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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,855 --> 00:00:08,123
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,191 --> 00:00:11,877
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:14,862
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:18,217
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,285 --> 00:00:21,586
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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00:00:21,638 --> 00:00:23,199
♪ All the things
that make us
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00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:24,823
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:29,911
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:36,696
We now return to VH1's
Behind the Music:
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00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,154
Dr. Teeth and
the Electric Mayhem.
12
00:00:39,223 --> 00:00:42,474
It must've been around 1979
when Animal started
13
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,410
snorting
crushed-up pieces of felt.
14
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:45,610
It got pretty ugly.
15
00:00:45,662 --> 00:00:49,014
Me had big problem
before me found God.
16
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:50,760
He, like,
threw me down and he said,
17
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,546
"I hope your
puppeteer has big hands,
18
00:00:52,570 --> 00:00:54,552
"because I'm not using lube."
19
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:57,789
Me no remember that,
but me believe it happened.
20
00:00:57,857 --> 00:00:59,897
I got it.
21
00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:03,962
Huh, it says,
"Glenn Quagmire."
22
00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:06,270
But if you squint
and imagine it says,
"Peter Griffin,"
23
00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:07,499
it says, "Peter Griffin."
24
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,833
Peter, it's Quagmire's.
25
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:09,979
Take it next door.
26
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:11,203
Now, now, hold on, Lois.
27
00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:13,504
Now, this poses a very
difficult ethical dilemma.
28
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:15,841
Do I deliver the package
to its rightful owner?
29
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,409
Or do I open it up
and see if it
contains He-Mans?
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00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:20,145
Do not open that box.
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00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:21,847
You know, Lois,
physicists believe
32
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,481
there are two
alternate universes,
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00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:25,316
one in which I
don't open the box
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00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:26,551
and one in which I do.
35
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,336
I'm not gonna open the box.
36
00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:31,406
I'm gonna open the box.
37
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:33,508
Oh, sweet! It's a whip!
38
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,039
Peter, be careful
with that thing!
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00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:37,829
Remember,
we're renting this house.
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00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:38,975
That's depressing.
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00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:40,815
Wow, I haven't felt
this powerful
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00:01:40,884 --> 00:01:44,352
since I got to
decide which ant lives
and which ant dies.
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00:01:44,421 --> 00:01:45,787
You shall battle to the death,
44
00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:48,151
and the winner will
be given his freedom.
45
00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:49,952
Why are you
looking at me like that?
46
00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:51,560
Peter,
would you like a glass of...
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00:01:51,628 --> 00:01:52,811
Oh, my God!
48
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,847
I told you not to
play God with those ants!
49
00:01:59,836 --> 00:02:01,787
All right, Meg,
stay incredibly still.
50
00:02:01,856 --> 00:02:03,666
I'm gonna whip that cigarette
out of your mouth.
51
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:05,457
And maybe not slice
your face in half.
52
00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:07,304
Dad, I don't want to do this.
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00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,808
Stay still!
Aah!
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00:02:09,479 --> 00:02:11,496
Okay, that's pretty cool, too.
55
00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:13,882
Hey, Dad, that's a cool whip.
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00:02:13,950 --> 00:02:16,802
Aah! I thought you
couldn't understand me!
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00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,398
♪ When a good
time turns around
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00:02:18,422 --> 00:02:19,588
♪ You must whip it
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00:02:19,656 --> 00:02:21,473
♪ You will never live it down
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00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,008
♪ Unless you whip it
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00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,476
♪ No one gets away
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00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:26,077
♪ Until they whip it
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00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,314
♪ I say whip it ♪
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00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:30,911
Okay.
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00:02:30,935 --> 00:02:32,017
♪ Whip it good ♪
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00:02:32,086 --> 00:02:34,069
I'm doing my very best.
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00:02:35,305 --> 00:02:38,025
Thanks.
That was way too
much heat on my neck.
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00:02:43,347 --> 00:02:45,197
Oh, a message from Joe.
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00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:47,427
Hey, Cleveland, I just
wanted to give you a heads-up
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00:02:47,451 --> 00:02:50,585
that Peter has a whip,
because, well, you know,
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00:02:50,654 --> 00:02:53,288
given your racial heritage,
it seems like something
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00:02:53,356 --> 00:02:55,624
you might want to
keep an eye out for.
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00:02:56,794 --> 00:02:57,992
Grape soda-gram.
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00:02:58,061 --> 00:02:59,761
I know this is very risky,
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00:02:59,830 --> 00:03:02,714
but the upside is so good,
I'm taking it.
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00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:10,605
We now return to
The Outlaw Josey Wales.
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00:03:10,674 --> 00:03:11,873
Should we bury them?
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00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:14,208
Nah, leave them for
the buzzards.
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00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:15,661
I like that guy.
80
00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:17,429
Oh, boy, here comes Harry.
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00:03:17,497 --> 00:03:20,181
He thinks no one will notice
he got his neck done.
82
00:03:20,250 --> 00:03:23,063
Hey, fellas,
I'm back from
that family wedding.
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00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:25,698
Hey, what you watching?
84
00:03:25,722 --> 00:03:27,021
The Outlaw Josey Wales.
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00:03:27,090 --> 00:03:28,268
It's a Western.
Ah.
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00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:29,869
When do the cowboys
go into the tent,
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00:03:29,893 --> 00:03:31,771
lick their palms,
and have sex with each other?
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00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:32,995
Different kind of Western.
89
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:38,300
Ew! What's Clint Eastwood
doing with that Indian chief?
90
00:03:38,369 --> 00:03:40,102
Oh, they're just
becoming blood brothers.
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00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:41,781
"Blood brothers"?
What the devil is that?
92
00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,705
Well, it's an ancient ritual
where two friends
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00:03:43,773 --> 00:03:45,907
intermingle their blood,
thus sealing a bond
94
00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:47,409
even deeper than friendship.
95
00:03:47,478 --> 00:03:48,743
Yes, yes. Let's do that.
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00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:50,411
Brian, I want you inside me.
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00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:52,113
You don't have to
say it like that.
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00:03:52,182 --> 00:03:53,760
Oh, come on,
we're best friends, right?
99
00:03:53,784 --> 00:03:54,916
Stewie, I'm not...
100
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,262
Actually, we're even
more than best friends.
101
00:03:56,286 --> 00:03:57,697
I mean, we share the same home.
102
00:03:57,721 --> 00:03:59,649
We've been on countless
adventures together.
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00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,217
And, besides, you owe me, Brian.
104
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,792
Remember what you did
to my last Halloween costume?
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00:04:03,860 --> 00:04:05,960
I am going to be
the cutest fire hydrant
106
00:04:06,029 --> 00:04:07,929
in the whole...
Aah! What are you doing?
107
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,450
Okay, your turn.
108
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,400
I think we should
hold hands more often.
109
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,934
There you go,
we're blood brothers now.
110
00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:20,725
You happy?
Actually, yes.
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00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,872
I mean, I really
feel the bond, Brian.
112
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,262
I feel like we're closer now.
113
00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:26,392
You know, more connected,
more intertwined.
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00:04:26,416 --> 00:04:28,166
Yeah, I guess in a way we are.
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00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:30,163
Hey, are you blood
brothers with Meg,
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00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:31,865
because you ate her tampon
out of the trash?
117
00:04:31,889 --> 00:04:33,989
No... No, that's...
That's something else.
118
00:04:37,794 --> 00:04:39,243
Man, I could use a cold beer.
119
00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:42,514
Yeah, me, too. I just
had a killer rehearsal.
120
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:43,827
I'm not biting.
Me, neither.
121
00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:46,317
You forget how many
scenes Tevye's in.
122
00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:48,853
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's this?
123
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,555
That's our booth!
124
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:52,807
Uh, excuse me. Hey, fellas.
125
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:54,653
Uh, hey, listen,
this is a little awkward,
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00:04:54,677 --> 00:04:56,839
but you guys are
sitting in our booth.
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00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:58,129
Listen here, pencil neck.
128
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,082
This is our booth now,
and we ain't leaving.
129
00:05:00,150 --> 00:05:02,183
So what are you
gonna do about it, bitch?
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00:05:02,252 --> 00:05:04,614
Look, dudes,
clearly you
don't want to move.
131
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:05,737
And that's fine.
132
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,105
We'll come back in an hour.
133
00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:10,025
Nice try, wheelie, but this
ain't your booth no more.
134
00:05:10,093 --> 00:05:12,811
That's right,
we see you losers
anywhere near this booth,
135
00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:14,546
and we'll bust your kneecaps.
136
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,943
We're willing to
take that risk.
Shut up, Joe.
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00:05:16,967 --> 00:05:20,301
All right, I was hoping
it wouldn't have
to come to this,
138
00:05:20,370 --> 00:05:22,587
but you fellas
are in big trouble.
139
00:05:25,509 --> 00:05:28,560
If you could just
move back, like, 8 feet.
140
00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:30,161
Is that my whip?
141
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,230
Hey!
142
00:05:31,281 --> 00:05:33,193
Is that my Taser?
143
00:05:33,217 --> 00:05:35,545
All right,
I'll just strangle him
with this Hawaiian shirt.
144
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,263
Will you stop
going through my mail?
145
00:05:37,287 --> 00:05:39,783
All right, bitches,
either you tuck
your little wangs
146
00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,734
between your legs
and waddle out of here
147
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,853
or we're gonna beat
the crap out of you.
148
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,760
So what's it gonna be?
149
00:05:45,829 --> 00:05:48,012
Uh, I think we're
gonna do the wang thing.
150
00:06:00,310 --> 00:06:01,810
What the hell?
151
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:03,279
Ow!
152
00:06:04,247 --> 00:06:06,248
Ew! What's this?
153
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:12,654
You son of a bitch!
You gave me herpes!
154
00:06:12,722 --> 00:06:14,016
What?
What are you talking about?
155
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,857
When we swapped blood!
Look at my lip!
156
00:06:15,925 --> 00:06:17,725
It's a disgusting herpes sore!
157
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:21,129
And now I have some
very uncomfortable
phone calls to make.
158
00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:24,966
Hola.
Handy Manny's repair shop.
159
00:06:25,035 --> 00:06:26,234
You break it...
160
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:27,836
We fix it!
161
00:06:27,904 --> 00:06:29,148
Manny?
Manny? I'm gonna need you to
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00:06:29,172 --> 00:06:31,212
take me off
speakerphone for this.
163
00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:39,743
Stewie, that's crazy!
There's no way I
gave you herpes.
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00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,282
Then how do you explain this?
165
00:06:41,351 --> 00:06:43,863
I don't know.
You're a gross slut.
166
00:06:43,887 --> 00:06:46,532
Look, it can't be
my fault, Stewie.
I don't even have herpes.
167
00:06:46,556 --> 00:06:47,722
Oh, yeah? Let me see!
168
00:06:47,790 --> 00:06:49,874
Hey, hey, hey!
What are you doing? Stop it!
169
00:06:51,694 --> 00:06:53,912
Oh. Oh, my God!
Look at you!
170
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,680
You're more herpes than dog!
171
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,182
Okay, fine! I admit it.
172
00:06:57,234 --> 00:06:58,410
I gave you herpes.
173
00:06:58,434 --> 00:06:59,785
You bastard!
174
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,953
You knew you had herpes,
and you still agreed
175
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,188
to swap blood with me!
176
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:04,939
Relax, it's not that big a deal.
177
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,541
Not that big a deal?
178
00:07:06,610 --> 00:07:09,110
It's a disgusting,
unsightly, unsavory disease,
179
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:10,478
and it lasts for life!
180
00:07:10,547 --> 00:07:12,592
Yeah, but, you know, I mean,
isn't the worst thing
181
00:07:12,616 --> 00:07:14,382
about herpes just the stigma?
182
00:07:14,451 --> 00:07:16,162
I mean, like,
what if it wasn't
called "herpes"?
183
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:18,565
Like, what if it was
called "boppo"? Huh?
184
00:07:18,589 --> 00:07:19,789
Oh, I got a little boppo.
185
00:07:19,823 --> 00:07:21,734
Oh, that's cute.
Oh, I want boppo.
186
00:07:21,758 --> 00:07:23,002
You know,
my uncle was in the Army,
187
00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,154
and he got genital boppo
from a Saigon whore...
188
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,394
Shut up! Just shut up!
189
00:07:26,462 --> 00:07:27,790
You should be
ashamed of yourself.
190
00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:28,880
I mean, look at me.
191
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,648
And on the same day
I'm supposed to help
192
00:07:30,717 --> 00:07:32,867
with my friend's
wedding invitations.
193
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:37,272
So I was thinking,
I know they're kind
of overused lately,
194
00:07:37,341 --> 00:07:40,342
but your colors should be,
like, yellow and gray.
195
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:46,097
You know, I've always been
against destination weddings,
196
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,286
but it's nice to
finally see Denver.
197
00:07:53,590 --> 00:07:55,568
And now,
The History Channel Presents:
198
00:07:55,592 --> 00:07:59,060
The Guy who Lived In-Between
the Hatfields and the McCoys.
199
00:08:00,713 --> 00:08:01,979
I'm just going to get my mail.
200
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:03,959
And I'm not going to ask
who killed my daughter.
201
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:06,884
It's water under the bridge.
I'm just getting my mail.
202
00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:08,603
Eh. What happened?
I couldn't see.
203
00:08:08,671 --> 00:08:11,483
I have no idea.
The TV is, like,
directly over my head.
204
00:08:11,507 --> 00:08:13,269
All I can see are
the spider veins
205
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,343
of alcoholics wearing shorts.
206
00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:20,048
What?
I said...
207
00:08:20,117 --> 00:08:22,050
Huh?
All I can see is...
208
00:08:22,119 --> 00:08:23,318
What? You can't see what?
209
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:24,496
I can only see...
210
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,482
What? Damn it, Peter!
Ow!
211
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:27,850
Joe, what are you trying to say?
212
00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:28,940
It doesn't matter.
213
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,042
I just...
I hate sitting at the bar.
214
00:08:31,110 --> 00:08:32,610
I wish we had
our old booth back.
215
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,640
Well, what are we
supposed to do?
Fight those guys?
216
00:08:34,664 --> 00:08:36,142
They would've kicked our asses.
217
00:08:36,166 --> 00:08:37,531
Peter's right.
218
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,640
We just got to
accept the fact that,
well, we're...
219
00:08:40,670 --> 00:08:41,713
We're kind of cowards.
220
00:08:41,737 --> 00:08:42,971
I know.
221
00:08:43,039 --> 00:08:45,384
Yesterday, I even
went to a Cowards
Anonymous meeting.
222
00:08:45,408 --> 00:08:47,893
Hello.
My name's Cowardly Lion,
223
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,543
and I'm a coward.
224
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:53,214
I'm afraid of small dogs,
girls with pigtails,
flying monkeys...
225
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,983
Wait, wait, there's...
There's flying monkeys?
226
00:08:56,052 --> 00:08:57,396
That's a thing?
Sure.
227
00:08:57,420 --> 00:08:59,020
They got sharp fangs, claws...
228
00:08:59,088 --> 00:09:00,788
God, they sound terrifying!
229
00:09:00,857 --> 00:09:02,257
Wait, you think so, too?
230
00:09:02,325 --> 00:09:05,627
Yes, and fear is
a logical response
to actual danger.
231
00:09:05,695 --> 00:09:08,696
Huh. I guess you're right.
232
00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:11,065
Hey. I'm the Rational Lion.
233
00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:12,801
So fuck you guys.
234
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,540
Whew. What a morning.
235
00:09:19,609 --> 00:09:21,154
By the time I got
done with my pubes,
236
00:09:21,178 --> 00:09:23,122
I just didn't feel
like shaving anymore.
237
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,679
Hey, Charlotte.
238
00:09:24,748 --> 00:09:27,715
That's very cute,
Stewie, but if I let you
dress up like Hector Elizondo,
239
00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:29,517
I have to let everyone.
240
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,170
Oh, my God!
241
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:36,140
Your mouth looks like
the underside of a boat!
242
00:09:37,294 --> 00:09:39,427
Good Lord,
nobody wants to be near me.
243
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,163
This is lonelier
than a Kennedy family reunion.
244
00:09:43,533 --> 00:09:45,299
Where is everybody?
245
00:09:45,369 --> 00:09:47,289
Oh, yeah, they're dead.
246
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:54,742
All right, flight attendants,
please prepare for crosscheck.
247
00:09:54,810 --> 00:09:56,527
I'm not crosschecking anything.
248
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,164
I heard what happened to you
at The Drunken Clam.
249
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:01,044
I'm not doing what
you tell me to do.
250
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,779
I'll do what he tells me to do.
251
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,536
I was in the
military for 30 years
252
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:05,815
back when that meant something.
253
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,505
I don't deal with gay people.
254
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:09,340
See? Him, I respect.
255
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,495
Hey, Bonnie,
you want to fool around?
256
00:10:14,564 --> 00:10:17,531
I bought one of those
crippled-guy robot
suits from Avatar,
257
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,433
so now I can be on top.
258
00:10:19,502 --> 00:10:20,662
No, thanks, Joe.
259
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:22,381
I heard about what
happened at The Clam,
260
00:10:22,405 --> 00:10:24,572
and I'm not
interested in having sex
261
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,074
with a quarter of a man.
262
00:10:26,142 --> 00:10:27,608
Hey, I'm half a man!
263
00:10:27,677 --> 00:10:29,376
Not anymore.
264
00:10:29,445 --> 00:10:32,880
Fine. Well, I'm gonna
go sleep on the couch.
265
00:10:32,949 --> 00:10:34,248
You need something, Joe?
266
00:10:34,317 --> 00:10:36,517
Yes, Elton, I'd like
to sleep on the couch.
267
00:10:36,586 --> 00:10:38,586
All right, Joe.
Come on.
268
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:51,160
Hey, Chris, your mom's
done with the laundry.
Can you help her fold?
269
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:52,633
No, but you know what?
270
00:10:52,702 --> 00:10:54,552
You put on her bra.
271
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,871
I don't want to.
Well, you're gonna.
272
00:10:56,940 --> 00:10:59,224
Everybody heard about what
happened over at The Clam
273
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,526
and how those guys
made you their bitch.
274
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:03,177
Um, okay.
275
00:11:05,048 --> 00:11:06,414
That's right, you wuss.
276
00:11:06,483 --> 00:11:07,932
In fact, the way I see it,
277
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,617
I'm the man of the house now.
278
00:11:09,685 --> 00:11:11,101
Which means there's gonna be
279
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:13,388
some big changes around here.
280
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,436
It's not very
comfortable, Chris.
281
00:11:16,460 --> 00:11:17,792
My back kind of hurts.
282
00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:19,427
I'm just staring
up at the ceiling.
283
00:11:19,496 --> 00:11:22,763
Shut up!
I promised changes,
and I delivered!
284
00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:30,187
We now return to
Bryan Cranston Sneezes.
285
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:33,775
Thank you.
286
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,828
Um, Rupert?
287
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,765
You know how we promised
never to lie to each other?
288
00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:42,833
Well, I lied earlier tonight.
289
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:45,870
It's not a burn from
Dunkin' Donuts coffee.
290
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:48,373
It's herpes. You
should get yourself tested.
291
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:49,835
Hey, Stewie.
292
00:11:49,859 --> 00:11:51,125
How long have you been there?
293
00:11:51,194 --> 00:11:52,738
Long enough to
know you have herpes
294
00:11:52,762 --> 00:11:54,807
and do weird stuff
with your teddy bear.
295
00:11:54,831 --> 00:11:56,430
Yeah, no, he does weird stuff.
296
00:11:56,499 --> 00:11:57,782
I just don't stop him.
297
00:11:57,851 --> 00:12:00,968
Yeah, well, I just wanted to
let you know you're not alone.
298
00:12:01,037 --> 00:12:02,370
Oh, yeah? How so?
299
00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:07,308
Good Lord!
You've got herpes, too?
300
00:12:07,377 --> 00:12:10,345
This house is like backstage
at a Whitesnake concert!
301
00:12:10,413 --> 00:12:12,980
Not only that,
but I also got it from Brian.
302
00:12:13,049 --> 00:12:14,848
We're blood brothers, too.
303
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:16,601
You... You are?
304
00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:19,653
Yup, he knew he had herpes
and he didn't say anything.
305
00:12:19,722 --> 00:12:22,618
Maybe he was mad
I gave him fleas.
I don't know.
306
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:24,042
That bastard!
307
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,643
Well, we need to
teach him a lesson.
308
00:12:25,711 --> 00:12:29,430
He's a menace.
Like that coked-up
giraffe at Studio 54.
309
00:12:31,034 --> 00:12:33,668
Yup, yup, people are watching.
I'm that good.
310
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,040
Are you Donna Summer?
311
00:12:40,109 --> 00:12:41,304
Why, yes, I am.
312
00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:42,871
I just want to thank you
for helping me reach
313
00:12:42,895 --> 00:12:45,680
a state of
cocaine-fueled 1970s euphoria.
314
00:12:46,549 --> 00:12:47,849
Robert Mapplethorpe?
315
00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:49,895
Mind if I stick this
fire extinguisher in you
316
00:12:49,919 --> 00:12:51,018
and take your picture?
317
00:12:51,087 --> 00:12:53,037
I would love that!
318
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:04,098
Um, Meg, can you...
319
00:13:04,167 --> 00:13:06,178
Can you please pass the milk?
Shut up, Dad.
320
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,169
Okay, okay. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'll shut up.
321
00:13:08,238 --> 00:13:10,082
What?
She's right, Lois.
She's right.
322
00:13:10,106 --> 00:13:12,840
I don't need milk.
I'll just moisten
my cereal with spit.
323
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,476
Mmm. Mmm. Good spit.
324
00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:17,411
Peter,
what the hell is going on?
325
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:19,791
Please tell me
this isn't still
about how you pussed out
326
00:13:19,815 --> 00:13:21,327
in front of those
guys at The Clam.
327
00:13:21,351 --> 00:13:23,451
Oh, God, you're angry.
I'll clean the dishes.
328
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:25,320
Peter, stop it!
329
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,355
Are... Are you crying?
330
00:13:27,424 --> 00:13:29,368
No!
Oh, this is insane.
331
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:32,527
Peter, I want you
to march down to
The Clam right now
332
00:13:32,596 --> 00:13:34,278
and get your booth back.
333
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:36,358
Oh, my God, Lois, you're right.
334
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:39,262
If they see me crying,
they'll have to
give us our booth back.
335
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:42,803
No! I'm saying you got
to go down there
and take it back.
336
00:13:42,872 --> 00:13:44,004
Like a man.
337
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,524
Yeah. I mean, yeah!
338
00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:49,194
I am going to The Clam
and I'm getting my booth back.
339
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:50,478
And, Meg, you're gay.
340
00:13:50,546 --> 00:13:52,546
No, I'm not.
You like guys, right?
341
00:13:52,615 --> 00:13:55,099
Yeah.
Yeah, that's called being gay.
342
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:05,693
Hey.
Uh, hey, Kevin.
343
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:08,663
You, uh... You smell
like a rabbit, buddy.
344
00:14:08,732 --> 00:14:10,109
Did something just
happen with a rabbit?
345
00:14:10,133 --> 00:14:11,633
I'll go get my dad.
346
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,103
Listen, you guys.
I think we're all suffering
347
00:14:15,171 --> 00:14:16,616
from what happened
down at The Clam.
348
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:20,074
Yeah,
I had to start taking pills,
so I'd stop thinking about it.
349
00:14:20,143 --> 00:14:21,854
Quagmire, that's a Cialis.
350
00:14:21,878 --> 00:14:24,090
That's right,
I'm not thinking
about it anymore.
351
00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:25,725
I'm thinking about that couch.
352
00:14:25,749 --> 00:14:27,615
Well, I think we gave
up too easy.
353
00:14:27,684 --> 00:14:29,450
We need to march
back down to The Clam
354
00:14:29,519 --> 00:14:30,685
and take back what's ours.
355
00:14:30,754 --> 00:14:33,054
He's right. We need to
sit up to those guys.
356
00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:34,800
No way. You want to
get yourselves killed,
357
00:14:34,824 --> 00:14:36,502
that's your business,
but I'm not going.
358
00:14:36,526 --> 00:14:38,259
Fine, me and Joe
will go without you.
359
00:14:38,327 --> 00:14:40,161
But just know
you're letting us down.
360
00:14:40,229 --> 00:14:41,696
We're supposed
to stick together.
361
00:14:41,765 --> 00:14:43,798
Like goatee guys at a barbecue.
362
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:48,180
Do you mind if I
stand next to you
while we eat standing?
363
00:14:48,204 --> 00:14:49,436
No problem.
364
00:14:49,506 --> 00:14:51,083
Hey, let's go grab
some good beer,
365
00:14:51,107 --> 00:14:53,257
even though we
brought the bad beer.
366
00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:55,554
And these two barbecue scumbags
367
00:14:55,578 --> 00:14:57,711
formed a lifelong friendship,
368
00:14:57,780 --> 00:15:01,415
until their deaths at
the ripe old age of 52
369
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,884
in separate ATV accidents.
370
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:11,425
You know, I'm so
glad you finally agreed
to go out with me, Jenna.
371
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,839
Me, too. I'm having
a really nice time.
372
00:15:13,863 --> 00:15:15,162
You seem like a great guy.
373
00:15:15,231 --> 00:15:16,976
Yes, thank you,
we'll take the table
in the corner,
374
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,682
next to the herpes dog.
375
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,067
Oh, hey, Brian.
376
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:21,853
And who's your date?
377
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,833
Wow, you must be
such a good person
378
00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:26,908
to knowingly go out
with a herpes-riddled dirtbag.
379
00:15:26,976 --> 00:15:28,009
Ew!
380
00:15:28,078 --> 00:15:29,310
I'm sorry, Brian.
381
00:15:29,378 --> 00:15:31,979
I've got to go.
382
00:15:32,048 --> 00:15:34,398
Damn it, you guys!
Her dad's really rich!
383
00:15:38,521 --> 00:15:40,855
Wow, you weren't kidding.
Yeah.
384
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:48,146
Thanks for taking me bowling.
This is so much fun!
385
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:49,358
I thought it would be a good way
386
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:51,148
to warm up my fingers.
387
00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:53,537
All right,
get out of my way.
I'm gonna bowl.
388
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:56,704
Yes!
389
00:16:06,082 --> 00:16:07,381
Hey, don't judge me.
390
00:16:07,450 --> 00:16:08,949
You've got chalky elbows.
391
00:16:09,018 --> 00:16:10,868
Use a washcloth, you pig!
392
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:17,191
Hey, you bums!
393
00:16:17,260 --> 00:16:18,943
If you bastards want our booth,
394
00:16:19,012 --> 00:16:21,012
you got to go
through us to get it.
395
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:23,498
Smells like this
guy's already wet himself.
396
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:26,334
Don't flatter yourself.
That was from this morning.
397
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,536
Oh, man, this is gonna be fun.
398
00:16:28,604 --> 00:16:30,449
Yeah, and there's
only two of you losers.
399
00:16:30,473 --> 00:16:32,039
Where's your skinny friend?
400
00:16:32,108 --> 00:16:33,748
Right here.
401
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,795
Quagmire! You came!
402
00:16:37,863 --> 00:16:39,992
Sure did, Peter.
Thanks for calling
me skinny, by the way.
403
00:16:40,016 --> 00:16:41,449
I realized you were right.
404
00:16:41,517 --> 00:16:43,245
If we don't stand
up for ourselves now,
405
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:45,214
we'll regret it for
the rest of our lives.
406
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:48,306
And this might
be the stupidest
thing I've ever done, but...
407
00:16:49,792 --> 00:16:51,826
Oh, now you're gonna get it.
408
00:17:02,638 --> 00:17:03,755
Well, I'm out.
409
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:06,458
Aah!
410
00:17:11,547 --> 00:17:13,347
Hey! That was my pool cue.
411
00:17:13,416 --> 00:17:14,881
I brought it from home.
412
00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,283
Oh, sorry.
413
00:17:16,352 --> 00:17:17,684
It screws together.
414
00:17:17,753 --> 00:17:19,698
And I even have
this special
little case for it.
415
00:17:19,722 --> 00:17:21,722
I feel bad now. I...
416
00:17:26,562 --> 00:17:28,979
Hey, that was my
Pawtucket Patriot sign.
417
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,314
I brought it from home.
418
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,503
Okay, now I'm starting
to doubt everything you said.
419
00:17:35,772 --> 00:17:37,583
All right, guys,
I know this looks desperate,
420
00:17:37,607 --> 00:17:40,124
but I've got
this can of spinach.
421
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:54,573
Aah!
422
00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:18,846
Oh, God, it's all watery.
423
00:18:18,915 --> 00:18:22,332
You know,
I almost said "no chairs"
at the beginning.
424
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,303
Haven't you guys had enough?
425
00:18:25,371 --> 00:18:28,105
Why don't you just admit
you're beat and
get out of here?
426
00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:29,285
Okay.
Okay.
427
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:30,691
No! Never!
428
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:33,060
We will never stop
fighting for this booth.
429
00:18:33,128 --> 00:18:34,695
This booth is my home.
430
00:18:34,764 --> 00:18:36,196
I was born in this booth.
431
00:18:36,265 --> 00:18:37,815
I was married in this booth.
432
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:40,000
My children were all conceived
in this booth.
433
00:18:40,069 --> 00:18:42,603
Hell, I witnessed every
significant historical event
434
00:18:42,672 --> 00:18:44,038
in my lifetime right here!
435
00:18:44,107 --> 00:18:46,641
I was in this booth
when the Challenger exploded.
436
00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:48,942
Oh, my God, no!
437
00:18:49,011 --> 00:18:50,928
I was in this booth on 9/11.
438
00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:53,113
Oh, my God, no!
439
00:18:53,182 --> 00:18:55,911
I was in this booth
when President
Obama was elected.
440
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:58,185
Oh, my God, no!
441
00:18:58,253 --> 00:19:00,504
So if you want this booth,
you're gonna have to
442
00:19:00,572 --> 00:19:03,156
pry it from my cold, dead hands.
443
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:05,220
Why are we even bothering
with these idiots?
444
00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:07,623
We're shipping out to
Afghanistan tomorrow.
445
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,246
You guys are soldiers?
446
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,298
It's our third tour of duty.
447
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:21,925
If I could touch my own head,
I'd salute you.
448
00:19:24,029 --> 00:19:26,029
With his head, I salute you.
449
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:28,348
Everyone, I declare this to be
450
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,317
These Three Guys Day.
451
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:33,204
And not These Three Guys Day.
452
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:44,898
I can't believe I have
to root for Afghanistan now.
453
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:50,822
Oh, damn it!
454
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:55,542
Stewie! Chris!
455
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:58,039
Yes, Brian?
You hacked my
Facebook account!
456
00:19:58,063 --> 00:20:00,664
Oh, yes,
we actually just changed
your profile picture.
457
00:20:04,270 --> 00:20:06,754
Oh, damn it!
Look, enough, okay?
458
00:20:06,822 --> 00:20:08,466
What the hell do
you guys want from me?
459
00:20:08,490 --> 00:20:12,092
I want to drive your
Prius to the end of
the block all by myself.
460
00:20:12,161 --> 00:20:13,761
That's it?
Yes.
461
00:20:13,829 --> 00:20:15,095
Okay.
462
00:20:15,164 --> 00:20:16,380
Yay!
463
00:20:24,907 --> 00:20:27,692
That's, uh...
That's way past
the end of the block.
464
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,172
Yeah, his room's empty.
I don't think
he's coming back.
465
00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:31,228
Huh.
466
00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:32,429
Well, what about you?
467
00:20:32,498 --> 00:20:34,465
I want to go on
a date with Neve Campbell,
468
00:20:34,533 --> 00:20:37,134
so I can give her
a nice ladle of Stew.
469
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:39,536
What? How am I
supposed to even find her?
470
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:41,606
Damn it, Stewie,
why are you
being so vindictive?
471
00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:44,075
Because, Brian, for
the first time in my life,
472
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:46,677
I realized I couldn't trust you.
473
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,027
I couldn't trust
my own best friend.
474
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,434
I... I'm sorry, Stewie.
475
00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:56,504
You're right.
I let you down.
476
00:20:56,572 --> 00:20:58,350
I guess...
I guess I was
just too embarrassed
477
00:20:58,374 --> 00:21:00,207
to admit I had herpes.
478
00:21:00,275 --> 00:21:01,509
It was a rotten thing to do,
479
00:21:01,577 --> 00:21:03,911
and I promise I will
never lie to you again.
480
00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:06,230
Thanks, Brian.
481
00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:07,965
That's all I really wanted.
482
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:10,017
So, do you forgive me?
483
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:12,068
Yes. I do.
484
00:21:14,891 --> 00:21:17,124
So I'm gonna have herpes
for the rest of my life, huh?
485
00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:19,371
Yeah, but most of the time,
it won't even be an issue.
486
00:21:19,395 --> 00:21:21,828
It only really flares up
during periods
of great stress.
487
00:21:21,898 --> 00:21:24,598
Like your wedding day
or a big job interview.
488
00:21:24,667 --> 00:21:28,085
So what would you say some
of your weaknesses are?
489
00:21:28,154 --> 00:21:30,688
That...
That's probably one of them.
36333
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