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1
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♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,023
♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,092 --> 00:00:11,677
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:14,796
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,864 --> 00:00:18,066
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,135 --> 00:00:21,486
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,037
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,890
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:29,844
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:37,597
We now return to
11
00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:39,581
Jeremy Piven as
The Incredible Hulk.
12
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,367
You wouldn't like
me when I'm angry.
13
00:00:41,391 --> 00:00:43,341
I don't like you now.
14
00:00:43,410 --> 00:00:44,793
Brian, I need the TV.
15
00:00:44,862 --> 00:00:46,444
Why is Rupert wearing a top hat?
16
00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:48,380
Because,
Brian, tonight we sup on
17
00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:50,560
the finest feast of
the television season.
18
00:00:50,584 --> 00:00:53,418
It is the season finale
of The Cadwalliders of Essex.
19
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,487
The what?
The Cadwalliders of Essex.
20
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,256
It's groundbreaking.
21
00:00:57,324 --> 00:01:00,337
It's a British show
about a wealthy family
dealing with slight change.
22
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:01,559
I thought that got canceled.
23
00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:03,539
No, that was The Caduggansof Aubrey Muse.
24
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,508
Is that the one where even
the children have muttonchops?
25
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:07,643
No, that's
The Whittakers ofEdgerton Crescent.
26
00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:08,945
All these shows sound the same.
27
00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:10,068
Who's in this one?
28
00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:11,248
Penelope Westworth-Harrington.
29
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:12,504
Who's that?
30
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,617
Penelope
Westworth-Harrington?
Oh, come on!
31
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:16,786
From The Roysters ofPumbridge on Thames?
32
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:19,022
Her uncle was steward
to the Queen's Privy!
33
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,658
She got plowed
on a pile of hay
in Game of Thrones.
34
00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:25,150
Oh, Yeah! Yeah. She's hot.
35
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:26,502
Ugh. You're an idiot.
36
00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:29,588
Like a guy who
cheats on his right hand
with his left hand.
37
00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:33,291
I want to stay,
but I just got called
back into the office.
38
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,860
What do you want from me?
I'm sorry, all right?
39
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,580
Just get off my back!
I'm out of here.
40
00:01:40,450 --> 00:01:43,129
God, it took me
forever to get away...
41
00:01:43,153 --> 00:01:45,620
Oh, my God! No!
42
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:47,606
What have you done?
43
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:50,842
Wait! Stop!
No, please! I'm begging you!
44
00:02:03,908 --> 00:02:05,068
Oh, it's starting!
45
00:02:05,092 --> 00:02:06,519
I'm going to live-tweet the show
46
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,843
and ruin it for everyone
in other time zones.
47
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:17,085
I would like to
learn to bathe myself.
48
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:23,258
Everything I've
ever heard is vexing.
49
00:02:23,327 --> 00:02:24,426
Oh! Oh.
50
00:02:24,494 --> 00:02:27,195
This is the fastest-moving
episode I've ever seen!
51
00:02:27,263 --> 00:02:30,282
Wouldn't it be marvelous
to be a part of
a family like that?
52
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:32,300
I found that chick in the hay.
53
00:02:32,368 --> 00:02:35,303
Unga Bunga!
Unga Bunga! Unga Bunga!
54
00:02:35,371 --> 00:02:37,150
What is that?
What's happening?
55
00:02:37,174 --> 00:02:40,175
Unga Bunga!
Unga Bunga! Unga Bunga!
56
00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:41,404
Peter, what are you doing?
57
00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:42,428
Playing Unga Bunga.
58
00:02:42,479 --> 00:02:43,845
It's the championship.
59
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:47,115
Go away! This is why Zillow
estimates our house at $4.00.
60
00:02:47,184 --> 00:02:48,549
What the hell is Unga Bunga?
61
00:02:48,618 --> 00:02:52,187
Two guys run at each other
with mattresses, um,
62
00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:53,488
and that's kind of it.
63
00:02:53,557 --> 00:02:56,724
Stop explaining it to the dog!
Let's do this!
64
00:02:59,730 --> 00:03:01,629
Stop it! I'm trying
to watch my program!
65
00:03:01,698 --> 00:03:03,081
Oh, Chris, look! Mom's naked!
66
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:05,099
Where?
You creep.
67
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:09,154
No!
68
00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:10,755
Peter, what's going on in...
69
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,304
Unga Bunga!
70
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,093
You imbeciles!
You ruined my night!
71
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,145
I ask for one
thing in this house!
72
00:03:17,214 --> 00:03:19,174
Stewie, just watch
your show upstairs.
73
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,911
I don't want to
watch it upstairs
on the small TV!
74
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:25,404
I want to watch it
downstairs on the big TV.
75
00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:27,555
I want to watch my show!
76
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:35,496
Oh, no,
Stewie's having a tantrum.
Come here, sweetie.
77
00:03:37,934 --> 00:03:40,234
Ow!
Screw you, you little turd!
78
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,656
What's all that noise?
79
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:47,426
Aw. Do you want a hug
from your big sister?
80
00:03:48,411 --> 00:03:49,411
Ow!
81
00:03:53,016 --> 00:03:55,199
You've earned yourself
a time-out, young man.
82
00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:58,270
Now, you stay in here
until you can behave.
83
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:00,388
I hate you!
You always ruin everything!
84
00:04:00,456 --> 00:04:02,223
God, it's a family of idiots!
85
00:04:02,292 --> 00:04:05,326
I wish...
I wish I was never born!
86
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,281
Not tonight, Rupert.
I'm much too upset.
87
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:16,588
Knock, knock. Stewie?
88
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:19,207
I just wanted to check
on how you're doing, buddy.
89
00:04:19,276 --> 00:04:20,975
You put on quite
a show last night.
90
00:04:21,044 --> 00:04:24,004
I am done with this family.
They don't deserve me.
They're all just...
91
00:04:24,047 --> 00:04:26,359
Oh, you dick,
you just came in
to charge your phone.
92
00:04:26,383 --> 00:04:28,316
Sorry, Peter's
using all the outlets.
93
00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:31,753
Toast house.
94
00:04:31,822 --> 00:04:34,305
Whatever. I'm gonna be
out of this place soon anyway.
95
00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:35,752
What, are you
running away from home?
96
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:36,776
Better.
97
00:04:40,163 --> 00:04:43,481
What the hell?
You rebuilt
your time machine?
98
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,116
I thought you
swore off time travel,
99
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:47,397
'cause you
couldn't stop yourself
from altering the past.
100
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:48,998
Look, Brian, I need this machine
101
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,500
to alter the past
for the better.
102
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:53,074
What do you mean?
I loathe this family.
103
00:04:53,143 --> 00:04:55,910
Being born into it was clearly
some sort of cosmic mistake,
104
00:04:55,979 --> 00:04:58,646
so I'm going back in time
to prevent that mistake.
105
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:02,634
I'm going to break up
Lois and the fat man
before they can conceive me.
106
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,437
Stewie, it's one TV show.
You're overreacting.
107
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:07,400
It's not just
the TV show, Brian.
108
00:05:07,424 --> 00:05:09,268
I'm tired of living with morons.
109
00:05:09,292 --> 00:05:12,105
Remember when I tried
to open that lemonade
stand with Chris?
110
00:05:12,129 --> 00:05:13,562
All right, that'll be 10 cents.
111
00:05:13,630 --> 00:05:14,974
Chris,
pour the man his lemonade.
112
00:05:14,998 --> 00:05:16,247
I can't!
113
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,384
The lemonade
tricked me and got away!
114
00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:22,037
Lemons are God's children!
115
00:05:22,105 --> 00:05:25,673
And the fat man
won't even let me
celebrate a proper birthday.
116
00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:27,575
Happy birthday, Stewie!
117
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,328
And here's your
equal-attention cake, Peter.
118
00:05:30,397 --> 00:05:31,397
Yay!
119
00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:33,432
Oh, come on!
120
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,700
Yay! Double wishes!
121
00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:38,052
One.
122
00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:42,674
Two.
123
00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,976
And Meg's
the biggest pig of all.
124
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,078
Great.
The string broke again.
125
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:51,499
Hey, there, tiny hands.
126
00:05:51,568 --> 00:05:53,596
Look, Stewie,
I know you're
angry about last night,
127
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,365
but you're talking about
erasing your existence.
128
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:56,571
That's crazy.
129
00:06:00,226 --> 00:06:02,338
Whose ringtone is Barracuda?
130
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:06,063
Oh, God, that's Frumpy Ann.
Frumpy Ann does everything.
131
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:09,067
Look,
I've got to get this call,
but don't do anything stupid.
132
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:11,403
Yo, girl, how you living?
133
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,472
Ugh.
134
00:06:14,992 --> 00:06:18,126
All right, Rupert,
prepare to time travel.
135
00:06:18,194 --> 00:06:20,139
Oh, and by the way,
thanks for asking me
136
00:06:20,163 --> 00:06:21,996
if I wanted
something from Subway, too.
137
00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:42,884
Where am I?
138
00:06:42,953 --> 00:06:45,586
This looks like my room,
but something's off.
139
00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:47,533
That's right.
This isn't my room yet.
140
00:06:47,557 --> 00:06:49,477
Wonder what
they're using it for.
141
00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:54,863
Oh, my God,
he had a public access show?
142
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:57,048
Live from
the shores of Rhode Island,
143
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,133
it's the fatty who
drives you batty!
144
00:06:59,202 --> 00:07:00,719
Peter Griffin!
145
00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:07,625
Hey, douchebags!
We've got a great
show for you tonight.
146
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:09,794
Karen Washington from
the Rhode Island Zoo,
147
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:12,464
and some rejected toys
you're not going to believe.
148
00:07:12,532 --> 00:07:14,282
So, stick around, or...
149
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:17,802
I'll come to your house
and murder you!
150
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:19,670
I wonder what else is different.
151
00:07:21,424 --> 00:07:24,792
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
152
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,494
♪ All the things that make us
153
00:07:26,563 --> 00:07:28,896
♪ La la la ♪
154
00:07:28,965 --> 00:07:31,749
She is camel toe-ing
the hell out of that leotard.
155
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:42,755
All right, Rupert.
Time to break up
Lois and the fat man
156
00:07:42,779 --> 00:07:45,680
before they can conceive me
by pressing butts together.
157
00:07:45,749 --> 00:07:47,264
Well, you don't know, either!
158
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,349
Hey, Lois,
I drawed you a picture.
159
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,768
It's me and you
on the space moon,
160
00:07:55,792 --> 00:07:57,953
'cause I would
love you anywhere.
161
00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:00,979
Aw, Peter!
I'd love you anywhere, too.
162
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:06,735
Wow, Peter and Lois
were really in love
before I was born.
163
00:08:06,803 --> 00:08:09,070
And this is me
getting you from behind,
164
00:08:09,138 --> 00:08:11,806
'cause in space
no one can hear you scream.
165
00:08:11,875 --> 00:08:13,758
Peter!
166
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:16,878
Breaking them up may
prove to be more difficult
than I thought.
167
00:08:16,947 --> 00:08:18,941
Though I've faced
bigger challenges before.
168
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:21,432
Like when I had to ride
that bike in The Muppet Movie.
169
00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:26,321
That's right.
Stewie Long Legs
just blew your mind.
170
00:08:29,793 --> 00:08:32,093
All right, Rupert,
now to break up my parents.
171
00:08:32,162 --> 00:08:34,895
The number one thing
couples fight about is money.
172
00:08:34,964 --> 00:08:38,833
So I've maxed out
Lois's credit card
on vibrating marital aids.
173
00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:44,105
Peter, there's
an open box in the kitchen
174
00:08:44,174 --> 00:08:46,424
addressed to me
with nothing inside.
175
00:08:46,492 --> 00:08:48,588
Yeah, when I opened
it up, it was empty.
176
00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:50,044
Well, that's very strange,
177
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,447
because it looked large enough
to hold many items.
178
00:08:53,583 --> 00:08:54,833
It's the mailman!
179
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:56,134
I'll get it!
180
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,852
No, me! I'll get it!
181
00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:01,272
Maybe I had more in common
with this family
than I thought.
182
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,853
Oh, my God, Peter!
What happened to your hair?
183
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:19,507
I don't know.
I'm bald! You did this!
184
00:09:19,575 --> 00:09:21,004
What the hell's
the matter with you?
185
00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:24,095
I didn't do it,
but you look really cool.
186
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:25,329
I do?
187
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,116
Yeah, you look like
you could be a celebrity.
188
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,235
Hey, can I get your autograph?
189
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,384
Oh, of course, here you go.
190
00:09:34,757 --> 00:09:36,657
They think I'm Bruce Willis.
191
00:09:36,726 --> 00:09:38,676
That was
the monster from Goonies!
192
00:09:43,866 --> 00:09:46,362
None of my
attempts to break them up
has worked thus far,
193
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:48,453
so I had to up our game.
194
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,038
Lois, what the hell did you do?
195
00:09:50,107 --> 00:09:51,906
I just got a note from Goodwill
196
00:09:51,975 --> 00:09:53,736
thanking me for
donating all my porn.
197
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,292
What?
198
00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:57,895
I'm sick and tired
of you blaming me
for things I didn't do!
199
00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,598
And I've got
a bone to pick with you!
200
00:09:59,666 --> 00:10:01,600
I don't appreciate
how you spray-painted
201
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:03,534
"vile woman" on
the bedroom wall.
202
00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:05,853
That wasn't me!
Must've been one of the kids!
203
00:10:05,922 --> 00:10:07,522
That's ridiculous, Peter!
204
00:10:07,590 --> 00:10:10,591
Chris can't write,
and we don't
allow Meg upstairs!
205
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,508
You know something?
I'm starting to think
whoever wrote that is right!
206
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:18,499
Maybe I don't want
to live with someone
who doesn't respect me!
207
00:10:18,568 --> 00:10:20,380
Well, then maybe I
should just leave!
208
00:10:20,404 --> 00:10:24,088
And where are you gonna go?
You've got nothing
else and nobody else!
209
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:25,857
And now for the closer.
210
00:10:30,346 --> 00:10:31,563
I might go west.
211
00:10:35,252 --> 00:10:38,486
My God, I've done it, Rupert!
They've broken up!
212
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:42,690
Look! It's working.
I'm fading away!
213
00:10:42,759 --> 00:10:45,727
Well, Rupert, this means
you and I will never have met.
214
00:10:45,795 --> 00:10:47,895
So I've got to
tell you one thing.
215
00:10:47,964 --> 00:10:50,497
You know that song I wrote you
for Valentine's Day?
216
00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:53,534
It's an Eric Carmen song.
I completely ripped it off.
217
00:10:53,603 --> 00:10:55,770
Ah. Now, I feel better.
218
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:04,946
What the devil?What's going on?Where am I?
219
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,449
It's a boy!
220
00:11:07,517 --> 00:11:11,836
I'm in a hospital.My soul must have foundanother carrier.
221
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,454
I've been reborn!
222
00:11:13,523 --> 00:11:15,790
Welcome to the world, baby chap.
223
00:11:15,859 --> 00:11:19,127
I'm British?
All right!
224
00:11:19,195 --> 00:11:20,672
I wonder if I'll
have one of those
225
00:11:20,696 --> 00:11:23,831
pug-nosed British dogs
that licks its
own snot all day.
226
00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:27,652
Ew. That's gross.
227
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,220
Piss off, you little wanker.
228
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:31,956
I'm not going to be the dog
to some poof baby.
229
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,705
Well, lad, welcome to your home.
230
00:11:51,361 --> 00:11:53,111
Well, this is more like it.
231
00:11:54,164 --> 00:11:55,913
This is your valet,
your gardener,
232
00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:58,750
your cook, your gamekeeper,
your butler, your housekeeper,
233
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:00,284
your parlor maid,
your housemaid,
234
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,587
your scullery maid,
your shoe de-graveler
235
00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:06,858
and one superfluous employee
who I am not in
a gay relationship with.
236
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:08,860
Sir, we have
a meeting in the broom shed.
237
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:09,977
Quite right.
238
00:12:10,046 --> 00:12:11,823
I will now hand you
over to your mother.
239
00:12:11,847 --> 00:12:13,592
This will be our
last physical contact
240
00:12:13,616 --> 00:12:16,950
until I give you
a firm handshake
on your 18th birthday.
241
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,490
My God, this is everything
I've ever wanted.
242
00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:25,737
And let's be honest,
if I had stayed
with the Griffins,
243
00:12:25,761 --> 00:12:28,863
I would have ended up like
Rick Springfield today.
244
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:32,517
♪ I wish that I
had Jesse's job ♪
245
00:12:38,041 --> 00:12:43,311
Sir, it's 6:00 p.m.,
and you're still
in your 5:45 tuxedo.
246
00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:45,897
Nigel,
yesterday I saw you smile.
247
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,194
Is that something
I need to bring
up with my father?
248
00:12:48,218 --> 00:12:51,085
I was just imagining
my own death, sir.
249
00:12:51,154 --> 00:12:52,553
You're a good man, Nigel.
250
00:12:52,622 --> 00:12:53,988
May I pull on your nose hair?
251
00:12:54,057 --> 00:12:55,356
Of course, sir.
252
00:13:05,435 --> 00:13:07,418
My heavens,
my father is the Commander
253
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,670
of The Most Excellent Order
of the British Empire,
254
00:13:09,739 --> 00:13:11,573
Dean of Physics at Oxford,
255
00:13:11,641 --> 00:13:14,709
and he was pre-approved for
a Capital One No Hassle Card.
256
00:13:14,777 --> 00:13:17,111
Oh!
He's just framing everything.
257
00:13:17,179 --> 00:13:20,298
Stewart,
these are your brothers,
Jaidan and Aidan.
258
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,633
Jaidan was first
form in his sixth levels
259
00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:25,837
and he's chief scrum-flanker
on his varsity boogling team,
260
00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:28,556
which, as far as we know,
makes us terribly proud.
261
00:13:28,625 --> 00:13:30,642
Finally,
siblings who are doing stuff!
262
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,644
I'm really happy
to meet you guys.
263
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,312
You were an accident.
264
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,481
You're only here
because Father
is a heavy sleeper
265
00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:38,650
with a frequent morning stem.
266
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:41,869
Okay. Aidan's
the ball-breaker, huh, Jaidan?
267
00:13:41,938 --> 00:13:45,306
Father, is it going to
live here for a while?
268
00:13:45,375 --> 00:13:47,391
Oh, Aidan is the nice one.
269
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:50,039
Well, if it's
verbal jousting skills
you're looking for,
270
00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:54,065
I'm not afraid to
take a little walk
on the Oscar Wilde side.
271
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:56,016
You are a poopy head.
272
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,136
And you, shut up.
273
00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,572
Stewart,
I think your mouth is better
274
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,007
at taking things in
than spewing them out.
275
00:14:05,579 --> 00:14:08,407
Wow. These guys
are a little sharper
than my old family.
276
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:11,299
I still remember our duck,
duck, goose disaster.
277
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:14,469
Duck. Duck. Duck.
278
00:14:15,004 --> 00:14:17,171
Duck. Duck.
279
00:14:18,508 --> 00:14:19,874
Duck.
280
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:23,428
Duck. Duck. Duck. Duck.
281
00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:27,515
Duck.
282
00:14:27,584 --> 00:14:30,685
Duck. Duck. Duck. Duck.
283
00:14:37,059 --> 00:14:38,892
Duck.
284
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,628
What is that other word?
285
00:14:44,483 --> 00:14:48,369
♪ It's a long,
long way to Tipperary
286
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:51,872
♪ But my heart's right there ♪
287
00:14:53,443 --> 00:14:55,326
Well done, boys.
288
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:58,946
Stewart, perhaps you'd like
to regale us with song.
289
00:14:59,015 --> 00:15:03,401
Uh... Okay,
I would've liked a heads-up
so I could prepare something.
290
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:06,110
But, um, I'm sure I
can whip something up.
291
00:15:09,225 --> 00:15:11,258
♪ Wayne's World!
Wayne's World!
292
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,367
♪ It's party time!
It's excellent! ♪
293
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,447
What? What's wrong?
294
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:19,316
Stewart, I think your time
might be better spent
295
00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:23,053
in the attic with
your syphilitic,
one-eared cousin, Earl.
296
00:15:25,942 --> 00:15:28,376
Hey.
What's that? I can't hear you.
297
00:15:28,445 --> 00:15:30,211
I was just saying hello.
298
00:15:30,279 --> 00:15:31,746
Aah!
299
00:15:31,815 --> 00:15:34,965
There you are.
Now you've got it.
That's how we play.
300
00:15:39,321 --> 00:15:40,588
There we are.
301
00:15:40,657 --> 00:15:43,235
Sorry I couldn't squeeze
no more juice
out of my nippers.
302
00:15:43,259 --> 00:15:44,625
That's all right.
303
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:47,294
I can't be mad at someone who
lost seven sons in the war.
304
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:50,164
All right, my little lord,
it's time for bed.
305
00:15:50,233 --> 00:15:51,982
Why isn't Mommy tucking me in?
306
00:15:52,051 --> 00:15:53,884
Oh, hush, love, you're born now.
307
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,254
That's the end
of all this "Mommy" nonsense.
308
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,699
What the hell?
I don't even get
a stuffed animal to hug?
309
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:10,702
The only thing in this crib is
a 19th-century dueling pistol.
310
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:11,803
Aah!
311
00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:13,070
It's loaded?
312
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,923
Who dares to shoot
the bow tie off my cat?
313
00:16:15,992 --> 00:16:17,225
We duel at dawn!
314
00:16:17,293 --> 00:16:18,559
I'm just a baby!
315
00:16:18,628 --> 00:16:19,977
So am I!
316
00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:23,631
Good Lord, what have I done?
I don't like it here at all!
317
00:16:23,699 --> 00:16:26,634
I miss my family!
My dumb family!
318
00:16:26,702 --> 00:16:28,569
Dear God.
319
00:16:28,638 --> 00:16:30,671
I wanted to be free
of the family of morons
320
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:34,108
I was born into,
but now I'm the moron!
321
00:16:34,177 --> 00:16:37,645
Sir, I heard whimpering.
Shall I fetch
your crying tuxedo?
322
00:16:37,713 --> 00:16:40,247
No! I don't want
any more tuxedos!
323
00:16:40,316 --> 00:16:42,133
And I don't want a cold mother,
324
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:44,168
or an Oxford
physics professor father.
325
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,537
Wait a minute!
That's it!
326
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:48,246
The Oxford physics lab will have
327
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:49,918
everything I need to
build a time machine.
328
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,662
Then I can go
back to my old life!
329
00:16:53,996 --> 00:16:57,398
Ah, ah. Stone floor, too cold.
I'll go in the morning.
330
00:17:04,808 --> 00:17:07,641
Let's see, I need plutonium
for the time machine.
331
00:17:07,710 --> 00:17:09,655
But how do I get
past those guards?
332
00:17:09,679 --> 00:17:11,490
Oh, wait, that's right.
I'm in England.
333
00:17:11,514 --> 00:17:14,598
I can just walk past them
holding a cup of tea.
334
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:15,883
Morning.
Morning.
335
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,751
Morning.
Morning.
336
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:21,833
Morning.
Morning.
337
00:17:21,857 --> 00:17:23,457
Morning.
Morning.
338
00:17:24,661 --> 00:17:27,194
Did you see
something suspicious
about that baby?
339
00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:28,595
Well, I did at first,
340
00:17:28,665 --> 00:17:31,265
but then he's got the tea
vouching for him, doesn't he?
341
00:17:44,446 --> 00:17:47,314
Almost there.
Just a few more adjustments.
342
00:17:47,383 --> 00:17:48,716
Stewart!
343
00:17:48,784 --> 00:17:50,067
What are you doing?
344
00:17:57,810 --> 00:18:00,739
All right, Rupert,
I left the fat man's
entire porn collection
345
00:18:00,763 --> 00:18:02,747
on the curb for
Goodwill to pick up.
346
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:12,785
Who the devil are you?
347
00:18:12,809 --> 00:18:14,241
I'm British Stewie.
348
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:15,855
I don't hear anything different.
349
00:18:15,879 --> 00:18:18,412
I sound the same,
but I spell some
words very differently.
350
00:18:18,481 --> 00:18:20,881
Let me write the word "color"
on a piece of paper for you.
351
00:18:21,984 --> 00:18:24,218
Dear God!
You are British!
352
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:27,121
Listen to me.
You successfully prevented
your own birth,
353
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:29,489
and instead you were born
into an alternate family.
354
00:18:29,558 --> 00:18:32,927
But you must believe me,
the Griffins are
your true destiny.
355
00:18:32,995 --> 00:18:34,873
No, they're not.
They're morons.
356
00:18:34,897 --> 00:18:37,765
But they're your morons,
and they care about you.
357
00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:39,900
Besides, you shine
among these dullards.
358
00:18:39,969 --> 00:18:41,935
Like Bob Weir in
The Grateful Dead.
359
00:18:42,004 --> 00:18:44,104
That joke's for
one of our crew guys, Mattie.
360
00:18:44,173 --> 00:18:47,040
He loves The Dead
and he's not doing so well.
361
00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:49,610
We love you, Captain Trips.
Hang in, bro.
362
00:18:49,679 --> 00:18:52,847
Well, I do like being
better than everyone else.
363
00:18:52,915 --> 00:18:54,559
Peter, I had nothing to do
364
00:18:54,583 --> 00:18:56,394
with donating your stupid porn!
365
00:18:56,418 --> 00:18:59,720
If what you're
telling me is true,
we can't let them separate.
366
00:18:59,789 --> 00:19:01,499
If Peter leaves, I'll be unborn!
367
00:19:01,523 --> 00:19:03,203
She's not going to stop him.
She's furious.
368
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:05,587
You're right!
And if I know her,
369
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:06,888
she'll be heading to the fridge
370
00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:09,013
for her angry
afternoon chardonnay.
371
00:19:09,082 --> 00:19:10,347
I've got an idea!
372
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:18,072
Okay. There it is. Noon.
373
00:19:30,186 --> 00:19:34,071
Oh, No! He's leaving!
I'm fading away!
374
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:35,656
Peter, wait!
375
00:19:35,724 --> 00:19:37,602
What? You want to
yell at me some more?
376
00:19:37,626 --> 00:19:40,678
No,
I want to tell you
I'm sorry.
377
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:42,146
I don't want you to leave.
378
00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:44,343
Why should I stay
if you don't
even trust me?
379
00:19:44,367 --> 00:19:48,886
I do trust you, Peter.
I don't know what's
gotten into us lately.
380
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:51,939
The important thing is
we're meant to be together.
381
00:19:52,008 --> 00:19:54,508
I love you, Peter.
382
00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:57,194
Oh. I love you, too, Lois.
383
00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:03,528
I'm glad we're staying together.
384
00:20:03,552 --> 00:20:05,803
Honestly, I don't know
what I would do on my own.
385
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:09,239
Like, I literally have no idea
where food comes from.
386
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:11,108
Is it that guy?
387
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,377
Is he the food man?
388
00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:18,148
No, Peter, it's not him.
389
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,534
They're making up!
It's working!
390
00:20:20,603 --> 00:20:22,837
That means soon
you will not exist.
391
00:20:22,905 --> 00:20:25,773
Then I guess this
is goodbye, Stewie.
392
00:20:25,842 --> 00:20:28,475
I'll miss you.
You've taught me so much.
393
00:20:28,544 --> 00:20:30,011
And you've been a good friend.
394
00:20:30,079 --> 00:20:31,528
And you as well.
395
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:33,731
Damn it!
Help me, Stewie! Lift it off!
396
00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:35,499
Eh, that looks really heavy.
397
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:38,469
It is!
And it's incredibly painful!
Please, help!
398
00:20:38,537 --> 00:20:40,937
You'll be fading
away any moment.
399
00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:43,507
It would be a lot of effort
ultimately for nothing.
400
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,242
I'm choking on my own blood!
401
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:48,078
Call someone, please!
402
00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:51,048
Well, again,
it was great knowing you.
403
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:53,851
Ah! You bastard!
You'll burn in hell!
404
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:57,738
Ugh. Finally.
That was an ordeal.
405
00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:08,916
Ha. I did it! I'm back!
406
00:21:08,985 --> 00:21:11,685
Oh, damn it. I left my
ChapStick in the past.
407
00:21:13,239 --> 00:21:14,304
ChapStick!
408
00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:16,674
With smooth lips,
I will finally be able
409
00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:20,160
to be a mayor
who kisses babies
with confidence!
410
00:21:20,229 --> 00:21:21,796
Hey, cracked lips!
411
00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:24,431
You'll see! You'll all see!
412
00:21:30,656 --> 00:21:34,174
Oh. Scrambled eggs!
How delightful.
Thank you, Lois.
413
00:21:34,243 --> 00:21:37,089
Oh. You're certainly
in a better mood since
last night's tantrum.
414
00:21:37,113 --> 00:21:40,381
You know, Brian,
I've realized this
is where I belong.
415
00:21:40,449 --> 00:21:42,582
For better or worse,
I'm a Griffin.
416
00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:46,353
Coward! I have found you!
417
00:21:48,524 --> 00:21:52,960
Well, it took three years,
but I am finally
through all that porn.
32208
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