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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,688 --> 00:00:08,189
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
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00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:11,877
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
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00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:14,946
♪ On which we used to rely?
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00:00:14,998 --> 00:00:18,350
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:21,553
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,138
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:24,856
♪ Laugh and cry
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♪ He's a family guy ♪
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Welcome, all,to James Woods High'sannual college fair,
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00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,040
where each year
our seniors gather to decide
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00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:44,742
where they will go
in the fall to get HPV.
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00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:49,097
Wow, Meg, so many choices.
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00:00:49,165 --> 00:00:50,632
Yeah.
There's a state college
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00:00:50,701 --> 00:00:53,635
with an incredibly offensive
Native American mascot.
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I'm Drunky,
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00:00:55,539 --> 00:00:58,123
the Dakota University mascot!
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00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,925
Look how drunk I am!
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00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:03,244
This is important for sports!
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00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,413
Oh, look,
you can go to Oral Roberts.
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00:01:07,017 --> 00:01:09,901
Oh, and there's Anal Roberts.
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00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:12,787
Boy, that is a tough,
tough place to get into, Lois.
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00:01:12,856 --> 00:01:14,367
That is tough,
but once you're in there,
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00:01:14,391 --> 00:01:16,157
you'd be surprised
how much you like it.
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00:01:16,226 --> 00:01:18,586
Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin.
So glad you could make it.
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00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:21,480
You know,
Meg has attracted interest
from several colleges.
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00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:23,081
Meg going to college.
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00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:24,994
I always thought she was
gonna be one of those ladies
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00:01:25,018 --> 00:01:27,385
who wears a jean jacket
and hangs out
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00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:29,788
at the bar in
a chain restaurant.
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00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:31,768
Hey. You know you can
get a slice of pineapple
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00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,058
on your burger here.
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00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:35,994
Hey, Jimmy, another water.
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00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:39,231
I call Miller Lite "water."
Jimmy knows me, he knows that.
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00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,300
Come on, hockey team!
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00:01:41,352 --> 00:01:42,934
This one's on me.
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00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:45,003
Merry Christmas, Meg.
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00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:48,089
You really think Meg
is college material,
Principal Shepherd?
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00:01:48,158 --> 00:01:51,392
Yeah, she's a solid B-student,
and that's quite
an accomplishment,
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00:01:51,461 --> 00:01:53,740
considering none
of her teachers
are willing to sleep with her.
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00:01:53,764 --> 00:01:55,163
Sophomore year, she was molested
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00:01:55,231 --> 00:01:56,765
by the janitor.
Does that help?
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00:01:56,833 --> 00:02:00,435
Mr. Griffin, I believe
they're called "custodians."
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00:02:00,503 --> 00:02:02,988
Anyway, I was able to get Meg
an interview this weekend
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00:02:03,057 --> 00:02:05,173
at Green Mountain College
in Vermont.
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00:02:05,242 --> 00:02:08,643
Green Mountain College?
Oh, my God!
That's my first choice!
47
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:11,446
Can one of you
guys take me up there?
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00:02:11,515 --> 00:02:13,515
Meg, please excuse your mother
and I for a moment.
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00:02:13,584 --> 00:02:15,517
We need to work
out our schedules.
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00:02:22,426 --> 00:02:24,176
I'd be happy to take you, Meg.
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00:02:27,965 --> 00:02:30,598
We now return to
Extreme Makeover:
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00:02:30,667 --> 00:02:32,584
Bethenny Frankel Edition.
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00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,853
Move that bus!
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00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:39,658
Put that bus back!
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00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:41,821
Hey,
can you guys turn that down?
I'm trying to read.
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00:02:41,845 --> 00:02:43,723
Oh, shut up, Brian.
We were here first.
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00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:46,698
Yeah, Brian,
go read in your own room!
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00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:47,878
I don't have my own room.
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00:02:47,902 --> 00:02:49,545
Yes, you do.
You have that wicker basket
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00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:52,064
in the laundry room
with the frayed
bath mat in it.
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00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:54,550
God, I can't get
any peace and quiet
in this house.
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00:02:54,574 --> 00:02:57,108
Well, now you know how
I felt at Mardi Gras.
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00:02:59,462 --> 00:03:01,079
Hey! Keep it down!
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00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:02,825
I'm trying to get
some sleep up here!
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00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,683
Show us your boobs!
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00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:06,050
My boobs?
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00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:07,852
I don't think I...
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00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:10,922
Oh, my! Jewelry!
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00:03:10,990 --> 00:03:14,075
Ah, I wonder what I'll
get for showing this.
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00:03:14,144 --> 00:03:16,961
The rules of this city
are very unclear.
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00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:23,067
This is actually very pleasant.
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00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,968
Hey. Who the hell
knocked over the garbage...
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00:03:27,992 --> 00:03:29,302
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey, hey.
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00:03:29,326 --> 00:03:30,437
I don't want any trouble.
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00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,038
Well, you in the wrong place
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00:03:32,062 --> 00:03:33,606
if you ain't
looking for trouble, boy.
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00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,396
Nothin' but trouble out here.
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00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:39,151
Big ol' hoot-owl come down,
scoop you up,
take your eye out.
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00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,531
All right. Can you at
least clean this stuff up
when you're done?
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00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,266
Otherwise it's
gonna start to smell.
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00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:45,440
Oh. You don't like smell, huh?
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00:03:45,509 --> 00:03:47,492
Well, sniff on this!
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00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:51,813
Yeah! You got that stink
all up on you, now!
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00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,552
Oh, my God!
What is that smell?
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00:03:59,690 --> 00:04:02,274
Ugh,
it's like a burning tire dump
right in my nose!
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00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,127
Brian, why are you doing this?
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00:04:06,196 --> 00:04:08,012
We're sorry!
88
00:04:11,368 --> 00:04:12,634
Ah! You bastard!
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00:04:15,105 --> 00:04:17,265
Oh! I can't see!
I'm blind!
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00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:22,860
Ah! What is that smell?
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00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:27,182
Oh, my God!
Brian got sprayed by a skunk!
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00:04:27,251 --> 00:04:28,616
No! Not against the wall.
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00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:30,845
You're gonna scare off
the cockroaches.
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00:04:34,558 --> 00:04:35,807
Oh, that's not good.
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00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:38,409
They were 70% of the structure
of this house.
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00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:43,164
Peter, please tell me this is
covered by our insurance.
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00:04:43,233 --> 00:04:46,234
Sorry, Lois,
it doesn't cover
"acts of dog."
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00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:02,250
Hey, guys,
I think the tomato juice
is really working, don't you?
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00:05:02,318 --> 00:05:06,188
No. You smell like my
6-foot-tall German girlfriend.
100
00:05:06,256 --> 00:05:09,274
Christopher, are you ready
to go to the gutenschwarzen?
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00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:10,708
Hell, da!
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00:05:10,777 --> 00:05:13,261
She can swim across the pool
in two strokes.
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00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:17,149
Well, I...
I don't know what else to do.
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00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:18,400
I do.
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00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:22,737
Until the smell wears off,
you're staying outside!
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00:05:22,806 --> 00:05:25,273
Outside?
Lois, I'm an inside dog!
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00:05:25,342 --> 00:05:26,474
I'm an inside dog!
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00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:28,843
I'm sorry, Brian, but you stink.
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00:05:31,815 --> 00:05:34,715
I'll take smelling good
over walking good any day.
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00:05:34,785 --> 00:05:36,651
You don't smell good, Joe.
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00:05:36,719 --> 00:05:39,154
I'm sorry,
I thought I was alone.
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00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,679
Morning, Brian.
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00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:50,781
Ew. You still really stink.
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00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:54,050
Yeah, you smell
like the meatball sub
I left under the couch.
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00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:55,598
Oh, damn it, I just gave away
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00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,617
my hiding place
for meatball subs!
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00:05:57,641 --> 00:06:01,476
I'll tell you
where there definitely
aren't any meatball subs.
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00:06:01,545 --> 00:06:03,673
The side pocket of my golf bag.
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00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,530
Geez, Peter, shut up!
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00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,243
Did you sleep
okay out here, Brian?
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00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:10,001
No! I was so cold.
And you have no idea
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00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,703
how many terrifying things
there are out
here in the dark.
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00:06:12,772 --> 00:06:15,707
My nephew, Scrappy Brian,
didn't even make it
through the night.
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00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:19,911
Hey, Uncle Brian,
let's go check out that noise.
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00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:22,881
I don't know, Scrappy Brian.
It might be better
just to stay put.
126
00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:25,061
Oh, I'm not afraid!
Let me at 'em!
127
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,501
Let me at 'em!
128
00:06:30,173 --> 00:06:33,108
Damn it! I told my sister
this wasn't a good weekend.
129
00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:39,848
So I ordered a small soda,
but they only had large cups.
130
00:06:39,916 --> 00:06:43,534
So they charged me
for a small soda,
but gave me a big one.
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00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,803
Ah.
Well, that's gym class.
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00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:49,024
Geez, Dad. I know you didn't
want to take me to
my college interview,
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00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:51,859
but I thought
we could at least
try to have some fun.
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00:06:51,928 --> 00:06:54,512
I mean, come on.
This is a big deal for me.
135
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,632
I can't believe I'm actually
on a road trip with my dad.
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00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,820
Huh, well, that's gym class.
137
00:07:07,911 --> 00:07:09,744
Hey, Bri.
How's it going out there?
138
00:07:09,812 --> 00:07:12,330
Oh, boy, I need this cold air.
139
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,599
They got the heat
cranked up so high in here,
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00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:16,601
Lois is walking around
without a shirt.
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00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:18,019
Oh, come on, Stewie.
142
00:07:18,087 --> 00:07:20,066
Hey, throw me a jacket
or something, huh?
143
00:07:20,090 --> 00:07:21,506
Nope. You'll stink it up.
144
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:22,835
Also,
since you've been out there,
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00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:25,260
I've stopped sneezing,
so this might be permanent.
146
00:07:25,329 --> 00:07:27,529
Well, at least throw me down
some food or something.
147
00:07:27,564 --> 00:07:29,397
Well, I'm afraid
I finished my dinner.
148
00:07:29,465 --> 00:07:32,083
All I have is a steak,
but that belongs to Rupert.
149
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,452
Can I have it?
150
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:34,764
I don't know,
that's a question for Rupert.
151
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,521
You'll have to ask him.
152
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,307
Uh... Hey, Rupe.
153
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:42,327
"Rupe"? Oh, no. No, no.
No, this is already over.
154
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:44,095
Come on, Stewie, I'm starving.
155
00:07:44,163 --> 00:07:45,913
Good Lord, Brian,
get a hold of yourself.
156
00:07:45,982 --> 00:07:47,515
You're in a suburban yard.
157
00:07:47,584 --> 00:07:50,302
What kind of dog
can't live outside?
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00:07:51,088 --> 00:07:52,487
God, he's right.
159
00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:54,355
I'm a disgrace to my species.
160
00:07:54,424 --> 00:07:56,908
Like that gumball
machine traffic cop.
161
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:04,949
Oh, my God,
O'Connor's
a disaster out there.
162
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:07,797
It's not his fault.
He was a great
gumball machine.
163
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,181
They just shouldn't
have promoted him.
164
00:08:13,843 --> 00:08:15,910
Oh, I think
we're getting closer.
165
00:08:15,979 --> 00:08:17,022
Meg, what are you doing?
166
00:08:17,046 --> 00:08:18,458
Just letting
the wind wave my hand.
167
00:08:18,482 --> 00:08:20,315
Sometimes I like
to pretend that I'm flying.
168
00:08:20,384 --> 00:08:21,416
Plus, it tickles.
169
00:08:21,485 --> 00:08:22,685
That's stupid.
170
00:08:28,692 --> 00:08:30,536
The wind wants
my hand to go back,
171
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:31,760
but I'm not letting it.
172
00:08:31,828 --> 00:08:34,629
I'm stronger than air.
173
00:08:34,697 --> 00:08:37,265
Oh, my God, Dad,
you lost your hand!
174
00:08:37,334 --> 00:08:39,612
That's all right.
I can regenerate.
175
00:08:44,374 --> 00:08:47,809
My name is Retep, and I am evil.
176
00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:53,765
Come on, Brian,
you can find your own food.
177
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:54,953
Every animal finds its prey.
178
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,568
♪ Love in an elevator... ♪
179
00:09:03,593 --> 00:09:04,925
Dude! Check it out!
180
00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:10,247
All right, I can do this.
181
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,562
Holy crap, I'm so much faster
on all fours!
182
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,679
What's that big rock
doing there?
183
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,975
Now, go on, get out of here,
you little bastard.
184
00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:45,650
I did it.
I caught a bird.
185
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,302
I caught a bird! Yes!
186
00:09:47,370 --> 00:09:49,537
Fear me! Ahhh!
187
00:09:49,605 --> 00:09:51,439
Ah! I feel so alive!
188
00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:55,109
I feel like a dude who
just touched his first vagina.
189
00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:57,478
Hey. Pound it.
190
00:09:57,547 --> 00:09:59,013
Cool baby.
191
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:06,221
Well, I called and confirmed
my interview for
tomorrow morning.
192
00:10:06,957 --> 00:10:08,522
I ordered you nothing.
193
00:10:08,591 --> 00:10:10,908
What else is new?
194
00:10:13,629 --> 00:10:15,096
Hey, Night Moves!
195
00:10:15,164 --> 00:10:17,577
At least there's
one cool person
in this dump.
196
00:10:17,601 --> 00:10:18,711
I wonder who played this.
197
00:10:18,735 --> 00:10:19,767
I did.
198
00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:21,469
You played Night Moves?
199
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,215
How would you even know
what that song is?
200
00:10:23,239 --> 00:10:25,372
From you. Dad,
I've been hearing that song
201
00:10:25,441 --> 00:10:27,942
in the backseat of your car
since I was a little kid.
202
00:10:28,011 --> 00:10:30,223
Huh. I never knew
you were listening.
203
00:10:30,247 --> 00:10:31,790
Never even knew you were there.
204
00:10:31,814 --> 00:10:33,893
Wait, were you that little
fat boy with the glasses?
205
00:10:33,917 --> 00:10:37,035
Yes, Dad.
I know a lot about you.
206
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:38,370
You do?
207
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:39,682
I know you're
afraid of guacamole.
208
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:40,938
It's the devil's vomit.
209
00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:43,441
In the last election,
you voted for Mighty Mouse.
210
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,288
Time to put the Might-Mouse
in the White House, Meg.
211
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,672
And I know you
love Augustus Gloop.
212
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:48,847
And you hate Mike Teavee.
213
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:50,059
Oh, don't even say his name.
214
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,083
And you know
a lot about me, right?
215
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:53,362
♪ Out past the cornfields
216
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:55,920
♪ Where the woods got heavy
217
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,322
♪ Out in the backseat
of my '60 Chevy ♪
218
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:02,727
♪ Working on mysteries
without any clues... ♪
219
00:11:04,547 --> 00:11:07,582
Dad, sometimes I wonder
why you even had a family.
220
00:11:07,650 --> 00:11:10,010
I don't know, it's just...
I was dating your mother,
221
00:11:10,053 --> 00:11:11,814
I don't like
the way condoms feel,
next thing you know,
222
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,684
I got a mortgage, a kid,
and a crappy job
at a toy factory.
223
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:17,024
I thought you liked working
at the toy factory.
224
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,694
Hell no. I always wanted
to be a podiatrist.
225
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:22,096
Thanks to you, Dr. Griffin,
my bunion is healed
226
00:11:22,165 --> 00:11:24,064
and I can walk without pain.
227
00:11:24,133 --> 00:11:28,136
This isn't a joke. I once had
legitimate aspirations.
228
00:11:28,204 --> 00:11:30,104
You never got to
pursue your dream.
229
00:11:30,173 --> 00:11:31,705
No wonder you hate me.
230
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,357
I don't hate you, Meg.
231
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:34,692
You're my kid.
232
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:39,697
Who had the chicken parm?
233
00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:41,265
Oh, that's my second entree.
234
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,445
But you know what?
You have it, Meg.
235
00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:44,652
Thanks, Dad.
236
00:11:45,655 --> 00:11:47,688
Boy, after all this food,
237
00:11:47,757 --> 00:11:49,067
we're gonna have a couple
of "night moves"
238
00:11:49,091 --> 00:11:51,025
back at the motel later,
huh, Dad?
239
00:11:51,093 --> 00:11:52,293
Oh, absolutely.
240
00:11:55,732 --> 00:11:57,231
Well, here we are.
241
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,445
Oh, my God, Meg,
there's a keg party!
242
00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:04,682
Let's go.
If we meet any chicks,
you're my daughter.
243
00:12:09,445 --> 00:12:10,645
Yes!
244
00:12:10,713 --> 00:12:11,812
Yeah! College!
245
00:12:11,881 --> 00:12:13,559
Oh, God, I got to take a whiz.
246
00:12:13,583 --> 00:12:15,416
Yeah, I got to whiz, too.
247
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:21,389
Sword fight!
248
00:12:21,458 --> 00:12:22,857
Gonna get ya!
249
00:12:22,925 --> 00:12:26,060
You got a funny little wiener,
but you're a nice guy, Meg.
250
00:12:26,129 --> 00:12:27,996
This is great, Dad.
I know!
251
00:12:28,064 --> 00:12:29,930
I'm having even
more fun than when I...
252
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,684
I mean, than when
we went Fiona Apple-picking.
253
00:12:35,105 --> 00:12:36,915
Dad, they're all
bruised and filthy.
254
00:12:36,939 --> 00:12:40,207
Yeah, these might
be throwing-at-buses
apples, not eating apples.
255
00:12:40,276 --> 00:12:41,976
See, Meg?
You can be in the flashback
256
00:12:42,044 --> 00:12:43,811
'cause we're friends now.
257
00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:00,978
Hey, Brian.
258
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:02,808
Hey, you don't even
smell like skunk anymore.
259
00:13:02,832 --> 00:13:03,952
Why are you still out here?
260
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,945
There's nothing
inside for me anymore.
261
00:13:05,969 --> 00:13:07,168
I've moved on.
262
00:13:08,605 --> 00:13:10,972
There was
a booger in that spit,
wasn't there?
263
00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,373
Stewie, leave me alone.
264
00:13:12,442 --> 00:13:15,176
This is where I belong,
out here in the wild.
265
00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:16,410
The wild?
266
00:13:16,479 --> 00:13:17,945
You're standing on the driveway.
267
00:13:18,013 --> 00:13:19,013
Come on.
268
00:13:19,081 --> 00:13:20,225
Hey, hey! Let go of me!
269
00:13:21,784 --> 00:13:24,135
I can't believe it.
You've become a wild animal.
270
00:13:24,203 --> 00:13:26,838
You're like that tiger
from Siegfried and Roy.
271
00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:31,025
Um, I think we all
know the answer to this,
272
00:13:31,094 --> 00:13:33,160
but should I get tested?
273
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:42,786
You guys are back!
274
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,522
Meg, how was your interview?
275
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,057
Ah, we didn't go.
276
00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:47,525
I slept right through it.
277
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:49,187
What?
Yeah, it was awesome.
278
00:13:49,211 --> 00:13:50,789
We stayed up all night partying.
279
00:13:50,813 --> 00:13:52,597
By the way,
if a girl named Rachel calls,
280
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:55,400
it's a wrong number,
but do tell me
that she called.
281
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:56,867
Where's your wedding ring?
282
00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:58,914
Yeah,
so we missed the interview,
so that's a shame.
283
00:13:58,938 --> 00:14:00,849
Meg, how could you
miss your interview?
284
00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:02,918
That school was
your first choice.
285
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:05,143
I'll get it!
286
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:06,461
It doesn't matter, Mom.
287
00:14:06,529 --> 00:14:07,995
Dad and I had a great time.
288
00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:09,430
We went to a party!
289
00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:12,050
We bonded for
the first time in our lives.
290
00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:13,367
It was just Joe.
291
00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:15,231
Meg, how could
you blow your chance
292
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:16,932
to go to your
first-choice college?
293
00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:19,473
I can't believe you would
be so irresponsible.
294
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:22,009
Hey, Meg, you want to huck
some water balloons at nerds?
295
00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:23,277
Sure!
296
00:14:24,013 --> 00:14:25,212
What the hell?
297
00:14:27,517 --> 00:14:29,695
We'll work on the laugh,
but you'll get there.
298
00:14:29,719 --> 00:14:30,919
To the Meg-copter!
299
00:14:35,058 --> 00:14:36,324
Huh, look down there.
300
00:14:36,392 --> 00:14:38,592
That looks like me
with a green shirt.
301
00:14:38,661 --> 00:14:40,061
He's murdering a lady.
302
00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:51,439
Dinner's getting cold.
303
00:14:51,508 --> 00:14:53,368
I wonder where your
father and Meg are.
304
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:55,810
They left for the movies
five hours ago.
305
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,948
God, look at Lois picking food
from her teeth with her nail.
306
00:15:01,017 --> 00:15:02,428
Someone should
tell her she's a pig.
307
00:15:02,452 --> 00:15:03,645
Mom, you're a pig!
308
00:15:03,669 --> 00:15:05,147
No, you're not supposed
to actually do it!
309
00:15:05,171 --> 00:15:06,404
We were just talking here!
310
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,639
Oh, now she's crying.
That's not what I wanted.
311
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:10,491
Stop crying, you bitch!
312
00:15:10,559 --> 00:15:12,643
I got to get Brian
back in the house.
313
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:14,545
It's just not
the same without him here.
314
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:17,565
It's like
Arnold Schwarzenegger
without an accent.
315
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,000
It might be a tumor.
316
00:15:19,068 --> 00:15:20,634
It's not a tumor.
317
00:15:25,741 --> 00:15:27,475
Where are you two going now?
318
00:15:27,544 --> 00:15:30,945
We're going two places,
none of yo and beeswax.
319
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,075
Clean slam!
Come on, Meg!
320
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,733
Meg, I'm glad you're having
a good time with your father,
321
00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:38,503
but don't let him distract you
from your priorities.
322
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:41,372
Remember, you still have
a chance to get into college.
323
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,040
Mom, we're just having fun.
324
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:45,376
I've never had a good time
with Dad before.
325
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:49,413
I'm just saying, it's not easy
dealing with your
father's craziness.
326
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:53,101
Believe me, this is no job
for the family's
designated schmendrik.
327
00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:55,369
Trust me, Mom.
I know what I'm doing.
328
00:15:55,438 --> 00:15:56,738
That's what your father said
329
00:15:56,806 --> 00:15:59,440
before he took
that walking tour
of Providence.
330
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:02,743
This is where a homeless man
ate the finger of
another homeless man.
331
00:16:02,812 --> 00:16:05,279
This is where some teenagers
beat a gay guy to death.
332
00:16:05,347 --> 00:16:08,293
This building
used to be Irish.
Now it's Cambodian.
333
00:16:08,317 --> 00:16:10,562
And this is where
fake tour guides
throw rocks
334
00:16:10,586 --> 00:16:12,085
and steal tourists' wallets.
335
00:16:12,154 --> 00:16:14,674
Oh, yeah,
I read about this part
on Yelp.
336
00:16:23,466 --> 00:16:24,865
Meg.
337
00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,168
Meg.
338
00:16:29,939 --> 00:16:31,455
Come on.
339
00:16:37,614 --> 00:16:39,030
Come on, it'll be fun.
340
00:16:43,285 --> 00:16:45,013
Isn't this great, Meg?
341
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,373
Sorry I forgot to
get you an ostrich.
342
00:16:53,062 --> 00:16:55,847
All right, Meg, you and me
are gonna get
something pierced together.
343
00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:57,492
I'll get my ear done.
How about you?
344
00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:59,717
Um, I guess my ears
would be okay.
345
00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:01,480
Oh, come on, Meg,
you're my daughter.
346
00:17:01,504 --> 00:17:02,770
Nothing but the best for you.
347
00:17:02,839 --> 00:17:03,959
You're getting the works!
348
00:17:04,007 --> 00:17:05,484
Here, I want everything you got.
349
00:17:05,508 --> 00:17:07,508
Only the best for
my daughter Meg.
350
00:17:07,576 --> 00:17:08,793
Ah, look at that.
351
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,572
You look like one of them
beautiful, troubled
352
00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:13,197
Scandinavian youths
I've seen on the porn sites.
353
00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:14,643
You like it?
354
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,261
Awesome. Come on,
let's go next door
355
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:18,585
and get your mom
a funny refrigerator magnet.
356
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:25,476
I got a piercing, too.
357
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:34,318
Hey, Lois, guess who made
15 baskets in a row
at the County Fair.
358
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:35,503
Some kid we beat up.
359
00:17:35,571 --> 00:17:37,171
Oh, what a great day!
360
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:38,989
Had enough yet?
Yes!
361
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:40,179
I don't know how you do it.
362
00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:42,075
Everything he does
is exhausting.
363
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:44,895
Even something as simple
as going to the bank.
364
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:46,884
Meg, you've probably wondered
from time to time
365
00:17:46,916 --> 00:17:49,150
how on earth I pay
for all my shenanigans.
366
00:17:49,219 --> 00:17:50,651
Well, I'm gonna show you.
367
00:17:50,719 --> 00:17:53,332
This is a robbery!
Everybody get on
the fuckin' ground!
368
00:17:53,356 --> 00:17:55,267
If this bitch moves,
shoot him in the eye!
369
00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:56,891
Dad, I don't want to do this!
370
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,037
You have to!
Next week,
we're buying a zebra!
371
00:17:59,061 --> 00:18:01,021
But, Dad...
There's no time to argue!
372
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,382
We got 150 seconds
before the police
respond to the silent alarm!
373
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:06,461
Now check those bags
for dye packs!
374
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,053
Who's the manager here?
375
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:10,321
Uh, I am.
376
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:13,090
What are you doing?
377
00:18:13,159 --> 00:18:14,503
You said if he moves, shoot him!
378
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,687
He's the only one with
the combination to the safe!
379
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,979
It's blown! It's blown!
This whole operation is blown!
380
00:18:19,048 --> 00:18:21,176
I'll get the car.
Kill everyone else.
381
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,449
You've got to help me, Mom.
382
00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:23,784
What do you want me to do?
383
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:25,636
Please, take him back.
384
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,238
I suppose I could, Meg.
385
00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:29,651
But a part of growing up
is learning how to handle
386
00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:32,743
a tough situation on your own,
like getting into college
387
00:18:32,811 --> 00:18:35,092
or breaking up with your father.
388
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:39,733
I guess,
but it's not gonna be easy.
389
00:18:39,802 --> 00:18:41,719
Well,
life's not always easy, Meg.
390
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,904
Just ask an ugly Boy Scout.
391
00:18:43,973 --> 00:18:45,355
Scoutmaster Davenport,
392
00:18:45,424 --> 00:18:47,208
you want to share a tent
with me tonight?
393
00:18:47,276 --> 00:18:50,444
Oh, Billy,
I like you as a friend.
394
00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:58,235
Brian, you've got
to get in here, man.
395
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,304
I've been taking a break
from Lois's breast milk,
396
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,306
and her boobs are enormous.
397
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,792
They're like Jiffy Pop
just before the foil breaks.
398
00:19:04,860 --> 00:19:07,072
You should come check 'em out
before they get infected.
399
00:19:07,096 --> 00:19:09,775
Yeah, nice try, Stewie,
but I'm still
not coming inside.
400
00:19:09,799 --> 00:19:11,915
But, Brian, I need you inside.
401
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:14,017
I'm going crazy in
here without you.
402
00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:16,037
Please, I need my friend back.
403
00:19:16,105 --> 00:19:18,501
Look, Stewie,
I've learned
something out here.
404
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,691
You see, living in the wild,
I've realized
405
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,771
that all the pain
I've ever had in my life
406
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:26,063
has come from me always
trying to be
something I'm not.
407
00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:28,866
I mean, I'm not a writer,
I'm not an artist,
408
00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:30,818
I'm not an intellectual.
409
00:19:30,887 --> 00:19:33,304
What I am is a dog.
410
00:19:33,372 --> 00:19:36,957
And as a dog,
my place is outside.
411
00:19:37,026 --> 00:19:38,242
I'm sorry, Stewie,
412
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:41,195
but nothing will ever
make me come back inside.
413
00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:48,252
Stewie, get the hell in here!
414
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:52,540
That dog
sure changed his mind quick.
415
00:19:57,814 --> 00:19:59,030
Oh, Meg, there you are!
416
00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:00,581
Hey, let's put on fake eyelashes
417
00:20:00,650 --> 00:20:02,127
and flirt with people
on the bus.
418
00:20:02,151 --> 00:20:05,152
Dad, I'm sorry,
but I can't go with you.
419
00:20:05,221 --> 00:20:07,287
Mmm, are you sure?
420
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,955
I called Green Mountain College.
421
00:20:09,024 --> 00:20:10,504
They let me
reschedule my interview,
422
00:20:10,559 --> 00:20:12,459
so I'm gonna
drive back up there.
423
00:20:12,528 --> 00:20:14,339
It's time for me
to get serious about my life
424
00:20:14,363 --> 00:20:16,414
and take some responsibility.
425
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:18,198
Well, I don't like this Meg.
426
00:20:18,267 --> 00:20:19,616
I like the fun Meg!
427
00:20:19,685 --> 00:20:21,151
I thought we were friends.
428
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,637
Dad, I don't need you
to be my friend.
429
00:20:23,706 --> 00:20:25,739
I need you to be my father.
430
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,758
Well,
that is too much to ask, Meg.
431
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:29,659
It's hard being a father.
432
00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:32,607
This is why
that woman in Texas
drowned all her kids.
433
00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:34,248
I hate the passage of time!
434
00:20:34,316 --> 00:20:36,884
My little girl's growing up!
435
00:20:39,956 --> 00:20:41,555
Yes, she is, Dad.
436
00:20:41,624 --> 00:20:42,857
Yes, she is.
437
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,620
I did get into
Green Mountain College,
438
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:56,370
and contracted HPV
my first night there.
439
00:20:56,438 --> 00:20:57,872
I got nicknamed "The Warthog,"
440
00:20:57,940 --> 00:21:01,275
and, like the HPV,
it stuck for life.
441
00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:02,621
♪ Night moves
442
00:21:02,645 --> 00:21:03,944
♪ Night moves
443
00:21:05,247 --> 00:21:06,714
♪ Night moves... ♪
33520
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