08,049
That's a mean thing to say.
293
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:11,189
No. It's-it's heartfelt.
Because you're too smart.
294
00:10:11,289 --> 00:10:13,627
You know, they're looking
for someone to make a new flag
295
00:10:13,694 --> 00:10:14,829
for our great state of Alaska.
296
00:10:14,896 --> 00:10:16,600
If it ain't about
sweeping or trash,
297
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:17,669
I don't want to hear it.
298
00:10:17,735 --> 00:10:19,070
I've put flags behind me
299
00:10:19,137 --> 00:10:21,843
because of that sad
flag-related thing in my past.
300
00:10:24,347 --> 00:10:27,655
[grunts] Wow, you really know
how to make a floor wet.
301
00:10:27,688 --> 00:10:28,924
Thank you.
302
00:10:28,991 --> 00:10:31,563
But you know what you know
even more? Flags.
303
00:10:31,629 --> 00:10:33,767
I know you solved
the unsolvable equation
304
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,103
that I left on the board.
305
00:10:35,169 --> 00:10:36,806
You could be the next
Flannery McBanner,
306
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:38,777
and they named banners
after her.
307
00:10:38,877 --> 00:10:40,848
Flags aren't just
pieces of fabric
308
00:10:40,915 --> 00:10:42,651
flapping in the wind
like idiots,
309
00:10:42,718 --> 00:10:43,988
they give us our identity,
310
00:10:44,088 --> 00:10:46,793
and you could create
the one our state needs.
311
00:10:46,860 --> 00:10:48,162
-I can't.
-Is it because
312
00:10:48,229 --> 00:10:50,400
you have a sad flag-related
thing in your past?
313
00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:52,370
Yes, that's exactly what it is.
314
00:10:52,470 --> 00:10:54,909
Then I need to send you to
a "tell it like it is" therapist
315
00:10:54,976 --> 00:10:56,479
who will never give up on you.
316
00:10:56,546 --> 00:10:59,117
[man] I'm Dr. Notyafault,
and I'm gonna help you
317
00:10:59,217 --> 00:11:02,057
with the sad flag-related
thing in your past.
318
00:11:02,124 --> 00:11:03,961
-I'm also gonna
tell it like it is. -[scoffs]
319
00:11:04,028 --> 00:11:07,802
Let me guess-- a flag killed
your beloved pony, Peppermint?
320
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,437
Yes. That is what happened.
321
00:11:09,505 --> 00:11:12,377
All I wanted was to show
my beloved pony, Peppermint,
322
00:11:12,477 --> 00:11:13,747
the largest flag in the world.
323
00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:16,152
He also loved flags,
because who doesn't?
324
00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:18,089
But when I stood back
to take a photo of my pony
325
00:11:18,156 --> 00:11:20,359
near the flag,
the flag was too heavy.
326
00:11:20,459 --> 00:11:23,098
It flattened him to death.
327
00:11:23,165 --> 00:11:25,169
The only thing left to bury
was his tail.
328
00:11:25,236 --> 00:11:26,338
After that, I swore
329
00:11:26,405 --> 00:11:27,976
I'd never have anything
to do with flags again,
330
00:11:28,042 --> 00:11:29,411
which is why I bought a zoo
331
00:11:29,478 --> 00:11:31,248
and tried to deal with
my amnesia while being chased
332
00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:34,522
by international assassins
hell-bent on killing me.
333
00:11:34,655 --> 00:11:35,189
-[grunts]
-[gasps]
334
00:11:35,323 --> 00:11:37,060
Here's the deed to your zoo.
335
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,799
-[grunts]
-Aah! -[Honeybee] Beef,
336
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,903
no! Those are totally different
Matt Damon movies.
337
00:11:41,970 --> 00:11:43,072
-Are they?
-Yep.
338
00:11:43,138 --> 00:11:43,874
Right.
339
00:11:43,974 --> 00:11:45,043
[Beef]
So then...
340
00:11:45,143 --> 00:11:46,612
Benny Quinnson,
I know you're sad
341
00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:48,517
that a flag
flattened Peppermint,
342
00:11:48,617 --> 00:11:50,220
but I must tell it like it is.
343
00:11:50,353 --> 00:11:51,656
You're a flag genius.
344
00:11:51,690 --> 00:11:53,225
You can't keep running
from this.
345
00:11:53,325 --> 00:11:54,862
Yes, I can.
346
00:11:54,929 --> 00:11:56,465
I'll never give up on you,
347
00:11:56,533 --> 00:11:58,035
but I will bill you
for this session
348
00:11:58,102 --> 00:11:59,739
even though you have
44 minutes left.
349
00:12:03,947 --> 00:12:05,216
And so Benny ran.
350
00:12:05,283 --> 00:12:06,786
Ran even though she knew
she should stop running.
351
00:12:06,886 --> 00:12:09,191
Just like you should stop
running your damn mouth.
352
00:12:09,291 --> 00:12:11,128
-Moon.
-If you can't stand the heat,
353
00:12:11,195 --> 00:12:12,966
stay out of
the crematorium, babe.
354
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,136
Come on, Dad, I need a miracle.
355
00:12:15,203 --> 00:12:17,842
Hang in there, Ham.
So, Dr. Notyafault
356
00:12:17,942 --> 00:12:19,411
doesn't give up on Benny
357
00:12:19,512 --> 00:12:20,915
because he refuses to.
358
00:12:21,015 --> 00:12:22,383
Hi, Dr. Notyafault.
359
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,820
Thinking about flags, kid?
360
00:12:23,854 --> 00:12:25,023
[sighs] Always.
361
00:12:25,090 --> 00:12:26,893
Benny, what happened
to Peppermint--
362
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,296
it's not ya fault.
363
00:12:28,429 --> 00:12:29,431
Yes, it is.
364
00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:30,500
-Isn't.
-Is.
365
00:12:30,567 --> 00:12:31,970
-No, it's not.
-Hm, yeah.
366
00:12:32,070 --> 00:12:34,308
I never looked at it that way
before. It's not my fault.
367
00:12:34,408 --> 00:12:35,511
You're cured.
368
00:12:35,611 --> 00:12:37,848
Now, can I tell you the story
of how my wife died?
369
00:12:37,948 --> 00:12:40,152
-No, thank you.
-Well, I listened to your thing,
370
00:12:40,286 --> 00:12:41,255
but fine. You know,
371
00:12:41,355 --> 00:12:43,459
a flag can say so much
with so little.
372
00:12:43,527 --> 00:12:47,768
That flag of our great state
of Alaska will stay blank,
373
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,138
saying nothing at all,
374
00:12:49,204 --> 00:12:52,010
unless somebody figures out
how to fill it in.
375
00:12:54,549 --> 00:12:56,051
Huh. Now that
my best friend left
376
00:12:56,084 --> 00:12:57,387
without even saying goodbye,
377
00:12:57,454 --> 00:12:58,990
it actually feels pretty bad.
378
00:12:59,090 --> 00:13:01,295
[Beef]
So even though Benny was only 14,
379
00:13:01,395 --> 00:13:04,602
she created a flag
that was just like Alaska--
380
00:13:04,669 --> 00:13:06,839
beautiful in its simplicity.
381
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:09,812
That son of a bitch.
This flag was her fault.
382
00:13:09,879 --> 00:13:11,516
And I love it.
383
00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:14,588
[crying] The majesty...
384
00:13:14,655 --> 00:13:15,524
of flags.
385
00:13:15,590 --> 00:13:19,064
Father, the only interest
I have in flags
386
00:13:19,164 --> 00:13:20,968
is you moving ours to half-mast
387
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:24,107
'cause your funeral is right
around the corner, old man.
388
00:13:24,174 --> 00:13:25,376
You see how I'm talking
to Dad, Ham?
389
00:13:25,476 --> 00:13:27,515
To our own father,
whom I actually respect?
390
00:13:27,582 --> 00:13:29,217
Now imagine there's 20 of me,
391
00:13:29,250 --> 00:13:31,388
desperate to get to their
pudding pack at lunch.
392
00:13:31,455 --> 00:13:32,925
Oh, God, I'm doomed.
393
00:13:33,025 --> 00:13:35,998
Maybe I should see if Jeff Bezos
wants to take me to space
394
00:13:36,064 --> 00:13:37,500
like that little Dutch boy.
395
00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:40,006
Ham, keep it together,
'cause I'm about to destroy
396
00:13:40,039 --> 00:13:41,141
your father and sister.
397
00:13:41,242 --> 00:13:42,744
-Leave the threats to me.
-So sorry.
398
00:13:42,811 --> 00:13:44,414
Now, before I start up
my story car
399
00:13:44,481 --> 00:13:46,786
and drive it directly
into your brain,
400
00:13:46,886 --> 00:13:47,989
let me ask you one thing,
401
00:13:48,056 --> 00:13:49,592
Moon, do you hate vegetables?
402
00:13:49,659 --> 00:13:51,295
I do, in fact, hate vegetables.
403
00:13:51,362 --> 00:13:53,800
Then imagine a world,
right here in Alaska,
404
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,640
where the only food
was plain vegetables.
405
00:13:56,706 --> 00:13:58,309
Then, imagine that one man,
406
00:13:58,376 --> 00:14:01,181
an ordinary plumber
by the name of Steve Henson,
407
00:14:01,248 --> 00:14:03,386
was about to do
something extraordinary.
408
00:14:03,419 --> 00:14:06,091
To make an invention
that would echo through time,
409
00:14:06,191 --> 00:14:08,129
bringing joy to millions.
410
00:14:08,196 --> 00:14:11,034
Yes, that man
invented ranch dressing,
411
00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:13,272
and I'm gonna tell you how
he did it in a way that's fun
412
00:14:13,339 --> 00:14:15,778
and actiony and doesn't
totally make sense,
413
00:14:15,845 --> 00:14:18,215
like The Matrix,
but also totally original.
414
00:14:18,282 --> 00:14:19,418
Just go with it.
415
00:14:19,519 --> 00:14:21,188
So, we're in, like,
this dystopian future,
416
00:14:21,255 --> 00:14:23,025
and in this dystopian future
417
00:14:23,092 --> 00:14:24,394
we find an ordinary plumber
418
00:14:24,461 --> 00:14:25,730
living in Alaska
419
00:14:25,831 --> 00:14:27,200
by the name
of Honey-bee-o Henson.
420
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:29,170
[Moon]
Tell me, Honey, will this story
421
00:14:29,237 --> 00:14:30,908
"bee" over anytime soon?
422
00:14:30,975 --> 00:14:33,614
I just started.
And it's "bee-o," like Neo.
423
00:14:33,681 --> 00:14:36,686
Again, not that this is based
on The Matrix or anything.
424
00:14:36,753 --> 00:14:38,489
Honeybee, you are now
my only hope.
425
00:14:38,523 --> 00:14:40,427
I am begging you
to take this seriously.
426
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:43,566
And I'm begging you to stop now
while you're way, way behind.
427
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:45,571
Both of you shut your holes
and let me roll.
428
00:14:45,638 --> 00:14:48,008
Like I said, there were only
vegetables in this world,
429
00:14:48,108 --> 00:14:50,915
so that's all anyone ate,
day in and day out.
430
00:14:50,981 --> 00:14:52,350
Until one spooky morning,
431
00:14:52,416 --> 00:14:53,821
when Honey-bee-o
goes to the fridge and...
432
00:14:53,954 --> 00:14:55,824
[smart fridge]
Wake up, Honey-bee-o.
433
00:14:55,891 --> 00:14:56,993
But I am awake.
434
00:14:57,060 --> 00:14:58,429
Never mind, I'm coming out.
435
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,567
[Honeybee]
Then the fridge door opened,
436
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,772
and a cool, mysterious bad boy
stepped out,
437
00:15:02,839 --> 00:15:03,874
Guy Morfieri.
438
00:15:03,974 --> 00:15:05,042
Hello, Honey-bee-o.
439
00:15:05,109 --> 00:15:07,080
The world you're living in
is a lie.
440
00:15:07,147 --> 00:15:08,550
Also, you're low on radishes.
441
00:15:08,650 --> 00:15:10,954
Okay, how did you get
in there? And in here?
442
00:15:11,054 --> 00:15:12,357
There's no time to explain,
443
00:15:12,423 --> 00:15:14,360
and it also wouldn't make
any sense, but listen,
444
00:15:14,427 --> 00:15:15,998
this world--
the world around you--
445
00:15:16,098 --> 00:15:17,735
it's actually imaginary.
446
00:15:17,768 --> 00:15:19,304
Everything? Even my toilet?
447
00:15:19,404 --> 00:15:22,076
Especially your toilet,
but there is a real world.
448
00:15:22,177 --> 00:15:23,479
With real toilets?
449
00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:25,884
Stop talking about toilets.
I need you to focus.
450
00:15:25,984 --> 00:15:28,389
The real world
is just people in goo pods.
451
00:15:28,455 --> 00:15:31,128
It's pretty gross, but at least
it's real, or whatever.
452
00:15:31,195 --> 00:15:32,497
And are there toilets in there?
453
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,067
-I swear to God.
-Sorry.
454
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,506
Look, we have to wake
everyone up from goo sleep
455
00:15:36,572 --> 00:15:39,477
to set them free,
so I've chosen you to help.
456
00:15:39,578 --> 00:15:40,479
Make sense?
457
00:15:40,581 --> 00:15:41,549
-Nope.
-Perfect.
458
00:15:41,616 --> 00:15:43,219
Oh, and here's the big thing:
459
00:15:43,286 --> 00:15:45,190
vegetables
don't have to taste bad.
460
00:15:45,256 --> 00:15:46,692
We've all been lied to,
461
00:15:46,759 --> 00:15:48,664
and that's why
you have to choose.
462
00:15:48,731 --> 00:15:51,435
Eat this Brussel sprout, and
you stay in the world you know,
463
00:15:51,503 --> 00:15:53,540
or take this clove of garlic
and change
464
00:15:53,641 --> 00:15:55,076
everything forever
465
00:15:55,142 --> 00:15:56,646
and be in a bunch of danger.
466
00:15:56,746 --> 00:15:57,748
Brussel sprout, please.
467
00:15:57,815 --> 00:15:59,150
-No, pick the other one.
-Uh,
468
00:15:59,284 --> 00:16:00,787
normally, I don't
eat straight-up garlic
469
00:16:00,887 --> 00:16:02,524
from men who step
out of my refrigerator,
470
00:16:02,558 --> 00:16:04,896
but you're charming as hell
and your hair makes me smile,
471
00:16:04,962 --> 00:16:06,464
so let's go.
472
00:16:10,406 --> 00:16:11,876
So, what do you think
so far, Moon?
473
00:16:12,009 --> 00:16:13,412
I liked the part
where you said vegetables suck,
474
00:16:13,479 --> 00:16:15,049
but I hated the part
where you kept talking.
475
00:16:15,149 --> 00:16:17,921
Oh, no! Talking is, like,
the main part of a presentation.
476
00:16:17,988 --> 00:16:19,324
Sounds like
I'm still in the running.
477
00:16:19,424 --> 00:16:21,963
And I think my flag story
was pretty nice.
478
00:16:22,063 --> 00:16:24,935
And I think it was a war crime.
Tomato, "tomahto."
479
00:16:25,035 --> 00:16:26,171
Speaking of tomatoes,
480
00:16:26,238 --> 00:16:27,808
when Honey-bee-o
takes the garlic,
481
00:16:27,908 --> 00:16:29,746
she and Guy Morfieri
go into this,
482
00:16:29,812 --> 00:16:31,516
like, uh, white void space
483
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,085
so she can train
to save the world
484
00:16:33,185 --> 00:16:34,689
from flavorless vegetables,
starting with...
485
00:16:34,755 --> 00:16:36,593
[Wolf] Hunk volleyball!
486
00:16:36,693 --> 00:16:37,995
It's dudes in leather shorts
487
00:16:38,061 --> 00:16:40,132
spinning a cauliflower ball
on one finger.
488
00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:41,936
-Wolf!
-Sorry, my Matrix Maven.
489
00:16:42,003 --> 00:16:43,106
-Go on.
-So,
490
00:16:43,206 --> 00:16:44,976
Honey-bee-o and Guy Morfieri
do, like,
491
00:16:45,043 --> 00:16:46,746
karate stuff
and some light gymnastics,
492
00:16:46,847 --> 00:16:49,417
and it's very unclear how
those things would help people
493
00:16:49,484 --> 00:16:51,121
get out of goo pods,
but it looks cool as hell.
494
00:16:51,221 --> 00:16:53,091
[grunts] Damn it.
No matter how cool this looks,
495
00:16:53,192 --> 00:16:54,328
it isn't working.
496
00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:55,630
-What should we do?
-Hmm. I know.
497
00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,835
Let's go see a weird lady
who speaks in riddles
498
00:16:57,969 --> 00:16:59,739
and will also
not explain anything.
499
00:16:59,806 --> 00:17:00,741
Perfect.
500
00:17:00,841 --> 00:17:02,110
[woman]
As The Jude-acle,
501
00:17:02,176 --> 00:17:03,212
I can tell you, you might
502
00:17:03,312 --> 00:17:04,782
be The One, Honey-bee-o,
503
00:17:04,882 --> 00:17:07,522
but first you have to believe
that you're The One.
504
00:17:07,588 --> 00:17:09,357
So, am I The One? Or...
505
00:17:09,490 --> 00:17:11,529
I'm pretty sure it's you,
but I'm wrong a lot.
506
00:17:11,596 --> 00:17:14,000
I thought the guy in The Jinx
documentary was innocent,
507
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:15,102
so, you know what I mean?
508
00:17:15,169 --> 00:17:16,739
[Honeybee]
And then, um...
509
00:17:16,839 --> 00:17:18,743
something happens.
Give me a sec.
510
00:17:18,843 --> 00:17:20,814
[Moon]
You don't remember the movie, do you?
511
00:17:20,881 --> 00:17:22,483
-What movie?
-The Matrix.
512
00:17:22,551 --> 00:17:24,822
This isn't that. It's just
a cool story I'm making up.
513
00:17:24,889 --> 00:17:26,926
Oh, oh, oh, hold on,
I remember now.
514
00:17:26,993 --> 00:17:28,997
I just remembered
I'm supposed to upload
515
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,400
some instructions to your brain.
516
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,971
I'm just gonna pop back
to goo world real quick.
517
00:17:33,072 --> 00:17:35,276
Cool spoon trick.
518
00:17:35,376 --> 00:17:37,114
Okay, um, sorry about that.
I just
519
00:17:37,180 --> 00:17:39,752
uploaded something
to your goo world brain.
520
00:17:42,323 --> 00:17:44,060
A recipe for some kind of sauce.
521
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,331
Oh, and I also uploaded
a playlist called
522
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,369
"Now That's What
Guy Calls Music"
523
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:49,838
that takes me
to an emotional Flavortown
524
00:17:49,905 --> 00:17:52,310
when I'm feeling down.
A lot of Spin Doctors on there.
525
00:17:52,377 --> 00:17:54,280
Well, then why don't
we go ahead now
526
00:17:54,414 --> 00:17:55,650
and get back to the goo world,
527
00:17:55,717 --> 00:17:57,755
make this sauce recipe
you uploaded in my brain
528
00:17:57,822 --> 00:17:58,956
and then put it in the goo pods
529
00:17:59,023 --> 00:18:00,226
so I can win
this story competition.
530
00:18:00,326 --> 00:18:01,796
Wait, what story competition?
531
00:18:01,863 --> 00:18:03,298
No time to explain. Let's go.
532
00:18:03,398 --> 00:18:06,471
[Honeybee]
And then Agent Beef Smith shows up
533
00:18:06,572 --> 00:18:08,075
to stop them because
he wants people to stay
534
00:18:08,175 --> 00:18:09,343
in those goo pods forever.
535
00:18:09,444 --> 00:18:11,181
Vegetables should not
be delicious.
536
00:18:11,281 --> 00:18:14,220
If you don't like dry broccoli,
just try it wet.
537
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:15,690
-Like, soaked in water?
-Yes.
538
00:18:15,757 --> 00:18:18,530
What are you talking about, man?
Nobody wants wet-getables.
539
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:21,001
Honey-bee-o,
kick this guy's ass.
540
00:18:21,068 --> 00:18:22,437
[Honeybee]
And then they fought.
541
00:18:22,538 --> 00:18:24,542
Honey-bee-o used his,
uh, mind powers
542
00:18:24,642 --> 00:18:26,211
to make ingredients appear
and made them
543
00:18:26,278 --> 00:18:28,149
fly around and mixed it all
in the air
544
00:18:28,215 --> 00:18:30,153
in a big ol' blob
of floating sauce,
545
00:18:30,219 --> 00:18:31,656
but then Agent Beef Smith
546
00:18:31,723 --> 00:18:33,726
shoots at him
with carrot bullets.
547
00:18:33,793 --> 00:18:37,133
But he stops them mid-air
with flavor powers.
548
00:18:38,102 --> 00:18:39,471
Alaska: Wow!
549
00:18:39,539 --> 00:18:40,974
With the perfect combination
of buttermilk,
550
00:18:41,041 --> 00:18:43,947
mayo, eggs and a proprietary
blend of herbs and spices,
551
00:18:44,014 --> 00:18:47,721
I've invented an amazing sauce
right here in this fine state.
552
00:18:47,788 --> 00:18:49,291
I'll call it Donkey Sauce.
553
00:18:49,358 --> 00:18:51,028
I will sue you into oblivion.
554
00:18:51,094 --> 00:18:52,430
Ranch dressing it is.
555
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:54,668
[Honeybee]
And then she sends the carrot with the ranch dressing
556
00:18:54,735 --> 00:18:57,608
into his mouth and the flavor
was too delicious.
557
00:18:57,674 --> 00:18:59,578
No! It's too delicious!
558
00:18:59,645 --> 00:19:01,015
Aah!
559
00:19:01,616 --> 00:19:04,154
-Honey-bee-o, you did it.
-Yes, and I think it all
560
00:19:04,221 --> 00:19:05,422
made perfect sense, don't you?
561
00:19:05,489 --> 00:19:07,260
Definitely.
Let's go sauce those pods.
562
00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:10,232
[Honeybee]
So then everyone got free of their goo pods, and then,
563
00:19:10,332 --> 00:19:12,538
in the sequel,
they have a big rave in a cave.
564
00:19:12,638 --> 00:19:14,675
And that's the true story
of how Alaska was the site
565
00:19:14,775 --> 00:19:16,780
of the invention of the most
perfect sauce of all time.
566
00:19:16,846 --> 00:19:18,650
And the real inventor's name
was Steven Henson,
567
00:19:18,750 --> 00:19:20,821
and I worship him
and his beautiful mind.
568
00:19:20,888 --> 00:19:22,023
Case closed. I win.
569
00:19:22,090 --> 00:19:24,696
Ugh. Did she win, Moon?
Or did Judy win?
570
00:19:24,762 --> 00:19:26,030
[weak chuckle] Or Dad?
571
00:19:26,131 --> 00:19:28,302
Which story will make it so
I don't wind up peeing my pants
572
00:19:28,402 --> 00:19:29,271
in front of your class?
573
00:19:29,371 --> 00:19:30,808
Hmm. I'm sorry, Ham,
574
00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,376
but I can't choose.
575
00:19:32,477 --> 00:19:35,216
I'm forced to declare
a three-way tie
576
00:19:35,282 --> 00:19:37,487
for worst story ever.
577
00:19:37,554 --> 00:19:39,324
But my story
was about hating vegetables.
578
00:19:39,391 --> 00:19:40,793
It was about salad,
579
00:19:40,860 --> 00:19:43,265
which I wouldn't even eat
if it was dipped in frosting.
580
00:19:43,332 --> 00:19:45,904
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
What am I supposed to do?
581
00:19:45,971 --> 00:19:49,243
I'm sorry, Ham, but it's time
to get your affairs in order
582
00:19:49,310 --> 00:19:51,414
because tomorrow, you die.
583
00:19:51,516 --> 00:19:54,688
All right, everyone, I have
just realized that the lasagna
584
00:19:54,788 --> 00:19:57,160
has been in for 90 extra minutes
and is on fire,
585
00:19:57,260 --> 00:20:00,032
so, let's extinguish it
and go out for pizza.
586
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:01,502
[Ham grunts]
587
00:20:01,569 --> 00:20:03,338
Desperate to get
to their pudding pack.
588
00:20:03,405 --> 00:20:05,744
-[echoes] Pack. Pack. Pack.
-"Now That's What Guy Calls Music."
589
00:20:05,811 --> 00:20:08,583
-[echoes] Music. Music. Music.
-Wouldn't even eat if it was dipped in frosting.
590
00:20:08,650 --> 00:20:11,756
[gasps]
I know what I have to do.
591
00:20:12,290 --> 00:20:13,760
-[kids booing]
-[crying]
592
00:20:13,827 --> 00:20:16,800
Um, so, uh, today,
593
00:20:16,933 --> 00:20:20,774
I will be telling you
about Alaska's coastlines...
594
00:20:20,874 --> 00:20:23,179
-Boo!
-So long, brother.
595
00:20:23,279 --> 00:20:25,116
...as shown on these
596
00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,086
cupcakes I made!
597
00:20:27,187 --> 00:20:28,723
Everyone gets six.
598
00:20:28,824 --> 00:20:32,330
Six whole cupcakes that you will
get to eat during my speech.
599
00:20:32,430 --> 00:20:33,766
-Now we're talking.
-[whoops]
600
00:20:33,867 --> 00:20:36,706
You son of a bitch.
You cracked it.
601
00:20:36,773 --> 00:20:39,746
Are you really giving each
of my students six cupcakes?
602
00:20:39,846 --> 00:20:41,816
Yep. And in ten minutes
it'll be your problem.
603
00:20:41,883 --> 00:20:44,120
But for now,
their mouths are too full
604
00:20:44,187 --> 00:20:45,524
to say a word, so...
605
00:20:45,657 --> 00:20:46,893
Alaska: Wow!
606
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,667
Our great state has the longest
coastline in the nation.
607
00:20:50,701 --> 00:20:52,337
? When it comes
to setting tables ?
608
00:20:52,437 --> 00:20:54,709
? There's one man
who knows his stuff ?
609
00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:56,712
? The proper placement
of a salad knife ?
610
00:20:56,779 --> 00:20:58,382
? A meal time stud,
the king of cups ?
611
00:20:58,482 --> 00:21:00,888
? Unrivaled use
of charger plates ?
612
00:21:00,988 --> 00:21:03,192
-? Knows which glass
is for wine ? -? That one ?
613
00:21:03,258 --> 00:21:06,265
? Just give that man a call and
he'll make that table fine ?
614
00:21:06,365 --> 00:21:08,335
-? It's Ham ?
-? Ham ?
615
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:11,441
? The Lone Moose
king of cups, it's Ham ?
616
00:21:11,509 --> 00:21:13,212
-? Ham ?
-? Sit down to eat ?
617
00:21:13,312 --> 00:21:15,316
? And watch him strut,
it's Ham ?
618
00:21:15,416 --> 00:21:17,921
-? Ham ?
-? This kid has got the grease ?
619
00:21:17,988 --> 00:21:20,359
? He's better
at setting tables than ?
620
00:21:20,459 --> 00:21:22,698
? That candle from
the Beauty and the Beast. ?
621
00:21:22,764 --> 00:21:24,902
Captioning sponsored by
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622
00:21:24,969 --> 00:21:26,337
and TOYOTA.
623
00:21:26,387 --> 00:21:30,937
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